191. A Man & His Stories

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. A man and his stories in this episode. Today we're going to be peeling back the layers on what we believe to be the truth or the truth that will be real in the future, which unfortunately sometimes gets us in trouble, doesn't it, men? And when I'm talking about the truth that will be in the future, I'm talking about the stories we create in our head even before the fact has come to pass, which unfortunately for a lot of us can leave us in trouble, whether it's in our relationships inside of ourself, inside of our business or place of work, inside of what we believe our children should or shouldn't have, the father we should or shouldn't be to them. And then all of a sudden in the chaos, in the whirlwind of life, we lose the opportunity or we don't give or gift ourselves the opportunity to slow down and stop and just sit back and go, where the fuck did that come from? Like, is that actually true? Is that actually me? Is that the way it should be, could be, will be, is that the way that it is from here on until the end of time? This is a really powerful one around perspective. And I want to talk about perceptions. Perspective and perception is essentially the same thing. And I used to have a saying, perception creates reality. And it wasn't that I neglected that by any means. Every single episode you listen to is around and geared around you, shifting your perspective and adjusting the lens in which you see the world, your viewpoint, your model of the world, all the fancy shit that people say that basically is your perspective, how you choose your Choices how you choose to see things. The reason why your perspective is so powerful though, is because it is the keystone of life. It is what bridges the gap between what you are pre recording in your subconscious through either a lack of active awareness or not just your daily routines and rituals. Which runs 91%. 91% of your life. That's right, 91% of your life is autonomous. Crazily enough, 9% is what the difference is in what you're actively choosing to engage with. Bridging the gap between that and then the outcome to be true. What do you mean by that, Al? Well, we all have triggers. We can all be in a reactive state. I could walk past and a complete stranger could say, hey, you're a fuckwit. And of course there's a part of me from a passage of time and history which would get my back up immediately. I get that spidey sense, that tingling like I'm about to get into a punch on or go out into battle like I used to before I'd run on the field with rugby league. And that's just a natural reaction, a natural, I guess, safety mechanism from my body. A natural trigger. We all have triggers. Like, the triggers never go away. You just learn to control the space and time between the trigger and the reality of your choices. So it's the difference between that your state, your immediate state, the immediate reactions that you have to anything and everything around you in life, even your own thoughts, feelings, emotions, everything. You're bridging the gap with your perceptions. How you choose to see things, how you choose to see the shit that just gets cooked up inside of you. Like I just explained that it is the bridge between that this is what perspective is and the choices you make which become the actions you take, which becomes the outcomes. Let's keep the rhyme going. At stake. How fucking good was that? I'm trying to remember it like a goldfish day. Choices we make which become the actions we take. Which equals the outcomes. Well, the outcomes at stake. It's not the outcomes at stake, it's the outcome. Like that's what happens. So whilst you can't control everything happening to and around you inside of life, and nor should we ever want to, It's a fool's dream because it's impossible. You can always choose. You can always control how you choose to see it and then what you choose to do from there, moving forward. This is why stories are such a powerful thing. Because unfortunately, stories are where you are caught in the middle. You've cooked up a big Fucking shitstorm for yourself. Through your perspectives, which are set, they are sedentary, they are stuck in their ways. Which means when the same or even something similar, it doesn't even have to be the same, but something similar that triggers you, follows through the same pipeline of the perspectives you take and how you choose a seat which follows through at the end of that pipeline, the choices you make, the state that you maintain, the actions that you take, and the outcome that becomes your reality. And it rinses and repeats and it rinses and repeats. So we find ourselves in, I guess, a bit of a conundrum because we feel like it's the right thing or the right thing to do, or it shores up the four walls of reality to go, no, no, this is concrete, this is solid, this is set in stone. But it's like, okay, does it have to be, though? Is that your life? Is that the pathway that you want to take? And is it the pathway that you know when you keep taking it is moving you towards a greater version of yourself, is moving towards a better life. Doesn't mean life can't be great now, but this is the reality of life and the universal truth, man. You are growing or dying in different aspects, different elements of life. And it doesn't mean that you should be erratic in nature and stressed through the eyeballs with bloodshot eyes, always worrying or focus on what the next thing is. So I can keep that growth mindset, not about that at all. 91% of your life's autonomous. What kind of flow can you get into? What kind of state can you immerse yourself in? Actively, consciously, with a level of awareness, whether you're zooming out and observing yourself in third person view or not? What can you do to consistently rerecord your subconscious that gives you the ability to adjust your sights, adjust your lens when something happens? You can adjust the way you choose to see things. And then you can create a new narrative, you can create a new pathway through creating a new outlook. It, man, it's such a. I can't stress this enough. It's such a fucking powerful thing, man. Like, perspective is ridiculously powerful. It's so strong. It's not strong on its own. It's strong when it is used, when it is wielded and yielded from different areas, different angles. The reason why my marriage, and it's not that it's perfect, nor that I would ever want it to be, but why it flourishes more than flounders, is because I'm always looking. And when I say Always, it's when I'm engaged in the moment, and the moment could be me right here and now, thinking of an anniversary present for my wife doesn't mean I'm engaged in the moment with my wife. Person to person, face to face, eye to eye. But when I'm engaged in that area, that element, that aspect of my life, whether it's honey and handsome time, whether it's sending her a message, whether it's calling her, giving update on how the day's going, whether it's doing our Sunday planning for the week on our whiteboard for her, for me, for we, for the family, I'm always adopting different perspectives around how her eyes might look at things and around how her world might be happening, how her world might be unfolding. All of a sudden it's like, okay, well, I got a big week at work, you know, I can't really help out till Thursday. It's like, okay, well, shit, you know, Stella's at school now, we've got the other two kids. So Corinne has them Monday, she has them Tuesday, it's been raining. And I'm telling you, man, you can really build. Talk about a man and his stories. We'll get to that in a second. But you can really help build other people's stories to then not only have empathy, but connect and navigate the pathway forward without getting a sense of control over them, but a sense of control over what could be and then getting clarity over what is. To then carve out what will be, what should be for them, and then you get the benefits, obviously. Passage of time. It's been raining for fucking four weeks straight. The kids have been up and down with illness and sick and Stella's had school, all the different stresses. Starting netball, a new sport. Corinne's the coach of the netball team. Okay, so we've got the kids bulk end of the week at the start is really bulked up with parenting. She got dancing and other things with Lillian, with Roman, and they don't go to daycare till Wednesday, Thursday or Thursday, Friday, like I said, it's raining. I've been working, so there's times where I haven't been doing school pickup or drop off. Not that I'm saying you have to do anything, but I'm processing. Okay. She's had kids around all day. Monday, Tuesday. It's been weeks, so it's been challenging to get out and about, get the sunlight, let them burn themselves out with energy and exhausting their energy and whatnot. So she's had to be a bit more Creative in their household. And I'm looking at all these different things that can paint her stories, truth or not, and they are the truth. But what are the stories that Corinne's painting inside of her head, inside of her heart, inside of her eyes, of what she's seeing? And when you couple this with history, passage of time, it adjusts your triggers, it adjusts your perspectives, it adjusts how you will use them moving forward, how you won't use them moving forward. Like time. Time is everything, man. Time is a collective of your experiences, which is the energy and the energy which comes from your perspective, your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, your actions. Everything, everything's an action. We're talking about different types of action today. The type of action is, of course, perspective driven, which is the keystone between your stories and the bullshit that destroys you or that creates who you are and who you are to others and who others are to you. So I look at all of this, I'm like, man, that's okay. Well, maybe I should book in a massage for Corinne. Maybe we'll make sure we get that cleaner. And they come in on Tuesday and they can help organize the house and take a bit of stress off her plate. Maybe this Thursday we're going to have a date day and honey and handsome time where I'm going to help her do the school drop offs and pickups and a couple of hours out together. And she's also going to have time to herself when we're out together as well, whether it's a massage or shopping or whatever it is that she needs to do. Okay, well, if that's the case, what's the story inside of her head? Oh, you know, date day with Alex, but gotta organize the kids and lunches. Okay, cool if I sort my shit out so I can take charge of dinner Thursday night? We can go out for lunch. All we need to do is organize breakfast. Beautiful. Get the sausages and get some bacon out the night before, defrost them. Okay, we cook that up for the kids or cook them on Wednesday. The kids can have them heat them up Thursday morning. Fantastic. That's done. I'm not going to work early. I'm going to drop the kids off at school so Corinne can kick back and relax at home. Then I'm going to come back. She actually has time to herself before she even feels like she has to entertain me. This is the thing, man. You can create any story you want. The question is, is that story serving you? If it's serving you to maintain the narrative of being a Fucking victim. It's not going to help anyone, is it? You think it's helping you? It's not. You think it's protecting you. Think it gives you control. You think it gives you security. Definitely doesn't give you stability. You've lost more control. So when we're looking at stories, like everything men, it's a tool, it's leverage, it's something that you like. Leverage, a lever, it's something that you use. Right, let's pull on one end. We've got a long lever here so that the other end goes up so the other end has an outcome. So something happens on the other end of that big fucking stick. It is a lever. That's what leverage is. I'm not about taking shortcuts, but I'm about the path of least resistance. Life's hard. Good. Do it hard. I know you hear me say those sorts of things, but I actually want the easier path. This is way fucking easier than looking back on my deathbed filled with regret. I don't care if that's 10 minutes or 10 hours. Too fucking late then, mate. Too late. So when we're looking at leverage, when we're looking at tools, instead of using, like, sometimes, yeah, it might be a bit awkward and you have to use a screwdriver and use your hand, use your forearm, it's fucking burning. And just keep twisting. And other times you'll have a drill. Like it's. It's not a set and forget. But a story is a story. It's exactly that. Peel the layers back. That's what we're all about here with high performance. Father. Just peel that layer back one. Just. Just peel the onion just a little bit. What's the inside look like? Okay, cool. Peel it back again. Peel it back again. You got stories, I've got stories. We've all got fucking stories. Doesn't mean they're bad. Doesn't mean they're right or wrong. They're whatever you choose them to be, to follow on and flow through into the actions and the reality that you create or that you're a part of. So when I'm bouncing around all these different perspectives to take away all the perspectives that Corinne might be having in her problems, man, take note, this is a powerful tool. It's leverage. Not on your wife, and not even in your marriage, in who you are as a husband, to contribute to your marriage, because that's just a hat. Worry about a fucking piece of paper. That means nothing. It's just a hat. So when we're looking at stories, the art, the gift, the skill set that you can develop through recognizing the bullshit, the trials, the tribulations, the triumphs of your own stories is you can then see that in others. Why do you think I'm so good at what I do? I had to sort my own shit out first. Doesn't mean I did it alone. Doesn't mean I'm the lone wolf. Doesn't mean I still. Doesn't mean I don't still have shit in my life. But when I saw that and then I saw that in others and then others and then others and then others, it's like, fuck, man, thousands of fathers now. And then It'll be over 10,000 fathers and then over 50,000 fathers, and it's like, well, mate, do you need more than that? Probably not. Do we have the formula? Well, of course we do. Of course we do. But it doesn't mean we sit on our hands and go, that's it. We know the answer. There's always nuances. There's always intricacies. You listen to every single podcast. They're different, but they're the same. But they're different. But they're the same. But they are different, aren't they? This is the skill set. We owe it to ourselves. You owe it to yourself, man. Talk about marriage and connecting as a couple and connecting with your children, Building your business or building some financial freedom in your life. Enjoying the work that you do, enjoying filling that cup of service, but making sure you don't neglect the other cups of self and family. And, you know, the bouncing balls, don't let them drop, okay? They drop or pick him back up or it drops again. Pick him up. Well, fuck, mate, you need to put some more time on them. You need to put some more time in here so you can re rewrap those balls with some more rubber bands. Your rubber bands are getting thin. That fucker won't bounce as high next time. And then it's rock, then it's glass, and then it's nothing. And most of the times it becomes nothing because of the fucking stories you feed yourself, which we'll crack on into a second few core examples. Stories. Mental. It is what creates our life. I cannot stress enough. What do you want in your life? I don't know. I know what I don't want anymore. Yes, that's right. And you keep fucking getting that, don't you? Why? Because you keep putting energy into it. I've had countless men who have. Literally. And they've admitted it after the fact, unfortunately. But who have literally pushed their woman into the arms of another man. That's a sensitive subject. That's a very sensitive subject. But then you go back through the history and the controlling nature, the looking through phones or the accusations, all of a sudden you're painting in their subconscious. Is that something I should be doing? Should I be talking to other men? Should I be spending time? Should I be more secretive? Should I seek more fun and enjoyment in someone else's arms? You keep focusing on that. That's exactly the reality that you will have. But it's not some law of attraction shit where you just kick back and go, oh, well, I'd love to have a Lamborghini, alright, Appear and it appears. There are layers, gentlemen. There are layers of energy, there are layers of energetic expression and actions. It doesn't mean one's more important than the other. There's just layers. Be cautious of the shit talk that you feed yourself. Someone gives you compliment, you downplay it. Fuck that shit off. Oh, you're in good shape. Do you need to get any leaner? Oh, maybe, I don't know. Like, I am in good shape. I'm strong, I'm fit and healthy. Thank you. Work fucking hard to have a great body and to be very strong. You know, people who thought this was a hobby, even some family members, fuck that. Crack me up. Not that long ago, it's like, wow, you know, I'm seeing someone at the shops, seeing someone in Queensland, they've got a HPF shirt on. Someone in Victoria walking around with an RDM shirt on. And it's like, it's incredible. And I'm not gonna downplay and go, oh, well, took me 15 or 20 years to get here and, you know, bound to have some success or luck sooner or later. It's like, I fucking worked hard for this. Busted my ass to be a fucking gun at serving fathers and men. Like, do you expect any different? I don't. It doesn't mean I'm, I'm, you know, not grateful for it, but I'm not surprised. It doesn't mean that I expect victory or successes or assume it, but I'm not surprised. Fucking hell, man. You're like, you keep pushing, you're going to find success one way or another. What I love, though, is through my obsession and addiction to growth, I am bound by the laws of what a high performance father is. And those laws are our principles, they're our values. That's what leads to a life of integrity, an integral life, family, self and service. So whilst I have an Obsession to become a phenomenal athlete and maintain that status and do in the CrossFit world what no other man my size can do. That is bound by the laws of not dropping the ball of family and service. Just like this. I push. It's really weird, you know, because I put so much into these podcasts and I push, I push for three. I do try. I push for three a week, but it just doesn't line up. I'm like, you know what? Fuck that, man. If two's the number, two's the number. I'm serving fathers with live videos and messages and getting back in. Obviously, the guys on the inside, the coaches, developing, building our team, organizing, running events, running local catch ups. Like we have chapters in each state. Like I'm pushing in all areas and I put so much into these podcasts, I'm fucking cooked after them. Like mentally, your mental capacity, you've got three to four hours a day, max. Max. You might work for eight. Some of the things a bit more monotonous or mono structural. I just focus on one thing and that's it. Or process driven and that's fine. But in terms of creative, because when I'm doing these with you men, sometimes you'll hear me and see me click and I'll literally bring up a definition. Okay, let's look up the definition of this. But other than that, there's no script on this stuff. This is everything I take in from the men on the inside and we share to the world. And one of the biggest challenges we face as men is not even gaining control over our stories. It's peeling the layers back to find the stories that we feed ourselves and then to recreate the stories that we desire to become truths in our life. You got stories you don't even fucking know you have. This is what I need to do for the family. Here's a story for you. This is what I need to do for the family. I need to provide that financial stability and put digits in the account, Give them a nice home, house, nice things, roof over their head, make sure they're fed. And I get all that. We've got responsibilities and duties as men. And in the economic world, or the monetary system that we have with the world as it exists plays a role, of course. Value, time, energy services, monetary return. I get that the story we feed ourselves is, that's what we have to do. And sometimes we have stories that we don't even explore. The story is this though. If you're doing that at the cost of your family and cost of yourself. Somewhere, subconsciously, you've fed yourself the bullshit story that it has to be this way and you have to do it this way. And that is the only way. So let's neglect the family for 15 years. And then when I'm in my late 40s. She'll be right, mate. I'll make up for lost time. No, you fucking won't, mate. You'll be done. Good luck. Good luck at communicating that. I'll tell you what, any of you men in your early 30s communicate that to your wife right now. Hey, look, I'm all in on us, but just let me work for the next 15 years so you can have some financial security and you'll be right. Just look after the kids and I'll be there where I can, and, you know, dip in and out and do what I can to support you and juggle everything. And whilst you're breaking down on your own, of course, and I'm breaking down at work, you and the family, that's all good. No, just 15 years. We'll get there. We'll get there. I mean, it's only. What's that, 365? 15, 3,000. Well, it's only. Yeah, we'll be right. Just 13,000 days. It's okay, we'll get there. Maybe more. Shit, it'd be way more than that, wouldn't it? Let's do the maths. 365 times 15. Less 5,000 days. 10,000 is 30 years. Yeah, okay, well, 5,000 days you'll be right, and we'll pick up where we left off from. It doesn't work that way. We are organic creatures, man. Rhythms and cycles. The sun and the moon, you rising, you falling, going to sleep, your energy levels, everything, the way you eat, the way you shit. Everything is rhythmical. There are rhythms and cycles to us as human beings. Since when did you forget that and think that, okay, you can just gloss over things and as I say, tie your rope up into knots for years and then think you can untie them with a few months of love languages. Come on, mate. This isn't about blaming or taking the piss out of you. It's about understanding that there are stories you're creating that you don't even know exist. Bring them to the surface. Why are you. This is the fastest way because obviously I'm here to add value on taking action, not just perspective. Why do you do what you currently do? Ask yourself that question. Why do you go to work in the fashion that you're going to work? The time, the business that you run. Why are you doing that? And just ask the question, what's the story? What's the purpose behind this? What's the point? What are we trying to achieve? Why do you work so many hours? It's just, it's where the business is at this stage. Al just needs to be done. Okay, cool. I get that. Now, I'm not saying you can just click your fingers, men, and she'll be right, but what are you doing about that? Is there an end game? Are you communicating that end game to your family? You're communicating that to your wife? Are you making sure there's transparency? Look, this is where the business is at, but this is the picture we need to paint if we do this. We need to dig deep, but we need to dig deep for the next three years. That doesn't mean I want you to just be forgotten for the next three years. I'm going to work very fucking hard. So what that means is when I'm spending 12 hours a week on social media or six hours in front of the television, and probably more for a lot of men, way fucking more. But you don't have time, right? Isn't that funny? The irony? Instead of this, I'm going to triple down on what's important and give you the time and energy you need. I really need. Just as a side note, man, but it's not really a side note. It's the main point. I really need you guys to please understand with me. I'm not here just to tell you what to do. I'm not here to tell you that you're wrong or what the answer is or what it can be. But I. This is all your choice, you know, like for me, I don't watch television. Please understand. I'm not saying you have to do this. And this is definitely not a sacrifice. I don't see giving up, you know, watching Breaking Bad when that was a huge hit and giving up all fucking Netflix shows. I don't see that as a sacrifice. I see me not doing that as a sacrifice of who I can be to my wife, to my children. Now, I'm not a saint, but please understand, man, like the way I dial in my time. I'm not a hermit either. I mean, look, there's obviously great friendships that come from a high performance father program. Like they are brothers to me and vice versa. And I love the physical catch ups, the events that we do. So in terms of getting that itch scratched with spending time with men and engaging, connecting with men who are like brothers, it's there. Of course there's service and there's work and there's exchange of value between us, but it's there. So also I have a handful of schoolmates that I'll catch up with every 12 to 18 months. Obviously the last couple of years have been a ship fight. My needs in that area are being met. Does that mean I'd love to go and hit around a golf a little bit more? I mean it's probably been fucking four years since I've played golf. Not that I'm any good. Or does that mean I want to go out and throw a line in a fishbowl living on the coast? Yeah, I could probably handle to do that, you know, one or two times a month. If I'm looking at my game as a whole, the only thing it will be missing would be possibly that I'm doing my mobility, I'm flossing my knee, I'm doing trigger point therapy with golf balls under my fucking foot and wearing toe spreaders freeing up my and my ankle mechanics and my hips and my knees sound a bone on bone knee that's completely fucked by medical standards. But I can still perform like I'm tripling down on what I have time for myself, my body, because of how it makes me feel. I enjoy cooking, I enjoy meal prepping. I love the supplements that we've made and created and they're all natural and they help me sleep at night. They help me get through the start of the day and give me that charging power to move forward and dominate. I love organized honey in handsome time and organizing that with my wife. I love organizing special time with my children and dadventures. Like fuck, they're so small and young. It doesn't mean I'm closed off to the world, but Jesus Christ, man, am I going to go down to the fucking tab or the pub or go and do all these things that don't fucking matter. When I look up, my children are suddenly 14, 12 and 11, 21, 19 and 18. Like I must share this with you men. Like this is not a cost. There's an opportunity cost if I don't. So when I'm looking at stories and time and investments and perspectives like you have so much more room to move. So much more room to move. And you must, you must not come from a place of fear, through your decision making processes, through your choices, because the outcome will be one of fear. No one fucking wins there. No one ever wins there. Look at what's happening in the world. There's always going to be some sort of scary shit happening. But if you continually. Doesn't mean we don't experience fear. I do. We all do. But if you continually express and are driven from that place, you are fucked. You will not win. I promise you that much. I don't know what the outcome will be and when, but I promise you, you won't win. No fucking way. You might think you are because of what I don't know. Like a feeling, an emotion. You think you've got control or an outlook or a perspective, or you think you have safety in some area. Nothing's guaranteed in life. Something one of our dads said last week. It's very powerful. He said, we're all born with a bunch of sand, but none of us know how much we have. Think of that. Think of the granules of sand, days, weeks, whatever it might represent to you. Look at your hand and think you've got a big fistful of sand. But how much? I don't know. You don't know? How fast is it being poured out? How fast is it leaking through your fingertips? I don't know. You don't know? We're all born with a bunch of sand, but none of us know how much we have. So when we're driving, perspectives and stories and all that sort of stuff, my life's fucking amazing. Why? Because I fuck off the shit that doesn't mean anything to me. I cannot stress this enough. If it doesn't fucking matter, don't do, doesn't mean you can't veg out or zone out or relax or kick back. But it becomes a chronic fucking state of affairs or a crutch for you. Friday night, I have to sit down and watch my fucking show and drink a bottle of red. If it becomes a fucking crutch, if it becomes a need, not a want. You're fucking yourself in the ass, man. You are holding yourself back. You are. Your biggest limiting factor right there, said this before, you're the problem. You're the solution as well. But which side of the fence are you sitting on? You sitting on the side where you just maintain that level of being the problem day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, but you can't see it. Or if you jumped over and you're continually driving. The solution to life, which is you, your actions, how you stand up. Life is so precious, man. There's a small thing that one of my coaches shared with me and I shared with the tribe. It was about a little boy asking his dad for some money and the dad got shitty. Why do you need money? And blew up at him. Sent him to his room and he felt a bit bad. He tired from working a lot and went into his son. He said, I'm sorry I blew up. Here's a bit of money. He's like, oh, thanks. And he gets extra money out from under his pillow. So dad gets delivered, obviously. And he's like, fuck, you already got money. The boy starts counting. He's like, I've got enough. He's like, what are you talking about? You got money. Why do you want more from me? And he's like, well, dad, you know, I asked you how much your time is worth and you told me $100 an hour. And I didn't have that. That's why I needed the $50. But now I've got $100. So I'd like to give this to you. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home. Please come home early tomorrow from work. I'd love to have dinner together. That fucking cut through me, man. And I'm certainly not doing 80 or 100 hour weeks anymore. But I saw that, I was like, fuck, that's fucking heavy. It's deep. It's like the cat's in the cradle. That little boy will be a man one day. He won't fucking want you. He won't need you. He won't want you around. We need to look at the stories that we cook up inside of our life. There is always a choice. Always. I sold my gym at a 7x loss. I said, fuck this. I'm not driving an hour north and an hour back every single day. Some of you guys might drive more. I'm not saying it's good or bad. I'm saying my choice. I'm not fucking going to that place anymore. I'm going all in on what we're doing here. Sold it. A 7x loss. Like there is nothing that I'll do whatever the fuck it takes. If the Internet went out tomorrow, if something happened and HPF was no longer here, if something happened and HPF was just fucking buried, it died. And I mean, you know, this is why I'm trying to control the growth, because it's fucking exploding, man. It's insane. I need to control the growth so it doesn't just fall over. Keep building the foundation. Keep building a foundation. I'm not here to get 50,000 fathers tomorrow. We grow and we build and we develop organically and we help the man when he's ready, when he wants to turn his Life around, which means we don't dilute the service, which means the value is fucking epic. You cannot match this. No one will come close. Many copy, but they cannot keep up. But if for whatever reason that never came true, I will do whatever the fuck it takes, man. I just have to do it. We've got a mortgage. You choose that, that's a story you cook up. I have to work out because I have to make home. You choose that. You choose to have a mortgage. Just like my friend Shannon Brenton when people saying, oh, you're so lucky. You've got a big red new caravan, living the dream with your kids, you got a nice new Land Cruiser, driving around the country. And he's like, luck. It's like I was living in the fucking beach at McMasters Beach. Sold a mansion I was living in. Sold my businesses and my factory to do this. Like there's always a way. Now I have to work out I've got a mortgage. Well, you don't. You might be too afraid to have that confrontation with your wife because maybe she holds on to a story that knowing this is the dream, this is the dream we get sold. We have to own the home that we're living in. You could fucking sell your home, have your capital or equity in there. You could sell that, you could rent, you could have 1, 3, 5, $800,000 in your account. And then you could re establish where you are, what's important in your life, realign. You could start business, start another business. Start another business. You could be an employee. There's always a fucking choice, man. It's a story that you feed yourself. Nada. We're in a nice area, it's a nice home. No, it's our dream home. That's your dream home. But is it the dream time? Is it a dream home that's fucking broken? Yeah, we got the dream home, but my wife and I are getting divorced now. Well, fuck, what good did that do you, mate? What led to the divorce? Financial pressure. Jesus Christ, man. I cannot like for that you over leverage yourself and then the financial burdens to get into a position of the superficial or perceived quality of life and living means the quality and depth of connection is destroyed. And the children have nothing. Can you see the problem there? And all of this started with a little fucking seed, a little story that was planted in your head from anyone. Fucking billionaires, the government. Anyway, own your home. Own your home one day and be. I don't give a fuck if I don't own anything. I am here and Now I'm living and expressing and experiencing life. That doesn't mean that I'm just floating through the air. Because what I'm doing is living, loving, expressing and experiencing life right now with the potentiality to lead into an even better very soon future now and an even better very soon future now. But they're different future nows. It's a future now where my children are one year older, five years older, eight years older. This is what happens when you create the right stories and you fucking grow in your life, man. Because it can always be more, it can always be better. But what's the greatness you're pulling back to center right here and now to go? Well, instead of fantasizing about that, instead of grinding into the ground, grinding myself into dust for what I perceive to be a value, how about I just live and love this moment right here and now and appreciate whether it's the grind, the hurdle, the challenge, the adversity, and build a new story myself that I'm a fucking weapon. I'm a titan. I am the man who's going to overcome the shit that I'm facing. This too shall pass and I will become more for it. Because for Al to kick back in his chair and go, my life's thriving and flourishing came at fucking 15 to 20 years of a lot of pain. That doesn't mean my pain filled days are over either. I'm sure plenty more will come. Doesn't mean I go looking for them. But this is the standard operating system inside of you, man. This is your natural energetic expression and output of one that is tenacious for growing and loving and living life. Not the stories of protection, the stories of security, the stories of safety, the stories of acceptance. That just is what it is. My stories change all the time. All the time they change to suit a questioning that realigns with who I can be, how I can improve, how I can be more and how I can be present. I really got to take this work call. No you don't. You fucking tell yourself that story. So look your children in the eye next time and say, hey, this is the story I've created. Instead of going upstream to the source and tell an old mate, hey, I've got fucking family time. If this makes or breaks the deal, then I know where our integrity and value lies with you and where yours lies with us. So I've got family time. I'm going to call you tomorrow at 10am like, if it's something that's really that important, that big on brokering a Deal or a business opportunity, they can fucking wait. And if you're transparent in that. Look, Bill, we're very close, mate, very excited about this opportunity. Blah, blah, blah. Tonight I promise to cook dinner with my family and have family time. Now, if that's not good enough for you, that's okay. But for me, as a man in my life, that. That level of integrity, that line doesn't get crossed. I'm more than happy to make this a priority first thing tomorrow morning. I understand. Bill, you've got three kids of your own, mate. Not sure exactly how that sits with you or what you would do, but this is my commitment to my family. Is that okay with you? Fantastic. I'll call you tomorrow, 9am Is that okay? No, it's not. No worries, Bill. Look, our ethic and our ethos and the integrity and value that we hold is we are a man who does what he says he would do. And whilst I made a loose commitment, I made a stronger commitment to my family to have this time with them. Like, there's always a fucking choice, man. Always a choice. A man and his stories. What kind of stories are you letting hold you back? What kind of stories do you have in your life that are reinforcing, limiting beliefs? You don't have to be Elon Musk or look at those sorts of guys for inspiration, or look at them and go, it's impossible. And I'm not saying you can be them either. The fuck would you want to be? You are you. You're not them. How my life, what we do, a high performance father, our program, of course that's something that you may aspire to model towards. Me as a man might be something that you are inspired by or aspire to model towards. There's a level of modeling. It doesn't mean that you have to fucking become me. You become your own man. You are your own man. I'm here to bring that out in you. Not to make you me. To show you how strong you can be, to show you the stories that you can create and build. We don't connect. And my wife and. It's just really hard how we haven't been intimate for so long. And I'm not saying stories aren't true, of course that's the truth. But that's also your story. So let's peel the layer back. What are the perceptions, what are the actions, what is the history, the passage of time that has led to that story? Unfortunately, in that situation, because intimacy is important for a man and a woman has become the truth. Go upstream, was it 5 months? 5 years? 8 years, 11 years? What are the patterns? What's the story you fed back then where you didn't get laid one night? Oh, well, fuck it, why do I keep trying? I'm the one who always fucking asked for sex, so I'm not going to bother anymore. And you shut down, so then she shuts down even more, so you shut down even more. And then this becomes this separation and there's a wedge that just gets driven between you. Chemicals adjust, hormones change. That shit just gets suppressed. We go to porn. Pornography, going for the killer. Watching some other bloke slay some other woman which isn't even real. It's all theater and we're twisting the ears off it. Get getting our rocks off, going, yeah, that's me, I'm the man. That's a power play. You're watching that and you're rubbing one out to go, I want my power back. I'm a man. This is what we. Procreation or not, obviously having a toss. This is who I am. I'm the man who has his power back. I'm significant, I'm important. I'm not like. This is what goes like. There's erotic love, languages as well. I'll talk about that another time. And one of those is definitely power. It's not a bad thing for a man. It's the vessel that you're channeling that power through. You could be sitting on the toilet having a fucking wank and your wife's in the other room watching tv. Like when you're saying yes to something. I've said this. You say no to something else. This is so important, man. You're pushing your energy and your the fucking fruit of your loins into something that is not good. You are the product. Whether it's free or not. You're the fucking product. There is something else that is taking your time and energy. It's stealing you away, it's fucking destroying the family unit. Pornography is fucked, man. It's so fucking shit. You might not have to agree with it, but just observe the energy, observe the outcomes. And whether you do it once, twice, thrice, three, four times a week, 10, 15, 30 minutes. Where the fuck could you be putting that? That could be serving you, moving forward in your life instead of going for the kill. A quick release. What's the story though? I'm stressed. I need to unwind. I need to relax. You might still rub one out. Okay, no worries. Good for you. I'm not saying that you're a Dirty man. What I'm saying is, look at the vessel that you're channeling an expression of your life through. Pornography is not the answer, man. That's just a story to get a quick release or to create higher level of stimulus. All these stories, they're two main. A couple of big examples work. Obviously, connection with your wife. Things like pornography, drugs, alcohol is the same. All of these stories. A man and his stories. You are a man with stories. Many stories, just like I am. We have so many. They chop, they change, they come, they go. What are the stories, though, that you're creating? Where are they taking you? What are the stories? Let's just go one step back. What are the stories inside your life? Hopefully you've had a few moments or an epiphany from this episode. What are the stories inside your life that you didn't even know exist? I'll give you a clue. I'll give you a hint on how to find stories. Quickest way possible one day. Have a look and question every fucking thing you do. Why do I do that? Why am I doing that? And have a look, have a listen. Zoom out a little bit and listen. As soon as you ask that question, man. Thoughts, right? 60 to 90,000 thoughts a day. It's fucking lightning. It is faster. Your thoughts are faster than the speed of light. So as soon as you ask that question, right, this is where the answer is always questions. Questions are always the answer. As soon as you ask that question, sit back and listen. Pay attention. Pay attention to what you say. Listen to the justification. I may as well fucking get it somewhere, Ali, if I'm not getting it from my wife. Like, listen. Just listen to the victim. Listen to the villain inside. Listen to the bullshit that gets served up. And then listen to the great things. We have great stories as well, Alex. Why? High performance, Father. Why do you do it? This is the fucking change the world needs. Obviously, like, that's. That's exactly what goes through my head. When dads win, everyone wins. This is a pathway to connect the family unit, whether you're still married or not. When I say family, it's you. You and your children, your legacy, life after you're dead. The standards dropped. There hasn't been support. The system's fucked. I know that. I'm not a lawyer, but I know the system's fucked. You and I both know that. When it comes to breakdowns, what are the stories? Ask yourself a question. Why do you hit the snooze button? Fucking kids kept me up all night. Couldn't Sleep. No, no, that's a story. Why do you hit the snooze button? No, that's a story. Why do you hit a snooze button? Is that the truth? Tell me the fucking truth. That's what you need to say to yourself, man. When you own your truth, you know exactly where you stand, which means you have a footing from which you can start moving. Otherwise you can't move. You're like fucking pedaling a bicycle in the clouds attached to a hot air balloon that you don't know when it's going to run out of air. Like it's. You don't know where you are. No idea. As soon as you own the truth, perception creates reality. It is the keystone between where you are, your triggers, your emotions, your state, and where you can be and the choices you make and the actions and the outcomes that follow. Why do you drive to work the way that you currently drive to work? What's the most effective way, most efficient way? It's the quickest way possible. Beautiful. There's your fucking story. There's the narrative. There's your truth. Why do you get grumpy when you come home and there's a bit of a shit storm and you snap at the kids because they're too loud and they don't see that I've worked all day. It's a fucking story. Try again. Start from scratch. Try again. Why are you triggered when you come home to a family loving or not born out of love? Otherwise, why are you a father born out of love? Why, when you're coming home, you losing your cool, blowing your stack at the kids, and you're not one level above the cow, so you're not the chief that has access to the Viking and the Panda. Because I'm tired, okay? Why are you tired? Go back to the source. The kids are unappreciative. They're arguing, they're yelling. Houses of pigsty. They're not cleaning up yet. Cool. There might be truths in that, but go back to the fucking story that you can own. Go back to the truth that you can claim and control. It's all well and true. Observing everyone else's truth. What about yours? When you're sorting out problems of other people, when you're setting out other people's problems, or when you're sorting out other people that are the problem, you take away the possibility that you're the fucking problem. What are you doing about it? Oh, you watched TV. You went to bed at 11:30 and woke up at 4:30. I was a shit fight at work today and you're under the pump. No, he didn't even eat breakfast or lunch. Are you having six to eight coffees a day? You wonder why you're fucking triggered when you walk through the door, mate, how about you go to bed a little bit earlier? Put some fucking food in the belly, Get a bit clearer on your boundaries. Don't be a fucking yes man at work. Have the balls and steel to stand up and go, well, this isn't right. That's right. This isn't right. That's right. Communicate with your family and your wife. Get an idea on the way home of what the household's like without being triggered. Get a gauge on that. Turn your fucking phone off. When you walk through the door, be one level above the house. Be grateful you've got children when so many don't. And turn up and lead the situation to create a new story before the fact is revealed, the experience is played out and the connection can deepen. A man and his stories. I hope this episode, like all of them, has served you well. Find your stories. Everything you do. Why do I have protein shakes? I want 250 grams of protein a day because that's going to keep good muscle, keep my metabolism high. I fucking love our protein shakes. And it's hard for me to eat one to two kilos of meat every single day. Where's the story in that? Well, it might be hard to eat one to two kilos of meat a day. I could do it, but I don't want to do the fucking meal prep. It's that simple. I don't want to meal prep six meals of meat a day. I'd rather have two shakes. I know where the protein's coming from, the quality of it, and it balances out what I'm having. It gives me a nice sweet hit and a treat. And that's my story. Okay, well, where does the story take you men as we wrap this up? First, find the story, what you accept to be true. Question it. Find the story. Peel the layers back. Break down that story. Okay? And then ask. All right, where is that story leading me? Well, for me, having two protein shakes a day, I'm in fucking great shape. I eat plenty of meat. I eat organs and everything else. And life is humming along nicely. So as we can see, man, it's not always. It's not always a story itself that's the problem. It's the lack of awareness, the lack of foresight. It's not being able to see and process the actual Pathway, Yes. You need that awareness. All right. What are stories? What are the stories I'm currently holding onto? Beautiful. Find them, Question them. Question absolute everything. Everything you do. You know, I dry myself on my left arm first, and then I dry my right arm, then my face, then my left leg. Like, it doesn't have to be stuff like that. Stories around how you dry yourself when you get out of the shower doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't mean anything. Things that matter, things that mean something, things that you can see of leaking, leaking love and leadership in your life, they're holes in your game. Let's have a look at them, let's review them, let's assess them, and then let's take them and go. All right, well, where is this story taking me? Well, it's taking me here, and I'm not actually happy about that. I'm not enjoying that. It's taking my wife there. It's taking my children there. This is what my children are experiencing from me when I put the hat of fatherhood on. Because you must take ownership over that, man. You're a very powerful man. You're part of their environment, part of their life. They look up to you. Everyone looks up to you. Who's part of your inner circle and vulnerable to you. Don't go pissing in the wind taking that for granted, because you'll throw it away and then no one will look up to you. Find the stories. Which ones are serving you? Which ones aren't? Okay, the ones that aren't. Why? Where is that taking me? What's the outcome? Okay, what else can I do? How can I recreate a different story? Create a new story? Recreate this story. This all comes down to your perspective. Your perception creates the pathway to your reality and the realities you have. There are 8 billion people on this planet, okay? There are 8 billion realities. And that, my friend, is the truth. That is the reality of life. Every single one of you might see me slightly differently to every single one of you, each one of you. Like, this is. This is who I am. I'm a particular and specific version inside of your reality. This is life, man. Find the stories, break them down, leverage them. It is a lever. It is a tool. Perspective is such a powerful thing. And change up the approach. That didn't work. Okay, no worries. Fucking change and go again. That perspective didn't work. No worries. Change and go again. Like, it's very simple. At the end of the day, man, as we wrap this up, at the end of the day, it's very Simple. If your perspective on something and then the actions that follow that perspective didn't work out fucking great, you've learned something. Change it up and try again. That one didn't work out great. You fucking learnt something again. Change it up and try again. Change it up and try again. You keep changing your perspective and you keep trying until you win. There is no alternative. I don't know how to lose. I don't know how to give up. I can't take a backward step. It doesn't make sense to me. Doesn't mean I'm always climbing the stairs to the top. Sometimes I'm standing there and I'm just standing on that step for a while till I figure some shit out. And then I get moving again. And just like you, sometimes I have my team behind me. Hey. Fucking pushing me up the stairs. Lift that fucking leg out. The power of the tribe. I hope this serves you well. Stories. A man and his stories. Find them first. Assess and analyze where they are taking you. Recreate them. Recreate your perspective. Create and change the way you see things. Create and change your approach and bridge that gap between your triggers, your states, what you accept subconsciously, what is part of your makeup, part of your being to creating who it is that you choose to be, who you desire to be that leads to not only you winning, but everyone else around you winning that you love and care about. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.