213. How To Start Going ALL IN

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Welcome to an episode as promised, piggybacking off what going all in means this episode is about starting how to start going all in. If you didn't listen to the episode before, I strongly suggest you do that first and then follow up with this one almost straight away after you've had possibly a day or so to reflect on what that episode was about and what going all in actually means. Like I'm. I'm all in out. Going all in means having the courage and the balls to go, you know what, I actually don't really know if the outcome will happen. Don't really know what it may look like with the journey or pathway to get there. But I know where I am now and I know what I want and I know that I have to be the one. I know that I have to be the one to make it work and I have to be the one to bridge the gap. This is such an important lesson, man, and it's really tough. It's not that I'm those who've listened to me long enough, you know, that I am a man who's incredibly optimistic, positive by nature and optimistic through a relentless amount of actions that I've taken in my life in the face of adversity and you've all had adversity. It's not that I'm special when it comes to that or I'll ever cry, poor me. At the end of the day, you are alone and I'm not here just to paint a picture of it being a bad thing or being a thing of sadness. You know, people say you come into the world alone. And you leave the world alone. I mean, it's technically true, but it's technically not. I mean, someone or something has to give birth to you, right? Not that I'm calling you a mother or something, but you know what I mean. You have to be. You have to be born into this world. That's just. We even did IVF for our children. There is a creation that takes place. But what I mean by being alone, it's on you, man. This is the hardest part. With life. You are alone. You are alone. At the end of the day, though, what you can do when you are alone is, like I say, go upstream. Prevention is better than cure. When you are alone, the greatest way you can mitigate your risk, mitigate the bullshit, the little voice, insights and patterns, things you might have gotten from a previous lover, your mother, your father, your siblings. Something that's just hardwired into you is to make sure that you give yourself the greatest opportunities and a reasonable amount of time to not be alone. That's why I love what we do with high performance. Father. I'm not in these men's kitchens cooking them food and sitting at the dinner table talking and connecting with him and his family. For him, that's on him. But what we do have with these men is they invest and immerse themselves in an environment that gives them the perspective, the tools, the opportunity, the possibility, the ideas, the inspiration, the state of mind necessary to model or emulate what has been done by other men inside the group to. Then when they do go off and they are left to their own devices, they have this connection. It's like a thread. They have this thread that binds them or ties them or connects them to us. And that's not just HPF exclusive. That's any tribe or environment that you immerse yourself in. So when we're looking at trying to create the greatest possible outcomes in our life, the old saying, yeah, if it is to be, it's up to me. It's so true. That doesn't mean you should do everything on your own, but it's so true. You are going to be alone. You can't be with someone 247 all the time. And you can't depend or be attached or have some sort of dependence on someone or something all the time. Just like you can't be independent all the time because that doesn't exist either. So we're going to talk about how to start going all in. How can I start out? Okay, I've listened to episode 212. And what going all in means and resonates with me, and so on and so forth. How do I start, though? Because when we go through this stuff, gentlemen, I'm not here just to change the way or open the way that you can think. You have to think. Thinking is vital to life. It's to go, all right, well, this is an awareness and understanding. I agree with 50%, 75%, 93% of what you're saying. There's some good gold nuggets in here, something I can take, apply to my life, so on and so forth. Yes, you're alone. Take it and apply to your life. Take it and apply it to your life and who you need to be for yourself. And you own that, because this is your life. This is your world. You need to choose what defines you and what defines that. Everyone's life, whilst there's similar patterns, is different. It's your life, your standards, your way of thinking, your way of feeling, your way of believing. It's totally up to you. No right or wrong doesn't matter whether it's bound by sex, religion, political agendas, any other fucking thing that someone could choose one side or the other, or there's multiple sites, or there's 30 different options. It's your choice. Just own it, live it, breathe. It's like me not drinking alcohol anymore. I posted about that and it went viral on TikTok. And all the comments there are, jeez, this guy will be fun at a party. And, jeez, imagine what this guy's like at home. And so on and so forth. And just about me being just a dull, boring man, which those who know me, the opposite is true. In fact, I've got even more life in me because I don't sedate myself with drugs and addictions and bullshit that just washes over people's lives and they don't even realize till it's too late. But at the end of the day, that's on them. They can do that. I've got no issue with it and I'll do what I'm doing. That's my choice. Because I've seen alcohol destroy people. I've seen, how, put it this way, like, at the end of the day, if you want to have an opinion, that's fine. My opinions that I tie in to my life, I try to tie them very, very closely to the facts, because the facts don't lie, people do. So don't ever forget that. Facts don't lie, people do. So whether you call this an opinion or not, my observation of the facts are simply this. Alcohol has fucking destroyed way more people, men, women, children's upbringing. Alcohol has destroyed way more fucking lives that is ever enriched or enhanced. I would challenge any fucking person in the world to argue with me on that point. So knowing that you're alone, gentlemen, is not a sad thing, it's not a bad thing. It's helping you understand that whilst you're listening to this episode, whilst you're going to gain some tools, some wisdom, some insights. Not from me, from the collective of the people that I've. I represent in the tribe and I've connected with and worked with in the tribe over the years. You need to apply this. You need to be the one. We're going to go through a couple of principles that I want to just bring back up to the surface. Gone through them in bits and pieces before. The circles of significance and the pink elephant rule. This is going to be important. But as I mentioned in episode 212, what going all in means, there are three main areas that you need to start focusing or harnessing your actions towards, which is energy, time management and relationships. There is a bit of a fourth. So I guess there's four key things where a man might feel like he's let himself or his family down, and that fourth one is professional skill development. So look, that does tie into earning capacity, income, things like money on the planet we live on, which are important. But essentially this episode is not going to focus about that per se. It's going to focus on the core things that tie into where most men lie. Because even though you may be in pursuit of raising your earning potential and your income, at the end of the day, if your energy is poor, if your time management's poor, if your relationships aren't in order, your life's filled with care chaos, man. There's no way you can maximize your skill development. That's just a given. So, yes, it's important, but that will only ever reach as high or hit a glass ceiling, bound by or based on the other three points, the other three elements that men need to work on, how to start going all in. So we're going to dive into, like I said, a couple of principles and help you really understand, firstly off the back of last episode, what going all in means. And secondly, okay, I do want to go all in out, but I'm fucking lost, man. Like, I don't know, I don't know where to, where to aim and where to point and just, just pull the trigger and fire away and start taking action. And I Get that man. Like, your time and energy is incredibly valuable. You'll never get it back. You'll never get it. Today's the 15th of September, 2022. This day will never come ever again. That's crazy. So what we need to do is step this out. We spoke about what going all in means. It's a level of courage and to some degree, the unknown. But making the unknown known by going, this is where I am, this is where I want to get to, and I will find a way to bridge the gap. That's what going all in means. So going all in is actually a mentality. It's not a tactic, it's a mentality. It's essentially in some degree, a habit. So habits of belief system and identity, part of who you are. But it's a habit that can be. It can be applied voluntarily, so to speak. You may have it sometimes, other times you might not. And that's a part of life, too. Life can be tiring. This is the hard part with being alone. Now, when I say you're alone in this world doesn't mean you should go alone, like I said, or be the lone wolf or chronically just push people away and stick to yourself, left to your own devices. Because generally, more often than not, even if you have a reasonably successful life, it is still limited by the scope of the way that you think and your perspectives inside of your singular head. Instead of an environment of hundreds or possibly thousands of different case study stories, other men who've been success stories, successful like yourself, but had a high level of success because they're continuously building their perspective, their brain, their mind and their options and their opportunities. That's the hard part. You'll always hit a glass ceiling if you go on alone completely. But it's a mentality. Going all in is just a mentality. And you will be alone. You will be left to your own devices. So how do we keep that mentality topped up? Yes, you need an environment for sure. But then, all right, well, I've got this out. I am all in, like I really am this time. I really am this time. Because I tell you what, man, I've heard that fucking term so often, and it doesn't quite marry up with the actions from the man who says he's all in. But if this time's the time, fantastic. Welcome to the club. Where do I apply this now? Where do I apply this mentality of being a man that is all in? He is all in on life, he is all in on himself, he is all in on his family, he is all in on his business or his place of work, the circle of service, the value he adds and provides to the world. We've got to step this out first. It's a mentality, okay, so we're creating a state. This is my mindset. This is where I'm at. A mentality and alignment. So mentality and alignment is important. That's the first step, gentlemen. My mentality is I need to make this work. I must make this work. There is no alternative, which means a lot of the times it comes from pain, which is hard. How do we almost superficially create pain or I guess pressure for ourselves to perform? That's why I love training. It's a fantastic environment because it's a controlled environment that puts stress, puts you under stress, tension and how your mind thinks. Heart rate's too high. Slow it down. This is hurting. I'm going to stop. 11 reps will do instead of 15. It's really good. It's really powerful. Very powerful. Sees what sort of mentality you have. And I remember that when I was young doing elite sport, man, I would superset things. I'd be doing bench press and pull ups and all that sort of stuff. And then right at the end of the session when I'm completely fucking cooked, I would be hitting max push ups. Push ups on toes. Can't do it anymore. Go to your knees. Can't do it anymore. Go and hold like a Spiderman pose. Hold at the bottom, two inches off the ground. Here's a man, 112 kilos, one of the fitter or fittest bodies in the gym. I couldn't imagine people walking in, they'd be like, look at this fucking big dude, he's failing push ups on his knees. It'd be so funny actually to see and just completely blown out to the point where I would collapse. Never hurt my face, but I would collapse. Like, that may not always be the right approach, but there are times, gentlemen, where you need to go all in. And I would go all in with training at least once or twice a week, not every day. You've got to be smart. You've got to be smart in how you apply yourself. But the mentality of going all in over the week, see, this is where you start zooming out. This is why alignment's important. With that mentality, zooming out over the week is I want to have five successful training sessions. If I did something like that with the push ups with deadlifts and my back's just fucking cooked in a Good way, but it's cooked. And I'm sitting in a car, traveling and driving, and then I do that the next day with squats for my legs, the next day with my smash. Doesn't matter how old you are, you can't bounce back from that. So there's a delicate balance between going all in and what part of going all in means, which is the awareness and intelligence to give yourself the recovery or the rejuvenation in certain areas, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Give yourself the recovery and the rejuvenation inside of your relationship. Give it some time, give it some space. Same with business, same with service. That's what we talk about, the ebbs and flows, the ups and downs, the vertical loops of the roller coaster. So mentality and alignment is important. Where am I now? Where do I want to go? Why? And what do I need? What is the attitude? What is the tenacity, the ferocity that I need? I need to be fucking ferocious, tenacious and going, this is what I need. And life will not stop me from getting it. No one will stop me from getting it. But then we need to look at, okay, this is where I'm at. This is where I want to go. Well, let's address this first with where you want to go in each area of your life. So we go to the circles of significance, and we've upgraded this. You've got family, self and service. Think of this like I'm looking at the picture now, but think of this like the three circles, and they all overlap. So in the middle, there's almost like a round triangle, and that's you in the middle. You want to hit all three. Might not always hit all three, but you want to come back to that centerpiece as much as possible. But then there's two sections per circle. The circle of self is capacity and skills, like anything that you do in family and service, which is why we talk about being 100. To give 100 comes down to your capacity, how high you can perform and how long you can perform for, physically, mentally, and emotionally. And your skills. What are you doing with that energy? What are you doing with that performance? How sharp are you with that performance that you're displaying? Expressing to your family, to yourself and to your place of work. That's really important. There's efficiency and effectiveness, doing things right, doing the right thing. You need both. They're the two sections that peel off like a bigger sort of wedge. Not a full circle, but a bigger wedge of two pieces that attach to the circle of self, circle of family, is your children and your partner. Partner, wife. Two elements. Your children and your partner. Services, business and community. Whether you're an employee or you're a business owner, everyone's in the. In the. In the industry of business, you're always dealing in business. Negotiating, talking, developing relationships, exchange of money, buying things, selling things. Everyone's in business. So business and community, paid and unpaid. They're the two sections when it comes to the circle of service. But outside of that is a nice big rim all the way around, like a border around what is now three circles bound by six wedges, which makes a really big circle with now a really, really big circle around that. Nine core elements from which without this, you can't perform, you cannot be successful. And those nine core elements are time. And that is how you're investing your time and using and leveraging time in these certain areas. Leadership. That's a lag measure. That's after the fact. So leadership is almost a point of review and reflection on your performance that ties into power. Power is learn, do reflect. So you're reflecting, you're learning, and then doing and then reflecting on those actions and then tying those actions into a bigger piece of. Am I showcasing a level of leadership in family, self and service, which then takes us to focus. Okay, well, what are you focusing on? Whatever you focus on creates the building blocks of time like we spoke about, and where you're exerting level of power, what you're learning, what you're doing, which then takes you to accountability. Okay, well, if you've got no one to answer to, how do you know that you're performing at the highest level with what you're focusing on and using the elements of time to create a high level of power? To generate leadership, you must be accountable to yourself through being accountable to someone. At the end of the day, gentlemen, you only ever need to. Like I said, you're alone. You only ever need to answer to yourself. But if you're stuck answering to yourself with a fixed mindset that could be distorted at times or distracting you or pulling you away or tempting you to things that are not wholesome and not serving you or your family, well, it will fuck you up. You must be accountable to yourself through being accountable to others, which then takes us into structure. When you have this level of accountability and you're dialing in your focus, your power and time to develop your leadership, the effectiveness of your leadership will only be determined by the order of things. That's your structure, how you have things placed and lined up. Otherwise you will Drift, you will waste time, you will bleed power, and you will lose focus. And the accountability will be something that just falls on deaf ears. When you dial this in, though, this helps you develop a set of habits so that when you fall off the track, you can get back on. Habits are a part of your belief system, a part of your identity, a part of something that is your makeup. Sometimes it may feel autonomous, other times it may feel forced. But at the end of the day, a habit is something that is a part of you. So your acts of continuous courage is a habit. It's not just a tangible thing. It can be something that leads into the actions or the tangible thing or the outcomes, which then takes us into environment. You might think, oh, environment. Accountability is the same thing. No, it's not. There's active accountability and passive accountability. When we're looking at active accountability of someone to answer to, to measure your performance, how you're traveling, what you need help with, it's very valuable, it's very personal. When it comes to environment, you have a level of passive accountability, which we would then re reframe to say you have a level of influence. Inspiration, direction, opportunity, possibilities, motivation, all of them. They're not just words. This is immersion. It's a third pillar of hpf. This is what you are immersing yourself in, in the environment. Is it wholesome and challenging you? Does it have your best interest at heart? Is it nurturing you or not? Which then takes us to the final one of these nine elements. Desire. @ the end of the day, gentlemen, I was just thinking. I know I swear a little bit with our podcasts. I actually don't really swear other than on these podcasts, but at the end of the day, all those other eight, they mean fuck all. If you don't have the desire to improve your life, if you don't have that hunger that desires. That's such an unspoken word, desire. If you don't have that desire, you're wasting your time. And you know that. So reverse that. Reverse engineer. Okay, yeah, I am wasting my time. Okay, well then I need to create more desire so I don't waste my time. Which is what we talk about. The why, the purpose behind what you do, how you spend everything that matters in your life. Your time, your energy, your experiences with yourself and those you love and care about. They're the nine elements which wrap around this to make this true, to make this possible. Time, leadership, focus, accountability, habits, power structure, environment, and desire. So we need alignment and mentality when it comes to going all in how to start going all in. We need to understand the tools that we need to start building and the elements that are going to contribute to that. Otherwise you will fall down. So when we're looking at those elements I just spoke about and those areas to focus on, you can start to zoom in and narrow in. Because when you do your alignment piece and alignment and your mentality of I'm all in, you could be aiming in the wrong direction. You need to be very careful of that. So when you do your alignment piece, you must do it in conjunction with the circles of significance, which means when you have this understanding of what actually makes up your life and then the sections of those points in your life, children, partner, community, business, skill, capacity, and in the elements, you can start to look at it and go, where am I falling short the most? Where am I falling short the most? What do I need the most help with? Where do I have the biggest problem? Solution is always small, it's always the smallest steps. The solution is always a small step, but it solves the biggest problem. So you're not down and out, man. You have time, you have opportunity and you can do this. It is absolutely possible if you believe it is, if you have the desire, if you develop yourself with the right people around you, the right environment, the right structure, habits and everything I just mentioned. But what we do find, let's dive into these three pieces. How to start going all in is once you do a bit of a self audit, you can then review, but you've got to peel the layers back otherwise you could miss the mark. You've got to review where, how to start going all in Starts with where should I go all in first. Very hard man. Like life is chaotic. You're trying to put all the pieces together in one go. Good luck with that. One step at a time. That's what the old boy used to say to me all the time, that it's so true. Just one step at a time. So we're going to dive into these three pieces that we're going to wrap this up with the pink elephant rule so it can tie into when she hits the fan, a bit of a readjustment or course correction, so to speak for yourself to then analyze, review and change what's happened, what's happening and what you want to happen. The three points are or the three sections. The three areas are energy, time management, relationships, how to start going all in, where to start going all in? The first one, energy. Well, when we're talking about energy, we're talking about physical Mental and emotional energy. Are you falling short here? Where? What does that look like? What does your physical energy look like? Is it something that is getting sedated and pulled down with drugs, alcohol, certain addictions, too much caffeine? You're chronically stressed and your adrenal fatigue is well and truly kicked in with a lack of sleep over the years and you're struggling there. Physical. What about your mental energy? So that's your mental approach to life, how you transition from work to home. Do you speed up or slow down? You're on the phone walking through the door or do you sit in the car, put on your dad hat. Literally, like visualize you're putting on your dad hat and you're putting on your husband badge over your heart and you're walking through the door and that's who you are to your family. That the fucking chaotic boss that's walking through on the phone, little wave, little smile, patting the kids on the head, semi brushing them off with your leg and then going into your office or going somewhere else. Don't drag your shit through the door, man. My business is absolutely connected to my personal life. This isn't about separating. They're all connected. It's about choice and choosing when and where to apply your energy mentally and your focus mentally and then your emotional energy. Because you're probably doing things like that. Are you emotionally full? Are you emotionally skilled in yourself, your awareness, your self awareness? A bit of a download for the day, reviewing and reflecting in your emotions and the emotions that then lead into thoughts you're having. You can see how this is all connected, man. Physical will affect the emotional, emotional will affect the mental. Physical will affect the mental. Mental will affect the physical, Mental will affect the emotional. Like they are all connected. You need all three. That's what we call capacity. So you can come to HPF and you can be fit as fuck. I don't care. What's your mental fitness like? What's your emotional fitness like? You triggered easily. You lose your shit, you lose control. These are all muscles, gentlemen. They're all muscles. You train all of them because you can't see it or you can't flex it like you would looking in a mirror. It doesn't mean that it doesn't exist or it's not true. I flex my mental and emotional muscles all the time. When? How? Why? Firstly, why? Because it's what my family needs. When and how? When shit hits the fam. And how? By being cool, calm, collected and in control. That's the four C's man, instead of reacting anytime shit hits the fan in my home, this is exactly what I go to. I'm cool, calm, collected and in control. I'm an old wise man. I think, I literally think this to myself. Old wise man, old wise man. Why? Because an old wise man with long beard, he's smart, slow, you don't need to speed things up. It's already hot and heavy. Things are already rushing at a million miles an hour, right? When shit hits the fan at home or at work, I'm the slow old wise man. Old and wise. Well, chances are he's seen a lot of things in his life, right? Which means there's a different way to view this. Slow, methodical processing, Cool, calm, collected and in control. Old wise man. What's the best outcome for everyone? That's what goes through bank those three all the time. But it's automatic now, obviously, so you can flex those muscles. You're just not used to it. It's just a muscle that's weak at the moment. You just got to strengthen it up and do some reps. How to start going all in energy, time management, relationships. So that could be. You could be like, well, look Al, yeah, my energy's down, man. I need to focus on that the most. Or you could be like, nah, man, it's my relationship. I'm struggling with my marriage and my wife, we don't see eye to eye. You know, she's got certain attributes and a way of being that just pisses me off and vice versa. I obviously do things that drive her up the wall and you know, just. It just doesn't click like it used to and. Or it could be time management. I'm just too busy. I've just got too many things on. Got my fingers in too many pies and I just, I feel stretched too thin and I can see it, you know, I've over committed and so on and I get that. But like I said in the last episode, time management actually has nothing to do with time. It's your ability to control where you place your energy. That's all it is. Time management is your ability to control where you place. Where you focus and place your energy, your efforts, your actions, yourself. That's all it is. Time's bound to everything, man. Everything uses time like it's. It's a turtle and the shell on its back. They are bound together forever. Well, not forever. We'll be dead one day, won't we? But at the end of the day, whatever comes next isn't our problem. We're Here and now to discuss and talk about how we can maximize our life right here and now in the current form identity of who we are. So when we're looking at time management, it's like, yeah, you've over committed, you're committing to things, you've become a yes man. You've probably had a place where you don't have boundaries, where you should, you do have boundaries, where you shouldn't. And like one of our universal principles, the yes, no principle, two sides of the same coin. When you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else. It's not always bad. I'm saying yes to you right now whilst I'm saying no to my family. But children are at school and the wife's at work. Here I am in HPF hq pumping this out because I can. This is why the other elements I talk about structure and whatnot, they're all important. You've got to put the pieces together. Could be the right thing, right intentions, wrong time, wrong position, it'll burn, it'll burn you big. So it could be time management, in which case we've got an amazing plan and time tracker where you literally do an audit. This is what I'm doing here, here, here and here. And the next point along each, literally each hour we make it from 6am till 10:30, but each hour you're literally listing what you're doing. You can do this for yourself and then you can do this whilst you're at work and you could have a couple of copies, so to speak. What are you doing and why does it matter? Is the next point. So here's the time. 6am, what are you doing? What does it matter? 7am, what are you doing and why does it matter? Why is this important? And then there's questions underneath that. So time management is really doing an audit on where you are placing your energy, where you are placing your focus. I need time management now. If I have more time back, then I can repair things with my relationship. If I have more time back, I can train more. Can you guys see this is why. And I know I'm expanding on this a little bit and we're going at a slower pace, but this is why it's important to analyze, to find the biggest problem because then you'll get the greatest outcome with only a small solution, small step forward. So how to start going all in comes down to you making a decision on the inside. Obviously we guide and advise our men, but you know, if you're not a member, you need to make the choice with the information I'm presenting you on where you think you need it the most. If I can get time management better, I can get my relationship back on track. Yeah, but, you know, at the end of the day, time management is important, but it's just you committing to things. Your priorities are wrong. Just fucking say no to this, mate. Spend an extra half an hour with the missus, done. Like, is that really. Is that really the issue or. You're avoiding things? So you don't know how to talk to her, you don't know how to communicate with her, you don't know where you stand with her. So you keep drifting in this sea of uncertainty, thinking that a big cruise ship's gonna pick you up and everything will be okay. You fucking drown. But hang on a minute. Maybe that's not the answer either. Maybe you're just so lethargic and tired and cooked because you're busting and busting and busting yourself with work, with the family, and you just don't have the time. Or just don't have the time, right? You just don't have the energy. You just have the energy to give her what she needs, to give your children what they need. So I'm not here to pepper around or create a mystery or say one's more real than the other. They could all be true. You need all three. Like I said, all three are important. But you need to also be biased towards navigating and finding that linchpin. What's the keystone? What's the piece that. The big piece that I need to go, yeah, man, that's. That's me. Because a lot of men will come to us and they might say, I need more energy, but maybe they just need more time management. They need to cut off some of the shit that they keep committing to. Stop being a yes man. Put up healthy boundaries instead of free time. Create me time. Book yourself in for your own appointments. You don't need to tell people what those appointments are for. When I train, I book myself in for an appointment. I might write gym on my calendar, but it doesn't matter. It's no one else's business. What have you got at three o', clock, Al? I've got a meeting, mate. I've got an appointment and I do. I've got a meeting with myself to fucking lift some tin, throw some weight around and invest in me. You got to do this, man. Like, this is. This is basics 101, fundamentals. But you've had patterns and stacking and stacking and Stacking of all the stress in life and probably haven't had the time to sit back and just think and realize. Your language, life and death is in the tongue. Your language, how you speak, how you operate is really defining the four walls which has become your own prison. So that might be the answer. Just say no to these three things. Bang. And then you freed up two hours a week, spend an hour on yourself and an hour with the missus, honey and handsome. Time, book, brunch, morning tea, lunch, dinner, date night, watch a movie, whatever it might be. We average a thousand hours a year back. Like that's no, like that's not a small thing. That's a lot of time. And that's not a, an overextended exaggeration that that's the average. Average. So when we look at that, sorry, that's the minimum. When we look at that's not the average, the average is possibly 1500. It could be a little bit more, I'm guessing a bit more now. But in terms of the bam, yeah, 20 hours a week, we will get you back that. We will get you that back. 20 hours a week seems impossible, doesn't it? Isn't it? Crazy happens. And other guys will generally get between 25 to 40 hours back, which is crazy. Like that's full time work, man. Crazy, crazy. But this is what I'm talking about with other areas, like how you transition and energy, time management and relationships. Because if your relationship improves, guess what? Just like your work, there's a feeling of importance. You're producing, you've got outcomes, you've got results. So it's valued, it's valuable to you. So you're going to focus more there. Whereas if it isn't, or you feel out of your depths or you feel like you're back into an apprenticeship with your marriage again, why would you spend time there? You don't feel important. It's hard work, you don't enjoy it. It's shit. No one's going to enjoy something that I like. Just like your job. Like it could be a job that maybe doesn't fulfill you. But I tell you what, at the end of the day, if you are fucking dominating your work, if you're absolutely crushing your job, you got to be honest, man, you'll enjoy that more than if you weren't. Right? Nothing really more to say on that. So if you're dominating an area or really, really applying yourself and doing well, are you going to enjoy it? Which means you're going to be more invested physically, mentally and Emotionally. But you might come to me and go, oh, yeah, I need to work on my relationship, man. I'm struggling with my wife. I'm like, okay, really? Is that the pathway we need to go down first? Relationships, learning about love, languages, how to speak, how to communicate, how to keep your cool in your nature, with a good, genuine temperament when stuff goes crazy. Kids, wife or. Hang on a minute, I'm having a look here. I mean, fuck me dead, mate. You're 130 kilos and you're telling me you want to get down to 90? Like, let's be real here. And I want you guys to think about this as well. And this isn't a dig at anyone who's overweight either, but let's be real, right? The facts don't lie. People do. Yeah, my marriage is in trouble. Out struggling. Okay, mate, well, quick question. If you're fucking 40 kilos lighter, would your marriage be better or worse? Would you have more energy so you could apply more investment into your marriage and your wife? Or less? Would you have more mental and emotional awareness and be more connected to her because you've got more endurance? You're not fucked after 1pm every single day, which means the next nine hours is a blur, followed up with alcohol, shit food and just laying on the couch. Would that be something that would change? Shit, mate. If you drop 20 kilos. So picture this with me. We're at the end of the year now. You've obviously got 40 kilos that you can lose. Yep, absolutely. Where are we at? Middle of September. Cool. We've got about 14 weeks left. 20 and 14. Easy done. You've got the weight to lose someone who's got less. Probably not, but for you, easy to go over a kilo a week to start with. What would this look like? It's December. Christmas, Christmas Eve. You're 110 kilos. Do you have more energy for your wife or less? Are you more of a man who's showing, not telling through her eyes? You're less of a slob. You're doing more with the children, so you're taking the pressure off her, so you're giving her more energy because you're spending more time with the kids, because you have more energy, more mental capacity, more investment inside of them, which means you say yes to them, which means she can say yes to herself because she said yes to them and carried the fucking load for so long. Or not. So when we look at this gentleman, what we sometimes believe to be the initial answer is not the answer. I can Help you with relationships? I've helped reconcile that many marriages, mates. It's always though for me in my eyes when I'm working with the man, one to one going, okay, well, alright, your relationship shot the shit. Cool. How did it get that way? Tell me about your work, tell me about your time, tell me about how you transition home, how do you manage your time? How often do you spend time with your wife? What are you doing with her, what are you doing with the children? Do you have a skill problem? Do you have a capacity problem? That's energy. Do you have a skill problem and you have a lack of investment problem? That's potentially time management. Do you have a problem where you just do not have the skills because you were never taught them? You've got time, you've got energy and you try, but it just flops? Yeah, that's a relationship problem. Like it's a skill set. Tying into your relationships, learning the love languages, finding out what sort of attachment you have inside of your relationships. There's four different types of attachment and then dialing in, even on intimacy level. Like, what are the erotic languages that you speak with each other? Because they're different too. Women can be quite sensory. So when it comes to smells, scenes, all that sort of stuff, that's why they love fucking candles and smells and all that, that could be the answer for you. It could be more kinky, it could be power, right? For a man, we want power. You can be a bit of a chameleon, you want a bit of everything, you want some sensory. Like there are different nuances that speak the language that we connect to and value the most. Just like love languages, you value physical touch, so that's important for you to have. But she doesn't value that. That's going to be harder for her to be proactive. Just like maybe you don't value acts of service because you believe what you're doing with your work and getting money in the account. Free family is an act of service. Whereas her act of service is you just, instead of putting your dishes in the fucking sink, just put them in the dishwasher. Don't have to turn it on, just do that extra three second step. For me, that's something I had to learn. That's why it's such an easy example to bring to light. So how you start going all in is actually looking, going, what is the biggest problem and how did I get here? Here's the symptom, right? Firstly, men alignment and mentality. Alignment, mentality, they're the first Things you want to go all in. That's the mentality. You need to get aligned where you are, where you need to go. Okay, cool. Where am I actually applying that? You know, like, I've got the target, I've got. I need to get the big board out and I need to get the rings and the rings and the rings get the bullseye. That's the circles of significance. Family, self and service. Okay. What is hindering me the most when it comes to the circles of significance is just pure time with my work. Well, then it becomes a skill and capacity problem. Are you doing something that you can do a shorter period of time or you're lacking the skills to develop a higher level of leadership to get men around you to. So you can either A, delegate, B, build your team, or C, not be yes man and put the right boundaries in place where you're performing because you have high capacity, be performing with standards where you put up the boundary to go, no, no, I'm not going to be your fucking lackey and just do everything that you say I need to do. This is my personal life as well. My family life, too. Don't just push me to burnout, otherwise we all lose. That's a tough conversation to have if you don't run your own business. But you've got to cancel out the other points first, otherwise that can be an excuse. Energy, time management, relationships. So what's the symptom, Al? I'm just not connected with my wife anymore. Okay, what led to the symptom? Oh, mate, we got fucking. We've got three kids and they just. It's crazy, man. I've got three kids, I've got work, I've got a project that I need to complete. She stressed the eyeballs. She fell and rolled her ankle and sprained her ankle. Like, there's always circumstances. There's always going to be something popping up. Okay, what are the symptoms? All right, so if you didn't have children and she didn't roll her ankle and you'd have the project, would you have a happy marriage? Oh, fucking earth. Hell, like, it'd be easy. Of course it would. It'd be simple, wouldn't it? Like, you don't have all this chaos stacked onto what is smothering and covering when you peel them away? We, the marriage. Us. You and me. My lover. Okay, cool. So why is that a problem, though? Why is her rolling her ankle a problem? Why are the three children a problem? Why is the pressure problem? Oh, man, I'm cooked, I'm tired. And this is. Okay, cool. You cooked and tired. You're burning it. Why are you so tired? What's your morning and night routine like? What sort of food do you have? What's your nutrition like? Do you train? Do you exercise? I'm not going to say. All right, you've got a massive project. You need to give yourself four hours a day and do meditation, yoga, what? Like this is the hard part. It's all well and good to have the answer. Yeah, thanks, Al. You've given me the answer. I've still got the fucking problem. Yes, you do. But if the problem isn't addressed for a man with the clarity and the mindset mentality to deal with it, then you probably do need to have a little break. And that little break could be go for a walk for 15 minutes, go clear your fucking head, get out of the environment you're in so we can come up with the strategies and tactics when it comes to business and solving those problems. Sure, but they're only going to be solvable from the mentality of the men you're around or the man and his head, his mindset in himself. And if he's completely cooked and frazzled, it's never going to work. Time management, okay, this project, why'd you say yes to it? You short a few bucks? What's going on here? Did you shave some costs or what did you do here that you overextended or over committed on? You just peel the layers back. Peel the layers back. Peel the layers back. Relationships, I don't even know how to talk to. We're actually quite awkward and it just doesn't seem like we're aligned. Okay, no worries. Go through these resources and get up to speed. But if that doesn't solve the problem because it's just one small step, go do the love languages test, ask your wife to do it. Review and compare your answers and then talk about what that looks like in an example, in the real world sense. Because acts of service might not be putting your dishes in the dishwasher. Acts of service could be something else for her. An act of service could be taking the kids away so I can have half an hour to myself every day because I've got them 16 hours a day and it's just killing me. So you've got to get clarity, alignment, like I said at the start. So when it comes to energy, time management, relationships, lads, you must go through and tick them off one by one. Which one is hurting me the most? You need all three. But let's look at it this way? Yes. Al, you know, I'm running my business. I'm under the pump. I've got a project I need to finish. The three kids are getting to. They've just been. It's like a full moon every day, mate. They're just going fucking nuts. And the wife's, you know, she's got a bit of an ankle injury at the moment. Rolled her ankle, so she's obviously a bit down and out physically and mentally and. Hey, man, I can't tell you the last time that I actually just had some time with myself. I'm just 24. Seven. Go mode. Go, go, go. Okay, cool. So what do we need to apply first? We need to get your energy back. We need to stop over committing. We need to sharpen you up with your skills so you can communicate with the family and with your wife. Which one do you think you need first? Like, let's be real here, let's sit down. All right, Energy. So you can probably start eating some more food. Don't just eat nothing. Just get off coffee and stimulants, other things. Probably eat more food, go for a walk and just train once or twice a week just to get started. Yeah, that could work, possibly. What about time management? All right, let's have a look at this time management. Okay, do this tracking sheet. I want to see where everything's going and why. All right, send me a screenshot of your screen time and the averages go through your phone into the settings screen time and send that through to me. Okay, cool. All right, so I'm having a look here. What I can see is you're definitely over committing, just at a snapshot, at least 15 hours where you shouldn't. And then with work, you're losing probably another 20 hours because you can get an assistant. You can do this. You should cut that. You don't need to do that. And this is taking longer because your energy is struggling. So for you, yes, it's all three. But why don't we do this to start with, Delete the fucking apps off your phone right now. And I want you to cut that time in half. At least 15 hours through technology. Fuck that off. Your goal is seven. I don't care how you do it, your goal is now seven. Seven hours a day. Delete the apps, put up firewalls, so to speak. Antivirus. Be the antivirus to the lower version of yourself. Put up some firewalls, some roadblocks, some resistance in place. And don't do that when it comes to your work. Really analyze the Return on investment. Is this worth my time? Here, here and here? Can I delegate this? Do I actually need to do this? Can I cut this? Is this something I'm doing just because I've done it and I've done it before and I keep doing it right? So what we're going to do is we're going to get you some time back and we're going to do that right away. I believe that's your first thing, right? You've got maybe five to eight kilos to lose. That's not that bad. You're tired, you're fucked. So in conjunction with you cutting the technology, doing yourself order on your business and where you can fuck off some of the things that don't matter, I want you to actually start applying this protocol where I need you to walk 30,000, I don't care about on site or where you are with your project. 30,000 steps a week, that's easy. That is easy done. Why? Because if you can go for three walks a week, you're going to clear your mind. Three half hour walks, that's all you need to do. That's it, Three half hour walks. Don't even worry about training for now and apply this nutrition. And I want you to do that. Now what I want you to do with time management is fuck off that time, refine your business, eat some food and walk. That's it. Can you do that, yes or no? Now we're going to do that for a week straight. And then when you are successful, you're going to graduate and you can actually do it for two weeks. And when you graduate after the second week, what we're going to then do is review your morning and night routines because I reckon we can jack another three hours there as well, set you up to have more energy for the day ahead. So your next project, you've done it for two weeks now, keep fucking doing it. No failures till the end of the month. Now what you will couple that with is morning routine, night routine. What are we doing here? How you open and how you close the day is critical to building the links, making a massive chain which is linked up. That is the chain of your consistency, the chain of consistency and your success. But it's time to do some homework. What you need to do is go through and do the love languages test. Get your wife to do as well. And I need you to actually declare with her, hey, look, I know that shit's hit the fan in terms of life, it's very chaotic. I've got this project that I need to do. And so on and so forth. Here's a deadline. This too shall pass. So I'm painting a picture of hope. Like that's what I'm saying here. You need to paint a picture of hope and commitment and promise as well. Hey, this isn't going to be the case for the next 10 years, but it can't be the case for the next one or even the next month if you don't communicate it to her. Hey, hon. Yeah, look, this project's crazy under the pump, but this is what I'm going to start doing. I need to eat. I'm going to get my morning night routines. And what I actually want to do is I want to have time together, even if it's just 45 minutes, you and me, But I want to take some time off your hands as well. If you feel like you're stressed with the kids, just let me know and I'll organize that. And if you're unsure, that's fine. I'll be the man. I'll lead. I'll make the decision. And I'm going to take the kids to the park twice a week. Take the kids to the park, walk around, Incorporate that with your steps. Plan. Be proactive. Plan. Honey and handsome time, twice a week. That's half an hour each. Hey, if you've cut fucking seven, eight hours from your technology, you can do this. Two half hour sessions a week with your wife. Two half hour blocks with the kids. Build some steps. Stack. You're stacking now. And you've done the love languages, so you're sharpening your skills. In relationships, there is a sequence and an order, gentlemen. There really is. There always is. And it's so valuable, it's so powerful. But if you go do the love language and all that sort of shit, that'll do fuck all. Because guess what? You're gonna do it. She's gonna do it. Or it's all good and well and true in theory, but you don't have time, you don't have energy, so you can't give it what it needs. Your relationship is an organism. Need to feed it and feed it the right thing. Alignment and investment. Alignment and investment. Alignment and investment. Otherwise you get sick and it vomits everywhere or it starves and it dies. So when it comes to energy, time management, relationships, how to start going all in, how the how comes down to the where. Okay, Al, I'm getting aligned. This is where I'm at. This is where I want to go. This is my mentality. I'm all in. Okay, cool. All in where? While in family, self and service. Okay, how, how are you going to be all in these areas? So where do I need to start? What is the structure? What is the sequence, the chain of command where I need to get the low hanging fruit? You need this man. You need a confidence boost and you need to build results. So you need courage, you need commitment, but you need to build some results on the board. So it's not taking the easy path, it's going hard. Well, this is fucking hurting the most. I need to turn, I need to turn this one around. Do that and then build, build, stack. You're stacking and when the trouble comes or when you get a roadblock or you get stuck, you then apply the pink elephant rule, which I'm going to wrap up with this now. The pink elephant rule. When we talk about the pink elephant, when I say don't think about a pink elephant, it's obviously an age old tale, you know, don't think about this. What's the first thing the person does? They think about it. So what obviously is an incredibly loud thing that can't be avoided is something like a pink elephant. That's why it's called the pink elephant rule. Because too often, gentlemen, people think about what they don't want in life. So it's quite an ironic principle because it flips the script on it. What do you want? I don't know, but I can tell you what I don't want. Al. That's right. That's how most people operate. Why? Because you keep focusing on what you don't want, which means, guess what, you keep putting effort and energy into what you don't want. Which means, guess what, you keep fucking getting what you don't want because you're applying your reality in your life where you don't want. Most people will do this at least 80% of the time. Think about 100% in terms of your time and your mental focus and effort. If you're focusing on what you don't want 80 to 90% of the time, man, how are you going to get any inroads or gain any momentum in the areas where you want success in your life? You're just focusing on the problem instead of acknowledging the problem but focusing on the solution. So there's an interesting ratio here that we're going to go through. The pink elephant rule is 10, 20, 70, you need to spend 10% of your time focusing on what you don't want. So if you end up having a fight with the Missus or something happens at work or yourself or whatnot or where you currently are, you need to spend 10% of your mental effort and time on what you don't want or what you don't want to happen. So if something's happening right now, real time, okay, review, do a bit of an analysis. Pink elephant rule. What don't I Want to happen? 10% of your time. So it can be a short, sharp tune up. If you got half an hour to just do a bit of a download and review. Three minutes, that's it. Set the limit. Because it's pretty easy, right? You already know what you don't want. Pretty quick. Three minutes on what I don't want and why I don't want it. You spend double that. Think about this. You spend 20% double the time on what you do want. This is what I don't want. This is the alternative. This is what will happen and why I don't want it. Okay? This is what I do want to happen. Spend six minutes, if you're going to give yourself a half hour block. Six minutes on what I do want to happen and why. It's just like what I said at the start. It's almost a piece like alignment, right? But it can be done in real time, so it's not just alignment. On. This is what I want my life over the next 10 years. No, no. Where are you at right now? What don't you want to happen with your wife? What don't you want to happen with your work? What don't you want to happen this week or this month? What do you want to happen? So you could spend three hours on this, 180 minutes, which means you can spend 18 minutes on what you don't want. 36 minutes reviewing and planning the outcomes and the goal setting and whatnot. What you do want and then the 70%. So 10%, what you don't want. 20% of what you do want. So let's go back to the half hour, quick, short, sharp review. Things have gone off track. Let's get back on track. Three minutes, what you don't want and why. Six minutes on what you do want and why. 21 minutes on what you're going to do about it. So the 70% is what can I do about it now? What can I do about it now? Three minutes on what you don't want and why. Six minutes on what you do want and why. That's the end game. That's the target, that's the outcome. Okay, 21 minutes. What are the actions Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. What are the actions I need to take? 21 minutes on the actions that you need to take the steps to get to that outcome, to get away from the outcome you no longer desire, and to get towards the outcome that you do desire. The pink elephant rule, man, it's so powerful. So when it comes to your energy, your time management, your relationships, when that goes south, you need to pull back and go, okay, cool. Pink elephant raw, man. I'm focusing on the wrong things, focusing on the problem. This isn't working out. What do I need to do? Well, first I need to acknowledge where this is going. Point minus A. We always move away from pain. That's a natural thing with humans, and it can be applied in a great way. Applied pressure can move you away. Hey, man, this is not what I want. Okay, cool, let's break it down. This is what I don't want. All right, I'm not going to harp on it. I'm not going to harp on it now, man. You could bring this down to like, honestly, you could bring this down to 10 minutes. Like, this could be a bit of a download. Like, you've had it. You've had a horrendous day at work. You're sitting in the car, you're like, this is so fucked, man. If your kids run out, don't park in your driveway. Park like I used to. Just park a few hundred meters away so they don't hear the car coming up, they don't come out. Sit there for 10 minutes. All right, this is where I'm at right now. One minute, quick. What don't I want to happen? What's worrying me? What's the concern? What's the fear that I keep putting energy. What's the problem I keep focusing on? Alright, I'm going to acknowledge that that's what I don't want to happen. That's what I no longer want to happen, or that's what I no longer want to focus on and why. Okay, two minutes. What do you want to happen? You know what this would be? This would be amazing. This, this, this and that. Okay? Spend the next seven minutes just breathing and methodically thinking through, okay, what are the steps that could lead to this? What are the potential actions I could take that could lead to this outcome? How can I at least move away from the problem? How can I be a better version of myself? How can I turn up for what's at hand here that I want to improve with my wife, with my children, with my work, with myself and just Do a short, sharp 10 minute, 10 minute exercise. The pink elephant rules are very powerful thing, very powerful. Hope this serves you well, man. This is how you start going all in. I say start because you can't just say, hey, how you go all in. All right, cool. I'm all in. Really? You're all in? On top of everything else that's happening in your life, how do you think that'll pan out? You'll be lucky to make a week, month at best. How do you start going all in? Well, let's get the mentality. I am a man who's a winner. I'm a fucking winner. I do not lose. I can't. I don't know how. Okay, well, I need to get aligned. I need to get aligned with those three circles of significance and the sections that make them what they are and the elements that tie into that, which is the capacity, skill, children, partner, community, business, and then time, leadership, focus, accountability, habits, power, desire, structure, environment. That's what I'm talking about. Okay, cool. That's where I'm going to go, all in. Now where do I need to apply myself to pull away that big linchpin, Energy, time management, relationships. And if there's a little bit of a crossover, which there always will be, I can stack them. But I've got to get the sequence right. It's like dominoes. I've got to get the dominoes right. That one like that one in energy will help that one with time management. Well, that one with time management will help that one with energy and that one will help with relationships. And then that will help with more energy because I'm more mentally and emotionally sharper and invested. And then that will help with relationships. And then that will help with time management because then I really do realize that the alcohol, the fucking boys down at the pub or all the other bullshit doesn't really matter when I'm lying on my deathbed. It actually doesn't really matter right now. So I'm gonna fuck that off. And then this builds this chain of consistency and then whoop, something happens. No worries. Pink elephant rule. Let's get clear. What was the problem? What's the problem? I don't want to happen. Okay, what's, what's the thing I don't want to happen? What's the problem in my life? All right, cool. What's the solution? How can I overcome that or get away from that or what is potentially the opposite of that? Okay. What are the actions that will lead me to that? Okay, let's go, let's get back on. I fallen off the train. No worries. There's a fair few carriages left, right, jump on the carriages. Even if you're at the back of the fucking tr, walk through and get your way back up to the front. Don't jump off the train and just roll down the hill. Get back on. When you do this, gentlemen, I promise you your life will change. Now, the specificity as we keep peeling the layers back, yeah, it varies from man to man. Like I've given you some pretty solid examples in different areas through the 200 plus podcast. But at the end of the day, you need to define what that looks like for you with your energy, time management, relationships. Which is why at the start of this I said, yeah, you are alone. But what can you do when you are alone, when you're not alone, with the people around you? That's going to help you when you are alone? I'll say that probably with less words. What can you do when you're not alone? With the right people, places and things so that when you are alone, you're better equipped to handle life Take care man. Hope you enjoyed this episode. This is one that is, yes, thought provoking, but it's one that is a very powerful tool to apply. Because like the yes no principle, when you don't say yes to going all in, you say yes to the opposite. If you say no to going all in, then you're not all in. And when you're not all in, life will catch up to you and you will lose eventually. Take care men. Above all else, play action. Use the tools, use the resources. If you ever need anything, obviously reach out to the coaching team and I keep moving forward and let's continue to set a higher standard of how our father can, will, and should be. As a man, knowing that he is his asset, you are your most important thing. So be that everyone else around you gets that as well and everyone else around you wins. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about. Thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.