274. The Greatest Relationship Code in the World (Part 1)

Hey, if you're someone who really connects to this message and you know there's someone out there who needs to hear this, but they're too proud. The walls are up. You can't show them. No worries. Flick them the link, share this podcast, send them the link. They can listen to it in the car, in the comfort of their own home, behind closed doors, in private privacy. Listen, absorb, and you know, you are creating impact to change. There are so many people in pain who need to hear this message, who need to empower themselves, take their control and power back and get back in front. Appreciate you all much respect. Enjoy the episode and again, share the love, spread the love, and let's create impact and change across the world. Cheer. Well, boys, the moment has well and truly arrived. Welcome to what will be the greatest podcast episode, the greatest resource you will ever, ever experience and find as a man in what I call relationship leadership. This is going to be. This is like your command center. This is going to be like your marriage commandments. You follow through on this and you can triage or audit, measure yourself against these, well, these eight core principles. But then building up the foundations of strategies and tactics, this session is going to blow you away. I'm not sure how long this will go for. I'm not going to read from this document, this resource, so. But if you do want this, boys, we're all about the children. Like, with respect, love you all, want to serve you all. However, you are the path, you are the vehicle towards what hits home at the core of my being and my soul, which is the children, the future generation of this fucking species. And building a generational legacy so that even though your name may be forgotten, you live on through the actions of those that you'll never even meet, building and growing and nurturing, becoming the big oak, the big beautiful oak casting shade for people you will never meet and a shade that you will never enjoy the experience of. So if you do want this admin, that's a-m I nighperformancefather.com hit us up, flick us a message, it's yours. We'll send it your way. So I'm not going to read this word for word. This, this document's fucking amazing. But I'm going to take you through because I definitely want to keep this structured, very structured for you. Not, not that the other podcasts aren't, but obviously if you've listened to enough, I've got a reasonable gift that I've developed over a period of time and skill set to be Able to just roll with it, right, and rip in. And none of that's thinking. It's all intuitive based and all blessed to be learned from the men that I've served and continue to serve. They inspire me so much. So big shout out to the crew, lead her, keep her, light her up. Becoming the chief in love. The Foundation's strategies and tactics for marriage leadership. Again, this is not to discredit. I mean, some of the biggest podcast episodes we've ever done have been around the man and himself, his identity, and also, of course, the marriage. Why? Well, typically, men, it's. It's the point of vulnerability in the catalyst that brings us closest to the mirror when we are not willing to look at it proactively ourselves. That's why. But also it's a real thing to understand the value you can hold as a leader in this relationship. Because without that, you operate from a fundamental place of fear, fear of loss. And if you fear losing your wife, what does that then do? It means, ironically enough, you run the risk of valuing her too much. That's a pretty ballsy statement to say, right? Like, make no mistake, my fourth child is due pretty soon and I am completely indebted and grateful to my wife forever for what she has done. However, her value does not supersede the integrity of a man that should lead. That is Alex Ranieri. The fucking end. The end. Because through that and honoring that sacred fucking principle myself, she gets the best. Anyway, so let's trip on invoice. I cannot stress this enough. This is. I don't know how long this will go for, you know, maybe 6, 10, 12 hours. But. No, look, seriously, we may get this in an hour. If I feel it goes on too long, I'll split it into maybe like two 40 minute sessions, but nonetheless, we'll figure that one out when we get there. You're listening to the end product, which I never cut anyway. I'm just talking about the time and length. Lead her, keep her lighter up, fellas. If it's one thing I've learned over time with men, younger, older, past members of hpf, current members of hpf, and future members, I'm always learning. I fucking love what I do, man. I just learn so much. It's. You are the prize and you must become the prize for your family. The whole be a hundred to give a hundred. Greatest gift a man can ever give his family is the very best of himself. The greatest value in life is not what you get, it's what you become. Because in who you become and what you become, you get everything you want anyway. These things are true, these things. Like that is like the number one thing. There are so many things like what would be your greatest tip and advice and blah, blah. I've got all these little post notes in my office. How much can I give with the time that I have left? Well, it depends on your capacity, right? So it's not even about just stretching yourself and becoming a martyr. Where you focus your life unfolds. It's really important to understand, man, that this is you. Like your wife is a reflection, a reflection of your standards. What you do and don't tolerate, what you have or have not upheld, the word you've kept or not kept. Like they are a direct reflection and representation. That doesn't mean the baggage of her watching her mom put it over the old man in years gone by and he became weak as fucking piss. Which means she became inherently deep seated inside of her a woman of entitlement and expectation that become a savage or risk of that because she saw her mum become a fucking monster. Like that stuff exists. That's a real thing. You know, it's true. Behind every crazy woman, quote unquote is a weak man who didn't have the balls to step up and lead the family the right way. You might not be that weak man. It could be a brother, could be a father, an uncle. Women need a strong male presence in their life. Just like for us to not become robotic money making killing machines, we need the feminine. But I digress. This is so valuable for you because it puts you back in the driver's seat. Relationship, leadership. Leadership in marriage. You, man, it's all about you. And you being the prize, not the cause or the problem, but honoring the responsibility of what your power can wield and yield inside of the dynamics of a marriage and a family household. If you don't want that, if you don't want that honor, if that's not something that connects with you or you think, and I'm telling you now, you're fucking wrong. But if you think that's too much for you, you are wrong. It's not, man. It's spot on. Exactly why you were fucking here. It's what you were born to do, who you are born to be. But if you cannot, if you cannot bridge that gap of understanding that the responsibility is yours. With great responsibility comes great power, not the other way around. If you're not willing to at least explore honoring it at the highest level. Please, man, like turn this off immediately. It's a Waste of your fucking time. But for those who have said yes, for those who are saying, man, like fuck, it's of course I want to lead my family. I want to give them the best of me. I don't feel appreciated. I work so fucking hard. And maybe you're working in the wrong lanes, possibly, you know, skill sets, balance measured through impact, not time. Like, there are a lot of key little things we need to tweak. Sure. But if the desire, fire is there inside of you, mate, this is going to fucking blow you away. And again, I am blessed to serve you and to give you what I personally believe with many years and tens of thousands of hours and thousands of men, I truly believe this is narrowed into this lane, although it's all leadership. Right. But narrowed into this lane, the greatest resource we have ever created. We, not me. We. So what I want to walk you through before I dive into foundation strategies, tactics, the Core 8 is going to be powerful, is actually going through the struggle a little bit. Some of this I'll read. Not that I need to, but I just want to follow a structure for you men. But yes, the struggle why men lose their lead in marriage. Let's start with that because we need to be on the same page and connect here and understand each other. Here's the struggle. Why men actually lose the lead in marriage? Because you don't get blindsided. There's typically some sort of drift, you know, a compromise here, a frustration that's unspoken there. Right before you know it, you're no longer leading man. So what are these common patterns? I'm just going to read a couple of these bullet points. Letting her set the rhythm to quote, unquote, keep the peace. Avoiding hard conversations to dodge conflict. Letting intimacy turn into negotiation instead of a natural current. Dropping physical, mental and emotional standards, what's the result? She feels less safe, less drawn in, and more like she's carrying the load herself, even if she doesn't say it out loud. Now, it goes two ways here. You can obviously, you know, don't need to be a rocker scientist unless you have an. Listen to our chief index of the Viking and pan and whatnot. You can pretty much figure out these are very passive points of energy, right? You're letting your body slip, your mentality slip, your emotional standards. You're not, you know, you're not stable there. Intimacy is not a natural thing. Avoiding hard conversations, keeping the, like, this is panda nature. Panda nature. It can go the other way. Like I say to anyone, if you never fight, if there's never Any conflict in a relationship, there's a big problem. Like my wife and I have good conflict. There's a big problem. What does it mean if you don't have conflict? One of two things. One, you've unfortunately become a real fucking panda and she's just becoming more and more entitled. Give them an inch, they take a mile. And again, not their fault. They're emotional creatures looking to survive so they'll keep fucking taking and dominating based from an emotional state, not a logical foresight of what's best for the herd, for the tribe. Or two, you're a full blown fucking Viking who has pushed her into suppression and fear and she's pulled away, too scared to do anything or come up or have conflict. So we do get both. Reach out to hpf. There are typically three types. You're either too much of a panda and you could be a Viking at work, but you're too much of a panda in your interpersonal relationships. Too much Viking or you're too erratic. Viking one day, panda the next. Holy fuck. Who are we going to get here? I don't know who we've got today. Would you like to introduce yourself? So make no mistake, whilst these are passive energies, the panda can also do this where she's avoiding the hard conversations because you've been too, too domineering, too over the top as well. That's a dangerous thing, man. We're not here to raise slaves or robots. The cost, what it's really costing you. This isn't about losing the spark. When you drop the frame as a husband, it bleeds into every other area of your life. So the attraction fades in marriage, obviously. Conversations become transactional and passion's more optional. The kids, they see a man who tolerates instead of leads and they model it. Dangerous man. Whether you're girls or boys, right? You're showing your daughters how to dominate a strong man to make him weak. Because maybe you were strong once, maybe you still are, but it's suppressed. Or you're showing your daughters how to pick the weak one. I mean, you know, I've got two daughters about to have a three. I know they're going to have sex. What can I do? Instill the right values, where they pick the right man who's not going to be me. He's not even going to be fucking close. I wasn't me when I was 18. But he has the values and principles and the desire and ambition to become more. And he's a worthy investment and they can see that because of what they've Seen in their father for decades prior to. And obviously yourself, man. Like, that's a big thing. Like losing that self respect. If you don't respect yourself, how could anyone else maybe write that one down. It's big. It's big today, unfortunately, men. And then the atmosphere at home, it shifts from that warm and alive to either flat, tense, cold and not a valuable place to be. The root cause is where this decline starts. The collapse starts from these five roots. There's a mission drift. So your vision's replaced by daily logistics instead of leading with them. That's a massive one. That's the number one, which I'll go through the core eight. Massive, massive emotional leash. Your mood is tied to hers. If she's off, you're off. Another big one. Ah, this man can't handle my bullshit. Even though I'm wrong. Look at him. He's come along for the ride. So no matter how crazy my day is and how wrong I might be, he's wrong too. That's very unattractive complacency. You've stopped growing, evolving and surprising her. That's a really big one too. Like, I get it, guys. Like, the world's full of shit and there's a lot of bullshit out there. I'd like to think that. Fuck me. We've got enough tangible proof and results and a track record. Runners on the board that speaks your language. Hey. Here are the facts, the actions, the tangibles that will lead to the intangible returns. Like your emotional state, the spirit of a man, how you feel, your outlook on life. We've got a lot of things with action steps. Show me what to do. Let's fucking do it. Here's the bouncing ball that leads that. But I do get it. So when I say, like, personal development is a real thing. It is. Most men might do some certifications to get raises in work or in their business, but since high school or even prior, which is not the greatest platform for education anyway, in life and leadership development. Nonetheless, as a man, you've done fuck all for decades. Decades, man, you should. You're entering the prime. Your 30s, 40s and 50s. Fuck, mate, like, you should be crushing. You should be insatiably hungry. Like your thirst for becoming more should be through the roof. Hey, HPF could fall over tomorrow, mate. Doesn't fucking matter. Like, the value that I hold in who I've become, mate. Like, he can't. It's fuck houses, fuck money, fuck other people. Like, you are the greatest asset. You are the greatest fucking asset and investment. You will ever have. Please understand that you will be on your deathbed or today, looking back, haven't started. I have started. 10 years time tomorrow. You have, will be and always have been the greatest fucking asset in your life and the only constant in your life as well. How could you pick a better one? The only constant, the greatest asset, the number one thing you can fucking control and have power over is you, man. But like the double edged sword of life, what happens if you don't treat it as such? You become your greatest liability. Complacency, man. You stop growing, evolving and surprising her. Like, here's. And I'll do it another time, but some of the podcasts I've done where I've flipped the opposite. Like here's what not to do. So let me just give you these last two and then let's flip it. Weak boundaries. You tolerate disrespect or unhealthy patterns to avoid friction and sexual neglect. You stop feeding the lover role and the charge dies. So let's flip these right, because like, I get it. Like I said, world's full of shit. I'm not a motivational speaker. It's not about fucking pumping you up. It's not about some sort of mindset stuff. It's like, no, no man, here's the fucking path for you to naturally operate this frequency because you've got the track record, the runs on the board, you're a fucking winner. Here's how you can prove it. Let's look at the opposite. Mission drift. So don't have any mission or ambition in life at all. Like just, just settle with where you're at and never want to aspire to do anything more or better for yourself or your family. Make sure every time your missus loses her shit, you lose it even more. Please make sure there can only be one most in the room. So if she's the most angriest or volatile, you need to fucking top that. You need to be even better. So when she's whinging, bitching, complaining, please go harder. Do even more of that in the household. Remember to do fucking nothing. Don't ever think like growing, evolving. What do those words mean? Like don't have any driver, ambition. Make sure you be as complacent as fucking possible in your life. Boundaries are something that do not exist. Allow yourself to be walked all over, always. You're a fucking doormat, don't forget that. Like, please act accordingly. Be that fucking doormat. And make sure you look at yourself in the mirror and consider yourself as much the same as a fucking eunuch, because that just doesn't exist anymore in your life. Am I exaggerating? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe there's a bit of. Bit more power in the words, bit more emphasis. Fuck me dead boys. Like, that's the opposite. That's the opposite of being extremely ambitious. Man on a mission. And the family's coming along for the ride. Emotionally stable and rock fucking solid. Always driven and growing for more solid boundaries on the bullshit you do not fucking tolerate the end. And I'm the fucking dynamite. A very powerful man that is continually going to pursue, tease, pluck, play, pull away, push forward and play the sexual game with you. So you are fucking craving me and you're lucky to have me with you in the bedroom. Bit of a different read, isn't it? Slightly. The pattern, how the chief becomes a passenger. The descent is rarely sudden. It's a slow erosion, the withdrawal. No more initiating date nights. I mean, look, I've been rejected before and so have you, but should that stop us? Yeah, there's times where I've rejected my wife. Sometimes it's playful, sometimes it's serious offense. That is not high in my value at the. Mom, I need sleep. You know, Crin, you know, this is. Be careful. In case you listens to this. I was going to be a smart. I said, crin, you know, we're at the top of the Harbour Bridge climb. We can't do it here at the moment anyway. Let's move on. No more initiating date nights, hard talks or intimacy. The handover, she starts running the pace of family life. And I remember one of the men, big shout out to Arif, mentioned this at one of our catch ups at Penrith. He said, the way I see leadership in my household is he got it out of a great book, but it was great that he shared it is I'm the leader of the family, she's the manager of the household. Both are leadership roles, but they are completely different. The leader directs the vision and is the compass of the true north. The manager is ensuring the steps are taken to get there. I thought that was a fucking brilliant play. I really liked that. But if she starts running the entire pace and direction and vision of the family, well, you're in trouble. That's a pattern. Flatline connection becomes stable but lifeless. Like a business partnership. The resentment build. Unspoken needs grow into silent bitterness. Typically on both sides too. Because you know, there are some pretty fucking toxic women out there, just like there are some pretty evil men. But you know, your wife more Often than not, men, they want you to win, they want you to lead, they want you to put up with their bullshit chore. They want you to know what the answer is, even though they tell you the wrong answer and that's not what they actually want. Yes, it's a bit of a crazy game, but they do crave that in you. I said this before when I was doing a session. The last one is the escape phase. One or both of you seek excitement and validation elsewhere, which that's not just affairs, that's anything, mate. Anything. That is an escape and a thrill instead of looking in your own backyard first. But I've got to say, boys, I was doing a coaching piece a couple of weeks ago in the community and. Oh, sorry. It ties into one of our core principles. Anyway, it's about making decisions, so I'll bring it up now. But what if you were right? Every decision you made, you only need to be right 70 to 90% of the time. Just think about that. Really, Al, that's a pretty. Fuck. 70%. Yeah, that's right. Like consistently. If you're right consistently 70% of the time, let's put it in play. If we looked at a decision being correct as 100% and you're 70% there, that means every three decisions you make, you're right at least two out of three. Like 70 times three. 210% out of 300%. So out of every three decisions, I'm twice as much right as I was wrong. Think about that on that compounding return. Every three decisions. Right twice, Wrong once. Right twice. Wrong once. Right twice, mate. Welcome to hpf, mate. What a journey it's been. Business will teach you that, that's for sure. Sport? Absolutely. Fatherhood, of course. Relationships. Training in the gym, pending. The decisions you make, of course. And your approach. You know, I haven't been injured in a while, touch wood. But I'm very smart with my body. But that's a pretty achievable standard, right? 70% making decisions, man. But that's one of the core eights. The warning signs, let's keep rolling. Spot them before it's too late. You can't remember the last time you truly surprised her. Her tone has shifted from warm to sharp and you let it slide. You feel more like co parents than lovers. Conflict leaves you walking on eggshells instead of holding your ground. 80% of your conversations are logistics. Big one, man. Not connection. And you can't help that right with the children. But you can do something about it. So it's not all you talk about. And these little things happen too. Like these little sexes, infrequent, predictable, or completely absent. But some of these things happen. Like the tone shifting. Oh, what was it? It literally just before doing this podcast happened with Corinne. Oh man, I'm trying to think. There's something that I said that irritated her and I can't remember. That's right. I'll bring you on for a podcast shortly, boys, before the baby comes and we can dive into all the, all the mistakes that I make. She can share more with you. But anyway, she was quite short and sharp on something and I completely redirected her, challenged her on it, teased her, laughed, gave her a quick neck rub, acted a full fucking banner for 20 seconds and then said, I gotta go, I'm filming a podcast. And I gave her a bit of love and like literally followed through on these eight core things in fucking one minute. You can all do it and it's all fucking skills. So they're the warning signs, right? But let's, let's dig in to the foundations voice. Let's dig into the core. So what I wanted to do is just, I guess, pre frame this session with going, hey, one, you're not alone. Two, it's a constant. This is a work in progress. Three, it's got to be you men. You are the one. You are the fucking leader. Right? She's a leader. To be your the leader. You are the fucking leader of the family. And finally, like some of those symptoms or warning signs or red flags, please, for the fucking love of God and your children, pay attention because this is real. Like life is real, man. You have one shot. So do your kids, so does your wife. Like, you're in fucking real time. There's no warmups, there's no do overs, there's no fucking practice runs. You're in fucking real mode. Let that one sink in because that matters and so do you. Did you ever forget that? Foundations number one, mission. First, your life has direction beyond the relationship. I want you to think back like what attracted your wife to you in the first place. Women, they want to join a man who's already on a mission. If your purpose collapses or you lose it, or you've forgotten it or it's less or it's settled, her trust in your leadership collapses as well. When she first met you, we met each other. You're an ambitious, driven man. Whether your body was fucking tight or not doesn't matter. You had the X factor. You were a man on a mission and you were seeking Something much greater than any one individual. I gotta say, boys, like, I have tanked so much in my life. Like, the whole almost owl is how I feel, how I've felt. I don't feel like it now, but when I reflect absolutely through those times, it's like, why did Crin. Why did Crin stick around? Not that I was worthless, but fuck, mate, you're looking at investment. Since I was 17 years of age and she was 15, investing in me. Why would she stick around? One thing that has never, ever wavered. The only time I've been stung is when I've been temporarily complacent, which brought my walls down. Whether it was rugby league, my wife a couple of times, my body and my health business. Despite those moments, which did become big fucking avalanches, which is a lesson to never not be ambitious again. My ambition is through the fucking roof. And it's not even money, it's not even hpf. Like, I just want to fucking win. I'm so obsessed with the mission of hpf. But I live in family self and service. My body, my family, my children and wife. My spirit, my mindset. This mission of serving fathers, like, it's that, like, ambition in life, not larger than life. I'm actually. I'm actually a real introvert. Hit me the other day. I don't know if I share this on another podcast, but I actually got nervous and didn't want to do a speech at my 40th when the family were asking me to say something. I don't want this to be about me, but you get me talking about something like the mission. Hbf, mate, I'll speak in front of millions, no fucking problem at all. So funny. So I'm actually naturally an introvert. So I'm not talking about you being larger than life, just the ambition. And I gotta say, man, this number one thing is so important. Mission first, so big. I'm not doing HBF for Corinne. I'm not doing it for my kids. The benefit is they get fucking food on the table and a roof over the head for me. Providing energy and value to the world and helping people. But this is. It's not even for me. It's a mission I choose to invest in. That's what makes me feel unstoppable in this mission. Because it's not Alex Ranieri. It's what a man is willing to do. And it might have that name, but it's what I am willing to do as a fucking man. It's the actions I'm willing to do because of what I'm invested in. That's powerful, man. Nothing will raise your desire, your standards, your application more than investing in something larger than yourself. I don't give a fuck about my name, man. It's about the mission that I'm investing in. You won't fucking stop me. Why? Because psychologically, I've made that snap, that flick, that switch. You're not up against Alex. You're simply a roadblock or hurdle in the fucking way that I'll keep plowing through as an organism that is energetically pulled towards completing the fucking mission and being successful no matter what. That's. That's a fucking tough thing to beat. Not just for me, for any of you. Right? Mission. Mission first. HBF is huge. HBF's way bigger than me. So what does that mean? It's way fucking bigger than Corinne. Way fucking bigger. So when she's trying to compare a fucking movement that will be global, that's already helped thousands of families, hey, good fucking luck. And this is the hard part in the world with the distorted reality that social media and whatnot feed into people. It pulls them into a state of unequally or unfairly measuring and judging you against the bullshit facades that the rest of social media in the world put in front of her. Which is why, boys, you've got to go 3, 4, 5, 15, 20, 20 times, like this is so much bigger. How arrogant could you imagine the arrogance and ego of Corinne to say I'm more important than hbf? Can I tell you right now? And I'll challenge her on this as well. The entire fucking time, she has never said that once. Not even acted that way. Not fucking once. That's why having a big mission matters. Not a mission that is comparative to an individual woman that has entitlements on what they think they fucking should have in a marriage. Mission first, men, clear vision. This is where we're going. Making decisions based on the mission, not just fucking convenience or mood. Letting your children see the mission. You're working on something greater than yourself. The life of service. Life of service. That doesn't mean I'm here to help the world. There are lots of people I'm not aligned with is what it is. You do you, I'll do me. This is a mission I'm invested in. This is my crew, my fucking tribe, something that I feel like I belong to, and I'll continue that pursuit. So it's not about making the whole world happy. It's just having a mission that is so big that you're showcasing Your standards and your service to the world through that vehicle that your children also see. I hope that one really hits home. Men. And you see it. I think it's in the Bible. Maybe men without a vision will perish or something. I've heard that saying before. I don't know where it's from. I think that's it. But you know, like, it's true. Like, if you don't have a vision, like you perish or not, you may as well, because you're drifting and you become a piece of driftwood which then becomes deadwood, which then upon reflecting, as we all do as human creatures, we measure and gauge whether something's worth investing in. Of course, you're not going to look like the prize to your wife or your kids as they get older and more wiser to life. Mission First Men. It's a massive one. It's like these first four are really important, but that's the big one. But we'll walk through all of this and then I think I'm looking at the time now. I think we'll just do the foundations today and then we'll dive into the nitty gritty and give you some real cool tactical stuff next time. But this one is so important. But what I love about these core eight is you can measure them. It's like a stereo mixer and you can see where you're lacking, where you're missing, where you need to put more work into. Let's move on to the second one. So just. Just to paint the picture again and be clear, these are the core eight things that every man must hold in his life and pursue and, and maintain at a high level. Like you want to command and have that leadership and, and conquer the adversities you face and have a beautiful marriage that's connected and, and stands the test of time. And you're just so fucking rock solid. Like these eight, These are the ones. Man number two, emotional sovereignty. You control your state. She's not holding a leash. Why is that important? Well, she needs to know that you can weather her shitstorms. I need to know he can deal with my bullshit. Like women don't like to. No one likes to be wrong. But women, obviously emotional state. With that comes the attack of the ego, oneself, personal status. That hits them a lot harder than it can hit us potentially. So what does that mean? I don't want to be wrong. So what does that also mean? Well, they're not very big on the facts at times and they're not very big on accountability. If there's a woman listening to the Miss. You can nod your head. It's okay. We love you for it. We really do. You know, it's. It's, it's, you know, laugh, you cry. But as men, it's not just about the facts. It's about the flow of life. And women are such a beautiful gift. But then men can create order, structure, and protect and provide, which is a beautiful gift to women. But, yes, she needs to know that you can weather her storms, whether they're rightfully so. She might have had a really tough day at work. The kids are going fucking crazy. Or it might just be a lot of bullshit, which can happen as well. None of us are perfect. But either way, she needs to know that you can weather her storms without being swept away in the wash. Strength under fire makes her feel safe. That's a really good statement. You know, like, it's emotional sovereignty. I just love the term as well. Like, sovereignty. Like, no matter where my wife's at, stress. Like, like I said, we've got, like, seven weeks to go, man. And then the baby's here. Like, that's. She's getting big, pretty crazy. It's due exactly when I'm away for our Kosciuszko retreat. What a time to be alive. I said, why don't we just bring you along? We'll birth this baby at the highest point of the mountain. I'll try and train up a monkey. We'll call him rafiki. We'll get a little bit of paint, smear it on the baby's cheeks. He can do the presentation. We'll try and get some animals along, you know, like the Lion King. That didn't go down too. Didn't go down too well. But. But it is what it is, so we'll figure that one out when we get there. But emotional sovereignty, right? So she's stressed about that. Well, I'm not going to lose my cool. I'm not going to squash it either. It's not about just cutting emotions, too. It's emotional sovereignty. It's not denying motion. It's not dismissing emotion. It's acknowledging, but holding your own emotional state to be strong and stable. A lot of you guys, you're developing yourself, you're working. Guess what? She's going to test you, man. Oh, make no mistake, mate. She is going to test the fuck out of you. Here he is. Version one. Money's back. It wasn't real. It was just a facade. Ah, he broke. Oh, look at this. And again, even if this is subconscious and she's not thinking this because I'm. Like I said, women aren't inherently evil. They just need to know where they stand. And they need certainty in this world where the grizzly can come around the corner and jump in the cave and kill everyone. Like she needs to know that you are somewhat, in some ways in her eyes, unfucking breakable and unshakable. So it's not like they do it deceitfully. Not all of them anyway. So you know, it's, it's. It's really a case of testing and testing and testing. And then so even subconsciously, look at this bloke. I said a few little words and look at him having a little pow wow. Isn't that something? Like, and I'm not saying that in a tone to belittle you men, like that's a real thing, right? You've worked all day, you're busting your ass and like it's easy to be triggered if you don't build that emotional sovereignty, you just collapse. You reveal your hand. How can I trust you? You couldn't even handle three sentences I said. And man, this goes across the board. Oh, that's it, I'm done. I'm out. Okay, cool. No worries. Well, maybe I'm not fucking happy either. But I'll tell you what, I'm just gonna kick the can down the road a little bit. I'm not gonna be signing any divorce papers yet. I'm gonna focus on myself and be the greatest man and the greatest father these children I can be. You sort out the shit you need to. You know what? I need a fucking break too. Cause I'm not happy. Wow, could you imagine that? That's emotional sovereignty right there. It's not reacting. It's responding from a position of strength. It's something my father always taught me. He said, no matter where you are in life, right or wrong always come from a position of strength. And there are times when I haven't. And you can be strong through vulnerability? Absolutely. There are times when I wasn't strong in my position and I've never felt so little in my life. And those people put it over me and never again. No fucking way, mate. I will never fucking let anyone put it over me like that again. Where I felt so fucking small. It's been a while since that's happened. Thank God. I'll tell you, I'm a slow learner. Emotional sovereignty men rock solid no matter what the circum. It's not one upping either because that's a Real situation that happened. And Chris said, hey, I've fallen out of love with you. I'm like, hey, look, totally understand. That's your feeling. That's your reality right now inside of yourself. Takes two hands to clap. So maybe you should take some sign processing. But upon that, I need a woman who's a fucking queen who honors her man. And I'm going to take some time to reflect on myself, on whether I actually want this marriage or not. You don't need a deadline. But for me, I'm going to give this two months. I'll move into a different room from now. I'm going to focus on myself as a man, as a father, and I'm going to fucking start to become the man that I know I can be. And I want to get my vision back on track on my mission. And this is where I'm going. Oh, wow. Got her attention then. And they'll watch, they'll test, they'll prod, they'll poke. Emotional sovereignty. Can't fucking change, mate. That's it. Man on a mission. Boom. Can you see how these start to stack? Man on a mission. Emotional sovereignty. Setting the standard. Of course I'd be hurt. I'm not saying don't be human. But also, this is a daily practice. I've just given you two pretty hard examples on marriages breaking down. This emotional sovereignty is actually a daily practice. How can I be rock solid despite what I'm facing in the situation with the people I love? As it should be, man. Because women and children are the most volatile. Naturally, children are growing. So many hormonal changes. Women ever changing hormonal changes. 20s, 30s, 40s, perimenopause, all of it, man. It's fucking hard. So you gotta feel for them too. Like they're becoming different people all the time. And. And not through kind of personal development seminars or joining fucking workshops or programs. It's life dictating them a lot of the times. Hormonally, that's tough, man. Like that, that's hard. We lead with love for that reason. It's not judgment. Mission first. Emotional sovereignty. Let's move on to the next one. Strength in presence. Physical, mental and spiritual power felt the moment you enter the room. Now, I'm not like Eddie hall or Thor. There's a big, big bloody humans in the world. But yes, I'm a large man, but that's not what this is about. It's your presence. Strength in presence. That's not having a crazy look in your eye and staring someone down. That's not me flexing muscles. That's not standing over someone when they're sitting down. It's the aura. It's the presence and the posture and how you carry yourself energetically. I'm walking to this room where crin's in a happy state or distress. So I could be playful, I could be serious, but I'm walking to this room with the mentality. That's why lions are the king of the jungle. Not because of how the food chain works, but because of their mentality. Elephants, rhino. I saw a video the other day, this rhino tore it to fuck him. I don't know what the lion was thinking, mate. You know, he was having a go at the rhino on the rhino. Just hooked him, mate. Fucking came over. So it's the mentality that gives them the title. Certainly not the, you know, the food chain or the hierarchy of danger and impact. Elephants, rhinos, hippos. I mean, there's fucking plenty strength in presence. This. When I walk into those rooms, I'm walking in as the fucking king. Not arrogance. I'm not superficially inflating myself at the cost of diminishing one's value in front of me. Not at all. It's not about arrogance or cockiness. I'm the fucking king. I'm the father, I'm the husband. I'm the man of this household here to protect and provide. If anyone came in, it'd be the last thing they ever saw. To threaten my family. That is the mentality. I'm not always on edge. That's just. That's just the aura I carry. Which then converts into Viking panda playfulness. Sometimes the chief blend of both. Like it? It's the presence and how you carry yourself that signals capability. I can count on that, man. Capability builds trust. Trust deepens the desire for one. Wow. No matter what, Al's just fucking sharing some of the challenges with work. And he's fucking crushing goals with hpf and he's not putting up with my bullshit. And he's so strong and he's also so present with me. And what he did last night with the kids who were playing up and getting them in bath time and then bedtime in the next 20 minutes. I couldn't believe they're asleep. Like it just fucking stacks. Strength in presence. Strength in presence, but then also emotional sovereignty. Also the mission. This is, mate. You knock all laid over, I promise you, man, you won't have any problems. If things really do dissolve with your wife, the next future Mrs. Like you won't have problems. In fact, you'll correct some of the reasons why you contributed to problems in the first place so it never happens again. Strength in presence. So, yeah, of course, looking after your health, your body, but speaking with clarity. Pausing, controlling the speed and tempo of a conversation, questioning things, seeking clarity and understanding one's position and how they feel so they feel understood and heard. Redirecting one for their own good. Sometimes the solution is just to listen, not to have a solution. And building that social and emotional intelligence as well as that awareness and postural presence that you are a strong, capable man that people can't help but notice. So does it matter, health and fitness, how you speak? Yeah, of course. It all adds up. I walk in the room, there's a strong man who looks good, carries himself, adjusts the energy to suit the situation, provide the pathway forward even if it's not a tangible, actionable step, and can articulate himself so there's connection and understanding with those involved. That's strength in presence. The just a side note, so these eight, right? There's only if you took one of these out, the other seven, I'm telling you, men, you apply it to your fucking business, you apply it to your brothers, your sisters, your mother and father, your mates, your children, there's only one like you change. So these eight, you could essentially take out the seventh one, which is sexual charge. So we'll get to that. But if you took that out, all of these could be applied. The other seven could be applied to any other fucking human being you connected with in this world. That's how powerful this is. But let's focus on the marriage and be present here, the fourth one, because that does matter. That's why I'm bringing the children in with some of these examples. The fourth one, decisive leadership. Hey, man, fucking two out of three. Two out of three. Not bad. Like, we're not talking big life changing decisions, just the daily actions of deciding something. You say yes to something, you got to say no to something else. So if you say yes to indecision, you say no to making a decision. So when you don't make a decision, guess who has to fucking make it? She does, of course. Poor baby, you've made so many decisions today. So have I. Like, you gotta look it through the woman's eyes. You gotta be careful, man. Like, it's fucking hard. Life is hard. Business is hard, right? Helping people, service, changing, different hats. Tough. I get it. Like she can be in one mode all day as a mother, but that's, that's like, that can be torturous. Sometimes, like the old ancient Chinese method of one droplet of water at a time on your forehead. You gotta wear all these different hats at work, and then you've got to put on a different hat at home as a father, and you'll put on a different hat. So you've got lots of changes. Well, that's fucking just the same. That's equally as hard. Choose your hard, as Naz would say, like. So one thing that's important to understand is you might be tired, but she is too. She can make decisions, but then so can you. So where does it align best? Where you can step in and have decisive leadership. Something as simple as dinner or a dad venture or something that hasn't been thought of yet. Hey, you know what? Like with Corinne, hey, we're going to go to this beach here, family weekend, couple of weekends time. Because soon you're going to have to bunker down the baby's nearly due. You're not really going to be going anywhere. So I'm going to plan a little getaway for us. Two weekends time. Done. That's decisive leadership. It's not even what fucking powder you wear with the dishwasher and you put in the dishwasher, what powder you use when it comes to washing your clothes. Or liquid or like. No, no, if she manages the house, let her fucking manage the house. But make decisions where it matters as well, which could be small daily acts. It could be bigger things, larger foundational decisions at time with your mission and also creating new opportunities and spontaneity that ties into the next one or the next two. Decisive leadership. You make clear decisions and hold the frame under pressure. My mentality with my wife is at least I made the fucking call. I'd rather make the call and be wrong than not make the call at all. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, not because of the jewels, but because of the responsibility that carries with it. Would you like that, Corinne? Would you like to make all the decisions? Of course you fucking would. So, hey, you know how you criticizing me on this decision? Yep. Yeah, I come as a package. You get the good, the bad and the ugly. Or do you want to try and treat me like a buffet and pick and choose bits and pieces that are convenient for you? Because if that's the case, go and get a buffet to go out and hunt for you and to put the kids to bed and to do this, this like that's where not that was. That wasn't bad. But that hasn't. That hasn't happened in my Marriage. But that's where it would go, right? Because again, over time, there's been lots of little course corrections so that she's never had that belief system or that entitlement to challenge that. Hey, yeah, I was wrong there. Yeah, I was. So there's times where I have made mistakes back. Oh, yeah. You know. Yep. Yeah, I was wrong there. That's it. Leave it there. Oh, Would you like to expand on why I was wrong? Okay, cool. Hey, let's get a pen and paper out. Let's write all the fucking things I've done that have. Right. And all the things I've done are wrong. Because obviously. Makes sense, doesn't it? Yep, of course. Yes, of course. Let's look at both sides. That's right. Yes. Yeah. So that's happened before, way back when, in the past. Doesn't happen anymore. I think that's what I look at. If I'm looking at a skill sets, men just on that as a skill set. I think that's what I do best. Whether it's leadership, my team handling conflict, helping customers, helping my team members, my wife, my children. I can go very fast and very wide with the range of perspective, because what I want is the whole picture. That's really important. That's really important. The whole picture questions. Clarity. I fucking hate hypocrisy, man. I can't stand that. But I'm not gonna accuse my wife of that. We're human beings who have a funnel or lens that we're seeing the world through. Let's break that down and open up a little bit. All right. Let's expand this a little bit. Let's explore this. You're right. I was wrong about that. Let's look through this. Okay. Yep. Let's explore why that was, the reasons how that decision came to be. Yep. Cool. Okay. Yeah. Well, look, I appreciate you. Look, we're sitting on this for a bit too long. Do you want to look at all the other fucking things that we can comparatively measure against this one decision that was wrong versus the other fucking 12 that have been right. Okay, cool. Let's do that. You know, I'm just seeking clarity, asking questions and looking at the whole picture. That's. That's what helps you make decisions. But also men. They're the conversations I'd rather have. Then the silent killer and drifting. And you're looked at as a weak man that never makes a call. Because I tell you what, mate, when that bombshell comes, it's too late. She's already checked out. Indecision Kills polarity, certainty lets her relax into her feminine 100%. 100%. Your certainty takes her out of logistics, logical thinking, masculine mode, that's what it is. And puts her into feminine flow. Everything's okay. I can relax, I can let the hair down. That lead, man, that leads to more bedroom action than fucking anything else. Mate, a woman will not like, typically they won't want to have sex if they are not in a feminine state. I mean, a woman can be wild, like, yeah, great, wild in the bedroom, awesome. But no, I'm talking about the fundamental, the undercurrent of what puts a woman in that desirable state is feminine energy. I'm not saying they're not strong, feminine energy is extremely strong. But both are strong, they're beautiful, they've both got their purpose. You're taking her out of decision making mode, which is taking her out of the logistical, logical, based, thinking, logistics. Right, so here to here to here to here to here, this has to happen. That has like, yeah, fuck all that off, just flow, just be you. Be your beautiful, light, breezy you. And then the iron of this man is, like I said, not only does it lead to more bedroom action, but actually leads to you having a more peaceful sanctuary. So where am I lacking al. Where am I then? Lacking could be capacity, could be a calendar, could be commitments. Like, the question is where am I lacking the capacity to have the endurance daily, to know I'm only 2, 3, 4 shots away from us being on point as a family. But every time at 5:30 or 7:00pm or 11 in the morning or there's I just fucking break. Well, man, you've got to reorganize yourself. You got to look at your energy and your capacity. You've got to look at what you focus on, what you say, yes and no to where you're spending your time. So it's not just your physical health, it's your mental bandwidth and then your spiritual and emotional health. What are you investing in? What are the environments, people, place and things that are not fucking serving you? You need squeeze every drop out of the energy you have every day and allocate it accordingly to what's going to yield the greatest roi. What better ROI than your fucking blood? Your family, your children, your wife, yourself. Mate, you know, I've reflected over my life and I guess one missing point might be I don't spend as much time with my core friends as I'd like. But I don't know, man, like I, I'm in a brotherhood of 500 men. Like I Feel pretty connected. I've got great people around me, beautiful environments I'm proud to be part of. Loving family, three children about to be four. I'm in great fucking shape. Like what? I don't know. People who value friendship, again, not I think it's valuable, but people value friendship above all those things I just said. Like if you valued friendship above. So what I'm saying is if you invested in friendship that came at the cost of physical health, wellbeing, your marriage, your family, your children, your ambition as a businessman, like, then you've got a life I don't want. So I'm at peace with that. Making decisions, decisive leadership. It comes to front loading, planning things, being ahead of time for your wife and kids. Taking a lot off her plate. Which takes me to the next two. Mystery and growth and play and lightness. So playfulness, growth, mystery being light free flowing. They're the next two. So first four. So important. A mission way fucking bigger than any human being. Because no other human being then can compare themselves to what it is that you're pursuing. And it's never a fair comparison anyway. Like how can you compare a mission and vision to an individual? Like it doesn't like that the two. It's like comparing a fish to a dog and then telling them both to, I don't know, run fish. Can't do that. So that might be a poor example. But hopefully you get my point. Massive mission. Emotional sovereignty. I'm rock fucking solid. Strength and my presence. I'm the fucking man. I'm the man. Whether I'm a panda, I'm going to be the fucking. I'm going to be the panda. As a man. I'm gonna be a man panda. Not a fucking bitch panda. I'm gonna be a man panda. When I play and I tickle Corinne's belly and I talk to the baby, you know, I give Karin a foot rub, but then I tease a 30 seconds later and I, you know, in playful ways put it over and do something funny. And then I talk about something serious that we need to fucking square away. And it's important for scheduling and emotional sovereignty. Strength in presence, decisive leadership. That is massive. They are all huge. Decisive leadership's a big one though. Big one. That's not fair. They're all very big. Mystery and growth. You keep evolving. Number five. You never let her fully have you figured out. I'm always playing games with Corinne, always. Mystery and growth. Mystery and growth. Playing games, playing games, always. She'll never have me fully figured out. As predictable as I am. So it says here, like in this, predictability kills spark growth keeps her curious and engaged. So whilst I wrote that there's a difference between predictability and being counted on, right, So I talk about good, healthy predictability. I have in podcast prior where it's like, yep, I know what I'm going to get with this man. But under the subcategory of mystery and growth, obviously predictability is not a good one. Picking up new skills or habits without broadcasting them first, hey, I'm going to do the work, then I'm going to show what I got. You know, switching routines occasionally, so mixing things up, involving the kids sometimes, but also keeping some sacred spaces just for you and her. Like, it's mystery, it's growth, it's. I just want to, I want to combine these two a little bit. They are two different ones, but when you put them together, they're very, very powerful. Play and lightness is the second one, the sixth one, sorry, fun, laughter, moments of, of, you know, levity woven into the relationship. So just, just really enlightening. So levity, levitation, lifting, like lightness, light, free flowing, play. Without play, your marriage becomes a co parenting contract. Oh, shit, man. Like that's a. Doesn't that hit home for some of us? Has for me in the past, that's for sure. Without play, your marriage becomes a co parenting contract. With these little fucking things here running around. This wasn't the way before them and now they're here and they're just taking precedence all the time. They wouldn't be here if it wasn't for us. But that's what happens. You stop investing yourself, which must be the top, the tip of the pyramid. You don't have time for the glue that holds the tip and the base together in the marriage. And let's flip that. The tip of the pyramid is the children, the glue is the marriage and the base is you. But visually, what I was trying to say is you got to be at the top, man. But that's better to put it this way, you are the fucking slab. You are the foundation, mate. If you don't invest in yourself, your marriage isn't going to be as good as it can be. You're bringing less to the party. And if you're not working on the marriage together and you're not working on yourself to bring more to the marriage because you're all just focusing on the tip of the pyramid. It's a tiny fucking piece. It's one rock at the top. That's your children, everything right but it can't shine at the highest heights without the marriage and without the man and the woman investing in themselves. So that's. That was a big. Like for us. Yeah, really hard. When Stella came in, it was like, man, I just feel like got this fucking parasite. And again, obviously love my daughter. I'm just talking about how I felt at the time. I was like, man, this parasite's sucking the fucking life out of my marriage and I can't even invest in myself anymore. That was with one kid, and I'm about to have four. And my time management's through the roof, man. I get so much done. I have so much time for myself. But again, I'm very disciplined. Like I said, I've cut fucking everything away. That would be a quote, unquote sacrifice to an average person's eyes. But no, not for me. Do I watch a game of footy here and there? Absolutely. I watch a movie with the kids, for sure. I'm not a fucking mute up in the mountains with a shaved head, praying like a monk. Like a. I still live my life, but I'm very, very disciplined with how I spend and very selective with how I spend my time. Playing lightness, flirting, even with the kids around, like, I'll give her a little slap on the bum. I'll talk about. Because Roman's only five, he calls them boo boobs, Obviously. Yeah, tits. And I'll say, hey, Roman, can Daddy play with Mummy's boo boobs? No, you get away. They're my boo boobs. Poor Corinne. She said they go, hey, I'm not. I'm not a piece of meat to be buttered with. Me and Roman are having an argument about Corinne's burdens. Fuck. He got me beauty the other day, too, man. He's quick, he's. He's sharp. Now I'm saying this is just between us, all right? So don't share this with anyone else. But I was being a smartest because we're talking about breastfeeding and how it's important, like, to the kids, we're saying it's important when the baby comes, the baby will need to feed milk off of mummy's boo boobs and blah, blah, blah. And. And so obviously their kids, they're young enough, they can relate to it and they know the baby, that will happen. So it seems weird that I would say this because they're not educated on sex or anything yet or sexual play. So I said, hey, Roman, what about Daddy? Does Daddy get Mummy's boo boobs? And I said, I Said to him, I said, can I. Can I have some of mummy's boo boobs? He already said, this little bastard's so quick to her and said, no. He said, you suck Nonna's boo boobs. I was like, you motherfucker. We call. Obviously being half Italian, we call like my mum, the kids call Nonna Nonna. And Nunnu Barci is so quick, he's like, no, you sucked Nonna's boo boobs. Like, here, basi. Thanks for throwing that in my face, mate. So funny, so funny. The play and the lightness. So, yeah, humor. Lighten some tension. Keep. Keep some inside jokes alive. Like Crin and I have a lot of personal jokes we don't share with anyone. And they're so. They're so corny. They're so cheesy, but they're funny. They're really funny. You know, the first four are really big boys. They're really big. On leadership. Mission massive mission. No one can fucking compete as an individual to the impact that you're having in what you're pursuing. That's big. Emotional sovereignty. I'm fucking rock solid, man. You're having a great day. Awesome. You're having a shit day. Awesome. I have range. Of course, I'm not a robot, but I'm on my fucking level. That's how I roll. Pretty power, strength in presence. I'm a strong, capable man. Stop. Confidence is a byproduct of courage, commitment and competence. Anyway, so if you follow through on those three, just a little bit of courage, you don't need that much commitment. Follow through on what you know is the right move. Competence, get good at it. Courage will flow. So it's not about trying to be chest out. Courageous. No, an overconfidence. My presence is powerful. It is an aura and decisive leadership. But then we move into mystery and growth. Keep evolving. Never figured out. Oh, wow, you're learning guitar. That's cool. Yeah, I just love to play some songs for the kids. Hey, if you're lucky, yeah. Might get a little love song here or there for me. Sing that. That song from the Wedding Singer. Wanna make you smile. Oh, only if you. Only if you're lucky. We'll see. I'm not gonna sing it all for you now. Like, whatever. Like, I'm teasing. I'm a bit of mystery, a bit of playfulness. Like I'm learning the guitar for me and I wanna play some great songs with the kids. But hey, you can be involved. Maybe I'll think about it. I'll see if I can Fit you in. Hey, you see that? Like, just, just little lures, just teasing, playfulness, bringing her in. Genuineness. Cracks the shits. I'd start laughing. That's what I would do. I wouldn't try and reassure her, I've got five children in the house. Now tease even more. But then in quiet, hey, don't worry, I'll play a love song for you one day. So bang. Just that. Just learning guitar. Do something new, something different. A lot of men who come in hpf. Oh, mate, I saw one the other day. Big, big shout out, shout out to my man Ryan. Awesome. Not even the other day. It was today. He posted a whiteboard where his kids were writing up a fucking workout. Either his kids were or he's got the worst handwriting in the world. Mind you, probably worse than mine because mine's not very good. So, Ryan, if you're listening, mate, I hope that was you. I hope I got this right and you're not writing up a program for your kids. But, mate, I've just been a smartest bit, absolutely amazing. Like, hang on a minute, this dude's kids are writing up training programs on a whiteboard and doing it. That's fucking unbelievable, mate. That is so good. That is so good. Why? Well, growth doesn't always have to be mysterious, but men who like. And the greatest form of communications. Example, mate, is leading the fucking charge. The kids are following through on that. Like, that growth is attractive. Then he could layer that in. He could do a little bit of play, a little bit of teasing with the missus whether she can do the workout or not. They could do a little timed run on the circuit, see who wins. Do the kids win? Does Mum win? Does dad win? Like, one fucking thing, man, and you can just open that flower up, open it up, open it up. All the goodness, get it to fucking blossom, man. One little experience, you then convert the next thing you know, hitting 3, 4, 6. Hey, cool. Let's make it a weekly special, you know, Monday mania. Every Monday night at 6 o' clock before dinner. As a family, we're gonna hit this circle, bang. Decisive leadership. There you go. A mission that's bigger than one person. I'm not talking about just the mission being, hey, I'm gonna conquer the world at work. A mission could be, hey, this is something we're gonna do as a whole family, then it's more than just one person. He's ticking. Four, five, six. Like, fuck, mate, how good? How good? I mean, that's just. That's just awesome. So a lot of the men who join hbf, it becomes that mystery and growth. Obviously, regardless of how much they share with their wife, their wives aren't in the programs. Like, wow, this guy's speaking to me differently. He's carrying a different energy, his presence is different. He's making decisions. Wow, he's got some ambition back. He's talking about this with the business. He really kept his cool the other day, even when I lost my shit. That was interesting. Like, mate, make no mistake, women pay attention. They fucking listen to themselves. They process and listen to the things that they're talking inside of their heads of what they observe. So make no mistake. Whilst the first four are extremely foundational and powerful tools. Mystery and growth and play and lightness, man, that is just racking up runs on the board time and time. Like it's just. And good, good emotional deposits. Great emotional deposits. Like, we couple that with the seventh one, sexual charge. Your first four are foundational. The next three are very, very light. Creative play, connection. Then taking it deeper at an intimate level. Obviously with the sexual charge being the number seven, but with all of those foundational ones in place, the other three just get uplifted. So much more. Lots of play, lots of mystery. I'm growing as a man. I'm developing. I'm doing new things. Wow, this guy's. That's attractive. He wasn't doing something. Let's break it down in primal terms. Like, even with the guitar as an example, he wasn't doing something. Now he is doing something. Now he's doing something better. That's something he's doing. Now he's doing it a better rate. Oh, he put a song together. Oh, now he's doing it. He's doing it with two people, my two daughters. Like, he picked up a fucking guitar and had a crack. That's energy. That is very attractive. That's very attractive. And the play and lightness, man, like I said, I've given a few pockets of playfulness and teasing and other things. With Corinne, it's little jokes and, you know, it matters. It does matter. Keeping it light, keeping it playful. Women love to have a laugh. You should never try and be the fucking clown, though. I'm telling you, mate, that shit loses its act after high school. But of course, I'm pretty funny. And I will warp and twist things and make jokes. Sometimes of myself, sometimes of kids. Yeah, Like I said with the boo boob thing with Roman, I'll turn that into an opportunity to laugh, even if it means taking the piss out of myself. And he said, that Crin didn't hear when he said that. I think she left the room or something. Or me and Roman kept chasing. Yeah, I ran away when I was teasing him, so he chased me. But then what happened was he said that and Corinne didn't hear. And then I went and told Corinne that. Took the piss out of myself. So she's laughing at me with my mum, who, you know, openly says that she breastfed me for like three fucking years or some shit, which is why I was the biggest out. Thanks, Mum. Why didn't you keep me on for five years? I might have made a successful career at footy. Not broken as many bones. Shit. But, but, you know, it's. It's. So there's your little inside joke as well. And that stuff matters. I'm not. I'm not about just being a romantic with Crin and being hot and heavy with intimacy. Like, it's all intimate, but it's all attractive. Like me making decisions as a family is equally as attractive as buying a flowers. Absolutely, absolutely. Sexual charge. That's leading intimacy. This is the seventh one. Initiating often and keeping the passion alive. Sexual polarity is the heartbeat of attraction. Lose it. And your housemates, men. You can't let this one go. I'm telling you. Like this fucking matters. Sexual polarity is a heartbeat of attraction. Lose it. And your house meets. I'm touching Corinne all the time. Slap her on the button. I'll send eggplant emojis. Do a few little silly things here and there. She might not be in the mood. So what do I do? I do a counter. I pull a reversal. I have to walk past in the kitchen like, hey, get out of the way or I'll slap you on the bump. I'm warning you. And I know you fucking love when I do that. Right? That's been a smartass now. She doesn't like that. She doesn't want me to do it. I mean, she does, but I'm just painting an example. You know, if you're doing things that are playful and I don't like you doing that. Well, maybe they don't too. Maybe they don't. Maybe they don't actually like it as much. You know, women are different, but maybe she just gets. Mate, she gets her rocks off. When you make decisions or when you say jokes, it lights her up. Maybe it's not as much physical touch, but the point is there's gotta be something in the other seven of these that you can leverage to create some form of sexual charge. That's pretty important. Sexual polarity is the heartbeat of attraction. Lose it. And your housemates. What would build that though? I'm a strong and capable man on a massive fucking mission. Get out of my way. World, here I come. I've got emotional sovereignty. I make fucking decisions. I call the shots. I can be goofy and playful and bring lightness and lighthearted nature. I don't care if it's a dad joke and it doesn't make you fucking laugh. I'm laughing and the kids are laughing, you know. And I have no care for judgment. That's confidence, man. I'm growing and building, developing as a human being. So sexual charges is specific on a case by case dynamic, right? That is true with the man and his queen, but also how to live it. It matters because his polarity matters. So it matters to you. But here are some fundamentals on how to keeping micro moments alive. A little touch of the sink or a whisper in the ear. Or they could just little pockets. You don't have to do 50 million fucking pocke post it notes. But something small that you know will float her boat. Have some post bedtime rituals. The signal is our time. So sometimes for us, like especially lately, man, like it's just tiny and handsome time. Monday nights, like if I'm not taking any coach or anything, it's just our time. We could be doing nothing, just sitting there. 8:30 to 9:30, that's it. H and H. I'll give a foot rub, we'll talk about a few things. But just. Just being present with each other. And she loves that at this stage, like I said, she's slowing down and getting ready for the baby. It's a great way to still connect. If you're seeing sex as the goal, you're losing sight. You're playing too small, man. I wouldn't even say that's the outcome. I would say sex is the process of connection. Think of it that way. I've never said this before, actually think of it this way, man. I used to say sex is a byproduct of your connection, right? No, it's not even that. It's a process of connection. Like you're never going to have sex once forever and that's it. There'll be the last time that you have sex again. And I hope for me it's old. But again, I don't value it as much. It's part of the process of connection. Do I desire it? Of course. Am I a man with hormones? Absolutely. But I see sex as a process of connection. Is it climatic? Well, yeah. Of course. Hormonally, absolutely. Is it a great experience? Physically, yeah, sure. But also food for thought. You could have someone who would be great in the bed. Imagine if they were a fucking nightmare. You couldn't stand the way they talked, what they said. They provided no value to the like. Imagine. Imagine that that was the only thing that a woman had. Would you stay married to it or have kids with it? No. So let that realign your perspective. Sex is simply a process of connection. One of the. Just one of the links in the chain. Lead the pace without always pushing for the finish, I guess is. It's a point here. But it's also my point, what I just said as well. So that sexual polarity isn't about just pursuing sex itself. That's why it's called sexual charge. It's what makes us different to being friends or mates. That's why this matters, right? Because you can have jokes with your mates, you can have mystery and growth with your mates. You can fucking make decisions and be emotionally soft. Like what makes us different? Like the sexual charges. What makes us different than anyone else. That I could apply these other seven relationship leadership principles with. That's a good way to look at it. And the final one is integrity. Your word is your law. If you say it, it's. It's done. I cannot stress this enough. The reason why a lot of you fall short isn't because you do fuck all. For some it is, but for a lot of you, it isn't. The reason why you guys fall short is you commit to too much and then your wife counts on that, and then you fail. Would you believe it? With good intentions, wanting to do more for your family. You get fucking castrated for it. You get ridiculed and criticized. How crazy. I was just doing this for you and I couldn't do it because this happened. Yeah, they don't care. So I will look at situations where there are commitments I can't uphold. If I cannot uphold it, if there is a reasonable chance and I can't uphold it, it becomes a big fucking no. Sorry, can't do that. That may seem candid. So let's try and replace that and find a different situation. Otherwise, if it has to be done now, that's a specific thing, and that's. I can't. Sorry. I'd rather say no now, even if you're a little bit disappointed, than say yes and disappoint you later by failing and not meeting expectations. Now, fellas, that comes from a position. From a. From a position of a Very, very ambitious, very action based, man. I get a lot of fucking shit done. So it's not like I'm not a fucking slob playing computer games sitting there going, I've got 10 hours free today. There's one thing you're asking of me. No, I can't do it. That's fucking ridiculous, man. Like, like you wouldn't even listen to this podcast. And those, those men have no hope if, if that's where they are still at in their life. Integrity is your word, is your law. If you say it, it's done. You follow through on it. Like that's gotta be your fucking covenant with yourself. Like to the point where. And not everything in life is guaranteed, but you need to make calculated guesses and make it fucking happen. Don't do your best. Do what's required to follow through on a commitment, but also choose your commitments carefully. Does this serve the greater good? My mission does this. The answer's no. Short term pain, long term gain. I have to say no to this. I can't. I'm sorry. Whether it's your friends, your family, your mum and dad, your wife, your kids, your work, without trust, everything else collapses. Like there's a. There's a brilliant book, fucking amazing book called the Advantage. Whether if you're in a leadership position or if you're a business owner. Get it? Patrick Lencioni, Len cio ni phenomenal books. Most of his books are fables and I never liked that because I'm not a science fiction non fiction. Sorry, is fiction. Yeah, fiction. I'm not a fiction kind of guy. Nonfiction's fact. Not that I have an issue with fantasy books and whatnot, but when I read these books, man. Oh mate, fuck. The motive talks about like it's a CEO and he's going through his journey and is talking about the difference between being a reward centered leader and a responsibility centered leader. Like, it's just fucking brilliant, man. Five dysfunctions of a team. That was awesome about team culture and organizational health. Incredible. The there was the four obsessions of an excellent executive. Is the five temptations of a C. Amazing. Amazing. So good. So good. Real easy to listen to as well. But this book, the Advantage is actually a strategic play on organizational health, which is like the meat and potatoes. It's like the plate. So sales, advertising, delivery, like service, all that sort of stuff. They're like the meat and beat potatoes, right? Organizational health is the plate that those meat and potatoes sit on. It's so fucking vital. It's not sexy, but it's Fucking brilliant. Like you see it in sporting teams. Amazing book. But he talks about this and the foundation that we talk about pyramids again is trust. And then from trust you can then build and have conflict where you're actually speaking your mind and working through ideas, topics, your position on things and your perspectives. Openly not being bitter and resentful or biting your tongue or not speaking up or nodding your head, but disagreeing in private like that just fucking crushes the corporate world, man. Like they're just fucking most people there, they. They just find themselves struggling if they are genuine because most others are full of shit and not really speaking their mind. Why? Because there's no trust, there's no vulnerability. Vulnerability based trust, not performance based trust. I can count on you to do this job. It's. I can show you fucking warts and all and stand in front of you naked and you still accept me. This is important in marriage, so important to have trust. And then that conflict then leads naturally to clarity. Clarity on the mission at hand, the direction we're going, which then leads to accountability. Are we on track with that? Which then leads to fucking performance and getting the result. Brilliant fucking book. Bringing this back to here. Integrity, man. Without trust, how can I count on you? How can I believe you? How can I be vulnerable with you? How can I let my walls down with you? How can I open my legs to you? You like, mate, pick any one of them. Like I'm serious on that. I'm not that last one, I'm not being as smart. I was like, you need to think through this as a man who is looking for mastery in life. Mastery in life, that is attractive leadership. That a woman would naturally follow your path and in the right areas submit to the process of life. And the process of life is not a woman submitting to a man or a man submitting to a woman. It's the feminine embodying the masculine and becoming one. That's a fucking beautiful thing. Beautiful thing. And so they fucking should. If you're a man worth following and you take the lead, then they should and they do. That's the funniest part. Like I said, like I'd look at my track record in life. It's like, why'd my wife stick around? I just, I ticked enough of the boxes for a long enough period of time. But now, Ah, mate, what a life that she's fucking got. You know, so the investment's paying off for her. It's not to be cold hearted how humans are. They look at something. Is this podcast worth the investment of my time. Right. At some stage before you started listening to this, you asked that question. I hope the answer is yes, mate. Otherwise I wasted your fucking time. I'm sorry. But boys, integrity, Follow through without reminders. Own and repair. When you drop the ball. Like I own my mistakes. Absolutely I do. I own them without any ego. I own them very candidly and very clearly. And if there's an opportunity to repair, immediately, I do. Otherwise, I learn and make sure it doesn't happen again. And let your kids see that you keep promises. It trains respect, integrity. This is the final piece, men. It's really important. Well, I'm an integral man. Well, of course you are. Like, it's. It's not, but it's not a. I don't. What I'm talking about with this. I don't actually believe. Men. It's a character trait. Like, I believe it's an action based commitment and pursuit that is ever flowing and ever going. Like, we look at our HPF tenants and the word integrity isn't in there at all. Like, it's. It's part of the fucking current, mate. You know, like if our tenants were the human body, integrity is the fucking blood. Honestly, it's not like being an integral man. Sorry. It's part of the fucking blood. Like, it's part of the system, mate. Like, it's. If you're not willing to embrace it all, deny normal, over. Communicate. Have a servant Persona. Be a student for life. Be ambitious. Bleed for your brothers. Be you and show you. Honor the vehicle and honor the traveler. Shoot for the North Star, which is be a man of your word. Take ownership. Perform with excellence. Seek growth, love and joy. Go all in, stay all in. There are 15 HBF tenants. I'll do them on a different episode. If you're not going to follow through on them. Like, you can't follow through on them and not be integral at the same time. That's fucking impossible. So when I talk about this, integrity, it's my word, is my fucking bond. I say yes and I say no. Right. Decisive leadership, boundaries. Emotional sovereignty. Mission. That's bigger than one person's emotional needs at that given state and time, whether it's your kids or your wife. Okay? Greater good. I'm not going to cut off the pinky to save the body. Although that's not a bad metaphor. But essentially not right now. Not today. Sorry, I cannot. That's the chief. It's not the Viking squashing that. They. That squashing them and saying you don't matter. It's the chief. But integrity. Men. Integrity. You'll tell her you. I love this example I wrote you tell her you'll fix the broken door Saturday. By midday, it's done without her. Chasing simple acts that are followed through from your word, man, that's. That's a good strategy. Yeah. Awesome. That'll do us. Hour 15. Hope this serves you well. So very quick. Very quick recap. As always, let's work backwards. Integrity, your word is your law. Like that is so important. If you can't keep your word, don't give it. But if you're struggling to give your word at a higher level, it might serve you best to just review your priorities. Because if you can't give anything, then where are you dropping the ball in your choice? Management, time management. So that matters if you can't give your word, if you can't keep your word, don't give it. But if you find yourself struggling to give it, review what you're being asked of or maybe review what you're already committing to and cut some shit away that you know deep down doesn't really matter. Sexual charge. Absolutely. What is the difference that separates you from being housemates? Co parenting with a contract like it ships in the. Not like all that. It's. It's got to be the sexual charge which can leverage the others, but ultimately comes down to the dynamic you both have. And if you listen and dig a little bit deeper, you'll know she'll have little quirks and nuances and things that you can just. Just plug into and play with and entertain and just stoking the fire a little bit and understanding that sex is a process of connection. It's not an end game you pursue. When you shift that perspective, you're always all good either way, which means you. Good intentions, intent without attachment. You want, but you don't need. That makes you very attractive. Man like that makes you really. Wow. He's Doesn't. Doesn't need. Reduces the value. Takes off the pressure and allows her to bring her hair down a little bit more and sees her. Not that I'm saying you see her as a sex object, but yeah, sees her more as a woman. A human that you can play with, have fun with. Comes back into the other two. Play and lightness, mystery and growth. Playing lightness, man. Like it's. It's. It's not all about deep and heavy and intense and chief energy. Sometimes you're a little bit of cheeky Viking. Sometimes you're a little bit of Panda. Sometimes you're both. But having that playfulness and bringing that in and helping her just express her feminine nature in a more lightly energized room. Because it's all frequencies, man. That's all this is. I'm fucking amazing at relationships and supporting men through this, but not because I read relationships books with respect to those books. It's just listening and observing energy and then collating the pathway in a way that a man will understand and connect to so that you can execute and get the fucking result that you want. Because I'm here to serve. Pretty. Pretty simple mystery and growth. Absolutely. Like, well, this man will never stop. He's just always going and growing. That's ambition. Having a big mission isn't ambitious. Growth is ambitious. Right. Having a big mission is a pin drop in the future timeline of what you desire. Desire and ambition are slightly different. I did a training on this. I might make it a podcast another time. Ambition. Ambition's a big one. That's what growth is. Right. He's showing that he's not fucking done. He's got more in the tank. Wow. I might stick around and see what he's got. Powerful. And then the first four. So working back in order and wrapping up this session. Man. Integrity, sexual charge play and lightness, mystery and growth. Decisive leadership. Whether I'm right or wrong, I'm right in making the fucking call. So I'll make it. That's pretty powerful. That's important. And that, again, allows her to submit and step into her feminine strength in presence, without a doubt. You know, I am the fucking man. And I've got the track record to prove it. Not posture to try and show it like, of course I am. Yeah, that. That's. That's the mentality. Emotional sovereignty. Absolutely cool, calm, collected and controlled. The old wise man wizard, long beard, stoking, stroking it, thinking on things. Yep, cool. Not a problem. What? World's falling apart. Got you covered. What happened here? Yep. Got your back. Like, just. Just. I used to think of that one because I had a real short temper through the 40 days and probably. Probably helped that I gave all that up and obviously settled into fatherhood. But it's still in there. I still got that. I got a pretty big rage in. In me, which. Which is not really valuable other than maybe a little bit of training at the gym. So I used to say, cool, calm, collected, in control. Four Cs. Cool, calm, collected, in control. But I used to think, what would an old wise man do in this situation? And I just visualized, like, a man stroking a long beard. Like one of those long wizards. How powerful? Emotional sovereignty. Right. Checking yourself and responding, not reacting. And then mission. Having a massive mission, because then you've got something to shoot for as well, which is very valuable and attractive. That's it, man. That's the foundation, like you. And it's such a funny thing because now you have this. Please, this is so valuable, man. Now that you have this, I want you to explore and just recollect moments in time. Where did I drop the ball? Really decisive, really strong presence. Oh, emotional sovereignty. No, not at all. Hey, you know what? Two weeks ago, my wife said everything was just real flat for about a month, But I didn't have any play or lightness. There's no mystery, no fun. I stopped doing this, or I stopped growing there, or I stopped playing guitar. I had guitar lessons on. I'm coming back to that example. But, like, just look at where. Sexual charge. I was too busy. Exhausted. She was. We wanted to. But then we're too tired to, like, the amount of times where Corinne and I've actually been really tired. But we've. I wouldn't say forced, but we've really. Oh, I guess I would say for. We both forced ourselves to connect and be intimate, whether that included sex or not. And a lot of times it did. I know it seems a bit funny, but we were too tired, man. We were cooked. Like, no, no, this is. This sounds funny, right? It's sex. I was like, no, this is really important for us. It's really important for you and Corinne. I'd love to have more fucking sleep, but let's. Let's spend some time together. And some of you guys might be shaking here going, that's a good problem to have. No, man, like, it's. It's not. I'm not being disrespectful to Corinne or to the act of a man and a woman making love, but what I'm saying is there's times where we both weren't up for it, but we made a fucking commitment to it because it's an important process of connection. So hopefully wrapping up. Boys, look at this and see it as a real stereo mixer. Where are my toggles? High. Where are they? Low. Where is the toggle? Fucking snapped off. And I gotta get, you know, some. Some Gorilla Grip or Super Glue or something. Or replace that psychoside. I know it's got a different term, but what do you call them? Stabilizers. I don't know. But imagine you've got a stereo mixer and you're working the nozzles up and Down. Where are they Non existent. Where do I need to put new ones in? Where am I low? Where am I high? This will be. This is your ultimate fucking battle map. Your ultimate command center when it comes to marriage and relationship leadership. Do some reflecting. Look over the eight. Where are you hitting? Where are you missing? Where you need to top it up. And when you nail it, and you have in the past and you have now, moving forward, just reflect on the moment. Ah, massive mission. There was lots of plain liners, bit of sexual charge. I made a decision here on dinner. I was really cool and calm when my second child blew a stacky and I followed through. My man. I hit six out of the eight hour. That was an amazing weekend. Of course. And you can fucking nail all eight. That's the beauty of this. Hope this serves you well, men. Stay tuned for number two. Cause that is. We're definitely gonna need another episode for that. I'm pretty fucking cooked. Have an amazing day. Apply it immediately, though. The strategies and tactics will be awesome. But it's just like all things, it's just building. You can start now. It's just something to build on top of though. So start now. Review the 8. Explore it, write it down. If you want the resource admin highperformancefather.com tell the team I said so. We'll get it in your fucking hands. Have it for free. Apply it, use it. It's so good, man. This will set you up for the rest of your fucking life. And set your children up as well, boys or girls, for their leadership and their relationships too. Thank you, man. I'll see you with part two soon. Cheers. Well, that wraps up another episode. And just as we wind this down, I want you to just reflect and think back through some of the golden nuggets, some of the revelations, some of the sore points, some of the things that might have hit home with you. And then just look at ways that you can apply a different set of actions to change your position, change your circumstances, change your feelings, and change the facts. These episodes are done with your best interest at heart. And there's always something we can get from that. Maybe it's not the first time, maybe it's the second time. We've had members listen to episodes four or five times and then it finally clicks. But either way, I hope you got a lot of value out of this. And also, if this is something that you really want to solidify inside of your life, repetition is the key. You've listened to it. Write down your revelations, think about them, read them, speak them, believe in the changes that you will carve out in the action plan of those revelations to create change in your life and then share that. And when you teach, you learn the second time, right? So teaching and showing this to others you love and care about is the greatest way that you can remember and make sure you consistently learn and relearn what is it's true and what is it is important to you in your heart. Take care, have an amazing day night weekday weekend and I'll see you for another one soon. Cheers.