214. The Man Who Got His Wife Back

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Here we are. Welcome to a special episode. We've got a very special guest with us. His name is Ren. Is it Cheney? It's not Saini.

Surely the world's pronounced Cheney. The skippy is pronounced.

That's what I was gonna say. Being half Italian red, I knew that. I knew that the C has a has a hidden h next to it. But we've got Rencini, one of our amazing HPF members. And the reason why I say the word amazing is because this man has created some phenomenal transformations in his journey. Just under four months with us, which has been incredible to say the least. And I really appreciate you, Ren, coming on and and sharing your story first and foremost, mate. So thank you for being here.

No problem. Happy to be here, mate.

It's great because I love this sort of stuff where you men listening to this members. I love this stuff, Ren, because we haven't done this for a little while and we've got plenty of guys to bring on. But, you know, like yourself and your story, the members on the inside, man, this is going to jack them up. This is what I love about the tribes. Like, yeah, there's Ren. He's fucking killing it. Now we're sharing his story and. And then for the guys on the outside listening to this or watch, you're going to get some insights into what a winner looks like and how a winner actually carves it out from A to B. And that's what we're going to go through with Ren's story. And the biggest thing I love about this is what I was mentioning earlier, Ren is it comes from a different voice. You guys don't have to just listen to me. This podcast, HPF everything. I'm just a cog in the wheel. And having someone incredibly strong man, a very successful businessman who dominates in that area of service, but guess what? Family and self is looked after as well is something that a lot of you men should be modeling yourself towards. So strap in, lads. Listening to this or watching, make sure you. You pay attention and use this as a driver to help you pull yourself out of what might be a cycle, a rut or a pit which has led to possibly some inevitable downfalls if you don't do something about it. But, Ren, love having you here, man. Talk to me. Let's. Let's start. We'll talk about HPF and your results shortly, as we will, because we like getting clear on the facts and the facts are great. But share a bit of your history, your story, some of your background, mate.

Well, I was born in. I was born in Malta, which is a little tiny island just south of Sicily, south of Italy. Parents moved over here when I was just over a year old. 150 bucks in dad's wallet, you know, could barely speak English. Dad had a job. Second day they were here in Australia. That was in New South Wales. And, yeah, they, you know, progressed from there. I'm an only child. Mum had quite a few miscarriages and that there. And when they moved over here, they. They just sort of wanted to try and grow their wealth and didn't worry about growing the family anymore. Mum comes from a family of 13 and dad a family of five. No TVs over there at that stage.

Definitely not.

Yeah, that's it. Anyway, so grew up in the outer suburbs of Sydney, I guess you'd call it an area called End Isla, which is sort of like a small farming, very woggy sort of area. And then just before I, or just as I started high school, we moved to Queensland. Yeah, dad continued in small crop farming and stuff like that and. And expanded a bit up here, but, yeah, I guess grew up in a very traditional household. You know, dad was a very hard taskmaster. A little bit of background on my old man. His mum died when he was just under three. His dad went off to the military, pretty much dropped him on his sister's porch and said, take care of him, you know, and. Yeah, and that was that. So he never really saw much love or compassion or anything like that. And to be honest with you, I haven't seen all of it either from him. He's a, he's a top bloke and taught me amazing work ethic and skills, life skills like I, I could weld and do anything just about in a shed that you could nearly do by the age of 12 and all that sort of thing and. But yeah, he. Mum can't drive and I guess you know, it's pretty lucky that she couldn't and, and that there because I reckon she probably would have left if. Well that generation probably wouldn't very, you know, not very easy. They just seem to soldier on. But yeah, I guess I saw dad treat mum pretty harsh, pushed her to work, you know, he didn't see a lot of love to either me or mum over the years. Me growing up at home. Yeah and all that sort of thing and I unknowingly I guess modeled myself after him. You know. When I got serious with my now wife when I was 22, we. We start. My wife and I started going out, you know, Tasha's her name and, and that and we were hopelessly in love within a few months, you know, I guess. And um. And yeah, it's funny once I like the passion was there and everything like that and um, and we were close and had fun and all that sort of thing and. But once I got married it's like a switch went off in my head and I just became so focused on work, creating wealth, creating a legacy for the family and the kids that we hadn't even had yet, you know. But it was in my mind to try and create what was drummed into me growing up. And yeah, I stopped being fun. I stopped being the, you know, the fun guy that Tash fell in love with and pretty much drew myself. We, we started our own business. I was, I started off as a plumber, did my plumbing apprenticeship. I was sort of halfway trickles the way through it when I met Tash. And, and then straight away as soon as I could jumped into business because I already had a fair client client base around the, around the town and yeah we fired up our own business and it went from. In the space of two years, just phenomenal growth. Went from myself an apprentice and one tradesman to 22 staff and equipment. I've always had a passion for trucks and a liking for trucks and machinery. So we had diggers, we had bobcats and all that sort of stuff and I was very naive in business. My parents never really taught me a business background. They just work was basically what they taught me and all that sort of thing. And then the good old GFC hit back in 2009, late 2008, early 2009. And I, unbeknownst to me, you know, thinking the. Because we had work coming out, you know, hell west and crooked coming at us and, and what's the name, we had a fair bit of debt at the time, machinery, equipment sheds, you know, that we, you know, got into and all this sort of stuff. And the work sort of just stopped, you know, when all that panic hit with the, you know, the global markets and all that sort of thing and the banks and we had three really big builders that we were committed to and, and they owed us a fair amount of coin and I'm talking like hundreds of thousands. They just vanished in the space of a few months of each other. You know, one dropped off the perch and another and another. And I found work out west and wasn't, you know, wasn't really where you wanted to be. It was the fairway in the middle of nowhere. But there was a ton of work out there. And out of the 22 blokes that worked for me, four came with me and I looked after those fellas, you know, and that, and we, we hit it out there. My bank manager actually told me, you can't come back from this. And I said, alrighty, and lent over his desk. And I, I looked him in the eye, I said, you just keep the wolves off me for three months and book a meeting. And yeah, came back in three months. And he couldn't believe how we generated so much work, work and income and we got ourselves out of trouble. And I did that. It's funny I did that. And looking back now, after what I've been through with HBF and the self growth that I've, I've been through and developed, I kind of did all that thinking I did all that on my own. Well, I know I had the workers with me, but I did it without my wife's support, unknowing to me. So what I'm trying to say is like, she, she ended up moving down to be with us, to be with me down there. And we had two little girls at that time, they weren't even in school yet. And yeah, and she came down. That was great. But I never confided in her the struggles I was going through mentally, you know, because we had, we had a really nice house back home and, and stuff like that and a couple of acres and really good business. And all of a sudden, you know, I'm down out in the middle of nowhere working my ass off seven days a week, you know, 24 hours or seven days a week, sort of 12, 15 hour days at times and in mongrel cold weather or bloody hot weather. But anyway, we got through it and she stuck by me the whole time. And then fast forwarding a bit, about 20, 12, 13, I sort of got with another build that we moved back to the area, we moved back to Bundy and, and a builder that I used to work for many years ago, he took me under his wing because he was, he was short staffed and started showing me different skills, carpentry skills and stuff like that. And he encouraged me, I guess I, I developed a talent really quickly with him and he encouraged me to do an apprenticeship with him, mature age apprenticeship. And I did. And yeah, we got through that quite well and I ended up sort of taking these business clients on. He wanted to retire. He was getting on in his mid to late 60s and sort of took on his client base and went from there and the business just grew from there phenomenally. You know, it got going really well and it's still going today. And yeah, and then we've got three girls, one age 9, one age 13, one age 15. They're doing really well. But yeah, I guess I, how do you put it? I'd never opened up. I was never a talker. I, you know, like I bottled all emotions up, whether it be my own insecurities or fears I had or anything like that. I didn't talk to Tash at all. I just bottled it up and I guess I unleashed it. I knew I couldn't unleash it on workers, the frustrations or what emotions I had bottled up because they'd leave, you know what I mean? You can only treat workers pretty hard, only for so long and they'll tell you to stick it after a while. And I knew I needed them, so you'd hand it to their requirements, you know what I mean? And you bite your tongue and all that sort of thing. But yeah, I was coming home and not even knowingly I was, you know, the whole family was walking on eggshells. When I'd roll in the driveway, they'd be, they'd be like, oh, I wonder what mood Dad's in? You know, and I'd walk in the house and, you know, if the house was a bit of a mess or something like that, if Dash had had a rough day because I hadn't checked in through the day or something like that, I'd, I'd start having a go at her. I'd be like, what the fuck's going on here, like, why is the house a mess? Like, what have you been doing all day? And you know, and, and whatever. And I didn't know that, you know, I probably said it even harsher than that, to be honest. And, and all that sort of thing. And if the kids. If I'd be sitting at the table and the kids dropped a fork or spilled a drink or whatever they may have done, it would set me off. And one, it's that the youngest one, you would usually start crying, unfortunately, because, yeah, she didn't like anyone being angry. Everyone else would be like walking on eggshells, all that sort of thing. And just made the whole scene really fucked, you know, and, and all that sort of thing. And. Yeah, and. And then I'd, you know, I'd get up from having tea and I'd either go back in the office and be replying to emails and, or quoting or doing contracts. I'd be working till 9, 10 o' clock at night or. The other habit I had was I just jump on bloody social media and sedate myself, basically just tune out, you know, and, and yeah, which was a total waste of time. And the other thing I started doing too, which was probably the, the biggest reason my wife and I had, you know, ended up having time apart was, I guess women started. What's her name? They'd start, you know, like someone might send you a. Like or a bloody message on Facebook or Messenger or Insta or I. Or I'd send a. Like. And. And it starts from there, you know, and conversations start and you start building what would be just some simple innocent messaging which suddenly would slowly turn into a bit of flirting. And then before you know it, you're in some sort of emotional cheating affair on. Just through messages. And I didn't even know I was bloody doing it. And Tash fronted me on that one day and she said, what's the go of all these messages to different women? And I'm like, that don't mean fuck all to me, I'd say to her. But she'd say to me, look, they're hurtful. And I'm like, oh, okay, but they don't mean. You know. And she'd be like, but they're hurtful. And I'm like, okay, I brushed it off. And I didn't realize till I went through what I've been through that I was chasing the ego boosts, you know, I. Yeah, just my own insecurities in myself, you know, just probably not feeling enough. Not feeling like I was attractive or whatever. Yeah, and you were chasing that outside affirmation where in reality I should have been getting it from my wife, you know, or I should have been looking for it from my wife. But whenever she tried to, to give me that or, or boost me up or anything like that, she, I shut it down. I didn't let it in. It was, yeah, quite strange. I don't know why I was so closed off to it, but anyway, and then I guess the shit hit the fan late last on about August, September, about a year ago, I guess last year when one of my clients started to get a little bit too friendly with me and I went to shut it down and she reached out again and I thought, oh well, it's only a bit of innocent play. And yeah, she overstepped the mark a little bit with me and what's her name, you know, and Tash found out about it and she wasn't impressed. And anyway, we had a pretty heated discussion about it and all that sort of thing and, and yeah, she, she, what's her name? She processed it and we talked and I thought things were going okay. And we actually sought a bit of counseling too for a few months. And in myself I knew we weren't making headway in the counseling because the bloody appointments were too far apart. You know, like, fair enough, counsellors are busy. But you know, you might see her two weeks in a row and, and that was okay. You feel like you're making some ground and then you might not see it for six to eight weeks and it's just felt like you're back to square one, you know. And anyway was until around about, might have been March, April this year, I discovered that Tasha had been messaging someone online. You know, it was no one local, it was, it was all overseas, like Instagram crap, you know, messages. And it hit me like a truck. It floored me. She'd never, I, I never had one complaint from Tash. And, and anyway, she like the whole 20 years we've been together and we've been married 18 this October and we were to give her two years prior to that. Anyway, yeah, and we had a big talk about it and she, she said, look, you know, what you've put me through over the last few years. And I'm like, yeah, I still struggled to see it. I was still like pretty dirty at her. I was still being very close minded and stubborn that she'd gone down this road. And she like what she said the, I've said to this fellow, this other fellow, she said, I've tried to tell you for so many years and you didn't want to hear it. And I'm like, yeah, right, yeah. So I honestly didn't even remember her trying to tell me. And I must have been so shut off in my mind, you know. Anyway, that's. That all stopped and. And then I could. But you could feel the disconnection between us starting to grow, you know, it was starting to. You know, it was different in bed. You. You know, she wasn't. You know, she's normally a very big cuddler and that in bed. And, yeah, you just feel the disconnection growing and growing and growing. And I started to get a bit desperate, I guess I thought, I'm losing this girl. The do I do here, you know, and we. We stepped up the counseling, but I could tell that Tash had already made her mind, that she checked out, you know, she was pretty much done in the relationship and. Yeah. Anyway, it was just after Mother's Day and she said, I need to talk to you. I knew what was coming and we sat down and she said, I don't think I have any love for you anymore and I don't love you anymore. I said, I could feel it. I wasn't even shocked. And I'm like, yeah, righty. Oh. I said, that's fair enough. And it was hard to hear. And we sat down and spoke to the kids the next day and explained to them that Mum's going to have some time, time away. And she went. She went and stayed with her parents and. And we weren't sure how long that was going to be for. I wasn't even sure if she was ever coming back. And anyway, long story short, yeah, she. She was over that. She was at my parents. Her parents, and. And what's her name? We'd. Things have gotten a bit messy. A few of my friends that I'd been, you know, fairly close to over the years, I guess when the chips are down or when you're in a shit place, you realize how many good mates you really got, you know. And, yeah, a couple of them or one in particular got in my ear and said, right, you. You need to fuck her off. You need to. If she's left, yeah, she's, you know, no good and this and that. And he was pushing me to, you know, get financial settlement happening and all this sort of. And. And we're talking like, you know, excess of a couple of mil all up of different assets and bits and pieces, you know, and so it wasn't like just, you know, a House, block and a house, and you and you just go your separate ways. You know, it. Business in there as well, it gets very messy. And anyway, so I sort of started the ball rolling there. And the lawyer I was. I was. I was instructed to speak to, she was an older lady. And she actually said to me, she said, ren, she said, do you still love this woman? And I said, absolutely, I do. And I said, but she doesn't love me. She said, hang on, you still love her? I said, yeah. And she said, you're very emotional. I can. I can feel it. I can hear in your voice. And she said, if I can instruct you, she said, I know that you want to get his. Get this all sorted. But she said, the other question I've got for you, she said, is your wife pushing you for settlement? I said, no, actually, the opposite. Tash doesn't want to settle. You know, Tash left with no money in her purse. Yes. She still had access to our bank accounts and stuff like that. That was all joint signatory and. And she still did work every day for the business because she was my bookkeeper, our bookkeeper. And she said, listen, she said, I'd instruct you to just cool your heels, just settle down, let your emotions settle down before you start making some decisions you regret. I said, yeah, right. Yeah. So I stopped talking to old mate that was giving me the. That was pushing me to get this all cracking, and I basically ignored his calls for a while there and started to try and get my head in the game. And it was a pretty rough couple of months, probably say four to six weeks. And I went through highs and lows like you wouldn't believe. One night I got that low. You know, I'd almost spoken to Tash, you know, almost every day. And one night I didn't have the kids with me, and I was having a shocker of a night. I, you know, I was. I was just petrified that she was going to meet this shining knight in shining armor and I'd lose her forever, you know, and all that sort of thing. And, yeah, one night there, I got that bloody low. I'd. A 12 gauge was loaded. I'd actually picked a spot on the property. And I was in the process of trying to write goodbye notes to my old man and Tasha's old man so they could be. That was the first note I was going to write, that they could be the best dads possible for the girls. And I couldn't even finish one night. I'd gotten too emotional and I was Late in the evening. And I ended up saying, fuck it, I'll put the. Put the 12 gauge away and end up putting the 12 gauge away. And bloody. Yeah, went to bed and the only person I heard from that night was Tash. She rang me to see if I was all right. And, yeah, I hadn't even told. Like, she had no idea what I was doing. But, yeah, anyway, and I. I gotta admit, I wasn't super nice to her, you know, when she. When she rang and. But anyway, next morning, yeah, it was a new day and. And we went from there and maybe a week or two might have gone past after that and I don't know where or how or how how the hell I stumbled across it, but somewhere along the line I've either clicked on a HPF ad or seen it or an email. It wouldn't have been an email, but I reckon it was on socials. And I honestly can't remember if it was Facebook or Insta or what it was. And I'm a huge skeptic, you know, like, we get emails every fucking day of people that want us to, you know, look at our website or improve things or join this or do that, you know, And I normally always just buck them off, but for some reason or another, yeah, I clicked on it and followed the prompts and everything like that. And lo and behold, either the next day or that evening, one of the coaches rang me and I was as honest as I could be, as honest as probably I've ever been, actually, and spoke to him, told him everything straight off the cuff. And he said, yeah, mate, he said, we can help you. And I said, radio. And I listened to some podcasts that he sent me and holy fucking hell, one of them in particular, I can't remember which one it was now, but it was like I was listening to the mirror talking back to me, you know, it was, yeah, the chap that. The podcast I was listening to, I made it just about live my life, I reckon. And it was the first time in my life I ever heard something like that, I guess, you know, it was. Yeah, it was phenomenal. Yeah, it. It rattled me and I'm like, holy hell. And then I spent the rest of that evening listening to him and. And I'm just trying to understand them. And I'd listen to them again and I'd write down notes and. Yeah, and it. And the first thing I wanted to do once I had these revelations and realizations in, in, in out of all this, and I'd written notes and I'm like, yeah, I've been doing those sort of fuck ups and you know, and all this sort of thing. And I was actually straight away messaging taps. I'll be like, hey, this, this and this. And she'd be like, yeah, that's, that's right, you, you have been doing that. And then, you know, and all this sort of thing. And anyway, yeah, bloody the journey started there, I guess, and I had. It was with Zach and a couple other coaches there that we'd been deal I'd been dealing with and, and Tash and I had started talking. I was still up and down like a yo yo with emotions, but she started to see a bit of change in me. And anyway then, yeah, it was before I'd stepped it up and moved to your level, Alex and that there. And we'd sat down and had a few chats, Tash and I had. And I don't know, part of me sort of sensed that blokes were circling, you know, to move in on, on to ask her out and all that sort of thing. And she reckoned that, you know, no one was, but it was just a gut feeling I had, you know. And anyway, that's when yeah, one of the coaches I was talking to said, listen, you want to step it up to the platinum level and deal direct with Alex. And I said, you know what? I was a little bit hesitant at the time because I actually in my whole life had never spent money on myself in that way. Never, you know what I mean? Never invested in myself in any way, shape or form like that, you know, hey. And didn't think I needed, you know. And yeah, I'm fucking glad I did. Hang on. Someone's trying to ring me.

Wasn't it? Isn't it crazy, Ren? Like that's a not to butt in, mate. You can speak for the whole two hours if you'll just listen. I'm enjoying, I'm enjoying hearing some things, you know, what either a little nuances that I didn't know or B stuff that I'm remembering you talking about like that 12 gauge. It's so fucking crazy, isn't it, man? Like think about that. You were that close. Three beautiful daughters. I mean, even when you spoke about your daughter then, like the 15 year old, that means she was born just before the GFC hit as well. So you would have been. And we'll talk about how you got to where you were, but you would have been under the pump, man. I'm a new newfound father. I've got to keep pushing here. I'VE got to stay alive. I need to move west. And. And that's coming off the back of having a father who was dropped off at a few years of age, who lost his mother and his father went to. To the military, was doing the best with what he was dealt with and probably led to. I mean, as you know now, because you're a very. You're pretty aware and intelligent man, like, especially, you've got great emotional intelligence. So it's definitely leveled up to work together. There were obviously things that he didn't give you that became a pattern, which then became the downfall inevitably of your marriage, didn't it?

Yeah, absolutely. I, I remember asking him before Tasha had the. Our first baby. And I said, dad, I said, I'm about to become a father. I said, any advice? What do I do here? And he said, he said, all you got to do is fucking work and provide. He said, she's the mother. He said, she'll look after it just like your mother looked after you. He said, make sure they got a roof over their head, money in the bank and a good car and able to put food on the table. She'll be fucking right. And I said, oh, okay. You know, and even before actually taking, going back a few years before, what's the name? He said, I. We were getting married. And I said, ask him a similar thing. You know, we were there having a yarn. And I said, getting married, Dad? I said, any advice? You know, and that there, he said, well, you saw how I, you know, I was with your mother. I've had no fucking problems. He said, just do what I've done, you know, basically, and all that sort of thing. And I'm like, wow. Yeah, right. Looking back, I'm like, holy fuck.

Don't you have a chat though, with them? And then your mum was bringing everything up in front of him. I remember. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It was only. It was only because they. When Tash left, they, they took it really hard and, you know, they, they're like, why did you reach out to other women? And why this, why that? You know, you. You basically it all up. And I'm like, hang on. And that's. I hadn't had the revelation of what I hadn't put all. Joined all the dots yet about how, how this all came to. Came to be. And now I'm not blaming my parents. I know the buck stops with me, but I guess you, you become as you grow up, what you see, you know what I mean? And what you grow up with. And I've. I'VE realized that a lot through hbf, seeing other fathers go through their journeys and stuff like that. Now, tell you what, the apple don't fall far from far from the tree, as the saying goes. And, and then, and then one day my parents were here, Tash had already moved out and, and they're giving me the third degree. They're grilling me and I'm like, hang on, cunts. I said, you know, I said, sit the down, let me give you a bit of history here. And I rattled off, I opened the vault with him and I rattled off half a dozen times when I was growing up and we were still in Sydney that Mum would come and absolutely I was, you know, young, under 8 years old for sure. Mum would come and bawl her eyes out by the foot of my bed because she wasn't going to go into the bedroom and be with dad because of how, because of how what's her name he would treat her, you know, and all that sort of thing. And yeah, and bloody and all that sort of thing. And yeah, it was very rough, you know, hang on, someone's getting back to me. But yeah, it. And so yeah, you know, Mum would do that and just try and think, oh, that's right, I used to be really good at little, little A's and soccer and all that sort of thing when we lived down south and old man would blow up about, you know, having to lose work time to take me to tournaments or competitions and all that sort of thing. And he goes, oh, you bring home's a little trophy, what's the point? You know. And zucchini should be picking zucchinis in the paddock, you know, or you know, we got cauliflowers to pick or this.

Tough man.

Oh yeah, yeah. Well, like I say, all he knew was work and you know, and yeah, look, he's, he's in his late or 70s now and it was only a few months ago he had a pretty big heart attack and no, he had a near death experience. He was pretty much on the table but he came back and so the, so the hospital staff told us and now they're selling up, they're scaling down big time selling all the property and I've never seen him. We've. Tasha and I have caught him kissing Mum in the kitchen here and cuddling her and I'm like, where the was this 30 years ago? So, so yeah, it's like in a near death experience for him to wake up and, and all that sort of thing. But, but yeah, like when I put him in, in their place and. And Mum's liking. Mum was in tears. Not about what I was, how I was speaking, but everything coming to light, you know, she's like. Yeah, she said. Because, yeah, she's like, I said, dad, you used to do this to Mum, you know, and she. She'd work like two blokes, you know, all day, you know, as hard as two men. And you'd cut her down and tell her to go and cook tea and this and that and. And Mum was nodding the head, saying, you're dead right, you know, and, you know, women of this generation today wouldn't put up with that, you know, they were built pretty, pretty tough back in those days, I guess, you know, the old nunners.

Yeah, it's tough though, when, like you said, as you grow up, you become what you see. That's a really powerful revelation, mate. It really is.

Oh, yeah.

And then you convert that into just getting stalked, stuck in the chaos of life and all of a sudden, Ren, you're building businesses, building big business and providing for your family and doing things that is modeling what you saw in your father, including your attitude and whatnot. And then like you said, you think that it's just you and no one helped you or, you know, I was the lone wolf or I'm self made, but essentially, you know, your wife was there for you because she could have left ages ago as well. So it's really interesting that she didn't. Yeah, it is.

Yep. And so anyway, and then, yeah, back to when I. Back to the story where I joined HBF and I. Yeah, up the I, up the membership or however you want to wear it to work one on one with Alex, with yourself there. That's when I, you know, I felt within myself we had to accelerate this or I was going to lose her, you know what I mean? And I didn't want any mongrels to get their mitts on her, you know what I mean? Or anything like that. And yeah, anyway, it was phenomenal how I started to feel the change in me, you know, like I, I used to, like when we had a lot of staff, like we had 20, 22 staff there at some point, you know, and I'm not a big burly guy or anything like that, but I had some blokes that were working for me that were twice my size and I never believed in anxiety, I never believed in depression, you know, I used to march up to blokes I knew I was a ace at my trade, you know what I mean? I was very Very confident in my work, probably too fucking confident, but, you know, and I would cut blokes down. I didn't care how big they were, if they up their job and they were employed to do a job, you know, I would cut them down and I'd reduce some decent sized fellas to tears and I would just tell them they were a pussy. I'm like, you harden the up and just get the job done, for Christ's sakes. You know, and they'd be anxious or they'd be going through something and I had no compassion for them. In actual fact, back then. And I'm talking like back in, you know, late 2000s there, you know, 2007 or 8, I'd actually get a kick out of reducing these big fuckers down to nothing, you know what I mean? And Tasha shake her head at me when I, if I, if I spruped about it, you know, she'd like, shouldn't treat blokes like that. I'm like, oh, well, they're useless cunts, you know, I used to say, you know, and, and yeah, and now with the employees I have these days, I can sense that. And not just employees, subbies, whoever, even mates, you can tell when something's off. My radar's up, I guess, where before I wouldn't even acknowledge it, I wouldn't even sense it. Where now I'm like, you okay? You want to talk about anything I'd say to him, you know, is there something on your mind? What's to go? You know, and it was a bit of an adjustment for one of the fellows that's worked for me for the last couple of years because he's like, you're phenomenal now. You know, like you've gone from a pretty hard taskmaster to someone that actually cares and will take time to show me something properly and not just throw me in the deep end and hope you swim, you know, sort of thing and all that sort of thing. And yeah, and so it's been a real big change for me in a lot of ways, in a lot of good ways. And, you know, nothing. Yeah, nothing. I can't say damn bad, bad thing about hpf, it's in, in how it's affected me or worked with me or changed me. Because, yeah, it's not only brought my marriage back to where it should be, it's the relationship with the kids. They're still getting surprised even today. You know, like, like last night we, the daughter worked from five till nine, so Tash and I decided to have a bit Of h, H time, you know, as we call it. And, and yeah, and we, we caught up with our daughter at her work because we had to buy a few things from where she works and, and when we're on the drive home, she said that even her work colleague said, how cool is your dad? You know, like he was in here cracking a few jokes, you know, telling you this and that and saying what a great job you're doing and blah, blah, blah. And, and he walked out holding your mum's hand and they were laughing and cuddling and like, right, I didn't even know I was doing it, you know. So, yeah, so it's good to see that they're, they're saying it. Mates are noticing it, you know, and I've called off the mates that weren't in my corner when the chips were down and yeah, I guess when you have a big. When your life gets tips up upside down and you know who your mates are real quick and the ones that you don't need in your life that you work out pretty quick, the ones that are fake, you know.

Yeah. And it's, that's why I love like the environment of hpf. Like, I love connecting to every man on the inside and helping them where they're at. Obviously. I remember us having this conversation. I was like, ren, man, you know, you're in a time sensitive position and you speak about like, we talk about investing and we talk about this in various podcasts and whatnot. But like you said before, you had millions of dollars of assets. And so the question I always ask men if they're curious or they're not sure if it's something that they value or think they should be doing is okay, what's the opportunity cost? What's going to cost you if you don't do something? And it's always way worse. They just bury their head or they don't see it, you know.

Oh yeah, yeah, it's funny. Yeah. Like I was, I opened up one of my, one of my subbies there, he's a little bit younger than me, same thing. They got three kids and, and he's like, what did you spend with hbf? And I rattled off a figure and he said, oh, you know, I wouldn't spend that. I said, what'd your boat cost you that you bought last year? And he goes, oh yeah, it cost me about that much. I said, well, that thing saved your marriage. And he goes, and he goes, no. I said, you. How many times you taking your misses on the boat with you? And he goes, well, she never asked, he said. I said, well, you think she might be a bit resentful when you go fishing with your mates and come back all blind and smelly and all this sort of stuff, but, you know, I said, look, it was a drop in the ocean compared to what I would have had to lose, you know what I mean? So, yeah, I said. And in all honesty, money didn't fact. Once I got my head in the game and I knew I wanted to get my wife back and I knew I wanted to rectify my marriage and get all that back where it should be. Money in factor into it, assets didn't factor into it. I didn't give a fuck, actually. I wanted. Sort myself out was priority one. I knew by doing that she'd come back. I was very confident she'd come back and, and then the kids would all be drawn to us and they'd be happy again. Because it's funny, as soon as I started to talk to her differently, let her know how I was feeling things I was changing in myself. All these little things I was saying, and half the time I didn't even know I was saying it. It was just. We were making conversation and we'd just talk and this and that and she'd be like, wow, you're. You're really changing. I'm like, yeah. And it took her. And she's probably still a little bit guarded now and not. Not. She's still. Probably still got a little bit more growth to go, you know, before we get right back to the, you know, 200, putting in 100 each, which is, look, I was a cunt when we broke up. I, I unleashed some, Some fury and, you know, and I was, I was messed up. I'll, you know, I'll. I'll say that. So there's, There's a bit of hurt that's no doubt healing and stuff like that, but, you know, the poor bugger. Yeah, I, I should have never, you know, I should. I wished I'd have joined, honestly, HBF five or ten years ago. So it never got to the, you know where it got to.

At least you're here though, mate. That's the hard part, isn't it? Because you look, you look at like, just like we're talking about, even around maybe a perspective around finances, whatnot. It's like, like you make sharing the story with the boat like at least you're here and look at the results, man. You had your wife who was in contact with other men. Things look like they were dissolving to the point where you got a 12 gauge and you're contemplating finishing this this time around. And that's some pretty crazy heavy shit to then go into. Having your love life flourishing to the point where I look forward to catching up with you and Tash and doing a zoom and. And just because I love being part of seeing the success and the story of, of these men in there and not just in their marriages, but in their life. Because that's an important part of your life. It's important part of your children's. This is the foundation for the environment. And guys will want to hang on their boats and all. They'll join when it's too late or, you know, they'll never join. And it's like, that's cool. Like you don't like money. The funny part about money is it circulates like it's useless until it's used. So it's going to fucking be used for something anyway. But when, when they don't use it on themselves, that's not my problem. And that's not a bad thing. Just as long as you're happy. You put your hand up. Yeah. No, this is where my life is now. It's five years later. Everything's torn as my wife left. Everything's falling apart. But no, I'm happy because this is the choice I made. We know that they're obviously not. But, you know, my point ran like, it's. It's this firm line that I take where it's like, okay, don't do anything, but make sure you own all of the outcome. Because as men, we need to lead first and foremost inside of ourselves first and. Is that what I mean? You said that that was the first step. So we're talking about breaking this down for these guys now, like, specifically what happened and changed. It started, didn't it, Rem with you actually working on yourself, man, getting your head right yourself, your routines and actually starting to. To, to focus on you first, didn't it?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Before I joined hpf, I was having a. I'd had it about four or five times. I'd had a recurring dream that. And it was almost carbon copy dream. Every night I. I couldn't like if I came to bed. This is obviously when things were in pear shape with me and the Mrs. And I could not get to sleep. Some nights I would come in, I would just try and exhaust myself in my work. You know, it could be anything from book work to out in the shed welding or doing whatever. I was not Eating. I was drinking half a bottle of whiskey to get to sleep, to just wipe myself out almost. You know what I mean? Yeah, it was, it was. And I was having a recurring dream every night that I get up out of my bed, I'd walk into my ensuite, the mirror would become a, like a see through window and I'd see Tash from someone else and I'd be punching my. Punching into the glass to try and break it, screaming for him to stop and. Till my arms are all bloody, my hands are all bloody and you know, I'd wake up in a ball of sweat in the bed and no one's here, nothing's happened, but it was just your subconscious or whatever, however they, they, you know, it is. But, you know, none of that happened. But yeah, it was just, it was like that was how up I was, you know what I mean? But yeah, and then once I, I got on the level with HBF and I, and I just basically said, right, this is the road we're going down. It rang true to me, you know, I was like, right, let's give this a good crack. Because I'd never done anything like that in my life or anything like that. Got on the, you know, on your, on the mojo and the Knight Rider and the protein powder and, and following the, and got into training actually too, you know, got out of the rut I was in. Cut out the drinking, you know, like that. Not it off completely at that time, but you know, just dropped it back to all started eating good again too. Spoke to Ken, you know, like I've spoken to all, just about all the fellas that, you know at HBF there that you threw at me and they're all decent blokes, you know, and got on a really good program because I wasn't even eating enough. I didn't even realize, you know, I told him my routine. He's like, hang on, you eat that little bit and you run on coffee till 11. And then you have a feed at 11 and it sounds like a fucking kid's feed because I just scoffed it down and run. And, and he said, then you come home and late at night and have a big, big steak and whatever. And you know, I said, yeah. He said, yeah, you got to change that, son, you know, right, no worries. And yeah, you know, and, and now, you know, I've adjusted things, you know, like when, when the day will allow me, depending on our schedule. And I've restructured the business too because I was taking on fuckloads of work myself. And running myself into the ground and expecting too much of my staff that were working for me at the time and they're still here. So I've, yeah, restructured things, delegated different blokes in different areas and, and freed myself up where now I can, you know, structure the day where I can ring because obviously Tash has moved back in now and everything like that. I can ring Tasha. I'll be like, hey, it's 10:30, you, you up for some brunch or smoko? And she'd be like, yep, no worries. And I'll come home and I'll cook a, you know, feed of bacon or snags or eggs and stuff like that. We'll have a feed together and, and yeah, and then we might smash out some book work for a few hours and then I'll, you know, 2:30, I might rip out and see where jobs are at. See, we'll get to organize for the next few days for deliveries and keep on top of things or you might catch up with clients and all that sort of thing. But I, I guess the other, not only just getting my health and my, my head in the game, the other big thing I realized too, and it was, and I listened to the podcast, a fair bit too was the self made myth was actually how much Tash used to actually do in the business. Or she still does. She never, she never stopped. Because, yeah, I used to say to people, yeah, she's a bookkeeper, but I, all I do is invoice, I quote, I do the contracts, I check the job costings, she does all the basses, the tax preps, pays, work, cover, super entering the whole, the whole accounting program. She does all that and she's bloody amazing at it because I engaged a bookkeeper thinking that Tash was gonna run off into the sunset with some other bloke and I, I hit the panic button and I engaged a bookkeeper. And she's like, your wife did all this? I'm like, yeah, as far as I know. And because I wasn't even, you know, I had no clue how much she'd done. She's like, she was doing a load of work. I said, well, she still is, but I don't know what she's going to do, you know, because I didn't know where we were going to be at in a few months. And, and yeah, and that's when I started. It started to hit home in me and I actually sat her down one day because we were sharing the kids at the time and I'm like, I told her what this lady had said, and I'm like, wow, honey. I said, I'm sorry for not actually acknowledging you and. And how much and appreciating you, how much you are doing and you. You do every day. And. And that. Yeah, almost reduced her to tears because she'd never heard it from me before, you know, and. And then as the journey continued with HBF and I started to get my head in the game and. And things were going. Starting to shine, I guess, you know, I was starting to dominate again in my game because there were days when I couldn't even get go to work. I was that just mentally and that there. And, yeah, and she started. Tash started to notice that. And, you know, and I'd bring her through the day. I'd be like, hey, I'm at this job. You know, what are you up to? And she'd be like, oh, righty. And, you know, she started to get a bit surprised that I'd reached out to her and talked to her and. And stuff like that. And. Yeah. And anyway, something clicked one day there. I. I just thought, you know what? I'm gonna. Because we're still living apart. This is going back. Might have been June, late May, early June, something like that. And actually, no, it might have been late June. Yeah. I'd said to her, you want to go on a date? And she's like, oh, okay. And I. I'd already started the. You know, I was already with you, Alex, and. And stuff like that, and Tasha and I had gone out on a date. It was really good. We. I was telling her a fair bit about the journey I was on and stuff like that. And I could tell she was very skeptical, you know, whether she didn't quite believe I was actually capable of change and stuff like that. And. Yeah. Anyway, we continued on, and we had two or three more dates, and we'd had some tickets booked for different things that were family things, you know, months and months before anything had happened. And anyway, they were coming up, and I said to her, listen, I said, I don't want to take anyone else to these fucking things. I said, I want to take you on the kids. All right? And. And she's like, yeah, righty. And. And, yeah, we went to them, and I guess we just continued day by day and week by week, getting closer and closer. I. I continued listening to. You know, I guess my routine now has become. Any spare minute I get where I'm driving or I'm in a machine, I'll listen to a podcast, you Know a couple hundred of them there and I think from, from the very first one, I think I'm up to 120, something that I've listened to religiously one after another. Sometimes I do jump to the recent ones and go from there and. But they're, they're unreal to listen to. I started to encourage Tash to listen to a couple of them and she did and she found them so moving as well, especially like the one with you and your wife, Alex and a couple other different ones. And. Yeah, and she's found them. Found them unreal and, and yeah, it's. What's the name? And she did her fair share of research when I told her about HBF too, because she'd never heard of it and, and all that. And she. Yeah, and she actually said to you, I think when you rang me when, when I was in Brisbane with Tash, she'd just come out of hospital and I told you she was in the car with me, we were taking her somewhere and her words, you'd asked her how she's found the change in me since joining hbf and her words were, it's like a miracle, you know, And I'd never heard those words coming out of her mouth, you know, not since the kids were born anyway.

Yeah, she was very enthusiastic that you'd done the program, mate, that's for sure.

Yeah, yeah, still is she. And you know, the other night she was saying we were having some deep talks because it made, in all honesty, 20 fucking years together. I reckon if you calculated or tallied up the amount of conversations we had, and I'm talking deep conversations about we'd had either about each other, about the relationship, not about the kids, just about meaningful relationship stuff, I reckon in the last 19 and a half years, say it wouldn't have equated up to a fucking week, you know what I mean? Where now we can have full on deep, solid, meaningful discussions and conversations that'll go fucking hours, you know, and that you don't get bored because you. It's. Yeah, it's like we've. It's. It's almost like her and I are a new start now. It's, you know, it's phenomenal. Like, I'll be honest with you, the sex is off tap. It's unreal. And you know, it's. We just can't get enough of each other, you know, it's. It's full on. There's a lot of, you know. Yeah, it's kind of like a new relationship. There's Flirting through the day, whether it be phone calls, FaceTimes, text messages, there's a lot of passion. You know, we help each other out. We're an unreal dynamic now, you know, I can be packing up, you know, on the other side of town, you know, and I'll be, I'll ring, I'll be like, hey, just jumped in the truck, heading home. Need any groceries? Bottle of milk, what do you need? And she'll, she'll, Yep, that'd be great. Or, no, come home and I'll help her cook and, or, yeah, I let her know, you know, I've got a bit to do outside before I head in. She's like, no problem. I've got it sorted. You know, all that sort of stuff. So it's, yeah, it's a phenomenal dynamic now.

It's incredible. When I look at this friend, I've just written a few little notes too. How often we. We don't just keep things. Like, for a lot of guys, they just got to freshen it up a little bit, like what you're talking about. It's like you're starting over again. But a lot of the times they'll either do exactly the same thing or nothing, and it just becomes dull. But it's not like you have to create 550 different ways that you're gonna talk to Tash. It's just making sure there's A, some variety and B, just keeping it fresh, keeping in touch with each other. There are different stages and phases of relationships, but essentially, just because it gets older doesn't mean it can't still be exciting. And the words that I've got here is ignite, motivate, inspire. Like, think about your training regime. Think about your nutrition, your training, your mindset. Dialing in the coaching sessions here, your work, your business, all these different things. A, you've got to do something to get a result straight away, and there's got to be some sort of continued commitment to drive that result, to continually motivate you. Like, if you didn't get paid for your work, like you did 3 jobs, 5 jobs, 12 jobs, and no one's giving you any money. You'd be like, what the fuck's happening? There's no result, no transaction. Well, same with marriages, man. So guys just assume. We say take it for granted, but they just assume that should be right, everything's okay. But deep down, both the man and the woman aren't happy, or they're holding back and they've got this resentment, resentment because they're suppressing things and at the end of the day, man, even that what you've done and credit to you and to Tash, like I think I said that in the car as well with her when I was, when we're chatting, you know, credit to both of you for igniting, motivating, inspiring, inspiring each other to start to invest into this again because it is just something that's in the air. It's like I talk about that organism and it dies if you, if you don't feed it, it starves to death. But you can't feed it though, Ren, what it needs if you don't have. This is why people like this isn't a fitness program, what we do, you know, And I've said that fucking enough times so I'm not going to bring it up again. But one of the elements is absolute energy. Like what REM was talking about, your nutrition, your training, your morning and night routines. If you don't dial that in, A, you don't have control over yourself for the day and B, it's actually a sign of a lack of respect. If you don't have self respect, friend, how the are you going to win your wife over? You're not, are you?

That's right.

That's why you need to give to yourself. You need to invest in yourself and apply some effort in any area. For men, primarily, yeah, physical is really, it's actually quite easy and direct training, nutrition, staying on point business. Yes. But is it a means to an end if you're not actually looking after your. Or involving your wife or your family or making sure that doesn't hinder when you do come home?

Yes, it is.

It's going to hurt you. It will lead to an end. But that's what I love about what I've seen with you. Most men and I don't mean that to be rude to you and anyone else, but you might look at it and go, no, I respected myself before Al. I'm like, yeah, maybe you did. But did you respect yourself as much as you needed to, to be that version that you needed to for everyone? Maybe not, but what are some of the best. I mean, I remember I've got here actually a couple of the, the, the post it notes from, from Tash that you shared with me. You know, it's awesome. Thank you for becoming, for changing, becoming a better man. Love Tash. Thank you for being awesome. Just be yourself with me. I love you for being a good person. And obviously Ren's, you know, shared some other private things with me. But it's just. It's just epic to see, mate, both sides of the story, not just me working with you and you being part of hpf. What do you think are the biggest changes with this, like, with yourself and with Tash, but then also because you mentioned some examples with the kids and what they're now getting?

Well, it's unreal. Like, I was never in tune with how Tash felt. Like, if she was a bit overwhelmed with her day with the kids or with work, or if I was feeling insecure or she was feeling insecure in herself or whatever, I. I was not there for her. I. I was not sensing it. I was not feeling it. Where now it's phenomenal how both of us are so in tune with each other, because, look, I'm only human. I've. I. Even after things have gotten real good with us, I still have me down days occasionally, you know, you get that voice in your head that's telling you, you know, oh, you know, you're not. You're not good enough or this or that, you know, and. And some days that voice, you know, not so much now, but some days that voice can get fucking loud in your own head. And. And she. Tash is so, so up with picking when. If I'm having a bit of a quiet day or I'm a bit down or I haven't checked in with her, you know, like, normally I check in with her around smoko time to see how her day is going, how the kids went off to school, all that sort of thing. Yeah, she'll. She'll be like, how you doing? Everything all right? You know, and that sort of thing. And. And vice versa, you know, I do the same with her. And. Yeah, and we're there for each other. We. If we sense that we're a bit bit off or a bit flat, we'll talk to each other, you know, and. And it's phenomenal, like, within. But the next. The rest of the day seems to go really well. You've got that off your chest. You've. Or you. You've dealt with that demon or. She's helped me put that uneasiness or insecurity to rest and. And go from there, you know, it's. It's what a real good dynamic should be, I guess. And in all honesty, look, I'm so, so looking forward to the future now, you know, like this. You can't take anything for granted. I've learned, too, you know, I took her for granted forever, you know, leading up to what happened. I never thought she'd ever leave and that. And yeah, I. I know not to take cash for granted now or my kids or anything like that. And I need to give back to them as. Just as much as you put into anything your business. If you want something to prosper, you got to give back. You know what I mean? And, and yeah, little things like, whether it be gifts or time alone or, you know, you know, vacations or whatever it may be, you know what I mean? Just. Yeah, just giving back and, and reinvesting in not just myself, but in the relationship, in the family. Yeah. Just, you know, making them all feel very loved and very, very worthy and, you know, taken care of and all that stuff. Sort of stuff, you know. So. So don't they don't, you know, drift away from us or anything like that, you know, or from each other? No, it's very important.

It's powerful stuff, man. Like, it's. It's what we. We've spoken about, you and me, with stability. Like you're creating stability for your children.

Yeah.

Ability for Tash, your wife, probably even stability like you mentioned in brief examples for your workers or colleagues. You know, that's. That's what, you know, that's what leadership is, man. You want a high level of leadership. It's handling your own shit on top of helping other people through theirs. And that's a really powerful thing, man, that you. You should be proud of. But also, yeah, when it comes to taking things for granted, it's crazy how easily and how quickly we can slip into that.

But.

How old are you, Ren?

42 now.

Yeah, mate. So the averages of life say you're going to be dead in 40 years. So at the end of the day, like, do you and I or anyone really have anything we should be taking for granted? The answer is no, man. We shouldn't be taking anything for granted.

Yeah, I was of the mentality, you know. Yeah. Because that's, you know, we've got a caravan, brand new one coming. You know, we had one a few months ago, we just sold. And. And yeah, she'd be like, oh, we should go traveling and do something, see a bit of this country. And like, you know, Tasha's parents, support buggers have done it. They've been around and they're. They're in their late 60s, early 70s, and, you know, they're struggling to do a big trail or a big hike. You know, my parents surely aren't of the ability to do it now either, you know, and. And it's through all this Stuff and different revelations I've had through this journey that I'm like, you know what? There's more to life than work. Hey, you know, there's. You don't have to be the richest man in the cemetery, you know what I mean? Or any of this sort of thing. Yeah, let's. Let's give back to each other and let's, you know, let's enjoy ourselves.

Yeah. Your children, what are they, 15, 13, 9? They'll only be that age once, right? Next year that'll change. You'd have to wait 10 years. That'll change in a year. Just like mine have any. And everyone's does. Great, great stuff, mate. Like what? You know, I guess upon reflecting and then we'll chart the course for what, what the future looks like. But upon reflecting, like, how does. Or how did it make you feel when you look back on, you know, the family walking on eggshells and the girls, you know, having that. That level of a sense of unknowing with, with the old version of Ren now that you're version 2.0.

When I look back at how I used to be, I'm very disappointed in myself. Rather disgusted, actually. Not at all what I would want one of my future husbands, of my daughters, you know, my daughter's future, future husbands to be like, you know, or treat them. That's, you know, that's not the environment I would want for anyone, you know, it's. It's fucked. You know, like you, you want a happy home. You wanna, you know, you want your kids when you get home to run it. Be happy to run out and cuddle you when you hop out the ute, you know, or your wife's a come out and see and give you a big cuddle, you know, and, and a kiss. Not freaking out inside or just waiting to see, oh, what moves this camp gonna be in when he get. Walks in the door, you know, what do we like today? And. And that sort of, you know, so it's. Yeah, it was. It was shit, you know. Yeah, it's. It's not a healthy environment for any family.

And it's one that'll never happen again, mate, because here he is, ren 2.0. Which is, which is amazing. You know, One thing I will mention too, Rennie, I'm really glad, mate. For the first time, this is the first you talk about podcast episodes, right? Like, and you've. You've gone through a fair chunk. You're up to 120 and you bounce around a little bit, mate. You should check out number 214. I'm sure you'll listen to that a few times. That is an absolute pearl. Do you know which one that is?

One of the most recent ones.

It's the one you're me doing now.

Oh, fuck. Right, David, you know what?

I'm glad this is the first episode out of 214 now, Ren, where I'm not the person who said the most swear words. You've dropped the same bomb about six times, mate. And you said fuck about 38 times. I'm like, yeah, if anyone's got a problem with my swearing, speak to Ren, he'll sort you out.

Donnie Kirkland will have a drama.

Oh, yes, JK now, he was an awesome episode too. Oh, jk, that was. Was unreal. A lot of knowledge and wisdom like yourself and every other man who's been through the journey. When we speak about that though, can't wait. The future for the future and whatnot. I guess what would be, well, you've painted a picture of, of that and you're moving forward, which is going to be like you said, it is exciting with what's next. But also one of the things we love, which is why you said yes to this as well, Ren, is this is a service that we're providing to men who maybe not have been in the position where they are at the other end, like yourself, men who maybe might be right in the middle of it. Maybe men who they don't know, but that's coming, right, and they're not sure what to do. But I guess in your wisdom and your results and experience, man, what would be your advice to fathers? Like fathers who might be stuck in the rut having marital issues, they haven't got their together, they don't feel like they're high performing fathers. And fatherhood is a symbol for life, service, family, yourself. They may be doing well in business and making money and like you said, you know, striving to be the richest man in the cemetery. But what would be, I guess a couple of key mindset pieces, revelations or points of advice for the man who might be listening to this, who is struggling at the moment, but he's actually not on the inside yet.

All right, well, my advice to them was I thought I had life by the balls, right? Finances were good, had all the toys, all that sort of thing. But I knew I wasn't happy in myself. Okay. And it wasn't until I joined HBF and they made me aware of how important it was to invest in yourself. And it took me a little While to work out what the fuck that meant, you know, invest in yourself. Invest in yourself. And, yeah, it. Once it clicked, a lot of things became a lot clearer. It gave me the ability to look at myself and see who I was and who I'd been. I'll tell you what, I wasn't happy with that. How I treated my family, my wife, workers, friends, you know, all that sort of thing. I thought I got to change things up something fierce here. So it's made me. It's helped me grow as a person, as an individual, as a father, as a husband, all that sort of thing. As an employer. Yeah. Anyone who's contemplating it, if you're in a rut, if. If you feel disconnected, you know, even if your wife's already left, it ain't over. You know what I mean? Don't give up. Join it. Join hbf. Get off the fence and jump in and. Yeah, and see what. What a better person you can become or what a better man you can become. Because, you know, we're only as good as what we have a crack at. And, you know, you got to give yourself. You got to give back to yourself. And. And then it seems to all just happen around you. You know, you said to me a while back, alex, you're becoming the chief now in your family. And it's. It's dead true, you know, like, you become that. That driven, focused man who's got his shit together. But, you know, I can. I can. I can stand up and be that Viking if I need to be, and be the assertive man and make a decision or be the protector, but, hey, I can still roll around on the floor with the kids and muck around and be the panda too, you know, and. And all that sort of stuff and have a tickle and. And stir them all up, you know, probably when I shouldn't, when they're going to bed, but, hey, they'll be right. That sort of thing. Yeah. You know.

Yeah.

So I never used to do that sort of thing. And so, yeah, look, some guys might be lucky enough that this sort of thing just, you know, happens, but I think there's a hell of a lot of blokes out there that, you know, that need the assistance. And I think it's, from what I'm noticing, too, and I've become very aware when you're in business for yourself and you don't want to fail and you want to reach a certain goal, you put all these expectations on yourself. Because I've seen it happen in my industry and even like agriculture and stuff like that. We live in a very agricultural, you know, solid area. It's. And that there. And I've seen young fellas around my age, you know, or younger having a good go and at this moment, you know, around the place, their marriages are falling apart, you know, and, and something's got to give. It's very hard when you, when you're so driven to, to succeed, to get that work, life balance right. That's. So I had it all up, you know, when, prior to hbf, where now I'm like, no, you know, it's, it's, it's on the level now. It's where it should be, you know, and, and communication, me, that is so critical. Talking to your wife, to your kids, you know, it's the most critical thing ever. If you've got issues, worries, concerns, speak up. Don't bottle it all up, you know, because I was, I was probably the worst communicator on earth, you know. I reckon prior to this, it's so important. No, phenomenally important.

No solid stuff, mate. Like talking leads to clarity, which means, you know, where you stand. That, that's really important, man. Especially for guys like you said, who are hungry. They want to drive their business and create outcomes in what either A, they've been conditioned to believe or B, it's a self driving thing, you know, I want to make sure that I'm pushing where I can in family, self driving and service. But it really is incredible, Ren, how you've brought the, the whole package together, which is what we entail when I say the whole package. It's not a case of, hey, men, you know, have it all or have everything. Just have those three areas squared away at a high level, you know, and, and a lot of guys, I get it, you know, they may not have invested in themselves before. Here's a different way to paint the picture. When we're talking about investing yourself. Investing yourself, investing yourself. Let's put it a different way. If where you're currently at with your life is a place where you desire better outcomes, you need to get better. It's that simple. Like, you're not good enough. Get better. I'm not saying you're not good enough. To me, you're not good enough in your own life. You're not good enough to the standards you know, you should rise up to. And you can rise up. It's that simple. Like, let's not invest in yourself. I want to go walk on coal and super soakers and techno music and pray and all these different things. Yeah, and all, yeah, and all these different things which may individually work, I don't know. But at the end of the day, we're not here just to hype you up for a weekend and then send you off. This is a journey. But at the end of the day, if you're not good enough to reach the outcomes that you desire, you need to fucking get better. That's what I mean by investing yourself, you need to become better. You need to become a better man, a better father, a better husband and a better business owner. So hopefully that clears the air. When I say invest in yourself, it's just a really easy thing to talk about. But for those who aren't clear on it, that's what we mean. If you want a different outcome, you need to be different. You've got to be a different person. Is that, is that a fair statement? I mean, you're a powerful businessman and this isn't for the weak hearted either. Like, this is for, you know, this is for men who are strong, they are successful in some areas, they are powerful men, but they've dropped the ball because power comes in a few different ways. Not just money or business or cutting men down. The fiery Maltese. I'm half Italian, I grew up with land. Isla that's right near me, mate. But I grew up near Denzel park and everything and lots, lots of farming and yeah, we had lots of Maltese and Italian. Very fiery. I could just picture you right now cutting someone, cutting someone like me down in half who didn't do the job properly.

But oh, lots of shouting, arms waving, eyes blaring and all that sort of stuff.

Lots of zucchini throwing, stabbing and yeah, yeah, but is that a fair statement, man? Like when we talk about investing yourself, it's just, it's not the you're not good enough friend. It's like, okay, well, I want my life to be better. Well, you know, I guess I've got to be better too. I mean it's pretty. Oh yeah, you know.

Yep, 100. It's, it's just how it's got to be. And it was not easy for me to, to, for that to be accepted in myself. I'm like, fucking got to be better. Like me, all I've ever done is work. And you know, I'm not a, not a pub goer, you know, I'm not, you know, not that there's anything wrong with that, but I, I thought in my own head that I was putting my family first, you know what I mean? I'm like, where have I gone so wrong here? But, you know, Tash made a statement to me once. She said, you know, she said, I don't need a six figure bank account. You know, I don't need a flash home, and I need a new car every couple of years. She said, I don't need the best of everything. She said, all I want is you. I'm like, fuck, yeah, right, okay. So, you know, I said. And I got on the defense, on the defense there. I said, so you don't appreciate everything I've done? And she's like, no, no, I do. She said, but it's coming at the expense of you being with us. She said to me, you know, she's. She's like, we never see you. You're seven days a week, you're making excuses to go to work. And I was. Because I didn't even know I was doing it until I had some revelations through joining hbf. I was making excuses to go to work even when I didn't fucking have to because I dominated at work. I was the ruler at work. And I found peace at work because there was no challenge. Where at home. I didn't know how to talk to the kids. I didn't know how to talk to the missus. I didn't know how to open up to her and say, where do you need a hand here? And stuff like that. Or really properly open up and say, hey, I'm fucking struggling here, you know, So I just used to take the easy way out and say, I'm going to work. And in myself, I justified that as being a good enough reason to take off and leave them for the day because I was going to work, you know, I mean, in my own brain. It was justifiable, you know, and she began to. She began to resent that, you know.

And now that you zoom out, it just becomes so clear, doesn't it, when you're like, okay, I develop these skills, I get better at this. I say yes to this, which means I can say no to that. And it's not that you weren't doing things with good intentions or with the right intention. It's just that life as a whole requires certain skills in certain areas. And when it comes to now wives. So where's the roadmap or the rule book or the. We're coming out with a book, Ren. But I mean, for a lot of men before now, yeah, where was the book? You know, so credit to you, man. I really appreciate you spending the time. And this is an epic, epic Podcast where in this episode, you're really breaking open the whole journey from A to B for yourself, for your wife, for your children, still maintaining your business. And it's just. It's just great to share your story as well, Ren. So I appreciate you coming on and sharing it too, mate. For all those fathers out there who are inspired by this to take action and level themselves up, not because we're saying you're not good enough, but because you can and you're living, and that's the gift and the miracle of life. So let's do something with it, right?

That's it. No. No. Family, your marriage, all that sort of stuff, it's too valuable and too precious to throw away, you know, like, yeah, it's. I. You know, we do work for clients, and I talk to fathers and stuff like that, where their families are fallen apart or their marriages falling apart, you know, and it's. To me, it's too special a thing, you know, to. To just turn my back on. I. I wanted to fix it, you know what I mean? But I. Yeah, I had to fix myself first because I guess, you know, growing up for, you know, 17, 18 years at home in a family, like, I had, you know, where they were just basically all workaholics, you know, and then, yeah, getting married, you know, three, four years after moving out of home or whatever it was, and. And then, you know, falling straight back into that role. Yeah, just driven by, I guess, you know, the. The. Driven by, you know, just the desire to be successful and. And provide rather than. Than have, you know, happiness and. And love and compassion in the relationship and enjoy life, you know, it's. Yeah, just got to get everything lined up or more in tune with your partner. You know what I mean? That. And it was through good communication that I was able to do that, you know, which I developed through hbf, you know, to work out what you both want and what makes you both happy. You know, it's funny. I've had staff, you know, you know, work for me, and they've left, they've given notice, and I'm like, why are you leaving? You're bloody good at your job. And, you know, you start thinking, am I not paying you enough? And what's the go? And they're like, actually, no, it's. It's not you. It's not the pay, you know, it's. I want to be happy. And I'm like, radio. I'm like, fucking hell. You know, what's that all about? And I actually said that to Tash he's going back a few years now, but it clicks now. I get it, you know, and if you. If you're not doing something that is making you happy, fucking change it. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, yes, I'm a builder now at the moment, but I know I won't be doing it all my life. I. Once I find something is going stale and is not. Not giving me the satisfaction in myself or that passion in myself, the spark to keep moving forward, I'll reinvent myself. You know what I mean? I'll channel my energies into a new area. And it's funny, you know, after going down this journey and. And, you know, listening to Sunday Charge UPS and podcasts and. And, you know, the weekly. Doing the weekly tabs and all that sort of thing, when I say I can. I can even just sit on a bench, you know, if I'm waiting for one of the kids or Tash to come out of somewhere and I'll look at couples walking, or you'll overhear them talk and. Or it might be blokes I work with, and I'm like, they're not happy. They're disconnected. Like, what's going on there? You know, they got issues, you know, And. And if you get the opportunity to talk to someone and say, hey, you got to work on this, or you gotta, you know, you gotta work together, don't shut the door on each other, don't just become housemates that are raising kids that occasionally fucking. And. And then. Because what's going to happen is when the kids leave home, you both gotta think you're strangers and you're just gonna leave, you know, it's all gonna fall apart, you know? Yeah. And one or two people I have been able to talk to that are friends of ours that I've been able to, you know, not even know that I've helped them, it actually makes me feel good inside, you know, that. Because they're like, yeah, your advice that you're giving us is really good. You know what I mean? Where less than a year ago I would have been like, oh, they're in a pickle. I'll just walk away from them, you know, and, you know, wouldn't. Wouldn't bat an eyelid where it's. It's good to help people these days, you know, and. And, yeah, and. And just, you know, be a nice person, not. Not be a hard case all the time.

Yes. Yeah. Well spoken. Well spoken, Ren. Very true, man. Very true, I think. Thank you again for jumping on, mate. And thank you, guys. For watching or listening to this episode. Hope you got a lot of value out of it. Another success story. I've got too many podcasts lined up with too many men now, Ren, there's a bit of backlog because I haven't done this for a while, mate, so I might have to pump it up and just get these rolling out because they're just. There's so many special stories just like yourself, mate. And it's.

Thanks for the opportunity. It was a little bit daunting. I've never done it before, but hope I haven't bought everyone to tears.

Throw it out. Throwing out the random curse words, mate, were more than enough to keep us all on the edge of our seat waiting. Which one was next? And no, I'm just kidding. It was awesome, mate. It was great. So I hope you guys got a lot of value this and what a solid story. Story. Thank you, Ren.

Oh, you're right. Thank you, Alex. We'll talk soon.

And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved, which is exactly what we're all about thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. Appreciate your support in spreading this message, Chase.