183. When Shit Hits The Fan

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. When shit hits the fan. I'll tell you what, that's a, that's a term that we've all, we're all certainly familiar with and we've all certainly experienced been on the receiving end, been on the dishing out end, blowing our stack, losing our cool, where we have certainly seen both sides and unfortunately, when hits the fan, sometimes if you're on the receiving end, you turn from defense into offense and then all of a sudden everything's burnt down to the ground. This is a very powerful episod going to be touching on and diving into. Do I say that every week? Do I say that every episode? This is going to be a powerful episode. I probably do, but fuck, man, I'll tell you what, from the feedback we get, it seems like they are pretty powerful at the moment. So why don't we just keep saying that this is a very powerful episode that's going to help you dive into understanding how you get to that place. But also, I mean, a lot of us know how, right? You have lost control. Like fundamentally, what is the problem here? Why does shit hit the fan inside of your life now? When it comes from you being the aggressor, the fundamental problem is you've lost something. You've had an expectation or assumption on time and then that gets taken away. You have a lackluster level of energy, so there is a lack of resilience, willpower, discipline, whatever term you want to use to have the tools and not only that, but the endurance to literally overcome what it is that you're being presented with. So when other people Shit hits the fan and they're pushing that onto you. Have you lost the opportunity for experience? Is it a skill set, skills development, something you've lost and you haven't had that which is time and energy, but also an experience. Is it connection? What is the fundamental problem here? And I've just given away the answer. The answer is questions. Questions are the answer, but I'm not giving it away. You already know this, because if you keep doing the same shit, it's not about that whole definition of insanity. Everyone flogs that to debt. Like they flogged that to death. Don't worry about that. And whatever Einstein said 60 fucking years ago, let's be here and present. What happens is when you keep going into the same pattern, when shit hits the fan inside of your life, the pattern will then give you the tools to implement the exact same process, the exact same action, the exact same emotional response, the exact same mental trigger which becomes a trigger. But you can control that change, adjust, heighten its ability or lessen the ability that makes it so heightened, which puts you in a state where you don't have control physically, mentally, emotionally, all of these things because it's a pattern. Your subconscious in your body and your mind, that's what it's used to, it's familiar, so that's what it does. So it's doing it with your best interest at heart, because that's what you've done before. So you need to re record, man. You cannot hold on to this unless it's something that's serving you. Like if burning everything down to the ground, which is obviously why the term, like when we say when shit hits the fan, it's not usually a positive thing that we, that we refer it to. When you're following through on this pattern, it's not, you know, do the same thing, get the same result. What you're doing is you're feeding and training yourself, you're training your subconscious. You have a level of acceptance of reality, either have some sort of attachment or some sort of mechanism where there's an emotional attachment that leads to you going, nah, fucking game over, let's shut down. So you either blow your stack, lose your cool and lose control, or you suppress and put it away. And at the cost of your personal integrity, you kick the can down the road. You don't address, you don't look for conflict, or have healthy conflict and collision, which can bring connection. You are just the punching bag for someone else's day. When shits hit the fan inside of their life, which Then translates into yours. That's not fair either, man. Please understand, there's no way that I am a feminist when I'm discussing a lot of the habits, patterns, pitfalls, I have gone through them as well. I'm not immune to this stuff. So when I'm sharing this with you and opening your eyes to the point where you're like, fuck, man. How is Al speaking directly to me? How is he talking exactly? And speaking exactly my language of what I'm going, how does he know? As I go through the same shit, man, and so do all the other fathers. So when we're working through this with our fathers, what we get is not just the data, but we absolutely have a group of leaders that can help navigate the pathway to success when either shit is hitting the fan for you or it's coming into your world as soon as you get home. And he's like, man, wow, I've just come through the door. What have I walked into? So this never comes from a place of judgment. It's an observation to help you have an observation to then help bring to the surface and help expose you to. So you can have a pattern interrupt to go, whoa, whoa, fuck, mate, hold on. Slow down a little bit. Slow. What's going on here? Let's just have a look at what's happening. Because unfortunately, people tie into that. They get attracted to that. They get drawn into that. Perfect example. If you grow. Growing up or raised in a household, and there was always conflict, those collision shit hitting the fan all the time over certain things. It's like, man, my wife's crazy. What the fuck? She's doing all this stuff all the time. I just want some peace in the household. And she just has to have a fight. It's like, well, have a look at her household. Maybe she had a weak father. Because behind every crazy woman is a weak man who didn't have the balls to stand up and lead the family the right way. I'm not saying that's you because you're her husband. That could be her brother. That could have been her father, her uncle, a teacher that she looked up to. But then ultimately, because he was passive or submissive, she thought that was the model of a man. And then she became either toxic or distorted. And this has become a routine, a ritual, a habit, a pattern inside of her life. It's familiarity. So on this example, there's always collision and conflict in the household. Could be a broken home, maybe not define whatever terms you want in your life. She has that familiarity. So she believes that standard, that's normal. So when that's not the case, something's wrong here. This is what we call self sabotage. This is what, people do this all the time. Sorry about fear of failure. There's fear of success as well. Hey, something's changing. This is unfamiliar. This is. I'm not quite sure what's happening here. I better go back to what I fucking know and what I grew up with and what I was raised with and the deep seated patterns and the subconscious, the way that it operates will say, well, this needs to happen. Then I feel comfortable, I feel familiar, I feel as crazy as this sounds, man, I feel connected. You and I both know that's not the answer. That doesn't mean we're monks praying on a mountain for our whole life. Your life is here to be lived. The good, the bad and the ugly. But essentially, man, the fundamental problem here is people have a perception of a loss of control. So isn't it ironic that they have even more of a loss of control where they blow their shit everywhere to give the illusion of control? Because your emotional state is something you can tap into right away. Please. I'm going to slow down for a second. Please, really take that last point in when you are the one asserting the shit hitting the fan. Because there is a perception of a loss of control. It could be your expectations of others, which quickly become assumptions, which quickly become disappointments when they don't come to fruition, which quickly becomes judgment when there is a perceived loss of control. Ironically, the way that most people try to get control back is by expressing even less control through going through for with the illusion through immediately tapping into their emotional state. That's why you look at anger, road rage, perfect example. That's a pleasure. Don't tell me that's a pain. You're angry. That's a pleasure. It's a release, it's an outlet. We're not here to be robots. I'm not saying you shouldn't express this, but the answer lies within the questions that you ask. And those questions can only come front and center. One, if you're actively aware of it, and two. Or one if you're aware of it, and two, if you are actively slowing down time and regaining control over the tempo of what's happening. When you have a talking match, which becomes a barking match, which becomes fuelled with voices slowly raising you slowly start to cut each other off a little bit earlier than before. They haven't finished their point completely, then they don't even get their point across. Then you're both talking. Then it becomes a case of like a bunch of women at the cafes. There's four conversations going on that's mind boggling. Not to take the piss out of women, but fuck, that cracks me up. But this is what it becomes. So there's more frustration. So you start yelling. So that speeds up. The energy gets hotter. You can see that, you can feel it. You can cut the air with a knife. In certain environments where you're like, whoa, what's going on here? Your children feel that, man. Don't forget that. Hey, like, this is what happens. This is the expression of energy that all beings, dogs as well, all beings, all creatures, they can feel that. They can feel that. Slow it down, slow it down. You can't ask questions if you're heated hot and you're raising the speed. It's like time. Time's on a watch. No, it's not. Time is relevant. You slow that down. You go, hang on a minute. I appreciate, I acknowledge what you're saying here. I shouldn't have cut you off and now you're cutting me off. Let's just. I don't know where this is going, but it doesn't feel like it's going to a good place. Let's just slow it down for a second. Let's have a look at why you're triggered or why I'm triggered or why shit's hit the fan right here and now. When you take this episode coupled with the episode around triggers, I promise you, man, you're going to create a complete change inside of your life. Your household, your love life. All of the above questions are the answer. Don't fall into the trap of going, well, I don't have control, so the way I'm going to get it back is just fucking blah, blah, blah, with emotion. No, no, no, that's. Well, you tell me. Send me an email adminldadmovement.com when that's worked out for you, I promise you now I'll get zero emails. It's imperative that whether we've walked into it, whether we're on the receiving end, whether we can feel it rising so we create it. When shit hits the fan inside of your life, you must, man. You owe it to yourself, you owe it to your family, your loved ones. You owe it to the next step of your life, the next day, the next minute, the next hour, the next week, all of them, any of them to just slow down and stop going into fucking monkey mind mode. Slow everything down and start to review what's actually happening. Because you are not your thoughts. You're also not your emotions. You are the conscious sentient being that is aware of both. It's not your thoughts that define you. It's the fact that you can think. It's not your emotions that define you. It's the fact that you can have, hold, house, create, eliminate emotion. It's not the fact of the actions that defines any one man. Your absolute identity is a consistent timeline of what and who you turned up as over your life. Which means your identity, your absolute identity or your immediate identity can change, it can mold, it can transform. So it's not the fact of your actions, it's the fact that you can take actions. Don't get lost on this one with me. Like it's so true, man. It's the fact that you can think. Like you have the ability to think. You have the ability to change your thoughts. So it's not the thought that defines who you are. When you get triggered, when you get labeled or pigeonholed or someone else has made a judgment, or someone else makes predictions, oh, here we go. You'll just fall back to the way you were. All those different, they are not yours to hold on to, even your own. This is why you need to be cautious. The narrative that goes on inside your head, the parasite and the ally. You look at the parasite, that's the little voice inside, that's the self sabotage, that's the one that keeps fucking pulling you down and feeding this shit to your head with some conditional moments of going, well, I'm going to protect you, I'm going to look after you here, right? The parasite feeds you conditional love. Hey man, this was going to fail anyway. So let's just go back, have some ice cream, sit down and watch some Netflix. Like they feed you these deals. You selling your soul, man, to the parasite that's fucking you up. He's getting exactly what he wants out of you. You have to be on the level. And the way that you're on the level when shit hits the fan or any other area of your life is removing yourself from the narrative that's going on inside of your head. And sometimes your heart pull away. Review and reflect that by asking questions. Same with the ally. This is why I'm very cautious. I have helped create a fucking monstrous amount of transformations in men's lives. And guess what that means. Their families as well. And guess what that means? Their family's family. So their children having children has some sort of impact from high performance father that they don't even know exists. Who am I to sit back and go, yes, and have the ally inside of my head, right? He's my ally. Fuck em. Well done, Al. Good job, man. You're a fucking legend. Great work. I'm not saying he's bad. He may be feeding you great things, but essentially he still does not define you. Just like the parasite does not define you. Because guess what? When I follow through and one dad fails, let's say he's lazy, doesn't do the work, doesn't follow through, whinges, bitches, moans. Very proud. We've kicked out hardly any fathers in the four years we've been operating online across Australia. Before that, we've. We've run programs for 15 years now for fathers. But as soon as you have something that's perceived to be an ally of an outcome that you don't completely control, that I'm using to validate myself, Fuck, I'm the man. Al's the man. I'm the man because I helped change someone's life. As soon as that doesn't happen, the parasite inside reaches straight over and goes, thank you. Fucking come here. You can come into my bag of tricks. See, I told you the fucking program doesn't work. I told you this. I told you that wasn't. How many times have you had this happen? You've done something good, right? You've done something great. Someone's given you an accolade, someone's giving you a reward, someone's giving you feedback. And instead of being humble and open and receptive and taking it, thanking them. That's awesome. That's beautiful. Thank you so much. Appreciate that. From your wife, from your children. You've held onto that to create an obsessive or an addictive attachment which then defines you. And then when that doesn't come true on any situation or circumstance, the parasite hooks in, grabs out, steals it away, and you're left out in the cold. No sheet, no blanket, no pillow, nothing. All alone. Where's your ally then, right? Where's the good voice inside then? This is why, man, when shit hits the fan inside of your life, you cannot look at the nay or the yay. You must be on the level, and the level is one level above the chaos. I say this all the time. The judge and the victim. You can't do that stuff to yourself. Blame and shame, guilt. And you can't do this to yourself. We have all fucked up in life. We've all done amazing things in life. Beautiful even. Playing field. Let's get to work. And keep creating, right? The question though is what level are you playing at consistently? Winning is easy. Consistency is hard. You get good at being consistent. You will get good at winning the end. So when shit hits the fan and you got that little parasite coming in, or you thought something would go good and it's turned bad and your ally goes missing, the good voice inside disappears and the parasite comes in. You've got to cut that shit out, man. And the way that you do that is by recognizing and knowing that you are not your thoughts, you are not your emotions, you. You are not your feelings, you are not your actions. You are all of them and none of them. Because at any point you can choose to be all of them or none of them. And that choice in itself, that free will in itself, that's the substance of what makes you you. That is the essence of life. This isn't fluff and fucking spiritual shit. And please, I don't mean to say it disrespectfully. I absolutely believe in energies, frequencies, wavelengths, all. I mean, that is what energy is like. You can't. I mean, it's. Well, we're going from spirit to science very quickly here. Like that is quantum mechanics. When you're looking at this, I don't mean to say spiritual in a disrespectful tone. What I'm saying is this is not fluff. What I'm talking about is so tangible and real. But the moment you forget that, you've gone from being your greatest assets, your greatest liability, because guess what? You have zero control. Someone cuts you off, they own you. Someone doesn't like my ads. They're in Western Australia. I own them in a manipulative way. I don't own them. The parasite owns them and has distorted our ad and our message for them to bring out the victim inside and castrate us. But essentially what I'm saying is this person, through a victimhood and victim nature, has allowed something in someone else they don't even know. They don't even know who I am. How can I take the insults personally? That's not fair on them. That's not fair on me. They don't know who I am. They're not even part of our program. How could I take that personally? That doesn't make any sense. They're allowing something else like that, distorted in their reality, to create what they believe to be a true reality, which means they have no control. So you can go ahead and do all of this and you'll keep having no control in life. You think you've got control because of your emotions, because of your bucket of ice cream and the fucking Netflix you're going to watch later tonight. But you don't like how is that shit moving you forward in your life? Lets dive into the strategies, the tactics, and as much as I don't like some of those words sometimes because they seem quick and superficial, the strategy and the tactic here is actually fundamental. It is a foundation of you in zooming out, being one level above the chaos and asking these quality questions. So when something happens to you. This is a great session that we did on our, on our Sunday. Charge up. I really enjoyed this one, actually. It was great for the tribe. The tribesman got a lot out of it. But essentially the very first thing to ask is, okay, well, why did this happen? So when shit hits the fan, whether you instigated or not, asking why did this happen? You'd roll through, I guess the five or six. I don't know, I'll come up with some sort of cool name for it, but it's almost like the why, the what, the how, the who, the when, the where. I think that's six. Why did this happen? Okay, how did it get to that point? Do you really think, like leaving your clothes and not putting them in the washing basket or not cleaning up after dinner or not turning the dishwasher, do you really think that is the source of why your missus has blown a stack? That's just the catalyst, man. How did it get to that? Well, I guess it'd probably be pretty tiring if you've done that for months and you haven't communicated. You haven't had honey and handsome time, which means you haven't given her also the space individually and as your wife to have her own time. She's got the kids, she's looking after, she's lost her own identity because her circle of family is just 100%. Your circle of service is 100%. You're both dropping balls, including yourself and who you are as an intimate couple, which means no one wins. Things boil over. Your wife has no control, so what does she do? I'm going to get control back and the greatest and fastest way I can do it. Bang. Emotions and black magic. My words. Emotions and words. Emotions and words. Humans are such funny animals, man. Like, we just go for the kill, don't we? Like, it's a dangerous thing. Like, it's a rage I have from ever since I was a little boy that I need to keep deep down and through many years of bullying in many Volatile environments, the. The speed and like to be witty and sharp and to look, to go for the kill is not good. Like it's an evil thing that I keep tucked away. It's. It never comes out. It doesn't. It shouldn't. Because there is no line when you cross that threshold. I'll go for the kill. And that's not good. Like it's. It's like you could pick anything and just pull it to pieces. So why do I have that inside me? Well, it was a defense mechanism because guess what? That's what it felt like my life was for so long. So when this happens, we seek to get control. You can't take it personally, but you can take personal accountability over the actions that you can lead or influence. You can't tell your wife to go and train at the gym, get a mental release, or go out and get a hair done or a nails done or go get a massage. You can guide and advise that off the back of your own actions because she sees the change and you can also ask what she needs. You can speak love language. You can do all this. But that is hers to own. Which means if it's hers to own, you've got to be cautious, man, about taking the result personally. Or maybe taking personal responsibility over future actions that could negate or nullify what becomes a pattern. In most households, shit hits the fan every week, every day. I just. I couldn't imagine operating that way, man. It's just. It would. Fuck. It's so exhausting. My eyes just got really heavy all of a sudden. That doesn't mean I come home and it's calm. My kids are five, two and one. It's. It's fucking savage. That's why I'm here doing this podcast at 8 o' clock at night. I told my wife, I'm just kidding. I'm not doing that. Hey, Crit, I've got a podcast I've got to do. I'll see you after the kids go to bed. Seriously though, like, it's been a tough day for me at work and I'm behind. This podcast is being released late arvo. Should have been lunchtime, right? I can't lean on this as an excuse chronically over time and time again and leave the household between 4:30 and 8:30 alone with my wife handling all that, and think that somehow something isn't going to get retargeted towards me. A, because if I didn't communicate, she'd have no idea what I'm doing, and B, because she's going through her own troubles and hardships. So don't look at the catalyst, look at the source. Why did this happen? Okay, well, how did it get to that? Why was that happening? So how did it get to that? Go upstream. Okay, well, why was that happening? Why did it happen again and again and again? So why did that become a pattern three years ago? Like, fuck, man, if you go, you can't just throw your hands in the air when you're divorcing. There's nothing I could have done about it. Go back 3 years, 3 months, 13 years, and ask yourself, well, how did it get to that? Why was that happening? What did I do to contribute to that? What did I contribute to what was happening and what will I do now, physically, mentally and emotionally? I'm telling you, gentlemen, I don't like saying the word telling. I'm sharing with you gentlemen. Questions are the answer, but it's not the whole. You surround yourself with five friends and seven layers deep of wine. All the vanilla shit you see across the world, this is stuff that we peel back. Like. What I'm sharing with you is part of our exclusive coaching program, our inner Circle. And I'm opening this up for two reasons. One, our members need to listen to this again. And two, this opens up and inspires you to create change in action through different thought processes, which is zooming out and having more control over your life from your perspectives and analyzing and having that awareness and reviewing and reflecting on where life is going, where it has come from, and what will be next if you don't change or adjust. Which also gives you insights into what's it like, what it's like to be on the inside with Al and the crew. That's a very powerful thing as well, to understand for a lot of men who need that additional accountability and support and want to go next level. Fantastic. Awesome. Either way, we're nearly up to 200 episodes. I hope you get some value at this stage because I've put a lot of time and energy into this. I get tired after these podcasts. I'm fucking cooked, man. That's why I can only commit to two a week. It takes a lot out of me. I put so much into this. You know, this. This isn't a 12 minute podcast episode. They average 40 to 60 minutes with just me alone. I hope you don't get bored in that time as well, because guess what? They're not going to get shorter, that's for sure. So when we're looking at this, asking questions is the key. So let's find some fundamental questions to ask and then from there we can then make that trajectory to connect the dots and go, well, this is what it's going to become. This is where it will lead. The first one, then another line of questioning. If you know shit is going to hit the fan, you have that foresight. So you need to work late, right? You need to work late, make money for the family, provide nice things, security and whatnot, and give them what you think they want without even asking them. Here's the hard part. You don't even ask them what they want from their father or husband. Then you don't even share what your needs and wants are. HPF is for me, the benefit is yes, financially, my family get looked after. I work and serve and provide value to the world as well as provide value for free, both sides. But essentially, if I just keep doing this and working late, saying yes to this, and then saying no to my family, that's going to create a shitstorm. So what is it that I have to do? Well, I have to work late this time. Now. There's a big project, man, it's due by the end of February. The boss is right, it has to be done. Okay, what is it that I have to do? And then asking again, peel the layers back. Why do I have to do it? So whether it's your job, your work, your family, your relationships inside of your family, what is it that I have to do? So it could be discipline, it could be apologies, it could be like, this is not always like, there are layers of goodness that can come from shit hitting the fan. You can have clarity, you can learn, you can get some lessons from this. You can review and reflect. You can observe human nature in those you love and care about. What is it that I have to do? And I know this is going to lead to shit hitting the fan, man, or it already has. What is it that I have to do to maybe turn it around? Okay, why do I have to do that? Does that have to remain true right now? What other options are there? See, when you start going this line of questioning, if it doesn't have a positive or an optimistic outcome, you need to question a man. Well, does that have to remain true? Do I have to work late? Well, yeah, I do. Why? Well, I went out for that pub lunch for two hours and I'm just behind. Well, fuck, mate, did you have to go out for that pub lunch? Like, why do you have to do it? What has led again? What is the source that has led to you? Maybe not having time. Maybe working late. Maybe not having healthy boundaries, Maybe not communicating to your boss or your employees your position where you stand. Not having that transparency with your family, not creating a deadline with your wife. Look, this project's due into February. You know what? From March 3rd to March 8th, we're going away. We're going away on a holiday, and this is it. That's what I've said to my team. Where are you painting the picture where you're juggling both sides and showing value, worth, and appreciation for your family? It's not about making up for it. Or. You got to get your head out of that mind frame. And if that's something your wife puts on you, you got to put that shit to bed right away. You need to squash it. Doesn't work that way. Just like something like sex. Sex isn't a fucking treat. Here's a reward. You're a good boy. I'll give you sex that. No way, man. No way. There are times where afterwards I. I lose my shit. I thank myself on behalf of Corinne. Oh, fuck, I hope she doesn't listen to this podcast. She'll fucking shank me one night. It'd be like Basic Instinct. Pull the ice pick out. After some money and handsome time, we were like, well, Corinne, I hope you enjoyed that. You're welcome. You cooked a great dinner tonight. So I thought it's the least I could do to reward you. Like, look, I'm being a smartass, but I'm sort of. It's. It's tongue in cheek playfulness, too, but there's a kernel of truth in every corn. So when I'm looking at. When I communicate this to Crin, and it's not all the time, obviously. When I'm communicating this to Crin, I'm making sure she understands that. Hey, fucking goes both ways, man. Don't you try and think, oh, you've been great this week. I'm gonna give you some. And look, full disclosure, that doesn't happen for this reason. Like, it's. It's. There's no, like, there's no power of the pussy over me. It's not, hey, here you go. Here's your reward because you've been great for the fuck that. If that ever came up, I'd be say, you know what? That's it. Let's. Why don't we just leave it for the next four weeks? I'm good. I'm good. Let's just have a little break for four weeks. We don't need to worry about any honey. And Handsome Tom. How's that sound? This isn't about power over others. So when I say that again, tongue in cheek, I'm a smartass. But essentially, it's making sure that you are on the level in how you communicate with your family, in providing deadlines, if you have alternate, if you have alternating commitments. My work is late. I need to give back to myself, Corinne, I haven't trained all week. I need this time for me. So it's not about supplicating on the point I brought that example up was it's not about apologizing or just, you know, being a fucking puppy dog to your missus. That doesn't work. That is not. They don't appreciate that. I've said that to Krin. I said, hey, Corinne, if I just gave you everything you wanted, think about this, though. Just think about this. Because I know right now the answer is yes for today. But every single day of our lives, I was a yes man. I did everything you wanted. I gave you fucking everything you wanted. Would you still find me attractive? And it was a bit of to and frying at first because it's like, oh, I'd love it if you did this. And I said, no, no, no. Every single day. I just fucking latched onto you like, Roman, I'm just holding onto your leg. What do you need? Would you really find that attractive? And the answer is, of course no. There's no value in that. She wouldn't respect me. There are so many times when I challenge her to grow. Not the same way as me, but to grow inside of herself by asking her questions. By asking her questions to ask of herself. And she appreciates that. She doesn't always say it, but now, anniversary cards and stuff like that. Thank you for challenging me and helping me grow. Look. Oh, when I read that, the last one, I was like, oh, there you go. Shit. I didn't even know that was that was the case. There we go. This isn't turning into a relationship session, man, but essentially it is like when you're looking at shit hitting the fan, rarely it is on your own, right? Left to your own devices, doing your own thing, like that's. That's just having your own mini explosion. What has caused that? Well, maybe it's a frustration because you didn't execute on something you're doing in the workplace by yourself. You're still connected to something outside of you. And the reason why it means something is that something outside of you is probably emotionally connected to something else, whether it's a client, customer, Your family, financial rewards, all of the above. What is it that I have to do? Why do I have to do it? Does that have to remain true right now? What other options are they? They're something my father taught me. Always come from a position of strength. So whenever something's happening at home with my wife, I'm respectful, I'm opening, I'm acknowledging, I'm listening. I'm asking questions or reflecting so she knows I'm listening. Like, I can prove it. Okay, thank you for sharing. This, this, this and that. It's not just, yes, okay, I'm proving that I listened. But it's always done from a position of personal integrity and personal values. You can't give that up. That's what people do. They give up their personal values at the cost of just removing or avoiding conflict or going for the easy win or doing what's great going tide going with the flow of the family. All that. And it's like, after time, who are you? You've got no voice. You've got nothing in the household. So what do you do? Either you keep doing nothing and you just fall apart, disappear, or it boils over, hits the fan, which means it's rejected even more because that's not you. Who are you? What's going on? You've lost your. And when that happens, sometimes because I'm not perfect, it does shock Corinne. There's times where it's not like I'm yelling or dominating or screaming. I'm a big man. I don't want to inflict that sort of threat, I guess, onto anyone. But when that does happen, I'm still calm and cool, and I'm like, well, hang on a minute. Do you not. Do you not realize that I'm lucky to get triggered a couple of times a year? Like, have you fucking forgotten how valuable that is to have a man who's so stable inside of your life? Like, why are you surprised? I love that you see me as Superman, Corinne. But you know what? I still lose my cool every now and then. I love that you see me so highly. I love it. If you saw that in other ways. Or maybe I don't, because you keep this perfectionist of what you think ours should be. But this is what I'm saying, men, no one is perfect. So when you know shit will hit the fan, ask yourself, okay, what is it that I have to do? Why do I have to do that? Does that have to remain true right now? What other options are there? And when they're not? That's just the Way it is. It's not. It is what it is. It's just. That's just the way it is. So choose the lesser of two evils. Communicate with the family. Be transparent about that, including the passage of time it will take, so you can start to paint a more positive vision in the future. Otherwise, as humans, as creatures, being present in the now, even when you think you're not through devices and technology, when you have an issue or challenge, the very first thing someone says is, what does that mean for me? Hey, I've got some news to tell you. If someone sent you that, a message. If someone sent you a text message, hey, I need to. I need a text message. Hey, I need to call you later. Yeah, I've got some news for you. First, the curiosity. What's the news? Second, what does that mean for me? What does that mean for me in my personal situation? Every human does it. So if you don't paint that picture, man, they're stuck in the right now of shit hitting the fan every day because of the grind of work. Your business, your finances, the kids playing up, not sleeping. So you got to be a visionary, man. You need to be a leader and paint that vision. You can't paint that. If you're in that mode as well, then it's all just chaos. When you start asking questions of yourself, you'll naturally become a visionary, which means you become a true leader. You can create. You can even create what's to come, even if it's not 100% spot on. There's a commitment of truth that must follow that, otherwise you become a fucking liar. And that doesn't help anyone. Certainly doesn't help anyone, especially if that's been a track record, because it was for me for so many years. Fellas, asking these questions are really going to help you move forward inside of your life. But sometimes these questions are layered. And with these layers comes the opportunity to go, okay, well, what can I do about it? And the greatest thing you can do is remove yourself from what your reactions are, what your triggers are to go, all right, let's ask some questions here, Final ones. What am I missing out on? So I said time and energy. You might miss a workout or a training session because you've got other commitments with the family or the work. Something's popped up, right? Like, that's life. It's. It's. You know how easy it is now that you're a father. You take away fatherhood, you take away the Mrs. Is like if it's just you and your Work game on, man. Like everyone should be fucking shredded and jacked. It's pretty easy, right? So when something's happening and you're feeling this for yourself personally, what am I missing out on? Why is that a problem? What's the track record? Well, if you haven't trained for six weeks and you've planned to go to the gym and something pops up, well, that's the track record. Of course this has been building. You've created no space and time for yourself. You've given nothing to yourself. Stop being a bad father by putting your family first. I said that on one of my posts recently. You can't argue with that, can you? Because if you're putting your family first at the chronic cost of yourself, they're losing, you're losing. They're getting a lesser version of you and you're getting nothing. You're just destroying yourself over time. So what are you missing out on? Why is that a problem? What's the track record? Okay, what can I do to make sure my needs are being met too? Please understand, while this dances along the edge or the line of the problems, the pain, the pit, a lot of these questions are actually solution driven. They're action driven. Why is that a problem? Let's get clear. Get clear on where you are right now. Get clear on your position. What am I missing out on? Why is that a problem? What's the track record? What can I do to make sure my needs are being met too? Okay, I need to communicate to the family. I need to get a whiteboard up. This is when I'm going to create space for myself. What does that look like? Well, I'm going to walk with the kids twice a week and then once just on my own. Also, I joined the gym. Or I got a set of dumbbells, or I got some bands. I got some dad Strong bands off the dad Strong Australia site. Fuck, those bands are brutal. I can't believe the pump they give you. They're so good. I'm so proud of of the team and we created them. They're part of our programming now, which is epic. You're planning something for yourself. You're planning. That wasn't a product plug either. Please, we need to order more. We're about to run out, so don't buy any yet. But this is the truth, man. The truth comes from asking yourself questions that will lead to a solution. And then when you lead to a solution, the solution isn't just kicking the can down the road and waiting for it to disappear or to Blow over. Because guess what? The same thing will happen again tomorrow or next week. The solution starts to bring you to a pathway that creates change, which means you no longer need to repeat or go through this process. These are the key things, men, when you are faced and as part of the triggers episode. But this is like when shit hits the fan. So sometimes you're walking in, you're walking through the front door into the house. Damage control game on. Right away, like, holy shit, I had a great day at work, but now I've come back to this. So this is about how you can handle yourself in all circumstances and situations, not just what's going on inside you or your head. But guess what? Depending on what goes on inside you or your head will dictate or determine the outcomes that will follow and flow from there on. You can't take complete ownership over your wife or your children. They want to maintain some level of resentment or bitterness or they're going to go over it for a few days or get shittier. If you're leading through love and the right actions, that's a process that they need to work through themselves. They are their own humans. But when you stand up inside of yourself, remove the triggers controlling you and get control back. Not through your emotions and not just through being analytical or asking questions. This is the hard part, right? There's times when Corinne might raise a voice like, okay, well, if I just talk super calm and quiet and blah, blah. She doesn't listen. I'm not speaking a language, but I'm not going to go to her level and yell. But I'm also going to identify, hey, you're talking pretty loud now. Do you want me to yell as well? Is that what you want us to have? Is that going to be the same language we're speaking now? I don't want to do that. I choose not to. So I'll be very firm, but I'm going to keep control over what I can control. This is the crazy thing. Everyone forgets, man. Whether you're fucking Hollywood or any other bloke who has some level of influence, it's like, yeah, but it's influence. The responsibility always lands with the person. Even these podcasts, even my ads, anything. If you take it good, that's your responsibility to take it in a good way. If you take what I say in a bad way, that's your responsibility to take it in a bad way. If you get fucking angry or triggered or upset or sad or you cry, that's on you. That doesn't mean that it's bad. That's your choice. That's a powerful thing. Recognize that. But you can't recognize that from being in that emotion, in that moment, in that feeling. You recognize from pulling away and acknowledging what is autonomous inside of you. So you can either continue to create or recreate what it is that you choose that serves you best. That's one of the biggest game changers of life, men. If you need to rewind 30 seconds, please play that again. That is one of the biggest game changers of my life. It's why I can have an ad that sees 2 million views with thousands of people. I should laugh, death threats and all, and go, that's theirs, man. That's on them. I can't pull that message away because that message has led to so many fathers on the inside snapping out of it and transforming their life. Like, am I really going to stop running that ad? That's led to so many men creating transformations inside their life because someone else chooses to get upset. That's not fair on the man who told me he was going to fucking neck himself and now he's got amazing connection with his family and his kids. Like, that man wouldn't be here. I'm not going to name him, but several men. And that doesn't mean all members that come on board heavy or light on life, circumstance, perspective, that's relevant to the person. But looking at these men who've had hardships and have now turned their life around, it's not fair on them and their families and their grandchildren for me to listen to some other fucking bloke who's having a whinge or being a victim or who's upset, that's his to own. And if you either love me or hate me, good, at least you're making a choice. But own that man when shit hits the fan as we wrap this up, why did this happen? What is it that I can do or that I feel compelled to do or I have to do? What am I missing out on? 2 things. To wrap this up in the now and future. Pacing. Who is this affecting? Well, let's start with the right order. What is happening? Like what's you come home, it's chaos. Shit everywhere at work. Chaos, shit everywhere in your head, the little voice inside the parasite. Chaos shit everywhere. Okay, what's happening? Why is that happening? How did it get to this? Who is this affecting? Where is this going? And when is this happening or going to happen? Could be right now, could be tonight, could be next week, could be next month, Christmas time. Easter. Like there are so many different triggers in life. The triggers are never gone. That's important thing to understand the podcast was how to control your triggers once and for all. The triggers are never gone. They may change or morph or mold a little bit, but people, places and things, there will always be something. What's happening? Why is it happening? How did it get to this? Who is this affecting? Where is this going? When is this happening or going to happen? When you start to ask these questions, you then start to create a more logical perspective. And logic doesn't mean without emotion, a more logical perspective of what's happening with the facts and the feelings and the environment to then reorganize yourself, recalibrate your approach and adjust what's needed so that as best as possible, with the highest percentage as possible, we can all move forward. I mean, is that not the goal? We can all move forward. On that note, the wife is just calling me now because of the mid afternoon, looking to FaceTime. See what I mean, man? Communication is key. G'. Day. Just. Just in the middle of a podcast episode. Can I call you back? All right. I was just returning your call. Awesome. Call you soon. Cheers. You know what? It's not that I'm lazy, but I'm not going to edit that out. And I'm definitely not saying yes to my wife to say no to you. This podcast is important. I want to maintain a flow and rhythm, so. But there we go. We have clarity now, so everything's okay at home. But as we wrap this up, men, It's important to understand that when you have more clarity over the outcome, you can then go, okay, well, what's the desired emotions at the end of this transaction or at the end of this altercation at the end of this situation or circumstance? Okay, so the emotional hook, all right, or the desired outcome of the feelings of all involved. Okay, well then peel it back. All right, what's the logical pathway? Like, how do we get there? How do we dissolve this? How do I stay above the level? Not that you're here to referee. You're not here to referee. Like, it's. How do you maintain your. Your composure, your control? How do you lead in a time of fighting war, fire? Like, how do you lead there? Where will that take you? Does that tie into the emotional hook? Again, good. So you've got emotions to ignite it. The logical pathway. Emotion is the outcome. The desired emotion at the start and at the end, match up and marry up with the logical pathway, which is the bridge you are bridging the gap. Beautiful implement. You can't do that if you don't ask questions and adopt multiple perspectives, which means the perspectives of those who are experiencing and expressing that fire. I can understand why you're shitty and blowing up. Like, I really can. Like, have a look at this. You're worn out, you burn out, you're almost. You're on their side. And that could potentially, depending on the circumstance, they're all different. But that could remove you as being the target. You're no longer the red cape, you know, the red bedsheet. It's like a bedsheet, isn't it, with the ball charging. You're the ally, you're on their side. You're navigating and working through this together, through empathy, through understanding, through acknowledgment, through appreciation. But then when we future pace this will. When you're setting goals and you're planning, you can remove a lot of the shit hitting the fan inside of your life. What is it that you desire? Like, what is it that you want? So let's, let's pretend that the shit hasn't hit the fan. Could be a bit of tension, could be something family, home life, your work. Could be something upcoming, lead up to Easter in March, June, winter, Christmas, period. Like, ask yourself the question, okay, what do I want? What do we want out of this? When you're cool, calm, on the level, what do I desire? Why is that important to me? Okay, well, how am I going to get there? How are we going to get there? Who is this involving? Who will this affect? Is this a solo mission? Does this include your family? Okay, where will this take us? So this is what I desire. But where is it going to take us? Once we look back, what would need to be true to look back in six months time and that's August. And go, almost Al's birthday and go, this is why we've been successful. Like, where is this taking you and when is this going to happen? What is the timeline? What does that look like? Because here's the crazy part as we wrap this up, a lot of the times, as much as it looks like or appears to be a trigger or reaction, the reason why shit hits the fan is it is a catalyst for something that is not being met in the past. That doesn't mean you live in the past, but something previous is what I mean. Something previous to what is now. There has been a breakdown. Needs have not been met. Relationships have not flourished. Relationships have been starving. Think of it like nutrition. Relationships starve to death if Someone wakes up one day and goes, oh, it's over, or I don't love you, or I'm done, or the act of, you know, having an affair. That sort of. When that shit happens, you look back and you're like, yeah, well, when you look at the track record, you're like, well, that was just the catalyst. So when you put this stuff in place and you become a visionary, you communicate with transparency with your wife, with your children, your workers, your business, with yourself. Communicate with yourself with your head, your thoughts, your feelings, emotions. These are all actions. These are all types of communication, the communication that runs inside of you. But you can also zoom out and observe that you communication going on. When you do all of this, man, you're going to start to remove a lot of the opportunities where shit would have hit the fan, but it doesn't and it didn't and you keep moving forward. That's a really powerful thing to recognize because it doesn't have to just be. I'm not saying it's eliminated completely from life, but it doesn't have to just be a standard. Shit hitting the fan is not. It's not a standard thing that should be accepted. Just because it's normal, just because it's common. Just because it's accepted doesn't mean it should be. Doesn't mean it has to be. Can be if you want it. I know I don't, that's for sure. I hope you get a lot of value out of this episode. This does tie into a few of our latest episodes. You know, a man and his truth, that's such a powerful one. And controlling your triggers, these all really build. They build, I'm not going to say story. They build a case. They build a case for you to look and observe. And it's almost like you were in, say, a court of law and you're like, if I apply these things to my life and I get clear on the facts and I can leverage the tools and the mindset and the actions to create a better set of facts, the feelings will follow. If the feelings follow and I'm consistent on that, not perfect, but consistent on that, then when that happens to others that I love and care about, my consistency will be the rod and staff. My consistency will be the lighthouse that shines in their darkness that they can then see. The steps to be taken are steps that are on them and that's their choice and their right. But doesn't mean you can't shine the light, light the pathway, reach down, extend an arm, extend a hand. Out, help pull them through, get behind, push them up the stairs, whatever visualization you want to use. True leadership man is always measured after the fact. But if you work on yourself and leadership from within, this isn't just emotional. Like, I talk massively about actions. I'm not just talking about fluff and feelings, all of it. When that happens from within, you are always in a position to lead. Doesn't mean you're always leading, but you are leading frequently, you are leading consistently. And when you look back over the course of time, you see so many bombs that didn't go off. You see the minefield that you never walked into because there was a better field to the right that you took the entire family. You start to truly lead man and create impactful change that starts to help your family members, those that you love and care about, family or work, rewire and re pattern what's important for them because you are a strong source of energy. So they look up to that, they see that they feel that. No one responds to energy more than children. Why? Because they're not adults. They don't have the mental acuity or the articulation, the words, the multiple words to speak. So they feel energy. And they're so present in the now, which is why they are the greatest teachers that we could ever have. Nothing brings the mirror up more men than fatherhood. Nothing. And the mirror brings up the mad. And who's looking back? Take care, men. I'm out. I better bounce. Spoke to my wife about 10 minutes ago. Hope they didn't ruin the flow for your episode, but I need to get this out. I can't be bothered cutting and editing it. I'm sure you get some value out of it. Nonetheless. Take this. Apply it to your life. When shit hits the fan, this is how you approach it. And then guess what? When you master this, when you begin to master this, which measury measuring takes place? Measuring equals mastery. You can reflect. Measuring could be reviewing, reflecting, writing down revelations, notes, things you can share with your family. When you start to master this, guess what? You can then start to apply this to those you love and care about, which means you get to learn it twice, which means it sticks and everything else improves. Take care and I'll see you again soon. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top. Winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this. Because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.