280. The Cost of Becoming the Man Your Family Needs

If you love the podcast and you want other valuable tools, resources and coaching that will ignite the fire in you to go to the next level, then look, make sure you jump on the other various platforms. We have absolutely our YouTube channel, Alex Ranieri, and in there you'll find the opportunity to have different coaching and resources and tools and tips, including our podcast episodes in video form, which a lot of people get value from too. But make sure you have a look at everything that we have to offer. High Performance Father is something that is a phenomenal movement that I'm very proud of. It's something that I love in this message that continues continually grows, and it grows in more fashions and ways than just the podcast. But I appreciate you tuning into this podcast with a couple hundred thousand downloads now. It's just incredible. So thank you very much. Enjoy this episode, but make sure you do go and use the other tools and the other valuable resources that we have.

Welcome to a special podcast. We've got more men. More men on the inside. Hongi. Sorry. Andrew Hong, the number one dentist in the country. Dave early, traveling around the country. Tristan Brady, the man who supplies all the dentists around the country, and McFarmon, who's also traveling around the country. But no, it's. It's quite a movement we have, fellas. I gotta tell you, I looked at the. The preseason preseason state challenge clash, and it wasn't even. All of them guys were posting some of the catch ups. Incredible, man. Incredible. I'm currently getting the data as much as I can. I know it'll be a conservative number, but I'd say we'd be close to 400 catch ups, you know, four, 400. Like, it's not an online program, is it? When. When that happens, it's pretty special. And it's all. All thanks to men like you boys. And I can't wait to dig in and do a recap of cozy. I know guys listening or watching this, you've. You've heard a few times now on, on what cozy 4.0 is like and Jesus was special and all, all of these amazing men were there, but I, I think it's powerful, you know, even if it's hearing a similar thing, but in slightly different words from each man. It's pretty cool. So there'll probably be a few more of these. I think the panel's working really well. So hopefully you guys listening to this are getting some great value out of it. But I can't wait to dig in and, and with you four boys tonight, really talk About, I guess, the heart and soul of a man, the journey. And I mean, look, maybe, maybe I'll get emotional. Maybe you will, maybe we won't. But it's just like, man, like what led to. I was chatting to a friend at the gym and we're talking through HPF and I shared what led to HPF starting. It's like, oh, man, isn't it crazy? Like the scars we all carry, but, but they're not, they're not excuses to sit on. Right. It's like a rite of passage in what we do now that we're using them to become more, using them to become better. So I appreciate you boys joining us tonight. Can't wait to dig in and yeah, talk about not just Cozy, but the journey. The journey for all of you. Yeah, sure. The culture, the community, what we're building. It's an incredible thing. It's something that is absolutely driven by you. These four men that are joining us on this session, they're all pretty, pretty special with some pretty cool stories, so let's dive into that. But firstly, I'd love to say thank you for joining us, Andrew, Dave, Mick and Trist. But I'd love to start with you, Andrew, man of many words. So I thought I'd start with you first, mate, just so we can gauge how much we'll go over time. But jeez, you do some beautiful posts, man, beautiful posts. I know you don't speak a huge amount, but your engagement, the thousand steps and catch ups you do with the guys in person in Victoria, some of the beautiful poetry where you're combining the mastery of what you've done in dentistry to life itself, it's pretty special, mate. So I'd love for you to share some of that. But firstly, mate, do you want to give us a quick recap on Cozy? You've been to two now, came to Cozy last year and this year, but yeah, we'd love a bit of a recap on what it meant to you, mate, and how you found it and the energy and your insights and feedback.

Yeah, I love, I love being at Cossie. I think that's what drew me in in the first place. I did see the video and thought, wow, that's a group of guys that have done some great things and I've traditionally been a bit of an introvert, so don't really reach out to those sorts of things. And being in a group of guys that are all wanting the same thing to better themselves for their family and themselves, I think you want to be part of something like that. The energy is infectious and just being with that brotherhood, it was just absolutely amazing.

If we had a clubman or a statesman of the year award, that'd be you, Hongi. So it's so funny that naturally, as an introvert, geez, you know, you connect with men, you're so committed. You're always quote, unquote, doing the work, the challenges, the competitions being. Yeah, just. Just being invaluable to. To the tribe, being a squad leader, like, it's just. It's pretty. Well, all of you guys, for that matter, but it's. It's pretty cool, isn't it, mate? Like, I would say myself as naturally an introvert as well. Like, I don't like talking about myself at all like Alex, but I'll. But I'll. Oh, mate, I'll. I'll. HPF's my heel to die on, though, when it comes to standing for something or a mission. It gives me purpose. Mate, I'll. I'll keep talking till I don't have a voice, which I think happened a couple years ago. But what would. What would you say? I don't like comparing because last year was. Was pretty cool too. Like, I've loved it, mate. It was awesome. But what would you say is. What have you noticed in the last 12 months with HPF, Andrew? Like, what's different? What's changed? And what were some of the biggest takeaways you got from Cozy?

I think with coming a second time around. I know you sort of said to us, don't come with any expectations and any, you know, preconceived ideas, but you. You always can't help but compare the two. And I think with the. With this one that we just had number four, there was a lot more time to ourself and I thought that was quite valuable because it gave us time to reflect on things and to. And to connect with the other members. So I was actually in a.

In a.

In a house with a group with five other people and Luke o', Brien, I've never, never really met him in person. So that was really cool to. To spend a good, good amount of time with him. And a couple of the other Vic boys were there as well. So I've met a couple of those at the Thousand Steps on occasions. And then we also had Mark that was the. I think believe he does the. The marketing side of things.

Hell yes.

Yeah, so that was quite good. Some of the conversations going on in that house were just extraordinary. I think that's the. That's the Power of what we have here is that that group of men that you can, you know, lean on and support and even post, post cozy, we still stay connected. We have a little WhatsApp group that's going on, that we still keep each other accountable to the things that we said we would do. And I think that's the amazing thing about this group of guys that we have here.

Yes. And your biggest takeaway personally from Cosi4, we talk about the vision, the path for man, your big stakeways. We wrap up 25 and head into the new year shortly.

Yeah, I think my biggest one, I think, and I think all of us would agree that there was a lot of tissues required in that place at various times. And I think my biggest takeaway was actually leaving behind some guilt. I'd always felt a bit guilty about the fact that I'd not done enough with the kids in the past, but it's something that I really can't change, can only really move forwards from here. And it's what I do from this moment on that makes the difference. Not dwelling on the past. So being able to get rid of that was really good. The purpose was a piece that really resonated with me as well because like Dr. John, I think a lot of

my

goals have been set by what my career's dictated. And I thought that was success,

but

the success was really someone else's success, not really mine, and it didn't leave me really fulfilled. And that was the missing piece. So being able to work out my true purpose and sign that with a hundred other people to hold myself to account to, that was a really powerful thing. And that was one of my biggest takeaways.

It was very powerful, man, and awesome shares to Andrew. But it's not like it wasn't a wishy washy exercise, a teenager or at some pumped up event trying to work out purpose. The way most people see it, where it's like I want to fucking be heard and feel important, wasn't that I was like, you know, funny, the goal leads to the next goal leads to next goal is next goal. All of a sudden the goals are defining our purpose. Instead of us pulling back and going, what are the grand goals that we'd love to achieve in family, self and service and do them across the spectrum of time itself. On our deathbed, looking back or at our eulogy, when we pass through to, you know, on our deathbed back through to and that we talked about that visualization, geez, that was, you know, that was something else. But bringing us Right, back to go. Hang on. You know, removing the shackles. One of those being guilt. That was, that was. It took me probably another four months, but that was me for cozy last year. Andrew, like, just stop, Stop nagging yourself and down talking yourself like you used to with footy and sport just to bring yourself back up to the center because you're then just challenging yourself. You're telling yourself you won't do it so you can prove to yourself you can, and then carrying that guilt of why you can't do it because of all the shortcomings you've had as a husband, father and man and leader to then try and prove that theory. Holy, mate. What a, What a. What a waste of energy just to come back to zero. Proud of you for that, mate. And, and, and dissolving that Mark was interesting, actually. I just. You gave me a really good idea, mate. I, I don't know if he'd do it, but I should definitely get him on. Him and his team have done exceptional work for us this year. So Mark owns, you know, well, Neon, but he's. He owns a Neon Collective, so a marketing agency and has done exceptional work for us in the sense of not running paid ads. It's. What's. What, what. Where do you, where do you want the brand to go? Like what, what. What do you want the voice to be to the man? What do you want the message to be the man. And just exceptional man. Like, he helped us design all of the slides off his own back. Like, you know, offered to that for us, the workbooks. Incredible. But the biggest thing I just wanted to share, which obviously none of you guys would know anyone listening, is he's done exceptional work for us this year, him and his team. And he went back after that experience, which I, I wanted to bring him over for, as, As a thank you for the work that he done for us this year. He went back to his team and he said, like, back to the drawing board. He said, you guys have no idea. You think you know what HPF is. He's like, you have no idea. He's like, I, you know, I thought I knew what HPF was. He's like, everything we're doing now, even though it's been successful and great for Alan and the mission, he's like, this, this thing is huge. He's. Yeah, he's saying, we've got guys at tables. Like, you guys are customers, right? So we've got clients, clients at customers, tables, talking about business ideas and strategies to keep HPF going and growing and to keep the brotherhood tightened. He's like, I've never ever seen that in my life. And just. And that was just one. Obviously we spoke about a few things, but he was like, he's like, man, he's like, I actually feel in myself. He said this at Cozy because he was teary in that last session and others he said, man, I said the, the responsibility and the weight that I now carry is. Is real. He's like, because this is something that we, we have to, we. We have to get out and, and show families and fathers, you know, what, what life can be and what is possible. You know, sort of sad. Dad's club down and out. It's like, man, what, what could life be like? So many people have no idea or they're disconnected to the possibility because they're too busy just trying to survive, you know. But no. Love it. Love a Hongi. Tristan, mate, love your thoughts, man. So cosy. One of the later registrants they got to come which was pretty epic. I'm so glad you made it to Man. Jeezy had a pretty powerful share which we' how we're going for Tom. But I think it'd be. Be pretty awesome to share if you later tonight or at some stage or maybe we do another podcast just you and I. But man would love your thoughts on. On Cozzie being. Yeah. Not a multi season member. We're not yet anyway like Hongi. But we'd love to get your take and insights made on the experience itself and HBF so far.

Oh, cheers. Yeah, it's. I was bloody lucky to, to. To get on board and actually get to be able to come along so late in the piece. But I'm really, really thankful that I did. It's one of my biggest takeaways from it was not one particular conversation with anyone, not any one thing in particular. It's this instant camaraderie with all the men. We're all here for a particular reason. We're all driven people. We all want more out of life. We all know that where we're at right now at the time of joining is not where we need to be in life. And having that group of men around us who instantly just break down walls, break down barriers, you are going deep straight away and you're putting in the work on yourself from the get go. And it really gives capacity to everybody to do more, do better, achieve those things that, that you're kind of trying to set out. Do it. Yeah, the, the. The group mentality is not each man individually there for himself. It's each man there to provide a level of service to the other men who are there as well and help everybody rise together. You know, Coach Ed of our Fire Breathers team is absolutely fantastic, man. He always says, rising tides lift all boats. And it really was a rising tide of men who were there to serve each other and help and serve the cause and push forward.

Yes. Curious on that. Like, in regards to Coach Ed, how much did he pay you to talk him up and give him a shout out on the podcast?

Nothing at all, mate. The man deserves to be spoken about. He's a bloody legend.

I think he tried to talk up to the Titans, but they wouldn't have any of it. The. The boys in the last episode. I think.

I think he just needed another loop closed.

That's right.

Yeah. Just shut off another loop. He's put. He's put the idea out there and that's it. Take it up if we want or down if we don't want to. That's it.

No, it's awesome. Biggest takeaway for you, man. Like, personally and what you'll be taking into the. Into the new year, mate, after something. I mean, it's been a month.

I can't believe it's been a month already. It's. Oh, yeah. I don't know. It's. One of the biggest takeaways for me is standards. I've. I've aligned myself and set myself to standards that are uncompromising now. And I came back with this mentality and this and this energy and drive inside me, and I was ready to break down walls. Just so energized and so set and so determined to just keep pushing forward, you know, going and growing and going and growing. I've been able to focus that in a bit better over the last couple of weeks. Like, it was just this big ball of energy set and going off. But standards is one of my biggest takeaways. And I've said them just not in. It's not just a personal thing. It's standards that carry through every aspect of my life. What I will accept as a man, what I won't accept as a man, what I expect of myself, what I expect of others around me. And it's just go, go, go, go and achieve.

Yes. It's a tough one too, man. Like, I, you know, I have plenty of times where I'm relaxed, exhausted, and have nothing, but. But ultimately, when. When I do have energy, I'm considered, I guess, an intense man. So it is a hard thing, mate, especially coming off the back of Cozy, especially with feedback from our loved ones, like, hey, it's love it all, but it's a bit too much. And it's, it's not our wife or our children's fault. It's just the, the frequency we come back at is something that we set. And inside of HPF as a whole, it's like we operate at a higher level of, you know, it's almost a. There's obviously a formula which, which I have dissected before, but it's like this blend of the urgency of time where life matters, the impact we want to have to create balance across the board, not just time itself. So it's like this urgency, hey, we're all going to die, but hey, what's the most important thing? But hey, how are you going to balance family? So it's like, it's an interesting sort of Rubik's cube that we put together of these core elements to get all the colors lined up on each panel. And that's something that most people in the world have no fucking idea, let alone the capacity to entertain that because they're currently, they're currently struggling, but working through, or they need to every day in, in what we are naturally as human beings, in patterns and standards. So I say it respectfully, obviously of, of your wife and kids tradition, just like I do of mine or all of our members. But that is a, that is a tough thing, man. So I love that. You're two things that really helped me, especially with Cozy over the years, to be able to do it. And I mean, by Monday I'm pretty smashed. Like, I woke up Monday morning like, wow, we've got this two hour workshop and man, I was like, massive headache.

You crushed it, mate, and crushed that workshop.

Oh, thank you, mate. Thank you for saying that while I'm here and live in front of you. But it makes me feel better. But no, look, I did because I was measured and intentional. They're the two words, be measured and intentional with your energy. And I could see that the gala dinner night, not, not that the coaches retreated. I'm just, you know, I'm just taking shit on them because they're not here, so they can't defend themselves. But, but no, there was a period of time where they were in there connecting with each other, which is, mate, that's their. They got their little brotherhood, right, the coaching team. So they're, they're talking on the experience, all that other stuff. And. But I could also tell that it was for the ones who had been There for the first time. It was catching up to them and made. As tired as I was, I was out there working the tables, connecting with the boys. I feel a bit bad because I probably missed between three to six guys I didn't have a conversation with. But that's out of a hundred odd. Every bloke. I had that, like, I want to connect with every man, have conversation with them all. And yeah, Monday I was cooked, man, but measured and intentional, which, which I love, Tristan, but standards as well, which will raise you above how you feel at the time and how you feel the time can definitely deplete or reinforce a reality.

That's right. Look, you can, you can set. Sorry, I don't mean to cut you off. You can set these standards for yourself. And if you, if you're not achieving them or you're not actively working towards them, then you, you actually de energize yourself because you feel like you're letting yourself down. And then it's this, this negative hate spiral that you start going in in your mind. So by setting them and being measured and intentional and working towards them, you'd be surprised how much energy you actually start lifting inside yourself while you're doing it though.

100%. That's exactly, you know, that's exactly the point. Coupling that with what I was saying, which is, if you believe the story that I am fatigued and tired, it's like, wow, what a double whammy. You know, you're not holding a standard that can uplift you and then you're buying into a truth. How many human feats have we, have we done over the course of history that's been like, wow, what a miracle. That's impossible. You know the woman who maybe she doesn't clean and press the car, but she can lift and nudge and move the car. Wow, what right do you have? And maybe it's not a Mini Cooper. It's, it's, it's a reasonable car and she's a woman with a small child who's trapped under it. So, so yeah, you're right, man. Raising the standards helps you and maintaining them helps you keep your energy high. But also in trying to accept your feelings and where you're at at times in states of exhaustion, it's like, well, how do you know what the human being is capable of? Because there's so many death defying feats that we've accomplished and achieved that purpose. Workshop, though the word that comes to mind, which I think would hit home for you, Tristan, is unyielding. You know, another podcast episode. I don't. I'm not big on acronyms. A lot of people get out there and. And just. Just bark at people. Right. But they're presenters and they have all these amazing acronyms. Like, that's not for me. But purpose was a powerful one with the. You being unyielding. You know, what, what's. What's the standard that I won't. I won't break on? I won't bend or. Or bow down to that I know I need to stay strong on. So. Yeah, love him, man. Powerful. Mr. Early. Dave, this is your 12th cozy, I think. Is that right? It's like you're part of the furniture.

Second Cosby. So, yeah, I'm in. In my third year now. Progressing well.

Yes. Talk us through the. Well, let's start with Cosby, man. Talk us through a quick recap on. On what that was, what that was like for you, mate, and, and the experience overall because you'. You're a very unique man. I always like your insights and how you. How you. How you perceive and process things.

Yeah, look, I. I went in with a lot of expectations. I know what Andrew said about not going in with. With expectations, but making that comparison between last year and. And this year, obviously the structure had changed, the numbers had changed, and I think from the first session, maybe even before the first session, just meeting and greeting the other men arriving, something felt different. And I knew that it was going to be bigger and better and more beneficial than COSI 3.0, not to discount the massive benefits that I got from last year and the amazing experience that that was. But just something had been turned up on the dial to 11, and it was. It was incredible.

Yeah.

Yes, the. You're right, though, man. Like, just with the groups coming in, the embracing the way we kicked it off, the free time, Andrew. Absolutely. It was crazy. Some of the breakthroughs that came just from the nothingness. But, hey, that's. That's where all the best ideas I've ever gotten have come from, whether it's in the shower going for a walk or not thinking it's so funny, so why wouldn't we. And in the feedback forms you got, the guys love the free time. And in fact, some of them are. Some ask for less and more workshops, which I think we could. I think we can really tailor in some cool stuff like Q&As and rapid fires and almost like. I don't know what you call it, but like a. Like a time zone where you've just got an Open workshop. But then other guys, yeah, really love the free time. And so that one was one of the most powerful things, not only in reflecting themselves, but connecting with others. But even just the talk when we're. Okay, cool. This is the first piece, Vision. All right, Start talking amongst yourselves. What answers did you have? Bang. Immediate. Immediate noise. Guys are talking, connecting. Like you're writing out your heart and soul in these workbooks. And there wasn't any hesitation. And then that. Just by day two, even before we could start workshops, the chatter was through the roof. It's like, all right, boys. All right, let's get to it. Let's get to work. Biggest takeaways, Dave, or what? What really landed for you, mate? And any takeaways or things. I know you've got an interesting time in your life with travel, with the fam, around the country, and you done amazing, mate, and been very successful. So I'm curious on biggest takeaways from Cosi and what. What sort of was lit up for you that you'll take into next year?

Yeah, look, the. The instant camaraderie again, for those who don't. Don't know me, I spent 20 years in the military. Obviously, there's. There's a lot of that built into the structure of. Of service life. And a lot of these men, you know, we only engage with online on sessions or over a phone call or over a zoom meeting. So having the opportunity to meet those people in real Life and in 3D and have those, you know, almost instant connections with, you know, with our brothers that are walking this same path. Look, the biggest takeaway for me, which, similar to last year's experience, but is the absolute importance for all of us to take a break from our current situation and circumstances, our reality, separate ourselves from that, and create that sacred space and time in an environment which is generative, which is uplifting, which is positive, which is designed to help us grow and go back to our families as an improved version that can offer them something more, something better. Look, for me, I drove 38,000 kilometers to get there, right? My. My travel plans with my family were structured around doing a lap of the country, ensuring that we were in a place that I could be to get a flight or it was a lift in the end with. With another HPF man to get down to Cosi and have that time for myself after pouring so much into family. So for me, that's how important it was to get back and do this thing again. That's my biggest takeaway, is making sure that I am Allocating that sacred time and space for myself so that I can reflect and be the best version

that I can be beautiful share mate. And incredible wisdom too that we too often forget because we just get in production mode in typically one area which is service just on, just before I guess we, before we get mix insights. I'd love to just sit on that with you for a bit more, Dave. 20 years, you know, in, in the Defense Force. Walk us through, I guess, like, because I do want to talk about hpf, right? Like life before hpf. Like, where were you, man? Was there, was there a struggle or a challenge that you were going through? Was, was there a. I don't know, a lie that you weren't open and honest about with yourself? There's something you saw in the children, seeing in you that you weren't proud of. Was there something where, hey, everything looks fine, but it's not. Like what, yeah, what was happening pre HPF men, and what drove you to initially reaching out, you know, three seasons ago, three years ago to joining.

Yeah. So pre hpf 2021, I was medically retired from the military, long list of mental health, mental fitness challenges which, which then led me down a path of becoming an excellent alcoholic. Gaining, gaining too much weight, starting a whole lot of things, but finishing pretty much nothing. Absolutely lacking ambition as I had no, you know, career or, or distraction of work to, to take my mind off of. Of other things throughout the day. So a couple years after my downhill slide, I, a light bulb moment had come on. Range of things had occurred. I tried to. I started to turn my life around, got back into the gym, doing exercise, eased up on the drinking a lot. And I can't even remember off exactly how it happened, but I do remember I was referring HPF to some other people. And at the same time I wasn't really registering that it could be something that would benefit me. So now I've been to a couple of wealth retreats in the past. I've had coaching in fitness, in sports, in all manner of aspects of life. I'm like, why do I think? And I'd done a lot of positive things to get myself into a good place. But I was thinking, why do I think that I can reach the next level without the support and guidance of other people who have done the things that I'm aiming to achieve? So after recommending HPF to other people, I was like, you know what? Put your money where your mouth is and pick up the phone and see what there is to offer. I think I delayed my Agreement to, you know, sign up by one day, did the typical I'll, you know, consult the wife or whatever it was. And the next day I was like, you know what I mean? Take my money. And I paid upfront, in full. And I'm like, I'm committed to this program for 12 months. I wanted to improve my relationship with my wife. I wanted to be better, a better example for my children. And I wanted to reach heights that I didn't know that I was capable of achieving because of the glass ceilings that I'd created for myself. Yeah. So lots of turmoil. Probably lost five years of my life. To call it burnout, whatever you will. I did three deployments to the Middle east, which all contributed to the cumulative ptsd. But my first approach was the wrong solution to the problem, which was to more sedation and more ignorance and more Netflix and let's see how I can bumble my way through the next half of my life. But as they say, the pain of staying the same became greater than the pain of change. And I had to do something about it. And I'm just so grateful that I made that decision to invest in myself, because money comes and goes. I can get more of that, and I sure as hell can't take it with me. So I think that transfer of value, it's priceless. What I've received from this program, as you've talked about before, the initial 12 months is about resolving the issues and getting the man back on track. My second year was about consolidating what I've learned and growing and developing, which included me developing that courage to take my family on a trip around Australia in a caravan. No mean feat. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of hard work and sacrifice, despite the amazing places that we've visited and seen. And so, yeah, HPF gave me those things to be able to achieve the bigger goals that I wanted to achieve. And now I continue to contribute as a squad leader, as a member, to try and enrich the lives of other men. Because thinking about what I went through and how I had to experience that through trial and error, I would love to see fewer men have to do the same as I did and learn in that way. I'd like to see them shortcut the process and avoid the pain and suffering and get to those higher levels through the encouragement and support of hpf. And I think that's possible.

Do you think that's the diff? Like, sounds like brilliant share. But, like, I don't think I need to run ads anymore. I Think we just. We'll cut that. We've got this recorded, and we'll just run that as our advertising from now on.

Go for it. I've got a face for radio.

Yes. Very photogenic. Mate, you're wearing the HPF shirt. Love it.

The.

A lot.

A lot of our men have done personal development, business coaching, growth, all that sort of stuff. What? That last part, though, around the brotherhood, around you, driving forth, or maybe the specifics, family, self and service, not the overall just mindset. And

I left the key part of my explanation out. What I discovered in signing up to a coaching program was this tribe of other individuals that was seeking to raise the collective consciousness about what it means to be a man, to have generative and positive masculine qualities and to lead by example, which starts in the home. Right. Raising our children to be the best that they can be and providing them with opportunity and responsibility and lessons and creating that safety such that it spreads out throughout our community and then our society and then hopefully nationally. So starting that process within the family nucleus is a way in which we can actively contribute from an individual perspective to something much bigger than ourselves. And that's what I've discovered has been so important to me, is that I now have the opportunity and a platform to. To guide some of these men who are struggling with, you know, their knowledge or the information. And there's plenty of that out there. There's too much out there. We get to distill that and condense it to something actionable in. In quick time, and to help them through that process to get to where they need to be, to be able to do that individual and household contribution which will then spread out into, you know, their broader life.

You find that's the difference. Like, what would you say? I mean, I know you. You're in hpf, but what would you say is the difference between all the other personal development growth events, things that you've done versus hpf? Is it the brotherhood and the tribe? Is it the common collective, like you said, of these men wanting to create generational change? Like, what would you say would separate us or put us apart to what's the others?

The others are, like, set and forget to an extent. HPF is enduring. It's perennial. It's something which continues regardless of the members coming and going, regardless of the coaches coming and going? It's the system that's been created which exists to provide that, you know, ongoing support to. To those who need it.

Yeah, it's funny, too. Like, the pain of. I love this. The pain Was it the pain of

when the pain becomes greater than the pain of change?

The craziest part too is the pain of change isn't that bad if you can see clearly, have a vision and people around you to pick you up. It's not, it's nothing, man. That's. It's welcomed pain because you know what you're going to get. Like the pain of actively pursuing growth, even if the path isn't a straight line, is, wow, what a discovery. We learned so much more. It's an adventure with other people around you. How could you ever stay face to face, face first in the dirt and not get up with the monster, you know, like.

Yeah, yeah. So sorry about. I'll probably cut you off again.

You're in the fire breathers. That's what coach Ed does really well in our meetings, actually. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Love it. No, it's, it's, it's a really interesting concept to bring up because we, we have that set mentality on the inside and it's something that we learn and something that is developed within us while we're in here. But I think for men who are on the outside or who are contemplating joining who or who aren't here yet and on this journey of themselves, they're lone wolfing life, they're sitting back going, I've got these issues, I've got all this stress going on. How am I going to attack this? How am I going to tackle it? They don't feel like they have anyone else around them who can help them. They don't have that support in their life. And since joining and coming on board, I've really learned that, hey, you're not alone and you don't have to face it alone. You have support, you have the tribe, you have a brotherhood of men here who will support you through your journey, hold you accountable and call you out on what's going on in your life as well. That's one of the biggest support things that I find in here in the brotherhood is we are here for each other.

And the beauty is that there are so many different men at different levels of this journey. Some are in an acute state of the family's just separated or they're struggling with substance abuse or alcoholism or whatever the case may be. But then you've got other seasoned members who've traversed some of these mountains, experienced some of the events the likes of Cosi, done a lot of face to face catch ups, heard a lot of stories, understood and listened to other Men and as such, you know, have a new wealth of knowledge to pass on to everyone. So, you know, it's a bit like a school which has, you know, multiple grade levels of children working together, like the little kids are working, learning from the bigger kids. So we've got this vast expanse of knowledge. And that's not to say that these men who are in their acute sort of situation don't have a lot to offer. They do. They're giving us an opportunity to provide that help and to give back based on what we've received from. From being a part of this brotherhood. It's. It's fantastic.

Yeah, well, you know, 100 what you're saying, mate. And like you said, whether it's an acute problem or you're five seasons in, you know, the. It never ends until you die. So in fact, the higher performing and more successful you are, the more problems you actually have, they just change and then they're different. But then there could be more skin online depending on where you're at. In again, these high performers with acute problems have I. If I drifted in my marriage at the. And that's been the cost of me pursuing, you know, a higher level of excellence and wealth building for my family, you know, albeit good intentions. It's now it's done a 180 on me because those I want to provide for have turned their back to me. So, yeah, it's really interesting, man, because we talk and I don't use it as marking thing when I say, yeah, we've got Olympians and ex Wallabies and blah, blah. It's like we've got men who are successful across the board in all realms of life. It's not a place for duds or a victim mindset or men who don't want ownership, they don't want responsibilities or to carry the torch for their family. I know that sounds a bit weird, but. No, there. There are genuinely men out there who don't want that. Which we will never be. Which we can't. We're not a fit for it, obviously. We can't be. Yeah, it is awesome, Dave. I mean, the big kids and little kids. I don't know what grade Eric's in, but he's a giant, that's for sure.

But.

But, you know, it's. It is pretty cool like that because what has given me the ability to do what I can at 40 has been listening to every man that's older than me and just trying to take it all in. What's right, what's wrong, what have they done? What was the outcome? What did they do? What was the outcome? It's just, just watching and observing and then calculating. This guy's 53 and his wife's at perimenopause, like, all the little things that. His daughters are 18 now, going out. You know, I've got three daughters. Like all those, I just listen, pay attention. Okay. What did you do, man? I'm curious. What about? Of course, I can fundamentally help talk about value and relationships, being the chief, blah, blah, but I'm always listening and learning. That's what I love. It's the ultimate school. For me, fellas, it really is, because I get to see men 10, in some cases, 20 years ahead. And in one case, I won't mention his name 130 years ahead. And I was like, wow. Who said? Sean Hutton.

I couldn't help myself. I couldn't.

I don't think anyone can.

He'll love listening to this. He'll love it.

King Hutton iii. I, I, I, I think, I think he got rejected, but he sent me a screenshot where he went to legally apply to change his name to that. But that's okay. We'll keep trying, mate. That's how we will address you, sire, within the, within the walls of hbf,

like you alluded to before. Life doesn't get any easier. We just get better. And the, the hits just keep on coming, no matter what, one way or the other. And look, I've learned through HPF to not wail on myself so much, to be more patient with my actual limitations, to be more patient with those around me as best I can. But, yeah, it's a process of growth, which, as you said, it brings more responsibility, more challenges. But that's welcome, right, because it's something that brings more opportunity at the same time. And we can live a richer, fuller life by having more things to deal with.

Isn't awareness a wonderful thing? Just being aware that those things are going on in your life or that you have. You're picking up on these things a little bit earlier than when they were happening in your life before it. It makes a difference. You can course correct a lot easier. Your capacity builds because you're aware that something else isn't quite going on the way you want it to. So you, you tweak, you adjust. You can fix things before they become problems. It's. Yeah, it's a big thing.

Oh, man. Awareness and ownership. Like shit. Like what the. The ultimate key to choices. Yeah, and, and it's 100%, mate. Like, like awareness and ownership is. Is the only way to actually start to liberate yourself and create a series of choices on what you can do and get your power back. It's huge, man. And it doesn't mean you become a control freak, but it's like, where are the facts? Where do I need to just stop? Not slow down, but completely stop and just find out where everything's at. Where are my feet? Just look down. Where am I? What's the lay of the land? What do I need to own? Which, you know, it's a blanket statement to say, for us as men, it should be everything. But it's like somewhere along the chain, I need to own something. What was past, what was present, my perspective on things, the choices I want to make, my skill sets that I'm currently deficient at, that I need to improve. You know, HBF isn't like, the community's phenomenal, but it's not a community, like, on Facebook, to just talk shit. It's like, community, get the work and build and become more. But so now I completely agree, Tristan and. And Dave, it's like, man, if you. If you take ownership and you start to build awareness in yourself, and then you have that collective conscious, as you said, Dave, around you, then you become what you guys have all been and really good tonight as well. You become a beautiful mirror for yourself where you can actually look and go, ah. Where does the work need to be done? And that's the last thing I was gonna say. And then I'll mix. Mix. Had to duck out for a bit, so hopefully he can come back. That's right. If Mick comes back in, we'll definitely. We'll definitely go to him and we'll keep the ball rolling. That's. We'll keep going for now, boys, with you three.

The.

We think the greatest canvas in life is ours to build on. Right? But I actually. I truly believe, like, the greatest or the greatest artwork. I truly believe the greatest artwork is our children. Why? Because we are the creators of their canvas. We've created the wood, the framework, how big it is, what type of material it is, what color paint, what type of paint we make. The brushes. Like, we didn't have that men that was handed to us from our parents. Some good, some bad. Some paint I got from my parents was blotchy. And others were beautiful and pure. Some brushes were already frayed. Other brushes were beautiful and delicate. Some parts of my canvas has some fucking tears in it. That's okay. Because bless my mother and father, either indirectly or directly through what to do or what not to do. I've had the ability, coupled with, with this environment in HPF to repair those patches and work and build, but geez, what a. I truly believe that the greatest artwork we can at least initiate and build is, is that of our children's because we are designing the canvas that they will paint their life on. That's a. Just to come back to what you were saying, Dave, about the children, the caravan. You're doing so, so, so special, man. We'll see if Mick, if Mick comes back in, we'll get him back on. But, but on that. Not easy, man. It's. It's not easy. And you might be, you might not be at that point, but something that comes to mind for me is I just got a note here that I want to talk through the cost. Why HPF isn't for everyone. You know, growth costs something and we don't shy away from that comfort. Old habits, you know, the, the, the pain of staying the same versus the, the pain of change. But there, there is. I talk about the pain of change not being much if you have a vision and people around you, but it's a real thing. Old friendships, you cut away the old identity. Ego habits. I'm curious to start with you, Andrew. Like, what have you felt some of those intrinsic costs or experiential or relational? You know, like a lot of people, it's a pretty hard thing to get rid of alcohol because that also means the risk of getting rid of friends that you had that alcohol with that you know, what got harder for you, mate, if anything, after you joined. You know, what are some of those. We call them sacrifices. That's the S in purpose, funnily enough. And it's, it's. There's always sacrifice. There's always a price to pay. You know, like Dave said. Yeah, there's, there's money, but that comes and goes. But there is a real price to pay of shedding the old skin. Curious. Only for you, mate. Like what, what have some of those been for you? And, and who would you say HPF is not for? I guess not to disqualify men listening to this, but just to give insights on what we stand for, which ironically enough makes us even more attractive to men who are aligned and. Okay, those guys stand for something. Yes, that's right. Yes, we, we. We don't bring anyone in. We've not many, but we've removed people that haven't been great for, for the tribe that's been very small, which has been. Which I'm grateful for. Got great people here, but yeah, I'd love some insights. Hongi, on, on for you, what you felt in the sacrifices and the cost whatnot and who you think HPF probably isn't for sure.

Definitely comfort in old routines, as you've mentioned before. But the biggest one for me was just the identity of the guy who just grinds and thinks that's okay, just grind away at work. That's what I thought was the right thing to do. And as a result of that, I lost the connection with the kids. And so I think the other cost, I think was the just being ignorant of that. And so once you sort of see that, you kind of can't unsee it anymore. So life hasn't slowed down since I joined and I think the standards have gone up. My expectations of what I want for things has gone up. I've become more accountable and honest with

myself

and that's, that's also meant that I've had to face, face myself on those days where I probably just wanted to hide or just not, not, not accept that and just switch off. So what who HPF is not for? I think it's not for men who don't want validation. Or motivation without discipline. I think discipline's a big one. Or they don't want a brotherhood that. Without being challenged. I think there's a lot of great men in here that will support you, but they'll also challenge you even when they have to. And I think that's the beauty of the brotherhood we have here. Not to mention the fact that Jimmy Darnold will just lift me up and carry me wherever I want to go.

Jimmy's our new recruitment officer. That dude's so strong. He just, he just walked through the streets and just give people QR codes and sign them up to hpf or

just pick them up and bring them

along, carry them under his arm, mate. He's got so much energy, man. He's got more energy than my, my four kids combined. It's unbelievable. And he's 51. 51. I think he's in his early 50s now, or 50.

That's.

Geez. Hasn't he changed, man? Even the last 12 months to the first 12 months,

mate, he's got the energy of a bloody 10 year old. It's crazy. I just want to tap into a little bit of it and away you go, mate.

Yeah. Phenomenal, man. Phenomenal. Hongi, just before I go to you, Tristan. Hongi, the. That's a really interesting thing too right. We're talking about friendships, all that sort of stuff and the costs of that. But it's actually there are other costs too. What you're saying is you've seen what's possible. So now that's the standard. I, I didn't, I actually truly believe that's fear of success. I didn't really know that term because I've always just been like, nah man, I've, I've come from the slums, man. I just want to be successful whatever costs. I don't care what it is. Is it fame, like Hollywood, you lose a bit of privacy, so be it, mate. And yeah, I know it's just silly thinking when I was younger, but I was like, yeah man, no, no, whatever it takes. But it is that, isn't it? Because like, ah, that means I know what I'm capable of and if I don't uphold that, I've slipped in my integrity, standards and discipline. Right, but I think that's what you, I think that's what you meant. But what, Walk me through, like, what's something, I guess with the kids because you're pretty involved, aren't you now with your son's cricket and like what's what, what, what were you slipping or missing the mark on and now what are you doing that shows a clear standard. That is a lot of pressure, but it's a, it's, it's, it's opened the eyes to where Andrew as a father can and should be now.

I think I was neglecting my responsibility to be present al. I thought that just being there was enough and it's not. It's, you know, you have to interact with them, you have to do those day adventures, you have to do those special times. You, there's no other way that you can develop a connection or a relationship with someone without doing that. And it's. When I was going through that process of joining hbf, I, I knew something was amiss. I didn't quite know what it was. I couldn't put my finger on it. And the only thing I knew, and we were talking about this just before, handed down by the example of my father, was that all you gotta do, Andrew, is just work. That's what you gotta do. The mum will look after the kids and all that sort of thing. And so I truly believed that that was the right way of doing it and just didn't feel fulfilled. There was something missing. I didn't feel a connection with the kids. I never went to any of the events and all of a sudden they're growing up and you sort of think, wow, at one point I was holding them in my arms like this, and next minute they're holding me. And so that was kind of how I got into things, was I saw some. I saw some ads and thought I was sitting there on a wall looking at my life. And I saw the video from the cosi before, so I think that's number two. And then I think you're about to run a seven day challenge. And I thought, okay, well, I can't even walk to the letterbox without puffing, so I probably should get myself fit. And that sort of came up and I clicked on the link and the next thing you know, I'll get a text message, someone will call me in the morning. And that person was Tim David. And it was just interesting that it, you know, we're talking about Cosi 4 before. It was another one of those moments that I truly thought was a really special moment for me was to actually meet him in person now and to be able to sit down and have a conversation with him.

It's pretty, pretty cool. When we look out the room that Timmy, we definitely get him on for podcast. He's such an amazing support coach and he. Fuck, man, he would have. I'd have the numbers. I'd actually have the data. Timmy's probably helped. He's connected with probably 15,000 people, but I'd say he would have, yeah, helped probably close to a thousand men like you now, Hongi, who wanted to go all in, how to take the steps, what we're about, what we're for, what we can do to help his courses. He's a challenge, he's mates. Yeah, it'd be pretty cool to get him ons. It would have been surreal, mate, meeting him in the flesh because he didn't come to last year's cozy, but yeah, no, that's great. Full circle, as Ed would say. Another loop closed.

See.

Yeah, a beautiful share, mate. Tristan, you know, did things get harder with hpf? Not right. From Echo was all guns blazing because there was the, the ego, the old habits, the identity had to let go of, like what was, what was the struggle. What do you think has been a worthy sacrifice where it's not what's HPF cost you, but like a worthy sacrifice you've had to shed away food for thought. What do you think knowing what you know now about the culture and because it's. It's not a course, it's not a program, it's.

It's.

It is a way of life with a Collective of men who uphold that way of life. And that's called hpf.

What.

What would you say? Like, who do you think hpf's not for as well? Yeah, love some insights on those two, mate.

Yeah, Yeah, I appreciate that. It's. HPF is. It's not for people who are seeking comfort. You need to be comfortable in discomfort because if you do nothing different, nothing changes. So men who are happy to sit back and keep living life the way they are, whether it's up, whether it's down, this is not the right place for them. Men who are seeking more, men who need change in their life, who might appear fine and dandy on the outside, they're successful people on the outside. Their business is booming. They're crushing it in their working life or in their life of service. They could be dying on the inside and just not showing it to everybody. They're the men who this, this, this place is for. You know, I say it a lot and I keep coming back to it. If you do nothing different, nothing changes. And the only way to really get that change in your life is to seek discomfort. So be. Be comfortable being uncomfortable with. With what you. What you're doing. You lose the option to coast in your life when you're doing that as well. You know, you don't keep the same old habits. You. You change because you're seeking that growth. You're looking for more and sitting back in your old patterns, your old coping mechanisms. Whether you're numbing yourself with drugs or alcohol or going out to party all the time and avoiding the house because your missus is just going to yell at you and you don't want to be around there anyway. They're the patterns that you need to get away from in your life. If you really want to connect and you really want to grow as a person. The cost shows up in small moments in life. It's doing the hard things, but it's easier to just sit back and let your life drift. It's having conversations with people that you'd normally avoid and holding your standard when you get tired, when you get worn out and sitting back and choosing discipline over convenience in your life. So, you know, and it's not something that's always easy, but it's the oddest thing to do as well. And that's why it's not for everyone. Some people want improvement without discomfort, and you're not going to get it. HBF willing to pay for their growth.

Yeah, I think, I think a good analogy, which, you know, the vast majority of the adult male population will understand is a good matrix analogy, which is that HPF is for those of us who want to take the red pill, right? We want to face the harsh truth. We want to be able to turn around and face the flames and change, you know, what has happened in the past. And I'm not talking about just our individual circumstances, but you know, from the industrial revolution when fathers were taken out of the family and put in a factory for 10, 12 hours a day for six days a week and separated. And so we lost a lot of that initiation into manhood and those ritual processes that allowed us to grow from boys into men. And look, if you want to take the blue pill and go back to La La land and eat your delicious steak and pretend like nothing's ever happened and so be it. Like there are people who are going to want to take the path, the easy path or the sorry, the path of least resistance. But I think the value and the benefit by looking at things critically, including the man that looks back at you in the mirror, is a really fantastic way to grow and become something better than, than what what was expected. And look, all of our fathers want us to be, you know, better than, than what they were to have more than what they could based on the experience they had. And look, it behoves us, nay, it's our responsibility to take things one step further and, and leave this world in a better place than what we found.

It's our duty as a man. Like I look at that as like I was having a conversation with the coaches the other day. I was like, as men, how could you fucking not want to create something from nothing, face something impossible and make it possible? I don't know, maybe I'm too obsessed in competition. I've just got to win. Maybe it's a bit of sport.

I think that there are a lot of boys walking around the country, the planet in giant man sized bodies and they're not willing to make the sacrifice it takes to become a man.

When we look at the chief rights, we talk about Viking and panda, we've found obviously we track everything, right? So we've seen patterns over the years where typically the men that are a great fit for age BEF is exactly what you say, Dave. It's good where you put it with the matrix and yourself, Tristan and Hongi, all of you have valuable points where it's like the, the, the right man is almost like the Viking at work who's become a panda through deficit, skill sets, a lack of awareness, you know, and not escape but. But not being present, absent in the home life. So it's like, because men who typically have some sort of Viking nature in sports or in. In business or. Or in work, they take action, they take lead, they get shit done, they take risks, they learn from failures, so on and so forth. But they still become pandas at home. Either through. Yeah, absence of lack of skills, awareness, not understanding, value through the eye of the beholder. The stress of children adding to what could be small, tiny fractures in what was otherwise a beautiful boyfriend, girlfriend, husband and wife for the time being. Because that's what children do. They really amplify your weak points, that's for sure. That's crazy. But we do have men reach out that are just this full blown pandas, and that's not based by work alone, you know, Like, I Prim was absolutely the breadwinner in the early days, but I was an extremely strong and ambitious man who kept taking chances and getting after it. And because I look back now, I'm like, why Prince stick around for so many years? So many years. It was because of that. I was the prize. I was still the chief. But yeah, great, great points, Dave. It's a. Ignorance is bliss. I still remember that bald dude with the mustache eating the steak in the restaurant at that first Matrix. I think it was. I just wrote something here.

You're right.

Like, I would rather engineer a harder reality with scars and calluses and battle wounds and stories than instead of sleeping in a dream that isn't real. And I think that's a really good

way to put it.

We're not trying to be macho or tough or tell guys listening who aren't members. Hey, if you're not a member, you're not with us. You're against us. That's not the case at all. But if you have something in you that is drawn towards this podcast and this isn't the first one or the first one's caught your eye, well, then you know that you do have something different new. As opposed to the rest who just want to sleep with blissful ignorance in a dream that isn't of their doing. It's a dream you don't control. Sooner or later you think you do, but you don't.

What you just said there al in line with that, show me a man with character who's lived an easy life. Look at a trust fund kid who's had everything given to them. What have they got to show for what they've built when they've had it handed to them on A platter like this. Sometimes the only way is through adversity, mate.

It's. Yeah. And more often than not, earlier in life, it's the only way. So if we're really Pinocchio on the island through our 20s and that creeps into your 30s, which happened with me. I mean, thank. I am where I am now, but if that thing creeps into your 40s, like you're. You're a man, you've got a business, you've got a mortgage, you've got kids. What the. Are you doing with. With. Or not even toys. If you've got a hobby and you love. You know, or you love train sets or that's all sweet, but like, what. Yeah, I know she's with. With men wanting to do their own thing, but like the vices, the. The pleasures that are a deficiency to your integrity as a man. All those little things like, what are you. What are you doing, mate? Like, it's that. That's the craziest part too. We say about boys in. In men's bodies, it's like you look at someone who's in their 40s and you think they're old, but it's nothing. Mate. A year is nothing. Like, I look back now and I even look now to see kids in their 20s. Like, mate, it's. It's. You're not even close. I think it took me till I was probably 38 to just really hit another gear. Not that I wasn't mature in aspects. Starting hpf at 33, but man, like, it's. So if you're. And that's someone who's tried failed elite sport, gone to the top in many different ways, shapes and forms, been through the fires. So ambitious, so hungry to grow. If you don't have any of that, you've just been working a job and making money you got. If you don't do something about it, what chance would you have, you know? But yeah, the. The pathway that you guys have taken, I'd love to. I'd love to dig into that. I mean there's a couple. There's a few more things. I'd love to go in through with that. But. But now that that's been really. That's been really valuable boys great shares.

The.

I guess the mechanics.

Like what's.

Yeah. Tristan, what. What. What behavior changed. What's. The. What's. What's hpf or the brother would helped you with. Like what. What have been some of the. So we can say, hey, cozy was awesome. Hey, this was missing in my life. And, and now it's all amazing. But what have you done, man? Like, let's talk through because this isn't a, A course or a program or something with fluff. There's this. There's standards we have uphold.

There's.

There's habits and routines, there's skills we need to develop, there's points of accountability. That's tracking and scoring. There's competitions and challenges. What. Yeah. Tristan, walk us through, I guess some of the more tangible things because men, we love that, that you've applied in, in your life since hpf, that that's led to, to the results and in connection with you and the family and maybe if you want to maybe be awesome to share that if you got it in your bro, with what you shared at Cozy, or maybe not all, but at least the letters would be nice. Up to you. I'll let you take it wherever you want to go, man. That was very specific.

Cheers. Cheers. Yeah. Wow. That, that share at Cozy, that, that was something that I really wasn't planning on, on sharing that either. But a lot of things kind of happened mentally and, and, and a shift and a change just in me fundamentally while I was there. It's something that I can't describe, but I can feel it in my bones. It was just this shift and change in me as a person. My. I was in a dark place when, when I joined hpf. And some of the details I won't go into just out of respect for, for my wife and kids, but I was ready to make a pretty stupid decision. And I, like I shared at Cozy, was standing at the top of a cliff or sitting in the car, in the car park at the top of the cliff, reading through a brand new life insurance policy to see if I would be covered if I did something silly. And the main reason I'm sitting here today is because it was a brand new policy. And you know, even in doing something that taking that easy option out that I thought was going to make life better for those around me was going to leave them with less, even less than what we had at the time. So I'll step back. I didn't do it. And it's a hard thing to talk about. I started searching for more. What really needs to happen. There was breakdown and fracture of the relationship with my wife. And it wasn't something that happened overnight. It was a progressive thing. Over time, I'd built this level of frustration into myself and resentment for the people around me by saying yes to everybody all the time. Way too much pander. And wondering why I wasn't getting this respect. Back off, people. It was always, yes, I'll do this. I'll try and do that. Always trying to be the hero and fix everybody's problems and do everything for everybody else. Wondering why everyone was angry at me. No one liked me. I wasn't getting any successes out of doing everything for everybody.

And

by sitting back and trying to do everything for everybody else, I was never actually achieving anything. I wasn't finishing anything. This is a horrible yes man, Pat. You know, you try and do everything for everybody, but in the same time, you achieving nothing that really matters. And that was a big realization for me when I first started with hpf. Stop saying yes to everybody else before I've said yes to myself. And I learned really early on that it is not selfish to do things for yourself first, to put yourself first and foremost in the decisions that you're making. Because if I can't be a hundred as a man and I can't fill my own cup back up, I don't have anything else to give to other people. So it feeds into one of our tenets as well. And it's probably one of my favorites and one that I come back to all the time is honor the vehicle, honor the traveler. And if I'm not doing everything that I can to be the best man that I can for myself and honoring myself physically, mentally, and emotionally and spiritually, what have I got to give anybody else? So I locked in really hard and dove in. You know, we talk about going all in on the program. I went all in. And I've built success in that over time. It was progressive. It didn't happen overnight. It's been a steady grind to get myself back to a place where I'm firing and can give that back to everybody in my life. So chipping away, going and growing, and really making what could look like to the outside world. Selfish decisions, saying no to people, saying, I can't get to you. I've got to go and do this first, then I can come to you later. I'm achieving more success and more pleasant relationships with people by saying no and working on myself and getting myself better. My life before looked fine on paper, but I had no internal foundation. So developing these standards and these steps and these things that I won't sacrifice and won't shift on for myself is building that foundation with me internally to be able to come from a place of strength and with a stoic mindset to go, I can help you in this now. I've Got something I can give you. And that development has come over time, not an overnight thing. You've got to be willing to turn around and keep doing the work on yourself to achieve better things for those around you. So take that journey for yourself. Be on a journey of self discovery and self growth and improvement to lift your own life and in turn uplift those lives of the people around you. People who are willing to stick around on the journey with you as well. You know, if they're not willing to hang around on the journey that you're on now, maybe they weren't meant to be there in the first place either. So lock in, look after you and those around you can come.

It's something I'm really thought. I mean, look, you say the grime, but it hasn't taken you 10 years though, has it? So that's the thing. Change just chip away day by day. But over time, you're right. So it's like, what's that old saying? It's takes longer than you'd like, but it comes around quicker than you think. And that's, I mean, man, here we are, time of recording. This is like two weeks of the year left.

Yeah, yeah, look, I've only been with HBO for nine months, so I'm not even a full season in yet. And I don't think I've ever had such a great connection with my wife as what I have now. My daughters will come to me with, with questions and concerns. They'll, you know, they, they, they say, dad going to the gym all the time. They go, oh, can I come too? These sorts of things were never happening before. Never. They never would have approached me. My kids didn't even want me in the house. They wanted nothing to do with me. It was, oh, shit, Dad's coming home. Everyone walking on eggshells everywhere. It's just not like that anymore. It's a fundamental shift, a foundational shift in the, in the attitude of the household.

Yeah, we love the long game, man, but the long game is like, it's not even 12 months. It's like, imagine if I could say to you, in less than 12 months, you would have a completely different trajectory in your life for you and your family. Which then if you look at the ripple effect or an avalanche or a snowball building, it's like, what would that then mean for your children if instead of one day, this was day one and then a day 365, which you're not even at yet. You're like 280 Crazy, crazy one thing I didn't think of, though, Tristan, before Hongi would love your thoughts on actions, habits, changes. Just some of the good,

the good

building blocks that we do in HPF is one of the things that we really help the men in HPF with is the decision making process. Because it is a process, making decisions and how to think. Not that you're ignorant at all. It's just like how to think through situations which leads to the decision maker process, mate, they are too. Like just everything you're talking about. Then, Tristan, what was going through my mind was he had to make a decision, he had to process things, he had to go through a decision. He had to think about this differently, he had to address that differently. How did he perceive that and what was his perspective on things, which is how he places and values the current situation and, and the circumstances and the people in their positions. Like, that's a. I don't. Like, that's not. I know we've got, like, mind of steel and we've got experts, all that sort of stuff, but that's an interesting. It must just be part of the undercurrent or the, or the, the lifeblood of the, of the community, because that's a. It's something we've never tried to do on purpose, but it's, it's a. It's a real skill. The other thing is. So it's the whole panda, but then family walks and eggshells, right? Because we're grumpy and shitty and, you know, we're stretched, we got nothing left. But this is, this is the thing for all of you men as well. If you're making commitments to people, even your wife, especially your wife and your children, they're the two most emotionally driven beings in your life. If you're making commitments to people without structural front loading, then what you are really doing is you're responding to a pressure valve. They're just looking to momentarily release, which is why, of course, Tristan, there's no fucking way you'd be more productive in doing more because you're constantly just putting out little fires that just light up on their own again instead of going, no, stop, that's all right, there's a pail of water. You're a big girl. You can put that fire out. I'm building this, and if I don't set this right with these mortar and bricks, that wall will fall over and I've got to build that wall again. This building is important for us because it's gonna, it's fireproof. So that fire you're having won't happen here anymore. And it's. That's something that I learned that I guess stubbornness is probably the first point, but more so now the vision, which we all need as leaders, right? Having the vision, I'll happily have healthy conflict with my wife and say nos. And it's not even putting the foot down. It's just, hey, you, your own person, like, how could you. If someone asks you a question, you feel obliged to answer them. It's like, no, it's not. And of course you would if you have duties and responsibilities to that. Corinne asked me a question, I answer, but it's mate. It's like saying it's like most of my. Sounds silly, but it's like. It's like me seeing a stop sign on a Road at 11 o' clock at night and there's no one around and I'm like, why the am I going to stop? Because there's a bit of white line on this road where there is no risk, there's no harm or anything. And some is probably not even alive anymore who painted that line because someone made some rule which has validity when there's other cars, but now there isn't. As a human being, a free man walking this earth, I'm going to put my foot on the brake and actually stop this car on my own with no one around me. And again, I'm not saying, you know, break the law. What is the law? I mean, what's. Maybe it's a collective of agreements. Some of us agree to, some, some don't. But I'm looking at, I'm like, that's how this needs to be too. If it doesn't, if it doesn't make sense in that time, in that moment, why buy into it? Why agree to. It's like, no, no, no, it's. I need to make this make sense for me and have good healthy boundaries and put the foot down on what I know just doesn't make sense right now. Whereas too often it's like, yeah, we, we, we're men, we're going out, we're producing, we're tired, we're fatigued. So what is it? Well, as men, we just want our sanctuary, want peace and harmony when we come home. And isn't it funny? That's the. So there's five. The five just on that, fellas. The, the five temptations of leadership, right? There's status over results. Look at me, I'm the fucking CEO. All that shit, right? Status over results, popularity over accountability, certainty over clarity. It has to be picture perfect before I even take a step. Truth over harmony. And harmony over truth. Sorry. And invulnerability over trust. That fourth one, man. So I did it as a platinum workshop mate that just. That landed with everyone. Why harmony over truth? They're the little lies. Even in ourselves, we're choosing harmony over facing the truth of what we need to in our life with our wife, with our children. We're choosing harmony over truth. Now, the truth is maybe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. That's Mark McNeague, one of the other members, and myself. We've been unpacking something since Cosy. We had a pretty interesting conversation on our way down the mountain. It's to do with harmony over truth and the impact of FIFO fathers who choose harmony over truth when they're coming back into the household from being away on a turn working. And we've spent a bit of time unpacking that as a theme, and we want to bring it to the group and have a conversation about it in general. But the theme rings true through a lot of aspects in life, doesn't it? You know, are people choosing harmony over truth because it's easier, because that's the more comfortable way to live life? And, you know, you end up making decisions that aren't for the benefit of everybody or yourself or for others in your household because it's just easier to be that way?

I think also in so many cases in society nowadays, people are vilified for having an opinion which may upset someone else. There are plenty of things that people do that upset someone else. But I think, you know, that take. Take it for what you will, but it may start in schools, it may start elsewhere, but we then develop this lack of courage in standing up for what we believe. So I think it's an important point that you make there about, you know, having not just an opinion, but a set of morals and values and beliefs which align with what we're trying to achieve and sticking by them. And, you know, having the courage to be disliked when people don't agree with us.

Yeah, couldn't agree more.

Yeah. There's a fantastic book, Ego is the Enemy. Absolutely brilliant. And there's a chapter in it, it's to be or to do. And a lot of people who are choosing harmony over truth are the ones who want to be, not the ones who do. When you're being something, you're, I'm the CEO. Look at me, I'm bloody fantastic. Or, hey, look at this fancy car I've got. I Earn all this money. I'm special. I'm being this person. I'm being this thing. But what are you actually achieving? What are you doing that is right? How many people did you have to climb over and crush and step on along the way to get to be that thing that you want to be? Because you've got this inflated ego, and you just have to keep doing these things and achieving these things to feel good about yourself. But the benefit comes in doing the right thing. When you deflate that ego and you press it down, it's not to deflate yourself, but it's to take wrong decisions away from things that you're doing in your life. You need to do things rather than just be things.

Yeah, absolutely agree. The thing that you were talking about, Dave, you know, it's. It's. Well, here's a way to put it. And then, yeah, we'd love some. Some insights from you, Hongi. Harmony over truth. Somebody out there, if you need, like, just that little bit of a rocket up, you're like, let's choose a different word. You're choosing harmony over truth. Comfort over truth. Complacency over truth. Sellout over truth. Like, really have a look at that. Like, if you don't know what the truth is, well, then you need to go find it and figure that out. But you do. You do, right? Like, what's the truth with you and your relationship with your missus? Ships in the night or not. Disrespectful or not. She's more masculine, you're more feminine. Or not. You're too much of a tyrant. You don't know if she values you're suppressing her or not. Like, you know that. Like, you already know, but pick whatever word works for you. But that's. That's a real. That's a real risk, man. Those five temptations, I've worked through them and. And. And I love having them as.

As.

As my staple, too. Cause they're temptations, right? It's never ending. Never ending. But harmony over truth, man, if it's anything I learned from what started HPF with. With my life, my marriage, and how much I was out of alignment, the truth always wins. So let's make sure we're on the right side of that truth. And that's. Yeah. Hasn't led me astray yet, that's for sure. Hongi, what about you, mate? Like, you know, behavioral changes, actions, outcomes you've had. How do you find you're showing up differently now? What would your kids say is different about you? Like what's the mechanics of the actions you're taking every day, your identity and legacy you're building. Yeah, we'd love some insights on some of the nitty gritty too, mate, that you've had that's led to your progress and development over the last few years.

Sure.

I think the actions and the behaviors, I think it's really being intentional. Intentional with the choices that you make. And it starts with the morning. How do you want to get up in the morning? How do you want to show up? Do you want to start the day right or do you want to start the day on the wrong tangent and just really from the get go, you're on the back foot. So getting up in the morning, expressing some gratitude, getting some exercise in eating right and just making sure everything's right before you go. One of the things that I've found really, really beneficial having having the brotherhood around me is identifying things I can't see, those blind spots. You can't fix what you can't see. Right. So having other men that can see those things and respectfully point them out to you, not, not with judgment, not with, you know, any chip on the shoulder or ego or anything like that, but just out of pure love for you and for. To want to see you succeed. Because I think that's one of the things that I think is just a beautiful thing about this brotherhood is that we all want to see each other win. It's not about a competition of we are trying to outdo each other. We're trying to collectively win as a group. So what will my kids say about me nowadays? It's different. I think I'm karma. I think, you know, we're talking about Tristan, we're talking about the kids on eggshells. That, that was my kids. If something went awry or they broke something, I think they were petrified to come and tell me because of the way I'd react. And, and you know, nowadays if something like that happens, I, I want them to come to me. You know, I've got one that's almost at the age where he's going to be driving. And that's the last thing I need is if something was to go awry was for him to be scared to come to us. So I think, I think I'm a lot calmer. I listen, I'm present. I think that's the biggest thing that the kids would say would be different. I've even shared the cricket field with one of the youngest ones most recently. So that was, that was an experience to be had.

Double century, mate. That was pretty cool. I'm waiting for the video.

You're waiting for the video? No, there was no. No batting for me or bowling. But I did get a. Get a go at short leg because he came in opening spell, couple of overs, and he nipped out about three or four of them within a few overs. And so I came onto substitute field and the captain said, oh, I'll stand Andrew at short leg. And then he was chirping at the batter, at the batter and saying, be really nice if you just chip a little edge to that guy there. And then we could have court Hong senior, bold Hong junior. It looked really cool in the score book. Alas, it never happened. But anyway, it was still good. Good to share that with him.

You talk about getting your habits and your routines and all the little things, the, the, the finer details that, that you build. Man, I love some of the photography you do and, and your, your passion with birds. That's incredible. Some of the photos. Yeah. Pretty cool stuff. I've got here a written piece. I'm not sure if you want to read it, otherwise I can read it for you, but the same hands that build smiles build lives. I just wonder whether Andrew Hong would have realized this and written this a few years ago, you know, pre. Pre hpf. But it's a beautiful write up. If you wanted to read it, you could. Otherwise I could read. I've just got it up here in front of me now. Squad leader channel.

I'll let you read it Al.

It's pretty. And just these pictures here of these. These people. So yeah, these, these people's teeth and smiles that you fixed. This is a post that, that Andrew put in the, in the squad leaders. Beautiful inspirational post for us all. The same hands that build smiles build lives. Every day in the clinic, I work in millimeters, not meters. Tiny margins, fine movements, absolute focus. A fraction too much pressure can crack an enamel. A fraction too little attention can miss disease. Dentistry teaches you quickly neglect the details and the outcome suffers. And then I go home and I realize fatherhood works exactly the same way. Not in grand gestures, not in highlights and trophies, but in the details. No one applauds the tone in your voice after a long day. The patience you show when you're exhausted. The promise you keep when it would be easier to cancel the presence you choose when distraction is tempting. Just like in dentistry, you don't build trust in one appointment. You earn it through consistent precision over time. Purpose changes everything. At a workshop during COSI 4.0. And again at our most recent charge up, we'll challenge to go deeper than surface success. Not what do you do? But why do you really do it? And through that work, my purpose surfaced with clarity. I give people confidence through their smile and their function. Not just teeth, not just procedures, but the courage to smile in public again. The ability to eat without pain, the dignity of speaking without shame. The confidence to show up fully in life. That's not cosmetic, that's transformational. And here's the truth that hit me the hardest. That same purpose doesn't switch off when I leave the clinic. At home, my purpose carries a different uniform, but the mission is identical. To give my sons confidence in who they are. To give my wife safety in my leadership. To give my family strength through my consistency. Precision is love in action. High performance in the clinic looks like preparation, focus, clean systems, relentless standards, continuous learning, accountability for every outcome. High performance at home looks exactly the same. The greatest lie we tell ourselves is that I'll be more present when things slow down. I'll lead better when work is lighter. I'll become the father they need later. Just like oral disease, delay never makes it smaller, only deeper and more complex to solve later on. The truth is confronting. If a father is sloppy with his standards, his son feels it, his wife carries it, his legacy reflects it. And if a father is excellent in his standards, his family becomes the compound interest of his discipline. In dentistry, we say, do it right the first time or you'll pay for it later. Fatherhood is no different. You either build intentionally, repair constantly, or pay the price in regret. Your hands carry purpose. High performance fathers aren't perfect men. They are precise men. They choose excellence over ease, discipline over distraction, presence over performance, connection over consumption. They understand this. The same hands that build smiles are building lives. The same purpose that restores confidence in patients must restore confidence at home. And both deserve your very best. Wow. I can see why you got me to read it. Mate, that went for a little while.

Yeah, it's too long for me.

Geez, that's. Wait, just run us through that quickly. That's a. That's a pretty heartfelt. I mean, I think. I think that should be on our website. To be honest. Mate, that's just an unbelievable insight. I'm not joking. Aiden Charles, terminal cancer. Multiple times told he's gonna die, yet there he was at the top of Cozy. And then at the gala dinner, read an incredible poem about rising again. Tristan, you're sharing the letters from your kids and your wife. Man. Peter Child Freeman Holy dooley. Like, what a share. But that's. Where did that come from? Hongi? That's pretty deep, man. It's pretty special.

It's reflection. I think something I probably didn't do a lot of pre HBF was to sit down and really think about things. And I guess I pigeonholed a little bit as well, you know, with thinking about work as being completely separate to home life, to comes back to. I think there was a session that Lee did about masks. I had different masks on now. I had my work mask, I had my home mask. I had. You name it, I had one. And one of the things that has been a big part of. Getting to where I am now has been about being vulnerable. I think dropping those masks and just accepting me is me. And I think a lot of the fellows that I've connected with at the Catch ups have helped that for me by accepting me as I am. It's not something that I get everywhere I go, But by spending that time thinking about, there's a lot of time you spend in the day doing. Doing your work or for me anyway.

And

to apply those same things to my home. I think with the success that we've had with work, I think I wanted that same thing for home. That's. That's really the main impetus as to why I joined in the first place.

It.

Would Andrew, three years ago be seeing the world the way that he sees it in that write up, you know?

No, I don't see the world the same way as I did three years ago or even two years ago. It certainly opened my eyes to so much more. I think even two years ago, if you asked me if I'd be sitting here sitting with all of you talking on a podcast, I'd probably tell you that to keep dreaming. The fact that this has lasted more than five minutes is probably good testament to that, that things have changed.

Ah, mate. We could just had your Sharon and that write up alone, mate. That would be a podcast episode. Hongi's insights, you know, But. But it's. That's. I need you guys to understand that it's not. It's not what he wrote. It's. Where's it come from? What's the perspective? What is he seeing? Like the ripple effect? I don't know if how you do one thing is how you do everything. Me, me and Mr. Dolph, they need to have a. Have him on and have a debate. He might get me. I'm not sure. He might have some secret stuff up his sleeve on it. But I absolutely know how you do one thing impacts everything absolutely. Like the sheer fact that Andrew would have the perspective and lens and reflective space to, and time, even the time to write that. Like you really need to dissect that. Like even just giving yourself the time to write something like that, you can, I can see exactly where you are and what's going on in your life, man, from that write up, the time you've had when you posted it, where you posted it, why, the context, the actual write up self, your reflection, how long you've been in HPF for Cozy, the journey that you've had, the results you've had. That, that's, that's the ripple, man. It's beautiful.

It's, you know, therein lies a part of the secret sauce of, of hpf. Right. Hong's now got a group of people who are completely non judgmental to share that beautiful thing with, who are all going to reflect on it in their own individual way. And that's going to build that connection between us as individuals. But also it could mean something to another man in HPF that just needed to see something like that on that particular day or hear that. And I think that's a lot of what we don't see and necessarily understand with the things that we share, whether it's in the sessions or on the platform, just how much something small can impact another man's life and how important it can be on that day. And just the value that we all individually get from, from seeing those things as well.

Well, you've all impacted families without even knowing from this podcast alone. It's not to compare even jobs, you know, hey, what'd you do? Say honey, I got home from work and it's like, oh yeah, I saved someone's life. And that's like you guys, you guys hear on a podcast, your clients sharing your journey and you're impacting other people's lives. Like that's, that's insane. It's crazy. Dave, man, traveling around the country, India, third season with us, mate, I'd love for you to walk us through, you know, like the habits, the changes, the actions you've taken. I guess a shift in identity, in self too, you know, like it, you, you're very proactive. You've worked on yourself, like you said, for five years. But I'd love to, to know what's shapes Dave's life over the last couple of years and, and some key takeaways and yeah, your identity and what you're building for your daughters, for your family.

I think what HPF gave me initially was something that I had let go of from my time in the military, which was the structures, the routines, the habits, all of that was thrust upon us, whether we liked it or not. So when I left, it was like sweet time to take my foot off the gas pedal and relax a bit. But I just did it wrong. And I really lacked the appreciation for what benefit having that structure and set of routines and habits had in life and how important it was. So that was probably one of the biggest things that I introduced, you know, after joining and ironically enough, taking your family around the country in a caravan blows all of that out of the water. It all went to shit. But what I did have leading into the. And we're home for two months having a break, which has been excellent. But what I did have leading up to that was the strength, the mental fortitude, the resilience to be able to go on that journey. And even though it was a little bit ad hoc and at times I slipped as well, but I was able to maintain a reasonable level of standard despite the change in environment, the change in scenery, the turbulence and the emotion that comes along with all the things associated with living in a small box with your family. 24. 7. Yeah. So that. That's probably the biggest thing for me. And now I'm using the time I've got here to really rebuild and get back into that mindset so that I've again got the capacity to lead my family through what is obviously with the support of my wife, who does an amazing job and keeps me in line with lots of things, and the kids who are willing participants in this as well.

Yeah.

So rebuilding my strength in the gym while I've got access to a gym, you know, spending more time contributing to hpf, giving myself that greater sense of purpose and contribution, which is difficult to do when you're constantly traveling and enjoying quality time with the family all the time.

Yeah. What would you say? Yeah, it's, mate, no easy feat, caravaning. I didn't go as far as you, but it was, yeah, great fun and hard work, full of. Full of freedom and adventure and then full of restriction and. And imprisonment. It's nighttime or it's bad weather. What would. I'll ask all you guys this. You know, like, what would be, like, the biggest. I know it's hard to say what these. But because there's so many. And that's not just hpf, it's all of you men. I mean, man, I've probably got like 50 podcast episodes banked that I've got to record so much. So much comes from you guys. What would you say, though, has been for all of you? Like, I'll start. I'll stay with you for now, Dave, like the biggest nugget or wisdom or takeaway, even if it's like a strategy or an action or a habit or a philosophy or belief, just something you'd love to impart. It'd be great to get like, you know, what have been the biggest. The golden nuggets you guys have gotten, or an action or a foundation or a strategy that's really impacted you the most with hpfd. You'd love to share with these guys. So, like giving genuine advice like, hey, this is a belief system change for me. This is an action. This is a habit I started to do, which was awesome for my kids. This is the time. This is how I manage my time with.

With.

With work now. Or would love that. And then. And then maybe final thoughts. It's been an amazing episode, boys. But, yeah, conscious of the time and we probably could go for hours. But yeah, with you, Dave, I'd love. I'd love that, mate. Like, you know, biggest thing from the

perspective of traveling, what I've had is through our internal system, the member map of people all around in Australia. All around Australia. So I've been able to physically connect with the likes of Coach Harding in Townsville, Luke o' Brien in Darwin. I met Nathan. His name escapes me.

He'll.

He'll kill me for that. I was in. In at Ayers Rock in the middle of Australia and he randomly happened to be there on a holiday with his family.

Nathan Wood. No.

Yeah, Nathan Wood. Nathan Wood. Thank you. Yeah. Like Lance coppin up, like 300 kilometres from Port Hedland, living on a station in Northwest wa. Yeah, like, just the incredible community of people around the country that I've had the ability to have as, you know, other adult males. I have a family of ladies to connect with and spend time with and exercise with and everything. But look, yeah, in terms of the, you know, the biggest, you know, takeaway from. From hpf, it goes back to what Tristan said before and elaborate. Elaborated on very well. And I'll use the term that I learned from Shannon Brenton, which is the concept of selfing. So it is not selfish to do things for yourself. And when I started to make decisions to, you know, do the things that were beneficial for me, that were healthy, that were constructive and that, you know, filled my cup, that that's what then led to me getting More respect and more appreciation around the house and in life. And that energy that I was carrying with me was, was and still is attracting people in ways that I. I never imagined because my confidence has grown and that exudes in, you know, public interactions, even with strangers. Since I've been back, like, two of the neighbors have brought me into their house. Ones I haven't met yet that moved into the apartment building. One's given me, like, potato chips and some Korean bloody ginger stuff, and the other lady was showing me her renovations out the backyard. And I just. I just am like a magnet for. For people to want to interact and communicate with.

Yeah.

So that's the. That would be the biggest thing I've got out of hpf, which I guess ultimately comes down to respect for myself, which then leads me to, like, the person that I am, which then, you know, encourages other people to want to, you know, be a part of. Of my presence.

The irony, isn't it? I don't value myself, so I'm going to focus on being busy, not thinking about myself, doing more for others, and being as valuable as I can. So I'm going to give him a thousand of my 10% instead of being 100, which I'm making up myself to give him a great 30 because that's all I can give him today. But it's three times more than what I was doing when I was cooked. It's so funny, man. We know. You're right. You're spot on. It's absolutely a confidence thing. It's like, hey, I've got. I've got to work with Dave and I've got to. I've got to call Dave every single day. And I've got. I've got something else that I think would be awesome, like, mate, why am I overreaching so much? That. That's the. You know, that. That. That is absolutely the key. I remember when Shannon said selfing as well. It's absolutely the key. Men. Like, there's nothing wrong with you doing something for yourself. The craziest part about life is in. In a roundabout way, just like taking ownership somewhere along the chain, what we do does have a significance on our attack. What we do, we do attach to, you know, so I'm spreading myself thin and being a yes band, saying everything to everyone because there's a level of significance that I can carry a load and I can support, say, oh, help them, or one of our tenants is servant Persona. But it's servant man, like, from position of strength. Not slave, not savior. It's servant, you know, here to serve, here to be of value. The best leaders are the best servants. We're all here to be great leaders. Yeah, brilliant, brilliant. Share, Dave. Love it. Tristan, how about you, mate? Like Golden Nugget or Wisdom or one of the biggest or greatest breakthroughs, takeaways you've gotten in HBF so far or something you'd love to share with the men Listening.

Yeah. One of the. One of the biggest things for me has been awareness. Awareness of my shortcomings and my failings, awareness of my strengths in. In my capacity and what I can do as well, and applying that to all the decisions that I make in life. So it comes back to working on progress over perfection and being aware of what the outcomes of the steps you're taking are. If you're not doing anything or you're not changing, nothing else changes. So start doing things and learn from what the outcomes are and be aware of what's happening around you. Pay attention, take steps, make adjustments to what's going on in your life. If you want something different to be going on, you can course correct. But I feel like a broken record. I keep saying this to a lot of the men within the tribe as well. If you do nothing, nothing changes. You know, while you're on that journey of adjustment and change in your life, stop waiting for the right time for something to happen, because the right time doesn't exist. You just need to start doing, you know, tying that back to family. Your family doesn't need a perfect man. They need a consistent one and a present one. So you maintain steadiness, be steady, be present and do what you say you're going to do, especially when no one's watching. Keeping that standard for yourself when no one's watching, when no one's looking. You achieve those things for yourself and you build your energy and you build your growth from there. You know, don't sit back and wait because nothing will come to you.

And as Dave says, a little by little becomes a lot. You know, it's really. Fellas like that is the craziest part. You can have unbelievably radical change. Unbelievable radical change in just 12 months. Just 12 months.

Yeah.

What if you did it 10 times? What if you got a seven out of 10? Wow, what a decade you've had. Because you're going to be 51 day, you're going to be 61 day, be 71 day. Then you want to be the greatest grandfather. Yeah. The world has ever seen, or at least your grandkids. Right. It's absolutely. My kids love energy. Oh, they are just so attracted to it. It's such a valuable thing for them, you know? And how do you remain valuable to them and to your children when they're going through what you've gone through? Well, you've got to keep going and growing, otherwise by default, life will just accelerate. The decay process really will.

I think it's also important to accept that sometimes things are going to be messy, some days are going to be messy, some days are going to be heavy. But you still put in the work, you still take the steps, you're on a path, you set some goals. If you lose focus on where you're heading to and get caught up in the messiness, you're just going to keep bringing yourself back down again. Perfection wants people to applaud it. And progress just wants alignment with your goals and your strategy and your standards. So alignment over time then starts becoming your identity. So keep taking the steps in the right direction. Progress isn't. It's not succeeding. Every single time you try something, I've got this computer background and the guys in the office keep coming to me going, what is that? And it's a series of dots. I got it off one of the men in the tribe. Series of circles across the screen and there's three lines of them. First line says, this is Progress. And it's 10. 10 green ticks in a circle in a row. Step, step, step. Next one says, this is progress. It's one green tick with nine red crosses behind it. Third line, this is progress. Nine red crosses, one green tick. And it sits there. And I look at it every single morning. Every time I open up the computer, it's a reminder to me to just keep taking the steps, just keep working in the right direction and you might succeed every time, you might fail a lot of times, but there'll be a tick somewhere along the line, so just keep pushing.

Well said. Well said. Hongi, how about you, mate?

We're biggest takeaways for me, really. It's all the things that have already been said, but I sort of look at it as we're fathers, we're men, we're husbands, we do the work, in my case, quietly, but all of us consistently, so that our children don't have to, to heal what we refused to face. And I think the other part of it is that we don't have to do this alone. We don't have to be lone wolf, we don't have to shoulder that burden ourselves. We've got a brotherhood to help share that load with us if we want it and if we. And live with intention. Life is full of choices. The more, the more you pick those correct choices, the better the outcome will be.

Yes.

So I love that. A little emblem, you know, just standing tall enough and for long enough, being strong enough for long enough to hold up those around us, to reach further, see further than we have before. And you're a testament to that. All of you men are. Final thoughts, Andrew? Final thoughts or key takeaways or as we wrap this up, been an incredible episode. Thank you boys for joining us and yeah, we'd love some final thoughts and then we'll wrap this one up. We'll start with you, Andrew.

Yeah, sorry.

Yeah, man.

Final thoughts. Come back to me if you can.

Yeah. Hey, you thought amazing for an introvert and reserved man. I tell you, that's it. How good. Back to me.

I'll go first.

I'm a man.

A few words who doesn't like the sound of my own voice. So I put a little note in the chat there which is something that, that's resonated so much for me. Others can't trust you if you don't trust yourself. And that translates into make a commitment to yourself and then follow through on that commitment. And it goes back to the tenet of being a man of your word. So if you say you're going to get up at 7 o' clock in the morning or whatever it is and go to the gym, then get up at 7 o' clock in the morning and go to the gym and what you've done is followed through on that commitment, honored the commitment and built a level of trust in your own word, with yourself. And that's where everything begins with trusting yourself and doing the things that you said you were going to do. And when you do that, then you invite that voluntary thing from others to trust you as well.

It absolutely does. It's an aura. Something becomes attractive to others. Men, you know, like it's women, children, other men. Everyone loves, loves a man of competence who can perform, you know, and do it in, in, in a way that he, he struts the stride of, of being able to produce in family self and service, not just being a one trick pony. It's funny just reflecting on that day before we go to you Tristan. The it's sort of like a byproduct, isn't it? Like if you look at someone who's confident, then there's a reasonable chance that they have trust in themselves as well. Don't they. I'd say, like, it's a. It's a beautiful quote because you wrote it here. I'm just reading it now. Others can't trust you. Don't trust yourself. It's like, well, if you have that, you must. You must carry with it also courage and confidence to go out there and go forth. And that's an attractive thing that brings people in. So awesome, man. Tristan, how about yourself? Final thoughts?

Yeah. So I'm carrying around in my pocket. It goes with me everywhere I go at the moment. My high performance father cozy badge. And when I. There it is, legend. When I. When things are getting tough or when I can feel stress building, I pull it out and I look at the back of it. It says, build the life that outlives you.

And

it's a great reminder to me to knuckle down and win quietly and not build my life for applause, but build it for alignment and to be the man who does the right thing without needing to be seen doing it. It's a constant reminder to me that I can succeed, I am enough, and I'm not lone wolfing my life. I've got people there around me who can give me the support that I need. So I guess a word of wisdom to the men. Build the life that outlives you.

People around. Yeah, I love this little mate. This medallion, this coin. How good is it? It's. Yeah. On my desk front and center every day, mate. Build the life that outlives you, but it's also the people around you and not just the people who support you. Friends, family. It's. Do you have people around you that are completely aligned, hunting and looking for the same thing? And that's what I love about hpf, you know, with respect to my wife and everyone else who's. Who's not in it. It's like I'm so much closer to all of you men in several ways that I'll never be with my wife because she's not a man. She doesn't support the mission the same way you do. She does support the mission, but it's different. And she's never going to be a man. She's never going to be a father. She's not on the inside. You know, it's. It's a. It's a special thing. Oh, mate. Keeps me aligned, keeps me accountable. Absolutely. But no, I love it, mate. Great, great one. Building the life that lives you. How are you traveling, Andrew? Do we have one, mate?

Yeah, I was just going to say things about change. I mean, we've talked a lot about change within ourselves on our journey and all of us have had different, different things. We've come in for different reasons, whatever it might be. But I always get drawn to a saying that I sort of shared with you when we were sort of going through a bit of an interesting patch earlier this year. And that is that when there's winds of change, you can either build a wall or you can build a windmill. So you either build a resistance to it and resist that change or you take that on board and say, hey, here's an opportunity where I can perhaps benefit from it. And I think a lot of what we do here always brings me back to that, that we can either resist it or we can accept it. And I think that's what I'd like to leave with people is you've got an option. You can, you can put a. Build a wall or you can build a windmill.

Yeah, powerful man. Incredible stuff, lads. And geez, I've built a few walls, but I'm so grateful. I've built many windmills in my life, mate. Probably kept me half sane and alive. I tell you. That's all life is, isn't it? That's all it is, change. It's all it is every day. Every day. Never get the, you know, we'll never get 25 December 2025 again. You'll never get 3 January 2026 again. That's all it is. It's an interesting. I mean you've got fear of loss and all that sort of stuff and attachment and familiarity and as humans we're creatures of habit and all that. But it does baffle me sometimes. I look at how simple it can be to acknowledge and be open to the pain of change versus the pain of staying the same as Dave said and how much is just a no brainer. And it's not that I pity people or judge them, it's just like fuck man, there's so much, there's so much life to live. So much life to live. And the only way to live it is by embracing and creating that change. Not even waiting for it. Licking the finger or pulling a bit of grass up Andrew and going, what are the patterns of this wind? Okay, now I'll construct the windmill even before it comes, you know, so. But yes, now. Thank you, man. I hope you guys gotten great value out of this again. Another amazing episode. I really enjoyed having the panel like type set up with a few of us on. I think it's been awesome. I hope you guys have enjoyed that and thank you boys for giving the time. It's been, it's been a big one. The solid session, solid hit out. Good couple hours at but yes, we will leave that there. Beautiful words of wisdom. Amazing final thoughts. Great to share the journey, dive deep, get a bit more of the heart and soul of you men individually as a collective hbf. I think it'll complement the other sessions really well but nonetheless, what an honor. It's been awesome. Hungry to see you over the years. Tristan, mate, your share at Cozy was phenomenal and your growth in nine months. Dave, three seasons in. Mate, your loyalty and leadership and just at the forefront. Men leading by example. It's really inspiring. You know I just, I love the way that you see things too, mate. It's. Yeah, you're. Yeah, we're, we're privileged to have you and all the men in hpf but you all have special gifts that contribute to it being squad leaders as well and senior members that help other men too, especially those that come on board. Been an honor man. Thank you boys for joining us. It's been good.

Thank you. I appreciate you having us on. It's. It's been great to, to, to go through it all and talk and share it again. You know, I pick up nuggets of wisdom every time there's a, there's a catch up and a chat with everyone. So fantastic. Thank you.

Yeah, thanks, thanks Alex as well for, for giving us the, the platform and I'm, I'm actually really excited to go back and listen to everything I said because I can't remember a thing and it's really going to be enjoyable to, to, to hear it.

Thank you man. Thank you guys for listening to this and, and or watching this. We'll definitely get the video up on some stage on YouTube and, and yeah, look forward to, to, to more and above all else, like we always say, take the, the gold. The wisdom from these three men tonight because, or today whenever you listen to it because it's been, it's been epic. I've got several notes. I love this too. You know, I don't think you see me all the time, but I've just written down a whole page of notes, wisdom and takeaways which I'll probably take into some else insights. Mate's been epic. Thanks guys for listening. Thanks boys for joining. We'll see you on the next one. Well, that wraps up another episode and

just as we wind this down, I want you to just reflect and think back through some of the golden nuggets some of the revelations, some of the sore points, some of the things that might have hit home with you.

And then just look at ways that

you can apply a different set of actions to change your position, change your circumstances, change your feelings, and change the facts. These episodes are done with your best interest at heart. And there's always something we can get from that. Maybe it's not the first time, maybe it's the second time. We've had members listen to episodes four or five times and then it finally clicks.

But it.

But either way, I hope you got

a lot of value out of this.

And also, if this is something that you really want to solidify inside of your life, repetition is the key. You've listened to it. Write down your revelations, think about them, read them, speak them, believe in the changes that you will carve out in the action plan of those revelations to create change in your life and then share that. And when you teach, you learn the second time, right? So teaching and showing this to others you love and care about is the greatest way that you can remember and make sure you consistently learn and relearn what is it's true and what is it is important to you in your heart. Take care, have an amazing day, night, weekday weekend, and I'll see you for another one soon.

Cheers.