249. Presence & Purpose with Leading Expert Dan Henderson

Welcome to another episode. But just before we start, if you're someone who really loves and enjoys the podcast, what we stand for me dropping the occasional F bomb, sometimes a bit more frequently than occasional, but nonetheless, the passion and the will and desire to help fathers and their families reach the next level and live a rich and prosperous life for themselves and their families, then, look, take this opportunity, take this moment to please share this with someone who, you know, needs to hear these words and listen to these podcasts and it could be your significant other. We have a lot of fathers who, their wives now listen to these episodes. Essentially, you could start them off with something as simple as episode 200 with my wife and I. But look, there's so much value in here, not just for the fathers, but actually for their wives to see the perspective and the angle and the lens from which we as men making our way through this world, busting our ass and really sacrificing so much how we operate, how we see things, and how much our family actually means to us. So again, enjoy the upcoming episode, appreciate your support, love and respect to all of you. But if there's someone who you know needs to hear this, whether it is your wife, your brother, it could be your parents, anyone who is in your circle of influence and significant to you. I urge you to share this with them and continually build and promote this very valuable message in the modern world today that's so heavily needed. And again, much respect to you for giving back to yourself through these episodes. Welcome to a special podcast episode. We've got Mr. Henderson. Dan Henderson. He is, he's the epitome of high performance father. Even though he's not on the inside or not yet, he's. He's coming in as one of our latest experts. Dan, thanks for coming on board and joining us for this session today. Mate.

Mate. Really excited. Alex, it's been a long time coming. You and I have known each other many, many years. So I appreciate the opportunity, A, to be on the podcast, but B, also to be welcomed into the community as one of the experts.

Absolutely. And for those members listening to this, hope your boys are excited. You'll see Hendo inside the ecosystem very soon. Shortly, he's going to be running some amazing and very powerful sessions for all of you men as we do. It's about providing value above and beyond of men who are tried, tested and true and walk the path themselves. And that's what I want to dive into. This man is a multiple business owner, happily married, father of three. Is that right, mate?

Or that's three. Yep. Three, mate, that's the number.

Is it a man? I was talking to my friend the other day, he's got two and he's like, I don't know how you do it. I'm like, fuck man, threes. Three's crazy. Not to discredit four, five or six or any of your dads who might have more than six. Shit, man. But that's, it's a whole different game, isn't it when you got the three men as opposed to.

Yeah, yeah. And I've got the blended family which adds in a couple of other nuances and elements as well. So yeah, three keeps us busy.

Incredible, man. And you know, without being too blunt, fit as some of the stuff you're telling me about, mate. Pretty, pretty impressive for a man in his 40s who's moving through and still pushing those, those limits and, and being involved in that whole wellness space too, mate. It's pretty, pretty inspirational. But I'd love to I guess throw it to you, Dan. We have known each other for years and this is, this is something I'm really excited to, to begin collaborating with but I guess firstly introducing you to, to the tribe, to the men. Obviously listeners, this is a very powerful podcast. It's really popular. Members, non members, I want to spend this time to share. Yeah, your story, your story, Dan. A little bit more about yourself, mate, then we can dive into some, some juicy bits together.

Yeah, fantastic. Alex. Look, I, I've been a business owner now almost 20 years. I did five years at university, worked in a corporate position for about two and a half years and just decided no, not for me. I want to, I want to be in control of my own destiny and I feel like I can do so a lot more within self employment. So I started my first personal training studio in the eastern suburbs of Sydney, Coogee Beach. That was the first real business almost 20 years ago now, about 18 years ago I started that and I've been in the fitness industry almost ever since. So had multiple businesses, multiple gyms. I've had an education company, coaching company, consulting agency. Absolutely love the self employment world and love the fitness industry itself. And then you know, for me as a family man, I've got three beautiful kids. I've got a 16 year old daughter Imogen. I've got a 10 year old son Tom. And then I've got the youngest and definitely the most mischievous Holly who is five years of age. So they keep me on my toes. I've got a wonderful partner, Marissa. She's A doctor. She has. She has two clinics. She's a gp, so she's also a very busy working professional. And, you know, between my three businesses, her two clinics, the three kids, there's never a dull day, mate.

Absolutely, man. And then on top of that, you keep yourself pretty healthy and fit in the meantime. I got to say, though, mate, that the little one, I think he said, Holly, five years old, I could. I could just imagine she'd be just like my Lillian, who's five years old and just runs the house.

Absolutely. She is in charge and she's going to be the world's best negotiator. You were saying earlier that you need salespeople. Sign her up now because no one can negotiate like my Holly. Like, if she wants a particular type of food, she will break you down and she will come at all different angles. So, yeah, she's, She's. She's just a bundle of energy. She's the hardest in our. In our family to manage, but she's also definitely the. The most vivacious and fun.

Aren't they the most. Aren't children the most beautiful gifts, man? Like, I look at. They are, and to me as well, they are like the ultimate dichotomy. You'll never find someone who's more transparent, truthful, and willing to call it how it is, but at the same time doesn't live by their own right. The hypocrisy. My kids, man, it's like they'll just cut me to pieces. But then also, I was like, well, hang on a minute. You just said this and now you're doing that. And.

It'S very true. She can be absolutely brutal with. With her words already. She is. She knows how to cut, so there's no hiding. You. You. You gotta have thick skin in our household.

Oh, mate, it's. It's what makes life worth living, though, right? I mean, I'm curious on that, lady. What does father would mean to you, man? Like, how have you found. You know, obviously lots of moving parts, like you said, and, you know, which I'm sure you'll touch on. You're pretty. Pretty fit and active, too, man, and driven with personal goals. But, yeah, like, I'd love to get given that. You know, we're very aligned. We've had obviously lots of conversations, but with this podcast to. To the world, very aligned, man, but curious on your thoughts, both personally and. And on a bigger level, the value of father and what it. What it means to you and, and how it. How it influences your life and drives.

You look, fatherhood for me is a true gift and blessing. It really is. And Tom, my first son, you know, we couldn't have him for a long time. And so, you know, I had to look at life, maybe at not being a parent and not being a father. And that was difficult at the time because it's something that I always wanted. It's something that, you know, was very dear to my heart, and it's something that I yearned for. And now that I have it, I really want to make sure that I don't take it for granted. I really want to model the values, I want to model the characteristics, I want to model the behavior that I want my kids to adopt. I really look at my life and the way that I interact, the way that I behave, the way that I structure myself and. And a lot of the time, I'll ask myself, am I modeling behavior that I would want my kids to adopt? I've got pictures of my kids that I'm looking at right now when I'm working. It's like, am I dedicated in my work or am I mucking around? Because you're doing this for them. So, you know, they are a big part of my purpose. And there's some macro structures that I put in place in terms of making sure that I've got dedicated time for each of my kids. I've got time for them collectively, and I have that in my structure, and I have that in my week. But. But then also, just from a, you know, a much more intimate perspective and a much more, you know, in the moment, I'm. I need to make sure, like, am I living true to the values, the characteristics that they would be proud of? And that, for me, is very, very important, no doubt.

Man, in this modern world full of chaos, full of noise, what do you find is one of the biggest things that can derail or, you know, really pull men who try? I mean, you've got a lot going on. Like, what are some of the biggest threats you've noticed in the modern world, mate, that can pull away the fabric of leading the family and building a legacy As a man in the modern.

World, I think we can get to. I think we can place too big an importance over different elements within business. In particular, I'll speak of. So sometimes I'll have a look at men, and they'll just be absolutely consumed by business and. And they won't know how to step away. And even if they're stepping away from a time perspective, they're not present. They're emotionally still in the business, they come in a bad mood. They're still looking at their phone all the time. They. They carry a lot of the burden of what's going on in the business and transfer that into the home, where I really focus on compartmentalizing. Yeah, you may have a stressful day. You may have, you know, a deal that's not going as planned or as what you'd like. You may have just been punched in the guts with some.

You.

Some real challenges, but you've got to. You've got to leave that at the door. And one of the biggest challenges I see, at least within the realm of business and men, is they don't. They take that. They take that stress, they take that burden that they're feeling in business. They transfer it into their family and their kids. And that only creates a bigger detachment and more distance, because now, even if you're there physically, you're not there mentally, you're not there emotionally. And you're saying, you know, to your children, you know, work's more important than me right now because that's what you're doing.

That.

That's the. And that's what I mean by the actions and the modeling. And I'll give you a quick example. I remember I took my young fella to swimming lessons one day, and I was going through a little bit on a work front, and he's in the pool, and I'm sitting there, and I'm sitting there on my phone trying to work out this deal, and I'm messaging and I'm texting, and I'm on the phone. Anyway, gets out of the pool, and he goes, dad, how come you're on the phone the whole time? I was swim. And I was like, oh, he noticed. I didn't think he noticed. I thought he was in his swimming lesson, but he was looking at me. He was looking at me to see he was swimming hard. Was I paying attention? Was I acknowledging that? And I wasn't. Why? Because I was bringing work into that space. And so for me, that's been one of the real areas I see men struggle, is they bring that stress, they bring that overwhelm, they bring that anxiety, and then it manifests itself into that very dear and sacred relationship.

That's really tough, too, man. Tough pill for a lot of men to swallow when. I mean, you're obviously pretty proactive with it, Hendo, and. And you're carving out a phenomenal life. But a lot of men will have this element of regret where it's been like, 2, 3, 8, 12, 15 years. And then all of a sudden it's like, all right, they chaotically swing the other way. So at least what I've seen in my time, man, is a lot of men are so unstable. Firstly because, yeah, so much work, folks, and they try and recoup, make up time. How do you make up time? And you can't have, you can't have your daughter's sixth birthday again or your son's, you know, he becomes a teenager, you're a young man now, his 13th birthday, or you just can't get that back. So one thing to do is what you said in compartmentalizing is going upstream will create the structures in the first place. That by living that way, you're going to make sure you're investing in what, what matters most in your family. I remember that, man. When I was at a, funnily enough, a swimming lesson, my daughter Stella, for the first time swam across. This is years ago. Swam from one side to the other, unbroken or by herself. And she and mate, similar. Like, I was just phone work, other things. Bits, please. I was like, hang on a minute. And something just in my head said, just, just, just watch it for a little bit because I saw everyone else was doing the same. And that moment, as soon as she completed and touched that wall, man, she just looked up and eyes were just hunting for me right away. And I feel so. And, mate, I've dropped the ball plenty of times in the past and it's a constant work in, in progress, right? Because there's always a distraction that can come. But I remember those eyes locked. I was like, mate, I was just, I was so grateful for that. And then it made me really reflect. How many times have I not noticed that my kids were looking because I wasn't looking back? It's like, yeah, and it's, it's pretty crazy.

And you can't get them back, right? Like, you know, time is flying by. Like, imagine 16, she's got two years more of school. It's two years more of school sports, that's it. And then it's all done. You can't get those Saturday school moments, sport moments back. And so I really cognizant of that at the moment. As my kids are getting older, I'm like, you can't take this for granted, right? And look, it's hard. You want to, you want to grow an amazing business. You want to be really fit and strong. You want to be an amazing partner and you want to be a great father. And this is where structured discipline and prioritization comes in because to do all of those, you know, that's what you need. That's the foundation of it. But you, for me, you know, I'm really unwavering in that at the moment. And you know, Alex Hormozi did a post, and I love Alex Hormozi. I think he's a really insightful, intelligent guy. But he did a post probably about four months ago and he said, working hard means missing your daughter's dance recital. And I was like, no, it doesn't, mate. Like that said by someone that doesn't have kids. And like, they're the moments I don't want to miss because you don't get those back, they are going to disappear before your eyes and you're not going to get that many more of them.

Yeah, agreed, man. You and me had a conversation, I think, a few weeks ago, and we said, look, there's always going to be an opportunity to make money. And, and money is, is something that's always going to be cycling and floating around. It's somewhat a level of abundance. One thing you can't get back is time with the people you love. And this guy who was a billionaire said that he's like, success to me is when your children want to be around you in adults and a few other things. And he, he, he pioneered something and then got bought out for a massive amount of money. I'm trying to think of the. Or Flea, or Flea was his last name. But I'll try and find his name and probably quote him in the next podcast. But I was like, yeah, man, he's in his 70s now. He's an old man or older man. But, you know, it's, it's that balance. Gumball. Yes, we can always go out and hunt when we're older, but also how do we make sure we're filling all those cups so that we're not just doing the bare minimum? Because like you said, we're modeling standards for our children to follow. And one of those is how do you produce out in the world? How do you have impact outside the family nucleus? Such that real juggling act that I find a lot of times Hendo men are, they start on the back foot because their belief systems are so skewed and flawed in the sense of feeling defeated by what work, life, balance means. They measure it with time. Whereas, Adam, I'm really curious on your thoughts because obviously you've got a lot going on, bro, so I'd love to hear your insights. But for me, I did A video on this last night saying, well, there's a couple of key things here. Work life balance. The unit of measurement's wrong. It's not about time, it's about impact. So with us it's family, self and service. I only need an hour a day max for myself to make the other top shelf and be able to eat, handle problems, challenges, connect with them, blah, blah, blah, and feel like I've given a mate. I don't. I might work for eight hours. I don't need to train for eight hours. Right, so. So it's this big thing in HPF and there's things like the one thing with Gary Kelly talks about more of a zigzag. But a lot of people say work life balance doesn't exist. I'm like, yeah, but it depends, right, like on the outcomes you're seeking. If you're balanced across the board in being in the best shape of your life, being an amazing partner and father, being an amazing businessman. All of them, actually, all of them require different elements of time. None of them required the same amount of time. So that's where I find a lot of men struggle, but you obviously seem to be. Yeah, call it juggling, act whatever you want, but you obviously seem to be pretty balanced and I guess regimented. You said structure and discipline, very powerful. What. How have you come about to do it, man? What do I guess? Your principles or how do you. Because you'll be valuable for the men on the inside with this too. But, yeah, can you get your thoughts on how you.

There's a. Yeah, there's a fair bit to it, so I completely agree with you. It's not a time based outcome, right. It's an impact based outcome. And so you can have. I can spend a day with my daughter, but I might be in front of the. She's in front of the TV or she's on an iPad. I'm on my phone, I'm kind of half working and we're in this half world that's not impactful, right? Yes. I spent six hours with her and I've had plenty of days like that. And you kind of go, well, I didn't really commit to her and I didn't really commit to my work. And so I was in this no man's land, which is not really either world. And I'm not getting, I'm not getting what I need. She's not getting what she needs. And it's kind of superfluous in a sense that time itself, right, it's. It's it's not impactful. And so one of the things that I really live by, one of my philosophies on this is if you're dedicated, if you've said you're going on a date night, you're on the date night, you are there. You are fully attentive, attentive. You are present, you're engaged, you're on the date night. You're not looking at your phone, Notifications are off. Phone's even in the car. A lot of the time, I leave my phone at home because I want to be 100% there. Then that's an amazing date night. So my partner and I, we went for a beautiful, you know, drink and dinner on Saturday night to celebrate a birthday. We were only out three hours, but the impact of that and the connection that we had will carry us for a couple of weeks. Like, we. We are tireder than ever as a result of that date night right now. Right? And it was. It was the. The depth of the interaction. Same with my kids. And, you know, when you're tired, it gets a lot harder. And this is why you got to look after yourself. But again, when I'm with my kids, it's like, are you with them? Like, are you. Are you a hundred percent there? And so one of the things that I live by is, wherever you are, be a hundred percent there. Like, I'm in work mode right now. I'm 100% on this podcast. You know, like, you sent me a message an hour ago. I was ready. I was raring. I'm here this morning. I was at the gym. I was at the gym. I Woke up at 5am Went to the gym at 5:30. I was 100% at the gym. So wherever you are, be a hundred percent there. I see where a lot of. Where I see a lot of people struggle is they kind of float and oscillate between the different areas. So that's one of my core philosophies. The next is structure. And, you know, like, Jocko Willink talks about it. And I agree with this. Not everyone does. But discipline equals freedom. So have the discipline of a structure, right? Because that gives you the freedom to do what you want to do with who you want to do. All right? And so for me, I wrote up my day. I wrote up my week on the weekend. I wrote up my day the night before. I wrote exactly when I'm training, what my workday looks like to the absolute minutes. You said, hey, Dan, when do you have to finish today? I said, Hard 10 Alex, that's it. Because the next one, I've got it structured and then at 5:30 tonight, done, put the queue on the rack, plan my next day. I'm 100% with the, the, the kids and then later on with my partner. And so making sure that I plan my week in advance and that week reflects my priorities. A lot of the time people, when they plan their week, they'll do it very reactively. They'll do it, you know, they'll kind of address the little fires here, there and everywhere and the activities will just fill the space you allocate. When I've planned my week, I make sure that it reflects my priorities. So where's my date nights? Where's my time with my kids? Where's my training time? Big rocks. They're going to go into my calendar first and foremost, not my work. My work is very important to me, but those things are more important to me when it comes into the calendar. Then I'll put my work and then I've got to be uncompromising. Hey, if you've said you're going to dedicate eight hours to work today, then you've got to make sure that you squeeze the lemon dry and get the most out of that. Eight hours to do what you said you're going to do to deliver the results. So you don't compromise and don't borrow from another area as well. So they're probably the big one too, mate. Wherever you are, be a hundred percent there. And then number two, map out your week, map out your day, put the big rocks in first and then just be uncompromising in upholding those commitments to yourself and others.

Yeah, I love it, man. Especially the whole. We talk about structure equals freedom and that's like what we are. Discipline equals freedom. It's spot on. You know, a lot of the times the frustrating part, which I feel for a lot of men, is they just create these stories that justify why they must stay on the path they're on. Like, yeah, but I don't want that to, you know, I don't want it to be too rigid or I feel it's like, no, no, it's the opposite, man. By you having that structure, you're actually free to whatever the you want. Part of that could include like there's blocks where I have, hey Altime or Sweet FA time or whatever. There's. There are parts that I block him. I'm like this. I'm allocating to do and go with the flow and do whatever. So it's like you can factor that in if you want to, you know, hit, you know, scratch that itch of whether you want a dopamine hit or checking socials or whatever it might be. But a lot of men do the other way around where it's like they're all, like you said, completely reactive. And then they try and get a little bit of structural rigidity inside of their priorities. Like, no, man, you've got it all backwards. I love that saying, man, wherever you are, be 100 there. That's really, that's really cool. I like the way you've. You phrase that. And it's not to add pressure, men, because we, what Dan's talking about, we talk about front loading the week, right? It's not to add pressure, but if you make pre commitments to your children, to your and to your partner and you lock it in the calendar, one, it should be priority. I agree with you 100%. But two, if you fail, well, then you know that it's, it's, it's not a story or excuse or it's like, no, no, you've already planned that. You have allowed that to then get swept up into something else as opposed to, I didn't have any time this week. It's like, no, no, you need to pre plan that. I wouldn't say it as pressure, I'd say it as pre committing. And sometimes you get the rewards before that time, right? Where my kids, I'm pumping them up for special time. And like it's this Thursday, 5pm and they're so you're already building a stronger connection before you even. We call it special time, but even dad ventures before we even do it. Because you're saying to them, hey, you're important too. Instead of this huge calendar that's just filled and it's funny, mate. There's a word that read, I'm rereading funnily enough, think and grow rich by Napoleon Hill. And I remember reading that when I was very young and I just didn't get it. I thought I was above it. But I look back, man, and just the ego in me, right? But I look back and one of those in me going from this fat boy to being an elite athlete, you know, was years of that. The visualization, the focus, the structure and discipline on what mattered most. Prioritizing things, things off. But, but anyway, that's a. I'll save that for another episode. But the core principles absolutely work in that. But one of the things I'm up to this chapter now is procrastination. It's such a funny word Dan, because I haven't like we talk about, you know, temptation and being distracted and, and sedation. So drugs, alcohol, social media, other things. But essentially people don't realize that what they're really doing is procrastinating because they're still moving. You're still doing something. I'm still scrolling, I'm still reading, I'm still. No, no, you're procrastinating away from the, that matters most in this one life that you have. And that's. I know it seems really weird because I'm a pretty, got a pretty big range on this shit man. But when I read that word I was like, oh, I haven't used that word in like years.

It's 100 true. And even you know I don't have it perfectly. Far, far, far from it. And you know my partner will catch me out at times and she'll be like you're you, you right now. You're procrastinating. And I was like you're 100% right. You, you were. It hurts because you're right. And she, she is a majority of the time and but you know, I'll be sitting there and I'll do something else and I'm just procrastinating on that most important thing. And so you're going to feel the space. All of us have the same amount of time, every single one of us. So it's like if you're not doing what's important then you're just going to be filling it in with other things or you're going to allow activities to stretch out and be a lot longer than what they should. This is why I use a lot of micro deadlines all the time. I leverage Parkinson's law. The task will always swell to the time you allocate. And so that's why I've got X amount of time in my diary for all these things because I know if I don't and I leave it open ended, I'm going to fart ass around and I'm going to procrastinate on what is most important.

Yeah man, love that. That's a powerful saying as well. Switching gears to get a little bit more strategical then what, what are the biggest things I guess in business that you. That has allowed you to have that freedom? Because a lot of men will be like oh yeah but you know I'm doing 14, 16. Is it a leadership thing? Is it a delegation thing? Is the system approaches like what have you done to make sure that you don't get naturally pulled in and, you know, sucked into the business because that happens to so many men.

Yeah, great question. And, and look, a lot of the time you said it before and, and I. I couldn't agree more is we'll tell ourselves a false narrative. So. Oh, I don't want too much rigidity, you know, but that's just them. That's just them being fearful of actual the structure itself. Because once you're accountable to the structure, then. Then you're accountable to it. Same in business. A lot of the time we'll tell ourselves bullshit narratives like, I've got to work 16 hours. I'm in a growth phase. I've got to work 16 hours a day right now because I'm the only one that can do this. I've got to jump back on because we've got all these important jobs and everything else. And I think what that really shows is an inability to lead. And so a lot of the leverage that comes in business will be a reflection of your leadership skills. Now, leadership is a huge category. We could do multiple podcasts on it. And I'm going to deliver some pretty powerful, powerful trainings for the community itself in this space. But a lot of the time, you're the way. The reason that you're so, you know, so committed to the business and you're so constrained by the business is probably because you are not very good at communicating the vision of what you want. You're probably not very good at empowering others. You're probably not very good at delegation. You're probably not very good at communication. You're probably not very good at holding people accountable. You're probably not very good at having, you know, really clear deliverables, KPIs, numbers that, you know, that people need to rise to. And so there's so many elements in that. And as a result, you just take on more and more and more yourself. And I know this because that was me. You know, it's your, you know, first business. After two years, I was on the cusp of burnout. Like, I was working 70 hours a week. I wasn't training. Relationships were damaged. You know, I remember. I'll never forget it. I went out to the. The Moonlight Cinema and we went out with friends, and as soon as the movie started, I was asleep, and I was asleep. The whole everyone's having a jolly good time. We had, you know, about a dozen friends. Everyone's having a great time, and I'm asleep for three hours because I was just utterly and completely exhausted. And that really came down to my inability to lead people and to lead a business. So therefore I did everything myself. And so yes, there's a lot in that. But right now what I see is, I see a lot of business owners hold onto things way too tight. They really, really do. It's their, they might call it perfectionism, it might be because of, you know, they really want this sense of control. It might be because they have an inability to delegate or they haven't created systems, whatever it is. But what I can say is that's all false. It doesn't have to be that way. There is another side to it. There is a life where your business grows whilst you work less. And that is going to happen when you let a lot of those, you develop a lot of those areas that I talked about and you let a lot of those things go like control and perfectionism go sort of goes hand in hand, doesn't.

It's like it's a fear of failure of themselves but then a fear of failure in others. But the, the answer is you, if you develop as a leader you can then create and find the right people to then deliver on the job that's at hand. And then also yeah, like Martell talks about, it's a good book. Buy back your time and then continually build again and again. And that's, that's something I've experienced obviously been in business over a decade but I feel like many of those first years was, was not really, not really ideal. I was like just the owner, operator, all the common stuff that men see. You're on the tools too much and, and blah blah, blah. But, but yeah, it is a huge thing, isn't it man? So much so that John, John c. Maxwell's got 90 books on leadership. Can you believe?

Yeah, he's irrefutable laws, he's one of the all time greats. But yeah, there is so much there and I, I think leadership you don't just all of a sudden develop some skills and become a great leader. It is this continual quest. It's this ever. Yeah, it's this lifelong commitment to constantly improving and getting better. And I know for me as a leader there's so many elements that I need to improve me and I just last night I was working on a brand new leadership audit for my clients to put themselves through and give themselves a leadership score. And I'm like, all right, I can improve in that area, I can improve in that area. So it's a constant journey but the bit, the more you do so the More freedom you will derive and you will start to, you know, that for that 16 hour day will start to become 15, then 14. It doesn't happen overnight. It's a, it's a very, you know, it's this lifelong process, but developing all of those areas and characteristics that is your key to more time, more freedom to actually focus on those different, different buckets of life.

Yeah, agreed, man. And for a lot of men who aren't running their own businesses, well, maybe you've lacked the ability to level up your own skill sets so that you can become more valuable. So you're not just trading, you know, time for money in a sense that is not giving you the rewards that you need for your family or the opportunities, you know, it goes. This is something that, what Dan's sharing is a philosophy and practice for life. So much so that what I find a lot of men struggle with is setting that trip. Like, how do you. Setting that true north? How do you know what you're actually shooting for to hit the mark? So walk. I mean, is that, is it that like, guys don't actually have a clear vision or what. What do you find is the biggest thing we talk about? Family solvent service, Dan. But how did, how do you make sure you hit the mark, man? Like, is it, is it the goal setting process you do as well? Like that was awesome, that stuff around business. But I guess all the pieces of the puzzle hit. What's your process like, you know, and the why behind it?

Yeah, look, you gotta be really. You know, Stephen Kobe's book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is one of my favorite books of all time. It' book that I've read more than any other book. And he always says, begin with the end in mind. And so we need to really be clear on what the end destination is. And that that's for all elements. And that can. That has to evolve. It should evolve because where we evolve. But what is the. Where are we moving towards when it comes to business? Where are we moving towards when it comes to our health? Where. Where are we moving towards when it comes to our family? And, and having some like a clear vision of who you want to be and vision can be longer term. And then you want to reverse engineer that and go, you know, let's use a real simple one. I ran my first ever marathon this year, right? I didn't all of a sudden wake up and go, all right, I'm going to run the marathon. I went, all right, here's the goal. Well, the vision is, is I'm going to run Gold Coast Marathon. It's going to be in sub 3 hours 30. And then I reverse engineered that and went, well, what are all the micro goals that I need to hit on the path to that bigger goal? And so I was very clear about what the end destination looked like. My path in terms of getting there was very, very clear. And I had all these micro markers to know whether I was on track or not. And so I don't believe that's any different in business either. In business, you've got the goal, whatever it might be, it might be the $5 million revenue. And then you reverse engineer that and you have your markers to ensure that you're on track in terms of accomplishing and achieving that. One of the big areas I can say that people struggle in, particularly in business, more than maybe some of the other areas, is they lack the focus, they lack the discipline of sticking to that, that. That singularity of path. And so they will chase the shiny object. The idea theory will get in the way, and so they'll end up not actually getting closer to the vision that they identified. So we need to be really clear on that. And I truly believe it extends to the other areas. So yesterday I had a family meeting with my partner. We sit there on Sunday and we go, all right, here's our areas, here's our finances, here's our goals. Are we on track? This is the vision we set. These are the micro goals we set. Are we moving towards it? Are we on track? Are we off track? If we're off track, what do we need to do differently? Right? These are our holiday goals. Holidays and time away is really important to us. Hey, what have we got in the calendar? Where are we going away? When are we going away? How's our budgeting for it? Are we on track? Are we off track? Here's our health goals. We need to support each other in that. This morning I went to the gym. Guess what? Tomorrow morning I'm taking the girls to school. She's going to the gym. And we alternate day to day. So again, here's the goals. This is what we want to accomplish and then reverse engineer it. And so I'm really big in that. I'm a very logical person. Just like, here's the outcome, I'll go and reverse engineer that outcome and then make sure that the things that I'm doing today show up next week, show up next month, show up next quarter, shop next year, show up the next three years and produce the outcome.

Love it, man. It's phenomenal. A lot of guys listening. It seems like slow work, but it's not really is. It's just getting clarity on your priorities and what matters most. Correct. It's so important. I mean, look at your screen time or in the settings in your phone. It's like, oh, wow, I didn't realize I'm spending 23 hours a week on social media or other things.

Things is like, man, it's, there's time there. Yeah. And you know, like I could talk for that on for days, but I had to actually end up putting an app on my phone called One Sec because what I was doing is I was unconsciously opening up social media apps and it was catching me in the moment and it was actually stopping me. And when I looked at my screen phone usage, it was like, well, there's over an hour a day right there. Don't say you don't have time to call that mate or go for that run or spend some quality, read a book to your kids or you know, have a great conversation with your partner when you're spending well over an hour a day on social media in a doom scroll. Right. So the time is there, but we gotta be clear on what our priorities are, what our vision is, and then make sure that the daily habits reflect and are aligned with that vision. A lot of people tell me they want to grow their business and I go, well, show me a calendar. Doesn't. It's not there. There. They say, oh, I want to be healthier, show me your calendar. It's not there.

Yes. Calendars don't lie, do they mate? It's, yeah, it's, it's, it's the words that, that men struggle to either keep, uphold or even, or even own in their situation, which is why they end up in the same cycle and. Right. Tough, tough. It's, it's. Do you think a lot of men struggle with this mate because they are alone, isolated, the lone wolf stuff? Like what do you, what do you think's one the, of, of the biggest influence as well? Is it because they get stuck in their own head, their own stories, they don't have good people around them to hold them accountable? What do you think? I guess in the modern world, what are you seeing, man? Not just with the family nucleus, we'll touch on that. But these men, ever fast, ever changing technology, all the demands, all the hats, is it because they're alone and they don't have. What do you think they, what do you think is the big problem that they need to sort of address that is keeping them where they are.

Yeah, it's. Oh, look, there's so much to it. There isn't any one thing. But I'll share a couple. Number one is I find that a lot of men are not actually doing enough of the deep work on themselves. And look, that's a very broad, sweeping statement. But, you know, a lot of the time we will shy away from actually introspectively looking at why we behave, what we, why we do what we do, the beliefs that we have formed, how were they cultivated from our childhood, our church, our upbringing, you know, what kind of scars and trauma do we have? And a lot of that is showing up as adults right in what we do and how we do it. And so for me, it's just been getting to know myself a lot better. Like I can really speak about myself is really like understanding. You know, I'll give an example. Like, my relationship with money was very bad for years, and I really had to examine that. It's like, why do I have this poor relationship with money? Why do I have this scarcity attached to it? And it was because I grew up in a very, very working class family and my parents used to say things a lot like, money doesn't grow on trees. And then I grew up in church. And there was a lot of false, false, you know, there's a lot of false teaching about money there. Like, money is the root of all evil when it's taken out of context and all and things like that. And so that started to show up in my life. It started to show up in my business. It shows, started to show up how I treated money. So I needed to actually do the deep work on myself. Understand that, Understand that those beliefs serve me at that time, but they no longer serve me now. And I feel like there's a lot of men that are not doing that at. So they're not actually looking at their beliefs, how they were formed, some of the scars, some of the trauma, some of the ordeals that they went through. And a lot of that is going to keep rearing its head. So that would be one side, I know there's a lot there. And then the second side is I'm finding that. And I experienced this and I've had to really consciously, again, plan and structure it is. A lot of men are socially isolated. Like a lot of them are suffering alone. And for me, you know, yes, I was focusing on my, my health, my family, my business. But what I was sacrificing was hanging out with other men and I was working from home, home office. I wasn't going into an office and I wasn't seeing men. I was doing a lot of solo sport, going to the gym or running marathons. So I wasn't hanging out at the gym with men. And then when I had time on weekends, I was spending it with the kids and partner. And so I just didn't have that peer to peer social relationship. And I see a lot of people missing that. The more and more people I speak to, particularly a lot of business owners, they're just, you know, they might hang out with, you know, a couple of their colleagues, but it's not the same. And so I think that's what's really been powerful about the community that I have is we actually end up having this. You know, they end up being great mates and they end up of actually having that social influence that they've been starved of for many years. But a lot of people don't have that. And I know that was definitely true for me. I was just spending way too much time on myself, not with other men and not having those conversations and not sharing. So look, I think it's twofold. I think they're the two. My big two observations because that's what I've been through myself. A, not doing enough deep work on myself and, and B, not spending enough time with men on a social other man.

Even the, the saying you had there, what served you at the time is no longer serving you. There's nothing wrong with us as men doing some reflection on, hey, you know what, let's remove the egoic self. I thought that was the right thing at the time. Upon reflection, maybe it was at the right time, but it served me today and giving me the valuable lesson that I need to move my life forward. See, how can I adjust this rudder and then head in the right direction? Whereas a lot of us just hold on to those old stories and, and, and don't value. Which I think is the, I don't want to say fix. It's not like you're broken, but absolutely the path to not only redemption in your life, but evolution, personal development. Think about those two points, just highlighted them in and personal development doesn't mean isolated development. It's like how am I working on myself and doing it in an environment that is conducive to the life that I want to live? You know, it's hpf, man. Like that this HPF could be for every father, but the reality is it isn't. And it's not because of the vehicle that we Are as opposed to the man who's not ready to open the eyes to see the levels that he can play at. It's the self sabotage. It's a common chronic thing. But yeah, very insightful man. Very powerful stuff. I'm very aware of time. I'm sure this is the first of many podcasts we're going to have, but I guess one thing I was curious on is like, where do you see, like the world today? That. The importance of the father and the family nucleus, like, you know, and his role as a leader of. I'd love to get, I guess, a bit more of a philosophic view on zooming out, you know, the role of fatherhood today and how important it is for a society that's ever changing in, in technology and getting fed all different views, that can be quite detrimental.

Oh, look, it's, it's, it's absolutely vital that, you know, you as a. We have to, we have to uphold that role as the, as the figurehead of the family. You know, a lot of the time my family will look to me for strength and I need to, and I need to, I need to be that strong leader because that's what they, that's what they need. That's what they depend upon. I need to make sure that, you know, for me, that I'm showing up as my best self for my family. That's, that's really important for me that I'm, I'm. I said it at the beginning and I'll say it again now, that I'm a role model that they would be proud of, that I am. I'm a leader, that I am taking them to a, you know, as a family, we have goals, we have a vision, we have values. And that I am a walking, talking epitome of all of those things. And I think that's very, very important. I think not enough people look at. And I didn't for years either. I really didn't. I didn't look at who did I want to be as a father. And I think that's one of the key questions I'd ask all the men out there is like, who do. How do you want to show up? Like, what kind of, what kind of father, what kind of partner do you want to be? And how do you want to show up every single day and make sure that you're consistent with that, don't undermine it. It don't be, you know, like, when we're in. We are imperfect. That's okay. But you got to get this right more times than not. And yeah, that, that, that's. That for me is, is very, very important in my life. It's a question I ask myself every single day is how are you showing up and making sure that the actions I have are absolutely aligned with the, the person that I want to be?

It's amazing, man. Like I said, first of many, many podcast episodes, no doubt. I've gotten some huge. I'd love to get, I guess, final, final thoughts or advice for men listening. What's one key thing that could focus on for me, like, mate, wherever you are, be 100% there. Love that. Am I modeling behaviors all my kids to adopt? Structure equals freedom. The value of recognizing procrastination, even if you're moving, doesn't mean that you're. You're moving in the right direction, mate.

There's.

I've got some great notes. Probably make my own little Al's Insights podcast, but I'd love to. Yeah, it's been awesome. And, but this I love, man. Even you men listening to this, like, you're not, you're not part of the majority that just don't want to do anything with their life, otherwise you wouldn't be here. So it's stuff, man. Like being in this environment, people don't realize, like the compounding returns of these conversations, this frequency to operate, this wavelength operator. It's very powerful. But I guess wrapping up, man, any final thoughts or one piece of advice for men out there juggling family, self and service and trying to pull it all together or struggling or isolated, what would be the takeaway that you'd give them to start working on themselves with?

Yeah, I mean, one of the things that I said to you even before we started is I don't want to, we don't want to be here, you know, preaching from the top or the, you know, the sage on the stage or anything like that. You and I both make mistakes all the time. These were constant works in progress. But, you know, and we also don't want to create this picture that you've got to have absolutely everything perfect, because all that's going to do is create overwhelm. So my encouragement to people out there is like, you know, how can you just do maybe one little thing better? Like, is it a little bit more structure? Is it a little bit more intention? Is it a little bit more discipline? Is it a little bit more presence? And just, just focus on that one little thing and then that's going to compound into a second thing and then a third thing and then a fourth Thing. And so rather than have this perfect vision that you feel like you've got to work towards, that's going to paralyze you, that's going to overwhelm you, that's going to create anxiety. Just go, what is, how can I, how can I show up 1% better tomorrow? You know how, based on what Alex has shared over, you know, the last six years and the countless trainings and information, what can I take? What's one thing I can take from that? Maybe it's empathetic listening, maybe it's planning. Whatever it is, how can I show up and do employ that and then the next thing. So rather than focus on perfection, just focus on improvement.

Yeah, I love it, man. It could be a 20 minute walk. It could be just putting you leaving your phone in the car for the first hour when you get home. I mean, maybe you're too addicted to leave it there the whole night, but these, these little things like Kendo said, you can absolutely convert into a granular, logical tactic that you can apply that as men, you know, we operate and enjoy that. You then feel successful and you get that feedback loop and you can build off it. Mate's been awesome, man. Love, love having you on. I wish I blocked out two hours for this, but that's okay. We'll do more.

Absolutely, mate. First, Danny, and thank you, thank you to the listeners and thank you for the opportunity. I really appreciate it.

Can't wait to see you get to work with us on the inside, man. It's going to be phenomenal. But no thanks, Hendo. Hope you boys got some valuable nuggets. I absolutely implore you to listen to this again for sure. Pen and paper. I've got your phone out and make notes, but there's some pretty powerful stuff that I've written down that Hendo's shared today and it's really valuable. But thanks again, Dan. Really appreciate it, mate.

Thank you, mate.

Well, that wraps up another episode and just as we wind this down, I want you to just reflect and think back through some of the golden nuggets, some of the revelations of the sore points, some of the things that might have hit home with you. And then just look at ways that you can apply a different set of actions to change your position, change your circumstances, change your feelings and change the facts. These episodes are done with your best interest at heart and there's always something we can get from that. Maybe it's not the first time, maybe it's the second time. We've had members listen to episodes four or five times and then it finally clicks. But either way, I hope you got a lot of value out of the this. And also, if this is something that you really want to solidify inside of your life, repetition is the key. You've listened to it. Write down your revelations, think about them, read them, speak them, believe in the changes that you will carve out in the action plan of those revelations to create change in your life, and then share that. And when you teach, you learn the second time, right? So teaching and showing this to others you love and care about is the greatest way that you can remember and make sure sure you consistently learn and relearn what is it's true and what is it is important to you in your heart. Take care. Have an amazing day night, weekday weekend and I'll see you for another one soon. Cheers.