234. From Staring Death In The Face To His Life & Family On Point

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My Name's Ben Garner, 39 years old. I have three kids. I have two boys and a girl. My oldest boy, he's 12, just started high school this year. And my daughter, she's 11, she's in grade five. And my youngest boy is eight, and he just started grade two this year. So I have a beautiful partner.

She.

We've been together coming on 19 years, which, yeah, it's been. It's had its ups and downs. Yeah, it's definitely on the up, so to speak, at the minute.

Good. Dear man, that's.

That's probably.

Sorry not to cut you off, Ben. That's probably the most unique introduction to a podcast ever, bro. I didn't even get the chance to introduce you, but we'll keep running with it, man. It's That's. Yeah, well, the good looking rooster, you should say, boys, you should say. I hope you guys are ready for a amazing episode here. We got, we got Benny and it's.

Hard to look into the camera and.

Not get, not get distracted by this, by this powerful and attractive man who, yes, of course, is a redhead. We've got very similar haircuts. I'm biased towards that, but yeah. Now, great to have you on here though, Benny, and it's good to have you, man. I appreciate you spending the time to share your story and obviously you did a quick introduction to yourself there, but yeah, looking forward to this chat, man.

Yeah, well, I suppose these podcasts are kind of what, what kind of makes, well, for me personally take the leap to do some further, do some further groundwork in what you guys are about. And yeah, one podcast led to another and then ended up jumping on board and haven't, haven't looked back really. I suppose it was, it was a pretty, I was in a dark place and it was a pretty tough time when, when I come across you guys and it was kind of just by circumstance, you know, me and my partner, our relationship had fully disintegrated, I suppose you could say. Yeah, there was zero communication. Zero, really. Zero anything. It was just, it was, it was at the end I had a. I had a discussion with my old man. I rang him one afternoon. I rang me dad, he lives in Coffs harbor now. They've. They moved on five years ago, him and my mum from where we live and you know, I don't get to see much but I talked to him a bit and yeah, I really, I was in a bad place and I rang him one afternoon and I can remember the conversation and told him how I was struggling and you know, what relationship between myself and my partner was at. And anyway, the phone call ended and a couple hours later, like late that night, he actually flicked me a, a link to Rencini's podcast from you guys and he just put under it, I think you really might need to have a listen to this. I think this will help you. This was from what I, from what I've researched and from what I've seen, I think this might be something that you might benefit from. Anyway, him, he, it. I. I'm very appreciative because he, him and I wouldn't really have had many conversations really kind of to that depth and he really sensed and really, really knew that I was not in a good place. So, you know, he obviously went. He knuckled down and did something for me. Did, did the best what he could do from where he was in Coffs harbor, like 1500 kilometers from where I am. And he sent that through. And the next morning I woke up. I wasn't really sleeping much at this time. Yeah, I remember it was 4:00am.

I.

I went outside, I was in a pretty bad way and I. Went over to me shed and I grabbed, grabbed a roll of duct tape and I was grabbing a hose and I was thinking about, yeah, gassing myself in in my car. And I just stopped for a moment. I was standing there and I just thought, you got to push through. You got to push through. And I just thought of my kids and I thought of my dad. And then just thinking of my dad and my family, it just triggered that memory to that dad had sent me that text. I went, I turned around and I walked straight into my office and I chucked the headphones in and I went bang. And I hit play on Ren Sandy's podcast. And within the first probably three, four minutes of that bang, it just hit me. I just thought, hell, that moment, you know, you feel the most alone you've ever felt in your whole entire life. And bang. Within those first few minutes of listening to that podcast, it was just of, yeah, it was unbelievable. It just picked me up. It straight away gave me hope. And yeah, from that point on I, yeah, I dug myself out of a hole. I made the connection. I got on board with you guys. I was in a, in a real bad place. And remember one phone call at my daughter's the day of my daughter's birthday and he was there for me. He rang. Yeah, I messaged him and he rang me straight away and he pulled me out of the headspace I was in and gave me the confidence and so to speak, gave me a bit of a slap around the face and a kick up the butt and said, you know, just, you've got this, man. We're here for you. And yeah, that, that within itself once again was another powerful thing that HBF has brought to the table for me to help me get out of position I was in. It was tough. It's actually pretty tough to probably to speak about as well, you know, of my pretty. A pretty confident, full on guy. Yeah. And probably never really. Yeah, never really would have thought that I would have been in this position. But yeah, at that point in time, I am forever grateful for hbf. I. And it makes me reflect on how many guys are not here with us today that hadn't been in my position. Or circumstance with, with this platform, this program that's available, it's, it's changed my life. It's changed for everyone who's involved. You can tell, it's just. Yeah, it's bloody amazing. It's great. So off the back of that, really, I'd like to thank you personally, Al, for doing what you do. And yeah, all the coaches, all the coaches are amazing, especially Edna. Now he's come on board, I do my one on ones with him. He's fantastic. He's. He's motivating. Just, just the encouragement you get and just the, yeah, just, it's, it's hard to explain and when, when you're in the inside, you know what I'm talking about. But the blokes on the outside that are even thinking about taking the leap, this all, it's only going to make you better. It's only going to make your life better, yourself better, your family life better, your relationships better. Everything gets better. It's. Yeah, it's, it's very, very powerful. And yeah, I'm very, I'm very grateful and thankful that I'm a part of this and this is available. So, yeah, it's.

Quite the share, bro. Quite the share, man. That's. Yeah, I was getting goosebumps and emotional myself, Ben, because it's just so what, what had me reflecting, not that I wasn't listening, but what had me reflecting was not only the podcast I did with Ren and this is a shout out to Ren, the old Maltese warrior. He's gonna, yeah, he'll no doubt love, love the, the special mention, but all the guys we've had on our podcast and it' not only that, but just even before that, it took me back to a stage in, I think 2018. We've done podcasts for like five or six years now. And not from the start, which was originally called rdm, but I think maybe a year in we started a podcast. And I remember sitting there, man, and I was like, I was in this little office and I hired a little office. It was like 130 bucks a week. I was struggling to even pay that. And this is like back in, I think 2018, and I started to record and the sound was. And I was like, what do I do? And I was even contemplating, do I even just do this? Do I start a podcast? Is this even worth it? You know, why do I need to do this? Not that I was entitled and I was like, you know, people would, why would people want to listen to me anyway? There's all These other things they'd rather do and, and just, just weird. Not, not self doubt, but more like, is it worth my time and effort? Because those who have listened to the podcast, man, 230 plus episodes, like, I, I, I pour everything into a man, and then men like yourself share your story. It's incredible. And the craziest part is I remember seeing this stat which pulled me through. I'm a competitive man or something. Like, if you make more than 20 episodes, you're in the top 1% of podcasters. I was like, well, fuck, that's great. All I need to do is just like a couple of dozen podcasts and I'll be fucking the top 1%. And then here we are, man. There are so many men. Like, I get goosebumps with this stuff. It's unreal, Benny, but so many men that have saved themselves. Credit to you, bro, for having that moment and seeing the light to some degree and taking that step, man. Because without, without you in this world, it's a lesser place. And I can't speak on behalf of other people in some sort of coaching space. I know there are others that ride our coattails and good for them. They're doing the best they can with what they've got. But yeah, for us, bro, there's no downside. There's, there's zero downside in the man's life when he takes that step with hpf. But they're pretty crazy, bro. So proud of you, man. I love catching up. There's such a good, there's such a good heart in you, man. I remember catching up in April when I went down to Victoria and I was like, this guy's a legend, man. And obviously you hadn't been with us for long, still on, on somewhat shaky ground, but you'd already made improvements. I was like, yeah, man, this is awesome. I love this stuff. I live for it. And it was worth it, man. All on that knife's edge, which so many men have saved themselves, where I wasn't sure to run a podcast or not. And yet here you are, another phenomenal success. Just signed for a second season with hpf, and it's epic, bro. Remind me again, man, how old are your kids?

Mason's 12, Lara's 11, and cabin's 8. So, yeah, kind of, yeah, getting really busy now, which, which is kind of. Which is good. Yeah, it's just, it's just different levels. It's different levels of parenting. It's different levels of mindset, I suppose, you know, the catalyst probably for the Breakdown with the relationship with the parents is I probably, I wasn't really. Wasn't really there present as a, as a father when, when the kids were younger, I kind of just had the opinion that that's all right. The Mrs. Will just do it all. I'm just here to work. I'll just go out and bust my ass and make money, bring in the money, fill the bank and kind of, you know, kind of got stuck in that mindset that, that was really, that was really my, my role. That was what was required until comes falling down and you go, we might need to reassess this. And yeah, you, you learn a different way. You learn, you learn more skills with, with what HBF has to offer. It's now just changed my mindset with the family self and service. I've never heard of that. And then just, just that core structure, just even by hearing them words and understanding exactly what they mean instantly changes your mindset to be able to start filling each bucket as opposed to just fill in one bucket, what you've all already done your whole entire life. And that's pretty much I suppose just service, service, service and a bit of self and not really worrying about family. It just instantly just changes your mindset to try and spread, spread evenly over those three categories. That within itself is a game changer. That I suppose that was a. That's the basis, that's the starting point. And as soon as you start doing those things, then you start reflecting on your past and yeah, you, It's. It's hard because, you know, I was a person that wasn't truly happy with myself or happy with anything. I was happy that I was making money. I was, yeah, I was happy I was running successful business. But yeah, I, I always felt like there was something missing and I just never knew how to, how to change it. Yeah, now, now with, with, with the coaching and the skills and everything that I've learned to this point. Yeah, it's just, it's just my life is. My life is just becoming so much better. My kids life is coming better. My relationship between myself and my partner is like just hitting, hitting different levels every day. Even yesterday with, with my daughter, they've. I've had an issue with them fighting a little bit and. I pulled him apart the other day and I said, look, this is, this is not the way to go about this. I was out in the office, so I was out of the house. This isn't the way to go out go about this. You need to come and see me because if you come and see me before you attacked your brother. You know, we. We wouldn't be at this point yesterday, she comes out when I'm outside in the office and she goes, dad, look, I've got an issue. This is what's happening. I said, fantastic. I got up, I walked over, gave her a hug. I told her how proud I was of her coming out and doing exactly what I'd asked to get a different outcome from the same situation. And it was. It actually, it was a real proud moment. I. I voiced this with my missus last night. I'm like, it's been great being home with the kids. Just the connection they're listening. It's just really great to see results. Yeah. Where I've. I kind of never really. Never really thought I had to do that. I don't know. It's weird. It's weird. I just never thought that that was my role. I just didn't think that stuff was. Yeah, you smack them on the bum, put it in bed, tell them to shut up. Like, that was kind of the mindset, I suppose I was in. But now I feel like I fully. I connect with them. They listen to me. I listen to them. It's been. That's been one of the big. That's been one of the big things for me. Yeah. Is just the mindset around the kids and connecting on a different level. That's. That's just been. Yeah, that's. That's been great. I look forward more of. More of. More of those situations because now I have the ability to. To reflect on the stuff that I've learned, put it in practice and then take it away and then talk about. Talking about. Have a discussion with the Mrs. About how that worked or whatever. Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's exciting times.

It's incredible. Yeah. The opportunities like what you mentioned there, Benny, and a lot of people don't realize when they don't level up and see different choices and how they can apply themselves and lead. Is the opportunity cost. Like, what is this costing me, man? I can. Every day, every week, every month, every year, the children just drift and drift and drift. Like the opportunity cost is massive. Like, there is no. There is no amount of money and time, which is obviously impossible, that can recoup that. Your children are only 10 once, 11, once, 12, once, 15 months. They're in a position where they nearly didn't even have that anymore. And that's. It's catastrophic, man, for so many families and so many people who.

Who.

Fathers who unfortunately, good intentions breaking Your balls, busting your back. Sorry. Just to. Just to provide for the family and, you know, with our upbringings and our fathers and them, but just doing the best they could. And we thought that was just it. And yet here we are. You know, it's really funny, man. Like, you can have all three. And for those who are listening, who aren't members, this was the founding principle. So back early in 2018, when I was trying to rebuild and repair my life, you know, living in the gym, everything was. My wife went back to Sydney with my daughter. Severe anxiety, which is still there. It's so strange, that little seed. And we do a lot of work on that and she's very, very good. But it's unreal, man. I couldn't imagine 10, 12, 15, 20 years of that sort of. But when I was rebuilding my life, that's when I looked at it and went, what. What constitutes a man's life that's well lived where he actually fucking matters? And there's only three things. Family, self, and service. We call it our circles of significance. Why? Because they're three different circles that overlap, as you know, Ben. And what you find is you can hit that sweet spot right in the middle. And when you have that, everyone wins. And they all fill your cup differently, right? Like what you're sharing with your children gives you a level of fulfillment and content and significance that no amount of reps in a gym will. What you're doing in yourself and your own health and well being fills your cup that work can't. And there are three different types of importance in our life. But as we always talk about, bro, you've got to be 100 to give 100. And that's where a lot of men lack. And sometimes it's physical, but a lot of the times it's what you said, Benny, it's the mindset. But what do you think? What else do you think apart from thinking this is just the role, this is what I do for my family?

What else.

What else led. What was happening, man? What led to, I guess the, the drift in, in life, in. In fatherhood, with, with the Mrs. Like, what. What were the. What were the struggles? What do you think led to that? What was her feedback? And then fast forward to now, like, what's her viewpoint and her take on, on where you're at.

Being a concrete or. Yeah, I don't know, It's. Well, it's got a. It's obviously got a bit of a stigma. We're all on the drugs and on the, on the Grog and I suppose, yeah, about four or so years ago when my mum and dad left. It's not until recent that I've kind of pinpointed this after a few discussions with Ed that I've really kind of took a downward spiral after my mum and dad moved away. And that really, really affected me. I didn't know how to communicate that out and I just. Yeah, it's really probably started. I started drinking heavily. I was always a bit of a fairly big drinker, but it probably just amped it up a level. It'd be. Yeah, it'd be probably cracking a beer on the job site at 2 o' clock and it'd be nothing to finish up 2 o' clock the next morning, like, and then go straight to work and do it all again. And so I suppose that at that point, really, you start disconnecting from your partner, you start, you know, disconnecting from your family, you're never 100, so you're never giving 100%. Um. Yeah, that went on. That went on, I suppose, for a couple of. A couple of years and 2. Kind of hit rock bottom. Me and my partner separated for a while. I'd. I'd clean myself up and join HBF by that stage, but, like, the damage was done. That was. There was too much work. There was too much work. Yeah. To be done to get back.

Yeah.

Fast forward, fast forward a little bit. Yeah. Just really curbed, really, really got up, really got a hold of myself. Actually got to a point where I started being able to be in control and make the right choices as opposed to just going to the fridge and just getting another beer and just. Just stuck in it. Stuck in the cycle.

Yeah.

Not only doing it to numb my feelings, doing it to numb the pain that my body was going through. I've got a bit of a bad knee and just recently had surgery on it and like that. That was giving me trouble for probably six years. And I just keep drinking and drinking and drinking. And it's a crazy thing and it affects your body. You can't feel pain, but it numbs your brain to a level where, you know, you've never got clarity. You're kind of always just navigating around in. In this. In this fog. Yeah, it's. It was. It was hard. It was hard to kick. But I feel I'll still have a couple of beers now here and there, but I haven't. I have. I haven't been drunk on February starts. Today is going to be my first month of no alcohol. So that's, that's something that I've. That's a goal that I've set with Ed. So that's, that's just a little box that I need to tick. I've fully got control of, of when I can drink and what to do now. It's not, it's. I've broke the habit, but, yeah, I've got a box to tick there that I want to. Want to just not drink for a whole solid month. Yeah, that's, I suppose, just another stepping stone in my journey. Work was probably another thing. Just your work environment that was, it was obviously positive because it was bringing in the money. But, you know, I don't realize now until I'm upon reflection, like, how much of a negative impact that that was having on my self personally and my family life. One of the main, main probably place of resentment that my partner had against me was the fact that I, oh, I would go off and I would make all the money and it was my business and it was this and that and it was all about me and I never included her. It was kind of separate. So that I can see now, upon reflection, that that really did probably drive a wedge in between our relationship and that that was the start of making cracks appear. Yeah. But I was unaware of that at the point, man, I was just busting my ass, just drinking piss every day, just having a sesh, just not worrying about anything except going to work the next day and doing the same thing over and over and over and over again. Yeah. So it's good that we've. Yeah, we've. We've kind of touched on, We've touched on some, on some things that obviously upset her in the past and yeah, it's kind of now. You keep. One thing that rings true with me, Alice. Yeah. Is you're in control of your environment. And I got to a point where I've assessed my environment, stripped it back and realized that the negative impacts that it's having on me as a person and my family and one of the things in HBF is they get you to reflect on yourself, on who you want to be and what, what, what do you look like in the future? What does your new version of yourself look like in the future? And I put a lot of work and a lot of thought into that and my current work circumstances. Running my business was a massive roadblock stopping me from achieving who I want to be and where I want to go. So I got to the end of this year and end of last year and I decided to Pull the pin. And yeah, I feel like I'm creating a new identity and that's a part of my old identity. And for me and the missus to start fresh and to rebuild. Yeah, it was just one of. I just had to cut the. As you always say, I'll just cut the. So, yeah, I decided to cut the. And I feel bloody unreal about moving forward with myself, whatever work journey I'm on next and just building the relationship with my Mrs. And my kids. It's.

Yeah, it's.

It's crazy. I never thought if I never joined HBF I would still be concreting a hundred percent. I just, I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have been in the mindset to be able to make the decision. I'll just be stuck on that wheel going around and around and around. Yeah, I just. I wouldn't have been able to see a different way. Yeah.

So on your own, without a relationship would have been brutal. Yeah.

So it's been. I like even them, even it's the missuses. So many blokes Mrs. Would. They'd come home and they'd say, oh, I'm finishing up me business or whatever. The misses had hit the freaking roof. My misses has been so supportive and that's. That's made it really, really easy. And also just knowing the fact that, you know, that's. That's the old Bangana. It's time to rebuild the new version and. Yeah. And move forward. And she's on board with that. And it's just. I feel it's brought us closer together. So. Yeah, just looking forward to what's ahead next, really.

That's awesome, man. It takes a lot of balls and courage not only to make the call like you did just then in what you shared, but also even to reach out to get help, man, and get the right level of help, not just with. With respect, calling, calling some sort of place and, and sharing your feelings, but actually going, well, no, I need to. If time won't change things, change will change things. I need to do something about this and I can't do this alone. So. Credit to you, bro. Really proud of you, Ben, and, and what you've done. And I'm curious as well, like your, Your partner, what's been her feedback, man? What's. What are some of the things she said or given you that feedback from the woman's perspective? What has she said about, you know, Ben 2.0 and the changes and everything that you've done over the last 12 months with us?

It's funny. She's. She. She's not a woman of many words, but she does when, when she, when she makes her. When she makes her statements. Yeah, they're straight and direct to the point. And we were just having a chat last night about certain things and about the program, and she goes, I said, what do you. What do you think it's. What do you think it's done for me? And she goes, it's definitely made you realize that it's not just every. Everything's not just about yourself. So she's pretty brutal. She's pretty brutal, but, like, she's hit that. She's hit the nail on the head there. Yeah, I was probably. Yeah, I was. Everything I did, I'd probably. I was just feeding my own ego and. Yeah, I suppose in a sense, maybe just playing a character. I just thought I was just being the person that I thought that I wanted to be. It's not until now I realize, like, who I want to be and I feel comfortable with myself. But, yeah, she's. Yeah, it's just funny just with the remarks like that. Yeah, she's. Yeah, she's happy. She's happy. She's happy. I joined in the early stages of me getting on board. We. We weren't. We weren't living together. We'd. We'd separated for. For a bit of time. So it's not until kind of the last few months, too. She's kind of taken a bit of an interest in. In what's going on. She's pretty happy that you've bought out the female version of the mojo, because it's getting a bit jealous there of just the. Just the mojo for the blokes. So she's pretty happy about that. But, yeah, I think she doesn't have to say too much a lot of the time. Just the. Just. Just the attitude change and just being around her just. It's kind of like changes I've made have brought her back to her real self and I can. She's happy within herself. She's happy with the kids. Yeah, I can just. Yeah, I can just tell the happiness that's coming out of her. I can feel it. Yeah, it's just. It's great. I can't even. We. We wasted so many years. I wasted so many years of my life doing the same thing. And. Yeah, it's. It's great now that. Just our love and our connections back and it's just different. It's a lot stronger than ever. It's.

It's.

It is. It's It's a good feeling. Yeah. I suppose if I got her anywhere and she said a few things, she'd be short and sharp and straight to the point and brutal. But yeah, you could see from just talking to her that if. Yeah, that. That she. She's happy with the changes, she's happy with the way things are going and. Yeah. Just also looking forward to the future.

And.

Getting amongst it and living life.

Yeah. That's awesome, man.

Great shares, Ben.

And you know, it's hard because we talk about BE100 to give 100 and fill your cup first, but it is true. For those men listening, it's like you can have so much more in your life than you otherwise would by living with you at the center of it. When you live a life of leadership and servitude to others and those you love and care about. And it's got to be. It's got to be a balance, family, self, and service. But it's like service, man. Like connecting with you and. And being part of your journey, Ben, is just something that fills my cup, man. It's just unreal.

And I love that.

Like, that. That's so much more important to me than if I just lived off in the bush on my own and did my own thing and never had an impact or connected with anyone so much more.

That.

That's the crazy part. But with a lot of men who. Who find they've lost their way or. Or ego or other things I can mention, mate, or they just have this preconceived idea, this is all I do, and that's it. And it's like, it's not that you're not enough, it's that you can. You can be more. AKA how you dealt with the conflict with your children, how you maintain a level of integrity and connection there. Because guess what? They're going to then apply the same practices from day one. Right. Right from the get go. You know, it's like ground zero, like, where we are. Well, from day day dot, they're going to be able to apply that to their children when. When, you know, you and I eventually become grandparents one day. What? I'm curious, man. Like, why do you think. Because obviously this is a. This is not uncommon too. Right. And then you being in hbf, you can see that and feel that as well as we just look out in society, no matter how much people try and cover that shit up, it's. It's tough. What. What do you think's the main reason, man? Or the cause? Like, let's say there are men who are in the position that you are in. Is it the same things? Like, what do you think leads to is. Is it because they're. I don't know, they're. They're more. They're more pigheaded or they try and go it alone, keep going alone, or they just. They had the same mindset you had. Like, what do you think's the problem or the challenge that fathers or men in today's world are struggling with? Man, that leads to this, this rupture.

I, I reckon it's. I reckon it's got a lot to do with how we've been brought up with the old school values like, like yourself, with the Italians that come out here, just work, work, work, work. Like middle, but a middle. Middle, lower class. It's just. Or my father, he just, you know, work, work, work, work, work, money, money, money. And I suppose that, that. And you kind of find that blokes just kind of get stuck, just. That's their number one goal and you just lose sight of everything else. That's what's happened for me. I've seen it. I see it happening around me. It just kind of just seems to be the norm. And a lot of blokes might. Mindsets are just like, well, I'm putting food on the table and money in the bank and that's.

That.

That's all I got to do. I've got a lot of friends who are really, really good with their kids and I've learned a lot from watching them as well. But there's just so many blokes out there that just. Yeah, they're just. They're stuck exactly like I do. And I really reckon that the root cause is just how. It's just how you've been brought up. It just seems to be ingrained. And until you reach out, until you do some research, until you've probably hit rock bottom, you're not going to. That things are never going to change. Yeah, that's. I just put it down to just how I've been brought up and just how I saw the world and how I. How I visioned what my role was and what my requirements were. Yeah, it's really. There's. There's a better template. Once you work that out. Yeah, you'll be a lot. You'll be a lot happier. But. Yeah, really, that's mainly. That's where I think. I think that's really where it stems from.

Agreed, man. And the thing is, we're all algorithms and programs, right? So what we're getting from childhood becomes the blueprint that then runs in the next cycle or the next year or the next year. However, in the modern world, like you said, there's better templates, right? With that awareness, you can change. And we talk a lot about hpf, protect and provide, which includes provide for your family financially, but it's missing the other elements of protect them physically, protect them mentally. What do you need for that? We need to keep learning and have a great base of knowledge. You need to be strong physical and capable. But then the last piece that misses the mark with a lot of men is provide that emotional support and stability and connection. Protect physically and mentally, provide financially and emotionally. And a lot of men, like our fathers had no idea. And then 100 years ago, 200 years ago, no idea. Or maybe not needed too, right? Like their wives knew 10 to 15 people, they'd go to knitting classes and that was it. That wasn't social media and all the other. That praise on those that are most emotionally susceptible, AKA women, because that's how they're wired emotionally in children, because that's how they're wired as they grow and develop. So, yeah, I hear what you're saying, man, but the beautiful part about this, for those guys listening who aren't members of hpf, HPF or not, like, this is not a plug to say join us, but it's a case of going, well, you can change, you can change. It's always a choice. You know, not choosing is a choice. There's always a choice. But what would you say is, I guess, one of the. And it's been awesome hearing your story today, Benny, but what would you say would be like one or two of the core things you've learned or gotten out of HPF or a bit of reflection on how it's helped you become 2.0? What are, I guess, one or two of the core things that you've really taken from this? Maybe it is family, self and service, but. And then also, like, what's your advice, man, to a guy out there who is struggling, he. He can't get his together and he feels connected or resonates with your story. So, you know what, what are one or two core things you got from hpf? And then, yeah, man, what would be your advice to guys who are either sitting on the fence unsure, unsure of themselves, but they're spiraling down?

Yeah, well, some pretty basic core things is routine. I've. I never really ever had a kind of a good routine. I still, I still fall off here and There now. But I realize the importance of routine. Routine has just been a massive, massive game changer to set myself up, thinking clearer, making better decisions. That's. That, that's just, that's been the start. That's been. If I don't, if I don't get stuck into my routine, everything falls apart. So I suppose that, that is probably the biggest, most important one for me at this stage is just getting up in the morning, hydrating, doing some push ups, sitting down, Writing some stuff down, getting it out of my head. Yeah. With the Mrs. I've. One of the coaches got me on board. Sold. Very basic. We fold up a piece of A4 paper and we. It's just, you plot your eight days out and you make sure you've got your, you've. I've got to pick up the kids this day. I've got to do that day. It was, it's just the routine sets up communication with the misses then sets up the template that I've got to kind of keep my day running smoothly. That was my, that was probably my biggest problem. I could run a business fine. Everything else fell apart. Now I've got a system in place with my routine to keep everything running smoothly, keep the connection and the communication between the Mrs. Good with what has to happen. That's probably been, that's actually, yeah. Reflecting right now. That's probably been my biggest thing.

That'S.

Bought everything together for me. We're just same man. The missus is just on the same page. Everything gets done, nothing gets forgotten. Because so many times I, I just would have let her down. I just would have forgotten. I wouldn't have done that. And then, you know, you do that 100 times over a year for 10 years. Like, you know, shit's. That's where she, that's, that's where she falls down. So, yeah, it's just probably that routine and just that consistency in using that template. Yeah. Just to be able to communicate and just organize everything. That's probably been my biggest thing up until, up until this point. Look, I'm, I've, I've stopped drinking so much. I've, I've lost, I think eight, nine kilos. The beer bellies like. Yeah, pretty much disappeared but yeah, I wouldn't have been able to. I don't, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have stopped drinking to the level if I hadn't joined hpf.

Yeah. What else?

Really? Just the one, the one on one coaching. That's, that's massive. That's massive for me. I've really found that, that I need, I need that. I need that level of accountability. I need that communication. Yeah. Talking with it every week about setting up goals for February or whatever or other months is. Yeah. Is a hundred percent. That's a massive, that's a massive thing for me. That, that's, that's what's going to keep me on track. I need the push. I am the kind of person that does need. I need someone there one on one. I need that push. The one on one coaching. Yeah. Is. Yeah. Is spot on. That's the level of accountability that that brings and just that connection and just you've got a purpose. It gives you a purpose and it helps you set goals and just navigate through life more efficiently. So that, yeah, probably my routine and just the one on one coaching at this point. That's, that's what's, that's what's helping me move forward.

Yes. Yeah, agreed man. Like that. What were you talking about there, Ben? Sorry not to cut you off. Is the, yeah, that, that structure is critical man, because then you can set yourself up to be doing the right things at the right time, the right amount of times and then that probably they're the two biggest things that I'm proud of with hpf. Yes. You'll learn lots of skills and develop your communication, connection, other things to sharpen the ax, to be a better leader. But yeah, structure then accountability to uphold that structure. Agreed, man. Two very important things. Yeah.

So those blokes kind of sitting on the fence. Just. Yeah. If you've heard my story, you've heard the other bloke stories.

Yeah.

If it rings true to you, if, yeah, you can pick up anything out of it. If something relates you, you need to take action. You can't do this on your own. Yeah. This service is here to just help guys live a better life, help families stay together, just help you flourish in all aspects. Yeah, I just, I don't. To be honest, I probably wouldn't be sitting here if, if I hadn't reached out and if I would, I would be just a shell of who I am now. I, I wouldn't, I wouldn't have the confidence 100 definitely to like even speak openly about the things I've, that I've gone through. But yeah, I just, I just urge everyone, just reach out, just talk to Al, talk to just make the connection. As soon as you start connecting, I, I'd probably 100 assure you that you're never going to look back. Yeah. It's such a powerful thing and then once you get on the inside with the tribe and all the members and the support that you get from all and each and every individual is. Yeah, it's something. I've been involved in team sports and that most. Most of my life, and, you know, you get a certain level of fulfillment, enjoy from. From being in that environment. And the environment that's created within HPF is just. It's unexplainable. It's just on it. It's on another level. I could be sitting. I could be sitting having a day. I'll jump on board, I'll get on the chat, and I'll read a couple of things from some of the members. And just the feeling that it gives you, like, it gives you strength, it gives you motivation, it gives you hope, it gives you perspective, that really isn't that bad because look what someone else over here is going through, and you just seem to bond together and pick each other up and give each other advice, and it's just a community. It's like the best team ever. Like, I don't need to play any more sports ever again in my whole entire life because I've found the winning team. This is. Yeah, this is. We just win the grand final every year. It's awesome.

Hey, you're a legend, man. It's very inspiring. It's very inspiring, bro. And appreciate the kind words as well. And it's because of great men like you, Ben, that makes it. And I'm just one person, bro. I'm just a cog in the wheel. Yeah, well, now I am. That's for sure. Might have started it, but. And I love the tribe, and they kept me accountable. It's very inspiring to see all your wins and your shares and stories and challenges, how you get on top, and it's awesome. Brian, I have no doubt, man, what a. What a podcast this has been, man. I have no doubt that this is going to help save a lot of men's lives out there as well. And you should be proud of that, too, bro, because your leadership is stepping up. There are men listening to this who may never even reach out to hpf, but they don't go down that path, and they at least do something and try and change the course and trajectory of their life. And then there will be others that will reach out and look to apply with HPF because of your story, man. And that's something that. That's the ripple effect, isn't it, bro? Like, you are helping children of families through the fathers that you'll probably never Even meet some you won't. Some you might. That's crazy, man. That's. The ripple effect. It's unreal, isn't it?

Yeah, it's very powerful. Like on. And to be honest, I'd never listened to a podcast before. Rencini, that was number one podcast I'd ever listened to in my whole entire life. And it's just crazy how that first one has had such an impact and has changed my life. So much for the better.

It's.

Yeah, that's. That's powerful, man.

Absolutely. How good? Anybody, bro? I hope you guys enjoyed this episode with Benny Garner sharing his story and his. His challenges, but now his successes and looking forward to another big year ahead, bro. And thanks so much for giving the time too, man, and being so open and transparent and sharing your journey, mate. I know it's not an easy thing. It's. It's all. It's all well and good to share the victories, but reflecting on some of the tough times is. It's never an easy process, too. So hope you enjoyed this, man. I appreciate you jumping on this with me today and sharing your story and hope this inspires a lot of you men out there as well to hook in and take some action and create the changes.

Yeah, thanks, Al. Thanks for. Yeah, I hope I didn't babble on too much, but I hope. Yeah, I hope someone out there can relate and. Yeah. And help the way that it helped me when I jumped on board.

I just wanted to ask a favor of you. It takes 11 to 23 seconds. But look, the best way we can reach more people and change more lives is by more people knowing and listening to this powerful message. I'm just a hog in the wheel sharing this. I mean, every episode you hear is inspired by the members of High Performance Father and the will and desire I see in the world of families looking to live a rich and fulfilling life with love. Jump on. Give us a five star review if you can. Whether it's itunes, Spotify, Amazon, even Facebook, Instagram, anywhere where you feel there's somewhere where you can contribute and approve and promote hpf. And the message that you align with in who we are and what we mean, that means the world to me. And it's the reason why I keep turning up and creating these episodes.

So thank you and I appreciate you.

Cheers.