180. How A Man Finds His Truth

This episode is brought to you by our High Performance Father Coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Finding the Truth welcome to a very interesting episode because ultimately this is all about you and this comes down to you and not you from a point of judgment. Pointing the finger, blame, trying to create guilt or shame. Fuck. I should become a rapper. I'll tell you what some of the things and how they rhyme. Triggers, actions, rewards, TARs. TAR. Whether you want to use as an acronym or not, this is what happens in life. Life is filled with routines. Life is filled with habits. Life is filled with triggers, actions and rewards. The rewards are perceived rewards. They may be true for you, but not for someone else. They may be good for you, but bad for someone else. This isn't about riddles, although establishing awareness is critical to the triggers inside of your life, to the actions you're taking or not taking, and to the rewards that you believe that you're having. Because this is what forms your life. So through various episodes over the last well since 2019, this has been laced through when we talk about sedation, distraction, focus and attention, being interrupted from your work, getting into deep work inside of yourself, inside of your family, inside of your business or place of work. I thought it would be fair and a great idea to dedicate an entire episode around what all of that really is symbolism for. And that's truth. Finding the truth. Finding the truth inside of your life. You'll hear me say it. I'm sure you've heard me say it. If you've listened to our podcast many times, the truth always wins. But what kind of truth is that? Is that a truth that you are creating and influencing? Is it an active Or a passive truth? Is it one that you're fucking hidden or buried underneath your life to the point where you've actually literally neurologically changed your past? This is what happened. No, it didn't. You're fucking delusional, man. That didn't know this is what happened. Because that's what we do as human beings. Call it a survival mechanism, call it a coping mechanism, call it whatever you want. But many of us actually change the past through using the stories of the now and reorganizing memory or memories. You'd be very careful of that. That becomes a habit. That then creates a future that you haven't even designed yet and you're not even aware of. What is that future? More fucking stories. That's what it is. So when I swear, please understand. It's because I'm very passionate about this. I want you to win, man. I'm not swearing at you, I'm swearing with you. Because life is hard. Life is frustrating. Life is lots of loss, lots of decay, lots of destruction, lots of despair, chaos. But we can't look at it for the default that it is. Because when we say it is what it is, that's just the current position that life holds around us, which is not the position you can take by creating or recreating the life that you want and you desire and you deserve. Inside of your life, you hear the saying, life doesn't happen. What is it? I've heard a few of the big wizards. I'm probably going to fuck this up, but I mean, shows how much I follow them. I get more than enough value, knowledge and wisdom from the fathers I work with. Remember, I'm a voice. I'm a message of all of us. And the message of truth and the message of leadership, the way that it can, will and should be, should be. I know I don't like opinions, but this is the fucking standard, mate. Because you can have it. You can win in family, self and service. You can juggle all three balls, you can have all three cups filled. You can have all three circles complete. Absolutely. Very hard. Impossible alone. But absolutely. But the saying goes something like this. Life doesn't happen to you. It happens for you. And I don't agree with that. I'm sorry for those who might have chopped up some wood or walked on coals. It's not the truth. It may feel like life happens to you. It may feel like life happens for you, but they're both very passive. They're very passive approaches, to be fair. It's a very passive perspective. Life happens because of you, man. It happens because of you. Because without you, there is no fucking life. Tree falls in the wood, does it make a sound? If no one's there, there is no fucking tree. If you're not there, there is no tree. Right now I'm sitting in the office in hq. My car doesn't exists inside of my sensory perceptions of where I am in this current reality right now. That doesn't mean that if I go and walk 50 steps outside that it's magically disappeared or that it just disappears and then reappears. It's relevant to the consciousness of what I'm experiencing. And what I'm experiencing is sitting in our office talking to myself, which I'm recording, which I'm then going to post out to fathers all over the country. Life happens because of you. Because of your eyes, because of your head, because of your heart. Your children, they happen because of you. Your wife, calling her your wife, her being inside your house, inside the same house, that all happens because of you. That doesn't mean you become narcissistic or the whole world is about fucking you, but your world happens because of you. So what can we do to have a ripple effect through love and leadership? They're the two points to move forward in the terms that we want to. The life that we want to. That doesn't have a detrimental cost or impact to those around us that we love and care about. That's a very powerful thing to look at, you know, as we start to. And I'm going to bring this up because I just want to. Before I dive into finding the truth, there are six key points, six key points that you need to strip the layers back on to find your level of truth. It's imperative, man, it really is. And I'm going to dive into these six points. But what I first want to do is actually bring up part of a book that I'm writing and I want to bring this up. I'm going to bring this up right now, actually. I want to bring this up for you because this is the reason why investing in the family, self and service, whilst critical, comes down to you. Investing and valuing in yourself. This is part of the circles of significance. Again, I'm going to be reading this out for you. It's an amazing book that we've got coming out soon and the book is called in the Navigating the Modern World as a Father, Husband and Man. To win the second half. The second half. How do you win the second half? Well, not in the first Both. It's a transition and from what I've seen, from my experience of working with other men, not my own experience of myself. I'm not 60 years of age, but it's a transition absolutely, from your 30s into your 40s. And then you see the byproduct of what becomes in men's lives as they go through their 50s. They're broken, they can't rebuild, it's too hard to rebuild. They've just accepted the standard, they've settled, they're falling apart. And man, the next 20 or 30 years, that's when you probably want life to go quick. So what's the point? Right? Circle of self, family, self and service. I'm just going to read this and then we're going to dive into. Because I want this to be the preface or the pre frame towards you opening up to these six points. Drugs, alcohol, porn, television, social media work. We're going to cover these six points and helping you find the truth. It starts with understanding how valuable you really are inside of your life, man. This is from the book Self. You will probably see the next few perspectives pop up a lot in this book. Why? Because we need to swing the pendulum back to center, which means countering the sway it's held on so many men's lives. This is your life. You're important too. Everything you love and care about exists inside of your life because of your consciousness. If you're not here, there is no tree making a sound, let alone falling in the woods. Not in your life or reality anyway. So don't ever forget that. Stop fucking killing yourself without having a break, to pause, stand up, take a breath, look around and review the account of life and what it actually is. It's yours to live, to build, to lead, to love, to create. Think of it this way. The cup of self rests on top of the cup of family and service. There are two holes drilled either side in the cup of self at a low height. So in most capacities you are always pouring something into family and service. The something is a mixture of time and energy and you direct where the jug flows. When you directly pour. You're the one pouring. When you pour directly into family or service for a long enough period of time, you, your cup is empty. Why? Because you've no longer poured into it completely evaporated. Dust and cobwebs might be in there, but that's about it. Yet symbolically, the filling of your cup and the energy to put into that transfers to the real version of you holding the jug, directing the pour of time and energy, which means they're connected, which means if you're empty, you can't pour anything anymore. You're fucked. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. You must pour into yourself and invest in yourself in these areas. This gives you the massive gas tank and fuel to be able to contribute to the other. Circles, circles, cups, more analogies are coming. When they. When this sticks and you get it, you recognize. And for all of you men, this is a critically important point. You recognize that selfish without a detrimental effect on others, but rather an enhancement to others you love and care about, is not selfishness at all. This is the big one. All three areas hold unique and special types of significance in your life. Each one's irreplaceable. Just a side note on that, like the significance I get from my children, you will never match in the significance I get there. Just like the significance of me being healthy, fit and strong, my children can't give me that type of significance. Just like serving you men all over the country, my children and my body cannot give me that significance of helping other men get in front and win. It's irreplaceable. Each one, each one's unique and important. But the circle of self is most important. For without this, nothing else of a true and genuine nature can be created or upheld over the course of your life. This doesn't mean that as men, we just spend 16 hours a day on ourselves and families. There's contribution, building, creating that is essential to life in our tribes and communities. This is the ability to go and hunt life, provide value, service, and impact in the world we live in. This is the final circle, but one to tread carefully as it swallows most men whole when they are unaware of this vital principle. So what I'm saying there at the end of this lesson, at the end of this chapter or the end of this point, that's leading into the final circle. So before that piece that I read to you, it was family. That one there was self, and then the next one is service. I want you to think about and ask yourselves, what were the key takeaways you got from that? What were the golden nuggets? What was something that really hit home for you? For me, as I write and type this, because this is remembrance, right? It's why I value the podcast, why I value everything that I do with these men, because it helps me stay aligned. It's this point here. You recognize that selfish without a detrimental effect on others, but rather, which means there's no manipulation, there's no destruction, there's no narcissism, like without. So what you think is selfishness, but it doesn't have, it's without a detrimental effect on others. What you're doing for yourself rather enhances and provides value, leadership, examples, morals, ripple effect to others you love and care about. It's not selfishness at all. Man, you got to cut that shit out of your life. That's a fucking mask. That is an excuse. That's a story to not focus on yourself. That's a story to not worry about yourself until it's too late. Right? One of my great friends, Shannon Brenton, he's been on the podcast before, great guy, he calls it selfing. It's not selfish, Al, it's selfing, which is an interesting point, but this is the point. You're not being selfish if it enhances other people's lives. Let's be 100 so we can give 100. That's how we work, that's how we roll. Which brings me to the point of this episode. Finding your truth. This is your truth, your life. What truth do you want, though? Do you want the truth that fucks you up in five years time, five months time, five weeks time, Are you really sitting on the edge and you haven't taken any action, you haven't taken any steps and your wife's literally walking out? Or you keep having heated arguments with your children, mate. You might create a different truth internally inside your head, but externally, in the real world, there's chaos, man. Shit is hitting the fan. And it's a bit of a saying I've said lately, but it's probably not ideal, depending on where you're mentally positioned. But if shit hits the fan, go to another room. That's. That's when it comes to your own stories yourself. Like that's not a message to say, hey, just go and escape and run away. When it comes to you internally, if you're in your internal household and you're in a room where it's demonic and you're just castrating yourself, the little voice inside is screaming at you, pulling you away, tall popping yourself, self sabotage, leave the room, go somewhere else. When it comes to your family, conflict and collision can be healthy, can bring connection. When there's a foundation of respect, when there's a foundation of value, which is respect essentially, but value is also stability, not just blowing your stack. You let things fester or you're always blowing your stack. You got no control. Finding the truth. Finding the truth. The truth of the matter is most men escape. They look for escapes. They look for ways to just kick the can down the road, thinking that maybe the wind will take it. Maybe I'll kick it far enough and I won't see it. But you're walking in that direction, so what do you think will happen? The can goes from maybe not too bad to becoming really old and shabby and jaded and cut up and rusty. And so when you pick that can up, eventually that's going to fuck you up even more. This is what I'm talking about. When we say find the truth. Let's start finding the truth inside of your life by asking thought provoking questions to peel back the layers instead of just being busy. I'm busy, Al. Busy, busy, busy. I fucking hate that word, man. If everyone's busy, then no one's fucking busy. We're back to square one. We're back to ground zero, right? So stop saying that shit. Let's peel back the layers by asking quality questions of six key points. Drugs. Number one, Drugs, drugs, drugs. All of these are points of sedation, distraction. But when we're looking at drugs, point one and two, drugs and alcohol, you need to ask yourself the question, because there's a trigger, there's an action and there's a reward. Is it really rewarding you? But let's go upstream. What's the trigger? Why are you taking drugs? Why are you drinking alcohol? Only have three on a Friday and three on a Saturday hour with family and friends. Awesome. Why do you need to have that to enjoy the experience and time with your family and friends? Art's a great way to relax and unwind and you know, I like the taste of it. Okay. Is beer the only thing that you like the taste of is that the only thing you need to unwind and relax? Why don't you make up a jug of Night Rider and some hit the Sack tea, sit around the campfire and have that with your friends. You'll all be asleep in half an hour. Seriously though, like, you just accept things. Alcohol helps me relax. Cool. Is that the only thing that helps you relax? Why is that your vice? Why is that the go to for relaxation? What is happening in your life where you don't have control, where you feel so wide that you have to relax by going and resorting to something else that's actually detrimental and poisoning yourself? Please understand, man, Like I'm not again. You want to drink alcohol, that's fine. We've got a lot of our fathers and it's. We got a great hashtag, no grog today and a lot of the fellas they've hit a month, two months. A lot of our guys have given up and never gone back. I haven't drunk years. I think last year I might have had maybe half a glass of shit. What's it called? Cider, I think cider. Apple, pear cider. Half a glass with my wife. And that was enough for me, man. Just the after. I could feel it going through my. The palate of my mouth and my head. That was plenty. But I'm not judging you for this. Do whatever you want. But if you want to hit that 1% that very few hit, if you want to take your life to the next level, this doesn't mean that you have to be a saint. But if you really want to value reorganizing your life, maybe instead of 15 drinks, cut it back to five. Maybe instead of five, just have two. Maybe instead of two, just have two every fortnight. You don't have to cut it away. You just need to question. You question everything outside of yourself, yet you don't even question your own actions. You'll question old mate fucking washing your car or someone who's late and bringing the dinner out to the restaurant that you're sitting down with your family. Like, you'll question all these other different things with standards and expectations, yet you don't even question yourself, good or bad. This is being neutral. Like, it's not, why am I drinking alcohol? Why am I taking drugs? It's not from a negative point of view. It's just asking from a third perspective. Zoom out of yourself. Zoom out and pull away from where you are in a reactive monkey brain state and just go, okay, so why? Why do I drink alcohol? Like, just be neutral. The language, the tone of self. Talk, like when you're talking, when you're thinking, when you're feeling. That's a dialogue with yourself. Like, you're always talking. We talk every day, all day, essentially. Different mediums. I'm using words at the moment. My mouth, my voice box. Pretty crazy how that shit works. Drugs and alcohol. So, okay, why am I taking this? All right. Because I believe. I believe it gives me that. Like, it's truth. Is truth. You can create whatever truth you want. Good morning. But it's afternoon. What's morning? Somewhere in the world. My old man used to always say that. Like, you can fucking manipulate and carve out any truth you want, but is it serving you? Is it serving your narrative or the agenda? Is the agenda really true? Is it connecting your inside and your outside world? Is it moving you Forward to grow and become a better leader. Is it helping you become a better man? Is it helping you become a better husband? Is it helping you become a better father, better member of community or society? Is it yes or no? I believe it is. Okay, how? Show me the facts. See, when you strip the layers back and you keep asking yourself these questions, sooner or later you start to catch yourself. You're like, okay, I can see this is a bit of bullshit here. I'm starting to create a story. Really? Is that really like having a drink every night? Just. Just one, just to take the edge off? That's helping me be a better father because I'm more relaxed, really? Is it? Or is that tied into. Because this is about stacking or cluster habits? Because habits don't just go one and done, like training in the morning for the gym or going for a walk. You must have a night routine. You must set your alarm. You get up early, you've got your morning ritual to put your shoes on, get out, take the dogs and walk your way. There's four to five cluster. Like that's a cluster habit. There are four or five key things that make up that one sole outcome. So is alcohol and drugs really the answer? Or are you actually escaping and not finding better ways to invest in yourself? Does it really help you relax? You believe it does, but maybe it's just sedating you. Is there a better way to relax that's wholesome and actually rejuvenating yourself so you're not writing off the first 1, 2, 3, 5 hours of the next day? I gotta tell you, man, I don't need to push or promote it. Our Dad's Strong Australia stores going fucking great guns because it's phenomenal gear that we give the dads and serve them with. But when I have my Knight Rider, which is our natural nighttime supplement, and then I have our Hit the Sack tea, which is an amazing nighttime tea. I'm having it with my wife. It's slowing things down. To put the loose leaf in the pot and then boil the kettle, pour the water in. Sitting down, having a chat with Corinne as we're drinking it, it's hot, so I'm sipping it. Sometimes in summer, we're in summer at the moment. I'll put a couple of cubes of ice in there, it becomes an iced tea, but essentially it just becomes a methodical slowing down into the night. Not a drink. Bang. Dilute the system. Fuck up the body. Poison myself and I'm sedated. Is it really your truth? What's the trigger. Why do you need to relax? What haven't you done upstream to sort your shit out? You haven't gone for a walk, you haven't trained, you haven't exercised the body. You haven't read a book. You haven't gotten some sunlight, some vitamin D. You just worked 10 hours straight. You didn't have a break for half an hour. You didn't eat any food or the night before led to this because the alarm went off and you're late for work. You see, when you go upstream, man, you see the real truth, not the reactive truth that you justify as a means to an end for the actions that you keep on taking. What is the trigger? Okay? What's the action? What's the reward? What's the perceived reward? That's what we should call it, a tap, not a tar. What are you tapping into with your taps? Targets, actions, perceived rewards. Triggers, I should say. Trigger, not target. I'll tell you what, though, it seems to be a target, sometimes I can't fucking wait for six o', clock, beer o'. Clock. Maybe triggers and targets are the same thing. Once I hit this. Game on drugs and alcohol. What is happening inside of your life that has created such a chronic shitstorm that you can't handle it anymore? And what are you really doing about it, man? Drugs and alcohol are not the answer. It might numb the pain, it might sugarcoat a few things. It might put a band aid on. But when you peel the band aid back, it's no longer a graze or a cut anymore. That's a deep wound. That's become a deep wound, man. It's fested, it's become infected. It's fucked up. A band aid's not going to fix that anymore. You need to cherish and nurture and value yourself, especially at nighttime. What are you doing at night that's taking you into the next day? You got a thousand minutes a day. Okay, what am I doing at night so I can have a full 1000 minutes for the next day? Or do I only have 700? I don't have any time out. Of course you fucking don't, mate. It's taking you three hours to get your shit together. Should only take an hour, like you're hungover, like it's. I wouldn't have time either if I did the same shit you did. Yet here I am, three kids, building a massive business and empire of serving fathers all over the country, going away to retreats and getaways. Kosciusko is phenomenal. Writing a book, building Our team, various new programs, courses that we're designing like. And I'm not just reacting and a butterfly floating around everywhere doing all sorts of different shit. This all ties in in such an intrinsic way where it's just like, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. What? And who do I have to thank for that? Well, of course, the tribe, our coaches, my family, and our journal. Our journal is just like, man, I'm just looking at it right now. Circle, significance. What's my mitt? Family, self and service. What's my monthly habit? No technology around the kids. Read every day, do a live video every day. Like family, self and service. They're my habits. I'm writing them every day. I've got a little graph here. Move the body, walk, stretch, exerc, exercise. I've already tick, stretch, nourish the body. Blds like breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, Routines, morning, night, tick them, tick them. Fucking done, done, done, done. You become methodical, not robotic. But it's done even for me with my morning routine. Now I've changed this up a little bit because I want to get primal again. Let's get to the essence of nourishing the body so the mind can do what the mind does. The mind can go in and kick ass. So for me, this has become my morning mantra this week, and it's fucking working very well. Water, air, blood, blessings, connection. Soon as I get up, bang. Mojo or not. I have mojo most mornings and then I'll have a break for a week or month. So water. Straight away, I'm hydrating because I haven't drank anything for eight hours. Air. Doing my breathwork, priming the body, blood, getting blood flowing. So I'm doing a stretch and mobility routine, five minutes max, as well as a little bit of rowing and ski work just to get the blood pumping. Blessings. Okay. Look at my children in the eyes. Fuck me, Deb. What a miracle. I cannot believe, like, we took years to fall pregnant. IVF failed again. Look at, I've got three now. That's insane. What a gift. As crazy as they are. Look at myself in the mirror. My health, looking after myself. Blessings. What are they? What am I blessed for? And connection. Okay, well, I have the opportunity to have breakfast. My family. Now let's connect. Water, air, blood, blessings, connection. That's me, man. Done. As soon as I do that, fuck, I am set. I've been dominating all week because of that. So when I look at things like drugs and alcohol, what role could they ever play in my life? They're not events. They don't exist to me. I don't even know why I would consider them. How will that help me move my life forward? I don't know. I'm curious for you to ask yourself the question, how's that helping you move your life forward? Or is it a numbing and coping mechanism that's been in place for too long? It's just part of who you are now? Point three, Pornography. Here's the crazy thing. I know I've spoken about it before. It's been a while. Like, you know, when I look at. Obviously when I was younger and that sort of shit, it was a bit different. It was a bit harder. We had to find mates who found an old VHS from their dad. And I found this video from dad. I got a porn. Like it was. It was like the Holy Grail, man. Like, it's like we had the staches and bushes and all that sort of. It was hilarious. Like, completely different thing to. It was the novelty. It was laughing at it. It was not so up. There's some pretty crazy heavy out there. Not that I've seen, but certainly heard of. It's disgusting. Like, if that becomes your new standard, it desensitizes some of the beautiful, pure things of life, whether it's missionary or any of that sort of stuff. It's actually pretty crazy. Some of the. I hear about a lot of young men these days destroying their. Giving their power up. Like, think of it this way, if something is free, you're the product. Okay, that might be all right, but is the product something that has your best interest at heart? So when you're looking at something like a drug or a release, it's not actually educational, it's not inspiring, it's not motivational. I do these podcasts for free, but you're not my fucking product. I'm not giving you something to pull you into a fucking trap of dopamine every single day. Instant gratification to fucking flog yourself off. This is thought provoking stuff for you to have discoveries inside of your life. This is for the tribe, this is for me. But when you just go and download some shit online for free, that's gonna fuck you up. They don't even fucking know you or care about you. You are giving away your time and energy. When you're saying yes to that, you're saying no to your wife. You think she doesn't know you do that shit? You're sitting in the fucking toilet or bathroom or somewhere else. Of course she does. They're not fucking dumb. You wonder why you can't connect with her. You're saying yes to that. You say no to her. Oh, it's been a while since it's been intimate out. No worries. It's fucking life. You don't control everything. But what are you doing about it? Is going down the same path really the answer? This is a big breakthrough for me, man, because a lot of the times I had no sex drive when I was an elite athlete because I was just flogging my body. But it was like, hang on a minute. If I'm doing this and I'm just logging into this shit and doing it, you know, and it's fucking hard. I get that. Not that I would do it consistently, but it's a fucking hard thing to break if you're doing it every day, every couple of days or whatnot, you know? For me, it might have been a couple of times a month to the point where a wall ago I sat back and went, why the fuck am I even doing? What the fuck is the point of this? What? I'm watching this to just what, shoot a fucking slightly bigger load or something? To stimulate my brain a bit more like. And I'm not embarrassed about it. Like, we've all been there and if you haven't, no worries. And if you judge me for it, fucking good for you, man. I mean, I don't do that shit anymore because I've finally seen through it. I've seen a lot. I'm like, fuck that. What is the actual point of this, man? Again, comes back to drugs and alcohol. It is a drug pornography. Think about all the men in the world who are doing this shit. 10, 20, 30 minutes a day. That's a lot of energy that's wasted, man. That's a lot of sedation and distraction. You got a billion men, 10 minutes. 10 billion minutes. A billion seconds is 33 years. So what's 10 billion minutes? That's a lot of life that's gone. Never come back for what? You say yes to that. You say no to something else. You're training your butt. Like, it's not like the old days, like Seth, where you have a laugh. You're like, oh fuck, look at that. Fuck. This bloke's fucking sucking a tits. Or look, there's lesbians. Holy shit. That's like. That would be fucking boredom for a 15 year old because of some of the shit they have access to these days. It's not good, man. It's a fucking addiction. It's not good. It validates you. It's an escape. For you, it's a feeling. It's a fantasy. It's not real. This shit is not real. Drugs, alcohol, porn, tv. It's not real. All fucking bullshit. Hollywood. It's all bullshit. None of it's fucking real. There's lots of movies in the past that I've loved, don't get me wrong. There's been some cool shit. There's some great special effects. There's some movies with morals, some without. There's some scary movies, actions, romantic. All that shit's there. But that's not your fucking life, mate. You're investing in someone else's life. And then you watch all these movies where the woman fucking castrates the man. Toxic masculinity, this, this and that, or all this sort of shit that paints this picture, that society subconsciously accepts. This is what you're doing. You're subconsciously accepting that that's how love works. Or this is the honeymoon. You've got love and old mate fucking going at it, and then afterwards she just rolls over and they have a fucking cigarette and they have a few laughs. You know, that doesn't work in the bedroom. And there's fucking. Yeah, this fucking mess everywhere. Like, it's even. Even that is a sex scene. Like, this shit's all fucking made up. It's okay if you want to invest in that, but how much are you investing in television? Even reality TV shows are fucking bullshit. Like, what I'm proud of most is none of these are part of my life. I don't do drugs. I don't drink alcohol. I don't watch porn. I don't watch tv. I might watch a movie with the kids once a month. I might watch a movie with Krim once a month. That's it. You get three hours a month. Oh, but it's a good way to veg out Al. Or just, you know, be a zombie or. Don't want to have to think sometimes. That's cool, man, but what else can you do? Put some nice music on, maybe listen to a podcast, maybe read a book, maybe have some conversations, maybe do some arts and crafts with your kids, with your wife and laugh about how shit your paintings are. Because I know I did that with Corinne, man, some of my paintings were horrific. It was so funny. Like, create experiences. Don't just consume an experience. You're told to consume by looking at the idiot box. You're here to create experiences, not just consume an experience. My dad used to always call it the idiot box. Yet here we are, so many years later, he still fucking Watches it. Ah, but I just like to not think sometime. Okay, dad, so your fucking words say one thing, mate, but they're not, you know, they're not following through on the other, right? I'm not saying that to disrespect my father. That's just the truth. If he has a problem with it, that's his problem, not mine. You've called the idiot box for so fucking long, mate. You've yelled at it for years when we were kids, yet you still watch it. You still sedate and distract yourself by diving into that shit. Same with social media. Like, I know I do stuff with our free Facebook group, and I do stuff on social media to expand our message, but then once you come in, we get you off that shit, man. Let's pull you away. Don't worry about that. Come into our ecosystem. It has no other use except for what it's been specifically designed for. To connect into the tribe, have coaching, the right environment, the right energy to move forward and win your life. That's why I love the journals. Useless for anything else other than exactly what it's designed for. Social media. Your phone. One of the greatest fucking tricks ever. Have a look at the cameras on the phones. You're hooked in now, aren't you? You just take pictures and pictures and pictures. Beautiful. You're looking through, you're on your phone. But while you're on your phone, a notification pops up. So there's 500 fucking uses for your phone, which means it's just gonna pull you in all of a sudden. Shit. Where'd the time go? Last one we'll touch on is work. Drugs, alcohol, porn, television, social media. Please understand, this isn't a downer of an episode. I'm very passionate about this stuff, and I'm trying to paint pictures and I'd like to paint both sides, but I guess the other side's a hard one to justify, because when I'm looking at the other side, okay, how's drugs helping someone? How's alcohol helping someone? Has pornography helping someone? How's television helping someone? How's social media helping someone? I mean, maybe. Maybe there's some little bits and pieces laying in there, but that's on you. That's your truth. Finding the truth. It should be called finding your truth. What truth do you want inside of your life, man? I look at all of that and I'm like, again, maybe it holds a place. Maybe in tiny doses, but then you get hooked in, right? Because of the chaos of life, because you haven't sorted your Shit out. You haven't organized your life and who you you are as a man, which means you get pulled away, like Pinocchio on the island. You start becoming a donkey because you're playing pool, you're breaking buildings, you're drinking grog, you're smoking cigars, right? It's very symbolic, that movie. Funnily enough, I never understood it when I was a kid. And then what happens? They all get taken away. Slavery. You've had your fun, now pay for it. Like, what a fucking great layout. That's so relevant more than ever today with the instant gratification and entitlement. Don't look at teenagers going, ah, millennials. They're entitled. This. Entitled. You're fucking entitled. You've got pretty fast access to everything, don't you? And when you don't get it, you get upset and frustrated. Remember the old dial up the old noises you used to make and fucking 10 minutes for one page to load. Here we go. Bang. Even this podcast, six platforms, bang. But this isn't about privileges. It's about establishing the yes and the nos inside of your life. Like I said, this is layered through many of our episodes. But I want to bring this to a head right here and now because. Because it's February 10th of 2022. When are you going to wake up? If you're someone who's been asleep for so long and go, fuck me dead, Al. We're already a month and a half nearly into this year, and I've got nothing to show for it. Nothing like the 20 hours a week that we get back for our fathers on the inside. Nothing to show for it but some cool fucking Netflix series that gave me a buzz and feeling. But then I felt so empty. How many of you felt like that? Like, I did vi. I did Game of Thrones. They're probably the last ones I've watched shows how long it's been since I've dived into that stuff. And at the end I was like, it's fucking crazy. Blah, blah. There was a sense of closure to a degree. But then literally within half an hour, probably less, 10 minutes, I was like, I feel so empty. I just fucking spent like 30 hours on that. Probably more. It'd be way more. Just like the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I didn't watch any of those movies for years. I was sorting my shit out with my businesses, with my gym, with my marriage. And then I think it was in 2019, coping mechanism. And Lillian was born, maybe just before watched. What is it, like 18 movies. And then the Final one came out, I think in 2019 with the, whatever old mate's name is, the bald ugly dude, I can't remember. And straight up there I was like, man, I've just watched like 19 movies and now I'm back to my own reality. What a waste. When you keep saying yes to drugs and alcohol, you're saying no to having a phenomenally optimized engine that operates and serves you every day inside of your body and your mind. When you keep saying yes to pornography, you're saying no to what can be. Not just sacred, but a really enjoyable, lighthearted, deep felt connected, high and low, deep and playful experience with those that you love and care about. Your wife or your, or your partner or your girlfriend or no one. Like, is it really that important to fucking flog yourself off three, four days a week? If you're alone, what else can you do to get your shit together or spend that time on. You do that, let's say an hour and a half. What would you do if you had 80 hours at the end of the year? Someone said, you've got 80 hours to invest in your health, in your wealth, in courses, in business. You'd be like, oh, fucking give me 80 hours any day of the week. When you say yes to that, you're saying no to your wife, you're saying no to respecting yourself. You got some other cunt fucking dictating to you what you should be flogging yourself off to, what you should be using as a release. Take this light, take it heavy, that's on you as much or as little as you want. Finding the truth, that's a very solid truth. TV and social media, the more you say yes to that, regardless whether you're sitting with your family or not, because you're looking at the television, you're saying no to looking inside of your children's eyes, looking inside of yourself, investing and giving back to yourself. The final points work like, if you're running a business and you're chronically working 12, 16 hours a day, you've done it wrong. Trust me, I get the grind, I get the hustle. My speed is fucking phenomenal. Like, I work at a crazy pace and the quality is there. I don't sacrifice quality for speed. It's insane how fast I apply myself, how quick I innovate, adapt, pivot and change and implement and perform. And I've done the grind. I've done the 2am wake ups to build courses and do all sorts of other shit. On top of young children, on top of no Sleep, I've done all that shit. Doesn't mean you need to keep doing it. Are there periods of pushing, going, jumping in your pod and just flying and go? Of course there is. That shouldn't be standard for you. Stop looking at how much cream you can take and cut a little bit away to buy back some freedom and time for yourself. That's critical, man. Stop being scared that you're not going to have enough money if you're building a business or even in a career to start juggling all the moving parts in life that are going to make you more valuable in the workforce anyway, whether you run a business or you're in a career, because that's not the answer. Work is another tool. That's another form of sedation, distraction. And it widens the gap inside of yourself. Your relationship with yourself, your relationship with your wife, your relationship with your children. Why? Because when shit hits the fan, you stick with what's working. What's working. You're doing your work. Why? Because it's your profession. Because you perform well. Because you produce. So you keep focusing on that and you fuck up everything else. Because that's the one thing that gives you significance now. And you sweep it on a rug. I'll get there one day. I'll address that. One day. The holiday coming up. And four months for two weeks is going to work. Okay? Two week getaway with the family. It'll take two weeks just for you to start to unwind. And then you're back into work and you just dump them with all their shit again. It's why I got the caravan. I said to my wife, that's it. Like every six weeks we're away, we're doing something, even if we're staying close. Our first trip was two hours away. The next one in a couple of weeks, it's a half an hour drive. I don't need to go caravanning to Uluru. I will. I definitely want to, but this is it. Like, it's not. I'm not waiting all year to have just four weeks. It doesn't work that way. You know that the way the body, the way the mind, the way your heart and soul, everything works is a continual top up. You deplete, you express. You invest. You top up. Like you rejuvenate. You rest and rejuvenate. You perform and you express life. You rejuvenate. You perform, you rejuvenate. You perform. You can't just flog yourself. Redlining at 500,000 RPMs and then figured, yes, sweet. The engine will be okay. My family will understand. You probably don't even communicate and paint that picture with a deadline. But that's a whole other topic and story in how to connect and communicate. But work, you shouldn't be flogging. If you're flogging yourself just to try and make it through or get some extra coin and whatnot, you're not backing yourself in the long game of life. Think about this man. Like as a man you can work well into your 70s and 80s if you're adopting and building into the right roles. I don't want to do that, Al. I want to make sure I can retire. Look, retirement doesn't exist for me. Will I have the ability and the opportunity to be financially stable and free before I'm 50? Absolutely. Does that mean I'm going to stop? No, why would I? I'm going to sit back and do nothing for the other half of my life. Just do nothing for 30 years. What you go to some tropical islands, travel around the world, Travel around to 100 different countries over 5 years. Awesome. Good on you, mate. Now what? Do the same again. When you're trying to really latch onto retirement, it's probably worth asking a question inside of yourself of either your self value, your earning potential, the value potential of what you can provide society and communities, or your own circumstances and what you don't enjoy. And you're just looking for the end game. What a way to go. Last thing I'd want to be is to be 65 and then finally breathe and go, thank fuck I can just relax now. What you didn't Enjoy the last 20, 30 years of your journey. The maybe things should change. Maybe that's a form of sedation and distraction because you're great at it, but it keeps you numbed to investing in your life and in yourself. Like I know what I'm doing. If I continue this rate of growing, like I'll be a fucking ridiculous consultant at the age of 70. Like people will be like fucking hell man. Like it's show us, help us, please. You've been there, you've done that at this level now. And I'm not saying that it comes down to one perceived form of value. Although women and men who value their looks and their beauty, it's absolutely a fucking depreciating asset. Don't worry about that. This is about the value you add to the world by adding value to yourself in your own life. Which means you play the long game. But the long game is made up of a series of small and short Games of topping up your knowledge, your ability, your experiences, maybe some risk taking. My life's been riddled with it. Haven't fucking lost big yet. Well, I've lost big. But when I say big, big in the game of life, I'm still here. I'm better than I ever was before. I've still got debt like, it's just fucking crazy, man. Right in the middle of my gyms. Quarter of a million dollars in debt, fucking falling apart, no way to pay that off. That's some pretty heavy shit. When you keep turning up and innovating, what work is there for which is for you to enjoy, serve and bring fulfillment and leverage for other experiences. Whether it's money, connections, networking or self fulfillment. You understand that work is not there to flog you. You are not there to be a slave and you should not be grinding through your life in the area of work. Drugs, alcohol, porn, television, social media and work. These are the six key points where it's imperative that as men we strip back the layers of truth and find the real truth of what's currently happening, the truth of what we desire, and then bridging that gap, cutting away the shit that doesn't serve us anymore and building in the right triggers, acknowledging the wrong triggers, acknowledging the negative triggers, the actions and the rewards that come and fucking that off, building in new triggers. Or it might be the same trigger that's universal. Time of day, location, person, people, places and things. No worries, the trigger can be true. But what are your actions? What are you going to do about it? To uphold and stand up the way that you want to. To create a different action and a different reward. One that moves you forward in a wholesome way where you have control again, you've got your power back and you are the man who's winning on your terms more often than not. Six key points to uncover the truth and find the real truth that you desire. But hey, maybe you do desire that. No, hey, life's good man. I'm happy to be here. I enjoy doing my drugs every month. Love a good fucking. Love a good bevy every night. It's great, mate. And you know, nothing better than twisting, twisting the ears off it, mate, just to get that nice, that nice release and hit. And I love watching me TV shows and you know what? Scrolling on Facebook's amazing, man. I just love watching everyone else's and for hours and, and, and then work and then rinse and repeat. Groundhog Day is great. Life's good. Good for you, man. That's what you like and enjoy and value. I'm not going to hold that against you. Does it align with what I choose and what I would do? Of course not. But doesn't make you a bad person or me a bad person or you're a good person or me a good person. This is about choice. And you can't make choices if you don't bring to the surface awareness of the choices you're currently making, the path they take you down, and also the choices and possibilities you can have and you can make. So I'll tell you right now, man, and again, with respect, having drugs, frequently, alcohol, frequently, watching porn all the time, watching television, scrolling social media and working my cunt off in a career of 30 or 40 years is. Man, I get tired just thinking about that. That would be crippling for me, man. Literally, my eyes just got heavy to rub my eyes. Then that's your truth. Great. Just make sure you own the results that come of it. The result in your relationship, the result in your relationship to your children, the result in the next 20, 30 years of your life, in your health, in your value, your self respect. You've only got one. Don't waste your turn. You've only got one life. Don't waste your turn. Find the truth. Peel back the layers. It actually doesn't hurt. It's liberating because then you're clear. You can look down and see where your feet actually are. I've got a good footing now. I'm not just floating on clouds and then falling through the sky. I can actually see where my feet are. I'm grounded again. These are the facts. And now I can start moving forward and planning. A compass is useless. A compass is useless. True north goals, vision A to B, all that shit is useless if you don't even know where you stand right here and right now when you do, game on. I promise you, man, nothing will stop you. You combine that with the right environment or people in your corner coaching, yes. Maybe, maybe not. Hpf, maybe, maybe not. When you do that with the right systems and tools, man, you'll be unstoppable. You have no idea the power that you have to wield in this world. No idea what you're capable of. It's insane. Like it's. It's incredible. It really is. Take care, men. As always, I hope this serves you well. Finding the truth to then create a better truth. This is what it's about. Those six points, you may not cut them overnight. Cold turkey can work, maybe it can't. This is your life, your journey your choice. But just know that you have choices you can choose and there's always a choice to move forward to tweak, adjust, alleviate, nullify, remove some of these six points that might create a detrimental effect inside of your life and your relationships. To start carving out the man, the husband, the father, and the life that you want for yourself and those that you love and care about to move forward in good stead and win the second half. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top? Winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.