203. Winning The Game Of Respect

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Winning the game of respect. No intros. Let's crack straight on into this bad boy. What are you doing to gain other people's respect? And how can you possibly think that you deserve or are worthy of other people's respect if you don't fucking respect yourself? How's that sound? Because I tell you what right now, to me that sounds like hypocrisy. So welcome to a special episode where what we're going to dive into is actually asking the question, what is respect? Like, what is it? What does it mean to you? Because these are just words. It was an interesting conversation that I've had before with other members and whatnot around the word cheating. Well, what does that actually look like? You know, is it something that is physical, is it an emotional like this is about you creating a definition of something that can apply and serve you in your life. So hopefully in this episode we're going to open up some perspective to that word respect. Not the powerful tyrant walks through the door, everyone should fucking bow down. Not the other way around, just kicking back in a passive manner thinking that everyone should just give you something that you feel you're owed or that is due to and for you. You've done nothing about what is respect, why respect might be lacking inside of your personal life, inside of your household, inside of your business, inside of you and your own personal integrity, which might be lacking. We're going to dive into some of those definitions as well. What it means having a lack of respect, losing the game of respect in this world and what you can do about it. First, let's start with the definition of what is respect. So when I'm looking up here online, respect, a feeling of admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities or achievements. Due regard for the feelings, wishes or rights of others. Admire deeply as a result of their abilities, qualities or achievements. That's the basic, or I guess the fundamental on the Internet anyway, meaning of respect. What do you think respect is? What's the definition of respect? Even those words I've just read out to you then, deep admiration. Someone, something, their abilities, qualities or achievements. Due regard for feelings, wishes or rights. Okay, why? Why would you respect those points of a person? What does that actually mean? What is that a byproduct of what. What is respect a byproduct of. It's a perception of value. The end. That's all it is. It is a perception of value. There may be people out there who don't agree with me, don't agree with high performance Father. What we do, obviously, we run lots of different ads and we really do open the door and we're quite transparent, expose ourselves completely. This is who we are, what we stand for. That way you have certainty, which is one of the answers which will dial in shortly. You have confidence and certainty and a level of trust in who we are and what we stand for, which is very rare in the world today. So there may be people out there who actually don't agree or may not be specifically aligned with what we do, but that doesn't mean they don't respect us. Just like I'm sure there could be, I don't know, UFC fighters or sportsmen. You know, when you're looking at. Yeah, obviously one of the more commonly known ones, let's say the state of origin, New South Wales, might hate Queensland and vice versa, but there are still players on the opposite side that you support, that you still respect. You're like, man, that guy's. Yeah, you know, like, I hate him or don't be. You got it. You got to give him. Give credit where credit's due. What is that? That is a perception of value. Respect is value. So when looking at what is respect and these definitions, admiration, someone, their abilities, their qualities or achievements. Due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others. Let me ask you something. Do I need to give due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of every single human being on this planet? Fuck no. I focus on my life, stay in my zone. What I'm doing in my lane, my channel. I gotta tell you, man, all you need to do is walk out or go to the shops. And you'll be more than amazed at how the majority of people carry themselves. And that's an observation of actions. That's not a judgment of identity. I don't know who they are, but more often than not, you don't have to walk on eggshells and play happy families with every other fucking person in the world. You stay clear on what's important for you, what drives you, and essentially what builds a level of value that you perceive. But here's what I'm talking about. Hypocrisy. The level of value that you perceive or command or demand out of others can only ever, at least at a minimum, be matched by yourself. Otherwise, you are a hypocrite. You don't practice what you're preaching or demanding of others. So I love what we do here, man. Like, I've never demanded more out of anyone than I have of myself. And that's a great thing. It's a great thing to hold on to. Otherwise I'm fishing or floating through, going, well, this should happen. That should. How would I know? I'm not there. I'm not practicing it myself. That doesn't even make sense. So we're looking at the definition of what respect is. First and foremost, it is perception or belief. It is a perception or viewpoint or lens or belief or idea around value that is being added. So why don't you respect yourself? What is it that you're lacking value or lacking a perception of value in your own eyes? When you're looking at yourself in the mirror, what's holding you back? Why is that the case? Why is that the truth? You've let someone else beat you down. You've failed over and over again. Because the fundamental flaw for mankind is a lack or a lowering of belief. They do not believe they are worthy, which means that they do not believe they have the ability, the skills, the tools, the mindset. They do not have enough value to create change, which means they lack self, respect, love, worth, appreciation, esteem, confidence, enthusiasm, all of them. When you peel the layers back, bit by bit, we're going to dive into why respect might be lacking. When we peel the layers back bit by bit, you start to see and understand at a level that speaks your language what these words can actually be interpreted as and what they mean to you. So respect is a perception of value. That's it. It's a perception of value. I see value in that. Which means when it's a perception of value that's measured differently, I look at when I was Going through elite sport with rugby league and whatnot and coming through. And I look at the kids these days and it's not that I don't have any respect for them, but I look at them and they're just fucking kids. Like they're put on this pedestal, they're paid a shitload amount of money, they're in the spotlight. Like it is. Really, you think about it like you think you're an adult when you're 18. You and I both know that's obviously not the case. So there is a distortion and a real influence on the mindset of such a young adult that I don't believe it's wholesome or healthy in the way that it's conducted. And that's for most sports, not just rugby league. And I've used that as an example before. So when I look at that, the respect I had in the game when I was playing and trying to earn my stripes and come up and coming as a young man was much higher than it is now. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy sport, but I enjoy watching my daughter play netball more than I try and flick on the TV and watch these elite athletes, so to speak. Doesn't mean that there isn't some respect or admiration for the skill set, the tools, the development, the hard work. Of course all of that's there and it's still relevant, but it's nowhere near what it used to be. So when we're looking at a perception of value, other people have different markers on what they see to be valuable. Same with Hollywood and the entertainment industry. That means fuck all of me. That means, man, Nothing. Nothing. I've woken up to a lot of that shit like that doesn't mean anything to me. The way they're put on a pedestal, the lies, the deceit, the facade, the falsity of all of it, whether that's a word or not. Falsities. But it's true, man. Like you are saying yes to a fucking illusion, which means you're saying no to your life. Does that mean that I don't watch movies anymore? Well, don't really need to, but I'll still dive in and watch something with a wife. Could be some old school thing like Ghostbusters or something for a laugh. But essentially there is no way that that has any influence on my life anymore. And there is no way that I give it any more than what would be probably a couple of hours a month. I'm busy living my life. I'm busy creating my life. How about you? What are you doing? Are you kicking back looking for the next series on Netflix? Are you actually creating your own life and your own reality? Because all of this is important when it comes to looking at why respect might be lacking and what you can do about it. So first and foremost, the definition of respect is purely a perception of value. Cool. Well, if there's 8 billion people, there's probably 8 billion perceptions of value. Of course, they cross over and a lot of them will transfer to each other, but they can all be different. Why respect? So let's go into the next point. Respect is a perception of value. Okay, well, why respect might be lacking, why respect might be lacking in your household, what respect might be lacking in your marriage. You're not valuable. The end. Like in the eyes of the beholder, you are not showcasing a level of value. You're not valuable. And this is the hard part, because it's not about a man versus a woman, but fuck me dead. Men go out there and break themselves in the world. They make more money to provide more for their family. Women go and make money to say, I'm independent. Right? It's fucking hilarious, man. It cracks me up. We go out and hunt and produce and try and win and build and create and do all this so we can give more to our wives, so we can give more to our children, so we can give more to our families. Women will go and do that so they can be independent in the modern world. It's fucking hilarious, man. But let's not focus on things we don't control. Let's have a look at the leadership, because that's why women need to be led in certain areas of life. They really do. I can't stress that enough. Just like they can lead, they have the opportunities to lead as well. It's not role relevant. They lead in the kitchen or it's not being pigheaded in that respect. But through the energies, the nature, the logical and emotional pathways, we both adopt and take the overlap of masculine and feminine. Absolutely. We are here to lead and win. So this is the tough part. When it comes to the modern world, you go and bust your ass and work and work and prodigious in the bank account. But it's not a high level of value, is it? Unfortunately, because it's just digits in the bank accounts, there's almost an expectation and it seems very superficial. It's not like you're holding wads of cash, hey, look at what I brought home today. It's like, here's some digits in the bank. Account, which means it's really hard, men, because that's not really ever going to stack up to you sitting there and listening to your wife speak or you being there and maybe helping around the house or helping with the kids or whatnot. So it's very fucking hard in the modern world. But also, it doesn't mean that we should rest and sit on our hands and rest on our laurels of fathers in generations gone past. There's an opportunity for evolution, but this also doesn't mean that you have to be at home 10 hours a day with the wife and with the kids. You're not born or wired that way. Neither am I. I'm in a position where we get closer and closer because our team is building and what we're doing, where, yeah, 80 hour weeks are never going to happen again for me, not in the, not in the immediate future anyway. I can't really see that happening. We're building a phenomenal team and continue to build. So. But also, 40 hour weeks aren't really going to be happening anymore. But in what I do, the value I provide, things like this podcast, the time that I put into giving value and service has to be super fucking sharp. Which means I need to be on my game, investing in myself, listening, taking in reports, feedbacks, weekly temples, weekly tabs, everything that comes in and go, okay, I need to stay at the top so I can produce the top. So when we're looking at why respect might be lacking, you're not valuable in the eyes of the beholder. That doesn't mean it's fair. That doesn't mean it's unfair. I'm just giving you some observational facts. I'm giving you some objective data. If there is not respect in your marriage, it's because you're not seen as valuable. And maybe you're not seen as valuable because you're not investing time and energy in them. You're not investing time and energy in your children, you're not investing time and energy in your wife. Maybe respect is lacking inside of those areas of your life because you're not showing value in yourself. Something to think about. And we're going to dive into what you can do about it and give you some tips and tools so you can actually take some action right away. You can immediately apply this to your life. This isn't about just spotlighting you're not valuable in their eyes. You're not investing in them, you're not investing in yourself. What this is, is this is painting a pathway of certainty and truth because they are two of the most attractive and desirable things on this planet. You listen to enough of my podcasts, the perspective changes, the message is very similar, but what you have with me is a level of predictability. Unless I'm traveling or shit's hit the fan in my life with travel sickness, children having operations as they. You will generally get two episodes a week. And we're rolling this out. I'm consistent in our words, in our truth, what we stand for, circles of significance, family, self and service. How to have it all as a man, how to juggle and balance your life. Zoomed out, zooming in and handling the chaos, building habits, morning and night routines, getting control and power back, building your energy inside of yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally. This shit just rolls. It just rolls. So there's a level of value in being somewhat predictable in certain areas of life because that predictability brings certainty. What does that certainty bring? Truth. And certainty and truth are two of the most rarest commodities on this planet, Especially over the last. Well, especially over the last two years, but definitely over the last 10 to 15 years. With the acceleration of technology, there's more bullshit and fluff than ever before. How do you know what's real? How do you know it's true? You don't. Like, literally even green screens. I've seen stuff when there'd been reporters or other people talking and whatnot, and shit's just disappeared. Like it's not a ghost, obviously, it's a manufactured setting that it isn't real. Wherever they are, they're probably just in a studio, obviously. So when we're looking at this, gentlemen, respect might be lacking because you're not valuable in the eyes of the beholder. What is that? What do you think that is that we've spoken about before? Love languages, right? Love languages. You might be valuable in certain areas, but not valuable where they see value. Where they need your value, where they need your certainty and truth. You don't invest time and energy in them. And respect might be lacking because unfortunately, and this is the truth, and I hate it because it's such a large part of the world, but you need to really check yourself on this. The bullshit of hypocrisy inside of yourself. So when it comes to respect, how can you command respect from those around you that you love and care about if you don't even respect yourself? How can you desire and want respect from your wife if you don't respect yourself? Don't tell me the beating your chest and standing up and all that sort of shit. That's ego. That's not self respect. Show self respect. Show your self worth, your self love, your self value. And not in a narcissistic way, through love and leadership. Not at the detrimental cost of others, but the enhancement. Because they can see well, Dad's got his shit together. Dad's sure of himself. He is confident in who he is. Why? Because he's competent. Because he commits. Because he has courage. That's our four Cs for change. It's one of our principles which encompasses the backbone and the pillars of progress. Two other principles. On the inside you invest time and energy. Inside of yourself, you live a higher level of truth. What is respect to perception of value? Why is that not there? Maybe you're not speaking the same language as those from which you seek value, from respect, from. Maybe that's not there as well because you're not investing time and energy in them, asking them what their needs and desires are, getting clarity over what it is that they want in their life individually or from you. Maybe you're not showing value in yourself and subconsciously they'll look at that and go, how can I respect or value that? They always don't even value themselves. You think you love your family and you'll die for them. Will you live for them? You're willing to die for your family. You're willing to live for them. You love them so much, but your love for them is a ceiling. It is a glass ceiling that is limited and bound down by your own lack of self love. Because the greatest way that you can show them love is by becoming a true 100% inside of yourself. Because you're modeling what they can do for themselves, not what they simply receive from you. What do you think is more powerful and valuable? Because when they're alone and not in your company, what do they have to depend on? What do they have to rely on? Themselves. So what have you shown them in which their self love can elevate them above the hardships and adversities they face? Or has it become a level of dependence? They're dependent and then they're independent. Instead of being interdependent and having a level of both, you can have both. But what can you do to help provide the steel and resilience, especially for your children and for your wife, the constructs and conditioning from from other women and two and four women's pretty fucked up in today's world to give them the strength and power. And guess what? When you build that inside of them through your own actions and modeling through example and they develop that inside of themselves. Guess who they come running back to with acknowledgement and appreciation? The fucking big dog who showed them the way. This is what I'm talking about when I say you shouldn't be a pushover, a punching bag, supplicate or chase your wife or your missus. If you're having hardships inside of your marriage and you keep chasing with flowers and groveling and crawling, how the fuck would you value that? I wouldn't. Would you put the shoe on the other foot? If your wife really came groveling and supplicating and just crawling on her knees and looking at all of this all the time, would you value that? You'd be like, why is this person so desperate you'd actually question your own self. I'm not that valuable. Why are they. Why they. Why are they chasing me like this all of a sudden? They're exploring other options. That's not just the opposite sex. That could be other options with their time, with their energy, where they're going to invest it. Because there's a lack of value. Why? Because there is an overarching or an obsessive dependence on someone else. Instead of standing up in your own. In your own meat suit, standing up on your own two feet and going, this is who I am. This is who I choose to be. And we're going to dive into what you can do about winning the game of respect. But really sit on that for a second. Perfect story as well. I'm going to come back to marriage. We're in the park on the weekend, kids are playing, climbing up and down, and I'm obviously not on my phone. I'm playing with the kids and kicking back and, you know, little jungle gym and monkey bars and all that sort of stuff. And there's another family there. And old mate's there on his phone sitting down, and kids are running around screaming and having a great time. Like it's. It was. I couldn't believe it. They're running around having a great time and not screaming at the top of their lungs, but yelling. And he yells out to be quiet and settle down. Hey, these are fucking kids at a park, mate. Here you are, sloppy as fuck, sitting down on your phone. And I say that with recidivity. I don't care how much someone weighs. But obviously you're lacking the competency inside of your own physical ability to keep up. Sitting there on your phone, yelling at your son, who's got some level of freedom, playing at a park, running around, the screams don't Matter because you're in open air and you're telling him to slow down and to settle down. And your eyes. Here is the crazy part. His eyes didn't even leave the fucking screen. How the fuck can you command respect from someone if you're not even looking them in the eye? He's giving his son zero time and energy, investing nothing in him. Just hearing something and then chirps to try and pull him into line. Obviously, he has no control himself. So let's control something that's under me, a little human. Can you see the problem with that? Like, you're on your phone the whole time. This went on for about five or six minutes, and then they left. Whole time on your phone, just yapping. Every 30 to 60 seconds, just yapping. Like, why? Why would he respect you? I want you to think about that. Like, if. If you're not showing through example, if you're not leading, how can you expect your children to respect you? Why would they? Like? Doesn't matter. You have power over them, or you're bigger than them or stronger than them, or for now anyway, smarter than them. Being a father is a privilege, not a right. You think you have the right because they've got your last name or they've got your blood? I wouldn't respect that. Would you? If someone else came and they were just yelling and screaming, you were playing at a park and they were just yelling and screaming at you, would you respect that? Please understand, gentlemen, everything on today's episode and all episodes comes from a genuine place. These are pattern interrupts. Sometimes they're very direct. Sometimes it's more soft, underhanded approach in breaking through and helping you have some breakthroughs in some of the breakdowns that you'll have. And when I say breakdown, I don't mean like a nervous or mental breakdown. I mean literally breaking down chunks and parts of your life that are not wholesome. They're not together, they need to change. So respect might be lacking because you're not investing time and energy into someone, into them, your children, into your wife, into your marriage, Which means you might not be valuable in the eyes of the holder because maybe you haven't had enough exposure or saturation inside of the connection and relationship that you have or that you've established. And this isn't about just the volume of time either. You don't have to be with your children 10 hours a day. That's not how we're wired. We are here to be the superheroes, to model, to lead. By example, to show, to Produce, to hunt, to inspire. I don't need to see my children more than two or three hours a day. I'll see them between three and four. That's great. I don't have to spend eight hours a day with my kids. I spend more time here serving fathers and on myself than I do with my wife and my children. But the quality when I turn up is fucking ace. It's right up there. And that's all they need. All they need. Let's look at the opposite of that. I could just stay home and watch TV all day with my children. I've been with them 12 hours, but what the fuck have I done with that time? I've done nothing. Where's the value? Where's the respect? Where's the expression of energy? Where's the growth? It's non existent. Children will grow, they'll outgrow that. All of a sudden you got kids that are 10, they've outgrown you. Their physical ability, their hunger to grow, to explore, to experiment, to discover far supersedes you. All they see is dad come home, drink some alcohol, watch tv. I said that to my kids the other day. They're watching, I think, Paw Patrol or something. And I said, alright, TV off, that's enough. There's a little bit of. Oh, but they're pretty good. Little whinge here and there sometimes. I said, hey, Stella, do you see Daddy watching? Does Daddy watch tv? No. Do you see Daddy watch TV at all? No, I don't. That's right. Why? Why do you think that is? Why do you think? Daddy doesn't really watch TV at all? Have a think about that. What else is Daddy doing? Daddy's doing exercises in the gym, Daddy's cooking or Daddy's cli. That's right, that's right. Just remember when you. And obviously the words are a bit different with my daughter than they are with you guys, but I said to her, just remember when you're watching the tv, that means you say yes to tv. That means you're watching tv, but that means you can't do anything else. Why? Because your eyes are on tv. And that means whatever the TV says is going to be going into your head, into your eyes, into your brain. So when you're doing things like painting and arts and crafts and netball practice with Daddy and all these other things, guess who's doing that? You. You're not just sitting down watching something. Does that make sense? And she's like, yeah, yeah. It's like you could just see. You just see the Wheels turning, man. So cool. You're not valuable in their eyes. More often than not, it's because you're not investing the appropriate amount of time and energy inside of them. And we're going to come back to that when it comes to work too. Like you want to go out and hunt and produce and Nothing wrong with that. Where you guys drop the ball with your businesses and working extreme hours is you go too far one way for too long and you forget and you neglect and you lack that awareness. And you don't zig back. You zag, zig back. You zag, zig back. You don't do any of that. You just sit there for ages. It's like the pendulum swings left and right and goes. And it swings one way and gets stuck. Get the WD40 out, man. You need to be able to come back to center or at least swing back the other way and give back to your family. It's not about giving them the time. It's the awareness, the communication, the alignment. And then when you are there, you are present. They need your presence and they need you to be present. Two different things, both equally valuable. And that isn't when I say presence, you know, children to be seen and not hurt, none of that sort of shit. That's ridiculous. You're not here to squash them down or turn them into robots. But this is why respect is lacking. The investment of time and energy is nil. And then when it's there, it's poor quality. It's not specific. It's not what they see as valuable. It's not their needs. I'm not going to force my children to do exercise all the time. They have a different level of value in running around outside in the backyard. Fantastic. That's obviously different to lifting weights or going on a rowing machine. Get in tune with them and find what's valuable for them. Then you'll gain respect without even trying because you've gone upstream to the source to create a greater level of connection and greater connection points to create experiences inside of life. It's actually. It's so much easier, man. I cannot stress that. It's way easier, way easier than trying to build everything when it's already burnt down to the ground. And a lot of the times you're not showing value in yourself. Certainty and truth, very attractive things. People get attracted to the truth. You know why? Because most people live with lies inside of their life. So they want to have some sort of stability. They want to have some sort of certainty. They want some sort of and some level of truth in their life. So they're going to attach and connect to your truth. And subconsciously and subtly, they may try and bring you down with other bits and pieces or through their own lives. Or you can be a strong enough leader and raise them up to seek a higher level of truth inside of their own life. It's very valuable. The final point is respect might be lacking because of hypocrisy. You're demanding respect from other people. Like, if you don't even. You can't even command or use that word in your house, saying, hey, I wouldn't mind a bit of respect in this house. Like, that's something I've never had to say. It's like the whole alpha. I've had so many guys come up to me in times gone by and go, yeah, yeah, I'm an alpha. It's like, cool, man. What the fuck's that even mean? I said, you know what? A real alpha doesn't need to say that every single time. You know, it's, yeah, a chuckle or a little bit of a blank look. It's like, what's the truth, man? If you really are a fucking Alpha, you don't need to say it. Same with respect. When you are, it's like being angry, blowing your stack too late. What's led to that steam? What's led to the water boiling to the point where steam comes out too late. Go upstream. What did you not do? Not what happened to you? What weren't you doing that you should have done to just cool things down a little bit? So when it comes to respect being lacking, another reason is, yes, hypocrisy. How can you expect respect from someone else if you don't respect yourself first? I do. Al do you show me. What are your morning and night routines like? How do you control or master time? What about your habits? What about your energy? Physically, emotionally, mentally? The environments that you invest in? So what does it mean if there's a lack of respect? Marriages break down. There becomes disconnect, there becomes all these other things, whether whether it's a physical affair, an emotional affair or not. That's what I meant before, at the start of this episode on cheating, betrayal. What is being cheated? Where is the betrayal? It can come in so many different forms. Maybe there was betrayal upstream before there was an act, a physical act. Who knows? This isn't pointing the finger at you specifically. It takes two to tango. One of the large reasons why my marriage was breaking down is because my wife harbored massive insecurity issues. And me running a gym, being physically healthy and strong, there being obviously women and men, but women in the gym physically fit and strong led to this being a talking point a lot with my wife, which led to me going, is this normal? Am I supposed to be flirting with women or something? You talk about this all the time. Like it's not in my head, but you're putting it in my head now. That's unattractive. That led to me being disconnected. I was like, well, this is like, this is like a level of not desperation from a wife. But I was like, well, if you're behaving this way, what you're doing is when you say yes to that, you're saying no to your own personal value, your own personal integrity, your own personal respect and self love. Well, you're saying that as a fear because you don't value yourself enough to think that through being an amazing woman in yourself, that that's enough to be attractive to me. So I want to stay with you. So it always takes two to tango, gentlemen. But if you're pushing out and portraying that energy, just like I've had guys, so many guys, where it's like, you know, I was checking their messages and accusing them of this, that and that, and, and it didn't happen, and eventually they fell into the arms of someone else, was like, oh, fuck, man. You're promoting and pushing that energy for like 18 months. This is how you manifest realities. It's what, it's what you don't want. Yet you put so much energy into it. Isn't it bizarre how much we fuck ourselves up in this world when we don't have to? It's not necessary. And when it comes back to marriage, on that other point we're talking about here, what a marriage actually is. The only power a woman has over you is you fearing that you'll lose her. Think about that. There's other intricacies and there's obviously discomforts. But at the end of the day, if you're not afraid to lose someone, power's gone, dissolved. What does that mean? You're not a punching bag. You're not a pushover. You maintain personal integrity and values. We still come from a place of love and leadership. This isn't about narcissism, control, power manipulation over the opposite sex. But this is the truth. You have a fear of loss. But hang on a minute. What an illusion. The wool that's been pulled over your eyes. You fear losing something that isn't even yours. Your wife isn't Yours, Your children aren't yours. Marriage is an agreement in the air. Don't worry about that piece of paper. You signed that shit years ago. It means nothing as well. Marriage is an agreement in the air. It's like this big fucking bubble. You're standing on the right, she's standing on the left. You're looking upwards. There's this big bubble and it's called marriage or wife or husband. Connection, together, agreement. You shoot some time and energy into that. She shoots some time and energy into that. You throw time and energy, time and energy, time and energy and together. It's not 50, 50, 60, 40. It's 100. 100. If you give your all, she gives her all. Awesome. But then peel the layers back. What are you both doing to make sure that your all is a true 100%? This is why investing and valuing yourself is so important. So important. Be 100 so you can give 100 when the opportunity presents. So marriage is an agreement in the air. So when you have a fear over something that doesn't even exist, you're already, man, you're already on the back foot. You are already behind. You're focusing on something that you actually have no complete control over, but you can ironically influence through your own actions. That doesn't mean that you can't be a romantic. But please understand, when I talk about this with flowers and chocolates and supplicating and words and all this sort of shit, that is a byproduct of how solid you are in yourself. That is not the first or the leading hand into a relationship. Tripling down on who you are and providing value in your presence and in the household, the way that you speak, the way you carry yourself, your self respect, that is way more attractive and way more valuable than any fucking holiday or bunch of flowers or chocolates ever will be to your wife. Way more. Because who is it that's coming to the party? Who is it that's throwing time and energy into that big bubble? That's called marriage. You. Same with her. So what this means, when there's respect lacking, when there's no value in the eyes of the beholder, you're not investing time and energy into them. You're not showing value inside of yourself. Which means there's a level of hypocrisy, especially if you command that respect from her. Is there becomes distortion, confusion and frustration inside of your relationship? I was going to say inside of your connection, but is there one? Maybe not inside of your relationship? Yes, it's still there. But where's the value? Is it very low? Does it change? Does she see value in being married? Because you've had common ground in raising the children. So the environment is common and that's it. Dangerous path to walk, man. But this is how you become desirable and attractive to her. Again. You do that inside of yourself, through and with yourself. You build confidence, certainty and truth in your own actions. You rise up. You are the man. You are the leader. Doesn't mean you showcase a higher level of life and power over her. You showcase a higher level of life and power in yourself, above and beyond the previous version of yourself that led to this unfortunate predicament that many of you might be in. Marriage is an agreement in the air, which means if you continually contribute time and energy, it won't starve to death, it won't suffocate, it will rise up, it will be healthy, and you will prosper. I hope this is serving you well. We're about to dive into what you can do about it and what you can do when it comes to lacking respect or winning the game of respect, whether it's in your marriage, in the home with the kids, in your business or place of work, with your friends, with family, but most importantly, with yourself. What is respect? It's a perception of value. Why it might be lacking? Well, you're not valuable in the eyes of the beholder. You're not investing time and energy in them. You're not showing value in yourself. So straight away, before you even open your mouth or speak or do anything, people look and go, well, that's a lower level human or lower level of energy that I'm about to receive. There's hypocrisy. If you're making demands and claims with your words and you think the black or white magic through the words you speak is going to hold true, it won't hold true forever. Just one point of energy, which unfortunately leads to hypocrisy, breakdowns, disconnect. The agreement in the air dissolves with your marriage. You think you are trying to invest in something that you control or own or you fear loss. You give all of your power away and you feel loss of something that's never yours, wasn't yours in the first place. What you can do about it? Find or start creating your own level of personal integrity. What is personal integrity? Let me just read this for you here. This is the definition. I mean, spoken about it many times. Talk about your values and morals and ethics, what you stand for, but this is the definition. The Internet, it's Defined as having strong morals or values and following those principles in both your words and actions. Isn't that funny? The concept of having integrity is really quite simple. Living with integrity means you uphold your values no matter the situation or who is watching. You live to your own moral code. Does that mean other people's integrity might clash with yours? Maybe. I mean, the integrity of a criminal or murderer, obviously. Well, you know, if we're looking at integrity through the lens of love and leadership, which we do with high performance father, then he obviously has none. But. But essentially, yes. No matter who is watching or the situation, which means, at the risk of conflict with my wife, if there's something I don't agree with in my own personal integrity, with what she says or the words she speaks or actions, I will express that. That doesn't mean I'm watching her like a hawk. She's her own woman. But if it comes in and collides in my life, you want to do that? Go do whatever you want. That collides with my life, my values, and that affects me or is influencing my personal integrity, I will stand up. And if there is conflict, there is conflict. Collision still happens in my marriage and it will always be there because it's important. Because of the bullshit and the fluff and the speed of the world, we can get pulled off the path pretty quickly, which means it's important to continually seek alignment. Find or create your own personal integrity first. Now, I don't know exactly what that looks like for you. You know, we have our high performance father principles. We have our code. It's almost like the HPF code. What we live by, what we live and breathe, love and leadership. And the different principles I've gone through in every single episode, we've done, maybe a lot of those you will align with. Maybe it comes down to sitting down and looking at. Maybe if you want to be that tactical, you sit down and write in a search engine list of values. Look at all the values, look at the definition of those words. How do you want to model your life? How do you want to model what the life of a father and man can be, should be and will be to yourself, to your children? What you can do about it is start creating and living and breathing your own personal integrity. That's what I mean when I talk about being the Viking. But the Viking that doesn't slash or slay those he loves and cares about. He just stands up and he's like, no, no, this is my position and my stance doesn't mean you need to Take action externally. Your words, enough to reinforce who you are internally, can be the difference to your children, to your wife, clients, colleagues, business. Find and create your own personal integrity. Second. Second point. You first. People admire leadership. Leadership and leaders, they come after the fact, right? Like, I don't wake up going, today's the day, I'm going to lead the tribe. I'm going to lead with this podcast. I'm going to lead my children, I'm going to lead my wife. I get up and I fucking do it. What does my family need? What does my wife need? What do I want and need? What do these men listening to this podcast need? What can I do about this? How can I provide value and service to myself? And then how can I provide value and service to the men on the inside of high performance? Father. To the men on the outside of high performance father. Two women in my life, my mum, my nan, my two daughters, my wife, to my son, the men in my life, my father, my brothers, those around me, those on my inner circle, my inner tribe. Leadership is always recognized after the fact. Always recognize after the fact. So you first. Because people admire leadership. They admire that because they say, like, this guy's got balls. He stands up, he's going after it. What is that we said before? Certainty. Truth. That's an attractive thing. That's a powerful thing. When you stand up and you take action first, you are going against the grain of the majority of the population. You think you see busyness and busy bees moving around and life's just moving, chaotic, crazy pace and, and everything else in between. And no, no, no, you stand up, you take real, real action, real leadership. That's an attractive thing. And guess what? When you do it first, you then know what the answer is, which means you can give. And because you're giving from a position of a higher level in your leadership, your actions, who you are, your capacity to perform, you can give more. That is an attractive thing. Find and create your own personal integrity. And then you first. That doesn't mean you push your children or your wife out of the way. Me first. You desire and want something inside of your life. Then you need to be the one that stands up and actually shows. If I want my children to focus, then I need to focus first. I need to learn how to do that. If I keep reminding my children that they have to pack the toys away, have to pack away, have to pack away, and I get my nose out of joint. Hang on a minute. What about myself? How many times have I had to remind myself of Things or repetitions. Whether it's in the gym, doing arm curls, whether it's making the bed, putting my clothes away. Life is filled with repetitions. Yet how many times have you forgotten to do things? Or you get your nose out of joining the kids who fail or miss the mark or forget or. Hang on a minute. How many times have you fucked up? How many times have you forgotten or neglected those around you or yourself? This is what I mean about hypocrisy and lies. Be very cautious of that. So when we're looking at what you can do about it, hey, let's lead. Let's lead first through our own actions and what we do. Third point, clarity. Get clarity around what value looks like to others, AKA a great one is love language. There are different ones. I think there are love languages. For it might be children or teenagers. What do they value most? Is it words of affirmation? Is it you spending quality time with them? Obviously quality time is a massive one for all children, but is it quality time? Is it physical touch? We're going to do some exercise and training in gym and you know, obviously physical touch with your wife is different with your workers and colleagues. You know, with us at the workers and colleagues could be high fives or when we have our events and retreats, we're giving out man hugs and all that sort of shit with your children. Physical touch could be engaging in physical things together down at the park, or adventures or abseiling, rock climb. Could be anything, man. Something that you're doing together. Hitting a few birds with one stone. That's quality time. What about acts of service? What about words of affirmation? What about physical gifts? Get clarity around what value looks like to others because you already have that inside you. Here's the thing. You're not morphing or molding or you can be a chameleon, but you're not necessarily changing who you are just to serve or suit others. You already have that inside you. It's just playing the percentages. Like all of you can give a physical gift, can spend quality time with someone, can speak words of affirmation, can do acts of service. Acts of service with your children could be different to your wife. Could be cleaning the gutter out, getting leaves out, mowing the back. It could be anything. Landscaping for a nice front garden. Your wife loves that. She comes home. It's the first thing she sees. You're the first thing she thinks of where the children could be helping them, gluing together a model or project for school. You already have all that inside you. Play the percentages, man, and get clarity around what that looks like for them. That's how you get the low hanging fruit, the bang for your buck. And then above all of those things, or following through on all those things, you need to continuously question your beliefs and their trajectory. So your integrity, your values, your actions, what you're doing, question them. I question them frequently. And not from a cynical point of view. Am I doing the right thing? What does this look like? Where is this taking me? Where is this going? What does this mean for others? Through love and leadership, not through ego. You've got to be cautious of that. A man who falls in love with the thought of his own legend, like what a fuckwit. That shit'll be a byproduct off the back of your leadership and just doing and following through. But you can't just do, just do, just do with a passage of time that doesn't hold some questioning. Okay, what am I just doing? What does this look like? This is true power. We've spoken about this. Learn, do, reflect. The reflect part many people miss. If you learn something and do it, learn and do it, you could be way off course because you're not reflecting. If you learn and reflect and learn and reflect well, what the fuck are you reflecting over? You've done nothing. If you don't reflect and don't reflect well, you're beating your head against the wall. What are you learning? Maybe you can do this better. Maybe there's a better approach. You need all three. That's true power. So question your beliefs and their trajectory and then stand up for what you believe in. It's important. That's what I talk about with the Viking or you know, when, when your integrity gets challenged. So you're not a punching bag or a pushover. You stand up for your beliefs. It might lead to conflict. But if you stay solid in your own self respect and value, you know who you are and what you're bringing to the party. Find and create your own personal integrity. You first. People admire leaders. Get clarity around what value looks like to others, so you can become more valuable by pulling out of your toolkit what it is they want to need. But that toolkit is yours because you've invested in yourself. You have a great large toolkit with valuable tools in there. Question your beliefs and their trajectory. Stand up for what you believe in and stay true. Always stay true. A lot of you guys who aren't members, listening to this, you wonder why you don't get respect from your Wife, can you see where there might be some things in here that are missing? Even some of the guys who have consultations with us and we get the wife. Objection. I've just got to check with my wife. Well, here's a question for you. Why the fuck would she support anything you do? Because of the amount of times you've failed in the past going it alone. This is why our tribe and what we do here is so valuable and important. Important because you can dissolve responsibility to a degree or the decision making process that says, hey, I'm the lone wolf, I keep dropping the ball. And even sometimes there's resistance where we've had members who've signed up and their wives have still got their nose out of joint because they've been such a series and a history, a passage of time, of failures, of you speaking words and lying that sometimes you know what, there's going to be conflict no matter what. Stand up with the big balls that you do have. You just got to get them back out, make the decision and earn that respect back by going, you know what, you might not agree with this, but I'm going to invest in myself and raise who I am. Because you need to, through your own actions, help your wife believe again and believe in you again off the back of what you do. Your actions, your eyes, your path, your leadership, then they'll turn around. Every single one of them has turned around. That is always the case. So it cracks me up sometimes when I don't obviously take the coaching sessions anymore. But when we hear about these things around wife objections like, what do you mean I need to check with my wife. Let's put the shoe on the other foot. If your wife came to you saying, hey, you know what, our marriage is fucking shit. I need to invest in myself so I can bring more to the party and I want to give back to me so I can give back to you more, what would you say? Of course you'd support it. I mean, if you didn't, there's obviously something wrong there, right? Maybe you need to really review and analyze why you got married in the first place. But here's the crazy part. Did all of your problems exist before you had children? This is the world, man. This is the speed and the chaos. The world has not changed that much in terms of the role of fatherhood. It's the chaos and all the noise and these phones and all this technology and bullshit that is so fast that's taking your bandwidth. You can't think, you can't process. Any time you have with your wife is low value. Any time you have with the children is low value. Any time you have with yourself is non existent because you don't respect yourself to a level where you're taking back time and energy and pioneering your destiny and taking control over your life. And what is that you can do? I'll tell you right now, and this is not. And please, I say this with respect. We have 100 applications a week. I'm not here to sell or push anyone who's not a member listening to this. But I'll tell you right now, you want to show your fucking wife, you don't go ask her for permission. You go and you fucking do it. You stand up and say, this is my time. I fucking respect myself enough. Hey, guess what? This is my fucking money too. I'm going to invest in myself. I'm going to give back to me so I can be 100%. And guess what? You might not agree with this. No worries. I've failed plenty of times in the past. Why? Because I went it alone. Why? Because I lied. Why? Because I did fuck all. Why? Because I had no accountability. Why? Because I had no environment. Why? Because I had no tools. Why? Because I had no coaching. Why? Because I had no metrics to track and measure my performance. So I stayed on the path. But here I am now. This is what I'm going to do so that I can become valuable again. And then you will reap the rewards. When we look up at that bubble that says marriage, because of the time and the energy I can now throw into it, that's what a real fucking man does. Please tell me if I'm wrong. Any other man who's booked in a consult who still listens to our podcast and had to check with his wife and bowed out, send me an email. How's that going for you? How's everything traveling in your end? Because here we are, gentlemen. We're just about to come up to halfway in 2022. Isn't that fucking crazy? Literally four weeks, four and a half weeks away from half the year being gone. Bang. Isn't that crazy? You really want respect, love, affection, intimacy, sex, all these other things that makes you feel like you are the king of your castle when it comes to the opposite sex, your wife, when it feels like you are the hero again to your children, Start respecting yourself. Stand up and make some decisions yourself. Find and create your own personal integrity. You take action. That's your choice. Like you're willing to fuck yourself up. You're willing to fall on your own sword, yet you're not willing to rise up and take ownership over the great things you can have. Can you see the madness in this? Get clarity from being of a higher position. Because you've given back to yourself now and you're 100% again to what value looks like to others. Well, now I've got more to give. Fantastic. And that's the fine line that you walk. You must maintain personal integrity. Because of my capacity and ability to perform, there are times when I can feel and sense. Oh, hang on a minute. Wifey's leaning on me a little bit. Hey, Corinne. No, you're right. You can do that. You're okay. I know I can do it quicker and better and faster, but that's something you need to do. All good. Hang on a minute. No, no, no. Just because I can do it doesn't mean I should. I need to do this. This is important. There are plenty of times I say no to my wife. Plenty. But it's done from a stable position. It's done from a position where I question my beliefs and the trajectory in which they're going. I provide value and clarity with my children, with my wife, with the men on the inside, on how to continually add more value. And then I stand up for what I believe in and I stay true. I promise you, man. You do that. You do that. Get those big fucking kahunas out. You do have them. You do that, I promise you, your life will turn around rapidly. Especially when it comes to breakdowns inside of your marriage. Especially if you've come to a point now where it really is breaking down. Like, what does it even matter whether she believes you or not anymore, right? You've already gone that far. Okay, well, I'm going to fucking do something about it then. Regardless of the repercussions of what may follow. No, no, you stand up. This is your time. This is your journey. You want to win the game of respect? It starts by respecting yourself as a human being on this planet and your life. 1 in 400 trillion sperm chances and odds. The miracle, the bullshit miracle that you're even hearing going, this is my world, my reality. And guess what? When I do this, and I do it well, everyone wins. When I respect myself at the highest level, it's automatic, man. It's already done. You're already a leader, and other people can't help but respect you. How can they not? How can they not? Because when they look, they see the man who is sure in himself, who is confident, who is certain, who has truth that's how you win the game of respect. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. Well, if you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.