211. Respect, Trust & Being The Prize

This episode is brought to you by our high Performance Father Coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Respect, Trust and Being the Prize welcome to a special podcast episode. It's been a minute, I'm back. I've missed doing these episodes, but here we are talking about a five piece. This is a five piece set on how to gain respect, how to be valuable and develop a pathway towards trust and ultimately how to be the prize not only as a husband, but as a father and as a man, as a business owner or member of society. And it's very interesting we just went and evolved the circles of significance which I might touch on in bits and pieces in this episode, but essentially maybe save for another, where there are three main circles of significance inside of our life. There's family, self and service. How you turn up for and invest and provide a pathway of leadership and love and connection in your family that can only ever come from how full your cup is and how big that cup is that you're pouring into. AKA yourself and the other one. Business and community, paid and unpaid. Whether you run a business or not, everyone is in everyone in this world, the monetary planet that we live on, you are all engaged in business. There is an exchange of value, there's a transfer, there are trades, deals, negotiations. Even if you're punching data in on the background and you're not at the front or in the firing line or a salesman or whatever point you want to try and compare, you're providing some level of service and value which is the last circle service. There are six sections to those. There's your children and your partner and you may be divorced or separated or chances are if you invest in yourself and you become a high level of value because you turn up and give to you to be 100%, you are almost certainly, regardless of your age, going to attract the opposite sex into your life again. So there's your children, there's your partner. In the circle of self, there's absolutely two core elements which make your entire life. That's why the circle of self is so important. That is your capacity and your skills. So what's your capacity like? What's your skill set like? I mean, life is a series of skills, right? Virtually everything is a skill set that you develop and build over time. Is he naturally, naturally talented? I mean, was Tiger woods naturally talented or was it because he had a fucking golf club in his hand when he was a baby? You know, there's always reps involved, gentlemen, always. And this is no different. This five piece set we're going to dive into, talking about building respect, trust and ultimately you being the prize. So when we're looking at family, self and service and the six sections, paid and unpaid, was the extra two sections of the six. When we're talking about service, there are also nine core elements, so we'll save that for another episode. But the point is, life is a series of investments. And what we want to do is we want to take you along. We want to take you along the pipeline or whatever visual you want to create in today's session, where we want to take you from being a man who may not feel like he has respect or value or trust or anything inside of himself that's very important to understand, but also inside of the household, taking you along that pathway to, okay, this is where I'm at now, this is where I need to go and this is how I'm going to do it. How do we take a man who may feel like he's not worthy or feel like he's not being loved, cherished, nurtured, respected, valued by those that he loves and cares about, those that ironically, just like myself, we work so hard for. I mean, what are you working for? You're not working just to sit in a big fucking house on your own, are you? So what are we doing inside of our lives that could possibly be alienating us from those that we love and care about? But then also, what can we do to remove that? Firstly and secondly, to build a true and genuine pathway towards going, okay, this is what I desire in my life as a man, but I don't have the tools. I don't know how, I'm not quite sure. I don't know how to expand on this, expand on this message that I want to carry forth through either communication or through my actions or through listening. A form of communication, not just sharing where you're at and to get a true level of alignment. You guys hear me talk about alignment a lot. Alignment is critical to success. Always has been, always will be. So I hope you're ready for a great episode. I'm certainly excited to be back on deck. It's been a few weeks, lots of different moving parts. Personally, professionally, which is very exciting in all areas, doesn't come without challenge and change and energy depletion and priorities. It's not. This isn't a priority. I love doing these podcasts. These podcasts keep me sharp as well as working with our members at all different levels, as well as providing value and you know what, even sometimes having great conversations with men in the general pop or public at times when they may see something or spot something deemed hpf, whether it's my shorts, my shirt, my car and go, hey, mate, what's this about? So I really enjoy doing this stuff. Keeps me sharp. I've missed doing these podcasts, you know, not that I've neglected you guys. It's just a series of priorities inside of my life and just putting them in order of what is most important. And I'll tell you what, if you haven't gone through all 210 episodes yet, well, then you've got nothing to complain about, do you? Should have gone through all the other episodes. As much as I not laugh, but reflect on the earlier version of who Al was, it's a continual evolution and this is what I love. This is what I love with you guys. You don't look at my talk, you look at my walk, you see how much I change, how much I evolve. Maybe I'll look back in 10 years time and laugh at this video and tongue in cheek, look at and go, there was Al before he ascended into the next part of evolution. This is what life's about, man. It's hard fellas to let go of things that might be good, that might be comfortable. When I'm speaking this message of hpf, I'm not always talking to the man who's just deep in the pit about to fucking drown. I'm talking to men as well who know that things are okay. But here's the hard part. You lack the courage and sometimes you lack the awareness or the confrontation to address that lack of courage to go, you know what? I need to fucking stand up and I need to do something. To keep improving and growing. You are either growing or dying. You're getting better or you're getting worse. There is no the same. You can't keep using more and more time being the same version like that is. That is a fucking gluttonous approach to a life that is finite, that is going to come back around and bite you in the ass. You can't do it, man. You're either growing or dying. That's something for me. It's just, it's hard. I look at old memories, old things popping up. And even with the gym, like when I left my gym and said goodbye to the members there, you know, I broke down and cried. It was really hard. Like I actually shed some tears and I was like, man, this is really fucking tough. And there's two reasons why it was tough, gentlemen. The first one is I was letting go of something that was good. But the true fact of the matter and all the facts inside of my life was it wasn't good, it wasn't serving me. I was getting up to a quarter of a million dollars in debt. Things weren't improving. I was fucking struggling. You know, that's the time when I was looking to repair my marriage, rebuild my relationship with my daughter Stella. And really together. That feels like a fucking blur as well, you know, that's what crushes me sometimes. I feel, I feel glad that I jumped on it early because I look at my other two children now, I'm like, man, I don't remember this stuff with Steve, Stella. That's the whirlwind of life. And I'm sure you guys can really empathize inside of not what I'm sharing, but your own journey where you feel like there's just a whirlwind and you just miss, you miss blocks, you miss chunks of your children's life. And that's tough. But there's two reasons why it's really hard. And this is why it was hard for me. Just as that one example before we crack onto this five step pathway to gaining respect, value and being the prize inside of your life. It's hard because there was something that was comfortable and familiar for me and I was letting that go and I was letting that go to pursue something which was potentially unknown. It's known, but it's also unknown. And this is the hard part, men, when it comes to trying to create your legacy and build your life on your terms, because there is no guarantee, like there were no guarantees. Me going all in on what was known at the time as RDM there's no guarantees. No guarantees is going to pay off. Who the fuck's Alex Ranieri? What's real dad Movement to the point where I had people contact me. Is this something where you're connecting biological fathers with their children and. It's not that. I mean, I love where that name started. Pretty hard to be ambiguous with high performance father, though. But, you know, I understand that. But essentially it was just something that was unknown. You know, there was just. There was absolutely zero omnipresence. And we're getting there with hpf, but, you know, even then, the first part to actually getting respect and value, spoiler alert. One of the five steps is getting known. Getting known inside of your feelings, where you stand, where you sit with your wife in your relationship. It must be known. How can she respect you if she doesn't know? People can't respect what they don't know. It's impossible. But getting back to this man, I was letting go of something that seems to be reasonably good, familiar, comfortable at the time, and was ticking the boxes with certain points of fulfillment. I was letting go of that to step into the unknown. That's the first reason why it's really hard. And a lot of you men who might be going, okay in life, you know deep inside that you're not fucking pulling the trigger, man, and you're handbraking yourself. And this is costing you. This is costing you precious time. I know I might come across pretty hard and heavy sometimes, men, but fuck me dead. You have no time to waste. Stop fucking wasting time. You have none of that to waste. You don't have it. I don't have it. My fucking children don't have it. Even if they live to be 82, they do not have that. And it gets faster and faster for us, doesn't it? Because when you go from 50 to 51 or 40 to 41, from a percentage point of view, that one year out of the 40 is like 2.2%. When my daughter goes from 5 to 6, that's like 18%. So every single year that you move in your life, it goes quicker and quicker and quicker. Why? Because it exponentially becomes larger as a whole, which means from a fractional point of view, it's so much smaller. Every year in your life becomes smaller and smaller. Smaller. If you're 90 and you turn 91, it's 1.1% or something like that, right? This is why life goes so quick, so no one has time to fuck around. Roman's about to turn two, so he's just gone, bang, there's a chunk, there's 50%, but then the next year is 33%. When he goes from two to three, when he goes from three to four, that's 25% of his life lived. So bit by bit, every single year that passes, the percentage of your year that passes with the years that have been lived becomes smaller and smaller and smaller. And that's my second point. The reason why letting go of good to chase and seek great, true great, not. You are here for greatness, you're born for greatness. Blah, blah, blah. All the shit that fucking motivational talkers like. To really live a great and prosperous life like a proper life, man, I didn't give a fuck about the masses and what they think. A proper life. Set a real standard. The median for living is fucking disgusting. Like the average standard. Do you want to be average? You want a fucking average meal and you want to be averagely served. When you go to the restaurant, you want to get an average bunch of flowers for your wife. You know, like people don't want average outside of themselves. They want all the fucking bells and whistles. Almost like a sense of entitlement. Because when you reflect internally, you didn't fucking raise the bar on yourself. So this is the hardest part. You surround yourself with fucking donkeys and you think that Eeyore is the only sound that needs to be made. Instead of being a fucking lion getting out and hunting in life and claiming what's yours. And if you don't like a line, use a fucking gorilla. You use a bear, use an elephant. I'll tell you what I love the most. I'll tell you what you want to talk about the real apex, the real apex predator in this life, in this world anyway, man. Killer whales, nothing comes fucking close to them. Imagine what their mentality is. Imagine their mindset, how they operate, how they hunt together, how they educate and pass down through their bloodlines. The orca in itself is a legacy, man. They are phenomenal creatures. You cannot. I've never met or spoken to one person's looked at them and not been impressed. It's. It's crazy. It's incredible. And it's sad too, because I look at the thought processes and the mentality of human beings and I'm like, why the fuck is there such a wide gap? Like, think of us as a species. There is such a wide gap between the thinking and the thought process. And I'm not saying we should all be the same. And I absolutely believe in free will and exercising that right. And the freedom of choice and everything else that comes with that. Like you have a choice to live a fucking ignorant life that is just destroying yourself and those you love and care about. Or you have a choice to move through some of the shit, some of the pain, to push shit uphill at times, to break through and become part of a rare part of society inside of yourself. And that's not bound by money, that's bound by a byproduct of everything in family, self and service because of the choices that you make. So look at things like bears, orcas, praying mantises, Fucking pick anything. And they're very, very close. Like even in the variances of the types of species, they're super close. There's such a wide gap with humans though, it's crazy. So don't try and be an eagle soaring with fucking seagulls and think that you're going to make it through. You won't. It doesn't work that way. So be very cautious of the environment you invest yourself in. So the reason why it was hard is because everything I just shared just then really highlights not just your environment, but the timeline of working out fractions of every year that's lived. It's really hard men to go from good to great. Because every time you close a chapter in your life to open up a new one, you're getting closer and closer to death. Every time you, like, blink, wow, there's a chapter of my life that's gone. So going from good to great means a couple of things. You need to let go of some of the familiarity. And this stuff is really important as a pre frame towards this session here. You need to let go of the stuff that's comfortable and familiar when you know there's more you can give, there's more you can do. That includes your environment, that includes the people around you. That includes outsourcing your head, your perspective. That's why I love our program and the coaching involved, the resources involved, the tools involved, the men are winners, the tribe's phenomenal. You're letting go of that. That's really fucking hard. Because A, it's uncomfortable and unfamiliar where you're heading, B, it shows that you're getting closer and closer to dying. And C, you know, deep in your heart when you do that, you can't go back. I'm never going to go open a fucking gym again. We may create HPF hubs for men with business, with work, with all different types of services. That's not going to be a gym. That'll be Fucking ten times what a gym is. We may do that and open them up all over the country, but I'm never going to go back to being a gym owner and training on the floor. That was my life. That's very tough, man. You will never go back. You can't. I can't. I don't know how. It doesn't make sense to me. I just can't logically and emotionally process it. So it's hard when you let go of things. It's really hard because you know you're getting closer to dying, you're never going to do that again, and you're stepping into unknown territory. So three things, I guess. Just some food for thought, gentlemen. And it's not a bit of a download because I haven't done a podcast for a while, but I'm always channeling what is coming through to me in members, whether they're Gold elite, Platinum Gold Startup, members of the community, our Facebook group. I'm always channeling the energy that needs to be heard. Sometimes that applies to me personally, but a lot of the times it doesn't, I become the vessel to filter through the message that needs to be heard most. So on that note, gentlemen, yes, you're going to be dead one day. And yes, you've got uncomfortable, unfamiliar things ahead of you. And yes, if you don't take that step into that uncomfortable place, you will fuck yourself in the ass eventually. And yes, it's not easy. But the underlying, the underlining element or core piece of everything, the circle, significance, the six sections inside of those three circles, the nine elements to those six sections to those three circles, the one underpinning part the entire time, always, is courage. You want to know if anyone ever asked. I haven't been asked this question. I guess I have in a different way. If anyone ever asked a question, what's the difference between winning and losing, winners and losers? Courage. Straight up courage. It's not just about of courage for three months. It's not just a big piece of courage for one day. And it's not just tiny bits of courage. 1% every single day with courage. Sometimes it's 3, sometimes it's 8%, sometimes it's 43%. You've got a big fucking move. You got to carry those balls, man. You got to stand behind your decision. Just like me. Look, I love rdm. And what it was, RDM in itself was my baby. It's time to evolve. It was time to evolve. HPF's been running for nearly two years now. Like that's Crazy. So when I look at it next year, when we're about. When we're six years in, or five to six years in, from 2018, even 2017, with some of the, I guess the brainstorming and the mastermind behind developing this, when I look at that, I'm like, well, fuck, you know, another year, HPF will start to overtake the time that's been here compared to rdm. Tough, Took balls, took courage. People ask me, why the change? Why this, why that? Well, we're evolving. We need change. So, gentlemen, courage is the key. And firstly, to get to courage, you must immerse yourself in the right environment to elevate your state. That's what this is here. That's what the last 15 to 16 minutes have been to help you elevate your state. Enter a state of perspective, to open your mind to the possibilities, to open your mind to knowing that you must take a level of courage every fucking day. And that varies. And some days you'll be better, some days you'll be worse. And to know that essentially, when we're looking at life, you are the prize. Let's dive into this, men, five pieces. Five piece set. So what we're looking at is essentially being the prize now, being the prize inside of your life for yourself, for your wife, for your children, for your business. The byproduct of being the prize is respect. It is value, it is trust. But there's a bit of a pathway through this. The very first thing is being known. If something isn't known, it can't be respected. Respect is the second step, first step, being known. Now, I want to break this down just a little bit with each point so you can have a bit more perspective around how this could apply to you. What do you mean by known? Our. What does that look like? Well, here's a short story. Story. A short example. Went to the park yesterday with Roman and there are a couple of teenage boys and one of them was talking about obviously some conflict with his missus life. So stuff when you're a teenager, isn't it? And he's talking about how she was saying he was talking to his mate, going on. She was telling me that she was stressed and she's struggling with this and struggling with that and everything's too hard and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I'm still talking like, I'm this boy. And I'm like, bullshit. You've got stress. You've got nothing to think about. If anything, I've got all the stress. I've got all the worry, I've got to do this, I've got to do, blah, blah, you don't have to worry about anything. You've got it easy. So he's saying this to his mate and I overheard whilst pushing Roman on the swing, and then he says to his mate straight after that, oh, but I didn't say that to her. I'm just like, oh, yep, yep, okay, I understand. And immediately like, I had a knee jerk reaction. I'm glad I didn't because it's not, it's not like my place to coach and tell people the truth all the time, but I had a knee jerk reaction to just respond and go, well then you fucking lied, didn't you mate? Like, stop fucking lying to your missus. Because now she has this illusion that you're on board and you agree with her, but deep down you're suppressing then dumping your shit on your fucking mate that you don't agree with her. So stop living a fucking lie because you're afraid of conflict and, and start addressing what needs to be addressed. Now you guys might look at this and go, ah, puppy love, Al. Teenagers don't have to. No, this is the fucking pattern that men carry through their entire life. I've seen this shit. I don't need to be 50 to know how fucking 6 to 850 year olds operate and the shit that brought them undone when it comes to their life. Because I've seen that. So when one 50 year old tells me you don't fucking know what you're talking about, I say, I've got fucking 850 year olds that fucking do know and I've taken them through a process and you don't fucking know because you're only one. So please understand, gentlemen, like this is very challenging, it's hard. But if you value, if you put a higher value on the risk of possible conflict by addressing what needs to be addressed, if you hold a higher value of that towards alignment and connection, you will always lose. Always. And you'll never have alignment or connection. Always. You will lose. So the first thing is, if you want respect inside of the household, it needs to be known. There needs to be a knowing, a knowledge and understanding and awareness. If things aren't right, if you're not happy, there needs to be some level of addressing that goes on with yourself and your children, with yourself and your wife, with yourself and your employees, with yourself and your clients. And you know what? With yourself, with yourself. If you're afraid to look in that fucking mirror and Have a hard conversation and address with some level of conflict, that little voice inside, you'll fucking lose. You won't have alignment and you won't have a connection to yourself and who you are. Which means if you don't develop that as a skill set inside of you, how the fuck can you develop that with other people? You don't know how. It's like a skill. If you don't learn how to putt and put the ball in the hole, how are you going to teach anyone else how to putt? It is that binary, man? It is that. Yes or no. The reason why I develop a great relationship with my wife and it gets better is because, guess what? My relationship with myself has been developed and gets better. It doesn't mean I apply the exact same things. I apply the underlying principles. I don't talk to myself the way I talk to my wife. I hold different conversations. But the principles around the energy, when it comes to love, conflict, all these sorts of different bits and pieces, if it isn't known, it can't be respected. If you're just a fucking yes man, like this boy was agreeing with your missus. She goes off in some convoluted, fucking delusional reality thinking that everything's okay. Which means when shit hits the fan, there's this level of frustration and confusion and turmoil because worlds collide and they just don't line up. This doesn't make any sense. And then we put our hands up in the air, nothing to do with me, and point the finger. It's all your fault. You're fucking kidding, aren't you? Where were you at the time when they needed to be led? So whether this is yourself, your relationships. I know I go back to marriages and relationships and other points. I'm trying to paint different perspectives for you guys on the same thing. If something isn't known, it can't be respected. There can't be an analyzing to have some point of a small bit of skin in the game. Small bit of investment to go. Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Like when my wife shares her feelings with me, I can't dismiss them. That's her reality. I can acknowledge them. I can respect them. I can acknowledge them and I can address them as Mr. Fixis. We've got to be cautious. There's times when they want acknowledgement, but they don't want addressing. They want acknowledgement and awareness. And that's okay. If my wife says something I don't agree with, but it's something that is her choice, her opinion, her Right to hold. And that something, through my eyes, is something that doesn't have to be addressed. And she's seeking some level of comfort and whatnot. I don't say, yes, I agree with you. I may physically cuddle her. I may say the words, thank you for sharing that with me. That doesn't mean I agree with you. Your words are so powerful. Men, you've got to be careful with them. So when she says something that I don't agree with, that I know has a ripple effect to myself, my children and others, then I will address it. If it's something inside of herself that I know she's looking to vent or dump. Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate you sharing that. You don't have to hold on to everything. Most acts out of fear, chronic fear, worry, concern, doubt. I find it very hard to respect and I don't believe I can. To be fair, people might look at that and be. That's harsh. We all experience. I get that we experience fear, but if you're chronically experiencing and pushing fear on other people, I can't fucking respect that. How can you? Can you really respect that? When we look at fear, what is it? It's fear of the unknown. It's painting a picture of something that doesn't even exist. So if it's unknown, how can you respect it? That doesn't make sense. So, gentlemen, the first point. You want to have respect, trust and be the prize. It must be known that doesn't mean verbal diarrhea or vomiting your emotions all over. It's finding that balance, being the chief man, the Viking and the Panda. Be the chief in the middle. Pull the trigger when you need to on certain points. Other points, you got big fucking shoulders. You're a big boy. Carry the load and be the leader you can be. But this is a very sensitive topic because too many men carry it and their backs are fucking broken and no one's giving them a lift. That's why I love HPF and the tribe. And then too often, men don't even have a fucking spine because they haven't carried shit and they just keep dumping things on everyone else. Build the fucking spine. But build your muscles like you're getting someone to spot you on your last three reps of bench pressing. Get those in that fucking help. If it isn't known, it can't be respected. The second point, respect. The only way it can be respected is if what's being known provides opportunity. So when I'm sharing something as a man, as a woman, there is Opportunity. Even if I don't agree with Karen, even if she doesn't want me to fix it, there's opportunity to what? Connect? There's opportunity to acknowledge. There's opportunity to have an energetic exchange where I can take in some of her load and then I can deflect or absorb some of it. And there's that empathetic side of me that allows her the space and the time to express some of the poison out of herself. If it isn't known, it can't be respected. But it can only be respected if what is being known and brought to the surface provides opportunity. Remember, this is like a pipeline. Or think of this as a big funnel. You've got this big, wide funnel. All right, all these things that need to be known, what are the most important things? Let's start to bring them down. What is it that needs to be known? Let's bring that down a little bit. Next layer. Can it be respected? Is there respect in there? Well, that depends. When we go through the entire pipeline, you've got known, then you've got respect, then you've got value, then you've got trust, then you've got investment. That's the pipeline. That sounds like it could be a business pipeline, doesn't it? I guess for a lot of you guys who've joined, you've listened to enough podcasts, right? You've probably walked. Think about this. Those guys have joined. Actually. You've probably walked this path. I guess, to a degree. You've known or created some level of knowledge around hpf. You've seen some level of connection or opportunity. That's why you're like, I respect that. There's a level of energy in there that I respect because there's an opportunity for us to crack this open a little bit. It's almost like you start dipping your toe in the water, and then when you start to immerse yourself in more, you're like, fuck, there's actually real value here. Like, I can see value. Like, there are people in the world that I respect, but I don't necessarily hold a high level of value towards them. So there could be certain sports stars or celebrities or athletes where I'm like, you know what? Probably not celebrities, but there's certain sports stars and other people that I will look at and go, yeah, I know who you are from what you've been perceived as. As. Well, I don't know them personally. Some. I do. I know some sports stars personally. And I'm like, okay, I know who you are. And you Know what? I really respect what you do. There's a level of energy and there's a level of opportunity for that to be possibly impact other people in your way, in your area. But that's a level of value that I don't completely align with. So I'm going to stick with that. There are people who may respect me but not see the value in investing inside of me. We, what we stand for starts with being known. Then is what is being known something that can carry a level of respect. And remember when I'm talking about trust here, needs to be known, needs to be respected, needs to be valued. It needs to be honest. There needs to be truth. You can't respect lies. You will always get caught out. So when this known, if it has to go from being known to being respected, I want you to think inside of yourself. Your relationships, your marriage, your relationship with your children, with yourself, your work, your work ethic, your ethos to life itself. Is there truth through what it is that I'm sharing and expressing this knowledge that I'm imparting, where I'm at physically, mentally, emotionally, what I'm sharing, what I'm connecting the dots, the threads that I'm building with other people. Is it a line that needs to be cut because it's a fucking lie or is it the truth? And that thread becomes a rope and it becomes a strong rope with marine grade that you can't even wrap your hands around. You need to build a level of respect with what it is that needs to be known. You can't do that with lies. So when it's known, we need to seek opportunity and alignment. Will it be respected and then valued? That's what opportunity and then alignment is. Is it valued? Are you on the same page? Do they see the value? This is why you need to. You owe it to yourself to sell yourself on yourself. You are the prize. Is there value? How? This is where the skill sets in many of my other episodes come into play. Communication is a skill set. And connecting the dots from A to B, painting that vision, that picture of you and your family, selling them on why they're gonna win and why you need to do it. And fucking doing it and setting a deadline, otherwise you become a liar like everyone else. Gentlemen, it needs to be known the way it needs to be known. So it's not always what it's the how you do it the way it needs to be known. And what it is that needs to be known must carry with it a level of waiting that becomes valuable. But it can't be valuable if it isn't respected. It's got to be truthful, it's got to be honest. There has to be an opportunity. And then when it starts to get valued, you can start painting the picture. Where is the value here? Perfect example. I'm just going to make something up off the cuff. Let's imagine that my relationship is one where I don't talk to my wife. We're not really communicating or sharing anything. It will be something like this. Corinne, we need to sit down and have a chat. Look, I know life's gotten in the way, it's been very, very busy. But unfortunately I just feel like there's a bit of a disconnect between us at the moment. And this may not be the truth, this might not be facts, but the way that I'm currently feeling and what the last five months has shown is that we haven't really spent any time together. We're not really on the same page when it comes to planning for the children. We haven't planned any holidays or any getaways. And essentially I feel like there's a bit of a disconnect, which means when I'm carrying these feelings, I just don't know where I sit when it comes to being your husband. Like where do I stand in our marriage? And I feel like I'm often forgotten when it comes to the children. And all I'm doing is I'm working, I'm FIFO or whatever I'm doing. I'm traveling interstate, I'm just going to work and I'm doing 12 hour days for the family. I'm just grinding myself and I just feel like there's just. I'm coming home and I'm working so hard for something that I don't even get. I don't know, you might feel the same, but I guess what I'd love to do do is just get an understanding on where we stand. Because I can't fucking stand for this anymore. And something needs to change. This is important for me. I love you and you're my wife and I fucking need to have my wife by my side. And I need to know that we're on the same page. And I'm not getting that at the moment. That doesn't mean we need to talk every five minutes either. But essentially I want to try and navigate something together so that we can look at moving our life forward. This is important for me. You're important for me. So what I'm doing right now, men, is I'm actually Painting a picture of things being known. And when I'm painting a picture of her knowing where I stand and where I currently am, facts and feelings inside of my life, she has the choice for where I'm going to be taking her and whether she respects and values it. You can't just sit on a statement. You can't just sit on a question. You need to provide a pathway and a solution more often than not. Not all the time, but more often than not. But you also need to sit in the discomfort. So let's open up and have this conversation, Corinne, because maybe you're feeling the same. I want to know where you stand with all of this. What's going on in your world? Why don't we have intimacy anymore? What is going on with that? Is this something I'm doing or have done? Because then what you're doing, gentlemen, is guess what? You are seeking to know so you can respect their position. Then together you can bring value and alignment. This is what I want to do. I want us to start building some time together. There's something. I saw this guy called Al, and he has this thing called Honey and Handsome Time. And I know it sounds a little bit funny and corny, but sounds better than date night or just linking up and, you know, scheduling fucking sex in the calendar. So what I want to do is I'd love to just try this for a month for the month of October or in August, for the month of September, I want to do eight Honey and Handsome Times. I'd love to plan. If you're busy, I'd love to plan six. And maybe you can plan two. And some I'll tell you about some alone. But I want to do this because I really want to build this connection again and build a strong connection with you and me. Because life and chaos and everything going the way it is. Next, you know, it'll be 2025, we won't even fucking know each other. And we won't have any purpose together because the kids will start to get older and move out of home by 2030, 2035. And then we'll be like everyone else who just gets fucking divorced. What I've done, fellas, I've gone through the chain of known respect. Where's the value? You can see what I'm painting. I'm painting this picture. Where's the trust? The trust is the commitment of following through on it. The trust is painting the picture of why she's going to win, why this is important for her, how we can. How. How we can Create a truth together. The trust is ticking. The box on all of those. I'm being transparent, open, and some degree vulnerable. This is where I fucking stand with my life right now. Where do you stand right now? Let's paint some respect in here. This isn't fear or anything else, or chronically pushing things onto your burdens or pointing or judgment, blame, shame, guilt, none of that. Let's find a level of respect on where we both stand, facts and feelings. And let's create some value of what we want moving forward. And then let's build that trust by committing to that and moving forward. I hope this serves you well, men, so far in really understanding the pipeline that you can go along, or the funnel, so to speak, of building respect, trust, and being the prize. Because guess what? Well, let me ask you a question. If you did this, do you think you'd be the prize more? You'd be respected and valued more? Do you think it would be better or worse? Now, remember that story about the boy at the playground? Cut away the bullshit and the little voice inside the stories that's afraid of conflict. My wife and I don't have conflict that often, but it still exists. And it's important because when it exists, guess what, it exists on a place of getting the knowledge out there, getting known, having respect as a foundation, and building value and alignment in what it is. It's not just fighting for the sake of it. I wouldn't even call it fight. We don't fight anymore. But when we have healthy conflict, it's productive, it has a point, it has a purpose. So it's really important to recognize that it really is men. We must get it out there what is important for us and for our families. You need to be that visionary, be that leader from there, okay? How do we make sure what it is that we're getting known carries with it a weighting of respect? It's not just fluff, it carries some weight. What is the opportunity of the waiting that it carries to get on the same page? What is the opportunity and the point of alignment? How can you align? What does that look like, value? How can I align with my members? How can I align with my colleagues, my employees? How can I create value? I'm not here to manipulate. None of that, trust me on this, none of that shit ever works. It doesn't work. It's about leadership, influence, and ultimately inspiring and empowering others. I can only work a certain amount of time. I'm one person. How can I get the most out of my employees? By helping Them get the most out of themselves and out of me. It's that simple. I'm that transparent. I would look at my employees straight in the eye and go, how can I get the fucking most out of you? So we can provide an incredible message and value to our tribesmen in our delivery and what we do every single day. How can I get that out of you? What do I need to do to serve you? What do I need to do to help you? What do I need to do to provide a platform with and for you? Very transparent. I'm not trying to sugate things, Adam Zachary, on fucking the most. I want to squeeze every fucking drop out of you, but I want to do it for 10, 15, 20 years. So how do I do that without cracking the whip, obviously. How do I do that? By serving you to give you what you need. That's why I move location. We've got a fucking amazing gym upstairs. The guys are coming around in a few hours. We'll be getting some training under the belt for our local employees anyway. It's incredible. Got a pool that's about 12 degrees, so they'll be doing some cold pool plunging, but it'll warm up eventually. But fantastic. This is the environment. This is what we want. This is what we need for all of us. These are the steps that I take personally, financially, personally, responsibility, risk, to get the reward for other men through other men. No different. No different with your children, no different with your wife, and absolutely no different with yourself, which is especially where it should start. Get it known is what's being known, carrying with it a level of respect. It's true. And from this truth comes opportunity. Does it then lead into realigning and providing value? This is how we can move forward. This is why we need to move forward. This is what we can do. To move forward, you must provide value. You want to be the prize, Then be the prize. Provide value. Lead your wife, lead your children where they need to be led. And then guess what, you can be led as well. My wife leads me in certain areas. So do my children. So do you guys, men I've never even met before. Well, contact. Contact us. Contact me through these podcasts, other points of contact, content and information members. They lead me where we need to go. The Sunday charge up. I do the coaching piece I do with the guys every single week. That's built off the back of them. That's not something I plan five months in advance. That doesn't make any sense. That's something that's planned through the month and Then off the back of the week and off the back of the weekly results. That's the flow. Where are we going this month? What happened this week? What happened this week with the results? Where are we? We call them weekly temples. When you start to provide a level of value, then guess what? You are selling people. You are selling them on why this is going to be a win for them. And you need to do. If you're a leader, you need to fucking do this. Don't, don't look at the word. Pick whatever word you want. It doesn't have to be selling whatever word you want. Like, people might have a negative connotation with like a negative connection to the word selling whatever. But you are a leader. And the reason why this is important. The reason why if you are a leader with strength, stability inside yourself, you've leveled yourself up. You are strong. You carry a level of strength and a framework inside you that is steeled and hearty and can paint that picture. And you are the visionary. You have to do this, man, because guess what? Those who may not be as strong as you at the time or leading the way that you lead at the time, they're going to get fucked up. Just like Pinocchio on the island, turning into donkeys. All the things in the world, the temptations, the distractions, the interruptions, the sedation, the drugs, the alcohol, the television technology, all the escapes, all the coping mechanisms. If they're not as strong as you, they're going to get pulled into that vortex of bullshit, the metaverse and all this shit with fucking Zuckerberg. Like, they will get sucked in to the illusion. They'll get sucked into the dream that becomes the nightmare. That's why you need to sell them. If I don't influence my wife or my children the right way, they'll just fucking settle. Most people do. They'll just say, we wouldn't even be here. This phenomenal place, it's fucking incredible where we are. If I didn't sell my wife on her getting out of her own bullshit, rising up and leveling up herself, we wouldn't change. This is why it's so important. I can only go as far as my wife allows me to go, or I leave her. I mean, that's not ideal, right? Same with my children. This is what legacy is, gentlemen. Don't have your fucking kids. Starting from ground zero, every single generation. That is just ridiculous. Like, what a fucking joke. I feel for my old man. Fresh off the boat, came over as a wog Italian. He just wanted to survive. I get that he may not have had the tools. I'm not here to judge him. But essentially, with four boys, four of us together, we should be fucking dominating the world right now. But we're not all living our own little lives, gentlemen. This is why providing value and then trust is so important. You're painting the picture to pull them away from the illusion, the dream that becomes the nightmare. This is why I say it's important to sell them. If you are strong, if you're not, fucking build yourself up first. Don't pipe up and start chirping to those around you, thinking you've got leverage or runs on the board or emotional points in your bank account with your family to pull rank. You have shit, you have nothing. That's why you must build yourself first. That's why even at times when Corinne may not see or may not agree with where I currently am, when she sees the pathway, she respects it. She values it. She trusts it. Why? Because I fucking done it. And it's been done. She didn't, six years ago, didn't trust anything. So it takes time, but it can also turn around quite quickly. Very quickly. It's not just a set and forget. So when you're working through your marriages and your hardships and breakdowns and all the other bits and pieces that come to life not being as fulfilling as it can be, it takes time. Be patient. You will get rejected. She may not trust you. You might have told lies. There might not be a consistent level of truth to outweigh the level of lies that has been the past. And lying is twofold. Telling lies straight or not bringing up the truth that needs to be told. Two types of lying. This is why it's so important to sell your family. When you are strong and you've developed and built yourself, you owe it to your family. Family first. Put them first by leading them where they need to be led. Pull them away from the illusion and the distraction and the bullshit. Saw my kids this morning watching a little bit of telly. They look like fucking zombies. I'm like, where are they? They've just fucking checked out. Scary shit, man. You might think that's extreme, but I put it to you, if your children watch two hours, my children don't. But if your children watch even two hours a day, let alone three, four, five hours a day, two hours a day. If your children watch 700 hours a year, if your children watched 7,000 hours of television between the age of three and 13, 7,000 hours, do you think that's going to make them better or worse? Depends, Al. Maybe if it's educational stuff. Fucking bullshit. Better or worse? We know the answer. What if they put that 7,000 hours into something else? Fuck, man. What if they put half of that into something else? Let me ask you that question. You might be 35, you might be 45. 45 to 55. What would you do to raise your income capacity or earning potential or your business or your relationships with your wife, relationship with your children or your own experience inside of yourself if you ate them? Half of that 45 to 55. 3,500 hours. Where could you put that time? They say 10,000 hours to master something like a golf swing or a basketball shot. Shit, man. 7,000 hours. And only two hours of day. Just so I can unwind out. Just so I can unwind and relax and just. I just don't want to have to think. I don't need TV for that. Why do you? This is the crazy part, gentlemen, as we wrap this up, we buy into the bullshit and the illusion that we justify as reality. But it's not real. It's pulling you away from where you can go. If you don't do that first. Why would anyone trust you? Why would your wife trust you? Why would your children trust you? It's crazy, man. I'm not here to personally judge you, vilify or point things out that are affecting you in who you are. It's just your actions. You got to be so cautious of that. You can't master life if you don't build the foundations. If you don't build the simple things. What needs to be known is what I'm sharing. Carrying a level of respect because it carries opportunity and potential. Alignment. Fantastic. How does that align? What does that look like? A to B for them, A to B for me. A to B for me for we deadline. This is when you're making commitments. You're making multiple commitments on just one thing. And then trusting that if there's no trust show to start with. No trust show again. No trust show again. No trust show again. Little bit show again. A little bit more show again. Just keep showing them. It will change. It will turn around. Moved from where we were to where we are in three weeks. Why not? Because I just said, hey, this house is nicer than our old house, Krin. Let's do it. Because I fucking banked years of trust from many years before that, of zero trust. I banked that to go, hey, this is what we should look at. This is why don't have to take it Right now, but try it and you tell me in a month's time whether you want to go back or not. How do you think it's turned out so far? Which is the final point? Invest, fellas. When you build along this pipeline or you channel down this funnel into the final piece, the piece at the end, the end outcome is investment. That's why you're the prize. You know why? Because you're worthy of being invested in. You're respected, you carry value, you're trusted. It is known, like, I'm all for surprises and curiosity and all that sort of shit with my wife, but essentially, or with. With my business, with you guys creating new things, different podcasts, upgrading our program, which is exciting, all that sort of stuff. More for these things where I'm just rolling out, here's something new, here's something. But essentially, all people really want in this world is a level of predictability. But good predictability, like, we want to see predictability and growth. Not in. This is always the same. In this is where they're going. So that predictability, guess what it is, I talk about it all the time. It's a form of stability. My wife can look at me and go, you know what? Al's pretty full on sometimes. He's pretty hard, he's pretty direct, he's pretty serious. But he's also all of these things, too. So I know within some degree, whilst I might not align because Corinne doesn't have to be me, I'm not looking for a female version of Alex. But whilst I might not be aligned with some of the ways that he may operate in certain areas, I certainly love, trust and understand him as a human being and his level of predictability, very transparent. My wife knows exactly what she's fucking getting with me. But within that frame, there comes mystery, spontaneity, and all those other things that make moments exciting. But if all you're using is emotional attachments to drive your actions, you'll fuck, man. You will get fucked up. You use emotional hooks, but then you use logical pathways to get there. Always. The emotional attachments that drive actions alone without a logical pathway then forges this illusion of logic which unfortunately burns you. All of the worst decisions you've made in your life have been led by emotion alone and an outweighing level of emotion. This is why you become valuable to invest in. You have a level of stability and predictability. People know what they're going to get, or they know what they can get if they invest in you. That's how you be the prize. That doesn't mean I'm more of a prize than my wife. That doesn't mean I'm more of a prize to you. Just like I've said before, you are your most important person. And I say this with respect, gentlemen, but guess what? I'm the most important person to myself in my life. I have to be. Because if I'm dead, what do my family get? Nothing. So whilst externally and outside of myself, obviously my family is the number one thing in my life. But the way that I can make them number one is by being number one inside of myself. That doesn't mean I'm more important than you. I'm the most important person in my life. Just like you're the most important person in your life when you are the prize, true prize, not an illusion, not a magic trick. When you are the true prize. Gentlemen, you have carried with you a level of stability through being known in what needs to be known and addressed. Building opportunity and respect through that which creates alignment in the value of why this is the path A to B for me, A to B for we. And when you provide that value consistently, whether they're partially on board, 30%, 80%, 90%, 100%, you can build up to that. But either way, when you follow through and do what you said you would do, what do you become? You become a worthy investment. Just like old mate Buffett with the fucking stocks or whatever it is that he does now just to keep incrementally building on his billions. It's like, okay, I know what I'm gonna get. I know what I'm gonna get with you. Just like you guys, I drop a fair few fucking F bombs. Yes, that is true. You guys know what you're gonna get. Some of these episodes would be phenomenal for your wives. If you're gonna show them, please let them know. Disclaimer. Hey. Al drops a few swears he's done several episodes where he. He hasn't sworn at all. So it's not a twitch or a habit. I can flick a switch, change gears, but it's the energy behind it. But you know what you're going to get with these episodes? You're going to get some hard truth. You're going to get some things that will metaphorically punch you in the face. Guess what? I cop it too. I cop the punches in the face as well. We all do. We all need it. You'll have several things from every single episode with Al. And you have some gold nuggets, key points, things to take away and you start applying action men. Hope this episode serves you well. It's been a minute, but it's good to be back. Get known what needs to be known, make sure what needs to be known carries with it a level of opportunity that is respected. From that baseline of respect. There's a little bit of skin in the game from both of you. Okay, you got my attention. You've got my attention. Got a little bit of time and energy from me. Okay, cool. Where's the value? Where are we going now? For me and for we. What does that look like? Make that declaration, make that truth to build trust. And when you consistently do this, consistency is the game. Consistency and courage would be the two things when they go hand in hand, very hard to lose. Like, I'm talking about true, true consistency and courage. Because all the tactics and strategies, that's actually courage. Not I'm just doing the same thing. And I'm courageous. I'm doing the same thing. That's just going to destroy you. You have the courage to innovate. You have the courage to change, to adapt, to adjust, to consistently change. We've changed this program about 100 times. That's an average of one to two times a month. That's crazy, man. Or two times a month. That's crazy. That's courage. When you showcase that and that trust, you're worth the investment. You're worth the investment for yourself. But why would people invest in you, though? Just to wrap this up and this is not a call to arms. Hey, come and fucking join HPF and give me money. But it's. There's a level of truth here. Doesn't have to be us. It doesn't have to be money. You invest time, energy right now in this podcast. Well done. I applaud you. Hat goes off to you, respect for you to actually spend time on this. How can you expect anyone to invest in you if you're not investing in yourself? Like I said, as a skill set, life is a series of skill sets. When my wife saw me, which is shit, be like over half a million dollars now, investing in coaches and mentors. When she saw this stuff start to accumulate, she's like, ah, she. And we spoke about this the other night, always when we said, I paid 50 grand instead of paying my rent to my gym, I paid that to my coach and mentor, one of my best friends now who I still work with, Lynn Trin. Fuck, he's such a legend. Got the funniest name, too. When strong, though, little Vietnamese fucker can bench press like 180 back, squat like 220F. He's just a beast. So he sort of got me there in some of the areas of strength and training too, which kills me sometimes, but he can't do handstand walks like me. But essentially, when she saw that, she was blown away. She's like, oh, I just. And that was at the stage where I was trying to still build trust with her. I was trying to break out of the pit as a family back in 2018. So we look back now and she's like, wow, I was just so blown away that she went and made that decision and it wasn't unethical. I paid all my rent, I got all that up to speed and I made all of that squared away and all evened out in the end. But she's like, I couldn't believe when you did that. I was just like, oh, it's a lot of money. I don't know how you're going to do, but blah, blah, blah. But when she saw me invest in myself, that's fucking respect, man. And this is the hard part. When I talk about being known, addressing what needs to be addressed. This whole episode, you might have thought that I was talking about words. Maybe your actions need to show this first. Maybe let it be known that you're a consistent man that lives a level of truth and following through with courage and action that delivers results. Maybe that's what builds respect first. Maybe being known is sharing the actions. You did not, hey, Corinne, look how well I did today. But letting your actions speak louder than words, example is the greatest form of communication. Maybe that's where you need to start. Or maybe it's the flip side. You need to start with words and having this declaration and having this catch up where you're talking things through with those involved, AKA yourself first. When she saw that, she couldn't believe it. But now she looks at that and it's like, well, of course I will invest in my husband. He invests in me. He invested in our family. He invested in our future. Why? And how? Because he fucking invested in himself first. And that's such a powerful thing, men. And it's not bound by money alone, but it is a collective of three things. You really want to take yourself, your life, your family to the next level. You need all three. You can't just have time, you can't just have energy, you can't just have money. Okay, I'm just going to pay money and do fucking nothing. Where does that get you? Gets you nowhere. And Please, if you're going to be like that, don't fucking apply. Like, if you're not willing to do the hard work, I don't want you reaching out and applying. We don't want crabs in the bucket pulling the other crabs down that are trying to get out. This is a leadership group. This is a high capacity, a high level. This is a high performing tribe. But you need all three. You really want it all in your life. You, when I say all, you really want to dominate family, self and service, build prosperity in those areas and your true legacy. You need money, time and energy. You need all three. When you give that to yourself and you invest in yourself first, guess what you can be invested in and you can know how to invest in others as well. Just like my wife writing a children's book. I paid all the fucking money for that. Here you go. You are worth investing in. Why? Because you showed me this children's book. You mapped it out. You did it all. Yes. Let's do this. It's about to be published. I'm very excited for it. Gentlemen, take care. Have an amazing day, night, weekday, weekend. I hope this serves you well. Like all of the episodes, this one is a beautiful pathway for you to look at and go, you know what? I actually can get respect. I can get trust. I can be valued, I can be invested in. I can be the prize of my life. I just need to stop looking in a skewed direction, left or right of what the answer may or may not be, or not looking for an answer at all, and start addressing the fundamentals or this pipeline or this funnel to go. This is the order that it needs to happen. And when I do this, I know myself that I'll be a winner. And when I'm a winner, guess what? Winners are very attractive. People want to be around winners. Everyone wants to be around winners because everyone wants to be a winner. So when you win, your family will win as well. Take care, men, and I'll see you soon. Cheers. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you you listen to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about. Thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.