268. Part 2: "The Day I Chose Not to Give Up on Me"

Welcome to another episode.

But just before we start, if you're

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here, not just for the fathers, but

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So here we are. Round two, Part two. Round two. Like a fucking boxing match. I'll tell you what, we're wearing the same colors though, aren't we? So that's all right. I don't mind. I don't mind getting in the, in the ring with Naz. It'd be like tag teams, right? Like the old WWF days, Fellas, part two. Naz capped off in part one a beautiful piece discussing, hey, you know what, like we all have self doubt, but I promise you this much when you take that step, because Naz was in the shoes of all of the men who have taken the step, thinking about taking the step, listening to this podcast and haven't yet considered taking the step. So I love that it comes from that place. And it's not that I'm disingenuous, but you know, oh, hey Al, you're the founder, you're the owner. Of course you need to say, it's like no man, like I live for these people. The name Alex Ranieri doesn't means very little to Me, it's the energy I can be for the mission which supersedes any man. And because of that, I'm pretty fucking relentless as. As an organism to pursue this mission because it means more to me than I do to myself. The weight of the world will lift off your shoulders. And then you also said, if you're willing to put in the work and. And. And go get it. So let's talk about that, man. Weight of the world off your shoulders. Go and get it. I want to get a little bit more granular here with you and your story, Naz. Walk me through your relationship with Elena. You know, the beautiful little girl. She's not even one yet. A miracle gift. Incredible. Walk me through that, man. Give us. Give us some. Like, what's it like you're holding her in, in your arms? She's probably. Where would she be walking? Almost probably. Not yet. Maybe. Maybe trying. She's anything like you, mate. She's gonna do it. Just get out. She won't stop. Well, none of them do. Isn't it unchildren inspiring? They fall over so many times, yet they still learn to walk. Isn't it crazy? But another day, maybe we could do lessons from our kids or something. Could be Nell's insight. But let's go through a few real, real granular pieces with you, bro. Walk me through that. Your relationship with your little girl that otherwise you didn't even know was possibly going to exist only a couple of years ago. Walk me through it. What's it like, that relationship with her?

First and foremost, guys, I want to give an apology and excuse myself because this is going to get teary. I wasn't expecting you to pull this fire, so earlier. It's. It's nothing short of absolutely phenomenal, man.

Hold

Elena in my arms for the first time out is nothing short of extraordinary. Purely off the back of

where I

was two and a half years prior to that. I didn't know where the. I didn't even know whether I was. I was going to have a wife. I didn't know whether I was even going to have a life moving forward. But then to go all in on myself and create a version of me that was worthy to raise another child, Man, you've got no idea the sense of pride that I have. She's an absolute light form that anywhere she goes, it's so rewarding. Anybody that meets my little baby, Elena will turn around and say she is the most happiest and amazing baby I've ever met. And I know I played a part in that. It's truly. I have no. It's so hard to put it into words, how much pride I have and the relationship that I have, not only with Elena, but with all my daughters, man, I am. I am the man that I want them to only have a base standard as a model to who I want them to model their future relationships around. The reason why I say I'm the base standard, because job's not done with me yet, man. I want to keep going and growing and Alec's favorite. Going and growing, going and growing every day. And I want to emphasize that in Elena, that the world is her oyster and the possibilities are endless. And she is born with greatness, as all children are. And I'm not going to stop. Not going to stop, man. To instill and give her the confidence to find that greatness and purpose in her life. Yeah. Excuse me. That was tough.

I was beautiful, man. Nothing to excuse there. And not tears of sadness, as you said. It's so cool, man. I can't wait. I'm starting to get on my algorithms. Not that I'm on Instagram a lot, but little, little babies, they've got, like, fruit pictures, and then their eyes are coming out and they're trying to say the fruit that they are on the screen. Yeah, banana and apple. And it's like, oh, man, I think I'm gonna lose it with number four. Like, it's just such a precious gift, but, you know, it really is. I can't. Can't wait for that moment. Has she said Daddy yet?

She's. Well, this is. This is a very, very hot topic at the moment, man.

Mom or dad first?

Well, Rose tends to think that it's just an easier process to say, da, da, da, da, da. And obviously, culturally, my eldest two daughters call me Papa. So there's a distinctive kind of push and pull here. She's like. Well, technically, she's not really saying your name until she says Papa. So secretly, every single time, I try and really slow the process down, get her to focus truly on my lip movement and have everything really, really quiet. And it's like Elena just constantly, just drilling away.

Oh, man, Rose. Rose is all over a base. She's clever. It's so funny. You know what, man? Like kids, I. Lillian is crazy.

Crazy with her memory, man.

Probably a bit. Got a bit of meaner. I don't know, but it's a bit. Because I've got a very weird memory and how I can draw things together. But there was a moment I can't remember quite when speaking of memory, I can't remember when, but it wasn't that long ago where it wasn't unfair, but something was happening. It might have been a birthday or something was happening and. And I guess Roman and Stella were either elevated or had something different or maybe it was their day for special time, who knows? Lillian looks me square in the eyes and said, but Daddy. I was the only baby who said daddy first. When we were younger, I said, what the.

How can you.

How can you just five at a time. I was like, how can you pull that together to contextually know that that's going to be leveraged to try and hit the heartstring and compare that to your brother and sister who said mum first. I laugh, man. I was like. And I could look in her eyes and she started to smirk. I was like, oh, man, you've already got it all figured out.

She knows.

All figured out. Sent a picture of Elena and christening. So, so beautiful, mate. What a gift. What a gift in life. And that's really what it is, Naz. And that's the whole going and growing. I love that. It's not just keep going. It's not just survive, it's keep going. And plus, you know, like plus one. Sweet. I remember seeing that young because I used to love playing a bit of B ball. And heaps of my. Heaps of my fellow mates shout out to the Philos. I think they all love basketball, mate. They all had this brand called. No, it was and one and one. Sorry, not plus one. And one was like, you know, they get another free. Free shot. I was like, oh, yeah, what about. What about that as a metaphor for, you know, I love the grateful but unsatisfied. But also unsatisfied.

It's.

It's a word I'm cautious of. But yeah, that's going and growing. Where's the plus one? Where can I get that? And one and one and one. Incredible, man. How about your. Your other two? Like, how's. How's life with them now as. As 3.0? I mean, you're working through the ranks now, man, but chop's not done. But yeah, how's. How's your relationship with the other two?

It's amazing to see the difference in intent. When you purposefully slow time down and connect with them the right way, they find a sense of peace, which is quite rare for a nine and a seven year old when they are discussing a topic with anybody, let alone their parents. That I'm the. I'm the diffuser. Whereas I used to be the igniter many, many moons ago. And it's to see that they instill that trust in the relationship I have with them is something truly remarkable. From where again, going back to the hot topic from where I was, because I was never that, that pivot point. And I to a degree was naive and I was just like, oh, that's, that's role of a mother. It's not a role of a father until you actually start to dig a bit deeper and understand that how important it is to have a stronger relationship with a daughter as a father. So then they can understand the structure that's required and needed to build that resilience as, as an ever growing young woman into womanhood. They're always going to have that nurturing process with their mother. It's like it's, it's inevitable, right? But where, where the, where the real fruits of a parenting's labor is, is the father having input in that relationship to guide them the right way, right? That's the leadership that's required for them to uphold values, morals that you want to instill in them. How can you do that from fucking arm's length and then expect a better outcome later on in life? It's not going to happen, man. So you know, that, that for me is of real importance and you know, to see Elora, which is my middle child, a little bit like, like you're Lillian. Just nuts, man. Just full noise, like just lights up, lights up the world and leaves a trail of destruction in behind. But she comes from a loving place, right? There's nothing more rewarding than her turning around and going, papa, what's going on with you? What's wrong with Laura? Talk to me, baby. What's happening? I haven't seen you train in a while. Questioning me, right? She knows how much the emphasis is around, right? You want to get to where you want to be at. Comes with work, one rep, one set at a time. Whether that's in reading, whether that's in mathematics, or whether that's growing muscles you need to keep pushing. She goes, well, you want to be big and strong and you want to be a high performance father. How come you're not training? And I have to justify it to her, man, because she knows the importance of it, you know, And I love that, I love that we have a relationship where there is accountability on all fronts because that's where true honesty is, right?

You better can't, man. 100%. You better borrow a whistle and a stopwatch, man, for Christmas. Yeah, little coach hat yeah. That's gold. That's so good. That's so good, man. You know, it's. It's. I've said this before in other podcasts, you know, you. We'd all die for our family. We'd die for our children, but would you live for them? But I want to expand that on one more. Like, of course we die for our kids. And, yes, I. I want to live for my children as well. But here's the next piece, you know, Would you die for your kids? Yes. Would you live for them? Would you grow for them? That's so important. Would you actually grow for your children? You die for your kids, you'd live for your kids, but would you grow for them? Would you become better for them? Straight away, the war comes up. I am fucking good. Come on, man. I'm fucking working hard. I'm giving. You know, I love my. I'm not discrediting that. Like, how do you measure growth? Like, it's not a linear fashion across one thing. It's like a stereo mixer, man. If you've got a lot of little. Little. What do they call them? Nodes? Not sure. The little things to push up and hopefully don't let them come down. So that's a powerful thing. When we look at the dynamics of parenthood, I agree with you, man. I truly believe the mother is the beating heart, and we should not try to take that away. But if they are the beating heart, I know there's more than two things that involve a human being as an analogy, but if they're the beating heart, man, you need to be the fucking spine. You are the pillar of strength that can drive structure for everything else to unfold and become a beautiful life in itself for those we love and care about. We cannot discredit that. That's so valuable and that input matters. Rose, walk me through. How are things with Rose, man? It's quite a big cause. Your girls have been. They're old enough to have seen the change, obviously, the beautiful little miracle number three. But Rose, obviously has been with you the longest, clearly.

Yeah, she's my. She is my pillar of strength. And she's also my biggest. My biggest advocate. And she's also my biggest critic. Rightfully so. There's always testing times, like, I'm not here to paint a picture that we're some Instagramable marriage and relationship. Right? Because I'd be bullshitting. I'd be lying. Right? But that's the beauty in love and a marriage and a relationship, whether de facto, whatever. Like, whatever your relationship is with the opposite sex. From where it was to where it is now, man. It's water and blood. It's total opposites, polar opposites. There's such a formidable strength within the support and structure we have for one another that we've learned over time

to

pursue because it knows we know it brings the best out of each other. Is in the past. It used to be conflicting conversation. Now it's constructive conversation, right? We don't look, we never look at it. Glass half empty. We always push to make a glass half full, right? And there is non negotiables within our relationship that we make sure that we obtain. And whether or not that it rustles the feathers from one another, we know now it comes from a good place in our hearts. And that's something that's truly special because, you know, it can be disappointing to hear I'm not happy, but why do you is it not nice to hear I'm not happy from your spouse? Because you know it's fucking coming from a bad place because you're actually not stepping up to the mark. But now that I'm obtaining and I'm hitting my marks, I'm standing on my own two feet doing what's necessary, sometimes not what's right. There's a difference between right and necessary. Right? When Rose says to me constructively, I feel as though this could be done better or I feel like you should have communicated to this to me better, I take it on board as constructive because I actually know that I'm stepping up to the plate. I'm doing what's necessary, I'm driving. And the love and respect and appreciation for each other is absolute. And when. When you have that. That formidable bond, when things do get shaky, right, Our foundations are strong and we still survive. And that's something that's so truly important. And it's happened slowly but surely. Slowly but surely. 1% every day. Keep working, keep grinding, keep working, keep grinding. And little by little, just like at the beginning, soon become a lot. We made transitional decisions and choices to make sure that the inevitable is an absolute. And we that love the peace, the hump, the harmony within our household is. Is amazing. He's absolutely amazing. Al. She's the love of my life, man. I'm grateful for her. She had every right. She had every right to hold me to. She had every right to hold me accountable at the time. But I'm so, like, I'm so grateful for her not. Not giving up on me. So grateful, so grateful for her pushing, pushing me to be Better and owning my shit because it's brought me to who I am today.

And she's grateful to you for doing the work, mate, and creating change. Yeah, well, you're not changing your choosing, right? Nothing changes. Nothing changes. Well, no, it does change. It always changes for the worse. If you're not engineering change well, then you're on the receiving end of it. Good luck with that. You know, you talk about conflict and, yeah, healthy conflicts, constructive. Like, I think that, that, that's really needed. It's necessary. It comes from whether it's business, friends, your children, your wife. When you have a bedrock of trust, that then opens up the opportunity to have good, healthy conflict, which then drives commitment and alignment. It's actually a must, it's a given. So when I look at that, like Corinne and I, we have healthy conflict. There are three things that I wrote here as you're talking. Trust, purpose, and building together. You know, when you have trust and when you have purpose. So where are we going and what do we, you know, what drives us? And you're building that together. You can have constructive conversations or healthy conflict and points where you're two individuals living your life and then you have to realign. You choose to realign. You do realign and you keep moving forward. Said that the other day to Corinne, having a chat in the car, and we're just talking about value, and she made. She's obviously getting bigger and more pregnant, blah, blah. And there's some sort of what they speak about. She was in class with the kids and they said something about different careers and when they grow up and they're like, oh, Mrs. Ranieri, you know, when, when you've finished doing school, you're going to become a supermodel. That's so funny. It's like, oh, yeah, that's right. It's my next career path. And we laughed and Corinne said, you know, would you. What'd she say? She said, would you be with me if I was a young supermodel? And I said, well, it depends what sort of value you bring. I said, yeah, you know, like, yeah, yeah, maybe it is, maybe it isn't more enjoyable in the bedroom. Who fucking knows? But that, that's. How's that. How's that a point of value? You know, I said. And I said to her, I said, you could be a supermodel right now, but if you drop the ball on our children and raising them, the things that are part of my life, my blood, and didn't operate as a cohesive team together, aligned on what we're building there. I said, I don't give a. You wear what you look like. That's mate. And likewise for a man. It's like, where is value stored in the eye of the beholder? If you don't have transparency and trust and that's a real powerful one liner. I'll save that for an hour's insight and expand on it. That when, when you have a level of trust and healthy conflict, you can make sure that you're aligned, you've got the same purpose in your own individuality and then you're building together. I said that's the most valuable thing, building, building your life together. And that's what makes it tough too. In marriages that break down because the man's had enough or the woman's had enough, but typically the man, as logical as we are, we just keep doing what's required and we stay in a grind at a certain rhythm and then things just eventually deteriorate and then the woman more often than not initiates and that she's had enough and everything falls apart and it's too late to try and recapture. We've invested in so much. Yes, you have. You've got houses or investments, children, history and all sort of stuff. Yeah, you've got that, but that's all past tense. Now that you're trying to hold on to, what has she got to look forward to in the future? And that's what she's hedging her bets on. Based off the historical data of what your relationship's been like last day, week, month, year, decade.

So true, man, so true. That's because support, support and alignment go hand in hand, right? If I'm not sticking to my non negotiables, my routines, my habits that I obtain and she starts to see, I get a little bit antsy or I get a little bit short or I feel like. Or I'm looking like I'm a little bit under the pump, under stress or a bit more exhausted. She pulls me up. Naz, how come you haven't. I haven't seen you gone through your walk. How come you're not getting up at 4:30, you're getting up at 5:00am how come you're missing on little certain things? Because these are non negotiables for you, which mean they're non negotiables for me, right? So I want you to get up and go get it. I want you to push yourself because when you do that, I've seen the runs on the board that you start getting and I've seen the man you're becoming, and I'm attracted to it and I want that. So alignment and support, right? So she's keeping me aligned and she's also supporting me at the same time. And then that gives me the energy, the love, the appreciation for me to stick to forward and stick to what I know best, what works for me. Right? Simplify it. Don't overcomplicate it. Right? And that's where I know I'm being loved and appreciated when she's giving me that feedback. No, no, no. I want you to invest in yourself. I want you to keep fighting. Because when you do that, it brings the best out of you. And guess who reaps the rewards? I do. The girls do. Your business does. HBF does. So don't. Don't lie. Get up, get going.

Smart woman. Some of you might be listening. Going. Oh, well, fuck, man, that's nice. That's. That's good for you, Naz. My wife doesn't do that. Well, you haven't fucking sold her on it, mate.

The runs on the board.

Like, I need you to understand, like this, this podcast, me wearing. Well, actually, this is a HPF jacket, but you know, the emblem that we designed, the. The fucking watch that Naz has on, the ring that I chose for my marriage. Like boys, everything in life is an exchange of value, which comes down to sales, negotiation. Through that exchange of value, selling and buying, Selling and buying. Your children. Look at your children, man. They negotiate with you every day. They try to sell you every day. On buying into their view, their belie systems, their model of the world, their entitlements. So. So the reason why your wife isn't like that. And I mean, that's not a bad idea. I could do a course on that. But I mean, the Red Hot marriage playbook already covers this shit. It's not about tactics and trying to pick up fucking chicks at the club. It's you becoming the prize for your family, such that by doing that, your peripheral value trumps anything else that women may initially see as a hidden agenda. And you just extending those olive branches to provide love and romance and be nice or be a great husband. So it's. It's. The reason why your wife may not be inclined that way is because you haven't marketed to her through your track record, runs on the board or history. Like, I gotta say, like, it's not. It's not a business angle. It's the truth. Every single year, it gets easier for men to join hpf. Why is that? Well, just Keep looking at the fucking track record and the runs on the board. Like, it's just, fellas, this is the life you build. You know, I'm 40 in a couple of weeks. Like, man, wait till I'm 50. Like, imagine that for a track record. Okay. HPF's been running for 20 years. Like, imagine HPF's been going for 35 years now. Like, you know, a st established. Imagine when it's like the year 2050 and it's got established 2018 with a. With a full stop. A big fucking full stop on the

bottom of that emblem, just underneath that emblem.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. Like, so. So you got it. Like, that's. And I know it's hard because you got turmoil and emotional breakdowns and uncertainty and. But that's what we're here for, right? Like, we're here to be that conviction and certainty and courage for men who need to get back up on their own two feet, albeit high performers in any aspect of life. That's really important to understand boys. Like, it's because you're not providing a track record that peripherally. Not. Not you trying to speak clever words. Which is why I'm conscious of creating, like, a tactical course on how to win your wife back. So. No, no, through. Through you showing your track record and then communicating the value that you hold through your actions. That's how you'll change. Where she's like, oh, wow, When Naz wins, everyone wins. When he's a hundred, I get the hundred of him. Like, it's smart woman, but.

But that.

And I'm not saying she's done without. What I'm saying is it goes hand in hand with alignment and being a team and building together because she's seeing the fruits, but Naz is growing and providing the fruit. It goes both ways. Yeah, it's. Yeah. So food for thought, man. Like, okay, I get it. Like you. Why. But why? Like, there was. There's a guy who was really hesitant to come on board, and I don't think he did. What was it? There might have been issues with the Mrs. Oh, that's right. I think bit hard. Bit, bit much because the wife isn't really supportive of it. Well, maybe that's the final test where she's, Ah, here's another thing. I've just said one sentence and he's not even pulling the trigger on this now.

Like, so many believability like that. There's so many guys like that. Yes. How many. How many guy. How many of you guys out there that are listening right now that they've heard. I'm sick of. Tired of hearing I'm going to do it or I'm going to change or I'm going to be that man you deserve, or I'm going to get this done or I'm going to financially give us freedom. I'm going to be tired of it. They're so tired of it.

And I get it too, guys. It's hard because, like, well, hang on a minute. She wants me to do something, then I tell her I'm going to do something. She says no. It's like, yeah, but these are women you're dealing with, right? So she sees you paying money as a waste because he won't do it anyway. That that's the reason. Not because she doesn't want you to win. She's just calculating based off the track record you've already set. It's like, I'm sick and tired of him saying he'll do. He doesn't follow through. So why would you spend money on something I know you won't follow through on? I don't want you to join hpf. What a waste of time and money. As opposed to going, no, I am going to do it whether you're angry or not. Let me show you. And then you show her. And. But that, that is, that is like if you want to have a wife that can see through the lens that that Rose does, you know, it's. And credit to her as well. Obviously. I'm not saying this is all Naz as being a team, but it's. Well, Naz, guess. Guess what he did. He. He did some things. Those things are called actions. And he did them a lot. Would you believe it? And he fell down. But guess what? He got back up pretty quickly. He didn't fall down and stay down for a month, a year, five years, and hit the drink and hit sedation. Distraction. He got back up in less than a day and he had tough moments and it took three days and. But guess what? Naz got up again. And you know what? He did some things. And I love this. This is on my desktop. The best minute I spend is the one I invest in people. I fucking love that. It's my favorite man. But the other one below it is. What's the kindergarten answer? So again, I'm not saying that the list is here are ignorant. What I'm saying is, fellas, let's just break it down really simple. There's a man. Whether he said things or not, he did some things. Those things were good. So he did the right things. He did those right things a lot of times. And through doing that, his energy, his aura, his approach, his track record, the subconscious seeds that he planted inside of his wife's mind and heart changed and rebuilt and re engineered a different way to see this man. So she's got a different set of glasses on. And he kept doing that despite her challenging him, testing him. Are you just version 1.0? Are you just the same bloke? And all the bullshit, all the games, all the things that she tried, isn't that crazy? Someone loves you is going to test you. Of course they will, because she wants certainty. Is this real? Is this just a honeymoon period? I'm going to test this guy and try and trigger him and break him down. But guess what? This guy kept doing what he said he was going to do and following through. And this guy eventually became someone that this woman accepted as. This is now the new standard. And guess what? Things got better. So I'll leave that there because again, I don't want, I don't want you guys to shoot off because imagine doing a fucking podcast like that all the time. But honestly, boys, it's true. So simple, so true.

Rose had her skeptical moments throughout the, throughout the start. Like it was, she was like, oh, yeah, I see that you're doing this and I see you doing that and I see you making more time for the kids, but how long is it going to last? I got back up and went again. Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you've done it for a month, you've done it for three months, you've done it for a year now, but truth be told, you've done a lot of things for a year. And then, you know, life got in the road and you fell and chose not to get back up. 18 months is gone. Oh, he's getting running, he's still, still going. So slowly built up. Right? You know, it's, it's so important that you understand within a relationship, this is something that I, like, I was oblivious to. Just because you're married doesn't mean it's your partner for life, right? Unfortunately, that's, that's the world we live in today. Like anything in this world, if you don't work on it, it's gonna die. Think of it as a life form, planting a seed the minute you say, I do and then don't water it, leave it in the shade, in the dark, in the cold dungeon. What are you expecting to fucking get out of that? It's gonna die just like your relationship would. But then all of a sudden, watering it at the right times, giving it quality energy, putting it in sunlight, allowing life's energy to let it sprout, increase its capacity, grow to a formidable oak tree like we've brought up in the past. Then before you know it, it's something to take pride in, that you both got pride in. But it comes with working on it.

The reality is, man. Yeah, completely agree. The real reality is like when you have an insatiable hunger to keep going and growing and growth in this life, you develop an unshakable level of certainty. Now I could live a different lifestyle for one or two, but I live very modest, humble lifestyle with my family and I keep them grounded. When you make something greater than, you become less than. So I'm very conscious on how I teach my children about money and, and Corinne and cautious. I mean we'll all put our head up and say our wives are the best shoppers. That's for sure. It's the bottomless pit. But the reality is like your internal drivers are going to create that attraction, connection where it's like, hey, because we had shaky times, it's like an 18 month war. We're going to counselors and hypnotherapy. I'd fucking try it at all, man. Like, it's not. It's why I created hpf. Because we were trying to rebuild our marriage and bits and pieces work. But nothing was cohesive to the family nucleus and consistent for what a man needs. And a woman, to be fair too. Because what the woman needs is what the man is. The outcome of what the man needs and can provide consistently. Right? So the counseling can hold its place. I'm not against that, but I'm saying it's like what percentage do you need to counter what has been diminishing returns for many years? So if you've been in a deficit for 5, 6, 7, 8 years, but cancer can improve you 20% with your relationship, well, fuck me man. Like be careful of that. Like you're at minus 470. Is that going to turn the tide? Maybe. Have you got 20 years? Whereas developing yourself and having that unshakable certainty because of your growth and you keep going and growing, it became a point where I said to Krin, look, I can keep fucking building. Like you don't believe me? That's sweet. Let's roll. Let's remeasure in 10 years, let's check in 20 years, let's check in 30 years. I'll keep fucking going. Don't you worry about that. But don't just listen to these words. Let me show you. But also, food for thought. Corinne, do you need to wait 10 years to enjoy the fruits, or do you want to start enjoying the journey now and just see where it lands? Take it one day at a time. So, of course, there's a skill set, fellas, on how you shift perspective and walk the timelines with your wife. But also, it's pretty clear, like, hey, it's been 18 months. We either go fucking all in or we don't. I'm happy to go 5, 10, 12, 20 years. Like, I'm all in on this. If, If. If this is something you need, cool. But why don't we start living today so we don't have to wait 20 years to enjoy the fruits? How's that? Is that gonna work out good for you? All right, fantastic. Well, let's fucking go. Do you think it stopped, right? It was a pretty good catalyst for her, but also, yeah, of course, she still tested me, but the truth always wins. The truth always wins. The truth always wins. And that's why people hate me, man. Like, the only reason someone will be skeptical or critical of me. My approach, and call it tough love. I call it love tough. Like, I'm here to. To bleed for this mission and for all men across this country. And you're a great example, Naz. And that's. That's what I love most. It's not to the haters, but it is an enjoyable thing to say, hey, look at all these people living an amazing life. I actually don't care about the. The type of life that I can live because I'm already. I'm already full. My cup is full. And I love that being okay with where things are at allows me to just push fucking so hard, man. Going without needing or wanting, but ultimately uplifting the men like you, Naz, and going, hey, you might hate me. That's cool. Because what, I'm the. I'm the fucking face of an ad now? But look at this fucking dude. Look at this fucking dude. Look at this fucking dude that. And so. So, fellas, what I'm saying is, like, you've got to create that unshakable certainty, but a lot of the times, through your actions, that will look after itself. Like, I get up on stage, over a hundred men, all that sort of stuff. Could be a hundred, could be fucking 10,000. Doesn't matter. You know, the people, you know the subject. Let's fucking go. In fact, the More the merrier. I really enjoyed that over in Perth. Awesome. But ultimately, why is that? Well, my confidence is Naz Santoro. My confidence is Luke o', Brien, Sean Hutton. Like, how do you get a man that's 123 years old still fucking turning up and performing?

It's.

Sorry, I gotta get it. I'll know when Hutto's listening to this podcast because I'll get a message and I'll be like, jerk. He calls me a jerk.

The boss.

I haven't heard that word, jerk for, like, fucking 30 years. What a legend. No, but that's. I'm telling you, man. So let your actions. Let your children. Wow, Daddy's fucking amazing. Let your 1, 2, 3, 4 kids advocate for you. Let your fucking in laws advocate for you. Let every other person see how fucking amazing you are. And the runs on the board. You've done such that by doing that if your wife's still bitter and resentful, she's the fucking common denominator. That then people step in and have that. What do they call it when people come? The intervention. Yeah, but. But you know, it doesn't get to that point, man, because you always win. You win one of three ways. One, you realign and things are great and you keep moving forward. Two, you both have clarity together. It's not the path moving forward and you move on. And it's not being arrogant in your needs and desires. It's just, look, this is the path and it isn't anymore. Or three, because of your rapid rate of growth, you find out the hidden agenda or the real agenda that she wasn't really fucking all in anyway, or hadn't been for like 10 years, 12, 15 years, and she's not willing to come to the party either way.

What.

What a shackle to release yourself from. Despite the emotional connection you've had and the history, as painful as that is, would you really want someone like that in your fucking house, in your bed every night? Who doesn't fucking believe in you, isn't investing you anyway. But then it's the hard. The hard thing that is the timeline to reveal one of those three options. Could be a month, could be 12 months, could be three years. But if I said, I'll give you a 100% guarantee and certainty that you'll have that answer. You give the time. You give 14 months. You'd give 42 months. You give 33. Of course you would.

Everyone deserves their pursuit of happiness, right? Everyone. Everyone in this world deserves their pursuit of happiness. It's whether or not. They're. No pun intended. They're going to look through rose colored glasses to find out. Right? Because that's the, that's the honest truth, man. Like honesty of its truest form will, will bring everything to the surface.

Yeah. And that, that's again, man, like it. When I, when I say the truth always wins. Like, there's times where I'm direct. It's not for a personal agenda. Like conflict is an uncomfortable thing. But I run towards that feeling because I know it's the right path. And you mentioned what's necessary versus what's right. That's important because I think if we shape that a bit better as it's what's necessary for what's a better right later. So there's times where I am the Viking. I'm not abusive of my wife, but I'm the Viking. I put the foot down. I'm like, no, that's man. I don't tolerate that. And I'm cool if you're unhappy with that. And there's these things. Don't ever go to bed upset, blah, blah. I get them and they're good. We try some of them and they don't always work. But there's other times I'm like, well, yeah, I get that. Don't go to sleep unhappy. But there's times where it's like, well, this is a position in the line that needs to be fucking drawn. And then tomorrow, with a fresh set of eyes, we can regroup and address things. Whether I apologize or she apologizes first or second together, it's irrelevant. It's doing what's necessary at the time, which might not always be right through the eyes of others to ensure a better right in the future. That's the hardest thing, I'd say, even for our powerful men who are Vikings at work and in their businesses, they shift independent too quickly because that conflict. But then you're exhausted, right? You've been dealing with that all day with your business and your place of work, but then your wife's been dealing with children and other challenges and then all of a sudden the exhaustion leads to a lack of investment and then you drift. It's be very mindful that. But when I say the truth always wins, it's from a place of love, despite how direct or candid I might be at times. Naz, walk me through, I guess, and really enjoy this. This part two, man, it's been awesome, but I'm not sure how we go with time, but I'd love a quick snapshot on has this helped you in any way with the old man? You know, you've got an old, hard headed, strong Italian father who's, you know, still the. Well, I guess you would say he's the. He's the patriarch of the business or the farm or still the head, but

yeah, yeah, of course, man.

Have things improved with him through what you've done? Are there things that. Because my father has.

It has. Look, I think, I think with the point in time of where I was at in my life, he lost a lot of trust in me and he was never ashamed or embarrassed, but he. He knew that I sold myself short and he was disappointed to a degree because he knew I had more entertainment. But I chose not to. Right again. What? You're not changing your choosing. Yeah. The old guard is setting his ways to a degree traditionally and culture wise. You know, you never questioned your father. You just followed suit. So now knowing what I know, the skill set that I've taken on board, the knowledge that I've learned and I've implemented in my life, I no longer seek his approval. And he actually admires and respects me for that because he knows I'm a man of my own two feet and that I'm doing right by me and my pathway. It's. It's the, it's so important that I take pride in that. Also, you know the quote, the family you build is more important than the family you come from. I stand true to that. Right. Because yes, I love and respect my parents, but that doesn't defy or build my family, that I'm trying to build opportunities. I am the one that takes that focus. It's not his responsibility, it's mine. Yes, he's instilling a legacy through me, through my brother, but it's my responsibility to take action and further more, show him that I've got. I've got it, I've got it now. Right. I hold the reins to this, to this race. I don't need you to run it for me. There was a lot where he thought he had to run it for me and I allowed him to. Right. Which was piss poor form. So it has, it's allowed us to agree to disagree in some regards because again, like I said, the old guard is set in his ways and I love him for it. Right. Fuck, man. He's created traditions that I want to instill in my kids for them to uphold and obtain. And, and there's also things that he's had to pivot and adapt and learn to respect the things that I want to uphold now and he won't tell me but I know he's proud of it.

Yes. The old balls as they do. Yeah. My old man's similar.

He doesn't need to man. He doesn't need to tell me. Right?

Yeah that's right. You know that they know and they know that you know. Yes. I love that that quote, man. The family you build is more important than the family you've come from. I've never heard that before but I completely agree because the baton's been handed. You know the reins are yours. Like you said. I completely agree. What mate? Curious on a couple of things. Wrapping up Best advice you've ever received thoughts on that?

This is. This is a whole nother. This is part three man.

Do we have time. 10 part series.

The best advice. Look, the list is endless and endless more like off the men that I've. I've engaged with creative relationships with in this space. I love being another small fish in a big pond because it's allowed me to be more open and receptive to growth and listen to some men that have walked harder paths than me and and allowed me to course correct and keep moving forward. The best advice that I've been given. One of the top five. Let's go. Because there's.

Yeah there's a few.

They all meet certain expectations and values from different. Different pivot points. Right.

Yeah. One of the greatest. One of the best. Yeah. I agreed.

To get something you never had, you need to do something you never did.

So

step out of the version of who you are today to get and chase your pursuit of happiness that you deserve. You're going to need to do something you've never done. What that is for you. I. Whoever's listening may be fucking totally different things but the motive stays the same. You want a better tomorrow, you got to get uncomfortable. My choice, my wins, my sacrifice was through high performance parlor.

Yes.

That's the best advice I've one of the top three top five that I've. That I've ever got. To get something you've never had, you need to do something you've never done. Go get it.

Yeah. It's powerful man. What about you giving to another best advice or one of the top or great piece of advice you've ever given. You've given someone one of the top pieces of advice you've ever given or quotes or whether it's a member non member in life.

Reach for the stars, man. Don't sell yourself. Fucking sure.

Right.

Because fear of failing and because you've tried is fast. Fucking ten times better than being a failure for not trying at all. So important that you understand the differences between the two. Reach for the stars. And if you fall short, you're still flying anyway. You're still soaring like a eagle. You still reach. You still taking life and living life of an abundance. But if you don't take a chance, don't push yourself. You're sitting in the fucking trenches, dwelling on life. That's failure.

Yeah, that's awesome. I love that quote. You said so much too, that it's in our journals, Reach for the stars. Because even if you come up short, man, you're still flying. That, that last one, though, like, that's a. I guess, guys, if you want to think of this, visually, it's so much fucking better and worth it. I promise you that. Taking from someone who's fucked up more than anyone else, that's for sure. Like, the amount of failures, that's what I love about Michael Jordan's. I miss 9,000 shots. Quite. You know. So much better. It is best to walk and to fail on the path to victory. It's so much better to fail and stumble and fall on the path to victory than it is to walk the steady path of failure. Like, think about that. That's what Naz is saying there. It's so much fucking better to be on the path to victory and fall and stumble than to have a smooth, steady walk on what is the path of failure. Imagine that. You see two big paths. There's big signs. Path of victory, path to failure. It's very smooth road, nice and easy cruising, no ups, no downs. So you'll have a. You'll have a good run. You'll have a good run towards that path of failure right down into the dip, into the fucking pit. And then you've got the other one, which is like, holy, look at. This is like a war zone. But then at the top of that, there's this big mountain that's shining. It's got this bright light. It's like, wow, what the. That. Give me that. And you look at you like, oh, I'm clearly gonna have some battle scars here. I'll tell you, man, I, 100% of the time, like, I would take that path 100 of the time, despite how hard it is in the moment. I've never even considered the other path. Never even looked at it. I love that man. Wrapping up, mate. Member SHOUT out Is there a man on the inside who's. Who's doing well? You've brought through the gates, you've seen him grow and develop. Any, any, any shout outs or any. Final, final thoughts, mate, as we wrap this up.

There's so many, but one, one, one guy that, that comes to mind. There's like a lot. Each individually, every single member that I've got them to believe that they have the ability to be more in life. They're all equal, right? They're all phenomenal men. They've stepped up to the plate and shown the initiative. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, right? They've, they've showed that they've got the balls to step up, right? They're all of equal value. Much respect to every single one of them. The love all, love you all and, and for the guys that, you know, it's not now it's a later thing or whatever the case may, whatever, whatever story they tell themselves, you know, much respect to them also for at least showing the initiative to reach out, you know, it's the most important thing, right? It's the first step that you're taking. But Matty Lehman, me, man, what an absolute legend this guy. Still remember, I still remember the, the console quite vividly. The circumstances that he was facing, the limiting beliefs that were anchoring him. And to see him run free now, man, is. I get like, man, my hair is standing up like on the. Everywhere. Not on my head, but everywhere else, bro.

The follicles are standing up inside.

Yeah. You know, like to hear him, you know, instilling high performance father traits in his son and chatting about it, talking about it and seeing that smile of hope and graciousness now on his face in the zoom sessions that we have, he did this and I really want him to know that. You did this yourself, Matty, right? All because you stepped up to the fucking plate. Much respect to you. You deserve all the happiness in the world, as every man does, but, mate, his dedication to his life is a true representation of what's possible if you go all in on yourself.

Yeah, he's a fucking beast at the moment, man. He's doing really, really well. Can't wait to see him in Cozy. Just unleash another gear again. Yeah, agreed. Very well developed calves as well, actually. I met him in Melbourne. It's like, man, that dude could save a family from under a car with a calf raise. I was like, man, that's. How do I have a 1% body fat set of calves?

Yeah, he's a bit of a beast. Yes, sir.

Awesomeness as always. Love and appreciate you, bro. Thank you so much. For sharing your story and insights and your wisdom. And I truly hope that you guys got some great value out of both parts, one and two. It's just like I said, man, humbled and privileged to do this and be part of this and to be connected to men like yourself, I wouldn't change it for the world, man. I truly mean it. So thank you, bro. Thank you for giving the time, and thank you guys for also giving the time and tuning in. I hope you get some key takeaways and use them as drivers to move forward.

Appreciate you, man. Appreciate you immensely for creating this. Sticking by this evening through the test of times that a lot of people would fucking would have given up on. But for all you guys listening out there, if you're listening to this, you're already. You're already being inquisitive enough to. To want to make the changes you need necessarily in your life. Job's not done yet. Don't just. Don't just sit in idle wondering what your ability is. Because time, you'll never get back. And why would you want to die wandering

and you're going to spend the time anyway. No, it's. It's true, man. If you guys listen and you resonate with this podcast and you listen to, I don't know, five more episodes, you might not have had the fruit yet, but, yeah, you're 99% there. You're so much closer than you think. You really are a one second decision away, and that's not from joining HPF or anything. You're a one second decision away from putting the infrastructure in place to action. What you know in your heart, you desire and the purpose you're born to live. You really are. So as hard as I am at times, there's some candid messages. Credit to you, man, because you're extremely fucking close. You're so much closer than you think you really are. Thank you, Naz. Thank you, man. Appreciate you all. See you in the next one.

Well, that wraps up another episode. And just as we wind this down, I want you to just reflect and think back through some of the golden nuggets. Some of the revelations, some of the sore points, some of the things that might have hit home with you.

And then just look at ways that

you can apply a different set of actions to change your position, change your circumstances, change your feelings, and change the facts. These episodes are done with your best interest at heart. And there's always something we can get from that. Maybe it's not the first time, maybe it's the second time. We've had members listen to episodes four or five times and then it finally clicks. But either way, I hope you got

a lot of value out of of this.

And also if this is something that you really want to solidify inside of your life, repetition is the key. You've listened to it. Write down your revelations, think about them, read them, speak them, believe in the changes that you will carve out in the action plan of those revelations to create change in your life and then share that. And when you teach, you learn the second time, right? So teaching and showing this to others you love and care about is the greatest way that you can remember. And make sure you consistently learn and relearn what is it's true and what is it is important to you in your heart. Take care, have an amazing day night, weekday weekend and I'll see you for another one soon.

Cheers.