238. From Feeling Unappreciated & Invisible To A Red Hot Marriage

Welcome to another episode. But just before we start, if you're someone who really loves and enjoys the podcast, what we stand for me dropping the occasional F bomb, sometimes a bit more frequently than occasional, but nonetheless, the passion and the will and desire to help fathers and their families reach the next level and live a rich and prosperous life for themselves and their families, then, look, take this opportunity, take this moment to please share this with someone who you know needs to hear these words and listen to these podcasts and it could be your significant other. We have a lot of fathers who, their wives now listen to these episodes. Essentially, you could start them off with something as simple as episode 200 with my wife and I. But look, there's so much value in here, not just for the fathers, but actually for their wives to see the perspective and the angle and the lens from which we as men making our way through this world, busting our ass and really sacrificing so much how we operate, how we see things and how much our family actually means to us. So again, enjoy the upcoming episode, appreciate your support, love and respect to all of you. But if there's someone who you know needs to hear this, whether it is your wife, your brother, could be your parents, anyone who is in your circle of influence and significant to you, I urge you to share this with them and continually build and promote this very valuable message in the modern world today that's so heavily needed. And again, much respect to you for giving back to yourself through these episodes. From feeling unappreciated and invisible to a red hot marriage. Gentlemen, welcome to a very special episode. This is a hot topic, make no mistake. A lot of you men will be diving in and pulling the eyes out of what we're going to go through today, that's for sure. So four key tips. Four key. Well, not even a tip. A strategy. Four key strategies that you can implement immediately inside of yourself, inside of your marriage, inside of your life, when it comes to the opposite sex. To not only go from a man who's feeling like a walking ATM machine, unappreciated, undervalued, a lack of respect, so to speak, as well in the household, not just from your wife, but also from your kids, going from a man who feels like he's lost his power to then becoming the fucking prize again, the man who is the titan. He stands at the top of the mountain and he pulls his family up with him. There's a couple of key things I'm going to cover towards the end here. Three key things that must be Implemented or must be adopted. It's almost like an aura or an energy or posturing, so to speak. If you don't do that, this will fail. And I'll give you a very perfect example of something like the love languages. Now, look, make no mistake, it's very valuable to open the eyes to us as men. None of us were raised with this, by the way, as well, myself included. To be in a position where, yes, I get it. My wife receives, perceives and desires an energetic exchange. A little bit different to me, right? There's words of affirmation, there's quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and physical gifts. The five main ones. And these are all just labels and categories, right? But it is a good book to start with. To one, open your eyes on understanding that, hey, the way that you see the world is different. You know, the road is black. No, it's charcoal. Okay, cool. Wow. Didn't know that it looked that way to you. But secondly, yeah, there's some tangible, actionable things that you can do inside of it to start to bridge that gap. Problem, though, is, has and always will be where it comes from. Who are you behaving as? Who are you being in the moment of delivering and providing that value? Really, really important. So let's say my wife's words of affirmation, which she is, and I'm going up to her, crying in her arms every single day, saying, hey, I love you so much. I'd be lost without you. You mean the world to me. You're just the best thing ever. It would get to a point where she'd be like, well, and that point would be day two where she'd be like, man, you like a bait. You're like my fourth child. Get away from me. Okay, I appreciate it, but it's too much, too. Too soft, too weak, too feminine. If I just grunt and groans that, hey, you're a good mum, just walk off, she'll be like, the fuck was that? I marry a rock. It's about having that chief energy. But we'll get to that at the end. You're pulling her in close, hand on the ass. Hey, I'm glad you're the mother of my children. You're doing a fucking great job. Keep it up, babe. Love you walk off. Get on with my life. Whoa. There's a bit of. There's the chief, there's a bit of Viking, bit of panda. So delivery is everything. It really is. It's not what you do, it's how you do it. That. That's so true, man. It's so true. It's not me just sitting here monotonal, rattling off a whole heap of words and all of a sudden, hey, we're having game changing plays here. It's going, no, no. How do I become the embodiment of this message, the value that I'm delivering to you today? So four steps, four strategies that you need to implement to go from being a man who essentially feels invisible. It's like, yeah, it was hot, those romance, those other things early on. But now it's like, okay, we're married. Okay, we've got a child. Okay, maybe we've got 2, 3, 4. Okay, we've got mortgages, we've got bills to pay. We both have jobs. I have a job, I'm the breadwinner. Or we're ships in the night. I'm doing shift work, you're doing shift work. Okay. We don't spend much time, okay, Little Jimmy's sick. Okay, We've got these birthdays and these parties and functions on this weekend. This weekend, this weekend. Where the are we going to get some time together? Okay. Boom. No longer is it just you and me and no longer do all those little things. I just went, oh, yeah, that's kind of cute. Acute. You're a fucking pain in the ass. You're irritating me, you're pissing me off with this shit that you're doing. And that's how a lot of you feel towards your wife. That's tough, man. One golden rule, I will say though, like, I know I give some examples. I'm very transparent with, with, in, in certain areas. Not everywhere, obviously. I like privacy in my life too. Privacy, as some people call it. Don't know how, but no, it's. While I do that, yeah, you should never be talking shit about your wife. Like, I will never talk shit about my wife, bitch or whinge or complain about her to anyone. That. That's fucking disgusting. That's the shit that I grew up around in certain working environment. Not in my family, but in working environments, you know, and it could be blue collar, white collar, like just on site, whatever it is. And you go to these guys just talking shit about their misses And I'm like, oh, is this, is this what life is? Is this what I'm looking forward to as I get older? Obviously young man or teenager, just, just watching in an extremely poor environment, obviously. So that's the golden rule, man. Never talk shit and never fester that shit about your misses to anyone. But yeah, I'm going to Give examples here. And look, you know what, There are times where your wife will irritate you. Corinne's her own individual, just as I am. So there's going to be things that are never in complete alignment. However, with all these stresses, all these burdens, all these pressures, the drift becomes so big for so many of you men that it no longer even feels like a partnership, quote, unquote. It's more like, well, there are some common objectives that we need to achieve, and that's about it. And it's almost worse than the military because you might even have different ideas about how to go about it, and you try it in different ways. So it's like a divide and conquer approach. Like, well, we just need to keep the kids alive, keep them fed and pick them up, drop them off, and make sure there's shopping that's done, bills are paid, money's in the account. You know, like there's. So when you look at that, of course they're important things, but it's just such a. Such a blunt. It's just such a blank, blunt objective. It doesn't really pull together the we. You know, it starts as you and me as individuals, and then you come together into this invisible cloud called we. And I want you men to. And I'm just painting this picture before we dive into the strategy. So I want you to visualize this cloud as like, not a cloud as a baby, an organism. And then above that organism becomes us. So there's me, we, and then us. And us is like the family unit, the family nucleus. So very quickly, the me gets neglected right away, which is quite ironic, isn't it? Men, you know, like you might be training a fit athlete, being in great social groups or networking and building, building your career or your business. And then all of a sudden, as soon as hits a fan, the number one thing that got you in the position to do what it is that you're doing in the first place to be winning, is the very first thing you cut away your own health and, well being. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. You just cut all that down and cut it all away. Crazy, right? The irony of it, the only reason why you're able to get so far in life is because of the capacity in the vehicle that got you there. And then you start to. You start to take the tires off or just. We'll just keep driving on bricks. Good luck with that. You know, no more tires. I don't need that wheel. Just. Just use. Just use the stick and try and twist it with your hands. And like, it's fucking crazy, man. What are you destroying the vehicle that got you to where you are in the first place. But that's what happens. And then the same thing happens at another tier with the marriage, with we. When it comes to us, you start to break down all the things, all the stuff that you. That you brought together and created with your wife to put you in a position where you've got a loving relationship and loving home and household and you start to pull all those pieces apart because of the kids, because of parenting, because of the stresses and pressures of life. Crazy. This juggling act, Family, self and service. I've spoke about this before. We've got these three balls and they're like glass, but you've bound them with rubber bands over the years by investing in all of them. But then you start to take rubber bands off the ball of self and put them on the ball of family, so it's really big and indestructible. But then all of a sudden it's not just taking rubber bands and swapp and it's juggling them and you start dropping. You start dropping balls. So you start dropping the ball of self so you've got less rubber bands and they start to fray and they start to break. Pop, pop, pop. All of a sudden you can see a little bit of glass exposed and then bang hits there. Shit. There's a little crack there. I've got to get some rubber bands and what do I do? And then, because you're focusing on self again, because cracks are appearing. Where's the ball of family? I've just dropped that. All those thick rubber bands now they're starting to fray. And then where's marriage? Oh, that's fucking bouncing away from me. That's a rubber ball that still has some rubber around it. You're still married. But it's bouncing away from me. And as it's bouncing, it' how do I pull all these three back together? It's a really good visual. Crazily true, though, with life, right? So at the cost of what you're doing with your wife and your children, you're losing at the cost of what you're doing for your children, the household and your obligations and responsibilities in life in general. Your marriage is losing and then at the cost of your children, because of those two pieces, they end up losing. And what. I think I explained that properly anyway. The cost of your. Yeah, the sacrificing. Sorry, at the cost of your children. It's all at the cost of your children. It's all the cost yourself, all the cost of your marriage. So at the cost of your marriage, you're investing in your kids and your marriage is losing the cost of yourself, you're investing in the children and you're all losing. Right? There's a price to pay everywhere. And that reminds me, I was listening to the last episode. I spoke about one hour. What I meant was with the tv, if you listen to the last episode, one hour a day, so you might watch a TV one hour a day. I just want to clear this up because it's a really powerful visual, man. One hour a day, every day. That's seven hours a week. But if you just change one of those. That's what I was saying before in the last episode, if you just watch TV six days a week and that one hour, you get an extra 50 hours back, let alone if you off all of it and you got seven hours a week back, that's 350 hours a year. That's massive. You can do so much with that. So this is where it comes to realigning with the last episode. It's very, very powerful engineering the life you want. Strongly recommend you listen to it, but I just wanted to clarify that as well. When you get tactical with this stuff, it's like, yeah, man, I can still watch TV six days a week. If I just don't watch it one day a week, I'd just jagged fucking two half an hour blocks to walk and invest in myself every week. Unbelievable, isn't it? And you can still watch your TV six days a week. Crazy. But I didn't expand on that when I was listening through the episode. I want to make that clear because today is really building off last episode as well to start to get very granular in the area of marriage. So I want you to think of your marriage not so much as a cloud, but as a baby, as an organism. Two things are required. All breakdowns come from a set of needs not being met. What are those needs? Just like the most valuable thing in life is you and who you can become, right? The secret to life is being a man who's so valuable, anyone on the receiving end would be mad to take it for granted. But what is value? You value different things. Maybe to me, your wife obviously values different things. Women in general value different things. Mothers value different things, right? When they got the mum hat on or the wife hat on, or the woman hat on. Children value different things, depending what the age they are, what sex they are. Obviously there's only two, but boy or girl. So which one are okay? 8, 9, 10, 14. A 14 year old girl is different to an 8 year old girl. A 14 year old boy is different to a 21 year old man. So you know, it's really important. Even though they're still your child or they're still your offspring, it's really important to know that breakdowns come when needs aren't being met. Well, how do I provide those needs? Be valuable through the perspective, through the eye of the beholder. And that's how you can pull them into your world instead of chasing and going over the top or nothing and just drifting away and driving a wedge further and further. So you've got this baby in marriage. We're focusing on the relationship today. Going from a man who feeling, feeling invisible like a walking ATM machine to having a red hot marriage again. Well, first and foremost your marriage is a baby and it remains such forever. You need to look at it that way. You can't season after season. You could be in your 80s or so what it's not about, you know, like old Ken says, it's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years. So even if you're in your 80s and you've been married for 40 years, do you want to die as a stale, stagnant, non lively relationship with someone who's just next to you, you just got fucking history with? Or do you want to, do you want to keep going? I mean, I know what I want to do, that's for sure. I don't want any part of my life to be stale. So you need two things, like a baby. It's always a baby. It's always a baby. Infant at best. Your marriage needs two things, alignment and investment. Think of alignment as feeding it the right thing. This is what I'm talking about with needs not being met. You need to feed your baby, which is your marriage. You need to feed it the right thing, otherwise you'll poison it. Do you want to poison your baby? Do you want to poison your marriage? Almost certainly not. So alignment's very important. Feeding it the right thing. What does my wife want and need? What do I want and need? Right. It's 100. There's 200% to a relationship. It's not 100% broken down. 50, 50, 80, 20. That's ridiculous. You both have 100. You're both responsible. You both adults. Women can listen to this podcast episode as well. Strongly recommend they do share this with your wives as long as they don't mind the occasional f Bomb. But essentially, man, you've got to feed it the right thing. And because women are emotionally wide, we must seek to understand first because they're very volatile, because that's how their brain is. And that's a beautiful gift. We can be a lot more logical, which is why we should lead in a lot of areas, almost all areas of life, not all, but almost all. So you go first. Seek to understand and seek to be understood. That way there's no hypocrisy at play. That way you're making sure her needs are met and that way you're bringing down the walls and rebuilding that connection. But then you need to invest in it so you can feed your baby the right thing. But if you only feed it once every quarter, you're fucked. So alignment and investment, you've got to feed it the right thing so it doesn't get poisoned. Feed your marriage the good stuff. The good stuff through your eyes, through her eyes so it doesn't get poisoned. And you've got to feed it frequently so it doesn't starve to death. Really, really important. Let's dive into this, men. Dive into these four strategies here. First one, and this is really, really important. I'm not here to kick you men up the ass. I'm here in your corner. I'm here to help you win. Please know that always, I'm always here to win. This isn't some sort of power play. I'm sitting here in my office alone, looking at a fucking camera, talking into a microphone. I'm here to help you. This isn't a power play. However, what I will say is, men, the very first step is review your track record through her eyes. Now, yes, women want spontaneity, curiosity, mystery and all that sort of shit. But what they do want that in is inside a framework of predictability. Hey, you can count on me. You can depend on me. We go from being babies in a level of dependency to some level of independency when we become an adult to hey, you can depend on me and I'm dependable and you can count on me. So I'm not here to nitpick. However, I'm going to bring up a few different examples. Review your track record. In her eyes, what does she see? What is her perspective? What did you say you would do but didn't do? What are you doing that you keep fucking doing that you need to stop doing? These are simple things, men. These are very simple things. Where are all these little white lies? Whether it's your own actions and Commitments that she's aware of, like setting the alarm, mowing the lawn, anything that you're looking at doing. Putting your dirty clothes in the laundry basket instead of just throwing them on the floor. All of this stuff matters. Why? Because you, assuming it doesn't matter also assumes that your wife just either sits at home or sits at work and does all, all day. And he's just brimming with energy and is just loving life and loving everything about it and just has limitless energy physically and mentally and just adores you the same way she did from day one. Now, we know that's not true. Women lose their identity just as much as men do, but in different fashion when it comes to parenthood. They lose it earlier, for sure. Without a doubt. They lose it earlier. Men, we lose it later. We lose it typically when there's been several years that have passed and you're like, fucking hell, man. What is this grind that I found myself in? I'm busting my ass working. I'm not even feeling appreciated from my wife. My kids are like, they're just, as they get bigger and older, yeah, they're sort of less dependent them, but then they're also less, you know, they're less respecting of my efforts. And they don't. But also, again, track record. You might be a producer in some areas, but are you dominating at the highest level in family, self and service? There might be digits in the bank account. Cash is not something that's commonly seen anymore, which dilutes and desensitizes the emotional part of how I've come home. Here's the liver, here's the kill, here's the fruit. There's a few digits in the bank account. Now, your wife might tap into that, but also all she fucking sees is you disappear. And then you come back. A lot of you, right? Some of you, she might be in business with you and whatnot. I get that. But again, look at your track record through her perspective and all of your actions. You might be busting your ass, but all she sees is you disappear and come back and there's some extra ones and zeros in the account. That's really fucking hard. That's really hard to sort of justify. Hey, this is what I do and this is how I'm providing. And because of just the way that we're wired as human beings and the way that women are wired, that's the first thing. Other things are, yes, where have you given your word and not followed through on it? Do you do what you said you would do? Do you kick the can down the road a little bit? Do you have stories or excuses? How are you operating? Are you coming home and not helping out in the family? Household helping out, by that I mean you're not looking after yourself. So you have a high level of energy so you can work and you can then come home and be able to perform for and with the children, to connect with them. Dadventures special time to have a higher level of posturing and energy in the household. So you're not the one that's just yelling or disciplining your children, but she's one either. And you're just kicking back. You're just the fun, fun dad who stays away and all, look out, you know, Mumzilla's, Mumzilla's on the loose and, and you're just avoiding like what's, what's the track record through her perspective that she's seeing of you. What are all these little things that have become chinks in your armor? We've just lost that integrity in your relationship. You've lost that integrity as a man. You've lost that trust in her being able to count on you, her being able to depend on you. You could look her in the eyes and ask her, do you 100% trust me across all aspects, across all facets of life, including with your own? And if the answer isn't a 100% dead straight in your eyes, why the fuck are you even asking this question? Without a doubt, then men, you've got to reflect on some of those past actions, habits, decisions, commitments and words that you've given and haven't followed through on. Now again, this seems trivial. Look, I'm a man. There's heaps less shit that I want to fucking think about. I'm with you. I'm a man as well. I'm like, fuck. But this is the game that I'm in. This is the game that we're in. Serving thousands of fathers. You can't not get in this position that I am in here today and not have a massive range of perspective in all different angles and approaches, from children to teenagers to young adults, from women to mothers to grandmothers to men to fathers to grandfathers. I've helped men all the way into their early 70s. Not how to live life as a 70 year old, I'm not one. But how to keep winning the game, so to speak, which is coupled with environment, strategies, tactics, and continually building a more solid foundation because the game never ends. So when we look at this, you must build that muscle. It's a muscle. What I'm talking about here, your perspective, how you choose to see things and what you're actually seeing. This is really, really important. Very first strategy. And this is the foundation which is going to drive everything else super important here. First step, review the track record. In her eyes, what have you said? What have you done? What's her perspective on things and what has been, what have been the patterns and the habits over time, for months, for years, in all areas. Whether it's deciding dinner, you just keep saying, I don't give a. Make whatever you want, I'm easy. She's asking you questions, investing time, energy and focus with you, and you're just basically deflecting and dismissing it like it's not important and it doesn't matter. The decision on dinner doesn't matter at all. But the decision on alignment and connection, connecting in. What she's come to the party with is. It's like this energy is coming your way and then you just deflect and just disappears off into the ether. Like, that's a. That's a pretty debilitating thing, man. Like, people only invest in what they value and respect. And if they're not feeling valued and respected in the situation or setting, well, they're going to stop investing in it pretty quickly. Right now, you stack that with the children, with sex and intimacy. Wear a microwave, press the button, go. Women are a slow cooker. You know, you've got to add herbs and spices, a bit of salt that. You don't want them too salty, though. But you, you know, like, they get tender over time. So all these little things where it's like you've jagged a couple of runs on the ball with getting some easy, easy notches on the belt. You got some easy sex a few times, right, because the mood was right or the, you know, the, you know, the hormones were. There was that time of the month and she was ovulating, whatever it might be. But it's like, well, hang on. Sooner rather than later, man, you're going to be killing the goose for the golden eggs. And you won't be getting any more golden eggs if you don't apply yourself at what the living arrangements have been over a period of time. Through her eyes, what does she see? There's a really important thing that I ask myself every day. Thing. Question. You've all heard the term you don't know what you don't know. A much more valuable way to phrase that, though, is with questions. Questions provoke thought. Statements aren't bad, but they can die a bit quicker. And unless the statement provokes questions inside of your head that provokes thoughts, then yeah, statements are fucking useless. Well, I'm not big on all the cliche mindset pieces. Unless they provoke questions which then provokes thought. So if I say you don't know what you don't know, you're like, oh yeah, you're right, I don't fucking know what I don't know. Like, bang, it ends. But if you ask yourself the question in an area that you're not really fulfilled, the rewards aren't there. It's not really tracking the way that you want it to, AKA marriage. Feeling invisible, unappreciated, unrespected. It's worth asking the question, what don't I see? What don't I see? And all of a sudden you can go third party, third person view and remove yourself from yourself and then start to look at it through, well, the equal to that of what donor sees. Well, what's my wife seeing? What are my children seeing? What are my workers or colleagues seeing? What would a different version of Al see? What would an Al without the blinkers on see? What could be true that I can't see right now? That's happening. That's sabotaging my marriage and relationship. That's a good one. So, man, the very first thing is review the track record because from there then you'll start to understand and it's not always bad, but yeah, what are the good things I'm doing? But. But more importantly with this, the first step is stop doing all the fucking bullshit that's fucking up your marriage. Now always takes two to tango. The other three key points are important when it comes to these strategies to create that red hot marriage again, but very, very important to look at it and go, okay, what are the dumb choices? What are the stupid patterns and habits that are obviously happening all the time? I spoke about this in the last episode, man. Like your wife knows if you're hooking into pornography. She does. There is an energy, there's an aroma about you. You think you're clever, think you're smart. No, no, they're not dumb. They're very intuitive. So review your track record. Well, and again, perspective. Look at this bluntly. You're saying no to her even if she's denied you, right? Because you haven't turned the slow cooker on. So even if she said no, don't justify it by saying, oh well, she said no, so I've got to get an outlet anyway, no that off. Even if she has denied you or said no. There's a reason. Now, are all of the reasons something that is just tossed up in the air that you have zero influence or control over? Highly doubt it. There's always something at play here. So she said no to me. So I'm going to go do this. Well, then, look at her. You. So it's not the right time because of other precursors to the moment, because sex is a lag measure. It's after the fact of all the other things that's just led to the moment. So when you're saying no as well. Sorry, when you. So when you say yes to things like pornography, then you're also saying no to your marriage. You're saying yes to some fucking slut somewhere else all over the world getting nailed by some other bloke like, it's fucking crazy, man. So these are the little things. Through her perspective, her eyes. There's a really. There's a really important one. Another good one here. If you, If. If you had a board of directors. I'm trying to think of there as it's one of our documents, phenomenal resource, actually, how to create better outcomes. Has a series of questions in family, self and service to ask yourself. But it goes something along the lines of this. If you had a board of directors for your called life, right? So if you had a board of directors for life and they followed you around everywhere you went, would they be proud of what they saw? What would they advise? What would the board see? What would be their judgment and calculations? So you look at your life as a whole. So they're seeing everything you do. Imagine that. Imagine there's an entity that's seeing everything that you do every second of the day. Not so much thoughts. I know thoughts creep in and they come in, but you also don't have to act on them. You don't have to vocalize them either. So we can all get weird, stupid, crazy, shitty thoughts. We can fuck them off as well. But your actions. If you had a board of directors of life, your life watching you and following you everywhere you go, would they be proud of what they saw? Here's another way to ask it. If the whole world followed you, would you be proud of where you took them? This is why it's so important. You might think your wife doesn't know, but this is an energetic level. This is an energetic frequency that is creating a drift, a disconnect between you, you and. It's a real thing, man. It's a real thing. Hard though, right? Breaking your Back providing for the family, working dollar all for yourself. Well, wait, Too bad. Welcome to life. You've got to apply yourself a little bit more and you've got to start focusing on this stuff here. Otherwise you will lose everything and it's not worth it anyway. And even if everything doesn't result, doesn't result in divorce, you'll lose everything in opportunity cost of the marriage and the life you can have, live and lead and also provide for your children through what they see every day. On how to be a man, how to be a husband, how to be a father or look for if you have daughters in a man, husband and father opportunity cost is massive. It's way bigger than divorce, actually. It's huge. It's irreversible. It's irreparable. So men, dial it in. Give me a little bit more. Let's focus, let's be sharp and start to look through her eyes. What is she seeing? If I had a board of directors of my life following me around everywhere, what the fuck am I doing? Where they'd be like, man, you are burying this business. What the fuck is wrong with you, man? What's going on here, here and here? Hey, I'm not here to be hard on you men. But as soon as you can see that, acknowledge it and own it, guess what? You can fucking do something about it. That's extremely powerful. What an empowering thing. It's like, fuck yeah, man. I've got way more control than I think. Very first thing, review the track record in her eyes. What that does is it helps you see from a different vantage point and also helps you remove the stories and the bullshit that you feed yourself. That isn't you. It's the little voice inside that little devil, that little motherfucker that we've got to keep in his cage and keep in his place, right? He will never leave. He's part of you, but you can control him. And you can be in the driver's seat. First thing, review track record in her eyes of what you've done, what you're doing, and what is sabotaging your relationship through her eyes and through a different perspective. That removes the fog, removes the be goggles on yourself, that you're the fucking man, right? Everyone should just grovel at me. Really important, humbling, but very important and very powerful. Because guess what? You can do something about it. Second point, get clarity on her needs. This is important now. So you've gone from identifying what are the things that are sabotaging my relationship. Great. These are the Things that I need to just start removing or dissolving or cold turkey, fuck it off. That's just ridiculous. If that includes sharing with her, great. If it doesn't, no worries. Just do it. And all of this comes with a fundamental. So those three keys I'll talk about at the end. You do it just because. Why? Because you're the fucking man. Because you're the king. You're the big dog. You do it. Just because you're an amazing husband, you're an amazing father. Zero expectation return doesn't mean you stay away and you never initiate. But yes, that's gotta be the play here. I do it because I'm the fucking man. That's because of myself. For my own solace and resolve inside of who I am and my integrity and how I operate as a leader. What's the benefit? What's the bonus? Oh, yeah, you obviously benefit and you get some, too. You win, the kids win, everyone wins. Second point. Get clarity on her needs. Now, it's got to be fair for both of you, but you need to lead this. The way women are wired is very emotionally regulated, which also means emotionally volatile, which also means in the present, there's not always the guarantee of stability. That's not a bad thing. But a lack of stability can be. Absolutely. Which is why you need to lead. You need to go first. What I mean by that, man, is, yeah, okay, welcome to life. It's fucking hard. But you'll need to initiate and lead on changing things, because she won't. She'll continue to fabricate stories, reinforce them. That's her existing reality because of how she feels. So those feelings are going to drive that reality, and then that's just going to reinforce this spiraling down and drifting away from you. That's why you need to initiate, initiate, lead, and not change her, but influence the opportunity and possibility of how she sees you. Rebuild that recording inside of her subconscious. And then things will change and she will change and you'll both change for the better. That's so important. That's not to take women's power away. But you need to understand exactly what her needs are. Get clarity on that. It's not. And also, again, it's all about being the chief. It's not going up to and say, hey, just tell me what to do. Think about this when you say to your wife, just tell me the answer. Tell me what you need. Tell me what to do. And timing's important, but in general, if you do that, on top of her being a woman, a mother, Maybe she works, maybe she doesn't. All the different stresses, mental place full, you've just dumped another problem on her to solve. Put it this way, if I had someone come up to me saying, hey, I would love to work for hpf, just tell me what I can do to make things easier for you. I'm like, me dead, mate. You've just given me another thing to think about. I've got enough on my plate. Whereas someone came in and said, hey, mate, love hpf, love the message. I just noticed this, this and this. With your podcast, you know, you can actually spread it out to these platform. This is what I'm going to do. I've just done up a little mock up. This is what I can do for you, man. You don't have to do a thing, but I can actually get you out to 12 other platforms. And three of those include different countries where automatically translates to India, China and fucking wherever. I'm like, oh, fuck, man. Cool, whatever. Spreads the message, let's go. You got to think about that, man. Like when you just say to your wife, just tell me the answer. Tell me what you want, tell me what you need. No, no, it doesn't work that way. This is where it's not games, but it's the art of bringing the walls down to open and invite her to sharing what is it she desires. So go. Something like this. Hey, Krim, what would you rate me as a husband out of 10? And look, I'm okay with the answer. I understand that score changes, right? We've got the kids, we've got work, we've got all different commitments, but what would you score that? Okay, wow. An 11. Thank you, darling. I'll see you later. 7. Okay, yeah, fair enough. Look, I appreciate that and obviously, you know, I don't, don't take any of that the wrong way, but what I'd love to know, like, what do you think of the great things that I'm doing right now? Just because I'm all about being a team here too. And I know I see life through my eyes, so I want to understand a little bit more through your eyes. So tell me so I can make sure that I'm continuing to serve you the right way. What are the best things that I'm doing that contributes to that? 7. Oh, well, you know what? You're just an amazing father. You do this with the kids or, you know, anytime that I need your help. You do help me. You're pretty good there most of the times instead of just ignoring me or blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah. Cool. Awesome. Now, look, I appreciate that. I actually never thought of that. I didn't realize how much that helped you. Thank you for sharing that. What do you think's contributing to those three points that are missing now? I get it. Perfection doesn't exist. But in a perfect world, hypothetically speaking, what do you think would get those three points up? You know what? What would. I love the what would need to be true question. It's a good one. It's a good framing. But, yeah, what would need to be true for you to be like, wow, Al's a nine this week. He's an eight this week. So maybe it's not the 10, but I've gone up a couple of points. What would need to be true? So you're looking back, it's been a week now, and you're like, hey, hon, you did this or you did that. Cool. How do you want to feel when it comes to our relationship and marriage? Feelings are very important, men. You need to leverage this. How do you want to feel when it comes to our marriage and relationship? What do you want to feel? What do you want to see? Like, how do you want to embody our marriage, our relationship? What does that look like? Well, I just really want to feel appreciated for how hard I help with the kids. Or you guys will get fucking answers you don't even know exists. You're like, what the fuck? We're talking about my marriage. And you start talking about the kids, like, you'll get things. And this is what I'm going to lead to. My next point. 3. Three things you can help her with right away. You'll get answers. You're like, wow, I didn't even think of that. And that's so easy to fix, or that's so easy to do, or. This is the craziest part, man. And I say this with respect to women as well. I'm not saying women are easy for mums and wives listening to this, because it goes both ways, ladies. Certainly does for us men. Very simple, which is good. I'm not saying we're simpletons, but very simple. And that's how life should be for the most part. How do you want to feel? Okay, I just want to feel this. I want to feel that, or I don't want to come home. And so they'll tell you what they no longer want to keep happening experientially. They'll tell you what they no longer want to keep feeling experientially and internally. And then they'll Also tell you maybe one or two things they desire. Okay, amazing. Now when it's with feelings, you would then say something. And this isn't a cheat sheet or some sort of tactic, this is really important. This is going through in a strategic way to go, how can I find out what she wants without just being blunt saying, tell me the fucking answer? Because women don't know the answer. Why? Because they're emotionally wide, the reality keeps changing, which means the perspective keeps changing, which means their feelings keep changing, which means what they focus on keeps changing. One day it's the fucking kids, the next day it's so you never, you know, you never kiss me passionately like we used to or whatever it is. So what you're doing then is you're starting to tie down in a very open, very safe, it's like a sanctuary, very safe, open area. Maybe don't do this at home, maybe do this in a different environment where she's not automatically subconsciously triggered or stressed with the children or mess all over the floor. Maybe it's at a cafe, maybe it's a bit of honey handed some time. So you then start to get examples. Wow, that look. That's awesome. You know, thanks so much. I know. And it's not that you dismiss it, but you say, look, I know I'm a bloke, I'm a blokey bloke. Like I wasn't raised with the relationships and communication skills. And I'm just trying to understand, not to give you everything you want. It's not about that for you or for me, right? Because I understand if I'm asking you these things, then it's also, I guess fair for me to share as well what I need. But it's not about that. It's about working as a team. Planting those seeds are important because you seek to understand and seek to be understood. Otherwise there's hypocrisy at play which is not good for a man or a woman. Give me an example. When you say you just want to feel, you want to feel at peace and content in the household and home life. Can you give me an example of that and what that might look for you? What you're then doing, man, is you're converting the feelings into a fact. Because how the fuck do you like if your wife says you I just want to feel happy and loved? Like, cool, let me give that to you. How the would you do that? How would you know? Like, how would you know? Like your version of happiness and feeling loved is fucking 8 billion people in this world, how would you know? So you've got to convert those feelings into specific examples and facts. Then you've got your game plan, man. Ah, got it. I understand what you're saying there. Absolutely. And you know what? It's a fair point, because even that has nothing to do with you or me intimately in the bedroom. It's actually got to do with your energy and how you feel day in, day out with the stress and pressure of running the household. I totally get it. You just want to feel at peace and content knowing that in your house, it's a nice, clean home where you don't feel there's clutter or stress and there's good space for you to think and be present because you spend a large portion of your time there. Totally get it. Totally get it. Boom. First, review your track record. Start fucking off the shit that you know is damaging and sabotaging your relationship. Second, get clarity on her needs. You don't have to give all of them. You don't have to agree either. Right? She's just sharing her position. You don't have to agree. That's the only way or the way or you don't have to prioritize the way that she does. By the way, how good's this mug? I know those are on the podcast. Can't see, but this Garfield Alex mug is from Australia's Wonderland. It's like fucking nearly 40 years old or some shit. Mum loves it every time I take a picture and send it to her. It's the only one that survived. Men get clarity on her needs. Now you want to go straight for the kill here. Fuck. Boys, you cannot miss the mark here. And women or wives listening to this will absolutely agree. Here are three things you can immediately do without even seeking clarity on what she needs to help her right away. You've got her. You've got to help her fill her cup first, physically and mentally. And you've got to give her time and a different environment. So that's one thing. I guess you could make it four, but no, let's keep it as one. So you've got to give her an environmental shift, right? And obviously that comes with time. So physical, Many physical, mental and environmental. What does that look like? Corinne, I understand you've had the kids all week at school holidays. This Thursday afternoon, I'm clocking off work early. Stay home, go out, do whatever you want. I'm all good either way. But I'm going to take the kids and I'm going to leave the household and I'M going to take them to the park for two hours and just give you some you time. Boom. Straight away, what have I done? Whether she stays home or not, I've changed the environment for her. I've allowed her the opportunity to fill her mental and physical contact cup. Mental space and workload is making decisions, the safety of the kids. You guys know that. How crazy is it when you start swimming and go on a pool or when you have kids, you don't realize, like even at the park or near roads or at the beach, it's like, man, it's this stress that's. I don't know about you guys, but for me it's still there. Not as much as my wife, but this stress is always there. Always there. Can the kids die? Can they die? Can someone steal them? Can they drown? Can they fall over? Can they get hit by a car? It's always fucking there. You go to a park, go to a reptile park and go out for fun, family adventures, go on rides at the, you know, at the local fair, fate or carnival. And it's like, man, it's always there. So you need to remove that completely. And also mental is decisions, making decisions. Don't just go with the flow. Don't be a panda or pussy. Call some shots and follow through on them and take lead. A real woman wants a real man to lead. The end. Women who are lady bosses, Little miss Independent feminism bullshit. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Real women know deep down that's a scam and it's not true. Why? Because the world is built by fucking men. And the world exists and is allowed to thrive and be populated because of women. You cannot separate those roles now. You can integrate them and you can have crossovers, but you cannot deny that there's no such fucking thing as independence. Do you create your own oxygen, right? Are you your own living tree? You convert carbon and oxygen? Do you fucking supply and do you create your own water and hydration, right? Did you just fucking click your fingers and an animal appeared that you killed and ate? There is a level of dependence across life. The fucking end. Now I'm being a smartass here, but it's not really much as a smartass as opposed to the truth. We all fucking depend on something in this world now when it comes to women. I'll put this to you ladies and few men to think about. When a woman has lots of money and she's old and alone with a few extra Louis Vuitton and Chanel bags, is she really fucking fulfilled and happy? I'VE seen so many videos now of multimillionaire older women in their 50s and 60s saying, don't do it. It's a fucking trap. It's a fucking scam. Even the founder of feminism fucking flipped the script. She no longer supports it. So when you look at this, it's like, no, no. The greatest gift at all. The greatest gift of all, sorry, is the gift of the mother who can look out in her 80th birthday, see 50 or 60 fucking people there and say they're all there there because of me and what I created. And that's a beautiful gift. Like motherhood is so cherished and important, not even celebrated or acknowledged in these days. There's just all these funny fucking memes and bullshit, you know, trying. Everyone's trying to fucking one up each other on social media. I'm fucking funny. I'm funny. And it's just become this big fucking circus of memes and on, on, on taking the piss out of everyone dying in motherhood, fatherhood and parenthood and life. That's fucking bullshit, man. Like, I'm all for having a laugh, but ultimately, yes, women want and need a man to lead and make decisions. You're taking the kids to the park Thursday afternoon. Oh, guess what? I've also organized actually a half an hour massage for you. Now it's a voucher. I booked you in, I can cancel it, but I've actually booked you in for 4:30 today. Or cancel it and fucking go whenever you want. Either way, you've got something boom, man. You're stacking up these wins. Half hour massage. There's time, there's a different environment. There's mental and physical energy restoration, without a fucking doubt. And all of this converts to emotional too. You're taking the kids away, removing the environment. You're giving the chance to do fuck all. Do nothing. Work, clean the house, do whatever. Like it's your call. I'm not the boss of you, Corinne. Do whatever you want. Like that's how I operate with Krin. It's always a push pull, it's always neutral. Hey, I'm here to call the shot here. I believe you should do this, this and this. I'm taking the kids away. You can do whatever you want though. Your call. What am I doing then? I'm providing the pathways and then what she chooses. Hey, that's on fucking her, man. That's her responsibility. If I come home and crin's like, oh, I had a great chance to steam clean all of the carpets exhausted, and she straight Away gets snappy. I'm like, well, you fucking chose to do that. I gave you the environment to do whatever you want. I could have hired someone in for a couple hundred bucks to steam clean the carpets. I told you to go get a massage and do this, this and this. What you're doing is you're allowing them to take responsibility. But what's most important, man, is when it comes to providing this, you're giving them the pathway of what to choose or what their choices are. So you're, you're, you're not controlling them. It's autonomous. You're giving, you're handing over autonomy, but you're doing it in a way that has their perspective focused on a few key that, such that by communicating the way that I'm sharing as an example, you're giving them the opportunity to do everything I'm telling you, Invest in themselves, give back to themselves, fill their cup first. Because just like men are fucking martyrs, wear a fucking badge of bravery as we're lying down in the ditch all fucked because you're being giving 100 over 20%. You're operating at 20%. Given the whole hundred of that every fucking day for years. And they destroyed. Guess what? Women do the same thing to. So three very simple ways right away. Very first step is review your track record, man, through her eyes and look at the things. You need to fuck off a little bit. The second step is get clarity on what she actually needs. It's got to be fair for both, though. It's got to be fair for both. And I'll come back to that in a second. One of the easiest ways you can do that is help them fill their cup mentally and physically and environmentally create change. If you do that and take over that and help and support them straight away, guess what? Guess what. You're the facilitator who gets the reward and the thank you for doing this for me. Firstly and secondly, you want to have some nookie, some honey and handsome time and get jiggy with it. Well, guess what? You've just given her more fucking space in her head to think about the beautiful thing you've just done for her. Firstly and secondly, you got more fucking energy so you can jump into the sack and hook in. It's right there, man. How can your wife give you sex and intimacy, all these sorts of things if she's fucking exhausted? How. Where do you draw that from? You probably fucking fall asleep too. There's probably times where she wants to have sex and you fucking, you cooked. So that's really important. But what. Coming back to my other point. So those three things straight away, that's one example. So easy, man. It's actually so easy to do. It's much easier than what you think. And throwing on the wall and getting no return and getting frustrated and driving a wedge between your marriage even further. Massive runs on the board. But it's got to be fair for both, right? We have had men before where not European based, but typically more fiery wives where. And maybe the man's been too much panda, but she's like, like when you're asking them, even with the way that I'm padding, padding this out, slash communicating this effectively, you might get your wife. He'll be like, oh, you should just know what I need anyway, like, you're my husband, you should just know. Now, that may happen for you. It happens for two reasons. One, because the woman was raised in an environment with a very weak father. Because the mother became a monster and dominated because the father didn't get his shit together and run the house. And, and I say this respectfully too, like, Karim would be a monster if I just did everything she wanted and she just ran the show. She'd be a monster. They can't help themselves. It's not their fault. It's just how they're white and how they bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. They can't help themselves. It's a dangerous and challenging thing. Now, of course she wears her pair of pants. I don't dominate my wife, but yeah, man, she doesn't. There's times where she doesn't have to like me, but she'll respect my fucking call on things. So one is there's been a weak father somewhere in their life. And I remember this quote was quite popular actually. Both ways. It was so weird. Behind every crazy woman quote unquote, is a weak man who didn't have the balls to stand up and lead the family the right way. Now, half the women loved it because they're like, fuck yeah, I want my man to lead. Step up and lead the family. Half the women hated it. How dare you. Crazy women, blah, blah, blah, blah. Half the men loved it. Oh, yeah, women are just crazy. Not getting the point. And half the men hated it. You know, half the men loved it because I go, hey, they're just crazy. But mine isn't because I do this and I'm right, I do lead. And half the men hate it. Oh, well, man, what about fucking women? What about high performance mother, all that victim. Now the problem here is Maybe you're not the man. Maybe she had a brother who was a very poor figure in her life. Maybe she had a father, maybe grandfather, someone who was an influential figure. The wrong way that allowed the manifestation and manipulation, distortion of reality that turned a woman into a monster, that she saw how her mum operated and dominated her father. Maybe, maybe it's not you, but the point is this. Either that and. Or your approach in identifying and clarifying what she needs. You may get the response of, well, you should already fucking know what I want and need. You've been with me 10 years, you've been with me 15 years, you've been with me 20. You should already know what I want. To that not to retort or not to rebuttal or push back on. But I guess if Corinne ever said that to me, which she had, but if she ever said that to me, I'd say, okay, that's fine. Hey, Karine, guess what? I'm not fucking happy. Do you know what I need? Why the fuck haven't you figured out my shit? And why aren't you feeling wake up? That's right, because you don't just automatically know what I fucking need, do you? That's why we communicate. That's why we work as a team. Hey, do you believe in hypocrisy? Do you think that's a valuable thing in this world? I get it, man. I'm very fast, very witty, and I'm in this space, but it's not that hard. You could slow it down and say, okay, so just so I'm clear here, you're assuming that I should already know everything that a woman wants based off my upbringing, being a man, my genetics, us being in marriage. Like when you say I should already know, does that mean that you already know everything I want? And I'm a very happy man who's loving and getting everything he needs from his wife. I'm confused here. Do you know everything that I want inherently? Did you know that before we even had met? That's a phenomenal superpower, mind you, if that's the truth. Or is it more a case of maybe now's not the right time, you're very tired. And I didn't approach this the right way to have a discussion, to understand what your needs are so I can provide them. Because if your answers, you should already know, but you're not doing, then what that means is if we keep going down this road, no one's going to be happy. Because obviously the reason why I'm opening up this dialogue Blog and talking to you and discussing this with you is because I want to expand who I am and my skill as a man, as a husband, as a father, to provide the needs that are met of those I love and care about. So let's. Let's pretend for a second that I don't and shouldn't already know what your needs are. Start with feelings. How do you want to feel in this marriage? How do you want to feel when you look at me? How do you. How do you. What does the. What does the model husband look like for you? You. And even if they talk about perfect husband and blah, blah, blah, you can still then flip the script and go, cool, that's great, and I really appreciate that. Look, I'll. And you can take notes, or maybe not, but I'll make some notes. I'll make a point of that, and I'll start to work on how I can, you know, focus on those things, because our marriage is important and I love you and obviously I care about our family and our future, which is why I'm talking and asking you this. So are you open to me sharing mine, my needs as well, though? Like, I'm happy to do. Like, do you think it's. It's fair as well that I just share my position on a couple of things that I would like and need and desire? So that's what I mean by. It's got to be fair for both. Like, if you have a wife who says, no, not interested in helping you, you just got to do everything for me. Well, that. That's a fucking man. That's a different conversation. Okay, just so I'm understanding clearly, because that's very hypocritical. You've just laid down this whole list of demands on you want me to fucking do for you, and you're not even open to listening. Listening to what I need? Is that. Is that what I'm saying? So let's put the shoe on the other foot. If we're in the position right now where I just outlined everything that I want and need to you, man or woman, doesn't matter. This is not bound by sex. And I just. And then you asked me what you needed, and I just put the wall up with my hand in your face. You're sweet with that. You're good with that. You would be. Okay, cool, let's do that then. Hey, I want this, this, this, this. Boom. Obviously, that's not wholesome. That'll get very fiery very quickly. However, if you find men that you're having a Few different conversations is why it's important to be the chief. You probably don't have the strength and the steel. She probably you. You potentially have become a possession of hers. She believes you're always going to be accessible. You're a man who's probably not threatened, but never been in a position where you would be willing to walk away. Like, she knows you're there. She knows you're not. You're never leaving. Like you've become a commodity in the household. Told that she can willingly trade with your emotions on the daily and. And what she chooses to engage or not engage with, you got to get your power back. You've got to be the chief again. Solid episode, man. Solid episode. We're going to go through the next two. They're not as long, but those first two are very, very important. What are the things I need to just stop doing through her eyes that I know? Sabotaging the relationship. What can I control? What can I do to enhance who I am? And rerecord the. The track record in her head and her eyes and her heart as well. Okay. Get clarity on her needs. What does she actually need and want? And how can I position this if I'm a man who has needs as well? We're communicating this respectfully and effectively where we're both on the same page. And that means you. 3x to her. 1x. So be it, man. You're moving forward. You're making progress. You're a fucking man. You have more power, more energy. You're a leader. That's life. Welcome to it. Easy way to start implementing that. Help her fill her cup mentally, physically and environmentally. Change the space for her. Her. You do that, men. You do that once a week. You're going to start hitting some home runs pretty quickly. Not that they're needed. All you need singles, right? Just keep moving forward. Points three and four, create a framework of expectations and then follow through and be dependable. Point three, create a framework of expectations. Cool. Thank you so much, Karim, for sharing all of that with me. This is what I can commit to, Right? Like, you talk about how you're driving every day with the kids or something with school or whatever. Whatever. I can actually pick Stella up from this or I can pick her up in ballet every fortnight. Here. I can do. So, fellas, this next piece is critical. You've got to create a framework of expectations. Cool. I'll do the laundry every single day. I'll wash the dishes every single. When you start over committing and stretching yourself, which you're probably already doing. Guess what. You will lose. You will fail. And then also guess what. You are no longer a man of your word. Bang. The track record is repeating. Instead of that, that be a man of your word. I can't do that. I'm sorry. I've got work. I can pick the kids up here. I can meet you there. This isn't a compromise. This is teamwork. I've got commitments here, for myself, for us and for the family. All three areas need to be fulfilled. I can't give you two hours today. I'm going to the gym. I need to fill my cup. Physically and mentally, have an outlet. But I tell you what, when I come back, you'll get the best hour of me. And in that hour, I'm going to prep dinner tonight. It's Wednesday night. I'll do dinner. And also so I'm going to take the kids out for a quick walk, give you about 20 minutes to yourself. We're just going to go for a little loop around our block, come back, dinner's set. Bang. We're on. I can do that Wednesday. And you know what? I'm looking at it now. I can do that every Wednesday, but I can't do that three, four days a week because I've got to do this, this, and this. You've got to create a framework of boundaries. Your nos are just as fucking powerful, if not more powerful than your yeses. Why? Because it enhances and amplifies your yeses and the gravity of the choices you make in giving your word and following through through also magnifies your attraction and value. Well, he said no and he meant it. He said yes and he meant it. He didn't do this and he said he wouldn't. Good. He did do this and he said he would. Good. They know where they stand. You must create a framework. Men of expectations, standards. These are the commitments. This is what I can do. This is what I can't do. This is what I will do. This is what I won't do. This is what I stand for. This is what I don't stand for. For I, I, I know there's, there's, there's lots of mess in life, in marriage. I know there's lots of gray areas. But more often than not, men, you cannot be sitting on any fence. It's yes or no. It's got to be binary in some areas. Everything you say yes to, you got to say no to something else, right? It's that binary in life. But I understand there's some gray there's some mess. There's times when Crin drops the ball, I don't go highlighting at her and putting in a face. Just like there's times I'm sure I dropped the ball that I don't know about. Why? Because she gets on with it. I missed the mark with putting my clothes in the laundry basket. There's some on the floor. She picks him up and puts them in there anyway. But guess what? Because of those other steps and what I do, I go above and beyond in her love language. If her love language is words of affirmation and quality time, that's going to supersede once every six or seven days where I miss throwing my laundry in the basket and half of it's on the floor, whatever it might be. Now, I'm just giving you a very. I don't do that obviously, but I, you know, because it's just fucking easy to put it in the basket. But I'm just giving you an example on how. Yeah, not everything is cut and dry, black and white. However, in terms of commitments, I'm talking about decisions and commitments. Yes, as often as possible. You must be a man who is stable. So he has that stability in the yeses and the no's. And he also has the flexibility to adjust only when it's necessary. Hey, Lillian fell over and she fractured a fucking arm at a daycare. I gotta take her to hospital. Hey, man, no dramas. I'm not training today. I'm gonna pick Stella from school and I'll look after her and Roman and I'll get shit sorted out tonight. Don't worry about it. You take Lil down to the hospital, you do what you need, I'm here, I got your back. Boom. What I'm talking about men, is the 99%. It's the day to day running in the household. Of course, when accidents and other things pop up, you adjust. You're flexible, you don't replace. You just reposition. I'm still going to get that training session in me, man. I won't miss it. I just won't do it now. This is so important. Otherwise you just over commit to everything. You re record a poor track recorder, you're doing too much so you can't dive deep. You can't have her quote unquote, love languages met, which means you're not clarifying, you're not following through on what you. What she needs. So what she clarified on her needs. You can't follow through because it's too much other. You're in a whirlwind you're in the whirlwind again. You can't, you can't do it. So number three is so important because without number three, number one and two, one repeats and number two never gets executed on you just re record again, same track record and you don't actually give her specifically what she needs. The reason why this is important for you man, is because women want fucking everything. They just don't know when, where, how or why. So it's on us to influence and adjust and show them what's most valuable, most important and help them focus on what's going to yield the best fruit and roi. Fourth point, follow through and be dependable. This is where it comes down to these key man, you've got to follow through on this. Those first three steps are valuable. The fourth step is consistency. Essentially follow through and be dependable. Women are wired like a six lane highway between the left and right brain, which means they're more emotionally regulated, more emotionally volatile, more emotionally and more physically and more factually unstable. It doesn't make them bad, doesn't make them wrong. We're not, we're like a swivel bridge, bridge. We can be logic, logic, logic, logic, bang. Very high emotion. We've got 20% larger portion of the emotional part of the brain than women. That's why suicide, rage, murders, death, all that sort of stuff is bigger in men because we're tapping into a fifth more of the emotions with women. But we got to be stable, man. We've got to control that bridge and how and when it swivels and what we leverage emotions for so we can be aligned and connected. What I'm talking about here all comes down to Valley. People only invest in what they value. You invest your time and energy in HPF and these podcasts because you value them. You get something from them. If you didn't fuck boys230 plus episodes, you wouldn't even be here. You wouldn't have even gone through one episode, you wouldn't even be listening. Now people only invest in what they value. Become a man is very valuable. But point three, you control when and how to apply it. You don't dilute your value, you don't saturate yourself. You don't become needy, you don't seek validation, you don't be desperate. You're not pushing and supplicating, you're creating a beautiful push pull where it's like, I can provide this value, I can provide it here, I can provide it there, there, not today. And it's not a manipulative thing. It's not a fucking tactic of trading or exchange or sales or manipulation or, you know, like you're not selling your wife on when and how you can be the prize and when and how you can't. It's just your life and it's your time and you'll never get it back. Your wife's an important component and piece, but she's one of one of you as a man who's her husband. And then you as a man and yourself providing for the family and protecting the family. And you as a man, as a father, mother, being there and raising the children and the family. So she's not the one. She's not the only thing in your life. So it's really important that you provide this value. But it all comes at a cost. There's always a price. There's always a price to pay. If I provide exponential amounts of value to my wife, guess what? I fall apart. I stop training, I stop walking, I stop investing myself. I'm fucked. Same with you. That's how they're wired. You've got to be very valuable. When you're a man who is the prize and valuable? By executing on these first three points, you don't just get me fucking anytime. Time. Point three, create a framework of expectations. One and two. I've re recorded stability and track record in her head. Point two, I know what she needs and I'm providing that. Boom. You pull her into your world. That's how you go from being a man who's unappreciated and invisible to being the prize who's got a red hot marriage because like, hey, Al can give me that. I want more of that right. I want more. Right? Your wife wants more of you. She does. Why? Because you gave it right. You stroked her keys. She fucking wants more. She wants her to play the piano. It's so good, man. And the final piece is being the chief. This is how you follow through consistently. Be dependable. Understand how they're wide so you're always leading. Be a man is of high value. Execute on those first three points. Review the track record, get clarity on her needs. Create a framework for expectations and do it as the chief. When do I need to be the fucking Viking? That's the man who's assertive. He gets shit done. He goes after it. He goes and fucking hunts for the family. And he has standards that he puts his foot down to his children, to his wife, to anyone. And when do I be just a little bit of panda? The softer, the undertone, the emotional connection, the emotional intelligence, awareness. To be one step ahead of your wife or children, not for your own benefit again, but for the best outcome for everyone. So you can pull them through to greener pastures, to better experiences, to better moments, to more emotional stability. To have facts and feelings playing a beautiful balancing role in your life. That's your role as a man. Women and children are the most emotionally vulnerable and susceptible. Social media, all the other. All the other ideas and indoctrinations and things trying to fucking push them. A, against masculinity, B, against men and fathers, and C, in all these different points of dopamine or type, consuming consumption that pulls them away from their own identity, the family nucleus and the life they can live of prosperity. That man, that's why it's so important for you to be the cheat. And it all comes. It all comes with its baggage. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Not because of the jewels, but because of the burden and responsibility of what it means to be a fucking man. Who goes first, who rewrites history and builds a better track record by stopping the bullshit that he's fucking doing and doing less of that. And by doing the great things and seeking clarity on what those you love and cares about needs. You can apply the same thing with your children. What are their little love languages? How do I apply that? How do I provide that the right way? How do I create expectations and boundaries so I have healthy boundaries saying, no, not today, here, not this minute, not now. And then how do I do that consistently so they know what they get? They can depend on me and they can count on me. Because at the end of the day, men, I think all we really want as men could. Could be different for each of you, but for me, anyway, all we really want is for our wives to just really well and truly believe in us. Just to back us. To back us in and go, yeah, I got you, babe. Because I know you're the fucking. You are. You got the right stuff. You are the one. And I believe in you wholeheartedly. And this is how. Appreciation, admiration, affection and intimacy, trust, honesty, loyalty. All these things that are so rare in today's world, but you can have that. She's got her own troubles, challenges, stress, mental, physical, emotional, motherhood, the world, social media telling her she shouldn't be a mother, she should be all these other fucking bullshit things. Like, it's tough for women, men. It's a tough world for them. It's a tough world for us as men as well. That's why we need to go first. That's why we lead. Take care, boys. Hope this serves you well. And for any wives listening, I hope this provides value too. I think what's really important for the women who might be listening to this or men who share this with their wives, is understand that women, when I talk about men being valuable in the prize, it's being more so, the wife gets more too. This is for both of you. This is very important. It's not a cheat sheet or manipulation or any of the bullshit that all these other fucking programs are riding our coattails and trying to steal our shit and just give you all these tact. Now, this is fundamentally a beautiful, energetic exchange between man and woman. The way that it's always been intended, the way that's so wholesome and pure that everyone wins in the modern world. It's a fucking shitstorm with all this and chaos trying to convince us otherwise. The family nucleus is key. Being the greatest parents and raising your children the best actually comes down to what it is that the individuals, man and woman, are contributing as husband and wife to then set the standard for or what the children are experiencing and being raised inside the household, always, always in that order. So, women, you got to do you first invest in yourself. Don't pull from empty cup men because you can be more logically and factually foresight on what the best outcome is for everyone and that future focus and vision on what might help the woman who's knee deep in mess and shit and nappies and other things. That's why you need to go first and help lead your woman, lead your queen to invest in herself. Then when both of you do that, then you come to get together and you're stronger, you're more powerful, you're a team. And then when you do that, it's not you versus the kids, it's you and the kids. And as a family, you're unstoppable. Take care. I hope this serves you well. I'll see you in the next one. Cheers. If this was an episode that really resonated with you, I thank you for giving the time and effort and energy to yourself, but also to yourself through the vessel and the vehicle of high performance. Father, we've got a lot of wives listening to these now, if they don't mind the occasional F bomb. You know, I appreciate all of you for spreading the message and if there's one thing I've got to ask, I'd love it if you could just give us a five star review or Spread the love. Share this message with those who, you know, need to listen to this. And there are a lot of people, as men, we're proud. We're not too open to go, hey, I'm hurting. I need help. And putting our hand up. But sometimes just a subtle way in their own privacy, whether in the car or the comfort of their own home, it really works when you just send a little link through. Hey, Bill. Hey, Bob. Hey, James. Look, I think you might. I think you might enjoy this. I'm not. I'm just going to leave it there. You do with it what you will, but, you know, hit this link, man. Just listen to one or two episodes in high performance Father and Al and see what he has to say. I'm telling you, man, that is one of the greatest ways that you can impact. And some of those men out there you think are okay, you're saving lives. You really are. I've seen this so many times where you just putting that little subtle message, putting the feelers out there, the amount of men, suicidal or not, the amount of men who are on the brink of breaking down, down, it is phenomenal. The ripple effect. This isn't my legacy. This is our legacy that we have together by spreading this message and living and breathing the message as well. So thank you. Appreciate you again, hope you enjoyed this episode. But by all means, share this with someone who, in your gut instincts, in your intuition, you know, you're like, I think they need this. I think they should listen to this. Please, mate, don't hesitate with that. Pull the trigger, make that decision, send it out to them, and you'll be amazed at what you get back. Thank you again and I'll see you soon.