194. Removing Self Sabotage As A Husband, Father & Man

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer this is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true one hundred percent for yourself but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about if you're a father struggling with choosing between your work work and your family lacking balance and connection in your relationship what your children need your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business head over to highperformancefather dot com fill out the form and i'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside but for now take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode foreign as a husband as a father as a man which ironically here's the funny part with this episode removing self sabotage ironically helps you remove sabotaging your marriage and your relationships it helps you remove sabotaging your relationship with your children helps you remove sabotaging your friends or your friendship circle if they do have your best interests at heart or your place of work or your business or your workers and colleagues around you because essentially the patterns are the same whatever you're doing internally is going to be shown externally so what i mean by that and i think we're up to swear word four hundred fifty five thousand if you're fucking yourself in the ass on the inside chances are pretty high you're going to carry that through to those that you love and care about please understand gentlemen i actually really don't like swearing it's really interesting how it's like it's a platform this is this is my vices like i switch into the into the other l the other mode i'm sitting here in my office and you know i will admit i've had noise complaints before and i think they were nice enough to not say it was swear words it was apparently music not that i really play music in this office but have had noise complaints but imagine that people just walking past the hq and just hearing profanities screaming out a couple of times a week no seriously though like think of it this way i'll have you consider let's start with this point and this really is about removing self sabotage but what's going to be the hook for you it's not about me hooking you in you need to hook yourself in like you need to plug yourself into this episode and go well what am i going to get out of this how can i get something out of this how can i leverage al how can i use al as a tool for myself that's what this is about so when i say the hook here i'm not talking about me hooking you in listen or don't listen that's irrelevant it's totally up to you life will keep moving forward i will keep moving forward everyone else will keep moving forward who choose to move forward admittedly enough removing self sabotage i'll have you consider this how we finish one of our episodes actually our last episode when we talk about internal external let's reverse the order i'll have you consider and think about this the reason why you miss the mark or struggle or are frustrated or things don't quite connect or happen outside of yourself with those that you love and care about the reason why that happens this is reversing the order is because you haven't done that to and with yourself first so the reason why you might struggle externally and you don't hit the mark with some of the shit you're trying to put out there in the world and you got good intentions is because you maybe haven't built the runs on the board internally to know what it actually looks like and what it takes to achieve it perfect example presence like if you're struggling to be present with your children i'll have you consider the reason why you struggle to be present with your children is because you can't be fucking present with yourself when are you creating space when are you taking time out for yourself when are you actually stopping the world and going i'm gonna give back to me today i'm gonna give me some tlc that's not fucking drugs and alcohol and beer and go and having the fucking snitty down at the pub that fucks your guts for the next forty eight hours this is about i do love schnitzel mind you as well i make the best schnitzel in the world i cook it in butter it's fucking amazing i got it from my father i don't know if i'll release the ingredients and the recipe one day we'll see i'll give you a clue it involves chicken i guess you could do pork schnitzel look if you can't build a skill set within then those you love and care about will go without it's just tell me i'm wrong send me an email no you're wrong al i have no fucking idea how to do something to myself being oh i can do it with my children now it doesn't mean i'm going to walk the line because not that i'm a fucking horn dog but i'm thinking of how do i break this down please understand like that it's not about critical but it's about critical thinking i question myself all the time so as i'm saying this i'm like okay where can i find the holes all right what about intimacy al okay you got to be intimate with yourself first so you learn how to twist the fucking ears off it so you can provide intimacy for your wife like this literally man this is the stuff that goes through my head because when i come up with a bold claim or statement i try to prove myself wrong so many different ways which one arms and prepares me to live it as a truth because you know what it's a fucking truth and two helps others provide a perspective in case they have doubts or second thoughts about some of the things we share so when we're talking about going without those you love and care about if you don't go inside first it's not the intimacy of you twisting the ears off it and learning to be good at that which converts to you being intimate with your wife it's a byproduct of connection if you don't connect and love yourself and love can come through many different forms whether you're looking for what i just said as a release or whether you're looking to throw the line in and have a fish if you don't know how to nurture and speak the language that you connect to that's the skill then you can't convert that so what i'm saying here gentlemen with that short example of me literally on the spot trying to rapid fire and prove myself wrong it is a fundamental truth you you want to be great at something outside of yourself you need to master it inside yourself first that doesn't mean master it inside yourself mentally or spiritually i'm saying do that shit yourself first when you're creating space when you're taking time out when you're building and developing rejuvenating yourself one you know what it takes to get a desired outcome so you can convert that to those you love and care about and two you develop the skill set of knowing what it takes to achieve a desired outcome from which not only can you give that to those you love and care about but you can guide and teach them to do the same for themselves like your children aren't yours to keep forever you're responsible over them but you're not only here to provide experiences and share and give to them as father what they can have from their father you're here to give to them as a father what they can have inside of themselves as an individual and a human every single one of you like last episode what children need from their fathers like just one specific one skill one tactic every single one of you i don't care how old your kids are whether it's your kids of five years old having a and tantrum and you're giving them breathing exercises to calm down every single one of you should be teaching your children how to create space you know what the world's gotten in the way darling it hasn't been a great day for you it's been tough this happens it's not always rainbows and smiles but you know what i'm going to do i'm going to show you something that helps daddy when daddy's struggling a little bit it's called creating space i want you to think of a couple of things you really love and enjoy is it this tree is it we've got frangipanis where i live in our house on our property is it this sort of flower do you want to go out and pick some frangipani like you need to find something darling that you love that's going to help you just think about yourself and just calm nice and cool nice and easy take some time out for you and then i think you feel better what do you think like jesus man you can't put any of that shit on your family if you can't showcase that inside yourself first so it really is that balance between and this has everything to do with removing self sabotage we'll get into that as you know i'm trying to push out and get thirty minute intros we're up to seven minutes but it's true this is helping you paint the frame this is the pre frame towards you understanding the value of not self sabotaging because when you don't you can be more for others when you do you can't be more for others but really this is that range and sweet spot between do as i say not as i do like i get that you know we're at the shops the kids want some lollies how can you psychologically deal or negotiate with a two year old that doesn't quite understand oh no we can't have sugar here darling it's not great it's going to do this this and that and and you know we have sugars through fruits and other things you know you had lollies at the party last week and obviously you know that's a shitstorm waiting to happen doesn't quite work so i get the whole do as i say not as i do but on the flip side if you do nothing then you've got fucking nothing to stand on like it's it's do as i say not as i do and they'd be like what nothing they'd be like one of my mates once oh he was he was he wasn't drinking he was pretending to drink and he said to my mate as i my mate and i as he left this was years ago he said to my mate and i we're out somewhere before he left and backdoored it said i gotta shoot boys blah blah he's like he's like oh he's was funny it's like oh don't do anything i wouldn't do yeah like that's i'm sure you guys have heard that term before and we wait straight away fuck he is quick you're straight on it he goes obviously half cut and he said what nothing he's like you don't fucking do anything he said you haven't even had a fucking drink i saw you pour that shit out early and just fucking hooked into him and i was pissing myself laughing and i don't know why that example came up maybe it came up because essentially the point is this man if you don't have any example to lead by or show you don't have anything like what do you have all you have is words what does that mean like this podcast would mean fuck all if i hadn't had runs on the board and that's not just al's life my life's fucking amazing and it's riddled with daily challenges like any fucking man but i conquer them i dominate them i move forward but essentially what we need to look at inside of our lives is understanding that if we don't do anything we've got nothing to stand up for with or against because you don't have anything you just have words so if i didn't have results and runs on the board from countless fathers connecting with thousands of men over these if i didn't have any of this stuff in blood who the fuck would i be to try and share with you what the possibilities and opportunities are not tell you what to do i don't like saying that term but to share with you hey this is some experiences some transparency and even examples when i talk about pornography like i fucking get it man it's hard you know i was done with porn i gave that shit up and then i vasectomy last year and it snuck back in why because i needed to shoot eighteen loads before this vasectomy was successful so i'm like okay well how do i speed and accelerate this process obviously like i can't be bothered trying to fucking get in the zone i was like all right well fucking this was last year in april like all right i'll just fucking twist the ears off it that'll be nice and quick watch some porn fucking quick hit easy done that shit fucking crept back into my life by the end of april and i was like you motherfucker you fucking got me back in and it wasn't that i was a porn addict it might be a couple of times a month but then i looked at it and i look back and and when that got hold i was like fuck that shit get the fuck out of here like that's you snuck back in because i was going for a quick easy fix because i wanted to move past and those who've had a vasectomy you i know you understand what it means like it does feel uncomfortable and it does take a few months and all that sort of shit and that was well i think that was back in march but anyway end of april what is it eight weeks whatever it was and and it crept back in and i was like you fucking got me again so i decided and i went fuck that get out of here and i haven't i haven't watched porn since so i i do get it though man like it's you know i am transparent with all of you i do get it sneaks in it could be convenient you've stressed you just want something easy and and you want something to visualize but please understand with something like that like i'm not judging you for it if you still do it but try and reduce it or take it away or look at it for the malicious thing that it is and build a poor build a bad relationship with it like this is fucking bad i'm a product they are using me they're sucking my fucking power away they're sucking your life away i'll tell you who goes to war with effort to fucking win and that's not relevant to any time this is just in general in terms of a philosophy of meaning and depth in life a fucking family man no fucking single bloke's gonna go to war to fight a man goes to war to fucking fight for his family same here you might think i'm going to the extreme what i'm talking about is understanding that you're not alone i've been down all the different paths i share and shed light on all different challenges and hardships you don't need to be fucking sixty to go through this shit but i've learned from many sixty year olds i've learned from seventy year olds i've learned from eighty year olds i've had clients up into their nearly eighties and just listening ones that i respected and value please understand that too like i'm not going to go to a fucking nursing home where it's filled with depression and people are just kicking back talking about all the wood off should offs and could have said what the fuck am i going to get out of that all i need is three minutes to go thank you fantastic you've just shown me everything not to do thank you that's it that's all i'll get from those people so when i'm talking about the elderly i'm very selective over people who've done what i want to do or achieve what i've wanted to achieve or have stability inside of family self and service that i can look up to model and go that's a fucking man that's a grandfather that's a soon to be great grandfather who's got his shit together and regardless of the times fifty years one hundred years ago whatever it might he's fucking earned his stripes he's got the runs on the board regardless of technology regardless of horse and cart and blah blah blah it's a powerful thing man that's why you are here in this podcast don't self sabotage peeling back to that example when i talk about things like pornography really about establishing and understanding that you know what we are all human but you must question some of the things you do and ask why you're allowing them to take hold in your life and look at ways that you can fuck it off it's draining you it's sucking your life away you say yes to that maybe you're saying no to your wife who knows like i know my sex drivers shot to shit when i was an elite athlete and i look back now and you know what i still fucking used to rub it out in the shower because i'd be like ah i'm too fucking tired couldn't be bothered and it's like man you are just giving up an energetic exchange with your fucking wife that you could have connected with because you're tired yet you still wanted that little fucking hit didn't you so please understand man like when it comes to being self critical i'm fucking up there with the best of them but what i do is i use that as leverage i use that as a tool to learn what not to do what not to do again and to help realign so please ask yourself the question because when i say drugs i'm talking about technology when i say drugs i'm talking about alcohol when i say drugs yeah i'm talking about drugs whether it's cocaine pills whatever it may be you know i say drugs i'm talking about porn like all of these things that you have an association or attachment to that is not healthy or not good for you not healthy not good for you maybe you'll break down that interpretation yourself i'm not saying addictions can be completely bad like it's really interesting the perception that people can take just make sure the perceptions you take don't become fucking stories of bullshit you feed yourself perfect example i'm addicted to having a balanced life and winning in family self and service i don't know about you guys but i would argue that's a pretty fucking strong addiction and a great one to have right so you can twist and manipulate words and meanings and that is the truth like i'm addicted to growth and the opposite i hate waste i can't stand it like it's it's not that i see incompetence and i lash out at it it's fucking plenty of that going on in the world people stay in their lane good for them but for me personally my standards the tribe what we can do what we should do as men as fathers as husbands yes come to the party ready to play or come to the game not the party and get ready to play so men please understand first and foremost removing self sabotage don't be so hard on yourself you feel that itch you want to go and watch it's crazy isn't it think about it you're watching some other bloke fucking slay some other woman in a setting with fucking spotting and lighting and makeup and all this sort of shit it's like man shit's not even real like i've got i've got friends who have workers and colleagues who are young because i don't deal with younger people that often and they've got like eighteen to twenty three year old male workers and they're talking about how they can't even fucking get it up anymore because just doing straight missionary with their misses isn't enough it's like well these blokes have been fucking watching porn where they're putting fucking shit up their ass and doing all this shit and spraying shit and i don't even know he was sharing some of the stuff with me and i all these words i'd never fucking heard before i was like what the fuck is that supposed to be these kids are like fucking twenty one years of age what the fuck's wrong with them have they forgotten the reason why you connect whether they're on fucking tinder or not like you're looking or seeking connection an energetic transfer or exchange with the opposite sex like as a man the yin and the yang something that's primal to us as men it doesn't mean you always have to be deep and heavy i'm looking into my wife's fucking soul while i'm inside like it's not about that men it's about understanding the value of where you're spending your time and efforts but the cost and the opportunity cost of continually investing in shit that is fucking yourself up because you are some things you need to be cold turkey the stuff with the porn was a given for me i was like fuck that that's fucking you don't fucking own me you don't control i'm the fucking man i do what i fucking want like i'm serious i was very arrogant towards pornography last year when i when i like i'd given it up and down i'd given it away and it creeped back in given away creep back in gave it away for a good chunk of time and it crept back in because of the vasectomy like i said earlier last year and i told my wife about it i was honest about it as well and just like i am now i've got my fucking power you know not that she asked me if i do anymore but you know that's the power of getting your power back men it really is about going how can i remove remove self sabotage it's twofold it's twofold approach one stop doing the things that are fucking you up like you can be black and white with that stuff you can go cold you can be cold turkey did i get the itch was i a little bit tempted you know yes of course why because the body was leading the mind it was no longer the mind was zooming out of the mind the body had been wired psychologically chemically the body had been wired this is what happens every twenty four or forty eight or seventy two hours this is what happens or it's this time of night or this environment or this opportunity or it's been a few days bang the body was literally itching like an addiction the body was itching to go hey and you know what fucking light don't worry about you know trying to visualize or close your eyes or some such just watch this for fucking six minutes you'll be right i'm telling you man like and i know you fucking know what i'm saying is true for you as well or some of you anyway but this is the point some of you who aren't even connecting to this principally the principles the fundamental applies something else that's not me i don't watch i don't watch alcohol i don't watch porn ellen mate fucking good for you great that's a good run on the board but answer me this what about drugs alcohol what about television how often do you watch tv what about social media scrolling it's all the fucking same i'm using that because again this is you finding your hooks to go fuck he's got me there man look i and you know what i do watch that every now and then and i drink and i watch a bit too much tv that's right mate start to build a case of things to stop and see that story is exactly that these stories you use to justify the day to day living the week to week the instant gratification the feelings the small feelings of significance or rewards or the small there's there's some other bloke fucking that chick but i'm gonna pretend it's me there's my fucking power back like that's killing you man cuddle that away and you have so much more power so much more clarity so much more self worth and value and you know what so much more time back think about it this way guys like energetically i don't know the numbers don't quote me on this i'm definitely going to shoot under though which means this is a very modest example let's say there's a billion men in the world that watch porn i mean eight billion people let's say four billion women four billion men let's say one billion's old one billion's young two billion's in the middle lets be conservative one billion absolutely one billion people watching pornography for ten minutes like even if they did that once a year like i said this is very modest a billion men once a year ten minutes i can't even tell you i'm bringing my phone up i don't think this will even work i can't even tell you what this is going to convert to but let's have ten minutes ten times one billion one that's a million ten million one hundred million i'm obviously going to divide this so that's ten billion minutes where you know the answer divided by ten million minutes divided by sixty is one hundred sixty six million it's almost a fucking devil's number six hundred and sixty six point six six six fuck that's scary one hundred and sixty six and six hundred sixty six thousand blah blah million hours million hours now when we look at life you have six thousand hours a year so i've got one hundred sixty let's just say one hundred sixty million hours one hundred sixty million hours six thousand and eighty four hours a year awake let's times that by eighty two average year of men all right five hundred thousand fantastic all right let's go one hundred sixty six million divided by five hundred thousand fuck me dead like that's insane we know this is a modest calculation one billion men watch porn for ten minutes in one year that is equal to three hundred and thirty three lifetimes ten minutes ten minutes three hundred and thirty three lifetimes so let's times three hundred thirty three lifetimes if it was say three times a week thousand lifetimes let's times that by fifty two like fuck me dead mate every year you're looking at fifty two thousand lifetimes watching some fucking bullshit now i might be extending the point here but this point's important have a look at how much fucking energy that is look at energy that's such a big fucking waste that's one thing i couldn't imagine converting that to you watching television twenty hours a week just like fucking hundreds of millions of other people well billions of other people and drugs scrolling technology and alcohol and so on and so forth in the environments you invest yourself in men this is how you remove self sabotage first find the things that are not serving you well and stop them stop them find a way to stop them when you cut away you have room to add in when you cut away you have room to add in it's that like the universe will always equalize it always balances out so don't think i'm going to remove these habits and then be bored no no no you'll fill it with something just like when you got free time instead of me time you'll fill it with something you'll give it to someone else someone will take it a phone call here message it bang gone scroll social media bang gone there's an hour gone so when you add a good habit you need to take a bad habit away and when you lose a good habit guess what fills the spot bad habit one hundred percent of the time removing self sabotage this is really an episode around persistence and resilience it really is man like it's time for a tune up on this because this is going to convert to the persistence not only the persistence but the persistence and resilience when it comes to your children lashing out at you your wife lashing out at you you being the chief in the middle weathering the shitstorms of life that gets thrown at you because they've got their fucking mess too they've got their problems your children aren't perfect your wife's not perfect neither am i far from it neither am i neither are you how do we rise above we start by removing the self sabotage as a husband as a father as a man because you put on those two hats and you put on other hats as well as a lover as a producer a hunter gatherer in life as a leader as a king building your big kingdom looking over your life remove and just find one like the art of habit building is just as important as the art of habit removing just as important almost the exact same process or we call it a chemistry of habit it's a solid no worries make it a liquid like every night you do it or every night you drink or every night you watch tv cool make it three nights a week and give yourself the reward wednesday night's your night and it's tuesday i'm not going to watch tv but fuck i'm looking forward to it can't wait to watch my show tomorrow i'll just record it and i'll catch up on it wednesday do that be disciplined you don't have to be disciplined for life but be disciplined in the act you're trying to create as part of who you are your habits habit removal so turn it from a solid rock solid into a liquid then turn it from a liquid into a gas random here there bit everywhere but then it disperses not important not relevant can't quite see it can feel it a little bit it's not really bang gone disperses out into the atmosphere of time and your life and no longer with you no longer part of you this is a very powerful thing man just like when you want to bring a habit in okay let's bring some matter together where's the gas right here there try to be right liquid we're not going to do it a bit of fluidity i might do it twice this week monday thursday next week wednesday friday going for walks whatever it might be and then solid i need to do this communicate with the family build connections to the build commitment with them have them commit to you to spot you up or motivate you as well like this is important like your family uses you use them this is trade life is a series of trades and investments build the roi together the world's fucking hard enough as it is let alone going it alone your entire life that's why your tribe is so important your inner circle whatever that looks like for you i know what it looks like for me with my tribe and i'm not talking about my blood bound family and my wife talking about hpf the amazing men on the inside here fuck they're so inspirational men removing self sabotage it starts with you stopping just start with one just stop stop it you don't need to you don't have to you don't have to do it you get the itch get the feel you get the you don't have to do it now depending on some of you men and whatnot we work with so many men who've been on antidepressants all that sort of stuff i'm not a fucking doctor i'm not telling you to cut it cold turkey next thing you know tomorrow you're fucked and you're in hospital like work within the re within the realm of your own mind and capacity and critical thinking that also does mean that you can't use that as an excuse when it comes to fucking pornography and technology fuck that shit right off but you know what some of you guys if you're drinking two three litres of coke a day yes you will be bed bound like if you give that up tomorrow cold turkey you'll end up sick in bed probably it's pretty crazy how that shit works but obviously be smart in your approach and how you do it but don't hold on to stories i'm going to wean myself off it over the next ten years al look it doesn't have to be tomorrow but it certainly doesn't have to be longer than twelve months habits are a part of your identity your belief system that's why it can be cold turkey or some people it takes six months to build a good habit sometimes it takes six months to remove a bad habit so be it it's okay it's gonna be all right man everything will be alright you just need to make sure that you have the steady hand and whether it's this voice whether it's you saying it to yourself everything will be okay just take it one step at a time start removing the self sabotage by removing the things that are causing you to sabotage yourself just fuck it off it doesn't deserve you the bullshit that you breathe life into the bullshit that you give attention and time to doesn't fucking deserve you your fucking life you are a miracle man you're fucking life itself how fucking dare some of these vices even think obviously they don't have a conscious but visualize that way how dare cocaine big fat fucking fluffy thing of powder sitting how dare it even think that it can come into your life and play with you that shit doesn't even come close personally i've never done cocaine i mean i can't when people used to always tell me the not the side effects but like the effects like the byproduct of when you have it this is how you feel every time someone said it to me i'm like i'm like that right fucking now i'm sorry i'm confused am i supposed to feel more that way i'm fucking amped i'm charging i'm pumped man like my i'm fucking humming so you're telling me it's giving me what i've already got i'm confused i don't understand maybe i don't but that's the honest truth on my perspective and position when it comes to that as a singular drug but you're you are life itself man that shit does not deserve you that fucking flog with his fucking fifteen inch cock like that cunt and his fucking whatever it is that he's slaying on the couch they don't fucking deserve you they don't deserve your time you have so much you know what the hardest part with the world is this is the universal flaw apart from hypocrisy being the biggest disease in the world this is the biggest flaw that people have and it is a flaw why because you can have the other you can have the alternative you can have the possibility that's why it's a flaw there's certain things where i give opinions and this might be one but it's a fucking truth of mine and a lot of the times create and do whatever you want but it is a flaw because it's not necessary it's not needed you don't need to be this way you don't need to think and feel this way that's why it's a flawless you don't fucking need it you don't need it at all biggest flaw in the world is people don't value themselves they literally do not believe in themselves to the capacity that they could or love themselves to the capacity that they could i mean you believe in yourself enough to keep living but belief like believe in who yourself can become in who you can become in who you can mold morph transform into it's crazy man mothers fathers children that's what crushed my life for so long didn't fucking believe and then it was all out of fear of failure i'll show them i'll show them it still came from a lack of belief it was just hidden and masked by a raised ego to go i'll fucking show these people to step up and prove them wrong and it was success that's the bad part as well not bad but yeah the hidden part it was successful for a long period of time through my late sporting days the thing about this is it's subtle it's subtle i believe in myself al what are you talking about no you don't like i said then if you're wasting your time on sedating and distracting yourself with technology television porn social media drugs alcohol there's a layer of you that believes you're not enough you believe you are not worthy of just waking up every day with fucking clarity and a clear head and feeling good like call me crazy but i'm just calling your fucking actions this is an observation of actions but it's subtle you don't believe in yourself in ways that you can't even see that's what i mean when i say self sabotage you gotta be careful with stuff man if you don't stand guard at the helm or at the gates of your kingdom some other fucking bloke's gonna crack those gates open a whole heap of shit will just flood in that's why you must be actively present in your life that sounds it's like the big elephant right same fucking actively present though actively present let's cluster let's build some power words and cluster them you must be actively present so you can record the ninety one percent that rules your life your subconscious the autonomous part of your life you can't rerecord if you're not actively present if you're not aware if you're not engaged with yourself you're not building and developing the a to b you're not giving back to yourself creating space developing skill sets listening to podcasts like this someone else will rule your life man people like hey coach can i get a run it's like oh you're eighteenth man i mean you warmed up with the team but in rugby league terms we've got our four subbies the game's on you're like but but coach this is this is my game that's my field that's my footy and my goal posts and i'm confused like how can i be eighteenth man and then coach turns around it's fucking you with a whistle and a hat on looking at yourself in the mirror this is your game man you gotta fucking stop it just find one thing you know what al's right it's not that al's right you're right you're right in coming to this epiphany coming to this realization i'm right this is fucking the way to do it fuck that off that thing's gone now the unspoken truths hurt marriages more than any other bullshit that anyone and everyone can see so you think that it doesn't hurt your wife because maybe you watch some adult stuff maybe you drink a bit too much maybe you lose your temper here and there because she doesn't say anything or you think she doesn't fucking know she fucking knows they know man they're not dumb they're not dumb you know just just you might you might pick up little subtle things here and there and and there'll be times because cringe she knew last year there'll be times she'll be like oh spend a bit of time sitting there on the toilet and and i wouldn't i'd be just literally sitting there backing one out and i'd be like whoa what do you mean she's like oh it's is that all you did on the toilet i'd be like it was hard though right because whilst you know i wasn't i was like fuck why is she even saying that she hasn't said that for a long time but funnily enough there's times where i'm still sitting on the throne for a while and having having some reprieve having some respite from the kids but that's true it's really weird how they know that shit man they know be cautious of that removing self sabotage that's why i said at the start of this episode removing self sabotage is the gateway to removing sabotage of everything else that you love and care about i cannot stress this enough man isn't it crazy hey the irony of it the dichotomy of life you want to improve your relationship stop fucking yourself up that doesn't mean that you're the problem to your relationship that means that you're crushing what you can bring to the party so it doesn't mean that you're always the problem in the marriage you're the problem inside of yourself through self sabotaging that then converts into who you bring to the table that's why i'm very cautious about the marriage counseling and all that stuff i'm not saying you can't do it but shit man if you and your wife or if you're not working on yourself who are you bringing into that counseling session well the same fucking person okay well if you brought a better version in there do you think your odds would be more in your favor of reconciliation i'd say there would be i mean i've seen that regardless of the outcome i've seen that ten times out of ten improve the circumstances find what that is we've spent enough time on the first one you know it's in there what is it stop it stop it man remove it alleviate it from your life it doesn't deserve you you're so much stronger than it you've been here longer than it you're more powerful than what it is whatever it is that is your vice that is bringing you down it does not deserve you fuck it off the second one is really about recognizing the steps you take in your life it's okay to think small man that might sound really funny coming from someone like me if you followed me for a while but do you think thinking big is what gets me the victory and has got me got hpf and got everything that we've done everything i've achieved to where we are not at all like i look at that like fuck yeah that's the big vision get the ranch this this this and that and then i'm fucking dialed straight back in to right here right now today this podcast episode this is a very powerful episode like all of them like i'm not saying this is small in terms of stature of significance and impact in people's life but in terms of a vision type thing it's okay to think small like if you're spending five months developing a habit and it took bill five weeks took ted five days and jimmy never even did it you've got the good the bad and the ugly who fucking cares it's your life just keep doing it it's okay if you find you're doing the same thing each week and it hits misses sticks doesn't just keep doing it you will break through it's okay to think small man think small think micro bites micro chunks what can i do this hour what can i do this week with my wife with flowers and honey and handsome time blah blah blah what can i do in the first half an hour when i walk through that door think small what can i do can i walk up grab my wife's ass cheek and give her a kiss and cuddle and say you look amazing today i just you know i'm very blessed to have you in my life i've said that to my wife i've been with since high school there'll be times i don't do that at all that's okay there's times when i do it i'm not talking about being some fucking romeo where you're just showering her you can't saturate relationships i guess that doesn't fucking work she's she and you are you it's the hats you wear so i'll put that hat on i'll fucking woo her genuinely and i take that hat off alright kids i'm a father now put that hat on man it's okay to think small and if you need to do the same thing each week until it sticks keep fucking doing it that's better than the alternative you're moving in the right direction like if a habit takes two months eight months no worries just keep at it keep chipping away try some slight tweaks different approaches but just keep at it keep going because what else are you going to spend that time on not doing it awesome where does that take you like future pace that have a look okay well if i keep doing this there's a high chance that it might work there's a chance it might not work okay what if i don't do it well there's a hundred percent chance it won't work that's right correct well done persistence is the game to remove self sabotage just find one thing that you know is pulling you down and stop it take it away men remove that shit from your life and then find the little things you sit in the car do some box breathing or do some breath work four seconds in four second hold four seconds out four second hold do that five times right and then walk in cool calm collected have a poster note i've got a little sticker on my car and it's a little smiley face that we had to put on a couple of years ago when pop died or my wife's my wife's grandfather had a great run mind you ninety four and to go in and see him so every time i see that sticker i'm like that's when i went to i can't remember the hospital might have been saint vincent's but that's when i went to that hospital we were the last ones to see popular and he's dead ninety four years horse and cart here's one of my podcast episodes way on earlier in the piece i need to yeah he's awesome like that's just i need to listen that one again and i've got a sticker there to go she's fucking it can be so many different things to me it's a memory of a man's life looking over a man's life a man's death so to me it's always bringing me back to center and it's a smiling face this is your fucking life al live your life man you know i haven't gotten emotional about kids going to school and that sort of stuff but i'm like at the same time i was with roman today because he's quite sick and i had to take him to the doctors and whatnot and i was looking i was like that's my fucking son that's my little boy it's like yesterday he had these tiny little legs now he's this fucking monster running around like that's my son my boy so fucking proud of him and i think if you maintain presence in your life i don't think that ever changes like they come at me say ah yeah wait till they're fucking twenty or wait till they're thirty fuck that you be the fucking man and the leader and when i say we're like fuck my son's turned thirty how fucking amazing is that my son's having his fiftieth how fucking awesome is like that's my boy like that doesn't matter i don't see him as a man who he is i'm not going to paint him as a as a baby and toddler his entire life that's not fair either i've seen that happen so many times it's insane it's ridiculous the persistence in your life is what will carry you over the line in what you connect to so if you need a reset before you walk through the door to appreciate your family get a fucking post it note like what i've got what's a sticker but get a post it note on your car on your work car before you walk through the door write family self and service you know what write a get a post it note put it in your fucking car and write family time and draw with the shittiest type effort because it's sorry with your best effort and the shittiest output just like me i'm trying to draw a stick family fuck it's so funny draw your little stick family and just say it's family time and have that shit right there at the wheel or on the horn or on your bag so when you stop breathe it's family time you are blessed or be grateful be the chief whatever you've taken from our podcast because this is the game man when it comes to removing self sabotage like i said standing at the gates of your life your kingdom it also comes down to memory memory is a very powerful thing your success rate on commitments your success rate on anything in life comes down to actually remembrance and your ability to process and you can't process something if you don't leverage the past learning learnings tools memory memory you've had the worst fucking day in the world you know what bang that memory pops up because you look at that post it note get one of your kids to draw say hey you know daddy would love something really cool that we can do that i want to put in daddy's car to help daddy remember how special you are and get all your kids could be teenagers get them to do a fucking cool drawing doesn't matter family time or family first by being one hundred percent family first through me first whatever it is you know our angle when we say that sort of stuff is not through narcissism and the detrimental cost to your family it's paying one hundred so you can give one hundred find that that connects to you and bring that back to the surface so you maintain persistence but also your persistence is it's a shitload of repetitions of resilience that's why one of our principles right at the start it's still there i don't talk about it often life is all about the reps one of our principles or core acronyms i guess is reps resilience in all that you face that doesn't mean you have to methodically or robotically get over something in three minutes because that's just what you've agreed to but yeah resilience let's find the path to move forward and move on excellence in all that you do persistence which is a rinse and repeat of resilience and excellence putting your best foot forward in all that you do that's what persistence is equals success hence reps reps get your reps up man get some reps on the board get some fucking resilience excellence persistence and you will be successful i promise you that and that's what this game is about you remove self sabotage by maintaining a great memory bringing to the surface what is important and knowing that you know what the most important things in this world are actually all of the little things it's okay to chunk things down start small think small doesn't mean you're being small put it this way romans one and a half of course at the time for a pure survival and safety and delivery point of view at the time of his birth that was the most important thing now with what three hundred sixty five one hundred eighty for five hundred forty days under the belt thereabouts now with five hundred and forty days under the belt what do you think is important reminiscing about something that's already passed or every single one of those days and every single one of those hours depending on what was needed for his age every single minute and how i turned up for him chunk it down removing self sabotage as a father as a husband as a man starts with you as a man removing something you know is not serving you so you can't put your you are hindered like you can't get out of third gear you are held back you have setbacks you cannot you are hindered you cannot deliver and provide for your family and put your best foot forward cut it away first find something one thing fuck it off cut it away second one bring something in bring something in and have it nice and small super small step by step bit by bit and if it's the same thing you gotta keep doing keep doing it if you gotta optimize and tweak and adjust innovate adapt any one of those all of them do them but at least you're focusing you're using your memory you are maintaining commitment you are bringing back up to the surface what it is that is most important for you so you can keep going you can keep at it chunk it down men and if it takes you two months so be it keep going what's the alternative if it takes you four months takes you four weeks be persistent in what's important i cannot stress it this is one of the most valuable things as we wrap up this episode that you can have sometimes we call it a mit our most important thing that's our acronym for setting up our weekly goals and whatnot you know what men sometimes the most important thing is actually finding out what the most important thing is when you latch onto that the eight minutes there the twenty minutes here the one hour there the twisting the ears off it here all that shit doesn't fucking matter anymore you and i have way less fucking time than we think like i'm ridiculously aware within the constructs of the service i provide for men my own life reflecting creating space life itself life and death all that sort of i'm super aware and even then i still don't think that i get how short life is it's crazy it really is you've only got one don't waste your turn maintain persistence on what is important to you most by being committed to removing the thing that doesn't serve you and then removing self sabotaging by building and implementing lots of little wins when you say yes to them when you say yes to the small things you're thinking small beautiful build big brick by brick by brick by brick when you're doing that you're removing self sabotage because you're doing something you're serving yourself you are building your life you are gaining success you are gaining momentum runs on the board you're gaining reps you're getting lots of wins you can't do both at the same time it's impossible like you can have a phenomenal moment and then bomb it but they're two different moments and you've seen that we've seen that with certainly seen that with hollywood and seen that with professional sporting athletes that's for sure build the wins and when you're building the wins you say yes to that you're saying no to self sabotaging you're saying no to things that aren't important that aren't serving you anymore why can you do this why should you do this because you're alive man i'll finish on this you shouldn't be afraid of death or fearful of death what you should be fearful of and only in a moment then fuck it off because you won't do it anyway is a life not lived that's what regret is a life you could have would have or should have lived but you didn't and it's really interesting i remember this quote that we created as a tribe only a few weeks ago i can't remember it off the top of my head but it was something around that fearing the regret the coward way of not standing up not showing the courage or the balls to lead life the way that you know you should i'm not telling you you should do whatever you want but you know in yourself you should you can bullshit me you can bullshit your family but you can only bullshit yourself for so long and then deep down you know you know it's not death you should be afraid of if you're alive then death isn't here the two they can't coexist it's impossible if death is present in your life inside of you individually like you you're not here anymore you're done you're somewhere else whatever's next right they don't coexist so don't worry about this whole death shit and all that sort of what people are really fearful of and filled with regret is the life they fucking wasted which creeps closer to the imminent death that will come because it will come for all of us we've all got a bunch of sand we just don't know how much we're holding how much we have how much we've spilled or dropped and how much we have left take care men use this episode to recalibrate your life the recalibrating starts from within you want to be a better husband you want a better wife you know what my wife should be doing more for me or i deserve more and i get that man you know that will fucking lead show by example hey this is the standard of what a married partner does not husband or wife this is what the standard of a spouse can will and should be how about you give it a try right let's work it out you might not be as direct in those in those words use this as a platform this episode to go i need to cut something away something is holding me back i need to get out of third gear i'm fucking revving and burning out find something and let it go it's not worthy of you anymore it's not worth your time stop wasting your time on that sedation and distraction and then build in the small stuff no matter how big the problem is that you face in your life the solution is always the smallest step and it's all you ever actually need it's never the big haymaker over the top to correct your problems that just creates more chaos uncertainty and a lack of stability take care men remove self sabotage as a husband as a father and as a man by removing it from yourself first and when you do that cut a thing away start with one take something away that isn't serving you and focus on the great the great things every great thing you've had in your life which has all been built by the little steps the small things the step by step and the persistence you've had the resilience to overcome but the persistence you've played in your life to rise up and win focus on that play that make that your game and you'll be on track as a husband as a father but most importantly you'll be on track for yourself as a man in this world and the life that you live and that's a wrap i hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well if you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to then i want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this it could be your brother friends colleagues your uncle even your wife if there's one thing i've learned it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face but the solution to getting back on top winning can start with a gift from someone else and that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved which is exactly what we're all about thriving and winning in life there is no alternative it's possible it has been done it can be done so it should be done i appreciate your support in spreading this message cheers mate.