181. How To Get Control Again

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Testing, testing. Fuck yeah. The dads. We're on. We are on. Having control again. Welcome to a special episode which really is, it's quite symbolic, the title of this. Having Control Again. Because this is the one thing all men look for as they get older in life. You don't need to be 80 years old to figure that one out. Having control again inside of your life. What a powerful episode that awaits. This is a pretty solid Sunday charger that we did. I'm just going to pull a couple of bits and pieces from that and apply this to the wider audience and also for our members to hit home again on some of these key breakthroughs to strategies, tactics, approaches, perspectives to really having control again. And it's quite ironic in saying this, going back to the gym this morning, going back into a CrossFit gym this morning. I haven't gone yet. Driving into work, everything's set up, got all my gear, all my food, shower changing, all that stuff's organized, all done and I rock up to work here at the office and I'm like. And I just, I was like, ah, my lunch. I started laughing and I reached around, I saw was behind me in the seat behind me and started laughing. There we go. And then straight away just flashes, flashes of shoes come into my head and then it just hit me. I was like, hell, I didn't even bring my training shoes. You know, I'm wearing thongs, shorts, my casual in uniform though RDM and HPF gear. But I wore thongs, wearing thongs to work this morning. I was like, my shoes. And I started laughing Because I thought it was my food left behind, but I left behind probably the most important thing to training. I mean, look, I can train barefoot at the beach and all that sort of stuff, but the one thing, man, like, I've got it all organized. My mobility gear, my pre workout, you know, carbs. I have my mojo. This morning, my post workout, yeah, our rdm, collagen powder. I was like, motherfucker. And I just felt this little rage build where I just wanted to punch a hole through the wall. I was like, I came to work early for a reason, so I could get ahead of the day so I could take a bit of extra time out to train. So I still didn't work too late tonight and left with the kids crying because they didn't want daddy to go, because they loved seeing me early in the morning. And they woke up as I was about to leave and I was like, you motherfucker. And I'd lost control of the routine. I'd lost control or not had the control that I thought I had of the day. And look, it's not a long drive to work, but essentially, before I know it, I spent an hour traveling instead of 15 to 20 minutes. And the feeling was, kept rising up. You know, there's a very good rate, not good. There's a very big rage side of al that, you know, I tap into with sports and different forms of competitive drives in life, but it's not a great thing when it's not controlled. And I was losing that. And I just stepped back a little bit and I was like, hang on a minute. You can get shitty, you can get angry, you can drive fast, you can do all that sort of bullshit, or you cannot train, or there are all these different pathways. Which one does our win? So whilst I had that nature inside of me, I flipped it on his head to reframe it in a way to go, I'm going to fucking win. Same thing with yesterday. I was in a rush to get to work, had some blueberries, had my lunch, juggling everything. And just as I'm walking out, the blueberries, the container that they sit in, they come in those little plastic containers. It just slips off and it lands right on a point of a corner and bang. Fucking blueberries everywhere. And I said, you can't beat me. And I just kept saying that. I said, you can't beat me. Is that all you've got? I didn't even know who I was talking to, man. No one. Maybe I was talking to the angry, the little voice inside out that's going, yes, that's the shot. Let it all out, mate. Go crazy. Lose your blueberries everywhere. And I just kept saying, you can't beat me. Is this all you've got? You really think this is going to trigger me? And it worked. Same thing with this morning. I was like, well, this is what you can do, Al. You can do this podcast a little bit later and you can get your fucking shit together. Own your mistake, because it is yours to own. Don't be frustrated. Everything else, it's no one else's fault. It's not even a fault. It's just a part of life. This is the outcome. This is the circumstance you're facing. Get your shit together, drive back home, grab your shoes and come back to work. And I did. I didn't lose my cool. And I laughed and I looked at all these other things. Not that there are hidden forms of suppression or escape. I just laughed and said, fuck, you know, like, if I get shitty over leaving some shoes at home, what hope do I really have for the day? This is the hard part, though, man. Like, you know and I know that you know that there are points in your life, day in, day out, maybe on the weekly, maybe on the monthly, where this will happen. It'll be the smallest little thing, and that triggers the fuck out of you. And you get so angry. And after the explosion, everything's burned to the ground for that day, that moment, that minute, that hour, that week, that month. You look back, you're like, why the fuck am I getting so shitty at this? I have no control. Even the smallest things are setting me off. I have no control. People write it off to discipline, having, well, your discipline, but then also having a level of self control day in and day out, a level of willpower. They pick all these different tags and labels, but the reality is, man, there are a couple of pitfalls that we find ourselves in where we lose control. And one of those is, is making assumptions or expectations of a particular outcome. Now, look, I've got very high expectations and standards. Not assumptions, expectations and standards of my actions. And maybe my actions or what led to a momentary disappointment, being half Virgo. So I'm almost a perfectionist. If you follow star signs to go, shit, man, how the fuck could you leave those shoes at home? But I'm like, hang on, hang on. Don't get little, Little L trying to bully Big Al. Big Al will win. Doesn't work that way, buddy. I'm steering the ship here. But you have that, don't you? And the hardest Part with a lot of this men is lacking the awareness. The awareness comes after the fact. But what are the facts? The facts are burning down to the ground of everything around you, which leads to being triggered arguments, fights or suppression which becomes an even bigger explosion. Kicking the can down the road, so to speak. The can's nice and shiny and labelled. It's got a couple of scratches, but you don't want to pick it up then and address it. You just kick it down the road until it becomes rusty and cuts you to shit, cuts you to pieces. Because it's just been neglected over a period of time because you haven't picked it up and actually open it up and addressed it. This can happen with your relationships with your wife, this can happen with your relationships with your children, your relationship with your workers, colleagues, staff, big one with yourself. Every. Please understand, every single time when I'm talking about relationships, relationship skills, tactics, strategies. We're starting to build out a course which is awesome. Already got four episodes in there. The first and primary one is your relationship with yourself. Having control. Again, let's dive on into this. So let's talk the pitfalls and then let's talk about how to leverage life to have control of what you can and influence what you don't control to make sure that everyone's winning. Because you're a leader, you should be able to zoom out and have a third person view. You should be able to have a set of eyes that maybe your loved ones don't have. So they're self sabotaging, they're sabotaging you. But you're the man, the leader who can stand up. And when I say the leader doesn't mean the only leader. Of course your wife can lead, of course your children can lead, but this is you. So when I say you, I'm talking about the. You are the leader because this is you and your life. But first, let's look at the pitfalls. Very first one, Expectations. I'm reading a book at something like. I mean that the title's something around the nine. The nine traits or pathways or something for unreasonable success. Don't know if it's good or bad that I can't remember the title, but it's irrelevant. I'm taking some good points out of it. One of it is Olympian Expectations. Here's the hard part though. When you look at people like Steve Jobs and a lot of others that they rattle off through the book, when you have Olympian expectations and you force or push that onto others, that can be a huge downfall. Now yes, they may have been successful, but what do you define as success? Like Steve Jobs with his absolutely addictive and almost psychotic to some of his peers, personality trait towards expectations and doing work is, yes, what led to the outcome. But is the outcome success in itself? Of course it is, Al. You know, billions of dollars in Apple phones all over the world and I get that, but what do you want in life? Don't fucking look at all the other blokes who are flashing their cash or their achievements and thinking that you want that as well. I fall into that trap. We all have play the long game of life. So whilst I love that this book talks about Olympian expectations and what that can do for you, because there's studies around this, and one of the studies was fascinating, was talking about how they did an IQ test for kids in class and they basically rigged the results and they told certain members of the class that they had a really high IQ even though they didn't. And this was, this is a scientific study. So the teacher gets to work, the teacher didn't know who the kids were, teacher gets to work and all of a sudden they start pushing. And because the kids knew the teacher didn't change her approach, she's teaching everyone the same. But these select children believed that they had a high IQ and they were all going to be retested. They had an expectation, shit, I better perform. So guess what that did. It rigged their level of self belief. It rigged the opportunity for them to take different types of actions, different perspectives, to problem solve, to keep moving forward, not to be stuck, not to be stagnant, to pay attention, to focus. And when they redid the test, their score went up more than anyone else, even though they're all pretty much on the level to start with. Fascinating stuff, man. Like, fascinating stuff. But one of the pitfalls that most people fall into work, I get it, like, look, I've got an amazing team around me, but we also have standards that we all set. We set high standards and they're addictive. High standards equals high performance, a high set of results, a high set of problem solving, a high set of everything. But essentially when it comes to your loved ones and all these different people have a biased version of who you are inside of their eyes. It's a more subtle approach. But the problem is your expectations that aren't so subtle, that are triggered, you need to ask yourself the question, what are the expectations you're putting on those you love and care about, that you're not applying to yourself? So who are you applying these Expectations to. Why? Why is that an expectation? Why is there an expectation that leads to disappointment after a certain number? I've told my kids 10 times to put their socks in the washing basket, but they don't do it. Okay, you might do thousands of reps in the gym. So you fucking tell me, mate, what's changed? What, you think you don't need to put the reps in when it comes to your children? I get it. This is hard. I'm not blasting you for it. It's just painting that perspective. Going well. Hang on, let's zoom out. How many other things have I done 10 million times? Like walking properly or. You don't crawl to work. Why don't you crawl to. Oh, you walk so you put more reps in, even though you're going to the same destination every single day. But sometimes the destination, when it comes to things you don't control, doesn't get rewarded with the result or the outcome. Sometimes the destination doesn't become reached, is my point. Sometimes the destination that you want for your children doesn't become the outcome. So we get frustrated and then quickly. This is the hard part. Even if your word is given, my wife and I will have a word. This is our word. This is our covenant for this. And sometimes it still doesn't happen. This is life, man. I'll pick the kids up. All of this. Something just happened. Roman's fucking ass is exploding. You know, he's got gastro. No worries. I'll change that. I'll pick Stellar up from school. Like, there is always something that can come around the corner and throw the course of the day off track for what you planned and what you set out. So setting expectations for others is a slippery slope to navigate where you must be cautious that expectations don't turn into assumptions. And then when they're not met, these assumptions don't turn into disappointments and they don't turn into judgment. Because people accept what they expect to believe and see. And the more you accept what you expect to see, they never fucking put their socks in the washing basket. The more you're reinforcing the wrong approach to them, actually achieving the task that you would desire them to do. Where it could be discipline, pride of place, pride of house, looking after their room, you know, being orderly inside of themselves, all these little things that you believe is the answer on why your children should be maintaining a less messy household and contributing to the home. I get all that. I'm not disagreeing with it. But when you apply these expectations, you accept them as Truth, which means your pathway towards this is just butting heads. You're doing the same fucking thing. You're showing the same frustrations, which means you're showing the same assumptions and disappointment, which becomes judgment. You're judging. You don't even know. You can't. You can't judge, man. Like, if that's one thing I've learned, you cannot judge. You can't. Like, I'm not saying I'm the fucking wizard and number one in the world, but I've got my shit together in family, self and service, and I juggle all three of them very well. Does that mean I have a right to judge anyone who isn't? Like, that's just fucking ridiculous. We wouldn't even have any clients, and I wouldn't even be able to look at myself in the mirror like that. That's not how it works. This is Al's journey for Al, just like this is your journey for you. So three of the pitfalls, the main three pitfalls that you find is one, expectations. Because when you have expectations of others that become distorted or manipulated through no fault of anyone's own, just through a lack of application, to be resilient, to be consistent, to keep turning up to having your eye on the prize, to communicating, to painting the vision together, this comes into the. So I don't want to give too much of that away first. That will definitely come when you have expectations of the outcomes of others. You're setting yourself up to fail, man. Why not for them and not even for yourself, but for the subconscious part of you that thinks you have control over a certain outcome because they have your blood or your name or they're your employee or they're your wife. Have you cleaned your own house first, though? Are you maintaining a high level of standards and expectations inside of who you are? Something to think about as I get caught in mouth. Quick sip. Second one is questions and source. Okay, well, you know you don't have control over your relationship. Well, there's an area that you can control, and that's 100% of you inside of the relationship. It's not 80% your wife's fault. 20% yours. 70, 30, 60, 40, 50, 50. It's 200%. You have 100% to contribute, and she has 100% to contribute. And you'll both always be 100% each, which means you'll always have 200%. Now, parts of her 100%, parts of your 100% might not be ideal or wholesome, but essentially you need to go to the source. If she's blowing up at you because you're sitting on the couch having a drink, you need to ask the question. Why is she blowing up at me? Is it because I'm saying yes to alcohol and TV instead of no to something that we agreed on? Did you even agree on something? Have you spoken about something you were going to do? Whether it's mowing the lawn, taking the rubbish out, fixing the tile because there's a leak inside of the house, taking the kids and playing with them outside because she's going stir crazy after having them all day. But you're tired too, because of work. Okay? Why are you tired? Is it because you're in this vicious cycle of getting on the piss the night before and watching TV till midnight? Is it because you don't have your energy or health in order? Why are you doing that? Why is that serving you? Do you believe that's the answer? And why you need to keep fucking, drinking alcohol and watching TV late at night, not nourishing your body or your mind? Is there a reason why you don't go for a walk and reconnect with yourself out in nature? Why do you think that is the answer? How is that helping you so far? What have you done to communicate to yourself, to look at options? Instead of doing that, you can say yes to something else as well as communicating with your wife. When you follow this trail, and I did a great visual with our Sunday charter, you start to ask questions, question, question, question, question, question. And you peel, peel, peel, peel. The lays back. And all of a sudden you get to the source. Fucking hell. That's why. That's why she's blowing up at me. For four years now, three to four days a week, I've just been fucking. Just sedated on the lounge and not contributed while she's carrying the load. This is the hardest part too, man. Like, please understand. And I'm going to do an episode on this on just some key points. It used to drive me mad when I'd see people commenting on our ads going, here's another feminist. Blah, blah, blah. Like, man, I am the complete opposite of that feminism, even in its subtle sense. The woman who designed or created or pioneered feminism, she's gone back on her word and said, hey, hey, this is not the answer. Trust me when I say this. I'm definitely not here to stand up for fucking feminists. Because people might think that that's wholesome in an approach. It's just a word. So don't go nitpicking or Pulling apart even what I'm saying here, if you are someone who believes you're a feminist, listening to this is the bullshit that applies. The way it's manipulated through media, other sources, people who don't have other people's agendas at heart or best interests at heart, they've got their own agenda. It destroys the family nucleus. I get that some weak men and women in positions of perceived power made some pretty fucked up calls over the last hundred years, which has led to this upri. Get all that. But essentially, man, that is something I definitely do not stand for. Like, I'm sick of labels and terms and toxic masculinity, all this, it's destroying us and it's creating an even bigger wedge in men and women, in families, in societies. It's just, where's the next wedge? Where's the next wedge? I saw something where it's like, there's anti boosters. So now you've got anti vaxxers, anti boosters, anti this, anti that. Like fucking hell, man. It's such a circus in anything, not just what's been happening the last two years. Well, you've got anti daylight, anti nighttime, like anti purified water, anti fluoride water, anti fucking Colgate brand toothpaste, anti electric toothbrush, anti normal tooth. Like fucking hell, man. You're kidding me. Can you see where people are destroying themselves on the bullshit that they focus on? So please understand, when I'm coming from this position, it's not a position of empowering women, it's a position of empowering you. What can you control? What can you do? Gotta be honest, man, look, I've got a lot of leverage. I'm always honest. I fucking hate saying that before I speak. I rarely say it. Just like when people say to be honest, it's like you saying everything before then wasn't. But the reason why I have so much leverage with my wife, I've got so many runs on the ball with my wife, is I haven't spent years, and I'm not going to say neglecting, but I haven't spent years saying yes to drugs, alcohol, wasting money, being away from home, all these other different points when my kids were young. I haven't said yes to that to then say no to my family. Like there's very little that my wife can pick me up on it. And I'm not doing what I do because of that. I'm not doing it to negate her arming herself and having an arsenal of attack points to go, you don't do this this, this, this, this and this. I'm not perfect. There's times when I wake up and I'm like, fuck, I forgot to take the rubbish out. But look at what you can empower yourself with. Go to the source. Don't have expectations of the outcomes of others. Hold your own standards high and win for yourself. Win for you. Ask questions and go to the source of the problem. And the source is always. You haven't banked runs on the board. You haven't developed communication inside of your relationships, whether it's with yourself, with your family, with your wife, with your work, which leads to the breakdowns. And you're not doing something that's wholesome or helping you move forward or grow or evolve. This is time and energy. This is an investment which becomes your experiences. Everyone can see energy. Your wife sees energy, your children see energy. So when the energy is lackluster and poor at best, it shows a lack of investment. I said this. Just like when your wife's asking you what you want for dinner and you dismiss it. I don't care, I'm easy, whatever. I don't want to have to think. You decide. You choose. All these dismissive statements whilst your body language and posture might not even be facing her when she's looking to engage with you will be the exact same. Like me doing a coaching session with our tribe and going, alright, guys, what are your targets for the week? Set them up. And they're like, yeah, we have hundreds of comments when we do our Sunday charge ups. I love that coaching piece. Sets the guys up for the week. All right, boys, so what are your targets? What's the number one? What's the most important thing? What is your mitt for the week in family, self and service. All right, post in the comment section now and let's workshop this. Let's break this down. I don't know, Al. I'm easy. You pick for me. You just decide what we should do. Al, you tell me what to do and. And you do that. Look, there's definitely structure and direction in going, hey, this is the plan. So there's a lot of areas where we tell our guys, this is what you need to do. But if that was the case and all of the comments came back, I don't care, I'm easy. You tell me what the answer is. Al, whatever you reckon, I'll go with the flow. I'll be like, okay, all right, try that again. If I did that after a week, let alone a month, if I do that with our tribe, it would fucking Kill me. Like, I would not want to be there. I'd be like, this is fucking horrendous, man. I don't want to be part of this. These guys don't even care. They're not even invested. They're not even diving into. They're not even trying. They're not even thinking about what they want. Like, that's insane. Like, if I had that consistently coupled with a dad whinging or fucking, you know, being a victim instead of a victor and not doing the work. They're fucking out, man. I don't care how much money you have, you're gone. I don't want that shit in my environment. You are fucking out. That's not al. That's the tribe's decision. I might be the one who's the caretaker at this stage, and I might have been the one that founded this, but essentially that move is for the tribe because that shit is toxic. It is poison. When you're doing that in the household, you. You're showing your son the standard of what a man should be. You're showing a daughter what they should accept from a man. Don't play this light heartedly. You think it's the big moments, the 21, the 21st birthday. Let's have a big party. Here's 10 grand I saved for you to buy your first car. You think all that bullshit is the answer? It's not, man. It's the small micro moments every fucking day that leads to your children becoming real adults and real leaders in life. That's what it is. It's the small, simple, fundamental, foundational truths and traits every day. But these are the facts, right? People don't want the facts. They want to gloss over with moments like birthdays and celebrations and toys and gifts and magical things to make life easier. Here's your fucking first home. And no, no, no, no, no. You're doing it the wrong way. And guess what? Everyone else is. You build that shit every fucking day. You build it consistently every single day. Sorry, I'm not here to bark at you. I'm very passionate about this because the answer is there, man. And it's amazing. My home life is phenomenal. Shit hits the fan every day, but it's phenomenal as it does for everyone. But when I say that, I'm not saying that to equalize how amazing my life with my family is. It really is. But I've got the skill sets and tools to handle it. And you can too. You have that too. Whether you're in the tribe or not. This Podcast talking about this, going to the source, sourcing this, your investment of energy. So if I couldn't handle you on the inside going, I don't know, just you pick, you pick. You do it, you do it, you make it happen. You cook it. If I couldn't even handle that for a month, what makes you think because you've got a piece of paper or a ring around your finger that your wife is really going to handle that for years or for decades? She won't, man. You think she's invested? Life is a series of investments. She's not invested in the marriage anymore. What she's invested in is in the environment. And she's invested in the environment because that gives her access to the children. That allows her to build what she believes is a non broken home in the household. Because you're still married. But guess what will happen? Kids move out, gone. You're divorced. Yeah. No. Hey, guess what? The last sort of 15 years didn't really fly with me, but I was together for the kids and now I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want to do that happens like you wouldn't believe, man. And some of you listening to this, that might have already happened to you. And I'm sorry if that's the case, man. And maybe, like a lot of guys, I wish this was here 10 years ago, Al. 15 years ago, I get that. But we're here now. What can we do? What can you not take into the next relationship? What pattern can you avoid? So when it goes to the source, the source is really understanding that life is a series of investments. And the investment comes down to your communication and building that skill set through being transparent and turning up and investing energy in something which more often than not can become a decision that's made together and take charge. Like, here's the thing as well. Like, you want control? Take it. There's times where I'm like, you know what, Corinne, I want this for dinner. Can we make this happen? Like, I'm not. I'm not, you know, dictating to her, and I'm not making a demand, but I'm like, you know what? I'd fucking love for us to have some Mexican on Tuesday night. What do you reckon? Can we do that? Because people are pleasers. People are people pleasers. They naturally want to improve or help someone. Like, otherwise this will be a very negative podcast all the time. Like, I want to please you. Please might be the word. Maybe it's served. Like, I want to serve you. Men listening to this, I Want to give you heaps of value. I want you to come out of this motivator. I want you to come out of this thinking, thinking for yourself. Not the what's possible, but the how to, like, bring some free thought back into the world. That shit seems to have disappeared lately. Bring that back in. You do have free will. Don't use your free will to give up your free will. That doesn't make sense to me. So take from this. This is yours to take. I want to serve you. I am serving you. This is what we do. What are we up to? 180 episodes. 181. Take this stuff, man. But life is serving. So when I'm positioning it from a way where it's both of us, but I'm openly and transparently sharing my desires because I want Mexican ton. My wife will naturally want to please me if it's something that inside of herself she knows is on the level and wants to please through herself in pleasing her husband and her children, as well as knowing that she loves Mexican too. Like, this isn't persuasion, pre suasion, influence, manipulation. It's fucking all of it. None of it. I'm just sharing what I would love. She can say no. Okay, cool. What do you feel like then all of a sudden? You open up a dialogue. Just like sitting at the dinner table and eating as a family and having the TV turned off. You open up dialogue and opportunity. Even if there's silence. You open up the space for there to be something where there was nothing before because we were sedated and distracted. Going through the motions, Asking questions of yourself and going to the source. Pitfalls, expectations of others and outcomes. Instead of working as a team. Questions and going to the source of some of your problems and knowing that it's a lack of communication or investment in time and energy, which is essentially both, but in different ways. Because communication is a level of investment. And the last one's low personal percentages. Like, if you have a low personal percentage, you cannot have control over anything else that you want to lead or influence. That's why I say you have to be 100% before you can give 100% to those that you love and care about. Don't sacrifice your family by sacrificing for the family at the cost of sacrificing yourself. You are sacrificing the family. Don't do that. No one wins. You won't win. That's for sure. What I mean by low personal percentages is the actual. Is the actual solution? Is the actual answer to having control again. These are the three points. These are the three percentages which we're going to dive into now. And then we're going to come back to this third point of the pitfalls. Opportunity percentage, Investment percentage, Leadership percentage. See, nothing's guaranteed in life. And I said this on our Sunday charge up. I said, look, what do you have control over and how much? Yes, the answer is myself, but it's not 100%. You might think that. And look at times it might be, but it is hard. Like we have an environment that we're a part of. We will naturally react. Your perspective will be one of reaction. Look at one of our videos has seen 2 million views. I'm going to do an episode on this later in the week. And some of them savage men like Vicious and I get an initial trigger. Like, you can never remove triggers. Like you can alleviate and adjust them, but you can never remove triggers in life. That doesn't mean that they're good or bad. There are always triggers. You can change what the trigger is, but there are triggers for everything in life. Like, my mouth is dry. I'm gonna. It's a trigger to drink some water. Like there are triggers everywhere. They're not all bad. But I'll read some of these comments. I'll be like, fucking hell, man. And I will be triggered. I'll be like, these guys are just, they're really fucked. And it's not a judgment, it's just an observation of the, like the wording behind that wording that's a reflection of their internal environment. That's pretty heavy shit. So I get that people react, they have triggers. So you want to aim for at least 90%, at least 90% of complete self control. Like the one thing you can control the most is yourself. But even then, you won't always have 100% opportunity percentage, investment percentage, and leadership percentage. These are the three points they have in control again. And then we're going to cut back to the pitfall of low personal percentages. Because opportunity, investment and leadership, that's for you. So when these numbers are down, that means you have low personal percentages in these three areas. That is a pitfall. That plus not sourcing the problem or asking questions of yourself, plus expectations, Bang. The household explodes, the workplace explodes, you explode. Opportunity percentage is people, places and things. Okay, well, let's have a look at this. What's my opportunity percentage of having control? What's that percent short, medium and long term. See, I can have a very high percentage of control over my children. But that might end up being distorted, and that might be something that eventually becomes detrimental. Like, I'm a large man. I can overpower my children like that. So my opportunity percentage for controlling them is very high. It's massive. But at what cost? Medium. Long term, it's going to destroy. So you've got to think of zooming in and zooming out, zooming in and zooming out. Play the long game, win the small short games, to win the long game. So the opportunity percentage of people, places and things, well, you're a byproduct of your environment, but guess what? Your environment's a byproduct of you, too. You choose to stand there, you choose to sit there. You choose to go to work here. You choose to drive that car, you choose to walk there. You choose to have those people in your corner. You choose to have this friendship group, this social group. So the opportunity percentage is people, places and things. What percent do you really have control over? For my wife, it's minimal. Like, I have very little control, but I have a level of influence because the definition of control is the power to influence or direct behaviors or the outcome of events. Like, that's all it is. Like, that's. It's just about there. I might be paraphrasing, but that's virtually the definition of what control is. The power to direct and influence behaviors and the outcome of events. So my opportunity percentage, when I'm breaking this down, okay, what would my wife be? Okay, my wife, and this is just me, because we're analytical, we're men. My wife, that's 15%. My children, that's 35%. I control virtually their entire environment, apart from when they're at school. Okay, Al. Al's 90% plus 100% is a good day. Physically, mentally, emotionally. There's three areas. Okay, my environment. My environment, well, I'd say 80%. There's times when I'm moving and doing things for the family, but 80% plus, because I run my own business, I love where I work. I love what I do. I've got access to the beach. I've got access to nature. I enjoy my car. I enjoy my home. I enjoy the caravan that we have to do, caravanning. Al, he's got this percentage. Kids, this percentage. My wife, this percentage. Our employees, so our coaches, this percentage. And like, I'd say with the coaches, it might be 60, 70%, but essentially probably isn't. I give them a lot of free run to create what they have there. The members X percentage, the environment. All right. Opportunity percentage. Let's narrow in then. What do I control the most and what does that look like? Short, medium and long term with my actions? Well, let's carry that through to investment percentage. How much history do I have? So I look at my wife. We've been together nearly 20 years. Coming up to 19 years. Three breakdowns in that period. There will not. Let's hope there isn't a fourth. Right. Everything's moving along. Everything that I've learned through personal experience and other men has helped me become a better man in myself, too. That's what this is about as a tribe. So the investment percentage and the history and runs on the board and the cohesion with my wife is massive. Like, we've got a lot of runs on the board. That's what I was talking about in banking. Like, I've deposited so many runs on the board. I've deposited in the emotional bank account, in the physical bank account, in the mental bank account, in the leadership bank account. Which is next? That's the last one. So investment percentage, history, connection and cohesion. So that's large with my children, but it's not with a stranger. So let's bring all this together, okay? Imagine I walked up to a stranger. So I'd have fuck all control or influence because they're a stranger and we had no investment or no history on the board. And I just started telling them what to do or trying to control them. Like, how's that going to help anyone? How will that help you move forward? Will that work? What does that look like? So it's not about keeping your cards close to your chest or only playing the cards you dealt. You can shuffle the deck and pull out new cards and you can build on these as well. You can build the. The opportunity is, okay, how much can I control these areas of my life, the investment? All right, what have I already invested in these areas of life which is going to give me runs on the board, give me some leverage, give me a foot in the door, give me the ability to network, give me a little bit of leeway. I'm not perfect. They're not perfect. They're going to fuck up, I'm going to fuck up. What can I do with what we've actually invested together? And then leader percentage. Do we have a vision of where we're actually going? Is there depth in this connection, of this path? Am I giving them what they want? Am I helping them discover what they want, which is helping me get what I want? Because women can go fucking batshit like, we Gotta be careful not to say the C word, but I don't think many women would listen to this. But they can go crazy. They can. Just like men can. When we're looking at emotional drivers inside of females and women and how they operate, how can I help her and influence her to discover what she wants? You think you know what you want, do you? Just like your wife. She knows what she wants, does she? Like that can change, like feelings are fleeting. What she wants right now could become something different in a week's time, a month's time, a year's time. You know that, I know that. They know that. So what's the leadership percentage? Are you communicating and painting this vision with them? Are you helping them by asking them quality questions? Are you building dialogue to help them discover what it is that they want? And then guess what? When the answer comes, guess where it came from. You talking to them. It's the same with, like our consults. When fathers apply to join our program, we're not selling them and hyping them up and going, hey, this is fucking amazing and rainbows and smiles and we're asking them quality questions to help them have a breakthrough and discovery and see what is that they believe they need. And then on our end, advise and guide on what that might look like if they were a fit for our program. And then essentially this is theirs to go. You're right, Al, like your pillar of alignment and energy is exactly what I need to be clear and focused and to build my energy levels back up physically and mentally and having immersion and performance with the tribe and the coaching that's going to help me stay accountable. Like, this becomes your path, this becomes your discovery and we're humbled to be there with you. But guess what? We both get the accolades because we have the fucking solution. Which means when you take that step, we both reward each other. It's a given. This is leadership percentage. Are we casting out that vision? Are we throwing out and having a look, that foresight? This is what it could look like. What does that look like? What does that look like for you? Is that what you want? We bring this right back into a weekly rhythm. We've got a small, little shitty whiteboard, it's nothing fancy. And Crin and I are like, okay, cool. What are you doing? School pickups, drop offs. What are we doing for dinner this week? When are you going to train? When am I going to train? What does that look like? Are you going to go get a massage this week? What does that look like for you? You need to get your hair done. No worries. What about this appointment for Roman? Okay, I'll take the kids here. This doesn't have to be hot and heavy or anything to do with love or romance either. And I know I pin back to a relationship with your wife. But again, one of the pitfalls is having low personal percentages. You don't have control opportunity percent you don't have control of yourself because you're triggered. Your subconscious has been trained in a very poor way. The 91% of your life that's controlled through the 9% of what you're actively doing is inactive. You're not actively aware, focused and applying action to your life which is re recording your subconscious. Your investment percentage is low. You give fuck all to yourself. So you've got a poor history of investing and valuing in yourself. Your leadership percentage is low. You don't even know where the fuck you want to go in your life. You know you're not happy now. You know what you don't want, but you don't actually know what you do want or you're not applying more effort and energy there. So you keep thinking about the pink elephant and you're like, don't think about the pink elephant. The pink elephant is bad. That's all I can think about. So that's all I'll keep creating. So that's all I'll keep living. So one of the pitfalls when I say low personal percentage to tie back into my point 10 to 15 minutes ago was you're not controlling what you can actively and subconsciously. You're not investing with runs on the board and building a connection to who you are as a man, who you want to be as a man from which all the hats of being a husband, being a father, a worker, a business owner go on. And that poor history of investment is no control, low control. That poor history of investment coupled with right now losing your shit and being triggered and losing that awareness coupled with having a low level of self leadership because you don't have vision or depth to where you want to go in your life means you don't have any control. And low personal percentages with questions and source, poor habits inside of the household, outside of the household, expectations of others. Throwing stones instead of cleaning your own house first. You can see why this all leads to breakdowns in all types of relationships, including your own with yourself. So what do we do, Al? What's the answer? What's the answer? People think they give their power away. You're giving nothing away because you've got nothing to give. You. Get your power back in your relationship, in your work, in your business by creating it. You create your power again, man. This is your fucking life. You have the ability to create. You have so much power inside you to bring up to the surface, to bring and create your life. You're running a business. You're under, say, no, fuck off the little jobs. Take a little bit less cream in your job or your business and get your time back to rebuild relationships with yourself and your family. Stop being a yes man. Get control back. Get your power back by contributing energy and time to valuable and finite resources to the household, to yourself, to your body, to your mind, like you are now. Like you're investing time and energy now to your mind and your head and your heart by listening to this podcast. Get your power back and create more power for yourself again by knowing that you are the vessel of life. This is your life. So your opportunity percentage, like that in an instant can change opportunity percentage. You have at least 90% control. When you get triggered, write it down, what triggered me and why? And get post it notes. And put the post it note on the fridge or in your work office or in your car. And when you start to see 10 to 12 to 15 post it notes, you start to go, holy fuck, that's not right. Okay, let's work on this. Let's remove that trigger, let's change it, let's change the action. Even if I still get triggered, let's change the perception. Even if I still get triggered. So get your control back and bring that front and center. Be active in your approach to identify the triggers, identify when you lose control how, and get time back for yourself. Get energy back for yourself by controlling you again, which means you create space, take time out with this podcast with nature, go for a walk, move your body, eat some good food for yourself, rack up all these different wins, set an alarm and wake up and drink water and breathe three seconds in through the nose, breathe out aggressively through the mouth. Prime your body. You're an organism, man. Prime your body. Get wins on the board. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10 wins on the board. That's going to reinforce how much control you have. Then build that history. So document it. Whether that's journaling, whether it's getting one of our high performance father journals, document it. I trained three days this week, set my alarm five days this week, ate well 10 times this week, went for a walk with the family three times this week, contributed to cleaning or the household or making decisions or dinner. With the wife four times this week, Al. I've got 34 wins this week. Yes, you have. Do that again and get 1200 wins by the end of the year or get 100 wins by the end of that month. And then leadership. Where are these wins taking me? What do I want to win? What would need to be true for me to look back and go, I've won the first quarter of 2022. What are the facts? What are the feelings? This is how you get control back, man. Raise the percentage. Raise your stake in the game. You're not on the sidelines. You are in the game. You are the mvp. You are captain, coach, mvp. This is your game. This is your life. Get that control back. Opportunity, percentage high. Make it higher with family, with your work, with your environment. Make it higher through investing in those things and building good history, good runs on the board with those you love and care about. Build that leadership by making sure that what you're investing in with the runs on the board is helping those that you love and care about build their legacy and steer them in the direction that they want to go in. And then they look at you. You're the answer. You're the reason why. It's really funny how that works. I've been bringing in some awesome special guests into the tribe, and they love our special guests and speakers on our inner circle program. When they come in and they dive in and give them amazing wisdom and magic, but guess what? They come back and go, fucking, thank you, Al. I'm like, for what? I just set this shit up. No, no, but thank you. Without you setting it up, it wouldn't have happened. I'm telling. That is so powerful, man. It's almost like I become a facilitator. Like, it's hilarious, but it's true. Not hilarious on them. I'm not having a joke or a dig at anyone. I'm the same. Someone brings someone special into my life, and they help me. Guess who I thank. The person who made the connection. So when you do this through leadership in vision and bringing that depth to what they want, which means you get what you want. Because when they get what they want, that you help them discover they're more genuine, they're more true, they're less triggered, they're better leaders, they make your life better. You have more love between you. Everyone wins. Raise the percentages, man. That's how you do it. Get control back. Opportunity. Where's the greatest opportunity? It starts with you. You and your environment. Okay? Invest in that. Take that investment and Build history now and apply that through communicating inside of the household, being transparent, setting up plans, post it notes, whiteboards. What are we going to do? You don't have to be a drill sergeant, but build it together, build it genuine, build it true. Then take that into leadership. Where is this actually going? Where do you want it to go? What kind of father do you want? What kind of husband do you want? How can he help? What are the great things you love to see me? What are the things that aren't ideal? Are we going to make sure we recognize both? Because when your wife's fucking nitpicking, if you have great things that you bring to the party, find out what they are from her perspective, Contribute from your perspective, ask from her perspective. You know, build volume there, deliver there, and then you can take both. Like this is true for everyone. It really is. Because we must accept our imperfections, but we must also focus and build on ourselves. It goes hand in hand, man. So it's not about a skill set to build a case for argumenting, for arguing or for to be argumentative, if that's even a word that I was going to say. But it's not something to bring to the battle. But essentially it's true there are areas where women believe men are children and vice versa. My wife or a wife might look at not putting their clothes in the washing basket, or not cleaning up or not loading the dishwasher. A fucking child can do that. That's why it's frustrating. But you can't. It's like, okay, I get that, but guess what? When you fucking bitch and whinge and moj and you gossip about shit, that's fucking childish to me. I don't want to hear that shit. That's something I expect a seven year old to do in second grade at school, like you're a 45 year old woman, like, what's going on there? So be careful if you're going to use that as some fuel. I use that tongue in cheek with my wife sometimes. But it's true. When someone's nailing you and hammering you, they're saying yes to hammering you, which means they're saying no and putting up the walls and cover up their own bullshit. So how do we alleviate that? Not by coming back with firepower and everything explodes. Control what you can. Don't take things personally. Invest in yourself. Build history with what you're doing. Build leadership. Ask them the quality questions, Help them break through their patterns. Crim why do. What do you get out of talking about other People, what do you get out of it? I'm curious. What do you think the answer is? I'm curious to your guys answer. It's generally silence and frustration. That's what it is. Because she knows. She knows it doesn't mean I shut her off. There's natural humans, social creatures, women, men, we all need to vent. This is how you get control in life. Again, man. You are controlling the uncontrollables. How? From the inside out. Why? Because you have more control first. Where? Because you're applying the control you have first in the areas that are leading to investment and leadership that, that you love and care about in your inner circle, then towards your outer circle. And what does that become? More connection, more leverage, more runs on the board, more better experiences and more life. I hope this episode serves you well. Avoid the pitfalls, expectations of the outcomes of others. They may play a role in certain areas. Be cautious. It doesn't become assumptions that then becomes disappointment and judgment. No one wins. Questions and source. Why is something unfolding the way it currently is that you're not happy with or others are not happy with? Why is that the case? Why does that need to be the case? Why is that in place in the first place? Why do you believe that needs to be a truth or a routine or ritual habit? What else can you do about it? Have you communicated? My wife does the washing for the household. We didn't draw up a legal document, but we said, hey, Corinne, if you need me to do the washing, let me know now. I've got it. It's okay, I'll do it. But can you look after this? This? Yes, I will. I'll look after the things that you can't. This is how we work as a team. See you building the communication and make sure you invest in your own personal percentages first. The opportunity to control yourself and what you can do. Because you have that power, man. Get that back and create more. That's attractive. That's an attractive thing. Invest in yourself and build that history to reinforce that attraction to yourself and that self, love and value from which everyone else sees. And they want a slice of that because people want that. They want to be part of that. Just like you want to listen to my podcast. You see that? Al's fucking solid. I know what I get with Al. Al is predictable. I want to be predictable in the right way for you because that's stability for you, that's certainty for you. That's trust for you. And leadership, vision. Make sure you know where you're going. And go places. Make that happen for yourself and help others see that for themselves. Take it. Have an amazing day, night, weekday, weekend. Apply this to your life. Take away the pitfalls, start working on them. But start one thing, just one. Stop expecting. Ask questions. Build your percentages. Pick one thing and start applying it. And then reflect on how it's working moving forward and apply the amazing 8. Think about it, write it, read it, feel it, man. Believe it, engage and make it an action and then reinforce that as truth and reflect. Take care men and I'll see you soon. Cheers. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what what you listen to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this. Because another man transformed is another family safe? Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.