245. Wife Left For 268 Days, But James Got Her Back

If this is something that you're really starting to resonate with and you've racked up five, 10, 15, maybe 20 podcasts by now, I just want to ask a small favor of you. The greatest way that we create the greatest impact inside of this world is by reaching more people and more people really tying into the value they can offer themselves at a fundamental level. HPF stands for fathers really valuing and believing in themselves and investing in themselves so that they and their family wins. A couple of quick things. I hope you enjoy the episode ahead. It's a phenomenal one that we've just recorded for you, but essentially I'd love for you to give us a review. Obviously, a five star review would be amazing, but whether it's itunes, Spotify, Amazon, it could be on Facebook, a Facebook review anywhere, Google, anywhere where you see this value in you giving us the approval and recognition that will spread this message. Much respect. Really appreciate you for doing that and also sharing this with someone who you know would get huge benefits out of listening to this as well. So enjoy the episode ahead. But if there's just one thing I could ask for 10 to 30 seconds of your life to give back. I love doing these episodes. I do these for you, member or not, and for the wider community. I'd love it if you could just give a little bit back and really promote that you support this and this is something that you would love to share with others who you know would get value out of this as well. Welcome to a special episode we've got today, Mr. James Dinan. James, good to have you with us, mate.

Thank you, Martin.

Yes.

Welcome to be here. Yeah.

Oh, mate, it's. What a. I hope you guys are strapped in for a bumper episode where we're sharing a huge success story. James, I believe, has just re signed for another season. Is that right as well, mate?

Yes, mate. It was early this year after the first big catch up, basically.

Yes.

Just knew I had to keep going on. It's changed me big time being in HBF already.

Oh, mate, you're a valuable asset to the stable, mate. It's like, it's almost like a world sport. We talk about seasons and resigning and renewals and it's like that championship team, it's what inspires me. The coaches, the other men, you know, not the. Well, maybe you will be with us for the next 40 years. Who knows, mate, we'll cross that picture. We get there. But look, there are men are in their seventh season with us now and it's just inspirational to have you guys, you know, seeing us as the vehicle for sure and reinvesting back into yourself, but also what a journey to share, man. Like, for those of you who don't know, you will hear the story from himself, from, from James himself. We have run ads sharing his story, which have been hugely popular and successful because it's such a tough game, you know, that, that, that linchpin, that key piece to life in, in the marriage, the relationship, season on season. And our pathway is not focusing solely on that. We're not a relationships course. It's a case of going, how can we help you become 2.0 and such that by doing that you're so valuable as the prize of yourself as a man, husband and father that you love and care about would be mad not to be part of your life or have that connection again. So James was in a pretty tough spot when he found us. And he has more detail than I do. I believe it might have been 268 days from memory. I've got a weird memory that the wife was out, never coming back. I'm done. All the stuff that women say that men accept as truths, unfortunately, without focusing inwards on what they can do to re establish their own personal power again and rebuild that bridge. But James will share his story on life before, during, and and with HPF now. But incredible story, incredible turnaround. Just for those men listening, like, this is an amazing inspirational story to share the range of how far a man can come in his journey. You know, it's not always the down and outs. Every man has his journey. Your journey is yours. Those listening, whether you're on the inside or whether you're not. You know, the core ingredient here isn't how much life is good. Great turn to in the pit. What. It's not that. It's what the am I doing about my life to make sure I continually grow and become more. You know, life's great. All right, cool. Make it spectacular. Like there, there. There's just levels. And that's one thing that doesn't frustrate me, but it just makes me laugh when there are other men out there who believe they've got it all. How do you know? How do you know you've got it all made? Like, why would you stop? You know? And I get the, the concept of retirement, but I'm like, for me, I'm. I'm trying to continually engineer the life that I want, James, so that it's not something I would retire from. I don't want to retire from my life. Whereas people just put that in the granular of working. It's about that continual journey. So with that being said, man, thank you again for joining us. I'd love to hear from you yourself, you know, a bit of background, sharing a bit of background of your, your story and, and I guess what led to us, you know, uniting and coming together where life was before HPF.

Yeah, well we've been together over 16 years, got a daughter who was 13 at the time, got two older step kids and three grandkids and anyway I do 12 hour shift work and always doing overtime for years and years and earning the money and thought I still love my missus, loved her very much and but we just drifted apart over the years. The grandkids, she was spending more time with them and we drifted apart. I was, you know, doing 70 hours plus at work a week, doing a couple 12 hour shifts a week, doing overtime and just never thought we'd. She'd leave me in April last year, decided to, she told me that's it, she's had enough, she's leaving. And we had our oldest stepson living with us at the time for a while. So she moved out, found a place with him, moved out and I just knew I had to change. I was 140 kilos plus I was drinking way too much alcohol me, days off smoking cigarettes and we used to have a drink now and again. She used to be a smoker and about a year beforehand she'd quit and always said I wouldn't had days off here and then not smoking or drinking but always gone back to it and yeah, she left me and that was it and it was those dark days but I just knew I had to change and do something. It was bloody hard. She was, we, she stayed friendly which was luckily so we could deal with our daughter and the dogs. We got two dogs which we shared still. I just knew I had to change and do something and it took a while in those dark days it was depressing. I was crying all the time and that numb. I found HBF on Facebook one day and took a while because I don't really go on social media and I just. Alex had a seven day trial which I actually ended up doing and just listening to it everything. It was like he was talking to me, just explained he was talking to everyone but just the things he was talking about was what was happening in my life, in my world. And eventually a couple months later in August, a year ago basically today that I signed up, made the call and joined up HBF and It turned things around. It's. He talks about the fitness, getting yourself 100% right. So you can give 100% and. But just the knowledge I learned in the courses in a short time and realized all these things I hadn't done in the relationship and what needs to be done after 50 years of I'll turn 50 in November and just learned so much. But. And then I started applying it and showing through the actions and my wife could see that I was changing over time. And start this year she moved back in to give it another shot, which has just been sensational. And this year I've really got it together and yeah, it's been life changing. Yep. Back to you.

Yeah, pretty, pretty, pretty crazy stuff, man. How quickly we can find these, these men who are reaching out to us. How they just find themselves in that, in that pit or in that struggle. What, what do you. So you said you've been with, Been with Su for 16 years. You know what? And this is for those listening to, like, we're, we're always on your side. It's not a, like, it's not a blame or a fault thing. There are, there are people who, you know, who tend to disagree. It's like, no, no, it's high performance, father. You know, we, we're here for you, you know, and helping you get that, that power back in yourself. What. So you can be more and provide the path forward. What do you. Was it the work hours? Like, what led to the. I guess just coming back and we'll definitely touch on the results you've done, man, which is incredible. But what do you think led to the drift with yourself and. And Sue James? Like, what was it, mate? Was it, you know, was it the, the, the communication connection? Was it that you were doing some of those coping mechanisms or vices so you weren't as healthy as you could have been? Like, is that a. Was it the time with work? Like, what. What do you think led to that? Man, you've been, you've been around the traps now with hpf. A lot of men walking a similar path. Like, why do you think that happens? Like in. For fathers, society men.

Yeah, yeah. Just communication was big thing work. We weren't connecting. There were so many signs. She was telling me for years, like, we're on a different planet and just we're arguing about little things which always kind of get over. But I suppose she was keeping it and just building up and building up over time for. Yeah, we just, we still had our little times together, but we weren't on the same page, we weren't connecting 100% and we're going out different ways in life. And then just in my head I thought it was all good because working hard and paying for the house and all the bills, we had a comfortable life. We weren't spending going over the top on anything. But we always had our holidays, which now I don't do overtime. I family spending family time. But back then I used to think, yep, I'm doing overtime and then we can have a good holiday. And that special time in the holidays was good family time. But now I know family time's all every day spending every moment we can together and building being there for our daughter, which is just changed around hugely now and especially in the last month, I can say we call Jamsu 2.0. We've reached this amazing point now relationship. It's taken six months this year to back together but we've really connected in the last month where through one of the communications courses, I just took my time and what I learned in that about listening, shutting up and actually getting her to open up and talk. And now, yeah, we're just an amazing base. Every day we're going to talk and we keep reminding each other of it and we're building every day, getting better and better. And we just went to classes last night. We'd done a Pilates class. First time I've done a Pilates class last night. The gym Friday, done a yoga course. We've both joined up a gym. We can do all these different courses now. So she's come on board too. Getting fit at my peak last year when she left me, I was over 140 kilos now on the scales just before I was under 113. So big turnaround, getting fit and she can see it every day and it's just amazing feelings. You actually look in the mirror and I see a big change in myself and just everyone saying I'm changing consent from work to my mum on the weekend. I hadn't seen for a while come down for my daughter's football game, said I was half the man she had last seen. So in a nice way, as in body weight.

Yeah. Yes.

All going good?

Yeah, of course it's. I've seen the before and after is incredible, you know, that turnaround and it's a big thing we talk about with, with becoming the prize again. It's. It's showcasing that level of personal value and also in society's eyes by going, hey, I'm a man who's gotten Fit and healthy and strong. I look after myself. And then through the, the peripheral effect is yeah of course you're not even reaching to connect with sue, you're just getting fit as in great shape. But she sees that, right? They say that and, and women aren't dumb and they're very intuitive and it's all energy, it's all, all energy becomes like this aroma of confidence because you're like yeah, look at me, I was 140. Now I'm under 113 and the journey continues and you keep sharpening up and like things take time but then it happens quicker than you think too, you know. So it's like because she was what. So I guess just going back to that though what, what was the catalyst? So I was like. Because she was what, what happened? She said that's it, I'm, I'm done. She was. And how long was. Was she out for mate? What. I guess if you wouldn't mind not.

Being able to walk through it was pretty much within a week they had found a house together not too far away from here. So we didn't keep our daughter in the same school. She'd moved out with her 27 year old son. Share time just there's a thousand cuts over time. It's just all those little things lost her trust just me not helping out around the house was always working but consistent there and money there but days off I was drinking way too much instead of spending time with her and yeah not looking after myself and yeah it's just a thousand cuts are basically what you talk about in so many different courses but yeah just lost her over time I think and once she did check out which I've only kind of found out just over a month ago when we really connected the game that she had gone, she was never coming back. She just played nice to me stayed friends that time out there and lucky I was pigheaded. Now I'm consistent. I just wanted her back and I just never hassled her. I was always there. Consistent with our daughter helping out anything with our step kids, birthdays I'd turn up and be present and showing her I had changed and I knew just she had heard it all before that I'd changed so I knew I couldn't be telling her anything. I just had to show with actions that I was changing and luckily she had seen it and we spent time, little days together like family time, daughter's birthday in October and she could see how much I change and, and 2 I've got purpose in life again. I'd kind of lost purpose in my life for. For years. And now I'm 50. I've learned so much through HBF and just what's involved in a relationship and everything, and family service and looking after myself, which is the main way, the main thing, which I've done, and it's taken time, but I'm feeling 100% the kind of the best I am in my. In my life. It's, yeah, amazing. Got purpose again, being 50, loving our grandkids. Yep.

Just warming up, mate. You know, still got plenty of. Plenty of decades ahead of you, right? Where it's a lot of these men that I realize if you. If you look after yourself and continually grow and develop from what I've seen anyway, with thousands of men is your 40s and 50s, mate. They. They become. And into your 60s as well. Provided look after yourself from a health point of view and you have the right. The right people around you as well. May 40s, 50s and 60s, they're like the prime years that men are just. I don't know any other way to put it. You're just fucking cashing in, mate. You know, it's like, hey, I can. Because you built the base, built the slab. You're an experienced man now. You've gone through life and then the trials and tribulations, and they all keep coming, the good and the bad. But it's the time where, you know, for you, mate, you can absolutely flourish and thrive and just fucking dominate this next decade of your life and actually. Actually have it be even better.

Yeah.

Than in your 40s. And I think that's a weird. Like, a lot of men don't realize that. It's like, yeah, no, no. Imagine at 58, you're better than you were at 42. Like, they can't. They can't comprehend that. But when we see that with our men, it's like, yeah, mate, that's. That's incredible. That's like. Because that. That seems like a big gap, right? Because when you're 42, you still feel like you're really 32. I'm just getting. I'm still going up and running and building, and it's like, 50, Adam. Like the old people, it's like, no, no, no. Rewire that Depending on what you do and how you operate, you absolutely can be in prime shape in all areas of life. In your late 50s and beyond. What do you remember the moment, mate? Like, with you and Sue? Like, was it a date or something? What was the moment where you you just. It just clicked or it rekindled or she came back in as like. Because I always thought that it's a laughing matter, but always crack up with this stuff when we're helping men rebuild their marriages. And then it's like. It's like there's a little bit of. Little bit of push, a little bit of triggering, bit of testing. The woman's unsure, but. And then all of a sudden it's like, bang. It just clicks. And all of a sudden it's like, boom. There's. There's almost fomo. Or, you know, James is rock solid. I'm ready. I'm ready to. I'm ready to rock and roll on my journey. Or I am 2.0. Or like. And then I see it as a common thing. Anyway, the woman swoops straight back in and hard to see. Right. Which is why having the faith and trust in us, the team, and you just doing the work that creates the outcome. So a lot of men on their own, they don't get that. But it's like. Like, what is it? That. That bloody Chinese bamboo, You water it for four years and there's nothing, and then in. In a matter of two weeks, it grows 60 foot. Like, that's. I don't know if you've heard or seen that, but it's a real. I was looking it up them. It's a type of bamboo that's insane. Imagine watering something for four years and there's nothing, and all of a sudden, within weeks, it's like 20 meters in the air. But, yeah. Do you remember that moment? Walk us through that. Like, what, What. What was the.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sue moved back in after nearly nine months, the second day of this year. And we never actually really talked about what happened. It was just me working on myself, changing, being better, being there for her and talking, helping out around the house. And we had things going on in hbf, the challenges, and we had the Victorian catch up earlier this year, which had to get fit for. There's a workout in the morning. And I was kind of focusing on myself a lot and we were being nice together. We weren't fighting, but we never actually communicated that well. And start of last month, it's a bit over a month ago, just before the second big catch up, where something kind of happened and I knew we had to talk. And instead of me rushing in, which I've always done in my life, just, you know, not thinking about anything, I just say what's from my heart and talk. I knew I had to. I Took a couple of days to build up to it, say, oh, we're going to have a special night on Thursday night and it's all comfortable, there's nothing to worry about. And just build it up over a couple of days. Just eased into it. And Thursday night we had a nice dinner together and we just had it got in sauna ourselves. So we had a sauna and a bath together and really opened up and talk and kind of told her my concerns. And then I got her to really open up which time? And asked her questions and she actually asked me, do you really want to know this? And I said yes. And for the first time in my life I stopped and just listened to her without let her speak, open right up. And just amazing things what she had told me. And I just felt how lucky am I to be with this woman that stuck with me by 16, had she stayed with me for 16 years. All the dumb drunken things I've done over the years. And yeah, it was just amazing for her to get that off her chest and for me to accept it. And from then we've just grown. Every day it's been amazing. We've turned the corner. We're 2.0. We're totally different. We're both over 50 and we're in the best shape of our lives basically going the gym together, working out, eating healthy and just everything flows on from that. We're spending our honey handsome time, which we call prince and dream princess time. So we've got our own name. We went to the movies last night, went to the gym last night and went to the movies, so. And dinner. So that's just happening normal now. Whenever we can we spend time together. She does shift work as well. She's a nurse, does night shifts. So when we get time together, we're spending time, but we make time every single day to talk. At minimum 5, 5 minutes a day of just one on one, open honest time. So our relationship's the best it is ever after. It's been over 17 and a half years now together. It's just amazing spot and it's getting better at every day and I can feel it in myself now. I'm getting fit. My big goal now is I've gone to Cozy Mount Kosciuszko in November, so that's a big driver for me. I've stopped smoking, drinking, I haven't for way over a month now. Haven't even had a drop. Smoking's never gonna smoke a cigarette ever again. We're going to Bali next, next week. Mori not Gonna have a drink there. I can see myself working out every day at the resort. So, yeah, it's just amazing. But I can see the results, what's happening in me. And sue can see it every day too. She's looking amazing as well. She's coming board and getting fit and yeah, life's going really well.

It's phenomenal, man. And just the dedication, effort, like, what I'm hearing through everything you're sharing is there's a structure, there's priorities, there's having commitments with. With myself, physically, mentally, with myself, developing and working on the skills with sue and I, with all of us, Sue, Isabelle and. And I as a family. And it's awesome, man. Like that. If you don't. As soon as it sounds, man, like if you don't carve out the time, life will carve something out for you. It just happens. You think you have time or you can be, you know, casual or complacent, but it's like, no, no. All of a sudden you just stack all them up and there's just hundreds, if not thousands of hours each year that just gets wasted. So it's awesome. And we talk about that. There's core things, you know, get structure in place, build your capacity so you got more endurance, build your skills so you can connect and plug in and be more valuable for yourself and others. And then do lots of times. Consistency. What. Yeah. How do you feel about it, man? And everything that you've gone through? I guess what are some of the greatest. How are you finding HPF and what have you. What have you learned or enjoyed most with your journey so far?

Yeah, just. I never thought I could be in this space. I am right now in my. For the last 20 years, like for the last. In my 40s. Yeah, just kind of lost the plot, really. Just working and doing the things I had to do in life. Kind of lost the enjoyment of life. Now I'm, yeah, totally honest. I never thought I could feel this way, I was going to feel this way ever again. I've got purpose in life. I want to live to 100. And I know for. For a fact I've already this year, I've added a decade on my life. My dad passed away when he was 55. He wasn't a drinker, but he is a heavy smoker. Menthol, cigarettes. And he passed away when he was 55. I know I've turned the corner, been the doctor yesterday. My high blood pressure has been awesome for a long time now. I've stopped me tablets for that and so me blood tests are brilliant. I've got everything in the normal now. Yeah, I'm just eating healthy grass fed steaks and organic meals where you get a lot more nutrition. Everything you learn. HBF is just amazing. The specialty on coaching stuff I'd never known or never looked up or learned online. Just everything's amazing from how to work your brain and talk, communicate to fitness. Nutrition is a big thing and just relationship courses on how to what you needed to be on what needs to be done in a relationship. Just earning all that. I'm doing those little 10 little wins to maybe get one win back from your wife, a hug or bit of recognition to helping her out to give her time back as well. But making time for yourself and looking after yourself, it does take time. But once you start feeling it and you can see it every time you look in the mirror, it's huge. Yes, it's great.

Yeah, that's unreal, man. And if you. I guess that's. What are some of the things you. Because there's obviously a lot of men listening to this. Not quite sure. And what is hpf? What do we do? And so on and so forth. We try and like we've shared stuff with Adam and Benny and in other podcasts and try and be as transparent as we can without I guess overwhelming men because it's like everything we do is tailor made for the man. It's not, you know, like, and all of it's valuable but it all has its place, right? Whether it's your relationships, your physical wellbeing, obviously parenthood, business, time management structure. There's a whole like we see it, James is us pulling the whole jigsaw puzzle together, you know, with you and for you as opposed to bits and pieces and it's a buffet and good luck with that with all different people who aren't connected, you know, and that's, that's not a bad thing. Like you can. Business coach could be great and you could get a PT or you could get a, you know, go get marriage counseling or. But, but there's, there's a, there's a disjointed approach that unfortunately doesn't help you collate those wins together. So it's like you getting healthy and fit, learning how to communicate, putting up good, healthy boundaries, getting your time management in place, cutting away some poor habits. And when you stack all of those, all of those convert to all other areas. Work will be better, your performance every day will be better, your relationships will be better. So absolutely they all cross Over. But what. Yeah, if you were to sum up hpf not in one word, I mean, but. Yeah, well, I guess maybe, but I never really asked the guys, like, what is HPF to you? And then also, yeah, what are some of the things you love about it? You know, we're doing Winter wars at the moment. You shared something with me before we hit record, which is awesome. I feel to share that. But yeah, yeah. How would you sum up HPF and what are some of the key things you love about it?

Yeah, it's real. And just from the start, because I was by myself working, it was so hard to try to get fit or change myself that way. I was eat, start eating healthier. But just all the things I learned through all the courses and just so much knowledge in everything, every way of life. Like I turned 50 November, and so much I didn't know about being in a relationship. And just in life in general, you learn. You learn amazing things, just every. Everything about life in hbf. But earlier this year, I think it was in April, we had Victorian catchup. We had a dinner in Richmond and you just met the other fathers, the other dads that are in here and realize everyone's kind of got their own journey. But. And we can speak honest and open and there just amazing. Everyone had goosebumps and telling their stories and you know, you're not in the worst spot. There's people that are worse off or dads and. But it just really hits home. It's real. And there's men out there that are struggling and going through these problems. And then on a Sunday we had to catch up which one of the hardest, biggest workouts I've done in decades in my life and got through it. It was just amazing. Yeah, that was a real big turning point, catching meeting the coaches, meeting you, Alex, and seeing how big your bloody arms are. As big as my head. Yeah, big inspiration there. But yeah, then this Winter wars, there's all these challenges in HBF which have just been amazing. We have our tribes where we all get points and try to win for our tribe, beat the other tribes. And just last Friday, one of the winter war challenges started and been put with two other men which I looked up there. We need to make a video call and spoke to them last Friday, met them first time and been on the phone to them over half an hour each just in the last couple of days and telling them my story and their story and helping each other out and just how similar our stories are. And lucky I've turned mine around, got My. My wife had left me one of the both the other two guys their wives are still there but talking about divorce and the problems they're going through and just trying to help them out through my story is I think they're both on the right track of they're changing. They're showing their partners, their family that by the actions they're doing that they're on the right track and they can change. And yeah it's. It's just real just speaking to many never met before in your life and you can open up and be honest and tell them all the stuff you've done in your life and how you can change it around for the better and feelings and how much better you can be just through your actions and it's not just a one off thing. I'm never going back. I'm changed the life like you're saying before I can already see me being 52 is I'm going to all over myself being 40 or 42 I'm already yeah a lot better than I have been for the last since I've been 30 basically I can feel it every day I'm getting better and just feeling awesome. The cold showers is part of it and there's so many different routines you do. I've got brought a nice bath as well which is just fantastic year feel you feel so much better now do a nice shower at least every day or a bath for a couple of minutes and just the feeling you get from that. I've never thought about yeah doing anything like that for my health before.

Yeah, it's awesome. It's incredible man. So inspiring too like not only your own actions but how you can provide that leadership to others or at least insights because you've those other two men that are in your group. You've. You've been here before. You've been longer than him. Right? Because I know the other two men not to disclose it their. Their personal details but yeah so it's. They're going through some tough stuff you know and I've caught up with both of them at various catch ups so how awesome to have someone like you where And I'm looking at it like when I look at it throughout our ecosystems like seeing all those guys doing screenshots of their three way chats. How fucking awesome man. Like you know so we. So we do winter wars. It's one of the few different challenges we do just for those who aren't on the inside. We do different rounds so we've got multiple squads who compete against Each other, but there's no fuckwits in here. It's really good. It's good, genuine competition where we're raising the standard with each other and for each other. And we're into round three, obviously, this being August at the time, recording this. The other ones were like juggernaut. July was a big slog, big chipper style of challenges. And then there's. Obviously, we did short little sprints in June and August is teams of three. So every squad has his own little pod too, and the pods do their own little competitions. And having that just like when we're in Manly on the weekend, at least probably half of the men that were there, I hadn't met in person before. It's just incredible, isn't it, mate? You've never met these guys before, never seen them in person, and then you can connect and just like that, hit it off where you're all aligned, all have the same values, all going through similar things in your own right, but all committed to the cause of becoming 2.0s. And then when you see him in personal, you develop these relationships like you've known him for years. It's just. It's incredible, mate. You know, and, yeah, it really is inspiring. You know, I see you coming into the gym out of Richmond at her locker and you're hooking in. It was made. It was unreal. I was like, look at. Look at James, look at the guys all hooking in, you know, and it helps keep me honest and fit and healthy and strong and doing arm curls every night, mate, so I can keep the pipes.

Yep.

But, yes, they're real too. No synthetic, all natural.

But, yeah, you see the post online and, yeah, and when you meet him in per. Per in person, everyone working out or everyone showing their MEPs the mind zone, their workouts they're doing, and just inspires you, like, I've got to keep going. I got to do it for these men. I've said, I've put my word that I'm going to be doing it and changing and inspires you post by keeping you honest, by posting things and showing your results that you're actually doing something. Not just saying, I'm saying you're doing it. I am. But meeting these men in the Winter War Challenge and. Or just speaking to them on the phone, meeting them by phone and talking honest just inspires you. It gives you goosebumps here how much that they've changed in their story already and you can see the changes and it's going to help them, benefit them I was speaking to one of the guys yesterday on the phone and just him saying, people coming up to him and saying, what, what are you doing? What's happening here? They can see a change in him. He's not grumpy no more, he's happier. They can see he's fitter and losing weight. And it's just amazing for middle aged men to turn around and become that 1% in life, the difference to other men. It's really good.

Doesn't go unnoticed, does it, mate? And that's, that's a key thing. Hard at times when we see ourselves every single day and we're in our own company to recognize it, but that's our approach. It's, you know, death by a thousand cuts, sure. But also on the flip side, it's win by accumulation. All of a sudden you see someone you haven't seen for a couple of weeks or a month or a few months and it's like, wow, who the this bloke? It's crazy how much he's changed. But women know, they notice, they notice more than we do of our progress. They may not always share or shed a lot on it, but definitely they're aware they're watching, that's for sure. You know, it's, it's something we've just so for. For those who aren't listening, you might see some ads rolling around. I've just created a marriage playbook and Jimmy, I'll roll it out to you and the members after this, mate, obviously, because the members get all this stuff as well. But for those of you listening who aren't members, strongly, strongly recommend getting this. So the, the marriage playbook. You'll see the ads. If not, just, just email us adminiperformancefather.com and we'll send you the link, mate. Phenomenal. So what I've done is I've created this playbook and it's gone through because we have the high performance marriage course and other things and we've got all different tools and this was the latest and greatest. Literally finished it this morning. And it's pulling everything together. And one of the key things inside of it, I think it's like, I think it's like five bucks or something. It's like a cup of coffee, you know, do yourselves a favor, man. Definitely invest in yourself by doing this. One of the things which I've never shed light on, even with other podcasts, even inside hpf, is what are women and what do they want? And doing it in a way that's Structured because us as men, that's how we learn and that's how we take things on board. And I've got just here, like, there are five Cs, ironically enough, there are five Cs to this that, you know, that women crave and are looking for in their man. One of them is communication. And it's really big. Like what you touched on with yourself and sue. Just having that form of communication in talking, listening and example, your actions, doing the speaking and over time, just doing it in a way that is another C connecting to them and there's connection. So women are looking for a man to communicate. Not too much talking. Don't just listen and be a mute. Don't just do heaps of shit. That doesn't make things better. It's all three and balancing them. But then it's also doing in a way that's going to cut through to their heart where they are heard and feel and seen and felt and understood. When you do that and you front load that value without any intention of return or expectation, that's what builds reciprocity. Like these podcasts, man. Like 250 or just about. I didn't start this. I think I've said this in another episode. I didn't start this to make money or have guys want to join us. I just did it because I read somewhere that competitive nature, that if you do more than 21 podcasts, you're in the top 1% of the world. It's like, okay, cool, 21 episodes. Off we go. Here we are, you know, six, six and a half years later. So, mate, being able to provide value is something that's huge specifically for the receiver, which is what we, what we're doing and what we do for you, James. And also what we're doing together, you and me, in this episode, for men out there. But then there's commitment. Actually being a fucking man of your word and following through on that, there's also control. Is this man in control emotionally? Can he not lose his shit? Can he keep his shit together? Can he make decisions for. So it lightens the load for my mental load and stress. Can he actually be in control of his time management so he can have healthy boundaries? Even me saying no to my wife, she might not like it, but she respects, hey, he's a fucking man on his mission who won't just say yes to everything I want. And then there's confidence. That's the key, man. All of those combined together lots of times and creates that, that run rate. This is, hey, I'm a fucking winner. Look at me go. And that's extremely. That's the number one thing women look for in men, confidence. But putting all those things together is. Is vital. You know, that's what I see with you, man. With your health and fitness, what you're doing, like this was built off the back of you as an inspirational story. And the other thousands of fathers that we've helped where it's like, now, this is how we crack the code. Now when you look at that personally, they all make sense. Like for you, how do you turn up and speak to yourself, James, what's the relationship you have with yourself? And then connection? Are you actually connected and filling your cup properly? Are you following through on commitments with being a man of your word to yourself? Are you in control of you and what you do just for you and those around you? And then are you developing that 2.0? And that. That's a really valuable. Really, that's one of the. The playbook's phenomenal. But like I said, I'll give it to you and the guys after this. But how do you feel, though, man? Like, what do you see when you look in the mirror, you know, and how are you talking to yourself? And how do you feel about your journey and what you've gone through?

That's a something I've kind of forgotten about. When I joined HBF last year, when I was by myself in the house and yeah, for years I kind of hated myself, really. I just, yeah, I drank to kind of get out of it and just have my own time. Yeah, I kind of didn't like myself for a long time, I suppose. But that's one of the first things I did turn around is, yeah, I started loving myself a bit more and liking myself. That I can change. I can do these things. I. Emma Winner. I'm not a loser. Yeah, just amazing doing that. And family. I reconnected with some of my nieces I hadn't spoken to for a long time and forgave the little stories that we weren't talking for. And yeah, life's too short. We got to move on and become more positive person. Not looking at the negatives in life. And that's one thing Sil had seen as well. And the actions, by doing everything and yeah, changing to me, I found I've found a purpose again in life. Well, I want to live longer. And yeah, I'm getting fitter. And every time I look in the mirror now, last night, even date night, of the clothes I'm wearing, I Never. All my wardrobe basically need to throw out, Buddy. The tops I got from HBF when I first started, a 5XL. Now I'm down to XL or 2XL. Depends on the top.

It'll give you more gear, mate.

Yeah, yeah. They've sent last week for cozy, getting a new T shirt. But thank you for starting this pod podcast. Because, mate, without HBF or you doing any of this, I've never learned. I could have lost weight and got myself a bit fit, but what I've learned and change and the knowledge I've learned in hbf, that's what's got my wife back and changed me for a better person forever. So, yeah, my wife would never come back if I hadn't learned all these little things and just being there for her. And like, we do shift work when I'm not now helping her out, giving her her own time back. All these things you learn to. I can. You can just see they appreciate helping clean up the house, having the house clean, having dinner cooked. Just giving her own time so she doesn't need to stress or worry about doing anything besides resting and getting herself right for work. Night shift, getting changed, doing the washing, taking the dogs for a walk, you know, doing all these little things. And two, it might take a couple of days or. Which doesn't really now. It's happening all the time. I'm getting recognized for it all. But, yeah, just doing all those little wins adds up to make that one big win of just a hug or a bit of appreciation as well worthwhile. It just builds and builds. That's all I want to do now and get fit and healthy, which I'm on the track. Not calling myself 2.0 yet, but I know I'm there, that's for sure. I am totally different to what I was, star of the year. But, yep, I've got a long way to go still.

It'd be 1.1.99, mate, and we'll hit 2.0 at the top of the mountain in Cosby in November and then start carving out 3.0.

I've got that fire in my belly of just. I can see the change and it's getting better every day. Relationship. Yeah, it's brilliant. It's just.

Yep.

Thank you.

Thank you, mate, for, you know, stepping up and pulling the trigger and. Yeah, it's. It's always. Look, man, there's always. I mean, you don't have to join hbf. Do it if you want, but there's always a leap of faith. You can't. You can't avoid that in life, you know, And I'm hoping with. With video footage of us physically, in person, all over the country, as well as shares like James, that men do understand that we are real, we're legitimate, we exist. And look, you look at our ads and then all the other people riding our coattails, of course you'll see all the other stuff, and that's fine. They're doing the best they can with what they've got. It's just standards. It's just what we do. It's how we operate. We take this very seriously, man. Like, this is. This is your life, James, and the lives of all the other men who are putting their faith and trust into us to make sure we can guide them on the path to. Towards victory comes with its heaviness and baggage, that's for sure. But it's worth it, man, you know, so credit to you, mate, you know, thank you for.

Wow.

Just say it how it is, having the fucking balls to step up and do something about it, you know, and that's. That doesn't mean that anyone who doesn't join HBF is bad, is balless. But it's just. It's just there's always work, no matter which way you slice it in life, and there are always options and there's always a path. It's just having the clarity to stop, look, and go, what are the outcomes of the path I'm on? What is the upside of staying on this path? What is the downside? Which is always comfort. What is the down comfort of familiarity? What is the downside? And can I live with the downside? And if you can, fucking great. You have no right to have regret. Just like Nath Hodge said in one of our podcasts, like, it's fucking bullshit. You can't have regrets because you. You actively chose the path. And if you listen to this podcast, you know there's more than one path, right? So there's. There's no. No bullshit stories there. It's not like the 1800s where you had no access to anything and didn't know different. Love it, man. Love having you, definitely, as you can hear and sense, energizes me and pumps me up here in your story and the other men and their wins and shares. But I guess for you, as we wrap this up, mate, what are any. Any. Any advice for. For the men out there on how they can just at least start, you know, getting on track or. Or just any final thoughts, mate, or words?

Yeah, the honest truth is when I so hardly go on social media only ever Facebook just now and again mainly see if my family's posted anything. But when I was going through those dark times of being lonely last year I'm and senior ads I wasn't too sure. Don't really trust too much online actually you put had a seven day challenge back then it was like 21 days or $21 or 20 or seven days and you're even guaranteed giving your money back and I didn't even trust that actually. And getting a Visa prepaid Visa card to do it, my credit card on it. So that's the way I done it and just everything resonates. People listen to your podcast here. Every podcast I've listened to I've listened to good hundred plus and more all the time but every episode there's things in it. He's talking to me, he's talking about me. Like that's exactly what's happened to me or what I'm going through right now. So it's just all these little golden nuggets and yeah it's, it's real. It resonates with you. You just. It's my life what you talk about and all these other men, you know it's the same thing. They must be feeling the same things they've all gone through in their lives and relationships and things our, my dad, our fathers never knew or learned. There's nowhere to kind of learn that stuff of just everything in life get your together and it all starts by building yourself like best saying is you can't give 100 if you're not 100%. Like I was 30% for most of my 40s. Drinking and smoking and working too hard, not sleeping properly. So me only being 30% and I could only give, you know, if I gave 100%. There's only 30% I gave to my family. So me getting better and fitter and stronger and healthier. I can give more and got more energy and yeah the Mrs. Can see that all the time. It's only getting better.

Yes. Yeah that's awesome mate. So I guess final thoughts then is make sure you pour in your own cup and work on yourself and develop who you are to to be 400.

Yep. And yeah anyone out there wondering if you should join or not. It's just yeah it's changed my life around. I was ordinary guy working me ass off drinking way way too much. Like unbelievably drinking too much. I was. Yeah. I'd never thought I'd get to where I am now and my relationship probably for years I was worried about when our daughter left, would leave home. How we get along with each other. Love my wife. She's absolutely beautiful since most amazing woman I've ever met. When I first met her, I just, I couldn't even talk to her. She was that gorgeous and she still is. She's better every day now too. It's especially the last month we've turned things around and it's unbelievable. Never. My wife's never been so good and it's only getting better every day. It's brilliant. And sue backs that up. Yeah, she's. Yes, she thinks you as well. She's listening to podcasts. I'm showing her things. Bit of the coaching now and again. There's special things in the Golden Nuggets and she wants to listen to it. She was amazed just on Sunday, the post I done about the fat photo of me back in November to what I am now and how we went on a date night a week ago as well dressed up and she read all the comments like there's 60 comments or someone on there. And yeah, she's rap. She's so proud of me and the change I'm making, but she could say it herself.

So. Yes.

And it's only getting better every day. Keep getting 1% every day.

Absolutely. It's pretty amazing when you've got a tribe of men around you who are just pumping out dozens and dozens of comments and support and you know, and yeah, I remember I saw that, that post as well. That was very recent and it's like, mate, just so awesome to have that energy around you in a world that's, I mean, you don't need the Internet to know the world's pretty much full of. But also it does magnify. So you've got all these other countering forces against being genuine or true or having alignment where you've got your people around you. Like, I love my family and I'd kill for them. I die for them. I live for them. But also HPF gives me something my children can't and my wife can't. It's other men to go out and just hunt life with. Like, that's, that's extremely valuable to me, man. And you know, if j, if James can do it with a prepaid Visa card, starting with one of the challenge. That's so good, fellas. Look, I, I, I'd accept a gold coin donation for you to start with the, the Marriage Playbook, but unfortunately it's a bit hard to reach everyone, which is why but now I get it, man.

Fuck.

That's funny. I'd never know that. That's so good.

No one really, but just anyone out there. You listen to the podcast, you know, this is for real. Alex knows his 100. It's not him telling us to do things. It's. They've given us the information. It's for us to run with and learn and, and yeah, get better ourselves and just so many men in here. It's real. And especially when you catch up these special catch ups Al does and you meet the men face to face and it's like you've known them all your life and we can share and even your best mates, you can't talk to them about the problems you're going through and these men you meet for the first time right there and tell them all the, your dark secrets and because we're all going through the same thing and we're changing people different parts of their journey and I never thought I'd. I didn't know I was going to get my wife back, but yeah, and where we are at at the moment is just brilliant. And we're never going back there. We're just getting stronger every day. It's been amazing. Like I said, she moved in start this year, then we're together and life was kind of good. And just over a month ago again it turned amazingly. We're totally changed. Different relationship. Best relationships we've been in their whole life and we're both over 50. Don't feel like it. Age is only a number. We're feeling like we're in our 30s and getting younger every day. Getting fitter, going to the gym together, doing workouts. Yeah, it's brilliant.

Yeah. Unreal. It's such an amazing energy too, man. Especially with the catch ups like you just can't. It's, it's very unique. Very unique. But yeah, no, amazing, amazing work, mate. Credit to you, James and appreciate you sharing your story and your journey and it's, it's something we're very proud of. Like you just can't. Like for those of you, you can try, you can try things like Google but you just can't get it. Like what, what James is talking about is really, yeah, we lay the slab, but it's going into the granular of our cool love languages. Yeah. Words of affirmation. Yeah, but what type of words does she want? How does she receive it? What time of the week or what day would you do it? You know, is it Thursday? Because Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, she's busy and she's tired. So you want to provide some relief Thursday night. When you're providing these acts of service or words of affirmation like this is what people don't understand. When you're building that feedback loop with accuracy, with the right men, the right, the right people, the right obviously experts, modules and other things around you, you don't miss the mark, you just, you can't. It's why we don't work with everyone, mate. Like our approach with you, James, is different to a 21 year old boy who wants to marry his fucking girlfriend. It's different to, you know, it's just not like what, what we do is useless to a 90 year old woman. Of course it is. Right. Because they're not for her or maybe her son. But, but, but superiorly, Val, if that's a word, superior, superiorly valuable to men like yourself and with good fucking reason. It's been constructed and engineered, evolved with thousands of men and dozens of experts over the years to be specifically designed to help men like you win. Because you are the backbone. All of you men listening to this. You're the fucking backbone of the country. Do not forget this. Like, you've got men who are young and it's really hard. We do have some of our younger bulls, which is great. But typically with the modern world, teenagers becoming men in their 20s, they're. And it's because of the conditions, it doesn't mean they would stay that way. But they don't have the old guard that we have. You know, some of the old spine and values and. Right. And then the older men, not that we don't have them. Our oldest man member, Pete's like 75, you know, we, we got to get a carrier pigeon to drop the USB off to him with these podcast episodes. No, I'm just kidding, love, love your work, Pete. But look, the reality is this is the sweet spot for you men to still be the backbone of some of the old values as well as some of the new age adjustments with technology in this environment to really sharpen the axe and become even greater than what our forefathers were, to then provide that pathway for the children. Which is what I'm saying is this is designed for you men because you men are the fucking key to this world in society. And I will not step back on that. I will not take it. I will die on my fucking hill screaming that. Which is why you are all so important and vital to me, member or not, upholding and living the message of hpf. Anyway, I feel like this is Going to turn into a power rant by Al, which I don't want to do. This is a podcast celebrating James, but I'll just pocket and bake that for. For the next episode. But Jimmy, great to have you on, mate. Really appreciate you as always and thank you, man. Thank you for making it reality. You know, I'm just one of the cogs in the world, mate. Just a caretaker here who's proud to be part of your journey.

Yeah, thank you, Alex. Thanks for starting this. It's just been brilliant. All the coaches and all the coaches too. You have. They all started like me, like a man in a bit of going through life. So it's real. Everyone you speak to in HBF is, you know, it's real. Real men, real Aussies doing it numb. There's even Americans. So. And we're going to be worldwide one day soon. Hbs, you got to. Because men just don't know. All this knowledge, all this stuff, the experts you have, the coaching on the inside, it's just amazing. I could never Google or look up anything like this, but the information they give us, it's all direct to men going through problems or just getting to better themselves. You have females talking about lady problems and how to deal with everything in life. It's just amazing. Every expert is brilliant. You've just done an awesome job, Alex. And all the coaches, it's inspirational. Every day you wake up, you do your rise to shine on your workplace chats and see all the other men getting up there, hitting it, doing their routines, numb. Winning in life. That's the thing. They're changing and winning and for the next generation, the family passing on to the kids and doing it, it's brilliant.

Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah, mate, it's. It's. Yeah, no, it's. It's the whole tribe that makes it, you know, it's definitely not the Al show. And yeah, I love the rise to wins. The hashtag rise to win. It's. It's awesome. But, but, yeah, yeah, just seeing the energy, the start of the day. Yeah, incredible now. Good man, mate. Thank you again for jumping on and yeah, really appreciate you sharing your. Your journey. For those of you who are on the outside, definitely get that marriage playbook again. I don't know how to get it to you personally, but if you wanted to email us, you can. If not, you'll probably see us running ads for it. That'll really help for some of you men who might feel like you're stuck. But yeah, I mean, you know, it's just above all else, it's all about taking action and doing something with. With what you receive. So hopefully this, this episode certainly inspired me. But it's inspired you with James sharing his story on the possibilities too, and not counting yourself out. Because there's always a path and sometimes the difference between marriage or divorce is you holding on to your own personal development which then shines a light on the possibilities as opposed to giving up. Because they don't stop testing us. They never do. But it's what you do about it personally first that makes all the difference, really is. Thanks again, James. Awesome to have you on, man.

Thank you. Just what you talk about too, how much it would cost you on a divorce. That was a big driver for me, never giving up and being pig headed. Luckily, I never gave up and I could change and my wife saw that and come back and it's just brilliant. Life is turned around unbelievably. Never thought it'd be half as good as what it is today. It's only getting better every day. Thank you.

Our pleasure, mate. Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's fucking fart in the wind compared to the cost of assets and dividing the void. Yeah, absolutely. In terms of investing in yourself with us financially. Take it, boys. Have an amazing day or night when you listen to this. And above all, play some action, some gold nuggets from the takeaways that James has shared. I'll see you on the next one. Well, that wraps up another episode and just as we wind this down, I want you to just reflect and think back through some of the golden nuggets, some of the revelations, some of the sore points, some of the things that might have hit home with you. And then just look at ways that you can apply a different set of actions to change your position, change your circumstances, change your feelings, and change the facts. These episodes are done with your best interest at heart and there's always something we can get from that. Maybe it's not the first time, maybe it's the second time. We've had members listen to episodes four or five times and then it finally clicks. But either way, I hope you got a lot of value out of of this. And also if this is something that you really want to solidify inside of your life, repetition is the key. You've listened to it. Write down your revelations, think about them, read them, speak them, believe in the changes that you will carve out in the action plan of those revelations to create change in your life and then share that. And when you teach, you learn the second time, right? So teaching and showing this to others you love and care about is the greatest way that you can remember and make sure you consistently learn and relearn what is it's true and what is it is important to you in your heart. Take care, have an amazing day night weekday weekend and I'll see you for another one soon. Cheers.