201. How To Back Yourself In Today's World

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Foreign Gentlemen, welcome to a special episode. It is special because this is about you backing yourself in today's world. How to go all in on life, how to back yourself in today's world. This is about you going all the way. Please understand this is going to be a reasonably assertive, hyper aggressive episode. I'm just kidding about being hyper aggressive. But look, when it comes to you taking things personally, that's a sign for you to take in and personally absorb and process the words that you're listening to that are ringing true in some area, some phase, some stage in your life that says, hey, something needs to change, man. Good, bad and the ugly. Whether I agree with Al or not, the reason why I might be feeling this way receptive to that word, that sentence, that point. We've got 10 points to cover here today. There is no 30 minute intro for those of you who feel like I go on sometimes. That's all good, man. I understand this is a part of life and a part of the journey to really make sure that we're aligned. And sometimes with our episodes, especially those who are new to listening to us, it is about continuously framing and painting a picture and a perspective that actually ties all of these episodes in together. But just as a special one, today we won't go on with a 30 minute intro. 28 minutes. All right, what can I talk about for 26 and a half minutes, gentlemen? How to back yourself in today's world. This is an episode that I want you to take away. Now, whilst there'll be some assertive points, this is when I say you, I Might not know you, I might know you. But essentially when I say you, this is about you taking in the words and seeing what can apply to your life. It's not just listening, it's not just consuming and taking again and again and again. One of our members, amesbury, listened to 50 episodes before he joined us. Like, fuck me dead, mate. First thing he said was, I should have joined after one. But this isn't about just going, hey, listen to Alan and then come and join up. But don't think, and this is definitely the last point, be a real man, not a fucking liar. Don't think that if you just consume and consume, consume, that your life is going to turn around and change. And then if you're not happy with who you currently are and you need to change, how the fuck do you think you're going to do it stuck in your own head and in your own way? So an important thing for a lot of us gentlemen, is to understand that if you use the same amount of days that has already been used in 2022, that takes you through to the end of September. Think about that. I click your fingers. Whatever you've already used this year, use again. Bang. We're into October. Year is gone. The year is gone. So we're going to start with two questions and we're going to dive into the 10 points on how to get. How to back yourself, how to get back in front again in your life, how to back yourself and go all the way in today's world as a man, as a husband, as a father, as a member of society, contributing through your business or place of work. First thing, though, because of the way that we're wired, the way that we're geared is before we dive into these 10 points, mind you, this isn't part of the intro. The intro is done. First question. What don't you want? So here's the thing. Whenever you ask someone what is they desire and want in their life, they have no fucking idea why. Because you keep saying yes to the things you don't want, which means you keep focusing and putting energy to the things that you don't want, which means you keep getting the things that you don't want. That's what this whole Law of Attraction thing is, not just closing your eyes. And here, give me a Lamborghini. Awesome. Fantastic. Thank you, universe. This is about you applying incremental. Think about stock exchange, anything, anything with compound interest or continued improvements. Incremental improvements. Bench press building towards 100 kilo. Bench press. You start at 50 kilos. Progressive overload, all that sort of shit. The same thing, the same energy, the same universal language and law applies across the span of your life. What don't you want? This is the first thing. Ask yourself the question, what don't I want? I mean, surely you must fucking know the answer to that because you go through it all the time. There are lots of things that displease you. There are lots of things that you are unhappy about. There are lots of things that you no longer want in your life. This isn't me painting a doom and gloom saying, everyone listening to this podcast is fucking unhappy. Happiness is a byproduct of the actions and the changes that you make in your life and the fulfillment and reward of. Of following through, living your highest truth and doing what you said you would do. You don't just click your fingers and go, I want to be happy. I mean, I'm sure you've heard this before from your wife. Maybe when you've had arguments or you've had a bit of a separation or disconnect. I just want to be happy again. Awesome. What the fuck does that look like to you? Like, don't just sit there and paint feelings and bullshit. I want to be happy. Cool. Show me. What does that look like? Give me some examples. This is what I mean, men. Happiness is a byproduct of. So what don't you want? Okay, why does that keep happening? Why do you keep getting what it is that you don't want? One, you apply focus to it. Two, you apply energy to it. Three, you don't apply energy to the things that you probably should. And four, you're not immersing yourself in the right environment with the right changes and the right breaking down and rebuilding and molding into the new version of who you need to become to execute on the first three points, whether you're keeping them or taking them away. What you don't want, what you do want, that's the next question. What do I want? What do I want in my marriage? What do I want when it comes to connecting with my wife? When it comes to the relationship, when it comes to this agreement that is in thin air. Like, that's what it is. You think it's a piece of paper. It's not all marriages starve to death. That moment that shocks you, you're just fucking blind, man. Like, the reason why she left or the reason why you left is because there was a continual starvation of your relationship. It is an agreement is literally a. Think of it this way. Visualize it you're standing on the left, she's standing on the right, and then together you're shooting fucking energy into the air right in the middle of both of you. And it's like, what is this energy I'm putting into to make this big fucking ball that is my mate, my partner for life or not my wife, my other half, not better half. You don't say those fucking words and happy wife, happy, all that bullshit. Don't depower yourself or disempower yourself. What is this big ball of energy? Are you contrib, are you shooting stardust into the middle? Or is it just her or is it none of you? And it's just starving to death. So first ask the question, what don't I want in my life? Why does that keep happening? What do you keep doing or not doing which continually leads to the things that you don't want? Like, get pretty clear on that. Don't just binge, don't, don't just whinge or, or sit back on the lounge at night exhausted, completely burnt out, go, I'm not happy. Now what good's that going to serve anyone? This is about life, man. This is about you going all in on your life and going, I'm here to fucking claim it. I'm here to make it mine. This is my life. Forget all the me's and mys and eyes and all the different traps around people saying don't use identity and personalizations. No, this is your fucking life. Who else is it? I've seen so many different videos and bits and pieces. There's trillions of galaxy and billions of billions and billions of black holes and other galaxies and milky ways and blah, blah. It's like, okay, what the fuck does that even mean in life? Like, what relevance does that hold? Who cares? Even if it is true, it's got nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with you, your reality, your entire construct. And this isn't solipsism. That means that you are the only consciousness in the entire world and the whole world has been built around you like some sort of computer program. It's not about that, but it's understanding that your reality is yours. So none of this, my voice, doesn't even exist in your life if you're not consciously here and present to observe it. Same with dreams. Are they reality? Maybe. Maybe in a different plane, but they're yours. They're your dreams. They're not possible without your consciousness being present. So take some fucking ownership and empower yourself again, man, by looking at what you don't want asking why that keeps happening and then starting to reverse engineer the process of cutting away the shit that isn't important to you and building the layers, building the foundation of what is. What do I want in my marriage? What do I actually want? What do I want to be as a husband? Who do I want to be as a husband? What do I want to get from my wife? This is a world of trade. Nothing's changed. The old fucking flip flop, jandal sandals, wooden sandal, days back in the deserts of whatever time frame or time period you believe humans first originated or living through thousands of years. Nothing's changed. The world, the universe. The energy is a series of trades. Negotiation, selling, buying. These are just words. It is a continual transference and exchange of energy. So what do you want in your marriage? Okay, what the fuck are you going to give? You're just going to keep taking because you think you've got a piece of paper that you can lean on? Good luck with that. What do you want in fatherhood? What kind of father do you want to be to your children? What kind of children do you want? Okay, you want these type of children? Okay, you want your children to act this way or build or develop that way without squashing or trying to control them? How are you developing and building them and influencing them in a beautiful way, with your wisdom of the shit that you can cut away the great things you've done in your life. That to go, hey, here's something. Get a head start on my lessons and learnings and failures. What do your children need from you? What do you want in your business? Your place of work? If it's something from a financial prosperity point of view, you need to fucking level up. You need to increase your value. You need to provide a higher level of value. When we started, this program was $100 a month five years ago. Now, spoiler alert, it's not that anymore. $100 a month, 28 day challenge. Sorry, it was a 28 day challenge and it cost 100 bucks. And the 100 bucks was refundable. If the guys weren't happy with their service or if they completed and did all the work. If you're not providing a high level. I didn't know anything about marriage, about fatherhood, like really about the ins and outs of fatherhood, hadn't spent enough time with enough men to learn to listen. Some of the old bulls, men in their 50s and older than that, and take the lessons of what they did and what they fucked up and what they did great. What we can re emulate or model, even the program, even the coaching the team was the one man band, was the owl show. If you're not providing a high level of value, using your brain and thinking and developing yourself to provide a higher level of value, then you will stay stuck. You won't improve, you won't increase your position. I spent over half a million dollars on coaches, mentors and guides. You must invest in yourself if you're to provide any other value to anyone else. Same when it comes to your family. How the can you give your family your best if you're not being your best inside of you? Training, exercise, nutrition, creating space for yourself, night routines, morning routines, creating structure. It's not about chaos and bullshit and drama and the ups and downs of your life. It's actually being as stable and as consistent as possible. Because within that framework, which becomes a very big fucking frame, you have heaps of room to move, to be spontaneous. I said this with one of my clients last night, one of our platinum members. Ant I was chatting to him and I said, mate, when do you ever actually get all three? Because he's talking about doing two things really well and one thing, okay, we're talking about the circles of significance here. Family, self and service. I'm like, you know what? And it's not being a hypocrite because you can have all three. But when you zoom in, when do you actually truly, well and truly have all three absolutely mastered nailed every single day? You don't. But when you zoom out, absolutely, you can have balance. Why? Because all three points, family, self and service, have an upward trajectory of where they started to where they are right here and now. I'm not with my family, I'm with you. Which means I'm providing value in a service. I'm going to go into the sun later and then I'm going to train. So I'm going to provide me. And then I've got special time with Lillian and time with my family. I've got a special live coaching session. Those who've done the challenge tonight, fantastic. So at any stage of the day, I'm focusing on one. You can only do one thing. It's not about multitasking. I'm focusing on one thing. Family, self or service. Which one? But I'll tell you one thing, if I can really fucking master and dominate two of those and do reasonably well at one or be at least aware of one of them, what that means is I'm in fucking amazing shape, phenomenally fit and strong. I don't even have to train for two months and I can still maintain a reasonable figure and then triple down on family and service. This is the leverage, this is the leverage that you get when you create mastery in your life and you move towards being a high performance father. Awareness and execution at the highest level on all three. What do you want in marriage, in business, in fatherhood, in. In yourself? What does that look like for you? Two key questions before we dive into these 10 points. What don't I want? Okay. Why does that keep happening? What do I want? Like what do I actually desire? What do I want? Facts and feelings. Not just I want to feel loved in my marriage. Fucking great. Well, how will that happen? Get tangible, get specific. How will you feel loved? How will your wife feel loved? I know if I give my wife everything within, when I say everything, I know if I'm speaking her love language, I'm supporting her, I'm giving her time for herself, I'm giving her energy. So I'm helping out with the kids and other things. Pretty fucking hard, isn't it? In the modern world, like the whole days of just work, come home, everything's done for you. But what do we do? It's adaptability. It's not just the western cultural philosophies or feminism that's fucked up a lot of the minds of women. Whilst both of those are true, what can we control and what can we take through ourselves, our own ownership and actually have it all? Because if you can have it all, what that then does is that paints a picture of fathers in years gone by to go, hey man, you might have had things a bit simpler and maybe your way a little bit too much. Maybe that's why we're, we're under the pump and under the pressure we are today. But either way, guess what? I am. I'm someone who's fucking evolved from your position. I can do it all really, really well too, in being an amazing father. Not the stern dad that doesn't show emotions. An amazing husband. Someone who has a multitude of skills and skill sets with emotions, with facts, with feelings. The Viking and the panda. What do you want in your marriage, in fatherhood and business, in yourself? And then asking the question. So it's sort of a 1 question 1 and then question 2 and then 2A. How do I get it? If you know the answer, but you can't follow through, well, you need someone to help you unfuck yourself and get out of your own way. If you don't know the answer, well, then you need to find out. So you need to educate yourself, find people who've done it. Education doesn't mean just going into some sort of tertiary or some university course or any of that sort of stuff. It's actually finding people who've done what you want and modeling it and replicating it. What don't I want? What do I want? Okay, how do I get it? Well, if you know the answer, can't follow through. You need someone to hold you accountable and help you be accountable to do what you said you would do. Point number 10, be a real man, not a fucking liar, and follow through and create that as truth. If you don't know, well, you need to find out. And guess what? When you find out, back to the first point, you need to make sure that you can follow through and be accountable. How to back yourself in today's world. This is a very positive episode. This is a very optimistic episode. I know. I swear, sometimes, sometimes, a lot of the times I'm a very passionate man. But this is about you really understanding that you have this power inside of you, man. You truly do. Don't waste it. The other day, fucking Andrew Simon's dead, 46 years of age. Saw the article pop up and I don't know because I don't read. I don't follow the news or read, oh, that's right, on the Internet browser, just comes up as the default page and like, bang. It's like, shit, man. So I love watching that guy back in the day, clicked on it, two, three paragraphs in, bang. There's his wife. I can't stop thinking about the children. There's so much of him in them. He was such a large part of their life. I was like, fucking hell, man. I think, driving alone, 11 o' clock at night, car rolled dead. How much time do you think you have? And you know what the frustrating part is? Why do you need. Or why do we as human beings feel like we need something or someone in the fucking spotlight or someone who's well known to pass away for us to pull our head in and go, wow, life is short. Because I tell you right now, celebrities or not, every single day, there are fathers that leave their home and guess what? They don't fucking come back. Every day, everyday fathers out there die and that's it, they're gone. This is about backing yourself in today's world and going all in on your life. And guess what? Going all in on you. If it is to be, it's up to me and all that sort of shit. That's something you should never do alone, ever. Point one. Unless you can direct this. This is important for a lot of you guys. This is going to be around your triggers, around where you apply your focus, your energy, how to dissolve, how to be a true Viking, how to be a true panda. Because I've had a great question from one of our members going. Well, how do I just. You know, I was a panda, but I was a Viking, but I was destroying everything around me. So I got the job done, but I wasn't a nice person. But now I feel like I'm too much of the panda. I'm just become a punching bag as well. So let's dive into that. You can, will and should be both, which is the chief in the middle. And what holds true to the chief is always personal integrity. You are a Viking, which means you can hold your ground, your position, and stand up and fight for what's right at the. At the place. And this is where the chief is important. At a place where you are the Viking. Standing up for your personal integrity. That doesn't come at the cost or detrimental destruction of others around you. And also doesn't come at the cost, destruction or detriment of your own personal integrity. I'm going to stand up and fight for what's right. Not at pulling you down, not at ripping you down or tearing you to shreds. But I'm certainly not going to swing and just be the panda the whole time and lose my personal integrity. Even a panda doesn't. Pandas strong. So please understand this man. When we're talking about the Viking, the panda, this isn't about fucking handing your balls over. And this isn't about going and slaying villages and carving your way through because you're the man and you have power. That's not true. It's not True. Power. Point 1. Unless you can directly influence something, let it go. And let go of any preference or personal attachment to it. So when we're talking about the Viking, unless you can directly influence something, why are you fighting? Just fucking let it go. Let it go. Let it pass and move on. If you have a personal preference or attachment to it, but you can't directly influence it, but I can. Now it's my child or it's my marriage. Yeah, but are you influencing it in the right way? Is the environment too triggered? Is your wife too triggered? Has she got a backup? She got the walls up. Can you really influence it? Can you influence it in that situation or that circumstance? If the answer is no, Then fuck it off. But essentially what that means is letting it go in a sense of, hey, you know what? This obviously isn't going to be working out right now I'm just going to let things cool down and steam off. I'm going to remove myself from the situation. That doesn't mean you just let it go and be silent and let someone fucking bark at you for 20 minutes. Minutes. Especially when it comes to relationships. So unless the conditions, the environment, the dialogue, the history, the connection, the person is holding a footing where you can directly influence that situation or circumstance. Just got to let it go. Just learn to let go. Which takes us to point 2. If you can influence something, then do something about it. If you have a position, it's like, okay, well that didn't work. Be smarter. Choose a different environment, choose a different location. Pre frame what the conversation's going to be about. Hey, you know what? I'd love to grab a coffee and just talk about. Look, we're coming up to halfway through the year. I want this to be an amazing year. I know things have been tough with the kids, with school or health or sickness or your job or work or blah, blah. All right, well, why don't we catch up, have a coffee? And I just want to make sure that we are doing everything we can to be a real team and support each other and just really dominate the back end of the year. I can't, I can't stress this enough. Like some of our members, when they're sharing this insight, awareness is half the battle. When they're sharing this insight into their marriages, their wives are stunned. They're like, are you, like they're shocked. Are you taking the piss or what? How do you know? Like for you to be able to perceive and read the problems that they're facing and then. And women think they're great at communicating, right? They're not as great as they make out to be. They're great at whinging and bitching and gossiping and all that sort of in their friendship groups and circles, then they're not as great at communicating as they think they are. Trust me on that one, mate. And you guys know what I'm talking about here. Otherwise they would have gone upstream and they would have fucking spoken to you in a different way that would have connected and run through to you instead of just packing their bags and leaving. It always takes two to tango. So whilst they network and they speak more words, that doesn't necessarily mean that they're a better communicator than men. No fucking way. So when it comes to doing something about it, it comes from a position where, yes, you can influence it. How? Go upstream to the source. Have a look at perceived problems. Are they real? Are they not? Even if they're not real, they're real inside of her head. Okay. Break them down. Help her break through her own and stories. Without coaching her, but with guidance. With guidance. And in guiding her as your husband in a setting and environment that is safe. Is. It's safe, it's stable. It's something that gives her security inside of her own feelings and emotions. To open up a little bit more and draw that out of her and from her, then you can share feelings and facts. Your feelings are the current truth. She can't deny them. Just like her feelings might be her current truth. You can't deny that. Fantastic. How do we find a better set of feelings? Well, we create a better set of facts, and then in the future, we will have a better set of feelings. Unless you can directly influence something. Point one, let it go if you can influence something. Point two, do something about it. Point three, the Viking in life is like a lion. He doesn't always hunt. He's simply sure in himself. That's what I was talking about a couple of minutes ago. You're a fucking lion, man. Like you are the Viking. Like you are a warrior. That doesn't mean you're always walking around with the axe in your hand. You might have it holstered. You might have a strap to your back or your breastplate or wherever it sits. You don't have to use it, but you know it's there. Look, I had lots of fights in high school because I was a fat boy growing up, and I got bullied a lot. But I always fucking stood up for myself, and I'm glad I did. I've had a shitload of conflict in my life. Now, I'm a large, powerful, strong man. Yes, I did some kickboxing back in the day, but I'm not here to fight people. I'm not here to cause fights and conflict and all that sort of stuff and actively pursue that shit. That is a waste of energy. But I tell you right now, you give me a very big, heavy punching bag, and I'll maul the fuck out of that for two to three minutes. That's a long time. Like, if you've really hit a bag, I mean, you watch the UFC and that sort of stuff, you can't. You can't go fighting for 15 minutes straight. Just doesn't work. I'll maul the fuck out of that bag. Does that mean I can punch like Floyd Mayweather? Of course not. But essentially, I know I have a level of strength and power that I am sure in myself. I can protect my family. Any direct threats, any threats to my life, anything that is coming in and trying to cave in on my personal integrity values and my life, literally physically, and my family is those that I love and care about. I'm very confident insuring myself that I can at least provide some sort of resistance and I can be resilient to the adversity that life throws in my way and stand up and fucking fight. That doesn't mean I walk around with my chest out looking for arguments or eyeballing people. The Viking in life is like a lion. He doesn't always hunt. He is simply sure in himself. That's what being the Vikings about. That doesn't always mean that you need to speak words either. Like, sometimes the Viking, the warrior in you is looking at someone who's fucking yapping at you. I saw this video the other day was hilarious. It was a Chihuahua or something. And there was this huge, rotty Rottweiler. Rottweiler, however you say it. And he had a ball, a chew toy. Obviously, the Chihuahua wanted it. And the Chihuahua was jumping up on his back and then just starts fucking hooking into his shoulder blade. Like, man, it was the funniest thing I ever seen biting the out of him. And the Rottie's just standing there, and then it slowly looks down, and then the Chihuahua sort of stops and sits and looks up, still growling. And the Rottie just moves a little bit closer, gets his head closer. Chihuahua stops growling and the Rottie just goes. Just a little growl. His go back. There's fucking Chihuahua. That was the funniest shit ever, man. Sometimes that's all that's needed, is the Viking. Okay, all right. What the fuck is. Get this little. Get this shit away from me. I'm okay. I'm out. And you'll see that whether it's, you know, documentaries or videos, the hyenas, you know, playing around with the lions and all that sort of stuff, you assure in yourself. And a lot of the times that actually dissolves any opportunity for conflict. My brother's an Arakan specialist martial artist. Like, he's a freak, man. He would fucking axe anyone else I know. And he's just an absolute weapon. Guess what? He's never been in a fight because of his confidence, the words he speaks in conflict and how he carries himself. People like, oh, this Guy's something about this guy, and he just looks like he's muscly and ripped, but he's not a large human like myself. But he's man, he's a weapon. He's got the goods. He is sure in himself. Sometimes that's all you need. Does that mean you should go buy a punching bag and put it up in the garage and punch the fuck out of it a few times a week? Maybe. Maybe you need to do some weightlifting, lift some heavy shit, or do some cardio, right? Jump on the rower and do some sprints. Do something that exerts a force. And what. What this entails in you being, showing yourself and being the true Viking is actually confidence, confidence and truth that you can perform. Confidence and truth to some degree that you can actually follow through. Look, I don't run because my knees, bone on bone and no meniscus, no cartilage and whatnot. But if I need to run, I can run, man. I can run like the wind. My knee will swell up and it'll be fucked for a week and whatnot. But if I need to perform, I can. That's why I love training. You've got such a stable environment, weightlifting, resistance, such a stable environment to stress yourself, to push yourself, to exert force, to fucking punish yourself. It's such an amazing thing. And then when you recover, you're a beast. You are a weapon, man. You're an animal. You can lift shit, you can move shit, you can move your body, you can get your heart rate up, you can perform. You are conditioned as. As a. As a primal being. That primal power, it is deep inside you because you've earned that right. The Viking in life. Point three, he's like the lion. You don't always have to hunt, but you know when you want to and when you need to, you can. Point four, the panda is incredibly strong. So when I'm talking about panda, you're not a fucking pussy, you're a panda. It's incredibly strong, but open and receptive to play, share and support. Point four, the panda is incredibly strong, but open and receptive to play, share and support. So how to back yourself in today's world is not always being in fight or flight mode. There are times when you want to play, share and support, and that's great because it helps you recharge your batteries. That helps you rejuvenate, that helps you become in a different light, more emotionally attached or invested in something or someone. Your children, your wife, your place of work. You look at these podcasts I mean, it's no secret that I really enjoy these and I have fun with them. Sometimes we'll take the piss a little bit more, have a few more laughs. Other times, it might be a bit more high energy, like this episode. But essentially, the point is, you can use all facets of life, personalities, hats, like the chameleon, gears, switches, whatever. Whatever analogy or visualization you want to use, you can use that to have both. Both ends of what makes us human, both ends of what provides value in your life. The skill set is knowing when and where, the actual why and the how. We've gone through this, and it can't come at the cost of your personal integrity. Viking or Panda, we've gone through this. You can absolutely put on these different hats and express and be part of a beautiful thing of life where life is moving and channeling through you and around you. And it's amazing. You just can surrender and let go like, fucking, this is fantastic. I'm almost in flow. And other times you're like, you know what? I need to get up and get after this and make this mine. Point five, ask yourself. And this connects to those last two points as well. Ask yourself why you get your backup. Because the reason is usually because you've given up personal integrity or you're trying to control something you shouldn't, which means you're failing. Or if you were winning at first because you're overpowering your wife or your children, and then they fucking wake up, you are now failing. And you failed back then, too. You just delayed the inevitable instead of leading the right way. So ask yourself, why do I get triggered? Why am I getting my backup? Why am I getting upset? The reason is usually you've given up your personal integrity. You've just been a fucking yes man. Or you're trying to control something you shouldn't. Why do you think guys get their backup with my various advertisements and Facebook ads and whatnot. Well, they're trying to control something that they shouldn't. They're trying to control what my opinion, my viewpoint, my coaching program, my perspective, my offering the service and what we can provide. Okay, good luck with that. You're getting triggered because I'm highlighting a truth inside of your life that you're not willing or ready to admit and acknowledge inside of yourself. So what do you do? Put the walls up. That's not being the Viking. That's not courageous or brave at all. It's not even a point of strength, men. If you're getting your back up and getting triggered constantly, it Is because there's been a chronic state or a passage of time long enough in which you have been a yes man and continuously bowed down and allowed yourself. And that doesn't mean that you need to switch and be the Viking and burn everything in the ground. But standing up and going, look, no, I don't agree with that. That's not mine. And what I said before. First two points. If you can't influence it, let it go. If you can do something about it, but do something that doesn't destroy everything around you. Do something that enlightens yourself and those around you with an opportunity for them to follow suit. That's their choice. Again, trying to control something you shouldn't. Point 6, 10 points. These 10 points. How to back yourself in today's world. We're halfway. I just want you to have a think for a second about how or where this can apply to you. Because a couple of episodes ago, when we're talking about opportunity cost, this is what it's about. Opportunity cost. It's one of the greatest things to recognize. What is it costing me in the amazing, great, phenomenal, beautiful things I can have in my life that I'm not or I won't because I'm not taking action or taking the wrong action, not in the right environment, not fixing up my perspective or the lens in how I see the world. I don't have the right people around me. I don't have the right tools around me. Opportunity cost, which means flipping that on its head. It's like, okay, let's visualize. Think about this. Unless you can directly influence something, let it go. If you can influence something, do something about it. Become the Viking so you're sure in yourself. Be the panda when you need to to play. Share and support and ask yourself why. You get your backup and reorganize yourself to maintain personal integrity and don't control things. You shouldn't flip episode 199 around. Fantastic. Those five points in mind, I want you to visualize and think about what are some amazing opportunities I can have if I adopt these values. If I take this on board and take action with it, even if it's not true, even if it's close and kick back. I'll become an astronaut and fly to the moon. You don't have to go that far ahead. Just visualize like, you know what that means. I could come home one day instead of walking through the door feeling shitty, fucking spark myself up with some breathing exercises, get pumped that I'm alive. I've made it Home. So chances are I'll stay alive that night and go out and spend some time with the kids or take them to the park before it gets dark, take them away, let the missus have some downtime, bring dinner home, get something nice for the family and call my wife on the way and say, I've got a surprise. That dinner that you made, we'll have that tomorrow night. I've got something else. Or don't cook. What are the opportunities? What are the amazing opportunities for yourself, for loved ones? Amazing experiences you can have in your life? Opportunity costs. Looks at the great things you can have that you won't because you're not fucking thinking about or putting effort or energy in. Well, what are those things? Let's think about them. What are some of the amazing opportunities that you might have? And I'll tell you what, if you think about 15 of them, even if three come true, that's a fucking win. Because if that happens every week, every month, even every month. All right, beautiful. That's 36 things a year that has turned in my favor. What do you think I will do after five years? That's 180 things in my favor. Do you think that's going to improve your marriage or make it worse? Do you think it's going to improve fatherhood or make it worse? Improve you as a man or make you worse? I think we both know the answer. Ripping on through this gentleman. This is an amazing gift for all of us because this is remembrance for me. I'm channeling the voice of thousands of men now that we've worked with on how to actually go all in and back yourself and win in life. Let's keep this rolling. Point number six. You can't carry other people's baggage forever. Can you see how all of these are connected? Like they're in some way shape or form? They are connected. You can't carry other people's baggage forever. You get weaker and you actually deny them in getting stronger. I want my children to experience a certain level of hardship. Doesn't mean I want my children in pain all the time. It's a really hard thing. But training and exercise is great because they're going to be in some form of pain or discomfort, but it's genuine and valuable to their growth in such a specific intangible way. But essentially, when you keep carrying people's baggage, you're making them weaker as well as weakness in yourself. You're burning out, you're fucking cooked. You're carrying too much. Don't care how big Your shoulders are so. You're denying them and getting stronger. And you're getting weaker. So ask yourself, where am I burdening? And again, this is a subtle thing. This is a subtle play with ego, right? Responsibility, protect your children, blah blah, blah. I get all that. But you're trying to control something you shouldn't. Even when that comes to other people's problems and baggage, you're trying to control it. Why? How's that turning out for you? Easier to focus on someone else's problems instead of your own, right? The great martyr. Ah, you know what? Maybe next lifetime I'll be able to have some time for me. But you know what? It's. This is what needed to be done. Fuck off. This is what needed. You chose that. This is what needed to be done. This is what. Family first. Yes. Put them first by standing up and modelling the way to fucking live as the greatest human being and leader of the household. That's how you put them first. Because you show them what they need to do. They're not yours. You may be responsible over or for them for a period of time, blood bound or not, they're human beings as well. They have their life to live too. You can't carry other people's baggage forever. You get weaker and you deny them. Getting stronger. 0.7. Yeah. Life goes so quickly. Here we are. Blink and it'll be winter. Blink. It'll be spring. Blink. It'll be summer. Blink 20. 25. Blink 20. 28. Blink 20. 38. Point 7. One day you're going to stop blinking. Back yourself and have a crack at life. I know it's obviously really a common thing and it's really sad what happened with Andrew Simon's block. So this happens every single day. But here's how the story ends, gentlemen. We're all going to be fucking dead one day. I don't know when that is for you. I don't know when that is for me. I guess with the way that I have a hunger for growth in my continual pursuit to create impact and change in life, my own, my family's, and hopefully potentially yours. I fucking hope I'm around for a bit longer, that's for sure. I don't know when that time's up. Yeah. I say this ironically. It would kill me if I died earlier. Well, it would because I would be dead. But. But the thought of it kills me because I'm like, fuck, man, there's so much I want to live. Okay, well, I don't have full control over that, you know, I hope and pray that old mate stays on his fucking side of the road. And the hundreds of cars that I pass every day, you know, they, they stay aligned with our agreement that they're on that side and I'm on mine. And something like that is a pretty common thing to visualize. A car crash doesn't become my reality and any other accident that might happen, but essentially it comes for all of us. One day you will stop blinking back yourself and have a crack at life. Don't stay the fucking same. Why would you want to stay the same? There were some great things in 13 year old Al. As fat and unhappy and depressed and bullied and picked on and alone and isolated as he felt. Guess what? That same fucking boy made a call. He made a decision, he made a choice. And he's nowhere near as strong as I am right now, obviously. So even that boy in his vulnerability, his susceptibility to go one way, the other side and fall down, fall apart and fall away in life where he was so exposed, so vulnerable, so weak, something inside him said, fuck this. Enough is enough. My turn, my time to rise up. Like, that's. I get emotional about this man. I don't know where that came from. I don't know where that voice came from. I have memories like all of you, but that was a long time ago. I'd love to go back then and just be someone watching or a fly on the wall going, have a fucking look at this bloke already. Stops eating junk food and takeaway, stops drinking cordial, starts walking around the park, then starts running around the park, starts lifting weights that his old man put in the garage, starts lifting more weights, starts getting training buddies. I was like, look at this fucking bloke go. Like. I'm actually. I admire and I'm inspired by the younger version of myself because he was fucking piss weak in so many ways. That's not me taking the, you know, taking the mickey out of myself when I was younger, but I was, have a look. I was like 114 kilos at 12 years of age. Everything was falling apart. And that was the case for years, from 8 till about 15. It was a battle, man. Those 13, 14, 15 and then 16, they were battles. It was a battle. And I sort of started breaking through 16. When I got 9.3 on the beep test, people started giving me compliments and noticing I was changing. And that was when I was in year 10. And then when I hit 17, 17, boom. Open the floodgates. I look back then, I'm like, How? It's crazy, it's inspiring. Like that guy, he, he had nothing going for him and he made that call, he made that choice. Guess what? You have that as well. Whether you were 8, 18, 28, 34, 41, right now, today, you have that choice, man. You have that choice. Entering the second half of life or not. You don't know when that is. I've got friends who fucking dead. Their second half started when they were 16, you don't know when that is. But I'll tell you one thing right now, if you feel like you're in the locker rooms and it's half time, you're in the sheds and you're bloodied and bruised and you need more strapping and you need the right team around you, you need the right men in your corner, you need that fucking team huddle. You don't want to be alone in the sheds. You need to break out of the mold that just keeps rolling through the chaos of daily life. Just treading water, trying to survive and then disappearing and escaping like every other fucking person. Drinking alcohol, watching television and immersing yourself in technology and scrolling and just washing your life away. One day you're going to stop blinking back yourself and have a crack at life point eight. The greatest way. It's what I was saying just then, really. The greatest way you can have the greatest crack is to remove the self destructive parts of yourself. How do you do that? It's your environment. You need other people to show you what's possible. Not the mates that show you what's possible and keep on going down the same fucking path. Show you what's not possible. It's through their own lack of actions or esteem to rise up and create change in their life. You need the right environment, man, to challenge you genuinely, but be in your corner and have your best interest at heart and show you, hey, this has been done. Look, it has been done. Sorry about fucking Steve Jobs and Elon Musk. Look at this, this has been done. Being a true and genuine and real father. Fucking cracks me up when we talk about work, life balance. You can have this. I get people on ads going, ah, Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos were very successful in their marriages for 26 years. It's like, what the fuck do you even mean 26 years? They're both divorced, both with acts of infidelity, both go around fucking other women. It's successful. I'm sorry, can you just reread your comment? How fucking laughable it is. This is your life, your world. Sorry about the fucking secret. The secret men's club. Maybe that's another episode. Fucking, I'll tell you what, the world is filled and riddled with corruption, man. Focus on what we can do in the immediate and real environment around us. The greatest way you can have the greatest crack is to remove the self destructive parts of yourself. You need to burn parts of you down to the ground. And then like the phoenix, man, you need to rise up through the ashes. And you do that by having others around you uplift you, show you what's possible, show you what to model, give you the tools, the steps, the pathway. Otherwise you're going in blind. Like I said before. Okay, what do I want? How do I get it? Well, if you know but you can't follow through. All right, well how do I follow through? Well, you have a level of accountability, so you live and breathe the truth. So you can't just fucking lie to yourself and hide away with what you thought you were going to do but didn't. I was going to do that training session. We didn't tell anyone, right? So when you don't do the training session, it's okay. No, no, no. When you share and declare to the tribe, to the coaches, to others around you and you don't follow through, you're telling everyone you're a fucking liar. That's a great thing, that's a good lever to pull. Don't be a liar, show the truth. There's a certain level of pride that's going to help you follow through. That's important. If you don't know, well, then you need to find out. Educate yourself, find the right people, have the knowledge around you.9. Be grateful but not wasteful. Grateful but not wasteful. This is the important thing. You can't just kick back and go, I'm so grateful for life, blah blah, blah, and then you do nothing. It's not grateful and unsatisfied. I use that term years ago. I didn't fucking like that. It's not fair. If you've done great things, you should have a level of satisfaction. Be grateful but not wasteful. 0.9, super important. Be blessed. You're here, you're alive. Just like 0.7. One day you won't be so leverage that leverage your own mortality to go, hey, you know what? I'm fucking amazed that I'm here. One in 400 trillion sperm. What a gift. Now let me use it. Let me not waste this gift. Gentlemen, as we wrap this up, how to back yourself in today's world. I thought this was going to be a shorter podcast. No intros. Here we go. 45 minutes. How cool is that? Maybe if there was an intro, it would have been an hour and 20 minutes.9. Be grateful, but not wasteful. This is your time, your life. Don't waste it. Be blessed that you're here. You don't have to get up, you get to. What an amazing opportunity. An amazing opportunity, not a burden. Your children, your wife, your business, your work. What an amazing opportunity. The formula for success, it's not overly complicated, it's not that complex. Some of the simplicities in life are very hard, though. Why? Because no one wants to fucking do them. Because they come with monotony or boredom or consistency. Doing the same thing again and again and again whilst you've got all these other highlights flashing or flashy things, highlighting in your life what you should have, what you're missing out on, what you need to have and the speed of technology. No, just slow it all down. Be grateful and blessed for the fact that you're living, breathing and you can listen. You are listening to these words, this podcast, but not wasteful. Don't just waste and sit on your hands. And our final one point number 10. And this point, number 10 really ties everything in together. So going through is again, unless you can directly influence, let it go. If you can influence, do something about it. The Viking is sure in himself. The panda is strong. The plays, shares and supports. Ask yourself why you get your back up. Are you giving away your personal integrity? Do you know what that is? Do you have personal integrity? If not, start with that. That comes with truth. Don't carry other people's baggage forever. You get weaker and you deny them to get stronger. You will stop blinking one day. The greatest way you can have the greatest crack is your environment. Be grateful, but not wasteful. Last one. Be a real man, not a liar. And I'll tell you what I mean, lying isn't going. Hey, today's Tuesday. No, it's Wednesday, right? That shit's easy. That's easy to spot. These are the hidden lies, the subtle lies. Unless you're 100% happy and content with your life, which is impossible. If I was the same version I was 10 years ago, as happy as I might have been 10 years ago, which I wasn't, but let's say I was, how could that carry and ring through? We are progressive creatures, we're continuously seeking evolution. If you don't, you are in a dream or an illusion you have masked, or you put a facade up You've put a mask over your true identity and who you are. So unless you're 100% happy and contending life, which you know is not possible, you're a liar to the greatest version you can be if you're not doing everything in your power to change, grow and evolve. This is what I mean about happiness being a byproduct, which means it's a continuation, a continual byproduct of your actions, your life, what you're living, what you're leading. So if you're whingeing, if you're bitching, if you're complaining, but you're not doing anything or everything about it to change, you're a fucking liar. Because you're accepting your current circumstances, even though you're speaking different words, you're accepting your current position. Be a real man, not a fucking liar. If you really want something to match your words on wanting and seeking change and improvement in your life, you fucking do something about it, mate. The end. I can't remember the last time I complained. I can't remember the last time I saw a problem as a problem. It's a speed bump, roadblock, hurdle, brick wall, something. I'll crash through it, I'll climb over it, I'll jump over it, I'll run around it. I'll go in a different direction. All right, that direction isn't obviously the way. Let's find a different way. You've got problems in your life. Okay? What are you going to do about it? You're unhappy. You're unhappy about something. All right, what are you going to do about it? I fucking love asking that question, man. Like, it's not. It's not an aggravating or an interrogating or, you know, it's not a question that is seeking to invoke rage or anger or any sort of shit. It's just such a direct question. Okay, what are you going to do about it? What's something you want to change or improve in your life that you currently haven't? Okay, well, what can you do about it? What are you going to do about it? Point number 10 is so important, lads, as we wrap this up. Be a real man, not a liar. I'm not saying you're not a real man right now. Like I said, many of you haven't met before, don't know. But a common, a fundamental flaw throughout humanity is the world is full of lies. Full of fucking liars, liars and hypocrites. This big fucking smoky fog, this big illusion, this big dream. It's a fucking nightmare. It's not a dream, it's a nightmare. Wake up. If you're not happy about something, stop speaking the fucking words. Stop having those fucking thoughts and do something about it. Apply the other nine points. I promise you, you will follow through and create amazing changes in your life. And you won't have to do it alone because no one can do it alone. There's no such thing as self made success is yours. Fantastic. Personal success. Certain areas absolutely self made doesn't exist. No one births themself into the world and sucks their own fucking boob getting milk out of their own tit and changes their own nappies and wipes their own ass. You are lying to the potential, the possibility of the greatest version that you can become. But denying yourself the right to be that through the wrong words and the wrong inappropriate or no actions that are going to connect the dots towards your own growth and evolution. This is your time, man. This is your journey back yourself. This is how you back yourself. In today's world, you live absolute truth and you take relentless action. Let's work in reverse order. You are grateful for your life, but you're not wasteful. This is my life. Awesome. I'm here to live it. You immerse yourself in the right environment to have the greatest crack. You do stand up and have a crack because you know what. Your own mortality is coming for you. And you don't know when. You stop carrying other people's problems and baggage and you help guide them. You point the path, you walk the path with them. But they have their baggage just like you have yours. And you might carry or assist or guide them at times. They've got a sprained ankle. Great. I'm going to hold this for you for a week. Then you can have it back. You stop getting your backup and triggered because you keep giving your personal integrity away. Chronic cost of avoiding conflict and collision with your wife, your children or anyone else. You're giving your personal integrity away or you're trying to control things you shouldn't. You're not the panda at all. When you can be strong, playful, sharing and supportive. You're a Viking that burns everything in the ground. Always in hunt mode. When you don't need to be. You know you can hunt. You just become sure in yourself so you don't always have to. But you know it's there when you need it. Those who you can influence and lead. You do things that you can't. You don't. You let them go. Hope this serves you well, gentlemen. Start with those first questions. What don't you want? Why does that keep happening to you? What do you want? How are you going to get it? And apply these 10 points and I promise you, you apply these 10 points and right at the end, you are a real fucking man standing up and going, you know what? This is my absolute truth. This is my position. This is what I'm going to do about it. This is how continually bridge the gap between where I am now and where I want to get to, where I am now, where I want to get to. And I rinse and I repeat, rinse and repeat. And I make that my reality, my legacy and my fucking life. Because I'm the man, I'm the king. And this is what I'm owed off the back of my actions. This is what I deserve, this is what I desire. And this is what I will provide in the example to my children and future generations. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.