24. The Old Bull

It's either going to be the greatest or the worst podcast ever.

Something like that.

Alrighty.

I don't think it'll hit the in between somewhere.

That's right. Okay.

Welcome, welcome.

I've got a friend. Just kill me. All right. G', day, boys and girls. Welcome to the Real Dad Movement podcast. I'm joined with a very special guest today, the old bull, my father. Yes, dad. Welcome, dad.

Thank you, Alex. Hello, everyone. Yes.

Has the last few days been okay?

Wonderful. Medication will wear off soon and I'll realise what's going on.

Very good. Well, let's begin. Let's start with probably the most important question. How does it feel to raise one hell of a stallion of a son who's going to take over the world?

That's called leading with your chin, by the way. Not that I'm like that, but yes. No, it's always been a pleasure. I had four sons. It was a pleasure raising all four of them. If you have four, you have four different personalities. And each to his own, which is great. And Alex was good. His brothers were good. No problem. It's when they grow up and they develop a smart mouth, that's when you don't like them. But until then, it's great.

And you really believe in red headed Italians? I mean, I'm the only redhead in the family.

Well, in this family. But over in Italy, one of my cousins was far redder than you until he was about 30. Then he went blonde. But he was a real carrot top. I think someone got over the wall somewhere because that's not the Italian way.

And you have a bit of red in your facial hair too. Although mine's gone a bit darker.

I've got red in my face. If I grow a beard, it's red.

I think the other boys have a bit too, don't they?

We've all got it. Plus your mother's a redhead even though she dyes her hair blonde. I'd dye my hair blonde, if anything to dye. But that's all right.

That's right. Hey, hold on. We'll just say another day. You and Lillian have quite similar styles.

She's catching up to me, I tell you. She's going to pass me soon.

Well, Pa, I'd love to everyone, I think. I mean, I know some about some of the backgrounds of your life, but I'd love it if you shared with those listening or watching today. Brief. Well, you can never be brief. But a bit of history and background on your life being an immigrant having more vowels and consonants than your Last name and what it was all about. Being a young bloke in Australia at a young age.

Well, it's hard to be a young bloke in Australia at an old age. Let's just start with that. But no, look, it was an eye opener. Every day was an experience. The immigrants of today, I think they had it hard. They had to talk to a few who came in the 50s and 60s and see how they went. Back then, there were no racial vilification laws, There were nothing. And we used to cop it, which was great because it simply motivated me to beat the skippies, basically. Because us ethnics used to go around saying, if these blokes were any good, we'd starve. But we're the ones building the big houses, they're not. So that was pretty much how everything goes in life. If you change your perspective on your environment and what's happening, you can turn a negative into a positive very easily. And if you stay resentful and if you lead your life as a victim, that's exactly what you'll be. What you say, what you do, what you want, that's what you get. So I decided not to. When I left home and started, when I started work, actually, I was in an environment where everyone wasn't trying to run me down. They realized my potential and what I could and couldn't do. And I used to dominate. So it's basically, how can I put it? Yes, there were hard times, there were good times, but whatever I went through made me who I am today. For better or for worse. No one's perfect, so I don't care. The only saints in the world are the dead ones. There's no such thing as a live saint, so we just move forward. But yes, life was difficult if you wanted it to be. Life was simple. If you wanted it to be just like today, no different. But the difference is that people whinge about it a lot more because they haven't got anything to distract them. And back in those days, Australia was on a boom growth period, building everything. I mean, my father even came out here building pipelines out in the middle of Western Australia for a couple of years. There was just so much work, so much everything else, they couldn't get people. Whereas today it's totally different. People are scrambling for jobs, people are fighting with each other over who does what. Manipulation, political and physical. It's just ridiculous. But if I had a choice between today's society and back then, I'd go back then quite simply. Because, yeah, okay, there were things but there was nothing as bad as what it is now.

And what were some of the different challenges? Because I guess the challenges probably change over the course of technology. I mean, the Internet alone, all those things. So what was it like?

Because you're technology. We didn't have electricity, no matter. What's a mouse running around a treadmill just to get a bit of power for the light.

That's what I mean. He had a good set of legs on him, though, didn't he?

Oh, man. That's where they got Mighty Mouse from. Blokey used to work for us.

That's right. What do you think it would have been like for. Well, my nonna and nunna, my Italian grandparents, coming over. Because you're one of five and you came over on the boat.

That's right. My father came here two years before we did and he had five kids. The thing was, his wife for two years. The youngest one was only nine months. So we're still trying to work that one out. That aside, maths was terrible, but that aside, look, can you imagine going to a place where you know nothing of the culture, nothing of the language? Absolutely nothing. And yet you've got to go and compete with people who grew up with the language, who have skills and who look down at you to try. Even though they say Australia doesn't have a class system, well, it's got one of the worst class systems in the world. They simply do it a different way, that's all. And that was pretty traumatic for them. My mother, even to her dying day, she still couldn't speak English properly, which I really love because I used to take the mickey out of every chance I got. It's called the child's revenge. But no, if you tried that today, think of going into a place like maybe China that's nice and thin, you don't speak a word of Chinese. Go in there and try and start, raise a family, educate them, get a job and do what you need to do without becoming an English translator for them. And that's what they had to do, so to say. Is it any different? Well, it's totally different, but I can still remember some of the happiest times of my life in that environment because they had their own customs and cultures which they brought out here. I mean, to have meals with friends was a culture, cultural event. It wasn't a meal, it was basically a social event. Everyone got together, had a good time, and that's how we were brought up. Whether they were Italian, Australian didn't matter. My parents got on with everyone. So that's how they survived. I'm sure it took its toll on them because a lot of things they could have done, which they didn't do. But that's life. No one's perfect.

How was they? They had a farm. I remember going to a farm when I was young on holidays. Was that a commercial fruit and veg farm or just themselves or what?

They started off, they did what every immigrant did back in the day. And that is a lot of them were for farming areas in Italy. So when they came out here, they said, well, I know how to farm. That's one skill I've got. So they went and leased land because obviously they couldn't afford to buy it straight up. I went and leased land and I remember we lived at Wetherill park, all industrial now, but back then you could shoot a gun in any direction and not hit anyone. You know, it was just really out the back of nowhere. And we had a farm. And at four years of age I was the man of the house when my father went to work and I had to stop the horses from next door coming over and eating the vegetables and all that sort of stuff, and the snakes coming in to the bathroom and all that sort of stuff. That's how backward it was. But that's how they made their money. They got enough money to go and buy a house. My father worked two jobs, my mother worked in the farm all day and the kids, well, that's what you did. You went to school and you worked on the farm. That was it. We got enough money to buy a house in suburbia and we went there, a quarter acre block, we still had a garden and I started to work the bloody thing. But that's what they did. And then the next generation of immigrants that come out, they, they did the same thing and it just went on and on because it was an easy way for them to utilize the talents they had.

What else did you do on the farm? Any stories or anything as a young kid that you probably wouldn't see a young kid do these days?

Well, I hate cats. Did I tell you I hate cats? I hate cats. I used to get under my bed, under the house, because it was one of those weatherboard houses that lift up off the ground. I'd go to bed at 6:30 every night and at 7:00 every night without failing, the cats would start fighting right under my bed. I used to have nightmares about tigers trying to knock on the door to come in and eat me. That was unbelievable. So what I do during the day, when they were sleeping, I'd get a stick and I'd whack the crap out of them and hide behind the corner when they come past. Whack, whack, whack, whack. So we had a mutual hate relationship. But other than that, I used to love being out there because there's a lot of bush. I used to just go, bush. I just. My parents didn't know where I was, what I was doing, but I was fine. I was having a ball. I'd go to that. After a while, when I got bored, I'd come back home. A couple hiding from, walking away for nothing. And away we went. But you had a close encounter, didn't you?

Once.

Oh, yeah, when I was a little. When we were first there, we had these cats. And I like the kittens, not the older cats. And I was walking along the road and I heard this. In the dry grass, I heard this rustling. I thought it was a kitten. So I went over near the grass. Fortunately, not in the grass, but near the grass. Started going here. And this bloody brown snake came out. It stood up and it was eyeballing me. And I was four years of age, so I wasn't that tall, but he was eyeballing me. And something told me, don't move. Just don't move. I stood still and his tongue was flickering and he was just looking at me, looking at me, looking. Eventually he got bored because I didn't run, I didn't do anything. He went down and out he went. I went and told my father. And like a dumb immigrant, he goes out there with gumboots on and a stick trying to get to a brown snake. Really? A brown snake can bite through gumboots. But I don't think he realized that. And he was going to get it. But it's long gone by then. But, yeah, there's. And that's how desolate it was. You go there now and it makes you cry because all it is is factories and concrete. And you think, wow, what another world. Anyway, that's life.

That's a pretty unreal experience. They are the most venomous snakes in the world, aren't they?

Pretty close to it. They'd be one of the deadliest for a kid. I wouldn't have taken two more steps and you wouldn't be here.

Al, I have to find that brown snake one day and go thank him.

You can blame the snake for him. That's right.

Unreal. And what was. I'm just curious. What was school like?

Schooling was great. We had to walk to school. The roads were gravel. There's no such thing as tar. Back then where we were, it's just all gravel. We walk 3km, 4 kilometres to school. At least you go to school and the whole school was in one big room. There was eight grades and they were just rows of desks. So kindergarten, first class, second class, third class just raised the desks, that's all. You could hear everything that was in there. It was just typical country school and it was basically considered a country school then. It was outside the metropolitan area because the metropolitan area finished about Liverpool and well, much further out than that. So yeah, schooling was good, but being small classes, people used to give you their time, the teachers used to give you their time and you get on with the other kids because they're all in the same boat and no one drove to work in a Mercedes and a school in Mercedes, that's for sure. We all walked and we'd all go to the shop up the road after school and see all you get out of the bloke. That was fun.

Was that a good outlet as well for you? I think going through school and Grace, because I know you've got a pretty extensive sporting background and career. I remember seeing a shitload of trophies in our house, but obviously all gone now. But was that a good outlet for you at that stage as well, coming through the ranks for yourself in both A, having a level of engagement and B, like you said, the skippies and that competitive nature that is obviously still deep within you?

Look, I always, because I could basically amuse myself, I just had lots of confidence in myself. Not in confidence in everything because some things I didn't want to do, etc, but confidence that eventually I could do what I needed to do. And I used that to get through school. As you'd imagine, as I indicated earlier, if you're an ethnic or Italian or whatever, everyone lets you know. So yes, I want it to be there. And that used to shut them up. So that was pretty much a strong motivator. But I would never have tried it if I didn't think I could do it. And I enjoyed sport. And then after, when I was 8, I got sent to a boarding school. Now that was fun. Catholic boarding school St Amour and the stories are true, don't let anyone tell you any different. But in there it was like a microcosm. Everything was so focused because you were there morning, noon and night. You didn't have any relief when you went home at night and you slept with your parents and you Mixed with your own family. And then you went off and did whatever morning, noon and night, it was in your face. So I just had to try harder and that's what I did. I became the best in the school at Aussie rules. I was a legend. Cricket, tennis, anything else I wanted to put up, I was the man. No one could come near me. And they all kept away and they all shut up because I love rubbing in their face. Yeah, well, I could flog you at whatever you want to do, mate, let's go. And that was pretty much empowering, except it was also the worst time of my life because my mother had a. Whatever women have it, 55, 60 or whatever, it was a sudden panic attack and she wanted all her children back with her. I mean, I went to that boarding school, I was there on my own, I knew no one. When I left there, they were going to make me school captain and they were going to do all sorts of things as far as the sport went. When I was 13, I got picked for the 15s stateside without even playing in the trials because I was injured at the time. Tennis. I used to beat anyone and everyone, including a grade players, the list goes on. And my mother just said one day, nah. He called me back but she didn't tell me. And the brothers walked around saying, oh, well, it was nice having you here. So what are you talking about? I'll be back in four weeks after the holidays. And I said, well, maybe not. Better speak to your parents. And she just took me out and threw me in a totally different environment. And that sort of made things so. Yeah, that pretty much killed a lot of things. And once again, if I'd have stayed there, I don't think young Alex would be here because I most probably would have gone down to Victoria and done what I need to do down there with Aussie rules and whatever else I could find. So things happened for a reason and I accepted that. Later in life I thought, well, look at the wife I've got, look at the kids I've got, look at the life I've got. I'm happy, you know, but when you're going through all of those sort of things, it's just so traumatic. You don't understand because when you're a young bloke, you just don't grasp the concept that, well, things happen for a reason and one door shuts, another one opens, etc, etc, you can go on and on and on with those sort of things. And it's very true. I started playing rugby league and I Did okay in that. Not fantastic because I was playing against kids who been doing it for 18 years and I only just started, but I still held my own. And tennis, I had to forget cricket. I still played socially and that was it, that was my life. And my parents became very controlling and that was their way of dealing with life. If they'd left us alone. Both my brother and myself had been in the papers a long time ago for good reasons, not for bad reasons. So it's just what life deals you. And just making the best, changing your perspective of anything can turn it into a positive instead of a negative. And that's one thing I did learn from that period because I think, well, yeah, okay, I was this, this is not. I could have done this, I could have done that. But wow, look where I am now.

Yeah, well, I guess heading through into, you know, entering the workforce and whatnot. That's where you met Mum, so you might not have had that meeting as well.

Like you said, if you had, I definitely wouldn't have. I would have been an interstate, I definitely would not have moved her and you wouldn't be around. Plus your mother's pretty hot.

So that's what I was just curious. You spoke about self amusement. Did that all stop when you met Mum?

All the blokes who are listening to this would know that the answer to that is no. Blokes stop that sort of thing when they're about 95 and their hands fall off. Other than that, everything's fair game. Oh, geez. He thinks I'm, you know. This charming young gentleman said one day we're in the car, he thought, he's really clever, he's only 8. And he went, dad, do you and mum still have sex? And he went, he was funny. And then, buddy, if your mother and I didn't have sex, you wouldn't be here. Let's shut him up next.

That's right. That's why I could openly ask these questions as.

I got nothing to hide.

You met Mum at work though? Yeah.

You want to share? I was an auditor at the time. I used to go around auditing the books at different companies and she was working in the claims office. And when I saw her I thought, wow, that's for me. She's only young. She was only 18. I was only young. I was only about 20, 21 and sounds young now. Back when I was 12, 21 was pretty old anyway. But she was singing and I took one look at her and she's hot. She's real hot. That I gotta Have. So I actually did things I'd never done before with women because I was always shy and reserved. Because being brought up, you're taught this is your place. Don't say anything, don't do anything, just shut up and go with the flow. Because we're the adults and you're not. So it tended to make you very introverted, very submissive, et cetera, et cetera. But when I saw Brian, I thought, no. Chased her around, hop in the car, give you lift hand, da, da, da. And that was it. Just went one thing after another. It was great. And we got on well. If we didn't get on well, we wouldn't be here now. But we got on well. And the funny part about it is, I came into Australia on the ship in May 1959. Bronwyn was born. My wife Bronwyn was born in May 1959. So they made it for me. I can live with that. I'm a special person. I'm worth it. It's true. It's very true. True story.

What was it like, if integrating is a word, but meeting and getting in with. Well, my nan and pop. Pop was a police. Was he a sergeant at the time?

Australia, Pop was a Crown Sergeant, but he's a real larrikin. He was the old school coppers in the old days, the coppers, if they thought you needed a lesson, he'd give you a bit up the backside and say, now wake up yourself. Or else. And people in those days used to just take it and say, well, yeah, he's right, yeah, I shouldn't do that, I shouldn't do this. And off he goes. These days, if a policeman puts a hand on your shoulder, you sue them. So all that teaches you is that police don't really have any power. And then they wonder why they have so many issues now. But anyway, yeah, Harry was a great bloke. We got on really well. Except when he opened his mouth.

He's loved winding you up.

He tried to wind me up. Adnaws him because he knew I was too smart for him. He'd come up with all these ridiculous things and say, hang on a sec, you're double counting. You're doing this. You're there. Oh, okay, okay. He tried and tried. Never got me. He tried and tried and tried, but we had fun. He had these. Some of these famous sayings I still take to heart that I think are very, very true in this day and age. And he used to practice it years ago, but now he's a great bloke. And Bron's mum, she was very supportive. It surprised me, actually, because coming from a background of, you're an ethnic, you're an Italian, and between me and you and the gate post, don't tell anyone, but I really didn't like Italian chicks. I just didn't like them. They reminded me too much of my mother. Oh, God. Even down to the moustache. I thought, jeez, this is terrible. That was a joke. My mother didn't have a moustache. Okay. But. No, they were very supportive. They were very. Whatever. They took me at face value. We got on like a house on fire and went from there.

Into fatherhood. What was it like? Because you used to have a full head of hair? Is that what we did?

No, actually, you can't claim credit for that. My mother can, but you can.

Yeah, it's probably the stresses were worse with them.

I've never been so stressed in my life while I lived with my parents, because I knew what the outside world was, but they were trying to. Just to give you. To put things in perspective. My mother used to be very disgusted that Australians actually went shopping without wearing gloves. Because when she was in Little Italy, when you went to the shops, you wore your good clothes and you wore gloves and you talked to everyone, just like you see in those 17th and 18th century movies. Because that's how they thought that we had to go. And she said, look at these people. They go in thongs. They go in this. Can you imagine her? She's. She'd have to get a stepladder to look up to a jockey. That's how tall she was. And here she is criticizing other people. Anyway, she got her comeuppance. She actually went back to Italy when her father. No, her mother, not her father, her mother was sick. So she went back to Italy. She came back. Oh, my God, they're disgusting over there. They're 10 times worse than us. They're this or that. I kept thinking, so what you taking it on us for? Why? You know, why. You pay down at home. I just don't get it. So, anyway, so, yes, you sort of open your eyes when you. You feel torn between a rock and a hard place. When you know it's right, you see other people doing normal things. I'm going out with your mother. And that was great. Yet my mother wouldn't let go. So I literally had the two meals every Saturday and Sunday because she wouldn't let me go unless I ate a big meal that she cooked. And then I'd go over to Bronwyn's place, my wife's place, for dinner. In the end, I said, look, can you bloody stop? You're gonna kill me. Just stop.

That's where I got my appetite from, I think.

So.

Was it on the flip side? Was it hard for Mum to integrate into an Italian family at all? Or did she have any touch?

She tells me later that she always loved Italian and that she always wanted something different. And she wanted. She didn't like the skippy way of doing things. She didn't like lots of things. I said, okay, well, you know, let's sort of try and work for somewhere in the middle. And it wasn't that hard. Well, I can't really say that because I think my mum gave her a hard time. I remember about a week after we come back from my honeymoon, my mother snapped at my wife. He's still my son, you know, because she wanted to cook for me, you know, I mean, really, you have kids so you can grow them up so they can be their own adults, and off you go. Not this one. She wouldn't let go. And that lasted for years until I had to politely let her down, just say, look, just back off. And my sisters, two of them loved her. Another one was a real bit of a bitch to her and. But she comes around now. She realizes that your mother's a good person, has been for years, and everything's cool. My mother doesn't complain anymore. That's because she's dead. But apart from that, we get on grab and what?

Yeah, getting back to Father Daylight. What was that like? First. Between the first and the first and the fourth.

The first and the fourth. When we went on our honeymoon, my wife said to me, oh, my God, I've forgotten my birth control pills. This is a true story. We're on a honeymoon. What do you do on your honeymoon? Really? If you can't do that, what's the point? So I said, well, what the hell? I said, look, kids are kids. Lives are lives. Human beings are human beings. They'll come and they'll go. We'll find a way somehow to get past. I'm not going to say no to any kids for whatever reason, somehow we'll get past. And that's what we did. We had an honorable baby, believe it or not. So I wasn't firing blanks, that's for sure. And it was so funny because when we got back, all our Italian relatives are saying, oh, she's pregnant, Is she? Oh, when's a due? We said, it's due in June. And right in front of you, they start counting on their fingers. June, May, April, go back. Ah, honeymoon, baby. Yeah. What else? You can understand where people come from. But now, look, having kids, to me, it was the greatest time of my life. We had a choice that we could either I could either work and have a career that was pretty much over the top, or I could spend more time with my family. And I chose to spend more time with my family. I had a ball with them. I used to wrestle with them. We used to take them out, used to do all sorts of things. There was always something. And when you see your little kids, your toddlers, and they grow up to be bigger, the enjoyment you get out of it is just unbelievable. And any pain and suffering that they caused just dissipated. You take one look at them, and that's it. For me, anyway.

Now I've got that on record, I can do whatever I want. The pain and suffering is worth it.

See, young Alex doesn't listen. Because when he was growing up, I said, listen, Buddy, when you're 18, legally, you're an adult. So as far as I'm concerned, you can do whatever you want. Just make sure you understand what you're doing and you're prepared to live with it, but do whatever you want. And now he's gonna start when he's 30. What? I've had a slow reaction, but that's ridiculous.

I like to really take it in and savor it.

You do that. You do that.

What was the most toughest part, though? Being a father. And, I mean, a lot of the dads I work with are younger than you, in the 40s, but toughest thing about being a father doesn't necessarily mean.

The toughest thing about being a father is finding your direction. You have to understand yourself. You have to understand your wife. Because it's a partnership. There's no I'm head of the house and you're with it. That doesn't exist. Not for very long, anyway, believe me. It just doesn't exist. So you have to find out who you are, how that fits into your scheme of life. Because most people are lost. They don't understand who they are. They don't know who they are. They think they're someone who's waiting for someone else to tell them what to do in their lives. You know, whether it be through advertisements, through unsolicited advice, through whatever reason, whatever avenue, they feel that that's what they have to do. Once you find out who you are and what you want in life and what you want to do the rest of it is superfluous. Yeah, okay. I wanted to work. I had to work because I needed money. Okay? But that doesn't mean that my sole purpose in life is to go to work. My sole purpose in life is to have the family, bring the kids up and be a good husband. And my wife, okay, so she'd put out for me. Otherwise, you know the story. So to me, it was being a father who was very proud. I used to love looking at my kids. They don't know it, I'll never tell them, so don't listen. But I used to love looking at my kids, thinking I made them, and I did. And they were human beings. I made them. And I don't want them to be pets, puppets or whatever. I want them to be independent, motivated, kind, caring human beings. If they turn out of that, die a happy man. And, you know, because that was almost in complete opposite to what I went through with mine, because my parents are very controlling. Very. I thought, no, I could never do that to my own flesh and blood. So to me, it was in one regard. Yeah, look, I put a lot of pressure on you. I had four kids and there was always something. And I had a wife who wanted more and more and more and more. As you do when you get older, that's one live with that. And there's just the pressures there all the time. And then you got the work scenario where there's pressure. And in the line of work I was in, mate, it was very cutthroat politically, et cetera. I mean, the average time I lasted at a job was about three, three and a half years, which turns out to be the industry average anyway for what I did. And that was just the one thing. The one standard, basic constant in my life was my family and my kids. And I used to love going home, playing with my wife and looking after. Playing with the kids and looking after my wife.

All of the above.

All of the above. And that was it to me. That was. But that's just the way I am, because I sat down and I thought about what I really wanted. I actually tried for the first six months of our marriage. I'm going to be the good Italian. You're going to do this, just cause fights. That's all it did, cause fights. So I thought, well, here's your choice. You can either keep fighting with your wife till, whatever, she's pregnant, she's whatever. Then when the kid comes, if you fight with two of them, or you can change tact, change your perspective and make Them the center of your life and everything revolves around it. And that's what we decided to do and that's how it turned out. Okay, look, I haven't had a fantastic business career where I've been in the same job or doing something else for 30 or 40 years, but had a good time. I raised kids. I raised four kids who I'm proud of all of them. And they're raising their kids. And the old saying, your kids might not do what you say, but they'll definitely do what you do. And that's what they're doing now. They play with their kids, they enjoy themselves. They do it all of them. Except can't say all of them because one of them has more kids. So if he's doing it, yeah, okay. But no, that was basically, you really have to change your mindset and you have to decide who you are and what you want, because no one else will tell you. They'll tell you who they want you to be and what they want from you, which, when there's a war on, sure, I can understand that, but it hasn't been a war for a long time. So it's just manipulation. So I just reject manipulation, full stop. I have my own standards. I have everything else I do for me and what I think is right and wrong. And if people agree with it, great. If they don't, great. I don't care. So that's pretty much how I've handled it. But the kids, my kids have been fantastic.

How was it with Jordy? Like, he's nine years younger than me. That would have been a bit of a shock because Mum had some. Because he had three of us. I was the baby and probably maybe still am in Mum's eyes, who knows? But Jodie was nine years later, she had an iud, or she had some sort of contraceptive.

She had an IUD. And what happens with IUDs? For those who don't know, my wife had a bit of weight on when she had it inserted, but then she went and lost weight. Trust me, she looked bloody hot. She's going in a mini skirt, something crossed. I'm never going to get anything done here. I just want to go home and hop in the sack. She's unbelievable. But in losing the weight, the IUD came loose. And sure, I mean, in her condition, there's no way I wasn't going to sort of attack her. And sure enough, she rings me one day and says, guess what? I'm pregnant. And I went dirty. The gynecologist is going to be paying for this one. And she said, no, you can't do that. He's a lovely old man. I'm only kidding. Said, what do you want to do? I said, don't be stupid, what do you all want to do? He's one of ours, isn't he? Let's go. So the problem with that was he had older brothers and they looked after him. They used to fight over who looked after the kid. I thought this is great, see ya. And we just moved into a double story house and all that sort of thing. We had plenty of room, so that wasn't an issue. He came along, he was spoiled rotten by everyone. Everyone loved. He had so much love in his life that it was ridiculous. You speak to a man, you can tell he just came out with that sort of thing. And mate, he was to me just like all the others. He's there for a reason. He's one of mine. I'll do whatever he wants to a point. All right.

Kudos to you and mum did make some very handsome boys. Although I've got to be blessed and I've got mum's looks. Just checking out now.

You do look a feminine at owl, I gotta tell you. Yes, you're right.

You look good in the RDM shirt by the way.

You called it RDM because that's the only thing you can spell five letters or less. I'm being vicious.

For those who don't know, dad created the dad jokes globally. They didn't exist until you came around. Is that right? No, I remember seeing in the library just books and books and books of jokes. That's where I get my sharp wit from. Everyone. For those of you who don't know.

I think you're half right. Sorry.

A quarter right.

Gotta earn it.

Yeah, unreal, unreal. While I was there I was a big part of it obviously and love the sport. I feel blessed for what you and mum have shown and given us and raised us up with. Especially with the, like you said, the love, love and values and the sport. Being active. Being active so important. That's almost a non event for a lot of families these days. And I feel like that's leading to a lot of issues psychologically as well. We're out of line. When we needed to be, we got pulled into line is what it is. We still always had that outlet. Being physically active and doing that and engaging and socializing. Not just sitting behind a screen and whatnot.

Well, that's what I picked up from going to boarding school. We used to literally play Four or five hours a day, minimum, organised sport, minimum. And then you had your own time where you played more sport. And that's what I said to all of you. I don't care what you do, how you do it, you'll do something. Anyone who sits down, look at it. And that's what they all did. And you see them all now, they're all lean, muscly and very well developed, which is a must for children. They don't have to be the best at anything. They do something because they like it. But if you want someone to definitely do one thing and you try and force him against his will, forget it. If you say you do what you like, that's fine. I mean, our only played two or three sports, the other one played four or five sports. Jordy only did a couple of things, the other one did a few things and he got bored with us, it's okay. But in our house, I converted the garage into a gym and filled it full of equipment. And instead of playing sport, the boys used to go and work out. And when they worked out, they suddenly realized being fit and muscular and whatnot attracts the girls.

Truth comes out my primary motivator.

So they all wanted to work at the gym and their mates wanted to work in the gym too.

That's what I remember. He's had between eight and 10 guys coming around each week training in the gym.

Hello, Mr. Ranieri. I look at them and say, which one of you hasn't paid their membership pay now where you can get out? And they'd all look at me and go, huh, That's a good setup though.

You used to go to auctions or something. We had over a thousand kilos in weights. I got only just more than that in my gym.

I used to go to all the auctions whenever I could for the gyms that closed down. And I'd buy whatever I could afford to buy, whatever it was. But over a period of time it really accumulated that I worked at an engineering place and I used to see these bits of equipment that were in the various books and magazines. You said I'd go take it to work and the blokes would make one up for me. So there's pretty much nothing I couldn't get. So. And they did, they worked it out.

Yeah, we had a lead press and everything. It was unbelievable, that pull down machine, sit ups thing.

Funniest thing though is after Alex and his brother had been doing this for a couple of years, they were having a little contest, like boys always do, who's got the biggest guns. So Alex is flexing his muscle and Tim's flexing his, and they measure up. And I just looked at them laughing. Kid stuff. I said, you want to see real muscle? They measured at 42 and a half centimeters, which is not bad for kids. I measured at 48 narrow centimeters, which is not bad for an adult. So ever since then, they stopped measuring. I got embarrassed badly.

Yeah, but you were lucky. You got to build a house. That's what gave you the big arms.

Exactly right. That's what I got it from. I was working day and night building that bloody house. I felt my arms just grab. It was just crazy. But it was good fun for someone who'd never built a house before. It was good fun.

Yeah, he did all right.

Well, it comes back to the same thing. You have confidence in your own ability and you ask for help. And people will always give you help. If you tell them that you know everything, no one will talk to you. Well, that's life.

Blessed that you're still talking to me.

Then, so you should be. But that's part of my community service, to talk to the afflicted, try and bring them up the stretch.

It's food involved as well. I'm a little bit getting a bit peckish.

They reckon that's how you train animals, you just tangle food in front of them. I don't know if it works for kids or not. I just. I could never dangle food in front of Alex. You just got out the fridge every day.

I know you valued your fingers.

You didn't want to lose themselves. Exactly. Yes.

Yes. Well, what's next, Pa?

What do you mean, what's next?

I'm not talking about lunch for yourself. Any plans? Anything moving forward or looking out to.

Oh, look, I've got several ailments that I've got to deal with. I was involved in a car accident. Not my fault. Someone ran up the backside and the muscle got torn off the bone on my right shoulder. So I got to go and have an operation for that. And I've got my right hip needs replacing. I've already done my left hip. My right hip needs replacing, but that's just slowed me down because what I really want to do is get back into workouts and drop my weight dramatically. Because I know when I drop my weight, everything works fine and I feel a lot better. Everything just goes a lot better. So to me, that's it. That's my personal goal. The rest of it is, obviously I just got to earn a living, keep going. I really enjoy what I do for a living. So it doesn't matter to me that I'll do it for the next 5, 10, 15, 20 years, 25 years, I don't care. You know, I'll still be able to do it, I'll just get better at it. But that's pretty much it. My wife and I have learned a lot of valuable lessons over the last six to eight years and we now focus on ourselves because at the end of the day, the only things that really matter are you and your wife and your kids. Interact, live, look after each other, do whatever. The rest of it doesn't matter. And even for kids that go, because I've got a couple of my sons that we're having issues with because of their wives, okay, it's life. I can live with that. You can't say to someone, you can do whatever you want. They go and do it and say, no, I don't like that. That's just not on. So if that's what they want to do, fantastic. So my wife and I just focus on us. We've just been to Italy for 16, 17 days and that was great. Never thought once about the kids. That was great. Then we came back and now in another three or four weeks we're going to Bali for a week. You know, that's because we're up in Queensland. When we lived down in Sydney, we used to get phone calls all the time. Can you come look after my kids? We need a babysitter. Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. Hang on just a minute. I've got a life too, you know. And when I was bringing up four of them, not one or two, four, I never rang anyone. They're my kids, I looked after them. So fortunately, my wife's come to the realization that really, if it's not just for us, I mean, you know, I'm over 60, my wife just hit 60, we've only got another 30 odd years on the outside to go. I'm going to enjoy myself, I don't care. And it reflects on the way I deal with other people too. Because when I was young I was very timid and I wouldn't say anything to young girls and whatnot. Now, mate, I say whatever I want because I know they can't hurt me and I can't hurt them.

The young girls. That's right, because I think you're joking.

No, no. Up here in the Gold Coast, I'm telling you, you suddenly remember that you've got hormones and that what decent looking Women look like, et cetera, et cetera. I don't know how old you all are, so I won't elaborate, but you know what I mean.

But I find one good lesson I got in that there was about I think really being proactive and flexible and strategic in your approach with many things. Like for those of you, I'm up here in Queensland at the moment. So instead of waiting for mum and dad to come to Sydney, we've driven the kids up here and then we're going to head back and they can stay with mum and dad for a few weeks and couldn't roll driving back home alone.

One of the best things you can learn is how to change your perspective to suit your own circumstances. Point. Case in point. My wife and I were driving up here, we just decided hop in the car and drove up here because we had enough of Sydney and we came up, my wife was real upset because one of the daughter in law's had been saying nasty things or doing whatever. I try not to get involved but it really upset her and she said I felt really bad about her, etc. Etc. I said look, I think you've missed the point here. If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't be going to Queensland now. We're going to live on the Gold Coast. You should be thanking her, write her a thank you note. She thought about that for a minute and she went, oh yeah, you're right. So it depends. Doesn't matter how bad the situation is, there's always another perspective to have that fits in with what you want to do. That's always there. The worst thing about human beings, modern human beings, all human beings, we all have the answers to our problems. Every answer is there right in front of us. It's what we choose to do with it, how we choose to use it. Think of a problem. You know the answer. You already know the answer. There's one person in the world you can't lie to and that's yourself. You know the answer. Something bad happens. Okay, I'll put my hand up and take my punishment and move on. Great, finished. I don't worry about it, I just go, something else happens. Well that's not what I want to do. I want to do this. Let's go. And off you go. Instead of worrying about things, worrying about life, trying to live to other people's expectations. I mean from the time we get up to the time we go to sleep, we get bombarded by advertising, by all sorts of things, by what other people want and don't want you get mad, you go absolutely mad worrying about what everyone else wants. I used to say to the boys when they were younger, have your own standards based on good moral values that you value and live by them. Don't worry about anyone else, about organized religion or disorganized religion, whatever you want to call it. Just worry about self. And if that's how you want to live, you do it. And that's going back 30 years. I mean, look what's happened to organized religion in the last 10, 15 years. It's not the sort of place I'd be wanting to go after. I wouldn't want to put my hand up and say, I'm with them because being with them has connotations now. But in your own personal thing, because you live your life for yourself and your family, your wife, especially your kids, you should have your own standards, you should live your own standards. Then you know you can never go wrong. And if other people don't like it, bad luck, what are they going to do? Shoot you?

Yeah, that's the challenging thing, isn't it? People, too often, I find, focus on either what other people think or they focus on the problem instead of the solution.

Exactly right. I mean, there's a marvelous invention, not invention, a marvelous function that we all have. It's called the subconscious. And I use it all the time if I can. If I have a problem, I think about it and then I say, right, bedtime, I'm going to bed, good night. I wake up in the morning. I won't say with solution in hand, because that sounds a bit ominous, but I wake up with an answer. You wait nothing before, okay, bang. And off I go. And it works. You train yourself to do it and it works. And there's nothing that can overwhelm you. The thing that we get trapped with a lot is that we look at what goes on in society and we listen to people who are supposed to be looking after us, looking after themselves and saying, you shouldn't do this, you shouldn't do that, trying to make you feel as bad as possible. Yet they know full well that no matter what the laws are, there are ways around them. You can't afford the barristers, etc, that they can afford, that other people can afford. So you don't get the same treatment at law. But there are other ways around it. They don't tell you that, though. Look, how many politicians have been caught with their hand in the tool? How many of them have gone to jail? None. You know, just to point out the obvious and the moral of that, as far as I'm concerned, is you look after yourself. You have your own standards. Whatever other people are doing, that's their problem, not yours. You simply do what you believe is the right thing. By yourself, by your family. You can't miss. You'll end up looking like me. Nice, handsome, well adjusted father who unfortunately still has to look after not so well adjusted sons. But that's life.

I'm hungry. That's why I came up here.

Exactly. That's my question. There. In this life. Yes.

I just realized I forgot to hit record on this. We'll do it all year.

No, it's in. I'm out of breath. I can't do it again.

It's been awesome having you on path.

Thanks.

Appreciate you.

I hope I've given you some benefit. And you see these signs behind me. I read them every day. And it basically says your actions define your reality. Which is true. And if you base your actions on your own moral standards, you can't miss. You just can't. You might not be like other people, but hey, isn't diversity what makes life worth living? We're all different. Even snowflakes. There's billions and billions of snowflakes. Yet no two snowflakes are identical. Did you know that? So that gives you an idea of how the place was made. It was made to be different. Be yourself. Don't be what someone else wants you to be. Be yourself. That's all I can say to you. That's what I say to Alex. That's what I said to my sons. They've all gone off and done their own thing. And they're all happy in what they do. I hope if they want help, they want whatever. They know I'm here, anytime, any day or night. And that's giving them a backdrop. The rest of it, it's all them. I love it.

Find your truth. Live your truth and own it.

That's it.

Mmm.

It's yours. You may.

Well, that was the final word of wisdom. Unless you wanted to finish with a dad joke. You might have a good one back.

In the memory bank.

I don't know. It's too many to choose from.

No, I'll leave the dad jokes at least. Seems to remember them eventually, far better than I do. Truth is, though, they weren't books in the library. I used to have a stack of about 10 or 15 joke books. And I put him next to the toilet so when I sat on the toilet, I could read all these jokes. And it started off fantastic. The only problem Is by the time you get about halfway through them, they start repeating themselves and you lose interest and you think, might as well go to the toilet then.

Good use of your time.

It was great use of my time.

Outstanding. Awesome. Thanks for jumping on today, Pat.

No worries. Pleasure. Hope I've helped you somewhat. But parting thought, don't take life too seriously because you will never get out alive. We all get born, we live, we die. It's the experiences you have in between that make your life well worth it or not worth it. If it's not worth it, you can't change it anyway. What can you change? Just enjoy yourselves and do as much as you can in a positive vein. Whatever it is, as long as you're not hurting anyone else, you're fine. That's it. That's what I try and do. I just enjoy myself. I like to laugh. I like to tease people. I like to carry on when I go to the shops. I can't help myself. I just have to tease the staff. And they love it. They all know me now. Who's that funny old me?

They got a big picture up, the.

Name with a big cross through it, that's just verboten.

That's his, yes.

So, mate, that's it. I mean, you know, your mum and I are still very close after 42 years, and one of the things she says to me all the time is, oh, you make me laugh. I said, well, spread it around, because not many people laugh at my jokes anymore. But that's part of our enjoyment. That's what we're doing now. We're enjoying ourselves. What do you want to do? She gets her hair done a whole lot. I don't complain anymore. So, yeah, go enjoy. And that's something that a lot of people lose track of. What's the point of being alive for 60 or 70 years, having worked like a dog and you're on your deathbed, what's the point? I just don't get it. You know, as a species, we're supposed to have evolved. We had far more enjoyment and free time and everything else when we're hunter gatherers than what we do now. We're supposed to be the advanced ones. Go figure.

Anyway, I remember saying that the other day to someone, yeah, technology doesn't necessarily mean advancement of evolution, does it?

Definitely. Matter of fact, it's the direct opposite. Thousands of years ago, if a ruler wanted to control the population for taxation or for whatever thing, he had to have an army. These days, you don't need an army to control people. Jeez, you do it on the Internet, a couple of flicks, listen to everything they're saying and doing, and away you go. And it's all population control. But I don't want you to hear my sarcastic side.

That's why I'm here as well, to help give people a different view and a different perspective and a different way to add value. So that's what it's about, isn't it? Like right now for this podcast, using technology to try and tap into people for exactly what dad just spoke about. Who you want to be and living life of love and fulfillment and that deathbed, that's the only thing that scares me in life, to be honest. Yeah, I have concerns about my children.

But there's no such thing as. If you believe in science. Science says energy cannot be created or destroyed. It simply transforms from one shape to another. If we are energy, which we are, then we're simply going to transform from one shape to another. That's religion in a nutshell. A lot of people put all the garbage in between it, but again, comes back to what you want to do. What is your life? How do you want to run your life? Enjoy it. That's all I can say. Enjoy. That's what I used to say to all my sons. Enjoy it. The buggers here. The only problem is I had to drive them around everywhere so they could enjoy it.

$1,500 a week on groceries we enjoyed.

So they can't complain. Now they've got nothing to say it wasn't me. They can't blame me for their distorted lives. It's all their problem. That's right.

Thanks again, chief.

How are you, Matt?

Pleasure. It's been good. I hope you guys enjoy this and got a lot of value out of it. And don't forget, if you're listening to this on the podcast show, this is also on itunes as well as YouTube. You can watch the video of me and dad. Plenty of laughs. Good to do this live, actually, with someone as opposed to across the Internet. So I hope you guys enjoyed this and have a fantastic day, night, weekend. Whenever you're listening to this, anything you ever need, please reach out. I'll give you all of Dad's contact details so you can hassle him.

Triple zero. Just ask for Joe.

Take care, guys. All the best and much love. Appreciate your support as always. Cheers.