185. Cutting The Poison That Crushes Men

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service, and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Men, welcome to an episode where we're talking about cutting the poison that crushes, crushes men. Especially in the modern world. It's always been here, though. It has always been here. We're going to be talking about the layers and I guess the step by step, the tiptoe that happens in life where all of a sudden we realize that we are filled with poison and unfortunately, we, we start, we start drinking our own Kool Aid, so to speak. And this is where I don't agree, I don't agree with how you do one thing is how you do everything. But there's definitely a carryover, a crossover, a transition on behavioral approaches, on patterns, on skill sets. This is the thing, right? Life is a series of skill sets. So if you're developing poor skill sets in your attitude, your behavior, how you see something, how you address something outside of yourself, guess what, the tides will turn and that shit will come and it'll hit you. That will bring the parasite more power. That will bring the judge and the victim inside onto yourself. The sword that you're sharpening to provoke, poke and castrate others is ultimately going to be turned onto yourself. So in this powerful episode, powerful episode with not too many loud words or noises coming after the whole family getting fucked up with gastro. This is going to be a more relaxed podcast. I'll see how I go. I'm feeling pretty cooked, so hopefully I don't pass out. I'm all good. I'm all good. This episode is really about helping you identify some of the things that you've brought into life. Unaware of that you can now identify, become aware of and go, look, I can't when I'm doing that. So the whole yes, no, right, When I'm saying yes to that, I'm saying no to something else. So when I'm doing that to others subconsciously now, bringing it to the surface and being aware of it, when I'm putting that onto others, one day that's going to turn and come onto myself. So when we're talking about cutting the poison that crushes men, largely what it all equals or becomes, the poison is judgment. It's judgment. So whilst all of our episodes are laid in with this, where it's like, focus on what you can control, don't have assumptions, don't have expectations, I'm going to bring all this together into one to help you really see the value naturally. As human beings, we judge, we gossip, it's how we share information. Chinese whispers are not truth or not. It's a part of society, It's a part of social conditioning, but also a part of tribes. Way back when, there was just different types and layers of communication in the jungle. Kill or be killed. Judging something is probably a bit different whilst it plays a role in life. Judging or getting a gauge on something is different to judging someone. It really is. When you're judging someone. I probably shouldn't put those two together. When you're judging something, you are getting a gauge, but when you're judging someone, you are making a statement again, that's who they are. That's what defines them. That's their actions. That's on them. It becomes a slippery slope, man. Like, look, there are lots of things that people do that I might not necessarily agree with, but I'm like, yeah, but you know what? I don't live in there. I've never lived in their shoes and I can't. So how can I, how can I actually judge them if I haven't lived or spent a day in their life in their shoes? It's physically impossible, as great as my perspectives are, to wrap my head around, it's why it's really hard for a lot of different traumas and things that guys go through. I can't say I understand. And you'll know that those of you who are members or not or you've listened to me long enough, you'll rarely if ever hear me say that I understand. It's like, well, I don't like, you know, I don't understand. I can try to understand. I can empathize. I can see how that would be traumatic. Or challenging or tough. But getting a 100% dialed in level of understanding is really hard. Which means on the flip side, getting a 100% dialed in level of true judgment of someone, fuck, man, it's impossible. How can you do that? How is that fair? But here's where we're going to start to peel the layers back so you recognize that it's not so much going, hey, they're shit. They're not a part of my life anymore. I'm going to judge them. Bang, they're gone. It's what happens when that approach turns on you. What happens when it turns on itself, when you turn on yourself, whether you know it or not, man. Like, it's. And then this is what I say, and I've said to our guys and our members, like, fuck, man, you're gonna. You're gonna give yourself shit for the bad. You don't even recognize the good or the great in what you've done. Like, that's a dangerous path to take, man. Because what you're doing is you are consistently reinforcing subconsciously. You are building this repetition in your identity that says, you are not enough. When I do ads, when I do this podcast, when I do live videos, when I do all this sort of stuff, I'm not here promoting a level of scarcity in your life that you're not enough. I'm empathizing and sharing the problem and doing it in a way with a platform that might help you have a pattern interrupt and break away from all the sweeping of shit under the rug to go, whoa, he's right. This is something in my life that I'm not happy about. Like, if your life's falling to pieces and you're happy about it, fucking good for you, man. I don't care. That's fine. I'm not here to push anyone into a corner to make them feel shit about themselves ever. Because I don't judge you for where your position is. It's to help bring it to the surface, to help you realign, to help you see where, regardless of how much you might be pointing at others, you're fucking crushing yourself, man. You're killing yourself. This is why we need to cut the poison. This is why the poison will crush men if it stays there. And I'm going to roll through a few examples, but I'm going to try and keep this nice and cruisy as well. Because, yeah, I'm feeling like shit. Like, I'm pretty transparent. Hopefully you guys still get great value out of this. It's not that I can't perform, but it's just making sure that I'm being smart in what I'm doing here. Hence the delay in our podcast. I usually like to roll them out Tuesdays and Thursdays. Judgment when. And this is where, because we're needing upstream. Where does judgment come from? It comes from a few different things which could all equal the same thing. It comes from a belief, an assumption, an expectation, a guess, a foresight, a prediction. It comes from a place where something is presented in front of you. Person, place or thing. I'm talking about judgment as a whole. Something presents in front of you and you read the circumstances, the situation, the conditions. And there is a lack of alignment with your belief systems, your expectations, your standards. All that really means what you believe should be true and it isn't. It's that simple. That's why you've got to be careful. Because when something happens and you're disappointed with yourself because it doesn't follow through on what you wanted to achieve, you judge yourself. You fuck yourself up. You really do. You've got to be very cautious of that. I can't stress this enough, man. So whilst this happens so much around us, like it happens to your friends, your family, your workers, your colleague, your wife, your children, your parents, whilst this is something that can happen so much outside of you, so much of what we do here in high performance, father, and how we help you develop yourself comes from the inside out. You are going to build a better set of eyes. You are going to build better perceptions around things, which is the same as a set of eyes, but that perception is going to lead to a state. So this set of eyes, your perspectives on things, how you can see, how you can take yourself out of yourself and move around the room almost like you're in third person view, right? And have a look and read the conditions. Maybe from an unbiased position, maybe neutral, maybe from a place where you don't make assumptions. Yeah, I know what it's like. No, you fucking don't. Otherwise you'd be that person, right? You don't know what it's like, but I do. Because they've gone through this same thing with finances, they've gone through the same thing with relationships. But how do you know? The patterns might be the same, but this is your life, this is their life. This is their life. This is their life. It's. It's all. It's all different. Whilst the patterns are the same, the pitfalls are the same or very similar. The way they're experienced the way it unfolds, all the little nitty gritty, the bits in between, they're all different. So you can get a feel, you can get a sense of it. But we must be very cautious of making assumptions of those around us and moving these assumptions into bad patterns or behaviors that become judgment. Because what that does, man, is that completely converts into how you handle yourself. So let's reverse the order. Let's organize handling yourself so you can handle your shit when it comes to others and dealing with their shit, because they're not perfect either. We're not here to go, hey, let's put you up on the pedestal. Your wife has her battles, she has her demons and challenges. She has shit that she needs to sort out. Just like your children do, just like your brother or sister, like we all do. This isn't a universe. That's what I keep saying. And you know, the funniest part is in, in my ads is I say that. I say I'm not here to judge you straight away in comments. Look at this fucking bloke judging. I'm like, hey, you're not fucking listening, mate. I just said that. That's an observation. I'm observing the actions, the patterns, the repetitions of so many men, including myself. Not that long ago or five years ago when my marriage was breaking down and falling apart, but even before that, as an athlete, as someone who is fat and overweight, then become really healthy and fit. So I started to judge everyone. Why the fuck are you overweight? I change. You can too. So I became this man who had such a pig headed nature. Well, I can fucking do it. You can as well. What I made in the mistake there was enforcing or trying to impose my standards onto someone else. It's really hard, man. Like life is a balancing act. It really is. And you walk this fine line between sharing your standards, inspiring through, sharing your standards through your own actions, and letting your actions speak louder than words and influencing or trying to force your standards onto others. That's the hard thing, right? You start to ask, you know, you've got responsibility now. There's people who look up to you and you know, blah, blah, and it's like, yeah, I get that. Like I've got a lot more say, power to influence someone through the runs on the board, the results, what we've done in the platforms and how I work, I get that. I've got that more than maybe Joe Blow who just works in a cubicle in a bank, keeps to himself and just goes to work and comes Home and doesn't have a podcast with, you know, thousands of listens. All that sort of. I get all that. But at the same time, this is your choice. You choose, you make the decision. The reason why you influence or can influence someone is because your strength and power of leadership, if it's done out of manipulation, it's not a great thing. Like, if you influence through love and leadership and they take it the wrong way, it's on them. But why do they take it the wrong way? But it is on them. This is your responsibility, this is your ownership. But why would you take it the wrong way? Why? Because all of these triggers that lead to looking for the bad come from a place of self judgment. I'm not enough. How fucking dare he tell me that I'm not enough. I'm the only one who can tell myself I'm not enough. So I'm going to be triggered. Can you listen to what I said just then, man? Like, can you. Can you see how much that can just destroy man over the years? So when we're talking about cutting the poison that crushes men, judging someone, judging others is such a dangerous thing to do. I'm not perfect with my words. So sometimes when I look at what man might be doing, I might, instead of saying the actions are poor and I'm observing this, it might come out from a place of judgment. I'm not perfect either. But it's not judgment, it's an observation of actions. So if I see someone like, man, that guy's behaving like a victim, I might not be judging him, but I'm certainly judging the actions. I'm observing the actions going, well, have a look at that. Like, so if someone's behaving poorly and I'm like, hey, you're behaving like a fuckwit, doesn't mean I'm saying you are a fuckwit. I'm saying, well, man, like, the way you're behaving, the observations are lining up. And this is what I mean when I say it's such a fine line to walk and no one's perfect, don't get me wrong, but cutting the poison is going to help you keep it limited and small, instead of it festering and becoming part of your entire body everywhere, limb to limb, all the way through. You completely infected one of our videos, seen a couple of million views, one of our ads, and there's thousands of comments of guys just hurling stones. And I'm so proud of that ad because of the amount of men who've connected with us and how much it's helped them change and transform their life. And I see all these men judging and I'm like, initially for me it would be to judge back and go, who the fuck are you? What the fuck have you done with your life? You're jumping on here and you're talking about triggers and judgment, this, that and that. Well, you know, what about what you're actually doing right here and now? Obviously this has triggered something inside of you. They talk about me being volatile or a feminist. And fuck, I've got to tell you, man, like, that can't be. That could not be further from the truth, you know, and love and appreciate women, love and appreciate men. But I'm definitely not, you know, the extremities of feminism has been soul crushing, unfortunately for so many men and women. A real woman wants a real man. Like, it's that simple. Everyone can have independence, but a real woman wants a real man. That's it. I've seen things that I guess represent as women. I don't know. Well, they don't identify as that anymore. So it's like, fuck, I don't even know what you are. But have a look at what you want. Focus on what you want. I can observe that and look and go. There's so much instability. I'm not judging, I'm observing. These actions are so unstable. Like, they are so volatile. They are not through love and leadership, they are manifesting into obsession, into rage, into anger, into resentment that is transferring to children, to others. That's not leadership. My observations and actions show that that is a victim. That is not leadership. That is not true with growth. That is not true with love. That is something I don't align with. That is something I'll no longer invest in. I'll keep moving forward. I can't sit down and respond to some of the comments sometimes and try and help the men. I hope you're well, man. All good. I hope this is a better year for you and here's some free resources, but it's got to be on you, man, and that's why you're here. And for a lot of us, I talk about unfucking ourselves, but it's really, it's such a dichotomy of this philosophy or this approach because in the same breath I talk about you being exactly where you need to be. You are here for a reason. You have opportunity, you have possibility. Life is a gift. So it's a hard one. But the reason why I paint both pictures is to bring perspective Again, a different cue might work for you, that might work differently for someone else. Might work differently for someone else. But essentially, we are here. We're exactly where we need to be, but we've got time and energy, so what can we do? So if there are things we're not happy with, well, let's unfuck them. But then also understand that we have the gift and the power to do that. Isn't that a great thing? It's two sides of the same coin, man. This is why I talk about judgment. Like, it may always slip and weave and sneak itself into our lives. It's the other side of the coin. But which side are we holding up most? Our personal integrity, our values. The other side of the coin of judgment, not judging, having a level of empathy. And this happens, and we'll bring up some examples, but something to really be conscious of, man. When you're judging others, just like when you're trying to solve other people's problems, just like when you're trying to give to others and become the. And when you do that, you're taking the focus off yourself. It's easier to solve other people's problems, isn't it? Because it kicks the can down the road for your own problems. You don't have to worry about that for a little bit. And you feel better, right, because you're helping someone else. Yet behind closed doors, your own shit's falling apart. Same with judging. When you start judging others and you do it and you do it consistently, you start doing it well, it becomes a pattern, it becomes a behavior, it becomes a skill set. Looking at others through a set of eyes and going, that's fucked. You're fucked. You're this, you're that. No good, no good. When you start doing that, this doesn't mean that there should be an acceptance for evil in the world. I'm not talking about just sitting back and going, oh, yeah, well, you know what? That guy murdered that woman. I can't judge him for. It's not about, you know, just becoming neutral and bland and dismissive of what's happening in the world. If there's threats, if there's other things that come into your world, your realm, in your inner circle, you have as much right as any man to stand up for what you believe in, just like I do. It's like we all do. But here's the crazy part, man. I'm not talking about those big plays where it's like, hey, fucking bang. I'm talking about the little subtleties, little salties and this is how it looks. You might get on great with your workers and your colleagues or your business and whatnot, yet you come home and the family walks on eggshells because for some reason you have more empathy. Because with the people at work, because they're not your family. Right? So you bring the walls down a little bit. You don't have a certain set of standards. So when you're coming into your household, all of a sudden these standards, they shift, they change. And you have expectations. You have expectations of standards. Fair enough. Was that an agreement? Is that something you agreed with the other party, with your children, with? Is that something you're upholding yourself? Are you coming to the party? The hard part is when you have expectations of the outcomes of others. Standards, maybe, but then that leads and bleeds into outcomes. So all of a sudden you have expectations of outcomes of others, which means if there's an expectation of an outcome of something that you don't control, you're actually losing control of the situation because you don't control it. But you believe you have a level of control over it, which quickly becomes assumptions. So you assume the outcomes of others. And when you assume the outcomes of others that are in your inner circle, you have a biased view and version and opinion of who they are in your eyes. Like your wife, like your children. Not so much so with workers and colleagues or myself or other people outside of you. But in your inner circle, you've got more leverage, more pull, right? More perceived power. You've got the rose, the rose goggles, the rose colored glasses on. So what becomes first standards? And you're tired, you're fatigued, you're working hard so that all limits your endurance to handle this, to keep a temperament and nature not be triggered. It becomes expectations of outcomes which becomes assumptions of outcomes which when that doesn't come true, even though you have no control over it, but you believe you should through your feelings, in your words becomes disappointment. This disappointment is a hidden. It is a mask for judgment. Judgment is part of life. It really is. Because if you can't judge something, you can't get a handle on where you stand. The ground is fluid, it's not solid. But when did the tables turn inside of your life where judgment had a hold of you instead of you using it as a tool for personal reflection, leadership, and growing individually and with your tribe. When did you lose control of that? When did the judge inside all of a sudden take the reins and control you and your life and then turn you inadvertently turn you into the victim? Poor Me, right? So this disappointment becomes judgment, which widens the gap. You suddenly don't communicate, you don't show a certain level of affection to your. With the children, you get a bit more snappier, they get a bit more fearful around dad. Like my father was awesome in the way that we connected with sports and we played and laughed and whatnot. And he could flip the switch pretty quickly, which showed how triggered he could be. But man, when he had that energy, you didn't even go in the same room, you stayed well fucking away. And I look back now and that happened a lot. That happened a lot, man. So it was really interesting because there's so much, there was so much love in our family and there's so much support with sports, with performance, with backing ourselves, with taking chances, taking risks. But then it was equally met with, whoa, we don't fucking step into the lounge room, Dad's there and he's got his bowl of fruit and he's. Don't get fucking near him. So when you look at this, you start to recognize that a lot of the judging outwards of other people is something that will ultimately not only hurt you because you're hurting the ones you love, but hurt you because that is becoming a skill set, a way of seeing the world, a belief, a perspective that is going to one day hone on you. When the parasite, the judge inside the victim, inside the little voice inside the self sabotage, the tall popping yourself, all of it, all of the above, when that gets hold one day and there's no one else to push the blame onto, that's gonna fuck you up and it will. Every single person that throws their hands in the world and goes, ah, the world's fucked. Poor me, why did I deserve this? I don't. What do you think that is like? Is that really judging the community they live in? Is that really judging the place of work they just got fired from or got made? Is that really judging their wife? Or they. No, poor old me. Why does this have to happen to me? It's, it goes straight back onto you, it becomes a level of self judgment, but you can't even see it because you're that far gone in the state of victimhood. And then what that converts into is, yes, poor old you, you'll never do anything, you'll never break free from any challenges you face. It'll never turn around. This is just the way it is. Things will never get better because again, like I said, when you're focusing on something, you're taking your focus on something Else. So when you focus on these statements to be true, judging others, judging yourself, you're taking the focus off the possibilities, the power that you do have, the time and energy that you can wield and yield in your favor to turn things around. Think about that, man. Think about that poison that creeps into your body, creeps into your mind, floods, floods your heart. For us as men, and we've got a very special guest coming on, which I'm very excited about. She's awesome. For us as men, it's not sex. It's not, oh, we want more sex. We want to be wanted. We want to feel connection. Sex is the byproduct of having that connection. It really is. But when this judgment holds true, you miss the mark, man. You don't have the energy, you don't have the focus, you don't have the memory. So you stop connecting with your wife. You lose the intimacy day to day, the playfulness, the mystery, the curiosity that you build. Planning things, making it personal. I just buy flowers. What flowers did you give her? What flowers did you have at your wedding? How about those ones? Like, make that shit personal. Don't just be fucking bland. It's why I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, or certainly not the way that everyone else does or most other people do. Again, that's not a judgment. You want to do it, do whatever you want. It's an observation of actions. But essentially, this is the fine line that we walk where if Al kept saying certain statements, oh, he. Maybe he is judging, maybe he isn't. It's why you need to be rock solid in yourself, man. What are you developing? I want you to ask yourself these questions. What are you developing inside of yourself that is giving you a viewpoint that pulls others down, which creates an illusion of self elevation. It's an illusion. Instead of focusing on your own shit and getting your act together and building yourself up through pride, through personal power, being optimistic, being positive, being driven with the actions, what are you reinforcing? Like, what are you developing that is going to cut you down one day? You're sharpening the axe. Guess what? That axe is going to turn on you one day. It's imperative that we cut this poison from our body as frequently as possible, as much as possible, because no good comes of it, man, whether it's your relationships. And again, there's judgment because you had an expectation, you had an assumption. You didn't get sex this week or this month or this year. What have you done about it? What can you control? How can you Turn the odds in your favor through what you can do instead of just sitting back. Because that's all the judgment ever. It is like, it's all it ever is. When there is judgment, it is purely a fucking statement. That's it. You are this, you are that. Okay, great. Awesome. How far did that get you? What? It gave you more security. It helped shore up the narrative inside your head, helped reinforce the story that you keep telling yourself. Awesome. How's that moved your life forward? Okay. You feel better? You figured someone out. You've figured something out. You figured out that you're a fucking loser because you told yourself you are. Like, where is that getting you, man? Where is judging getting you? It's a statement. It's not even a question, which means you're not going to look or search for the answers. It's done. You've just made that up in your head now. You have solidified that as your truth. Great. Now what have you forgotten? You've probably got another 10, 15, 20, 40 years left. What are you going to do with that now? Oh, nothing. You'll keep moving through because of the chaos of life. You'll have your dinner, you'll go to bed, you'll wake up, you'll go to work. I'll be bang. Here it comes again. I used to get. I used to get a fair bit of road rage where I tell people to pull over. I'm not proud of that. That. This is a long time ago. This is a long, long time ago. At least. At least two weeks ago. I'm just kidding. At least 10 years ago. And now if someone speeds up, someone's, you know, is it tailgating? I can't remember what it's called. Someone's right. Right on my ass. Someone cuts me off, does all that sort of stuff. I used to judge. I'm like, oh, they might be in a rush. They might have someone sick. They might be going to hospital. They might be late for something. They might be angry, they might be bitter and resentful. I'm not going to take that energy off them. I'm not going to take ownership over that. If that's their hatred and anger onto the world. Because there is no justifiable means on why they're driving erratically and causing stress, chaos and risk for everyone else on the road. I'm not going to absorb that. How's that fair on me? How's that fair on me? To get road rage and get triggered and get upset and angry? I don't even know who they are. And Even if I did, why would I still hold on to the energy? It's almost like someone comes in, right? They catch off they drive. And you could just see. Imagine visualize this, I don't know all the ins and outs, but imagine, like it's an aura, right? Imagine it's an aura and we can all see. I know people who can, but we can all see auras. And there's this big. It's like green and brown. It's like this big. Big fucking shitty green and brown aura that's just beaming outside of the car. It's like sort of like. Or rippling out, you know, like waves or like the water. You throw a pond in the pond, you throw a big stone. Bang. It's just rippling out. And you see this big brown and green aura, and you've got this beautiful big fucking purple and golden. If that's the color of royalty, whatever you want to call it, you got this beautiful big aura in yourself, and you can see this. And you're like, whoa, look at that green and brown shit that's coming out. What's going on there? And all of a sudden you're like. It starts to come into your car and you're like, yep. And you open up your arms. Give me some of that. I want to take some of that green and brown shit aura. I want to take some of that in place instead of just deflecting it. That's exactly what you're doing. Because when people are acting in this erratic behavior, when people are judging me on my ads, when people are judging their wives, their children, their husbands, their workers or colleagues, their boss, the community old mate, who just fucking cut them off when they're doing that. What they're doing is they're opening up. You're opening up and saying, yes, let me take your truths as my own for something that I am then going to embody. Whether you agree with it or not is irrelevant. You've made a part of your life, you have connected to that. You have drawn into that. You have made a transaction. You have made an emotional deposit, and you've also made an emotional withdrawal of the great stuff. It's like good and bad habits. When you cut out a bad habit, you've got room to bring in a good one. When you remove the good habits you would have had previous years gone by in your life, you're allowing room for bad habits to creep in. There is always an equilibrium. So when you're doing this, man, when you're judging what you're actually doing, you think you're active, you're not. It's a fucking statement. You're passively opening up and going, yes, give me some of this. Give me some of this. I'm going to judge you, which means I'm going to attach to exactly what's happening right now, and I'm going to attach to it in a way that is not focusing on myself, what I can do. And that is the difference. It's a very fine line. What are you developing? What are you reinforcing inside of yourself? What are the patterns? What are the behaviors? What are the skills? Like, this is a skill set. What are the poor skill sets? You're developing a great fucking skill, but probably in a poor area of life. Just. Just to word that properly, what does that look like? And then why, why, why are you reinforcing this? Like, I've had death threats and that sort of stuff before, so don't get me wrong. Like when I say some of these posts, and there's some pretty heavy stuff, there's that little feeling inside me that sparks up and look, okay, I need to put the. I need the axe. The Vikings coming out. It's time to go to war. I get that feeling like I'm about to run on the footy field. Rarely. Rarely anymore. But I used to get that feeling a fair bit. It's a trigger. It comes up and it's something like, oh, I'm aware of that. Why is that? Oh, because I don't agree with it. And what he's saying is a blatant lie. He doesn't even know who we are and what we're about. Okay, but that's him. That's his truth. That's his perspective. Bang. It disappears. It dissolves. So it's a work of art. It is a work in progress, but it really is a work of art when you can build speed. Like, people think life's the long game, right? And it is. But the long game is very fast. And it's not that you won't achieve what you want to achieve in your life. You'll just run out of time. You'll be dead, you'll die. So you could look at life and go, well, life's a bit of a sprint. Well, it is, but it's like sprint endurance, right? It's pretty. Pretty weird how it works, the whole concept of time. So speed is key, man. When you develop skill sets, you develop the speed to nullify or negate or remove these triggers that pop up that lead to immediate judgment. So when I See, someone castrating us, our members, what we stand for, what we do comes and then goes. It's like, ah, man, I feel for this guy. He's obviously in pain. I'm not making an assumption. It's an observation of actions. You look at the words, you look at the context in how it's written. You look at the triggers like he's triggered, otherwise why would he even comment? So when you observe the actions, you're like, well, yeah, obviously there's something going on. I don't know what the type of pain is on, how much he's in, I don't know his life. So how can I judge him? He could have lost the court case and he hasn't seen his kid for years. Who knows? And I'm just the vessel. I'm the catalyst, right? For him to have control again, for him to have pleasure again, because that's what it is. He's drawing in pleasure through the anger, through the rage. That's his outlet. Well, if I'm not going to bring it within and control what I can, I'm going to have. I need to express some sort of outlet. Well, here's this fucking bloke talking about being a high performance father. That's the one. I'm going to release that. But you tell me, how good does it? How much good does that do for you in the long haul when you're playing the long game? None. I mean, you already know the answer. Man, I hope this is serving you well, this episode, which I'm not 100%, but I hope it still adds value for you. You know, I feel pretty fucking cooked, to be fair, But I really enjoy connecting. And you know what I actually really enjoy? Being transparent. I don't know what I look like in your eyes. I don't know how I look to you. Inside of myself, I am a titan. I am the king of my own castle, not of yours. I am the king of my own kingdom, not of yours. You are the king of your kingdom. This is your life as well. So I'm not perfect, but what I do see is a man who backs his shit up and does what he says he will do and happily promotes with transparency and vulnerability where he is every day, every week, every month of life. But guess what? I keep fucking winning. I keep turning up. I don't bow down. I don't give in. I don't give up. I was vomiting my fucking guts up six hours ago, yet here I am. And that's not something to promote or to go, hey, look, at me. Look at Al. He's invincible. It's not here to impress you. It's just. I really hope you got some value out of this, because guess what was going through my head when I'm driving to work this morning. You're fucking sick, man. Don't need to do it. I was judging myself. I have such high standards, being a half Virgo. I'm a Leo Virgo on the cusp. Don't know if you believe in star signs, but they are eerily pretty accurate. And Virgos, my son Roman's a Virgo. It's. It's insane. The. The level of perfectionism is crazy. Like, it's scary to the point where little man, he's not even one and a half. Where he's getting dressed and he comes out to mum, no, I want this pair of shorts. It needs to be put on this way. And it's like. It's so funny, like, seeing him in action. And I've got mates that are Virgos as well. Definitely perfectionist. So I'm driving into work going, you're not fucking good enough, man. You're not good enough to do a podcast today. You didn't do one yesterday. You'll start to feel a bit cooked and, you know, fuck it, just do one. So the judge is a really sneaky thing. The judge and the victim, right? Just do one this week. Just do one podcast. You got an amazing guest coming on board tomorrow. You know, you can do a podcast Wednesday and Thursday. Don't fucking do it, man. Just wait, save up your energy, go home, rest. So the judge comes in. I'm not good enough. I can't perform. I still can't add value. I get it. I'm not here. I'm never going to burn myself out. I've come close many times. I'm too smart for that at this stage. Maybe it'll come in different formats. Mental stress with teenage daughters, who knows? But essentially, for me, it's a case of going, you know what? I can still add value. This is an important message. I love and enjoy doing this. If not this, then what? What else would I be doing? I can still speak, I can still provide value. Why wouldn't I do this? So I hope this added some value into your life today. Just, you know what? A lot of the home runs we hit with some pretty powerful episodes around relationships and whatnot and communication and triggers and control. I love them, man. Like, they're really cool. But sometimes it's just stripping back to some of these, which they're Repeated, but in different words, possibly in different episodes to just go, hey, let's just talk about judgment. Let's talk about this poison that just consumes the world. There's so much judgment going on. There's so much. And you get pulled into the bullshit. Whether it's your mates, whether it's your misses. It starts as gossip, it starts as information, right? And the information becomes gossip, becomes bitching, which then becomes worry, fear, uncertainty, doubt, concern, judgment, fight or flight. Judge, judge, judge. All of a sudden you're like, okay, well where the fuck did that get me? I just spent fucking two hours on this shit. I'll never get that back. And I actually feel worse. Like, do you really feel better when you judge someone again? It's an illusion. It's an illusion of temporary. So it's a temporary illusion. It's not even something you can live on, but it becomes what, a repeatable pattern, repeatable behavior, a repeatable cycle inside of you. But what good comes from that? Like you're judging and it's like, okay, it's a temporary illusion of you elevating yourself above someone else. Temporary illusion. Not real, not long lived. So from that I ask the question, man, what the fuck's the point? What is the point? Judge situations. Judge. Or get a gauge on circuits. Sure. It's late at night, there's an alley, there's a couple of men there. Okay, cool. I'm not going to assume who they are, but I'm going to get a gauge on the situation and make sure that I'm solid in myself. These men try and jump me. Okay, game on. Like, there's nothing wrong with being prepped or primed for what may be, but when you live in that chronic state or that preconceived idea or notion again, that's a pretty big, that's a big example. Like that's, that could be a, you know, that could be a life threatening example. So I paint these big pictures like, well, yeah, maybe, maybe there is a higher level, a higher level of heightened senses and really observing, judging, gauging what's happening. But I'm talking about the day to day stuff, man. Look at this fucking idiot. He didn't put his blinker on. Like that sort of stuff. You need to be so cautious with your words and all the thoughts that you just let flood into your life. Look at the shorts and shirt he's wearing. Like I get having a joke and having a laugh and piss takes all that sort of stuff. But, but inside of your own company. I want you to have a look. This is our action plan. As we wrap this up, I want you to have a look inside of your life and just start to become more aware. Even if you got a little. Either on your phone or had a little notepad or something, just do a little dash. And I want you to tally. Tally up how many times. This is the hard part. How many times you actually catch yourself. How many times you catch yourself judging someone else. Tally that up. Like I said. I'm not saying I have a perfect track record. But you know what? I realign and reorganize that shit very quickly. Because I know that doesn't help them, that doesn't help me. So I sort that shit out right away. That's the key. That's the gift. Building awareness. First, tally them up. And then building the skill set to remove. Ask the question. Awareness. Know the act. Know what you're actually doing, thinking and projecting and allowing into your life, ironically enough, the brown and green shit. Aura. Awareness. Ask the question. Alignment. Okay. What good is this doing me? How's this helping me? A to B. How's this going to help them? And dissolve. Awareness. Realignment and dissolve it. Okay, cool. All right. Maybe that's the old me. But I'm not going to judge that person. I'm just going to focus on my shit. What I need to do. Done. Perfect. Because when you do this, I want you to tally and catch yourself. When you're judging yourself. When you say you're not good enough. When you're looking in the mirror and you're not happy, when you're tired, when you're rattling off these little statements. A little voice inside. Guess what little voice inside is? He's the judge. And he wants to pass this judgment into living life as a chronic victim. That's his power. That's how he gets hold over you and keeps that. Don't be that way, man. Do whatever you want, but don't be that way, man. It will not serve you. It will not serve you well. Awareness. Tally him up. How many times are you judging others that you didn't even know you were. How many times are you judging yourself? Ask the question. Great. How's that? Moving me forward? How's that? Strengthening my relationships? How's that helping me become a better father? No worries. How can I dissolve this? What am I going to do about it? To dissolve that. Take the actions. Become a leader. Love and leadership. Cut the poison that's crushing. It crushes men. You know why it crushes men? Because you have such an Amazing opportunity where you are right now to be a phenomenal leader in today's society and in this world. Men without children could never lead the way. Men with children can. They don't get it. They're not invested enough in life. That's not a judgment of their ability. That's an observation of investing in life. You know that, man, You're a father. Listening to me. When we have children, the game, fuck, it changes so much. So much. It doesn't mean it's a bad thing. There are plenty of men and women who never want to have kids in life. No problem, it's your life. But you cannot play at the level. You cannot play at the level of leadership that you potentially could have if you had children. You're so much more invested in life. Nothing brings the mirror up more. Be the greatest leader that you can because you're a father. And you're a father in a relationship or not, that has stability, has responsibility to build stability for his children, for himself. That comes from focusing on your actions, what you can do. Not self judgment. Judgment, not judgment of others. Not the judge and then the victim, not the parasite that sucks the life out of you, that takes your eyes away from the prize. Yourself. You're your greatest asset. When you forget that, you immediately become your greatest liability. You become volatile, unstable, unpredictable. And then everything gets burned to the ground. Take care, men. I hope this serves you well. Action plans. Find the awareness. Tally up, tally up the scores. Whoa, I just judge that person. Whoa, I just judge that person. Again, I'm all for laughs and having a joke. I'm not saying you should live life as a mute, but, you know, chronically at the expense of others is probably not ideal. Tally up awareness first. Shit, Al, I actually judged 18 times today. And I was actually working hard not to. That's right. You probably do it 30, 40, 80 times a day. You don't even realize, looking at a man and judging his physical appearance, looking at two women standing side by side, one's more attractive than the other. Like a judgment fuck. She's got a better ass than he. Like, I don't know. Like, look at whatever situation there is and be like, wow, I'm actually like, I'm. I'm categorizing. I'm literally slotting people in. Like, that's why all this bullshit around fucking race around, sex. Like, there's so many divisions, man, it's insane. And it seems like there's new ones popping up every day, every month. Certainly has been in the last couple of years. More division. More division. Medical division. Like, it's crazy, man. It's crazy. The only way division exists, the only way division can exist is through judgment. You remove judgment. Think about this. I know this is a bit of a fantasy, but you remove judgment on a global level, bang. The world instantly changes, instantly heals overnight. It really does. I don't know how to play Kumbaya. I used to play guitar. And I don't know where we would hold pinkies and dance around with a rainbow in the background. So I'm not going to allude to say that's the vision or the dream for me. You can't have day without night, right? It doesn't mean I like bad things when they happen. But this is true, man. The only way division actually exists is with and through judgment being present. The only way judgment exists and is present is through the individual themselves. Like, the only way judgment can exist is through your own expression. Think about that. Judgment, division in the household, division in the family, in your work, in your friendship groups or circles. Can you see how important and powerful this is, man? Cut the poison that crushes men to become the greatest leader you can through understanding that the only reason why division, off the back of everything else that comes in holds true is because you allow it. You allow it through. Allowing judgment to pass through your blood, flow through your veins and become part of your identity when it doesn't need to. Take care, gents. I'm going to go lay down. Have an amazing day, night, weekday weekend. Make sure you tune in for a very special episode we have planned tomorrow. Yes. What women want and we've got a special guest coming on board. She's going to be epic. I'm super excited. Take care, guys. Hope you got some value out of this awareness. Spot yourself up, get the tallies, ask the questions of why that's prevalent, why that holds true in your life, why it has to, does it need to question it? And then ask questions of why it's there and why it needs to remain and then dissolve it and get an action plan moving. So moving forward so you can realign with what's important for you, what you value, what you love and what you want to live inside of your life for yourself and for your family. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this it could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this. Because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.