193. What Children Need From Their Fathers

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. What children need from their fathers. Welcome to an episode where we really peel the layers back on a few core elements. You know, it's all well and true to go. All kids need is fucking love from their fathers, obviously. I mean, that's, that's a given, isn't it? So it's not that I'm, it's not that I'm going to be glossing over the fundamentals and the core parts that help us to become the fathers that our children need, but it's really trying to, like all episodes, help you adjust and tweak and change your perspective around things that are going to serve you the best right now. And serving you the best right now always comes from a position of where you currently are, which means if we keep maintaining a position where you currently are in the same words, the same language, the same approach, nothing fucking changes, does it? So of course I know you love your children. I mean, if you don't fuck me dead, why are you here? Why are you even listening to this? So of course you do. Just like when I say, oh, you know, the term we all have 24 hours a day doesn't mean anything anymore. It's true. You've heard it so much it's been flogged to death. Of course you love your children. So when it comes to these six elements, I'm going to touch on six words and we're going to peel the layers back on them. There are six key things, six key points. Six words. Like words create triggers, make them positive triggers inside of your life. Six words we're going to dive in today, ironically enough, three of them start with S and three of them start with P. So the S3 P3 method protocol approach to fatherhood. Sure, we'll come up with something, it's a given. But this is where as much as I listen, as much as I speak words, what the fuck do they mean? What's the point? Okay, love. What do you mean by love? You tell me, what is it? It's a feeling, it's an emotion, it's approach. How much love, how little love? What type of love? What's the depth of that love? I love you, Goodnight, son. While you're on the fucking phone scrolling through social media like they're just fucking words. So please understand, mate, when we're diving into this, we could come up with 30 different words that would easily be allocated to this is a father and this is a relationship with his children. This is what you should have, this is what your children need from you. And this is about me listening, listening to the modern world, the fathers, where they're at, our members, non members, listening to everything, going, what is it that they need to hear most and how can we help them reinforce what they need to hear most for themselves? Because they're telling me. You're telling me what you need most. You are. I'm not here to tell you or to point the finger or bark at you. This is off the back of the data, the feedback, everything we get when it comes to your relationships with your wife. Yeah, it's what we're doing. I mean, it'll probably become our own marriage certification, marriage counseling certification one day, who knows? I mean, our approach is very fucking real. It's not, it's not textbook. It's relevant to the human beings and the dynamics of the struggles, the hardships in their relationship. The same with this, with fatherhood, what children need from their fathers. So let's hook on into this. Please maintain an open perspective on this and the terminology that we really dissect through these different words. Take it in a way that's going to be applicable to you in your life right away. You must take action with this. You owe it to yourself. The first word is support. When we're talking about what children need from their fathers, it does dial in and tie into a lot of our other episodes. One that comes to mind with me right away is the Viking and the Panda. You are the chief, you sit in the middle, you pull from the Viking when needed, when necessary. And that doesn't mean against or to your children. It doesn't mean being a disciplinarian. So sometimes it's protecting, sometimes it's. And this is all woven into these six words, so I don't want to give that away, but it absolutely is relevant to when you can be the Viking, when you can be the panda, when you can be both, and what that looks like for you inside of your life. But first and foremost, support. Like, sometimes your children, they're not looking for the answer. Sometimes the answer is for you to just listen and look. Some of these may cross over a little bit, some of these words, but essentially because listen is the same as being present. Spoiler alert. One of the words that starts with P is present. Support. How are you supporting? This is the difference. It's not just me rattling off six words and giving some wisdom around what each word might entail or mean in your relationship to your children. It's the hows, it's the what's. What does that look like? How do I apply this out? How do I do that? So support. Sometimes the answer is isn't coming up with an answer for them. Sometimes it's purely giving them the support that they need. And the support can come in many different ways, but a lot of the times it isn't you listening to respond, it's you listening to listen. Listening to understand, listening to appreciate, listening to acknowledge. I've got a wide vocabulary, but I'm not here just to rattle off a whole bunch of fucking words like, when do you actually appreciate your children? I appreciate them every day. Life's a gift. When do you show them that you appreciate them? Thank you so much for sharing that with Daddy. Stella Yacht. I appreciate you trying so hard with netball and I know you grazed your knee because you fell over going for the ball, but Daddy really appreciates you sharing with him. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's fun. When you're appreciating and acknowledging your children, you are appreciating and acknowledging your children, not just in your head, to them, with them, for them. They need that. You have so much control and influence over their environment so much it's insane. You don't own your children, but you're responsible for them. You certainly own a large portion of their environment earlier on in life, but then it comes with the argument, yeah, but they're adults now. But don't be so fucking lazy. Do you not want to be a man entering his 60s showcasing to his children who are entering their 40s, hey, this is what a fucking amazing grandparent does. This is how you can be a senior Citizen and dominate. Be healthy, fit, strong. Strive towards more future success in the different phase of your life. Evolve and grow, take chances, express a level of leadership and power. Do you not want to do that? Like, it's nothing. And I'm not saying you have to be a business owner or employee, it's got nothing to do with finances. But fuck me dead, mate. Like, do you really want to just hit 65 and go, that's it, I'm retired? Like those who. This is the irony of it all, two sides of the same coin. Those who are itching and chomping at the bit, they can't fucking wait to retire at 65. The reason why you're doing that, ironically enough, is because there are areas in your life that you fucking hate, that are falling apart, that you do not like, that you are filled with regret from your actions. There are so many different areas in your life where you really don't like what it has become to the point where you can't wait to hit 65. But unfortunately, all of the byproducts and side effects that has led to you having that desire of retiring in 65 is exactly why when you hit 65, your life's going to be fucked anyway. You'll have poor health, a poor mindset, a victim mentality, no connection to your relationships, broken down divorce, not enjoying where your life is going, being bored, not taking up hobbies, having no hobbies, having no skill to grow and evolve and change who you are, whether it's driven with technology or not. Like when you hit 65 with such a hunger and thirst and desire to hit 65 so you can just slow down and relax. Unfortunately, where your life is right now means when you hit 65, you're fucked. Doesn't matter if you live for 15, 25, 25 years, it's not great. And you might not agree with me, and that's okay. Maybe we'll catch up in 10, 15, 20 years and we'll have that conversation then. It's true, man. It doesn't mean you should flog yourself to death. But essentially, when you're 65, what are you gonna do? Sit on the beach for what, three months? Three years drinking pina coladas like it's a moment. Tell me. All I want to do is fish, Al. Tell me that going fishing every fucking day for 12 months in the same fucking spot, or moving around or whatever it might be, or sitting on the beach drinking a fucking beer, or laying back in the sun, or kicking back and doing some pottery, or doing gardening Tell me that doing the same thing for a year, five years, 10 years, 15 years, which becomes a fantasy in your head because you're only thinking about the moment because your life isn't where you want it to be. So you're looking for an escape and the escape is painted a picture of what your life should be for the next 5,000 days. Tell me that isn't going to make you bored and I'll call you a fucking liar right to your face like, come on, mate, this is not what life is about. Like, that's a moment. 80 to 90% of your life is what you consistently do day in and day out. Don't tell me I can't wait to retire and do nothing. You're just fucking exhausted and burnt out that you don't want to do anything right now. Which means that becomes such a desirable goal where you paint that as the picture for all of eternity. Because right now, in the present now, there's been too many nows where you're feeling lethargic, run down and burn out. This is how I get to 20 minute intros, by swaying off course. I'm just kidding. This is really tying into understanding that the game never ends. Man, this is such a powerful quote that we created. I mean, I came up with, we came up with last week and I've posted before on social media, like, it is every human being's obligation to themselves to continually pursue growth and mastery of life. Not in life, of life itself. Those who neglect this, those who do not fulfill this, it's your obligation, it is your moral duty. Because those who don't, they're left with ignorance. You don't fucking know what you don't know. You wouldn't even know any better. Too late. Brain's fried anyway. Ignorance, shame, guilt and regret looking back over a life that was instead of a life that could have been. So the reason why I expanded on that example, for so many of you, painting this picture of the end game, being relaxing, unwinding it, it doesn't mean you're filled with burdens or stress. But I'll tell you what, I want my children in their 40s and 50s to look at me in my 70s and 80s and go, this guy's a fucking weapon, man. Look, no one comes close to him. There are people in their 60s who look like they're about to fucking die. And dad's 83 and look at what he's doing. You know, he can deadlift 300 kilos, he can do 10 bar muscle ups unbroken. He can handstand, walk 50 meters straight. I don't know if I'll be doing that in my 80s, but I'll certainly be staying fit and strong, that's for sure. I mean, is that not one of the greatest attractions in being? If you're a healthy fuck, that'd be so much fun. I'm not wishing my life away now, but to be a healthy, strong, fit grandparent, you can give the grandkids back, you get all of the goodness. Doesn't mean you can't be the firm hand and viking when they need it. You get all of the greatness of reliving childhood and the gift of energy and life in children again as a grandparent, doing that with the strength and solidarity in your physical, mental and emotional energy would be fucking amazing, mate. Like, that'd be like, I spoke about this with my wife, we just move wherever we want to move as we get older. Wherever the kids want to go, cool. That's on them. We're not going to be burdened and we're not going to burden them. And I'm like, no, fuck that, man. Like, wherever my children are living, I'm at least going to have some sort of house near them so I can spend time with the grandkids and just fucking immerse myself in that life. Because I think that'd be amazing if I, you, me, we have our shit together and are fit and healthy and strong. So what does support look like for you? What does it look like for your children? Have you asked them? How old are they? It never ends. Like when I call my father, sometimes the support is just hearing his voice and just listening to him. Sometimes it's just talking to him. Sometimes it is seeking his counsel, asking questions. Sometimes it's getting his perspective, but it's not being solution driven and going, hey, give me the answer on this, this and that. It's looking for genuine support, someone to listen to, a sounding board. What children need from their fathers a lot of the times is their support. How and what that looks like is a skill set that you develop, you design. It's why I did our seven day high performance father challenge. Like, fuck, it's so good, man. The value, insane. Like it's crazy. Because this is skill acquisition, skill based. What you're listening to right now, you're looking at developing skill sets. Perspective is a skill set. Mindset, that's a skill set. Like developing your mind, developing your mental acuity, developing your speed to process things. That's what I do. I do so well. Not only Can I dive deep in the men? But the speed in processing, filtering and then reflecting. Not gonna say it's unique because it's not like I was born with it, but it is unique because I put so much fucking effort into it. Who else is tripling down on thousands and thousands of fathers over the years and just listening. I know I'm speaking now, but I do way more listening than speaking. Support. Children need support from their fathers. What's the next s? Well, funnily enough, the other side of that coin. Although it does go hand in hand, sometimes the support is the solution. But solutions, sometimes your kids don't need you. And again, this is not me contradicting myself, but it's true. This is where the skill set comes into play. Your modern intelligence, social and self awareness. Self awareness of you, social awareness of the energy, what's going on, the words that are spoken, your children's body language, posture. A passage of time and history that's led to the conversation. Sometimes they will need support from you, other times they need the opposite. They need fucking solutions. They need you to help them problem solve, not just nod your head. Yep, yep, good on your son. Oh mate, you'll find a way, you'll get there. Sometimes they don't need that. So this is the hard part in the dichotomy of life because how do we know what they need? How do we know what it is that they need from us? This is where it comes down to the level of connection and relationship you develop with them. Sometimes your children will need support, other times they need solutions. Okay, well how the fuck are you going to give them a solution? What have you done? Not, I've been here longer than you, I'm taller than you, I'm bigger than you. No, no, what have you done? Look, if your son's trying to set up a little back in the day LAN parties, trying to set up a computer gaming thing with his kids and the Internet isn't working, blah, blah. Well, are you savvy enough to sort that shit out or something happens with the bike. Can you fix their bike? The kids want to do a new project and something to do with off road or terrain or wheels. Okay, cool. Do you know how to build a fucking go kart like mates? Four pieces of wood, probably not even that steering wheel. Do you remember that? Like, did you. I'm surely used to that sort of stuff. When you were younger. I mean some of you guys listening are older, some are younger than me, but fuck me there, mate. Go karts are insane. We Used to live on the top of a hill. I look back now, I'm like, man, no helmets, no nothing, and just flying, going at least. Yeah, it does feel, it does feel faster on things like motorbikes when you're in open air compared to a car. But we would have been going at least 30 k's. Like, that's that, that's quick. Like, that's quick. Downhill with it, with it, like, you know, bitumen road tar downhill in a wooden go kart with shitty wheels, with nothing but a bit of rope to steer. How good was it, right? The good old days. Solutions. Sometimes your children need solutions. Well, how, what does that look like? What's the solution? Are you invested in their life? What are their likes, dislikes? What are they engaged with? What are their hobbies? What do they love? Do you actually know? What is it your children love so you can go upstream and provide a solution? Hey, you know what, son? I know that you've started your science classes now, and I don't know if they're ever going to do this, but, you know, we used to do the volcano thing with the bicarb soda and the red dye and it used to froth out and we'd build this little, you know, well, it's kind of like paper mache, I guess. We build this volcano and anyway, I don't know if you ever want to do that. I can show you how to make one of those. Whether it's a science project or not. Be really good fun. Sometimes the solution is just getting the wheels in motion inside of their head. Sometimes the solution for what your children need doesn't come with their problem. It comes with you helping them with critical thought, with problem solving, with engineering or innovating a different way of looking at things. So sometimes your children need a solution, but there isn't necessarily a problem, but there's a solution to the next step of growth that they will have from 8 to 12, 12 to 14, 14 to 15, 15 to 18. Like, you know, it's really funny. Like my brothers I got a little bit of advice from, but my dad didn't tell me about fucking masturbation and twisting the ears off and all that sort of shit. And, you know, I used to watch that cartoon, where did I come from? Like, I watched it probably fucking 50 times with the old tadpole shark swimming in the Olympic swimming pool. And he gets to the end, he does a ballet, he does a tango with the egg. And that was funny. What a funny cartoon that was, man. I used to watch that like on the weekly, like, since I was five years of age, that's all I watched. That was funny, eh? Where did I come from? Television? Well, it wasn't really a series, it was a cartoon movie. I watched that as a kid, but I didn't know, like, it's. I'm going to fucking start rubbing my cock and shit's going to come out of it. It's going to be a weird feeling. Like, it's really funny. When we look at the different stages of life in children, I'm not saying you sit down and do a workshop on how to twist the ears off it with a young bloke, but essentially I'm like, man, my father never spoke to me about that sort of stuff. It was so taboo. I felt so alone, isolated. I thought there was something wrong with me. Yeah, I'd be laying there and I'd be laying like face down on my bed and just out of nowhere, I'd be like 14, 13 years of age. I get an NRB no reason boner and I just start fucking humping the Mattress. Like at 13 years of age, going, oh, this feels fucking weird. What's this? It sounds like, sorry if I'm grossing you guys out. You probably did the fucking same. Don't point fingers at me. But it's true, man. When we're looking at support and solutions, sometimes it's the vision as a father to go upstream and go, well, what do they need? Just like my daughters. Like, I know my daughters are going to have sex, so how do I position them to make sure that they have that personal value and integrity, whether it's protection or contraception or whether it's choosing, you know, the right boy. Things like Tinder and that. Like, fuck me, you're kidding, aren't you? Like, what a crazy world. Things like TikTok. Jesus Christ, man, That's fucking dangerous. You better be planting the seeds early inside of your daughters. If you have daughters on their own personal value and integrity. So you build and fortify what their internal reality is, not what the external influences them to break down and just become like every other fucking person. Next thing you know, it is like Pinocchio. The donkeys on the island and they're all donkeys together. Support, solutions, Final S strength. I am strong now, you know, I'm fucking breaking my back. Working, working my bone, working to the car, working to the core for my family and sacrificing, giving. And I am strong and putting up a brave fate. I get that, man. Like, we all do that. It's fucking hard. It's why we've got this coaching program. It's very fucking hard. I lean on the tribe, the tribe inspires me. I've got my shit together. I'm not a fucking hypocrite. But it still inspires me to make sure I remember. Hey, keep turning up. Hey, keep raising the standard, keep raising the butt. Don't you dare ever fucking go back there and I don't. How can you champion your life? How can you champion your life for your children? It's by showcasing a level of strength they need. Like I said, this is interwoven, but it's a case of looking well, how does it interweave and what does that look like? So strength in support, of course, strength in solutions, strength in yourself, your character, who you are, how you turn up as this directly correlates to the other word, one of the other p words which I'm going to go into in a minute, in one to eight minutes. Strength. They need your strength. They need you to be the fucking man, man. That could be mowing the lawn. Roman sees me mowing the lawn. Ah, dad, Daddy gets his little plastic lawnmower out and he's like, looks at me. I'm carrying like my children. They obviously don't know, but when they get a bit older, they'll start to see as people and children naturally compare. But I'm fucking holding him in my arm while I'm mowing the entire lawn. There's times where I'm carrying the kids and just picking them up and throwing them around like they don't need to look at me and go, hey, you picking me up? And that little girl's dad isn't picking them up. You're stronger. It's got nothing to do that they can feel my strength. They see my strength. That doesn't mean just physical strength, your mental strength at the dinner table, at the household. This does tie into one of the p words, presence. But essentially what are you bringing to the table with that presence is just as important. So one of those, yeah, it is strength, but one that should stand on its own in what your children need is your strength, your physical strength, your mental strength, your emotional strength. This is why I say it always starts with you go upstream. Fuck off. All the blaming and finger pointing, regardless of how hard you've been done by. We all have. And some worse, some better, doesn't matter. And I'm not saying it's level playing field. What I'm saying is there are things in life you're focusing on that you don't control. Awesome. How's that going for you? How's that traveling so far? Yep, good. Probably not. So let's reshift and recalibrate our lens and what we focus on, go upstream. What can I control? That's why physical, mental and emotional energy is so important for every single man. Because life gets harder. There's more burdens, more demands, more responsibilities. So there's a higher capacity and requirement from you. But if you've been neglecting this since your 20s, you've got a lower yield or demand. Sorry, You've got a lower yield for your efforts because what you have in your gas tank isn't there like it used to be. But the demand is higher. Isn't it crazy? So the demand goes up, but your capacity and ability to produce goes down. So you widen the gap. What a fucking nightmare. I'm with you, man. Like, as much as I was an elite athlete for many years, it came with many operations. And that's just physical energy. That's not mental and emotional energy. They were empty for me. They were fucking empty. They were dry. Those cups had cobwebs in them. So make sure you think about that when it comes to your strength, okay? How can you express your strength? By you fucking investing in yourself, mate. That's how. That's how you do it. Like there is no other way. And I'm not saying call Al now and give him fucking money. Do whatever you want. Like, you take the step, not me. We're here to show you the pathway. Once you take the step, we walk the path together. But isn't it crazy? Like, once you finish your 20s, you learn as you go, and fatherhood and all the other moving parts, and you're trying to put the pieces together. Okay, well, good luck with that. Over 20 and 30 years with your marriage, if it makes it that far, it's like, well, why'd you stop? I know. I know why I initially stopped. The school meant all the me. So I'm like, oh, I'm not going to invest in anything. Fuck all that. I'll just do it my own, do it my own way. Unfortunately, that's how the schooling system works. For a large portion of life, it's irrelevant, which means we feel like a pathway to having mentors, coaches, teachers, whatever you want to call it. The right environment, the right tribe also feels like it's irrelevant. You'll just do it on your own. I'll figure it out. I'll find a way. And so the journey of the lone wolf Begins battle scars and all. I'm still here though, Al. I'm still breathing. Is that what life's about? It's fucking breathing? Oxygen. You're here to thrive, man. It's crazy too, isn't it? We'll validate 30 grand on a boat, 60 grand on a car, hundred grand on a car, and all the other toys and bits and pieces. Mike, have a look at that and think since you were 20, since you last invested in yourself professionally, properly, think about the money you wasted over the last 15 or 20 years. Like, properly think about it like, minimum, you'd burn 2 to 6k a year, minimum. Like, that's pretty solid coin. You're getting up there strength by investing in yourself being your greatest asset. Hard to do when you're alone. Your children need that. Like, this is the thing, man, you have to pay to be successful. What you're paying is up to you. But success comes at a price. But what's the price of being unsuccessful? That's fucking far greater. Pay the price. Pay the price for your success. Now the value, the monetary value might be time, might be energy. So instead of wasting your fucking time on Netflix and other things, pay the price of every Wednesday, every Friday night and every Saturday morning you go out and you fucking do something for yourself. Or you go and train, or you exercise. I'm not just talking about money. I'm talking about you pay the price you pay to be successful. I mean, it's so fucking straightforward, it's actually easier than not paying. Pay the price, time and energy, effort, build your skill sets. Pay with time and energy to be successful inside of your life. So you are fucking stronger. So you have evolved, so you have grown. Don't think you can shortcut shit, man. You will not get away with it. What that leads is you. That leads to you taking emotional withdrawals out of the bank account for yourself, in your relationships, for your children. And then you're high and dry with no answers, no clue, and lost strength. Our children need support. They need our support. They also need us to provide solutions. And they need us to be strong. Very fucking strong. I'm not gonna sit here and say the world is full of weak men at the moment, but it's full of men with piss weak fucking actions. And that doesn't mean that women are not different. Sorry, that doesn't mean that women are different. It's exactly the fucking same. This is not something like piss weak actions. They don't discriminate. That's for everyone. The elderly, everyone industries, anyone, the World needs strong men to stand up and lead the way that a man can, will, and should lead. And women have a gift in the way that they can, will, and should lead. Let's not get confused with the two. What are the two? Well, depends on the dynamic of your household, what you've done. Have you given your wife your pair of pants? Does she wear two pairs of pants now? So she's got some fucking chafing going on because they don't like it. My wife doesn't want me to be a fucking pushover. She doesn't want me to be a pussy or a yes man. I said that to her once, said, hey, Corinne, would you want me to just be a fucking yes man? Do whatever you want. And she fantasized about it a little bit. She's like, it would be nice, because then I could get this done. This, this, this and that. And I was like, okay, well, think about that. I'm your fucking puppy dog. I'm your fourth child now. You thought you had three kids. You've got four. What next, Mummy? Tell me what to do next. Or do you want me to stand up and fucking tell you what I think and be honest with you and put my fucking foot down? When you know that your bullshit emotions at times. When your emotions can be bullshit at times or correct that, because emotions aren't bullshit, but they can be, and you know that. And you need someone with a firm hand to help you realign. And when I say firm hand, I'm obviously not talking about physically. My wife's got crazy instincts, man. She probably beat me in a fight. Who knows? Of course. Yeah, of course. We need that. The family needs that. The kids need that. The kids need their father. Of course they do. So men support, solutions, strength. This is what our children need from us. Moving over to the P's. Present. Present presence and patience. There's a difference between those first two. Present and presence. Our children need us to be present. What does present actually look like for you? Is it the fucking meat sack just sitting there on the lounge? Mm, mm, mm. Just nodding your head. Present. Be present. Like, truly present. And when there's a complete engagement, like you might be kicking back, watching a movie, arms around each other. Yeah, cool. And laugh at a joke here. Whatever. Great. When there's a specific engagement. Undivided attention. Undivided. Remove temptations, remove interruptions, remove distractions. You are engaging. And I'll say it with my kids, There'll be times we're talking, whether it's happy and funny or whether it's firm but fair. Viking or panda. There'll be times my kids will say, hey, look me in the eyes. Look Daddy in the eyes. Lillian, look at Daddy in the eyes and talk to Daddy. Take the dummy out. Look at Daddy in the eyes. Daddy's looking at you. Look at Daddy. Same as Stella. And you obviously can't see me, but I don't know why I'm doing this. It must just go hand in hand with the words. I've got the two fingers pointing into each eye. Look at Daddy's eyes. Look at Daddy's eyes. Hey, Daddy's here. Look at Daddy's eyes. Now, don't run off and yell, look at Daddy's eyes. Come back here. Eyes are powerful. The gateway to the soul, right? Eyes are very powerful. Undivided attention. Undivided attention. It's really funny. Like, really look. Look into your children's eyes. Observe them. Have a look at their eyelashes. Have a look at the line of their eyebrow. This might sound weird, but when you are present like that, you don't even have to be talking. I remember when we were bathing. I was. A little while ago, but it does happen every now and then. Bathing Roman and washed his hair and everything. I saw these little. Like these little hair follicles. You know, like the real soft. Like the really soft white hair just where their temples are. I mean, you and I have that. I'm just. I'm rubbing my temple right now with my finger. I was looking at. I was like, fucking look at all these little hairs. Like, you think it's fucking useless. Just like the wrinkles on your skin, like the little. What about our knuckles? What about those little. Some of you guys might be. Might be werewolves. Wolverines. But those little hairs on your knuckles, like in between your knuckles. I'm just looking at him. Look at his little fucking fingers open and closing. He's squeezing a fish and there's water coming out of it. And he's playing in the bathroom. And I was just. I was really looking and observing. I was like, fucking look at this little miracle. Like there's a fucking egg and a tadpole. Like sperm in the egg. And fuck, look at him now. He's making decisions. He put down the fish and he grabs the little Daffy Duck toy that they have in the butt. He's picking up. He's throwing it, grabs the cloth, puts it over his head. Bit of water on his eyes, blinks. I was like, fucking look at this kid, man. Look at this life force right in front of me. Look, you don't have to always go this deep into life, gentlemen. But essentially that's fucking very cool. It's very cool. Your children are a gift. You are a gift. Like when have you forgotten that 1 in 400 trillion present be present. Nothing will pay more dividends. I could tell you right now, support solutions and strengths means fuck all. If you're not present with your children, it's nothing. You've just negated, nullified, void 0 be present. Your children need that because guess what? If you're not present, they're not getting a return on investment in you. Why the fuck would I give dad time and energy? I'm not getting anything back. I'm telling you this life is investments. Life is a series of investments. Let me ask you something. Are you a valuable investment? How? Why? I'm a loving father, you know, I provide security for the family, roof under the house, food to eat and live. And we've got money in the bank. No, no, no. That's your fucking perception. You tell me how you valuable to them? Is that their perception of value? If you're not valuable, you're not worth the investment. The end. Like there is no return on investment. But because of the kids, there's a commonality, common goal. Your wife will stay with you for 10 years, but then when they move out, I'm fucking gone. There's nothing else keeping me here. Why are you valuable? Everything is built off a perceived roi. What is the return on investment? Your children are doing the same. If you're not present with them or you ask them the same questions every day when you pick them up from school and you're not listening, they will pick up on your energy, they will pick up on that shit and they will distance themselves and you have widened the gap with something that should bring you super tight and close to your children. How are you valuable? Why? How to get valuable? This is it, right? Well, I'm valuable. I love my wife, I do anything for it. No, no, no. The reason why I'm valuable to my wife Corinne, because I'm the fucking man who stands up, who' very powerful, invests in himself, has good healthy nose, good boundaries, a level of personal integrity and love inside of himself. Which means, guess what? When I share and pass that on to her, she gets fucking 10x. She gets top shelf. When I put the hat of husband on, she gets the fucking best. When I put the hat of father on, my children get the fucking best. Why do they get the best? Because the head that the hat goes on is the man who's being the best inside of himself. That's how you become valuable to others. You first become valuable to yourself when you raise that value of yourself. So when you put the hat on, it's like, I'm the fucking man, but I'm the man now with this hat. That's how it works. Isn't it crazy? This is where the stuff comes to me. I'm always learning. I love this. I talk about, you know, give to your family, give to yourself first. Can't be 100 if you can't give 100 if you're not 100. Blah, blah, blah. You know, why think about this. This just come to me then. This is what I love about this stuff. Do you want to know why you struggle to be present with your children? This is really good. I think I'll write this down. You want to know why you struggle to be present with your kids at times or consistently or ever. You want to know why you struggle to be present with the children. Have a look at. Everything you project is a reflection. Everything you project in life has some sort of correlation or reflection to your internal environment. That doesn't mean if someone's fucking trying to flog me and being a hard ass and I'll put him in his place, that I'm struggling. I'm standing up for my values and rights. That doesn't mean that everything that you do showcases you have insecurities. You are the viking, you are the panda. You are the chief. But your reflection internally does connect to what you project externally. So do you want to know why you might struggle to be present with your children? Here's the answer. You're not present with yourself. How the fuck would you know how to be present with your kids? It's a skill set. Pay attention to that man. Rewind if you have to. I'll say it again. The reason why you struggle to be present with your children is you're not being present with yourself. What do we call that? Creating space. Do you create space? Do you go out and play golf or fish or go for walks? Immerse yourself in nature, the senses. Go to the ocean, bath, do some cold therapy, Plunge pool? Like, are you taking time out just for you to stop the world slowly? Let me get my personal power back and spend time and energy and money as well. Like, money is a tool that has used past time and energy to acquire it. So, ironically enough, it's all connected. But time and energy, just for you, get your personal power back. This is me. I'm going to create Space and rejuvenate my physical, mental and emotional energy. How often do you do that? Oh, yeah, I did it last week. How I did it last. No, no, no. Creating space should be done multiple times a week. The goal is every day. But if you can give yourself at least three times a week, it could be a 15 minute walk. You got a thousand minutes a day. Like, that's 0.1 of a percent. 1% is a. Sorry, that's 1%. 10% is 100 minutes. Cool. But 1%, you can't give yourself 1% a day. 10 minutes to read a book. Maybe this podcast is creating space for you getting some personal power back. Could be. There's a bit of a range. We've got some downloadable. It's part of the seven day challenge. We've got printable download. Download and printable versions of, you know, creating space. Morning routines, night routines. It's. Yeah, obviously, share all of that. Isn't it funny? Like, I just realized that then it's always there. Maybe you struggle to support your children because you can't support yourself, or maybe you go the other way. You support your children because, guess what? It's better to look after someone else's problems than look at your own, right? Who knows? Be present with yourself. Then you're developing, you're building that muscle so you can be present for your children. That's what they need. But the second one is presence. What are you bringing to the party when you're present? Like I said before, strength is one of them. Definitely presence. Your children need to be. You need to be present sometimes. They need your presence. I'm fucking, I'm solid, man. Like, I'm cooking dinner. I'm laughing, saying a joke, slapping Karin on the out. Like they're watching me going, this guy's in the fucking zone, man. Like, he's. He's strong, he's powerful, he's loving, he's laughing. Remember, we are merely like we're all energy. We are simply a series or a collective of vibrations, frequencies or wavelengths. Like this pen vibrates a specific level that makes it the construct in reality that it is. This table, this fucking model, this microphone, your black hair, my red, brown, or whatever color it is these days. Who knows? Hair, all a collective of vibrations and frequencies. That's energy. So your children will pick up on that presence. What's the presence? You walk through the door. What's the presence you've brought into the door? Have you dragged shit from work? You've dragged that into the household as well. Your Children need presence. Good, bad, the ugly. Which one? Which one's right, Al, that's the thing. What type of presence? What type of presence do they need? Depends on the conditions. Where are you? What environment are you at home? You on a holiday? You're on a holiday on your work phone? Fuck, mate, that's, that's not a good presence to behold onto your children. They need support, but they also need solutions. They need strength to, with and for them. They need you to be present, but they also need your presence at times. If my children, if there's ever been a situation, kids, maybe older kids, not really parents, I mean, I've rarely seen a parent pick on a fucking kid. But if there's ever a time where there's just an unease of the environment or the energy. My children see my posture, my presence, they feel that and they're like, okay. And I gotta be honest, I'm not the big fucking tough man saying that. I go around looking for fights, it's obviously not the case, it's a waste of time and energy. But flick that switch, they know like, oh, Dad's, there's fucking something on here that's got us, Dad's got us covered, that's got our back. Like, that's just one example. But what type of presence is it? A real loving, genuine presence that you're bringing? This has such a scope, man, that you can dive into your own life, have a look at the time and it's, it's, it's coupled with how you were being present. But what did you bring to the party? It doesn't have to just be words, it could be your posture, your body language. Like this is a type of communication, this is a type of connection. But they need that, they need different types. There's times where I'm like, they can feel like, okay, you know, it's 9:30, I need to go to bed. Hey, it's bedtime. And they can literally see how I'm standing and looking at them. Soon as I walk out and close the door, the job's done. That's exactly what they need, right? And this is the thing, man, like your children need things from you that they don't understand. They need to go to bed between 6:30 and 8:30. Sometimes it creeps out. Not that, just, you know, if they have sleeps or naps during the day and we don't burn them out with lots of energy and activities, it gets tough. We know if they go to bed late, they're going to wake up and be cooked and it's going to be a punish of a day and a morning and whiny and whingy and emotional. They don't have that foresight and vision. The children, they're living in the now for the most part in the present, which is a great gift for us to bring the needle back to center, but also for them. That's why we are their leaders, their parents, responsible for them. So when I give them the energy, the presence they need for what I know is best for them, and that's a really hard thing because I hate the whole do as I say, not as I do, I know what's good for them. Do ya? Are you fucking stable? Are you a leader? Are you standing up as a man or as a woman in society? Don't say you know what's best for them because you're older than them. That means fuck all. Otherwise why aren't we all just sitting around nursing homes with all those depressed, fucking regret filled people listening to their words of wisdom wouldn't be wisdom, that's for sure. So it cracks me up when sometimes I get guys who are older than me on my ads, go, oh, this fucking young pup. My kids were raised when you were still on the bourbon, all this sort of stuff. I'm like, hang on a minute. All right, let's break this down. So you're 52 years of age. Okay, cool. You've lived the life and this is what you've done. You're obviously not a coach and not developing and working with other men and fathers. You've lived a life for 52 years. So let me just be clear. Are you saying that your one life of 52 years supersedes the hundreds of 50 plus year olds that I've worked with who are phenomenal fucking leaders and men who've added value to our tribe? Are you saying that your one life experience supersedes them? Because that's what we're dealing with here, men. You think you're listening to Alex Ranieri? Who is that? Who are you listening to? You're listening to the collective of thousands of fathers that I've worked with. And we've collectively built better leaders, better lives, better relationships for them to move forward in their life. So don't fucking come at me and say, oh, you're too young. What the fuck would you know? I've worked with hundreds of men in their 50s. And some of these comments from these men, the men that we've worked with, the leaders, the leadership they've shown in family, self and service and What? They fucking eat this bloke alive. So is what you're saying that your one life of 52 supersedes 450, 50 year old. Okay, sorry, so let me be clear. So your one life of 52 years is greater than 20,000 years of these other men collective, Is that what you're saying? Just so I'm clear on that, you're saying you have more wisdom than these fucking 20,000 years of these men that we've worked with, who've become leaders, who've evolved and grown hpf. It's not the owl show. It's not just me, obviously. You guys listening to this? You know the answer. Obviously. It's pretty fucking clear. So gentlemen, when it comes down to wisdom, you don't have to be an 80 year old wizard. You don't have to go it alone. Like you look at this, people go get golfing lessons. Why? I want to accelerate my growth. I want to learn what this man did in 20 years, in two fantastic. You might never be as great as him, but I tell you what, you're certainly going to buy back 18 years of your life. Presence is a powerful thing. It's a skill set. Support. It's a skill set. Solutions, skill set, strength, funnily enough, skill set, present skill set, presence, skill set, what to apply when, how. Final one is patience. Fuck me dead man. That is a skill set if ever I've seen one. I'm very impatient in life, but I've developed just enough patience to put at bay my impatience and couple that with relentless action. So we get there and we build. And I'm fast. The quality's high. The speed of how I move through my life, my service, what I do does not come at the cost or integrity of the service, of the value and the depth. That's a skill set. Sometimes saying yes to this means you're saying no to something else. If I'm saying yes to patients, the skill set you're developing is also saying no to being impatient, to pulling the trigger, to killing the goose for the golden eggs. I'll just do it. Leave it with me. Funny example and story when I was talking to one of our, one of our platinum dads around, well, standards, you know, I'm half Virgo. Whether you believe in star signs or not, they're, they're perfectionists. But either way, I've got very high standards and we're talking about it. I was like, yeah, man, it's really hard. I said, but you know, sometimes we try and deliver on a standard which leads to a lack of patience because of the speed in how our children are operating or working something. When we do that, we lose sight and focus on what the actual purpose was. Perfect example, I'm baking a cake with my kids a few weeks back. I'm like, well, I started to get a bit irritated. I'm like, this is how you crack the eggs open. And they didn't see my irritation. It was internal. I'm very good at obviously not just reacting. Pretty good control on any trigger that I have these days. This is how you crack the egg, darling. This is Lillian. Like she's nearly three, but, you know, a three year old cracking an egg, you crack it there, put your thumbs. See where the crack is. Put your thumbs in there, pull it apart. She gets it, just fucking squashes it. I'm like, oh, man. And obviously my mistake is I didn't get it to do it in an empty bowl. So she's cracking this all over the powder. The powder, the flour, baking the cake. We don't bake very often. It's a fun thing. This is my point. I'm like, fuck me, dead man. This is going to be a shit tasting cake. It's going to have eggshells, two things. One, eggshell is the highest form of calcium you can get. You know, it's not the easiest thing to eat. You could grind it into powder and mix it into your orange juice in the morning, so that's a plus. But two, I was beginning to lose sight and focus on what the actual purpose was. What was the purpose? The purpose was to have fun with my daughter and connect. And then Roman barrages in and he takes over too. He's one year old, so you can imagine how cracking an egg like that goes all over his clothes, shit everywhere. Hardly any yolk or egg white going in the bowl itself. It's hilarious. What's the actual purpose, though? Like, don't get impatient. Patience. Patience brings opportunity. You know what patience brings? Speed, funnily enough, because you're not fucking around, just knee jerking. Every other different approach, reaction or action that you take, which leaves you lost and confused and you didn't get the desired outcome. You actually really laser in and focus and calibrate on what's most important. You fucking hit the mark. You tell me what's quicker. Like set up the sights, line it up, wait for the wind, let the wind go, bang, shoot the arrow, bullseye. Or just doing the old Robin Hood. Straight out of the. Straight out of the back pocket. Fucking bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Rapid fire shot 10. None hit, let alone the bullseye. Who's in front? So when I quickly caught myself, I was like, what am I actually doing here? Like, is it a cake? Like, I mean, we're gonna throw most of it in the. The bin when the kids go to sleep, you know, doesn't fucking matter. I'll give it to the dogs and we'll enjoy a little slice that doesn't have eggshell in it, hopefully. And if it does, bit of crunch. Who cares? As soon as I had that, I just felt this calming and easing. Like, that's the point. Owl, the point is to actually just enjoy and help your daughter have an experience and learn something new. This is how you bake a cake. Or cupcakes. Sorry, they're cupcakes, not a big cake. So I'll do it, Daddy. Spooning it into the. Into the muffin tray. Oh, man, that was a nightmare from a standard of a professional chef or professional baker trying to make cupcakes. Right? But that wasn't the point. Don't lose sight on the point. Like, you got to ask yourself sometimes, where is this going? When the narrative starts to shift or adjust, It's a conversation with your wife, it's an engagement with yourself looking in the mirror. It's a conversational experience with your children. Where is this going? Does this still line up with where we actually want it to go? Sometimes you get off course. You don't realize that it's too late. Patience. Patience will pave the path to prosperity. Fuck. How good's that? Just thought that shit up on the spot, man. Fucking four p's. There we go. I just forgotten it then. Patience paves the path to prosperity. There we go. That's pretty cool. That's pretty good. Thank you. Thank you, men. Thank you, men. This is what I love about the podcast. Always learning, always learning. But that's true. It's so true. I work at fucking lightning speed. Doesn't mean that I'm impatient. It doesn't mean that I'm not patient. Very patient. The purpose of that was to bake a cake, have some fun. Lillian learns something new. Roman dives in and has a bit of a look, too, and plays around and enjoy the experience. That's it. We baked the cake, we had a few, gave most of them to the dogs and threw them out. And it was an amazing time. Like, $2 cake. It's not that we're wasteful with food either. You know, people get on their environmental high horse. It really was about an experience with the Family, well, the kid didn't get wasted. The dogs, fuck, they hooked into it, so they obviously liked them, but they actually didn't taste too bad. And that's the thing. It's like, well, do I really want to Look, I don't care for cupcakes. Part of my nutritional regime, part of what I do. Patience, men. Patience paves the path to parenting prosperity. There we go. We've got five P's. We'll keep building. I'll be here all week. It's so true, though. Like, think about when you lose your cool most. When you don't have the temperament you need, when you're not the chief, when you're not one level above the chaos. When you look back, you're like, ah, fuck, I could have handled that better. We've all had those moments. I have as well. It's very rare these days. I'm getting very sharp at really trying to be like when shit's hitting the fan. I know this sounds silly, but I tell myself, you're an old. You're a 90 year old wise wizard twirling his beard. Like, I know it sounds funny, but that visual immediately calms me. I'm like, I'm fucking as old as time, man. I'm an old wizard. So I've got magic, I've got magic up my sleeve. I'm just, you know, twirling my beard, just observing, just watching. I'm cool, I'm calm, Everything will be okay. That's definitely not the answer all the time. But in times of chaos with the kids and whatnot, you know what, like, we probably overreact more than we should as fathers and as mothers, like, everything will turn, everything will be all right. Roman's up, climbing on the trampoline on his own. And no way we would let the other kids do it. Not that we're helicopter parents. And he's getting up and down, he's rolling down, he just, oh, hit, bum, lands on the pavement, blah, blah, blah. Like, wow, you know, like, there goes me thinking, oh, what if he falls and cracks his head and all that sort of shit. And there's a. There's a supposed crazy environment that doesn't need me to just be patient, let him learn. Then on the flip side, we've got, like, rectangle stainless steel handles in our kitchen cabinet. Stella gets new shoes. This is about a year ago, gets new shoes. So the rubber grips, super, super grippy on the toes. She falls down, bang, fucking head on the bottom of the drawer, splits her head right open. Hospital stitches like, fuck me. You couldn't, mate. You couldn't pick it. Roman's out there doing all this crazy shit and just experimenting. And he was way younger than Stella when she tripped over. And she tripped over in a kitchen, you know, door handle. If it was the door handle at the middle or the top, nothing would have happened. But the trajectory of how she felt, bang, fucking split her head right open. Like, right on the forehead. I think the scar should go as she enters adulthood. But this is the crazy thing, right? Like, we. We think we have control over things. Why? Because of our perception of something. We're gauging the security or safety of an environment. You need to rise above and be the wizard and understand that. You know what? You can't just wash your hands of life and say everything will be okay. But a lot of the times don't wash your hands. But just tell yourself it'll be all right. We'll get through this. We'll work it out, we'll figure it out. It'll be all right. You know, what do the kids need? Do they need my support or do they need a solution? Is the solution support? Maybe. Do they need my strength right now? What type of strength they need? Do they need me to be present? What does present look like for them and their needs, not just yours and what you think present looks like. What do they do? Presence. What type of presence do my children need? How am I turning up with my energy, my energetic output. After work, before work, morning, noon, night routines and patience. Can I really just delay the gratification of. You solved the problem. You went in and killed the goose for the gold. Let them lay their own eggs. Let them lay the golden eggs. Because that's an roi, mate, you could never measure. Like, it will just come again and again and again. As you're older, you see their independence, but you see their independence that shines through, funnily enough, with appreciation on what you gave them, on what you showed them, what you led them with. That's a beautiful thing, man. Like, I can already see that my kids, they don't need to be adults. Wow, they figured that out. They can do that. They work that out themselves. How cool is that? Instead of just doing it for them all the time. Patience isn't just about doing things for your kids either, or rushing to a result. It's patience inside of your outlook, your perspective, your mindset. Like I said, with the examples around safety, like always, men, I'm fucking cooked. I hope this episode served you well. And I hope you got some Good takeaways from this. We can sit down all day and rattle off 50 different words of what we believe children need from their fathers. But I think these six are very important. Your children need your support. Your children need you to be skilled enough, strong enough, powerful enough to be able to, smart enough to be able to provide solutions. Sometimes when there's a problem present, sometimes not, you go upstream, you can see where life is heading in the next phase, next journey, going from primary to high school and so on and so forth. A solution for them to grow, to stretch, to open up, to be a critical thinker. Your children need your strength, not strength through making money and doing fucking 16 hour days and burning out to justify the reason why. You don't see them, but they've got a nice fucking bed and pillows. They need your strength, sometimes not even put onto them, with them or for them. They need to see that you're strong. How you carry yourself through the household and what you do. Yeah, it's really weird. Like my kids enjoy watching TV shows and whatnot, but sometimes when they'll, Stella will be like, I just want to watch another episode of Bluey. I'm like, hey, I got a question for you. Like, do you ever see daddy just laying down on the lounge watching tv? No. Why do you think Daddy doesn't watch tv? Obviously, you know, she's five, six. Soon part of it goes, I don't know, I'm like, well, maybe sometimes too much TV is not good because when you're watching the TV you're not doing things yourself. You're not exploring or building or creating or maybe, maybe we shouldn't. I mean, do you, do you like how strong daddy is? Yes. Do you want to be strong like Daddy one day? Yes. Tell you what, why don't we go around and just play around? We've got a little 8 kilo kettlebell. Why don't we go to the gym? Why don't we have some special time? Do you like the gym? Okay, awesome. Let's do some gymnastics. Special time. I give her obviously much more room to move. She has the pull. What do you want to do? You know, special time with your kids. That's their bucket of attention and power you let them do. What do you want to do? Okay, well, let's do this in the gym. Influence, guiding, persuade. They need to see your strength. Your children need you to be present, properly present. And if they're old enough, ask them, how do you want me to turn up for you? I remember one of the criticisms I cropped on one of my ads was, what an absolute joke. You don't need to ask your children what they need from you. I couldn't fucking believe it. Like, this is some man, lads. This is some of the stuff that, that we're dealing with in the modern world. I know you guys are cut from a different cloth. You're here, you're now, you're listening. You are investing in yourself. Well done, kudos to you. But fuck me dead. When I read stuff like that, I'm like, who? Yeah, picture where it's got like the, I don't know, the monkey then and the baboon and then the gorilla and he slowly stands up to a man and that's like the evolution. I'm like, wow, what's, what's the next picture that should come? You're. Anyway couldn't believe it. Present. They need your presence. Not just to be there, but be there. Like, how are you being how you turn out? What is your presence showcasing for the situation, the environment, the circumstance. Family getaway, holiday, something serious, something firm, educational. A different environment. School, social gatherings, parties, family get togethers. In the kitchen, at the back, on the swings. Presence. They need you to bring some presence to the table. And sometimes that will be your strength. And finally, patience. The greatest thing you can do is not dissolve your hands of responsibility over your children or let them just do whatever they want. It's to have the patience. Because with that will come a greater level of. And it's one of our pillars of progress. With patience will come a greater level of purpose and precision. What you do and how you turn up as a father, and why you're doing that and why you are turning up as a father. Take care, men. Have an amazing day, night, weekday, weekend. And like I always say, take it, apply it. Hey, six words. Pick one. Don't fuck around. Apply it right now. Literally right now. Whether you call them, text them, whether you're home right now and build. You build through showing. And I'll finish on this note. Whether there's been hardships between you and your relationship with your children or your wife or yourself, time can heal. Not time does. Time can never 100% guarantee, especially if it involves others, but time can heal everything. As long as the passage of time shows a passage of change, and as long as the passage of change is one that's done in the right direction. The key here is asking yourself, what direction am I heading in? What do I want to head in for myself, for my children, for my legacy? What does that look like? And why do I want that and what am I going to do about it? And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. Well, if you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved? Which is exactly what we're all about thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.