196. When The Wheels Fall Off

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Foreign. Let me begin with a cool, calm, collected Fuck yeah. The dads. How good is it being a father? It is the hardest and greatest thing that you and I will ever experience as men. But nothing, nothing on this earth more rewarding. Why? Because it is. It is the pinnacle of life itself. It is the the fires of hell that you put out. It is the flames that are looking to burn you and you up because of all the other hats you're wearing. It is the straw that could break the camel's back. But you are the camel with big quadriceps and you just leg press that out of here. Add some more hay. Add some more straw, sir. But seriously, though, I just want to take this moment to recognize, you know, I was going to this. This is called when the Wheels Fall Off. I'm back in the groove now after having a week off podcast, being away with the family and Roman being up and down with his health. With his health with an F. Remember, we've got to do our tune up so I can speak properly. She sells seashells by the seashore. We're back, baby. Roman's health, which meant I was very energized and fired up. This is going to be a relaxing one, but one that's going to inspire and really motivate you towards not only your perception, but your reality. When the wheels fall off, they will fall off. And it actually has parts of it where I was going to do an episode called the Gift of Our Children. Because they are a gift. Like, it doesn't matter how old your kids are, man. Like, what a gift What a gift and miracle for life. Like, it's. It's unbelievable, you know, and it's something that we need to really, really make sure we remember and look at and how amazing our children are, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Like, what you want perfect children? What does that look like? Are you perfect yourself? Like, you can't. And it's not the whole. And I do live this way for a large portion without judging people, but through observing, guiding, and inspiring actions. Yes. I'll only demand or ask or challenge something of someone that I have challenged, asked, done of myself. Otherwise I'm a hypocrite. Right? So essentially, that's coupled with a guiding and inspiring. It can't be with judgment. Your children could be older than mine. It doesn't matter. It could be younger than mine. You could have more, you could have less. So when I say that, it's from a position of really appreciating and acknowledging you as a father. And that hat that we wear, that title that we wear, that badge of honor, because it is honorable in today's world, it is such an honorable thing to have. To be a true and genuine father to raise a child, but to raise a baby, to raise a boy, to become a real fucking man, a real man, to raise a child, to raise a baby, to raise your daughter to be a true woman. Now, look, if you're a father listening to this and you want to dive into the rabbit hole of the lbgtq, abcdefg, sort of, that's cool, man. Like, I'm not here to take the piss out of anyone. I don't know what the acronym is, so I'm not gonna try and say it properly. The that sort of shit, that's fine. You believe and focus on whatever it is you want to believe. What I'm talking about as a father is I have two daughters. I have one son. The end. Like, you know, I can't. I'm not a biologist. You know, this sort of shit. Like, it's, let's not fuck around and play games. Being a true and genuine father, regardless of what my children decide and choose as they get older, is something with pride. Again, regardless of what they choose. I'm not going to judge my children, no matter what way they go and what they do in their life, but certainly through the dynamics of their mental stability and their mental state of mind being a child, I'm going to protect and nurture and guide and influence what can be a pathway for them to live a sustainably normal upbringing inside of My belief systems and what I do with them every single day. And I guess on that, not that this is a political thing, men, but on that, I'm not going to sit here and, and have my child say, you know, Roman, go, I wish I was a girl daddy. And he's two years of age. You can be whatever you want to be, son. Like, what the fuck does that. You're going to say that to a two year old, are you? He's not two yet, but you know what I mean. So when I'm talking about fatherhood, regardless of the outcome, when I'm talking about fatherhood and it being the hardest and greatest thing ever, I'm talking about the actions of what you drive every single day, what you can control, how you stand up, how you guide and how you live with love and leadership regardless of the outcome of your child. At 17, at 27, at 57 and you're 80, that doesn't matter. Regardless of the outcome, what have you done? What can you control? What can you do? And most importantly, all of that, all of those questions when the wheels fall off. So when I say fuck yeah, the dads, I really mean it. It doesn't come at the cost of women. It's like, hey man, like fuck yeah. Like we have, we have such an energy to portray and push and promot and express onto the world just like women do, just like mothers do. They've got their gift, they've got their leadership, they've got their crown. You've got yours. They've got a pair of pants, you've got yours. It really is special in the sense that what seems to be missing a lot because of the natural maternal instincts or what comes with the household and the exposure that children have more often not to their mothers and whatnot, nus going out and hunting, there's a massive fucking hole that needs to be not patched up. There's a massive hole that needs to be really a foundation re landscaped where we're bringing the needle back and fathers through society through unjust laws, through lots of other bullshit, fathers are standing up through their own actions and bringing back the family nucleus individually, one by one. When we do that, gentlemen, we will change the world. So whilst it's all well and true, and I agree with men who comment on my Facebook ads, what about this with the court system and law and absolutely most of it's fucking horseshit. Like don't come to me on that and think that I'm on the opposite, mate, I'm with you. I get that man, I well and truly do. But this is about controlling what we can. And maybe there's different pathways for that. I'm not a lawyer. I'm not someone who's heavily. Someone who can heavily influence or educate in that field or have leverage to push or promote a change. And it's something that's obviously been unjust for a long time. But what can we do? What can we control? How can we stand up inside of our own lives to establish the family nucleus and go to the source of what influences our children's environment, which is the mother and the father? This is why I talk about marriage. And it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you if you're divorced or on your second or your third marriage or. The reason why I talk about connection and relationships is more often than not, I'm not going to dial into the 0.1 of percent. I'm definitely playing the percentages here when I do these podcasts. But more often than not, even if you're divorced, as a man, you will have another woman in your life. You will have a woman in your life. You will be a king, and she will be your queen. That dynamic is important for the children, regardless of their age. That dynamic is the set of eyes that are watching and seeing how a man, how a woman interacts, engages, and operates. So, gentlemen, being a father is one of the greatest things. Don't ever forget that. You know, like, and this episode is absolutely about when the wheels fall off. And we must never forget that the gift that our children are, when the wheels fall off, they are a gift. And sometimes you'll need little terms, little triggers, little statements are little pieces from the outside. Like, this episode right here and now could be my voice. I'm not sure, could be the words I speak, the information. But sometimes we need these to get back on course. And, you know, there's just been a. It's been a tough couple of weeks for me. I'm not going to be someone going, you know, oh, poor me. That's absolutely never going to be my perspective. But I wake up this morning and something must have happened. Man, I think I slept wrong on my ankle. I don't know how I sleep on my ankle, but I do lay on my side, but I must have tucked my foot under or something. Woke up, my left ankle is fucked. I get swollen. I'm like, I did nothing yesterday. What? Went to bed, sweet. Woke up at 2am, had the worst night's sleep. I was like, man, my ankle is fucked. I couldn't believe how much it triggered me and how angry it made me. This is someone who's been through nine operations and reconstructions and surgeries. Like, I'm obviously no stranger to adversity when it comes to trauma to the body and obviously recovery. But because I'm no stranger to it, I fucking hate going through that shit. I do not like it. I don't like getting injured. That's why I do my mobility. I train very well, I'm smart, I do my therapies that I need to. Whether I do some cryotherapy, cold stuff, or whether I do mobility and stretch, stretching, massage, chiro. Yeah, I'll do it all. But, you know, like, what was the gift for me today going for a little swim with Roman while Lillian had her lessons, was, you don't have to. You get to. So sometimes men, when the wheels fall off, have a look at the. Poor me and I've got a few different points we're going to touch on here. Have a look at the down and out feeling and all that sort of stuff. I'm not. I feel the same, man. I'm definitely not going to point the finger and say, you should not feel that. You absolutely should. If you don't, you're a fucking robot and something's wrong. Something's actually wrong if you were cold and numb to the adversities you face. But little things like that really helped me turn a corner today where I'm like, it's been tough. Roman's been in and out of hospital. Training has been a little bit up and down just because of, you know, scheduling. And we went away caravanning, wasn't really a holiday. All their periods of enjoyment wasn't overly, you know, enjoyable too. It was quite stressful and, you know, and then this with this with the ankle and I was just like, man, this. Like, it's been an interesting few weeks. I give. You know what, Al? You don't have to do all of this. You get to, like, this is the gift. You're living your life. And do you expect to always be winning? Do you expect to always be at the top? And because my standards, my level of action, which naturally leads into the level of results I get, is a high level, then obviously I'm going to lead into a couple of things and a couple of definitions I've got up here on my computer, actually, that we're literally going to look and strip down and go, okay, where is this helping you? Where is this hindering you or hurting you? We naturally assume as creatures, we do not have the active at the forefront of the brain, the active conscious awareness. We do not have the processing power to roll through every single, especially in today's world, every single stimulus and everything that we are exposed to. You don't. That's why you have your subconscious. It's 4,000 times more power. So we naturally assume, as humans, I naturally assume that I'm doing this video recording, and trust me, it's happened before, but bit hard to pause and check and then keep doing it. The cable's plugged in. Okay. Which I'm looking at right now. Looks okay, but it doesn't become sheer Y and sort of rattled like the snow report on the old TVs. And it doesn't fuck me in the ass. And I've got to do this again. I'm naturally assuming that I can see the time ticking by. We're 11 minutes in, and I'm looking at this, and it's recognising my voice. But we naturally assume things in life. So when the wheels fall off, fellas, you might have a trigger, you might have a term, you might have something that gets you back on track. But what I want to go into in this episode is just peeling back a few of the statements and just letting you know that it's okay. And sometimes I'll say this to Krin, sometimes I'll say it to the kids. Sometimes I'll say it to myself. It's all good. Everything will be okay. You will find a way through. What is it you're currently experiencing. You will, through the challenge you're facing right now. A lot of you men out there facing different challenges. Problems never go away. They change. They morph. They mold, they manipulate. They get us. They blindside us, right? They get us when we're not watching and everything else in between. And sometimes we know they're coming. You'll be all right, man. Like, you will find a way. This is what the challenge provides. It provides not only a perspective of what you're experiencing in your life, but opportunity to go, well, shit, man, I can't do the same thing. What do I need to do? You've heard me say it a couple of times. Questions are the answer. They are all right, I'm being faced with, what do I need to do? My ankle's fucked. I can't walk properly. What do I need to do? Like, what can I do? All right, I can do a bit of blading, and I can massage it and rest it, try and get rid of some of the inflammation. And also I can just go, you know what? This is gonna take three to four days to probably heal. Unless I've done something really bad, which I'm in the office. I've still moved my body, I've still put weight on it, I can still go up on my toes. I did a little assessment and all that sort of stuff. And I can floss, I can get floss bands out and all that sort of stuff and work it. And I have been, and it's not too bad. But time, it's gonna take time. You know, obviously I'm gonna check how I'm sleeping tonight, but. Men, when the wheels fall off, please understand that that is a natural process of life. It is a part of life. The rubber wears out in your cars when you're driving. You only have one set of tires forever. That is a natural process and a natural part of life. It truly is. And when the wheels fall off, know that you will be able to put them back on. And there is a way forward for you. So let's crack on into it and let's have a look at two different things. When the wheels fall off. The first one is asking the question, okay, is this a perception or is this reality? They're the two things. And it's important for us as men to identify this because this is really going to dictate not only our feelings or emotions or beliefs, but what we're going to do about it. What are you going to do about it? So when the wheels fall off inside of our life, is it something where it's just a perception? It's how we're choosing to see something. It's what the circumstance or the situation is showing through. Maybe some beer goggles, rose colored glasses. And we like, okay, well, that's how that looks. And we simply need to just take those glasses off. Or is this something that's actually genuinely, truly happening? Like, my ankle is not fantasy. My ankle and the pain I'm suffering right now is a reality. So. And I wouldn't consider this, this is just a very small example, but also the whole straw that broke the camel's back. Sometimes if I'm not looking after myself, investing in myself, creating time and space for me and staying on the level as much as I can, being the chief bang in the middle, well, then this will be something that leads to the wheels being full, that leads to the wheels falling off. Like, okay, my ankle's sore, so I'm focusing on that. Or I can't walk properly. Bang. Everything else in My life is fucked anyway. I'm shitty, all right? You, you, you and you. And I start targeting and lashing out at my family members and my wife, you know, a bit more irritated, shittier to anyone I engage with. And this can happen. Like, I'm serious, mate. Like, it's not. When I talk about this being your reality, it's also a compounding effect of reality and perception, Reality and perception, and then also other areas of your life that you should, like, you owe it to yourself, man, to keep topped up and to maintain in your life that you haven't been. So that's an important thing, those two points there and asking the question, okay, when the wheels fall off, is this just the way I'm seeing things? Is this a perspective on this current situation or what's happening that I'm believing to be true? Because of the byproduct of me saying no to exercising, eating well, spending time with my family, saying no to that meeting, I was just a yes man. I over committed at work, which means I was stressed out, gave more time, less energy, lethargic, been sleeping like shit and so on and so forth. Because what I really want to hit home about is when I say perception, reality, it doesn't mean that your perception isn't reality. It's absolutely. But it's your internal, it's how you're choosing to see things. So we must recognize that this is why it's a two pronged approach. Yes, perception, yes, reality. So is it something that's physically, literally happening? But is it your perspective? Is it your perspective? So how you're choosing to see something off the back of other realities that are contributing to how you are now feeling internally about something that's happening to you, happening around you, or that didn't happen, that should have happened, or that wouldn't happen, or couldn't happen, that you believe should have happened? This is an interesting point, man. Like, sit on that for a second just before we move on. And then we're just going to rip into a couple of statements and key points here as well as some definitions. Like I said before, when the wheels fall off. When the wheels fall off. Okay? At some stage you don't have to. We choose to, but I would choose to. We put the wheels back on, tighten the nuts, check the bolts, tighten the nuts. All right, off we go again. Just sit on that for a second. If something is absolutely, literally, physically right now, what you're experiencing in your life, it is part of your reality and happening. Welcome to life. If it is a Perspective, deep down, or if you review it, let's have a look. Because it's hard in the moment. I get that. But if you're reviewing, reflecting on a past experience after the fact, looking back, was it more of a perception, which is one that you held off the back of different and other realities that you said yes or no to, which has led to you being vulnerable, being tired, worn out, run down, and all of a sudden, this just fucking added to the plate, man. It's like it's another one, another one. Can you see how this. When we talk about the wheels falling off, this can be the reason why you blow up at your kids. If they drop a glass and it breaks, I have not done that. There's times where I've caught myself. I've wanted to. I'd be like, whoa, it's glass. And I've literally built that pattern, is what I'm talking about. Not blowing yourself out of the water and trying to actively be aware of everything. Because you go upstream and you're conscious of how controlled your temperament, nature inside of you and who you are, which leads to when the glass shatters, I'm like. My go to right away could even be crystal glass. Something nice crin has. Who gives a fuck? It's a glass. Like, serious, who cares? Let's move on. Life rolls on. I'm not gonna have it glued together, laying with me in my coffin, right? Although I do love the. I do love the. From Australia's From Wonderland. When I was a kid, I've got a Garfield mug. And out of me and all my brothers, mine was the only one that the name stayed on it. So I kept it. And I still have that. But I don't let the kids touch it. Go upstream. Prevention is better than cure. Don't touch. That's daddy's mug. That's daddy's orange cap. Don't touch it. When the wheels fall off, is it a perspective that you have, which is a triggering from past events or other areas of your life that you haven't organized yourself, which has led to you being tired? You're tired, you're run down, you can't think properly. You're not clear. You are not you. You're not the real you, you're not the true you. And you're just. Whether it's wallowing in pity or not, or you're just stuck in the pit, it's actually not you. And then that causes the reality, of course. Or is it this is a reality. And you know what? I'm optimistic I'm positive, blah, blah. But man, this is like my ankle for instance, or Roman going to hospital while we're away caravaning. Like, yes, this is actually happening. Okay, cool. Wheels are falling off. Maybe at my undoing, maybe not. Maybe directly to me, maybe not to those I love and care about. Maybe around me, maybe environment. And what's happening, I mean, obviously it's with the floods and lots of different hardships essentially over the last couple of years. So when I talk about the wheels falling off, I'm not talking about just your head or your mind or your heart or your feelings. This is a part of life. But let's have a look at some of these key points and statements. This is when I say the words, you, I want you to ask yourself, this is what I ask of myself when this sort of stuff happens. Otherwise I wouldn't have written it. This is how I. Not triage, but this is definitely how I try to approach many things. I think there's a book, like some five minute rule, okay, get on with it, move on. I'm not here to be robotic with you, man. There are different traumas and you know what? There are different ways of viewing the same trauma. There are people who will go through the same things and it affects them differently. And not just because of their perspective, but because of where they're at. You know what I'm suffering in my ankle right now that could fucking destroy an 80 year old. Like they can't even cook or clean or move around right? So go and do lawn bowls. But it's true, the same trauma could affect different people. So this is definitely not a position that I'm taking where it's like, no, no, you need to get on with this and move. We're all different. But I think one of the best things we can start off with here, men, is understanding and recognizing that, you know what, the wheels will fall off in my life, either to me, around me, with me, riding, with me, riding the car or the cart, or with the environment, what I'm surrounded by. It will happen like it is, it is inevitable. That's the first thing to look at. But I guess let's dive into some of these points where that is laid in. But I just wanted to make that clear for you guys, like, this is not a hate. Ask these questions and move on. This is helping you develop a greater level of awareness so that when you have that gut feel or that anxiety or tightness in the chest and all the other things, that perception or reality become an absolute for you. And what you're experiencing, you can sit with them, you can still process them, but you can sit with them, acknowledge them, appreciate them. Thank you for coming. This too shall pass and everything else involved, but also not shoot yourself in the foot and going, what is wrong with me? I'm the only one. That's a very important thing to recognize. You know what? There is going to be a passage of time here. And this is just how I'm going to be. This is how I'm going to feel. This is what is happening for this period of my life over the next two days, two hours, two weeks, two months, two years. There's lots of, lots of talk. I don't know, a huge amount. So I'm not gonna vouch for it on a scientific level, but there's lots of talk of seven year cycles. Seven year cycles. Although ironically enough, I saw a clairvoyant not that long ago, about a year ago. She's like, oh, she looked at all my stuff. She's like, man, you are. You're in a massive power cycle. She's like, you're gonna be creating and doing big things over the next few years. I'm like, and then what? I'm just gonna die? Not that I was being a smart, but yeah, it was very interesting actually, that experience. My mum has a little bit of that in her. You know, I'm open to a lot of different things and I take it in my stride. Like I'm sure I've said before, I've got them right here. I've got these crystals that have been gifts from the kids. They look really nice and they. Each one connects to each chakra that we have. And oops, just dropped it. Awesome. That's great. But everything in life, please understand, man, everything in life is a tool. If you are emotionally drawn into something where it has an absolute hook and hold on you. Everything in this world, I don't care what it is, anything in this world, that's not a good thing for you. Not a good thing. But yeah, ironically enough, saw this lady and I'm in some sort of power cycle, but she was talking about years of. Eight years at a time. But a lot of different times I've seen or read up or heard about seven year cycles. But anyway, Wasn't a surprise that I was happy to hear that news. I'm in a power cycle. Fantastic. But also, you create your destiny, you create your reality. I've earned the right to be exactly where I am today. And I've also taken ownership over all the Hardships, traumas, pitfalls, failures, mistakes and fuck ups that have either hurt, hindered or helped me to be where I am here today. Not just going to say it is what it is, but it is absolutely a life of cyclical nature. We look at this, the sun and the moon, everything, everything has rhythms and cycles. So let's have a look at some of key points, man. And that doesn't mean that, you know, if life's going amazing for you, look out. Al said that the wheels are going to fall off for me next week or next month. It's part of life. And some of you might be moving through years of hardship. Some of you listening to this now, just looking back and reflecting, could have been through 7, 8, 12 years of hardships. Like, man, this is fucking brutal. But you know, essentially the reason why we're here is to help you course correct on what it is that you feel is the path for you. Your path, you walk your path. And if we've got great alignment with some of our views and perspectives and beliefs on things, awesome. We're walking, our paths are next to each other, so to speak. I'm not here to pull you over onto my path or to jump onto yours. We might do as some of the Indians do, which is pretty cool, and hold pinkies for some of the journey. But either way, it was funny, man. I remember going to America to catch up with one of my American mates. We did that through a shopping center. Two jacked dudes holding pinkies. The bromance was real there. Fuck, it was funny. But anyway, key points. Did you expect nothing bad to ever happen to you? These are just some of the key points questions that I've written down regarding this episode. The Wheels Fall Off. That's why it's titled when the Wheels Fall Off. It's not a matter of if the wheels fall off, it's when, when they do and when they have like, this is going to be a good episode for you guys to reflect on as well over in the past times, how you handle it, what you could do better, what you did really well and what you should maintain. But we need to ask ourselves these questions. Like sometimes when we're like that, it's like, all right, let's, let's, you know, let's just stop for a second. And it's not that I have anything against a big pow wow or blowing steam and all that sort of stuff, or screaming in the car or getting an outlet and all. It's not about that. It's just when we, when We've got our thoughts gathered. Let's sit with it and go, all right, wheels have fallen off. Wheels have fallen off. Well, did you expect nothing bad to ever happen to you? It's crazy, isn't it? You could be going really, really well in your life. And for me, it's like, this fucking ankle is such a punish. It's killing me right now. And we have that sense of entitlement, which is my next point. Do you feel you should win all the time? That's really hard because we can justify it. We're very creative creatures. Like, we can build stories and narratives and justifications. We can focus on certain things that build up the. And other things that don't. I mean, and then people, everyone just says, trust the fucking science from any point or any aspect. It's hilarious. But we can build up these stories. Did you ever expect, did you expect nothing bad to ever happen to you? Do you feel you should win all the time? So when it comes to entitlement or expectations or assumptions, like, yes, I went to sleep, man. Like, I'm just sharing with you, this is the story in my head. I'm like, yes, I went to fucking sleep and I woke up at 2 o' clock and my ankle's killing me. Like, yes, I should have won. I should have won the battle of going to sleep, laying down and waking up with two reasonably healthy ankles. I mean, is that not something that hasn't happened for you? Like, I'm curious. Adminldadmovement.com, email me through your ankle injuries throughout the night. Gentlemen, email them through. I'm sure the server will be completely overloaded with all of you guys who had ankle injuries while you've been sleeping. Like, it's insane. It's never fucking happened to me before. Yeah, how many thousands of days have I? I'm not gonna do the maths, but yeah, lots of nights never happened. Never. Even when I had full blown knee operations and reconstruct, nothing else happened. My ankle didn't blow up then. So, yeah, I did feel like I should have won last night. This is, I'm serious. This is the story I'm telling myself. And it's true. Here's the thing. Sometimes it doesn't matter if it's true or not. The question is, what are you doing with the truth of your argument? To carry you through to a better state of mind and being in the next stage, in the next step, in the next moment. That's an important thing. It's probably a powerful quote. I should Remember or write down, but it's true. Sometimes the truth doesn't matter as much as what you're going to do about that truth and the situation at hand. Did you expect nothing bad to ever happen to you? Do you feel you should win all the time? Is this going to be the end of the world when the wheels fall off inside of your life? Did you expect nothing to happen? Please understand. On the flip side, I definitely don't go to the other extreme and like, I'm preparing for the world to end every five minutes. So I'm primed and ready and living in fear and rage and anger and ready to fight. Like, when I say, did you expect nothing bad to happen? It doesn't mean you go all the way to the other end and go like, you can't be ignorant to life, but you also can't go through life wearing a breastplate everywhere you go, waiting for, for someone to joust you with a jousting stick or someone to fucking stab you. Like, you know, you need to be aware. It's the chief in the middle man. Like, you need to be aware enough but not let that rule over your life. I remember hearing this guy who's telling a story once, what was it? Oh yeah, he's got chickens, He's a farmer. And he was like, al, I don't sit there and just pray or meditate and just say to myself, the chickens are free, they're living a wonderful life, everything will be okay. And just sit in my house thinking that leaving them to open pasture, ignorant to the fact that foxes and snakes and all this are going to come and fucking eat them. He's like, because they will. They will come and eat them. I'm aware that my chickens have a free and wonderful and natural free roaming life because I have the right fencing, because I have guns and I have tools and I have dogs and I have things that will keep the predators at bay. That's what I'm talking about here. When it comes to your perceptions around, nothing bad will ever happen to you. Everything bad happens to me. This is life. And whether you have a scoreboard or not, most people in the world fall somewhere in the middle. Do you feel you should win all the time? Is this going to be the end of the world? How long? This is where we start to dial in time a little bit. I'm not saying you should put a limit on it, but just ask the question, how long should you be angry for? How long should you be upset for? How long should you be irritated, frustrated, like all right, cool. I'm feeling this way. There's a part of me, my chest is tight, I've got this anxiety, I've got this anger. I'm just angry, bitter, resentful. Take a deep breath. You can change your chemistry in two minutes. That definitely helps breath work. But essentially being methodical about it. All right, well, fair enough. How long should I be angry for? Why? Okay, where does the pathway of anger, bitterness, resentment, frustration, confusion, loss, sorrow, grief, despair, depression. Like there's a difference between feeling depressed and having chronic or probably, I guess I don't want to fuck it up, but medically diagnosed depression, there's definitely a difference. So if I'm feeling depressed, it doesn't mean that I'm suffering chronic depression. It's a different state, it's a different thing. And if that's something that's reactive to the situational circumstances, me personally, I take ownership over that. Yes, that is on me. But. All right, well, let's follow that pathway. Where does that go? All right, what about a pathway to adjusting or change? Where does that go? So, as you can see, man, like a lot of the episodes when the wheels fall off, realignment is key. That doesn't mean you have to realign in three seconds, three minutes or three days. How long should you be angry for? How long should you let this state continually manifest, maintain and sit inside of you for? Okay, why? And this isn't saying that you should shoot it down. It's okay. Well, why should what? All right, my ankle is a poor example on this because I'm obviously not experiencing any frustration towards it. I've accepted it. I accepted it this morning, but let's say it was irritating me. Well, I'm going to be angry and pissed off until it's better. It could be three days, could be six days, could be tomorrow. I don't know. Depending on how I sleep, depending on how I sleep tonight. Okay, why that long? All right, what's it. How's that helping you? Is that going to make your ankle heal faster? Obviously not. And what about if you focus on something else and change your game? Adjust and change. Obviously, if I'm going to do some training, upper body or abs, you know, what are we coming up to the weekend? Do I need to run around? Do I need to do yard work? It's pissing down rain where we are, so that's probably not going to happen. Like, okay, cool, you can still get around, you can still live. And we're going to tie into some of the meanings in a second. Here on the computer that I've got up just to really help reinforce these five points that I've spoken about. So when we talk about how long you should hold on to this and why it's not, it's not a presupposition to. You shouldn't be cut it away. It's just going, yeah, well, let's process it. All right. You want to be angry for three weeks. Sweet. All right, well, can we emotionally and logically justify it? Is it because of a situation with another person? Is it because of distance travel, your environment, what you're going to keep experiencing? I'm going to be this way because this is what I need to do for the next three weeks with workout, 16 hour days, I've got to get out of the pit, you know, and so on and so. Okay, well, fair enough. Like if you have a pathway for it, awesome. What about after that? And looking at that, like that optimism of what's to come because you do have control. You might not have as much control as you like over the next three weeks, but you do have that inside you. Will your life end in three weeks? This is the important thing, men. We focus so much on the now, or we focus so much on the future, or we focus so much on the past, but we actually very rarely connect all three. And that's a dangerous thing. Don't get me wrong, I talk about the now a lot. That's very important. So unfortunately, sometimes we get so focused on the now, painting an illusion of the future to be better. Right? Perfect example. You're tripling down on work. You're doing this, you're justifying, this is why I'm doing it. This is why I'm doing it. And the future becomes a little bit distorted when it involves other people. It's like, well, we didn't ask for this. I wanted my husband home. We wanted our father, we wanted that home with the kids. And then unfortunately, men, if we really don't create alignment through all of them, the wheels will fall off at a greater rate or more frequently. But these points and what we're going through, we must use collectively the past to learn and reflect from the now, to do something about it, the future and the now, to avoid past pain, maybe move towards past pleasure if it's true and genuine, and repeat that and have that and to move forward into the future. Because it's all connected. You have a greater level of awareness. You have a greater understanding that this too shall pass. But you also have the wisdom to know that you know what things are going to get fucked up at some stage? Yes, they will. And I will do something about it. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. But over the course of my life, I'm not going to live or be defined as the man I am in a three week block, in a three year block, in a three day block. But it's the variables and it's the depth inside of that range or variables from which you go deep, deep down in how much you fuck yourself up or how much you lift yourself up. Because that can definitely be a make or break too. You know, I say no, one moment defines the man. And it's like, well, yeah, that's true. But essentially moments can fucking break the man. But what have you done before that and what will you do after that is what's going to dictate whether that moment has broken you or become the rebirthing of the new and greater version of yourself. Something for a lot of you men who are single or getting divorced or have divorce as part of your life. Like, it's, it's so hard at the time. My relationship with Corinne for 20 years now has had three, three breakdowns. It's so hard at the time to be optimistic or to see that this is going to make me better. People say it, you say it. You know, there's somewhere it'll happen, but it's also like, yeah, but I'm right in the middle of the storm, man, like this, you know, I get that, yeah, it's, it could be pivotal. It's transforming me. It's going to change and I get all that, but I'm not there yet. And I get that, man. It's hard because all those amazing things that can come, I'm saying they will, there's no guarantees, but can come. That's exactly the point. They can come. They're not there right now, are they? The outcome isn't there right now, is it? And there's going to be death before life comes and there's going to be hardship and pain before the triumphs and before the progress and the evolution. And that's what makes it hard. That's why I say the journey and type of journey that you take and undertake in your life is the destination. Because being fixated on just an outcome, a destination alone, doesn't help you right now if your actions are leading you away from that. And it doesn't help you in the grand picture of things. Because even when you hit that, you just hit a new baseline. And you know what? There's going to be some other wheels that'll fall off anyway just around the corner. So, man, it's really the how to approach the mindset, the perspective and the understanding too. Not that we're willingly opening our arms. I've got my arms open. All right, come at me. Hardships, pain, adversity. Give me everything you've got, Please make me strong. So give me lots right now. I don't know about you, but I certainly. Whilst my life's been incredibly accelerated and I've been through a lot of hardship, I didn't ask or wish for it. And sometimes I look back and I'm like, man, I could not go through that again, especially the injuries. Like, I was lucky I was so young. And maybe not ignorant, but maybe just like motivated through sport, elite sport, being younger in the body and whatnot. But, man, you put me through nine operations and ricos now I reckon I'd be way, like, cut me in half, be horrible. So we definitely don't wish for that. But I look back then I'm like, man, I don't even know how I made it through some of those things. And you're probably the same sometimes you just don't know how you make it through. I'm not here to quantify that. Through the process of this session here and now this one episode, maybe all the episodes will give you a bigger picture of life and where you've risen, where you've fallen and how you can put it together. But essentially, man, you have found a way through. You have overcome burdens, challenges and hardships in the past, otherwise you would not be here, right here and now, listening to this. So just to wrap on this, before we dive into some of these meanings, to just add some fuel to the fire of our perspective around the wheels falling off in our life and not getting ourselves tied up into knots, that breaks us down even further when it doesn't have to be the way, or breaks us down even longer or it doesn't have to be for that long. Did you expect nothing bad to ever happen to you? Do you feel you should win all the time? Is this going to be the end of the world? Now, some of you might initially be like, well, of course not out. Yeah, of course that's not true. You know, I knew bad things are going to happen and I get that, you know. Did you expect nothing bad to have. Course not, mate. I know bad stuff happens. Yeah, I get that. But your actions, your perspective, your words are saying otherwise or your trigger, your frustration, how quickly, how much you're Letting this little thing fucking blow you up. That tells me a different story to what your words are saying. Do you feel you should win all the time? Well, no, mate, I don't. Okay, well, why is this such a big problem for you? Is this going to be the end of the world? No, it's not. Okay, well, why is this such a big problem for you? How long should you be angry for? Just don't want it to fucking happen, mate. Wrong. Answer the question. You know what I love about women? Fuck me. That. It cracks me up. This is not. I shouldn't do an episode once, just a roast. And we can. We can have a woman on roast Men. It's good shit, man. You can be part of or see a conversation with like, 10 women having 15. Somehow, I don't know how it works, but there'll be 10 women having, like, 15 conversations. Why? Because one's talking to one, but then also talking to the other. So between 10 women, it wouldn't be five conversations, right? One on one, it'll be. There's a conversation all 10 of them are involved in. There's a conversation where numbers 1, 3, and 7 involve. There's a conversation with number 4 and 6. You could have a group of 10 women with 15 different conversations on going on at once. It's fucking hilarious, man. It's like, what are the words you're even speaking? Like, what is the senses even being made? How does that even work? Like, where is the context? Where is the clarity on all this? And, you know, being more logically driven as men, but buckets. Hilarious. One will be talking and it'll be like, they're having two different conversations. I guess that's why it come to mind for me, because, like. Okay, here's the question. You answer a completely different question. I didn't even ask. I've seen that play out so many times with women. Fuck, it's hilarious, man. It's so funny. I don't think I'll ever understand that. How long should you be angry or upset or hold this? Okay. Why? Awesome. What's the pathway that'll take you? And what's the pathway when you adjust and change? Okay, no worries. At least you know. Which means when you know and it's at the forefront, you can't. Don't bullshit yourself. You have to accept it. You have to, like, it's not. It's not like I'm holding the gun at your head saying, yeah, like, you cannot not accept it because it's right there. What you didn't have the information you didn't know. Well, yes, you did, or you didn't want to accept it. Okay, well, careful. The slippery slope and the very fine line that you're walking between justifying a story and being a fucking hypocrite because the world's got enough of those. We don't need more hypocrites, that's for sure. Just some things to think about, remember, let's have a look at some of these. As we wrap this up, let's have a look at some of these definitions. Entitlement, the fact of having a right to something. The amount to which a person has a right. The belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. So this is the hard part. Like, I don't want you to go through pain. I don't want to go through it. But who would naturally want to go through pain? Like, pain is a natural. It's why I do love some of Jordan Peterson's stuff. It's not that he starts on the opposite, but he sort of does. Because when he's talking about chaos and order, he's really exposing and bringing up the ugly head of the world is filled with chaos. The default to life is loss. And whilst it can be a cautious thing to walk with volatile or unstable minds, it obviously has a solution and truth to it from which you can do something about it and empower yourself. But we got to be careful, man, that when I look at these points, like, did you expect nothing to happen? Do you feel you should win all the time? Entitlement, like it's a belief or the fact of having a right to something. Now, I might say you don't have to. You get to. Which is a gift in life. And I know that we have a certain element of rights, your personal power and your body, and I get all that. But in terms of what happens in life and the entirety of all the different variables, all the moving parts, all the things you don't own. Have a look at the averages, man. Have a look at the numbers. Of course the wheels are going to fall off. So we need to be cautious that we don't have this sense of entitlement next to one assume and expectations assume supposed to be the case without proof. No, no, it's happened before, Al. So it shouldn't happen again or it's happened before. It will happen. No, no, no. Even if the exact same thing happens, it's not the exact same thing. If you experience the Same thing on April 10th as you do on April 22nd, it's actually not the same thing. It might be the same level of energy, the same experience that you have, but it's actually two different experiences. It may be a familiar experience that is almost the same, but the difference is the date. So when we're looking at these things, I get it. The definition of insanity. Same thing. Again, different. I get all that. I'm not arguing against that. What I'm saying is when you assume things, your past experiences are not the gateway to give you proof. That will fuck you up, man. Supposed to be the case. Without proof. I've got proof. No, you don't. Just because I shot 190, this is 196 now. Just because I've shot 195 podcast episodes doesn't mean that the next one, the cable's gonna work. Now this is a great cable. It must have been. It's only happened a few times, but it's just pulled out a tiny bit. Maybe it gets all muffled and shit. And it's a nightmare because I put a lot of energy into these and I hate waste, which means I hate. In certain areas of life, I do hate repeating myself. Other areas, repetition's king. So we've got to be careful not to assume, you know, to suppose to be the case. Without proof, you don't have proof. Just because you've done it before. Just because I've bench pressed 100 kilos for 10 reps, you know, it's not. I've done it for more, but that's an example, and I've done it for less. And when I had a shoulder recoil, I couldn't do a bar. But just because I've done that, there is no guarantee that I'll be able to do that again. The probability is high, the chances are high. I do the right mobility warm ups, prime prep. My nervous system, my muscles, my chest, my pecs are intact. Awesome. Cool. There's high level of confidence that it'll happen, but the confidence is only something that generally happens after the fact, from which you are stepping out into the semi unknown again to make it reality. That's something that we do so much and it's a beautiful thing because we are armed, we are prepped, we've done the work. But men, when it comes to the hardships, when the wheels fall off, you can't fall into assuming that that shouldn't have happened. Same with expectations. But this is where it starts to tweak or adjust or change expectations. A strong belief that something will happen will be the case. A belief that someone will or should Achieve something. Expectations can be a valuable thing when it comes to agreements, when it comes to tangible pathways, when it comes to open line of connection, whether it's with yourself, with other human beings, with things that are logical so process driven. Like I'm typing up the book that we've got coming out soon. It's going to be phenomenal. Okay, I'm typing these letters, these words come out, I get that. But expectations over unknown things that should or shouldn't happen. Like you've got an expectation over when the wheels should or shouldn't fall off in your life. You might be able to guess, but you're falling into the line of being a gambler. Like essentially, like how the fuck would you know? You actually probably even have less chance than a gambler who's got the hot tip. So be cautious of things like entitlement assumptions and expectations. Because whilst expectations can be a valuable thing whilst we naturally assume as human beings in life, whilst we have certain entitlements, like, okay, it's my son and I should have the hat of fatherhood, they can bite you in the ass just as much as they can potentially serve you. Or eliminate some of the thinking. Like me assuming that when I drive home today, I'm not going to get hit by a car because the person on the other side of the road is going to be responsible. Optimistic. When the wheels fall off, man, as we wrap this up. When the wheels fall off, you can still hold the level of optimism. Please let's go through this again and understand what optimism is. Hopeful and confident about the future. You can be optimistic, there is nothing wrong with that, but it comes with a set of rules and boundaries. So I absolutely implore you to, yes, be optimistic inside of your life. Hopeful and confident about the future. But let me ask you, why are you optimistic? How can you be optimistic? Well. Well, let's have a look at confidence. It's part of our four Cs, but let's have a look at it. Confidence, the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on something or someone. The state of feeling certain about the truth of something. Feeling of self assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. So let's just be clear here. You can only ever be optimistic because the definition of optimism. And again, everyone has their own definition. But in here it's got the word confident. I like that. Let's build on confidence. What is confidence? Well, it's the certainty in the truth of something. What creates certainty? To be able certain. The definition Able to be firmly relied on to happen or be the case. Able to be firmly relied on to be the case or to actually happen inside your life. We've gone through this before. The thing that fucks people up in their life is uncertainty. You'll always have uncertainty if you don't take action. There will always be unknowns, but they can become knowns if you take action. But the difference between uncertainty and certainty is you take action. Even if you take the wrong type of action, you have certainty. You have certainty over whether it worked or whether it didn't, how well it worked, how well it didn't, what you can do next time. All these different reflective things start spiraling into your head and your heart. And mate, that is a powerful asset and tool to have. So, gentlemen, you can always have certainty if you take action. Uncertainty is going to breed confidence. Confidence gives you the power and the right. Like I said, with rules, limits and boundaries, you can have the right to be optimistic. Why? Because you take action. Which means expectations, assumptions, entitlements, all of those things, they don't matter as much because you've taken action. And not even physically, but just in this episode. The awareness to know that, you know what, the wheels will fall off in my life, Al, and I can process this. And you know what? Yeah, I do understand bad things happen to good people. And I do know that whilst I'm having a great streak, I've been dominating life for the last five years. Fifteen years, three months has been awesome. But I know that, you know what? This is part of life. You got to take the good and the bad. The sun rises and sets and the moon rises like it's day and night. You're right, mate. It's not going to be the end of the world. Well, you know what? This will if I don't do something about it, right? Well, then, fuck, mate, whole different story, whole different episode. You better hook in. There's shit that needs to be done. But. But when the wheels fall off, it really is creating confidence and creating certainty throughout. Confidence, which becomes a level of optimism. Creating. Sorry, creating confidence which gives us the opportunity to be optimistic because we have certainty. Why? Because you live a life of being a leader. You live a life of doing what you said you would do. You live a life of inner awareness. Like that's what this is, this episode. Internal awareness. Asking questions, looking at key statements, not assuming, cautious, cautious around your expectations, definitely not being entitled and doing it in a way that helps you process what is happening. And even that in itself is going to alleviate the tightness in your chest. Even that in itself is going to help you pull the walls down and stop you from fucking yourself in the ass or self sabotaging or toe popping yourself and then breaking down and then driving a bit bigger wedge between those you love and care about and yourself. And then you widen the gap and then you just keep working or you hold on to the one little thing that brings significance in your life and then at the cost of being addictive, that's all you do. And for so many men, whether it's drugs, alcohol, technology, television, pornography, business, a lot of it is work. A lot of it is work and business. You can have all three, you can juggle all three, you can remove the unhealthy addictions. But a lot of this starts with accepting the truth that you know what, you're not going to live a high flying life of perfection. We all have lists, we all have mess, we've all fucked up. But when the wheels fall off, what you do about it, physically, mentally, emotionally, even processing, even acknowledging your awareness, what you do after it, when the wheels fall off, what you do before, during and after is what will paint not just the vision, it's what will paint your perceptions and the reality of your future for yourself, for your family, and for what life has, what life really has in store for us. I'll finish on this. A lot of people say life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you. I call bullshit on that. Life doesn't happen to you. And life doesn't happen for you either. Life happens because of you. Because without you, inside of your consciousness and your reality and your life, anyway, life doesn't exist. Also special Shout out. Tim Jacobson. I know you listen to these podcasts, mate. It was awesome catching up with you. I went to the Paw Patrol. We went to Paw Patrol to. They had a show on park was a long show. The kids did well. There a lot of variables there that I didn't, that I didn't have control over, that's for sure. Roman wanting to run around. Lillian was restless. Stella's like, I'm too old for this. But they had a little intermission and Tim came up and it's funny, he said, are you Alex Renieri? And I always answer this. I don't know if it's my bit from my father or because I don't have. I don't really have the darkest of pasts. Not that I'm, you know, a clean, what would you call them? A choir boy or whatever. No offense to Those who have done that when they were younger. But I responded with depends who's asking. And you know, it was awesome to catch up with you, Tim and I hope hopefully made. After our interactions, it seemed like quite a positive one that you are listening to this podcast. But a special shout out to you man, because we had a good chat. We had a good chat, man, about, you know, about the perspectives and what we're talking about here. When the wheels fall off, actually of a lot of men who castrate and throw stones and make assumptions over high performance father, what we do. You know, I've had death threats before, still do get them. It's, you know, it's rough for those men. I mean, look, it'd be rough for me if one came and fucking killed me one day, that's for sure. I mean that'd be unideal, especially given how wholesome we are in our message and mission to serve fathers. But essentially, you know, we spoke about that. How much the wheels fall off in so many people's lives and they never put them back on. They never know that they have that power. They never stand up and take control and ownership and instead, unfortunately, the wheels stay off and, and the biggest contrast between that and then someone like Tim having amazing chat about how he's juggling his family, his business, what he's doing and whatnot and his health and so yeah, just wanted to say special shout out to you, Tim. It was awesome to catch up with you in person, man. And, and hopefully, you know, I know we spoke and, and both of us got got goosebumps about the, the opportunity of fatherhood and what it looks like and it's. I fucking love that, man. Like, it's so awesome to just be excited for, for life. The good, the bad and the ugly life has so much shit to dish up to us. So what are we going to do about it? We're going to wallow in our own self pity and just accept it? No, we do something about it. When the wheels fall off. Awesome. Let's process what we need to for that situation and put those fucking wheels back on. But it was great to connect with you, man. And I'm sure that you recognize and realize like every other man who's met me in person. One, I don't fucking hide behind my computer. And two, what you see is what you get. This is legit, this is real and this is why I love doing what I do. And this is how we can all be the most successful men inside of our lives by living and breathing and creating the highest level of truth. Because the truth always wins. And when you do that, I promise you men in your marriage, in your business, in yourself, your health, physically, mentally, in your relationship to your children, you create that highest level of truth, you will be at the highest level of success. Anyway, special shout out to you, Tim. Take care, man. Hope you enjoyed this episode. When the wheels fall off, let's do what we need to by acknowledging and being aware of them and appreciating and going, yes, there is something I can do about this and I'll move through and process as I need to put the wheels back on and keep moving forward and taking charge and control of my life. Fuck yeah. The dads chat soon. Cheers, boys. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments. Moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this. This because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers.