20. Does "The Same" Ever Exist??

Oh, yes, there was certainly some growth going on, that's for sure. I was growing. Lots of growing. If you're not growing, you're dying. That's absolutely true. And that is the name of today's episode. Problem was, though, I was growing in the wrong direction. Growing the wrong way. Oh, man, did I have a love for food. What's changed? Hey, what's changed? Should have put a lock on the pantry door, mom and dad. I'll tell you that much. Welcome to another. What are we missing? We're missing a dad joke. Dad joke to open up team. Let's get into it. What have we got? What have we got? What have we got? Why did the coffee. Here we go. Why did the coffee file a police report? Drum roll. Because it got mugged. Don't have an accident if you're driving while you listen to this, please. It wasn't that good. It was pretty good. I don't know. I drink coffee. Welcome, boys and girls, to another episode of the Real Dad Movement podcast. This is Big Al, Big Red shooting a video today. Sometimes I can get the videos in, sometimes I can't. Today there will be a video available. Absolutely. On YouTube in which you can look into my eyes while I'm talking to my. Talking the talk. If not using the podcast technology, that's also fine. I give you permission for that and enjoy it. Listening to my soft, sweet voice that Richard Mercer always wanted to be mix 106.5 love song dedication but he just couldn't quite get there. Reminds me of younger me, old Richo, even though he's technically actually older than me in this lifetime. Anyway, welcome everyone and thank you for your love and support. I do always appreciate the messages and whatnot when it comes to, well, delivering value some way shape or form to and for you. Because that's what I love doing and I won't stop doing that. And here we are. It has been a little while since I've done an episode. I think maybe a week, week and a bit. Trying to bang out to a week, get back into that zone. There've just been other priorities. So I'll be honest and open and honest. I won't say I haven't got enough time. I've always got time. I just haven't prioritized the time. So I apologize. You are all important to me. Let's talk about growth. Growth, growth, growth, growth. It's really funny. I had a question the other day from one of the coaches at my gym, Zoe. Ms. Steedman. Not sure if she listens or not, actually. Well, if she does, she's been name dropped now. And she asked me a really good question talking about growth in this episode that I was going to do. And she said, do you feel or do you think that you need to have continual growth to be happy? That's right. That's what the question was. I thought about it and my initial reaction was yes. And then I started thinking again. And, you know, it's not to sit on the fence, but it's where do you stand on happiness? What does happiness mean to you? If she had asked me, and they're almost the same, but I feel they're different. But if she had asked me, do you feel you need continual growth to have fulfillment in your life? Well, when it comes to reaching whatever you think you can reach, knowing full well maybe you'll never get there, my answer is absolutely yes. Because you can be happy without fulfillment. Absolutely. Heard the saying ignorance is bliss and whatnot. Those are things that can really put you in a position where, yeah, I don't really want to push in my life. I'm happy, I don't need to be any better. I don't need to do any more. For sure. Absolutely. But in terms of fulfillment, well, this is what I said and this is what I said to Zoe. And it was interesting because we went, I wouldn't say back and forth. We're having good discussion about it because obviously we recognize that there needs to be down moments. There needs to be times where you feel like you've had to take a step back or regressed or pulled back or gotten worse, so to speak. And it's funny because when I look at that, I'm like, yes, that's a necessity of life. But how could you ever be happy or have complete fulfillment in your life if you can't answer yes to this question? And the question is this. Any moment that you feel you're in your life, guys, and you're sitting there and everything's swimmingly going well, and that's, that's rarely for a lot of us, myself included, there's always something going on. But anytime when you're faced with that, where you're like, man, everything's just sort of humming along, and that goes for an extended period of time and that becomes your life. Grow up, go to school, get an education, whatever you do, have kids, have a car, have a house, go on holidays, all the things, volunteer, pay your dues, contribute to society, all that sort of stuff, at some stage you're going to sit back and You've had enough moments in that present moment, being that version of yourself. If you ask yourself truly and deeply, am I doing all I can do in this life? Can I be better? Can I do more? If you ask yourself those questions, I don't know if anyone could ever really say yes truthfully, because that's what life is. It's. It's truly a journey in which we're continually moving in a particular direction. Happy or not, you can draw happiness and fulfillment from where you're at. And the struggles, like my hardships, man, they are the best thing that have ever happened to me. And it's never easy at the time. And I'd never say that at the time, and I still don't say that at the time. But there's a gift. There truly is a gift and a message and some form of meaning or purpose in all that we face, good and bad. Now, when you ask yourself that question, have I done enough? Am I doing enough? Can I be more? That's the big one for me. Can I be more? We can. And that's the thing with happiness, fulfillment, growth, expanding or contracting. You truly are either in a state of expansion or contraction. Life will never be complete. Expansion, where you're just growing, growing, growing, growing, growing in one particular moment, ebbs and flows, just like everything else. Rhythm and cycle, rhythms and cycles, just like life. I mean, that is what life is. So when you feel like you're in that sweet spot and you've done all you can, ask yourself that question, like, can I be more? And the answer for all of us is yes. If we don't look outside our own limiting beliefs, more often than not through ego, more often than not protecting us from stepping into a state of discomfort or challenging ourselves, of course the answer is going to be yes. You can do more, you can be more. We all can be more. And you know what it makes me remember and realize back when I was younger. Actually, plenty of times look at the moments in your life when you're least happy. And this is another way to spin it. Have a look at the periods in your life when you're not happy at all, or least happy or dissatisfied with your circumstances, it's because you're not growing. Like when I was young, I was a superstar with soccer. Started when I was three. So when I was six, I was a giant and I played for three years. I destroyed everyone dad records. I used to just go and kick 10, 12 goals and then go back and goalie and give the other kids a go. I tell you what? That sounds like an absolute legend. I'd love to meet that kid. And I have vivid memories. I do. And then other times, I have sort of little memories, but I do remember crushing it for the most part. In my early years in soccer, played cricket as well. But I started to become overweight and fat, lethargic, slow. Just loved food so much. I was a glutton. Like, two, three inches of cordial and water was an afterthought. You know, go to McDonald's and I'd have to close the store down. And true story, true story. That happened once I hit three McDonald's. So that was known as the Black Mac Day where. Shit. But honestly, when I walked in, they probably thought that. But, you know, it's funny, when I look at that state, that state where I was really depressed, I wasn't happy. And look, I had moments of happiness. Happiness is a feeling. And I had those, of course, more often than not when I was eating, had a loving home and whatnot. But I truly found that I wasn't growing the right way. I was growing around the midline. And because that was happening, I wasn't happy. I was retracting. I was getting worse at sport. I was getting less and less happier, less and less healthier. Getting into the age, heading into 11, 12, 13, where there's girls, and I think about those sorts of things and the opposite sex, and there's that attraction, the hormones start going, going through puberty, all those sorts of things. And I wasn't happy. And I changed that, and I started to grow. I cut out the cordial, I cut out the crap food. I started exercising more. I started doing weights from 13 up, and it still took years. It's hard. It takes time to create some big changes in your life. It was a big change in my life, and, you know, it was a really fulfilling moment when I finally hit over 9.5 on the BEEP test at school. I was 16 in year 10. And the moment that became clear that I was growing and starting to take control of my life was when I remember Josh. A mate of mine, Josh Ball, he came over. He was like, man, you did awesome. That beep test. I think I come, like, fifth in the class or fourth in the class. He's like, but, yeah, he's like, those other girls over there were talking about you, and that's what got me, man. That was the trigger. I was like, what? What are you talking about? He's like, yeah. They're like, look at. Look at Big Red. You know, he's starting to get fit and strong, turning his muscle into fat and saying all this sort of stuff. And I mean, obviously fat's an energy source and muscles living tissue, so physiologically not happening. But that was how it looked. And I was like, yeah, man, that's awesome. I loved it. And I started to get that attention and that that was the trap that I did fall into, that sort of validation. But at the same time, that was only a small part. Having to be the footy superstar, filling that void in my life of having to be an elite crossfitter because my career was destroyed from footy and all these things, in that sort of external primal power in moving forward and showing the world what I can do, what this little fat boy could now do. But that was just as equally matched with an internal, deep, fulfilled desire in bettering myself. And that's what I love. Growing, growing, growing, growing. It's so important. It really opens your eyes to what's possible. It morphs you into who you can become. And that's what I was starting to become. And it took years. I started to get overweight When I was 8, about 8 years old and 16 started to turn that corner a bit more. And like I said that moment in school, I still remember doing the beep test in the hall and yeah, I was getting raps from some of the fellows and a couple of the girls were complimenting me on. I was getting fitter and losing weight and whatnot. And I was expanding, I was growing, I was stretching and it wasn't easy, it wasn't comfortable. Did I give up cordial cold turkey? Of course not. I went back and drank cordial. I just had an inch instead of two inches. Did I give up McDonald's? No. I went back a month later and ate some. Did I go run around the park every single day? No. There were periods I couldn't be bothered and I just played computer games. But I just stuck to my guns and I wanted to grow. I wanted to expand again with footy. I wasn't happy and I was having injury after injury, operation after operation. I wasn't making any money. I was getting famous and well known. The big man, the big dog. All these different reasons, as well as other good reasons too, that I was trying to make it in the world of elite sport. And I wasn't growing, I was falling apart. What did I do? Went into a place of discomfort, Started a business with a mate. Didn't know what I was doing, obviously. I've been pting since I was 17 and done some on the side. So I've been a PT for nearly 10 years at that time. But like man, owning a gym's got nothing to do with personal training, business and systems and people management, all different things. And I was uncomfortable. It was great. I was stretched to grow. And it was a great challenge in my life and I started to shift again. That psychology. And it's funny, when I look at my life, the one thing that I do for most of those around me who are influencers, stick around and stick near me, especially the dads in idm, is I help them believe. I help people truly believe in their life, what's possible. Instead of settling for the norm and the current circumstances, what they've accepted to just be their life. It is what it is. It's just that way. That's a powerful thing. And it's not about motivation, inspiration, that's great, but that's borrowed certainty. It's just temporary. It can be fleeting at times. You can't just call on that all the time. It's literally shifting that state to have that inner desire, that inner fire, to want to get after it, to want to improve, to want to be better. Now growth is a result of that, not motivation. A motivation to XYZ and then you don't growth expanding who you are comes from that belief and it's a powerful thing. And I started to believe because footy destroyed it, man. I mean, let's be honest, look, I had nine operations over six years. I mean a lot of you probably heard it like had to sell my house and you know, I was living in Liverpool for a period of time, getting electrocuted by the shower head there. And there was some sort of alfoil concoction or construction in the corner of where Sharkey and I were living. And the grass was up to my shoulders and I couldn't even see Ruby in the grass and my dog at the time, Jack Russell in the backyard and is stinky, dirty, horrible, horrible, you know, and ah, look, there's people who've got it better, there's people who got it worse. Not whinging about it, but it's just pretty crazy some of those things that happened and forcing myself to be uncomfortable, forcing myself to stretch and expand who I am led to that growth. And it was opening the gym and then I started to do CrossFit, become this elite CrossFit athlete and so on and so forth. But I knew that was still on borrowed time because there's going to be a period sooner or later where I'VE been an elite athlete for, I think, 13 to 14 years at the time. And I wasn't growing anymore. I wasn't creating the impact I wanted to. And same with the gyms. Same with Raw Commando. I love that gym and the members there. We've got such a good core group of members. But again, when you put yourself in a position in a state of growth, you can see what's possible. It doesn't mean you're going to go ahead and win or tick the box and you're just going to have it all handed to you on a platter. It's the exact opposite. But that's why you break free and break through. That's why I'm doing what I'm doing right now. I love what I'm doing. I don't call it work. I'm never going to retire. What does that even mean? You're going to stop? And then what? Do nothing? For how long? For the rest of your days and then on your deathbed, jeez, I'm glad I retired and did nothing for the last 15 years of my life. Like, come on, man doesn't exist. You've been conditioned to believe that. Guys, don't fall back on that. Life is a journey of fluidity and continual motion. Forward and back, up and down, around and around. And more often than not, if you continue to challenge yourself and who you are and what's important to you, then you will grow. And what's important to me, Bettering my best, being the best I can be. And then that being my new baseline. So what's important to me? Growth, as it should be for all of us. Expanding. We truly don't realize what are we up to. It's start of August, five months until 2020. Do you remember when you were younger visualizing or people or TV shows talking about 2020, space age? It's a crazy number. And the world is certainly shifting and changing, heading into a jet age where everything's hyperspeed. And you look at this and that's what life is. It's hyperspeed. It is like light speed, truly in motion. And there's snippets of your life, but sooner rather than later. The present moment, which is now, and the last breath you'll take, which will also be in a present moment. That now, one day they'll be the same nows. You don't know when that's coming either. So I want you guys to really reflect as we start to wrap this up. Talking about growth and expanding, contracting, Ask yourself this Question, can I do more? Can I be better? Look yourself in the eye. Look in the mirror. Doesn't have to be as soon as you wake up, do it right now. If you're close enough, look in the mirror and look at yourself. Just stare into your eyes for a while. Look into your eyes and ask yourself, if this was my last day on Earth, would I be doing what I'm doing right now? Knowing full well, when I add value to the world, myself and my family, it gives me another day. This is my last day. I'm going to an island to kick back and go on the beach. Like truly, are you being the most effective you can be, Knowing full well this probably isn't. Chances are, hopefully for those listening, this isn't your last day here on Earth. You've got more value and you are a gift that you need to add to the world. But ask yourself that question. Look yourself in the eye. Like when I look at myself right in the eyes there. Say that like you know something. Like the old boy said, which I do. Like it stuck with me. Like, live each day as if it would see last and one day you'll be right. And this isn't a sad or a down or a deep thing, guys. Like, because when that moment comes, it's not your problem anymore. You're off onto the next adventure. It's an opportunity for us to reflect and look at the gift that is life and who we can be and who we can expand to become. And I won't stop. I'll never stop growing. And what does that look like? It's you. It's whatever you want to be. That's why I don't live like the big wigs and the gurus with all their absolutes. It's whatever it means to you in your life. What is happiness to you if happiness to you is not growing and settling? Awesome, mate. Good for you. But the beauty and the magic isn't in the movement or lack thereof. The magic isn't in you being happy with whatever it is you want. You know where the magic is, guys. Asking yourself the question and questioning yourself, questioning your truths. Are they. How do they come to form? Are these absolutes? Are these my truths? Or did someone else give them to me? Are they my parents? Have I been conditioned this way? Is it the education system? My workplace? My social networking, My groups? My partner? What is real to you? What is your reality? And that's where I truly stand by. Perception creates reality. It does. I remember having an engaged discussion with someone on social media. Who is a psychologist. Nothing against psychologists if there is one listening. But Jesus. For all academics. This goes for all academics. At face value. Means nothing to me. I don't care how long you've been in university. Means absolutely nothing at face value. Of course we can build rapport and connection, but it's like looking at all the sports stars and superheroes. Like, why? Because someone else gave you a belief system that you need to hail them? Doesn't mean anything to me. Yeah, on your merits. It's on our rapport, our connection, our relationship. And she was absolute. No, perception doesn't create reality. This, this, this and that. And it was interesting to see that and see that that was a limited view form that someone had taken in creating an absolute in their life. Now, don't get me wrong, there's universal truths. I will speak about them one day in an episode. But they're universal truths that apply in a way in which you can all adopt them or you can choose to ignore them. The choice is always yours and it always will be. So ask yourself the question that's the magic. Guys, wrapping up today. I really appreciate your time as always. Don't Forget Sunday night, 8:30pm live. Facebook's jumping in, hitting some cool topics. I do it every week now for you guys. Anything you ever need. Alexealdadmovement.com hit me up. But let's finish with that. Look yourself in the eye, in the mirror and ask yourself the important questions. Am I living my truth? Am I challenging myself to be better? Can I be better? Can I do more? Can I be more? The circles of significance, the three things that control and affect your life. Family, self and service. Am I being the gift to the world I know it can be? Am I being the gift to myself? And more often than not, I'm not going to say they're lies. But more often than not, if you ask all those questions and you settled and you don't change or expand who you are in life, but all those questions are answered with yes, I am as much as I can be, or I'm doing everything I can and whatnot, maybe have a look a little bit deeper and ask that question again. Because when life is the best it's ever been, when you are doing the most you've ever done, when you are the best person you've ever, ever been, have a listen to what you've just said. It's the best you've ever been right up until this point. It is the greatest that you have been up until now, relative to every other thing that's happened in your life. So what does that mean? You don't know what's next. You don't know what's to come. You don't know what your best really is. It's just your best up until now. You've just got a new baseline, man. Have an awesome afternoon, evening, day, night, weekend, year, month, decade. If you don't listen for the next 10 years, I've enjoyed doing this. As always, team and take care if I don't see you. Good afternoon, good evening, and good night. And that, my friends, is the way the cookie crumbles. Because there will always be an afternoon, evening and night in your world. When you're moving forward, you're going to bloody kick ass and feel better for it. Don't watch tv. Don't listen to the radio or the news. It's okay to have downtime, but please do something. Do something. Be active, be proactive. Be your greatest version. Love you guys. Take care. Cheers.