184. How To Own Life As A Man Should

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. How to Own Life as a Man should welcome to what's going to be quite an interesting and insightful episode where the title in itself says it all, doesn't it? How a man should. Well, what should or shouldn't we do, Al? I mean, I guess at the end of the day I'm not really big on opinions. Fuck me dead, mate. I mean, if you have time and you have energy still and you're here, let's not waste it, right? So please understand this doesn't come from a place of judgment does, but it ultimately comes from a position of opportunity. I am positioning myself to hopefully give you some perspective, to influence you, to help you see the opportunity that you have before you. When maybe you can't see, maybe there's too much chaos, maybe you are caught in the shitstorm of life and you can't quite see anything. It's just fog. You're just feeling your way through and seeing what happens, seeing if there's a ledger stepping out onto and then into the abyss or if you're on solid ground. You don't know what's in front of you or if there is anything in front of you or if it's clear or if there are some big spikes that are about to fuck you up. So unfortunately for many of us, when we get stuck in our own ways, we dissolve. We wash our hands of responsibility. And here's the crazy part, responsibility brings retention. So the crazy part of the irony of life is you hold on to way much responsibility of shit that you have no control over. So you're retaining, you are Retaining shit that you cannot even control, barely influence, maybe. Yet you won't even take ownership and responsibility over something that is so powerful, close to your head, on your heart and your hands to completely use as leverage and dominate with. Have a look at the last two years, for example. Fuck, mate. You want to change things? Just turn the TV off. That's pretty simple. But all piss takes aside, there's a kernel of truth inside of that. Like if I don't watch the TV and I just focus on what I can do as an upstanding member of the society that we live in, member of community, inside of myself, inside of my house, I'm healthy, I'm fit, I'm strong, I'm making sure I focus on this is all energies. There's three key points we're going to touch on tonight. Tonight. That's how long this episode is going for. That's 1:30 in the afternoon. Strap yourselves in, lads. We're in for a long one. Hey, it's nighttime somewhere in the world, right? How to own life as a man should. The reason why this is important, man, the reason why, at the end of that I've said should, is because everything that we drive home here with you, for you, together, individually. So together on this podcast, part of the inner circle, the inner tribe, you're a member, you're not a member. It doesn't matter what we're doing together, to then take and apply individually to our own lives in our own little tribes and households is always something that is built on a foundation of opportunity, of possibility, of growth. Here I am just saying words. I'm not going to sit here and talk about reward and growth and opportunity and positivity and optimism. I get that. But this really is. This is an opportunity. If you're not completely content, it's not that life is never enough. You're exactly where you need to be. But if there are things that need to change, you have an opportunity to do that. If there's something you can do about it, because you're still living, you're still breathing, you can still move your arms, move your hands, you can think, you can feel awesome. There are possibilities you can change. If you are fixed or you're fixated on growing, ironically enough, fixated on growth. If you're fixed on change, if the same is change, if you are fixed on growing, if you have this mindset, this tenacity of, yes, I will grow in life, I have that. Like, I have a great addiction to growth in life. But the hard part is because of these laws that we've brought in, these universal laws, call them principles, values, pillars inside of high performance father. It's pretty hard to skew them in the wrong way and for them to take hold and manipulate into disaster. Perfect example. I'm addicted to growth. But hang on a minute. The circles of significance owl. Don't fuck that up. Fantastic. Well, I'm addicted to growing as a man inside of myself, as a husband inside of my relationships, and as a father inside of my household. And even when my kids move out, as the father I can be when I'm 60, when I'm 70, when I'm 80, as a grandfather. So my addiction to growth is within rules and confinements, boundaries not limited, but boundaries of perspective and focus. To say, hang on a minute, mate, if you're going to go all in here, you need to make sure that what here actually means is family, self and service, the three things that make the man's life. So when we're talking about how to own life as a man should fuck me dead, man. We should be doing this. We should be growing, we should be in tribes, we should be expanding. We should all have coaching. I have coaching. No man should try and go it alone. Like, you see things of lone wolf or the warrior this and warrior that out of their own, you know, off the back of their own hardships and mistakes. And in movies, you know, they're walking through the desert, that shit isn't preferred. You tell me when that's the first choice, when that's the preferred method. That's like halfway through or towards the end or just after the breakdown. Like that's in the movie when the man's fucked and he's just trying to survive. Now, you may, you may feel that way, but this isn't Hollywood. It's not just going to magically turn around, especially if you keep going it alone. You may feel like life is like that at the moment, but here you are with an opportunity to dive in and invest your ears for the next period of time to go, hey, maybe I should look at some of these things. When it comes to responsibility and ownership that Al has to share, that might help me break out of this funk that I'm currently in. That's why I say, should we owe it to ourselves, man? I guess the family, yes, family first. Put them first by putting yourself first so you can give them 100 of you. I get all that. Like, that's. That is tried, tested and true. They will all win when you win. But when I say, should I really mean it, mate. Like, you don't have to align or agree with everything I say, but on a fundamental level, on a pure. We're going to dive into these three points in a second on a pure energetic expression, a pure fundamental level of who we are, how we operate, what we express into the world. We owe it to ourselves to stand up and say, yes, I'm fucking blessed. Life is a gift. Life is a miracle. One in 400 trillion sperm. I was the one. I was the swimmer. I had the biggest tail. I was the best tadpole. I made it. I cracked through the egg. I got into that. I dived fucking head deep, not balls deep. Sperm don't go around with the ball. I dived in, head deep, and I was in. I won. A little bit different for us, and probably many of you as well, I guess. We did IVF for our first two children. That was really hard. That was. That was really hard. Talk about patience and patience wearing thin. Lots of failures, lots of tears. Oh, Romeo came along. He was a surprise. Number three. It was, you know, it was so funny. Just not to go off course, but just a personal share. We'd obviously through IVF with our first two. We'd done hundreds and. Well, not hundreds and hundreds, but I'd say at least hundreds or 800 pregnancy tests. I'm not here just to blow up a story. I wouldn't say thousands, but, yeah, we would have done shit if we're trying. Yeah, yeah. Easy 100, easy 100 pregnancy tests. And always the same result. Obviously, when we had ivf, well, there wasn't a pregnancy test, right. Because we went back into the lab, went into the clinic, and that's when they told you, yay or nay? So I come home. It's. What is it? The start of shit. I should know this. The start of 2020. And I get home and crin's been a little bit off. It's just early in the year. What would have been February if Raymond was born? He was born in September. So I come home, and here we are. That. The wife is just sort of being. Being a little bit funny. Al, can you come here? The bathroom? And I'm like, oh, what's up? Everything okay? Look, look down the hallway. She's like, he just pinched me. I was like, what do you mean? She's like, you just pinched me on the arm. I was like, okay, I pinch her. She said, ow. I said, well, you asked me to pinch. What do you. And she. And she sort of moved out of the way. She said, and she just pointed and I saw. And obviously the brain works pretty quickly. We all have that capacity to process quickly. And she moves out the way and points. And I can see this test. I obviously couldn't even see it from where I was, the results. But I saw this test straight out of my brain's calculated. She asked me to pincher. She's pointing at a test. We've done at least 100 tests. And I walked over and I saw the two lines, and, man, I just pissed myself laughing. Maybe that was a coping mechanism. Like, Roman's never been unwanted. Obviously, I love the little dude, whether it was a dude or a dudette. But three girls, that would have been interesting. I got a mate who's got six daughters. I said, man, you just. He's married. I said, bro, you just got to give up. Don't worry. Get your daughters to be strong enough to marry a man that she carries your name and. Oh, they hyphenate the last name if it's that important. And I just pissed myself. I just laughed. I just laughed for about an hour. I couldn't believe it. I just fucking laughed. We just laughed. What a gift. This is the point, though, man. Like, how to own life as a man should. The key thing there is own life as a man should. This is your life. You should take ownership over it. You should fucking own it, man. All of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. The influences, the blame, the shame, the guilt. Everything put onto you doesn't mean you need to absorb it. But you own your position. And through your strength, you can own a position with a frame or steel to go, fuck, that is not me. That is not me. Deflect this. Thank you. That's on you. That's your reflection. That's your projection. And you can push that shit away. That is how I can handle. Like, how many of you have seen the ad with 2 million views when I'm sitting in the car, you know, it cracks me up. That's like one of the only ads. One of the only ads I did in a car. And Eric, guys got it. Why is this bloke always doing ads in the car? What the fuck you talking about, mate? It's like 1 out of 500 ads I've done over the years. So funny man, but I don't delete those comments. Like, I can take a hit, if that's what you call it. I don't even look at it at that. Like, how could. I can't take it personally. How could I? It's got nothing to do with me. They don't know who I am. But the point is, you will get blamed for something. You will either get shamed or guilted or the finger pointed out, or the harsh. The harsh maneuvers around to manipulate, or you're hard done by. And you'll always get that. It hurts when it comes from the wife. It hurts when it comes from the kids. I get that, man. They're close to you. You're vulnerable. You feel like you sacrifice and give up so much time and energy for them and get that back. Like, that's not fair, is it? But here's the thing, man. Like, forget all the road, the road map and the rule book and the guide to life, and as a father, as anyone in general, where did it say it was going to be fair? Ever to get to the position that we're in now, I've had to 500x my efforts, what I believe to be the efforts required, hence the 500x perspective, to get where we are now. If I'd have done what I thought I needed to do, there's no way you'd be listening to this podcast. We wouldn't even be here. Wouldn't even be here. Like, is. Is that. Is that unfair? Like, what is fair? Fair is a measurement. A measurement based on what? A perspective of expectations or assumptions. You walk past a stranger, you say hello, they don't say anything. Is that not fair? Or maybe because you assumed or expected. They say hello back, you walk down the street, someone punches you in the face and keeps walking. Is that not fair? Or maybe because you had an assumption or expectation that you wouldn't get punched in the face by a stranger just walking past them. And I get that that would be so bizarre. It's not the assumption that wouldn't happen, it's a lack of expectation that it will. It's one in the same, isn't it? But essentially, the point is this, man. You can own life because life is yours. Life is your creation. Life is what you express, what you push out. So when we take responsibility, we get power. That's how it works. It's not power equals responsibility. Responsibility equals power. Old mate got it wrong. Old Uncle Ben in the. Yeah, obviously sad that he went, but in the Spider man movie. So when you're looking at this man, it's like, what should we do, Al? Well, as a man, we should take ownership over our life. Like, we owe it to ourselves. Forget about responsibilities to others and all that other shit. You want to be the greatest father you can to your children. Be the greatest man. It's that simple. Like, if you are a great man, you're physically strong and healthy. I don't care what your body fat composition is, but you're physically strong and healthy. You look after your body and your mind. You invest in yourself and you grow. You. You take chances, calculated or not. You learn from them to develop a greater level of intuition. Intuition's a powerful thing. But intuition is only something that's perceptive of and receptive of past experiences. So I have people who fuck all in their life. They've got no intuition. How could they? They've got nothing. They've got no patterning, they've got no neurochemistry going. They've got nothing. Intuition can be yours. And I like to transfer intuition, even to a form of free will. Think about that for a second. If you just keep being a fucking yes man and doing what everyone tells whether it's the government, whether it's your wife, whether it's your boss, whether it's your friends, whether it's your children, you are forfeiting free will. You're forfeiting a level of intuition that you can build from which you can have responsibility and ownership of who you are. The leadership you can hold, the leadership you can express and push out onto the world, right through the right actions. That's what we always talk about. Your actions are through love and leadership. Love and leadership. Your children's legacy will look after itself. Being a great husband will look after itself. Because when you don that hat, what you're walking into in the relationship is a powerful man who's attractive. You are attractive. And I'm going to save this for another podcast episode. And this is about investments. Life is a series of investments. As soon as someone stops investing in you, they no longer see a return on investment. Which means when you peel the layers back, when your wife is looking at you and she no longer sees a return on investment, what does that say about your marriage? What does that say about you? What have you not done to express a higher level of power, not over someone, but in and through yourself, to say, hey, I'm fucking worth investing in? You invest your time and energy and the return on investment you going to get, or that you're going to get, is a loving husband and father of your children. And man in the household that can hunt and gather and provide and protect and love and make love and laugh and be strong and tell you no when you know you need to hear no. Women, just women don't want a yes man. You're like, what do you want from your husband? Do you want him to do whatever you want? Yeah, the fantasies, yes, they're fucking wrong. They know that deep down. Could you imagine a bit like, imagine if you had $10 million. Yeah, I'd retire to more. 20 million, $100 million. I'd retire tomorrow and just kick back on the beach. Awesome. What happens after you've laid on the beach for a thousand days? You've laid on the beach every day for three years, then what do you do? Right? It's all well and true in fantasy, but when it's real, it's fucking weakness. No one likes that stuff. You are expressing weakness. Your wife fucking hates that. Why the fuck would she want that still deep ingrained into her genetics, into her DNA, survival. I said that to my wife the other day. It was quite interesting. Not that she was taking advantage of me or not appreciating me, but I said, isn't it funny in the modern world how women have sort of glossed over. Obviously extreme feminists have, but women have sort of glossed over the actual. The actual value that men can bring from a pure protection state. And look, don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean all men are great defenders either. Many have, you know, turned themselves in and they've got no strength or power. But she's like, what do you mean? I was like, well, you could have a drug addict that could come into town and. Or, you know, it could be someone who just picks our house for whatever reason, breaks into the. Breaks into the household. You know, we've got our three young children, we've got yourself and, you know, and he's wielding a knife or a baseball bat. Or like, you could have this situation where that could happen and you've got a 6 foot, 410 kilo husband with access to things that I'm not going to disclose here, but with the ability, access or not, with his bare hands to fucking tear this guy's face off. Like, is that not when. When have women forgotten that that's actually a very valuable thing? Someone come in our house and I'll fucking. Man. If that guy threatens me or my family, the owl inside comes out. Like, you cannot. It's. It's not a good thing. There's no stopping. We all have that in us. I'm not painting this picture that I'm some big fucking hero. Maybe, maybe you don't know how to tap into it. I guess sports and physical contact has, you know, allowed me to use those as switches and switch gears when I need to. It's a powerful thing. Not just with aggression. I'm not talking about violence being the answer, but self defense. Absolutely. Switching gears from work to home. Absolutely. Like your switches, they are such a powerful thing to utilize to the point where I could be laughing one second and then dead serious the next, whether it's with my wife, with my children, with anyone. Knowing what energy is appropriate is a very valuable skill set. Modern intelligence, social and self awareness. To then act accordingly to move forward in your life. What does accordingly mean, moving forward in life? What does that mean? To get the desired outcomes. If you're a leader with a better set of eyes and you're strong in yourself, you hold a strong and influential position out of love and leadership. But it's very interesting, when I said that, I could just say she was like, yeah, I guess we haven't really. I said, because I went away to Kosciusko for five nights. I went down earlier before the event. I said, and you did miss me for reasons that maybe you couldn't really quite. She's like, yeah, she's like, I did. I did. I guess I take, you know, most women maybe take that for granted, but all of that aside, it's hard when we have conflict with those closest to us, where we are vulnerable or we let the hair down. But essentially, man, like, if you have ownership over your life as a man should, you are expressing power, which is a valuable and attractive thing. I'll talk about the investment stuff on another episode. But that's true, like, when you have that power to express and give, you are worth the investment. Why do you think you're listening to my podcast right now? There is some part of you going, you know what? Al's fucking expressing a certain level of energy, words or not, they're just all byproducts. A certain type of energy that I connect to. That's a valuable investment of my time and energy from which I can take to have better investments in my own life with my own time and energy that is to come. You listen to this for 40 minutes, you apply, and you get two hours out of it. That's a win. Two hours moving forward, life on your terms. Half a day, three days. We know it can be more than that. I've had guys email me from episodes fucking months ago, and they're like, man, this is how much my life's changed. Thank you. So it could have been three episodes. It could have been 200 minutes, which is converted into 2,000 minutes. Way more than that, sorry, if you have a thousand minutes a day, 200,000 minutes, half a year. So this is a critical thing, man, and you can carry this through. Think about investments. When have you stopped seeing value or a potential return on investment in yourself? When I say invest in yourself, I'm not just talking about money. Money is a tool. You use time and energy to get money. That's why it's a tool that is valuable, but it's also there to be leveraged, maybe for better time and energy in the future. That's why coaching exists. That's why this program exists. But essentially, this is your call. This is your step to take inside of yourself. Sorry about any program, people, places and things. This is for you to go, hey, I believe that if I do this for me, there will be some return on investment. I'm trying to paint different pictures here for you, man, because the wording might vary, but the message is always the same. The fundamental, the universal flaw. Because I know a lot of the times I say right or wrong, this is a wrong. The universal flaw that all men, potentially including you as well, face is a lack of self value, a lack of self worth, a lack of self respect, self pride, self enthusiasm, self encouragement, self confidence, self appreciation. Pick any fucking word that means something positive returned back to you because you're using the word self before it. That's the flaw. That's the problem with society. That's the problem with conditioning. That's the problem with other influences that don't have your best interest at heart. They fucking manipulate and mold and they help you break your own fucking back for them. And then what? That's just what fathers do. That's just what mothers do. Everyone fits into a little fucking box. We've all got our little boxes and tags and terms in society. Yep. Package in. Put him away, Hip. Package in. Put him away. You got fucking red hair. You're Irish, you're black, you're white. Like we all get packaged into these fucking boxes. For what? By who? It is a flaw. Because if you want to take yourself out of the equation, let me hit you with another angle. You're letting your children down. Stop being a fucking bad father by not investing in yourself. How's that one sound? Or do you want something else? A stranger's more important than your children. Stop letting your fucking community down by not investing in yourself. Stop letting your grandchildren down that are coming if they haven't already come in the next five to 15 years by not investing in yourself. There is nothing stronger, man, like I saw it. The other day, where was I? Ah, shit. I was at a park, obviously, but I can't remember which one. There's a grandfather and he was. He was fit as fuck, man, he looked good. He was running around more than his son was with his grandchildren. I couldn't believe it. His son's there having a coffee, kicking back, and his old mate leaving him for dead, like, just blazing the trail, man, I was like, fuck, that is so. Could you imagine. Could you imagine how cool that would be? Look, some of you are and may already be grandparents. We've got probably at least 30 dads in our inner circle program that are in their 50s. It's awesome. Love it. And probably two thirds of them are grandparents. Could you like. I can't imagine, like, I'm not saying assuming that you have, but potentially, if you've lined up your ducks and organized your shit and maybe that's why this program is the answer for you, who knows? But because that's hard to do, but putting in place family self and service, but taking away financial pressures and burdens and other things that really hit a lot of people between 30 and 50. They really do. Could you imagine in the later years not having those stresses, but having a fuckload more energy and having more time so you can eat really well, you can look after your body, you can rest, you can sleep. I mean, you know, it's. You don't have to be old to have dinner at 5pm I've been doing that because of our kids and that's when they eat. But not to take the joke out of old people. I know, I'm sorry it's 4pm that you have dinner, but could you imagine when you've got six hours between dinner and bedtime, 4:00pm Till 10:00pm man, if you guys haven't had at least one laugh at our podcast, you're not trying. You're not trying hard enough. I'll try not to. It's bad. It's bad. I can't. Yeah, can't. Can't take the piss too much. Hey, this. This stuff is serious, man. I don't like. What did dad used to say to me? Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive. Fuck. He used to laugh when he said that. Could you imagine being a grandfather and having a lot of these stresses and issues and challenges removed from your life? And you've got grandchildren, you have all the wisdom and knowledge. They don't live with you. More often than not, there's probably 99% chance I don't live with you. So it's not something. So you can come in and basically inject yourself. It's like, I'm coming in, I'm impact off the bench, I'm coming into the household or at the park or anywhere. And you can play with them and then you can hand them back to your kids. So could you imagine having that connection with your grandchildren where you can come in and be the fun grandpa or whatever it is that you want to be and have that fun, have that experience and be energetically strong and fit and healthy. Like fuck, man, that I don't want to wish my life away, but that would just be that. That to me seems like the dream. You are reliving childhood again. But this time the space, the gap has been widened to 50, 60 years. How awesome is that? This is. This whole history repeats itself. Whether you look at that in a different area, whether it's, you know, real estate, politics, anything where you think history repeats itself, well, it's actually happening inside of your household, in your family and in your legacy, in generation after generation after generation. You are your grandchildren. Have you forgotten that? Because you see them from eyes, you think that there's this space between you and them and, and there's a timeline because you've got wrinkly skin at that stage. And they don't know. You are your grandchildren. You're your fucking children. You are your grandchildren. You are your great grandchildren. When I talk about the 500 year life, I want to stay alive through them and with them, not because of myself. I won't even be here in the physical body. That is Al. It won't even be my problem anymore. If it is a problem. Well, that's the way you look at it. It'll be the impact that I have on my children, which will convert to the impact they and I will have on my grandchildren, their children, which will convert to the impact I, they and they have on the great grandchildren. What a. What a beautiful thing. Doesn't mean it has to be 100% all in on Al. Plenty of things my children will do which will improve what I've done. Is that not evolution? This is a record for an introduction. 27 minute intro. No, I'm just kidding. This is critical when it comes to owning life as we should, as we should, not as we would, not as we could, as we should, as we will, as we do. Three points to really tie this together. Because everything outside of you is you. It is connected to you. It's a part of you. So don't neglect that. Don't use that as either a sounding board of excuses because poor old me, I've done this for them. Don't use that as a crutch to lean on because you didn't get your own shit together. That is not leadership, man. Your children, our children, they don't deserve that. They don't need that. You and I both know the world's hard enough as it is as you enter adulthood. Like the schooling system clearly doesn't prepare us for that at all. At all. Where is there a course inside of high school that talks about self esteem, confidence and taking risks and learning, like properly learning and. Please, it's not that I'm here to castrate the education system. My wife's a primary teacher. There's some pretty cool things they do from 6 to 12 years of age. But I don't know about you, but the high school I went to certainly missed the mark many times on what you can transfer and carry through to life. Life experiences, even going through university. I've got plenty of friends who've gone through and done all that. Now what are you doing in life? Okay, welcome to the real world. How will you take what you've done in uni and apply that? How will you take what you've done in high school and apply that? It's a continuous application. You can't apply something you don't take ownership over. That doesn't exist. That doesn't work. It doesn't make any sense. So responsibility and ownership is a very powerful thing. Does that mean I come home, I've had absolutely nothing to do with the children that whole day, and I come home and Stella's grazed her leg out in the backyard and I go, wow, it's my fault. I was at work and I subconsciously telekinetically told you to jump off the fence and graze your neck? No, I'm not talking about that. So don't pick my words apart and think that it means, okay, responsibility, ownership over everything, over everything that you are influencing or you can control inside of yourself, including your responses. Comes in. Oh, it would have been really good if you came home an hour earlier, Al, like you said you would. Well, I could take ownership over that. This didn't and hasn't happened, by the way. But I'm just trying to paint different pictures. I could take ownership of that. Yeah, I'm sorry, Karin. I said I'd be home at 2 instead of 3. And at 2:45, Stella Grazer knee. And if I'd have been out the back, playing with them, maybe it wouldn't have happened. I get all that. So yes, we can take ownership over that. But essentially everything that I look at and I take in, take on board, listen to perceive, observe and then apply is to go, okay, that's where we are. Maybe this is where we were. Let's learn. Where are we now? Where are we going? Where are we now? Where are we going? First point, how to own life as a man should. This is really about the energy behind the actions when we're talking about and that's layered through the first 30 minutes of this podcast when we are talking about owning life as a man should. Responsibility and ownership. You need to look at the energy behind the actions. What do you mean by that, Al? Look at the energy behind the actions. How do I own life? This is what I mean. Whether it's something at home with decision making processes for cooking dinner, whether it's a decision that you need to make on your own and just standing up and going, hey, I need to do this. But no, no, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to dissolve responsibility. Look at the energy behind the actions. Where in your life are you sitting back and you just keep fucking passing responsibility over your life to someone else? Like where in your life are you doing that? And ironically enough, that exact same thing is leading to a transparency of you being even weaker in your leadership because there are no actions. The action is a dismissal. The action is dismissal of responsibility, ownership and opportunity for you to thrive, for you to lead, for you to lead with not just words, but with real action. So look at the energy behind the actions. If it's a low level energy, if it's something that is dissolving responsibility, accountability, ownership, things over yourself, from yourself, you're doing it wrong, man. Like you are burning your chips, you are burning your own value. You do that. How could your wife look at you? This is what I was saying before about investments. I will do a separate episode on it, but it goes hand in handy when we're talking about responsibility and ownership. If you're dismissing ownership over something you can contribute to or something that is a decision you should make. Ironically enough, when you do that, your wife or your children will look at you even less. Even though you're giving them the power to make the decision, because that's just another fucking thing on their plate. That's just another thing for them to decide for you. That's just another thing for them to look and go, oh, he's not gonna fucking Follow through. How could he ever be committed? This is the craziest part and I don't. Look, this isn't directed in any one particular circumstance, situation, scenario. It's for all of them. I pay over 200 grand a year for my coach. How the fuck would you justify that? What does that even mean? It's not your problem or concern, is it? That's what I've committed to. But in that process, in that pathway, I've bought time back inside of my life to not be a fucking hypocrite and to live and breathe the message of a high performance father. Guess what? I see my kids every day. I'm not saying you're not a high performance father if you don't. We've got plenty of fifos, plenty of guys where they do work away from home. What I'm saying is where I've positioned myself, I've positioned myself in a way where I've made a decision to go. I want to continually juggle the three balls that make life. I can't just drop one and think, in 10 years time I'll pick it back up, it'll be gone. You can't do that, man. It will burn you. No matter how well you are at being a visionary, and I'm very good at that. No matter how much you paint that picture to your wife or to your children, they will not wait around for that period of time. You are burning the bridges. That time will be gone. What, what is there for them to invest in? There's nothing. They wouldn't even invest. Do you think I went home and sat down with Corinne and said, hey, look, this is what I'm thinking. It means that I'll get to spend a little bit more time with the kids. It means that, you know, what we do with our delivery and HPF program will be upgraded to the next level. It means it'll be the best program in the country. She doesn't give a fuck about that. Like, she cares about fathers and loves seeing and hearing the stories about change. But like I said, when you are putting your shit onto someone else, not that you can't vent or you can't express or share, it's important to have that. When someone else either becomes a punching bag with verbal chronic diarrhea or there's none at all, which is just as bad, you're suppressing. It's always the sweet spot in the middle when you're doing that and, or handing over the keys and going, yes, this is it, take the keys, you can make the call. Very first thing they're gonna be saying is, fuck, I got enough shit going on in my own life. This is something else I need to think about. I need to make a decision. And unfortunately, when that happens over time, eventually it becomes a dependency where it's like, you didn't ask me if you could do it because that's their certainty. You know why? Because the rest of their life's turning to shit and falling apart, but the one thing they can get control over is you because you keep giving it over. That is not stability, man. That is not a solid ground. Do you think I sat down with Krin and said, hey, we're gonna do this. That's cool. What is it? What's it. Oh, It's. Yeah, like 200 grand. Oh, man. I should. I'm going to get Crin on for an episode, actually. I'm going to get her on for an episode. I'm going to line up some awesome questions and points. She'll probably bury me, but we'll see how we go. I will. I'll bring her on the. The woman next to the man. I won't say behind the man. The woman next to the man. Yeah, very interesting. That one will be. Of course. I didn't do that. Oh, so you're working. You're working with Lynn now and blah, blah. I said, yeah, it's great. I said, it's gonna cost us about 200 grand a year. I said, but it's fucking amazing. This is where we're going. It's gonna move us forward. It's gonna allow me to be home with a family. Oh, is that said. Yes. Yes, that's right. That's. Do you think about asking me? Of course I did. But this is the right move moving forward. Like, how would my wife know. How would Corrine know what the best business decision is coupled with my life on what can be gauged to spending time with my children, with my family, serving these fathers better, having experts and professionals, because we've got nine coaches on the inside of our group. How would she have a better set of eyes on that than I would like? How could she have a better set of eyes on that than me? It doesn't make any sense. It's negligible. It's irrelevant. That doesn't mean I go back and ask for forgiveness. I've heard that before. It's better ask forgiveness than to ask for. No, this is my fucking decision. This is what I choose to do. When she sees this is my point of the first one they're all tied together. When she sees the energy behind the actions and she sees consistency, fuck, mate. What's she got to worry about? We've got a caravan, so go away with the kids every four to six weeks. I'm home with the family, I'm helping out. I'm taking the stress off her plate. I. So it was very little. One, because my actions were consistently true. Two, because the energy behind the actions were one of ownership and responsibility. I'm the fucking man for her to have stability, to breathe, to have time away from the kids for herself. Because I can take over, to relax and know everything's going to be okay. Because I did what I said I would do and I was consistent. And I'm not alone. I'm not alone. I've got a team as well. This isn't the Al show. Just like the fathers who join hpf, they come on board, they have a tribe. Fuck. It's a powerful tribe, man. It's crazy. Like, I don't even. I don't even scroll on social media, none of that shit anymore. I don't even look up. Like, I get ads just like you for all the shit business coaches, this and that and that and that. And it's like, what the fuck do I even need this for? I just scroll through our. Our app that has our community and I'm like, look at these fucking champions. Have a look at these guys. Look at what they're doing in their relationship. Look at what they're doing with their body. Look at their My Zone scores and what they're tracking there. Look at their revelation and mindset pieces. It's insane. Like, I could kick back and that could become my new social media feed. It is that inspiring. It's fucking crazy. Guess what all those men did? They made a fucking decision and they owned it. They took responsibility and ownership over that decision. And you know what? Some of them copped a bit of backlash from their missus. You know why? Because of what I said before. They chronically handed their fucking balls over to the point where we got in touch with them, they got in touch with us. We connected. And we didn't say, hey, have your fucking balls back. We showed them the pathway for them to stand up and make the decision themselves. We don't save any father. We don't sell or manipulate anyone. It doesn't fucking work that way and it never will. I've seen others do it and from day one, Day Dot, we've still got original members with us over four years now. Day Dot not sold one, man, it will never work. I saw that from previous businesses and in my gym we open the door, show the pathway, no dickhead policy. Obviously you take the step, point is, man, and that's just sharing the tribe as well. The point is behind this I own my decisions, which means I own the fuck ups. So in 10 years of failed businesses, I transparently say to Corinne, yes, I own that I didn't do the fucking work. I used the gym as facility to be an elite athlete. I was breaking down our marriage because I committed to going to work and travelling and doing all these things instead of lining up more important things inside of you and our daughter Stella at the time, I take ownership over my eyes wandering and me nearly running away with another woman because I was too fucking piss weak to face the facts of I earn all that shit, guess what? If I'm going to own the fucking bad, I'm going to own the good. And you better fucking support me on that too if you're not going to be a hypocrite. This is not A, this is not the what the intensity of the conversation was. It was many conversations over many years now. But B, this was the connection, the understanding that can only exist with my wife, with my children, with my coaches, my colleagues, my workers, my tribe. With you only work from a position of self, responsibility and ownership that leads into consistency, consistent energy behind the actions. Hard part is though, you can do something consistently poor. So when we talk about energy behind the actions, what type of energy is it behind your actions that leads to you actually going, yes, I do take full ownership? Which leads me to point number two. Look at it through the eyes of someone else. When we're looking at responsibility and ownership, look at what's happening inside of your life and those that you're connected to through the eyes of someone else. Visualize this with me, man. Visualize it. How would you look? How do you look through the eyes of your children right now? What does that look like? Think about it. They're sitting at the table, they're like literally visualize it, close your eyes, don't close your eyes, but visualize it. They're a little bit shorter than you. They're sitting at the breakfast table, they're looking up to you, fucking slamming down your coffee, you're scoffing a bit of toast out the door. They're seeing frantic energy and pacing and you slept in again. What are they seeing? Look, literally become the oracle with me for a second and look through, through the looking glass. Look through their Eyes. Look through your wife's eyes. What is she seeing? How often do you stare in the mirror? Look through your own eyes? What are you seeing? Are you seeing ownership? Are you seeing responsibility? Are you seeing the highest level of opportunity that that's being played out at the moment? What are they seeing, Your employees, What are they actually seeing? Look through their eyes. Pick one of them. Pick that person at the fucking checkout at Woolies that you see all the time. Or the old Mavis you see down at the shops. You say, what is she seeing? What are they seeing at the park? Texting on your phone while your kids are playing and calling out, you know, what are they seeing? Really? Break this down. Every single one of your children. You got one, you got six, you got four. What does life look like through their eyes when they're looking at dad? Is he even there? What is he doing? What is he saying? Which way is he facing? What does he look like? What's his posture like? There are plenty of times when we seek to help others before we help ourselves. Why? Because it just pushes. Just kicks the can down the road a little bit more of our own problems, right? We can focus on someone else's problems so we don't have to focus on our own. I get all that, man. I get all that. That's been a hard line to walk for me for many years. My life's dedicated to serving people, but I can't turn up and serve in the greatest way possible if I don't sort my own shit out first. It's what I do. I do very, very well. Like, it's not arrogant. It's fucking phenomenal what I can do. Why? Because I work from the inside out. Like, even right, I'm thinking, how do you see me right now? You're listening to these words. Our swears here and there, and he's dropped a couple of C bombs. Now, that was cool. Or maybe that wasn't cool. I don't agree with swearing or. But he does swear at the right time. Like, man, what do I look like to you? I'm trying to think, what do these men see now? I'd like to think they see someone who's pretty transparent. He's open with a lot of his own traumas and hardships and shares. He's very direct in a lot of ways, but true at the same time. He hits a lot of home truths that very few are willing to speak about. Maybe. Like, I'm not trying to do a bio on how amazing Al is. I'm visualizing a very good tool, a skill, a strategy that you can apply to go, okay, am I really taking ownership over my life? Am I really holding the highest level of responsibility from which I'm retaining the right things which will convert into power and this self empowerment, not through words. Walking on coal or chopping fucking wood in half with goals on the back of it. Or, you know, I don't know, I've never done that. They write down the things that you hate about yourself on the back of the wood and you chop it in half. Looks like balsa wood. I saw some 80 year old woman chop through with two fingers. Like, man, couldn't be that hard. I promise you, man, this will not turn. This, this won't turn into a. It won't turn into a comedy podcast. I promise you it won't. I like painting perspective and contrasting. It's good fun sometimes. God bless old ladies. So looking through, what is the energy behind the actions? Is that one of ownership and responsibility? Okay, maybe, maybe not. Change it up. Review that through the eyes of your children. What do you look like to your kids? Who are you to your children? Have you even asked them? Have you spoke to them about this? Because you bet, man, you would be amazed. You would be amazed. You'd be baffled because you're too busy sorting your own shit out. Right, I get it. Hard to think about what everyone else is going through. That's why your relationships break down. Look at the poss. And women are even harder. Like it's. They're simple and hard at the same time. You got to paint multiple perspectives of what they might be seeing just to find where you can crack one of the eggs open and go, oh, there we go, beautiful. That's the pathway here. I'm going to relieve some stress for you. I'm going to change up a few things that obviously don't exist in my head, but they do in yours. Let's fix that and let me nullify and negate that once and for all so it doesn't come back into play. Here you go. Like that's what leadership is. You're not saving your wife, but you're providing influence from standing in her position and perspective. You would be baffled, man. Earlier this week, two, three times so far I've. I sleep in, I sleep in my bed with my wife. It's a nice bed. Don't sleep in the bed with the kids. They usually settle pretty good. So we used to. To try and help them for an hour or two and I'd fall asleep, but no Lillian wakes up before Stella, right? So she wakes up, she screams. She's really loud. It's like, oh, fuck, she's super loud, man. We don't want her to wake up Roman or Stella. So what do I do? Because I usually get up earlier than Corinne. I'm more of a morning person. I'll go and into bed, and I'd jump into bed and lay with the lynch pattern, all that sort of stuff. And I'm just laying down cuddling her, and, you know, just a little bit of soft talk. How you going? You okay? Did you have a good dream? And just. Just little things. Just keep trying to keep it very calm and relaxed because her and Stella share the same bedroom. Not even to me. Not even to me. Which was bizarre because we're so open and transparent in our family. Not even to me. Later that morning, I hear sobbing. Stella's in tears. Corinne comes up to me, and she's like. Stella said she's really upset and sad because every single night you sleep in bed with Lillian and never with her. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm in bed for, like, two minutes. Because obviously, by the time that happens, right, Stella eventually wakes up because I'm laying in bed with Lillian for 10, 15 minutes, and it's starting to get daylight. And so Stella wakes up. So as soon as she wakes up, what does she see? She sees Daddy in bed with Lillian. So straight away, she assumes that from her going to sleep to waking up, I've been in bed with Lillian all night, and I didn't spend any time with her. Like, this shit is real, gentlemen. This happened yesterday morning. I was like, what the fuck? That's crazy. How could she even think that? And then I'm like, oh, of course she could. She goes to sleep. Usually Lillian, even though she's younger, goes to sleep after her. So all Stella sees is me settling Lillian. And then all she sees when she wakes up is me in bed playing with Lillian. It's like, what about me? What about me? Right? This is what I mean, man. Like, look through the eyes of your children in ways that you haven't before, because you're too busy and fucking chaotic to stop and think what life might look like to them, what you might look like to them through their eyes. It was really fascinating. So you know what I did this morning? It was really funny, actually. She was a bit unsettled. Lillian got up early, so I grabbed Lillian, got her to go into bed, lay with Mummy, and then I went and laid in bed. With Stella. So Stella woke up. Oh, Stella. And I started stretching. Daddy. See, look, Daddy. Daddy sleeps with you as well. Daddy was in bed all night. Was. Did it. Was it nice knowing that Daddy was here and do you have a nice dream? And. Yes, yes, yes. So funny, man. And that's what I said to her. I said, stell, I said, daddy, I know you're upset yesterday talking to Mummy, but Daddy doesn't sleep in bed with Lillian all night. Daddy just settles her in. And sometimes I go into bed early so she doesn't wake you up, and I try and calm her down. Yeah. And told her the truth and tried to help her understand it, but we'd never have that dialogue if, A, my wife and I didn't communicate, or, B, I wasn't receptive and open to that being her reality. Doesn't matter if it's right or wrong or true. That's her perceived reality. So for me to open up instead of just shutting it down or blocking off her true emotions, because when my life and my marriage is falling apart, Stella was the one who had abandonment and attachment issues. Lillian wasn't born yet. I need to look at that and go, well, fuck, man. I can't go too much the other way, but I need to make sure I'm looking from her point of view. That's responsibility and ownership. Ownership over how receptive you can be to those you love and care about around you. All of this shit comes down to you making decisions. That's the third point. Making decisions. This life. Talk about investments. Talk about experiences, legacy, your children, everything outside of you being connected. This life is a series of your fucking decisions, man. The end. Seriously, like the end. I want to expand on that to give some clarity, because I get it. I almost feel like for myself, I shouldn't, but I'm here for you as well as for me. I enjoy doing this. But seriously, that's it, man. The end. I can't tell you the last time I came up with an excuse. If something was missed, something didn't happen. Oh, why did, like, one of my team, you know, it's not like I'm some tyrant sitting on a pedestal. Some of my team will be like, hey, Al, you fucking missed this, this and that. And I'll be like, you're right, I did. All right, I'll fucking do it right now. I'm not perfect. But I can't tell you the last time I. Oh, yeah, now that. Because the kids and Lillian was crying and I had to go home. No, no, no, no, no. What happened? Okay, done. Yep. That's on me. Let me organize something. Let me fix it. Let me move forward. Let us move forward from here. Tell you, like, it's been a long time. It's actually quite refreshing because if I take ownership over a problem that's relevant and specific to me, I don't take everyone's problems on board. That's not fair to anyone, including myself. Doesn't matter how strong I am, as soon as I take that on and take ownership over it, I can do something about it straight away. Your life is a series of making decisions. So when you're hesitating, when you're not pulling the trigger, when you need to go fucking check with the wife, all that sort of shit, right or wrong, it's irrelevant. It's a decision. It's your decision. You fucking own that. You want to hand your balls over to someone else, you fucking own that. You don't want to take ownership over your life. You own that lack of ownership. You don't want to change your life. Well, stop pissing in the wind, stop whinging, stop bitching, stop moaning and accept the fact that, hey, I don't want to fucking do anything about it. Otherwise I fucking would of. And I would have pulled the trigger and would have made the decision. The end. I can't stress this enough, man. That doesn't mean my wife and I live isolated lives. Of course I. I communicate well with her. We are a team. We work through things. There are certain things in life where I'm like, I can't fucking put this on Corinne. That's not fair on her or me. This is my choice to make. I'm the one who needs to do this. And some of you, which we've had fathers who've joined credit to them as well, actually, because they knew they were going to walk into the. When they got home or when they opened up the news, or shared a minute, an hour, a week, a month later, they could have been walking into the lion's den or the lioness and facing some fire. We help them with that. How do we help them with that? Well, their actions show you might get resistance. This is what life's about, right? People want certainty, even if it's shit, even if it's not good. It's still comfortable, it's still familiar. That's still certainty that keeps some sort of concrete walls instead of the cards falling down of some sort of security in their life. Even if it's something that's not great, your wife will hold onto that. Because that is something that firms up her view of the world. So even if it's self destructive, she'll hold on to that because it's familiar, it's predictable, it's a given. Can you see how fucked up we are as humans? How much we get shit backwards? We all have this in us. This is not just your wife. We all have that in us. But when you turn up, you consistently take action and you do what you said you would do and you don't do it alone anymore. You become a proper outfit. You're not a fucking liar. This is one of the most powerful things. I'm not talking about just joining HPF either. Like, it's. I must admit, like, anytime I've had to. Not that I do consults anymore. Coaches are amazing. But anytime when we've had to speak to their wives, that tickets are fucking given. Like to the point where someone sometimes is like, should we just make the appointment with the wife? I'm half joking. I'm not here to take the piss out of you. But this is where it gets to, gentlemen, where it's like, okay, well, shit, man. The woman can see what they're getting out of this. You're not doing things alone. But this is the hard part. I get it. How can you be believable when you failed so many times on your own? That's why the tribe is tested and true. That's why the coaching in the program works. Right from the get go, it's like, no, no, this is what I'm doing. I'm not washing my hands of responsibility. I'm taking ownership and responsibility over investing in the right people, the right framework, the right organization to make sure that I don't fuck fail. I don't get in my own way. I cut the shit that's been pulling me down because we all have that. Remember, mate, I'm speaking with you. Imagine you and me are sitting on a cloud. We're both in third person view and we're just looking down at life. I'm not talking directly to who you are. Like, that's just actions. Your body's. It's a meat sack. Your body's just a vessel you're living life through. We're both sitting on the cloud. Just a little bit higher and we've got a great third person perspective. Just sitting and talking, going, fuck. Isn't that funny? Look at that, Al. Look at these observations. Look at what my body and my words are saying and doing. Look, doing at. I'm. What. What's happening here? I can see why she would not believe me. Look at all these other things I've tried. Look at the money that I waste on alcohol and drugs and smoking and other things. And I mean, you know, it's, that's obviously why there's, there's more money, more of a money drain, right? It's, it's the tying in. Look at the, the observations and the patterns. We're both sitting on this cloud, having a look and going, can you see here, man? Can you see the energy behind the actions? Can you try and now, now get off the cloud and just zoom around in behind and inside the skull of your child, inside the skull of your wife. Can you see through those eyes? Can you see what's happening here? What do you see? Tell me, what are you seeing out of responsibility and ownership from that man right now? Okay, let's go back into yourself. But you're in the bathroom, there's the mirror. What are you seeing? Now that you've seen all those other perspectives, you've seen the energy behind the actions and you've seen the decision making processes, including not making decisions, being a decision itself. What are you seeing? Are you seeing a man who's strong, who's attractive, who holds value and respect in himself? Here's the craziest part as we wrap this up. When you look through the eyes of your children and you're not investing in yourself, you're sedated and distracted by drugs and alcohol and television, other things that might be socially acceptable in front of them, and maybe other things that they don't see, like getting the quick hit and rubbing one ounce, some porno and other things that really like other heavier hard end drugs that they don't see. But it's still part of your makeup. When you start to look at things through other people's eyes, you can then observe your own actions and be like, okay, everything I'm doing now, my children are watching and seeing as a standard. Look, I love training at the gym, but I love just as much training at home. My children see a large, strong and powerful man. That's not for my ego. They see a standard. They see the standard because that's what they are exposed to. My children aren't at the age where they're hanging out in everyone else's houses and watching everyone else's dads and how they carry on. All they're seeing is me, which means in a healthy way, not comparison of judgment, but a contrast and observation. They're going to see other actions as they get older. But what's underpinned in the seedlings that have become the fruit and the fruit bearing tree, what they're seeing is a foundation of. And my dad was a fucking powerhouse. Have a look at this bloke. So guess what? They're going to attract and draw in good strong men. Guess what? They're going to cut away the shit with trinkets at treats and drugs and fucking fast cars and all the other bullshit. Now I'm not saying this is a guaranteed. Nothing in life outside of yourself is guaranteed and even inside of yourself is guaranteed. You don't know when your time's up. I don't either. But I'd certainly like to put the odds in my favour through my own actions in standing up, making decisions as a man and owning life as a man should, with responsibility and ownership that then transfers through the eyes of my children seeing what they should accept inside of themselves. Because if I was shit, lethargic, rundown, abusing my body, doing all these things, what is the energy behind the action and the eyes of my children seeing? They're seeing someone who doesn't love themselves. So guess what they're going to adopt? They're going to adopt an attitude, a nature, a Persona, a characteristic, a trait of someone who doesn't need to love themselves. And we all know where that goes, gentlemen, we all know where that goes. Whether it's self abuse, self harm, abusive relationships, many other things that can be much harder that I don't even want to acknowledge or talk about because it shouldn't be. The time is always now. I hope you enjoyed this episode and I hope this is giving you a different spin. Yes, some of my episodes can be hard hitting. Yes, we did laugh a couple of times, but learn the switches, man. It's fucking game on. Like you need to tune into this episode and go, hmm, Al's given me some stuff to think about here. How to own life as I should, because it is my life and I should own it and have responsibility over making decisions myself when I know it's mine to be made, not just casting off. I get things like choosing dinner together with your wife. That's great. Don't dismiss that. Jump into that as well. Doesn't mean you become a control freak. But really, man, visualize that. Visualize that life of father, husband. What does that look like through other eyes? Look at the real and true energy behind your actions, what that's showcasing to others and the decisions that you know they are yours to make, no one else's. Don't fucking Pass the buck here. Your life is a complete. Your life is a pure collective of the. Of the decisions you make. I was going to say decisions and choices at the same time. Slow down now, you're speaking too fast again. It's the same fucking thing. Your choice is a decision. Your decision is a choice. Life is a series of choices, man. And you may not be able to control everything that's happening around, outside, or even to you, but you can absolutely control and choose how you want to see it. Choose the perspective you'll take. So when we peel that back a little bit more inside of yourself in who you are, you've got a monstrous amount of power inside of how you choose the choices you make and the decision making processes that will move your life forward. Don't ever give that up, man. That's bullshit to you and who else you've given that over to. This is yours. This is your life and your choice to make. Make that choice. Go fucking dominate and win. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.