209. 5 Steps To Building The Kingdom

This episode is brought to you by our high performance Father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode Foreign Steps to Building the Kingdom welcome to an episode that's going to a help you identify what that actually looks like for you. What is a kingdom? What is my kingdom? What should my kingdom look like? What could my kingdom look like? And the possibility and also the pitfall if you don't do something about your current situation. If your situation is great, awesome, make it greater. It's not to live a life that's filled with unsatisfied events or outlooks or perspectives. It's about knowing the gift of life that you're here you're now used to, still have time. What can we do? A what is the actual kingdom that I want desire for myself and my family and loved ones? What is that? What does that look like? And B how do I actually achieve this? How do I get there? So whilst many of you enjoy my 20 to 30 minute intros and we laugh about them a few times here and there in the tribe and how much value they can bring. Because this is all about state you setting yourself in the right state, the right environment, the right perspective to create the change that you desire. Not that you want or need. That comes down to your perspective. The change that you desire that you desire inside of yourself. Not you need it. I'm never going to tell you to do anything. Never going to tell you have to do something. Whilst that's all well and true, what I want to focus on here is getting straight to the fucking point. Because too many men have no kingdom at all. Which means guess what, their children are like outcasts out into the desert. If you Want to have some sort of Eastern philosophy or some sort of story that cuts back to many different, Many different stories and situations. When we talk about kingdom being primal, ancestral, back in the day. Here's the kingdom. Here are the four. They have nothing. They have nothing. Maybe a camel, if they're lucky to travel for a little while. So let's crack on into this because essentially your time is now. The time you'll never get back is here and now in how you choose to spend it. So this is time you'll never get back. Right now you'll never get it back. I'll never get it back. Here I am investing in you, investing in myself, investing in us. The standard of how and the possibility and how a father can operate. Five steps to building the kingdom. This is broken into two sections. As a man and as a leader. But before we crack this open, as we crack this open, the greatest answers you'll ever find is through the questions that you owe it to yourself to ask. So whilst I talk about wants and needs and where they may not be applicable, they absolutely are here. You fucking need this, man. You need to ask yourself questions. If you don't ask yourself questions, you're pissing in the wind and you're pissing your life away, which means you're pissing the potential of your children away too. And you know what? Maybe through the fires we can forge ourselves to be better, but how do you want to be remembered? Do you want to be remembered as the man for which your children looked up to and modelled on what to do? Or do you want your children to look back over your life, how you operated, and go, thank you, dad, for teaching me what not to do? I'm going to let you sit on that one for a second. You want to be remembered as, hey, that's what to do. Man, that guy led. Fucking A. He was the one. He was a gun in how he worked as a man, as a husband, as a father. I just, you know, I'm blessed to be in his company and to have such a mentor and hero. That's real. Not Hollywood bullshit. That's real and has done it. He's paved the way. Or hey, just like the little voice inside. Thank you, Father. Thank you for showing me what not to do and how not to operate and who not to be. Which one do you prefer? Both are valuable and they're always bits and pieces, but where are the percentages? Where do they lie? Because my father taught me some beautiful lessons and he also showed me what not to do. You're never going to have 100%, never going to have 100% of what to do. But I tell you what, I'll be damned if I'm ever going to be one of those men that is showcasing 100% to his children of what not to do. That's for sure. Questions. Before we dive into as a man, as a leader, and running through our five steps to building your kingdom, question. What does that actually mean to you? Visualize this with me, man. What does that look like for you? Kingdom. Your kingdom. What kind of kingdom do you want to live in? Because as long as there is a breath in your body, you are the king of that kingdom. Or you should be. So your children might move out of your palace and maybe they'll take over the kingdom. Why would you send them to the desert to build their own kingdom again from scratch? They'll take over the kingdom. They'll remodel it, reshape it, make it better, optimize it, evolve it. Of course, this is life. They'll move out of the palace, but they're still within the four walls of your kingdom. That's not a control thing. It's not an ownership thing. You don't own your children. It's responsibility. It's a pathway. It's opportunity. It doesn't mean you're giving them the easy road either. Learn from my mistakes. Learn from your own. You need both. I've heard that saying so many times. You know, a wise man learns from other people's mistakes. Okay, well, what. What the fuck has he applied to himself, though? How can he learn through his own misfortunes? How can he feel the hardships? How can he feel the trauma? He can't. Which means he'll never have the skin in the game. He should. That's why it's hard for a lot of men. And look, I tell you what, I hope there are men here who aren't fathers yet who do. Listen to this. That's why a lot of men haven't really risen up. It's not. It's the only path to being an adult, but haven't risen up to understanding the skin in the game that is life until they become a father. And I say that with respect. Men who haven't been father yet. I'm not saying that you're not man enough. I'm saying you don't get it and you won't, and that's okay. But when that happens, doesn't matter if you're 30, 40, 50, 60, 70. 1, 2, 3, 4 kids they're 5, 8, 18, 28. Doesn't matter. It is that moment. You guys know what I'm talking about, man. Whether you felt it was hard because of life and the chaos and you didn't connect to your child initially, or your second child you didn't connect to, or your third, or you connected over a period of time or was tough for you, or not. You know that man, when that, when that switch flicks and you, you have brought a child into the world, not physically, obviously, that. There's no, there's no extreme leftists here. Fucking emojis with men with pregnant bellies. Jesus Christ. When you and your partner have brought a troll into the world, it's a game changer. What kind of kingdom do you want? What does that look like for you? Because you're here, and I'm not here to flog the word king. You hear that word everywhere. Rising kings, this, that, becoming kings, ultimate kings, super kings, the king of kings. Crazy man. I'm not here to actually on any program that has that as their title. What I'm talking about, it's just a word. It's not as valuable as the word father. If you are the father, you should be, can be inside of love and leadership. How you operate as a man in this world, you're a father not just bound by blood to your children, you're a father to the world. Growing in your wisdom, your experience, your opportunities, in your ripple effect, how you connect with people, how you build greater leaders. The byproduct of being the greatest father you can. It's the most powerful word on this planet, man. Do not. When it comes to being a man, it's like a mother is for a woman. Do not discredit that title. Fuck. It's incredible. If you are the absolute pinnacle of a father, and fatherhood to those around you, not just bound by blood, guess what the byproduct is. You're already a fucking king. Of course you are. I mean, is that not representative? Is that not a representation of your actions? Being a king or a leader directly correlates to how you have operated. They are terms to be used after the fact. After the fact, no one looks and goes, he's leading. They can look in retrospect and go, yeah, he was leading in that moment of time, wasn't he? No one looks and goes, he's kinging. It's probably not even a word. It's a byproduct of father fatherhood. You must define what that looks like for you. Then I'm not here to tell you you're right or wrong. When I say the farther you should be, what I'm talking about is don't cut down to the bullshit about being a victim, blaming other people, falling away. If you know there is more inside of you, within the scope of your mindset, your brain, your ability, your beliefs, your experiences, then stretch, push, push to do more. If you feel like you've hit a glass ceiling, guess what? You need to shift your environment. Get an environment with a higher caliber of men, people, leaders who can help you, coaches who can help you grow within yourself and the confines of your own perspective and how you see things. Because now you're exposed to more and you continually do this. This is why tribes are so important and the right tribe is so important. It all comes down to you and what you define to be the kingdom that you wish to build. Here are the five steps to building the kingdom that hopefully will offer some value to you and serve you well today in going, hey, I've dropped the little bit here. Hey, I've focused on the wrong things. Hey, this is what I need to do. Because like I've said before, and maybe it'll be a podcast episode on itself. I think it will be where I just crack open all of the bullshit choices I made and all of the dumb decisions I made and all the stuff that I did. Because that will take some time. Trust me on that one. It'll take a while. Two things have led to me having the greatest success in my life as of late, over the last 12 to 18 months in family, self and service, personally and professionally. Two things. One, focus. You must vote like that. That's your reality. What you're focusing is the building blocks of your time, your energy, maybe your money, but your time and energy, all the resources that make your life your sensory perception. So the way you see things, where you are, your physical environment, where you live, how you operate, who you connect with, focus. What you're focusing on defines the constructs and builds the constructs of your reality. What kind of reality are you having? What kind of reality can you have? This is what I talk about. Opportunity costs. Powerful episode. I think it was just before episode 200, possibly 198, 199. Two things. One, focus. Two, I'd like to say eliminating. I think I have, but I don't want to assume or talk myself up either. Eliminating, slash, heavily reducing. Because like I said, I'm not sure if, who knows, there might be some dumb choices down the track. Hopefully not eliminating or at Least heavily reducing the dumb shit, the dumb choices that I used to make. You know what? That one, stop making fucking dumb choices, man. You could have the greatest choices, you could take the greatest actions and make the greatest decisions in the world. But guess what fucks them up. Nothing will destroy them quicker than the dumb shit that you follow through or back that up with. It's crazy, isn't it? Like, you want more success in your life. It's not about complexities. You want to build the kingdom. It's not about being complex in your approach or smarter than anyone else. It's being smart enough to not make the dumb choices. You remove that and you'll be more successful than 98% of the world, guaranteed. That was a bonus. Bonus. It's sort of layered in, but there's bonus six steps to building the Kingdom. First step is apply the two things that's helped Al the most in his life in the last couple of years. Probably less dumb choices. Focus on the most important things in your life. That's why I love the journal. That's why I love what we do. That's why I love the podcasts. I've missed doing these. It's been a minute, hasn't it, men? It's broken into two sections. Five steps to build the kingdom. The first two steps are you as a man. The last three steps are you as a leader. And yes, you can say inside, outside, internal, external, it's all connected. This will all make sense. Pen and paper or not. This will flow very easily for you to hopefully understand inside of where you can build and develop yourself. Because this is not bound by order by any means. You don't do order. 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5, you can. The first one's capacity probably serves you well because the more capacity you have, the more you can provide in the other four steps. But it doesn't have to be done by order. You might already have a high capacity, but you don't go first. You're not smarter. You don't develop reciprocity through your belief systems and your awareness. You don't have the commitments you should. So I've just given you the answers. Blessed I've in one by one first capacity, physical and mental capacity. You must have both. They both work in accordance with each other. If you have a high level of mental capacity, chances are a it's because of your physical capacity and how you look after yourself as an organism, as a human being. Chemical health, happy hormones, your endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine, looking after yourself at a hormonal level, at a physical level, your nutrition, your exercise regime, at a sensory level, what you're exposed to, environments, nature, walks, creating space, all this stuff. Or if you have a high mental capacity, that's going to help you make the decisions to follow through. On that list of things I just said, that enhances your physical capacity, they go hand in hand. You must have both. So if you're just doing all the physical shit, but you don't actually understand how it helps you with your cognitive function and focus and how you operate and perform, is there a chance that you'll maintain it? Possibly not. Do you see? Or are you aware of the importance of it? Possibly not. You must have a massive gas tank to be able to perform in life. The reason why, man, I've been through some crazy shit, crazy shit. And we all have lists. My life isn't greater or worse than anyone else's. It's a comparison that isn't fair. Everyone has a different set of eyes and words that describes their story, so to speak. But last few weeks, caravan and going around with the family. As soon as we're in caravanning and, you know, I'm happy to share and be transparent in certain areas of my life and other areas are private. But as soon as we started caravanning, Roman had to go to hospital. He's had three operations in 12 months. Now, I've never lost a child. I can't. I can't begin to try to understand what that might feel like because I haven't experienced it myself. So I'm not sitting here saying, poor me. I'll tell you what's pretty fucking tough, when he's been in hospital 15 times in the last couple of months and he's had three operations within 12 months. When you have certain little issues, like he's got a little respiratory issue where think of a cleft palate with your lip. He's got that with his food and his windpipe. So tough. You know, food, water can go into his windpipe. Very stressful respiratory issues. They stick around longer, lots of different moving parts. Tough. You go on a holiday, slash working holiday, you go to spend time with your family and you're fucking in hospital. But hang on, we've got two other kids to look after and we're in a van, and then he has the operation as soon as we come back and he goes downhill, he goes to hospital again. But then he comes back and as most of you know, it's the mental bandwidth and the chaos that fucks us up. Life can be pretty simple. We talk about these things in nutrition and training, communicating with your wife, sex and intimacy and all these things that connect us as men and. And essential for us. Even though we're simple men, all we want is intimacy, respect, and to be fed. I'll tell you what. You know, if anyone ever creates a high performance mother, I certainly won't. I'm focused on you guys. But if anyone ever creates a high performance mother, and I was leading that, first thing I'd say to every woman is, hey, you want more out of your man? No fucking worries. How about you turn up, too? This is all he needs. These three things, you square that away consistently, and you still don't get what you need or want. Fair play. But anyway, maybe that's a conversation for another day, too. Hard shit, gentlemen. Hard shit. Going through what I've had to go through. Your son's waking up. Coughing, spluttering, choking in the night, turning blue like it's not easy. And people check in with me like I've got no one to answer to, Right? Of course I do. I answer to the tribe. I'm part of the tribe. How you holding up, man? You okay? I'm like, man, my life's fucking phenomenal. I'm not saying that just to speak words, and I'm not being a smartass. It's been fucking hard stuff with Roman. It's been hard stuff with the family, with travel, all the moving parts. It's been challenging, of course, but my life's actually going great. Yeah, of course. There's stress, there's worry, there's concern that'll always be here. I don't focus on it heavily. I focus what I can control for my son and look after him, provide the support for that which looks after him further. My wife. But, man, my life's. Fuck. How are you doing this? How are you? Capacity. Capacity, man. I have a massive gas tank physically and mentally to perform. And what that then ties into is the emotional stability that's necessary and required. We've done a podcast on emotions, the stability that's required in there. And when you have a large gas tank to be able to perform physically and mentally, you stay solid. It's not like I'm rock solid and one day I'll crack. No, no, seriously. I address things. I cleanse myself of stuff, situations, thoughts that come in with Roman. Worries, concerns, doubt. I process. I don't bottle shit up. I'm also not a blubbering mess that just fucking cries on the shoulder. Women don't want that either. I strike a good balance and blend of what my needs are. Why? Because I invest in myself. And what does that become? High capacity and self awareness. Step one, man. You want to build the kingdom. Look, you're not going to be the king that has to lay all the bricks. You're not going to be King Leonidas or the Spartans running into war, stabbing every other bloke in front of you. You don't have to always lead the way that you think you have to lead. But I tell you what, you want to start leading in your life, you got to start leading in yourself. You can't do that if you have limited resources, capacity. But then it's harnessing that capacity. Step two. So step one again doesn't have to be in order. But I'm going to roll through this as a step one or point one. Step two or point two. Step two, commitment. Okay, well, I've got this capacity out. What do I do with it? Well, firstly, they go hand in hand. If you don't commit to things, your capacity will always be limited. But secondly, you need to start to define what's important inside of your life and around you and make commitments to it. Step two is commitment. And it's really interesting because we could make this eight steps and I could talk about commitment and then accountability and then consistency and then don't need to. If you are truly committed, think about this. I want to make this simple forever. I want to make it simpler. I know sometimes we philosophize, if that's even a word, but I want to make this really simple for you. If you're really committed to something and you can't be one and done like life is a series of micro commitments. Even men who step through and they're invited into our program, well done, mate. But that's the first step. Let's take many, let's take many together in the right direction. You need to recommit every single day to yourself in your life. What about your wife? You might set your goals right for your business. You've got yearly goals, quarterly, quarterly goals, monthly goals. Do you sit down with your wife at the end of every year and go, all right, beautiful, let's realign. What do we want this year? What does 2023 look like for us? What does that look like for you? What does a perfect day in the life of you look like? All of these cheat sheets, so to speak. Gentlemen, you get the opportunity for them to share exactly what they want. It's so much fucking easier you think communicating, connecting skill sets, all that shit with your wife is tough because you're not seeking and exploring the information that's relevant to her, a woman, and to her in her own individual self. When you're truly committed to something, what it is is a daily commitment, a daily recommitment. You recommit every day, you recommit to the process. Think about this like really simple terms. When your eyes open and you wake up and you get up out of bed, guess what you've done? You've committed to life again. Otherwise, just lay in fucking bed all day and she'll be right and off you go, wither away. You make commitments you don't even know about. And some, some will hurt and some actually serve you well. Like you are committed to life. Otherwise, why are you here? So you make commitments to life every day. You're recommitting to life because you're getting out of bed. Think about that. That might be a good little thing to put in. Every day I wake up and get out of bed, I'm committed to life. So what do we do there? You don't sit on the statement. You then back that up with a question. So what kind of life, James? What kind of life? Andrew, David, Paul, Al. What kind of life, Al, are you committing to? And you ask yourself that question. There we go. Now we can explore. Step one is capacity. Step two is commitment. Because if you're committed and you recommit and you stay committed to what's important, well, you do what you said you would do. You do what is right, not what is always easy. You are accountable. If you committed to something, you're accountable. This is what I mean about eight steps. We don't need eight steps. Step two for the man, commitment. With commitment comes accountability. With commitment comes consistency. What is that? Consistency is habit. If you're committed, you're doing what you said you would do. You're accountable and you're consistent and you've got your capacity and your actions and what you're doing. Well, it's a habit. That's why you've got cold turkey bang and you've got six months for habits. Why? Well, massive influence on that. Massive influence is your environment. That's why I love our tribe. Most powerful thing ever. Such a phenomenal group of men. Second, it's a belief system. That's why the tribe influences you so much. What I said right at the start, your immediate environment, you're surrounded by. Raise the belief system, raise your perspective, your state, not motivation. Motivation will let you down. You cannot rest on something that is not tangible. That fleets like feelings. I did this in a written post the other day. Stop letting your feelings fuck you up. They're a tool for you to leverage. Throw your feelings out north of what your future looks like and reel it back in. Don't get into robot mode because you need to keep remembering that, but really back in and get into go mode and start moving. Gentlemen, the first two steps are all around you as a man. Your decisions, your choices, capacity. Build a massive capacity physically and mentally. You want to build it mentally? Yes. You must take time away. Stop the world and get off. Slow it down. Take some time out for yourself, some thinking time, some creating space. Nature's great. Get yourself. Or if you do 432 Hz. Music. Yeah, you can't. It's got to work for you, right? And it can't add stress. But take away. But you can't create bullshit stories saying, this is going to be more stressful. What I mean by that is you can't say, oh, look, if I do yoga or meditation once a week, it's a hindrance to me. It's not. That's bullshit. But you can't go and prime yourself for four hours every day with meditation, yoga and completely throw a spanner in the works and tell your family, I need to spend four hours a day working on myself and thinking that's okay either that will fuck you up. That's stress. It's too much. I don't do that. And a lot of people talk about this stuff like, yeah, you got breathing exercises and cooling postures and all this sort of stuff. I get that. You wake up, and this takes me my third point to a degree, but you wake up, you're primed. If you've done the right thing the night before when you wake up, your priming should be half an hour, 40 minutes max. For me, A lot of the times it's getting up. Breathwork, oxygen, hydration so short, sharp. Could be two minutes of breathing in two seconds through the nose, then bang, explosive out through the mouth. 10 breaths, 20 breaths, 30 breaths, who cares? I'm building awareness of my lung, my ribs, and I'm setting a state. I have my mojo. So I'm hydrating myself, I'm drinking our mojo. Might make a coffee, might not. But essentially I'm doing that. I've already got my shit ready from the night before and I'm connecting immediately. Connecting with my children. Connecting, bonding, diving in half an hour. I'm ready. I'm Ready to dominate the world. Bang. Get stuck into work. You don't need four, five, six, seven hours to prime. Fuck. That's tiring. That's tiring, man. Choose the right commitments, for sure, but make these commitments consistently. When you make these commitments, realize that commitments and consistency, they go hand in hand. The greater question, again after that statement, is, what are you committing to? Are you committing to something that's destroying you or raising you up? Something that's helping or hindering you? Step one, capacity, physical and mental. Step two, commitments. Do what you said you would do. Hold yourself to account. Well, how do I do that, Al? I've only ever been accountable to myself. That's right. You're stuck in your own head, which means you become a liar. Because you make these agreements in your head that no one else knows about. Which means it's okay for you to say, no, I won't do it today. I won't worry about it, because no one will call you on your shit. Can you think about that one for a second before we expand into leader and the three points there. Have a think about what that's doing to your psychology. Have a think about what that's doing to your subconscious. You make an agreement to yourself. No one else knows about it. So you can put up the brave face, put up the wall, put up the illusion, the facade. When you break that commitment, you're a fucking liar. That's tough, man. It's pretty tough. Because when you keep lying to yourself, the world doesn't know. But you're falling apart behind closed doors. You know you can be more. You know you can do more. I'm not here to tell you you're not enough. You're already telling yourself you're not enough. Because you keep lying to yourself. You keep failing. You stop following through. I'll never tell any man he's not enough. I'm not here to judge you. I can judge actions. Your actions aren't you. You take ownership over your actions, not me. They're your actions. That's pretty tough, man. Like, I wonder why my life was falling apart five, six years ago. I was chronically lying. Yeah. Maybe to my wife, maybe to my child, maybe in my business. But where did the lies start? Inside myself. I was lying to myself. The greatest way that you can be accountable to yourself is being accountable to yourself by getting out of your own way. And the way that you do that is you'll be accountable to yourself through the vessel of something, someone. Those around you, outside of you, hard to do with family. Too. That's why what we do works so well. I don't have a biased version of who you are. I don't have a cognitive bias that you're my brother, cousin, sister, mother, father. No, no, man. We're on the level here. Where are we at, beautiful? Where are we going? All right, let's get after it. Same with family first, Family first, our family first. Are you really putting them first by operating at 30%? How selfish of you. You're putting your family first by giving them 30 over 100 because you're not investing in yourself first. Can you see the madness in that? And trust me, I'm half Italian. I get that. Okay, you want to put your family first. I won't argue with you. But let's do this properly. Let's not fool each other and create lies, or at least white lies to start with. Put your family first through the actions of how you're operating and turning up for them. Put your family first by doing you first so they get more of you. Be accountable to yourself. Two types of accountability. Accountability to yourself and accountability to yourself. That's it. There are two types. Accountability to yourself behind closed doors in your own company. Accountability to yourself through the vessel of those around you which you are inspiring or aspired to become because they've done what you've done or they. They've done what you want to do or they've got what you want. You shouldn't be accountable to anyone. I say this with respect, but with my body, my shape, my composition, why would I be accountable to a 200 kilo obese man who's going to help me with my energy protocol? It doesn't make sense. With respect. There's no belief there. There's no proof. There's no truth. Commitment. Do what you said you would do. Be accountable and keep on committing. Like a real commitment, like when you're really committed, it's consistency which becomes your habit, belief system, your identity and who you are. This does connect to the world outside of yourself. Yes, of course. It influences the world outside of yourself. Yes, of course. But here are three points that we want to expand into from which you are directly viewed through your actions because of how much you impact and influence others. Five steps to building the Kingdom, capacity and commitment. And then we move into leader point three. Step three. And I spoke about this with our Sunday charge up. That's the coaching session I do for the men on the inside. Love it. It's amazing. Best. Best way for me anyway. Hopefully for the men as well. On the inside. Although that's the common, that's the common theme that we see in the feedback we get. Best start to the week. Best start to the week. Point three. You guys who are on the inside would have heard this on Sunday. Go first. Sounds crazy simple, right? Point number three, you go first. Five steps to building the kingdom. Capacity, commitment. Go first. Stop waiting for shit to happen. You had a little bit of miscommunication, bit of frustration. Something happened. And then you create a story. Your wife creates a story, you widen the gap. You don't talk about, oh, well, if she's not going to be proactive for sex, I'm going to wait. Or she puts it on Mima. You're just creating this spiral, man. You're creating a pit, a hole. You're creating a vortex of shit that you're allowing. You're creating it and then allowing yourself to be sucked into it. Stop buying into the shit of other people doing stuff for you. You go first. Be proactive. Be a real leader. Lead on the front foot, whether it's wolves or any other species where the leader's at the back. I get that. Look after the elders, look after the tribal. I'm talking about you directly, with your life, leading through your actions. You know what the greatest communication is? Exam. Example. Not listening. Example. Children don't listen. They watch. Adults don't listen. They watch. Like, are you really listening to this because of the words I'm speaking? Or you're listening to this because what you've seen, what you're watching is 200 plus episodes? Thousands of hours have gone into this, into the videos, hundreds of videos on YouTube, our brand, our marketing, our testimonials, the other stories from the other fathers, what we do, how I turn up the live videos, the other videos, the written posts. You're watching, you watch to then listen. The greatest form of communication is example, not listening. Listening is very powerful. But if you lead by example, guess what? You've got way more leverage when it comes to your wife, when she talks to you, for you to listen and respectfully respond. If you listen to, just respond. And you've done fuck all in the department of leading by example. Why would she listen to you? Why would your words hold any weighting? Same with your children, same with your business. Why would you listen to me? Gentlemen go first. This is your time, your opportunity, your life. Don't wait for things to happen. You take lead, you take ownership. Don't be a leech. Be a leader. Take ownership over this. Look, no matter how big or Small. The trauma is. We've all been victims of trauma. There are two types. There's a victim of trauma and there's a victim mentality. Which hat do you like? Which circle? Which part? Which side? Where do you stand? Because we've all had it. Your wife might have denied your sex for a few months. No worries. You do everything for her, do you? Is it everything she asked for or you doing what you think she wants? Is a wife really looking for a control freak now? Looking for men to stand up and lead, but lead and be a student for life when it comes to my wife, intimacy, even, all that sort of stuff. Student for life, all of it from intimacy. How you can get better in the bedroom, how you can communicate better, how you can create better presence with your children, better dadventures, have special time with them, all this stuff. You're a student for life. We all are. So don't give them what you think they want because you're good at that. And you can do that. Well. Oh, yeah, And I give my family everything they want. What do you mean? Oh, well, I'm great with business and roof over their head and they've got plenty of money in the bank. Okay, well, maybe because you're good at that, you think that's what they want because you can do it, right? Don't be fucking lazy. Find out what they want and get better at that. When you get clear on this gentleman, you start going first. You start leading, you start influencing, which means you get leverage. And this isn't about he or she or I'm not, and I've got a phenomenal memory. But I'm not here to write a whole list of ways that I can put it over Corinne. But the reality is life is a series of selling, trading and negotiating. So without me having to do any of it. The secret to selling. The secret to sales is not selling, right? I don't need to. I don't need to sell my wife. Why? Because I'm leading by example. Why? Because I tick all the boxes and little things. Why? Because when we had a chat three months ago and I found that the fucking coffee machine turns her off, I was like, I didn't realize that. I sorted that shit out. Couldn't believe it. Don't know if I've spoken about it here, but so funny, so funny, man doesn't use the coffee machine. I grind my own beans, all that sort of stuff. And there's the grate, there's the little grate there, and there's a bit of overspill over, spill onto the grate. Think about, this is the mind of a woman. Love my wife. But this is the mind of a woman, maybe any woman who knows. So the coffee, the grounded coffee spills over onto the grapes. It's just a little pole. There's, you know, I don't wipe. It doesn't look horrible. It's in the corner of our kitchen. But it's the smell and the visual. And women are very sensory creatures and they're slow burners. It's the smell and the visual that turns them off. And this is the craziest part. Like, I didn't realize that was affecting her because it didn't affect the rest of the kitchen. It was on the grate. It was still part of the machine. A machine that she doesn't even touch. When I found out that it was a smell of visual, I was like, oh, man, that's easy. I can't tell you. And I'm not saying that it led to sexual. Well, it sort of did. But I can't say how crazy me having the place smelling nicer, cleaning that little bit and visually looking good for her when I just pushed it back into the corner. One percenters could not believe the roi. That's way easier. Like, that's so much easier than me organizing a honey and handsome time, me organizing a date, a massage for her, picking the kids up, dropping them off. Like, I'll happily do all of that. But the ROI was insane. We talk about a 10x effort for one extra. No, no, no. This sort of stuff, when you speak their language and find out what they need, man, it's a 1x effort for a 10x return. It was ridiculous. Crazy, man. So when I talk about leadership and going first, it's going first through your actions. And some of your actions are being proactive in what the necessary future actions are for you. When it comes to fatherhood, when it comes to being a husband, when it comes to being a business owner or leader inside of your organization or society, that's what go first is. It's not just, I'm just going to go out and charge like a bullet again. Go first in asking, asking the question, getting clear. Which takes me into point number four. Get smarter. No foolish King holds onto his kingdom for a long period of time, that's for sure. And it eventually gets sacked. As a man, build your capacity. Layer in. Build and understand. Identify commitments, what they really are, what they really mean, and what you need to do to uphold them. Go first. Be a leader. Go first. Anywhere and everywhere you can. It's not about being control freak. It's not about taking over what your wife can do, where she can lead, what she can contribute. Same with the children. Where they can lead, what they can contribute. Children are leaders as well. But go first where you need to and where you know you need to go first. Stop hesitating. Fuck. It was funny. I remember that saying, he who hesitates, masturbates. Me and the boys used to always say that to each other when we were young. He who. It's true, though. He who hesitates, masturbates. This isn't about picking up chicks anymore. We're not 13 years of age. But it's true. Because what's the byproduct? Lesser outcome. And you're on your own. Stop hesitating. Go first. Lead, get smarter. That's a collective of two things. Knowledge and skills. Learn. Like what I said then with going first. Ask the question. See how this is all layered? Can you see how this is all connected? Go first, ask them the question. Love languages, whatever, it might be cool. Present the opportunity in the environment that gives you the knowledge. And a lot of the times, yes, that's through asking questions and sometimes research. Get the knowledge. Not very often, though. I mean, it's all relevant, right? Even five love languages. Like, how do I know that your wife. You're listening to this right now. How do I know that your wife's quality time is the same as my wife's quality time? Acts of service. Shit, where do you start with that? Acts of service. Could be cutting the lawn, could be cooking breakfast, could be dropping the kids off at school, could be pulling. Could be pulling the fucking hair out of the comb that she has. I don't know, like cleaning the bathroom. Get smarter. Knowledge and skills. So put yourself going first in a situation or give yourself the opportunity to learn. And then learn it. Get your knowledge. Get your knowledge together. Love languages is great for four reasons. One, you know what your triggers are because you're not getting what you need, which means obviously you know what your needs are because you do it. Two, you can find out what your wife's needs are. Three, you can get clarity around that. What does that specifically look like? Physical gifts. What are you talking about? Jewelry? Are you talking about flowers? Talking about chocolates? Physical gift. Are you talking about something like a gift and an experience? Hot air balloon. Four, you can now, because of the leverage, ask or at least share. Ask slash share to receive. That's why the love language works. Not because someone sat down and Said, oh, there's five ways that people connect. That's fucking bullshit. That doesn't mean anything. It's a tool. It is a leverage point for you to improve your life situation and circumstances, to have a better life situation and circumstance and experience. You can't do this if you're not getting smarter. Triple down. I have people ask me, why don't you just do like men? Why fathers? Well, why not everyone one at all walks of life. Why don't we set up a group and we've got children who are 10 and 85 year old women who want to learn how to knit because they've forgotten you lack depth. How can we ever hit home with this? It's diving deeper and layer after layer after layer inside of your own life, getting smarter. Learn, get the knowledge, but then apply. Remember true power. Learn, do reflect. Learn, do reflect. Because you must reflect. Otherwise you just could be wasting your time. Get the knowledge and then get the skills. Build that skill set, build that competency. I don't really talk much, although I don't know how to talk to my wife. I don't know where to start. I'll tell you where you start by fucking starting. That's where you start. And start by owning the situation. You can be vulnerable and strong at the same time. I share stuff with you guys about my life. Comes from a position of strength though. Could start with this. Hey, Lisa. Hey, Lisa. Look, I know it's been a tough couple of years with the kids. They haven't slept and I've got to be honest, we don't speak as much as we probably should and I'm not good at that. I don't even know what I'm saying now if that's helping. But I want to be honest, whilst I'm not good at how to talk to you, what you want, what you need. I want to get better. And I want to get better because A, like, honestly, gentlemen, you just got to be transparent. A, I want to make sure that I can meet your needs and we're working together as a team and B, I want to make sure we can connect and you know where I'm at and what my needs are. So are you open to this? Look, I might fuck up, I might say the wrong words, I might say things that piss you off. Please know this comes from a place of love. And then piggyback, man, piggyback. Got 200 episodes here. Send her some of these. I know, I swear in a fair few of them, it's only because of the passion. If You've got a problem with a word. That's your problem. It's the energy behind the word that matters. Could be F, U, C, K and F, I, C, K. What's the difference? It's your association with it. But piggyback, even off the content. Here, apply this stuff. Hey, and on that note, whilst I can't talk very well, there's this test. It's called Love Languages. Let's do it. It's free. I think it'd be cool. I want to see where it is so I can like. If you're a man who can't even put that sentence together, shit, mate, like you, I don't know where you've been the last 30, 40, 50 years. Maybe you've been a monk who's just prayed on the mountains and you don't know how to speak, but it's not as hard as you make it. Get out of your own way. You are being your own Roadblock, right? What people think is dumb and ignorant is actually different to the truth. Stop playing yourself stupid. You're not stupid. You're smart. You're intelligent. Same with guys who take that step and they come on board. Like I said, we're not here to sell you. It's like, okay, cool, mate. Where are you now? All right. Wow, that's tough shit. How does that make you feel? What'll happen if you keep going down this road? Okay. Is that something that you want? Is that something your wife wants? What would she say if you told her about high performance father and showed her the opportunity you have to become a better father and husband? Do you think she'd support you or reject it? I mean, she might reject the level of trust in you because you failed over and over again. But tell you what, man, I haven't met a wife yet who's gone. Yeah, no, that program's horrible. I don't want a better husband. You got to get smarter. Learn what you need to find out what you need to learn by going first. Questions, analyzing, connecting, initiating, and then apply. Get the knowledge and apply it and build your skill sets, the four Cs for evolution and change. You got to have the courage to do this, man. As we wrap this episode up, you've got to have the courage to move forward. You've got to be committed to following through on what the courageous part of you knows is the right thing to do. You must get competent. You must develop a level of competency and that all that flows into confidence. The four Cs. And when you're Confident. You're confident because of a result. You're confident because of life, not because of delusional positive natures or any other thing that you think is a fantasy. Or looking at the future and going, this. No, no. It's because of the time that's passed and the skill that you now have, the courage you have now executed on because of the commitment you had, which has all led to you going, yes, I can. Yes, I have leveled up. Yes, I'm not pulling out on myself. Yes, I'm not a liar anymore. Which takes me to the fifth step, fifth point. Reciprocity. Now, the definition of reciprocity is it's the practice. It's the practice of exchanging things. It's exchange. It's the practice of exchanging things with other people or others for a mutual benefit, privileges. Maybe, maybe not. But reciprocity is exchange. You're exchanging things with others for mutual benefit. How would that work then? Now, that depends on the other person. No, it doesn't. Reciprocity lives and breathes within yourself. That is your responsibility to take or dismiss. Think about this. Right now, this podcast, we've had over 100,000 downloads. I had that a while ago, but here we go. Let's celebrate in this podcast. Over 100,000 downloads. There we go. There are many of you men who I'll never meet and many who I have. But for me right now, this is a case and an exchange with mutual benefit. Right now, this is reciprocity I am exchanging. And then in my perspective, my perceptions, the emails we get, the messages, the calls, the members, the non members who become members, all of that. And the feedback shows me that even if I don't get any of that feedback, there is mutual benefit here. I'm giving and providing and what do I get? I know in my head and in my heart I'm a great fucking genuine bloke who is giving you an amazing level of value off the back of the thousands of men I've connected with. I'm simply a voice. Not, I'm simply the voice of all of the men, not Alex Ranieri and giving all of that out. So even if I never hear from you, reciprocity man, I make my wife a tea. She's not a morning person, I am. Make her a nice cup of tea, get the kids rolling. Brekkie most of the times. I'll make breakfast. Bacon, eggs, whatever we're doing. And setting everyone up for the morning. I'll take a tea into her if she's still in bed or still in bed. Sleeping. Have it ready for her. Cool a little bit. I don't care whether she likes the tea or not. Obviously again, I'm smart enough. I've learnt the knowledge and the skills to. Which is pretty hard to butcher. Make her a nice cup of tea. But it doesn't matter how hot or cold it is when she chooses to have it, how much of it she has. I never see whether it's empty or not. I'm out. I'm gone. It's the reciprocity. I know that as a husband, I'm a fucking good man who's doing what I believe to be the right thing and supporting her. That's what reciprocity is. Your capacity, your commitment. Going first, getting smarter. Reciprocity, you need to change. It's so easy to fall into the category of entitlement, expectations, assumptions. The only thing you might have in there is expectation. And the only place you should have that is with yourself. All three of them. Outside of yourself. No go zone. The other two inside yourself. Yeah, no go zone. You can't have assumptions inside yourself or entitlements inside. No one wins there. But you fall into that category so easily. Because you did this, you should get that. Because you did this, you should get that. Stop comparing. It's not about comparing. Getting lists. Not. Not all things are created equal, even with man and woman, right? This bullshit about equality, it's never going to exist. Why would it? How do you measure it? Two different people. Equality of opportunity? Maybe, maybe not. Like, where's the fucking hypocrisy in that? You want equality of opportunity? Okay, so what are we doing with, with Africa and USA and the uk? Why do. Here's the biggest thing, right? Whether you agree with me or not, this is the biggest fucking farce ever. You want to talk about hypocrisy and equality, everything. Why the fuck do we have countries and flags? You're kidding, aren't you? You talk about division through race, through sex. Why the fuck does every country have a flag? So this is the problem. When you get lost in the detail of all the bullshit that doesn't matter, instead of going, well, what can I do inside of myself? Wash my hands of things that I can't control, that doesn't matter, and actually focus on developing myself in a way that I know through love and leadership. This is the final step, the final point under the hat of leader reciprocity. What I'm exchanging with the world is I am giving. And the exchange is my perception and my viewpoint and my belief system around that action, that exchange being, I'm a great father, it's just what I do. I'm a great husband. It's just what I do. Here's your cup of tea, Crin. Hey, can you punch? Here's the little card like at the coffee shop. Punch that out. Oop. Fifth one. When you punch through a fifth one, you got to give me sex. Like, fuck me dead, mate. Like, it doesn't work that way. You do it because you're a good man and it's the right thing to do. But you know what you also do to finish on this note? You have reciprocity with yourself. You exchange with yourself your personal integrity and values and you bring up, you bring up and create good dialogue of your needs and what's important. Not a blubbery mess, not a robot that never does it. You find the balance for your dynamic in your relationship to go, hey, I also need to share with you what's important for me and what my needs are. Because you're a good man and you're a good husband and she deserves to know that truth. And that's the right thing to do. So reciprocity isn't always about giving to others and then giving to yourself. Because the hat that you wear, it's also about giving to others through giving to yourself in sharing what your needs are and how you operate at your best and 100%. And I share that. Corrine, if you're looking after the children when I'm not home and I know that my wife is looking after children, my mental bandwidth isn't stretched. I go out, I hunt, I produce, I look after myself, and guess who wins? You and the children. And it's a fine line sometimes. I get it. Especially if you're not, I guess, as experienced or you can't articulate words the way that I do. This is why we're here. You've got over 200 episodes. You go through every single episode and tell me your life doesn't change. Like, please email me. I'd love to hear that. Go through every single podcast episode and you can have 12 months membership for free. There we go. Don't lie to me. Tell me the truth, Al. That didn't have any influence or impact in my life at all because I already know the answer. Hope this serves you well, man. As we wrap this up, it's good to be back. Five steps to building the kingdom. When I say, this is your kingdom, the only way kingdom exists is through the king himself and those that he's surrounded by. When I say your. This isn't you as an individual. This is you standing up and leading and taking ownership over what you can contribute and creating this world. It's why as men, we are wired the way we are. We build and create the world. Women reproduce and create. Sustainability and life in this world. Is there a crossover? Well, not when it comes to having children, but in terms of roles, of course there can be. I'm not here to label anyone, but essentially the way that women operate emotionally overthink and all the other moving parts. None of this would happen if you didn't have the drive, the tenacity and the nature to triple down on the facts. Don't forget that, man. You've still got the facts inside you. You triple down on that. You will produce and win. I remember hearing this might have been Jordan Peterson. Can't remember. He's like, well, if everyone just acted off the back of being in the mood, could you imagine where the world would be? How you feel right now? You wake up, I don't feel like going to work. You can't stay home. I'm in the middle of this podcast. I don't feel like doing this. Alright, see ya. Podcast is short six minutes. I don't feel like being here. Sometimes it doesn't matter how we feel. It's what we do that's more important. As long as what we're doing that's more important can influence and change the way we feel. That's one of my favorite quotes that I slash. We as a tribe created because it's true. So it's important, gentlemen, to understand your role and the power that you have. And that's tough, like for a woman. I don't feel like having sex. Okay, they might say that and. All right, well, how about you try hard to get in the mood because sometimes I don't feel like going to work. And there is definitely a yin to yang to that and a balance. I get that. We'll save that for another episode. But this isn't about pointing fingers. This episode is about you looking inside of yourself and going, I can be the gift to my life and my children's and my families because of how I operate, how I'm wired and what I can do. That's what I mean when I say your kingdom. Five steps to building your kingdom. Capacity, commitment. Go first, get smarter and understand that you have reciprocity right now. And it doesn't have to include direct and immediate feedback from others. You actually already have it inside of yourself. And the dichotomy the craziest part, the irony of all this is when you operate like that without an expectation of return or assumption. Ah, the universe is crazy man. When you operate like that, guess what? You get exactly what you want anyway. That's why I tell men who are struggling in relationships. Don't go chasing, don't go supplicating. Develop a higher level of value in who you are and then you become attractive anyway to those who want to be paired and tied into your life because of who you are now and how you operate. Take care lads. Have an amazing day night weekday weekend when you listen to this and I'll see you for another episode soon. Cheers. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.