195. How To Stop Sweating The Small Stuff

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. How to Stop Sweating the Small Stuff welcome to an episode which is really going to help you take away some of the elements that unfortunately all of us, it happens to all of us, take away some of the elements that leads us to our own self destruction. That's what it really is. Like you're overthinking and that's also what it is. So life isn't about just gut, intuition, just your head, just your heart, spirit, soul, any words you want to use. It's a collective of everything, your consciousness and your life here and making sure that we understand the value of that and understanding your own mortality. I'm not really going to start. It's not like there's all these different points we're going to be going into how to stop sweating the small stuff. But I guess if you want to really, if you want a really quick answer, I'm sure you'll find extra value over the next half an hour with me. But if you want the short answer and you've got other things to do, which means you got to leave in the next 30 seconds, here's the answer. You're going to fucking die one day. Like Jesus Christ, man, if you can't fucking see that your own mortality is enough for you. And that doesn't mean every single day I wake up going, I'm going to be dead. I'm going to be dead. I'm going to be dead. It's not always about diving heavy, but if you need to snap out of it, if you need a pattern interrupt, fuck me dead, mate. Like you will be dead. One Day you will be nothing but dust in the earth. And you know, I used to use that as a bit of a mantra when, anytime when I was nervous or at a big event or something coming up or I used to say to myself, you know, one day you'll be dead and buried in the earth and nothing but dust. I used to say this to myself, one day you'll be dead and buried, nothing but dust in the earth and none of this will matter anyway. The point though, with some context is when I say none of this will matter. What the this is? What the this is, is the little voice inside. It's the stories, it's the bullshit. It's the concoction of not being good enough, of failing, of not being ready, of not being deserving or not delivering what I should or deserving what I have, or am I going to have or going to achieve or produce. That's what the this is. It's not none of this matters and life means nothing. Who gives a fuck? It's one day you'll be nothing but dust in the earth and none of this will matter anyway. None of the stories, none of the bullshit, none of the small things that you are sweating. So if you want a direct answer right now, that's it. Your own mortality. But also understand that whilst most people are afraid of death, that doesn't make any sense. Most people are afraid of life and living a life because with life and living a life. This is ego, man. This is where your fucking ego comes into play. When people are afraid, they're not afraid of death. How can you be afraid of death if death is present? You are not. Like, if you're dead, you're not going to know. You're not going to know you're dead. Like you're done. Like the two cannot coexist. Your consciousness then I don't know what happens next. What I'm saying is right now, the identity, the version you, your fucking hair color, the clothes that you wear, your life as a human being right now, if that is to end, AKA death, that means for death to be present and alive and real and here for you, you are not. Which means when you're alive, death is not here and present inside of you. It's around us. We can see it around us. You can see one animal go hunt the other and all that sort of shit, but that's the truth. So people are afraid of life and living? What do you mean, Al? That doesn't make any sense. I know, I agree with you. It makes no fucking sense. How can you be afraid of living in life? You know what that is? That's the ego. That's being afraid of failure. Being afraid of putting your neck out on the line and being burnt or looking like a fool or an idiot inside of other people's perspectives or other people's lives. That's ego, man. You need to cut that shit away. Like, I. I've had death threats before. When I say before, I have some that are current as well. For what I'm doing here with high performance father. Like, can you fucking believe that? So it takes some balls and courage to stand up and do what you believe is right. You don't have to do something like I am. You can do whatever you want, but essentially, I'm not going to fucking stop. Firstly and secondly, I'm not afraid whilst I experience fear and we're all scared of something. Could be a big fucking spider in the dark that jumps on you. We all experience that feeling. I'm not going to harbor it and express and manifest it as my identity. This is the problem with so many people in this world. They're afraid of living. So instead of living large in your life, what do you do? You focus on the small things. You sweat the small stuff. You focus on the little bullshit that doesn't matter. Like, it doesn't matter. It really doesn't. So let's go into this. Just wanted to fast forward to the end and then peel back to a process which is going to help you peel these layers back and really, really unfold why you get into the position you do. Questions are always the answer here. Why you get into the position you do and what you can do about it. But if you want to go right for the kill to the end, like, that's it, man. Your own mortality. Like, you are here to live. You're not here just to survive. And you're here to thrive, man. Not here just to battle through everything. There's times when I'm in flow and everything's fucking hunky dory and amazing. But then I have problems every single day, but I don't view them as problems anymore. Like, they're not problems in my life. And something like, oh, okay, this happened. Oh, well, this is what I'm gonna fucking do about it. Oh, this happened. Okay, this is what I'm gonna do about it. And sometimes what I'm gonna do about it is nothing. If it involves my children or my wife. There's times where I just need a passage of time for them to figure their own shit out. So it's not my problem. It's not my burden to wear, to hold onto. It's not some extra baggage that I need to put on my shoulders. Sounds crazy, right? It's my children. No, no, no. That's your problem. That's not mine. You need to figure out some things in life, too. I'll provide the stability and the foundation, not just for your. I fucking hate this word because of the last two years, but not because of just safety for you. But of course you provide that protection, that stability for your children. But the reason why you become the hero to your children is you're there when they need you, not there to impose your will onto them. There is a difference. Mortality. One day you'll be dead. You know what? One day I won't be doing a podcast anymore. They're a bit hard, you know? Might have to tune in, might have to tune into a different frequency to do a special podcast series for the high performance ghosts, the high performance fathers. Fucking flying around like that old movie Casper, eating hits, eating heaps of burgers and shit, but just goes right through us and lands on the floor. Look, this is. This is what life is about. It's about you being here and now. And the actions of the here and now naturally, organically, rhythmically moving you into the next passage of time, moving you into the next here and now. And guess what? If you fucking stood up, grab life by the balls and go out and get what's yours, what's rightfully yours, through your leadership, love and leadership in the actions you take, then guess what? The next now that comes, it might be a little bit better, a little bit different, little bit more rewarding, a little bit more fulfilling or just as fulfilling. A bit of a different experience or the same experience. Like, why do we need to keep creating new things? How about we just be fucking consistent in something for six months? I mean, shipmate, if you want to stand above head and shoulders, above the rest, just do that. Instead of a world filled with flakes, you are here to live. Right here and now. But not with the ignorance that there is no future, because that'll burn you. The here and now will certainly burn the next here and now. It's to live with an awareness of learning what you have done and been through in the past and. And taking those lessons on board and carving out now which has the potential to create a future better now. That. That's it. Like it is. I talk about the ranch and getting fathers and families off the grid and all these amazing, magical, huge Fucking things that will be real, but they'll be a byproduct with a high possibility. Like, there's a very high. Like, I can't see myself failing at that. I just can't. I don't know how. Unless I die, of course. That's not my problem or anyone's problem then, is it? Well, you know, it is what it is, I guess. But essentially, those sorts of things, whether they come next week, next month, next year, are irrelevant. They are a byproduct of who I turn up as right here and now today. Which means even if it doesn't come through, I fucking love the journey I'm on. I love what I do. Doesn't mean I don't get punched in the face and get hardships. Of course I do. We all do. But I love it. Awesome. Fantastic. Thank you for showing me why I love what I do so much. Oh, you're threatening to fucking cut my head off or fucking make sure I never walk again. Thank you for that. Thank you for the gift of something I need to stay aligned with. Because guess what? Other fathers need this. And I'm not gonna sway because you speak fucking words or write words and make threats to me. This is what life is about. I'd rather stand for something than fucking fall for everything. I want to ask you the question. When have you found that you've fallen for something, anything, everything? When have you found that you haven't stood up for something that you know you should of? What has that led to? Big problems. Focus on big problems, but you don't focus on big goals and big dreams. So you've got big problems and you sweat the small stuff. It's like, well, hang on a minute. You got a really big problem, okay? The small stuff is the small solution. Beautiful. Fantastic. You're sweating the small stuff. Fuck that off. Dream big. Like, you've got to reverse the order of it. You might not even have the other side. It's just, I've got big problems and I'm sweating the small stuff. Like, you got to look at this as a crossover. The biggest problem you'll ever face will always be solved with a small step in the right direction. The small stuff that you're sweating needs to be fucked off with the big dreams and vision that you have on the life that you want to create here and now and tomorrow. You realign. You reorganize that, and that is something powerful in your corner. Men, it's imperative as we dive into this episode that we really understand the power of courage. And standing up for what's right. But also the power of what it is that you're focusing and spending your time on absorbing and taking on other people's problems, seeing them as a problem when you shouldn't. Your perspective around certain things that cut you down, they drain you, they drain your energy. Your life force gets sucked day to day to day. All of a sudden there's another month, there's another three months. Like fuck, I'm just treading my. Just treading water, just spinning my wheels. We owe it to ourselves to have a look inside of our life and go, what the fuck am I wasting my time on? It's time you will never get back. Never get back. So when we're looking at this episode, how to stop sweating the small stuff. I'm going to layer this in with a few questions. And then I went away. Caravaning was great and horrific with the family. Horrific is not a great word. It was great and troublesome. A little man ended up in hospital a few times. Had to get transferred to another hospital and whatnot, you know. Is caravanning with three kids under six really a holiday anyway? I don't know, maybe. If you got the answer and the answer is yes, please share with me how. And look, I did enjoy it. There were periods of enjoyment and periods of stress, periods of frustration. Was it relaxing? Absolutely not. Were there periods of relaxation? Yeah, small pockets over a seven day period. This is life, man. It's how we choose to see things and what we're going to do about it that is the difference. And unfortunately the whole what we're going to do about it gets cut to pieces when the energy that we need to use for the what we're going to do about it gets absorbed and sucked into sweating the small shit that doesn't really matter like what you're drawing as power. It comes from the same tank. The shit that you're sweating, the small stuff you're sweating and focusing on and overthinking and thinking and then planting the seed and manifesting this into this tree of shit that you don't even need in your life is something that is draining the same gas tank that is therefore creation for the greatness inside your life and those you love and care about. It comes from the same source. It's the same as our yes no principle. When you say yes to the small stuff and yes to the stories and the bullshit and the things you continually feed, you say no to the other things that you can, but you don't and you won't. Maybe you want to upon a point of reflection, but you can't because you're fucked. What is it like we are living. So you're living through your eyes and seeing things. And you're experiencing something's happening to you or around you directly, indirectly, you can see it, you can feel it, okay? Instead of just processing it at lightning speed, slow down and control time a little bit. So slow it all down. And then ask yourself the question. Like, seriously, you'll be super logical and methodical in your approach with work and other things. Fucking break it down here as well. Don't just waft off into fantasy land or feelings. What is it that you're actually sweating? Like what is the small stuff that you're sweating? What is it, okay, write it down. What is it that you're actually like that you get pissed off about, that you get triggered about that, that you get worried about, concerned about, that you react to the kids about like, what is it like for me at home, the kids playroom sometimes, man, I'll tell you. Fuck. Kids are crazy, aren't they? Like they can, they are cyclones, man. Like they can go into a room and they can tear that shit up in minutes, seconds, which will take half an hour to clean. It's insane. Like in terms of not destruction, but mess. It's insane, man. Like how quickly kids can turn a room to shit. So we've got a playroom with the kids with all the toys and we've got Sylvanian families, so there's a heap load of little pieces there. And obviously Lego and Barbie's dream house and all that sort of stuff. Starting to get hot wheels for Roman. He loves all that trucks and construction. So crazy seeing boys and girls and just how different in energy they are. And I see that and it's just like a. Bombs hit and that does get crin upset. It does trigger at times. And I look at that and I'm like, these kids are playing like they're very young. They don't know how to build routines around doing this and then clean, do this, then clean. I mean most adults don't to a degree. That doesn't mean I'm just going to accept that forever though. So we're definitely building and educating and helping them. But sweating the small stuff, like what is it that you're actually worried about? Like it's not dirt. Like it's mess. There's toys, there's mess, there's toys everywhere. It's messy. Okay, cool. Well, Corinne, I didn't buy them all those fucking Things. And please understand this isn't me pointing the finger or like a lot of them are presents and things from other people. It's not just Krin's gone out and bought our kids a heapload of stuff. But I look at it and I look in the kids room, I'm like, holy fuck. I said to Corinne, have a look how much shit there is here. Like you want to fix the problem? Fantastic. Get it all right now. And we've done this before. We have done this before. Get everything out, cut it in half and fuck off. Half of it right now. Donate it, give it to like it's all working. It's not like it's broken stuff. And we'll do that and we'll involve. We won't show them everything we're going to get rid of because they forget too. Like they've got that much stuff they don't. Honestly, it's insane. I remember chatting to Pop and him and his family members had a bike that they shared. Like that was their toy. One toy that they shared, a bike. I look at this stuff, I'm like, oh man, you know, and look, there's areas of my life I want, my children. People look at privilege and they have the wrong definition, I believe the wrong term on the word privilege. There's other areas, absolutely. I want my children to have privilege inside of life. Privilege with great health, privilege with grass fed meat, like, absolutely. But I also don't want them to tie into areas of external or exterior or material privileges that lead or manifest into entitlement to hands out into this should be mine, into ownership and possession. Like that shit can very quickly become points of the ego at play. Me versus you, right? So we get the kids involved and they all, right, what's some things we're going to give to some other boys and girls that might be less fortunate. Okay, they grab a couple out, we obviously grab a heap load more. But I look at that, I'm like, man, I said, karin, you're always worried and sweating the small stuff when it comes to mess. I'll tell you what the cure is, get rid of it. Do they need that much? You can only play with one thing at a time. Like, do they really need that much? The kids can only play with one thing at a time. Like even you and me, we can only play like what? You're going to have three boats, five boats. I mean, you want. Are you going to have three fishing rods that are exactly the same? You might have different types for different conditions with fishing. But are you going to get three fishing rods? Like, maybe if you got a boat, you'll throw a few lines in. Awesome. But my point is, and you know the point I'm making. Like, you can only focus and engage in one thing at a time. It's like one of the guys in one of my ads, he said, grow a dick. I'm like, fuck, mate, I don't want more than one. You can only play with one thing at a time, right? But essentially, man, when you go upstream, and I'm not talking about just going for the kill, but when you go upstream in this situation, it's like, yeah, we'll get rid of half the toys, there's half your problem gone. But also, where is that coming from? Like, what is it that's actually a problem? So my first question for you, let's go back into your life, your world. Like, what is it that you're actually sweating? Your kids don't put their clothes in the, in the basket. They. They yell, they scream, they're too loud. I'm telling you, man, you cannot be. I need to go get some more. The kids destroyed mine, ironically enough. Bastards. You need to get some earplugs. Like, my kids, especially Roman and Lillian, their screams are insane. Like, their scream hits a pitch that hurts my mother in law's ears. Now that's a big thing because my mother in law's voice kills me. Like, it absolutely destroys my ears. Like, it's no disrespect, it's fitting that she's my mother in law, but holy shit, man, she's got a voice that just cuts me in half. So earplugs. And I don't care if you're listening either. I've told you before, although she wouldn't be listening. But this is a shout out to Sandra. Yes. Your voice cuts me in half. So earplugs, they're very powerful because what they do is they pull away the triggers of you going, man, my ears are ringing. They are killing me. And I'll do that with the family. At times I can still hear them, I can still process what's going on. But with the two little ones, they just get into crazy tantrums. Sometimes I discipline them. Sometimes it's like, well, Lillian singing or playing a song, do I really want to cut that down? If it's just mindless screaming, yes, of course. We course correct and adjust. And I say this with respect for my children and it will make sense to you if you follow me long enough. I let my children do whatever it Is they want. As long as it's also something that I agree that they can, will, or should be doing or that benefits them goes hand in hand, I'll let the kids do whatever they want. As long as my perspective, my viewpoint, what I'm analyzing, what I'm seeing is something that is of benefit. That doesn't mean I'm only going to give them something that's going to make them grow. Addiction to growth. If you're not growing, you're dying. No, no. If they want to go and experience life and experiment and play with this, play with that, awesome. If my perspective can see my leadership and wisdom of being their father can see that it's something that's ideal, it's not detrimental, it's not going to kill them or destroy them. Awesome. Go for it. So sometimes the children will get realigned with what's important. Other times, yeah, man, earplugs. They will definitely help. But sweating the small stuff, what is it? What is it that you're actually worried about? What is it that you're letting trigger you? I know I'm using children. Example could be your wife. Like when we've got our garbage bag that we use. Like I say, sometimes I feel like this kills me, but I've got to be cautious of my words. That can be black magic, but it does crack me up. She'll load the bag and the handles will be turned in. So every time when it comes to taking the rubbish out, which I predominantly do more than her, I'll be like, corinne, where are the handles? Oh, you want me to reach inside with a bag full of shit now and pull the handles up with shit everywhere? And then as the handles flick up, the shit's going to go out everywhere as well. Is that what you want? Like, this is. Can you please. It's turned into a bit of a joke at times where I'm like, I saw it this morning. I said, I'm sorry, I can't take the rubbish out. I can't see the handles. I just laughed and walked off. Now, look, that's not something I'm going to ride forever. But it is pretty funny. But I look at stuff like that and I'm like, man, am I really going to sweat that? But I did bring that to attention. So it doesn't mean that you suppress. I'm not talking about you being a pussy or pulling away, not standing up for what's right or what your personal integrity says, but it's also going, well, does this really matter that much? And I'm sure there's things I do, you know, like whether it's putting my. Well, I do put my dirty clothes in the basket, but. And she predominantly does the washing, but, you know, there's small stuff that she sweats from, like, hey, hey, all good. Don't sweat it. I'll sort it out when it involves me because there's something I can do about it and then vice versa with her. So I want to ask you this question. Whether it's within your marriage, whether it's within yourself, your own actions, like, are you a perfectionist? Which means you do fuck all. Like, that is such a bullshit excuse. I can't stand perfectionist. And trust me, take it from someone who's almost. I walk the line of that. I've learned to let go of that. But it's. It's such a dangerous thing because it is a mask for your own stories, bullshit and fear. Like, it's a mask for fear. I don't know. I'm only going to do it if I can do it 100. No, no, no, you're not going to fucking do it at all. Don't give me that bullshit. You're afraid. You're afraid of failing. You're afraid of your own incompetence. Get competent. Develop a better skill set in that area and then own that. Like, if it's a weakness that you know should be a strength, convert it into a strength. If it's a weakness that hurts you, but you've got other strengths that lift you up, fantastic. Just make that weakness a competency. Like, make yourself more competent. Make yourself build the skill acquisition to be able to at least handle that and produce or perform in that area. And then keep tripling down on your strengths. What is it? What is it that you're sweating, man? First question, like, what is it? Actually? Break it down. Don't just be in the moment. Sit down and go, that really grinds my gears. Look. What is it? Okay, question two. Why is that? Like, this is for you. Why is that a problem for me? Ask yourself that question. Like, what is it that I'm sweating? What's the small stuff that I'm sweating? Okay, why is that a problem? Like that thing? That's a problem for me. Why is it a problem? Why is it really a problem? Like, again, changing perspective, mortality 100%. But going to the truth, the reason why the stuff that you're sweating is really a problem or it's a bigger problem than it should be, is because you have no control. You don't Create space. You don't train, you don't exercise, you don't give yourself the right nourishment and food and body. If you're doing all that fantastic, what else are you doing to grow? Are you reading books? Do you have the right coaches or men around you? The right tribe, whatever it is you want to call it, the right energy around you. Are you taking time out? Are you getting vitamin D? Are you connecting? You go down to the footy park and kick the ball around with your kids. Why is it a really. Why is it really a problem? It's more often than not sweating this ball stuff is a problem because you've created an assumption or expectation which is manifested because, and this could be years upstream. It's manifested because at a stage in your life you had less control. You had no control. So you went for some sort of kill to get a control, some sort of convenience to get control over something else. That becomes distorted, okay? That becomes like in terms of your own personal journey. Yes, there's this manipulation at play here, you and yourself, but that becomes something that is out of balance. That's why it's really a problem. And you look at this sort of stuff, like whether it's solutions, problems, other things, like what you are engaging with with so many people is an agreeable trade that you continue to accept. You accept it once, awesome. You accept it 10 times, 20 times, like, that's what this is about. If it's a problem for other people is involved. There's an agreeable trade here. There's a trade here that you've both agreed on and you keep accepting it or it hasn't been refined or rewritten or redesigned just like these podcasts, like, there's an agreeable trait. I'm going to give you some value here. Not just Al's words. Al's words off the back of and filtered through thousands of fathers and then up to date and relevant with fathers on our inner circle inside our tribe that really does provide the content for these episodes. Really does. It's phenomenal. I love it, it's awesome. But you're accepting this like there's always a solution if you want one. And maybe the solution was a short term fix which has now become a problem. Why is it a problem for you? Why is it really a problem? Where have you lost control of your own shit which has led to you reaching out and trying to control conditions more than you should, like influence, lead, set the stage, set boundaries, rules, guidelines. It's your house, man. You're the King, I get all that, but more like not even more so of their actions, more so of the way that you're feeling. Like, is that really control? You don't have control. Like your feelings, your emotions, you're sweating the small stuff. Like, what does overthinking directly correlate to an emotional shift and adjustment? This isn't about just being methodical or robotic in your thoughts. This is directly connecting. This is our identity cycle. Like your entire, your entire identity is built off your belief systems which influence your feelings and emotions, which influence thoughts. Like they go, they are literally next to each other, hand in hand, one order or the other, thoughts and feelings, feelings and thoughts. And then that dictates your actions and then the new version of who you become. I've got to say, man, and like on this, really peeling the layer back, like this sounds so simple. But this is, this is going to be your new truth. You want to be the. You want to have the highest level of success in your life. Not just live, but create the highest level of truth. The reason why I'm dominating in family, self and service is my truth keeps getting bigger. It's a greater level of truth, a higher level of truth. Truth through actions, through emotions, through my heart, through my head. So feelings and thoughts and then that expands a level of value to you, to others, to my children, to my family, to myself. It is possible. You want to develop your confidence? Do what you fucking said you would do. Like, where do you think confidence comes from? Like, your level of trust. Like, you want your wife to have confidence in you. Do what you said you would do. Because what will that equal? That'll equal trust. That'll equal certainty in who you are. That'll equal the good kind of predictability in who you are and who you turn up as and what you can bring to the table and then vice versa. You're instilling the actions that'll lead to confidence in your wife through showing what's possible and then guiding her to what might work for her, creating space, time out for the kids, all the different adjustments with nutrition training, exercise, tribe, having her own tribe and so on. So what is it that you're actually sweating? Why is that a problem for you? Okay, we know why it's really a problem, but why is that a problem for you now? Okay, well, where is this problem taking you if it continues? This is important. This is a twofold question here. What's the problem? What is it that you're sweating? What's the small stuff? You're sweating? Okay, Cool. Why is that a problem? All right, now, if that problem keeps going, where is that taking. Like, where is that going? All right, let's look at the other side of that twofold. What problems are you creating by reacting the way that you are? Okay, what's the problem? It's this, all right? Why is that a problem? Because of this. Where's that going if it continues? And where's life going? And what problems are you creating if you continue reacting the way that you are? So where's the problem taking you if it continues? And what are you creating in new problems if you keep reacting this way? Okay, in the big picture of life, so let's bring it back to the middle. In the big picture of life, which is the bigger problem? You tell me, is it the small stuff you're sweating, which is creating problems? And there's an opportunity cost that you don't even know exists because you're lacking and losing connection to your family, to your wife, to yourself because you're just creating these problems. And these problems are an opportunity cost of someone not coming to you and wanting to spend time with you. Someone not offering the advice that maybe you need, Someone not offering an opportunity or an experience that you can have together. Nah, we don't do that. He's fucking grumpy today. Like, I'm telling you, man, you have no idea what is in store for you. You have no idea what is possible for you from so much. Such a large and unfortunately blatant, when you look at it, level of opportunity cost in the world, why it's fucking hard because you don't even know it exists, but it's costing. So in the big picture of life, which is the bigger problem, the shit you're creating because you keep reacting the way that you do, or this thing that you keep sweating on, this is a real question, because the stuff you're sweating on, you might be sweating the small stuff, but it might be enough to go, yeah, no, this. This will become a big problem. I need to stand my ground. Like YouTube, like Stella fan. I don't know how, man. She's fucking five years old. She found YouTube. Sorry, I do know how. On. On my devices, but I don't know how she connected to it so quickly and started to become attracted to it. And this is nothing against my wife or against Stella either. So I look at that. I'm like, no, no, no. It's just. That's not small stuff. I can go upstream and see the bullshit that exists on different social media platforms that I Do not want embedded in my childhood. This is why I have such an issue with what's happened in the last two years. Don't feed me the bullshit around safety and the fucking actions of the government. When my children were seeing stuff on abc, fucking three years old, four years old, saying shit on abc, around Covid, like that's a word that children that young should not fucking know. That is fucking bullshit. No way in the world like planting that seed. Why? It's not because it's a word. It's everything that's been. When I say fabricated, I'm talking about feelings. Everything that's been fabricated around the driver of it in a huge level of fear. I don't want that shit inside my children's head at that age. What do you think that's going to do when you go down the track? 5, 10, 15 years time? Serious, man. You might think I'm over the top, but this is what I'm talking about with the example on YouTube, she starts seeing teenage girls dancing and teenage girls are dancing provocatively. So as a six to seven to eight year old, she starts thinking that I should dress that way, I should dance that way. She doesn't even know that she's thinking it. She doesn't even bring it to light. Just all of a sudden we go to the shops and she becomes more attracted to these types of clothes. I'm telling you, man, unless you build a great level of perspective, you have no fucking idea where this can take the subconscious and the vulnerable minds of anyone, of everyone. It's why I love this podcast. This podcast is going to. You keep listening this. It is forging you to become a powerhouse with love and leadership in your life as a father, as a man, as a husband. So we have your best interests at heart. Like, I want you to fucking rise up and win in your life. Whether you follow me for years, decades, whether you join me, whether you don't fucking matter. I want you to win. This is what's needed, this is what's necessary. So it's very important, men, that when we sweat the small stuff that doesn't fucking matter, we're actually saying no to some of these other things that you're not even aware of. Can you see how crazy that can be? There are things that need your attention. To cut, cut him off at the pu. Like cut that shit up right away and get rid of it. These are the things that you don't even think about or worry about because your time and mental energy is being taken and consumed by the Small stuff that you keep sweating. So it goes hand in hand, like in the big picture of life, which is the bigger problem? Well, the bigger problem for me is if my daughter and that example around, around Covid is definitely true as well for our family. I'm like, well, they're kids, man. Like they're not in high school, they're not going three hours. They don't need to fucking know about any of this. Why would they? Like, what benefit is my 3 year old gonna get from knowing about this shit? We're her parents. We're providing a household of stability and strength, building their immune system, eating well, vitamin D, sunlight, everything. Like, I'm gonna start educating Roman on politics at 18 months of age. Like, you're fucking kidding me, aren't you? So this is very relevant in all areas of life. But for me, going upstream and my own experiences with YouTube, I'm an adult. I have the ability to filter the good, the bad and the ugly, what our children are doing. What she would be doing is just consuming. Consume, consume, consume, consume, consume. Lights, colors, smiles, happiness, attraction. Someone a little bit older than her. Teenage girls, teenage boys, bang. So the big picture of life. Absolutely. Hey, cringe. You know, Stella can get accident. Fuck that off. Get rid of that app here, get rid of that there and take that off because it's available on tv. Gone. I painted a picture just then, men of something that will become a bigger problem. It's important to develop and build yourself so you have that set of eyes. But predominantly the focus on this is yes, it's the things that you shouldn't be worrying about in the big picture of life, which is the bigger problem is what I'm making. Next question is what I'm making. Is this mountain out of a molehill that I'm making really going to matter when I'm on my deathbed looking over my life for the example of YouTube? Absolutely. I don't know what my daughter can become. I don't know what sort of influences can be embedded and a seed planted. That doesn't mean I want control over her consciousness and what she thinks and feels. I'm one of two parents and I'm part of her environment, you know, blessed to be part of her environment for four to six hours a day. So not even a majority, but enough through my own actions to be attractive that she wants to be around me. I'm very strong, powerful, funny, laugh, all that sort of shit. So yeah, she wants the time we spend together, she wants to be around me. She values my word. So I don't need to be in her pocket every minute of the day, but I'm certainly not going to let her consume thousands of hours of copious shit that I don't know where it comes from and what the agenda is at play. No way. So yes, that does matter when I'm on my deathbed, but something else, like the kids room with toys, like is it really matter? Like am I really going to get grumpy for the next two hours? Or shitty, am I going to let that ruin my entire day? Ask yourself this question, man, like is what you're making, which could be a mountain out of a molehill, is that really going to matter when you're on your deathbed looking over your life? Is it really? So why do you keep doing it? Why is it really a problem? We said before control. Where are you not organizing yourself in your life? Where do you feel unfulfilled or disconnected? Where do you not feel heard? I gotta tell you, the tribe is so powerful here on the inside. Not just because of me and the charge ups that I do and the coaching sessions that we do, but it's also because of the tribe. It's a place to be heard, but it's a place to be heard in an environment of leaders. Not, hey, let's join a free group. Here's some fucking memes and here's some motivational quotes that are 400 years old and yeah, all the best men. And let's share, invent some feelings but not do anything about it. I mean, yeah, I guess it's better than nothing, but is it like, is it a false sense of hope? Is it a false sense of reality? Is it an illusion? Because men will get, oh, this is a fucking great group. Look at all these things. Life gets busy. Bang, you failed again. Like you're even further away. I'm not saying we should cut away all free support and social groups, but you got to look at where you're spending your time and energy, man. And where you spend your time and energy is always, always comes coupled with an environment. What kind of environment is that? Not being heard. You don't have the right people in your corner, you don't have the right set of tools, the right advice, the right men, like go on blokes advice, go on that fucking group and see how you go. Jesus, man, that's fucking disgusting. Shit, I can't believe it. I still can't believe it's around. I mean that's not a good sign. The amount of men are obviously attracted to it gentlemen, how to stop sweating the small stuff starts with you asking the question, what is it? Okay, why is that a problem for me? All right, where's this actually going to go if this keeps going? What's the biggest problem? Like, the biggest problem for me is as my children get older, I'm going to be cleaning up less. So right now, there's times when I hook in and I can clean obviously fit and fast and strong, but I can clean up the mess they make in three minutes. It might take them 30. I get that. So over time, I'm going to educate them. This is what we do. This is how the family works. This is how the household works. We work together. And then over time. So where is this problem taking me for continues? Well, I mean, it's not really a problem because over time, it's going to change. My children will grow up. My relationship will change. My business will change. My body will change. Well, if that's not that bad, well, then what problems are you creating by reacting this way? Are your kids going to remember for the first seven years of their life that you're just fucking grumpy dad. Yelling at them about their toys all the time, like, what are you really? Like, look at the bigger picture. Which one's worse? Which one's the bigger problem? This mountain out of a molehill. Is it really going to matter when you're on your deathbed? So the how is actually by looking at these questions. And when you look at these questions and you keep. Whether you answer them or not, it's going to bring some epiphanies to go, fuck me dead, man. I can't believe I cared about that. Like, my children. My child's gonna be 18 one day, 25, one day, 30 one day, 35, one day. Like, I've only got them for so long. And even when you say the term like, the words got them, you don't even have that. You only have their presence and their attention. I remember one of our members telling me, I'd love to find it. So please don't quote me on this as a fact. But I'll tell you what. It wouldn't surprise me if it's true. And he said, 80% of the time you spend with your children, 80% of the time you spend with your children is in the first 18 years of their life. 80% of the time that you spend, like, your life. 80% of the time your children's life and your life are spent together and connected is in the first 18 years. And I look at that. And obviously a large portion of that will come down to them living under the same roof. Right? But I'm like, that's so true, man. I feel bad sometimes. Like, sometimes I'll go a few weeks without chatting to dad and mum. So I look at him like, okay, let's say I call mum and dad 15 times a year. And that's fucking horrible. I should do. I should. Yeah, I'll call them after this episode. 15 times. Okay. I call them 15 times a year. We chat for 10 minutes. 20 minutes, let's say 20 minutes. That's 300 minutes. Cool. That's five hours. So if I don't get. My parents are in Queensland, obviously. Last two years have been shot to shit. But let's say we see them two, three times a year. Five hours on the phone two, three times a year. Might spend between eight to 12 hours, a few days. So you're looking at like three days a year that I'll see my parents. So when I look at that, let's say 3.65 days a year, I get to see my 1%.1%. So I would absolutely believe that that would be true. That 80% of my life with my parents or my parents life with me in was between 0 and 18. That's pretty fucking scary, man. How much time do you think you have left with your children? That doesn't mean about them passing or you passing. I'm just talking about how much time do you actually think you have left with your children? I know. I'm painting the sweating of the small stuff. You and I both know, yes, there's other areas of life, but a lot of this is around the kids. Fatherhood is the hardest and greatest thing any man will ever experience. Why? Because it's another hat. It's the biggest fucking hat. It's your legacy. It is a part of you. Your children are literally a byproduct of you. I look at the children like, yep, show me the fucking parents. Good, bad and the ugly, of course. There we go. Yes. Not surprised. Yep, absolutely. Observation of actions, not a judgment of identity. I'm observing the actions and I look up. Ah, yes. I can see very clearly very quickly. Obviously it's a skill set. Because of what I do, I can analyze that quicker. You can as well, though. You don't have to be some sort of wizard or magician, Man. It doesn't really matter. One day you'll be dead and dust in the earth. None of this matters anyway. The, this being the bad, the. This being the sweating of the small stuff. If you can see the small becoming big and you can quantify and justify that, just like I did with, say, YouTube or my daughter. Young women influence, well, then you're not sweating small stuff. You're putting in place the right environment and the right exposure and influence for your children to have a wholesome upbringing with the right people around them who have their best interests at heart. But that might be like, that's. There's a couple of times. Could be friends, could be drugs, alcohol. There's going to be a few moments for that where you know what? You're not. Sweating the small stuff doesn't mean you drive home the fear, you drive home the worry. Paint the picture. The picture that's one of horrific endings if they don't do something about it. But essentially, these are the exceptions to the rule. They're the very small portion. Less than 1%. The 99% is, okay, what's the small stuff we're sweating? Does it really matter? And mortality. Like, you will be dead one day. We will be dead. Let's live. Let's live and lead. And let's lead with love and real leadership, like, real actions. And let's do it from a position that is stable, where we are the Viking and we are the panda. Our kids play up. Hey, I'm gonna fucking pull you into line. Obviously, don't swear at my children, but kids play up. Yeah. Eyebrows raise, body language, tone. You don't have to be the big. Like, I'm a big dude. You don't have to. You have to enforce yourself. Physically become the enforcer. And there's times where I'm the panda, they jump all over me. They have their way, you know? So funny. Men, this is your time to really go. What am I wasting my time on? And what does need to go? Because a lot of the times what needs to go is the stuff that you're sweating, which really is a hidden mask for. And unfortunately, this is true, man. This isn't about blame, but it's about ownership. This all comes back to you. All the sweating, all this sort of stuff. It's a mask for your own inadequacies. Please understand that. And I say that from a genuine place because I'm not saying you have inadequacies. You believe you do. Otherwise, why are you behaving this way? When I'm the Viking, I'm in control of being the Viking. When I'm the panda, I'm in control of being the Panda. When I'm the chief in the middle, I'M in control of being the chief in the middle. Does that mean I've got 100% of control in life in its entirety? Of course not. Where there's things that happen, there needs to be an adjustment. We went out on the boat. Stella was crying, worried about sharks, all this sort of stuff. It was very quick, very quick, very chaotic. And I'm trying to steer the boat, not crash it. And also, so what you're doing when things are slow, when you have time, when you're controlled, what you're doing, man, is you're building a massive, massive mental and emotional bank account in your subconscious. That's why this stuff's so important. Be active. Be aware when you're doing that, when things are calm, when things are easy, when things are steady, you're building and fortifying who you can be and who you need to be when shit hits the fan. So when that happened with Stella, I didn't react, didn't blow up, didn't get super worried, didn't do all the other shit that led to no control and adding fuel to the fire. Steady, calm, hug, reassure, everything, be okay, make sure the kids are good, make sure the family's obviously safe in the boat, traveling at speed. And like, literally, this was pretty. It's pretty funny. Like, I was like, man, I did not expect this at all. So you're going to have unexpected things happen to you, but what you're doing now, being actively aware of, is going to help you decipher or divvy up and cut away the shit that doesn't matter. The shit that does. You're the visionary. You can see why, which means you can tangibly justify it, even with these questions that I've asked. Don't justify it through the story. Justify it through playing it out in reality. Otherwise you'll end up like a lot of women. They're so fucking emotionally driven, they play out this fantasy. It's like none of that shit's even real. It's a fabrication. And I'll finish on this note. Men, this is a powerful quote. I got a few. I've got a heap load from being away, good, bad and the ugly. With the family caravaning, it was around truth and telling the truth and living the truth. People think that truth is. Oh, yeah, Someone asks you something and you tell the truth. No, no, no, it's much more than that. Living your truth is you expanding and evolving as the man that you were meant to be in. And I'll finish with this quote. Stop. Because this is an important one. For you. Because if you keep accepting that you're sweating the small stuff, it'll keep fucking you up. Stop accepting your circumstances without doing something about it. That's bullshit and you know it. Very simple. Like people accepting their circumstances and not doing anything about it. They're fucking liars. Why? Because they can do something about it, but they choose not to. So don't bullshit to me and tell me that that's the of your life. That's the truth you created because you fucking accepted it. You've got a different truth over here. So don't fucking lie to me and say that this is my truth. When you're lying because you have another truth that you can live, that's something you chose. So when you're saying you've got something but you don't want it, that's bullshit. You're lying. You do want it because you could have done something else about it. Men. Stop accepting your circumstances without doing something about it. You and I both know it's bullshit. And that applies to everyone, including myself. And that's a. As simple as it is. That's a really deep. That's a really deep quote. It's a really deep saying and philosophy to live by because it doesn't become a case of what color's the sky? Oh, the sky's green. Or you're lying. No, no, no. That's not what I'm talking about with truth. The truth, hypocrisy. All the shit that's hidden and lay it in, it just chips away 1%. 1%, 1%, 1%. All of a sudden you're trying your best, you're trying your hardest. You can't even break past 30% of the man you. All this other shit's just come in toxic poison and cut you to pieces. You didn't even know. That's why we're here. That's why we do what we do. Take care, man. Have an amazing day. Night, weekday weekend. Fuck yeah. The dads and I hope this has served you well. I'll see you with another one soon. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed by what you listen to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top. Winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this, because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.