2. The 2 Points To Performing

This episode is brought to you by our High Performance Father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode Foreign. Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement Podcast. This is your host, Al and in this episode we are talking about the two points to performing. The two points to performance. The two points to perform. What are we talking about here? Al well, we're talking about ultimately what first and foremost holds every man back from creating the legacy that he decides. Because that's what it is. It's a decision I decide and choose to have this legacy inside of my life to moving forward and creating not only sustainable changes inside of himself, but actually leveraging two of the most important things that drives us as men. These two points which we're going to be going through play a very pivotal role inside of your life. When you look back at previous history, look back at the past, look at your father, look at your upbringing, look at your father's father. Where there are holes missing like there are for all of us, that one's perfect. But where there's big holes missing where one of these points is not nurtured. And like the new age and the children coming through through no fault of their own, they're a byproduct of their environment and lots of different things form their environment, not just you raising them in the household, but obviously their friends, the schooling system, relationships work, different experiences, different traumatic experiences, anything from injury, sports, all of the above that unfortunately for a lot of the new age have also missed and will be missing one of the points. There are two points to performing, two main points and I like to coin the term because it is a term, even though they're two points, logical pathway and emotional Attachment. Emotional attachment. Logical pathway. The order is irrelevant. These are the two points to performing. Let me just break down each one and describe what might be missing inside of your life and what you can do about it to get it back on track in the right direction and trajectory to winning. Or the point of this and the point of these two points. Performing. Because when you are performing and you're creating a higher level of performance, you are seeing achievement, you're seeing an roi. You're building and developing momentum, you're building and developing not only competency because you must be competent to be able to perform, but also courage to keep turning up and taking those steps. And commitment because you need to. Burning the boats. There is no alternative. This is a non negotiable. And then the confidence because guess what, you did it. That's a very powerful thing. The hard part is though, as we start to strip this back is generally more often than not one of these is missing. So let's have a look at emotional attachment. Emotional attachment. Logical pathway. These are the two points. Emotional attachment. This is what I was talking about. Our fathers before us, your father, his father, his father. A lot of the times we find through history, especially with men, that there's been this bottling up, this bottling up and suppression of emotion. Or sometimes there's an outrage or a lashing out of emotion which is distorted or manipulated through self. I mean, of course our kids can drive any of us crazy, but through self, which leads to anger, rage, bitterness, resentment, which can outwardly be pushed towards disappointment for your children, for yourself. I'm talking about the relationship with yourself as well, not just your children and those that you love and care about outside you. This absolutely applies to you. The emotional attachment wasn't there. It wasn't there in a way which brought a level of realigning meaning and purpose. They just got shit done. They just did it because that's what they were there to do. They just went to work and they put food on the towel. They just earned money and, and provided a roof over the head of their family. They just did it. I'm not saying they didn't have feelings or emotions attached, but unfortunately the emotional attachment was few and far between, which brought any level of depth to what they're actually doing. Awesome moments of reflection, to be grateful, be appreciative of that which they have, which is life, an opportunity that we all have right now, which is life, to then leverage that to go well, how can I grow, how can I improve, how can I be more? And it's not that you're not enough. Don't ever forget that. It's not that you're not enough. It's asking the question, well, I'm here now. What is possible? What can I do? What are my options? If you don't have some level of emotional attachment, and trust me, feelings don't rule the day. They can fleet. They'll be your security blanket and then they'll be that blanket that's coiled up and whipping you in the ass very quickly. Which is why feelings can be great, but they can also be traumatic. So they cannot rule the day. Influence us, of course. Teach us. Yes, absolutely. But if you don't find the meaning in something to emotionally attach and ignite that spark, you will fall down, you will fall short, and you'll ultimately feel disappointed. And you'll feel that your internal and external realities don't align. They just don't connect. They can't. It doesn't make sense. It feels like insanity. What I'm feeling on the inside isn't the truth on the outside. Or what I'm feeling inside, I'm not expressing. Then converting into actions and creating a set of facts. I on the outside. Which means what happens on the outside reinforces the inside to either be true, which is not true. Because you can create a shift and adjustment. It's just your feelings. Or to cover and hinder the possibilities of the fulfillment and reward you can have in life by leveraging emotions. The hard part when you have this is breakdown a lot. So many men, so many men breaking down, put up the big tough walls, the big tough exterior and just falling apart behind closed doors. Or when it's all too late. This is what happens when you don't have some sort of equilibrium. I don't like the word balance, but some sort of equilibrium in your feelings and emotions and driving that towards the actions and outcomes you desire. But also expressing that and not expressing it in a bottle up point where it explodes and becomes rage and definitely not suppressing it. So it's never expressed having a continuity. Because as human beings we have rhythms and cycles just like we do as fathers. To be able to connect to life and find the meaning, find the depth, find the purpose of what makes life really worth living. Which then takes us into our second point. Because when you have this just before we hit the second point, when you have this fantastic, you are more driven, you have more purpose, you have more. You have what we like to call more significance in the areas that make the man's life family, self and Service. It's a very powerful thing to have. A bachelor will seldom go out to war for his country or for his countrymen. Whereas a man who's a family man, a father, a husband, he'll fucking fight to the death, man. Make no mistake. Don't you worry about that. Now I'm not judging or pushing down a man who doesn't have a family. But what I'm saying is you have more to fight for, more to live for. For you willing to die for your children? Let me ask you, are you willing to live for them? Because that's where the bulk of their experience comes from. Not just a singular moment of you dying for them, it's the collective of you living and breathing, the embodiment of their environment. Because you're a leader that stands up and shows and has that ripple effects through love and leadership towards your children. You can't have that man if you're not connected. But when you are, game on. You see the world through a different lens. You see the world through a different light, which brings a greater level of purpose and meaning to you. Hard part is though, this can become quickly become a fantasy land where you become delusional in sweeping things under the rug. Not in a suppression way, but also going well, these aren't the adversities. Everything will be okay. Everything's hunky dory and creating some sort of illusion inside of your head or a fantasy of what is true in the external reality. Because you're so driven on a pattern of a higher of emotions and this emotional attachment. But when the truth comes and when the truth presents itself, because the truth always wins, sooner rather than later, you are met at a fork in the road to go well, shit. My internal and my external realities aren't connecting or aligning. Which one do I choose? Because both of those lead to breakdown and none of those lead to alignment. Because if you go down the facts road of the hard truth out there, it destroys your internal world. If you maintain your internal world point of view and dismiss the true facts of life, you will break down and eventually things will catch up and you'll implode. Which is why there's two points to performing in life. One, yes, emotional attachment, but two, secondly, logical pathway. Okay, Al, this is what I want to achieve. This is where I want to go. This is where I want to take my life. What does that look like? What do those steps look like to you? What does it look like when we're deciding what kind of facts, what kind of outcomes we wish to be True. From which the feelings will follow. That's part of our very special method called the force method. We start with feelings. That's an acronym. Feelings, Outcomes, roadblocks, Commitments, evolution. It starts with feelings. Bloody hell. I reckon. I don't know if I could get any quicker at explaining that. And rolling through that acronym. That was pretty quick. You can pause and rewind. Feelings, outcomes, roadblocks, commitments, evolution. Which means we're finding out what's in our way. We're building commitments. Why is it a goal worth chasing its evolution? But let's stick on the foe when we're looking at feelings and outcomes, because we're looking at this going, okay, the feelings will ignite the spark. But what must be true? What are the outcomes that must be true? Okay, well, they are the outcomes that I desire, from which, when I reach those or get very, very close to those, the feelings will also be true. And I'll have alignment. I'll have alignment with my internal and external reality. Things will connect. Planets will align. Not collide, align. And it's an incredibly powerful thing. But that is only half of the puzzle piece, because the logical pathway is exactly that. It's a pathway. The logical pathway starts with the outcome. It connects to the feelings of what you desire. So the logical pathway starts with the outcome, which connects to the emotional attachment to then. Okay, well, what are the facts that need to be true inside of my actions? What does that look like? Okay, there's the target. There's the bullseye. I'm reading and feeling the wind. Now. I've got. I've got to get my bow. I've got to get my arrow. Okay, I've got to put this together. I've got to hold a certain area. I've got to pull back on the bow. I've got to flex. I've got to squeeze my fingers like, I've got to look through down the sights and have a look with my eyes and engage and leverage what it is that the wind is telling me what my senses are telling me. Like, there's a logical pathway, man of many, many, many, many steps. It's not just a here we go. Just do that. Oh, I want to lose 5 kilos. Awesome. Stop eating. It doesn't work that way. It'll yield the result. But when I say work that way, my way, our way, is a sustainable way and one that's true to you, your family, and everyone that you love and care about. Although that example is obviously pretty shorthanded on something as simple as fat loss, weight loss, Wouldn't even be fat. If you do it. Extremely. You definitely lose muscle and fluid as well. But going. All right, well, what does that look like? Two points to performing. Two points to performance. Well, I want to bring. I want to bring to the table a pretty strong performance. What do I do? Well, first you must get aligned with the connection of the outcome and what that means to you. All right, well, this is why I want to hit this. This is why this logical pathway makes sense to me, because I have some emotional investment. Emotionally attached. Cool. So now let's reverse engineer that you're emotionally attached. What do we need to do to make that tr. Not just fantasy land where feelings are ruling the day and then they're crushing you as a nightmare at night? Well, I need to build the steps. Okay, so you've got alignment now of emotionally what. What it is that you want to achieve or how that attaches to what it is that you want to achieve. No worries. Well, that's the outcome. That's a tangible outcome. I can see why there's feelings behind that, which will be true when the outcome is true. Okay. I can see why that's how it's going to move your family forward. Okay, well, what are the steps? Because the keystone to any outcome, any habit, anything that you're building is all the little blocks. The keystone is the big stone. That's the big block in the middle that connects the entirety of the bridge. What are the little pebbles, rocks, and everything that leads up to that center point and then down. What's the A to B look like? And then start charting that. What does that look like? Well, it starts with my mindset. Well, how do I invest in my mindset? Well, it's knowledge, learning, educating yourself, and then investing that into the right actions. What kind of actions do I need to take out? Your environment's going to influence that. All right, so learn something. Immerse myself in the right environment. That means create non negotiables. What are you exposing yourself to? What are you not exposing yourself to? And then taking the right actions. What are the actions that I need to take to follow through on that? I'm nurturing and investing in my mind and I'm learning. So I'm not taking 20 years to do something that could take two. I'm also not cutting corners and taking shortcuts and taking two weeks when I know it's going to take two months to make this first stepping stone of progress. Fantastic. You've got the right environment, so you're not self sabotaging. And having others sabotage you, you're creating the right mindset in building that knowledge and skill, acquisition of learning what is you need to learn with your actions, with your mind. And then you're following through and committing on taking those actions to start to just create binary movements, black and white facts towards what it is that you desire so that you can reflect and go, yes, I did that. Yes, I did what I said I would do. Yes, I followed through and committed. Yes, I've won. Instead of going, yes, I feel better. Look, this is nothing against, you know, life coaches or mindset motivational people, that sort of stuff. I mean, I've had people call me a life coach, say I'm a motivational guru and all this sort of stuff. I appreciate that. I don't, not that I want to go down the bandwagon of I don't identify because that's a Jesus, that's a whole nightmare in itself. But I don't see myself as someone who's purely just a life coach or a motivational speaker. What we're doing is we're connecting the facts and feelings in life to create your ultimate reality which consists of two different realities. What's happening out there in the world and what's happening on the inside of your inner world. That's not just emotions, that's feelings, that's belief systems, that's values, that's perceptions, it's your heart. Like it's what's important to you, it's everything. But we've got to connect that with the outside world for all of them to be true. Which means once we establish the emotional attachment, there must be a logical pathway that follows. Must be, because that's, that's going to remove, that doesn't discriminate against you, that's going to remove any bias towards your feelings that will fuck you up at times when you're not taking caution towards what it is, it's actually true. And what is you're feeding yourself, right? The patterns, the triggers, the internal reality, the little voice inside, the tall popping of yourself, the self sabotage, all the different terms that mean you destroying you. This is why you need to get out of your own way. This is why you need the right environment, the right coaching, the right people to help you break through that glass ceiling so you can take the right actions and move forward. What if it's reverse though, Al? What if I just know I got to hit these markers and get this result? That's great, you've got your logical pathway. But why, why is that important? For you? How is that emotionally going to change your life? How's it going to change how you feel? What's the emotional attachment to that? Or are you just pissing in the wind and wasting time? Why are you pursuing that? Why is that important for you? What does that even look like for you in terms of, okay, you've achieved that. You're standing on top of that mound or that mountain, big or small, okay, reflecting over the time you've invested, the energy invested, both coupled together, you'll never get back. Awesome. What does it even mean to you to achieve that? Because some, like I said before, some of you may be on the edge of, well, I don't show enough emotions, Al. I'm just very black and white. I call a spade a spade. And I always say when someone says that, what are you talking about, a shovel? Are you talking about the deck of cards? Is that funny? The irony in saying I call a spade a spade is, you know, it's completely contradicting the actual point behind people saying that. Because there are two different things, there's probably more, who knows? So you're talking about David Spade, the old comedian. So when we're looking at this, the old bulls, the old guard, they had no emotional attachment, or they didn't have one that they continuously or consistently expressed. This isn't about powwows or kumbayas and crying on shoulders, and I've got nothing wrong with all of those. I'm just saying this isn't just segmenting this into, okay, just gotta show emotion. We just gotta shed a tear. It's actually connecting depth and meaning towards your life, life's pursuits, and why you're here. And then on the flip side, like I said with the new age, they haven't earned the right to play yet. They're too emotionally driven. But they don't have any logical pathway. So they're sporadic, erratic, frantic, chaos. They're stuck in the whirlwind of life because they can't lock down anything solid. Their life turns to shit. They've got no stability inside of their life to then have a viewpoint of going, well, this is who I am. This is where I stand, and this is what I stand for. They're falling for everything. And that's the pitfall when you go the other way and all you have is emotional attachments without any logical pathway, any grit, any hunger to get out there and work hard and get it done. Let me be clear here. It's work harder and smarter. Not one or the other. You don't Work smarter, not harder. You don't work harder. Not smart. You need both. Always. Doesn't matter how smart you are, you will always need both. Doesn't mean you always have to apply both, but you always need both throughout your life. That will be your rod and staff, man, when it comes to your work ethic, your values, your integrity, everything that you follow through on and commit to. Otherwise, you are spineless. You don't have the courage. You don't have the commitment. You're too emotionally driven and you're stuck in fantasy land. You may as well play computer games and then just live in that world and then just go to sleep and then wake up and play in that world again. This is how we win. These are the two points to performing both in your internal reality and out there in the real world. Both are real. So when I say real world, I'm using context of what you'll attach to and gonna. Al is talking about everything outside of himself. Your physical environment, the external reality that connects to us. They are two sides of the same coin. You need both. Both are important. Feelings are great. But then when crashing truths come down on you, those feelings will turn on you like nothing else. They'll turn on you like the worst friend backstabber that you've ever had. And it hurts more. Why? Because it's you. It's you on you. And you can't do that, man, and expect to win or move forward in life, or be a great father and build and leave a legacy for your children if you're continuously tall, popping yourself and self sabotaging and letting the little voice rule the day. I hope this episode serves you well. Two points to performing emotional attachment. Logical pathway. The order is irrelevant, but what is most relevant is you must apply both of those. And when you do, I promise you, mate, you'll be moving in the right direction. You'll be moving forward. And you'll almost certainly more often than not win. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top. Winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about. Thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.