200. Mrs Ranieri

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. This is definitely going to be interesting. A very interesting episode. I'm already getting. I'm already getting roasted. I was about to ask. So I've got my wife joining me.

Hi.

No, I highly doubt any punches will be pulled, that's for sure. But not sure of the name of this episode. Call it the missus.

Moments with the missus.

Shit. What a time to be alive. Here we are, gentlemen. A very special episode where I wanted to bring my wife on board and run through her perspective, her point of view on a lot of things. We've only ever had one other female guest, Kat, Katrina, which Corinne knows. Great lady. Great episode. What women want. I think it was 186, but I think this is a long time coming as well. Where I wanted to just chew the fat, have a.

Who's fat?

Have a chat. Wow.

Okay.

Argue a bit of gristle on a steak or doesn't have to be the fat on a person.

Is this an intervention? What's happening?

Gather. Gather around. Get some people around and just find someone and find a bit of fat and start nibbling on it. Bloody hell, man. So what I was gonna. I was gonna lead him by saying, Corinne, what's the most amazing thing about me?

And I don't know if anyone wants to listen to that top conversation.

Oh, shit. This is. This could be turning into a dangerous roast very quickly. Roasting at my expense.

As long as I don't have to cook, I'm happy.

You see what I have to put up with men. This is why. This is why I go to work and do the podcast. They're dad jokes. You gotta. You gotta save them for us. I would have said a joke. You're laughing. Giggling is gonna go out with. I think we're nearly at a hundred thousand downloads, which is cool. And you're stealing our jokes. Sorry, you're stealing our jokes.

He actually gets all his material from me. The good ones, not the bad ones, obviously. They're clearly dad jokes.

Oh, there are no bad ones. We're talking about dad jokes. So let's dive into this episode. I've got not much of an idea of where it's going to flow. I guess I'd love to start by. I mean, look, the guys out there don't really need to know about the teenage Alex. And I mean, we just. For some of you, if you've listened to enough episodes, you probably would have heard it through various episodes. I've been with Corinne since high school and like everyone. Plenty. Plenty of ups and downs. Way more ups than downs. It was a true blessing. And we actually met over food. We did. So I didn't share those sorts of details where Crin already had a boyfriend at the time. I think she was 15 years of age. And we met in the room with us serving pizza. Is that right?

Pizza party.

Pizza party.

The rage back in the.

Yeah, the rage. Yeah. Pizza Hut party. And we met there and. And when I saw this woman hooking into a slice of pizza better than I could, I thought, fucking hell, that's the one, man. How could you say no? And then I think my angle is actually arm wrestling. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Challenged. I was very strong at that style. I've always been strong since I lifted weights. But at that stage, I've been training for a few years and was known for arm wrestling in school. And we had an arm wrestle and. Did you beat me? I think you might have beat. I think I beat you.

But obviously my ego was pretty big, so I was not going to back down from a huge muscly guy wanting to take on my arm wrestling technique. I think I used my head possibly as well to push it down.

Yeah, it was on a garbage bin.

It was really classy.

That's good. Here we are.

So romantic.

Yeah, that's me to a tea. Being half Italian. That's how you do it. Arm wrestle. Chicks eating pizza on bins at parties.

Tell the kids that Tommy's a princess, Daddy's a prince.

Don't. Yeah, kids, don't listen to this episode. So I want to dive in. And. And I think there was a lot of value out of the episode with Katrina. So I'd love to get a woman's perspective. Like all the interviews, I'll, you know, I ask questions and we'll guide and steer this wherever it goes. But the point of these episodes, guys, is to give you as much value as possible. I think it's. I don't know how a lot of you hold me inside of your head or in your eyes. You know, obviously it's a bit different for those who are members on the inside and who work closely with me, but I'm also not going to be someone who says. Who counters saying, you shouldn't put me on a pedestal with. You should put me on a pedestal with. I'm just an average, everyday bl. I'm not. I busted my ass, man. I worked so fucking hard to try and improve who I was as a man. The breakdown in. In our marriage nearly five years ago now and all the hardships and a lot of look in the mirrors that I had to do and a lot of different challenges. You know, I feel blessed that I had the support of my wife, Corinne, and I feel like it's. It's something that I am very proud of. So whilst a lot of the times when we talk, and I know Corinne, you obviously haven't listened to 199 podcast episodes, but when I talk, I'm pretty transparent, pretty down to earth and laid back a lot of the time. But. But I'm very proud of how hard I've worked, how hard you've worked, what we do, how hard marriage is the game of marriage, the game of life, of parenthood. So I'm very proud of all those elements. But at the same time, I like to really make sure that I'm transparent with you guys listening to this and open up parts of my life and my world. There are parts of my life and my world that are private too. You know, we're going to do. What was that show called? Hackers are Ridiculous. Cribs. That's right. On mtv. Let's get a filming crew into our house and look at. At how I make breakfast or how Corinne makes breakfast. It's not about that. There are parts. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's the short answer.

If you look on Cribs, it would be called chaos.

Yeah, exactly. So it's not about so much just opening up the door to every part of my life, but I think there's. There's good value in here, in. In how Corinne and I will have a podcast session together and just Sharing her point of view, her insights, getting some of her pieces of advice when it comes to women, the opposite sex, sex, the trials, the tribulations, what to look for, how to help guide and support your wife, how to ask as well. Like, there are times when, plenty of times that men drop the ball and plenty of times when women drop the ball. Okay, well, what's the best way to help them identify that? When they either procrastinate or don't make decisions or hesitate, or they put walls up. And that's something that Corinne's pretty open with as well. You know, none of us are perfect or ever claim to be. So I think it'll be a powerful episode in that respect. But I guess I'd love to start with you, with yourself, hun, and talking about what you see to be the biggest challenge in the. And we'll dive into some of our stuff. You know, like we worked hard for, you know, for our first two children was really challenging. The ivf. We'll definitely touch on those points. But what do you see in the modern world as being the biggest challenge with parenthood and with marriages? We'll start, we might start with, with, with parenthood in the modern world. Like, what do you see as being the hardest, hardest thing in the modern world when it comes to, you know, being a parent and trying to raise children successfully?

Oh, that's a good question. I think generally for me, what I see being, you know, the most challenging part in the modern world for parents is probably creating time with each of your children one on one, and being present with that child. I know we've got three kids. I know people have more than us or have less than us, but I find it in their everyday life, it really difficult to manage that time. And you'll know at the moment I'm having challenges with one of our children. She's not loving me as much as she normally does. And I, and I think, you know, we're so overwhelmed with work, with socializing, with, you know, the family, extended family, all those little parts in your life that when you peel it back, it's really hard to keep up with. Oh, did I spend time with that child today and just be present with that child? You know, it might have only been 10 minutes, you know, it might be an hour. Like, I take Stella to netball on a Saturday morning. That's our time together. I'm her coach, I umpire. You know, I'm heavily involved in that with her. But then I come home and I'm so exhausted. I'm like Have I given that to the other children? Have I given that to my husband? I find that balance is, is really challenging. I think also, I guess the influence of other people's parents on their children and how that impacts on our children, that's something that I'm always quite wary of. You know, if our children have become friends with children whose parents are not attentive, that put them on technology all the time. And, you know, hey, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with putting them on technology because sometimes you need that, you know, five minutes to get through a wait at a medical appointment or something like that. But I just, I do wonder how that is going to impact my child, who. We limit that, we limit technology, limit game time, all that kind of stuff. But if their friends are heavily into it and their social scene is heavily into that, it can cause conflict within the home because we're not allowing them to do that and they're feeling, you know, socially left out by their peers. Yeah, I don't know if I even answered your question, to be honest.

Yeah, well, you know, guys, welcome to my marriage. I asked the question. Get something completely, completely different. Now, that was perfect. I mean, I.

What was even. The question.

Was, what do you thought? What do you. No, you answered it great. I, I believe you did. I mean, you know, I'm just saying that because for those of you who can't see this Crin's had a mild.

Seizure halfway through that.

No, no, not that. It's out of, it's out of fear. I don't know why you keep polishing that machete. And it's very close to me. It's very, very close. So please, it's. We're not, we're not chopping down any trees tonight, so you can put, put the knife down now. Look, it was. I love how we laugh and then we'll turn it off and then I'll hop in a bed. I'll just get shanked. And that's why we've got two kidneys, man. Now, look, it's, it was perfectly answered. The question was, what do you think's the biggest challenge in modern day parenting? And I think you're right. It's, it's, it's being present. And I haven't thought about the other one as much because our kids aren't that old. Your Kryn's background is primary teaching, so, I mean, you would have seen a shitload of this. Obviously, you're a great teacher and very aware and great at what you do, so you would have seen the effects of looking at different children and not from a judgment point of view. I understand it's a professional thing, it's a professional career in what you're doing, educating and guiding children. But you can't help but observe and see whether it's at school or not. Even relatives, different relatives, that when you look at certain children, you know that their actions, their behaviors are a byproduct of what they're exposed to, what they're seeing, what they're allowed to see. We've got Stella doing different dances, sometimes talking about different artists that she wants to listen to. And I'm like, where the fuck did she get this from? And then all of a sudden we want to watch YouTube. I'm like, why is my 5 year old know what YouTube is? And it's not that I'm judging or blaming parents, but I tell you what, men like, you guys have listened to enough podcasts and it's not that this is going to be any more or any less extreme than some of my other ones, probably a few less swear words, you know, but really, if parents have piss poor behavior or they're not being present or turning up for their children, whatnot, that is what it is. It's piss poor behavior. You're not turning up for your children not being present, you're letting them down. Which means whether it's the demographic based or not, schooling or not, our children in different environments they're exposed to that we no longer either have eyes on or have control over or influence over. Because it could be schooling or friendship groups or going down as they get older to clubs or other night scenes. Like, shit, man. Like these kids are getting influence from other kids with some of the stuff that's on Pinocchio's island that they've never even seen before. So all of a sudden there is an attraction because they want to fit in all these peer pressure. I better do this. Well, this is cool. Or I can't believe my parents never showed me this. And all of a sud. It's like, well, are we protecting them? Like, did we protect them too much? Did we not talk to them? You know, we don't have alcohol. You don't need it. Like, you guys know where I stand on that. I don't think you need alcohol at all. But all of a sudden is there going to be resentment? Because I never let Stella, not that I never let her try any, but I never had that experience with her. So when she gets it from her friends, it becomes exciting and Attractive to her because it's a different feeling.

And look, I'll take that one for the team and I'll have that experience with her. I'll happily have a glass of wine. Look, I'll do, I'll. Look, I'll, I'll take that on.

Telling you, Passion pop, eight bucks a bottle, man. Can't go wrong. Best Saturday night you'll ever have. Worst Sunday morning. But yeah, no. So I agree. You know, being a parent in the modern world, very hard to create time, hard to be present. And there is a bit of a challenging point when it comes to, you know, we don't want to put our children in a bubble, but obviously not concern, but a challenge in navigating the ever changing landscape that our children are because they're exposed and engaged and interact with other children. What are those other children been through, their upbringing, how do they carry themselves? What are their belief systems that challenges us through challenging the children and what we've raised them with and so on and so forth. So that was a great answer. I completely agree. I also think one of the biggest challenges in the modern day world is you lose your identity.

Oh, absolutely.

Yeah. You feel like you've lost your identity.

And I look back, what, in becoming a parent.

Yeah. And in parenting in general, it's like you do lose this sense of paint the bigger picture. Who am I? But the smaller pictures on the daily. What am I actually going to do for me, what do I want to do? What am I going to enjoy? And this is the stuff I spoke to our members about the last couple of coaching sessions on our Sunday charge up about just going to bed earlier. I get it, though. Like, it's hard because you've been up for 16 hours. The 16th to the 17th hour, it is so much more diminishing. And when it comes to taking into the next day, it crushes you. So going to bed at 11 and waking up at 7 is not the same as going to bed at 10 and waking up at 6. It's way worse because that extra hour you're staying up, you shouldn't be. But I get it, man. It's hard because that's the only time when we get our independence back. Or say me and Krin could watch a movie or you get some freedom back. And all of a sudden between depending on when the kids go to bed, as I've gone to bed, we're recording this at nighttime and in our camp chairs, camp chair chats, hence the microphone. Everything wasn't working earlier today, unfortunately. But you know, it's pretty crazy when we look at it. It's like, well, you know what, it's eight o', clock, our kids are going to bed. Good tonight, thank God. Let's just stay up for two and a half hours and do whatever we want. And you feel like you got that rebellious. I know you guys all have that and you've got that rebellious part of you that just wants to get up and get out and about or you know, watch TV or do something else. And it's that sense of identity. I think Corinne is something that's really challenging is that, I mean these challenges, are they not the. Well, before we go into marriage, the being present, we're talking about the challenges. Creating time, being parent present, other parents, influences. Well, let's break, let's break these down. When it comes to creating time and being present, those two, what is the answer? Like, I love seeing the arts and crafts and the stuff you do for the kids. You got such a creative mind just sitting here in the home office and garage. I can see some, some other arts and crafts just around with the, with the kids and it's awesome. Like that is so good because I think, I think for a lot of us fellas, because we're not wide, we have creativity in it, in us, but we're not wired so much that way. It could be hard to, to implement. But is that not the gateway to being present? Creativity, like, you know, it's awesome.

Nothing I love more than like the day I came home and you had turned a box into an animal hospital with the girls and they were using it to treat their sick puppies and stuff like that, just out of a box. And it brings back my childhood when, you know, I get home from school on a Friday, I might be like in year one and you know, mum had saved all the recycling for me to build something. And I would spend Friday night building something for my toys and I'd have the whole weekend to play with it. And you know, it's just, it was just a different way of life back then. There was less technology. I felt like we're at a slower pace and when we take that time and I look back to when we were in lockdown, there were so many times where we as a family did crafts and we built things and now that we're not in lockdown and we're back to swimming lessons and we're back to sport and we're doing the school drop offs and work and everything super fast, there's a lot of on the social Scenes, even just with the kids with birthday parties. I feel like now we need to have more moments of, okay, here's all this random stuff.

Go.

Let's do use our imaginations. Let's build something. Let's have fun together. And the kids do need the adult. Like ours are young. They need the adult to lead that. You know, if your kids are older, you can just set a task up and be like, okay, great, this is the problem. Let's do something. Let's build it. I'll help you, you create it. Go. And I feel like we do lack that when we're on that, on that merry go round where things are really fast paced. And I do think one benefit of being in lockdown, you know, there's not many, but would probably be that slow pace and having to be creative to entertain the kids with something different because, you know, they get bored of the other stuff really easily.

It was a phenomenal hospital too, mind you. Three cats, two wombats and one kangaroo was saved. Okay, question. You love her so much, why did you yell and get angry? Because there was mess everywhere.

That's the other thing that we can come up with later when we talk about marriage.

It's a very delicate dance this session, fellas. Please understand, I can't help myself at times and not by any means that we're in the middle of a mating ritual. But I do feel like the praying mantis, where the head could get bitten off.

Absolutely it could.

I'll be gentle or you be gentle, please. Look, I think you hit the nail on the head when you spoke about speed. Because I wrote, I like when we do interviews or guests. I do like making points just so I can stay focused too. But you know what? Being present is really a byproduct of doing things slowly. Like you said, with creativity, you've got plenty of time. Like, it doesn't mean you don't go do adventure racing or other things. There are plenty of different adrenaline rushes that you can have with your children. There'll be plenty of those that you can do maybe when they're older as well, that becomes maybe more exciting or more abundant, more of a thrill. Awesome. But doing things slowly in such a merry go round type world, as you said, where things go round and round and fast and fastens, that's what's going to help you be present. And a lot of the times, whether what you're doing is creative or there's creativity involved, somewhere along the chain has to be. You're either having a creative thought, you're at work. Okay, awesome. You've sat down. You're going to have. It's 2:30 in the afternoon or I'm going to take a 15 minute break. I've been slogging my guts out all day in that 15 minute break. I'm going to plan what I'm going to do. I'm going to go home a little bit early today. What's something I can do for the kids there? You're exercising your creative powers. Even if what you do isn't that creative. There's a level of creativity somewhere along the line and with that, can't stress this enough guys. With that comes presence and being present. And that was really cool that vet. And look, I'm. Yeah, you know, I like critter laugh because Roman's definitely this way inclined being a Virgo. He's a perfectionist. But I like doing things. If we're gonna make Korean cupcakes or make pancakes or do something nice for like anything involved with cooking and learning comes up, I want to do it. And she just smashes eggshells and everywhere all through it and I'm like, oh man, there's no way I can eat this. And it's finding that middle ground between the purpose and enjoying it and not. So yes, I would have done some different modifications to the veterinary clinic, but it was good fun and I really did enjoy it. And you know what fellas? It's really helped me actually and softened me up. I can still flick the switch and be the Viking, but it softened up and brought the panda out in me. Having daughters first, I actually really do believe that. I think because coming back, I think.

He absolutely needed to have daughters first. Especially like looking at our son and Haro bust and yeah, quite a solid little unit.

Yeah.

It would be dangerous if he was the first.

He was the oldest. Yeah. Being one of four boys, it was just, you know, it was actually perfect. It was very grounding for me. Very humbling. Second one though. What, what do you think is the answer when it comes to something we can't control? Other people, places and things that could create an influence for our children. What do we do? Does that mean it's more important than ever to be present to triple down on raising your children, to actually teach them values, to talk about things that we as parents already know is common knowledge, you know, in values and integrity. But we. So we don't talk about like what do you thinks the answer for? You know, it's not about judging or pointing at parents, but priming our children to be self aware, to be critical thinkers and to make sure they don't just go with the flow or fall victim to, you know, temptations or what they get exposed to.

That's a really difficult one. Like what we spoke, I've just gone blank.

That's okay. No, I speak a lot of words sometimes. Yeah.

And I think in terms of that it's, it's having the open dialect with your children and obviously having them, as you said, understand what our, our feelings are on certain things and having them be able, I mean, they've got to create their own identity as well. So, you know, I'm not expecting our children to value everything the same way we do because you and I don't even value the same things exactly the same way. You know, we have the same ideas on things and we agree on things. But you know, there might be something that you have, you know, more extensively got an idea about than I do. But I think with, in terms of the friendship issue and them impacting on our children, it's a really hard one because socially I don't want our child to be the one that's missing out because they're, you know, they're not up to date with the latest bit of technology going around or things like that. And I think it's probably best when you get to that situation to just sit down, have a chat to them and be like, okay, what are you getting out of this? What is it bringing to your life? Are these people that you are surrounding yourself with that are having you do these things that we don't necessarily love you doing? What are you getting from that? And, and teaching them the value in saying, well, if you're spending time doing that, you're not spending time doing this. You know, especially kids that are quite involved in sport, sports a massive, massive part of our upbringing. And you know, I often say to you, if anything ever happened to me, please ensure our kids continue to play sport through their teens and have a part time job. Because if they're making money and they're doing something that they love, they're not going to have time to get into so much trouble and to be persuaded. I want them to be leaders. I want them to, you know, be strong enough to say, yeah, I, you know, yeah, I get that, that's great, that's really cool, everyone's doing that. But you know, it's not really, for me, I'm not really into it, getting your child to that point. I haven't done that personally, so it's really hard to answer that part of the question. But yeah, for me, I would hope that our kids could be strong enough in themselves to, you know, yeah, they can dabble in it, that's fine, try it. But they need to have that backing to say, okay, well, it's not really something I'm really that into. I feel like if we deny it completely, that's when we're going to have probably a little bit more of an issue.

Yeah, couldn't agree more. Now, you can't, yeah, you can't be, you can't be ignorant to it one way or the other. Ignorant in the sense that, oh, yeah, I just said everything and they nodded their head. So they're perfect angels when they leave the home. Or ignorant the other way where we don't think they need those sorts things of, of conversations like, I have no.

Idea what Stella's doing at school every day. And you know, there's a part of.

Me, I have no idea what she's doing now. She went down the clubs, six o', clock, it's been two hours now. She's, you know, sending her selfies, sculling stein's of beer. And you go, five year old, you go, no, it's sorry to cut you off. That's what, that's what other people usually do to me.

I know. I was shocked. I didn't even know what to say. I was like, wow, that doesn't happen often. Normally I'm getting attacked for cutting you off and I haven't even done that yet. I'm on my best behavior. See what we're talking about. I've had to change my behavior for this audience. I'm not cutting you out. I'm behaving really well right now.

Just be you just. It's all right. Just do you. That's. It really is a huge part in upbringing. You know, it's one of the best things, like for me going up through professional sport and even, even with my brothers being heavily overweight, getting into training. You're right. Like what, what Corinne just explained, then you guys would have heard me talk about, say yes. No principle. You know, you're doing this, you should be doing something else or you're doing this, you don't have time to do something else. And that's absolutely what it's about. I believe raising your children and whether they're 2, 12, 22 and you might have raised them to that point, but then continue to lead and guide them comes down to helping them invest in things where there's actions and results, actions and results and doing it in a way where there's resistance, there's hardship, there's failure, there's change, but it doesn't have to be life destroying. And I don't judge people for doing it. But I never did cocaine, drugs, anything. Smoked one joint when I was 16 and went, I can feel anything. What's. What's the big. And that was it. That was literally, that was it. But then also going through footy and everything, you kept me grounded. What did we do? We went to the movies, we hung out, we cooked dinner or, you know, just. Just chill out at mum and dad's or at your parents. And that. That kept me so grounded. Yeah, you go to beach, we'd finish a footy game and all the guys would go out. We went out a couple of times with them because some of them had girlfriends, some didn't, but it was like, yeah, I mean, tired, man, I'm sore. Do I really want to just play the game of footy?

Black and blue and.

Yeah.

Hardly walk.

So, yeah. So by being able to say yes to Corinne and having that. When I say grounding, I mean in terms of your ego temptations. I don't mean that, you know, I felt grounded or restricted or using it in a negative way was probably the greatest thing ever. Because I look back and I was chatting to one of our members today about this. This. He's in his early 30s, he's doing very well, he's very successful and he's going to have an amazing transformation in his life. He's been with us for about six months now. Timmy and I was chatting about this. I was like, mate, you know, like, imagine all the stuff we're doing now and imagine that with your children, though. But just fast forward a little bit more. You teach them a bit more about some of these principles as teens. You let them have heaps of shots at things because it doesn't really, you know, business or anything. Heaps of trials and tribulations and failures and successes because what's the. What's the damage? It's nil. They're still at home with you. Or I was like, you know, they'd be doing what you're doing now 10 to 15 years earlier. And he's like, yeah, that's right, absolutely. And that's what I believe being an amazing parent is. It's the continued evolution of your line or your chain and adding more value to yourself, your family and the world through your children being in a better position than you. I mean, people might see that as privilege in some areas. But I mean, isn't that the point? You want to give your children some level of privilege, even if it's exposure to opportunities that you didn't have in mindset or in other things. So you having an amazing sporting background, playing state netball and whatnot, and me playing sport, it's great because what is it? Actions and results? It's hardship, it's failures, it's resistance, it's environmental changes with other people, other places.

Well, even just going back to the talk about drugs and alcohol. I mean, like, having got undergone two ankle reconstructions by the time I was 17, I found out really early that I was highly allergic to painkillers. So there was no way in my mind I was ever going to be touching any pills, any drugs or anything that could make me the slightest bit sick, like I had been from drugs, from having surgery. And I think, you know, those life experiences do, do impact on youths and, you know, being involved in that. I wanted to recover, I wanted to get fit again, I wanted to get back out there, I wanted to play and to do my best. You know, I. If I was going out doing all those things, you're not going to achieve what you want to achieve. And it is really hard to, you know, get that through the head of a teenage child that's trying to find their own identity. But I guess when I look back, my biggest advice would be to my future self when my kids are becoming teenagers, is to get to know their friends and keep them close. Like I look at my. I still have. I'm very lucky. My circle of friends now are still a lot of my girlfriends from high school and, you know, the mums of them that I was close with, they were the mums that would come and pick us up at 3 o' clock in the morning and they would make sure we got home safely. They were the mums that we could call if we couldn't get in contact with our own mum or if there was a problem, they would come and get us. There's no question asked, you know, they would just. They were just there and. And those. That's the type of mum I want to be. I don't want to be the imposing mum that's, you know, forcing myself. I'll pick you up, I'll pick you up, I've got to do this. But just for them to know that I'm there and, you know, there's never an issue, you call me, I will come get you, I'll help you. Like, that's how I want to be and I think doing that for their friends, being in that, in that circle and just, just getting them through that stage where things can be difficult and dangerous too. You know, they've got cars, they're driving, all of those things. It's a lot.

I think it all comes down to trust, like what you're saying there. It's not about being imposing or a helicopter mart, it's just building trust. How do you build trust? And look, regards to the age that your children might be right now, there's lots of different temptations, lures, things where they want to move fast, the world, technology. We'll definitely look to get, I think a child psychologist on the show soon, especially talking about the modern world and tech and get their take on how to best approach that. But essentially what I believe and always seek to be tried, tested and true as a parent, the great parts from my parents, from Corinne's parents, from other people's parents, my mate's parents and whatnot is helping those younger than them engage in deep, fulfilling work. So things like sport, things like building projects, whether you're doing woodwork or not in high school, things like developing your career or your studies, or if academia is the pathway for you, or if it's being a trade or being handy with your skills or whether it's working hard towards, okay, I'm not just going to go, I'm not just going to go hand it to you on a platter and give you your first home or give you a car or you might, maybe you'll do an agreement or you'll do a deal or things that engage your children in deep and fulfilling work that's rewarding, that challenges them. It's why I love the gym that we have here at home. I love the kids watching me sweat and strain and struggle. And I'm going, I am, I don't say this to them, but I'm like, I'm fucking earning this. I'm earning the right to be a alive. I'm earning the right to have these muscles, have this build this body to be able to perform and it's worth it. Look at me smiling as I'm dying. Look at me die as I'm smiling. And I think that's where a lot of people miss the mark, where whether they want to be the cool parent or the overlord, they just don't get the actual purpose. And peeling layers back. I mean, even what we're speaking about, the point of the question going upstream was just talking about how to help children who have other influences. And it went into sport and then it went into us talking about drugs, talking a bit about our upbringings and what we went through. And all of it comes down to. All of it comes down to helping your children see that there's choices. There are choices. And you know what? I've been there. I've done that. So here's where some of the choices may lead you. This is where you can start to develop your own mind, to not go with the flow and to be a critical thinker and to choose what pathway serves you best and suits you best. And I think a lot of the times, Krin, it comes down to having things that help them really build their life into being an adult. What can help them in maybe a more parallel way than probably some of the things that loving parents sugarcoat or the schooling system sugarcoats. And sport is a great one, that is. We've been through shitloads of operations between the two of us with sport and. And the whole medical game didn't end there. All of our children have had various operations as well as us doing IVF just to get our first two. Stella and Lillian. Roman being a wonderful surprise.

It was a very big surprise.

I was done with the two man. But we're saying it tonight, once we put him to bed, but just couldn't imagine life without him now. You know, he's just an absolute spark of terror for the rabbits that we've just gotten.

But he's absolute joy, that child. He just. He's always got a smile on his face. Even when he's nearly killing the poor bunnies with love, he is happy.

He's looking at us going this. And smiling, and he's holding it up by its neck. Terrifying. You see the fear of life with this. Or fear of death of this buddy's eyes. He's just holding it up by the skin.

I think a lot of. A lot of chats about, you know, being gentle and gentle love.

I think he knows the word gentle more than the word no. Yeah, it's. It's fascinating, though, how fast it moves. Like, I've got vivid memories of my father at the age that I'm at now, and.

Yeah, absolutely.

At the age that Stella was watching. And ironically, it's actually the exact same age. My father's 30 years older than me, just like I am on Stella. Or 31 or 32, one of those. And it's. It's crazy. It's crazy how fast it goes. But looking at being the greatest parents we can be When I said you lose your identity, I think that's the missing link.

Oh, absolutely. I feel like I'm still trying to re find my identity and we've had this discussion lately because I've been a bit be up and down as to where I'm at. And yeah, after attending many mothers groups with the three children, I do find that it's the hardest part for mums, for dads and for married people and people in relationships because it's not like you've just lost your identity. You've lost your identity as a couple because you've got an extra person with you that doesn't go away. They're with you 247 and you've got to re establish your place within that situation and it's extremely difficult to navigate.

It's tough, I mean, but that's, that's what I think the missing piece of the puzzle is where so many people just bow down and accept it. It's going, no, actually, how do you recreate your own identity again and, and make sure you not don't forget that your identity should change.

Like there's no how do I move forward? Like, how do I move forward with this new identity in this new person that I've become? Because I'm now not just your wife, I'm now a mother as well as your wife and I'm part of this family. And how do we keep moving forward with this change? And it's adapting to that.

Isn't it crazy though, how simple that sounds? That's the problem with so many people out there. Because when you do that, when you actually do that, guess what that means? You can then take your. You are actually standing up and being responsible and taking ownership. You're like, well shit, I am a husband, I am a father, I am a man. Or for you, you are. I am a wife, I am a woman, I am a mother. So I better turn up and do the best I can. I better turn up and make sure I'm looking after myself. And I better turn up and have a better set of eyes instead of just looking at the world of sedation and distraction.

Absolutely.

And just giving away to the kids whatever they want. And then, and then just being super tricky because I don't sort my own shit out. So I end up becoming Grumpy dad or Grumpy Mum and I just blow my stack. So the kids here have nothing, no engagement, no presence. And then it's turned the doll up to a thousand and I'm just blowing my stack. Shocking the Shit out of them. And here are these little beings just trying to actually figure themselves out, especially hormonally, from. Well, every age is different. It's not just puberty.

They have surges all throughout childhood.

So easy. But. Which I think is probably. I mean, I was gonna go, okay, awesome. That's great. Parenthood. Next one, marriage. What's. What's the biggest problem? But it's probably the same thing. Like, you know, when we look at marriage, what are the biggest problems in the modern world? Well, I don't think there really are that many until you have children. Because if you're married, if you're living with someone, you've been with them for a while and you marry them. That's all well and true, that's great. You've got married, but essentially it's still just you looking after your own. I mean, how easy was it? We look back, like in Castle.

I don't know, because it took a really long time for you to propose. So I mean it, like, it took a really, really long time for us to commit to being married. So I guess that was a big change for you to go from being not married to married. Was it?

Well, I. I guess you. You said before this that you had a question for me you were going to ask on the show. But I guess, and we can probably figure out what the question is, why did it take 11 years for me to propose to you? From which I think, Corinne, it's only fair that I ask you the question. Why did it. Why did you not propose to me after 10 years?

Because I deserve diamonds.

Darling, I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. Like. Oh, Corinne. I naturally just fell. She slipped on something. I thought she was going to take the knee. We're up to year nine, and I was just making pizzas one night in the kitchen, and she. She slipped on a little bit of tomato sauce, dropped the knee. I was like, here it is, the ring's coming. She's finally thinking about me.

Only you would expect a ring, wouldn't you?

It's a pretty funny story, actually. Like, being. Being together, since we're very young, ended up being one of the fastest proposals ever. Where. I know it's a bit of a side note, but it's. It's a funny one to share. We went to Taronga Zoo. I had everything planned. And so really, I'd planned. After being together for about nine years, I'd planned it all, but it took time. The ring was very expensive. I was trying to run the business with the gym. So I was doing extra cashies and like saving money, squirreling away, like it was. Yeah, you know. You know what the ring is? You've got it. It was a beautiful ring and I was proud of that. And I don't know, I know that might be an excuse to some. I mean, I followed through and did it Right. So it's not that it was an excuse, but essentially, yeah, you know, being half Italian, I was proud of jewelry. I love jewelry from a young age. I don't have a huge amount myself, but. But I just loved it on mum, on dad, you know, the Italian heritage in me enjoyed it. So there was a shitload of saving going on and then there was the planning and asking your father for permission. Like I did everything very traditionally and I still believe that's. That's a valuable thing to do. And, you know, I'm not going to push it on my two daughters eventual future husbands. But yeah, that would be respected if they did not ask permission. But just I. I think seek counsel. You know, I look at what my father was for me and what Corinne's father was for me, and I was like, you know what? There's nothing I'd love more than if they were both. And they're both a bit old school. We know that age or generation. But if they're both a bit more open and receptive to actually really guiding and counseling me as a man. Like, you guys know this. There's no rulebook on life. There's no rulebook on manhood or how to do it. But. But I did still follow through on that tradition. And we ended up going to Taronga Zoo on a roaring snore. And that I think he had. I've had a scan because I thought that I had.

We moved house that day.

Yeah. And I thought I had a tumor or something in my brain because I had a massive pain through my left cheek.

And the doctor told you you might be dying?

Yeah, he said. He said you could be dying. Could be a tumor. And it was like, oh, I better propose quickly then, so that creek. Can't hold that against me when I'm passed through the other side. Anyway, he couldn't find out what the problem was. Thought it could be something to do with my brain. Okay, no worries, we'll go out. But turned out that I had a massive. Or I needed a massive root canal. Or I had a massive root canal problem or some sort of. Not an abscess, but one of my teeth. The nerve was completely exposed to the point where we did the roar and snore, and my tooth was in fucking agony, man.

You couldn't even talk. You didn't eat the amazing buffet.

No, I could chew on a bit of ice. Like, this is how crazy it was. That's how crazy the nerve was. I could literally chomp and chew on the eye ice, and it would go away for about a minute and it will come back. So that night, I would have had about 400 cubes of ice. So, yeah, so I'm chomping, chomping, trying to drink a cold drink, swish it.

Around, and you're having a miserable time.

It was horrible. I was like, that would be right. 11 years. 11 years to propose to my wife. And I get it, you know, I need a root canal. The night of it.

And it was long weekend as well, June long weekend. Yeah. So there's nothing open.

I found. Found. Found an emergency place the next day. But that night was the quickest proposal either. I was just bang on a knee criminal that I got roses, they got strawberries, and what's it called? Verve. That nice wine. None of that got, you know, enjoyed. But, yeah, pretty crazy. I think the truth, to answer your question, you probably already know it is. I just didn't know who I was as a man and where I was going. Like, that sounds crazy because I. Maybe I took us for granted as well, because, like, I'd always been with Corinne, so she always. She'll always be there for me. She'll always wait for me. I don't know. Like, it wasn't a. It wasn't a power play over you, I think, and everything. And that. That is. That is highlighted through, you know, the challenging parts we had. When I moved away with footy, the injuries I suffered, my parents moving interstate, I felt so alone and lost. I remember you having a chat with. With my pop because I essentially was. Had nowhere to live.

And then you're homeless for a little period of time.

Yeah. And then I was living in a shack, getting electrocuted by the shower every day. And it was just, you know, there were rats running around, and, I mean, they kept me company at night, but it wasn't ideal company, but to the point where Nan and Pop took me under their wing. So it was. I look back now, I was like, man, like, I know people have had it rougher, but there was uncertainty. So much.

Yeah.

So much uncertainty. And. And for someone who always went after things and had a full crack at everything, I wasn't one of those people. I know we spoke about this the other day of just jumping around to all different things and trying lots of things and never doing anything fulfilling, but I really was just completely fucking lost. So there was a part of me that, and this is stuff that, just even talking through it with you now, there's a part of me that was like, I'm not good enough for you. You haven't got everything that I want you to have in place. We don't have a house, we barely have cars. I couldn't afford a ring. Yeah, like that's. Yeah, it's really funny. I never thought of it that way, but that's what it would be. Everything I had to dish up as a man. And that, that maybe that is ego. I think it's probably pride. I wasn't enough for what I wanted you to have and I wasn't, I wasn't successful to the point that I wanted to be. Same with the gyms I racked up.

I would have always said yes. Just, just so you know. That answer was never going to be no. But no, we definitely were on different, different stages. Like I, I had finished uni, I had a full time job, I was on a great salary. You know, I was, I was very stable. So from my point of view that it was the next step, like I was so ready and I probably didn't even realize that you were feeling that way, I guess at the time too, like that you were feeling. And it absolutely makes so much sense because I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I knew what I wanted to be, where I wanted to go. And if you're not in that situation, which in many ways I'm kind of in now, it does consume you.

You were very stable. And you know what? That stability though, that gave me the chance when my rugby league career was shattered, to dive straight into business. Didn't pay myself anything. Racked up 10 grand of, of debt, took all the money you're putting into our rent. And I was living off that and spending it and using it. And this is what I mean fellas, when I say the truth always wins. Those, those lies and that bullshit that I put crin through, like, I put myself through it just as badly, if not worse because it just put me into a deeper whole, deeper pit. And it was a facade. Like you remember CrossFit well being that was the first shim I ever owned. Like, I look at the way it was run now and I was like, man, how the fuck was I ever going to make it out of there? Like, And I just kept chasing be an Elite athlete, be a professional athlete. Just filling this void in my head that I needed to be something because I saw failure. I wasn't good enough. You were stable. You had career, but it was your stability, thank God, that actually gave me the opportunity to try and try and try and then. And here we are, where it's certainly not reversed, but there's a lot of. Well, there's a lot of unstable moving parts when it comes to giving birth to children. Three Caesareans, where I've been able to provide that. And that's such a funny seesaw that you see and how it works. And now we're both older and wiser for it. It's fascinating, but I don't. I still. Even through all those challenges. So I guess that the question I was going to ask is, what's the modern challenges with marriage? I think they just. Just, you know what.

So many.

But if you don't. But see, everything comes down to being on the same page.

Yeah.

And being on the same page and being honest now, there wasn't a level of honesty there when it came to our finances, our plans, our goals. We weren't. We're on the same page. We weren't. So because we just knew each other intrinsically, because we've been together for so long, I think we took for granted or assumed what. What direction we're heading. Instead of going, no, no, let's literally, let's tangibly go, this is the money we need. This is what we want to do in buying our first home. This is the area. We didn't do any of that, and we thought it was.

So I think I felt like there was a lot of decisions you were making in terms of where you were heading with the business and things like that that you were making with other people rather than me. And I don't know if that kind of led to why I was getting frustrated, why we weren't married, because I guess I thought once we were married that those decisions would become out and they didn't need. We didn't need marriage for those decisions to be ours. These are decisions that a couple can make. And, you know, these are the conversations that a couple should be having. You know, where are we going? Where is your. Your employment going? Where are your goals? All of those things, you know, you were talking about them with business partners and people around you in their gym, but we weren't sitting down and having those conversations ourselves.

You know what, too? And it was probably received this way, but it certainly isn't the truth. It wasn't actually that I didn't value or respect your input, but that's probably how it was received. And I think, and I thought for a long time that's what the answer was. I don't need credits. But what it was, the reason why I didn't do that is because there was nothing successful to show you. Everything was fucked. So it would have peeled back the truth and showed the lies. We had no money, the businesses were failing. I was fucking shot to shit when it comes to how to handle business properly. Didn't at that stage, didn't invest in coaches or mentors or guides at all. So I'm doing the same thing with the same mind, thinking that I'll just be successful. Like, what an idiot. And I'm not saying you guys out there idiots either, you just need to come join my program and sign up. But essentially everyone should have a level of accountability. Some coach, mentor. I remember saying this to you about a month ago, Karine, you're writing books, books, which you are, and they're amazing books that you've written. Should you find someone who writes children's books? Well, yeah, you've done and you've dived into courses and you've got mastermind groups and all that. That's great. That's what every single human being should be doing. Continually leveling up themselves. Don't just stop at university or at high school or getting your trade or just starting a business and that's it. And you've got your business partner.

Oh, absolutely. If you hadn't have said that to me, I would have just kind of sat on it and expected to get a publishing deal based on the fact that, you know, I'm a teacher, I can edit my own work, I can write well, all of those things. But being put into a situation where I'm uncomfortable, where I'm in a group and I'm having people critique my work and I'm in a whole nother industry that I have never worked in before, that, that has been life changing for me. So as you're saying, having these coaches, having these people that have specialized to an area and pushing yourself to do that and break out of your cycle of comfort is so important.

When we talk about what the challenges are. And here's the kicker. The challenges of marriage have little cracks and little cracks that appear if you don't do things like continually invest in yourself, communicate openly and honestly and be truthful and on the same page as your wife or husband. If you don't have those two, those little Cracks become massive, gaping holes. And that's exactly what happened with father or even before fatherhood because we're trying, we're doing IVF and there were needles and hormonal things and it was just challenging because there's fuck all I could do to fix it or help it as naturally as men, we just want to fix things. And it's hard to watch Corinne go through what she went through, but that's it. Like, that's the reason why I didn't share anything with you is was there was nothing successful to share. So there was pride, there was ego, there was shame. The shame. But I look at that now, I'm like, if you don't invest in yourself. So the two big things I find with marriage are if you're not truthful and on the same page and if you don't invest in yourself to find or create a better identity when you become parents, that becomes worse. What happened when, you know, when things became bad for us and we had Stella and whatnot? I had no fucking identity. I holding on, still trying to be an elite athlete which was already been 10 years, like grow up and move on with your life. And we weren't aligned, we didn't have alignment, we weren't creating the goals and the plans. I was just again put up the walls because that gym was failing too. No, I just don't. You don't need to know. Don't worry about it. I'll just, you know, we'll figure out and find it away. So I went into a shell and cut myself off from everyone. And I'm not going to say I was depressed or fell into depression, but I was lost.

Well, in saying that I felt looking back now that I also was lost because for such a long time I had wanted this baby and prayed for this baby and we'd gone through so much to have Stella and she was here and she was the most perfect little, little thing and every waking moment was given to her and I didn't. I wish someone had have said to me to not forget to give to you as well. Because for me it became kind of my role. I did everything. I was breastfeeding. I remember her not having any routine because I liked to bath her when you'd get home at 9:30, 10 o' clock at night so that I felt like you were part of, part of it because, you know, you at work all day and that would be the only thing really that you got to do with her at that young age. And I lost my sense of identity. As well during that time. And there was no conversation about where we were heading. It was just pure survival at that moment. Because, you know, we were so blessed to have this baby. And I loved every minute of, of having her as, as a baby, but there was so many times where things should have been discussed that they weren't. Yeah. And I look back now and each child we've had, I've tried to be more aware of that. And having you there and having you support me and me support you, because having a child is not always peachy and rosy as you expect it to be. It's not the fairy tale, you know, that. That you think it's going to be. It's hard work. You know, it's. In our case, when I had Stella, it was life threatening. Alice got told minutes before they were about to take her out of me via emergency C section that there was a chance that I actually wasn't going to make it due to severe preeclampsia. You know, and you, you know, all these things can happen, but when you're faced with it in that moment, you don't think, oh, this would honestly happen to us. And yeah, I feel like for a long time after that it was quite traumatizing. I just expected after the hardship of trying to fall pregnant and having her that it would have been smooth sailing, but it wasn't. And it was challenging and it was hard and the recovery was long. It was a long recovery. And that does affect a marriage, you know, for a long time, you know, everything was hard. I wasn't going able to go to the gym. I wasn't able to do a lot of stuff like that that I would normally do for myself. And I wasn't putting the care into myself that I needed.

Yeah, this is the, this is the raw truth that no one talks about. No one's willing to talk about, you know, that even now you might not be having these conversations with your wife. And you could be a father in his 40s. All right, we'll go upstreaming. Might be a few years ahead of us. Cool. Go back 10 or 15 years. The exact same shit was happening in your life, wasn't it? It was either your business or your work or the children, or you're not communicating or talking with your wife, or you're not organizing honey and handsome time or date nights or whatever you want to call it, special time with the children. So you're lacking that presence, then you're flogging yourself more because you just got this dream and you got the house. And then you got the car and the boat and you know, like that. There's always something, man. There's always going to be something that is going to, you know, derail or de shackle you. Well, sorry, definitely not de shackle you. Derail you or shackle you towards a stage where you feel like you are a prisoner inside of life and you have no one to talk to. There's nothing you can do about it. This is just what happens. Just put up and shut up. No, no, no. It's not just put up and shut up. There are so many men out there and women being destroyed. They are destroying themselves, families, marriages. Destroying themselves because they think it's normal. And then like anything organic, any organism, it has enough and it dies. Your marriage is an organism. If you don't feed, it starves to death. The end. There are breakdowns. Now look, breakdowns. With breakdowns can come breakthroughs. We've had those. It doesn't come easy and it doesn't come without facing the furnace head on and gun. All right, take this step. What do we need to do? And you know, I was looking back now more than grateful that I fell on my sword and owned and accepted all my truth. Just like I'm grateful that Krina accepted some of hers in sharing that there wasn't. It's not your fault. This is just a part of life that it's hard to say yes to your husband when you're saying yes to your child or your new life or trying to get some sleep or trying to look after your sore fucking nipples because there's a child sucking on them 24 hours. Like I don't know what it feels like to be a woman. So that's why it's really hard, guys. You can't just fall into this whole blame and shame and point the fingers because I don't know what it looks like to be a mother. Never. Never have, never will. And the same goes for being a father. A man who's so hell bent on fighting and facing the world just to protect and provide for his family. And in the efforts of doing that, he feels misunderstood, unappreciated, unloved. It's crazy. I'm not saying I feel like that now. But these are the things. These are the games that happen too. This is what happens when you're tired, when you're fatigued, you're working too hard. We still have healthy conflicts from time to time. And all the time, it happens every single time. I. I follow my sword just as much as I'm sharing my feelings with Corinne as well on what I desire. At the same time, I'm reflecting, I'm not reactive and I'm going, yeah, but all of this is happening because, you know, I did the extra session of work or I did another Friday Night Lights, or I didn't, you know, so I'm looking at all the things that I said yes to that might have only been two hours over the last month and a half, but maybe they were out of those two hours, six crucial 20 minute sessions that I should have sat down with you where we could have organized honey and handsome time for the week ahead. And then one of those out of four of those would have paid off because the kids were sick or this or that. That could be done. This is part of the last episode I did called Opportunity Cost. This is what it's about. So if I can be that, then I can help instill that perspective or opportunity for Corinne to have. Then guess what? We're aligned. Game on. The reason why all those breakdowns and everything happened, which is what happens, fellas, in marriages, and especially marriages moving into parenthood that lack those two things, investing in each other and investing in your own future identity is there's no leadership. Like, it's great, and I'm open to your thoughts and opinions of that as well, Corinne, but there was none. I wasn't fucking leading the house, that's for sure. Like that. There was no leadership. There's no leadership as an intimate couple, as parents, because obviously as eff. First child fighting away. I look at that now, I'm like, man, there's who was leading who. No one. So we just went off our own ways.

Yeah, I felt like I was just dealing with Stella and, you know, taking it as Tresilian and doing all those things to try and help her sleep, help her with her health. Because we had a few issues and there was no. There was no partnership there at all. You know, I would see other couples there together and being our first child, I was like, oh, oh, he's not at work or. And I just assumed that's how it was because that's how our relationship was. You were off at work, I was dealing with the baby and the situation. But then as we had our second and third child and after going through what we'd been through, we realized the importance of going through all these things together. It should not be ownership on one one parent. You know, even recently with Roman being ill and me spending a lot of time at the hospital, you now understand when I get home from that experience that it's always traumatic. It's emotionally draining. It's emotionally draining for you, having to pick up the pieces with the other children. Where's Mummy? Where's Roman? You know, all of that, all of that stuff we've learned over time, how to get through together. But the first few times that happens as a couple, you know, it's. It's challenging. It's a challenging thing to go through and you've got to be a team. It's the biggest thing, is that communication and talking about how you're feeling about it.

It's. The wall's been pulled over your eyes. It's not all the bullshit of Hollywood and all the passion and romance and. Yes, sure, we have that, but it's not about, you know, the sex, the flame, or the, you know, the special romantic dinners. 99% of your. Your life, your partnership, your marriage. I'm not saying the same thing, like calling Corinne mate and saying we're best mates and treating her like a bloke either.

We have an issue. If that word comes out in our house. We do not call me mate. Sometimes he'll do it as a joke to make me, to trigger me. As do I. Now. I do that too. I'll say, you know, kids, go ask old mate over there. It's a trigger warning.

You call the kids mate.

Depends on their behavior.

But really, 99% of your life is. And I remember saying this with Jordan Peterson, he's like, people in the world of chaos, they just do not nail the fundamentals. And your life can change so quickly. How do you greet your wife when she comes through the door? Vice versa. How are you greeted? What do you talk about at the dinner table? Or how are you? Are you present? Is the TV turned on? These are all the fundamentals. You get up, you make the bed, or I make the bed. Big fucking deal. Who cares? Someone makes the bed. You know, this is what we do. This is the practice. We've got clothes, we get food, we've got ideas. What do you want to do for dinner tonight? There's times where the days shit hits the fan on the day and I've got meat out and other things planned. No worries. That's my lunch for tomorrow. Hey, Corinne, you're not cooking tonight? Don't worry about it. I've got a surprise. I'll get it on the way home. Like this is. I cannot stress how. Not always easy, but it's pretty easy. But simple and enjoyable. So many times, so much of the Time enjoyable it is to just nail those fundamental things. It really is what creates the difference in people's lives. And, you know, you look at marriages, you look at parenthood and all of the challenges that we face, the biggest thing is just understanding that there are so many constructs of the world that are fucking bullshit that you just buy into work being one of them. If I wasn't strong in myself and everything I practice and preach with you guys that you obviously listen to on our podcast, I'd be so angry looking at my daughter Lillian, who's now three years of age. I'd be so angry looking back and going, I remember none of that with Stella, none of that. And I see pictures and like I said, there's a part of me, but I don't allow it to manifest and become, you know, an absolute for me. But if I, if I really think about it, because I've moved on, I've forgiven myself for not being the father I should have been. And I feel blessed that I'm saying that not 33 years, which unfortunately happens for many men, Many reach out and yeah, they message me and contact me and I wish I had this 15 years ago. And, and I'm sorry for that. Man, this is life.

Make the change now.

Yeah, yeah. But, you know, I look back, I'm like, man, I remember nothing. I did nothing. And again, this is the, this is the victim and the judge on myself. Obviously, I did good things. I kept her alive and I, you know, we stayed together and whatnot, but.

We kept each other alive.

You kept each other alive. But, but seriously, like going to work and not going to appointments and other things are important for creators. Like, fuck that. Take it from someone who's even running their own business. I've got a great team, so I'm definitely not working 60 or 80 or 100 hour weeks anymore and never will ever again. It's the reason why we bought the caravan. Like, you can't pass up this time to be a phenomenal human being in your own identity and have a beautiful point of leverage, your children, your marriage, to help solidify or carve out or solidify the identity that you've invested in yourself and created in yourself. Because that, that's one of the greatest things ever. I know I say at times you shouldn't let anything outside of you define you and so on and so forth and, and that, that's all well and true, and it is true, but what enhances the desire to make sure you follow through on yourself and do it for yourself? It's. It's doing it for yourself through doing it for others, doing it for yourself through doing it for your marriage. Writing down on the whiteboard your meals for the week, what you're going to do. You're going to have a mystery meal, all right? You think your life's too monotonous or boring or you're worried about that with your wife. It's not. Create the honey and handsome time, create mystery and curiosity and have little pockets of spontaneity where you get full control, but also full gifting of something that will create anticipation or excitement in your children or your wife, if that's what you're really worried about. But I'll tell you what, I do love that, but I think there's a good level, like, people look at the word predictable and they think it's like a flaw. Like, oh, you got me. You know what I'm thinking? But I think there's an. Actually a really good type of predictability you can have. Is that not stability, like having that in the household for yourself or for the children or. What are your thoughts on. I guess just some of those things that I shared around work and just being stable and. And working together.

I think looking back on younger Corinne, I don't love a routine. I loved being spontaneous. I loved having fun. You know, they were things that I used to look for. And, you know, you would always try to. To do things for me that would be a surprise and things like that. But as times changed, I absolutely live for the. The stability. And I think the reason for that, now that I'm a mum and we've gone through hardships in our marriage, is that stability is everything to me. Because when shit hits the fan and life starts spiraling out of control, and for us, that can happen, you know, with. Within minutes, you know, we can be traveling along really well, going really well with work and at home, and everyone's feeling really balanced. And then something can happen. You know, we can. We can have an emergency with one of the kids. Anything can happen with our parents or anything like that, and it starts spiraling. And that is when I rely on that stability. Because I know during those times that, okay, mentally I'm tapped out, emotionally, I'm tapped out. I'm trying to get through this situation that's. That's really difficult. But I know that at home, Alex has got the meals covered. He's going to get the kids to school, they're going to get to still have their normal part of life happening. It's not going to affect them, they're not going to notice as much. That, you know, we feel like we're spiraling out of control because we've got that stability. And then when it calms down, we're open, the dialogue's open. How are you feeling after this has happened? You know, we've got the stability, we've got things in place to look at it and go, okay, let's move forward. Now that's happened, we've acknowledged it, we've moved on, we survived it. Having that, that predictability and stability really does help. And if you don't have that, I feel like you can get really stuck with. With things that impact your life. You know, you could have a death in the family or anything like that. And without that stability, it will just keep spiraling and spiraling and you would dig yourself deeper and not know how to get out of it. And it changes you. Of course, it changes you going through something awful in a family, in a relationship, but it's how you manage it and come out on. On top and together. Because things like that can. Can break down relationships and families. It wears you down. So I guess for me now I know if something bad happens, we're going to be okay. It's not going to be something bad happens and then something else bad's going to happen and it's going to continue. I feel safe in knowing that we have good communication and dialect to get through it together. And if we can't get through it together, then we can get somebody to help us get through it together.

So essentially what Krin said is, before everything we've got in place now, she used to have fun, which means she doesn't have fun anymore. That's what I got from. That's all I got from that. You don't have fun with me anymore.

It's terrible. I have a terrible time.

That's right.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. That's not what I meant at all. We still have fun.

I was joking. I was like, okay, no, no, that was. No, you. You're right, though. Like, you don't want. When shit's hitting the fan in your life, you don't want thrills and rushes. You need oxygen, man. You're fucking like you're suffocating. You need oxygen. You need to breathe. How do you get that? You need to restabilize what's going on. You can't have that through, you know, thrills and being random and all the other. All the other stuff that makes Pinocchio's island so attractive to the donkeys. You can't be. I guess one thing I got from that is you can't be that. You can't be too pig headed and just thinking, nup, you should just be doing this and I'll just do that. If there's times when Crin's struggling or under the pump and it's not that she has any given day that she cooks or I cook, it just. It varies, but structured. But it varies. It's not like Monday's dad's day. But if that's the case, I couldn't.

Cope with that kind of routine. It would structure you.

No, you don't have to be that way. You don't have to.

But some people do like that. But that's not me because I didn't cope with routine.

But exactly what you're saying, yeah, structure equals freedom. So it's okay. How do I create the right structure my life so I still have in time and energy, freedom, but feel free as well. I agree with you too. Like, there's, there's times, like I said, when the Virgo me comes out, it's like, man, this shit is not 99.999 to the T squared away, committed on done, whatever. That's what Roman is, which is why it's pretty. He's man, he's gonna be ruthless when he gets older.

He's already telling me which outfits he has to wear. And if he doesn't like what I put on, he starts screaming and trying to rip it off. It's delightful.

The man's got taste. I like it, I like it. But you can't be that pig headed and go, nah, that's just what the woman does. Or that's just your role. And I've seen so many guys that pretend that they're alphas and they talk about this stuff. It's like, man, you think you're 100% masculine, you're 100% testosterone. Like we. It's like, it's like man to monkey. What is it, two chromosomes? Like, what's the difference between men and women? Fuck all. But it's all the difference if you don't recognize and appreciate and acknowledge and honor it. But doesn't mean that you are inherently incompetent at doing certain things. Like there's times where I make the bed. There's other times where you make the bed. Like I said, there's times where I love cooking. There's other times where I'm like, you know what I'm working hard, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. I'd love to come home and for my wife to cook me a nice meal. And I'm sure you get fulfillment in that as well. Like you cook an amazing meal, you fill your husband's belly, he feels great. He feels amazing, and he appreciates and honors you for that, just like you honor and appreciate and respect the things that I do. This is about working as a team. And that, that doesn't happen through assumptive. I don't know if assumptive is a.

Word, but it is now.

Yes, there we go. Assumptive communication. So what I mean by that is it's not going to happen through communications of assumptions, which means there is no communication. You just assume, which then quickly becomes an expectation, which then quickly becomes burning things to the ground that you watch should do this, this, this and that. And guess what? Because you're behaving that way, and it's not a chicken or egg thing, but because that is holding precedence inside of the marriage, you give her permission to do the same. So guess what? She assumes things of you, whether you're not making enough money or you're not home enough or you're not doing this with the kids. And it's like, well, where do we agree on this? It's pretty, pretty funny how that happens, I guess. I'd love to get your thoughts, Corinne. Like, what do you feel? And this is not, this is not something against women. It's just to help us as men understand a bit better. But what are a couple of the, I guess the pitfalls or, you know, things that, not injustices, but things that are tough for men to cop from women at times. What's your advice on? Well, I'll think of two right away. One is not letting go. And men are just as bad at this. But not letting go of things or not letting it in the past and being an overthinker or keeping the walls up, like they've got to be two things that really hold back a marriage or relationship at times. Is there advice for the guys out there listening to this on because you're a woman? Like, is that, is that true what I said? And is there a way, not a way around it. But what would be your guidance or advice on the best way to, I guess, approach that or help the softening of the walls or help establish that. That let's say there is a marriage where they're not communicating? Like, I don't know, what's the advice for? I guess sometimes where men can be stubborn, women can too. Where we can help bridge that gap by understanding a little bit more of the human or the female psyche.

That was a lot of questions in one question. So going back to the first question.

Help us know what women are thinking.

Okay, so what women want. Yeah. So the first question that you asked was.

Two areas I'd love to just cover. Let's go through this. Women not let. Going. Not letting go of the past or.

Women not letting go.

Women. Yes, yes. Help us. Help us understand some of the stubborn nature, because I can help you, and I've spoken to you about this, on the pitfalls of what men can do and how to work around that. But help us understand what is a better way. Is there a better way or approach to help soften the walls or to help women? Or is it just something where it's like, you know what? It's something your wife needs to choose. She needs to say, yep, that's it. I'm going to forget that and move on. Like, is there. Is there a way? Is it counseling? Is it a third party? Like, what. How do we help women?

For me, I can't speak for all women, but for me, it's action. So it's all really good and, well, to, you know, have an argument and say, well, you're stuck in the past and you're not moving past that, and things like that. It's like, okay, why am I stuck in the past? Why am I stuck on something? What's going on? What action have you done to help me move forward? You know, if you've hurt somebody and you've apologized and it's been something that's been life changing for that person, the hurt that you have caused them, they can't snap their fingers and just move on. It takes time and it takes action. So for me as a woman, if there's no action and I'm not. Not seeing any changes, then I'm gonna be stuck. I'm gonna keep reliving that. Okay, so how to soften that would be to keep moving forward, Try and help them to not keep reliving the situation. Reassure them that you are committed to your relationship and moving forward together, and talk about changes that meet. You both need to make to. To do that and to achieve that. Because I don't want to be stuck like that. I don't want to be constantly going through painful feelings or something that's upsetting me all the time. I don't want to live like that. And if I do find myself doing that the question has to come on to me as to why am I bored? Why am I trying to make myself feel pain? Why am I reliving this? Why have we not moved past this? We all have moments of weakness where, you know, things that have happened to us in the past can come in and cloud our judgment, because maybe something similar is going on in our life or we've been triggered, but from a woman's point of view, you know what? Sometimes for me, if I'm getting a sense that you're being quite cold to me, the most random things can come into my head, and I can feel insecure. I can feel, you know, that there's something not right. And sometimes all I need is just a hug. Sometimes I just need that physical touch and that physical connection. And you were talking about earlier how you greet your partner when you get home. So when you leave the house, Roman is having the biggest meltdown, and he screams and he cries, and he's absolutely heartbroken that you would leave to go to work. And it's hard for you, pulling out that driveway, seeing him like that. But when you return, it's the most exciting part of his day. Why do we lose that as a couple? Because seeing you at the end of my day is exciting. I'm happy to see you. I want to know how your day was. So when you come through the door with a long face and you're tired or, you know, you've had a stressful day, your partner wears that. Whether it's you being cold or, you know, oh, hi, or you go straight to the kids and you don't acknowledge your partner. That. Those type of things, day in, day out, you lose that sense of excitedness and that sense of, you know, I've waited all day to see you, and I'm really happy. Like a simple hug when you get in the door or, you know, just a kiss on the cheek. How was your day, honey? Oh, you look really lovely. You know, did you have a good day? Or sometimes doing that before you even acknowledge. The children can be nice, too, those types of things. From a woman's point of view, we're quite emotional, so when we're not acknowledged, it can really cause us to be quite upset. So on a. On a daily basis, if that's something that's not happening in your relationship, I would look at and start there. Basic, basic things. Think about when you started dating. Can't keep your hands off each other. Okay, you might be way past that now, but it doesn't mean that a hug is not going to fulfill that because sometimes that's all it needs. You know, maybe a cheeky little squeeze on the butt or a slap. Whatever you're into.

I know you're only excited to see me when I walk through the door if I've got a little bag of treats with me.

I mean, the excitement does. When Alex comes home with treats for me, I feel excited because I feel like it's a okay to eat treats. If I were to go and buy treats, I would have. I feel like I need to hide and I'd be embarrassed because we eat pretty clean. So if he has treats for me, there is not one question in my mind where I'm like, I can't eat this. Whereas I'm like, he bought it. I can absolutely eat this and he's not going to judge me. This is all great. We're fine. We can have this. And can I just also add sometimes that that is a really nice gesture too. Like if it's been, you know, you've been maybe a little bit off with your partner and you haven't been communicating that well. If you walked in the door with a Kit Kat, she's going to be stoked. Like, you are definitely going to be getting some love from that woman because she'll be like, just, I didn't even have to ask him. And you know, that was so nice. I'm going to sit down with my cup of tea after, after the kids go to bed and I'm just gonna have some me time and have my Kit Kat and you know, just those little things like that simple. It doesn't need to be a huge bunch of, of $300 roses. You know, I don't know where I ever received that. But it can just be something simple like that on, you know, a random day where they've. It may have just been a boring, plain old day that can really lift, lift your spirits.

The trick is, like I always say, fill your cup. So whenever I buy crin treats, I get triple for myself first and eat them in the car on the way home. No, we eat very well. But yeah, look, fair points on what you said there. What I got from that was definitely a lot of the stuff we've gone through before. Gentlemen, declaration declaring to your wife, okay, well this is, this is me or the goal or the plan or my plan or our plan or, you know, and having that but doing in a way where there is an emotional attachment, you know, are you acknowledging your wife? Do you acknowledge her enough? Maybe, maybe it is just coming Home and just connecting at an emotional level. That doesn't mean you need to be crying or dropping down on the knee or supplicating or submitting or any of that sort of shit.

No, because no one wants a whingy baby like.

No one. I've said that to Kryn as well before. I've said to you. I mean, I'm happy to ask you again now, but, you know, we look at two ends of the spectrum, unfortunately. Instead of being the chief in the middle, there are men who too much of the Viking or too much the of. Of the panda. And one of those in the Viking is the family walks on eggshells. He's grumpy Trigger dad. So who the would want a bar of that? So everyone keeps their distance. And then the other one is the pussy or the panda. You know, it's like. But I remember saying this. I was like, hey, would you love it if I just said yes to everything and just. Can you imagine was your puppy dog who was just, you know, on all fours going, yes, please. What? What next? What next? You know, Please just. I can. Tell me what to do.

We both know how that would end with my ego. Because I would just completely control that.

Oh, you wouldn't like it. Yeah, you'd enjoy it for half a day.

Half a day, honestly. And then so I'd be like, get away from me. It's too much. It's like having another child.

Yeah.

They're so needy as it is. I don't need someone else to be like that.

Then. You see, helicopter parents is almost like someone's helicoptering on you because they are an adult, but they're, you know, they're all up in your space. And you know what? Something you said, though, that's very interesting. Corinne and I want you guys to think about this as we start to wrap this up. When you get home and walk through the door, there is almost nil chance that you're going to die that day. Like the driving's done or the traveling's done or being out in public stun so lightning or buses or cars, or you've gotten out of the ocean getting eaten by a shark. I don't know what else there is. But when you actually get home, what you said was really interesting. It's like, hey, you should actually really be celebrating because chances are when you walk through that door, I mean, unless you eat like a fucking pig and you choke to death at dinner, you're not gonna die. That's great, you know, so enjoy that. Celebrate that like that is. That is a gift. You've come home alive. Or if your wife works in. She doesn't matter. You've come home and you're alive and you come, you've come back home to your. Your castle, your kingdom together. That's something that shouldn't be taken for granted. Maybe that does.

Yeah, it absolutely shouldn't be taken for granted because there are families where they, you know, it doesn't happen.

You know, you need to. You need to really cherish that. I get home. Awesome. Let's have a little celebrate. Hey, I'm home. I'm home. I'm here. We're here. Let's enjoy the evening, the avo, the night. And if you grumpy or tired, I have no energy. Okay, we'll go upstream. That's your own bullshit. You're not sorting yourself out. You're not creating space or time for yourself. You're not either exercising or being healthy or eating or eating healthy or eating enough or eating it all. All. On the flip side, you're eating some good, but then it's equalized with the bad with either volume, stress at work or the cupcakes and cookies or biscuits with your coffees and having liters and liters of milk every day. It's shit quality and sugars, and that's what it is. Don't go like, how come some people can come home in the afternoon slash evening and be happy and gracious and meet their parent. Sorry. Meet their partner and they've got the children and it's great. We've survived another day. What a beautiful thing. Let's celebrate. Let's break some bread together and cruise off into the evening. How come some people can do that but you might not be able to? That's obviously a sign to look in and go, okay. Oh, what am I doing earlier? Even the night before, staying up late, like I said before, what am I doing earlier? That's just crushing these moments that I'm not capturing. But I should be with my wife or with my children or with all of them. It's been a great. It's been a great episode. I've really enjoyed this. We've gone for a solid period of time, so should probably wrap up.

It's nearly bedtime.

It is. It is nearly bedtime. I've. I've really enjoyed this. And it's funny because we said I've behaved so well.

I have been. I've been sitting here behaving like my concentration is.

So, yes, it's 90 minutes. We've been going for, you know, when we first.

I mean, I could talk for a lot longer.

He said before, I don't know what to talk about. Like, what are we going to talk about? I don't know what to say. And I think it's been a great episode. I was just wondering, are you. Do you enjoy it?

Yeah, it's fun. I think I'm gonna start taking over the podcast from now on. It'll be Corinne Chats, open to any questions.

Yes.

Put any information on this guy.

That's right. Yeah. Get the scoop. Get the scoop on that comment in the section below. Yes.

No, I loved it. It was great. It was really good.

It was good. I enjoyed doing this. And yeah, maybe we don't have to wait till episode 300 to bring you back on, but we'll see.

But I think there'll be probably requests for 201, but, you know, I'll leave that up to the people to decide. I'm happy to do the next hundred with you.

Can. Can you email. Abusive email. Send them through to. What's your email address? But now. It's been great. I've really enjoyed it and I've been well behaved, too, but with good reason. The eagerness. Take the bullets out of that gun.

Now or I'll untie you from the chair.

Yes. You guys will be. You guys will be happy to know I've stopped bleeding, so.

Oh, my God, that's terrible. I don't do blood, so it's. He's totally fine.

That's right. Gets professionals into the job for Take Me Out Now. I hope you guys have gotten some value from this and enjoyed the episode where. It's just great. It's great to talk about this sort of stuff because I can't. I can't just sit in the office and talk on my own for 45 minutes and have some of the things that Kryn shared ever. Because that's been her perspective, her insights, her thoughts. And it's been a great session for me because it's really helped me actually peel back the layer of manhood a bit more and go, you know what? It was stubbornness and pride and all the other shit. But it was actually. It was actually a fear of failure and shame that kept me from being so open and transparent with you when the businesses were failing, when I felt like a failure, because ever since I was 13, when I started my journey to be healthy and fit, I just kept succeeding. I did. I lost the weight. I got strong. I was one of the strongest in school. I Made footy, I made reps, I made first grade squads. And then, bang. Broke my jaw, did my shoulder, did my knee. They're at different clubs. Broke my jaw with the Panthers. And then she just spoiled out of control. But it was a stubborn nut nut. Have to win, have to do it. And crazy. I look back now and it's not that it's lost. It's. It's definitely converted now to me being, you know, unstoppable in, obviously, business, but also super wise and aware in relationships.

But, well, I always still had you on a pedestal, so I wouldn't have actually known that you. You were feeling all of those things or even going through those things. You definitely pulled the wool over my eyes.

So while still performing. That's. See, that's the danger, fellas. That's the trap, right? The only difference is the stage of life you're at now. The whole still performing isn't you as an elite athlete. It's you with work or with your business. And you keep widening the gap between yourself and your family by tripling down on what you're successful at. Let me ask you, are you really successful in all the areas family, self, and service? Do you actually have true balance? Do you have mastery over this? Because. And I'll let Corinne talk. I'm not talking her behalf, but I believe that most days pretty fucking close to the mark, where I'm spending time with you, spending time with the children, spending time on myself where I need to, and obviously spending time at work and serving you fathers out there, too. And you can have that balance. But unfortunately, we think that we can only produce in one area because it's familiar or you've been successful there. You stay there, and that's where the trap can come, where you drive a wedge between yourself and your family.

Absolutely.

Anyway, good session.

Great. It was really good. Thank you all so much.

Thank you. I.

Thanks for having me.

Yeah. Thank you for coming on. And I really enjoyed it, Corinne. And. And I hope you guys got a lot of value out of it, too. And join us for another episode soon. Cheers. Please put down the knife. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who, you know, needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this, because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers.