189. The Missing Link To A Mans Success

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Foreign the Missing Link to a Man's Success welcome to a very special podcast. I say that every single time, don't I? That's because they are special. They are special and they're here for you. They're here for you to dive into the areas of your life that you know you want to, you need to, you must elevate yourself. You must improve, you must adapt sometimes improvise, overcome, evolve. I don't say must because you're not enough. I say must because those of you who are listening to this, you're cut from a different cloth. That's not a comparison through judgment, that's a comparison through observation of actions. And the actions that we observe throughout life as we get older is a fuckload of non action takers. It's a fuckload of victims. It's a fuckload of unfortunately, because it doesn't have to be that way, but it must be that way for them and it must maintain that trajectory for them through a level of contentment and happiness. Right? Isn't it crazy? It doesn't even make any sense to me. But unfortunately this is what we're met with, men. So this is special because you are here, you are now, and we are looking to seek to improve, to evolve our life. And why wouldn't we? For a lot of you who know me, a lot of you who don't, a lot of you followed me for a long period of time in a circle or not. I think it's pretty clear that if you've been following my journey, you can see that I also carry through and Follow, follow through on a love and a hunger for continual growth in life. So this is a very important episode because in this episode we're talking about the missing link to a man's success. But first I want to dive into a story and share a personal story around qualifications. This is something that really cracks me up sometimes. On my ads I get people who ask me, are you a psychologist? What are your qualifications? Are you a marriage counselor? Are you a therapist? Like what, what qualifies you? Firstly, they don't even know who I am or what I'm about, or they're not part of the inside of the inner circle. Secondly to that I ask the question, well, define what a qualification is to you. Like what do you define to be a qualification? What does that actually mean to you? Like when people are saying, are you a psychologist? I mean, I've got about six to seven psychologists, hypnotherapists, marriage counselors, psychiatrists within 50 meters of me. And ironically enough, when I share with them what we do, A, they're blown away and B, they ask me for a advice which is quite ironic and fascinating given the constructs of society's conditioning in seeing that a piece of paper makes you the fucking man or the woman. And unfortunately we fall into this categorising of an agreement that going to university equals a level of entitlement and rights to you elevating yourself above anyone else. Well, that's a pretty piss poor approach to anyone who's a tradie or out in the industry where they didn't go through university, isn't it? Now, I'm not here to cast stones or be disrespectful to anyone who wants to invest in university or studies or any form of education or further knowledge. For that part, I've got plenty of friends who are psychologists. The difference between those who are pretty piss poor at what they do, given they've even got the credentials that they have, compared to those who've taken the next step is those who've taken the next step to leverage what they've done in psychology are the ones who, funnily enough, again, ironically enough, have broken away from the system to leverage and use the tools they learned through the years of studies to then model, form up and create what they provide in a higher level of service to others instead of just saying in one lane, ticking a box, asking the questions, that's it, vanilla approach are all the same. I cannot stress this enough, man, like when we're talking about the missing link, because this is going to Tie into what we're going to talk about here. You need to continually peel the lays back and ask the question, why? Like, okay, well, why does that qualify you? Like, what is, what is a qualification? Because I'll tell you right now, and this is again, no disrespect to anyone who wants to do studies. My wife's gone to university, She's a primary teacher. I think it can be a fantastic source and vessel for people to pursue a specific pathway that they want. But I also believe that we need to bring the needle back to center in the way that people are socially conditioned early on in school, especially high school, with the stresses of the be all and end all of, what do you want to do in your life? You're fucking 17 years of age, mate. Like, how can you. Seriously. There are people in their 30s and 40s who still don't know what they want to do with their life. There are people in their 60s and 70s who didn't even know what they did in their life. So to put that kind of pressure on a developing mind. And you and I both know, like, you're not an adult till you're probably in your mid to late twenties, to be fair. Like, and we've got members. When I say adult, it's all relative to how you conduct yourself. But across the board, on the level of averages, whatever you consider to be an experienced adult. I'll add that word in, not just an adult. I mean, you're 18, you can vote, good for you. But to be an experienced adult, there's got to be sort of a, okay, give me 10 years as well. Give me 10 years under the belt of out there in life, not just school and home and whatnot. That's a crazy amount of pressure to put on someone. So bringing the needle back to the center. Yes. Pieces of paper, university. Anyone who skews one way and has an obsessive approach to it is missing the mark. Just like me here and now, it's like, okay, I run a business and am I going to sit here and go, if any of your fathers aren't running a business, you're fucking missing the mark? Of course not. Like, I think it's fantastic that there are all different types of ways that we can add service and add value. I have coaches and employees in our business, and they're phenomenal, like, to the point. I mean, the way that we structure it. Every business can be different. The way we structure is that they have a lot of free rein. Like, I'm definitely not an authoritarian pointing Fingers and going, you have to do this, this, this and that. It's actually really cool, you know. You know, like we all take ownership over what we do and what we provide as a service, myself included. I see myself as a caretaker in what we're doing in hpf. And I am one of the moving parts, one of the many moving pieces in this massive wheel that continually generates incredible momentum towards a better future for everyone. So when we're looking at the missing link to a man's success, we're going to dive into this and peel the layers back. I firstly want to talk about the meaning of things, the meaning of one thing, the meaning of the word qualification. What qualifications do you have? Okay, well, what is a qualification? Like, please define for me what a qualification is. What is a qualification? Like you think it's a fucking university degree, that doesn't mean shit to me. That means nothing Unless you've shown me a certain level of runs on the board, runs on the board in a sustainable way that are improving people's lives. That means nothing. I don't care if you've been in University for 10 years, I don't care if you earn eight or nine figures, that means nothing to me. I don't care how much money you have. I don't care if you're not squaring away the three areas that make the man's life, family, self and service. You are missing the opportunity on what it can be to become a high performance father. But when we're peeling the layers back and looking at qualifications, well, you tell me, what's a qualification? What is it? It's an agreement. It's a collective agreement that, that's simply all it is. There is a collective agreement of the masses that says, you know what, if you go here, you tick this box of this agenda that you don't even know who created the agenda, but you tick this box and follow through on an agenda on a set of curriculum that someone's created for you. Good boy, good girl. Here's your piece of paper. Right. And I know I'm a bit of a smart ass sometimes and some of my stuff is tongue in cheek. I'm not here to belittle you, but essentially, is that not the pathway? Is that not the pathway? So when we're looking at this, it's not taking away, it's a set of agreements. That's what a qualification is. It's a set of agreements. Agreements, an agreeable standard on what you perceive and people around you that you want to connect to. Perceive to be of value. Because essentially, tradies could mean fuck all to people who go to university, and university could mean fuck all to people who go out there and build houses and they don't go and educate themselves in university. And there's obviously a massive crossover in between. And then there's people who are, I guess, deemably or, you know, perceivably, some of the most successful people in the world who haven't done any form of tertiary education, which is quite fascinating itself. And then those people have created their own certification. That's just incredible. Like, it's awesome. It's fascinating. So what's a qualification? What qualifies you? So let me ask you this question, because there's three areas for those, and obviously I don't really. I highly doubt I'd have critics listening to my podcast. But for those who are listening, who might be asking the question, because I'll tell you right now, I'm not a psychologist and I never will be. There's no fucking way I'm going to go to university and do that. No way in the world. I refuse to limit myself within the constructs of doing something like that. And again, that's not disrespectful. It's the scope of everything we do with thousands of fathers that we've helped over the years. For me to go, man, I've got more than enough to learn from these men, to work with these men, to develop and build with these incredible men. That's including you as well, our listeners, more than enough. And this is real. This is real life. It's not reading out of textbooks. This is real. And it's. It's fucking incredible. It's why we are evolving it at a crazy rate. Like, a crazy rate. And our performance and results are second to none. But let me ask you a question. What qualifies you as a man? What qualifies you as a father? What you think? Because. It's because you got fucking dick and balls and you've, You've, you know, the fruit of your loins has come into reality. That, that qualifies you. Like, here's the crazy part. And please understand I'm not barking at you or judging or pointing the finger, saying you're not a man or you're not a father. I'm just curious. Like, let's. Let's peel the layers right back. This is the hard part. And this is why I don't waste my time on a lot of the criticism and the critics. Because, like, okay, you want to rumble you want to play with Al? Alright, let's, let's go all the way because I don't have a line. There's, you know, the line across that. There is none for me. Let's go all the way and let's peel it back just like it was so funny. Someone was talking about one of our ads about successful marriages and men g giving up their marriages for success. One guy said Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos were very successful for 26 years with their ex wives. I couldn't believe it, like the way that it was written, like the answer was right fucking there. Your ex wife, Bill Gates were very successful with their families and their ex wives for 26 to 27 years as well as being successful in business. So your statement means, means it's, it's horseshit or something like that. And I said, can you just please reread what you wrote? It, it is ridiculously obvious. And that's not if you talk about marriage, right? Piece of paper. That's not even taking into account, not even taking into account the quality behind the scenes that you and I didn't see with those high flyers and what someone's opinion of success is for a successful marriage. So it's quite fascinating when you peel the layers back on that. You all of a sudden look at it and go, well, yeah, of course these men sacrificed their families. Was it delayed for 15, 20, 25, 27 years? Yes. Does that make it any better or worse? It's an observation of life. But you can't argue the fact that, hey, they're now their ex wives and both of them was through, you know, adultery, whatever you want to call it. Again, we don't have all the answers of what was perceived and thrown out in the media. But essentially, yes, there are other women involved. So when we're looking at qualifications, too often people ask the question without even looking back and they leave themselves exposed. That's why I don't waste my time with critics. That just makes them look like fucking fools. Let me ask you them what you tell me what qualifies you as a man? What qualifies you as a husband, as a father, as a member of society? A true one. Here are the three points that I've written before we dive into the missing link to a man's success. First one is paper. Paper slash theory. Like, is that all you think that qualifies you? A piece of paper or theory? Because if a qualification is that itself and it's something that's held in such high regard, how come we don't have just one nutritionist globally and the world's all skinny and happy and healthy, right? There's more than enough information out there. There's more than enough air quotes, qualified nutritionists or qualified psychologists. So why do we still have mental health issues? Why? What is it that that's missing here? So is something that qualifies someone to do anything a piece of paper? Is it experience? What qualifies you as. It could be experience. You know, this person's got a lot of experience. Well, I get that. That's, that's, that's cool. I mean, there's this two sides of the coin of all of this. And this is what leads into the point of this session as I slowly extend out our intros to now become half an hour intros. I'm just kidding. I have one of the dads call me up on that the other day. It was pretty funny. You guys obviously listen, I like it. It's good, good fun. Is it experience? Okay, well, let me ask you this. What kind of experience? Because you could have a piece of paper and the experiences you gaining and the experiences you're creating for others can be a fucking nightmare. Like that can be. It can be destructive. It can destroy people. So is it really experience alone? My biggest thing, someone asked me right away, what qualifies you? What qualifies anyone to do anything? Results. Results are what qualify you. But then, hang on, two sides of the same coin. What type of results are you getting and how are you getting those results? Let's dive on into our session. Paper or theory? Does that qualify you? Of course not. No fucking way does that qualify anyone for anything. You just spent some time with some memory dumping and sat in a classroom and done some paperwork, right? I'm not saying you're a glorified, you know, clerk who's just ticked boxes and you've expanded on your memory and memory dumped, but essentially, what next? Okay, you've got that. Does that mean that, okay, everything's all happy, you know, hunky dory, off we go. What about experience? Well, I don't know. Like, it really baffles me when a lot of men older than me, chronologically older, obviously through their comments. They're internally still infants, but chronologically, chronologically older than me. Talking about, oh, mate, my kids were raised when you. My kids have already been raised and left home when you're still a fucking pup. Blah, blah, blah, like, okay, all right, that's a, that's a, that's a truth. That's a fair Observation. But what's your point? Because unfortunately, if all it took was experience, then why the fuck aren't we all just sitting around nursing homes where, I mean, I can't express because I've been in plenty before. The energy is just. Mate, that's, it's horrific. But why are we just sitting, why aren't we just sitting in nursing home, sitting around all the 80 and 90 year olds and going, hey, please, you've got lots of experience. You've lived the many, live the most days. You've lived the most days compared to me and compared to anyone else. Teach me, teach me the way. So is it just experience? Like, is it really just experience alone that qualifies someone? Because someone could have some piss poor experiences which means nothing in the real world. What I've done In my nearly 37 years of life could leave for dead 5,000 people who did fuck all and live for 80 years. That could be 400,000 years of life. Like, I don't know, I'm just, I'm just putting things out there where it's an amazing thing that Ken, our energy coach said, it's not the years in your life that matter, it's the life in your years. It really is. I cannot stress that enough. That is such a powerful thing to take home, man. So is it experience alone that qualifies anyone? Not necessarily. Are there layers? Can we add to this? Can we build? Of course. Can it be all three? Maybe. But the biggest one is results. As soon as someone says to me what qualifies anyone to do anything, the very first thing that comes to mind is results. Why? Because you know what you have, you have a passage of time. You listening to this now? You may come on board at some stage, you might join the inner circle. We may be able to help you. You might be a great fit for us. You might be ready to stand up and take that step. Fantastic, mate. Good for you. Look forward to seeing you on the inside. But essentially, what is such a powerful and attractive thing of what we do in what we do is results. There is a passage of time. There is history, A to B. There is a history, results. There is a passage of time, of men before you, their A and their B, what they've done and how they've been successful in life that now you can have if you take the step and join us on the inside, like, is that not an attractive thing? What qualifies someone for anything? What qualifies me to do what I do? Results. There has been history, a passage of time. Of men before you that have got the job done, got the runs on the board, and then that is something that you can have. That is something you can implement and apply to your life. Which takes us to this point of this session here. Now. The missing link to a man's success. It's not just the what's and it's not just the hows. I can't stand that how you do anything is how you do everything. That's bullshit. You shouldn't be doing everything exactly the same. Life is a whole different series of energies and frequencies. You can't do that. It doesn't work. It doesn't make sense. But it's the what's and the hows. What kind of results did you get? How did you get those results? That's a very powerful thing to peel back. So when we're looking at this, and we're looking at the missing link to a man's life, more often than not, inside of your relationships, inside of your connection to your wife, inside of your communication, inside of your connection to your children, inside of your actions, for most of you men, the missing link to a man's success, not the missing link to you. You're not the problem, you're the solution. It's not like you have some sort of. All right, let's send him back. This one's. This one's broken. It's the actions, but it's the how. I cannot mate. It's not the what's. That is the difference. It's the hows. Yes, it is the what's and the hows together. You can't just have the how. That doesn't make any sense. Because behind the what is the why. Like, why are you doing otherwise? Why are you doing it? What are you doing? Okay, why are you doing it? But the missing link to a man's success is almost certainly, nine times out of ten, the how. This is where we can look. So just for that, just for that intro, talking about qualifications and, you know, touching on critics and that sort of stuff, it helps you adopt a different perspective to go, okay, well, what qualifies anyone to do anything? It's not just, here's a piece of paper from the past that said, I can do this. It's not just, I've had experience here, so that should work there. Okay, what type of experience? But how did you get that experience? How did you turn up to get that piece of paper? Results. Okay, what kind of results did you get and how did you get that? So the missing link to A man's success, almost certainly most of the times, comes down to the hows. It really does. It's not what you say, it's how you say it. It's not what you do, it's how you do it. It's not that you're within the presence of your children. It's how you are present with your children. It's not that you communicate with your wife, and you're building that and sending that north. It's how you're communicating with your wife. It's not that you've started listening to your wife. It's how you listen. What's your posture? What's your body language? Are you looking her in the eyes? Like, this is such a powerful thing, man. When you adopt the house, you start to see that life truly is energy. It truly is. Like, it's. It's perfect example, perfect example of the house. And I'm not saying this is Korean, but anyone could say this with their wife. Hey. Feeling everything okay? I'm fine. The face scrunches up, and you can just hear it in the tone. I'm fine. So what do we do as men? Yeah. We try to be absolute. We try to be so logical. Oh, you said you're fine. Sweet. Awesome. Off I go. You wonder why shit hits the fan later that night? Well, you said you were fine. Obviously I wasn't. Couldn't you tell? And I'm not here to take the piss out of women or be some sort of grumpy woman's voice, but life is energy, man. The missing link to a successful journey. The missing link to a man's success is the what's and the house. Like, it's not the what alone, it's the how. Why? I'm a father, Al. I've got three kids. Okay, but how are you being a father? How are you continually turning up as a father? How are you connecting with your children? It's not that you're connected because you sleep under the same roof. It's not that you're connected because you have breakfast together. How are you connecting with them? How are you communicating with them? How are you asking them questions? How's school? It's just something you grunt out while you're scrolling through your phone. No one listens to and reacts and responds and absorbs energy more than children because they're not adults. So they don't have the articulation that we do to mask and hide behind words and other bullshit. So they will see through your shit, man. It's not the what's it's the house that makes the difference. Look, the what's will equal a outcome, what you're doing. There's always going to be an outcome. There's always going to be a response. Whatever it is, whatever it is that you do in your life, there will always be an outcome. But the how drives the result. There's a difference between that. Everything is an outcome. Like action, reaction, everything has an outcome. But what's the result? How much can you influence? How much can you harness? How much can you leverage your approach, your approach, your mental attitude, how you turn up your behavior? How much can you suck from that man? That's such a powerful resource and tool to influence, create, recreate, change, redirect, steer, shift. And ultimately, yes, for a lot of things you don't control, influence the result. This is the hardest part. You're tired, I'm tired. We're all tired. You're busy, I'm busy. We're all busy. You're flat out, I'm flat out. We're all flat out. Like, this is life, man. Like, if everyone's that way, well, I'm fucking beautiful. Even playing field. No excuses. No excuses. And I say that with respect. Of course you're tired. Of course you run down. When's the last time you gave back to yourself? When did you recharge your physical, mental and emotional batteries by creating some space for yourself or. Create some space. What do we do? That was in one of my episodes before. Okay, well, you go out in the nature and you go for a walk. All right, well, if you're going for a walk, taking business calls. If you're walking through the city and it fucking stinks and it's polluted like, it. It's the how, man. Like, how are you creating space? How are you taking time out for yourself? How are you reconnecting with who you are to recharge your batteries? How are you applying our morning and night routines? That should be mate. They should be your staples. So I'm tired. Okay, you're tired. Well, how are you getting your energy back? How are you not being tired? Morning and night routines. Okay, well, what are you doing there? Okay, well, how are you doing that? Like with your breath work with your night rider or your mojo. Night or morning. Like, this is the key, man. And look, yes, I'm going to peel this into things around relationships to help you connect more, of course. But it's not just around your relationships. It's not just around your relationships and communication. This is something that applies to all areas of your life. And it's not how you do one thing, it's how you do everything. That's bullshit. It's just a ridiculous way to look at life. Don't pigeonhole yourself like that. But it's not just relationships and communication. What are you doing for yourself? When we talk about re establishing love in your marriage and these sorts of things that starts from you inside out, like it has a ripple effect to those that you love and care about. It really does. When you build a better set of eyes inside of what you apply to your relationship with yourself. Your thoughts, your feelings, how you are connecting with yourself. When you start to apply that to you, you can see what's working, what isn't. You're a human being. Your wife is a human being, your children are human beings. We're not that different. We really aren't. So when we're looking at the hows, we also need to look at the how to's. And a big portion of this comes down to expectation because expectations can drive a manipulation of emotions. What you are subconsciously developing in expectations and assumptions with something that you should be actively engaged with is going to lead to an unstable environment emotionally. Here's a key thing for you. And I said this on our Sunday charge up last night. It was a very powerful quote that we've created. I don't say I we, even though I put the words together, it's we, it's the men, it's all of us. And I didn't even have the quote. It was on my iPad drawing that I did. But it's something around the lines. And paraphrasing myself around the lines of you will never, ever have emotional control or stability inside of your life when there's an expectation that something should have happened, didn't happen. And that sounded, that sounded pretty ordinary. So what I'm actually going to do is I'm going to bring this up right now on my coaching session because the way that I worded it was much, much better. Much, much better. Let's bring it up here. This is a very powerful one. I'll finish on that later. So this is something I want you guys to think about when it comes to your life, when it comes to the missing link to a man's success. This is one of the most powerful quotes that we've ever designed. And I want you to think about this before we start to dive into the strategies, the tactics, the specifics of the hows. The missing link to a man's success. There is only ever A loss of emotional control when something you expected to happen didn't happen deep down or not. You might not know you did, but you did expect something to happen. Think about this again. You think you get control back with your emotions, getting angry and blowing up, all that sort of shit. You've lost more control. You have even less. But the emotional hooks that you can pull on, that's you going for the kill. You think it's better, but it's not. There is only ever a loss of emotional control when something you expected to happen, happen. Think about that. Your workers, your colleagues, your wife, your children. That's the truth, man. That is an absolute. So when we look at this, I want you to start peeling back the layers inside of your own life and going, well, shit, man. My how to's are bad, Al. Like, I'll do things, but the how, how I'm doing it is not on. It's not good. I know it's not working. It's not helping. It's not changing anything. That's right. You know why? Because of what I said just then. There's a deeper layer of expectation that has left you bitter, resentful, and look again. If you can become aware of this inside yourself, you can almost certainly then start to see it in your wife. And you wonder why things aren't opening up. Same with your children, why the walls are up. Something deep down you keep expecting. In certain areas, I paint a picture. It's like if I came home and there wasn't any dinner, I was like, oh, what are we doing for dinner? And Karina be like, oh, fucking, I don't know, sort your own stuff out. I could blow up right away. But then again, I can look inside myself and go, well, I didn't communicate with Corinne about what we're doing for dinner Monday night. So I had an expectation, assumption that she had it sorted. So if I go upstream the source Sunday, I should have sat down and said, all right, I'm going to the butchers. I'm going to get some meat. What do you want to have for dinner tomorrow night? Oh, we're going to do nacho. This is exactly what happened. I want to tell you the truth. So because it's not Monday night yet. Yep, I'm gonna get some mints. We'll do nachos Monday night. Fantastic. All right, cool. I've got some steak. We can do slow cooking on the steak or some meat. We're gonna slow cook the meat Tuesday night. I've got some chicken out. I'll freeze that I've got chicken from the butchers. We'll freeze that. We can use that for Wednesday night. So we plan it all out. When does Karine cook? When is. I'm. When am I cooking? Now, even though we have these agreements, this is life. You turn up, you go again, I come home. I expected nachos to be ready. Assume that that happens tonight and there are none. You can't just blow up because you had an expectation. Even if someone agrees, even if someone promises you, because the world is full of fucking liars. Even if someone promises you and it's an agreement, so it's something that rightfully you should expect, right? The world is full of fucking liars. You cannot go out with expectations, then lose emotional control because what you thought should have happened didn't happen. Even though someone gave you their word, even though someone promised you. Because this is life like it is. It is crazy how many liars and hypocrites there are in the world. It's insane. That's why your tribe is so important. So important. That's why I love what we do. Haven't had to kick many men out, but I'll do it in a fucking heartbeat anytime they turn toxic. That's for sure. Doesn't happen very often. We've got a great system of commitments and what it takes to move forward. Doesn't mean it's a special club. You turn up, you're a genuine man, a team player, and you're committed. Game on. It's actually quite simple to be fair. But the simple things are the things overlooked and lost in life. Right. If that came to be true. Oh, there's no nachos. Okay. Communicate. Get clarity. Recommit. Sorry. Darn. Was there something I missed? Like, was I supposed to. Did you need me to cook the mince? Was I supposed to cook the mince Sunday night to make it easy for you Monday? Or was. I didn't know. Was I supposed to cook nachos tonight? I guess we should have been more clear and blah, blah. Oh, no, no, you were, but I had a chronic headache and I've just been laying flat out all day and I'm tired and sick and, yeah, no drums. That's all good. We'll just eat a little bit later and I'll cook now. This is the thing, right? It's about risk management and really not adding to problems, taking them away. Prevention is better than cure. I would call Corinne and I will call Corinne in a couple of hours and say, hey, we all good? You're still Good to cook the mince. I'm telling you, man, it's not about living in your wife's pocket or the other way around. It's how you go about continued commitment. Same with the men on the inside. It is how you go about continued and continual commitment. Like life is reps. When have you forgotten that you put reps in the gym? You put reps in your steps every single day. You put reps in at work. When have you forgotten the reps in your relationships? When have you forgotten the reps with your children? Not in a controlling manner, in a way to communicate, seek clarity and connect. Four Cs for change. Communicate clarity, commitment and connection. Like it's. It's all there, man. It really is. It's just turning up and saying yes. Focusing on what is going to move yourself and your family forward. And a large portion of that is not just what you do, it's how you do it. It's not that you go and make fucking money and work out there at the cost of not spending time with your children. It's how you turn up when you do spend time with your children. It's not that you go FIFO or you fly away or you can't see your kids for a week or a month. It's how you are present and how you turn up when you can see your children. When you do come back from fifo, when you are with them and present with them, it's how present you are with them. I'm telling you right now, man, that is a specific example. You can absolutely equalize volume with quality. If you don't see your children as much as you want or like to, you can absolutely. You can squash the hardships of not spending the time together by making sure that the time that is spent together is of the highest value. You absolutely can, man. Same with honey and handsome time. Like with our honey and handsome time. I'll do that with Corinne two to three times a week. That means I essentially spend one to one time with my wife, two hours a week max. But because of the quality, the return on investment is there. She doesn't look at me and go, well, you're working. Well, I don't, I don't do 60 or 80 hour weeks anymore. But she doesn't look at me and go, oh, you're away for 40 hours a week and you only spend two hours a week with me. So you, you know, she doesn't look at that and go, you're spending 20 times more on work than you are on me. It doesn't happen because the quality's there. Her needs are being met. I'm nurturing her, the house. Now I've got these cool little massage pads that warm up, they get hot. And I got just some nice massage oil. Put that on the bed today. Wrote a little note and just saying yes, Good morning, Corinne. It was like, it was like she's at a hotel or something. Just confirming your appointment tonight at 9:15pm for your complimentary massage by yours truly, your husband, Al. In case you forgot. In case you forgot who your husband was, Corinne, your husband Al, not Enrique, the fucking pool cleaner. Now this is your husband, he's going to be giving you a complimentary massage, you know, and just said something sneaky and cheeky and I can't even remember the words, some sort of smart ass comment at the end and you know, kiss, hug, kiss, hug. And left that there on the bed because she's had a pretty stressful morning. The package arrived that I ordered this morning. Game on. Fantastic. That doesn't mean that I want to have sex with my wife tonight at all. Like, it's got nothing to do with that. This is essentially me providing the hows. It's not just what you do, right? So put it this way, it's 9:50, it's 9:30, it's 9:45. You know, I've got our platinum coaching session tonight. It's 9:45 and it runs overtime. And oh, that's right, I was going to give you massage. You want one? It'd almost be like, ah, I'm too fucking tired. Don't worry about it. Whereas I've built anticipation. Now, my wife, as overthinkers as they are in women, she's banking that, man. It's anticipation, it's excitement, it's something different. It's not just, hey, I'm going to give you a rub today. And I've spoken the words. She can physically say something. She can read the words that I've written. That is on our bed. That is there for her, that is a surprise for her. That is mystery, that is curiosity. All of that entanglement creates connection. I could be, and I'm very good at massaging, but I could be piss poor at massaging. But just the fact alone that I've gone to that effort, which I got to tell you man, it's fuck all effort. Like it really, like honestly writing a note before I left and like just. It's not much, it's not much. The things that you think are simple, fundamental or boring for you, they are the biggest turn ons. For them they really are like, they're massive. Massive. For them women, they love that, mate, it's, you know, the acts of service, all that sort of stuff. Yeah. I'm not saying go do the dishes just to get laid, but essentially the things that you think are fundamental, simple, sometimes not necessary or boring, they are the things that excites them. They really are. So the fact that I've set all that up, it's the how to, it's the how I've created excitement, anticipation and honey and handsome time tonight. This is the missing link to a man's success. I want you. As we start to wrap this up, think about the how to's that you're missing in yourself. Like you're rolling out of bed, you're collapsing into bed every morning, every night, you're living on stimulants, you're unhealthy or you're fit and you train. But you still know there's areas of your game that are missing. Your mental health. So when we talk about energy, health and energy, your mental energy is down, your emotional energy is down, your physical energy might be good. I don't care, like I said before, I don't care if you earn 8, 9, 10 figures. I don't care if you've got a six pack. I don't care if you're the best family man ever. When you have all three fucking game on, man. You can absolutely. I'm not saying you have to have a six pack. I'm very lean and strong, but I certainly, I certainly don't have a six pack. But I can hold my own in the gym. I can hold my own with my mental energy and health and my physical, mental and emotional energy and health, as well as connect and communicate with my family well, as well as spend time with them as well as build what we're building here and create a higher level of value and service for fathers all over the country. Does that mean that Al's perfect? No. Does that mean I'm not a hypocrite? Fucking amen. Because I practice what I preach and those three are the three things that make your life don't over complicate it. But what's the how? Like, how are you applying, how are you applying the little voice inside to your next step? Because this is how I apply it. Thank you. Thank you, little Al, for self sabotaging and telling me what I shouldn't do and what I need to avoid, what I need to steer clear of. Like how are you changing your game up when it comes to self sabotage and torpami of how are you creating space? How are you leveraging time if you're running a business? How are you leveraging money to buy some time and freedom back even if you don't run a business? We pay our cleaner 50 bucks a week. Obviously, with three young children we need to clean the house more. But how am I getting time back for my family? How am I taking stress away from my wife? She's friends with a cleaner now. Awesome. That's great. She's got a friend, an adult she can talk to when she feels like she's stir crazy with the kids at home. So how not just I want to take stress away from wife, how are you taking that away from her? You want to create a nice experience? Okay, go get keratin, get your hair done. How am I setting up the day so that I can remove the stresses? You want to take your wife out on a date night. Okay. How have you established rapport with the babysitter and the children? How have you created so that you can create a really smooth process, risk management as well, where you're not setting yourself up for failure because you've just suggested something great. I'm taking you away on a holiday for five days. Hang on, I've got this and I've got that. And who's going to clean this? Who's going to look after the dogs? Who's going to look after the children? All of a sudden you just added fucking 10 things to your wife's plate. You thought it was coming from a good place. The what was there? Well, this is what we're going to do. But how have you alleviated risk? How have you set up that intention to be successful? How have you approached the situation to see from her perspective and make sure all the shit's lined up properly so that it is a fruitful experience for all of you? It's not just the what's, man. Of course, the why underpins everything. Why you're doing what you do. But it's not just the what's, it's the how. It's the what and the how that truly breeds success. You want to improve your relationship with your children. Look at how you're approaching things, look at how you connect to them, how you communicate. Don't just go, we're going to do dadventures. We're going to do special time, fill their buckets of power and attention. That's phenomenal. That's great. Okay, but how Are you going to do that? And the how almost certainly ties into the when and the where. Like it's part of it. I mean, we can talk about this. Who, what, where, why how and when. But essentially this is the beautiful part, man. We can make this simpler. We can pull this back, make it simple and okay, this is what I want to achieve, not even what I want to do. This is the outcome I want to achieve. Okay, well, how are you going to do that? How are you going to deliver and follow through? How are you going to turn up? How are you going to connect? How are you going to lead? Women want to be led. So how are you going to lead your wife? We all want to be. Everyone wants to be led to a degree. Like the tribe on the inside, they lead me. Like when I'm doing the Sunday charge up and I'm doing a coaching sessions, I'm piggybacking off the back of all their data, their ups, their downs, what they need help with. Like, they are leading the coaching session that I actually design and run. We all need to be led at times. My children lead me in certain areas of life and obviously I lead them. So how are you leading your wife? Is it in a way that's speaking her language, not yours? Because yours is familiar? It's easy and it's passive and you can go for the kill because you just don't even have to think. No, no, think about it, Think about it. Like, for me, I'd rather come home and spontaneity. My wife goes bang. Here's a massage. I've got some massage pads. They heat up awesome. Sit down, your neck's tight, you've been training hard. Roll, wait. Beautiful. Like, I'm all for in the moment, man. We are men of the moment. I know logically, and we can plan and all that, but I'm all for the moment. Fantastic. Is that hers, though? Because the shock, like the sticker shock, the surprise there, I don't know. Like, I think it's a bit of a longer game with women. I truly do. You know, I think it's maintaining that. That's that sensuality. It really is like tapping into the senses, building that anticipation, like I said, the mystery, the curiosity, building these layer by layer by layer by hitting some sort of peak. I'm talking about just in the bedroom, in life. But that leads to the bedroom, ironically enough. Building some sort of peak and then just maintaining that instead of men, we can go fucking beauty. Rip. A game on. Emotional state is charged just like a game of Footy boom. We anticipate for a bit game on. And we have the experience with women, you play the longer game. The hows, man, the how to. This is the missing link to a man's success. Because too often as men we are hunter gatherers. We naturally tie into hows that are accustomed to us. This is how we throw the spear. This is how we fucking shank the animal. This is how we cut it apart. This is how we eat the liver first. Because that's what the alpha does. You eat that liver and you eat it first. We'll talk about that in another episode. Quite fascinating though that many, many pack, many pack animals, especially the wolves. The leader will eat the liver and all the others watch. Fascinating. Crazy. Crazy. Nutrient dense. I've heard it's phenomenal for women when they're on their period too because of the iron and the blood they lose. But anyway, that's it. That. Leave that with me. Men convincing your wife to eat liver. I haven't mastered that one yet, so leave that one with me. I'm not going to comment on that one. But man, it's the what and the how that will breed your success. It really is. I hope you enjoyed this episode. You know, and it's not that it was short, it's not that it's long, it's just. It's just that it's here for exactly what you need. Pull the one to two things out of this and it can be as simple as, yeah, how, how are you walking through the door when you come home from work? Like, is it a shitstorm that awaits you and you need to be the cool, calm head, the chief in the middle with the Viking and the panda. You can pull from both when you need. Because there's times where I'm the Viking with the children. There's times when I'm the panda, I'm the chief. I leverage both. And they can be instant, instant. I can change, I can shift, I really can. And that's not being two faced. That's tapping into a skill set of what your children need, the energy that's needed for the household. Or is the house calm and collected and you're walking in bringing the shitstorm? Like, how are you walking through the door? Are you on the phone? Fuck me. Dead man park. This is what I do sometimes. If I get a phone call, I know it's going to go a little bit longer. I park just out of view because when, as soon as I turn up in the driveway, man, the kids are running out. I Park just outside. So literally 30 meters away from my house. And I park on the side of the road. I finish the conversation, turn the phone off, and then I drive into the driveway. Beep the horn, game on. Like that is. And I'm not saying that you're mute or ignorant or you're so busy, you're so chaotic. Maybe these simple examples are godsends for you, I don't know. But I'm not saying that there's something wrong with you that you haven't thought of it. I haven't done that my whole life. That's something I've probably only done the last 12 months. It's huge because instead of talking and cuddling, you try and get it all right? Like you're trying to just get all of it. Yeah, I'm going to cuddle the kids and I'm home. So they know I'm home, but I'm still on the phone. No, no. One thing. Just one. Just don't. Don't mix. Not saying you can't mix business with personal. It's part of everything in the. Especially the principles of it, how you operate. But don't try and mix and get. You're biting off more than you can chew. Park around the corner. That doesn't mean you lag for another hour on the phone either. Or take other phone calls. Finish that phone call. Drive in the driveway. That's how you turn up. Wash your hands. Wash your hands. Put on that hat. Put it on. Super D. I'm a phenomenal father. I'm super dad. I'm going to walk through that door and no matter what's hitting the fan. You know what? I'm blessed. Even if there's chaos, I'm blessed to have chaos. Some fathers, their children have moved out already. Some fathers have children who are no longer here. Some men, uneven fathers. I don't have to. I get to put on your fucking dad hat, walk through and create a phenomenal afternoon and a phenomenal experience. This is the how, my friend. This is the how. And the how will improve the what. It'll reinforce the why. It will complement the when and the where. That's your environment. The how is your gateway to creating more connection, more success, and to connecting the links to build that big. I was going to say to build that big motherfucking chain. But through love and leadership, to build that big. That big chain in life. This is the link, man. The how you apply a better approach. Physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Like you apply. Zoom out. Look at yourself. Breathe. Just breathe. Man and you start to apply a better how to what is it you desire? The actions will look after themselves. I'll say that one more time, we'll wrap this up. You want to apply a better how to, what is it you desire? And the actions, if you want to. If you do, if you follow through and you commit ton, if you apply a better how to, what it is that you desire? The end outcome. Not that anything's guaranteed, but the end outcome. One, the strike rate goes up, you've got a higher success rate. But two, I promise you, my friend, the actions will look after themselves. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.