208. Keeping Your Emotions In Check

This episode is brought to you by our High Performance Father Coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode Foreign Keeping your emotions in check Gentlemen, welcome to an episode that's going to peel back the layers of a what an emotion is, but B asking the right questions so we can navigate through the emotions we currently hold, this stronghold they have in our life and the way that they sometimes reflect or represent what isn't actually who we are. Yet all of a sudden we find we burn everything down to the ground. If you don't burn it to the ground, you're certainly smoldering and starting some sort of small fire which can absolutely, absolutely burn everything to the ground if you don't check yourself, if you're not cautious or careful. Guys, it's been a minute. It's been a minute. I've missed these podcasts, I really have. I think it might have been maybe a week and a half. This is life, isn't it? You know, we all have our certain priorities and I really love and enjoy doing these episodes. But priorities change, they adjust, they shift and whilst I'll continue to do these episodes, they always come from a place of learning, development, evolution and something that ties into personal experiences with my family and experiences professionally, I with the men on the inside and the amazing culture we continually build and develop together where the ears are always open and listening and taking in what is happening and then providing with value here the opportunity for you to look inside of yourself and not just with fluff, with actual pathways, actions and tangible things you can put in place immediately. This is going to be a different episode for men who are non members than it is for men who are members. And that's the same with all of our episodes. And that's okay. Those who are not members, you'll definitely get some value out of this. Those who are members, this is helping you sharpen the sword, so to speak, on a more personal level. Because that's what we do on the inside. We are more personal. So first and foremost, when I always say questions are the answer, they are the path to the answer, obviously. Because when the question is said, what do we naturally do as human beings? We look for an answer. But what I mean by that on a deeper level is statements don't mean anything, simply a statement. Think of life. Emotion's a word. Love's a word, Hate's a word. Fuck is a word. Whether you take offense to me swearing occasionally or not, they're all just words. What's more important is the energy behind it, and the energy behind it that drives either the outcome that you desire or the outcome that you don't. And if you don't even know, you've already lost. And this is where half of the battle lies, gentlemen. Awareness. So this is a very important episode for you because as men, we are designed, hardwired to go out and hunt and provide and produce for ourselves, for our families, those that we love and care about. We are wired differently to women, but essentially every single human being innately has emotions inside of them. How? Why? Well, it's very simple. When you understand what an emotion is, you actually understand that even when you appear to be emotionless, you are actually applying a different set of emotions to the situation or circumstance. It comes in a wide range. It's not tears, crying, lovey dovey and fluff. It's an entire part of your makeup. And that's going to be a little bit more clear when we actually go into the definition, which is very interesting because the definition that came through to me from the tribesmen and from obviously doing what I do and developing this skill set as it continually evolves is very similar to the definition that you'll see on any search engine or any Macquarie Dictionary or whatever. Dictionary that there is pretty easy these days. You just type in a search engine and you look up the meaning and you can look up a very varied amounts of what that word is very, very close. What is an emotion? Here's our definition, which again ties in slightly different words. But again, it's not the word, it's your connection and your perspective around it that's going to help you move forward. Emotions being emotional and emotions as a whole, all it is the definition, it is simply because it is simple. At the end of the day, we make things complex, we make things harder. Emotions or being emotional, it is simply your relationship to a specific situation or circumstance. That's all it is. So there's all different catchphrases, energy in motion and blah, blah. I get all that. Doesn't mean anything to me, really. I look at it with context, going, where can this help me? How can this help me? Well, hopefully this will start helping you. Your emotions, the way that you emotionally control or don't control your life. The emotional levers that you pull, the emotional levers that are triggered from those around you that you love and care about. It is simply your relationship to a specific situation or circumstance. So what is that? What is your relationship? Well, it's a collective. It's a collective of your beliefs. It's a collective of your feelings, your thoughts and your actions. So saying I love you is not emotional like that. That doesn't. It's the energy behind it even. Love is a word. Love is not an emotion. Love is a byproduct of an agreement, a standard, a belief system. Something that you have chosen in collaboration with what it is that you apply the word to or who it is that you apply the word to. I love making my own burgers. I love a homemade burger. I love my wife. I love the panthers, you know, I love the swans or the Giants or anything. Sporting team, loved one, children, food, yourself. Love is a word, man. It's a word that defines a commitment, an agreement, a standard towards what it is that you will do to express that. That's why I say love and leadership. Why? Because they go hand in hand, man. It's the type of leadership. It's the type of leader you are. What is leadership? It's something that's recognized after the fact. What is love? It's something that's recognized after the fact. Both of those are only recognized after the facts. But what are the facts? They're actions. So it's not a word. You can't just sit on your hands and use emotions the wrong way by casting them towards a person, place or thing that doesn't make sense. It is the situation or circumstance that you're unhappy with. Your wife obviously has buy into the situation. If you have trouble in your marriage, are you really upset with your wife or you're upset with the situation or the circumstance? Are you emotionally attached and involved with your wife? Or are you emotionally attached or involved with the situation or circumstance which just so happens to include your wife or anyone else for that matter. When you start to understand this men, you start to crack the code. Ha. Of course I'm not disappointed with my wife. I'm just disappointed with the actions or the outcome or the situation or the circumstance where we currently are. Which is why, and I'm not here to say everyone should just stay married and work through your shit and she'll be right, mate. But it's why you look at things when they deteriorate over time. I've talked about this. Love is an organism. Sorry? Your love for your wife is after the fact and your relationship. Marriage is an organism you must continually feed and nurture and buy into. It is a cloud in the sky. You shoot good stuff into it. Your love, your energy, your personal integrity. Good stuff doesn't always mean happy, hunky dory. Your personal integrity, healthy boundaries, healthy nose. You put into that what where you stand as a man who puts on the hat of being a husband just like she does the same. You start to crack the code because you realize, well, hang on a minute. Did I have these problems before we had kids? Well, problems change, right? They never go away, but they change. So, no, I didn't have these specific problems. Al. I've been chronically tired, stressed, lethargic, run down. Look, my children, it's been a tough couple of weeks with sleep, certain health issues and whatnot. But essentially, even when they have a good night's sleep, I still wake up several times. I've been hardwired and patterned inside of my sleep routine for years now because all of my kids have been tough sleepers. That even if we're having a great night, I still. Because there's a pattern that's hardwired into me wake up and I track all of my sleep and everything and I do the right night routines with our nighttime tea and our night ride. And that all definitely helps, like helps big time. But it doesn't take away the fact that something has been put in place that could last. Right. It lasts for a period of time afterwards. So did you have these problems before treatment? Well, of course. I didn't go to bed at 11 o' clock and wake up whenever I could wake up fine and bounce back. And I'm a little bit older. I was a little bit younger then. What about before marriage? Did you have the. No. What about before you met your wife? Did you have these problems? Well, no, because there was no woman, there was no one else to bounce this off. So is it your wife or is it the situation or circumstance that you find yourself in from which. And we're going to break through and we're going to go through some key questions in this episode and then some logical and tangible actions that you can take, which, ironically enough, will actually affect and influence the feelings, the thoughts, the beliefs, the emotions. When we look at the situation or circumstance, we must take 100% ownership of our part to play. 90% might be good, 90% might be bad. Doesn't matter. There is 200% that comes to the party mathematically wrong or not. I don't care. But essentially, you both buy in 100%. That is much better from a perspective point of view, whether it's mathematically wrong or not. Much better than going, we're 50. 50. Well, no, you're not. I'm 58 and you're 42. Because I've done this. No, no, no, no. You are 100%. She is 100%, which buys into 200%. Now, if you're not putting your full 100% in and she's not putting that in, then it is dying. You put that into the cloud. There's your 200%, depending on what you put in, you divide it by 2. So if you're only putting 50% and she's only putting 50% in, well, you're only getting 50% of marriage, aren't you? You're putting 40, she's putting 60, you're only getting 50% and you are dragging the chain. So we must understand, gentlemen, that when you find yourself tangled up inside of your emotions, your feelings, your stories, your thoughts, your belief systems, your perspective, where can you take ownership over the situation and circumstance and the part that you've played which has led to the inevitable outcome that is currently before you? And please understand, I'm not always erring on the dark side of things. This is the trouble, is it? This. The same goes with the great things. And it's just as important. Why? Because you need to maintain and keep this topped up. Perfect. 13 questions. Why are you noticing and what are the possible reasons that you're noticing the problems? All the great things inside of your life. List them down. Okay. What are you currently doing that if you stop doing things will improve or stay up the top in terms of your marriage and your relationship? What are you not doing that if you started doing them, things would change or improve or stay at the top of your relationship or marriage? Those three questions alone, man, should be a big eye opener for you. What can you do? And this is the hard part. It's not that I'm A cold man. But I'm very direct. Because to be quite frank, none of us have time to fuck around in life. You don't. You do not have the time you think you have. You truly don't. Old man had a stroke a few days ago. Like, he's up and down. I'm not sure where he'll be moving forward. This is tough. This is life. Some of you listening, your old man's already passed away. Some of you listening, you never had a relationship at all with your father. The point is, when things come and there is inevitable change that we're not aware of because of the chaos, the busyness, the stress of life when it's put on you and thrown on you and the capacity or the awareness is not there, or your day's been a couple of degrees off, couple of percent. Bang. That could be the straw that breaks the camel's back. And this comes for all of us men. It comes for all of us. You cannot. You are not immune. No one is immune to the circumstances of life. The one thing, the one thing that actually makes death bearable in everything around us that we see. Because when you are experiencing death, it's obviously on the other side of the coin, a reflection that you're still alive. The only thing that makes that bearable, man, is life itself. Really tough. Really tough. So what can we do? I don't want men to join this phenomenal group that we have here if they're going to stay as fucking victims and wallow in their own bullshit and create stories. I don't have time for that. Don't have time for that. High performance, Father. We've upgraded. We have evolved. We continually evolve. Higher level of truth, higher level of success. More ownership, more control. You can then go from there and create, and nothing can help you pull a lever. More inside of owning a greater level of truth than understanding emotions, simply your relationship to a specific situation or circumstance. Next question. Okay, is it real? Is it a real situation or circumstance? What do you mean now? Well, are you living in past pleasure or pain? And refabricating. You can recreate your past. Think about that for a second. You can remember some things, cut a few things away, add a little story in here and there. All of a sudden, this is what happened. No, it didn'. No, it didn't. You're rewiring your neural pathway in your brain like it's. That actually didn't happen, but you believe it with conviction. Just like my eyes saw it. Al, I can't unsee it. Yeah, future hasn't even come yet. And this is part of another question which will dial in. But the point on this one is, is it actually real? Like your emotions? So your relationship to a situation or circumstance, is that situation or circumstance actually real? Is it actually happening? Are you hypothesizing? Are you in fantasy land? Are you thinking, overthinking? What's the biggest indicator of this fear, man? Are you afraid? What are you afraid of? Like, how much is fear in the moment actually exists relative to other timelines? Way more. Way more. Fight or flight? When fear exists in the moment. Bang. Game on. It happens or it doesn't. You do it or you don't. You and I both know that is 1% of the fear that people experience in this world and in this life. Is it actually real? Because if it isn't real, you are wasting, man. You are chewing into your mental bandwidth. And that's not just thoughts, like mental, like when we're talking emotional. You're chewing into your emotional bandwidth. Your mentality, your thoughts, feelings, emotions, the actions you do or don't do, the actions you will do or won't do over something that isn't even real. Think about that for a second. Everyone talks about insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. This is insanity. Not even living in reality. That's insanity to me. It's crazy. Is it actually real? You need to check yourself, man, because think about this. When it happens to you 1, 3, 7, 8 times a day, it will chew you up and spit you out. You don't have the endurance to last the day. You don't have the energy. You don't have the capacity. You don't have the focus. You can't focus. How can you focus on something else when you're saying yes to that? You can only say yes to one thing at a time. And it's tough. And we spiral and we spiral down. And then we adopt the three traits that become a human being. Human bangs, a Grady. Impatient and lazy. I want it. I want it now. I want all of it, and I don't want to work for it. You carry that same pattern into your emotions. And all of a sudden we look in the mirror sometimes and we go, well, I don't anymore. I did something about it. And go, why am I so fucked up? Like, we're all fucked up to a degree, but what are you going to do about it? And when I talk about, I talk that from a point of. We all have a list. Let's write, right? Write all the messy stuff down, you got a clean piece of paper. I'll call you a liar. I'll call you on that. No one has a clean piece of paper. What is an emotion? It's your relationship to a specific situation or circumstance. Is that real? Is it actually real? Is it really happening? Not will it happen in the future? You can forecast, you can do all that sort of stuff. But is it something that is taking hold of the now, something that's really okay? How did that get there? Like, whether it's real or not? Is it real? Yes, it is. Is it real? Actually, you know what else it's not? Well, how did it get there? Like, what was the need or the perception that was either met or not met? Remember, this is both sides of the coin, good and the bad. So if you have a high level of emotion in a positive way, your relationship, you've got a great relationship with a situation or circumstance. Like right now, I've got a. I love doing these podcasts. Great relationship with it. Or is this real? Yes, it's happening right now. You'll listen to it in a different time, but it's happening right now. How did that get there? Well, there's the value of me expressing, providing what I learn and what I teach and what I practice and preach and what I take in from our members. And the need of a perception is definitely being met. This is good. Keeps me sharp, keeps me on top of my game, keeps me at the top. I love doing this stuff. It's very important to continually learn and be a student for life. There's a difference, gentlemen, between life experience and experiencing life. If you're just experiencing life and following through and just following the bouncing ball, that is completely different to generating a healthy, voluminous level of life experience. Life, like life should be 3L's life with love and leadership experience. That's what I'm interested in. Otherwise, we all just sit around the nursing home listening to the old people filled with regrets and nothing stacked against their name. But on the air of something that's disappointing, frustrating or not eventuating to what you want, how did that get there? Like, why do you have that specific relationship? What's the need that's not being met? What's your viewer perspective like? What is it? What is it that you see? You should only have to tell your children once to pick up their toys. Okay, how did that get there? Where's the rulebook on that? You've worked hard, so you come home and your wife should be dolled up and have Dinner on the table for you maybe. Some nights my wife does it, other nights I enjoy cooking. How did that get there? You must explore the reasons why it's actually there in the first place. What was not being met. This could be a deep seated thing of 10 years ago, 15 years ago, being a young, overweight, fat, depressed boy who was bullied and picked on through the early parts of, well, the back end of primary school and the early parts of high school until I got my shit together around sort of year 11 started before that. But things take time. There's always going to be a couple of faces and this is not how to live life. It definitely isn't, but it's a good fuel for the fire at times. But it's a natural byproduct if you have a love for greatness and you create success in your life. But the other side of that is a big fuck you. And there are a couple of people that where I continually go where I am now and where I continue to go is an amazing big fuck you. And guess what? A fair few of them are actually women. Because of the bullying the picked on, calling me fat, sloppy, laughing at me, picking up all these little things. It's still there, man, it's still there. You have some deep seated things, we all do. It's leverage for many. It's fantastic. One of the best things that happened to me, obviously not at the time, but as a teenager who had the foresight that I'd be here right now today. Same with Rugby League 9 operations over six years, career torn to shit. This is a very powerful thing that you can have right now. If you explore, peel the layers back and then find the nugget, find the leverage to use to improve your situation or circumstance. How did it get there? What was the need or the perception that was not being met or what is being met that you need to keep eyeballs on too, man, Keep that, keep that topped up. You gotta keep some maintenance in your life too. A relationship or not relationship with yourself, you can only give what you've got to give, right? Be a hundred, to give a hundred. So your emotional attachment to yourself, looking in the mirror, speaking harsh words, you gotta be kind to yourself, man. Like don't be so hard on yourself when you're in your own company, but do something about it. How did that get there? Is it real? How did it get there? Next question, which I touched on a little bit with the real reality. When is it happening? Past, present or future? Past. We learn from recognize what to do emulate redo, repeat. What not to do and where not to go and how not to think. Present. Well, fantastic. Well, you can do something about all of them, right? You can do something about the past. Like I said, use it as a tool to enhance and help and serve you. Present. Absolutely. If it's happening right here and now, you have more power than anything else to do something about it. Actively do something about it. Future. Again, peel back to the present. Use this as a tool to carve out a different pathway for the future, knowing that the road is never straight, but you are the one laying the bricks. You're laying the pavers. So how curvy do you want it to be? It's never going to be straight. When is it actually happening? Because if you keep feeding yourself bullshit over the past and the future, you are losing the one most valuable asset on the timeline of life that you actually have, which is the now. Next question. Is the relationship I have with this situational circumstance healthy, wholesome, or moving me forward? Silly question, right? Silly question. Silly because the answer is so obvious, but we don't even ask it. If you're holding on to your shit, your baggage, a turtle with its shell, and you're a baby turtle and you somehow have a massive shell and you get sucked in and you feel lost because you can't even poke your head out the hole or your arms out the hole, your tail out the back, you're losing. You are losing the game of life, my friend. So when you're holding on with the victim mentality, instead of being a victor, being a leech, instead of being a leader, ask yourself this question. Okay, well, like, ask yourself the question. Well, it's not fair because they did. Yeah, cool, I get that. Now, is this relationship that you have with the situation, is it healthy, wholesome, and moving you forward? Well, no, it's not because of this person. Okay, cool. Get that. But you, you right now, is the way that you're holding on to this healthy and moving you forward? I've heard it all, man. I've heard it all. Nothing surprises me. Trust me, in all areas of life, nothing surprises me anymore. I've gone deep in many areas, deepest in the man. Over 10,000 conversations. Not. Not pub chats, like heavy, deep. Nothing surprised me anymore. I've heard all the stories. You either live with your story and there becomes a mental breakdown because your story eventually clashes with reality and there becomes confusion and the brain will literally break down. You're wiring your brain to break down or you don't. You turn it around. I want you to listen very carefully to this next point but lastly to go through these questions. Is it real? How did it get there? What's not being met? What is being met? And I need to keep up with when is it happening? Past, present, future? Is the relationship I have with this situation or circumstance healthy, wholesome or moving forward? This is a very important, this is something that you guys should be writing on a post it note, putting in your phone as a reminder, something, somewhere. This is how simple it is. Doesn't mean it's easy. Change your relationship with the situation or circumstance and you'll change your emotions. Change your relationship with the situational circumstance and you'll change your emotions. And I'm obviously going to go through the hows of that. But that's the linchpin man, that's the key. We can sit here and talk about stories and talk about realities and talk about how it got there and okay, cool. Thank you for sharing the last 35 years of baggage. But we're here and now. What are you going to do about it? I appreciate and understand that it's a part of your identity who are just like I was a little fat kid. You've got some clay, I've got some clay. Let's re sculpt, let's remold, let's carve out a different statue, a different identity. Change your relationship with a situation or circumstance and you'll change your emotions. Why do we struggle? These are the three reasons why we struggle emotionally. And one of the reasons, well there's three reasons why. But the reason why we struggle initially is our focus is misplaced. We drive emotions towards a person, not a situation towards your wife, your children, your boss, your client that flaked. Like you push this towards someone else instead of the experience. But the reason why you struggle behind that three main ones is you've taken no control over your own actions and you've taken no control over the external environment. Influencing, leading or yes, trying to unhealthily actually control what's outside of you. No control inside, no control outside. Bang. That is like that. It's delusional. Like if you have, if you're unhappy, if you're happy with that, good for you. Like if you've got no control, you're not steering your own ship, you're not playing your own game. But most aren't. So what is that? What's assumptions, it's expectations, it's entitlement. Second one, you don't have any control over yourself, but you're trying to control things outside of you, that's madness. Madness. How could you control anything outside you? Firstly, it's impossible. You can influence, lead and persuade, but it's absolutely impossible to completely control your situation outside you. But you're not even applying that inside yourself. There goes a shell of a man with no capacity to perform an influence. Yet you are trying. There comes a breakdown. Third one is you try to control yourself, but you try to control what's outside of you too. So the focus becomes misplaced. You can never be 100% in self control. If you're constantly trying to seek and manipulate control outside of yourself, there's another breakdown. The answer is you control your own actions, what you stand for, your personal integrity, your boundary, everything inside of you as a man, your relationship with yourself. And you lead with that in connecting the dots, the ripple effects, those you love and care about influencing the world without trying to control what's outside of you. That's not sitting back on your hands. Oh, whatever will be, will be. No, no. You are assertive and active in your pursuit to create change in the world. But you understand it's a game you'll never have full control over. One thing you will have almost full control over is yourself. When you change that and you turn that around. Your is now placed in the right areas. You're developing a skill set with your personal emotions, your emotional response to your relationship with yourself. I went to the gym and I trained. My emotions are wholesome, solid and healthy. Why? Because my relationship to the training is one of myself. What I can control. Self investment, self improvement, self development. How is this selfish? What a beautiful skill set to give your children. A world that's fraught with cyberbullying, manipulation through social media, perspective around what the dream life is, what people are doing, and very, very toxic things. I don't know. I don't know anything about them. But from what I hear, things like obviously Tinder. I've heard of this thing called Onlyfans. It's basically soft porn. Maybe, I don't know. Like, that's some pretty heavy shit, man. Like it's. I didn't even want to explore what those things actually are and how unwholesome they can be. What a beautiful gift that you can provide in emotional stability for your children. How do we get emotional stability out? Well, it's certainly not having no control over yourself and not doing anything in the world. It's certainly not having no control of yourself, but expecting and trying to change the world. Good luck with that. And it's certainly not trying to control everything. Just before we move into some different points and action plans to wrap this up, just want to sit on this for a second. Emotions keeping your emotions in check. Why this title? Because more often than not, like I said, probably not Even half more. 80% of the battle is awareness. If you're not aware of it, then you're constantly reacting. Pick all the words. Reacting triggered, short fuse, blowing your stack eggshells or receiving eggshells that you're walking on without the spine to stand up with conflict and change the relationship. So you can change your emotions. Right. No. Control inside is what you're investing your energy in. Is what you're investing your energy in emotionally, which is beliefs, feelings, thoughts and actions. Is it real? Okay, it's not real. Awesome. Skip to step six. What am I going to do about it? Okay, it is real. All right. How did it get there? Real or not, how did it get there? Well, what's the need or perception that's not being met? When is it happening? Like, is this something that's happening right now? Something happened in the past? I keep dragging that. Like, there's a lot of men out there that would wish, regardless of the depth of the disconnect in their marriage, they wish their wife would get over it and move on. Well, you need to recreate her neural pathways in her head and her emotional pathways in her head and her heart and her belief systems to believe in you. That takes time. It's like the subconscious. You need to re record it. Lots of facts, lots of love, lots of leadership, lots of patience, lots of doing with you without expectations, lots of understanding so you can stay aligned. Acts of service for my wife is completely different to what I thought it would have been for her. Right? Crazy. It doesn't even touch the coffee machine. There's bits of coffee in the machine. It's not even dirty anywhere else. But the coffee machine is a little bit dirty. I don't know if it's the smell or the look. Started cleaning that up. Crazy one percenters, right? Acts of service. Not even serving her. It's my coffee machine. It's not even making anything else dirty. It's inside the grill or that grate that sits on top. There's a few, few dry bits of the granules when they've been grinded. Crazy, crazy, right? When is actually happening? What can I do about it? Is the relationship that you have with it healthy, wholesome, or moving you forward? If it is fantastic. Triple down on knowing why. That's the Case and keep doing it. If it isn't, you got to double down, man. You got to do 180. Bang. Back's off the wall. Great. Push off it. Get some momentum. Get moving. Take radical action. Not erratic, radical action. Could be your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions. Start jumping out and doing some crazy dance in the middle of the street. You need to turn things around. Bang. Turn the tide immediately. Get the turnover, get the ball in your possession. Change your relationship with the situation or circumstance and you'll change your emotions. Why do we struggle? Because our emotions are misplaced. They're placed onto a person, place or thing. That's where we push it. That's where we put it. Whereas if you take control inside of yourself and you begin to understand its role, you then start to see the pathway forward and out of the pit that you're actually putting yourself in. Yes, of course, your wife contributes. Yes. She influences you. Yes. Your children influence you. You're vulnerable. You've got your walls down. You're connected to them. Your clients, your business, your place, society, the community. Of course it influences you, but it'll only influence you as much as you have the steel spine and strength in your own internal frame to be able to either deflect or take it on board. You're not strong. Game over. You'll take everything on. You'll absorb all of it. Game over. Understanding its role, gentlemen, is the pathway after awareness and then understanding its role. Step one, step two, step three, and applying action. It's not the person, it's the experience. Even you understanding its role, your emotions towards yourself, it's not you. How could you take that personally? How dare you take it personally? It's got nothing to do with you. It's got to do with your actions. Sounds crazy, right? But it's so true. It's so true. I may be extreme at times, but it's to bring the needle back to center, man, because you are too far one way. We need to bring it back to center, which means some over, some over analyzing sometimes needs to be brought into play. You can't take this stuff personally. It's just your actions. You can change your actions. You can change them right now. You can change your identity. You can change it right now. It's a choice backed up as truth. That's all identity is. This is who I choose to be now. I need to prove it in the real world. This is who I choose to be now. I need to prove it in the real world. So when we're talking about absolute identity, well, it's who you are consistently more. More often than not, who you are consistently more turning up. As for your family, father, husband, man, in yourself and society, it's not the person, it's the experience. Emotions are not a statement. It's not love, hate, anger. It's not a statement. It's a byproduct of what's happening, what isn't happening, what's missing that you think is missing and should be filled, what's filled that you think shouldn't be there and should be gone, that shouldn't be here. What's going on here. It's not a statement, it's a byproduct. Emotions are leveraged to guide your personal stories or lies and the outside environments, people, places and things to either stay aligned or realigned. If you want to stay aligned with your lies and your stories, no worries. Fantastic. I mean, foolish word to say fantastic. But obviously you're happy about it. Otherwise you change your stories, right? So it is fantastic. Well done. Congratulations. I'm not here to be a smart ass. I'm here to help you understand. Sometimes none of us are perfect, right? But sometimes it is in such plain sight. The shit that we dish up. It's insane. We're just trading water, trying to make it day to day. Living in the chaos of life. What choice do we have out. My bandwidth is stretched. It's thin, falling apart. There's too many other things that I'm focusing. I'll get there. I'll get there one day. You don't give yourself the time. We are the masters of time. We get 20 to 40 hours a week back. Isn't that crazy? That just sounds ridiculous. How would you like one to two days a week back in your life? Crazy. Crazy. Multiple children, hospital visits last week, like, unbelievable, man. One of the greatest, one of the greatest weeks of production. I don't want to say greatest weeks of my life. It's never good when your children are very sick and they're going to hospital. Multiple times turned up, tripled down folks on what's important. Still gave to myself, invested family, self, and so dominated. I won last week. I won. I was a big winner. Yeah, sleep was a bit less. Yeah, it was a bit tougher. Yeah. I had to reposition, not replace. I had to reposition some of my schedule. Yes. I had to reprioritize my focus. No podcasts. No podcasts for the week. My mental bandwidth is here and here. I guess that's what the members get though, right? They get more of our cause. They're on the inside. It's leverage. Your emotions are leverage. I talk about this. Emotional attachments, emotional anchors, emotional attachment. Let's cast that hook out there. These are the emotional drivers on why I must produce and get this result. Unreal. Now dial it in. Get laser focus and start reeling in that hook. Catch that big fucking fish. With the logical pathway with your actions. It's a point of leverage to guide your personal stories or lies and the outside environment to stay aligned or realign with what's important, what is true and what is needed and what is necessary. As we start to wrap this up, give yourself the time to reflect on your emotions and asking yourself, call it thinking time, asking yourself some quality questions. Where have I let my emotions take hold of my life when it didn't necessarily have to become the reality that it became, or there was a different path I could have taken? When in my life did I not recognize the emotional lack of control I had and what became the outcome of that? What am I not doing right now inside of my life to build awareness and then to build understanding and then to build actions in place to change my relationships with specific, patterned, with frequency or unique one offs situation or circumstance that I experience or that I'm exposed to. That was a long question. Might have to re listen to that one. Where can I change my relationship? How can I change my relationship with a current situation or circumstance that I'm not happy with? What does that look like? What can I change with my beliefs? What can I change with my assumptions or expectations? What can I change with my feelings? What can I change with my thoughts? And what can I change with my actions? You apply all of that and this isn't a one and done and you rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat marriage, relationship with your kids, business, work, clients, yourself in society, yourself in the mirror and you'll start to break through. And if the breaking through isn't received on the other end, that's not your problem. It comes with tough and much needed resilience over potential future experiences or circumstances in the household or not. But the last thing you can do is what a fool would do to try one thing once and then throw your hands in the air and go, fuck, I did all I could do. When those who always cop at the worst, whether it's your business, whether it's your identity as a man, leading by example or not, whether it's your marriage, whether it's fatherhood, it always comes down to the children who cop it. The worst and miss out the most. You want to know what the greatest form of communication is, man? It's example. It's not listening. If you lead by example. And how you turn up, it's such a powerful and attractive asset to those around you who want to be in your corner, who want to be in your life. Children are forced to be in your life, right? And then they want to be in your life. And then they grow older and because of what they've seen and maybe the letdowns, maybe the disappointments, they don't want to be in your life because the value isn't perceived anymore. It's not that your children aren't interested anymore. You're just not providing enough value through their perception of what value is. I've said this before, I've done little videos on this stuff and all of this spearheads back to that very first thing, man, when it comes to identifying your emotions and where they pull you out of the game, when you should be in the game, leading at the front, charging towards the goals, the self sabotaging that happens, the reality that isn't even there, Past and future, come on, mate, Fear. How's that working out for you? Fear, worry, concern, doubt. We'll experience pockets of being afraid. I could be sitting there in the dark and my kids could jump on my back and scream in my ear, I'll get that shock, I'll still get that feeling, right? No one's immune to it. But is it running your life? Is it ruling your life? Fear isn't an emotion, it's a pattern. It's your relationship to a chronic and repeatable, real or not, situation or circumstance, how you see it, how you think about it, what you're feeling in that, in that moment, and the actions you do or don't take change your relationship. Gotta get a change up. Change your relationship with that and you will change your emotions. And then you find better emotional drivers. And I'll finish on this note. You know what? Some of you might not be ready, and that's okay. There's some deep work that needs to be done at times. And I'm never here to say I'm a counselor or psychologist and never will be unnecessary, not for where we're going in the path. You might not be ready to cut some of those emotional anchors away. But if we're thinking about this logically, tangibly, as a man, if you're sitting in the boat and you've got some anchors there, all you need to do to start moving forward and to get that boat in the right direction. Line up the boat, aim where you want to go and then just pull that anchor one inch off the ground. That's all you need to do. And all of a sudden you're not working as hard as you need to. Yeah, it's in the water but you're moving and you're moving forward. Just get it one inch off the ground and you can move. You might hit a few rocks. Okay, fucking heave ho. Let's get it 6 inches off the ground drops back. Keep it, just keep it one inch off the ground. Do that by using and leveraging your emotional drivers in your actions, your beliefs, your feelings, all of that. Guess what, it's either 10x or it's destroyed from your environment. This is why the tribe is so powerful. Your environment will either have that level of acceptance, leadership, setting the standards, showing you, hey, he's done it. I can do it. That's such a powerful thing man, that accountability. Stay true, stay honest, these are the standards. Or you'll have none or you'll have poor in all those areas and the anchor will dig back in. Might not be ready to cut it. Get an inch off the ground, you can start moving forward. I hope this serves you well. Keep your emotions in check. That doesn't mean be emotionless. That doesn't exist. You think you're cold numblah. They are all a type of relationship to something that is happening or happened in your life. You can't escape that, man. This is your life, your eyes, it's your consciousness. You're always invested. The question is what are you investing in and how's that working out for you? Keep your emotions in check. Awareness is half the battle. Awareness and understanding, that's got to be at least 80% together. Awareness and understanding its role. And then from there do a bit of a self audit and check some of these questions we've gone through and then do something about it. Start implementing thing. It's tests like it's nothing changes with the kids, right? They're constantly, they're like little mini scientists. They're constantly experimenting and experiencing life. Do the same. What's changed since you're an adult, you've got it all figured out. And I look at children, they're way more inspiring in their purity and getting after it and the gung ho approach. It's unreal. And we become jaden somewhere through our 20s and 30s all of a sudden, close in, back in the little shell, take actions, test, reflect, review and keep moving forward. Adjust. What do I need to start doing that's going to improve the situational circumstances. What do I need to stop doing that's going to improve the situational circumstances. And then how can I be consistent with that? So I start to change my relationship. I start to change my emotions and the way that I turn up energetically. Forget all these words. Energetically is received. Attractive becomes a case of affection, becomes a case of respect and becomes a case of high value. And that will, I promise you, man, that will happen. Your wife, your children, your workers, your colleagues, your clients, employee, all of them. That will happen. Take care, man. Have an amazing day. I'll see you soon. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed watching what you listen to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this. Because another man transformed is another family saved? Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.