271. Al's Insights #10

Hey, if you're someone who really connects to this message and you know there's someone out there who needs to hear this, but they're too proud. The walls are up. You can't show them. No worries. Flick them the link, share this podcast, send them the link. They can listen to it in the car, in the comfort of their own home, behind closed doors, in private privacy. Listen, absorb, and you know you are creating impact to change. There are so many people in pain who need to hear this message, who need to empower themselves, take their control and power back and get back in front. Appreciate you all much respect. Enjoy the episode and again, share the love, spread the love, and let's create impact and change across the world. Cheer. And here we are. Another Owl's Insights episode. We've got some pretty crazy episodes in the pipeline that'll be coming your way shortly, including a bit of recap 40th on the weekend. It's only designing maybe 40, 40 life lessons. Not that I've experienced all of them, that's for sure, but certainly learned from my peers, those around me, the many wise and seasoned men in hpf, all of which are a blend of younger and older. Would you believe, as much as I love the old bulls, there's always a gift. Always something we can learn. In fact, you know what, man? I dare say that I've probably learned the most in life from my children. Nothing will reveal the mirror more than those we love and care about closest to us, including another episode that I'll be rolling out shortly, which is arguably the greatest resource we've ever created. We when it comes to intimate relationships with your wife, but also giving you a bit of an offshoot from that. That essentially is how to create powerful relationships and leadership in general. But this one's definitely tailored, which I rolled out to the Inner Circle exclusive for the HPF men last week in a coaching piece, but I'll definitely be doing a podcast on it. Lead her, keep her and light her up. But today's about ours. Insights. Short, sharp and to the point. What do we have here? 2, 4, 6 points? Fuck, there's been so many. But that's right, we'll stick with six. And we'll rip into them and just expand on them as we always do. And really hope you enjoy these types of episodes. The Owls insights. Look, if you're wanting something more. Yeah, don't. Don't hesitate. Don't be shy. Just say hi. Flicks an email adminghperformancefather.com what else would you like to see Is there an episode on something specific? Something particular? Any questions? I can do a bit of an al's rapid fire feedback. Any and all of them. All welcome. No such thing as a stupid question, just stupid answers. My goal is to make sure that I never deliver those or as best as I can. So yeah, flick us an email. How are you finding the Owls insights? Is there anything specific on your mind, anything else you'd love us to do or to have on this podcast? Because it is quite a powerful and insightful thing that HPF has built. This podcast has served hundreds of thousands now and it's pretty cool. So I want to make sure that we continue to serve you and give you what what is it you're looking for? Let's rip into Al's insights. Point number one. Accountability is about performance and behavior. You know, it's interesting when you, when you look at these words, accountability, consistency, or, you know, any discipline, drive, motivation, any individual word and people think they know what it means. But then maybe they do, maybe they don't. Maybe we've got different interpretations. So alignment's really, really important, especially when you're working with people that are close to you. Like in close proximity, you could work with someone once and that's it forever. But close proximity, consistently, it's important to be aligned. So, you know, what is accountability? Who are you actually ever accountable to? Is it yourself? Is it yourself through the vehicle of your children, looking in their eyes and not only being willing to die for them, but live for them and lead for them? Maybe, you know, is it accountability to others? Or is it accountability to yourself through others, like your children, like your workers and colleagues, like your fellow tribesmen or the cohort, or you're in a circle or environment that you currently have, or maybe you don't have that, so it's harder. But yeah, I don't know, man. Like, look at accountability. And we're all big boys, so it's like, you know, put on our big boy pants. I think we all need to come to the grips that it's not. If it is to be, it's up to me and it's not. I come in this world alone. I leave this world alone. It's not true, you know, it's. It's on me. And that's how it has to be. Like it really is. It's on me and it's my responsibility. My life is my responsibility. Now there is a difference between responsibility and accountability, though. That, that is important too. And both of those are driven with Ownership. But that's also the value of like, just think about that for a second. The value of accountability with other people. Like, how cool is that? Like that. That's pretty fucking awesome, man. Like, I can look at another human being and ask something of them, ask something from them to hold me to account for that which I am responsible for in my life, my actions, family, self or service, and they will willingly do that. That's pretty awesome. Like, that's a large chunk of the, the value of hpf, right? The accountability, whether it's through the coaches, whether it's through the tribes, from themselves, with each other, whether it's through our squad leaders, which are a beautiful blend of both, mate, they do it. Fucking amazing job. That's pretty awesome, you know, so that is a really valuable thing. People pay a lot of fucking money for accountability. Whether it's in business, personal health and fitness, relationships, pretty amazing, pretty powerful thing. Accountability is about performance and behavior. So what's more important than defining whether I'm accountable to others, accountable to myself through others and so forth is actually the point and purpose of it. It's to drive my performances and to drive my behaviors. Both go hand in hand. Turtle with a shell on its back. My behaviors are typically going to be the precursor that' going to lead to the level of performance I have. My behaviors are the key. Like my behavior is going to be what defines my belief systems, my view on things, my perspective. In the eye of every storm that we face, which can be daily, weekly, monthly, but it comes for all of us. We're in the eye of that storm looking through and there's just that temporary moment of almost stillness to be like, okay, am I going to choose to be a victim or a victor here? Which one will serve me best? You know, it's really crazy, man, when you actually break, when you break it down, just sit there for a second, just peace and quiet and actually triage yourself and question your viewpoints and your perspectives. Fuck me. It's not hard, mate, to see that you're either acting like a victim or you're acting like the victor who's going to get up, grab it by the fucking balls and get after it. But a lot of us are just so close. The whole three foot from gold story in the think and grow Rich book. When old mate's three, three feet from goal, then he stops digging, it's like, man, you are one question. You're just one more question away from unlocking the behavior necessary which will then drive the performance to succeed. This is why accountability is valuable, though, because sometimes we're not in a state either emotionally or intellectually in that moment. Not that you're dumb, but to be able to think through certain questions and to be questioned and challenged, you know, it's. It's quite interesting. I've seen over the years where I'm always challenging the men in hpf, and it's always from a position of love and leadership. And it's been very interesting over the years with men who have come and stayed, men who have come and gone where I'll say the same message, and in one instance, they love it. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Let's go, man. I love it. Love the push, love the challenge. That's it. Yeah. I've got to fucking pull my finger. Other times, you know, and this is very rare because I've always been consistent with this. But other times, on rare occasion, it's like, mate, like, who do you think you are? And it's, you know, you're not very fucking humble and you're arrogant, you're not nice and you're mean. And I have had that. Very rare, but I have had that. I mean, if we're talking percentages of the men we've served, nearly 10,000, maybe. Maybe a couple of dozen. I don't know. What are the numbers on that? Let's say we'd be getting close to 10 now. 9,000, you know, divided by 25. We'll work out the maths on that. Not. Not thinking today. What is it, 100 divided by 9,000 times 25. Yeah. 0.2 of a percent. So, you know, a fifth of a percentage. I'm willing to live with that. I'm okay with that. Like, I'm good with that. Like, so for every man that joins HPF, there's a 0.02% chance that you might get upset with the message at some stage. Accountability, man. Like, it's. Fuck, it's a gift, but it is there to drive performance and behavior. Performance and behavior. Behavior can be the precursor to performance you can take and the standard that you set that performance at. You're all performing every single day. You wake up and you're performing. You sitting up out of bed is a performance. Like, you're always in a state and you're always in a state of action, whether you're sitting there or not, at a cellular level, at a thought process level, at a belief system level, whether it's conscious, subconscious. So just know that. I just really love this. I know this is so simple. I'm not Here trying to get blood out of a stone. But like accountability at a simplest sense is about performance and behavior. Which then goes to ask, regardless of whether you're accountable to others, accountable to yourself through others, or who is it that I should have in my corner that would serve me best at my best interest for myself, my family, that they would hold me to account accordingly. Who can I have that can drive the behaviors and performances that I need in my life to be successful in family solvent service? That's the question not what is accountable and not I need to be accountable and not I'm accountable to others or I'm accountable to myself. It's who could hold me to account to drive a level of behavior and performance that would just lead to an exceptional fucking life. Then you get thinking, then you get into work. Then you're looking at your resourcefulness, you're looking at your environment. You're looking at people, places, and things that can drive a greater version of you. Next point. You don't grow from the win. You grow from the failure and struggles. Holy shit, man. No one knows this more than me. Not because I've won a lot, but because of the failures and the struggles. Need to go back to the first podcast to see the changes, and that's just on a podcast level. But it's true. The win is the byproduct, which is always hard to isolate. Right? Like, you get up to that next mountain, you get up to that next level. We call it a pin drop. You get to that next pin drop, boom. Or stepping stone. There's the next mountain. You can see further. Go harder, go longer, bigger legs, stronger. Typically, the more successful you are, if you're in the right environment, means you've got a stronger cohort, you're more connected, awesome. You're not growing from that win. That win is a moment in time that you reflect on all of the mechanics and moving parts from the failures and the struggles. It's not a straight line. It's the left, the right turn, the zigzagging nature, the full circle, the 180 back to a 180 again, heading the right direction, shifting left, shifting right. Hard to pinpoint what the exact one thing was. If someone said to me, hey, Al, what was the turning point in your life? It's like, wow, man. I mean, the catalyst of pain was absolutely my marriage falling apart, which is what birthed hpf. But there were. There's between three to five of those family, self, and service traumatic moments in my life. All of them had been big, but Then what was the turning point being the fat kid. Like, I just started walking around the footy oval, seeing how many laps I could walk before I was out of puff. Stopped drinking that GI lime cordial. I don't know if you remember that one, that green cordial. That was amazing, man. That was unbelievable. That was a hard. That was a hard one to give up. So it's like, what was the big turning points? Well, there isn't one. So you don't grow from the win. You grow from all of the failures and the struggles. But at that win, the reason why you don't grow from the win is because it's hard for you to look back and pinpoint what the exact thing was, because it's a whole collective of all these micro steps that led to your success in that moment in time. So the win is an appreciation. The win is a point in time. The win is a reflection. And that celebration reflection of you arriving at this place because of the failures and the struggles. Just like your goals, your goals won't get you to your goals. Your goals are simply a big capital N on your compass, which is your true north towards what you believe is a point of success in that time in your life, a time that will also pass. What will you do with the rest of the time? Walk flat? Just walk along the flats forever? It doesn't happen, man. You either climb up or you're crawling down and that's it. So you don't grow from when you grow from the failing struggles. What does that then mean? Boys, embrace the struggles, embrace the failures, embrace the challenges. You're only ever three feet away from God. You have no idea how close you are. And so many people are so close to success and then they give up. Even a lot of you men like you're so close. Maybe HPEF is the answer one day, maybe it never is. I'm all good either way. Like, we are here to serve. But either way, your life is going to unfold. Either way, time will keep going. Either way, you are going to experience more failures and struggles. So you don't grow from the win. Maybe joining HPF is a win, maybe it isn't. Maybe month three of HPF is the win. Maybe it's the 20th win with us in HPF, you'll have up to 200 wins in the first month. We fucking rip in. But they're all micro actions. We're not looking for big home runs. The smallest actions are the biggest possible steps that you will take towards success. But knowing that you all have Failures and struggles is not enough just to sit back on this podcast and be comfortable either. Okay. I'm not the only one. Well, yeah, that's right. But also that means you're on the right track. Keep pushing, keep going, keep going and growing. Going and growing. The failures and the struggles, the failures are only micro failures. If you're pursuing growth and you're really driving that ambition to becoming more. The failures, they're a positive indicator. They're a positive indicator that you're doing something you otherwise wouldn't have. You're pushing beyond your limits or your comfort zone. You've just been shown what not to do. So that's great. So if I had five possible choices and the first three fucked me up and I didn't have success, I wanted cool, I know, not to do those three anymore. Like, it's. Man, it's beautiful. What was that saying? I'd never said in a podcast before, but you know, it's. Learning is the fruit. Learning is the fruit from the tree of failure. It was something like that. And it's so true, man. Like learning, that's the fruit from the tree of failure. So pick the fruit, man, pick it and enjoy the fruits and then keep moving. Third point. Courage is the most rewarded attribute in life. Now, I'm not sure if this is true or not. This is something that just came to me just watching some of the members. So we're wrapping up Winter wars, seeing some of the wins, some of the struggles. Very inspiring. Very, very inspiring. Like, I truly love and appreciate the men in hpf. Like, it's. Man, it gives me an energy no amount of fucking coffee could. That's for sure. It's so inspiring. And I'm seeing these guys just step up and take these risks. I'm like, what is riskier? Fucking not doing anything, but still a risk nonetheless. You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. Well, you're not damned, but there's a risk either way. There's cost either way. There's a price to pay either way. These men are getting up and I see just the courage, the courage, it's. It's incredible. And I love that. That's very attractive because whether I've been careless or reckless or been too big a risk taker and been burnt before with all of the above, I'm a man who loves to drive a life of courage and courageous acts. That's not heroism. It's courage to step up. And despite the shortcomings, despite the failures, despite Track records. Despite the doubts, despite uncertainty, all those different things, you step the fuck up and you make the decision anyway and you go all in on it. Decisive leadership, One of the core eights when it comes to what women fucking love and what I'll unleash on another episode, which you guys will love. Courage, the most rewarded attribute in life. Now, again, boys, could be wrong. There could be other ones. Rewarded attribute. That's a pretty big call. Pretty big claim. But if we want to just sit on this one for now, because I do like absolutes, but I understand there's this times where I'm more open, open thinking with you on these podcast episodes. It's gotta be up there, man. Like courage, the most rewarded attribute in life. Why? Because you find the way. The hard part is the courage always brings trouble as well. It goes hand in hand. Do you wanna sit in the corner with your little safety blanket on and someone brings you your three square meals a day and you just fucking sit there? If that's the life for you, then this podcast is not for you. But there's always a price to pay. And the price that person pays sitting in the corner with their three square meals a day coming to them wrapped up in their blanket, doing nothing. Their life is like the whole. I think it was Roosevelt's thing about the man in the arena, you know, like, there's always a price to pay, but which, you know, like Naz says, choose your heart. I'll tell you right now, like the acts of courage, despite the feelings, despite the conditions, despite the circumstances, you draw that line in the sand and you take that step anyway, you know, knowing full well it's not do what is right, not what is easy. I mean, that's not a bad saying, but it's no, I have the courage to step the fuck up and make a decision against the will of the fear, which holds me back. Because there is a strong driving force of fear. Call it the devil inside, call it whatever, but it's the lesser version that tries to pull you away and pull you back. Despite that, you step up and you do what's required anyway. And that's why I believe it's the most rewarded attribute in life. If not tangibly, materially or physically rewarding. Absolutely, internally and spiritually rewarding. Because I just. Yeah, I don't know, man. Like, I'm not here to sugarcoat things. Driving a movement of men, you know, I don't ever want to be idolized on some sort of fucking pedestal. I have problems every single day. My perspective is just unfucking shakeable. I'm such a blessed and lucky man when I get these punches in the face and struggles and turmoil and turbulence. I'm such a blessed and lucky man to be able to experience this in the first place. Thank you. I'm a blessed and lucky man to experience the good and the bad. And I keep fucking moving forward knowing I'll never get this day ever again. And I feel grateful for the opportunity. I feel grateful for the opportunity to move through this struggle. I feel grateful for the struggle. It's like the football team, like if they didn't have 13, if we're talking rugby league, if there wasn't 13 players on the other side, there's no fulfillment, there's no reward, there's no effort. There's nothing worthy of for that team. They're standing there on a field with a ball and there could be a referee still there, but there's no one on the other side. It's like, well, what are we fucking doing here? What are we playing for? Who are we playing against? What do we need to achieve? What is our desired outcome and or mission? How come the scoreboard only has one team on there? What are we measuring against? Like, this is fucking sport. Just gave you five or six great examples then of why adversity is such a powerful thing which goes hand in hand with it being conquered through courage. Like it goes hand in hand with the formula for conquering it being courage. That's why I love it. It's such a beautiful thing and that's why I believe it's the most rewarding attribute in life because it drives all things. It can drive your intellect and how you can develop your sense of awareness and social and emotional skill sets when it comes to relationships. It can develop your skills and also your capacity, whether it's running your first half marathon, lifting weights for the first time and developing some musc, your connection with your children, how you go back into seeing the world through their eyes and like it. Courage can drive everything, your skill sets, your connection, everything, everything. It's doing something that is deep in your heart, you know, required, that goes above and beyond what is the normal realm of how you are currently operating. What a beautiful gift. Don't squash it, don't diminish it. You all have it and it's not a one and done and you're not born with it or not born with it. It's a fucking choice. And it's a continued choice on the frequency of applying it. Powerful one man. Next point, success. Will not come looking for you. It might have been Dean Graziosi. I remember seeing him. Shit, man. I remember seeing him, like, 15, 20 years ago, really pushing hard, trying to make it. And he was successful, but with his stories now, he was, but he wasn't. He was in a pretty tough place trying to build it, trying to link up with Tony Robbins, trying to build some deals and other things. And I don't know him personally or the ins and outs of his life either, but I remember him saying that he's like, if you don't burn the boat, so to speak, if you don't go all in, if you're not willing to push and push beyond what your normal capabilities are and continue to stretch and grow and. Let me just put it. Let me just put it to you. Success will not find you. And he looks down the barrel of this camera, mate. It was unreal. I think I saved. It might have been an Instagram video. And he's like, success will not come looking for you. If you're sitting there twiddling your thumbs and he rattle off a few different things, just doing a 9 to 5, but not developing yourself, not working on relationships, not working on your body if you are not consistently pursuing growth and you don'. Carry with you a hunger, an ambition, a drive towards that higher level of purpose in this one limited fucking life that you have. He didn't say all of that, but I'm paraphrasing the. The intent behind his message. He said, success will not find you. It will never find you. Success will never come looking for you. And when I. When I watched that, it just. I had a flashback to, like, when I was in my early 20s. I was like, fuck, man. Like, man, just rock me to the core. Because I remember seeing this dude when I was like, it was like 20 years now, and I was like, wow. And he's in his 50s now and ultra successful and good on him and his family. But I was just like, fuck, success will never find you. And I remember when I was really young, I just felt so lost. Like, I just didn't understand money and no idea on how to make it. I worked at Kmart and then I went straight into being an elite athlete with footy. Not with a lot of money, too, by the way. I think my best contract was, like, 55 grand, 60 grand. I was like, the top 25 or top 30 at the Dragons, like, fucking nothing, man. And gave up my decade chasing and pushing and chasing, push. So I had no idea. Money through sport, essentially. You're Just employed. But where's the long term career path? Well, there isn't one. Even if you have a successful career, you could make some good coin, but you're looking at what, 10, 10 years, 15 years. I think the average at that time might be different now, but the average was, I think, two years for established first grade footy players. That's it. Two years. That's crazy, man. And through the decades of failures and struggles and having the courage to stand up despite having no fucking material outcomes, having no tangible or logical reason to still be courageous, to still stand tall, to still be different and keep pushing and going and growing and trying to be accountable and learning and mentors and tutors, decades, it finally clicks. It's like no one is coming to save you. It's gotta be you. And getting a little bit deep here, I guess on an owl's insight, like, fellas, I. I feel like I became a fucking man for the first time in my life, like four or five years ago. Sounds a bit fucking hard to say really, but. Because it wasn't that I hadn't achieved manly things, it wasn't that I hadn't had both success and failures in my life and I hadn't pushed hard or, or it wasn't that I didn't act maturely or, you know, this is this big fucking blend of where the fuck has life gone in 35 years? And probably was. It was probably when Roman was born that I. I felt like I actually stood up and became a man. Crazy. Look, some men never grow up, you know, but for me that's fucking way too long for what I would have preferred. But it finally clicked. It's like, you know what, mate? Success will never come fucking looking for you. You need to hunt that motherfucker down. And you need to push and go and grow and keep going and keep growing and do whatever it takes with a level of integrity with those in mind and family, self and service, with the deeper connection of life. This isn't bound by money. This is bound like a universal energy source. It's a universal invisible for horsemen. And until you just break through, and some of you are so close, but until you just break through, it's like you'll never fucking get there and you'll never know what's on the other side. Not realizing that some of you get so close it looks like this big brick wall, but it's all smoke and mirrors. All you need to do is just get your middle finger, tie it in with your thumb and flick the motherfucker and it falls over and then bang, you're on. Ah, it all clicks. Now it all makes sense. And that's what I feel over the last couple of years with HPF and more notably the ascension towards that only 5 years ago when I was 35. Crazy, but it's true. Success will never find you. It will not come looking for you. But you need to hunt it down at a level that goes beyond what other people think it is. That's why I talk about being a four to one man. It's not one to one, it's being that four to one man. And until then, you'll always just come up short. And it's so frustrating. Then everyone gives up when they're so close. You've just got to just gotta skew, turn the tables, just skew the ratio in your favor with your perspective, with your actions, with your purpose, just that little bit more. And then you break through and it's so close, so close where almost everyone gives up. But that was powerful. Just on that. Success will never find you. Success will not come looking for you. You need to beat that fucking door down and not stop your hands. So you've broken. Use the other fucking hand. Both your hands aren't working. Use your elbows and shoulders. They've stopped. Just keep fucking kicking it. You're on your knees, on the ground, keep headbutting the door until the fucking thing opens and do not stop. It's not arrogance as well. It's looking like when my life fell apart. I shared this last night in a coaching session with the team. When my life fell apart with Corinne, the catalyst for me, because the session was around ambition was just this switch in my head. I was like, hang on a minute, what the fuck's going on in here? I don't fucking lose. I've lost before and I've had failures before, but lose as in that the bigger picture. I don't fucking lose. You know, I've failed heaps of times. I've had lots of micro losses, absolutely. But I don't fucking lose. What's going on here? I'm a fucking winner, mate. Like this. My marriage is falling apart, my business falling apart, my body's falling apart. No, no, no, no. I don't fucking lose. Right. It's time to turn the shit around and step up. And that's what happened. And it was two year war in life in general with my wife reconciling with my body, getting it back on track with the business, which was gyms and supplements and stuff at the time. You Got to maintain that mentality if you're going to go find success in your life and keep setting that standard. Successful is a better term. It's the continued pursuit and advancement such that by your life improving everyone else's lives, everyone else's lives around you improves as well. And narrowing and attaining that gap between your point A and point B, your point A and point B, your point A and point B. So I love the term successful because it's a never ending pursuit. You've got to maintain the mentality. Hang on a minute, I don't. No, no, no, I don't fucking lose. Whatever's going on here, something will change and I'm gonna change it because I don't lose. And you do something about it. Because if you don't, I promise you this much success will never come back. Looking for you and it will not find you. Next one. Next one. I read this in a book. It was really, really good one actually. What good is a critic's life without someone better than them to criticize? How good? How good? What good is a critic's life without someone better than them to criticize? Now, I don't say that because of business or because of the Facebook ads and comments and stuff that I get. I'm so good with them. Like I'm sweet. I haven't jumped on for a little while, but I like to jump on and do some comments, you know, supporting them. They're obviously men in pain. It drives the algorithm as well, which is cool, so we get a bigger reach. But they don't know me. I'm simply an outlet. And they're sharing a reflection of their internal reality, which is tough. So I feel for those men, I truly do, and I pray for them. But in general for you men, your critic could be your wife. You start going and growing and becoming more. And then by you becoming more, you're highlighting her deficiencies. So she must pull you down and. Or test you. Maybe she's testing you. Is this real? Is HE version 2.0? Is 1.0 still in there? And this is just a big fucking masquerade. So I'm not saying your wife is a critic for your entire life, but when someone's criticizing you, you know, it could be anyone, could be your brothers, could be your father, your mother and father could be your business partner or your workers or colleagues. But I just love this because it's a funny one. What good is a critic's life without someone better than them to criticize? So what that means is there'll always be critics. And what that also means is typically 99.98% of the time, they're criticizing someone better than them. Probably also 100% of the time, I don't know. But you would never find someone like, why would someone criticize down. They're too busy being fucking successful and pushing in their life and going and building and growing and becoming more. But what this is is probably just more of a reassurance. Hey, you know what, fellas? Everyone has critics. Whether you've got a high level of notoriety or you're soft, quietly spoken, humble man with a very small circle, there's always critics, sometimes the inner critic. Don't let that motherfucker tell you what to do. Don't let the 0.6 version inside you. Try and drag down the 1.2s trying to push to a 1.3. Don't you dare just acknowledge and know the truth. What good is a critic's life without someone better than to criticize? It's more a statement which drives the understanding of, you know what? There are always going to be people out there who want you to fold. They just want you to fold and come into line with them, right? And just settle and why can't you be like the rest of us and blah blah, blah. Like, you don't ever want to be normal, Normal, average, the same, mediocre. You don't ever want to be that, ever. Why would you look at the metrics to measure those standards by and how people operate in life? Judging people, judging their actions. No way. Hey, there's no way you would listen to this podcast if that was true for you. No way. Why the fuck are you here? Not a chance. So if you're listening to this, you've got it. You've got the right stuff. Foster that, nourish that, throw some kindling and keep fanning the flames. And know that criticism is a part of life and feel for them, pray for them, do whatever you need to where it doesn't attach to yourself personally. And you keep moving forward because you'll always have critics in your life. Even if they're subtly, through, quote, unquote, best intentions, they are trying to drag you down to their level. Don't ever stop, man like you will never. No man would ever want to be on his deathbed going, geez, I fucking couldn't wait to have all these regrets. I was really looking forward to these regrets. Now I look over my life and I fucking had the handbrake up half the time. No way. No way. Final one gents conscious of time here, 31 minutes in. People grow apart when no one leads. This is really, really important. I'll probably do a bigger piece on this when I share that, that unbelievable resource that we've created on leading her, keeping her and lighting her up. People grow apart when no one leads. So some people in relationships where there's fighting, one fights more than the other, the other fights more than the other. And there's lots of fighting, no fighting at all. More one sided, more the other sided, lots of fighting together. What's a real silent killer? Because that's four dynamics. Right? But what's a real silent killer? We'll just focus on one today is when there's no fighting. Yeah. No, we never fought. We never. It's like, okay, cool, so you're aligned, you're connected, you agreed on the same things all the time or what? Oh no, no, there's plenty of things. We didn't in case. But what? She didn't have the balls. You didn't have the balls. How come no one fucking stood up and and express themselves? I'm telling you, men, when no one leads, people grow apart. So you might be a little bit more of a panda index, right? Our chief index has Viking and panda one way or the other or sweet in the middle. Bigger range, smaller range, but there's the chief, which is embodying both the Viking and the panda. The index is you can be more Viking or you can be more panda. Nothing wrong with pandas. Typically they have less courage, they don't make decisions as much as they could have. Their lives can change very, very quickly. You've got to be very careful. If you have more of a panda index, but very, very careful. You won't be respected or seen or taken seriously. You'll lose your power. Your wife will typically be more masculine, which means she's more dominant. But as a whole, in the relationship, if there's no conflict, if there's no like you're two individual human beings building our life together with children and so much turbulence and chaos. Children and work or businesses and times of day, seasons, weather, illnesses in the family, illness in yourself, health and wellbeing, getting older. So many dynamics. People grow apart when no one leads. If you're not having any fights, arguments or conflicts, you don't go looking for it. But are you really aligned? Are you having firm conversations? Are you seeking to understand and seeking to be understood? Like I am too candid at times and I'm very direct, but also crin's very hot. And cold as a woman, which is sweet. I've got no issue with that at all. So there's times where the candid nature, Fuck em, we're aligned. Bang, game on. Let's address stuff, let's move forward, whether it's good, bad or ugly. And there's other times. It's like, okay, yep, she's really not receptive to my very direct candid nature this time. So let's adjust it slightly and keep trying. But there's leadership. Here's the caveat. There's a difference between growth and leadership. Sometimes one person will outgrow the other. The wife goes to the gym and gets fit and skinny, all that sort of stuff, and then gets attention from other guys. Or sometimes you do that, right? It could be any area or realm where you or your wife outgrow each other, which can be measured in different ways. Growth doesn't have to be parallel with a man and a woman and all one in the same. But growth and leadership is different. An individual can grow. Leadership is how you operate and express yourself in a way of service for the benefit of others around you. So are you using your growth for individual egotistical significance, which is why affairs and other things happen, or are you using your growth to drive a higher level of leadership? 2. Like rising tides raise all the boats instead of fucking destroying them. Because the tides become a tsunami. But people grow apart when no one leads. Are you leading? Are you making decisions in the household? Are you having good healthy conflict? Are you seeking her position, perspective on things? Are you sharing your position and perspective on things? Are you setting the standard on what your vision is and your goals? Okay, this is where we want to be over the next 1000 days. Let's strip it back for the rest of 2025. This is what we're doing. This is our game plan for this month. That month includes special time and honey and handsome time with the miss and dad ventures like it's leadership, man. People grow apart. It's not even the intimate relationship you have with her. It's as a unit, as a collective. So as husband and wife, as parents to the children, as a family unit, and then as a man in yourself. Four types of leadership just in your house, just in your house. Isn't that crazy? And then there's interpersonal dynamics with that. Depending if you have one, two or three or four children. Crazy, right? So when there's no leadership, though, your status is less valued as well as a man, as a father, as a family unit leader. So your wife will look at those three. And the shortcomings will downfall of you not having decisive leadership and leading the family yourself and yourself as a father you control, you want as a husband. But she's going to see you as a lower form, as a lower valued man. Even though it's not directly with her, it is indirectly affecting her because she's their mother, she's living in that household and you're her husband. And she's a woman that has needs and desires. That's why that last one's really, really important. And it's been conversations over the years of guys where it's like, nah, it's crazy. You know, just one day, just that was it. And there's no fights and everything's good and she doesn't quite know why. She feels lost. She wants to find herself. Like, I guarantee you guys have heard this, right? I just don't know. It's. You can get that it's not you, it's me. But sometimes it's like, no, I just, I just don't want to be in this marriage anymore. I'm just, I'm lost. I want to find myself, I want to figure out who I am. It's like, well, maybe you haven't created enough value to drive. Like if you've created so much value in yourself as a leader with the vision, husband, father, man, your input to who she can be in her identity is valuable. It's important. If you don't have that, it isn't. So what do they do? I've got to drift. I've got to go off on my own. I've got to go and discover myself. I don't want to be married anymore. You know, maybe it's a divorce, maybe it isn't. It's just a separation for now. Having a woman in that state then go off on her own to try and emotionally figure things out that she can't figure out and doesn't understand or know is. It's, it's. It's an infinite loop. Like there is no resolution there. I'm already uncertain, unclear and whatnot with a family nucleus unit and husband that I've had for the last 10, 15, 20 years. So now I'm going to go off my own with all that uncertainty, see if I can figure things out. Not a chance. No way. Tough. That's. With respect to women, it's really fucking hard. Like, where are you going to draw your source of inspiration from to recalibrate your identity? Your friends, how are they? Half of them divorced, married, happily married. Social media. Do they even know who you are? You're a consumer to them. They just want you to consume their shit and give them fucking money. Whether it's social media, tv, the news, any product or service out there that is not genuinely looking to serve or provide value to you. What chance would a woman have, the poor thing? People grow apart when no one leads. My wife leads as well. It's not about having one leader, however. Where's your leadership stack up? How's your leadership? Husband, man, farm father and family unit leader. People grow apart when no one leads. Because of the logic and emotion for us as men, because of the vision that we have. It is on us. We must. Men. You must. You've got to fucking go first. You got to take that first step, man. You've got to lead because you have the logic and the foresight and vision to be able to cast what the future can behold and then drive the actions and the emotional attachment to that which can then pull her into your world to continue the ride together. So people grow apart when no one leads? Sure. But it's a must and a non negotiable for men to lead if they really want to build a strong and healthy second half with those I love and care about. That's us men. Bit longer than usual. Apologies for that. It's been a minute and lots of interviews and podcasts with members and whatnot, which has been pretty cool. Hope this serves you well. Accountability. It's about performance and behavior. But who are the people around me that could drive the specific performances and behaviors that would ensure my success? That's a powerful question to follow up with. You don't grow from the win, you grow from the failure and the struggles. You're in the right place. You're not alone. But pick. Pick from the tree of failure. Because that fruit very valuable, very valuable lessons and learnings. Courage is the most rewarded attribute in life. Without a doubt. It's going to always drive. Whilst everything in life can come with pain, it'll drive the best possible path for fulfillment. Not even just spiritually, mentally and emotionally, but absolutely in some way, shape or form over a period of time, materially and tangibly as well. Opportunity will always present itself. Like for a man. There will always be a shot. Like for a man, when his time comes, it will come. There will be a time when it comes for you to capitalize. Absolutely. Maybe it's in your 40s, maybe it's in your 30s, 50s, maybe it's in three months time, three days and three years. But courage is what will present that opportunity, not just luck. Success will not come looking for you. You've got to find that door and do whatever it takes to beat it down. And never give up on that. What good is a critic's life without someone better than them to criticize? It's the Yin and the Yang, day and night. See them for what they are. They're a valuable fuel source and typically someone who, whilst trying to make you and or you a problem, they're making you greater than because internally they feel less than. So, no, they're always a part of the game, a part of life. But address it with a measured and intentional way of leadership that doesn't take it personally and continues to move forward on your path with or without them, bending your relationship to them. And people grow apart when no one leads. So lead. Because your wife might, she might not. But for you, you must. Thank you, man. We'll see you on the next one. Well, that wraps up another episode. And just as we wind this down, I want you to just reflect and think back through some of the golden nuggets, some of the revelations, some of the sore points, some of the things that might have hit home with you, and then just look at ways that you can apply a different set of actions to change your position, change your circumstances, change your feelings, and change the facts. These episodes are done with your best interest at heart and there's always something we can get from that. Maybe it's not the first time, maybe it's the second time. We've had members listen to episodes four or five times and then it finally clicks. But either way, I hope you got a lot of value out of this. And also, if this is something that you really want to solidify inside of your life, repetition is the key. You've listened to it. Write down your revelations, think about them, read them, speak them, believe in the changes that you will carve out in the action plan of those revelations to create change in your life and then share that. And when you teach, you learn the second time, right? So teaching and showing this to others you love and care about is the greatest way that you can remember. And make sure you consistently learn and relearn what is it's true and what is it is important to you in your heart. Take care, have an amazing day, night, weekday weekend, and I'll see you for another one soon. Cheers.