231. From his Wife leaving overseas with the kids to an amazing marriage, higher profit in business and bricks for abs

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So it's quite, quite interesting. I remember saying we're talking about, I told Stuart to send me sent me some pictures of the bricks with abs. Not every day you get another man asking another man for a picture of his trim Taunton Turing body. But I said, you can't spell stud without stew. But I just wanted to introduce one of our members who I think he's on for another year now heading, becoming quite a seasoned, seasoned HPF dad lead. I wanted to share Stuart's story with you guys today, and I think it's. There's a lot of value in not hearing the success from myself alone, but from many, many men that we've had across the board. Hopefully this is sharing into various other groups as well. But Stu, great to have you on today, man. Appreciate you spending the time.

Good to be here, Al. Thank you for the invite.

All good, mate. Well, you've created and carved out some amazing success, mate. And I do remember the very first time when you came on board and it was very interesting, mate. Like just seeing the progress and breaking through. I remember there are a few times, not that they're excuses, but they're just these factors, these limiting beliefs that I just saw you break through them one after the other after the other. It was great to catch up with you early in the year in Victoria as well, mate. Um, it's just, it's awesome. I really, I really enjoy the journey of, like, my journey being part of so many other men's journeys like yourself. So I'd love to throw it over to you, mate. And I guess firstly just get you to you Know, I guess introduce yourself. And then also, yeah, you know what, what was happening in life, man? Where, where was life heading? What was going on to the point where you're like, you know what? Like, I want more, I need more. I feel like I can be more. And I love for you to share, yeah, a little bit of your background yourself, mate. And then what led to you initially reaching out anyway to hpf?

Yeah, probably like many blokes, it was one of those situations you've never thought you'd get to or never envisioned or certainly never planned on. Just kind of, I guess you're just making up stuff as you go along because there's no rule book for life, is there? And yeah, it probably harks back to growing up and where your foundations are set. So, yeah, my background, I just, I grew up actually over in South Australia. Went to school in Adelaide, grew up in the burbs there. Family, you know, Mum and dad and my older sister, you know, and the older I got, I realized that it wasn't such a great happy family unit. And yeah, there was, there was, it wasn't a, I guess a, a loving, tight home. Yeah, my dad was, was pretty hard work and we lived on eggshells a lot. There was aggression and you know, a lot of drinking and yeah, that was, I recognized that from quite an early age that it wasn't, yeah, things, things weren't great at home and you know, the, the relationship my parents had kind of didn't seem right. And yeah, I guess, I don't know, but that's what you got. That's your family, that's, that's where you live, that's what you do. So yeah, I had lots of good other friends and family and stuff. And you kind of, I guess you just see the differences in the way that those houses would run and operate and everyone would be so close and tight knit and just to me always felt there was a lot lacking in that department emotionally. And yeah, obviously the older I got, the more it was kind of apparent to me. Um, so yeah, went through school, did all that stuff, you know, right into my sports and just, you know, hanging out with your mates, doing stuff. Used to do a lot of, you know, camping and traveling, you know, got into surfing at a young age. Actually. My family's originally from New South Wales so we used to spend a lot of time over there. My grandparents were up on the mid north coast at Foster, so I think that's where the, the saltwater got it hooked into me. So I used to spend all My summers up there. Yeah, just loved it. So yeah, finished, went through school kind of, you know I was, I was pretty, yeah, if I was into something I was good at it. If I wasn't, I wasn't great at it. So school for me wasn't. I wasn't a great academic sort of person. Yeah finished school, didn't really know what I wanted to do. Drifted around a bit, worked for a bit, went traveling actually went around Australia, surfing up the east coast and then when I returned home, 19 or 19, 20 something like that. Kind of wasn't really sure what I was going to do but I knew I needed to earn some money and yeah started working on a farm in vineyards, family, friends, property and that's kind of where my career took off I guess or began. I love being outside doing all that stuff, being in touch with nature and working with my hands and you know, watching the seasons come and go and did that for a few years and progressed. Thought oh well there was, there was a massive boom in that industry in the mid-90s and there was a lot of opportunity out there career and work wise and I really enjoyed what I was doing and getting out of it. So I ended up enrolling at Unique to do agricultural science and yeah, struggled my way through that I think would be fair to say not being an academic type person, biochemistry, statistics, pretty full on stuff that wasn't, wasn't really my, weren't my strong points but I knuckled down and yeah kind of really wanted to do it so that kind of taught me a lot of grit and determination. Despite not being, you know, towards the end I did really well once sort of you got to the final core stage where it was quite drilled down on, on what you wanted to do in terms of learning and but yeah, the first couple of years I definitely yeah, wasn't, wasn't sitting in the top five percentile but yeah, got there, did a bit of travel after that which was awesome. It opened up the world, got some work, moved, yeah finished uni, went overseas for a while, worked in the States, traveled a bit, worked in Canada for a bit. Bit of traveling in between surfing, just you know, being young, seeing the world which I always wanted to do and had lots of friends kind of living in, overseas and around the trap. So yeah, North America and then UK, Europe and eventually after 12 or 18 months ended up back, back in Australia. I guess I felt ready to sink my teeth into my career and start something, you know, at a higher level. Use my skills and my education I guess and that's when I got back to South Australia, but ended up landing a job over in the Yarra Valley, which is an hour outside of Melbourne. Thought I'd only be here for two or three years and 20 years later here I am. So, yeah, one thing led to another.

Yeah, yeah, pretty cool, mate. So surfing all around the world as well and traveling and quite a, quite a adventurous life. And then, and then here you are, mate, back in, back in Victoria and running the vineyards. I remember when you were talking about that. I was, I remember you doing videos and posting that in the group and mate, the scenery is phenomenal. I was like, that's, that's awesome. Like this is a real energy for the woods.

Yeah, it is. There we're, we are lucky we got that. You know, we're sort of, I guess the foot of the Great Dividing Range, so it's a beautiful landscape and a lot of native bushland around national parks and rolling hills and. Yeah, there's just no beach, unfortunately, which.

Is probably the only day.

Yeah, basically. Yeah. Cold, cold water. So, yeah, I guess one thing led to another here and yeah, met, met my wife back in 2006. Well, I didn't know she was my wife when I met her. I just thought she was a pretty girl who was out from Sweden doing a working holiday. So, yeah, one thing led to another. She went home for a bit, but came back and yeah, we bought a house, got married, had two boys and yeah, so I'm very lucky that, yeah, she's, she's been with me and she's put up with plenty over the journey as well. She's seen me, warts and all, as, as, as we all do when we're in long term relationships and I guess that was the catalyst. She was the catalyst for me really reaching out to HPF, I think. Yeah, 18 months ago when, whenever it was.

Yeah, yeah, pretty cool, mate. You've been with us for over 12 months now and give us a bit of a snapshot, I guess. So fast forward through everything you've shared now and you, you've got a couple of boys, married, pushing hard in all areas, I'm sure feeling stretched. Like you said, no rulebook on life trying to navigate the journey itself. Talk to us too. So what, what was happening, I guess, or what led to, to you feeling like there was more and you obviously you reached it. What, what did you see in HPF that made you think that we could help?

Well, it was. I was looking for something. I was definitely looking for something. I just, I was trying to work out what, where, where it is or where it was. And, and I guess, yeah, it was that offer or you know, like everyone's, you know, sees it on the social media and stuff. And yeah, it was kind of that integrated approach. The, the, the physical, the mental, the emotional, unpacking a whole lot of stuff and, and assessing where you're at and why you're there and then building a framework and, and go forward. So I guess it was more or less your little minute long ad that, that kind of resonated with me and made me think, yeah, this is, I know I need to do something out. I had a pretty serious kind of discussion with my wife. This was at the end of the lockdowns. I guess she'd finally, the borders were all open, they could travel. She went back home to see her family and, and took the boys and, and that was, you know, before she'd left we'd had a pretty, you know, pretty full on discussion and it was very honest. And yeah, she was, she needed me to, to make some significant changes because I was just, yeah, I just felt like I was not in a great place. I was sort of in that, you know, sort of treading water, stuck in a rip sort of pattern. I wasn't feeling great, I wasn't feeling motivated. I was, I was on eggs, making my family on, on eggshells and becoming kind of, you know, unfortunately I was reminding myself all too much of what I grew up with and I think drinking had become problematic. I, through the lockdowns and everything. I think a lot of people probably started drinking more and more and more often. I know the booze had always been a part of my life and obviously with what I do and everything else, but yeah, obviously I could see, see it for what it was and it was becoming probably a bit of a cornerstone of where my problems were beginning and escalating. So we had a really good chat about stuff and I said, oh, you know, I'm working, I'm going to work on it. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. But yeah, it was literally in that, that sort of couple of weeks and then I signed up to hpf, got going with that and I actually, when I got over to Sweden and met up with my family again, I was staying there with her family on their property. And I think it was the first day I was there, I was telling her about what I'd just done and signed up for and she literally jumped up and down for joy and gave me a big hug and a Kiss. And she was like, I'm so glad that you're, you know, you're doing something. And because she just wanted, I guess, me, the old me, back in a way. The one with energy, the one with motivation, the one with desire and passion and all the good things. And I just, yeah, I was really unhappy with myself. I was really not in any way, shape or form feeling content with who I was and what I was doing as a person, as a father, as everything else.

Hard, isn't it, man? Like I said, there's no rule book. We just get thrust into all of a sudden we've got kids, we've got finances, we've got our marriage, we've got ourselves. What do we do for us? We've got our physical health, our mental health and our wellbeing trying to undo some of the patterns we exposed to growing up like our, our fathers or mothers or other significant people in our lives who all credit to them doing the best with what they could, with what they had at the time, but obviously left some for a lot of us in various ways, significant holes or areas where the seeds were planted where we shouldn't really be watering.

Exactly.

The craziest part with, with what you said just then though is it's such a common thing where. I know this seems weird, but it's like this psychological line in the sand. Not just for the fathers, for the men who take that step and join HPF Stu, but also for those closest to them, AKA typically their wives. And this is the crazy part, like I get it, we're strong men, we're proud men. There's things we shoulder alone. We've got some scars, we've, we've, we've, you know, handled and had to take on board in isolation by ourselves. No one's self made though. And we've got others that we have done with others, other people in our lives, be it professionally or personally. But the craziest part is our wives don't give a fuck how you do it, they just want you to do it. They just want you to do something and create the changes. And for us as men is we're proud and we're like, we're not quite sure. We try this or try it all like you, man. Credit to you, like you took it and you, you grabbed the bull by the horns. That's what I saw with you anyway. And maybe you didn't feel the same at the time, but I certainly saw a great uptake mate. And that's the craziest part. Like it Becomes this line in the sand where it's like, oh, thank. He's not just promising me something else and just doing it again on his own. The believable, the believability lessens over time, Stu, because what we find is men keep saying one way or another. Like you could say, I'm going to get up at this time and hit the snooze button. It's not, hey, I'm going to change my life, honey. It's all these things rack up where you make these little commitments. You don't think guys are watching. All of a sudden it's like, no, no. It's just there are all these things you haven't done, you haven't followed through on. And I remember seeing a video about that, mate, actually was like, it wasn't a motivational speaker. It might have been a businessman. He's like, the last five years, if you actually followed through and did everything to the best of your ability, you said you would do. Would your life be different? Yes or no? Be wildly different. And of course the follow through. But. But it's really cool to hear that obviously you're going overseas and making that declaration. It's like, hey, that's what it is, isn't it? It's a declaration. I'm not on my own. Curious though, why do you think such a common thing, mate? You know, it's like a part. I know this sounds silly, but a part of me wishes HPF didn't exist. But also that's not true because it doesn't matter how good your life is, we can always strive to be more and become better and push harder. And that's the game of life itself in cracking into that 1% of being an elite performer. So I think there should always be a requirement for hpf. I guess the conditions at times on which men reach out is like, why does that need to be true? And what are your thoughts, Stu? Like, why do you think that it gets to a stage where men just feel either like they've lost themselves or they get grumpy or grouchy or they're isolated or they're just. Yeah, why did you fall into that position, mate? And why do you think that seems to be such a common thread among society with a lot of fathers as they get older?

I don't know because, like thinking about it as well, it sort of. It like I would have seen that with my old man. Like there was something that must have happened in his sort of early 40s or whatever where everything just kind of Ground to a halt. And it was just this constant fight after that, you know, like he just seemed miserable and unhappy and just existing, you know. So I don't know if it's a, you know, a chemical thing that happens in your body or, you know, like a kind of like with women and menopause hormones or whatever. I, I don't know if anyone's ever actually put a finger on what that is, but it was kind of. I was chatting to someone recently and it was sort of like you're standing there going, is this it? Is this life? Like that's, that's, that's what we got. You know, we've, we've worked our butts off, we've done this, we've done that, and this is what we are now. This is what we get. So I don't know, I, I think I'd lost a lot of joy in just the simple things maybe, and, and gratitude for what you got. And you try to tell yourself, oh, it's all good and we've got this and we got that and, and you know, but it's, it's all relevant to, to your situation. You know, if, if you're kind of just, just hating everything, then it's just so hard to, to break out of that mindset. So I don't know what contribute, contributes to it. I know for us it was, it was kind of a bit of a longer term and it probably is for everyone, that sort of slow downward ascent. And our first son didn't sleep for like three years or something like that. And that put a massive strain on us. My wife, you know, I remember from early on it was like, this is, this is hard. Yaka. You know, he, he just wouldn't sleep, you know, and if he did, it was only ever two hours at a time. And then when our second one came along because we were like not having another kid till this one sleeps, but you know how nature works. Yeah. Lo and behold, little, little Max came along as well. And actually Oscar, the oldest one, he just, as soon as Max came along, he just pushed mum away and I was, I was it, you know, so I was the one through the night, every two hours, every this, every that. And you know, I guess the, the accumulation of the stress and the lack of sleep and long term, you know, like they talk about sleep deprivation being torture. Yeah, I guess we, we lived that for a while. You're just in this haze and fog and shit. You know what, you know, you're living literally day to day, hour to hour, and you kind of really. I think that just drained me. And then dealing with everything else with work and I was the sole provider and my wife was really struggling with her identity that she'd given up, you know, being a professional, strong, independent woman. You know, she'd given it all up and, and kind of. We didn't have any family. Her family's overseas. My family's interstate. And we're fighting all these battles by ourselves again, you know, no. No guidance or rulebook of how to do it. And I think it was just that. That really burned both of us, you know, the candle at both ends for a long time. And, and, and yeah, I just, I think in a way I'll just get that momentum that unfortunately, that downward momentum in, in my head that I, you know, have finally did something about it. But yeah, probably. It seems to be a common phrase or comment that guys express on this is they wish HBF was around 5, 10, 15 years ago for them when, when they were, you know, when they could have made significant changes and maybe relationships wouldn't have disintegrated or, you know, kids, you know, we're at a stage that they really needed their parents together and that sort of stuff. So, yeah, I'm glad that I've got this opportunity to really make amends and power forward into the. Yeah, the second half.

Yeah, definitely. Oh, and you got the boys that are young enough, mate. And obviously your results have been nothing short of outstanding. But it is a common thing, we say. It's like. It's not that the formula itself is the problem because it's quite simple with a lot of the times, let's turn you into a peak performer again with your physical, mental and emotional capacity, making that sky high. And let's give you the skill sets to be able to plug into what you need to both in your family life, so connected in relationships, communication, and all the other things we talk about and implement on the inside, but then also professionally trying to drive forward a higher level of outcomes. And then when you. When you bind that with structure and accountability to flow through, you're like, okay, well, the game plan's pretty simple. You'll learn some new cool, great things inside hpf. But a lot of it's just remembering the fundamentals you should implement. But it's life, man. Like my daughter Stella, three and a half years, similar to yours. Like, at least there's three to and a half years. Fuck, man. Like that. That buried us. Like, that's when I went through my marriage breakdown. Everything was just shot to it was a nightmare, like I said, going through day to day and just trying to survive. And what do we do though? One, we don't. We don't have the support network typically because as we have children, the genuine support typically shrinks while a woman's. Because of how they operate. Yeah. Sometimes grows bigger. But obviously in your case that was not necessarily true as well because of the isolation and your wife's background being from overseas. But one other thing I find Stu, and I could be wrong here. Matt, I'm curious on your thoughts is with all that being said, the men triple down with that same mindset to break through the. But then that just carries forth and unfortunately what that leads to is them feeling like they don't have the hours in the day, which then means they actually don't do anything for themselves anymore. Like true. Like, were you doing it last few years? Were you stopping doing any. Doing things for yourself? Health, nutrition training, timeout, creating space where you're doing all of those things as well, to a.

To a minimum, you know, nowhere near what I am now. Like, I think that that became, yeah, strikingly obvious right from the outset how quickly when. When you start investing in yourself a bit and a bit of more time, but purposeful time and space as well. I think. I always want, like, I was always there. Oh, I wish I just could have some downtime or do this or do that. You know, I was playing a bit of social sport every Tuesday night. I was, you know, getting down from the coast when I could. I play music. Me and a bunch of mates were in the band and so, yeah, we'd have a hit out every now and again, play a few gigs and all that sort of stuff. But it kind of was really irregular, I guess, apart from the, you know, Tuesday night sort of social league, indoor soccer, it was, it was a regular. Whereas now what I've got is. Is way more, you know, you're talking three, four, five times a week. You're really investing some time to. To work out, to give yourself some space, to do all that sort of stuff. And yeah, that, that became really obvious for me quite quickly. And cutting out the booze massively, that was, you know, that was my. Probably a real, you know, instant win. You know, it was like cut the. Cut the out. You know, you say it plenty of times, get, get rid of the bad. And then all of a sudden probably 50 of your problems are gone, you know, and. And I think that that really lifted me out of a fog and you know, kind of once you Start feeling better and, and getting reward for effort. You want more, you want more, you want more, you know. So yeah, that, that basic foundation of, you know, better sleep better, exercise better, you know, nutrition and all that. I remember Ken Lovado, when I onboarded, he gave me a call and had a chat. I still follow his basic nutrition plan now, you know, still track it every day. So even though I probably don't need to, I still just do it and it's, it's there and it just reminds me, right, I need my protein, I need my carbs, I need my fat. You know, it's, it's nothing mind blowing or whatever, but yeah, it certainly, it, it just holds you in good stead and yeah, tracking my sleep, I guess I never really, I used to wake up just feeling, man, you know, just what do I feel like this, you know, I gotta, I went to bed, you know, I got eight hours of sleep. Why do I feel, you know, what this, why that? And then I was tracking my sleep once I got on board and yeah, I realized my deep sleep was woeful, whereas now I get a lot more deep sleep, you know, well over an hour most nights and, and up in where the ideal range of 12 or 13, whereas before I think I was down in the, you know, 4 or 5% sort of thing. And just all these little things, the routines, the night routine, the morning routine, the. All these little small things that, or you think they're small, but maybe in isolation they are. But it's the sum of the parts, isn't it? And as we always talked about, especially in the early days, for many people it's the 1 percenters. You just keep stacking up those little wins, those little wins, those little wins. And all of a sudden you say, you look back 3, 6, 12 months and you go, shit, that's a long way. I've come.

Crazy too. When you, when you actually measure and track the progress that you make over time, it's like, well, it's life changing, mate. Changes so much. Even like right now, like, will I always do it? I'm not quite sure. Like, it is quite addictive to be getting up at 3am most mornings. Obviously it gets tough throughout the week, but there's some mornings where I'll sleep in. So maybe on a Wednesday, sometimes on a Tuesday, when I do some of our business boardroom sessions and whatnot, it might expand out and I'll be like, okay, that's a late night I had with the guys, so I'll sleep in school. 4am because, but the point is you, you get such like you're saying with your sleep, even with your macros and even having that guide, you get such a deeper in intuition into what's right for your body instead of the stories that creep in. That says this is right. And it's such a hard mate, it's almost, it's almost sounds like the same voice. You're like, am I, is this an excuse or is this real? Do I need this much sleep or is it just a feeling? And if David Goggins can do 240 miles in a race in four days and that's a human being, I'm a human being. Can I get up a little bit earlier or do I need that extra sleep? Okay, well, hang on a minute. I need the extra. What am I doing beforehand to actually go to bed properly and recover properly and like. Yeah mate, I went to bed around. Yeah sort of around 9,9ish. 9:30 last night. So it's about six hours sleep was a little bit unsettling with the kids. Unfortunately one of them's sick.

Such is life.

But mate, like here I am. Nutrition's dialed in. Morning routines dialed in. Night routines dialed in. I'm squared away. Yes, would have been great to have more sleep. However, I'm coming off the back of 10 to 12 hours because I do that Fridays and Saturdays. So I catch up Stu. Anyway, so I push a bit harder Monday, Tuesday and so it's really quite, quite interesting. But you're right, a lot of it's fundamentally so question for you then. So why would men pay good money? Why would men pay good money, Stu, for shit that they already know a lot of the times and you've just signed up for a second year not that long ago. So why is it worth it? Why is it worth it to not. I'm not downplaying HPF either and saying yeah, someone to tell you what to do and you already know. But there's obviously something more, mate, that there's a sustenance or, or something in the air. Tell us man, like, what are these results? You know, I love the picture of you with bricks for abs. That'll probably be the thumbnail for this podcast by the way.

They're not bricks. No, I was just wearing a skin tight T shirt, mate.

Oh mate, you know, it's incredible. And you know, increasing profits in the work that you're doing. Yeah, obviously everything back on track at home and moving forward. Yeah. Why man? Why would men pay to be part of a high performance group? Of elite men pushing to always become more. And when sometimes the answers are fundamental and simple, like what's the value? What do you see and what have you transformed into with hpm?

I think it's, there's probably a couple of things, I think the template and the framework, do you know what I mean? Like having that early on as well you're clutching at straws when you're doing everything by, by yourself and you probably don't have the self discipline to stay the course on, on what you probably know is the right way because you know, for the, the willpower side of things, as you know, can only ever take you so far. I think having structure and accountability, you know, just even simple things like the MEPs and all that sort of stuff, it's like, okay, I can, you know, I can do a bit more, I can do a bit better. I can, I can work harder or I can, you know, I can forego, you know, doing that. That's not going to give me any net benefit to something that will kind of the mindset as much as anything really changed for me a lot. You know, I think that that was, that was a great kind of light bulb moment, you know, when you, you just start thinking differently. You just look at things in a different paradigm and you, you're not kind of listening to all the negative so much and you're starting to look for the positives and yeah, the simple thing, you can't put a price on your health, can you? So what's the cost of not doing anything? You know, what's the cost of losing your marriage or your kids don't want to speak to you or something like that. So I think for what you do invest in, you can get it back tenfold. So if I had to walk away now or whatever or HBF just folded and there was nothing for me tomorrow I've got a skill set that's going to serve me for life.

It's a valuable thing. Man like you don't. You'll hear people say you don't know what you don't know. But what I like is asking that question every day. What don't I see? Hard to do when you're trying to see something that can improve your position, yet the very eyeballs that you're using, symbolic of your mindset is the reason why you're in a position striving to be more. And that's the swap I get. It's like, okay, cool, if that's your game plan that you want to improve and change this why aren't you already there? Well, the reason is because you've got limited capacity within the one vessel of you. So what do we do? You combine yourself with other people, great men, good leaders like yourself. Stu, you're killing it in integral parts of hpf. That keeps me accountable, right? Like, it'd be all well and good to say how I'm getting up at 3am but imagine if I didn't do what you'd see at times, times those little stories and those little live videos and you'll be like, who the fuck would know? I could just be a liar, but I'm accountable. I tell these boys that I'm going to get up and I talk about business boardrooms when we do our sessions there on that sort of stuff. And then I'm up the next morning and I told you I'm going to get up. So that accountability is so, so powerful, mate. It's. It's crazy. It's like the missing link for the world today where we've got good, strong men are quite rare. It's like, where have they all gone? It's like they've dissipated. It's taken one generation. Doesn't mean the older generation had it all together either. But it's like, no, where are they on? They're missing that. They're missing that cohort, that tribe, a group. Because you can't, you guys know this watching or listening to this, right? You can't have your wife telling you full of. And your. And that just being the answer. Otherwise she would have only said it once and you would have squared yourself away. True. Same with your kids. What do you need? You need other men with that same level or a higher level of and use the word alpha or not that level of manhood to be like, hey, man, like, are you actually following through on your commitments? Are you doing what you said you would do? Are you upholding your end of the bargain? It's almost like that commitment, that covenant, when you've got it, man to man, you know, it's, it's, it's an integral part of life. I think, Stu, that's really A, undervalued or been lost. B, been lost in today's world where it's like, it's just who we are and what we're born to do, to go out and to hunt in packs as men together in a tribe to drive the most out of each other. But what do we do these days? Well, after we hit sort of 25 to 30, we kick back and watch sports. The Modern day Coliseum and look at all these other. And it's like, well, han a minute, like what about you, what about you and your life? You're watching sport, you're watching all these other guys get out there and hook in. And it's like, what, what about your life though? You're giving up your reality to watch other people. So I love sport, but fundamentally for certain reasons, not to just sit back and not think and watch other people perform at an elite level. Why can't you perform at an elite level back? And a lot of the times I think it's Environment.

No, exactly. Well, probably case in point is, is what I was going to say is like I, yeah, I always grew up playing sport and loved it. I always played Aussie rules footy and that, that was, that was sort of my main, main sport that I, I really enjoyed and kept playing for a long time. Yeah, at no elite level, that's for sure. It was just, you know, amateur and country footy and. But I always enjoyed it. I enjoyed the training, I enjoyed the game, I enjoyed the socializing probably way too much. I think half the time, you know, your off field performance was as lauded as you're on field performances, you know, at the pub or whatever. But I always missed it. I sort of, I started getting heaps of soft tissue injuries and hamstrings in my sort of early 30s and it just all got too much and so I gave it away. And then I've started playing like, I don't know, five, six years, just this indoor social kind of league we have in, in our town and just indoor soccer. I'd never really played soccer or anything, but it's like, oh, it's a bit of sport, it'll be fun. All our kids were playing so they introduced the parents and then last season the local soccer club where I coach my, my boys teams, even though I've got no great nous of the game, but you know, just the coaching and the simple stuff with younger kids, it's just being part of it. And then yeah, they were doing a call out for the, the senior reserves team because they got promoted up another division and I was like, oh fuck yeah, I'll have a crack. I'm feeling as fit as I've ever felt, you know. And first game they put me up front, said, right, you're a striker. I was like, oh shit. And we're in a league. We were like, we're a bunch of old dad's army playing these bunch of mid 20s dudes and bang. My hamstring went in the first 10 minutes of the game and I was like, oh, like proper, you know, grade two black purple hamstring. And anyway, took some time out and recovered and I went away and came back and I said, look, I'll play, but just put me in goals. Like I, you know, that's, I can't sprint. I can't do that. And I ran out four or five games for the season and I was 40. I'm 48, you know, and I played a re, you know, got involved and played, you know, full games of sport again, which I had never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be able to do, you know, 10 years ago, let alone 12 months ago. So that was, that was like great. And just hanging out, having a chat, shooting the, you know, being in that environment again is, is kind of fun and, and there's so many people like, like me. You know, there's, there's guys who've been able to keep playing through the years and just seem to keep going, but then there's lots of dudes like me who have just sort of having another crack again, you know. But I think it's important to, to have that camaraderie and community and, and yeah, I, I guess even though it's a, it's a, it's an online forum with hbf, I think that you do get that sense of that in, in amongst everybody, which is important, I think that connection. I think. I don't know what happens. You just work life, work life, kids. That's, you know, home work. As you get older, that just, that's what you do. That's all you do. So you sort of exclude yourself from social circles and everything else. I don't know what it is, but it seems fairly common.

Doesn't does man. And it's quite interesting. It's sort of a leap of faith to move into the online space in 2018, but Buckmate has been nothing short of wildly successful. Stu and the reason is you get that 1% every single day where you can just buy into something that is inspiring what the other men are doing. Another. Share story Another coaching session, another tool, another resource. Another victory. Another testimonial. It's, it's, it's awesome, mate. But it is quite interesting. Like you, you would be able to vouch for this, I'm sure. Like when we caught up earlier in the year in Victoria, hardly any of those men had ever met in person before. Yet there we were, nearly 30 men together in a room, laughing, shooting the serious Talking mindset, talking other things, training together, eating together. It was pretty cool, wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And you can imagine if, if you, if you've got something like that where people can come to more regularly and all that sort of stuff. I think especially I, I guess everyone felt it, but particularly down in here in Victoria after all the lockdowns and that, I think everyone. You really lost that sense of connection with people because everyone just had to live in their own little bubbles for so long. I think coming together, it almost seemed like down here everyone was quite timid for quite a long time to, you know, very nervous to, to go into sort of these more, you know, public or, you know, larger gatherings of people and all that sort of stuff. And I think, yeah, you feel the energy amongst those people. And if you're all on the same page, it's. It's even better. Again, you know, like you said, we didn't really know. None of us really knew each other, but you know, everyone, you kind of know where you've come from, you're sharing that similar ground and I think that's, that's vital as well. And it's an unspoken bond, I guess, in a way that everyone's sharing, you know, because you're in there. Everyone's fighting their own battles, different battles and individual problems. But I think when you look, when you break it down, probably everyone's got. The underlying problems are all very similar.

Yeah, absolutely. And it's. What does HPF stand for? And you know, all the men on the inside, it's almost like a. That. That badge or that in. To be like. Well, there's that common respect for a man I've never even met before because he's part of hpf, which means the philosophy is family, self and service. He's a man who is leading charge, protecting and providing for his family, looking to continually evolve, build who he is. And all the moving parts guys have heard from hundreds of podcasts and videos is like, no, it's. It's not just make believe. It's. That's our philosophy and what we adopt on the inside. So it's not just the type of environment because I get that mate, I love. I wish everything was in person. It's so easy. You've seen me person's shoes. But so what people say I can do online, really, really well. It's like, trust me, man, I'd rather do this stuff in person because of my presence and energy to some capacity, I guess. But. But it's also what's in that environment, that matters as well, you know. But now it's been awesome to connect with you, mate, and add the guys listening or watching this. Hope you guys have gotten some great shares and golden nuggets from. From Stu and his story, I guess. Final thoughts, mate, and, you know, final thoughts or takeaways you've gotten from HPF and maybe some advice for a father who's not in HBF and to help him just get that 1% win today, you know, should he listen to this and take something on board?

Yeah, I think there's. There's probably, like, I know for me, before I joined and all that, I was like, I need to do something. I just need to do something. I don't quite know what it is or how big it is that I need to do, but just doing something, you know, like not. Not reaching for that beer at the end of the day or, you know, getting home and not just tuning out and watching TV or spending some time with the kids. Just make an effort just to change that one little thing. But also, I'd probably agree or probably echo the sentiment. I remember Hodgy, he was on not long ago, and he was, like, saying. I think his final comment was, put your hand up. You know, if you're struggling and you know you're struggling and shit's going downhill, don't be ashamed to reach out. Because I think once you've reached out and put your hand up and know that you're going to get some help or, you know, you're going to, you know, have someone who's got your back or give you some tools that you need, then you feel that real sense of relief that you're kind of on a new path. So I think one is you've just got to admit what you.

Where.

Where things are going wrong or. Or if everything's going wrong, just admitting to yourself, you've got to. You've got to. You're the only one who can do something about this. You. You've got to pick up the ball and run because no one else is going to do it for you. So, you know, there's no shame in failing, but, yeah, there's certainly more regret in never trying at all. Is there?

Yeah, I love it. Really powerful, that last bit, too, Stu. Really powerful, man. Couldn't agree more. And with both what you said and. And Hodgie last time, that. Yeah, yeah, love it, man. The thing to recognize fellas like this isn't. This isn't a place where. This isn't a place of Weak men and bums living on the street and guys that just. There's just got nothing to offer or value to provide to the world. And that's no disrespect to, to any of those men out there who do feel that that's them. They exist because there's always an opportunity to change. But this is a high performance group, man, like these, like Stu and Hodgie and these other boys, that this is a high performing men who just know that it's like, well, hang on a minute, I'm a winner. I've won before in some elements. How do I channel this package of life, which is now completely different game with different rules and actually like, get, get a grip of it again so I can turn that momentum. Like in a match of 40, you feel that energy in that shift. You see it, man, you can, you can literally see it and feel it. That's what this is about, you know, so it's, it's quite interesting where it's like, you know, and it's nothing against, are you okay, Day? Or it ain't weak to speak or all those other things was like, well, no, I get that there's lots of free things out there. There's lots of superficial and surface level supports, there's call centers and things. Do all that.

That's great.

Listen to these podcasts. That's free videos, they're free, do all that sort of stuff. But understand that the men on the inside, like, Stuart's like, no, this is like, this is legit. Like, we are here to take you to that next level. And version 2.0, and then, okay, version 2.2, 2.6, 2.8, and to continually build, you know, that just food for thought for a lot of men who, not they feel like they're better than this by any means, but feel like they're. They're not worthy or, or they can't improve or grow anymore. It's like, nice. More often than not, it's because you've settled and stagnated that things have just slowly declined. Instead of going, hey, where's the kick up the ass? I need in the right environment to give me that, or I know there'll be that common respect and that camaraderie so that I'll listen, yeah, I'll have.

The tools and I think it's easy to become complacent with yourself and go, well, I've done the hard yards before and I've. I've earned the right to, you know, just sit here and, you know, Enjoy the, the, you know, the kind of spoils of everything that I've earned. But in actual fact, you, you've. You've got to keep going. And I guess that's how I felt. You know, it's just like I've got to find that inner drive again and that motivation because where's it gone? I just didn't know where it's gone. And now I know it's back and why it's back because it's not just one thing, but it's everything that you do. And yeah, the more you do, it's a confidence thing, isn't it? It's like if you're feeling good and confident and all that, you always feel like you're on top of the world. Whereas if you're down in the pits and you're just can't be with anything, you just. You stagnate, you go. You don't go anywhere. You just go backwards, really. So, yeah, just having a crack and, and making some changes and, and yeah, not. Not being ashamed to, you know, embrace your bad sides or faults as well and see it as a chance to improve and work on because everyone's got them, you still face them, they're still there. It's just kind of how do you manage and deal with it and make sure that they're not sticking their head up too often.

Couldn't agree more, man. Well said. Wise words. Thanks, Stu. Love having you on, man. Hope you guys enjoyed and appreciates you giving the time as well to share your story and great to connect with again, mate. I'll obviously see you on the inside, but yeah, it was awesome. I really enjoy the episode. Thank you, man.

Thank you, mate. Appreciate that. Take care. Bye.

Well, that wraps up another episode and just as we wind this down, I want you to just reflect and think.

Back through some of the golden nuggets.

Some of the revelations, some of the sore points, some of the things that might have hit home with you.

And then just look at ways that.

You can apply a different set of actions to change your position, change your circumstances, change your feelings, and change the facts. These episodes are done with your best interest at heart. And there's always something we can get from that. Maybe it's not the first time, maybe it's the second time. We've had members listen to episodes four or five times and then it finally clicks. But either way, I hope you, you got a lot of value out of this. And also if this is something that you really want to solidify inside of your life, repetition is the key, you've listened to it. Write down your revelations, think about them, read them, speak them. Believe in the changes that you will carve out in the action plan of those revelations to create change in your life and then share that. And when you teach, you learn the second time, right? So teaching and showing this to others you love and care about is the greatest way that you can remember and make sure you consistently learn and relearn.

What is it's true and what is.

It is important to you in your heart. Take care, have an amazing day night weekday weekend and I'll see you for another one soon.

Cheers.