198. Why Marriages Fail

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Wow, what an episode we have installed for you today. Why marriages Fail. Why marriages Fail. Two key areas we're going to be highlighting. At the core, at the essence, at the fundamental, at the root of all breakdowns, all needs not being met, so on and so forth. When you go upstream to the source, there are two main reasons. That's it. This isn't about overcomplicating it. Don't tell me it's fucking communication. Because you're wrong plays a role, but let's peel the layers back one by one. We'll get to that. Communication's important, it's vital, but that's not the core element. There are two, two main areas, two main points that we're going to highlight, which is the absolute reason why marriages fail. This is a critically important episode, not only for you as a existing husband, but if you're on your second or third marriage or if you're divorced, even if you're single, let's make sure we're really highlighting what not to do because that's important, right? So these pitfalls, these troubles, these hardships, what you can control the ownership and responsibility you have to not fuck up with the same pattern that might have led to the demise of previous relationships. And takes two to tango. Not here to argue with you on that one, mate. Not here to point the finger or judge by any means, but essentially, yes, we can influence, we can have clarity over the relationship we're currently in, which means we can steer a large portion of the energy of the relationship, the focus of the relationship, as we should as men. As women should as women, as wives, as husbands. So this is critically important for you whether you're married or not. This is critically important for you whether Your children are 2 years or 22 years of age. Why? Because the environment from which you continually create a view, a belief, a worldview, the perspective, the lens on which your children see as the standard, as the accepted, as the norm, is always going to be something that nestles into you and what you do in the household. That's why marriages, that's why partnerships with your wife, with your queen, not just significance for you of as a man with the opposite sex and not just to provide a loving household for the children, what it actually entails. You're providing an environmental energy and stability and example for your kids, man, that is paramount and it goes hand in hand to the success of your marriage and that's paramount to this, to the success of fatherhood. Like to how successful are you as a father, regardless whether your kids have flown the nest or not? What example are you now leading for them as young adults? For you, as you're into your 50s or 60s? What example are you leading as a man who's fucking 80 and your children are 50? You can always lead by example of the next phase, because guess what, you are here before them. That doesn't give you the right, though, to elevate yourself above them. Fuck me dead. The amount of men that have reached out to me, throwing stones, judging and whatnot, and all you need to do is have a look inside of their life for three seconds and you're like, well, mate, where are you coming from? Just like people in nursing homes. There are people in this world who are three times my age. That means they're obviously over 100, but doesn't mean they fucking lived a better life than me. There are people in their 70s and 80s who are filled with regret. So it's not just the time, but you do have some leverage because you are experiencing things to degree before your children and then enters adulthood. Enter adulthood for your children and guess what? You can still lead by example of what's possible as they enter their 30s, 40s, 50s. So leading by example is an important thing. But this all, when we go upstream to the source, comes down to two key points on why marriages fail, which is why this is so important for you, because you need to ask yourself the question, am I going to be a father where my children will look at me, look to me, look to me and my wife or my partner or my woman by my side and say, yes, There is something to model. There is an example that is showing me the possibilities and the amazing life that I can build off because I know it can happen. I know it can be true. I've seen it. Or ask yourself the question, is that going to be the case and the truth? Or is it going to be my children looking at me and saying, well, I'm learning what not to do. And whilst there can be valuable gifts from that, just like I've gotten from my father on what not to do, it's bittersweet, right, because you get shown what not to do, but it still means you're fucking blind and you're lost in the dark not actually knowing what to do. It doesn't mean that your role as a father is just to tell people, tell your children what to do and the to's and the actions to take, but it definitely helps play a role in influencing them and building them up. That's the foot in the door. Otherwise throw them out to the fucking wolves and see if they survive. We obviously don't live or roll that way when it comes to our children. This is the leg up you must provide your children. You want to talk about privilege? Maybe this is the privilege you want to provide for them, not just nice things and money. Let's provide a privilege of perspective and insights into what not to do. Because I'm human as well. I've made mistakes and I'm very clear on owning them. And I'll continually expose and own them with my children as they grow to become adults. So mental capacity can handle the level or volume of mistakes I've made, so I can share them openly and honestly with them and my failures, but also the triumphs and the victories. Here's how you do it, here's what you can do, here's a possibility, here's something you can take and model and create your own. So, gentlemen, welcome to a pivotal episode. And please know I'm not here to have a call to arms, a call to action, to say, all right, you've listened to this, now come join ours program. We'll make everything better. But on the flip side, don't keep going through listening to these podcasts, thinking this podcast, or just the seven Day Challenge, or this sort of shit that's short lived, that's going to elevate your state, shift your thinking, shift your mind is going to fix what could be decades of fucking yourself in the ass that you know you need to rewire by getting out of your own way and having the right environment and men in your corner, the right tribe beside and behind you, moving forward in the right direction. So yes, I say above all else, take action with this and so on and so forth. And that's true. But whilst this is going to be a very insightful, thought provoking and mirror looking in the mirror revealing type episode, because it's pretty hot topic, those who've had marriages that have failed. Okay, what do I need to recognize so I don't take that in the next one? And those who are currently married. Okay, what do I need to make sure I avoid? Life is not something that we should all just go through alone and see how we go. She'll be right. Better luck next life. It doesn't have to be that way. Why marriages fail. I'm not erring or leaning to the side of negativity when I have episodes that are titled like this. But unless we recognize and acknowledge the absolutes in our world, unless we acknowledge and recognize the truth and the truths, you have no idea from which you are stepping into the next angle, the next direction, the next stepping stone, the next phase of your journey. Because you don't even know where your legs are. You don't even know what's beneath you. You're looking too far forward into fantasy land, or some of you are looking too low. And all you can see is directly ground, directly, immediately beneath you. And that is just the ground beneath you and behind you because your head's that fucking low that all you're doing is looking in the past and the past is painting the pain. And to the present you need both. Let's look down, let's look up let's look down, let's look up. Can't have your head in the clouds can't have your head buried in the earth. So when we're looking at this, as we dive into these two key points, men, I certainly don't have the time, and I'm sure you don't either, to do my regular 30 minute intro. It's not that long. Surely. Surely it's not. I've probably lost a count of how many times have gone over 20 minutes. So that's for sure. This is important to recognize the problem or pain. When I say why marriages fail. The problem or pain that many people face in reality, this is a part of reality. 50% of the population average age 46. I was talking to my brother about this the other day. I was like, shit, man, that's the average numbers. But is there a higher percentage over a period of time? And I know that sounds A bit funny, but also we're collating this over a long period of time, but maybe. I don't know if the maths is on here. This is definitely not something I'm painting as a fact. But is that more like is the percentage of marriage or the risk. Is the risk higher? Like between 42 and 46? Okay, the average age is 46, but is there less, Are there less people that get divorced in their 50s than do in their 40s? I'm not sure. This is the thing with data, right? And numbers. It's like, okay, the average, but what are they using to draw the average? Is it like, okay, we've had this many in this age bracket, what's the age bracket? How many years is it? That's something to be mindful of, like 50%. The average age is 46. Like, fuck, are there less after that, more before that with the range, and then somehow they cook it together and go, well, there's a lot here, but you know, there's, there's heaps more that get divorced between 42 and 46. There's a four age thing we're measuring here, but from 47 to 67, the number's the same. So all right, the average is 46. You know what I mean? Look, I'm just trying to process this when I'm reading some of these facts and going, hmm, there has to be. I know you've got averages, average is average. But what's the measurement to define the average is what I'm saying. There has to be a higher risk. I reckon. Has to be, has to be between 35 and 45. Absolutely. Like when, with this book that I'm writing, Winning the Second Half. And like all of that is a transition, you win the second half by transitioning. Like it is the transition into the second half. And that could be a 10 year transition. 15 year, I think it's 10 to 12 from what I've seen in the data I collected from men over the years and working through. But here's the kicker. When does that start for you? Mine started very early. Mine started in my late 20s. Pretty fucking savage life to date. No better or worse than anyone else. Everyone's got their own path to walk. But mine definitely started earlier, was more accelerated. Some guys is it like everything was humming along swimmingly and then, you know, 44 to 55 was the tough moment. Was there, was there an illness, loss in the family? Like, what, what does that look like? This is the thing when we're talking about the transition, the Transition goes hand in hand with specific traumas that we might have had which have really rattled and really do rattle a lot of people as they naturally would. So as we dive into this, men, please have an open mind when I'm talking about why marriages fail. A lot of the times we go back to the source. It's your time, it's your energy, and it's what you've done for you, how you've turned up, how you've evolved, how you've grown, how you've given back to yourself. Don't feel like doing that. I get that, man. This is one of the hardest fucking games to play, trying to not convince, but trying to help middle aged men see inside of themselves that they are their most valuable asset. Because you don't. You don't look inside of yourself. And that's not just feeling. That's the fucking facts. We focus on facts. We're not just how much you love yourself and blah, blah, blah. Show me the facts of you actually providing and giving back to you. Don't want to meditate for 15 minutes? No worries. Well, ask yourself this question. What's the 1% that can give me the greatest return or the greatest 99% return on investment? I'll tell you right now, creating some space for 15 minutes is what's going to convert to you having the most productive 15 hours of the day. This is what I mean when I talk about people shooting themselves in the foot. Self sabotage, tall popping yourself. So I get that. All right, don't want to do it for you. Okay. Do it for yourself through doing it for your family. Do it for yourself through doing it for your wife, for your marriage, for your business, for others you serve, for your clients, for your members, for your fans, for your extended family. Then you can use some leverage to get out of your own way in the headspace which has kept you inside of a box where you are just filled with stories. And these stories continually drive a narrative that goes, she'll be right. I'll figure it out one day. You know, family first. Family first. Family's more important. I just need to make more money or just need to do this. And when we get in the clear, you know, and then what we lose is we lose actually the reality of what that would become. Let's think about this, okay? Yep. No, look, I'm just going to have a conversation, all right? Corinne, Look, I'm just going to work on business. I just want to get to a billion dollars first and then we can focus on family. How's that sound? Just give me 15, 20 years. Catch up with you then. Awesome. Cheers. See you soon. I know I can be a smart ass at times, but sometimes you need a pattern interrupt. You need something to snap out of this middle ground where you're negotiating with yourself in an area where you're in choppy waters but the fog is cloud of your judgment, but you're on the phone to someone else saying, no, no, you're all right mate, smooth sailing ahead. Just keep going, she'll be right. You're like, well, who the fuck are you? How do I know, man? This is why giving to yourself is the pathway to being able to give more to others. On that note, on that as a bit of a guide or a bit of a talking about frames and boxes, a bit of a pre frame to this episode. Don't ever forget that. And that's why we're here. That's why we do what we do. Let's crack on into it. Why marriages fail. I mean, we've already started, but there are two things, two reasons why marriages fail in life. And it came to me only the other day because there's lots of different things. We talk about communication, we talk about intimacy. And the Viking and the pandering at the core. There are two reasons. Two things. The very first one, alignment. The very first one is alignment. The reason why marriages fail is there is a lack of an. There is a lack of alignment inside of your personal, your internal environment and what's outside of you. There is a lack of alignment in your life and what you're connected to. You don't have clarity. You don't have communication. They're all byproducts of having a lack of alignment. You have a lack of alignment inside of what you want in your life. You're not aligned. Why am I aligned out? Because you don't fucking do the exercise, mate. You don't get clear on what it is that you want. You don't know what you want. You know what you don't want to. So this is about knowledge? Yeah. Memory? Yes. Skill development. Alignment's a skill. Everything in life's a skill. Like I saw on some fitness buff had come on one of my ads and it was quite funny actually. He said, genetics doesn't get you up at 4:30 in the morning. I was like, fair play, fair play. You know, he's in great shape, he's good and whatnot. And I mean, I guess you could argue the nitty gritty that genetics might predispose someone to having different Qualities of sleep to someone else. But, yeah, I get that. Just like this man. Alignment's a skill set. So you don't know alignment with your wife. So there's alignment with you. So you're not aligned with what your wife needs, or you don't even know what your wife is aligned with. You're not aligned with your own needs, or you don't even know what you need to align with. There's you, there's me, there's we. You don't have alignment together as husband, as wife. This is important. I'm not just saying. All right, yeah, we're all going the same direction. No, you need your. You are on your path. You need to have your own direction in life. And I say this to Corinne, not often, not anymore, but when there was any hesitation or friction at times, and I was still truthful and honest, but in times in the past where I walked that fine line between I'm going to get home at this time or I got held up, or this or that, hey, high performance father is for me, not you. It's my path, not yours. You're connected. You're part of it, of course, but I do this for me. This is my alignment. To service. Alignment in yourself. Knowing and seeing and connecting to your wife's alignment, her path, her journey. The paths, they go together. They may turn, weave left, right, go away a little bit, come together. Sometimes you hold hands. Sometimes you could take a step on each other's part. It is hers, it is yours, but what about ours? When we do link hands, where are we going? All relationships break down from a set of needs not being met. True relationships, like a child or a organism, could be an organism. Anything organic starves to death. It's not a. All of a sudden, this just hit me for six. When that happens, and all of a sudden the bag's packed or your wife's left, or you've gotten the ultimatum. You're surprised because of your own ignorance. And your ignorance is your own undoing. Don't blame anyone else or anything else. I didn't even see this coming. I didn't know, really. What about the alignment? Where was that for you? Where was that for her? Where was that? Together. So alignment with you, alignment with me, alignment with we and alignment with they. And when I say they, I'm talking about your children. What do we want for our children? That's not as husband, as wife. That's his parents. Different hats. Marriages fail because you're either ignorant or unclear when I say this, I say this. With respect, I'm not saying your identity is one of a stupid man. I'm not saying your identity is one of a ignorant man. I'm saying the actions or the lack thereof has led to a level of ignorance, fogginess or blindness in key, key core areas of your life. One massive one being your marriage. That's why I say, when you triple down on what's familiar, what produces, what brings significance inside of your life, inside of your business, place of work, you're widening the gap. The more you say yes to that, the more you say no to this. Awareness, skills, skill set. How often do you communicate with your wife? What do you communicate about? What's your body language, posture they're communicating about, what's the context, what's the tonality, what's the history before, what's the environment, the physical environment? All of this is an awareness and a skill set. So when men come to me, they need help in this, it's because they've spent fuck all time on it. Just like if we've got members who run certain businesses in areas of life that are their expertise. I'm like, man, you are the wizard. If I need help in that area of my life, you are the gun that I will go and see. You are the go to. So because you haven't exposed yourself to this, even that word alignment, because you haven't exposed yourself to this being something that must be a truth or the truth will find itself and figure itself out and then you're just, you're just on the receiving end of it. It's a skill that you're unaware of that you haven't spent time of. Like, do you have a whiteboard? Are you writing this stuff down? Are you writing your goals? Do you have your high performance father journal? I mean, I look at this journal like, it's fantastic. I've got everything here in my three years. All right, cool. My 12 months, my quarter. All right? Family, self and service. Where do I want to be with my family? What does that look like? What do I need to do? It's all there. Remember, man, a lot of the times you already have the answer. It's just remembrance, bringing it to the surface. Think of it this way. Like, I don't agree with a lot of the principles in schools and universities. Why? Because a lot of it's memory dumping. What you need to focus on, though, is memory is important. What can we do that is memory enhancing? Well, you can do the reps, you can do repetitions. Sometimes it's, sorry, 80% of the time, probably more. It is the monotonous. It is the things that you might think are boring. It is the processes, it is the systems. It's what you repeatedly do that gives you the 20% leeway, leverage, love, excitement, fulfillment, reward. That will be absolute and consistently true for you. What I mean by that is you're fucking bored. And when you get bored, you go and do other things. And you go and do other things. You keep bouncing from one to the other to the other, which means you multitask. And even if you're tripling down on your business or place of work, you're too scattered when it comes to the home life because you don't triple down on the fundamentals. So I don't get gratification. I don't get that instant reward. Something else, something else, something else. You can see this with scrolling through the phone. It's why you get sucked into the vortex and you keep scrolling because you have to validate and justify the time you've already invested. And ironically, that means you spend more time scrolling, which costs you even more time just to validate that. And then you finally see that one video, which is worth watching or made you laugh or did something else. Then after that, you snap out and go, what the fuck did I spend all that time on? Meanwhile, you continually say no to other things. And that doesn't even include your wife or being present with your children. It's actually going upstream and saying, what do I actually want for myself? What does she want for her? What do they want or need? Because they might be young and too young to know all the ins and outs. What do they want and need from my experience as their father, for them? What do we need as husband and wife? I cannot stress this enough. Man like you might gloss over this. Really pay attention here. If you don't have fucking clarity over what you want in your life and why. If you don't have clarity over what your wife wants and needs and why you can't serve her first and foremost, you can't serve yourself. If you don't have clarity and you're not clear and you don't have. That's what alignment is like. You want a different word to alignment, clarity, clear understanding on the same page. If you don't have that understanding is different. You can understand it's still not align or follow through. But if you don't have clarity, alignment with where you are as husband and wife, then how can you put the hat on of being a husband or help her with wearing the Hat that she needs to wear in being your wife. How the fuck would she know what you want? You're like, I can't figure women out. I know what my wife wants and needs. You think she knows what you want and need? Have you shared that with her? So when we're talking about alignment and the second point, which I'm going to touch on in a minute, this is, this is everything, man. This comes down to your desires, whether it's sex or intimacy. Once a week, once a fortnight, three times a week. Okay, why? We're a lot like knowing the why and then the hows and the doings is the second point. But the first one, this is. This is what I need. This is what I want. This is what I desire. Okay, we need to question that. But please know, how the fuck can you question anything if you've brought nothing to the surface? There's nothing to question. How would you even know? You're just left with statements. You're left with bitterness and anger and resentment. So what happens? The family walks on eggshells. Or worse yet, you're a fucking pushover. You walk on eggshells. No one wins. There's no respect or value either way. Why? Because there's no control, there's no value. There's no stability, there's no self respect, there's no personal integrity. Like, you can't hold personal integrity if you're always shooting your stack and blowing up at the littlest things in life. Just like if you accept everything, you get fucking pushed and told what to do. What integrity? You have none. You have none. How do we even build that? Get clear, get aligned. But get aligned with what you need and want and the role that you play inside of each area. Which means you need to get clear on what your wife wants and needs. You need to get clear on what your children want and need. You both need to get clear on that. But you both need to get clear on what husband and wife need. When you start to build alignment into the game, this is when people are talking about communication. Date nights, honey and handsome time, dadventures, all this sort of shit. It's like. No, no, no, no. Communication is a byproduct of two things. The first one is alignment. We'll touch on the second one in a second. So when you're talking about communication as a problem, not seeing eye to eye, no respect in the household, not having enough intimacy, constantly fighting, not being on the same page, I mean, that's obviously a lack of alignment. But all these little. All these all these little cuts. Yeah, Death by a thousand cuts. All these little cuts and grazes all over you. All over the organism that is your marriage. All over the organism that is you as a man or her as a woman, or you as parents or the household and the children, the environment of the household, which is your home. Your home is an organism. Your home isn't the house. Your home itself is a relationship. Think about that. Your home itself is an organism. It is a relationship. It is a leave. It is a living and breathing energy source that is a collective of the tribe, your little tribe and everyone invested in it. You don't know what you don't know, right? Yeah. Well, if you don't go fucking seeking the answer. Instead of just accepting statements, you ask questions and seek that answer. How could you ever expect to be aligned with your wife? And I've said this before, like how can you be present with the children if you're not present with yourself? How can you. This is what I meant right at the start of this. It comes down to you valuing, giving back to you first and getting to 100%. How can you create alignment and get aligned with your wife if you can't even do that shit for yourself? That's the very first thing we do on the inside. Very first pillar. Guess what it's called. Alignment. Force. Method. Feelings. Outcomes. Roadblocks. Commitment. Evolution. Where are we going? Why? Facts and feelings. Okay. What's standing in your way? Okay. What are we going to do about it? Okay, why are you doing it? Not just what's your. Why. Fuck that shit. So commercialized. Now let's get clear. Show me specifics. Legacy. My children. Leadership. Cool. Good words. It gets specific. All right. What does leadership look like to you? Being a loving father to my children and leading by example. What examples? What are you doing? Show me. How are you being loving? Show me. Show me. Show me. Show me. I love the emotions. I love the feelings. Now show me the facts. Otherwise the feelings are fantasy. So even when I'm talking about 500 year life, 1000 year old eyes to be able to see as the wizard, as the old, the age old man who's wise and has that stability to lead the family, even not through his actions, but through, physically, through the actions of how he responds, how he connects, how he listens, kicking back in the rocking chair and those you love and care about, seeking your guidance, seeking your counsel. How can you do any of that with or for someone else or guide someone else to create that in themselves if you can't do this for you. My wife's writing children's books. Amazing. I don't make her do the Force method, and I certainly don't try and coach her. But I ask questions from the hat of being a husband. Because when you're emotionally invested so closely and you have that vulnerability, it's very hard to switch gears quickly and hats quickly, whilst it's possible, very hard for women because they're so emotionally driven. So it's like, okay, well, I'm your husband. I'm not your coach, I'm your husband. We'll bring her on soon, too. Actually, I think we'll do a special episode 200 we'll bring out. I was talking to Krin about this last night. I was like, we'll bring it on. I said, man, I'm gonna fucking stitch you up so good. And I was like, oh. She's like, no, no, no. I'm gonna fucking get you. I was like, that's right. I can just do all the edits. But anyway, so I've got to be careful around that one. That'll be interesting. We'll title it the Missus Now. I was talking to her about the books. I was like, okay, well, all right. You've got your publishers working with you. They're not gutting it, but they're obviously changing things up because that's their profession. And I'm starting to work through not coaching her, but getting her aligned with what she wants. I'm like, okay, well, what do you want? Like, you want something that you're a part of? Do you want it to be 100% you? I said, well, hpf isn't 100% me. It doesn't matter that I started it. It's not 100% me anymore. I said, you need to learn to let go. You need to lose control to get control of the outcome, maybe lose control of some of the actions and some of the smaller outcome, to have more control over the larger purpose and the larger outcome. And all this stuff just got her head rolling and moving in the. Well, not rolling, but got her head thinking and moving, ticking away, moving in the right direction. I couldn't provide that stability for her in a way that is not directly how I would talk to you if you're a father working with me on the inside. Because she's my wife. I couldn't do that if I didn't have my own shit together and have a nice sweet spot and range of what alignment looks like for my children, for children in general, adults, teenagers, mothers, fathers. I'VE got friends who aren't fathers and it's like, well, fuck, mate, you know, trust me, listen to the podcast. Start applying this shit now to your life. Because as all of you know, gentlemen, apart from the guys who aren't fathers listening, and it's good that you're listening to this. No one can prepare you for it. It's a completely different game. Completely different. And it's always different. You know, you could have one child and yes, people argue, well, it's harder with two than it is one. Well, maybe the one's got different challenges. You like how much they're involved, how much they actually get. I'm not saying that they're spoiled if you only have one. But there is a different dynamic to being an only child. To there is with two to there is with two boys to two girls to one boy, one girl, to three to five. I will say though, three is. Oh man, three's been crazy. Three has been pretty crazy compared to two, that's for sure. It starts and ends with you getting alignment first. Let's get aligned with what you want and need. Why do marriages fail? You're not even on the same page. You're reading different books. It doesn't mean you need to live in each other's pockets. It doesn't mean you can't have other books of your own. But there must be a book that says, hey, this is your book. Let me have a look at what you're reading. That's fantastic. Awesome. Cool. Or the book that you're writing, hey, here's our book. It says marriage. Hey, here's our book. It says parenthood. That's ours. Let's have a look. Let's have a read. This is why marriages fail, man. You're not even on the same page. How the fuck would you know how to fix or sort things out? You don't even know where she is, who she is, what she's doing, what she's up to, what she wants, what she needs. Let me ask you, have you ever done that for yourself? What are you doing? What are your wants? What are your needs? What are your desires? Where do you want to go? What's your future focus? What are your plans? What are your goals? Doesn't mean you just kick back and go, alright, let's do some business conference or let's do a five year goal. Let's walk across some hot coal and write our plans for the next 10 years. No, no, you need to. This is an organism. It is a constant work in progress. Constant Changes, evolves. Like I said, maybe mine's been accelerated because I've been with my wife for 20 years now already, since high school, maybe, who knows? That's come with its own challenges, that's for sure. But it's also came with the opportunity to have different leverage, different time up my sleeve, different times where I could lean on her a bit more and she would accept it. And it's not that I take my wife for granted by any means, but they're all different, all different dynamics. So what's yours? And this is the big thing. And we're going to go to the second point. Second point's investment. So here we go, two points, alignment and investment. This is what fucks most people up. You're looking and comparing yourself to other relationships, other marriages. You could have sex once a month and be sweet. What does it mean to you? Are you in a three year marriage, a seven year marriage, a 17 year marriage? What role does sex play for you? What about your hormones? What about her hormones? What about your sex drive, your physical ability, your energy, health scares, heart scares, heart issues, challenges? What about her? Does she have endometriosis, polycystiovaries? Did she need to have a hysterectomy? Is she currently going through menopause or early stages because of the age she's at? Some of our older bulls who are listening to this or paying attention with our podcast, knowing that they're at a later stage in their life with their relationship and dynamic. When we're looking at alignment and investment, you can't go fucking comparing yourself someone else because you're comparing someone else's alignment or investment that they may not know or may know about and trying to tie that into your personal circumstances and your dynamic. Sure, there's ideas, there's examples, there's things you could potentially model. Honey and handsome time. Yeah, that could be a fundamental across the board, of course, but the specifics are what lead to people and it's not the whole grass is green sort of shit. Fuck looking at other grass and whatnot. What are you planting? Grass isn't the end game. What are you planting? What about the trees? Some fruits, some veggies? Like what are you actually building inside of your ecosystem of not only what you're aligned with. This is what we want to plant. We want to plant this orange tree, we want some figs. Excellent. Get yourself fucking aligned right away and then start investing in that. Otherwise you're investing in the wrong things. This is why it has to be done in this order as well, alignment and investment. Because when you start investing, you could be investing in the wrong thing and I'm sure a lot of you are familiar with that. Busted my ass to build and get money in the bank and provide nice things for blah blah, and it's actually not what they wanted out or it's come at the cost of this or this or this inside of my marriage and the family life. Yes, that's right. If you don't have alignment, what you're investing in, it could be fucking you up, unfortunately. Doesn't mean you can't produce, doesn't mean you can't get results. There are trillions, countless, you wouldn't even be able to count it of results in the world out there. But is it what the person on the receiving or giving end actually wants and needs when they're connecting together? And a lot of the times the answer is no. So getting clear with alignment is critical to then the next step of what you're actually investing in. And then peeling the layers back to going what does investment look like investing in you investing in me investing in, we investing in they them. Just like alignment. You as a man, she as a woman. Because you're here to guide and lead your wife in certain areas just like she is for us and to emotionally drive what's important in our life so we don't just become fucking robots and worker bees. So when you have this opportunity, you owe it to yourself to find out what she needs to invest in. Just like me supporting and encouraging my wife to exercise so she can take some time out mentally away from the kids and just have her time just the same, like go out and shop or let's go get a cleaner to help us around the house to give you free time to do whatever the fuck you want. Let me get you some books or other things or gifts that are going to give you the opportunity where you're invested in something, you're investing in something for yourself. You're investing time and energy in a specific resource, tool, environment, experience. Gentlemen, this is why marriages fail. That's why they starve to death. There is a lack of alignment, there is a lack of investment, but not just in your marriage, in who you both are as individuals, in who you are as parents. Because unfortunately that then becomes leverage, good, bad and the ugly. I'm fucking sick of you doing this with the kids, treating the kids this way, not being here for the kids, so on and so forth. So she's got the hat of being a wife on and she's fucking attacking you with your hat of being a father on. Quite interesting, isn't it? How it's all overlapping and layered in together. You're not fucking here with a kid, blah, blah, blah. And then quickly the hat changes, which means I don't get what I need, blah, blah, blah. And then quickly the hat change because you haven't been doing this, this and this. And then it's you as a man. You're not investing or giving to yourself. Short tempered trigger, not turning up. Like I've said in many episodes before, life is a series of trades and it's a series of investments. Why the fuck would you be worth investing in? Like why are you worth it? Why are you worth your wife investing? Because of history. That's history, it's gone, it's done. That gives you time, otherwise she would have already left. That gives you leverage because in that history you've had children, otherwise she would have already left. And vice versa, otherwise you would have already left. Why are you valuable enough to be invested in? The reason why I'm valuable enough to be invested in by my wife is because I showcase my value in who I am. That's not through narcissism, not through getting on the stage, 3% body fat, bodybuilding, or not showing how fucking smart I am and all these books I've read. It's just how I turn up inside of myself first, which then leads to I put a hat of a husband on. Hey, I can provide value. Corinne, let me sell you on why I'm an amazing husband. Like that is as crazy. I obviously don't say those words, but as crazy as that sounds, that's exactly what's happening through my actions. When I put on the hat of being a husband, I'm taking the piss. Being loving, being firm, being direct, being clear, being submissive, being the panda, being the viking when I'm, when I'm pulling on all of those different levers because I have the awareness in third person view to review and assess where the dynamic of the relationship is going. And that experience is taking his husband as wife. I can apply pretty close. No one's ever 100%, but applied a very high level. What gets the outcome of love and leadership and a great experience moving forward, more clarity, more alignment, future investment, it's valuable to her. All of that is showing. All of that is a. All of that. The byproduct of everything I said just then is essentially me saying, hey crin, I'm the fucking husband you want around and you need to be desired and attracted to me. You know why? Because of this. Let me show you. Let me sell you on why I'm a fucking amazing husband. Same with the kids. They want me to pick them up, throw them around because they know I'm strong. And I wrestle with them and we play games and we build little caves and huts with, you know, get bed sheets out and put them over, like, the dinner table and the chairs and tie them in, and they love all that shit. Hey, children, let me sell you on why I'm a fucking amazing father. That can be fun and loving and nurturing, but also, whilst you might not know right now, give you what you need by being firm and disciplined at nighttime so you can wake up the next day refreshed. So again, sometimes there's an investment without the ROI right there. Delayed gratification. One day they're going to be like, well, thank you, dad, for not giving me a diet filled with fucking sugar and shit and for helping me build a night routine. They obviously don't know that exists right now, but what they see is someone who's a man who puts on the hat of father, and it's like, this is fucking attractive. I want to be around this. This is amazing. This is love. This is strength. This is power. This is value. I respect that through my actions. And then Corinne and I, what are we doing to invest in the children, the caravanning, the trips, their sporting activities, their nutrition, their health, their learning, their development, their socializing. This is why you can't compare, gentlemen. You can model, take examples. You can take inspiration from me. Our story. Want to get Corinne on in a couple of episodes, talk about. Okay, there's some cool things that they've spoken about and mentioned. Awesome. Great. Good for you. You need to apply to yourself because your dynamic is different. Sex is a fucking great thing. I enjoy it. But also at the same time, it's not something that is like. It is a given where. That's why I can't stand fucking porn, all that sort of shit. You're investing in saying yes to a facade, to a fantasy, which means you say no to reality and you say no to actually building a bridge between. Okay, I want some of that in my life with my wife. Well, how the fuck are you going to do that if you're not even putting that time and energy in all the while she knows that you're fucking watching that shit. So what do you think she thinks about you as well? They put up the brave face, put up the wall and the brave face, but you are saying yes to that you're saying no to something else. So whilst for me, sex as a man, something primal is pleasurable, it's enjoyable and whatnot, there is a difference between that and connecting at a deeper level, which becomes a byproduct of sexual intercourse, which is essentially connecting and making love. Doesn't mean I have to light candles every single night. It's your dynamic. It's what works for you. So this is why alignment is important. What are your needs as a man from your wife? What are your needs as a wife from your man, from your husband? Okay, cool. Let's invest. What are we investing in this? Okay, well, look, because of my hormones or this, this or that, or because of honey and handsome time or because of the kids, the age they're at, your dynamic is different, which means it's measured differently. Like, do you value having sex twice a week at a higher level of other areas where your wife can provide your needs with hugging, with words of affirmation, with cuddling, with kissing, with connecting, with going out on dates, with creating experiences, with adventure, with stuff with the kids. And then you look at her and guess what? She's part of the kids as their mother, as also your wife. What does that look like? There's a different value is my point, gentlemen. There's a different value that's placed on what it is that you think you should be investing or you are investing in. You might be a man that says, well, you know what? I hold sex very highly, Al. I've got a high value of investment in that. No worries, your wife might not. There comes the collision, which means when you look at alignment and getting clear on that, then you also look at the value of what you see. Your wife, you, your children, everyone investing in you can then start to connect the dots together to have a carry or a crossover or some sort of. Not a transition, but something where an overlap is the word I'm looking for. Have an overlap where you are meeting somewhere in the middle and it's something that needs to be discussed, questioned, and then a value, a proper value put on it, not from what some fucking bloke told you is awesome, or someone else, or the porn that you've watched or the movies that you watched, or Hollywood or some other fucking bloke who's gotten in your year, told you who you need to be, told you who your wife should be to you, told you what you should be doing. And people step up and out of nowhere, with no context go, you should be fucking having sex with your wife every day. And stuff. I've seen that sort of shit before or I've been told about it, like, okay, where the fuck's that coming from? What's the context? He knows that person's. Or he knows the listeners dynamic. Does he? And that's. That's his. That's his high level of value. That, that's what defines him as a man. How much he can just fucking get balls deep. Like it. It's about you standing up and actually reviewing and assessing what you see as a great level or energetic source of investment. This is why when I'm talking about communication, having sex, making love, honey and handsome time, dad ventures, special time with the kids, one to one with your business, with what you're doing for yourself, your personal health, how you're looking after yourself in that respects, when it comes to the running of the household, how you handle the home, all that sort of stuff. If I'm cleaning, if I'm organizing, picking the kids up from school, doing that sort of stuff, cleaning the house, make sure everything's squared away. Creating a couple of cool little things for my wife here, there and everywhere, but essentially acts of service. And I'm doing that. Guess what that means she doesn't have to do it. Which means, guess what that means. She's got more energy. Which also means the byproduct of her having more energy comes at the appreciation of me. That shit's a fucking massive turn on. Like that's a. I can't stress that enough. Like that is a massive turn on for women. Not all women. I don't know the dynamic of your household, but when I'm looking at investment, like men, I remember reading this shit years ago, some place in Europe and the men who did a lot more housework got more sex. It's not that sex is the end game. It's a byproduct of value of what you're investing in and what's perceived as value from your investment. So it's safe to say that because I'm not 200 kilos and I'm fucking fit and healthy and strong, that is something that is perceived value to my wife. And it's attractive. But that doesn't mean that's the gateway to me getting laid more because I've got a great body. But it is a value of respect that creates a model or an image inside of her head, her heart and her emotions. That's my fucking man. He's. Look at him. This is why got no communicate. Yeah, because you're not aligned. What the fuck Are you going to talk about. You got nothing to talk about because you don't even know what to talk about. You haven't asked the question. You just accept statements. I'm not a good communicator. Start and lead in with that vulnerability. Sit down with your wife and go, look, I love you. I've always loved you. And I know shit's gotten crazy the last three months, three years, nine years. And this is me just putting it all out there. I'm fucking exhausted. I'm working my ass off, and you're exhausted, trying to keep the household running. And we hardly ever get time to connect here. And I just, you know, I'm not perfect. I'm willing to fall on my sword and admit that I'm not perfect. I've neglected you. I've neglected the kids, I've neglected myself. And there's areas where I think this happens for every marriage, for a man and a woman, for the husband and the wife. And from here, it's not about pointing fingers left, right and center, or even just sitting and wallowing in my own pity going, I'm a fucking failure, because I'm not. I can see that. I accept that. I acknowledge it now. But I'm here to share with you a declaration. Just start paving the way together to go. I want to be able to communicate better. What does that look like? I don't know. But is this something we can work out together in a humble way, without ego, without going for the jugular because my walls are down. But actually sitting here and going, what kind of communication do you love? How can I be a better husband for you? And then I will endeavor to do that. Just like I'll be transparent and open in what my needs are from my wife. Let me say, gentlemen, when you lead him with that, you get permission. Why? Because if you fall on your own, and this isn't about falling on your own sword, but if you are willing to work on something that gives you permission to, then ask. And it's not a double. It's not an underhanded to go, well, if I do this, I should get that. It's a case of going, I'm providing the environment, the space, and the opportunity to be willing to work. But if I'm working and willing to work, then what am I doing? I'm setting an example. What does that mean? I'm setting a new standard. What does that mean? If it's a standard that's accepted, so your wife starts to accept and love that. Fantastic. What does it mean? Well, if you fucking accepted it and you like it and you want it and it's making your life better. Hmm. Well, let's roll reverse. Let's have a look at it. Maybe this is something we can both do together. So when it comes to connecting with that sort of stuff and getting alignment and then investing things like communication, getting clarity through your communication, different forms and types of communication, all of this comes down to you. Ironically, like I said at the start, investing in yourself. And then you can invest time and energy inside of your marriage. Finding what her love languages are. And I've had people say mine are different. Hers. That's right. Which means you probably fucking suck at her love languages. So start working on them. Words of affirmation. Write a poem. No matter how corny or how cheesy or how shit it might be compared to, you know, Shakespeare or some other bloke who's written fucking poems, it doesn't matter. It's relevant, it's personal to you. It's got meaning, it's got depth, it's got effort. Your wife will see that. She will see that. When it comes to speaking love languages, when it comes to communicating, when it comes to connecting, the greatest way you can connect is by finding the highest source of value from which they need or which they want or desire to be invested into them. That's where you focus. All of a sudden, it's real fucking easy. Like, my fitness is through the roof, man. Me cleaning the house and having the household all sorted, because that's a piece of piss. I'm way fitter than my wife. I'm way fitter than most people in this country. Like, it's my fitness when it comes to cleaning the house, it's a fucking walk in the park. So I know when I'm doing something in an hour and a half, that would take her all day. The value that she puts on that is actually not that valuable to me. Not that I want a dirty household, but we got three young kids. There's going to be mess, there's going to be toys. But for me to upkeep and maintain that is such a high value. Because for her to do it, that's a lot. That's a lot of work. It's not that my wife's lazy by any means, it's just it is what it is. Like, I'm extremely fit. Which means when it comes to what would require a normal level of fitness for people to clean and do all that sort of stuff, I just tear into it. So, gentlemen, when you're finding out what it is that your wife actually desires and needs, and then you're finding out the. The areas inside of that. Okay, you want to be aligned. This is what you need from your husband. Okay, examples. What does that look like for you? You're bouncing between alignment and investment. How can I invest in this? How can I invest in you? Time and energy. Okay, what does that look like? Awesome. Give me an example. What do you need? All right, what does that look like? How is this. How are your needs being met? Are you getting what you believe you need? Like, when you have this vulnerability, you can then seek vulnerability from them, which means when there is either something at play when the walls are up, or there's been trauma or the past hasn't been let go of, whether it's you or her. But more often than not, if it is her, the truth will come to the surface. So you can be like, well, you know, let's get clear here. Let's be on the same page. I'm willing to be vulnerable and transparent with you. What about you? You're shutting me off. You bring. The walls are going up. I get that. I get the last seven years, the last 12 years have been this, this and that. But here we are now. What are we going to do about it? Like, the pathway, like, you are literally paving the future right now. The now is the only place that the future potentially exists. I think I'll say that the right now, the present is the only place that the potential, Your potential future, your. Your potential future, your potential future exists only place. So if you keep reliving the past and the present, well, then the future becomes the past and not just like, hey, here's the future now it's the past. You're fucking painting that right now. Like you're shortcutting yourself with poison and toxicity from the past. This is why the yes, no principle, what you're focusing on, building your habits, all that sort of shit, it all ties in together, man, and it all ties into a life of consistency. When. Where are you consistently aligning inside of your life? Is it good things? Is it bad things? Because there's always alignment. Like a lack of alignment is actually alignment in things that you either don't love and enjoy or you're not aware of. Like, you could be a man who feels like he's dropped the ball in his marriage. No worries. Well, that means you're actually really aligned with being a husband who's not connected to and not nurturing and loving inside of his marriage. This is where it comes back to you getting the control again of what you can control. Getting alignment inside of your life, inside of her life so you are clear on her wants, needs and desires. On you as a married couple. As a couple, as husband, as wife, as lovers, on you as parents. So they, them, all of us, the tribe. Isn't it crazy? I hope this has served you well, men, and we'll pepper around investment a little bit more. But I hope this is serving you well. And opening up a few different questions. Because you can't just sit back on statements and accept the current truths. If they're truths that you're not happy about, doesn't mean you can problem solve or fix them right away. But you can certainly question them and you can question your attachment to them. You can question your perceptions around them. You can question the reality of them. Maybe they're not as true as you think. I fucking worked hard, bust a milestone, everything for family and I get nothing back. Well, might be the case, but maybe they got nothing from you that they wanted. Like is that hard for someone to go rent somewhere else and put a roof over their head? You think your money's that fucking valuable? Financial prosperity is a great and wonderful thing. But if it comes at the chronic cost of emotional attachment, connection, time and presence with your children, with your wife, you lose. You lose. Better luck next time. But it's hard, isn't it? Because you feel drawn into picking one or the other. You're choosing your work or your wife. You're choosing to build wealth, the cost of your family. Why? You can have both. You can't have both alone. No way. There's no such thing as self mate, but you can have that. You can build financial prosperity for your family and household as well as connect to them. And have a phenomenal relationship not just with your children, but the home that they are engaged with, regardless of the age. Even when they enter, they come visit you if they're already grown up that you set in that environment, you set inside of yourself and your other half. Marriages fail because there's a set of needs that have not been met. What are the needs? We don't know. Get aligned. Why are they my needs? How important are those needs? Let's categorize, let's get an order of importance, let's prioritize so we know which ones to invest in the most. There are so many different ways that I can invest in my wife. And it's not about just going for the kill. It's return on investment. It's bang for Your buck just like taking time out. Like, do you really need that hour to yourself? Okay, you're up 16 hours a day, or let's say you're up 15 hours a day if you go to bed earlier, is it worth it? Is it really worth it to have that extra hour to yourself in a gluttonous way, scrolling social media or watching TV or any other bullshit you do between 10 and 11? What's, what's the one hour that you are selfishly. You are selfishly taking? It's cutting you short and self sabotaging because it's leading into a lesser, a lesser operating system in who you are as a man, husband and father the next day. Think about this, just do the maths. Might need a calculator in a minute. Crunching numbers, crunching numbers. You can have 16 hours a day awake, or you can have 17 hours a day awake, 8 hours in bed, 7 hours in bed. If you go to bed at 10 o' clock instead of 11 o', clock, and that gives you, let's just say for argument's sake, 6%. You know where I'm going with this. If you look at that 6% improvement or a 6% cost, if you get, and we know it's way more than that, way more than that. Especially when you start to get close to that 10, 30, 11 o' clock mark, if you lose 6%, you do 6% times the next 16 hours of the day. There's 100% of an hour you have lost. So the hour you got back, you've already lost in productivity. And the other time that's remained. Think about that. The same applies, man, on a principal level to your relationships. It's not looking for the easy road. It's not cutting corners or shortcuts. It's getting absolute clarity, getting aligned so that you can get the greatest ROI for your efforts. The world is filled with diminished returns as it is. Don't fuck yourself even more by being sloppy and lazy. What does my wife want and need the most? And a lot of the times, like I said, depending whether it's love languages or what their needs are, which a lot of the times can be quite simple, as complex as we think they are, that's not that hard. I can do that. Yes, you can. Yes, you can. It's not that hard. You can do that. It's a skill set. You just need to say yes to that just a little bit more and say no to whatever it is or whatever else you've been self sabotaging, sedating and Distracting and neglecting inside of yourself or family. Self and service. That's it, man. Like it's looking at that and going, okay, what does Crin love? Like, am I going to try and not that I'm a fitness freak, but am I going to try and turn her into a fitness freak? Maybe she doesn't value that as much as she does experiences or what I did for a birthday. And this is a big fucking home run, mind you, you know, like for her birthday. Sorry, for our anniversary that's just passed. What we got her, when I say we, What I got her was some nice Peter Alexander pajamas and I got the whole set. So, you know, the summer, the, I guess the shoulder season or you know, autumn and spring and winter, all set, all set for the year. And what I also got her was a personal stylist, a fashion stylist because I looked and she's, she's great with style and everything, but I mean, she's had three kids. When's the last time she, you know, not shopped or, you know, built out a new wardrobe? She still bought clothes and things. But when's the last time? You know, a lot of it's maternity, right? Maternity clothes. When's the last time she actually took time out and just restylized herself and who she wants to be? So I got her this gift and it was a good little surprise. And the beauty behind it was not how I sold it to her. It was just painting this picture of appreciation. Hey, I've got this for you. You're going to spend a day with this woman. She's one of the best in Sydney. You're going to spend a day with her. Four hours going shopping. Here's some cash I've been putting aside for a period of time just to build for this. That's yours. I don't care if none of that cash comes back. You do whatever you want and take that. But I just want to appreciate you for everything you've done for us as a mother and the sacrifice and what you've done in your own identity, your own style. Obviously not working as much because you've been on maternity leave, which means you haven't dressed up like boss lady and felt significant out in society or, you know, had your lady suits and all that sort of. She's a primary teacher but, you know, dressed up in formal wear and all that sort of stuff. I just want you to know we really appreciate you. And whilst I love everything you wear, this is something you might not have had before, which I knew she hadn't, she's done it before without telling me. This is something you haven't had before and I want you to just really experience it. Buy nothing, buy everything, do whatever you want. But this is the lady, I've made the connections here, here's a questionnaire for her and I'll connect both of you. She's going to take you through it and so on and so forth. Can you guys see like when it comes to alignment? Because I did, when it came to alignment, I just peppered around clothes and those sorts of things. Just they're asking questions, general chit chat and sort of built a bit of a memory bank over the last six months of where she's at with her fashion and all that and clothing and, and then investment. Can you guys see the difference between that and going, hey, you know, I'm going to drop the kids off at school, here's some money for our anniversary, go and buy whatever clothes you want. It's crazy, right? And it may look for the surface that I'm controlling maybe her fashion or whatever, but it's not. What I'm doing is I'm controlling the level of significance and fulfillment that I can provide as her husband whilst giving her the freedom to go. This is something directly for her to do for her. And then when she does it, guess what she looks, guess what. And who she looks to and looks at in appreciation when she's wearing those clothes. Gotta tell you man, like I knew it was gonna be like a good one because you know, I've been together so long and gotten a fucking everything. But this was, this was a real home run in, in the way I communicated. It doesn't mean that I'm some sort of magician with magical words. It was just, it was really honest. Hey, you've done this for so long for us, which means you haven't had that. I want to provide that platform for you. So instead of you going through on your own, you're going to get some amazing professional advice where they're going to tie into your style because you've got a great style Korean. They're going to tie into your style and what you love and enjoy and just have someone who can be there. If you want me to come. Absolutely. I probably can't because I need to do school drop offs and pickups because he'd be gone for five hours. But, and it's obviously down in Sydney. If you want me to come, I'm happy to come and I would love to go shopping with you. I can fucking Hear all of you right now. Bullshit Owl. No man loves enjoying shopping with a missus. True, very true. Correct. What I love is the fulfillment she would get or significance she gets from knowing that it's something that I would not want to do and I'd rather be doing something else. But I'm committed to and I'm turning up without her hearing that every five minutes. That's what I meant. Yeah, hey, I'm willing to do that, but I spoke to the fashion stylist and it's probably better that I, that I don't go. Gentlemen, alignment and investment. Why marriages fail. Your wife loves cooking. No worries. Don't go buying a fucking pots and pans. Get her a one to one session with a private chef. That shit's fucking got depth. That's like, hey man, you love cooking. I'm obviously going to get a benefit. I'm not going to lie here. You're going to cook some amazing food. You know what? I want you to be in a position and environment where you get to just enjoy the excitement of new flavors, new recipes, new styles, new standards. One percent, it's fuck all. But you don't know. You don't know what to do if you don't know what they need, what they desire, what they want. The hardest part about this, because you're, you know. Were things always bad before you had kids? Well, if they were, why the fuck do you have children? That's the crazy part, right? It's the chaos of life. We know that. This isn't about blame or judgment on her, on you. It's the chaos and the bullshit of life. The speed of the modern world. Technology, moving parts is always a problem. There's always something. This is why it's hard, men. This is why it's really hard. It was just you and your wife, you know that piece of piss walk in the park you gave her all the time and you still had all the time for yourself. And you were younger, with more energy, healthier, potentially. Doesn't mean you can't be healthy like a couple of our guys are weapons in their 50s. But that's what makes it really hard. Get aligned. Alignment. Where do you want to go in your life as an individual? Whether it's your career or not, where do you want to go and why? What do you need from a husband and wife? What do you need? Or what do we need from our children? And with and for our children, what do we need together as husband and wife? I'm willing to ask you and I want you to share. And I want to share with you. Because people naturally are givers. They really are. Like, people naturally do want to give, but where are you giving from? How empty is your cup? And it's not even about physical effort. If you don't have the mental capacity because you're so fucking cooked or burned out or you're stuck in your own framework or box of your environment, you don't have other people help you get out of your own way. You have no idea about the possibilities or the opportunities that you can explore because you just don't know. It doesn't mean you're ignorant or stupid. You just don't know. You don't have the opportunity, you don't have the time. You don't have the space, the mental capacity. You don't have. Different voices. This podcast can be great. It's simply a podcast. Might hit some home runs, might save a marriage here or there. Fantastic. But what level do you want to go to? Creating alignment and then investment. Alignment and investment. You think it's because of communication, because of connection, because of intimacy, because of energy, because you don't have time. All of that, all of that peels back and they're all true. But all of them are byproducts of how well you are at getting aligned with yourself as a man, with her as a woman, with you both together as husband and wife, man and woman, with both of you together in the dynamics of your household and home. Children, their children, not one, two, seven kids. And then investing in what the needs and desires are that will correlate with reaching the destination of what that alignment is. Awesome. Let's put some time, energy into this. You want to be a woman who's had three kids, you want to get your identity back, and so on and so forth. Fucking fantastic. Clothes are a phenomenal and fantastic way to do it. How do we do it? I'm not just going to buy you things or buy your lingerie and this is that. I'm going to give you some physical gifts. I know you love Peter Alexander. Here's some pajamas. But you know what? How about we take this to the next level? Spoil yourself. Here you go. What can you invest in to directly link up the alignment for them as an individual, for them as your wife. So you get what you need as husband and that changes. Like I said, even things like intimacy, like sex, connecting, being nurtured, nurturing them, their emotions, your facts, your emotions, their facts. Getting facts and feelings together. Everyone's different. You cannot compare. They are all different. I Was with my wife for 11 years, 12 years before we got married. But we're together in high. It's different. It's all different. You know, there are some men who blossomed a bit later when it came to marriage and children. So there are some men well into their 40s that haven't even been with their wife half as long as me in my late 30s. It's all different. You need to find what investment's necessary to get the greatest roi. Not because of laziness and not because of expectation or expectation or assumption of return or rewards. ROI on your significance of the hatch you wear and fulfillment and reward and contribution, but also to them, for them and their life. Then when there's appreciation, even individually in their life, guess what they connect that to? They'll connect the dots. They're not dumb. It's my fucking man, that's my king. And it might not be every day, but there's times when we are close and connected on a deeper level where my wife will call me her king and I will call her my queen. That doesn't mean that we take these and make it some commercialized bullshit where we just rattle it off like the next fucking nickname that means nothing. There's other times when we're very jovial and other times when we're deep. Alignment and investment in you, in me, in we, in they, in them. Everything that matters in our life and they all overlap. What can we do? What do I need to invest in our family so my wife can invest in herself? What can I do to invest in my family so my wife can get aligned with her? What can I do to invest in myself so my children can get the right alignment in their needs? This is what I mean as we wrap this up, men. This is what I mean when I say it's all connected and it all carries over and crosses over. Your investment in your children can directly link up to the alignment with your wife. Something she doesn't have to think about and something she can say no to, which means she can say yes to herself. Because you've taken over the investment in your children to free her. Hands off sometimes the burden of the children. It's all connected. Man, what a fucking crazy game, hey? Crazy game. Have we cracked the code? Well, I think so. I guess so. I mean, I don't know like this. The amount of layers between all of these and how they cross over, carry over, the transitions, the trades, the deals that are made, all of that in between. I mean, it's always varied. There are so Many variables. You'll only be this year once, 2022, once, 2023, once, 2041, once. The year's only going to come once and go. But in terms of the foundations of cracking the code, the fundamentals, absolutely. There are only two things at the core level. Communication, all that other shit. Neglect. That's all a byproduct of these two things that are not being met or invested in. Sorry, investments. One of them. But you are investing in obviously getting alignment too, if you know what I mean. Alignment and investment. Which means on the flip side, here's the positive, here's the hope, here's the change. You invest in alignment, put some energy, time and energy into that and you create a higher quality of investments because you're clear, because you're aligned. You can get a greater return in your marriage as a father, as a man. Man who sits back on his throne and goes, my kingdom, fucking A, we're winning. A greater and higher level of investment doesn't necessarily mean it's going to cook you or burn you or tax you more. It's not just energy. Skill sets. You want more connection inside of your life. Energy plus skills over time. Very simple formula. So why marriages prosper, why marriages can become phenomenal and lifelong and everlasting comes down to your ability to innovate, adapt, change and evolve. And the only way you can do that is by continually and sometimes it doesn't always happen, but aiming to consistently. But continually. It's not just always, yep, let's do this, let's do this. But consistently at a high level. Regaining, realigning, seeking alignment and investing. Investing in the dynamic of what your wife needs at that stage of her life, of her journey, what you need at that stage. Because it's going to be different. Your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s. It's always going to change and be different. So why do marriages prosper? Because they evolve. They continually change. They evolve. How? Alignment, investment. Alignment, investment. Get aligned, reinvest, get aligned, reinvest. And you rinse and repeat. That's how you win. And that's not boring. That's phenomenal. That is a spectacular rarity in today's world. Take care, men. Have an amazing day. Night, weekend, weekday. Whenever you listen to this, and I hope this has served you well in starting to navigate, get clarity, navigate where you currently are to where you need to get to by realigning and then investing the right way. Cheers. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top. Winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this, because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.