223. The Business of High Performance Father

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Welcome back to the all in podcast where we talk about what it's like to be a modern day man. A father, a business owner, a provider, just a man in today's crazy world. My name is Lynn Trinh. I'm your host and I've got your co host, Alex Reneri. Welcome, bro.

Oh, man.

Episode four. We're crushing.

Yes.

How are you?

We're crushing it. Crushing it together. How good is it?

Yeah, we're coming in with a bit more structure today. Carrie's been looking at these podcasts. She's like, hey man, this is really good. You guys are having a great chat. We want to bring it in and, and have a little bit more structure. So how's your, how's your weekend?

Really good, man, really good. In terms of illness, we've all been nailed since we came back from, from Fiji and the family got sick and it was only a matter of time until it got me. So funnily enough, it hit me in the throat. So I don't know if that's a weak error. It just is what it is. But it was a great weekend because it was really restful and just recouped and ready for a massive, massive week. And a big month, man. Lots, lots happening. We're nearly up to the second half of 2023. It's crazy.

This is the final month in Australia. This is the final month, end of financial year 2023 and then are we starting 2324 next month? That's crazy. Everyone's rushing. All the sales are making it happen right now. So Al, Kerry. Kerry told me I'm going to pull up our topic for the day for the podcast. I'm just going to start off with a couple of things. So you know, you've been running high performance father, you've been coaching men over the last five years, specifically fathers. And I think the tagline of HPF is how to win the second half of life. What does that mean? What does that mean and why is that important?

Winning the second half?

What is the second half? Is that when you get married, when you have kids, is that the second half?

Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? Because I mean the average age is around 80. It's dropped a little bit. Used to BE I think 81 and a half. However, I think the second half, man, just from what you said then, I truly believe it's not so much bound by time as opposed to men working hard, getting married, having children and really trying to create what they've established in the first 30, 40 years, their life to actually enjoy and live and have a lot more opportunity and experiences throughout the next phase of their life. I think that's what it is. Like, that's what it is to me because we see so many men. Our oldest member is 68. It's insane, but I've seen so many men in their late 40s to 50s. It just seems to be crunch time lim where these guys, everything's too much and they've falling apart and they're broken or obviously they do something about it and it becomes that next level where they don't have all the burdens that they had to go through early on and now they can live a phenomenal life over the next 30 odd years.

Yeah, it is, it is, it is crunch time, isn't it? When, when you become a dad and like when you become a dad, I think that's when the second half begins. And probably not even after the first kid. Like when, when I had Ocean, it was pretty okay because Carrie would take care of Ocean and I didn't. It didn't really affect me too much. Right. It's when the second one comes in, bro, I think you, you, you gave me a warning. You were like, hey, when you have Atlas, the second one's like gonna completely change and then the third one at another level. Right. You know, so, so what? General coaching, Coaching men. I mean, how many, how many men have you worked with? Over 5,000, 5,500 in hpf?

Yeah, thousands now. Been unreal.

I'd say we, I'd say we work together because we're business partners, but I like to look at myself as advising from. From the far right to get that clarity for hpf. And it's really, really interesting in terms of how important HPF is at the moment. Like high performance father. The ability for a man to get his shit together, okay, Mentally, physically, so that he can do more and. And give the woman the space to become the foundation of the family. The woman is the rock. The mum is the rock of the family. It all starts with having a great foundation for the kids to be built from. And that's what we don't see anymore in modern society. That's what that's. Culturally. If you look everywhere that has culture, what you generally agree with is that most men go to work, most women stay at home and raise the kids with the other women and the grandmas, and they have the community. And you can see this in any. Generally across the world. You know, you see this in India, you see this in Asia, you see this in the Middle East. We're losing in the Westerners are kind of. We don't have this culture anymore. And I think it's quite dangerous because the kids aren't being raised with family values. And I think for a lot of people, I think we can all agree that family values is a good thing, like raising. Having a family and raising good children and raising great people is a positive thing. But I think one of the biggest things that we can see with the transition of our modern society is that we don't have these family units, which is why I suppose I'm doing this, this podcast, because to bring up awareness of what HPF does and how it. How important it is that when the father gets his shit together, when the man gets his shit together, when he's able to take on the responsibility of the weight of, you know, being able to make money, being able to make sure your children are okay, being able to make sure your wife is okay, I think that leads to a fundamentally better family because now you're creating the space for the mom and the woman to. To. To be a woman, to be a mother, to. To nurture. We don't. We just don't have that anymore. And, and one of the reasons is because when men become fathers, it is really, truly difficult to balance. You know, you call it the panda and the Viking, right? Do you want to go inside more of what the. What the panda and the Viking is and the messaging behind that?

Definitely. No, definitely my ends. And what you're saying just rings home. So much for the fathers that we work with, you know, and there's good reason, gentlemen, those watching this is good reason why life is incredibly hard and difficult in what you need to do. Which is why it's important for a man to provide. Because you need that masculine energy which. Which women seldom can produce. Or producing and feeling happy afterwards. So when we recognize this masculine energy, gentlemen, it's about actually being the chief, which is the one who sits right in the middle. Who can draw from tapping into that power that we're talking about. And we reference that as the Viking. And also being the man who can bring down the wall to some degree. And have a good level of active vulnerability. Which then opens the doorway to love with his family, your children and your wife. And it's something, Lynn, that you inspired by the way. I mean, I spoke about being the Viking. And then, and I remember you, you came up with the word panda. And we're talking about this. And then this idea, this principle was born. It was awesome, man. Because what we see, gentlemen, is too often you're either the Viking and the family walks on eggshells. You don't know how to tap into that loving and supportive side. And you try and run your family like you run your business. And there's just this separation. There's this disconnect. And the wall creates this separation. And no one feels loved. But then on the flip side, what we find is there are men out there in today's world who don't tap into their masculinity. And they don't have the power to execute and that confidence, which means they're not valued by their wife. They're not attracted, they're not attractive to their wife. The wife's in attracted to them. And being this panda, they become this pushover. And I guess, Lynn, what we talk about on the inside is always when and where and how to use these two to juggle and be the chief, the one who sits right in the middle, who has control.

I think the most attractive thing I want to add to that. And Karen and I were having this conversation. She's like, you know the most attractive thing? Where I find you the most attractive is when you're going out to hunt and produce for us, provide to work. And then on top of that, when you're able to come home and switch off and be with us. And it's like, that's the most attractive thing. She's like, yep, when you're able to go off, switch on work to get your shit done and then come home and then be the panda and be the guy that's patient, be the guy that's kind. Have a joke with us, have fun. And that's kind of two very different identities kind of clashing together. She's asking for everything, by the way. And that's the thing Men, men want. I think I've quoted this. Come, Alex, what do men want? Men want two things. The two piece. Well, they'll see in power. That's. That's it, right? There's this, there was this quote, I saw it on Twitter, it was amazing. Men want pussy in power and women want everything. And it's, it brings back to such truths because you know, Gary's trying to say, hey, you're in your best element. Like I find you the most attractive when you're doing the literally the hardest thing, which is go to work, produce, make money, run the business and then come home and be with us. Switch off, don't think about the business. And I go, that's fucking impossible. Because at the same time when I'm switching, like it, it is an impossible game that you have to train yourself into. And I think it's so important because your family needs you. They need that emotional balance from you. They need your kindness, they need your calmness, they need patience. They don't want the family to run like a business. And so I bring up to this point because the most important thing that we're seeing right now is that families are falling apart because there is no dynamics, there's no relationship between the father, the man and the woman. The man going to work to produce the woman, staying at home, looking after the kids because the woman, the mums aren't feeling valued. There isn't enough value placed upon the mums. And so the mums are now getting seduced to want to go and be a boss lady. They're going to want to go to work. And so there's this weird thing where the kids aren't getting raised by. They don't have an emotional foundation which the mums can give to them. Men can't be as strong. Okay, if you imagine this, just imagine that a kindergarten was run by a group of men. You know that even, even that feels a little bit weird because I don't know, that doesn't feel quite right. And I want to explore that a little bit. Why, why doesn't that, why don't I feel quite right? Like if Ocean's going to kindy and all her teachers are male. Why, why doesn't. I don't know. Let's explore that. Let's tap into that. Can can we unfold that? Can we unpack that? Why isn't that right?

I think as men we naturally or we inherently know that the greatest value we can hold as men is providing for the tribe. And how you provide for the tribe is by exercising your masculinity and going out and hunting and prod providing. So when we see that in more of a nurture, not lower level energy like you said, like mothers need to be cherished more because they are getting seduced and they're getting this trade off on am I valued as a mum or should I just go out and work and make some money? And that's horrendous. But I think that's it, man. Because we see these men were like, you're capable of, of tapping into your masculine energy to go and produce and hunt, yet you're sitting around playing with toys and trucks for 8, 10, 12 hours a day. Now you and me can do that. We can be the panda.

But I just feel like at some point the man's going to snap out and he's going to want to control the kids, right? He doesn't have the patience, he doesn't have the empathy, he doesn't have as much love as a woman does. Like, I feel like women are fantastic because they've got so much love, they've got so much patience, they've got so much empathy, they've got so much feelings, they got so much emotion. And I think that the majority of men on average don't have that compared to the women on average. Which means to me, women are better at this role. And I feel like because they're better and the world doesn't appreciate them, the world doesn't value moms. Nobody wants to be a mom. It's the hardest freaking job in the world. Like, I don't. When I see Kerry and what she's had to go through, you know, like once I saw her give birth to Atlas, natural him coming out of her vagina. The expansion, the pain. I'm like, man, there is nothing that I can do in my life that's going to be harder than this period. Nothing. Nothing like the fucking end. And so that level of respect was like, okay, what do you need? What do I need to do so that I can support you and your needs, so that you can provide and nurture the next generation of kids. My kids, right? And so the craziest part about all of this is, is we've lost that family dynamics and bring this back to hpf. HPF essentially teaches the man to get his shit together, like, to go, hey, man, like, you got to get your shit together. You got to be better. You got to get yourself mentally, physically tough so that you have more energy and so that you can get ready to. To produce, to become the Viking, to become the warrior and start doing shit and getting shit done. And I think the thing about most men, and this is the craziest part, the most. Most men have, you know, over their life, learned to become complacent. We learn to talk a big game, but not follow through. These are patterns of most men. So we talk a big game, we don't follow through. Okay? Then there's trust that's not built between us and our wives because they think we're full of shit. And then it's this unpacking to become better, to become a man that lives with integrity. And I think that's the very first thing that HPF does really well. It's actually like, how do you fall in line with and how do you do what you said you're going to do? And I think that closes the gap because if you can do that, you can build trust within yourself. And then over time, over the expansion of 90 days, 12 months, 5 years, however long it takes, your wife can actually trust you. And I think there's this distrust between the man and a woman in a relationship that the woman doesn't trust the mum, doesn't trust the dad, because he's talked to Big game for quite a long time and keeps disappointing her over and over. Hey, baby, we're going to, we're going to, we're going to. I'm going to make more money for us, baby. I want to buy you this house. We're going to do this, we're going to do that. And just disappointment after disappointment, there's this little wedge and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger, right? And so the woman doesn't trust the man to provide. And so the woman feels like she needs to work. Does that make sense? The woman feels like she needs to go out there to work for her own security, for her own peace of mind, because she's got kids and there's nothing. There's no stronger bond between a mother and her children. Like, no stronger bond. As much as we want to have it, we have to accept the facts. There is no stronger bond between a mother and her children. You know, and so as men, the sad part is there's this emotional disconnect that we know will never be as close to our kids as our mom, right? Like, there's that part that we have to get over. And because they have that image, you know, they were inside her at some stage. And so I want to transition on because I think a lot of people know what HPF does, which is all about helping the man. I think it's important that everyone knows why HPF exists, especially now in more than ever in today's society, that we need to have that family dynamics where the man and the woman respect each other and they play vital roles. And it's not. It's not about. The craziest part is being seduced on social media to go, hey, moms, you should be working. Or, hey, mom, you can have a really hot body and you've been running five businesses and you can be a boss, babe, and you can have all these things. And it's kind of like, no, no, no, as. As the second half of life. We have a family. You got kids, there's the mum, there's a dad, there's the kids. What do we want to do together? And what are the roles that we all need to play inside of our little community in order to make shit work? And it's forgetting about what others have, and it's actually looking within the circle, within the people that actually matter the most. And the craziest part is inside of hpf, man, just seeing, like, there's so many crazy stories with so many men coming in from so many different walks of life in Australia and New Zealand, and just seeing what happens when there is no trust and no respect fundamentally in the relationship, you know, and it just goes back to that. That's the foundation, right? If we can fix the trust in the man that he has in himself, if he keeps his word and he becomes a man that's trustworthy and filled with integrity, then his wife will actually start to believe him. So this guy, like, that's the first thing that we fix. And that's a hard game because at some level, you know, everyone's full of. It's just, how, how, how much are you full of? How can you kind of reduce that full of shitness every day? You know, like, I'm not perfect, you're not perfect. No man's perfect. But if we can reduce the gap every day and we can look to improve, then we ultimately build more trust for ourselves. Our wife trusts us more, she respects us. We then build respect for her. Like, I've got tremendous respect because I saw the birth and I'm going like, that in itself was like, I. Like, there's nothing that realization that there's nothing that I can do that's harder than this in my life.

Couldn't agree more, man. And the challenging part for a lot of men, especially watching this, is, like you said, Lynn, we all have our shit to deal with that. That's why my life was falling apart in 2016 when I became a father for the first time. Obviously, those would know. I've got three beautiful kids now, and the struggles are falling into temptation of the gap is widening. So what do I do? I don't close the gap. I still go it alone as a lone wolf, which means I don't have the right support, tools and coaching to put me back on track. And then also I widen the gap further because I look for coping mechanisms. We call it sedation, distraction. It becomes like. I don't know if you remember that old cartoon Pinocchio, but it becomes like you're on the island with all the donkeys. So when you carry on like that, you become one. So these men go to pubs or drink or have gambling or drugs or other addictions, which in the wife's eyes, creates even more distrust. And then the children pick up on that, man. That's the probably. I'll tell you what fathers like. You're right. Mothers have that emotional bond with children. But for a father, for me, that's the greatest title a man could have. Yet you end up castrating yourself with your relationship with your wife because the children feed off her energy and how she sees you, which means they no longer see. And you become like the Peppa Pig cartoon where they just take the piss out of the dad all the time. And then your children don't respect you. Respect you, because they know you, that their mum, your wife, doesn't trust or respect you or see you as the king.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree. I mean, I want to. I want to segue to this. What's it like coaching these men? What's it like for you? Like, talk to me about the experience, the emotional experience. What's it like coaching or having coached and worked with 5,000 guys who are going through this.

It's heavy, man.

Yeah.

Like, it's funny. Like, I just, you know, obviously there's thinking time and then there's time to just go with your gut. And when you ask that question, the very first word that comes to mind is heavy. Heavy. Like, for me to be able to do this and not burn out. Lynn, obviously, with your supporters, as the architect who's helped me so much on the coaching team, obviously it's not Just me. There is so much you take on board, man. Like the amount of guys, and this goes obviously right to the extreme where there are guys who share stories of they went to Bunnings, they got the rope, we've got farmers, guys who had the shotguns. You know, they had everything ready to go where they were ready to leave the world and like that. We get that all the way through to the man who's just empty and feels nothing. And then you see a picture of him and his beautiful family and there's just, there's nothing in there. And it's really tough, man. Like that's on the. I mean obviously there's positives and negatives, but on the positive side, it's such a fulfilling and rewarding thing to see that the children get their father back, the wife gets her husband back and the family gets back on track and living the life that they want. Like you said, their own little tribe, forget the reality in the rest of the world and other countries, like their immediate environment is looked after. So it's such a rewarding thing. I believe it's one of the hardest things to do out there. There's nothing harder than trying to not convince, but guide and influence a middle aged man that he should look to improve his position by taking ownership and doing something about it and doing it without doing it alone. That takes a level of swallowing pride.

So what's the hardest part? What's the hardest part about helping a guy change?

Probably not so much him seeing, but him actually having the courage to take the actions. It's pretty easy to point out the facts and show someone their shortcomings or what they can do or what they need to do or a track record, man. Obviously we've got endless testimonials. The hardest part is them initiating action and taking, taking that step, I'd say.

Can I ask you a question? Like, why don't you think men take action? Like we talk a lot about all the men out there, their wives are going to leave them, they're going to go through divorce, they're going to lose child custody of their children. Okay, they're never going to see the kids again. What action do they need to take and why is it so hard?

It's a great question, man. I think. Well, if I was going to think fundamentally it would have to be a belief system, surely, I mean, I mean, I'm open. You see a lot as well. I'm open to your thoughts, but I don't know, like unless, I mean, if you don't Believe that it's. It's actually possible. Forget hpf. Like, forget anything else that can assist you inside of the man. If it's a pattern, a rut, I'm not sure, man. Like, it's a really good question that I haven't dived too deep into because I'm always forward, focusing on what we can do to create the changes. But the men who jump on the calls with our coaches and, you know, just gotta check with my wife, and they're constantly neglecting the responsibility and ownership they should take and looking to deflect.

I don't know.

Like, it's just for me, I struggle to try and see that and align with that thought process because there's nothing good that goes beyond behaving that way. But what are your thoughts, man? Do you think it is a belief system thing? Is it. Is it. Is it a pattern that they're stuck in or.

I had a. I had a really good epiphany over the weekend. I was at Carrie's parents house and her aunt or her. One of her parents friends we hadn't seen for like, years. She's like, oh, my God, Lynn, you know, I haven't seen you for years. Years. I'm so proud of what you've done. You guys are so successful. You know, you have everything that I want. I, you know, can you help me? Like, how do I even do this online thing? What do I even. Where do I even start? And, you know, ABs were sitting there with me, and I'm like, hey, like, you know, you just need to start talking about shit that you're interested in. And if you're funny or you have a character, you have a Persona, and you add value, then people start following you. And then if you. If people start following you, basically what can happen is, well, you can sell them something. So you got to build the brand, build the attention, build the awareness, and then you can sell them something. You can do that one of two ways. You can learn paid advertising to get attention, or you can build your brand right in essence. And she started asking, okay, what do I post? Can I post now? You know, And I said, well, like, let's look at this for a second, because we're diving into the tactics. And I just said, look, how bad do you want this? She's like, what do you mean? Like, are you comfortable right now? And it's just like, yeah, yeah, I work at Volvo. I'm pretty comfortable. And I'm like, well, this isn't gonna happen. And I said, fundamentally. I said, this is gonna happen. Not that it can't happen, but the risk, the probability that it will happen is very slow. Because you're comfortable. And what I'm asking you to do is, I'm asking you to do a whole bunch of uncomfortable things for the very first time. I'm asking you to get on camera. I'm asking you to post it. You've never posted before, okay? You're going to have a lot of stories and excuses and reasons. Your husband doesn't support you. He's happy with you. Come. He doesn't, he doesn't want to support you. That's the probability of you actually succeeding and pulling this off and having the life that me and Kerry have because this is what we've built for ourselves is very low. I'm going to tell you why. It's not because you don't know what to do. It's not because I can't tell you everything that you need to do. It's because in your mind, you don't have the feel and the desire to overcome all of the excuses that you're going to come up with. So every day there's going to be a different excuse. My husband doesn't want me to do this. Ah, I look ugly today. Oh, somebody put hate on my comments on, on my videos. Ah, somebody. And there's millions of excuses, right? And fundamentally I said, look, if you don't have the desire, like, if you don't want this bad enough, if you don't have to do this, then you're, one day you're going to give in to those excuses and you're going to stop. It's called resistance. And fundamentally, I said that to, and I looked at abs and I said, look, if there's one thing that I've learned after, like working with, I don't know, 3,000 coaches and businesses in my time, I've looked at this and I've gone, hey, there's one fundamental, there's one fundamental factor. Those that want it enough, those that are able to build desire because they have to end up getting it. Those that don't have to find a reason not to. Okay? And fundamentally, I said abs in that 10 minute conversation. That was the best thing I could share with her because I could have given her the tips, but if she doesn't have the desire tomorrow, she's going to stop. So regardless of what advice I gave to at that moment, it's like the one thing that I realize, I recognize I need to do now is to help people find the Desire to light the desire. Whether or not we use pain, whether or not we tell them, hey, this is what's going to happen. I don't know if you can see this yet, right? People take action. Funnily enough, people take action when there's so much pain because they don't have enough money in the bank account. They've got like $10 left and that's like their pain threshold. So they're like, fuck, I need to go and find something. So they'll work and then basically, if they have $300 or $1,000, whatever that buffer is, they'll stop working as hard and they'll take days off and the excuses will come in. It's called that self sabotage until they get back to 10 and then they get off. So my thought is, how do I bring that, how do we bring that buffer up and how do I get people to see, like, if you don't actually take action right now, this is what's going to happen and be that line for them, right? So that they have to take action and then to bring out that possibility and that desire of, hey, man, this is what you can really have. But pain's a lot easier because it's visible and they can see it right now. Whereas people can't see like there's the carrot and the stick, right? The carrots, the thing that's out there that they want to have, but they've never had it before, so they don't believe that they can have it. A lot of people talk about dreams and goals. It's like you've never had a goal, but what you've had is you've had a lot of pain and you've had a lot of pressure and you understand how that can motivate you. So first we're going to use pain to motivate you until we can get you to a place where you can actually wire yourself to see the possibility. The carrot. Why carrots don't work is because people just don't believe that they can have the carrot. They believe it's a dream. It's too far fetched. They've never had it. It's not real to them. The carrots, not real. You know, if you've never been on a yacht before, you're like, oh yeah, what are the chances that you've been on a yacht? But if you live on a yacht every day and you have a million dollar yacht, someone takes it away, you're gonna make some money, you really want that yacht back, you want that lifestyle You've had it before. You'll work harder to bring back that yacht than to get the yacht. Even though it's the same outcome, getting a yacht, making a 10 million to get the yacht. So what I'm trying to say is, fundamentally, a lot of the men that we work with, they're going to have thousands of excuses, millions. And our job is not to give them the tactics, it's to help them with the tactics, even though they think that's what they need. Hey, my wife did this. We're in this sticky situation. She cheated on me here. What the fuck do I do? And the ultimate question then becomes, well, it's not so much what you do in this circumstance, it's what do you want? Are you committed to figuring this out with a yes or no? Okay, why? Let's play this out. If you do versus if you don't. And then it's a game of probability and risk. And then allowing them to have the courage to make that decision and move in using feel. If you don't have enough feel, you're not going to overcome any of the obstacles. Everything hard in life comes with a lot of excuses and resistance. That's why it's hard. If it wasn't, if it didn't come up with a lot of resistance and there weren't a million excuses, everyone would have it. And so there's. There's a lot of resistance to have children and raise great children. There's a lot of resistance to homeschool kids. When you know you don't have enough money, you're like, how the fuck do I homeschool? I'm working. How do you do that? Yeah. So even though you want to, even though that's the goal, there has to be a fundamental desire when you make the switch, when you're pissed off enough at the institution or the educational system that you go, fuck this. I'm going to work my ass off. I'm going to make more money. I'm going to figure out all this so that my kids, we don't have to suffer. And that's the desired part. I think there's nothing stronger than desire. And I think a lot of people don't want to get involved. They don't want to get emotional. And I think the best thing that you can do is to get emotional to. Because emotion is feel, feel drives, feels your desire to overcome your excuses. And fundamentally, for a guy, the worst thing is a guy that feels nothing. That's the hardest spot. You know, at least if you feel something Then. Then you're angry. Use that if you're pissed off. But if you feel nothing, it's like maybe you feel nothing in the moment and something needs to happen. I don't know if you're. I very rarely encountered a man that absolutely feels nothing. Because let's say, for instance, touch wood, somebody dies close to him, he's going to feel something. Maybe he needs three people to die. Maybe the feeling so numbed and suppressed that something needs to happen to shock him, to make him recognize, shit, man, you only have one life, you gotta live it. So I think that's my take. And I think fundamentally what we can do to help people is to generate desire, to generate fuel for them, internal feel so that they can do something to change. It's not about telling them what to do, even though they think it is. Because if we can tell them what to do today, there's something new tomorrow. Fuck, there's something new in the next hour, there's something new in the next minute, there's always something. So that's a lose lose situation. Because then that something is contextualized to a million different people with a million different circumstances. Like it's impossible. And even if you do tell them the answer, they don't do it. Why? Because there's fear. So you have to create enough desire for them. Or fear, which can also be translated, they have to be scared of the bigger thing, so they do the smaller things. And for example, I'm going to go back with that analogy with the friend she needed to quit her job and have no money to feed her kids. Why? Because her posting a video on Tick Tock is scary for her. But the fear of not having food in a kid's mouth is actually more scary. So that bigger fear is actually driving over those little humps of the smaller fears. And I think fear is a very powerful thing and people should use to their advantage if they know how to use it. Well, I don't think the carrot works well, I just don't. I've seen so many people want to save $100,000. Want to do it? No one hits the goals. Okay, but you'll hit your goals if you're. If you have no money in the bank. So here's how to hit your goal. Every, every month, make yourself broke again inside of your bank. Whatever you've. Whatever you've gotten paid by your paycheck, take it out of your bank account, put it into a savings, give it to your wife, lock it up, don't use it, and then Use that fear to actually reproduce. By the end of the day, you'll save $100,000, $200,000, $300,000. You'll get to the go, but you're using fear to actually get yourself to take action. Unfortunately, comfort destroys all hopes and dreams. I think that's the biggest lesson that I've learned, man. And I think when I'm looking at HPF and I'm looking at advising, I'm trying to figure out, how do we create design belief? Okay? How do we make. How do we make it believe that these. These men should have. Should be. Firstly, it's capable to even be a man that looks after himself and a man that has his shit sorted out, and a man that looks after his wife, his kids, his family, and a man that respect his wife and a man that makes her feel. It's not even about, do I love my wife? You don't have to love your wife anymore, okay? What you need to do in order to build a great family unit is respecter. Is respect that she's important, Okay? I think love is this such a. Such a. It's. It's dangerous to marry somebody that you love. And you're trying to chase that because it's a feeling. And there are stages where it's like, yes, I love you deeply, and the love changes and love is a feeling. But the respect is something that you have to have in order to work together, to work together amicably. The respect is the foundational cause of all of your arguments. Why you get triggered at her, how you talk to her comes down to whether or not you respect her. When you disrespect somebody, you're going to be more angry, you're going to be more entitled, you're going to be more harsh. You're going to be like, yo, you're going to be more of a victim. Where's all of my shit? Why isn't the House audit. When you respect somebody you can actually acknowledge, hey, your life is hard, okay? The kids are hard. Not having your own. I appreciate you sacrificing yourself and sacrificing your career and your hopes and your dreams and avoiding, you know, all those women on TikTok and Instagram that are, like, making their life seem so glamorous so that you're giving yourself up to look after kids. I respect that completely. And I think it needs to start with a conversation of respect. And actually, fundamentally, that that's what creates the kindness, that's what creates the patience. And so I know I'm going on a bit of a rant but I think, man, like quite often when I, when I look inside of hpf, it's, it's like they just need a lot more desire. My job is how do we create that desire? How do we create that belief? If we can unlock that, then a lot of the dominoes fall. I've got a question for you though. So inside of building HDF and coaching 5000. Sorry, I've got a question for you because I know I talk a lot. What's been your experience building the company? What are your lessons over the last, you know, what are your biggest lessons in building the company? We've got a team of 20 something people. No, no. We generate millions in revenue a year. What's kind of your top lesson in building this organization?

Probably a valuable lesson that you gave me less than two weeks ago made around standards. And I think it probably ties in well to what you've just shared because that was a quite a powerful piece that you just shared, man, for a lot of men inside their lives. Because I was thinking, not to dodge the question, but I was just thinking about when you're talking like what would create desire. And I think one of them is being real on what the future risk and cost is if men don't take action because the reality is so many will fall apart. But also what I wrote here is the other way to do that is not just saying it's not like inside our group every day I'm going, hey, if you don't do this, your wife will leave. If you don't do this, you want. It's not just that. It's actually I wrote here raising and demanding, raising and demanding as a tribe, a higher level of standards. I think that creates desire because when you're all in the tribe, you don't want to look like a fool. You don't want to let your team down. You want to be, you don't want to be seen as a liar. And that's what I love about the men. The lies off and be truthful and be real. And one of the most powerful lessons that you've taught me as well in, as well as the top lesson in HPF has been on top of having to. I've forced myself, you know, you know my story, man. I've had to, I was, I was drowning financially drowning maritally. Like everything was falling apart for me.

Yeah.

And when I started hpf, my gyms were dying. I had to make it work, man. I was number, I was 300 out of 300 in your mastermind. I was at the bottom, man. I was the bottom feeder when I started.

Yeah.

And obviously rose right up to. To the top with you. And my most valuable lesson, man, is standards. Like, if I cannot uphold the standards, I need to for the vision of the company, for how I operate, what I do, which constantly changes. As a coach for the team, as a coach to my coaches and building them.

Yeah.

As a leader. To be smart with finances and what we invest back into the company to build experience and through sickness and other things. And the excuses we can all have. Like I said, we've always got a reason. There have been times when those standards have dropped. And the unfortunate reality is, and it's.

Absolutely like, we're not perfect. The reality is there are times where standards drops. And one of the times that we talked about was when your voice went, like, in Darwin, like, you couldn't speak. You can do podcasts, you can do anything. Your whole thing as your whole life, your whole identity is your ability to speak. Right. Because you influence men with your words. So when that got taken away from you, this, the standards undoubtedly, like, they dropped. And I recognize this because I had to come in for a few weeks and I was like, hey, like, I'm looking at fundamental things. So we're fixing a few things. I'm looking at sales, I'm looking at marketing, I'm looking at fulfillment. I'm looking at a lot of stuff. And I'm going, hey, man, it's great. It's kind of like I was a mechanic, I didn't audit. And I was like, hey, these are fundamental. These are things that we can fix short term. But ultimately, this is the problem. And my observer, my observation there was that we tolerated. What we did was we tolerated. We built a culture and a team that tolerated not hitting goals and targets, not hitting projections, not hitting numbers. We tolerated things, little simple things like spreadsheets not getting filled out by the end of the day. I look at that as such a little thing. But if you let the little thing slip, you let the big thing slip. Like, you won't get the big things. And it's like, hey, we need to operate our company as high performance standards. Because if we. If we declare something and we don't hit it, there needs to be a consequence. And I think that's the thing that wasn't happening. There was no consequence. A lot of guys, and this relates to men and fathers because they declare a lot of goals and there's no. Nothing happens for not hitting those Goals. That's why they never hit. Get the goals. Same same thing that's happening inside of the company. What else did you learn? So standards were the big, the biggest one is building, Building a company heart.

Yeah, it's simple and easy if you don't have a wife and children. But yeah, it's, it's, it is tough, man. It's tough.

It's, it's pretty hard, man. It's a, it's. Building a company is really hard. Really, really difficult. Like, and you know, you've got to be obsessed about it. Having wife and kids, building a company while you have wife and kids and you want to be a good father to them and you want to be present there for your wife. That's like, that's another game. Because we talk a lot about like the identity switch. Like building a company, you got to be ruthless. Especially when you're starting up. You have to be ruthless because every person in the organization needs to figure like, are they adding value? Are they making the company money? If not, then at the start you got to build a lean team. Once, once, once you get to a certain level and you can afford to have the fat, sure, you can bring on the fat, you can bring on the people that can add in like different feel good factors, etc, etc. You do a company I just prefer at the start, hey, I want to run a really tight ship. I want to grow this. And everyone here needs to add tremendous value. And I can actually see their value. I can see like, I can quantify them. If I lose this, if I lose this person from the company, I'm going to lose $500 million a year. Because this person brings in their role, brings in a million if they hit their targets and therefore they have to hit the targets. So.

Agreed. And that's probably the big one on this tour. I mean there's so many lessons, man, but two more.

Go, go, go. I'd love, I want to hear. We go through that day to day so much. It's a really good, it's a really good time to reflect. So there's upholding the standards and creating a, creating a culture of like, hey, these are the standards that we uphold. We do things that we said we're going to do, okay? We focus on the little shit. We, we do what's required not, you know, for the role. Right?

Yeah. What I love too man, is there's so many things in business that correlate to your life. You know, like you look at what we said, then it's like, well, it's the same with home. The other lesson, because there's so many, but the main ones is that your business is an extension of you. So is your family, like with your children walking around in eggshells and being disconnected. That is an extension of the energy you are investing and implementing inside of that environment. And then what I realized with this is, yeah, my. My business is a part of me. What I do, how I operate, which does tie into standards, but also you can see the ebbs and flows. Like, when I lost my voice, I lost all my power, man, and I couldn't train. So I physically lost, like, there was so many things that went down. So then that actually converted. It wasn't a money thing. It actually converted into how I operated at home, too. That was a big one for me. Like, your business is a part of you. Like, you are investing energy into this thing. It's like your people call it your baby or it's an organism. Yeah. Which is probably not.

Yeah, no, no, sorry. You go. You go.

No, that's. Well, that's what I was going to say. These two probably go together, which. The other one was leveraging feelings. Like, that's something you helped me with so much, being such an emotionally driven man, from obviously being the fat boy and lots of little things going on when I was a teenage and some troubling times into accelerating myself into elite sport. I actually always leverage my feelings to outperform people, which is why I could do things, especially in CrossFit, that other people my size couldn't do.

However, when it came to business, you.

Helped me line that up where I needed to leverage my feelings. And going is how I'm feeling now better than how I will feel if I get the thing done. And then what that does for a lot of people, including men, it gets you away from the technology or the pornography or all these other distractions, you know, with drugs and alcohol to not go, I need to feel good right now. I don't feel like doing this right now. And what I did is instead of create what I call emotional anchors, because an anchor keeps you in one spot.

Yeah.

We do this in hbf. We cast emotional hooks. How would I feel if this was true and we get through with these upgrades with hpf? Hpf hits 10,000 men. Hpf. Okay, cool. If hpf hits 10,000 men, how will I feel then compared to I don't feel like doing it today? To get member number 5553, you know, whatever it might be. And that was a powerful lesson. You Taught me, man. And sometimes it doesn't matter how you feel, sometimes it's what you do that's more important. That was a huge one, man. Thank you for that. You taught me that.

I think it's super important to understand that building a great business and raising great children will be one of the most enlightening experiences that you can have as a man. And I want to share why it's gotta. You will become a better man by building a great business and also by building great kids, like great leaders, because you have to, you have to learn how to get along with people. You have to learn because in order to build a great business, you're going to need people. You're going to need to sell people into a vision to come work you, okay? In order to keep people, you're going to need to create an environment that people want to be involved in, okay? And one of the best things that it's going to actually have to sharpen up your skills to move from the victim, the scarce mentality, into more of an abundance, a kind and more patience, a clearer person, a more directive person. Your communication is going to need to be absolutely on point because when you realize that you can't communicate for shit, nobody gets their job done and therefore your business goes down. So there are certain things that it's just all these pros and all these little gemstones that's going to make you, you the business owner, the best person, the best human that you're going to be if you build a great business, okay? Your communication has to get better. Your level of planning and clarity has to get better. You're strategically thinking that has to get better. You're not reacting to certain things immediately because you recognize that you have to, you have to withstand from like, you know, throwing a fuss and reacting emotionally to a certain situation so you've got more patience, okay? You're not, you're not going to become emotionally as triggered. You cannot, you have to control your emotions. And so building a great business, there's so many pros to it because it makes ultimately you the person at the end, the, the, I would say the most enlightened, the most evolved version of yourself, because you have to be. Now, most people don't get to this point because it's like a lot of their work is on themselves. How do I, how do I step out from this? How do I become a better communicator? How do I become a better strategist? How do I become a better project manager? How do I paint a better Vision, how do I communicate better? There are all these obstac that you have to figure out as the owner of the business. And if you do, you become the most enlightened version of yourself. And the same thing with kids. Like, how do I become the best role model that I can be, okay, for. For. For Atlas and for Ocean, so that they copy the best role model for me to build great kids that it's literally I have to become the greatest person because they literally will copy whatever I do. I can't tell them what to do. We know this. Kids don't. Kids don't listen to what we do. They watch what we do. Okay? So it's fundamentally important to understand that this is your journey. And the craziest part is by the 80th birthday that you have or anyone else that's watching this, you will be the most. If you continue along this pathway and you are successful, you will become your most evolved version. Okay? You will have skills, you'll have patience, you have empathy, you'll have understanding, you'll know how to work with human beings. You have to know. I think one of that's. That's the best part of building the business. I think it's actually getting to see you grow as the founder and fundamentally seeing you change. So I've observed quite a lot of things. I've observed that, hey, you have had to get so much better at building out processes and systems, right? Even though, like, processes and systems, everything's documented, strategically documented, because you've gone through so many cycles of not having it that you're like, if I just built this out, if I learned this for once, it would save my life. You're a lot more. You understand, like, the meaning of strategy and being. Executing on an important strategy and not pivoting, because the moment we pivot, we have to rebuild this over and over and over again. You understand the importance of actually just building one product and making it like the best and then selling it and then getting referrals from it as opposed to, like, you know, a lot of people will teach in business, you should have like multiple streams of products. And I'm like, bro, you can't even get one product first. How are you going to do multiple streams? You're going to create multiple streams of shit products. What you need to have is you need to have one product that does really, really well. And yes, if you can get people to come and buy from it, you do that really well. And then if the product's so good, it will take off A life form of its own. Because you will get referrals, people will stay on, it will generate. So there are so many lessons that we have to learn because these are the skill sets that we get to unlock to become the most evolved version of ourselves. Does that make sense? So I've watched over the last five years, I'm like, man, the very first time you came in, you had the voice, right? You had the voice and you had the vision, but you didn't have the strategies. You didn't have the tactics. You didn't know how to sell, you didn't know how to market. You didn't know. You literally didn't know anything. Versus, compared to the man that you are today, it's like, sure, the business might make millions of dollars a year. Cool. But the coolest part is Alex got to evolve. Alex became. Yeah, it's who you become along the way. I think that's the most fulfilling part. The most fulfilling part for me, man, is literally in my game of business just going, fuck. I realize I need to become a better leader. I need to become a better person. Like, I'm going back to this book called how to Win Friends and Influence People. And something that, that I'm unwinding right now is never criticize. Never criticize people. They don't criticize. Like, try not to criticize. Like, use criticism last. Always. Like, this is such obvious shit. And I've heard it over and over again. And it's. It's been a lesson because it's been a lesson that I've had to unlearn because of my upbringing and how critical my dad was of me. Like, hey, Lynn, this isn't good enough. Hey, you didn't get like 99%. You only got 98%. Was 100%. Hey, you only got like 97 for your Interscore. Where's the 99? How could you not get the 99? Oh, you were only a physio. Why don't you become a doctor? It's always criticism. And so inside of my mind, that's all I've been trained on. And yes, it's helped me. However, it hasn't actually influenced me to become closer to my dad. And so we're still trying to figure out, where's this relationship of ours now, how to use positive reinforcement in a different way. Like, I would ultimately have a better relationship with him. I may have not been as successful as I am. I don't know. We just don't know how it plays out. I could be more successful. I may not be as successful, but what I do know is this. If he had used positive reinforcement, we'd have a much better relationship with him right now. I'd respect him a lot more. I'd listen to him a lot more. Right now I don't because it was all like negative. And then I kind of outworked everything. It kind of. I hated it. I hated him for a moment. Yeah. And it's kind of filled with that. That negative energy that I don't want to have. And so for me, learning how to become a better leader is actually being able to unwind that being under. And it's critical. And we had that conversation the other day where, you know, I don't even think you knew where it came from, but it was like, man, like, I need to do a self reflection to myself for me to become a better leader, for me to become my most evolved version, I need to move from this being so critical, being like, hey, Alex, you didn't do this. Hey, Alex, you're not here to going, yo, Alex, you're doing really well, man. Hey, keep it up. But here's what. And then, and then being able to translate that to go, hey, but here's what I would do differently in this next time, you know, And I go, man, that's such a skill. And it's so hard because my wiring versus where I need to be. And so I'm very interested to see how that plays out for me just to become the next evolve state. Like, that's. That's it. That's the most funnest thing for me is to see how am I evolving? Does that make sense?

Yeah, man. You know, it's fascinating too. Like, I think that's the secret formula, Lynn. And, and the secret formula is. And what's fascinating to me is even someone like yourself, and you see this all the time with really successful and obviously wealthy people that even though they've achieved that level of wealth where obviously you can be pretty comfortable in family, self and service, you're in great shape, very strong, loving family, great business businesses. The secret formula is the willingness to understand that what got you there was your own evolution and growth. So you tap back into that. And even like you mentioned in that example, you unlearn to relearn. And I think, look, there are probably some, of course there are some evil, bad people out there who've made money. However do they keep it? You know, do they just, you know, karmic retribution come for them, whether, you know, the world and the universe balances out, maybe, but for the majority of people, it's the only way, isn't it, man? Like, the people who achieve really high, successful financial wealth are ones that have to evolve.

They have to be. It's funny, bro, because those are the people that are the most kindest, they're the most generous, they're the most helpful people because they've had to become that in order to build a big business. You cannot. Nobody wants to work for, for a tyrant or a dictator, okay? Unless you're like smuggling drugs. Yeah. So we're talking about the majority of business owners that are successful. There's a certain level that you have to become the most evolved version of. You have to learn patience, you have to learn kindness. Otherwise nobody's going to want to work for you. And until you master all of these skills, you're never going to build something big, like truly, truly big. Okay? Now, sure, there are some people, there are some businesses. We're not talking about all, but the majority are in the good boats. There are some that work with corruption, there are some that work with drugs, There are some that work with killing and, and, you know, all of that shit. We're not talking about that. We're just talking about the everyday person like you and I that want to move up, that have a, have a small cafe. And man, you want to find more employees to work in hospitality right now, fuck, you have to be the best boss. In order to be the best boss, you have to be the kindest, you have to be the patient, you have to have the best vision, you have to communicate really well, you have to have empathy, you have to have all of these things that for somebody to actually consider working with you then rather than fucking doing onlyfans, right? Like, that's the craziest part. So I think about it and I go, and even with kids, like, if you're, if your true goal is to raise great kids, then you have to be the greatest person that you can be because they're going to be a direct replica clone. Whatever you share that comes out of your brain. Just how, like, how critical my dad was on me, I'm now critical on myself and other people, right? That's just taken. It's embedded inside of my DNA. So my kids will actually do that and they'll replicate that same thing, which is why it's so critical for me to go, hey, if I want to raise great kids, I have to change. This is fundamentally, they're not going to be great. They're this critical of people. They'll just be assholes. Right? So that's something that I'm working on. That's like something for me to go, shit. There's this part of Lynn that's so critical, and it gets shit done, but at the same time, it's not going to evolve and get to the next level. And also, too, Is this what I want my kids to be? No. So there's this evolution that I have to break out of, that I have to relearn, I have to retrain. And it's. That is. It's that desire piece. Like, I just don't want Atlas to grow up. And I don't want to be. I don't want him to be an asshole. I don't want him to be critical. I want him to be a great leader. I want him to be a great role model that people respect. Part of that, too. I also want to build a bigger business, and I want more people to come work for me. Well, no one's going to come work for an asshole. So fundamentally, this asshole Persona needs to go, which allows me to become more evolved. I think that's so key. That business makes you a better person. Okay. And. And. And, you know, building a business makes you a better, more evolved person, I believe. And raising kids. Raising. And if your goal and your intention is to want to make your kids great, that's going to have to make you a better person.

Yeah. And just on that, a lot of you men watching or replays or watching this now, listening to this, you might be going, oh, cool. You're talking about a lot of business stuff and layering a couple of family. What does this have to do with me? What Lyn's sharing is, gentlemen, the challenge and adversity that you face in your life, that's the vehicle for your evolution, for your growth, for you to actually level yourself up. So maybe it is inside of your business you need to become a better version of who you are to run and drive that better. Or in your career or your children, you're struggling, pulling your hair out, going, my kids don't fucking sleep. You know, I'm arguing with the Mrs. These points of adversity and challenge you face, that's your vehicle, man. Like, that is your opportunity for you to grow. So whether you feel like you're connected to us, talking about specifics of business or not, the fundamental, as Lynn keeps saying, is you doing a reflection on your life, where you're at, the bad patterns, the poor things, the father you perhaps want to become, that you didn't quite have in your life as being the greatest opportunity you have in this life to fucking do something about it. Otherwise, what. What is the alternative? What's the alternative, Lynn, if. If we don't and we stagnate and we stay stuck as a man, as a husband, as a business owner, like.

Yeah, crazy. I think on a. On a segue to that, I get asked quite a lot, like, what made me choose you? Like, what made me choose to partner with you to build hbf? Because I had dozens of other people who do similar things, begging, okay? Literally begging, going, hey, I won't work with you. And I'm like, no, I can't. I'm working on this with Alex, and we're going to take this the whole way. And I want to answer that. I think fundamentally, I saw how good of a father you were to your kids. Fundamentally, that was the first thing. Does Alex actually live what he teaches? Okay. And part of me was being able to see that with your children. And also the second thing was actually looking at the work that you're doing and looking inside of the programs and looking at the results that men were having and the importance of it. And this was a couple years ago, not recognizing how important it is right now. It's even more important now, a couple of years ago, recognizing that man. Like, it does begin with the father. It does begin with him taking care of himself so that he can actually build that trust in him, so that his wife can now trust him. And their word means actually, like, the word is bond. And then when they can rebuild that trust, they can look at respect. And then when they can look at respect, they can actually go, shit, what do we want for our family? How do we want our family to grow? And then remove all the noise from elsewhere and actually go, hey, what only matters? The only thing that actually matters, I think, genuinely is your family and your close ones that are closest to you. And the closest people to you is literally going to be on your deathbed. Your wife, your kids, okay? And their kids. That's all that you're gonna matter. That's all that's gonna matter to me, at least. I don't know about you, but that's to me, when I recognize that, then the only thing that matters is what do we want? What do we want to build? And can we work together to build it so that we're happy? And so we're not listening to society, we're not listening to the latest Instagram posts, We're not listening to what other people want or what Other people tell us we should want, but we actually figure out this is what we want. And I think that's the most confusing part for men and women. It's like going, mums. What? What? You know, mums, what should you want? Yeah, there's so many. There's so many things being imparted on mums nowadays of how they. Who they should be. They should be everything, you know, they should be making money. They should be, you know, in great shape. They should be fucking a fantastic mom and they should be doing. They should be writing a book. And there's so many shoulds. And it makes them feel so. It makes them feel invisible and so unvalued as doing the most important thing, which is providing the emotional stability, patience and love to our children. And that's the craziest part. And the men, it's like, men, you should want to bang 100 chicks. You should have, you know, you should want to be top G and like. And it's like, no, no, no. What genuinely you should want is what makes most men want. Most men want to have a good living and take care of the family. That's what most men want, okay? Most men want their wives to respect them and appreciate them when they walk through the door, okay? And they don't want to feel like they're begging for sex or it's a hassle when they have to sleep at night and then beg for sex and then feel like they're getting pity sex. But we don't want that. We don't want pity sex. We want to feel with love. We want to feel appreciated, okay? Contrary to popular belief, we don't want blowjobs every fucking hour just because we just want more than physical sex or anything like that. We just want to feel wanted. We want to feel appreciated. And that's just not through sex. It's through like, hey, we want to feel desired and we want to feel thanked. That's what most men actually want. I think the cheating and everything else happens later on because of multiple reasons, but fundamentally, because most men aren't getting it. They aren't feeling desired, they aren't feeling wanted. Then they don't have eyes for the one woman. The one woman is not, you know, is not reciprocating that. That, I suppose, the feelings and the needs of the man. So, yeah, fundamentally, there were two things that I looked at when joining HPF and partnering with you. Number one, does, do you live it? Are you a great father? Are you a great role model? Are you a person that's courageous. Are you a person that shows commitment? Do you have high standards? Yes. Perfect. Cool. This is actually. This actually might work. What are the men saying? And how important is this message? And fundamentally, right now, it's more important than ever. Fundamentally, right now, the next generation of kids are going to be raised by their teachers and the country, as opposed to the parents in itself. And funnily enough, the next generation, most people don't even know what it's like to parent or how to be a father or a mother because we're all so fucking confused. What should be, how a mother should be, how should a mother be? How should a father be? How do you be a father? You know, even myself, I was like, well, I don't even know how to be a father. Did I even have a father figure? He just worked all day, and then he just told me off and he criticized me. Sure, he told me he loved me, but I didn't feel it. Is that what I should be? I don't think I want to be that. So what the fuck should I be like? That's the confusing part, right? How do you be a father? What is a father? What is a father to a son? These are so many questions that so many people want to have answers to. And I think HPF provide a really good community for men to figure these questions out together to go, hey, like, this is what I want for my children, and this is who I need to become so that they become that.

Yeah, agreed, man. I think one of the trouble, one of the troubling things we see this with women, whether it's physical looks, Botox injections, the latest and greatest, and businesses and all these things to be a, you know, a boss babe. However, for fathers, yeah, there is that as well. That pressure. You should be at home with your kids more. You should be around more. You should be essentially an emotional punching bag that just supplicates to your wife. We're never here with HPF Lynn to paint the message that a man should be bowing down to a woman or vice versa. But you see that in society where perfect terms is toxic masculinity, it doesn't even make sense to me. Like, the two words are incoherent when it comes to trying to describe or define something. Otherwise, where's toxic femininity? But hang on a minute. Like to take away masculine or feminine, you're either a toxic person or you're not through. Through your actions. And same with fatherhood. Like a lot of you men out there, I'm never here to guilt trip or judge or blame you guys for anything. I don't want to be around my children all day. Like we said earlier, Lynn, it is not inherently wired into us to do that. So as a father, it's the impact and quality we have versus the quality. Yet we all get told these guys are working 8, 10, 12, 14 hour days. But you got to be home for your family more. You got to spend more time with them.

But you said there's this prejudice society puts on you, right? And makes you feel guilty. I think the reality is, look, I think if we flip it on, on the flip side, where the man stays at home with the kids and the mother works, I quite know this. I, I have a feeling that the mother will be resentful from the man and jealous because she doesn't get to spend time with the kids. I have a feeling that the children are not going to get the emotional love and care that they need that a woman can give to them as opposed to the man. I also have a feeling that the attraction between the man and the woman would disappear because the woman doesn't respect the man as much and he's not as attractive to her because he's not in his masculine traits of showing strength, of showing grit, determination and being able to carry the weight. I think there is something attractive about that for a woman. So they're a dynamic. So we flip it right around. Let's, let's play for that argument for a sec. Hey, you want me to be a loving, kind man? Okay, great. I'll stay at home with kids. You work. Let's play that out for a second. I'm not saying that this happens across the aur. I can say that this is my general opinion on what's going to happen more often than not. I think more often than not, if the man works and he comes home and is able to switch off and he's able to have this off switch for a couple days of, of hours and actually help out and be patient and not crack issue and respect what's happening in the household and allow the woman to leave that household and then respect and help out. Yes, because that is her household. She spent all day at home fixing it, creating it, molding the kids. And then the man generally comes home and fucks her shit up. You know, we just come home, we give the, we take the kids out, we give them ice cream. She's like, yo, yo, yo, they're not going to go to bed. The moms have to put on the bed, the dad doesn't deal with the repercussions. I think men need to do a better job at respecting the woman in a household and creating it away and molding into it. I think the dynamics then is the man needs to carry his way of what he said he would do. Hey, if I'm going to pay for this house, I'm going to pay for the bills, I'm going to pay for the mortgage, I'm going to pay for our holidays. Do it and do it well and don't complain. Just get it done. And don't allow, you know, communicate to your wife and tell her what's happening, but don't ever make it seem as though you're incompetent at your job because you'll lose respect. And I think that's the hardest part, being able to pull off what you said. You do both for the man and the woman. I think if people did more of that, they would have more respect. And I just think, you know, it really just comes down to that. Just. Is your word bond? Yeah. How often do you not follow through on what you say? And like I said earlier, everybody, it doesn't follow through. There's no one perfect human being. But if we can move towards being better at it, then I think a lot of our problems inside of marriage will then get solved. And fundamentally, that's the reason we break our word. We're not trusting. We're too scared. And then basically, when you break your word enough, what happens is you now have to lie because you don't want to disappoint. So now you're moving into line to cover up the facts that you didn't do the shit that you were supposed to do. So now you're lying, and now you're deceiving. And now it starts to get entangled. It's like a little knot that gets harder and harder and harder. If you pull the string, what you'll find is trust. And keeping your word lies at the very root cause of it. That's kind of my personal belief.

No, I can say it, man. You're not. You're not, you know, you're not all in. You're not all in. As a man, you know, your wife's not all in, so the husband's not all in, the wife's not all in. You'd be sort of 80, 70, maybe 50. There she is as well. So then there becomes this. This big void, this big chasm where it's like, well, what do we do here? And it becomes this mess on, you know, on an exchange of expectations or assumptions which leads to the breakdowns and a lack of trust and respect. I can say it for sure, man. That's one thing I will say. When I was in Fiji, man was pretty clearly defined in what they did. The women were happy, the men were happy. And it was. It was incredible to see. And it was what we've been talking.

Nobody's confused. Nobody's confused. Nobody's tricked. Nobody's told, hey, mums, you should go out here and you should have like, you know, we're tricked. We're tricked. We're honestly tricked. And we're like going, okay, cool. We'll be better fathers. And not long. We're not producing because we're the panda. And then we're like. And then the wife, we become. We become the man the wife want us to be. And then she's no longer attracted to us. So what she's saying is she doesn't want you to work as hard. She'd like to experience a little bit of this. Because, remember, women want everything, so they want to experience a little bit of this. But then they want you to go back to the thing and kind of like cover everything. Right? That's what she's really saying. And they have every right to. Right? And so it goes back to that. Men want pussy and power and women want everything. And if you can accept that truth to some degree, then. And you live inside of that frame and you're okay with your wife changing your mind. Her mind. Your wife suddenly wants to start a business. Cool. Let's start a little hobby. Let's test that out. She now doesn't want to start the business anymore. She's now freaked out. Cool. That's okay. Let's move on to the next thing. You can now understand that if you accept that frame and you accept what I just said, then you're no longer disappointed. You're no longer shouting at her. You're no longer putting her down. You're no longer making her feel like crap because you understand that she just wants to try all of these things. And you're allowing her to do that. That's the most beautiful thing, that I allow Carrie to do whatever the fuck she wants. She wants a journal, she wants to write a book.

Sure.

She wants to travel.

Sure.

She'll try a couple of things. And my job is to make sure that our kids have their mum and their mum present. And that's her job first. Right? But let's wrap up. Let's wrap up this. I've got Another meeting I've got to attend to. But thank you so much for jumping on. We hope you enjoyed tuning in to listen to our all in rants, which we're going all in on fatherhood, all in on business, all in on marriage. I think it's more important to go all in because you got to commit and you got to, you know, once you do commit, business makes you a better man and raising kids makes you a better man. Like we talked about, is there anything you'd like to leave the audience with or the show with the podcast with.

Today al been awesome, man. I loved it. And it's just for a lot of men who feel like they're. They're so far away, you're so much closer than you think. The difference between being 98 there and all in is not that much in terms of effort and application. It's just having the right environment and people around you. But the outcomes for that little, that little shift, you always hear about it, the 1 percenters, it's astronomical thing away.

Like, for a lot of people, they just, you know, honestly, like, one little win is eat better today and don't up your food and you'll feel immediately better emotionally. You'll feel like, oh, my God, like, I feel pretty good. And most people feel like. Because they're just. Their body's got shit in it, right? So if you just eat better, you'll feel better and you'll feel courageous and you'll feel a moment of spark or you feel more, you know, you. You won't get less triggered. You'll be more appreciative at some point. Right. It just starts with the tiny things so you're not far away. And it's just, it's. It's the days that add up. It's not so much trying to do everything in a day and fix everything in a day. It's just literally just going, hey, what's one step at a time? It's the most boring, most mundane shit to build yourself, but that's it. You have a lifelong. You've got 80 years, you know. Well, hopefully we've got 80 years left. Hopefully we'll get to 110, 120, but that's it. That's the journey. All right, thank you so much for tuning in. We will see you on the next episode. Bye bye for now.

Well, that wraps up another episode, and just as we wind this down, I want you to just reflect and think back through some of the golden nuggets, some of the revelations, some of the sore points, some of the things that might have hit home with you, and.

Then just look at ways that you.

Can apply a different set of actions to change your position, change your circumstances. Circumstances change your feelings and change the facts. These episodes are done with your best interest at heart, and there's always something we can get from that. Maybe it's not the first time, maybe it's the second time. We've had members listen to episodes four or five times and then it finally clicks. But either way, I hope you got a lot of value out of this. And also, if this is something that you really want to solidify inside of your life, repetition is the key. You've listened to it. Write down your revelations, think about them, read them, speak them. Believe in the changes that you will carve out in the action plan of those revelations to create change in your life. And then share that. And when you teach, you learn the second time, right? So teaching and showing this to others you love and care about is the greatest way that you can remember. And make sure you consistently learn and relearn what is it's true and what is it is important to you in your heart. Take care, have an amazing day night, weekday weekend and I'll see you for another one soon.

Cheers.