204. Edge Of Death To High Performance Father

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service, and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Hope you guys are ready for this. We've got four hours with Mike killing at Killington. Imagine if we went that long.

I've got the evening crossed off, so be phenomenal.

Be phenomenal. Gentlemen, welcome to a. Well, I just said the word. This is a phenomenal episode that we have here installed for you. Why? Because we have one of the leaders of the tribe. They're all leaders on the inside, but ship, man, make no mistake, when you're looking to model or you're looking to men who lead by example with their health, with their attitude, with their work ethic, with their work in general, their business, striving towards being someone who provides better service, family, self and service, that's what makes our life husband, father, Mike's transformation has just been second to none. It's been incredible. It really has. And I feel like even though I'm part of your life, Mike, and together we pioneer the evolution and the change for men across the country. It's not just me, not just me and the coaches, it's us, the coaches and the men who stand up and are part of the code. Honestly, mate, it's been like kicking back in the grandstand just watching the show and enjoying the show of Mike Killington's life turning around. But thank you for giving us the time, man. This is probably a little while coming, but I really love having you on here and appreciate you taking the time to join us, Mike. Thank you.

Oh, thanks so much for having me, Al. It's fantastic.

It was pretty. It was pretty cool. Just a quick recap. I'm sure I'LL have it with every member who does come on here who went to Cosi. But that was quite an event, wasn't it?

Oh, it was powerful. Very powerful. I was already, you know, on my way to becoming a better version, but Cossie gave me a new level of maturity. I sort of have said to the coaches and the tribe members since I've been back. I just had this level of calmness and confidence to me, which I hadn't had before. And I think that's sort of more recognizing and knowing for the first time really what I needed to do to perform well in all the areas. And although I was getting that already, I feel like Cosi expedited that process a lot for me to just sort of start nailing it and feeling confident with it. It's incredible. The greatest event I've ever been a part of. It was very special.

Yeah, really was, mate. I'm working through some of the footage and pictures, and it's just like, wow, you can't. And you just. It doesn't even do justice talking about it, to be fair, mate, because even the pictures, even the videos, like, watching the videos, you cannot. And it's amazing because we have this connection with fathers all over the country once in every day, you know that, you know, a father getting up in Western Australia, obviously a few hours behind, is dialed into the same environment, the same pathway or processes. Obviously, the skill sets adjust for the man, the strategies are more specific for the man, but it's like, hey, we're part of this environment where guys all over the country are dialing in the same hunger and tenacity to grow. And that's what I love about the physical events. It is the cream on top. But I mean, shit, mate, it really is the cream on top when we come together, because it's built off such an incredible foundation of being connected. And I really enjoyed it, mate, to the point where it's almost. And I spoke about this, I think, in the closing session. It was almost sad and that, you know, that this time has come and will come to pass, like all great things, but to the point where I said, I don't know if you remember, but the last talk, I was openly saying, yeah, this morning I was tired, my scores were down because I tracked my sleep and because it'd been a big few days and I was calculating my head, okay, how long should I speak for? Can we wrap this up so I can jump on the road? I'll be home at this time for Corinne and the kids. And I was Explaining this to you guys. And then I just went, they can wait. I was like, this is our time. This is us. And now. And hopefully my wife's not listening to this. You should have been home half an hour earlier.

Next podcast episode.

That's right, exactly. Yes, yes. We'll make sure there's no weapons in the room. But just quickly, before we dive into your life, Mike, you said two words that are very important. I feel as we continually age, not to be the old wise man, but something we can apply immediately. Confidence and calmness. What's your viewpoint or opinion? If that's missing from a man's life, what does that become? Is it chaos? Is it other thing? Like if you're not confident, if you don't have a level of calmness and control, you reacting, you don't have your shit together in your own identity, who you need to be like what? I'm just curious because you spoke about that being something that really launched and took you to that next level, being there at the event. But what is involved in a man's life without those two things? And then what's the byproduct when they are in place?

Well, reactive, like you said, Al, like I formerly was very reactive. It's been a big challenge of mine. I haven't had a level of calmness in the areas of self and family I have in service. But it's funny, the more I've progressed through this program, I realized that you can have calmness in one area, but it doesn't necessarily substitute to the other areas unless you put effort into it, which is something that I sort of have become very familiar with now. So being reactive with my wife and my children was a big challenge of mine and with myself. But, you know, being reactive to myself and being frustrated and angry with myself naturally projected onto my family as well, I think, and my friends. So definitely reactive and unfulfilled. I think without that calmness, the calmness has just given me such a level of satisfaction and fulfillment in my life where I genuinely have started to enjoy life without the chaos and the nonsense, you know, and business for me was I was calm. But, you know, often it was chaotic around undertaking a lot and a lot and a lot, but I could deal with that well. But I had a poor level of satisfaction in my overall life. So, you know, for me, being part of HPF now for eight or nine months, I finally found a level of freedom and happiness that I have got from being calm and confident. And that confidence has been through reconnecting with my family and reconnecting with myself and enjoying the things that I'm doing now leisure wise and having the ability to say it's okay to look after yourself, it's okay to do things for yourself. Which formerly I've just work, work, work, work, work and then family and being poor, poorly present within my family structure. So, you know, they've been huge for me and I think a lot of fathers would be similar to me. Where you're so invested in business and you don't have a calmness and you don't have confidence in anything apart from business. So one area excels, the other areas fall down and eventually even the area you're excelling in falls down, which was the case for me. My business started to struggle as my happiness became worse and worse to the point where I was very depressed prior to joining hbf. So it'll eventually get you. I think regardless of how well you do in service, if you don't put the time and effort into the other areas, your business will eventually fail as well. That's just my opinion.

Well spoken and well said, Mike. I look at even confidence and they go hand in hand. If you're more confident, you genuinely can be more calmer. But I look at the episode when I was talking with my wife Corinne around all the facades I put up in the lives around us being okay not having money, me using credit cards, and it was actually her, me feeling that she deserved more and I couldn't give it to her. Which takes me to this point of confidence. A lot of the men out there who aren't confident when you get exposed because you're lacking the skill sets and the ability, AKA the confidence as well, because you don't know what to do around communicating with your wife, diffusing the bombs she might throw, handling their household. What changes between not just being a man, but marriage into fatherhood, into parenthood, massive. Like that is, that is where the game changes and people just don't get it. Are you going to get divorced? Okay. Did you have these problems before you had kids? No. So what's the problem? The kids are just highlighting a lack of investing in alignment and in yourselves and in each other, in your marriage. Like it's, it's, it's actually really, really simple. But a lot of the times we blow our stack because the ego, the pride in the front comes up because we don't have the answer. Why? Because you didn't fucking find the answer. And so many men think that there is no answer to. There is when it comes to connecting with your children, with your wife. And, and this is a big thing because when you have all that lined up, the confidence is a byproduct. You don't have to get up in the mirror and slap yourself in the face. I'm going to be confident and it's like you've got your shit together. You can handle yourself and. Very sure. But I hope you guys listening to this or watching this on YouTube are ready for a bumper episode. We've got a man here who is on the verge of becoming an Olympian. He was very close to. We'll go through some sensitive points. Obviously running a very successful business on the brink of ending it all. And really in the final hour, in the depths and of despair, Mike reached out to us and he's just turned his life around in an unbelievable way. To go from someone who was a high performer to becoming a high performance father. And that's a, that's, it's a no easy feat, but B, it's no easy feat because the standards we set are high. But they're possible. They are possible, Mike, and you're living proof of that. But why the fuck wouldn't you want it though, right? Family, self and service, you can have it all. But we've got some, some amazing shares coming your way, gentlemen. So make sure you strap yourself or if you're going for a walk, take the time out, take the space out for yourself to really sink your teeth into another man, another successful high performance father who's really winning in life. But I guess before we dive into marriage, business and everything else in between, who was Mike Killington? Like, I'd love for you to share a little bit of a background on yourself, Matt, I guess leading into that and your upbringing or sports and yeah, a bit more about your journey as a whole.

Yeah. Well, I was obviously born in Adelaide, South Australia. I have a twin brother who is in a similar line of work to me. Very different characters, but we've sort of always stuck together at times and had at times quite a robust friendship and relationship as well. I was put into sport really early. Sport's been a big thing for my family. My grandfather was a solid AFL football player, played sort of league over in South Australia. My father was a very talented sportsman, but he grew up incredibly poor in London. He's from England. Both his parents died when he was very young and I think it's a part of that. Dad got heavily involved in alcohol and stuff as well as a stress reliever. And we'll probably talk about My challenges with alcohol in during this podcast as well, obviously. But him and mum had some trouble stay separated, actually, when we were quite young for a while and dad cleaned his act up, got sober, became the leader that we all knew he could as well, and the family got back together, which was brilliant. So I've sort of tried to follow in that footstep a little bit. Should have probably sorted myself out before I went down that path. But that, that is what it is. I can only change the future. But yeah, sport was a big thing for us, heavily invested in sport, and I think that's always given me the tenacity to really strive and achieve. So, you know, we were early risers as swimmers. We were up at 4:00 every morning. So as you probably see from my rise to win war CRIES I'm up sort of 4 o' clock every morning still now and jump out of bed. So went to just a local school known for its sports down here in Adelaide and always achieved really well. Great loving family and supportive family. So I've been blessed with that, definitely. And they've been incredibly supportive on my transformation and transition and very supportive of the HPF program for sure. So.

So yeah, it's very interesting, Mike talking about having a twin brother and the family dynamic. I found with three brothers that I was very competitive when it came to sports. My body, obviously, I let my body down between 8 and 16, which I've spoken about in other episodes, but turned all that around. But sport was always the vessel, man. It's resilience and mental grit and toughness and understanding that losing is a part of life and not necessarily sitting on your hands and just accepting that how do I get up and how do I win? And the war cry that Mike mentioned, it's awesome to see you jump on the chat thread in our ecosystem and there's all these hashtag rise to wins and there's warriors and Mike's right up there with the early ones from 4am onwards. And it's very inspiring, which is when I look at something like brothers, twin brother or a brotherhood or I know there's a lot of words out there and there's that many fucking rising. Here we are, let's be kings and king program this and king. But it's not about just buzzwords. But yeah, really having men around you who have that ability to genuinely challenge you and push you, if not directly to you, through their own achievements, it's a powerful thing to have. But I'm curious, man, like with what happened at home with the old man. Do you think there is a correlation between a lot of men who might be struggling to be the best fathers they can, being a case of off the back of what they went through when they were younger, what they had in a father, maybe what they didn't have in a father? Or do you think there's a connection there because that's your environment, that's what you were exposed to? Or what are your thoughts on that, mate? When it comes to, I guess, generational health from a physical, mental and emotional point of view with the family, Look.

I definitely think that there's an impact there for sure. I mean, my mother and father speak heavily about the impacts of my father's drinking. When I was young, I was quite a challenging young man and quite a risk taker. Even though I was a high achiever in my sports, I was quite a big risk taker and got into trouble a lot when I was sort of younger, definitely, you know, so I had the positive influences and the negative influences, I think. So the drive and hunger to be an elite sportsman. My father was a very elite sportsman himself and very competitive. But, you know, he always pushed us in a caring way to achieve our greatest sort of that we could within sport. But definitely the drinking thing and being exposed to that and some of the challenges around the relationships. It's funny because I saw it and I knew the difficulties it created in my family, yet I still went down that path. And whether that's through my experiences and learned behavior, I'm not sure. But I certainly think there's something to be said about that generational impact, for sure. But even though my father sort of sobered up quite early, I suppose, actually he probably did it around the same age as what my children are now. My eldest is six. So, yeah, definitely, definitely impactful, for sure. And my twin brother was quite a heavy drinker as well. He still sort of likes a social drink, I think, and stuff, but. But yeah, there were certainly times in his life where he geared heavily towards the drinking as well. So, yeah.

You drink anymore, Mike?

Not at all. Haven't had a drop of alcohol since the day I joined hpf. Yeah, not one. I stopped drugs completely and alcohol completely. Haven't watched TV in 8 and a half months. I haven't watched TV once since joining HBF, unless I'm watching a movie with the kids. I've let go of all the shit, all the bad stuff. I've sort of dived in 100% and I've listened to everything the program's Taught me. And I thought, fuck it, if I'm gonna get. If I'm gonna become the greatest version of myself, I'm gonna listen to everything and commit to everything. And, you know, the rewards been exceptional. So why would I stop or start doing any of that shit again?

Yeah, so the rewards are exceptional. And obviously we're going to talk about some of the phenomenal changes Mike's had and expand on that. But essentially it's always something that comes down to the choice, isn't it, Mike? Like, you chose to go all in. That doesn't mean that other members don't. It's just a case of, hey, if everything's there. Well, you told me, mate, we have everything in place. And it's not just overwhelming. Here's information. Just look up a search engine and we got all these different links. Like, the program is a proper intensive program that. Fuck, man, you grab this with both hands, you stand up, cut the bullshit that you feed yourself, live an honest life, like, stand up and own the facts and the truth of exactly where you are. And then the future facts that will lead to future feelings where both will be better. Because you're leading when you have that in a platform. That's why I've been dying to get you on, because you're one of many but who are very recent, even though it has been. Wow, it's gone quick, isn't it? Eight, nine months. But you are a continued. When I say recent, you are a continued point of remembrance for us to go, hey, yeah, like, you know, we might cop a bit of flack on ads and bits and pieces. Guys don't know nothing about it, but have a fucking look at Mike and all the other guys we got on. We had JK on, obviously last week, and we've got future members lined up or members lined up for future episodes because it's important to share the messages and just from Al's mouth at all. I'm a collective, as you know, Mike, of everything that we. That we are. It's not. Not about me, but individually, but that's massive, man. Cutting the drinking, cutting the drugs, no tv. Like, what would you say you've gotten back in time and time and energy and we'll talk about connection, but time and energy, what would you say you've gotten back since joining and adopting these new principles and habits?

It'll sound excessive and you'll think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. I genuinely believe I've got 30 to 40 hours back a week for sure. I Know that on a lot of the podcasts we say we average 20 hours a week for men sort of thing, but it's been far more significant for me, my work. I've cut down a lot on my hours of work, but funnily enough, my income has nowhere near dropped to the level of what my hours have reduced because I've got energy and efficiency and happiness. So we did a business boardroom quite early in the pace when I joined, I think, so I joined in September, I reckon the business boardroom was around October, November, and straight away I got some really good things from that. And I've been in business and being successful in business, but was looking at it from a single swim point of view previously. And whereas I got to sort of, as we say in the program, zoom out and have a look, so implemented programs and systems straight away which have allowed me to do similar level of work. I'm not doing as much as I used to, but that wasn't sustainable. Look where that got me. So that just wasn't going to work out. But certainly very successful in business. Still got a huge amount of time back. My energy is like, I can't remember feeling this good out ever. And I think when you feel so shit, you forget how shit you feel for so many years. You just wake up and just battle and battle and that's the difference. Every. Every day was a battle for me. Like waking up, dragging my ass out of bed, feeling like shit. I was still getting up early, you know, most days, but, you know, weekends I wasn't. I was lazy. I was at home in bed, my wife on me and my kids sort of missing out on me, you know, Now I'm up before everybody every day. You know, my wife sometimes complains about my kids rising early. I'm like, well up. I'm ready to rock and roll, you know, and now we've got different roles, obviously, my wife and I, but yeah, the time and energy is just incredible. And I'm making good use of all the time I've got back. I'm not wasting it. I'm not fucking around. I'm sort of investing it in myself, investing it in my children, my family, you know, doing things I love again. Surfing. I've taken up surfing and just incredible. I love it, you know, it gives me a new lease on life. It impacts my physical, emotional and mental health because it's a hard workout as well, you know, and my training, you know, I'm committed to my training. I feel great for it. So, I mean, yeah, the time and energy is incredible because it allows you to achieve everything else. And like we say, it's not a health fitness program, but shit, without good health and fitness, it's really hard to be a high achiever in those other areas of your life because you don't have the energy and the time to perform.

It really is the biggest limiting factor that we found, Mike. And look, it goes hand in hand with probably the universal flaw that most people, especially men, especially fathers, as they get older, face. A lack of self belief, a lack of self worth, respect, value. And you can't have that is why I mean when I say it goes hand in hand, you can't have that. If you got fuck all energy, you need to have a massive gas tank capacity. Capacity is the problem. If you can build your capacity, you then have more room to move, more opportunity, more of an ability to remain calm, to slow things down, to get time back on your side to produce when you need to, the confidence that you can produce, and so on and so forth, the endurance to carry through and last day even. Look at this, I was doing some quick numbers, like even with travel and work, bathing, eating, sleep, lack thereof. Yeah, I can definitely believe that, Mike, because you guys out there who have excuses, you don't audit yourself, you don't clear on the facts, you're just popping up opinions and feelings to justify your position. Every single man out there has at least 50 hours a week, at least. I'm not saying just free time because when it's free time, it's not me time, it just gets taken up by everyone else or anything else. So I can definitely see that as being an absolute for you, Mike. I know for myself, being really dialed in, just checking myself every few months keeps me sharp. But even for me, I probably jagged, I'd say 24 hours back. As an average, our average is 1,000 hours over the year, 20 hours. But it's really funny looking at this, how many men will be listening to this episode now going, shit, man, I'd love to just have three to four hours back a week and somehow you don't. But that's the problem though, isn't it, Mike? When you don't get clear on, I guess, the facts of where your life stands. You prop up these stories or these justifications and you think that you can't do something or it's not possible, you don't have the time. Yet here you are, a man who's got 30 to 40 hours a week back, and not at the cost of business, but at the Absolute enhancement of his life.

Yeah, yeah, it's hard to believe. And even when I joined the program and I heard, you know, you get, you know, this, this amount of hours back, you sort of, you know, it's hard, it's hard to grasp the concept. But then you start implementing things and putting, you know, your routines in place and your processes and you think, shit, there's some more, there's some more, there's some more. And the more you implement, the more, you know, you engage in it, the more it keeps coming. So sort of for me it might have been 10 or 20 hours at the start. And the more I've invested and the more I've honed my routines, reflected, stop telling myself the bullshit stories I'd been telling myself for 10 years, which were really excuses and being a victim really, and letting go of all that shit and letting go of waste. I'm the same as you, Al, I hate waste, you know, and I didn't realize how much I was wasting though, you know, so it's easy. You know, I do 90 hour weeks, I don't have any time to do anything. But within my service is where a lot of waste was coming because I was, you know, not being efficient, not being effective. I was there doing things, but I was doing it slowly. You know, late in the evening I was getting a shit full sleep. So I wasn't efficient really early. Now I can get up and I can achieve, literally when I'm zoned in, I can do in three hours what I used to do in 10. Through work, if I'm writing like medico, legal, you know, complex medical reports which take a lot of focus. If I'm on, I can just smash it. Whereas I just, they used to take me days. So yeah.

Excuse me. It's why we always talk about time and energy are two of the most valuable resources. Not because they're finite, because that's what you will use to construct and have the building blocks that is life. So Mike's talking about there is not just, oh, there's only 168 hours in the night, it's what you're doing that time as well. I mean, who, who the fuck would want to become the glutton at a buffet just wanting bits and pieces of what all of what life has, like why you're going to get left bloated as fuck and actually not being fulfilled or rewarded or nourished or nurtured towards the next opportunity. You can't do anything. You're just stuck. Like Mike. None of Us have enough time in this life, even if you live to be 100, no one has enough time to do every little thing that they want when it comes to shiny objects, attractions, temptations, distractions. So why would you even pursue that? It's a game you will never win. How about we trickle down and firstly find out what the most important things are, not what everything is that I might try and get but never will. What are the most important things? Make sure they are the most important things. So that's what we say. Sometimes we talk about myths, sometimes you're midst to find out what your mitt is. You know, finding out what the most important thing is is the most important thing for so many people who just drift through time and space lost. But it really is a case of building this capacity and it blows me away sometimes man. When I look at like a common example, someone would take medication and drugs to reduce inflammation or you know, blood pressure and the other, other bits and pieces that's affected them chronically, yet they're stuffing their mouth with shit fucking food. And it's like your body is fighting. This is the thing that came through to me, what you shared just then. When you don't implement and liberate yourself of self imposed shackles, victim mentality are not literally your actions. Your body is working overtime. It's working so hard to stay afloat with trying to equalize itself. We've got drugs or medication and we've got a shit lifestyle and I'm trying to balance out the two or the drugs or the sedation. And distraction in your case and many others is drugs that are used as an escape, you know, and alcohol is obviously a drug but drugs and alcohol as an escape. But it's pretty crazy man, when you look at how this just becomes a part of people's life and all of a sudden it really is a part of their life. And it's no disrespect to people I know and there is one person I know and I won't, I won't name her, my mother in law. I remember going around there, she won't listen to this, it's okay. Lovely woman, lovely woman. But I look back and critter, I laugh like man, she used to have a cask of wine every fucking Wednesday night. I'm like, how is your week and your life that bad that by Wednesday you need to have a cask of wine? And I never, I just look, ah, you know, because it's the culture I was brought up in, not through a house of Alcoholics. But I was like, yeah, alcohol is a normal thing. And I didn't know how much wine she was having. And I'd say, I'm like, oh, maybe it's just what adults do. I was only met crim when I was 17, but between 17 and 21 at the time when I'd spend a fair bit of time when she was still living with her parents. Yeah, it's just what happens. And I look back now, I'm like a cask of wine every Wednesday. Wednesday. Like, what is. What is. What is the escape? How is. Is life that hard, that bad? She's got two, two daughters. Corinne's one of them, and they seem to be okay. Kids like crazy, man. But this, this is what happens. And I guess I'm curious on your perspective. Why do you think that happens, Mike, where people just, just, just bury themselves? Like, we're talking here about time and energy and look for you guys out there, absolutely. You can get time back, you can get energy back, and that just creates a world of change. But why do you think people just, I guess, move towards self implosion?

I think people often get stuck in the rat race out and don't actually zoom out and reflect on things. And that's a big thing I've learned through the program is asking myself and my family the questions, what do I want? You know, asking my daughter, what. What do you want? How can I be better? These are just conversations I never had prior to the program. So, you know, I think you, you get stuck in the rat race and you're not happy in it. I mean, I know I wasn't happy in my life and from the outside looking in this, you know, successful man in business, doing really well, you know, earning significant amount of money and what have you. And looked like we had a happy marriage and happy families from the outside. And there were some good moments. But, you know, was I present? No, not at all. I was never present with my family, you know, so, you know, when I was either at work or when I was at home, I was sedating and distracting. I mean, my children hardly saw me without alcohol in my body for the first five years of their life. Literally. You know, that's no bullshit. And I would have previously been ashamed of that. And, you know, but I'm not anymore because I can't change that. It is what it is, unfortunately. Do I wish I'd done better? Yes. But I'm doing better now, so I'm putting the right things in place. And once you get to a level Where I think, you know, you're not doing well. It's really easy to keep focusing on that sedation and distraction, you know. And I knew I was doing well at work, I knew I was doing poorly at home. I wasn't happy, I wasn't being fulfilled. I wasn't getting the things I needed from life despite other people thinking I was. So the easiest way is, you know, escape, distract yourself, sedate. It'll be all right. I've got a few drinks into me. I've got a line of marching powder into me. I'm feeling all right now. And before you know it, you're bloody stuck in the thing. And, you know, I was drinking significant amounts. A cask of wine on a Wednesday night is very little compared to what I was doing, you know, And I am off everything completely. I was quite sick when I first joined the program from alcohol withdrawal for a couple of weeks. Apart from getting a little bit of medication from the doctor just to help me through that period without getting sick, I haven't done anything else. I haven't attended any rehab programs, I haven't done any aa. I haven't done any of that stuff. I've invested in the program and I have no desire or wants or anything to get back on that stuff again. So just through replacing my bad habits with good habits and immersing in the program, the tribe and the coaches, I've changed my world considerably.

Isn't it crazy how much opportunity people actually have, mate, but they neglect to open their eyes or see it? Yeah, like you said, you have so many opportunities, even with habits. Okay, you've got bad habits, no worries. When you remove that, guess what? You've got an opportunity to put a good habit in place, make it a great habit. And this is, this is what I'm talking about. Self belief and limiting beliefs and especially capacity to having the energy perform that people just cut themselves down or cut themselves short or they've just settled or like you said, they look to escape and they get stuck in this rat race. And this rat race, when they say yes to that means they say no to the facts and the truth and awareness of where life is actually going. It'll be, I'll turn it around, I'll just get in front. This quarter or this year or this month or this week or this day. And you say that 365 times. Yeah, I'll get through today and tomorrow we'll have a look at what that's a fucking year. You know, you do that a few times. There's five years and it's, it's great. We can't get away with it the way, I mean, you know, when it comes to neglecting your body and mind like you might have when you were younger, I mean, you were, you know, obviously an aspiring athlete, then converted in and a phenomenal athlete which played high level AFL and swimming. I guess I'd love to see the perspective of now you're a little bit older and wiser. What drove you to become that? But even then, some of your accolades that they're moving into, you know, marriage and when you become, became a father for the first time.

Yeah, sport, I think for me was again something I did well at and I geared towards it. I wasn't actually academically, I won't say I wasn't very good. I didn't invest in it. And it's funny, this program's allowing me to see all these things now that I never saw before. Was I smart? Yeah, I probably was smart. Did I put effort into being smart at, at school initially? No, I didn't. I didn't do my homework because I didn't enjoy it. I didn't do certain things. So sport was an area. And again, I think, you know, I think I was affected quite a bit from my father's drinking from an early age. So sport was something I did, I did well at and I was really good at it. I had a natural ability. You know, I was one of those guys that could try any sport and do well. I wasn't always the best, but I, you know, I could make a grade in any sport. I tried pretty much, you know, within a school level because I was tenacious. And anytime I wasn't good at something, I worked on it and worked on it and worked on it. And again, you know, you bring it back to the whole life. Like you say, our reps in the gym, you know, doing, you know, you know, I get frustrated with my daughter for not doing something that I've asked her to do. But how much repetition have I put in? Nowhere near as much as what I have in sort of other areas of my life. So sporting, you know, big thing for me, did really well. And then like many swimmers after I did year 12, I focused really hard on my academia in year 11 and 12 and lo and behold, I did really well and got into a good university course which required a higher ter. But in saying that most of the stuff I've learned at university, I shouldn't say this, it hasn't served me well in clinical practice, I think you do a lot of background information and not a lot of practical side of things, but yeah, did sort of well through university and into business. And then I suppose I met my wife. Sorry, When I was. In 2006, we met and things were really hunky dory and I don't know, I knew instantly, and we both did, that we had a pretty special connection and we would say we were soul mates. And I think a lot of people do have their soulmate out there. But what I've learned, no matter how good you are together and how. How much you are soulmates, if you don't invest in that relationship, then it too will fail, regardless of how good you are on books. So we had quite a good marriage initially and a good relationship. My drinking was always a bit of an issue, excessively drinking. Once I stopped playing competitive sports, I definitely did drink too much and, you know, use cocaine, you know, quite, quite a lot here and there and. But our marriage was still, still good, you know, and we were. We were hot on and. But, you know, that transition into fatherhood, like I said to you earlier, was a real challenge for me. I think I'm. I was used to doing well at things and, you know, I suppose work, you know, if I. If I couldn't succeed in an area, working at it and working at it until I got. I was successful. And then I don't know what it was about because it was the happiest and proudest I ever was having a daughter, my first daughter, Isabella, who's now six. But I can paint a picture back to when I first had a child, where I started getting more and more lost in life and losing that confidence, losing that calmness, most definitely. And, you know, I think up until recently really is where I've started. Now I'm starting to really enjoy it. But I don't know. We had three children quite quickly. They're all less than two years each apart around the 2019, 20 months apart. So we had three, three and under. When the last one was born, the oldest one was only three. The number three was a surprise. It wasn't planned. And my wife and I weren't in a great place at the. The time either. So that really created some significant challenges. I mean, I remember my wife coming in and crying when she tested positive on a pregnancy test and me just saying, it'll be all right. I'll change, I'll be better. I'll support you, I'll help you. But I didn't because I was just too busy stuck in this by that stage, I'd sabotaged myself. I wasn't doing well at home. So I just kept throwing into service, Throwing into service. I'm good at this. I'm good at this. I'll keep doing it. So it's funny because it's the thing that still to this day, being a father, even early on when I was a father, was the proudest thing and it made me the happiest. But I think because I didn't know how to do it, or there wasn't a rule book or there wasn't certain skill set that I could work on that I knew about at the time, I was lost. I didn't know. You know, like with bench press, you want to bench press 100 kilos. It was a pretty easy routine to get there. You know, start with 60, increase to 70, 80, 90. You know what I mean? But with being a dad, I suppose the lack of control and the significant variables complicated things for me a lot. So, yeah, I mean, it was a tricky transition. I think it's where I spiral out of control a little bit. My alcohol certainly increased significantly, and my time into business, I just threw everything into it. And I was still helpful at home. But, yeah, but, yeah, I sort of. I certainly wasn't present, you know, and wasn't at home much either.

So, yeah, so it's tough, man. When you look at fatherhood, too, and I know there's. Obviously this isn't all women, but more often than not, 99.9% of women, they're thrust into motherhood or parenthood because they have to, right? They're carrying the child and then they're bearing the child, and there's either breastfeeding or not. They're keeping it alive. Whereas I look at a lot of things around fatherhood. A, obviously, we don't get the support that women get around that. B, it's a complete change up to, like you said, with the variables, to what we normally see as control or through our own actions or what's familiar, to get a return on investment. So fatherhood is much more voluntary than motherhood because it's like, okay, and when I say return on investment, of course, your own child, your own blood, staying alive, thriving, that's a given. But also, you're not behind the wheel of a lot of those things. You still go out and produce or hunt or. So a lot of it is voluntary where you're going, okay, I'm here to turn up or be present or provide or contribute, support the wife, support the child. Where the roi Might be years later, or it might be something that's completely new that you need to psychologically construct into making it. Yes, there is a return on investment here. It's not the same as going out and making money or building businesses or having, you know, lunches or dinners or wearing suits, but it's absolutely something that, that is going to be rewarding. And it's a really. It's a bit of a head fuck, isn't it, Mike? Because you look at it, you're like, it's the most happiest thing ever. Because as a man, the caveman with his cave and his family and his tribe, that fulfillment and happiness is so deeply ingrained in our DNA, yet in the modern world. Yeah, we don't have control. It's not familiar because we've never done it before. And then there are all these different variables that makes us not necessarily weaker, but definitely more susceptible, more fatigued, more tired. You don't get sleep, you've got more moving parts, more stress. You can't just fix something like you normally would out there in business or anywhere else, or with your body. You can't become Mr. Fix. It's not just a linear, a graph that you just follow, like getting up to progressive overload, to bench press 100 kilos. Like you said, it's so many unknowns that's coming from potentially a more vulnerable or susceptible version of yourself because your energy isn't there. The time changes, which means the habits, the routines change. And a lot of the times through society as well, we focus on what we control. But you can't neglect the reality. Yeah, we do get pushed to the side we do, especially from a networking. There's one thing that one of my friends said. I think Dave might have said it, one of my friends who's done some special coaching pieces, he's been on an episode. When the mother gives birth, her network generally increases because there's, you know, there's obviously different clubs for the children or mums or mums and bubs. They're all got different names with those sorts of groups and clubs and networking, doctors appointments. Whereas the men's sort of can constrict or contract and becomes less and he triples down on his work and then just. Just hanging around. And I get that, man. I never quite understood it until I became a father, but I get that when I've had those conversations with ex servicemen, the military, because they've been away so long, they come home, it's like I don't know where I fit I don't know where I fucking stand in this place. And I've had a lot of chats with them over the years where they've felt through self or not, probably both. Alienated. Very tough. The game changes, Mike. That's what we talk about. I mean, you know, and we'll dive into obviously some of the hardships. But what did you find after having three kids, man? Like, I thought I had a rough three under four, but three under three or I think I'm three under five, maybe three under four and a half. Yeah, it's tough. It is very tough. But what I mean, this I guess just started to expose probably the holes in your game. Like the game changes, but the sedation, the distraction, obviously the drugs and alcohol, like, is. Is that what caused, like, did this accelerate some of the cracks or the issues that you, you weren't facing? You probably should have. Or what happened, man? Like, what happened in the following years after. Well, I guess, you know, after number two was. After was born, what happened from there?

I just. I distanced myself more and more unintentionally. But looking back on it, I think I said to you guys early on in the piece that I felt like a spectator watching from the sidelines in my own family. And I genuinely did. I felt like there was a family with dad and then a family without me, and the family without me was a more fluid family that worked better and was happier and didn't have the growling and didn't have the, you know, the grumpy dad and the yelling and the screaming and all of that. So I think once I saw that in my head, I distanced myself even more. You'd think that naturally you'd want to try and fix it, but I just didn't have the tools and skills and the know how do it at the time. And I was so heavily invested in taking on more work than I could handle. And again I went back to. I was doing well in that area, so I just focused hard on it. So what ensued was, you know, a significant deterioration in my physical and mental health. I put on a lot of weight. I got on blood pressure medication. Very, very high blood pressure. When I did my 24 hour monitor, they said, jesus Christ. Like, some of the readings I had, I think one of the readings I had was something like 260 on 180 or something. And my average over the 24 hours, I think was 190 on 120 or something like that, so. And I had to keep going up and up and up. I was on the strongest dose of the medication I could get and I had to have two medications because had to be on a diuretic as well and nothing could stabilize my blood pressure very well. Even prior to joining hpf, I was on a really strong dose and my average blood pressure reading was still around the 160 on 90 sort of thing. And now I'm actually off blood pressure medication completely. In seven months, I managed to get off of that. My blood pressure without medication is now 110 on 50 consistently. So it's better than normal. It's at an athlete's level now. And I think that's a combination of a lot of things. My physical health hugely. But my improvement in mental health and calmness and the ability to not get as stressed and reactive naturally is going to contribute to not having those stresses and high blood pressure naturally. But yeah, definitely that. Going back to the question, that third child, Rosie, our little Rosie, who's the light of my life, she's robust, she's challenging as all shit, she is like. But I love that, you know, and two youngest, quite challenging children. But where I formally would have seen that as frustrating, now I see the joys in that as well because they're real little personalities and if we can help harness that and sort of give them a good start and teach them good skills and show them leadership and leading with love, I feel like anything can be achieved, you know, but yeah, that was, that was it. And totally our marriage was as good as over after number three was born, with the way that I didn't step up and lead within the family unit, especially like I promised. But it was another promise that was not delivered because I was, you know, lying and just full of COVID ups. Similar to what you said in your podcast, you know, with your wife. I sort of was doing a lot of COVID ups myself and not being honest with myself or my family. Eventually the truth always wins, like you say, and I was exposed heavily.

It's always hard when it's a truth we don't like, isn't it, mate? Sometimes necessary. And it's really interesting when we talk about our children. I love how strong my children are. And yes, they're more work. I mean, I mean, yeah, man, they're especially Lillian, the middle one. But Roman, he's stronger than ever and Stella's hitting her straps in her own identity. But what's the alternative though, right? I want fucking soft children. Why is the world soft? Is the world nice and easy? I mean, it's probably more challenging than ever in Its own. Right. So, yeah, I can definitely see how you can turn that from being a challenge into something where it's like. I see it as strength, Mike. I said it's like, yeah, look, there's. They are, you know, there's dependence, there's independence, there's interdependence. You can, you can actually still be a team. It's not that you don't have to fucking label everything. Let's let our children be strong, but let's continually lead and guide and be attractive to them to look at us, to model beliefs, values and the pathway. Because we are leading the charge with the energy we express and how we carry ourselves. I mean, why wouldn't you want to? And this is the funny part, so many guys out there looking to control other things they shouldn't. Let me ask you a question. Do you have any fucking control over yourself? Do you have. Can you completely control yourself? 99% of the time the answer will absolutely be no. And do we actually ever have complete self control? I mean, maybe, maybe not. I mean, I feel like I'm pretty resilient and steeled to all of the different things in life that can expose or trigger a reaction. And I don't. But we're only human too. So what do we do, Mike, to put the percentages or the numbers in our. In our favor, in our corner so that we can turn up more often than not consistently as loving fathers with leadership. When. With a Viking. With a Viking. Without burning everything. You don't have to. And with a panda. With a panda. Without giving away and forfeiting our personal integrity and our complete self identity. And when we understand and recognize both of those, we're actually the chief. We sit right in the middle. What a beautiful thing. Like fuck. What else could your children want or need or desire ask for? I mean, what else could you give that. That would be more fulfilling than that, mate? Like, it's. It's incredible. But I do remember you did and it was a pretty emotional testimonial down in Cosi. And I think you spoke the words where. Yeah, obviously Tess said that she'd fallen out of love with you, mate. And is that around. Was that before or after this time here? I'm just going to do a screen share here, but who was this man, Mike?

That was. That was a man. That was not long before I joined hbf. I was, I was in a dark place there. And.

Yeah, you know, your daughter's not even happy here in this picture. It's tough, man. Those obviously listening to the podcast. Can't see this. But don't worry, you'll see Mike's story soon enough. But that's.

Yeah, gets me a bit emotional saying that.

But yeah, look at that though. That's unbelievable, man. I showed my wife this the other day, she said, no, that's not the same person. Have a look at this, man. That is fucking incredible, man. That's incredible, Mike.

No, it is. I've worked really hard at it, but I've had all the support in the world to do it, you know. So this program is just like I say, has been everything to me. I've sort of gone all in. There was no other option for me. And not everyone needs to be at rock bottom to make amazing gains out of something like this. There's many men in the program that are looking for a bit extra in certain areas. And then before they know it, they. Cause we're very open. I speak to a lot of tribe men, you know, they've got it together pretty well and then they join for a certain reason, like a weight loss or health impact. And then all of a sudden, as their self reflection skills get greater, they realize, oh, fuck, maybe I didn't have everything that I wanted or needed. And you know, it's funny, even the people that might have joined for the most novice of things like losing 15 kilos or 10 kilos or something, which is a big deal, but it's one very small aspect of a life, they realized, hang on, I needed to do this. I needed to work on connection. I needed to work on, you know, communication, my energy, you know, my. It's just incredible. Like it just. It hits every, every part of a man's life significantly. So, you know, I've made a huge transition and transformation, but. And I've worked hard at it, but it hasn't been impossible by any means. You know, it's sort of. I don't feel like anything else could have happened by the way I've invested in the program. Like, so as surprising as looking at some of the photos might be, for me, it's like, well, what else was going to happen? I had to improve like that, you know, because I followed the protocol, you.

Know, follow the game plan, Mike. And that's. That's what we do. You know, this is not. And it never really has been, to be fair. Even back in 2018, when obviously our team was much, much less and the service, or I guess the protocols and the principles were less. It's never been just the owl show. It's just continuously Taking in all of these men, have a look at our weekly temples, like the thousands and thousands. And I'd be over 10,000 points of data and feedback and channeling through that, siphoning through filtering, and then reallocating redeveloping, redesign. Like you said most mentioned, many men these days are waking up. We find that with a lot of guys reaching out there, they. When they dig deep enough, they realize, yeah, I'm fucking dropping the ball, man. My marriage is falling down. There's something, oh, yeah, we still love each other, but it's stagnant and it's waned. Or, you know, it's not the same with the children that I look at me, or there's no respect in the household, but do you respect yourself? And so a lot of the times, these moving parts of thinking I want some support or just want to get a bit better, or it's like, no, no, you know, member or not listening to this as well, you know, deep down, it's like, hang on. If I dig deep enough, give myself the space and time, I can recognize. Not that you're short or you're not enough or you're incompetent or you haven't come, but it's a simple case of everything being organic, Mike. It's either growing or dying. So if you're not investing in your marriage, it is slowly dying. Doesn't matter that you stay together because it's comfortable and convenient for the children or for the wife, because the children are still being. Forget all that stuff. Because if you lean on those crutches, they will get pulled from underneath you as well, sooner rather than later. And the time will roll around where men who listen to this episode today will be in their fifties. If they're not already, they'll be in their sixties. If they're not already, they'll be in their seventies. They'll be taking their last breath or blinking their last blinks. So who has time to fuck around? When we look at this, Mike, and establish that, yes, we can have all of it in family, self and service. And a lot of the reasons why men fall down is they do not have the right supportive environment around them. 2. One, in the household, which means the home, not the household. The home is critical stability in the environment of the house, with love and leadership, with your wife and with and for the children. And two, an environment away from that that can drive and command and challenge and uplift and direct you to become more for everything else in life. So you have a true, genuine championship team in Your corner to be strong for you because you are strong for others, AKA your family. That's. That's a big thing, Mike. And I look at those. Those pictures there and, yeah, like you said, it's that whole, you know, blown away and inspired, but also not surprised. Yeah. And I know that's definitely not taking away your results, but I look at your commitment, everything you've done, I'm like, yeah, like you, man. And it's not that we assume or expect things. That's a dangerous line to walk. But I'm like, well, fuck, of course Mike should turn out like that. Have a look at what he's investing. You have literally recreated yourself and recreated your life. Think about that, mate. That's incredible. It really is. And I'm sure you do have those moments where you're proud of yourself, but you certainly don't take a backward step either, Mike. You continually push and strive through the journey. And what was it that, I'm curious, before you got to that stage, what was the. What was the switch that flicked for you? You know, like, I, you know, and I'm happy for you to share if you want to, mate, but obviously you're in a pretty dark spot just before you. You pulled the trigger and came on board with us. But what. What was. What was going through your head there? And. And then what was the flick that led to you going, no, no, it's just not. That's not the answer. Maybe this is.

So I. I did see a couple of ads of rdm, you know, over the years, you know, but not. Not a lot. But I think it was in the back of my head, I saw a Facebook ad and thought, oh, shit, this is. This is singing to me. But I don't think I was ready. And that would have been like, randomly, maybe six months plus before I joined. Could have been 12 months even. And it must have just been stored in the back of my head somewhere because things deteriorated a lot for me and I was really depressed and I just didn't think I could change. Well, I knew I had to change. I knew I needed to stop the drink, I knew I needed to stop drugs. I knew I needed to stop so much with my work and invest in my marriage and my family, but I just didn't know how. I didn't have the tools or the insight to do it. So I got to the point where I thought my family were better off without me. And I was in the shed one night and, yeah, about to do something I would have regretted forever, actually started doing It. And then I pulled myself back because my kids flashed into my eyes and I didn't want them finding me or my wife finding me lifeless, basically. And I don't know, I didn't want to die, but I didn't really see any alternative because I was lost and I couldn't find my way back at the time. And randomly this RDM thing just popped into my fucking head when I walked back inside and I got on the computer straight away, just sort of tried to sign up sort of thing or reach out and it randomly, because I hadn't seen anything for six months or so prior, probably. And then, you know, next day I got a call straight away. This was at two in the morning or something when I. When I messaged and I already had a meeting for, I think 10:00am or something the next morning, Sunday morning, and got on a zoom session with one of the consultants. And I signed up straight away, you know, because I didn't want to die and I wanted to change. And I felt like this was the olive branch, this was something that could help me. And I wasn't positive, but I was like, hang on. You know, I basically saw it as though any moment of my life from that point forward was a gift because I was that close to not being here, that I was like, no, I'm going all in. And that's what I've done. And the program's just been incredible. Like, you know, the coaching program, the coaches are phenomenal. Like, I had one of the coaches drew message me yesterday, like, just out of my temple, you know, like, how you going with this, mate? Challenges, what are we going to do? And, you know, how you coping? And I messaged him back, sort of thing, you know, any strategies. And he's given me some strategies to work on. What can I do? So, like, this interface and I have. I've gone all in with my communication with the coaches as well. I'm like, fuck it, I'm in this program. I'm going to get the most out of it. So I reach out to the dream team and I encourage other men on the inside to do the same. I speak to a lot of men now in the tribe and I think a few people reach out to me because they have seen me go all in and sort of ask for advice on certain things, much the same as what I do to other tribe members as well. I just say, just utilise what's there, don't get overwhelmed, reach out to your dream team, reach out to the coaches, the people and, you know, Just show up every day and do the little things. The little 1 percenters, they all add up to huge things in the end. But, yeah, I was in a dark, dark place out, very dark, you know, and fast forward, I suppose we'll talk about it anyway. But I've gone from the shittiest I've ever been in my life to the happiest by far that I've ever been. Not just in my adult life, in my entire life, you know.

That's incredible, man. It's a big testament to yourself as well, Mike, and. And rising up. And for a lot of men out there, maybe it might not be the complete rock bottom that they may perceive or what you personally went through, Mike, but essentially so many men out there do believe they have no choice, because that's what it comes. What you're talking about then is there's no other options. There's no choice. But there is. You are fucking living, breathing proof of that, Mike. And there is always a choice. When I take a hard line in my podcast, it's out of love, man. You know, that I'm just. I'm very passionate about going, hey, let's be a fucking winner. Let's. Let's be a winner. Don't. Don't buy into the bullshit. Even if it's bullshit you feed yourself. Even if the thing that's fucking feeding you, the bullshit has fed you and kept you full and warm in certain winters, he's not your friend. There are two. Yeah, there's all these different parables. The Chinese one, which. Which wolf wins? The wolf that you feed. You know, the wolf of power and wolf of. Of grief or despair or doubt or. There are so many different examples around this little voice inside. Self sabotage. Talk, popping it yourself. You don't have to. You don't have to say yes to that, and you don't have to say no to a better version of yourself. You truly don't. And like I said, Mike, you are the living embodiment of that. To really stand up and go, there is. And it might have been in that moment, but essentially you follow the bouncing ball. One domino becomes a domino. 50% larger becomes 50% larger. And next thing you know, mate, you are knocking over the Tower of Pisa with your might, your effort, and your results. And it's just. It's phenomenal even here. Like, I know I was showing pictures before, but you sent me. Well, you posted this and then sent me this in our chat together. One to one. Beautiful Mother's Day morning. So much has changed since Last Mother's Day last year, I was hungover, didn't go to any effort with my wife and kids. This year I was up early as usual, cleaned the house, did all my morning, normal morning routine, and cook breakfast with my kids for my amazing wife. Can feel the difference in the household. So much calmer and happy this year. HPF has changed the life of me and my family. Forever indebted to this amazing program. Hashtag, fuck, yeah, the dads, what a good hashtag that is. But. And pictures, you know, and then they're not, you know, lovely pics, mate, of what you did for your wife. And the girls are seeing this. Hey, this is what a man. This is the standard of a man in my life. You've got three daughters, man. Like, I've got two daughters. And I was chatting to Corinne the other day about this. I'm like, you know what? Like, I'm not going to judge if I had plenty of shit wrong with me when I was 15, 17, 21, 25, 30. We all still have points of mess that we can continually work on ourselves. That's the beautiful gift of life. I mean, if you have time to go through with whinging or complaining or bitching or being a victim or drama sort of shit, if you have time for that or being bored, you're saying yes to that exponentially while saying no to actually focusing on yourself. You do have fucking time. You do have energy, you do have capacity. You just put that shit in the wrong baskets, on the wrong buckets or focusing on the wrong areas. I said to Karen, look, you know what? Like, my children are going to have very high standards because of what they see in their father. I get that. But also, they're going to have a father who's transparent enough and empathetic enough even for the young blokes they bring home to go, hey, you know what? I wasn't. I wasn't like, I wasn't like the way I am when I was his age, like when he's 15 or 17, or when they have boyfriends or 21, or I'm going to help him develop and continually rise up and grow and evolve as a man. But essentially the journey and the transparency of the pathway, it doesn't mean I share all the ins and outs and dump my baggage on my kids like 6, 6, 3 and 1. But you know, it, it's true, man. They are always watching. The work is actually done. Even before you have those conversations. Hey, you know what? You know, you can have a boyfriend and you might have some fights and, but even forget all that. They're just going to see and model how you turn up consistently. And it's the energy, isn't it, Mike, that they, that they see and feel from what goes on in the household?

Definitely, yeah, they see it hugely. And it's funny, my Isabella, my six year old who's just gorgeous and Gracie, who's four, even little Rosie like that, they see me work out and train and energy. So now I had to bring some little weights home for them from my office. It's funny, we just muck around doing weights. I don't know. They're looking at dad now and not just my physical change, but they're starting to talk like, my daddy's so strong, you know, he's tough and courageous and you know, in a, not in a God, he's lifting weights and getting really big. But just, you know, I suppose they see a transformation physically and they see that attached to my energy within the household, you know, they do, they. Those little lies and those little ears. Jesus. They hear a lot because since, since I have joined the program, I've had the tough, I've asked the tough questions to them because a big part of me being a part of this program was stop being so fucking defensive and stop covering up shit all the time and being, you know, making excuses all the time. And you know, I think a lot of the time I used to do that and think, woe is me, fuck, I'm doing all this. Why, why is my wife so difficult? Why don't my kids, why aren't they really close to me and love me? But you know, self reflection is a beautiful thing. Now where I go, well, because I wasn't fucking investing in it. I wasn't giving him the time and I was angry and frustrated. But my daughter Isabella in particular, you know, she remembers a lot of things that I was doing prior in my anger and my temper. And even on the way to school this morning I had a chat with her because I knew I was doing this today. And I said, bel, I want to ask you about. And I didn't actually say how has RDM changed me? Initially I said, what can I do better as a dad still now? And you know, those questions we didn't have before and that self reflection and the ability to. I was always good at taking critique within business because I knew that that was part of it and within sport, but I was shit at taking critique from my family and I think my wife could still deliver it a bit better.

They'll Take their opportunities where they can, man. That's right.

I said to her, it would be nice if you were a little bit more balanced in your approach at times, but we're a work in progress. And I'll be honest, the connection with my children and the improvements with my children have come faster than with my wife. But my wife had to protect my children and she was, you know, she really suffered a lot. So we've got a solid marriage now and we love each other, you know, and even last night, Bella, I saw her, you know, I picked my wife up, gave her a big kiss in the kitchen when she got home, you know, and I could see Bella just looking out the side of her eye and this big smile cracked on her face. And, you know, they do. They witness the bad, but they witness the good. And when the home is filled with more good than bad, it becomes a nice place to be a part of, you know, so.

Absolutely, mate. You know, it's like you spoke about. They see and hear and they are immersing in and then they take that and they experiment or discover or search and then there's different environments and they correlate too, and they, they compare and environment might be school, other kids, other kids, stories or lies or truths or, you know, all these different parts mainly around different environments start to form their reality from which the seed that's originally planned is absolutely inside the household. It's really interesting, the whole question, what can I do to be better? Or how can I be a better dad? Or I remember me talking about this in one of my. I don't think it was an ad or maybe one of our posts and some fellow jumping on there, something like, what a crock of shit. And who ask their kids what they. What they need from their fathers and some along the lines of you tell them or blah, blah. It's like, how would you even know you're not a kid anymore? It's obviously been a long time since you have been, but the whole attitude obviously stinks. But. But I looked at it and I was like, why wouldn't you. Why wouldn't you just gain their perspective? It was part of the last podcast around Respect. How do you know? How do you really know what your children value? You wouldn't know unless you ask. You see him playing like I see Stella playing with Barbie fun houses and dolls and whatnot. But if I ask her, hey, what's the most favorite thing you love? Ish could be like our pet bunnies, you know, or I love special time when we go to the park. It might have nothing to do with the Barbie doll, so how would you know unless you ask? Just, like, when it comes to. But it's not like you're sitting down and just pulling your pants down going, okay, fucking give it to me. Give me all the bad things. And here I am. I'm just. I'm standing here vulnerable, exposed. And all the bad points and flaws and faults and. Same with the misses, obviously. Yeah, they are a bit more steeled towards that. And so I'll reframe the question. Mike, when I'm talking to Corinne, I'll be like, what are the most amazing things that you love about me, Corinne? Just don't give me the opportunity. Are there any other questions you want to ask, Al? No, no, that's good. Just that one. Just that one around positivity and man. But it's a valuable thing because then what you're doing is you're getting insights into your children's world. Like, until they hit seven, a lot of what they. What they're literally creating and visualizing and manifesting might be an illusion to us, but that. You know, that little doll with the. With the tiara and then the horse, it's like she's really on a little farm there, and the little doll is riding a real horsey. Like, that's how. That's how kids work. Like, it's a part of. I remember looking into it, but it's. It's part of the makeup of the brain and how it works and fires where literally, like, a lot of their dream. A lot of the stuff, like dreams for us when we're asleep is. Is believed reality for them. You know, a lot of the fairy tales and the playing, and Lillian has a. A friend at the moment called Pudgy. Where the fuck she gets these names, man? Pudgy. What's up, Daddy? Pudgy sitting on your lap having dinner with us, too. I'm like, okay, all right. How are you going, Pudgy? You're gonna have some of. You can have some of dad's meatballs and pasta and whatnot, mate. It's hilarious. But she absolutely believes. Oh, yeah, it's real. Why wouldn't you. Why wouldn't you use. Use that as a. You know, use the ability to connect with your children through asking them questions as a pathway to connect with them even better or, you know, connect better as a father, or at least even just engage and be present and find out a little bit more about their world. They know that you care and you are invested in them because unless you ask a question, walk away because you're there and you're present. And what are some of and I know you spent mentioned some of them, Mike, but I guess greatest wins, man. Like what are some of the big. Let's fast forward to right now, this today, here we are back end of May. What are some of the greatest takeaways, victories, revelations and things that you've had mate and experience for yourself and for loved ones?

Look, the connection with my wife and kids is definitely the predominant one for sure. I mean there's just so many wins that I've had, it's just ridiculous. Like you said, my whole world and life has changed. And it's funny, I'm still living in the exact same environment, but the environment at the itself has changed because I've changed. And you know, I know JK said this on a session we were talking about and in his podcast, but if you want to change the marriage or change your family, change the man. And you know, I'm living testament to that. It couldn't be more true. I think so. I mean the connection my children. And it's funny, I had a chat with my mother in law on the weekend we were up at the farm and my in laws own a farm, we run some cattle and sheep and it's great for the kids and for us as well. But she said to me, you were always a good dad, Mike. You know, you always were there and did things, you know, you were, you would take them places, you cared for them and stuff. And I said, yeah, I did do things. But you know, the difference is, and this is what I think, I used to think of everything as a choreograph. I've got to do this, I've got to do that, I have to do this, I have to do that. I certainly wasn't doing as much as what I should have, but every time I was doing something with my kids, I didn't really want to be doing it. Whereas now I feel like it's such a privilege and a blessing that I can choose to do these things and be with my children. And that's what I was trying to explain to my mother in law that no, I'm loving doing what I'm doing now. There's a huge difference in my mindset, you know, and something as simple as that to me is such a huge win. Doing something with interest and with love and with energy and presence more than anything. You know, my kids, you know, they thrive off of that. They love it. Some of the things that we've got through this program are special time through the session we did with Shannon, you know, like I. But it's been a game changer for me. My beautiful Gracie, she's got some challenges and some sensory issues. She has weekly occupational therapy and stuff now. But I think the thing that single handedly helped her more than any of that is this special time that we do. And if you ask any of my children what their favorite thing they talk about special time. Bella even said to me today, like I said on Facebook, the way to school. I asked her, what can I do better? She said to me, you can still try not growl and yell. And I said, yep, cool. Point taken. That's a work in progress. You've improved a lot, but you still need to improve. Yep, great. And then she went on to, without me asking her, talking about the things that she loves. Special time was one of them that she just said straight away, I love special time. I love that we're best friends now, dad, you know, I love, you know, so I have a closeness and a friendship with my children. I play with them. I invest the time I'm involved in their games. You know, like when we do our weekly temples and it's like, you know, how many days did you play with your children and what activities? It's like every fucking day. And how big is the piece of paper for me to write down all these activities that I'm doing, like, because I'm so engrossed in their life at home, you know, we do no tech for my monthly goal of May is keep the fucking tech away because my phone was creeping back in again with business, you know, and I'm responding to emails and you know, that negatively impacts stuff. So, I mean, the connection with my wife and kids is huge. One, the actual ability to have insight as well now into my shortfalls and shortcomings has been a big win for me. And not being defensive and I suppose so frustrated by it. I'm sort of seeking out information from my wife and kids now, which I wouldn't have previously, but it's only because I have confidence that I'm doing a good job most of the time now. Not to say I want to. I don't ask to be asked. Kiss. What am I doing? Well, but I know I've got enough wins on the board now and I've got enough stuff in the emotional bank account to go, what can I do better? And not get upset about it and frustrated by it because I know that I'm showing up And I'm turning up every day for my family and every day for myself as well. But the biggest thing, again, is just total joy in my life. I'm happy, fulfilled, and content. Like, I. And I think they're my three words for the month in my journal. Happy, fulfilled, and content. You know, like, I have a level of joy that I haven't had, I haven't experienced, you know, before in my life. Just so happy to be where I am with my family, you know, sharing these experiences and having the energy to do it all the time. I mean, I. I know, you know, everything is just incredible. But, like, Ken, you know, like, set me up. Everything he's told me to do, I've done. And fucking hell, the wins are just incredible, you know, like, my energy, like, I'm really, really. And I know I was an athlete previously, but, shit, for the last 10 years, I've been far from a fucking athlete. You know, I've been overweight, unfit, feeling like crap, and, you know, my nutrition and energy is incredible. My sleep, you know, whereas I thought I had to use alcohol to sleep, you know, my sleep scores are consistently in the 90s on my Oura ring now, you know, and, like, you know, 80s at the worst, you know, so that's. I get an 80 or. And I'm like, oh, shit, I need to step that up a bit, you know, so, like, it's because, again, routines and everything, but, yeah, the big wins, obviously, connection and life with my wife and kids, my health and my energy and the ability to have insight and have a real hunger and drive to improve more. Every layer I peel back and every time I level up, I see a greater need for change in other areas. It's not that I'm not satisfied with myself, but I know the more I keep levelling up, the greater fun and greater success and I'll have in life, you know, and then another huge win is the fact that I've been able to succeed in service still without having to invest that level of time in there. I mean, that's huge because without that, I wouldn't be able to be investing in other areas as well. But, yeah, God, the winds would go on forever, Al. Like, they're just, you know, it's just changed my world. It's incredible.

Yeah, JK will get jealous, mate, if we beat him when we go over two hours with this episode. So let's keep. Let's keep the winds rolling. That's incredible. Well, well spoken, Mike, and great shares, man. You know, I remember seeing it because he Was like, this guy's jacked, man. Look how shredded he is. It was insane. It's what he lost 15 or 17 kilos or thereabouts.

I was at 14 or 15 at Cossey.

Yeah, yeah, it's incredible, man. And like we said, it's not about the fitness per se, but everything ties into the vehicle of life. What are we doing for our. And with our bodies, night routines, sleep, how we're tracking that, obviously the coaches on the inside. It's awesome, man. And even from the point of view, what you've spoken about with feedback, like, it's, it's great to get like, you don't, you don't have to take all of it in. There's. We, we do questionnaires and feedback forms all the time and sometimes guys will pop up ideas, but they don't understand our systems and processes or, or the relevance of it or how important it is or the waiting for what would serve the tribe best. And so it's not that we say they're wrong or deny them, but essentially it's a, it's taking in, okay, well, where is it coming from? What's, what's the agenda or what's the desire? And then, you know, really reorganizing that with your own personal integrity, what's important and who you are as a man, which is why it's so important. You must be stable in yourself, otherwise you're going in blind. You got no fucking idea. So you're the yes man, just gets told all the wrong in the world with you and what you have to do and you can't even do it because you haven't done anything or you're over the top. Like you said, super defensive because you can perform. But now I'm not going to take that in because I can do that or I can do that. When you have that personal integrity, you can take it. Okay, I'll absorb that. I'll take that on board and I'll work with it. Hey, that's cool. That's, you know, you might not say directly to their face. People like, you know what, okay, it's my four year old saying this or it's my wife saying this after a massive week under the pump with work or the kids or she was sick or. I don't need to absorb that as my reality. I know what my truth is and what the truth is. And that's why I talk about the truth. Always winning because it's so valuable, Mike. It's really your rod and staff to, to know exactly where you stand. And not just under times of strain or dress or trouble, but all the time. You know, that's what creates certainty. And that certainty and stability gives you freedom, opportunity, strength and like what you said, confidence and calmness. What. Great episode, mate. I guess there'll be a couple of things as we start to wind this up. I've really enjoyed this session with you, Mike.

What.

I guess what are the. Is it probably all of it or something standing out to. Hey, like what's one of the greatest things or what's the best thing you love about a high performance father and what we do here on the inside.

The value of the tribe, I think is second to none. Like the, you know, and the coaches are part of that tribe, which I love. You know, it's sort of not like we have the coaches and the tribe members. We, you know, the coaches, we're all one big tribe. So just the environment that it creates is just unlike anything I've ever been a part of in my life. There's so much shit in this world currently, particularly with the last two years, of all the bullshit that's happened in the world where there's so much negativity, so much attacking of each other, putting each other down, you know, and just, you know, the negativity is just insane. This tribe and this environment is just full of energy and positivity. Like even, you know, even in my friendship circles, you know, people are happy for each other when they succeed, but there's often a level of jealousy even within, you know, friendships or family. Even, you know, I know with my brother, for example, you know, jealousy around, you know, if I've done well in certain things or what have you. But there's none of that bullshit in this environment. It is genuine care for our comrades, genuine care for men and support. And I know it's pretty amazing thing you've done. Al. I don't know how we can, you know, we're so connected to each other all across the country that, you know, when I rocked up to Cosi, these were like best mates of mine I'd met for the first time ever. Because there is no judgment. The level of sharing and the level of support is second to none. I share things with the tribe that I don't share with anyone. That's the trust that I have and the trust that I'm going to get honest feedback and it's not always what I want to hear, which I like. You know, like Ben Henry has told me a few times, other guys told me a few Times, mate, pull your head in a little bit about the way you're thinking, you know, because on reflection, you could do better with certain things. And I'm like, fuck, you know what? I can, you know, and I'll try it and I'll call back. Hey, things are really stepping up, doing good because any critique is not from a bad place within this environment. It's from a place where we all want each other to succeed. And that's why I'm always open and willing to support people. A few of the newer guys have come on board and touched base with me, get some advice about how we can do things and the journaling because it's something I do really thoroughly and I'm always there putting myself out. So the tribe, the coaching is incredible. The coaching forms part of that tribe. But I think that this environment, without the tribe, it still would be a winner, but Jesus, it helps you expedite the process and just gives you energy and accountability constantly.

Yeah, fair point to that last bit as well, mate. It is the core or the largest source of energy in here and. And that's what I'm proud of most and really love Mike. Not just personally because it's, you know, I'm simply a cog in the wheel as well. And I'm proud that I had a lot of value. You know, it's not that I'm going the reverse psychology like a lot of people, I don't know if psychology is a word, but the reversal of, oh, look how, look how humble I am. I bust my ass to get this stage, man. I'm very strong and proud of where we are and I own that. But also, this isn't just put up posters of fucking Al and all the Sunday charge ups that he does. It's about really the entirety of what we represent. And yes, it is sort of not really frustrating used to be, but it is humbling that there are lots of people who copy us modelists. They can steal our information and resources, people buy our challenges and with dummy accounts and blah, blah, blah. But you can't click your fingers, man, and just have an environment like this. This is years and years and years and cutting away some of the bad eggs, knowing full well, even to the stage where I've been struggling, stalked, my family's been threatened, cutting away some of the bad eggs that do not hold place in the tribe and making that decision, knowing that that might come to personal attacks to me, but what's best for the tribe, and that's been very rare, hasn't happened often less than 10 times. But these are the points where it's the integrity and what you stand for that says, hey, this is where we're going. And that. It's an attractive thing, Mike. So it keeps attracting winners. And every time, every year, we raise the coaching programs, delivery and service and what we do, what we provide, and then we raise the caliber of our messaging and how we help the man have it all. We've raised the level of winners and then we raise the standard of those coming in to become those winners. And like you said, you will be challenged. But it's from a genuine place. And you know that. It's absolutely genuine. Because I, I need Mike Killington to win. Otherwise, what am I doing? I'm sitting here talking to myself, right? We need you to win for us to win. Not just branding or marketing, fulfillment, reward my belief in certainty. Like, if I kick back and I was like, hey, man, like, 80% of the guys have failed, this program would be like, what the fuck's wrong with the program? What are we doing wrong? I'm a fraud. I'm a failure. This doesn't work. And then we get something like this. Like, no, man, we can get guys and our success rate into the 90s. And look, we give 100% guarantee if you move the mountain with us. But in terms of how much of the heavy lifting we do, we still push men through no fault of their own life's hard, push them up into that 90 plus percent success rate. That's fucking massive, man. Like that, that reinforces me what we do, where we're going. And we continually, like I said, not unsatisfied, but we tweak and having that challenge from a genuine place, place of love and the team that backs you. Yeah, you're right, Mike. There is no judgment and it should be taken on board. Just like me. When I get feedback, I'll read it and sometimes I'll be like, oh, yeah, I never thought of that. Actually, that's something we can do better to step up our game. Not. What the fuck's he know? He's not. He hasn't started. A high performance Father program holds no place, man, for. For ego, you know, What a session. What a session, mate. Final, final thoughts or I guess, words of wisdom. Like, if there's a father. Here's one thing I want to say before I'll let you close it out, Mike. I wrote here because I wrote some notes. Without father, there was a period of. There was a short period of time where there was a very high Potential that your children would have been without a father. Now, I'm not saying those out there listening who aren't high performance fathers or aren't pulling their weight aren't fathers. But I want you to ask yourself the question. How much fucking time do you think you have? How much of a father do you think you have been? How much of a father do you think you can be? Because if you don't know the answer to one or any of those, you need, like, it's not a want. You need to get clarity and find out. We don't push or sell anyone. We have over 100 applications a week. But if you want to be one of those who could potentially or might align with us, or maybe we can help you or could possibly be the solution, you won't fucking know if you don't find out. Fatherhood is one of the hardest and greatest things and always will be for me, Mike. And yes, through that, the passion comes through. Why? Because I feel very blessed at such an early stage of my journey with the level of trauma and hardships that I had to learn that quickly and that I did see that and had that realization, not kicking the fucking can down the road. We'll get there tomorrow or next week or next month or next year. Next thing you know, instead of the guys who are 35, they're fucking 45, reaching out and shit's burning, burned to the ground and it's too late. Or maybe they're not here. So just before I dive and we throw it to you, Mike, and you dive into this last piece, it's something to think about, guys. There's always a choice. Are we your choice? Maybe, maybe not. Like, if you don't believe we're the right fit for you, I agree. Of course we're not the right fit for you because of where your head's at and your perspective and your assumptions. Why would I want that on the inside with us as well, goes both ways. It's about opening up the doors and your perspective to opportunities and going, well, which door do I want to walk through? Is it doing nothing, going it alone, Fluffing around on bullshit, or going all in? What are your thoughts? Well, final, final thoughts, Mike. And I guess some advice for a father listening to this who maybe sitting on the fence, maybe he started listening to us, I don't know. But he's obviously landing an ear, which means that, that, you know, he's starting to open up the doors to reflecting and seeing that he needs something. But what are your thoughts and final Thoughts and advice, mate. For a father who is listening to this, who's not on the inside, look.

I genuinely believe that every man does need this. I think men need it to certain different levels. You know, not everybody is dire, straight, sort of rock bottom when they join, but every single man, every dad, you know, can benefit from this, you know, so the program is just ever evolving as well. That's the other thing that I just am so impressed with. Even since I've joined in eight months, the evolution of the program has been massive. You know, the things that we're reflecting on now, the things that we're gauging and measuring on, even the coaching pieces and everything, that sort of everything just is just revving up, you know, so, you know, to any man, you know, in any position, and if you're on the fence, you know, I can guarantee you, if you invested in this and follow the protocol and immerse yourself in this winning environment, without a doubt, you win. There's no other option, you know, And I suppose you need to ask yourself or any man needs to ask himself, do they want to become the best version of themselves and do they want to create a better life for them and their family and leave a fucking legacy, you know? For me, I want a legacy. I want my children's children's children to be talking about. Mike Killington that paved the way in our family was just incredible figure within the family unit that was a leader of people, you know, successful in service, but, you know, looked after himself. Squeezed every bit of joy and happiness out of life and fucking brought his family along with him the whole way so that they squeezed everything out of life, you know, just this incredible hunger to have an incredible life now, you know, and I'm getting a taste for it, and I'm not fucking living, letting it go, you know. So, yeah, I mean, to any man, it's not an advertisement, but fuck, it works. Honestly, I'm living proof it works. You know, I'm back. I'm back solid, you know, better than ever. So you got to put the work in. But like JK said, and like, if you choose your hard, you know, choose your hard put, you know, I work hard in this program, but fucking hell, it gives me incredible return on investment. I had a hard, much harder life before. This much harder. So my heart accomplishes great things these days, whereas my heart before was working me towards the grave.

You're an absolute legend, Mike. Absolute legend, man. We love having you on the inside, brother. And well done, man. Should be very proud of yourself.

Thank you, mate. I'll never leave. So.

We'Ll need to run an event. We'll run an event in South Australia. I'll bring the caravan across, mate, we'll come to South Australia and we'll kill.

A calf in your honor. So yeah.

Oh, mate, I get jealous of the grass fed and the some of the pics of the food you throw up. It's. Yeah, makes me very hungry. Very hungry. Well spoken, mate. We'll finish on this note. Asking a question. What would you do if you had one to 2,000 hours back in your life? What would you do to get that? Well, I know for me, Mike, the answer is fucking anything. You give me one to two thousand hours a year back out for myself, for my family, for my life, anything. But also what would you do with that time? Because that is absolutely an opportunity impossible. And Mike is living proof of that at a very high standard level because of the choices he made, the leadership that he took, the onus and the ownership of his own life and how he actually liberated himself from the self sabotaging. The little voice inside me escapes. What an episode. I got goosebumps a few times, man. Like just. It's awesome, Mike. I really love doing this and I love doing it because it's nothing that it's ever done alone. Even when I'm in here in the office by myself or doing episodes by myself, I'm actually never alone. We have the tribe and it's a power that's second to none, mate. And you are the epitome of what that stands for. Thank you again, man. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. And Mike, thank you sir for your time and your energy and sharing your story and hey, what a story. I'm sure this is going to help many men have some reflection themselves and start to say yes to the right things for themselves and their family.

Thank you, Al. And thanks for creating this amazing sort of movement and program because it's changing the lives of dads and families out there, mate. You know, I'm living proof.

Good on you, Mike. Another dad winning is another family thriving. My man. Great stuff, man.

Thanks, Al.

And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listen to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this. Because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.