242. How To Avoid Crash & Burn In Marriage

Hey, real quick, enjoy the upcoming episode. If you haven't yet, give us a five star review. Jump on Amazon, itunes, Spotify, anywhere where you're listening to this. Or you could alternatively look at Facebook, Instagram, Other ways to promote your love and appreciation for hpf. If you align with a message and you love what you see. Take care. Have an amazing day night weekday weekend whenever you listen to this and enjoy this upcoming episode because there's some absolute gold nuggets that you're going to take away. Welcome to an episode around how to avoid cross crash and burn in marriage. Now over 20,000 hours in this space. The the growth rate and leveling up in myself you would already experienced from episode one to now. But even from the last episode I did to now there have been significant changes. Change location, change of infrastructure building, growing and really developing and expanding HPF heading out to all different states with our events. South Australia was absolutely amazing. The men out there are champions. Air's nice and clean too. And look, it's, it's pretty crazy when, when you're all in and you go all in and you stay all in. How much can absolutely change in such a short period of time? So man, as always here to serve members, non members. Our podcast is without a doubt one of the most popular things on the planet. And effective too for helping men navigate the shitstorms of life. To go from the the swell and choppy waters and the storm itself that is never ending punches in the face of life to smooth sailing. And not forever as men if you're in smooth waters for too long. Not that we willingly head into the wrong storms, but you know, life is a continual state of resistance with variables you don't control. However, being in the storm your whole life is pretty tough, right? There's got to be periods and pockets where you're getting the fruit of your labor. But provided you're willing and ready to labor on the right things. Man, we're going to dive into this session on how to avoid crash and burn in marriage. Really excited for this one. Again, you know, diving just layers deeper and deeper and deeper again. It's something you just cannot. You guys can emulate and, and model and take. That's what this is for. But pretty, pretty hard to fabricate the depth that has come about. Where Alex Ranieri does, does not even matter. It's the energy that I'm promoting, which is a collective of thousands of men and 20,000 plus hours of work in this space, which I'm humbled and honored that you're giving your valuable time, ease and energy to this but I promise this much you'll always come out on top and winning from the the golden nuggets that not mine to own but a collective of all of the experiences and what I'm exposing myself to and helping these men with on the journey. So the way that I'm going to roll with this one fellas, there are five key things. Five, five key points to cover. There are more but these are five of the main ones that I've seen again, you know thousands of marriages like what we've already done is multi generational impact and we're just warming up in my eyes. But that's not to devalue the coaches amazing team, the experts, the tribesmen who are currently in hbf. But the boys on the inside are very excited. We're right in the middle of winter wars and I tell you what, like man, one of the challenges. Over 400 comments. Guys posting their wins, their schedule, their calendar, their my zone results like so physical fitness challenges like all the different things connecting with their family, cultural stuff so family traditions, how they're spreading the message of their greatness and leadership. Okay. Over 400 comments. I remember scrolling through this thread. Obviously I read and I'm immersed in all areas of hpf, but I was scrolling through it going Jesus Christ. Like have a look at this. Have a look at the runs on the board. And this is a shout out to not nothing against non members as well. I'm here to provide value for all you man. But to the members listening to this, like fucking hell man. Like it's, it's very rare in today's world where you're not an environment, where you're not in an environment that's full of shit, where you're around people who want to excel, where you're on the same fucking page. Not hey, I love my 80 year old grandma who's addicted to growth. Like I get that, that's fantastic. But it's not a man entering her in the second half like you who's going through the same, who has the same way of thinking and operating the same patterns, good, bad and the ugly, which then creates the mechanism for the right culture and tribe to grow and to hold each other accountable. Like my nan can't hold me accountable. However I leverage my nan to go, hey, I want her to be so proud of me because of what I do. But only a man can keep another man in check. I've said this time and time again so this is going to be a Very valuable session for all of you men because what we're going to do first is actually inverted. And inverting things is a great way to navigate what you actually do want when it's not quite clear. This is what I mean. As cynical, skeptical, survival based creatures, we always look at the bad side, the darker side, the problems that can be. Which means what I'm actually going to do is I'm going to give you five points on how to fuck your marriage for good. Now if, if this, if this resonates with you, then you know to fucking stop that right away. But not only that, I'm then going to invert it and give you the path. So I'm going to give you five key points on how to bury your fucking marriage for good. So please, men, trust me when I say this. Unless of course you want to end your marriage, do not fucking do the next five points. But I'm going to expand on, giving some perspective on it. Why? Because unknowingly you are. And it's not your fault. This is never a fault or blame thing. It's a, hey, now you have the answer. It's my fucking responsibility. I'm always proactive, forward, thinking, forward, moving. Like those of you in business who want to make money, fucking great money, loves speed. But tell you what, so does fucking progress and results. Not sitting on your hands, twiddling your fucking thumbs. So a lot of your good intentions are running enthusiastically in the wrong direction. You got to course correct that shit right away and get dialed in. First, five points, five things on what not to do, obviously. But then I'm going to obviously flip that reverse and go, hey. Here are the five key things. How to avoid crash and burn in marriage. So we're going to start with the opposite five points. To bury your marriage for dead. And then we're going to turn that around and run through it. So, pen and paper or not, driving in the car or not. I'll slow down when I can, but here we are, we're going to work through these. Point number one, give your word, but don't uphold it. So change your word. Attach to your stories. Give, give obviously promises and commitments to your wife, but just, just, just make sure that you don't actually follow through on them. Now obviously you men are going to find out pretty quickly, not that I'm a smartass, but it's extremely fucking obvious, right, that that's a stupid thing to do. Yet here we are, people pleasing or not. We try and do whatever we can. Stretched thin in all different directions. And usually it's two directions, work and family. But inside of that dynamic, family's getting stre several different directions. Work, you're getting stretched in several different directions, but you're getting pulled apart. So what do we do? Well, we try as we can, as proud as we are as men, to uphold and make promises and commitments, that there are variables because we're all gamblers at heart. That would suggest that, hey, you know what? There isn't the greatest success rate off the back of this commitment I'm making. What that means is your chances of following through on this are not great. What that means then over time is through saturation, exposure and desensitization. You think that's fucking normal? Giving your word and not upholding it. So you're desensitizing yourself, which then means trust and integrity in the relationship gets stressed. And then you're desensitizing your wife where it's like, yeah, you know, I know Peter gave his word, but he's full of. He's not gonna do it. She doesn't even say that. She's already subconsciously programmed because that's the 40,000megabits per second. Our active conscious awareness in the now is 40Mbps. So the beast that drives it, the engine that drives human beings behaviors, patterns, psychology and programming is already set on. Well, yeah, Pete said he'd do this last time, but yeah, he didn't fucking do it. So don't, don't hold your breath. And this is obviously, you know, with respect to all the Pete's out there listening. It's getting it to a stage where you boys will be like, al really is just talking to me. I'll cast a blanket. So John Smith. But men, seriously, when you're not giving your word, it is creating a default inside of those you love and care about. That by which you're giving your word to. You're losing trust, you're losing reputation, which then means your value goes down, which then means your respect goes down. Like, people only respect what they value, even if you don't like someone. Like, I'm up here living in Queensland now. I don't like the Maroons, you know, I've got to stay loyal, New South Welshman at heart. So don't fucking like the Queenslanders in the state of origin. But I respect them. They're a fantastic team. So respect is a perception of value. If you're giving your word and you're elevating the state, the expectations, forecasts in the future the emotional state and providing a pathway that's going to have an impact on those you love and care about. AKA you're speaking words, making decision on something in the immediate, near, middle, or far future that affects your family, and that doesn't happen. What the fuck is your wife supposed to think? What do you like when you're raising that up? Oh, yeah, it doesn't happen. It's like, whoa, what, what is this, a fucking magic trick or something? Where did that go? We all make mistakes. I get that. But men, if you really want to fuck things up, keep doing that. Give your word, make promises, make commitments, don't put up healthy boundaries. Give your word, get yourself stretched as thin as possible. Tell people you'll do things, tell your wife you'll do things and make sure you don't do it. And then make sure you change that as well, obviously. Right. Change it and create a story that creates an excuse, which is really just the justification to accept and tolerate the reason why you didn't follow through and do it. It is. That you said you would do. That's a great fucking workaround. Won't work for long, but that's a great workaround. So make sure you give your word, change your word, but come up with some other fucking excuse on why it didn't happen. Now, are there variables in life? Ah, yeah, of course there are. You're fucking struck by lightning. Could be a hail storm that fucks you up. There's all sorts of things that can happen. However, I'm talking about the law of averages here, men. I'm talking about the percentages. And the percentages would suggest that 99% of the time, the variables in what you commit your word to are in your favor. And if they're variables that exist that you know you do not control, well, don't give your fucking word. Oh, it's like, okay, cool. Yep. No dramas. Yeah, no, no. Absolutely cringe. So what I'm going to do, I'm going to run to. I'm going to run to Ayers Rock and I'm going to collect some sand there. It's a beautiful color. I'm going to bring it back. I'll be back in. I'll be back in two days. I'll be right. Don't need a car. It's like, well, okay, why would I. That's a really extreme example. Why would I make a commitment to my wife that I'm going to travel thousands of kilometers by foot and bring something back for her when I know the chances are extremely High that it won't fucking work. Now the flip side of that is, of course, don't be a mute if you really want to. This is like I didn't add this to the five points, but if you really want to bury your marriage, just fucking ignore everyone and everything, pull yourself away completely and remove yourself from the position that you hold in the house completely. Now that's obviously a stupid given, which is why I didn't factor it into the five points. But you get my picture. It's not about saying, hey, well, I can't commit to anything, so I'm never going to commit. Everything's impossible until you make it possible. HPF is impossible. Helping middle aged men invest in themselves. You're fucking kidding me, aren't you? Do you know how hard it's been bleeding my fucking cunt out to get to this spot? Tell you what, it's worth it though. And I'll just strike that up. That's our first seed bomb of the episode. Might be a few more where that came from. Men, this is something that is extremely important for you. Please be very cautious when you give your word. Because as men in this world with the sweat on our fucking backs for the work that we do, all we have in this world is our word. Our word. Now, last name? I guess if you look at it that way, that's it. Without your word, you have nothing. You're not even a man. How could you be? People don't know what they get. Why would anyone, how can someone trust or depend on you? How can you be counted on if your word is chronically flawed? That's. That's dangerous, that's not stable, that's not safe. There are women and children in play here. Like, it's not their fault. It's not your fault. It's not even a fault. It's a choice. Responsibility. Point number two. If your marriage is in trouble. And here's the thing, for all of you men looking to build your empire and build fucking big. It doesn't have to just be financial, but build big, big impact, big life. And that doesn't mean you have to be an extrovert either. Just build a life where you matter. Build a life where there's impact. The linchpin for all empires, rising or falling in spectacular fashion. The linchpin is always the marriage. Always it's the conditions such that by the leaders, parents of the household are creating the environment, experiences and conditions that raise the children. That has the buy in and investment of the family nucleus as opposed to divide and conquer individuals carving their way in this world alone, isolated at a lower standard that then allows the leverage of impact, purpose, fulfillment, reward, achievement, contribution as a father, as a husband, as a man, as a mother, as a wife, as a woman, to go, hey, we're fucking all in. And this is our mini tribe always. It's why all the ads and a lot of these podcasts, man, it peppers around this dynamic. Now I'll flip this when I give you the five points on what to do. So I'm not going to dive into it now and what the answer is, but I'll tell you what to do. If you want to bury it, focus purely on your marriage. Point number two, if you want to improve things with your wife, just focus on the marriage. Don't, don't fucking worry about who you are and what you can bring the table. Focus purely on your marriage. That means all you're thinking about, all you're looking at, all you're trying to fix is literally the marriage. Like, you know, your marriage, which is, you know, this cloud, this big, this big bubble in the air that two individuals choose to buy into by either investing or aligning on certain matters, values and principles, be it a parent, be it man and wife, be it adults, be it society, living conditions, standards. Yeah, just, just do that. Like if you, if you really want to, if you really want to bury your marriage, focus on your marriage because that's the answer. I just focus on the problems and try and just fix your marriage by completely going into the marriage or wife and spending as much time as you can isolated, focused on that, that invisible fucking cloud in the air that you have nowhere near the same control as opposed to who it is that you're bringing to the marriage, AKA yourself. Obviously the sneak peek, that's the answer which I'll circle back around for the five points on what to do. But yes, so many men just go pushing and pushing and pushing inside of the marri marriage, chasing, supplicating, trying to fix it, talking about the problems, all this sort of stuff. One is incredibly weak through the eyes of the woman. Good intentions. I'm not saying you're a weak man. Yeah. If I don't know who you are and even those listening who I do know who you are, I can't judge who you are because I'm not living as you. I would judge the out of your actions. We should always judge actions. Who wouldn't? Your entire reality is based off which judging is really measurement, engaging, assessing, reviewing the path forward, lead and lag measures Past, present, now. So patterns like it's it. We judge every single day. But judging a, judging an identity is pretty flawed. Like that doesn't make sense. It's not. It's actually not really possible. Weirdly enough. It's just our egoic self gets in the way and we take things personally. But because it's a miss, if I judge you as a person, I've missed the mark. Because who you are continuously changes. For the better or for the worse. So on that note, when you say to yourself, you're a piece of because you dropped the ball, pick yourself up. Because that's not who you are, it's who you were. Which has led to the life you're living now. Which means right now you can do something about it. I've said this in other podcasts. So men, point number two, if you really want to bury your marriage, just focus on it. Go all in on just your marriage and talking about your marriage to your wife, just purely trying to do everything you can to stretch together all the other things that you don't control outside of yourself to just fix that marriage seems counterintuitive, but it'll make sense when I circle back around with the five points on what to do. Point number three, don't take the lead in making decisions. This is super important if you want to end your marriage for good. Make all calls and choices. Yeah, but I mean, I've been fucking working 12 hour days. I've got this business, I've got this career, I've got these people hassling me. I've got shit to do, I'm getting emails, I'm getting messages. I'm exhausted, man. I come home, I just want to sit on the lounge and. Okay, well firstly, if you're not fit as, fix that up right away so you have the energy capacity. Secondly, if you are fit as, you're playing the wrong game, you're investing in the wrong things, you're making the wrong choices upstream. You don't have healthy boundaries in place. And if you're running a business, your systems process and people are all fucking out of whack. Buy back your time, leverage your zone of genius to focus on that as much as you can. It's very simple. Business and life is very simple. We fuck it up as humans. But let's get back to this point. Don't, don't take the lead. Well, I'm tired. Come. I come home exhausted. But yeah, welcome to life. You know, like I don't get up at fucking 8am every day and cruise and sip pina coladas and, you know, guess who else is tired. Like if it's a traditional household where your wife's at home and. Or she's at home with the kids and working part time and there's a bit of a juggling out, well, I bet you she's fucking exhausted too. Now. Can your wife do what you do in business? Fuck no. She won't last a day. It's a different type of heart. However, how are you gonna go with kids 12, 14 hours a day? You got that covered? I'll tell you, I don't right now. No way, man. I love my children. They're. Their energy's crazy, man. Like, I'm extremely fit and strong, but they. I've got three energy sources draining my one. And they have a nap and sleep and recharge. So we need to move to Italy and do some, do some siestas. But you know, it's, It's a real thing, Men understanding that we all have it hard. It's just different. There's work everywhere. You can't avoid the work, you never will. And why should you Anyway, if you're avoiding the work, the work's gonna fucking find you, man. Don't you worry about that. Like, it will come for you and it won't be work, it'll be horror and nightmares, traumas, breakdowns, regret. Don't take lead in making decisions. So she's tired as well. But yeah, yeah, okay, a big boy out at work on your business. You're tired, you come home, you kick back, have a few beers, watch some telly. What's your. What you're doing is putting up a wall. Even something as simple as what do you want for dinner? Fucking. You choose. Your wife has given you time, energy to focus on and address something directly with you one to one. This is how simple it is. But energetically, that's what's happened and quote unquote through the emotional state and how they operate because their left right brain is like a six lane highway. She's interpreted you saying, honey, I'm happy for you to have control over the decision to Here's a big fucking hand you face. I don't give a fuck. You've just invested time managing folks on me. I ain't giving you any back. Seems harsh, man, but it's true. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. What I'm saying is this is how women think. This is how they interpret things. You got to be one step ahead of the curve. Doesn't Mean, you're always looking at the bad things or the cynicism or the pessimistic side of life. But that is true. Because they're emotionally tired, drained, volatile, how their brain works. They're women. That's absolutely how it can be interpreted. Plus, even if she doesn't interpret it that way, where you're putting the fucking hand up to her and she's good about it, guess what you've just done? You just fucking double stacked. So instead of two parents making a decision, there's now one. So you've double stacked the mental load and capacity required to finalize the decision, to take action on the decision, and then do the the actions necessary from that decision to make it come true. I've got to organize this, cook this, get this prepped, put that in the boiler and steam it and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So even if she's okay about it, you're fucking doubling, tripling, quadrupling down on the workload of her now mentally and probably physically, but definitely mentally, where her cup's already full, where she's made decisions all fucking day. And you know that little 5 to 10%, like you're at the park, you're at the beach and you worry about your kids drowning and like they're like that chronically men all the fucking time. Yet here you are and I'm too tired. I've worked. I don't want to make a decision. You do whatever you think, it doesn't matter. But that's you thinking from your perspective. Be very careful. This quick, quick side note, I fucking love fatherhood, man. And I love men out there wanting to be the greatest fathers they can be. I'm on your side. I am 100 on your side. What your side actually means is your side is in the patriarch. You as the father leading the family, being revered and respected as the king of the castle, the prize. Your wife, your queen, gets everything she wants. Your children get everything you want. You've got a beautiful family nucleus. Everyone wins because you can leverage, leverage logic and emotion to forecast the best path for everyone. And you can be the chief who's cool, calm, collect, one step above the chaos and make sure that you're leading your families, those most emotionally susceptible and vulnerable, towards the distorted reality that social media and all the out there feeds them. All the you're front and center and you're the valuable man who they can look at and depend on and count on and trust. So, man, when I'm direct with this and hard, I fucking love fatherhood. And fathers stepping up and doing what's required. I really do. So please take it the right way. I'm in your corner, but the way I'm being direct, you fucking love it. Like, you're like, yeah, man, Al tells you how it is. And those who don't, we get emails saying, hey, he swears too much. In his podcast and his videos, we get emails saying, hey, I fucking love how Al swears so much. And he's just raw and real. Hey, what, do you want me to pick the fucking flakes? You get upset with a four letter word. Yeah, fuck yourself. So, men, the point is, we are here to be real and I'm on your side. But when I say this, I say this to help you unfuck yourself, because I'm exactly the same. We all have our mess. We all have our lists. The reason why I'm sharp as fuck is because I'm always immersed in hpf. What a hypocrite I would be if I was fat as fuck, my marriage had fallen apart and I was a sloppy father to my children and provided zero value or service inside the four walls of HPF in this podcast. So we're all vulnerable to it. Like Pinocchio. Go to the island. Carry on like a donkey. You'll become a donkey. This is your environment. This is your sanctuary for you to know that we've got your back, you're in good hands. I'm here to look after you. But I'm here to be direct as well so you can receive that information processing accordingly with where you are in your life. For the terminology is going to hit home and connect and plug in straight into your heart and your head to go, yeah, man, I can't believe that. And that's just choosing dinner. That's just dinner. Kids, shoes, socks, getting dressed, what size nappies? Like, it's sports and schools and private schools and high schools and the shopping for all the dinners and it fan. What a crazy game. What a crazy game. I say crazy as I look at a picture of my daughter Lillian here in my desk. Wow. She's. She's a fiery one, that's for sure. There ain't no stopping her. Oh, literally, like, it'll be 6am she'll be out on the bench out the backyard, just doing a full Broadway, you know, full spectacle. Singing, dancing. That kid's got crazy energy. So men don't make any decisions, don't contribute, don't assist. Yeah, but say we're going to have chicken. She's like, ah, but we had Chicken. Yeah, I get that. Welcome to fucking women. What you want to do? This is what I do very, very well, actually. Genuinely too. This isn't about narcissism or manipulation, but what you want to do is create a vehicle such that by doing it, you hand over autonomy back. But it's within the realm of what they should be focusing on. Yeah. Look, I'd love to make this. This is an example. Yeah. Corinne, look happy. Happy to sort out dinner. There are a few options we've got. We can do Mexican. I got some mints I just pulled out of the freezer. I was going to have that for lunch tomorrow, but we can also do tacos. I can do a spag bowl. Look, if you want me, get some fish and chips. Like, there's some beautiful grilled fish down there. And the chips are pretty awesome. Have a bit of a family takeaway night if you're a little bit tired, you know, I know we've eaten really clean all week. What. How do you feel about those three? Is there any one of those that sort of sparks your interest or you can on. If not, I'm happy to pick one of those three. You let me know how. Yep. Yeah, no, I agree. I think Mexican would be really nice. Like, I think. Yeah, I think it's awesome. Let's. Let's do that. I can just drop the mints now. You know, this could be a phone call at 12 o' clock during the day, right when I'm working. But yeah, I'll sort out the mints. You got the kids dancing this afternoon. I'll do the mince at 3 o' clock and then chuck it in the fridge and you can just heat it up again and we're away. Awesome. Saves you the stress. Does that help you as well? Because I'm going to be working till five and. But then all we need to do is just obviously cut the veggies and get the tacos out. Fantastic. Can you. Can you just see the layers? Just see the layers in that, man. Like, that's where I'm giving you very tactical stuff, which is fine. The granular is good, but the foundation is important. Can you see the layers in that? Where it's like I'm consoling and she's seeking my counsel and then I'm consoling her and you know, hey, it's all right, I got this. We can look at. How are you thought that I'm including her. What are your thoughts on these three? Do you feel about, you know, you're happy with Some more red meat? We have red meat two days in a row. Or do you want me. Okay, cool. We could do fish and, and then, and then if she's like, and, and like that's, that's a really valuable interaction where she feels safe. I've handed over autonomy, but I've done it within the realm of. These are the three choices. What are your thoughts? And it just builds a real connection. I'm not here to be a Viking on my wife and just squash it and go, yeah, I'll take over everything now. Let's go another layer deeper. Yeah, but how? All the choices I say she doesn't like. Okay, cool, we'll seek, seek that feedback then. No worries, hun. That's cool. Look, obviously there's more options, right Corinne? So there's three or four choices. We could do takeaway fish and chips is the fourth. But what. I guess I'm curious then because I know you're asking me to help and I'm happy to help with this as well, but is there something you crave? Like what do you, what are your, what are your thoughts on, on a suitable dinner solution then? Like, is it something where you just want to do a vegetarian night or something? Or do you, or you're not hungry? Is that like. Yeah, you help, help me understand what, what it is that you might be craving or feeling like. Or also why those options aren't unviable for you. Yeah, just, just so I can be clear. Oh, I don't know, blah. Because half the time it's not even choosing what it is for dinner. It's just a point. It's just a touch point of connection. Especially if women have the whole day been around children, they want to speak to adults. Now you've been around adults all day talking, but you want to come over and do all. I get that, man. I want to be the line too. Under the safari, kicking back lazy. Well, do you want to be a single lion out in the wild where the high knees will come for you one day but you got your little fucking pimp pad for now? Or do you want to be a family man and rise to the conditions and become more. I'll leave that choice with you. But I've already chosen. And I don't want to get picked apart as the bony lion who can't catch a kill with all these hyenas laughing at me before they tear me to pieces. I'm all about the herd, the pack, the pride. Lion pride, that is not the, the fucking Alphabet. People that influence and Try and we'll save that for another episode, but yes, hold on to your kids, I'll tell you that much. Now, let's say she comes back again. Okay, Cool. So. All right. That's all right, Corinne. So what I'm sensing is, is it a big day? You're stressed, you don't know what you want. So if you don't know what you want and the answers I've provided are not hitting the mark for you, then I guess we're stuck. So do you want me to handle dinner tonight? And I'll do dinner with me and the kids, and then you'll see if you can figure something out. And maybe during cooking, the smells and the aromas will spark something in you where you either do want that dinner or you don't. I'll make enough for you. But I think maybe if you're in that position, I should probably take over dinner. Is that. Is that fair? You okay with that? Because I don't want to. I don't want to push you to making a decision if you're not quite sure. And also, we all gotta eat, so does that work for you? I'm happy to do that tonight. Can you see how it's like, I'm not a pander who's gonna do that forever. I'm happy to do that tonight. I'm again reassuring and seeking her position so that we're aligned. And if she's like, yeah, yeah, that'd be great. And I'll tell you right now, man, that doesn't happen. Now. Do all the other parts of marriage come into play? Of course. If we've been fighting, triggered, yelling, all that sort of all day, yeah, you're not going to have a conversation like that. But in terms of, like, when there is homeostasis at play, yeah, man, that's. That's the. That's. They're the levels, men. Boom, boom, boom. Those three steps. Can you now see, this is just dinner? Just dinner. Dinner. Fuck. Can you see why it's so important if you want to destroy your marriage for good, for you to make fuck all choices and don't make any decisions. I can. Like, if you want to bury marriage really fast, just. Just don't decide anything. Point number four sort of ties in, but not really. It's a bit different. It's more. More an energy and commitment thing. Point three. But point four is more about being the. The. The puppy dog. Be more of a panda a lot of the time, so make sure that you're very passive. You go with the Flow, you avoid conflict, you try and keep the peace, you do whatever it takes just to get some action in the bedroom. So supplicate, chase, push, all that sort of stuff. Be yes man, even begrudgingly acquiescen or not. Like make sure that you always do what your wife wants. And yeah, yeah, just, just, just be a shell of a man, I guess is probably the point. So the strong pander is a man whose emotional intelligence plugs in all this sort of stuff like Becoming the Chief. Episode 197, which I can discuss here, but. And I got a beautiful episode for you, Bo up where I talk about the three characters, the, the seafarer, the farmer and the mountaineer. But that'll be a man. I can't wait to do that one. But you'll have to wait. It's coming. If you really want to lose respect, lose your value, forfeit your crown, have your wife find another alpha and just him. And I know that's rough, but man, it'll never happen to me until it happens, right? That 10,000 calls over that now, over the years, it's. Yeah, it happens. It happens a lot. It happens way more than you think, in fact. Women, because I say this, but women are way worse than men because of the posturing of how they portray integrity and commitment more often than not. Not that on the flip side, I'm saying men are scoundrels and dirty dogs, should and can get away with it. But in terms of the secrecy and, and the hidden type nature stories I've heard, man, you guys have no idea. It's savage. It's, it's proper savage. I don't even want to bring them up because some of the men who are not members may hear it and I feel for them. Not that I'd ever use their names, but it's crazy man. Anything you think of ruthless, like ruthless. Anyway, let's leave that. Let's focus on other stuff. So be a panda a lot of the time. Have no power, have no position, have no play, avoid conflict and let your wife run the show. What this does, the reason why this is very valuable if you want to destroy your marriage is what this does is it gives her an unprecedented amount of power above and beyond where this she magnifying effect on her power and absolute power in the household coupled with the way that their brain works left and right brain like that six lane highway being very emotionally regulated. Which regulation isn't always a good thing either, but their emotional regulation can be a good thing, but also leads to emotional Volatility. Because emotions, as you know, are an immediate way that we feel important and seek our position in any situation or circumstance. Anger is a form of pleasure. Rage is a form of pleasure. Why? Because we feel heard and understood and we want to make ourselves known and we want to feel in control. The greatest way we can try and have the illusionary effect of control in our life is tapping into a resource you can fucking access instantly. Guess what that's called? Feelings, Emotions. So for us it's nothing. Because as men we need to be logical in how we're building and running and keeping the world organized. And it's logic, logic, logic, logic, logic, fucking boom. Murder, suicide, heavy like rage and abuse and all the. And our brain is 20 larger in terms of the emotional part of the brain. So pretty. Pretty crazy, man. Pretty crazy. Now when you're doing this, you're handing power over to the woman and really manifesting a monster. My European brothers will know what we're talking about. We've got heaps of Italians on the inside, but it's tough, man, because I get it. And culturally, probably across the world now, but Italians, right? The hot, the hot Italian mistress, the fiery woman and blah, blah. And yeah, she's great though, great in. But all of a sudden. And you can match that because you're the strong, powerful man. This is the dance. Then you have kids, you get a bit sloppier and all of a sudden you're, you know, you don't have the energy, you don't really want to, you know, engage anymore. And you're like, ah, just, you know, go with the flow, become a bit more agreeable. And next thing you know, that couple with her watching Nonna and Nunu. So her, her mother or grandmother eventually do the same because the father or grandfather eventually became weak in his old age and never stepped up and kept growing and just copped it on the chin and accept that I just go back to my man cave. All the passive and the forms of escape and coping mechanisms, it doesn't address conflict front on empowers the woman even more so she's got that past track record and that seed that's planted, which is rife throughout Australian women as well in Western culture. But you've got all of that in play that then couple with what's happening now creates a fucking monster. Like, I love my wife so dearly. I'm never here to speak disrespectfully about her, but she knows my wife like she doesn't have to like me all the time. But she'll respect me. And I'm okay with that. Because as a man with logic and emotion, I need to make sure that I'm okay to have healthy conflict. And if there's personal integrity to play, all things that are going to forecast a poorer outcome for everyone, then it's on me to make sure I'm calling the right shots. Critical. Critical. Critical. Man. So you're giving her all this power. This power is being driven from the engine, right from. From the. The headquarters of an emotionally regulated, slash volatile brain, which is then fabricating reality based off how they're feeling at the time. So this is real? This isn't real. That's just how I feel. All that sort of. It's like, wait, hang on. Come back to fucking reality. What do you mean? That is her reality. It's like my dog that's a beagle. Not that I'm saying women are dogs, but my dog, that's a beagle. That guy's nose is insane. He doesn't even need. He doesn't even have his eyes open when he walks around sniffing. He's seeing the world through a completely different lens. Like, completely different. Like a completely different level. It's not even like the world is not even 3D as we know it. His eyes are closed. He is interpreting and viewing the world through his nose. What makes you think that a woman filled with emotional volatility and has a extreme level of power would be any fucking different? This is why it is so important, men to make sure. Well, I'll tell you the flip side, obviously, that you be the chief and you're knowing when to be the seafarer, when to be the farmer, and when to be the mountaineer. But I'll say that for another episode. I'll keep teasing that in. You guys will love that. So be a panda, have zero power and allow her the way she's constructing. Which is why men lead. You know, women bring life into the world, but men create the world that life experiences. That'll never fucking change. I don't care if. I don't care how many genders you think there are and all that other. And if you do, please stop listening to the podcast. We're definitely not the right fit for you. We're all about the family nucleus and leveraging past traditions to drive forward a greater future with the modern times of the emotional intelligence, how we can plug in, protect and provide as a man in this world. Protect physically, mentally, provide emotionally and financially and do that tell you'll have a and great Lineage and bloodline, future generations to come where no one even remembers your name or mine. How fucking cool is that? What the fuck else is there to live for? Money? Women. They're not flexes. They're fucking everywhere. Impact. Always. How can you have impact if you're a fucking panda? And if you're a full blown panda, please understand, if you reach out to HBF and you want to inquire about joining the tribe, you gotta make a fucking decision, man. You gotta fucking call the shots. If you don't have the fucking balls of courage now, you never will. And you think things will get better, there's always a price to pay. People just don't understand what that price is. And the gambler inside of them to think things will be okay and some other blokes fucking balls deep in their wife and. Or she's pregnant with his baby and. Or she's fucking leaving Interstate to fucking spread her legs in the air for some other cunt to hook into her. Like, they just don't get it. Like I said, the shit I've heard. You have no idea the lengths that a woman will go to when they have an emotional attachment to something that fills their cup. So very, very important. Now the men that we get are typically Vikings that need to sharpen up and bring a little bit of pandering. Or we've got men in here worth $200 million. We've got ex Olympians, we've got world champions. So like we've got a great crew, very high performing men. But they're Vikings in work. But they don't have this high end skill of transferring that into the home life to be a leader. Which means they go from Viking flip to script and become a panda at home. So they're the two types of men. We mainly get full Vikings then Viking and pan and they, they, you know, oscillate or bounce between the two, which creates confusion, frustration and lack of stability in the household. We have helped full blown pandas before. I'm very proud of that. Why? Because we can flip that very quickly for them and create great results. Problem is they rarely lack the courage or the balls. There's probably a 98 failure rate in terms of them stepping up and actually being part of HBF because they just can't see it and they're one second away. It's, it's, it's sad for the children. I'm not sad for the man. He was right there. So if you're a full blown panda listening to this, get some fucking what do we call? I'm trying to think of the Italian word. Anyway, get the nuts back, then reach out, otherwise it'll never work. Now, point number five. And then we're going to flip this and tie up this and wrap up this podcast. Point number five, if you really want to crash and burn your marriage for good, make sure you do nothing for yourself and never try to improve who you are. This is really important. Like, it's super important. Life changes every single day. The one constant in life is change. So why should you. There's plenty of change going already, right? There's plenty of things that are changing your life. Change. Change is a fundamental universal application in this world, is already set. So I don't need to change. It's already happening for me. It's all around. That is like, I know I'm the smartest of times, but that is literally way that people are operating. The majority. You're fucking kidding, aren't you? Like, there's always change. You think you can handle life assuming. Assuming that the variables in life will not change. You think they put the gloves down? Ding, ding, ding, the ring, it's. It's all over. No, no, no. The punch in the face is coming for you, man. In fact, it's not a punch direct to the face. It's a hook and an uppercut with sweat in your eyes and you can't quite see clearly. And like you, when I say you, I'm just saying a general term. Obviously, you guys listening to this want to fucking crush it. That's why you're listening. And credit to you, man. I fucking love the guys that listen to this podcast. But you in general, people in general, they think that they'll be all right if they don't fucking change and prove they are. They do nothing for themselves, never try to improve who they are. But life will keep getting harder. Even if you've got millions of dollars, even if you've got an amazing family now, even if you're fit as fuck now. Again, life keeps changing. Even if your life is great as a pure organism that is coming one day closer every fucking day to death, you will decay. I'm not the athlete I used to be in my 20s, but I fucking eat that bloke alive. Across the board of Life. Now, I'm in phenomenal shape now, but I'm not competing in the Crossing regionals or playing, you know, rugby league internationally for Italy and all that sort of shit. So I've changed, but. But I'm still in phenomenal shape and I'm Great. And through the seasons, entering the second half in life, I'm fucking rock solid, but I'm like, well, hang on a minute. My default to just maintaining this is stacked up against me because when I'm 50, everything will get less. When I'm 60, everything will get less. When I'm 70, like, everything, you know, your bone density struggles, your testosterone, your muscle mass more prone to injuries, health and challenges. Like, man, I was on any inflammatories for years. I'm scared to look at what my guts would look like, you know, and I look after myself now. But it's like, you know, with the knee operations and there are all these little things, these little crevices that become massive cracks over time, and it's really hard to counter that. So, you know, it's. Yeah, it's a tough. It's a tough thing, man, because a lot of guys are in a position where they think they'll be right and they don't focus on improving themselves. Where, like the marketplace. I remember hearing this somewhere, like, you know, depending on your niche or industry and where you're in, I think the marketplace, the challenges and the increase is 9% every year, it might be 9 or 19%. So if you're not, and that doesn't mean just put your prices up. What I'm saying is in terms of the adaptations and changes and evolution of the marketplace, so if you're not always growing, at least I'm going to say 19% could be nine. But even nine, point is, even if you grow fucking 6% every year. So, yeah, we're moving forward. Yeah, you're not moving forward quick enough. It's almost like inflation, you know, it's like, hang on a minute, like your. Your business, your health, your wellbeing, your relationships, if you're not exponentially outgrowing that. So you're a position. Your position is the prize and a leader in that space or that area, that circle, family, self and service. If you're not intricately connected to those points where you're an authority that's leading and adds value and continually grows that level of value, you won't survive. So do nothing for yourself. Never try and prove who you are. And. And your wife will. Yeah, yeah, your awful. Your wife will more than happy, love to leave you one day. And even if she doesn't, marriage or divorce isn't a sign of success or failure. My nonna and Nunnu, so the Italian side, they were married until I think their late 60s or 70s. Like, you're nearly Dead. And they got divorced. I was like, what's. They fucking hated each other for decades. So it's pretty funny. Like that's like, hang on a minute. Like, just because you don't get divorced doesn't mean your life is a success. The opportunity cost is massive, man. There's no do overs. You don't have 500 years to build your life. You got all time. Most of you men listening to this, you have less time ahead of you than you do behind you. And that's assuming you'll live to be 80 years of age. Now that's scary as fuck, but it's also an opportunity to go, okay, well how can I maximize this now? So for some people, time is an issue because they might be motivated and positive. I get that. But then, all right, well let's leverage it a little bit more to go. Well, impact is the issue. You're not, you're not making bang for your buck with the time you're using. So let's fix that up. You're never going to do that if you do nothing for yourself and you never improve who you are and stay the same. So let's work through the five points in reverse order, men. That's how to completely bury and destroy your marriage. They're the five key things. Give your word, but never uphold it. Focus purely on your marriage and just trying to fix that, that by talking about it, looking at it, investing in, in the talks with the wife around marriage, doing what she needs in the marriage. Like just, just folks, just be obsessed with the marriage and not who you're bringing to it. Never take the lead in making decisions. Obviously be a full blown panda that just does whatever anyone else wants of him and, and of course, you know, create that, that, that turbulence in their household. And then, yeah, do nothing for yourself and never try and improve who you are. So let's reverse this starting with point number five. Do nothing with yourself. Never try to improve who you are. Well, the answer is you must become more so you're more valuable to others. Men, please understand this. Like, we got guys here who are financially set for fucking life. Who gives a. So is your wife, right? All the extra digits in the bank account. Guess who else has seen that over time, right? They're desensitized to it. It is no longer a form of value. So the one thing you prize your identity on in going out and hunting and producing turns you into this fucking ATM machine. That's not even a initiated, it's not even, they need to insert their card anymore. It's like an ATM that just keeps spitting out cash. It's like a sensor. They walk past, hey, money. Yep. Cash comes out. What an empty feeling. Men, please understand. Like point number five, you must become more. You've got to invest in yourself. And I get that. The word investment, the word mindset. There's heaps of fluff and out there. But I'm talking about it's your mental state of mind and how you operate, who you see yourself as. I'm a weapon. I'm the chief. I'm the prize. I'm gonna. I'm gonna make sure that I'm providing so much value, anyone on the receiving end will be fucking mad to take that for granted. Why? Because I'm just an amazing husband. Intent without attachment. You got this beautiful push pull. Right. Neutral language at times. Yeah, I'm all good either way. But I'm an amazing husband, so I'm gonna do this for you. Done. The end. Hey, no, I don't need anything from you. That's fine. I want you, but I don't need you. Like, when you become so valuable, the needs and wants completely change. And that is an energy and aroma that obviously makes me and HPF very attractive. Go back to my first few episodes or right at I had nothing. I don't need to prove or convince anything to anymore. I've got a fuckload of testimonials and runs on the board. I'm like, oh, okay. My confidence isn't off. How well I can speak. I grew up near Mount Druitt. My silver spoon in my mouth, it's going, well. Just look at what we've done. Here are the results. Now, when you have that in yourself and who you are, especially your marriage, it's like you're posturing. Your energy, it's like an aroma. It's like a scent that she can pick up on. Very fucking attractive. Very attractive man. Very valuable. But here's an important lesson, and this is critical. Whether you write this down or remember it, this is super important. You can only leverage because the whole point is point number five. Do nothing for yourself. The opposite is. Yeah. Invest in yourself. Become more. Become version 2.0, 2.2, 2.7, 3.1, 3.5. You want to hit version 10.0 on your deathbed. That's where you want to get to. It doesn't matter if you're not a fucking elite athlete anymore. The game changes. In my 80s, I'm going to be helping lots of lots and lots of young men. Families, businesses grow and just be all I'll be doing, kicking back on the ranch as a full blown mentor. Trying to continue to have impact and pass on to the next generation. When I die, you must become more and invest in yourself to become a higher level. Now, this point is so important. You can only leverage your value from the past for a small period of time. Time. So if you made 5, 10, 20, $30 million, if you had a six pack, but now you don't. Like all these things where the. The past. Right? Like, if I did that, we wouldn't even be here. Like if I didn't keep growing hpf. Like you guys wouldn't listen to me. Why would you? It's like, look at this. Sally just stayed the same. Now only value from the past. Only leverage value from the past for a small period of time. Time. That's super important. What does that mean? Yeah, tough pill to swallow, men. But you're loved. Not by who you are from your wife, but by the value you provide. Now we're different, aren't we? Because we love unconditionally. Like, it's our queen, it's our. It's our wife. It's like we're. I mean, obviously there are men that are scoundrels, but yeah, we're good men are all in. It's like, yeah, I'm all in. I love you. No matter. Look, we're in this together now. For you, the value from the past will only help for a period of time. Let me paint it really clear for you. You could have the greatest fucking honeymoon 15 years ago of a lifetime. Sex, making love all the time, traveling around the world, just you and your queen together. Not a Care not. It could be phenomenal. Like, man, you are my soul mate. And I'm. I can't believe how much I'm infatuated with you. It could be the greatest two weeks, four weeks, eight weeks, three months ever. You could have the best fucking honeymoon of your life with your wife. That makes you extremely valuable. The experience, who you are, what you provided for her, how you connected with her, who you are. In her eyes, mate, you're the fucking stud. Your value is 1000x. Then you do nothing for 15 years. And then when she says, hey, I just. I'm leaving you, you turn and say, yeah, but hey, hang on a minute. What about the honeymoon? That was really valuable. How the. That com. How's that conversation gonna work out for you? Extreme maybe, but it's true. Like, you can't hustle and grind for 15 years and catch up on that. You can't have your daughter's fifth birthday ever again when she's 18 years of age and get her and her friends to sit around, put party hats on. Same with your wife, man. It does not matter how valuable you are. I've been with my wife since fucking high school. Many years. Decades, Decades. It doesn't matter. Who am I today? Who can I be tomorrow? What can I provide? And that is definitely not financially. Financially is a given, and I'm sorry to say that, man, but that's. That. That's a standard. That's just a staple. It's okay. Well, hang on. Well, as a man, that's my role to go out and hunt now. Now I've got that squared away, and I keep building and working on that. What? What? Because you're not. You're not working like your wife isn't work. Your wife isn't your professional career. It's a different hat. It's a different part of your life. Otherwise, why are you even fucking married, man? Just be a robot that makes money and that's it. So now how can I be more? And it's not just time, it's impact. How can I be more skilled around relationships, communication, connection, how to be the chief, how to fill my children's buckets of power and attention, have special time dadventures. Free my wife's cup. Take the load off her. So point number five, you must become more. And you can only leverage your level. Doesn't matter how valuable valuable you were in the past. You can only leverage that for a certain period of time before it loses its luster and it doesn't. Doesn't matter anymore. Point number four, bring the chief in. You got to be willing and ready to have conflict. Good, healthy conflict. Which means you need to be squared the away. You have to have people in your corner who can showcase, model the examples and set the standards for you so that you're not things up and you're living with integrity and honesty and truth. And then from that, you can have a position where with that person, integrity in that set of eyes that you have, you can put up healthy boundaries and healthy nose and be like, hey, no, no, don't agree with that. Look, I'm happy to have healthy conflict here, and hopefully this brings us together. There's got to be a point. There's got to be mutual respect. And the conflict needs to create realignment. Super important. You got to be the chief, man. You got to know when to put the foot down and be the Viking without Scaring and pushing them away. And also when to be just a little bit of panda, but do it the right way. Pandas are still strong as where it's emotional intelligence, awareness, connection, communication, go with the flow. But hang on a minute, that's not where I wanted to it and I thought, yeah, not where I thought it would go. I don't want it to go that way. And now I'm part of this and I must say I disagree. You want to do that, you go do this. But I can't do that. I'm going to do this. And so you must bring some chief in. It removes the risk of you saturating your value or diluting your value, being accessible, always being there as a backup plan. Now, look, I'm always there for my wife in terms of health, safety and protection. But you get what I'm talking about. Relationships, I'm talking about connection. You gotta be the chief. Everything comes at a cost. I would rather get up and go to the gym and train for an hour and a half, come back and give my wife a phenomenal half an hour, than spend two hours with her on a Saturday morning grumpy as. Because I haven't trained all week and I've just spent my time working all week and now I'm just going to give her my time. Now, that example for me never happens where I just work all week, do nothing for myself and I just spend time with my family all weekend. Like, no, no, Hannah. And it took time. It did. Not that much time. But the way I commuted was like, what you think? I love going to the gym, I'm getting up early, 4am, 5am, busting masks. Saturday morning, waking up, no sleeping, going to the markets, getting fresh fruit and veg and then going straight to the gym. And you think I enjoy that? Like, this is my work, this is my investment in me, this is my investment in myself. I'll tell you what I love Korean. I'll tell you what I enjoy. I enjoy the benefits, the action. And you can, you can over. Like, I've trained for 25 years now. Like, over time, you can look at and be like, yeah, I love the burn. Like, I love my chest being torn to pieces and I'm doing bench press and that. So I love the pain. Why? Again, not because of the moment, but because of the benefits and pushing. And as a man, we must conquer. You've got to showcase some alpha, whether it's BJJ or boxing or lifting weights, or you've got to showcase explosive elements in your Life, like business, is a tough, long, grueling game behind closed doors. You don't have that ability. And like, I know I'm passionate in this podcast. You don't have that ability to go fucking run, pull your fucking shirt off and get your chest out and just be a man. So much more of play, strategies, tactics, people, leadership. All the other shit that's involved, all the fucking mess that humans fuck things up with right in how we operate in our head, that makes it a long endurance game. Punch in the face more losses than wins, but you get back up and doing the possible with the impossible. You got to have that outlet. So when I communicate that to you, yeah, you might think I love the gym because I'm fit as healthy, strong to come back with a pump, happy and smiling, but it's the benefit it. And I'm okay with you not being okay with that because I understand as a man, logically and emotionally, why this is a must for me is. And guess what? You know what? How about you take some time off yourself? You want to go for a walk this morning? I'll look after the kids, you duck out, take an hour for yourself and off you go. Or if you want to stay home, cool, I'll take the kids out and this. Which takes me to my next point, which I'll cover in a second. But, yeah, men, you must bring some chief in and be okay with the decisions you make. And those decisions do come at a cost. When you say yes to something, you say no to something else. So when I say yes to you right now, this podcast, I'm saying no to going to the beach with my children. But I'm okay with that because I've already front loaded my pre. Committed my plans as a father, husband and man, where they're fucking slotted into the calendar. They're slotted into my life, and they're a part of my life, and I'm a part of their life, and that becomes the beautiful reciprocity of a relationship. Cut that away. I gave up the cricket because my wife said it was too long on the weekends. Okay, well, play every fortnight and join a team where you can have that rotation. Find a way. I get it. The game keeps changing. But don't give up in the game, whether it's motocross, fishing, camping with the boys. Okay? If you go out with the guys late at night, get on the source coming home, three in the morning, go in the city. Okay. Is that a valuable investment yourself? Is that really time out, like, for the mental unloading? You've allowed yourself to just loosen the shackles a little bit and let your hair down. The ROI isn't there and you fucking know it isn't. Right? So, yeah, you've gotten the benefit temporarily, but then it comes back. It's like a fucking rubber band comes back tenfold. Man. Man. Point number three, don't take lead in making decisions. Well, this is hesitation. This is overthinking. Like, a lot of people who think about it, even men who've reached out to HPF and they're like, oh, you know, just need to process and think about it. And like, what we do, men, I'm not here to promote you into anything, but, like, what we do with HPF is amazing. So let me get this right. You've got an opportunity to be part of something amazing that you need to think about. Question. Do you think about all the stupid decisions you make before you make them that has led to your marriage being the position it is? Well, I bet you fucking don't, do you? Otherwise you wouldn't have made those stupid decisions. Like, can you. It's. I know I'm fast and sharp, but man, like, the hypocrisy is so blatant and foolish. It's so easy to see. So the problem with not making decisions is you get in this state, in this procrastination, like a deer in the headlights, where you just fucking stuck. And it could be fight, could be flight, could be fawn, could be freeze. And there's all different terminology. I get all that, but the reality is you're not stepping up as a man. And with the risk of potentially being wrong because none of us are perfect, myself included, you don't do anything. Isn't that crazy? The risk of temporarily, momentarily being wrong, you don't take any step. That's savage. That's a lack of leadership. Now, when you do this and you're not making decisions, you're actually spreading the mental load to those who are emotionally wired that way, women and children. You're spreading out the load that you should be taking responsibility over. Instead, take lead. So you must become more. Invest in yourself and continually provide a higher level of value because of who you are, how your posture and the prize you are inside of your relationship and your marriage because you're just the fucking man. You fit as fuck, in great shape. You had all the kids and cool. Now you need to bring some chiefs. That's the how you're communicating. Communicating. Bit of Viking bitter pan, a beautiful chief balance. Women want everything, but inside Of a predictability framework. This is who I am. This is what you get. You can have spontaneity, mystery, curiosity, playfulness. Viking, panda, chief, right? You can have all of that. So become more. So you can provide more. Be the chief and be very dependable and counted on. And within that you can have your spontaneity and then take lead man. Fill her cup physically and mentally by removing the children from the environment as well. Well. Or removing her from the environment of providing things she can do for herself. Fill her cup mentally, you make more decisions. Fill her cup physically, you help out with some things that you should do. Shouldn't have a apron on doing. If you're doing 10, 12 hour days, you shouldn't be doing all the cooking and cleaning. That's ridiculous. The is she doing. And if she's doing that and she's not the breadwinner, why, like, if she's working that much, why. And if your family needs the money, then why the aren't you leveling yourself up to have more value to the marketplace so you can make more money? Money. Sorry, man, but with respect, money is masculine. So if you're not making enough money, level yourself up so you can go and get some more. Because you have that competitive drive in you and your testosterone to go and produce instead of putting on your wife. Because the more money they make, the more masculine that's required. So that means the more harder, less emotional, more firmer, more Viking. All of a sudden you're the. What is it that. That show? Hell, man. Like we're in a war, aren't we, men? That show house husbands. You're kidding me, aren't you? You. What message is that? Showing to kids watching or. Or the women, right? That's how they fucking get them. That's how they get your fucking wife. All right, here we go. Tin foil hat. Don't fucking need it. Don't need it. Now have a look at the world in the western world and the entitlement the women have in feminism and all the bullshit. The founder of feminism went back on a word and said, this is all bullshit. So the founder, a woman, Right? So. And secretly enough, funnily enough, feminism is fucking heavily funded by, you know, a group of men. But anyway, maybe we're getting a bit tinfoil there. The reality is you are against it. The modern world is filled with fucking bullshit that says men aren't necessary. Yet when there's firefighters and police and all these things that require heroes to save the day, even if it's a woman, there's a masculine energy that's required. So it's fucking bullshit. So you and I are all against it, which means we must level up and be more, which means you have to be more. It means you need to be the chief. It means you need to call the shots. Let me help you fill your cup mentally. Let me fill your cup physically and let me change your environment or change in your environment either. Removing the children, taking the kids away, you going away, you doing stuff. I've got this. I've got it covered, boys. Make decisions, be a leader and follow through on that. Point number two is not just focusing poorly on your marriage, like purely on your. The goals in life are different to the actions. My goal is I want an amazing marriage. Cool. The actions have nothing to do with the marriage. Be weird, isn't it? Like if you're 200 kilos and you want to save your marriage, your goal is to get fit as man. You're way out of shape. How the could you give anything to anyone? That's ridiculous. I don't care how much caffeine you have. So your goal to save your marriage is get the to the gym, do 10,000 steps a day and just eat meat and fruit. That's it. Three things. Rinse and repeat. Off you go. Hard part is the adherence. Right? A lot of men know what to do. It's the how for sure. But then it's also the who who's fucking keeping me on track because you'll fall victim to your own bullshit and self sabotage. So what does that then mean? It's not focusing on your marriage that's the goal. So that means all the actions are geared around Grant. It's no, well, hang on a minute. What's the problem inside of my marriage and who do I need to become that can position myself in a place where who I bring to the marriage is the prize? So point number two is not focusing on the marriage, it's who are you bringing to the marriage as a man and as a husband are the very first two things. I'm a man who's fit as I'm just posturing, attractive, sexy, powerful, energy. I'm valuable. Look at me because I've got discipline. Look at these arms, look at this chest, look at this body. I got a two, two pack. Now I've got a four pack. Like whatever it is that shows progress, that you're disciplined, you value yourself and you invest in yourself. And then the communication skills around how to articulate positions and perspectives versus a man and how you carry Yourself in the day to day running in the household. Secondly, as a father, because guess what? You're a father, she's a mother, but you're both parents. So then you have a high level of authority because all the, that you're learning around that, whether it's neuroscience, parenting experts, we obviously have several of them in hpf, which is awesome. But yeah, you're becoming the price. So then when you come back into this bubble called marriage, you're a more valuable man. It's why things like marriage and especially all relationship coaches and all that sort of shit going on, they just don't, they don't get it. It's not. Or if they try that angle, it's all tactical. They don't have the, the manpower or even the perspective and, and track record to follow through on this sort of stuff. It's got to be you. So that when you come to the marriage, it's who you're bringing to that marriage. Marriage. And then you can extend the olive branch. So you become a man that's powerful, as in all different realms of life. And you know what women want, how to provide that, how to be the chief blend, Viking and Panda, and how when to say no healthy boundaries. So you're not accessible, you're willing to walk away. I don't need you, but I want you. I'm cool either way. Intent, without attachment. This is where we can go. But you do you and, and when you do that. Yeah. Whether it's FOMO or not, through the woman's eyes, all of a sudden you're recreating in her subconscious who you are. And you're not just the backup plan B that'll always be there. So she can go off with other men or not. She can go off just doing her fucking life or building her career or profession. All of a sudden, you'll always fucking be there at any time. That's a fucking horrible way to live for both of you. So don't focus on fixing the marriage and just focusing on the marriage. Focus on yourself and who you can become as a man, as a husband. And all the other touch points that her perspective and eyeballs can see. Even if you're in the same house but in separate rooms, you as a man, you as a father, you physically, they're watching all that man that they don't miss. They're paying attention to all of that. That's very attractive. That's very valuable. Final point. Yeah, man. Like give your word, but change it. I mean, truth and integrity. Give your word and Keep it. This is your formula from X to Y by when. Okay, I'd love to do this. So where are you going from point A to point B, right? And when. Deadlines are powerful things. It solidifies your word. It removes. Like a lot of men like to cover themselves, right? And they're very vague and ambiguous in their. And in their approach. And that's a real problem, whether it's professional coaching programs, anything where they're so vague and ambiguous. But in relationships, mate, eventually you're gonna get caught out by you not committing to something. Treading. Treading safely and maybe not sure and I don't know when that, that lack of spine, firstly is a massive turn off. But secondly. Yeah, fuck yeah, man. Like, if you have a deadline, deadlines drive desire, deadlines drive decisions. And they create outcomes. They really do. So instead of just giving you word changing and having stories, all the other bullshit that makes her look at you as a weak man who just. She can't count or depend on at all, live with the level of truth and integrity. The truth always wins. Give your word and keep it. And if you can't give your word, sorry, if you can't keep the word you're about to give, bite your fucking tongue, hold back and go. Hang on. Just, just. Yeah, I understand. I appreciate you want to answer now. Give me, Give me two minutes. I just need to think this through. Through and what I can and can't do. Give me. Give me two hours. Give me a date. What. Whatever it is. Just. Yeah, all right, let me process it and I'll get back to you on full confirmation. Yeah, because I take my commitments very seriously. Like, you be transparent. Hey, this is a serious commitment for me. Like, I, I'm taking this seriously. Like, I'm not here just to say fucking. Yeah, no dramas. We'll figure it out. Like, just. Just give me a minute. Let me process this and I'll get back to you with what I can offer and by when and what I can do and how and when men recap. What a. What a session. What a session. I. I know this will serve you well. Not, I hope this serves you well. I know this will serve you well. And what I hope is that you take action with all of this and apply it. If you really want to destroy your marriage, give your word, but never keep it. Just focus on the marriage itself, not you. You don't take the lead of making decisions, be a fucking pussy and don't ever do anything for yourself or improve who you are and become a better version Pretty simple. If you want to avoid crash and burn in a marriage. And not only that, actually have a fucking amazing marriage that thrives. And look at this, right? Amazing relationships in the workplace, amazing relationships with your children as a father, fundamentally these are all quite similar. If you want to be a very valued man, who's the prize in a genuine way that fucking people just love being around you. Not the fake friends and family phone is, but your children, your family, your wife, extended family, then live with truth and integrity. Make sure that the word you're giving you can keep and then give that word and be clear, be specific and clear about it. You can include feelings, but yes, X to Y by when. So, yep, I can do this and that and achieve that and get that by this time. Cool. Not quite sure. Hey, look, I can do that or shoot for that. This is the range in which it can be done. Not quite sure. Maybe it's this day, maybe it's these days, down the track. But be clear on what you can commit to and follow through on your word. Point two, focus on who you're bringing to the marriage, not the marriage itself. Why would my wife stay? Well, because she told me she's leaving, so I've flipped the script. Now that's a bit silly because now in her head I told him I'm doing this and now he's doing that. Like it's very reactive, there's no trust there. I told him I'm leaving, so just promise me that he's going to turn everything around. Like. But hang on, he wouldn't have promised me that if I didn't tell him he's leaving. Which means I don't even know if this is fucking real anywhere. If he's just doing it to keep me here. Like, I'm telling you, man, that's literally what they're fucking thinking, right? That's. You fall for that trap, you're fucked. So when that happens, they want to leave. Hey, look, totally understand upon reflecting, I'm here to fall on my sword. Obviously I haven't been fucking stepping up to the plate as man. However, what I'm going to do is I'm going to invest in myself, not so much for the marriage. I understand that you're looking at leaving and this is something maybe you're not going to be part of and, and I respect that, but actually I'm going to me and not to discredit you, but I'm actually going to focus on becoming the greatest man and husband, sorry, man and father I've ever Been so, you know, not that I'm making promises or anything or just speaking words and shit to you, but, yeah, watch this space. I'm going to become a man who's in unbelievable shape. I'm going to learn skills around communication, connection, so I can be a phenomenal father. And I'm really going to lead whatever I can inside of this family and totally respect that you're looking at leaving and you need to do you. And yeah, maybe, maybe there's a better way down the track. Not quite sure when I'm version 2.0, but I'm not really concerned with that. I'm respecting your wishes. You want to move on. And now I need to become the man so that, you know, obviously I'm not going to be alone forever. So then with my future queen and my next life partner, I make sure I don't make the same mistake. So thank you. Thank you for the gifts. Can you imagine? You boys should be fucking writing that down. Can you imagine the value in that and the power provided. Here's the little asterisk at the bottom of the A4 piece of paper. Provided you actually fucking do it. But can you imagine that? What would be going through her head? Oh. And then when she sees it, wow, he's. He's. He's looking good. He's looking. Oh, he's got a new haircut. Wow, look, he's doing all this stuff with the kids and he's dressing really nicely. And. And you know what immediately goes through their head? Because every woman is against every other woman in this world. When there's a perception of a threat of status or possession being taken away, they're enemies. Even family. I don't care. It's crazy, man. Women are savages. So guess what goes through her then? I. I didn't even get this. So firstly, they're really angry, but then it's like, I don't fucking want another woman getting this. He's still mine. Boom. Game on, baby. Game on. So it's who you bring into the marriage. Make sure that you're calling the shots and trying to help your wife physically and mentally and environmentally. Fill her cup again and. And be a leader, right? Call the shots. Don't spread the mental load to other people who don't deserve it. You're the man. You're the leader, right? Don't hesitate and overthink knowing your gut. Always listen to your gut and intuition. Like, even if some of you guys who aren't members of hpf, like, don't ever think things man, listen to your gut and intuition. If you fucking like what you're hearing and what we're doing and how we're operating, you know the HPF is here for you, like, and. Sorry, I'm talking about the podcast. Do what? Like, we're not. Yeah, we're never going to run out of work. But I'm not telling you to fucking sign up and pay me money. Like, we, We've. We've got plenty of fucking work on. But look, obviously men love the podcast and they reach out and they're fantastic fits. I get that. So. So, yeah, man, if you're sitting on the fence and it's your time, you're lying in the sand, fucking great. Good for you, man. Like, ready to crush some goals together. But my point is this. If what I'm saying is true and you're enjoying it, then you know that this method and pathway is a good fit for you in applying these five steps. In listening to the other podcasts and maybe sharing it with some of your mates, maybe not, but just being part of the energy in this podcast episode, if your gut and instincts are like, yeah, man, he's spot on. It's like, good, man. Yes. Fucking run with that. Use it. Take actions, take lead. Bring in some fucking chief. Learn a bit of Viking, learn a bit of pen. I think it's episode 197. It's trickled throughout. I'll have a new one, which is a revamped version about the seafarer, the farmer and the mountaineer, which will be epic. But final point is you must become more so. You're more valuable to others. You get all those five squared away men, truth and integrity, who you bring to the marriage. Calling the shots and taking lead and filling your wife's cup, physically, mentally, environmentally. Learning how to be the chief and bringing a little bit of Viking back. Maybe a touch of pander if you're too much Viking, working and then becoming more so you're more valuable to others. So health and fitness, learning around communication, connection. Yeah, love languages. But that's just one step. That's tactical. It's how to apply that and then what people value the timing on when to provide that value. I promise you, man, your marriage won't crash and burn. And even if you separate for a few months, so be it. She'll come. She'll. She'll come back. You'll pull her back into your life. Sometimes the best way to save a marriage is to temporarily end it. But the point is, if you're not at that Stage yet you will avoid crash and burn without a doubt, I promise you that. Take care, man. Have an amazing day night, weekday weekend. I'm off off to go out and provide some more amazing, valuable for the men. Amazing, valuable, amazing value. We've got a phenomenal event in the Gold coast this weekend. I think we're gonna have nearly 80 men just gonna be off its tits. Can't fucking wait. But yeah, what a time to be alive. Take him and apply these five steps right away. Avoid the five steps on how to, how to bury it. So remember we're inverting things here. The five steps definitely don't do that. But then the five action plans, absolutely apply it and you will move forward, things will improve and you'll build some great consistency as well. Cheers, man. If this was an episode that really resonated with you, I thank you for giving the time and effort and energy to yourself, but also to yourself through the vessel and the vehicle of high performance. Father, we've got a lot of wives listening to these now if they don't mind the occasional F bomb. You know, I appreciate all of you for spreading the message and if there's one thing I could ask, I love it if you could just give us a five star review or spread the love. Share this message with those who, you know, need to listen to this. And there are a lot of people as men, we're proud, we're not too open to go, hey, I'm hurting, I need help. And putting our hand up. But sometimes just a subtle way in their own privacy, whether in the car or the comfort of their own home, it really works when you just send a little link through. Hey, Bill. Hey, Bob. Hey, James. Look, I think you might, I think you might enjoy this. I'm not, I'm just going to leave it there. You do with it what you will, but you know, hit this link, man. Just listen to one or two episodes in my performance, father and Alan, see what he has to say. I'm telling you man, that is one of the greatest ways that you can impact. And some of those men out there you think are okay. You're saving lives. You really are. I've seen this so many times where you just putting that little subtle message, putting the feelers out there. The amount of men, suicidal or not, the amount of men who are on the brink of breaking down, it is phenomenal. The ripple effect effect. This isn't my legacy. This is our legacy that we have together by spreading this message and living and breathing the message as well. So thank you. Appreciate you again. Hope you enjoyed this episode. But by all means, share this with someone who, in your gut instincts, in your intuition, you know, you're like, I think they need this. I think they should listen to this. Please, mate, don't hesitate with that. Pull the trigger. Make that decision, send it out to them and you'll be amazed at what you get back. Thank you again and I'll see you soon.