178. The Path To Communication & Connection

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. The path to communication and connection. Welcome to a very special episode. In fact, the first episode. After coming back from what can only be described as something that can't be described, an incredible event, taking 32 men, 33, including myself, I had to get up there as well, to the highest point in the country and you can't describe it. And this is no disrespect even to our current members. It was fucking unbelievable, man. I'm not here with super soakers and coles to walk over and techno music and fucking cheering and all this. It was unbelievable. And that's not to take away from that. What we do is we focus on the true and genuine nature of helping these fathers dive deep into themselves and to move forward and become the greatest man they can be in their life. Because that's what this is about. This is about your life. You may think that being a husband's important, being a father's important, being a business owner or an employee is important. Remember, society is important. All of those are fucking hats, mate. They're all hats. They all go in your head. Yes, we laughed a lot. It was incredible. And the heightened senses of laughter and the nature of connecting as men was equally matched with the depths of self discovery, exploration, looking inside and asking the question, who do I choose to be in this life? Who do I choose to be? Who do you choose to be? This is an episode that I'm also recording for our YouTube channel and doing a video on because it's important. This message is seen and heard and listened to and followed through on when we're Looking at the path to communication and connection straight away, you'll default to an area inside of your life where you know it isn't real or it isn't apparent. Isn't that funny how it works, Al? You're cutting right through me. You're speaking right to me. Well, yes, of course I am. Because A, you're not alone, B, we've all been there and are doing that and have done that, and C, you're the one who's connecting the dots on the words that I'm speaking. So when I talk about the path to communication and connection, you are immediately guaranteed, I guarantee you, you are immediately thinking about either your wife or a recent separation or your children. Guaranteed, I guarantee, not one of you, even our members, because of the way we're conditioned, the way that we're triggered, the way that life works when I talk about the path to communication and connection is thinking about communication and connection with yourself. This is the chronic habit that we see. This is the chronic pattern that we see, though. So you're not alone. So don't slap yourself on the wrist for it because you're not alone. We are all predisposed this way. When I say predisposes, it's what we've been conditioned to believe. It's our habits, our actions. It's 9% actively, it's 91% subconsciously where we are moving into. What can we do for things that are outside of us every single day? What can I do for my wife, for my children, for my work? And I'm always giving and giving and giving. Because as humans, as animals, or with our sensory perceptions, we're always looking outside in such a relative relevant world with those senses and constantly examining, exploring, searching and looking at what we need to do to steady the storm, to put out the fires, to perform, to provide, to support. What about you? What about supporting yourself? This event, it's really funny. Like our four pillars. Alignment, energy, immersion, performance. You just don't know. You don't know and you won't get it. You don't know and you will not get it until you're immersed in that environment to actually, truly understand how powerful and how uplifting an environment can be. Because more often than not, it's just either steady, calm or not. It's just steady and the same on the level. It's constant chaos. Back to just breathing. Head underwater, head above water. Head underwater, head above water. It's such a challenging thing, man. Like, it's. It's really hard. And then you get all the Fucking big wigs. Yeah. The summer five people. You hang around, cut them away and just read books. And I get all that. Of course I do. But do they? When you have a vanilla approach in trying to connect with people, you'll never understand the depths of what a man and father goes through. You can't. It's impossible. It's why, ironically enough, I counsel counselors. They come to me. Psychologists, marriage counsellors, hypnotherapists, NLP practitioners, all of these different experts in their field that I'm not going to take away from, are absolutely blown away what we do. Because what we do might be an inch wide, but it's a mile deep. And it's all for fathers and what they're connected to in their life. But this environment at Kosciuszko, it was just. It truly was unbelievable. I wanted to do an episode on it, but I think I'm going to leave that for another one or two, because I really need to have a state and a passage of time, of reflecting. And even with a coaching piece that I did last night with our inner circle, with our HPF program, the guys who came to Kosciuszko, they're like, I'm still riding this high, man. I'm still on this cloud. And I'm like, I know, I know, right? I am, too. It was very emotional. It's quite sad to. To see the men part, but hopefully they love Internet OWL just as much as in the flesh owl. But that's why this was so successful, man, because we were connected every single day. We are connected every single day. These men are connected to us 365 days of the year. And then when we have a phenomenal event come up, it becomes their peak. That's why it's called reaching your new peak. That's the slogan or theme of that event. And it's quite fascinating to see these men come together where we really understand that nothing else exists except the now being present and spending that time, spending that energy utilizing those two resources, developing skill sets physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Let me ask you something like, think about this. What isn't a skill set? What isn't a skill that's either acquired, desired, or destroyed? Like you tell me, when you're talking about emotions, keeping your cool, when you're talking about feelings, all of these are skill sets. Even if you want to dive into your spirituality, whether it's something through a religion, which religion doesn't necessarily have to have anything to do with faith or spirituality, but these are all words, is what you take from it, but any area of your life, is that not something that can become an acquired skill where you're not only acquiring it, but developing it to be more, to have more, to express more in life? Of course. So when you're here in the now and we're running through what we went through in that event, I don't think the tears have all come yet. I think they will come soon. And I got emotional there as well. But I needed to be a certain version for the men and give them what they needed best as well. So whilst I wasn't about to bawl my eyes out, maybe I was if I had submitted to a different state of who I was instead of being who I needed to be for these men. So I'm very proud of that because whilst I was one of many speaking and talking and coaching with all of our sessions, it's something that I love. When we steer this ship in the right direction with purpose, that opens up the possibilities and the opportunities that these men can have. And then this message, Fuck, wait till you see the footage, man. We've got 650 gigabytes. I like this is next level stuff. When we start rolling this out, this becomes the message for men all over the country, even if they never even come on board or sign up or listen to the podcast, but see the YouTube channel or Vice versa. This becomes the message of possibilities. And I gotta tell you, like, we finished with the song Cats in the Cradle. That was pretty fucking heavy. I don't know if you've heard that song. Most of you would have, but if you actually hear it and listen and listen to the lyrics, That shit'll cut you in half, man. What the fuck are you doing with your life? I want you to ask yourself this question with or without the swear. What are you doing with your life? Are you proud of that? Is that something you want? I'm not saying you should spend 12 hours a day with your kids. I don't. I couldn't handle that. But what are you doing in family? Self and service. To live and express the life that you want, man. Too often we get caught in just accepting things just the way they were. It just is what it is. And there's another year, there's another year. It's all an illusion. You should be leveraging the calendar. The months, the weeks, the days in your favor. Have them in your corner. They are a tool. Your feelings, your emotions are tools. Your actions are tools. Your thoughts are tools. What you write down is a tool. Your environment is a Tool. Your coaches are tools. Everything's a fucking tool. And when you apply it to your life, you start to move in the direction you want to. So when have you gone tools down and not pick them back up? How long have you had them there for? Are they rusted, covered in dirt, mud? Can't find them anymore? This is a hard truth that we all need to continually expose ourselves to. And the hard truth comes from some pretty hard questions, myself included. We will do another episode on Kosciuszko, but just to paint this picture for you, it's imperative that you understand, man, that none of us have time to fuck around. Here we are, it's the 3rd of February. Haven't done a podcast all week. I've had other priorities, but that time, here we are, Thursday, 3rd of February. What I do is relevant to the flow and feel of our entire community. The tribe, the other coaches, the men, me learning from them. I'm not going to bank 28 episodes and go, oh, yeah, just roll these out, they'll be right. I'm not going to do it and I refuse to do it. And I don't care if other podcasters or coaches want to do that. Cool. You want to get in your little safety net and do one hour of filming and have everything ready. Good for you, man. For me, it's relevant and real and true to the times. So here we are. When we're looking at where we're going in life, a really heavy hitter, a really large influence inside of our life is asking ourselves more questions. What am I connected to and how am I turning up and bridging the gap, AKA your communication? When we're looking at this, there's a principle, and this principle was inspired and born out of Kosciuszko, and it was delivered at Kosciusko. So it was something that, upon reflecting I went down earlier, came to be just before we started the event. And it's an A4 principle, and I'm sure there's some sort of cool, crafty name I'll come up with, but it doesn't matter, it's irrelevant. What I'm going to be bringing to you is the raw reality of this principle inside of family, self and service. The A4 principle. The A4 method. There's obviously four words. These four words are action driven, strangely enough, even though everything's in action. But I want you to start processing as Al's 10 to 15 minute intro is finished and we can get to work. Start processing as I go through this and explaining to yourself what they actually mean uncovering for yourself where they actually apply inside of your life. A4. The first A is acknowledged. The very the start. And obviously you'll be seeing snippets of this when we roll out the footage from Cozy. The start of the entire event was actually acknowledgement. I mean, it was a fucking miracle with all the bullshit going on in the world that we could even do it. But we made it and we made it happen. Acknowledgement, Acknowledge. We kick off the events. We kicked off the event with me acknowledging the men. Because too often what gets us caught in trouble and when we get stung or find ourselves in the pit or in trouble is a lack of awareness. This lack of awareness builds and builds and builds to the point where, like a skill set, you're no longer aware. Then shit hits the fan in your marriage, in your health, with your children closed off, goodbye, disconnected. Like, where the fuck did that come from? No matter how hard the river's flowing, you swim upstream hard enough, you'll find the source of why that happened. You lacked acknowledgement of yourself, of your wife, of your family, of your workers, your colleague, your business. This is something that becomes very detrimental because if you don't have the awareness, you don't know what you can fix air quotes. Because fixing comes down to acknowledgement. Fixing comes down to awareness. Acknowledgement of, well, what are we doing? Do we have a problem? Is there something to fix or is there something to enhance? Do I keep going down this path? Do I keep going the same road? So acknowledge when it comes to your relationships, acknowledging what your wife is saying to you, acknowledging what your children are saying, acknowledging their body language, acknowledging your own body language, acknowledging yourself and your place in this world, acknowledgement is such a powerful thing because what that is, is that is essentially attention and focus on a specific thing and having awareness around it. That doesn't mean you accept it. Acknowledgement is, yes, I am here. I am here and I am paying attention. I am listening. When you look at the first two, we did the first two, day one, when we kicked off the event. We did the last two, day four, when we finished the event. The first two really are. Whilst they're a skill set, they are a greater level of awareness inside of your life and everyone else around you. Because guess what? When you carry through this ripple effect, the path to communication and connection, others can model your behavior, they can model your skills, your skill sets, your approach, your strategies, your tactics, and make it theirs and make it fit for them. So when we're looking at acknowledgement, you will Hear things and sayings and quotes like seek first to understand and then to be understood. Great, awesome. What does that mean? It means acknowledging and appreciating, man. That's the second word. Like, how can you seek and want and demand, we all desire but demand someone to acknowledge and appreciate you if you're not even doing that yourself. That's really funny when you hear that. Like you'll hear stories about, my son doesn't listen to me, you know, he doesn't understand me. I'm like, well, you know, sorry, I don't understand. My son doesn't pay attention to me, doesn't listen to me. And you hear those sorts of things like, well, hang on a minute. For you to understand, wouldn't you need to listen to him? Right? It's fascinating. We think that understanding someone else comes down to what we're expressing and putting onto them instead of being an active listener and really paying attention to them and really thinking like, that was like me yesterday with Stella. She was talking and instead of listening and looking at a funny response or tickling her or something else just to make her laugh, because I enjoy the light hearted side and nature of life, especially with our children, I said to myself, I'm really going to think about what she's saying. And that led to a beautiful conversation which then led to spelling practice, mathematics. It just come about. I wasn't trying to teach her and it was incredible, man. It came with me. Instead of just giving her an answer, I asked her a question. So then we started navigating towards the answer together. Just like with food, instead of eat these blueberries, they're really good for you, they keep you healthy. It's like, well, let's educate her. Where do you think these blueberries come from? Why do you think they're good for you? And then really asking this. She's five years old. It's so cool. It really is. Don't undermine your children. Doesn't matter what age they are. And that probably stems from don't undermine yourself and your ability to be a phenomenal mentor and teacher and educator and coach whatever word you want to your children. When it comes to not passive, but the receptive nature inside of us that dies too often in the chaos of life because we're just trying to keep our head above water, which means to keep our head above water, we need to constantly engage in actions which aren't necessarily the right actions for us. Take a breath out. We neglect acknowledging and appreciating those closest to us that we love and care about ourselves. The A4 method acknowledge. You must acknowledge your wife, man, and what she's going through, and her perspective and her side of the story. You must acknowledge your children, your workers, your business, your colleagues. You must acknowledge everything else that is outside of you that means something to you, which then means there must come a level of appreciation. Good, bad, and the ugly. When you appreciate someone, you start to build. You start to build this inner network of understanding. You start to move towards connecting. You start to, through acknowledging and appreciating, show and tell them with very little and very few words, without the buts and whens and nos, showing them that they are listened to, they are understood, they are being acknowledged, they are being appreciated. Which means they are going to be more invested in the reciprocal nature of your conversation, your situation, your relationship, your status, where you're at, what you're saying, how you're expressing yourself, your body language, all of the above. Like, you can't tell me if you're sitting there on your phone or watching television, not even facing your wife, and she's telling you about her day or these hardships or challenges, and you don't want someone to just vent or be someone's punching bag, but you didn't fucking stand up earlier and talk about that or put a limit or set some sort of collaboration together and going, you know what? I'm happy for you to vent. But look, I've read a really tough date, and you're not building. You're not building this dialogue. How could you ever expect to be seen as someone who's not just empathetic, but aware? Which means you're not acknowledging, which means you're not appreciating, which means you're not connecting, you're not invested. She's pouring all of this information, this energy, heart, feelings, facts, all of that. And sometimes it's a mess. I get that, man. Like, it comes out and you're just showing no sign of investment at all. But it's hard, Al. You know, like, it's just what I'm putting up with it every single day, Every day, every day. So what happens? You wane over the week. It just wanes. You didn't stand up with your own personal integrity and say, look, I appreciate and acknowledge what you're saying, and I absolutely agree with you. Like, that's a really hard situation at work and you didn't deserve that. And this is that I also got to tell you, like, it's really hard for me because these are some of the things I'm working through at the moment and works bloody tough. And you know how little James was up all night last night and was just fucking nightmare and I've had no sleep and I've got this project that's due on the 30th and I'm sorry if sometimes I don't feel like I'm not present, but it's just hard. It's hard to hear this stuff every single day. So I don't know, like, I don't know if this is something that's moving you forward or like if there's something that can be done about it or what. Like, is this something that's helping you? Do you have someone else you can network with at work and try and solve this problem? Because this is something that's been happening for a few weeks now. This takes me to the next point and the next point which I'll touch on very quickly or touch on very soon before we finish up. When you don't open up that dialogue, man, what do you think is going to happen? Same thing with your children. Same thing with anyone. They're not going to invest in you. Life is filled, life is riddled. Life is a series of investments. You see it all the time, whether it's relationship, business, friends, friendship, circles at school. If there's not a perceived value and there's not a perceived value that creates a return on investment, people are eventually going to stop investing. No one keeps betting on the horse that keeps fucking coming last. No one. I don't care what you say. Oh, that's a bit. That's a bit rough. It's my marriage. No, no. This is why marriages break down. This is why half of the population is divorced by the age of 46. Well, that's the average age. That's why it happens. Because sooner or later breakdowns, which they all come from a set of needs not being met, cross a tipping point where the value of the individual becomes higher than the value of the investment in the relationship. That's why you can see with abuse, domestic violence, all that sort of stuff, women and men, because don't get me wrong here, men suffer some fucking horrific domestic violence that the system is very fucked up on and they do not support or see. And that's mental, that's emotional and that's very damaging. I'd even argue with the chronic effects over time. Not that I'm saying that it's okay to put a bruise on your missus. That's something I will never ever condone. But fuck me, dead man. The door swings Both ways. And I'll tell you what, on this one, yes, a lot of men are hurt too. This is not the platform for that, though. But it's definitely understanding and empathizing with a lot of you who go through that. When you're experiencing that and you stay in that relationship, you are valuing the energy that is expressed and invested into you. And we know it's not good, but you convert it to be good or good or better than. Even though it's horrible and definitely not wholesome, you value that higher than you value yourself. The woman values that higher than she values herself. At least I'm getting some attention. It's love. He's sorry, she's sorry. She won't do it again. He won't do it again. Very challenging, man. Life is a series of investments. Don't forget that. Same with your children. If you're not giving them attention, the time, the energy, if you're not acknowledging and appreciating them, you can't even build the bridge to bridge the gap between you and communicating, connecting with everything that you love and care about. And if you're expressing that outwards all the time, you're never going to have the ability to reflect inwards and do something different to yourself. So everything you're doing outwards, you're doing inwards too. So when you're fucking up all of your relationships, guess what you're doing, you're fucking up your relationship with yourself. You don't even acknowledge yourself. Or you might. When you're looking in the mirror in a disheartened format, in disgust, disappointment, self sabotaging, You don't even appreciate yourself. Can you see why? When we help the man inside of himself and who he is get back in front, take control, take charge of his life. When he goes to a marriage counseling session, a psychology or a psychologist for an appointment, when he goes into a gym, when he goes into the household coming home from work, he's bringing. We've got lots of hats, lots of different hats that we wear. Even the hat, like it should have its own drawer. When you've got the hat of being a father, there are lots of different hats. There's the firm father, there's the fun father, there's the stern father, there's a disciplinary father, there's the cheerleading father, there's the. I fucking hate the word safety because of how much flogged. But there's the. There's the cautious or, you know, stability, security. Like there are all these different hats you wear, man, just in that just in that collection of hats that say dad or say fatherhood on them. Life is investments. It is full of investments. No one, no person is ever going to maintain an investment where they cannot see an roi. The reason why victims stay the way that they are is because they always say whatever's happening to them as the house and the house wins, and they never, ever raise their value above zero, ever. That's why they stay in relationships. That's why they stay in their current environment and they never leave. So I want you to ask yourself the question, are you. Am I. Am I investing in my relationships? Am I investing in having appropriate. I really like that word. But having greater, more beneficial communication and connection inside of all of my relationships? Because you know what? I actually take the time to acknowledge and to appreciate the gift that life is, whether it's my daughter, my son, my wife, even when we're fighting and arguing. I'm appreciating this because this gives me the ability and opportunity to reflect on what's happening, not take it personal, try and navigate a solution or ask the question, is this something that's wholesome and serving me? And where to from here, to recreate stability inside of my life and my children's. You can apply this. You can appreciate the good and the bad. You can have day without night. You can absolutely appreciate. I appreciate all of the horrific things that have happened in my life and the traumas. Why? Because I kept fucking standing up. I kept standing up and moving forward and taking action and create a. Creating a better pathway for myself, for my family and growing and evolving. Not just retracting and dying. Acknowledgement and appreciation. Acknowledge and appreciate. Here's the irony of it all. Not the irony, but here's the funny part. Maybe it is ironic because I guess it ties into presence. You need to be present for both of those. You're on your phone, texting. Oh, that's amazing, darling. Well done. And so what are you even talking about? Are you just using words? Your kids know that's shit, and then it doesn't add up, so they'll go and invest in someone else. Millions, millions of little investments. This is my point. When you start living and breathing with acknowledgement for everything inside of you and outside of you that is relevant to your life. Appreciation to everything inside of you. Appreciate where you are. You're exactly where you need to be. You're exactly where you need to be to do what? Move forward. And move forward in the right way. Listening to this podcast, watching this podcast, moving forward in the right Direction for yourself and your family and everyone else that you love and care about, regardless of the dynamic or the makeup of your family. Appreciating yourself, appreciating those that you love and care about. Both of those, they're impossible. They are impossible to have unless you are here and now. That's a very valuable thing because the word gets flogged. I need to be more present. It's quality time, not quantity. And all you just hear it. Quality time. Presence. Need to be present. Need to be present. Need to be present. Awesome. Well, don't just say, I need to be present. You need to take actions which will bring presence. Think about that like that's the game changer for you, man. Don't just rattle off a statement going, I need to be present. How can I be present? What will bring a byproduct of presence into my life? Well, I'll start with those two. Acknowledge and appreciate those around you. Acknowledge and appreciate yourself. Then what? Don't just fucking sit on your hands. Find the answer. Because if it's good, the answer's maintenance. Keep going, stay consistent. If it's bad, what is the answer? What is the solution? What can we do to turn this around? That's the third a acknowledge, appreciate answer. So when your wife's coming to you with troubles, sometimes the answer is just listening and acknowledging and appreciating. Because sometimes that's the answer because you don't even fucking do that. So let's start with that. Don't go trying to problem solve your wife's problems. And a lot of the times, and you know what I'm talking about, they don't want you to solve their problem. They just want someone to listen to. They want someone to listen to them. They want someone to talk to. But essentially no one's here to be anyone's punching bag. That includes men and women and children. But if you're not even doing that, your answer first and foremost is acknowledging and appreciating them. Then sometimes, if you want to follow through on that and you're building this as a great skill set, the answer is a question. I really. Yeah, I'm hearing you. I can hear what you're saying. You know, this is really challenging. I can see it's hurting you, and I appreciate you for sharing that with me. And it's great that you did because you shouldn't be holding onto this. You should express. This is not a great thing to hold on what's happening at work for you at the moment. It's tough, you know, with the gossip going around for you and you feel like you've been a little bit bullied and picked on, it's. I totally understand where you're coming from. In your perspective. It's tough. I'm glad, and I appreciate you for sharing it with me. Would you like me to go through. Would you like to talk through a couple of solutions together, or do you just want me to listen, or do you want me to see what I can do about looking into some of the legislation around the workplace? You start when you adopt this line, man. It's not that you're passive or submissive or even subtle. It's just being clear on what needs need to be met. You assume that they want you to fix the problem. So you go, all right, acknowledge, appreciate. Sometimes you don't even have that, which means you bypass that. So there isn't even a connection to start with. You're just listening, waiting to respond. Bang. Here's the answer. I'll just fucking do this. I just don't get you women. Yeah, just do that. Then bang, problem solved, done. I don't do that anymore, man. I used to. Don't do that. That's. That's not a. No one wins there, that's for sure. That's why they're women. They're wired the way women are, and men are wired that way. That's why we create. That's why we're grading construction, problem solving doesn't mean exclusive to. Just like women. Yeah. Doesn't mean you're exclusive to sex alone, man or woman nurturing the children in the house are going out and building buildings. But essentially, yes. Or we are wired in that way. But can you see, like, when you're asking questions. Would you like me to give you some help with that? Do you want me to help Come up with a few solutions. Do you want to come up with some solutions together? Do you want to try a couple of things, or is this something you want to just keep going through? When you're doing that without a triggered environment, and it's not triggered because you've shown acknowledgement and appreciation, you start to get what you want by helping them find what they want and being part of the vessel or part of the pathway or tools to help them have that? And what you want is a wife who's no longer experiencing that issue, challenge or hardship. What you want is a wife who can focus on you and what you are and who you are together and spend time together and have intimacy and connection and better communication, not wallow in pity and shame and blame and guilt and all that other. All that other stuff that just destroys decades. It destroys people's lives. That's what you get if you start to navigate the solution by helping her find and discover what she wants. Now she wants to wallow in her own pity. It's been six months now. Not find a solution, not do anything. She keeps this repeatable cycle and pattern. If that was true and prevalent inside of my marriage, for me, it would start to become a case of, look, Corinne, I'd love to help. Like, you've told me this probably about 30 times, and I've listened and acknowledged and appreciated you 30 times. I guess I'm confused. Like, what do you want out of this situation? Do you want the problem to be solved? Do you think what you're currently doing is going to solve the problem? Do you think this is serving you well by focusing on this and this being a heavy part of your life every afternoon instead of focusing on the children or better things or things that we're more grateful for or should be grateful for in life or things that can bring more happiness and joy? Because I got to tell you, like, the last 30 times, if we go through it properly, 30 times, an hour and a half, means that there's been two days that you've spent on this. Like, that's. That. That's a lot of time. Like, that's 45 hours that you've spoken about this. Look, if you're happy and this is something you want to keep going through, great. That's very hard for me, though. Like, I'm not sure. There comes a state. Look, I'm your husband and I love you and I always support you, but I can't be having that coming in every single day because then that's all I'm getting from my wife. We're not even spending honey and head. Sometimes you just kept going on about this fucking drama. Like, I can't. I can't keep doing that as well. Like, eventually, if nothing changes and it's not a wholesome energy, I need to wash my hands. Like, I can't listen to this stuff. Still love you, happy to chat about anything else, happy to support and serve you if you do want to take action or create changes, but this thing just keeps repeating. So I understand and appreciate and I acknowledge and appreciate your feelings. The answer is, whatever it is that you choose to have inside of your life and taking actions around that certain area that you're facing with your colleagues or the employees at work, that's Something that I can't be part of. I don't know if that means you need to see someone, a counselor, a psychologist, a lawyer, if you're having bullying issues at the workplace. But it's something that obviously I'm not skilled to, or you don't have the answer where I can help you in. But I can't keep listening to this, I'm sorry. Because whilst I acknowledge and appreciate your feelings and you sharing that with me, it's just as important, Corinne, that I share and acknowledge my feelings with you. And I think there'd be a bit of hypocrisy if we didn't acknowledge that of each other. Right. So please understand, I hope as much as I'm understanding your position and what you're going through on the flip side, because fairness is something that's important for both of us. You appreciate and respect and acknowledge my feelings and position. Which means if it's going to keep going this way, I don't want you to talk to me about it anymore. Can you guys. And by the way, that's a made up. My wife's on maternity leave. Just to let you know, she's. She's on maternity leave at the moment, not working at all. But you know, I guess workplace, I don't know, I mean that's never really happened to her. But she's in the education, she's a teacher and good friends around her teachers. But I'm sure that would be prevalent that sort of stuff with women all the time. Gossip, drama, bullying, all that sort of shit. But can you guys see here how when you. Here's the. Just came to me then actually, here's the gift, man. When you acknowledge and appreciate, that gives you fuel, that gives you leverage, that gives you power. Not over anyone else, it gives you power through self expression. And what I mean by self expression is if you acknowledge and appreciate someone and do exactly what I said, then as an example, Fuck, man. How can you not have the juice, the fuel, the, the runs on the board to go, okay, well I've given you this, like that's what I meant by hypocrisy. Like you can't if you're in a marriage and you did that exactly like that you appreciate and you take their side of story, but they're not willing to appreciate and nugget your feelings. Like if you're appreciating and acknowledging and helping them find the answer on their facts and feelings inside their life. And sometimes the answer is something you don't align or agree with but you've given them that. And then when you share your feelings, it just gets fucking squashed or dismissed. That's fucking disgusting, mate. Like, that's something that is not wholesome. That's not true. You may have given your balls to your wife. You may have given her both pairs of pants to be worn, which means there's going to be a little bit of friction. So that may happen. That's not great. It's not good, man. But that creates certainty for her. That's control for her. Same with children. They will manipulate you. They will try and get control over you. They will try and wear the pants so they can call the shots. So when you first bring this up, yes, you will get resistance. I fucking promise you, man, you'll get resistance. Why? Because you chronically let the monster manifest. I'm not saying your wife's a monster. It's the actions that's not wholesome. That is hypocrisy. That's the fucking problem with this world. It's riddled with hypocrites. So if there's a hypocrite inside of your own household, make sure you look first in the mirror and dissolve yourself of being one yourself. Then you can start to really see. Whoa, hang on a minute. So you're saying that it's okay for you to share of your feelings, but I can't share mine? When you do that, role reversal, especially in this structure, being present, awareness and. Which is acknowledgement and appreciation, how could they not see? And you see that women will do that all the time. Like, oh, you know, I've got a female trainer at the gym. And it's like, oh, how would you feel if I had a male and I was a trainer, I had a male trainer at the gym or a male pt, and I've got a female pt, not that I've ever had a female, female pt. But, you know, if that. If that was the case, I always say, yeah, that'd be sweet. I've got no problem with that. So if women want to use that shoe on the other foot term, when you've built. You can't just do it blind man. You can't do it running on empty. When you've built that fuel. And this is not a tactical strategy. It just becomes a prevalent byproduct when you're acknowledging, appreciating, you're working through answers. And we'll go through the final A and wrap this up. You start to get leverage. You start to go, okay, well, I'm giving. I'm Giving, giving. I'm engaged. I'm aware. I'm being transparent, too, in sharing thoughts, feelings, asking questions. Ask them if they want to solve the problem that they're currently facing or if they want to continually plan. Okay, cool. It's like I'm giving him an example of a downer. It could be an example of on the up as well. Like, your wife comes home, something amazing happens. She gets promotional work. You're like, oh, that's fucking great, honey. It means you've got more food to. To put on the horse, more money for the food, or more money to bet on the horses or whatever you want to spend the money on. But acknowledging the person's achievements and rewarding that, appreciating that, like, that's a very powerful thing. Because if you don't, that becomes bad very quickly. You didn't even acknowledge or appreciate a great, significant milestone that your wife's achieved or your children have achieved. So please understand this goes both ways. If you don't have this in place, whether it's a bad thing coming at you or a good thing coming at you, bad story or situation, good story or situation, it'll all turn bad. If you don't apply the A4 method here. But when you do this, you are building runs on the boards. Then go, yeah, I'm in a solid position right now for myself to then express what this means to me. Because this happens to all of us. The very first thing, anytime it's a problem or even a great thing, more often than not a problem that someone comes to you with, the very first thing that goes through your head is, fuck, what does this mean for me? All the time. That's natural. Like, my members will come to me, they've got a problem. I'm like, fuck, okay, what does this mean for me? Well, this means a different allocation of time and energy or resources, or redirecting them to different coaches to serve them, help them fixing up the technical issues that they're having on the software or the apps that they've downloaded to be part of our community, like, it's always okay, what does this mean for me? What does this mean for me? What does this mean for me? So when you're running through that, remove that, build that as a skill set, compartmentalize that to a different part of your brain. It's like a huge library, like Beauty and the Beast style. Watch that cartoon the other week with the kids. They love it. I do, too. It's actually pretty cool when you look back at cartoons, but there's a huge library. Okay, that's that section. I'm going to sit that there. I know it's there. I'm going to listen, be present, acknowledge, appreciate, try and find the answer. Even if the answer is asking a question or asking what they want to get out of this. And then from there I can bring back in what I need to to go. Okay, well, this has been going on for a while. This is chronic. This is taking more time and energy. And there hasn't been a step up, an evolution, a period of growth. It's important that you understand my position now. I'm acknowledging and appreciating you and helping you find the answers now. I need that from you. Perfect example would be what do you again, this, this, this and that. Just like I spoke on the example with Corinne. And at the end of that I can't, I feel like I can't keep listening to this and going through this. What do you think I should do? And then you ask the question again. You're giving the person opportunity to take ownership. Please understand this hasn't turned into a relationship session. Although all relationships are built off the foundations of being aware, being present, being real and being here. So this will absolutely apply to all areas of your life. This a4 method. Acknowledge, appreciate. What's the answer? Sometimes the answer is the first two. You haven't used them yet. Use them. Sometimes the answer is a question. What type of question? Where. Where is this taking you? How long has this gone on for? Can you put up with shit for five years, five months, five weeks, five days, five minutes? Well, it depends on the severity of the circumstance. Situation. Depends if a good, great or ugly. But great things shouldn't just be dismissed as well. Remember it's time back in Stella. I remember two weeks ago when you did that jump, that long jump was amazing. You threw the discus so far. That was so awesome. I know we've got athletics again tonight, but that was so cool. Like, daddy was so proud of you and guess what? He remembers that it's a perfect example. And that was real with stellar at athletics. It was awesome. And I keep reminding her of the great things. Keep peppering. Remember, 91% of your life's autonomous. What are you doing in the 9% that's going to dictate and rerecord the 91% to serve you, which is our final one. Act, act. And it was really funny when we did this at Cozy. So answer and act were at the end of the event. Acknowledge and appreciate, which I did. I acknowledge and Appreciated all of those men. And I acknowledge and appreciated myself and where we were staying and the experience we had. But then, what's the answer? And then taking action. Act on it. And one of our dad said, always carry through. So he turned that into an acronym of. Of his own, which was pretty cool. But act if you have the answer, and the answer is acknowledge and appreciate. Act on that if you have the answer. The answer is asking quality questions to help your wife, to help your children problem solve and have their own discoveries and breakthrough. Take action and ask the questions. If you have the answer and the answer is a direct action where it's like, man, this is fucking bullshit. What's going on at the workplace is bullying. I'm going to be stepping in here and doing this, this, this and that with her blessings, or, you know, doing it together as a team, then go and do it. The crazy part with life is everything's a form of action. The question is, is it the type and the form of action that's going to be moving you forward to the desired result? Will the desired result come? What does that look like? Is it desired result really desired? Is it what you really, truly wanted? Is it creating a continued ripple effect? Is it something that's building consistency in your life? Is the consistency something that is bringing you towards stepping stone? So every year, every five years, every 10 years, every 15 years, you're looking back and going, fuck, that was a great phase of my life. That was a great chunk of my life. That was a great moment in my life. And they all connected together like someone drawing a picture, connecting the dots. You got to take action, man. But action would have looked funny just looking at this now. Acknowledge, appreciate, Answer. An act. When you do this, you start to change up your game. I can't change you. Your wife can't change you. Behavioral change is very challenging. It's probably the hardest thing to do. The greatest way to create change in behavior is to absolutely immerse in the right environment and to start taking actions. As funny as that sounds, when you have the right environment and the right actions, you start to build ownership, you build accountability, you will build awareness. Otherwise, you're just pissing in the wind in robot mode. And that doesn't happen when you have the right environment. That doesn't happen when you're taking the right actions. What is the right environment? What are the right actions? It comes down to what you want, what you connect to, what you feel. See this right here? Have a look at this. What are we up to? Nearly 180 episodes. That's a lot of my life, man. That's a lot of time. I'm exhausted after these. I put fucking everything into this mentally, not so much physically. I'm sitting down, although being half Italian, my hands move around a bit. But I put everything into this, man. So I'm acknowledging you as a father who I may never even meet to get 1% out of this, 5%, 10%, 12% to apply to your life to create change. And I get them. I'll get random strangers. Email me and contact me. Mate, thank you so much. I'm back in the house. Thank you so much. Our managers repair. Thanks so much. My kids love me and we're connected more than ever. It's so cool. Like, I'm not saying you have to be by my side to be what I call a high performance father. It's the pathway. And the pathway is very hard to walk alone. It's why we have the tools that are really encompassed in the coaches, the men, the tribe. All the things that you just can't get when you, when you're listening to something where you're on your own. But then this couples into and ties into the tribe. Our members will listen to this and they'll get a slightly different feel from this because they're with us every day. But that's irrelevant. I'm acknowledging you and I'm appreciating you. You are investing very valuable time and energy inside of these podcasts. So I want you, and I need you to know that I acknowledge and appreciate you. The answer is something that continually comes through to me. I am the messenger. That's all. I am the voice of all the other fathers. So every single episode we like, fuck, I got something here. I got something fucking hit home with me there that cut straight through me. Yes, I'm getting the answers from you and you don't even know it because you and me and we were all the same. It's incredible. And then acting, that's up to you. Like, you need to apply this to yourself as well. You need to acknowledge yourself, you need to appreciate yourself, be kind to yourself. You know, you want to give yourself flack for all the fuck ups. Make sure you give yourself a few pats on the backs for all the great things that you've done in your life. Otherwise you're a hypocrite to yourself. You owe it to yourself, man, to be kind and appreciate and find the answer and act on that. I hope you enjoyed this episode. It's been a while since I've done a video episode. So those who've watched this, I might actually post this in the free group, but also load it up to our YouTube channel. I really hope you enjoyed this. All of this comes from the head and the heart, but the head and the heart of we, not me, we. And it's something that I'm very proud of. I'm very privileged to be part of in this phenomenal tribe. And like I said, I'll do another episode on Kosciuszko that was just. That was a monster in itself. It's probably 10 episodes I could have drawn out of that alone. And it's something that I love to be part of. So on that note, where we're up around 60,000 downloads now, and that's increasing every single day, I want to say thank you. Thank you, men. To investing valuable time and energy to want and desire more. Two things drive us. Fear of failure. A love for greatness. Sometimes we move away from pain. Sometimes we're moving towards pleasure. Sometimes it feels like it's the same thing. But essentially, when you do this and you do this well, you'll continually move through life with love for greatness. And you'll no longer be in the pit, fearing failure and focusing on all the failures in your life. You accept you have that awareness, and you accept that life is a series of messy moments. We all have big lists, but also you acknowledge and appreciate yourself. You're exactly where you need to be. You are seeking. It is a search and discovery. Nothing and no one teaches us more about that than our children to find the answer, the answers in your life, and you're acting on them. And with that action comes phenomenal change. Take care, men. Hope you enjoyed this. Tune in for another episode soon. Cheers. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top. Winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this. Because another man transformed is another family saved? Which is exactly what we're all about thriving and winning in life. Life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.