284. Al's Insights #12

If this is something that you're really starting to resonate with and you've racked up five, 10, 15, maybe 20 podcasts by now, I just want to ask a small favor of you.

The greatest way that we create the

greatest impact inside of this world is by reaching more people and more people really tying into the value they can offer themselves at a fundamental level. HPF stands for fathers really valuing and believing in themselves and investing in themselves so that they and their family wins. A couple of quick things. I hope you enjoy the episode ahead. It's a phenomenal one that we've just recorded for you, but essentially I'd love for you to give us a review. Obviously a five star review would be amazing, but whether it's itunes, Spotify, Amazon, it could be on Facebook, a Facebook review anywhere, Google, anywhere where you see there's value in you, giving us the approval and recognition that will spread this message.

Much respect.

Really appreciate you for doing that and also sharing this with someone who you know would get huge benefits out of listening to this as well. So enjoy the episode ahead. But if there's just one thing I could ask for 10 to 30 seconds of your life to give back. I love doing these episodes. I do these for you, member or not, and for the wider community. I'd love it if you could just give a little bit back and really promote that you support this and this is something that you would love to share with others who you know would get value out of this as well.

Al's insights. Ready for another one on this session, fellas? What I want to go through. I'm actually holding little baby Flossy at the moment, so we'll see how we go. Not that she'll hear the swear words, but yes. Might not be projecting as loud as I normally do the she's asleep couple of one liners. But what I want to start with a very quick recap. I've done an episode on this before around the lessons life lessons my children have taught me. Now with the fourth, I don't think it needs a full session. That was a good episode and I'm proud of the value of that in the first three. I just want to do a quick recap because the interesting thing is like you don't need kids for these lessons, right? So why do we forget them? So I want to go through that then. Just two one liners. Short, sweet, powerful episode for you all. And we've got some pretty cool stuff coming up in future episodes as well. Four children, four lessons. The first One's absolutely identity. So quick recap. I can't remember the episode number, which is a bit weird because I usually know 280 odd off by heart, but that one I can't remember. Obviously it was after Roman was born back in 2020. But the first daughter, Stella, the first child, what that taught me, man, was identity. Nothing brought the mirror up more and shifted. And for a lot of you men, you know this, right? You can't explain it to someone who hasn't had children yet, but once you see that child be born, it's the weirdest thing ever. Like you cannot. Everything changes. Like your whole, your whole view of the world, your whole perspective on things, it's insane. So that was the gift for my firstbor, the identity and looking in the mirror and going, wow, who am I? Who do I need to be? Who do I want to be? And what does that look like? What type of actions would that man take? How would he carry himself? How would he hold himself? And that was a, that was a. Well, fuck, man, that was a two year battle, you know, 13 months, only 13 months later having an affair and my marriage falling apart and little Stella was, was really, she was old enough to feel it, anxiety. It was pretty savage time. So right at the moment of birth, but also well into her becoming two years of age and then Lillian coming two and a half years of age, when Stella was two and a half, Lillian was born. So for a couple of years since Stella was born was that real struggle with identity, family, self and service. You are not necessarily the action that you take, but your life will certainly be the actions you take and a result of such. So that was the first one. The second one without a doubt was capacity. You know, like a lot of people say two kids is the hardest. I think they're all hard. Having one child's really tough, man. Like you got no one to bounce energy off. So for some of you guys who have an only child, that's hard in itself. They don't have a little buddy to play off to bounce off and play with. And so I think it's all hard. I don't think having four kids is any sort of badge of honor. I don't think having six or ten or two is, but two was really hard. You're doubling the number. You have somewhat an idea for us. Stella was a nightmare. She didn't sleep through for three and a half years. So Lillian actually started sleeping before Stella. She was only six months old. It's crazy. So that was lucky because two Stellas would have probably buried us. But that was absolutely capacity, man. I was like, wow, Al, you got to have your energy in order. You've got to make sure you're healthy, fit, strong. You've got two little energy sources and then three if you count your wife. And then you have a business, a mission that you're trying to build and people to serve. Then you've got extended family, you've got the general popping community. And being a member of society, like, it's, it's the whole be a hundred to give, 100. That was really big for me. And the value on that third, well, yeah, you're out, you're outnumbered. It's. It's. It's divide and conquer, damage control, everything can be awesome. But then if shit hits the fan with one child, everyone knows about it, right? So the third child was absolutely. With Roman, was time management. So this is. Boys, this isn't rocket science. It's just understanding how valuable some of the simple things are, because you all know this already. But understanding and remembering, remembering how valuable they are. Which means they demand and should and need and warrant your attention in highlighting them as key pillars of your life. Right, who am I and who do I choose to be, want to be, and need to be for those around me and this lifetime? What will my life mean when it's done right? That's a serious. That's a real question every man should be asking himself and challenging himself on energy, without a doubt. Like, you don't see them very often, but I've seen some extremely fit, competent men in their late 70s. Why not you? I mean, fuck me, mate, you're 44. Like, what's wrong with you? But you think you're done. What about when you're 50? What about when you're 60? You kidding me? 60? Mate, you could be jacked at 60. There is nothing. I've seen elite athletes doing ultramarathons and shit at 60. What's your problem? So for me, it was all about energy and how important that is. You know, you hear that old saying, everything in life is important until you lose your health, and then nothing else matters. Nothing else is important. And third, time management, I mean, look where you. And time management's choice management, right, it's commitment management. It's prioritizing what matters most in your life. So it's a gamble if you're not aware. It is a risk if you're not building acumen and skill sets in areas where you can get the best bang for your buck with your time so we see balance as impact, not as time itself, because not all things require an equal amount of time. So when we look at time management, that was a big thing for me. Three children. Okay, mate, you got to cut away the deadwood. And I wouldn't say I live a boring life either. I mean, I love what I do with hpf. I love keeping healthy, fit and strong. Got a couple of hobbies, but nothing crazy. I like building stuff. Building stuff with Roman golf, even if it's just the driving range, jet skis and boats. I love being on water. It's plenty of hobbies. Do I do them every day? No. But also men, there's seasons that we go through. Just make sure when you're going through a certain season, you don't take your eye off the prize. Right now, I'm in the middle of a season that involves all three circles. H is scaling incredibly well in this mission. Growing. Then I've got my body, which I want to be fitter and healthier than ever. Didn't quite hit that at 40, but at 41, I want it to be better than when I was 31. That's a big ask. I mean, I was a regional athlete with CrossFit, so it's not an easy feat, but. But yes. Can I. Can I be wiser and smarter and at least compete in that realm of health?

Well, being?

Absolutely. Working with James Ma, getting my internal health cortisol adrenals and my hormones all sorted out. My gut microbiome, which has been phenomen not to talk dirty, but, mate, you know, unless you're doing nice, nice, good, clean shits, you know, the old. What do they call them? The phantoms. They go under the bowl, they disappear, and it's like, you don't even have to wipe. I'm not saying it always has to be like that, but I gotta tell you, you don't realize how valuable it is having good microbiome. I used to have two eggs and I get the farts. Now I'll have six to eight a day. And I'm sweet, crazy, crazy. I'd get the farts and have diarrhea. Wasn't the eggs, mate, so. So I think I can be a smarter athlete and have great body comp. You know that that's really. Yeah, time management. When we look at that, it's like, all right, well, choice management. I've got a newborn, I've got three children that are absolutely being starved of time at the moment because Florence is so demanding of my wife. We're starting to build a better connection again. And that's normal. There's always a dip between pregnancy, birth, and probably three months after that, which we're just coming out of, you know, with her needs being met. Florence's needs being met, of course. Like, Jesus, mate, she's been cut open for the fourth caesarean. She's not gonna want anyone touching her. So I just wait till she's asleep. I'm just kidding. Crin doesn't listen to these podcasts, so. And if you got like young blokes like Matty Lehman, if your son's listening to this, mate, tell him a manly joke. And obviously you don't. I definitely don't. Don't condone that. You do it while they're awake. It's worth the fight. Now look, it's. So that was a big one. Like, where are you organizing yourself? And sometimes you're in a season where it is work. But don't let the season of work, business and building. Don't let the season of getting your health back on track. Don't let the season of rejuvenating your relationships come at the cost of the other two circles. Like, hey, I want my marriage to be amazing with my wife. Awesome, man. Well, it's probably not going to be good just to wine and dine all the time and get fat as is it. Like, is spending a year getting fatter really worth your relationship? Like, if anything, you'll let it down. Same with chasing money. Same with chasing health. Like, good man, awesome. Well done. Had that bodybuilding contest go. We had to get the top 1 of the top 1% for a 48 year old bodybuilding competition where you caramelize yourself, got bronze, took a few photos, and you've just put unbelievable strain and pressure on your wife and your children for eight months. Yeah, I don't know, like, just food for thought. The fourth one with little flossy man, this one has been without a doubt, sounds very simple. And it is. Self control. It's so identity, capacity, time management, self control. We talk about being the chief, right? Cool, calm, collecting control. I get all that. Like, but the thing is, like, there's nothing virtuous about being a skinny, weak, frail man that says I'm not a threat to society. Of course you're not. Who are you kidding? So it's all well and good to say I have self control, but, you know, unless you have a pantry full of chocolates and treats and sweets that are all your favorites and you're standing every day smelling them, well, you're not really being. Not that that's a good idea, by the way, but yeah, you're not really being tested and. Or tempted. So for me, you know, I've got a. I've got a. It's. I wouldn't say rage, but I've got that in me. You know, my brothers, we had some interesting times as. As, you know, family of four boys crash tackling each other through gyprock walls. Somet I just flick that switch and go into savage psycho mode, which wasn't great. My brothers used to lock me in my room for their protection, not mine. And they were bigger and stronger than me. But that's certainly not a flex. I look back and I'm like, wow, geez, I'm glad I didn't grab any knives or do anything I would regret. Not that I'm psycho, but you just, you just never know, mate. Like, you know, you're 13, 14, going through puberty and you're telling your brother, I hate you, I'm gonna kill you, like. And look, their words, all that sort of stuff. But the point is, that was very good and helped me with elite sport and things like that. And it was a good level of aggression that I could channel into even things like CrossFit, whatnot. But here I am, four kids and you know, they're five, six and nine, right? Florence is there sleeping and they come running through playing tip and screaming right in front of her. She jolts back into a little into or jolts out of her little slumber, just jolting back into the pillow she's laying on, kicking back with me and Corinne relaxing and just wide awake and starts screaming like, oh, mate, me mate. Did you not, did you not see the baby? Like, are you kidding me? Like, Stella, you're nine years old. You didn't. You didn't see this being that has much needed sleep. You know, have we not told you every day for 10 weeks that we can't sleep and the baby's waking us up every hour? So man, self control. I tell you, man, like, one of my. Some of my key things this year are. You have a key three, right? So I'll share them with the circle of family, which is patience, presence and relatability. Or relatable is the word, but relatability. So they're my key three for this year. This year I want to be supremely present, like really dismissing and removing tech for my children and for myself. So they don't need tech too when I'm around them, with them, patience. Oh, without a doubt. And relatable. I want to see the world through their eyes. Roman's done a few little blunders. And I'm like, man. And I think it's good to write. I'm going to write it on a poster note and start having it just on my desk. So not hold it on my hand or write it on my hand when I'm talking to Roman, but have it on my desk just to become a subconscious embedding of this question. What was I doing when I was five years of age? Because sometimes Roman does things. I'm like, oh, man. Like, are you kidding me? You just had a. We just made you a cheese wrap with butter. And like the oil of the butter and the cheese all spilling out and that's. You're just wiping your fingers on your. Your school uniform. It's like. I'm like, hang on a minute, mate. When I was five, I was looking up my primary teacher's dress, headbutting, punching and kicking kids, picking my nose and wiping it on the desk at school in front of everyone. And then when I get sent. This is a real story, by the way. When I got sent to the principal's office, I just ran off and hid under the manables and played with a cat with one eye under the mountable, throwing a ball back and forth for an hour before the bell went. And then I just went to lunch and continued on with the rest of the day. That's. That's a. That's some weird man. So self control, it's so much harder. And that's the thing with four kids.

There's just more room for chaos.

There's more opportunity for variables, more volatility. They're all temperamental. My wife's temperamental. I'm ripping in and working hard, serving the men and the families and wanting to look after my health and wellbeing. And I don't have limitless energy. I get tired and want to sleep as well. And kids are still banging at 9, 9:30, running around, crash, bang, clang. It's such a valuable thing that I just wanted to share that with you guys. Like, we all struggle with points of self control. Tired, okay, cool. Just have the fucking chocolates, man. Don't worry about it. Like, you're a father. Hey, you know what? You're fitter than most blokes in the country. What does it matter? Like, self control isn't just about containing anger or rage or impatience. It's the choices we make. So it's like, all right, self control, had a big day Today, what do I do, man? I've got like an hour 15, not including travel time before I need to look after the kids. I'm like, oh, go to the gym, mate. Like, because I wanted to, but big day, leg session. Usually need an hour 40 plus travel. You gotta allow two hours. Now, I don't train every single day, but when I do legs, I go big, right? It's a big day, and I like that. I rip in and I destroy the central nervous system and I'm good to go. I got an hour and 15, not including travel, right? So I'm looking at 40 minutes best by the time you warm up, all that sort of stuff. I'm like, you know what? Just fucking go, mate. So self control is also recalibrating what matters most and taking the path that is sometimes carrying more resistance physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and doing it anyway. Mate, got a great session in leg press, leg extensions, just blew the quads out, hamstrings, didn't do deadlifts or any other things. I just didn't. Didn't have the time. But I got the most out of it. And here we are back in holding Florence asleep in my arms. And I better keep this podcast short too, because if she wakes, then this. This episode will be cooked. And that. That gentleman, becomes a valuable thing. So it's like, you know why? Because if I don't do it today, tomorrow I'm busy. Friday, I'm busy. I'm not. Do a workout on Saturday. Cool. That's okay. Like, you might sit back going, oh, mate. Well, you just. You didn't train for four days. No, it's not that, mate. It's the behaviors, the buying, the mentality and decisions that all come together, which that one then helps you tolerate the next time, and that makes it okay, and then that makes the next one okay. I gotta tell you, man, like, it's not that I haven't lost. I just don't know how to lose. Why? Because whenever I lose, it's been forced. It's a forced loss. It's not an active, passive loss. It's. No, that's fucking bullshit. I'm not gonna lose next time and I'll lose again. No, I'm not gonna lose next time. And I lose again. Like, it's not an active. I took a step back. It's. I push and push and I was hungry to win and I didn't. So because of that mentality, that's what's led to HPF surviving when it shouldn't. That's what's led to the marriage, the relationship with the kids, the mentality as an athlete with my body, all of that. So self control is also self selection for what's going to make sure you like, like selecting inside of yourself what you can control is what I mean, your actions, your habits, how you see things. Like Florence was screaming earlier and I'm like, yeah, but you know what? One day she's not gonna scream. One day I'm not gonna hold her in my arms. She's already getting really long. She's like 60 something centimeters. She was born, I think she was 50 or whatever. The typical is like, wow. So Roman started primary school, he's a couple of days in, like, oh, wow, a little man. There's no more days. Just cruising with dad. I'm working while he's playing Minecraft behind me and we have little games in the office. How cool. Gone. So, you know, self control, that biggest valuable lesson for me is self control and self selection. So I'm selecting inside of me who I choose to be, what I can control, where I direct my focus, my perspectives, my belief systems. I just want to ask you that and just challenge you guys on that for yourself. Where in your life have you not stopped and reviewed and addressed your identity? Where in your life have you gone? Hey, you know what? It'll be okay. I can take the L, I can take the loss today. I don't have to train, I don't have to go for that walk. And that's crept in, that's led to you having a lesser capacity. I'm not talking about fucking abs. I'm talking about your physical, mental, emotional capacity. And spiritual, when that comes into alignment, the reason why you need spiritual capacity is because without that, the egoic self takes hold of you and looks at you as a man, a meat sack. What does that then mean? Well, my next one liner, talking about growth and discomfort, you choose the path that identifies as self and protects you and protects your feelings and the bullshit stories and emotion. So yes, you do need spiritual capacity, but then taking that to organize your life accordingly. Like, look, there are a lot of things, don't get me wrong, boys that are nice to haves, but are they must haves. Like I love. And there's so many good shows out there. I'm sure I've heard about lots of them. And I love the show. Reacher. Right. And that's those three seasons are done. I think there's a fourth later this year. Awesome. When that comes out, I'll binge it. Then I'LL be done. But ultimately, yeah, they're nice to have. But fuck, man, 10 episodes. Do I need to invest 10 hours of my life into that? Like, you have no idea what you can build, man. You have no idea what you are capable of if you directed 10 hours of focus into something else. That could be the amount of research required for a massive decision that lands a huge deal for you and your business. It could be something that creates an amazing breakthrough on an annualized calendar that you spend two hours a week over five weeks with your wife and your family planning your whole year's fucking holidays. Which we've done as well by, by the way. And awesome. Like, it's the how that can set you up compared to a quote unquote nice to have just, just, just challenging on that, man, with your time management boys. Have a look at that and go, what are the nice to haves and what are the must haves in my life? And you'll only ever know how to correlate or dissect the difference between what they are based on. Yeah, the identity. First lesson. But ultimately your vision. What do you want out of life? And then self control. How can you maintain a commitment to self and all the things you. Because I can't control how much Florence cries or doesn't. I can influence her, sure, but I can't control it. But within the realm of what you 100% control, how much can you make the right selections, the right decisions to continually move forward as the leader that your family in this world desires of you? Because you are all leaders. If not, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast. Like, you just. It doesn't make sense. Does that mean you're either a leader or a victim? No, there's plenty of guys in between. But yeah, man, like, you can't be both at the same time, though. That's for sure. So that's a quick recap, man. Self control sounds funny, but geez, I've been tested, man, across all fronts. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, family, self and service. All elements, all different ways. And yeah, so far it's going all right. So far. Like, there's times where I just want to go for the kill, because I can, right? I'm dominant, and my kids will listen to me, and I can squash things. But it's also like, you know, what if Roman and Lillian are gonna have a fight? Their children, they're emotional. They're gonna let them have at it. Like, they must have an opportunity to express themselves, because I'm not always gonna Be around if I'm always squashing their emotions and trying to pat it with fancy words. Oh, yep, I hear you. I can feel you. Yep, I understand what you're saying. That's okay. You gotta let things play out too. Sometimes you need time, not just clever words, for someone to think that you fucking understand them. Oh, Roman, I know how you're feeling. Yeah, but that doesn't mean you squash his emotions. If it's gonna take him 43 minutes to process anger towards his sister, well, let him take that time. It's usually much, much less. More like two minutes and then they're best friends again. Fire and ice, I tell you. But this is a valuable thing as a leader, man. And having a look at that self control on not only your own actions, but forecasting what that means for others around you. Food for thought. The big one liner today is, I mean, this is ours. Insights. So it's not always one liners. But hopefully there was some value in those. Four lessons I've learned from fatherhood, men is there's no comfort in growth. I did a live video inside our inner community talking about this. And I heard someone talking about this. I don't think he was a motivational speaker either. And he didn't even, like, he didn't even stop with that. It wasn't his punchline, so to speak. He just as he was talking about something else and he's like, yeah, and there's no growth in comfort and blah, blah, blah, blah. And he kept speaking and I was like, whoa, hang on a minute, hang on a minute. Because I know I try and come up at times with some cool things and clever things, but I don't want it to be complex. Almost everything I learn is from the men anyway in hpf, which I'm eternally grateful for that opportunity. But. But just those just there's no growth in comfort. Just hearing that just hit differently for me. And I was like, no growth in comfort. Of course there fucking isn't. But like, hang on, there's no growth in comfort. And they're like, so what does that then mean for people who no longer choose to grow? Like, are you all done? Are you finished? Like, there's no growth in comfort. So if you're 42 years of age, what, is that it? Like? Yep. Nope. I'm sick that the Next, the next 40, the next 40 years, you're not going to improve yourself at all. Are you kidding me? Don't forget the default of life might be -9%. Right? So when we're talking growth. You can't grow 1% a year. You've got to supersede the default of life, which is death and decay to go above and beyond. Every year the market gets harder, everything gets harder. Life gets tougher, you decay more, things can get worse. It's not like, like there's never the same. You're either getting better or worse. The end. So when I heard that I was like, shit, I was like, well what does that mean though? Does that mean people, like, people just seek comfort but then their life becomes a seesaw of comfort and chaos. And the chaos is not selective too, by the way, it's passive and that fucks you up. So I was thinking through and it's like, this is a lesson for all of you, man, like when you seek and it's not about, I want a comfortable lounge to sit down at 9:30 and watch telephone half an hour. No, that's not the type of comfort. You know what I'm talking about here? I'm talking about from a philosophical point of view, your identity, the hats that you wear as a husband, man, father, leader, the legacy that you're building, how you're pursuing, creating something out of nothing and driving forth where this world has had things come into existence because of your existence. Like that's why the else are we here wasting our time if we don't carry some sort of mentality like that? So when I look at, there's no growth in comfort, it's like, man, like when you seek comfort, if you actively seek comfort in areas of your life that you know you shouldn't be, discomfort will find you. Oh mate, you better fucking believe it will come and it will hunt you down. And you know the craziest thing, and this is a bit weird too, I don't know why and I'm not saying I'm special, but every time special in a bad way. And what I attract every single time in my life where I've just been a little bit comfortable, man, I've got nailed like almost straight away. It's so weird, it's so bizarre. Like, oh yeah, I's been kicking back and fat and you know, he's a salesman earning 300 grand a year and selling cars or you know, he's just living the comfortable life and then 10 years time I've got regrets like, nah man, every time I got comfortable it's nailed me like within four to eight weeks it's. I don't know if that's because the other end of that is me being, being not Risk taking or reckless, but yeah, more extreme in hunting and choosing to chase growth. So such a polarizing response that the universe throws me. But man, anytime I've chosen comfort or money, it's been crazy. Like. And when I say money, that's been a very long time. But I just look back at a couple of times where I took jobs and did other things, but then other times where I got offered more money with footy and other things that, that I could have gone in different directions. I didn't. I chased the growth and geez, man, like, yeah, I didn't make the money with footy in other areas or other careers, but fuck me, the growth was unbelievable. So that was another thing too. I was like, wow, not the money's tied to comfort either, but I just want to share that too. It's quite interesting perspective. When I was observation, sorry, when I was looking at my life, I was like, oh, wow. Anytime that I've actually chased money overgrowth, it's bit me in the ass. And anytime when I've chosen growth and pushed money away. Men, the type of leadership required of you men is never what you think it is. And the type of growth and type of success is never what you perceive it to be. That's also coming from lesser eyes, younger eyes, more youthful eyes, more inexperienced eyes, who I need to become to lead something like HPF across the entire world. I don't know what that man looks like yet, and maybe we'll find him, maybe we won't, but that's irrelevant. It's the pursuit of that man that matters most and the growth and the journey that becomes the life that we live that's worth living. It's phenomenal. Wouldn't change a thing. So when I look at that, I'm like, shit, man. When you actively seek comfort, discomfort will find you. When you actively pursue discomfort, greatness becomes your companion. It really does. Greatness and growth, you know, the changes are incredible. Something that you can't, you can't make up, you can't fabricate. So no growth in comfort. Like men, where are you look into your life and go where? Where are you, like, where are you choosing comfort? Or where are you avoiding discomfort? Like the uncomfortable conversation that needs to be had, the uncomfortable tension and feeling when you say, no, I can't do this or I can't give you that, or the discomfort in pushing a little bit harder. Are you comfortable or complacent? Even in your place of work, your business, your career, it's stagnant. Your personal development, your Professional development. Too comfy. Like, it's the. I'm not here to convince you of anything. It's just, to me, it's the craziest thing, man. Like, you are. You are the asset. You're the asset for life. You are the canvas, you're the artwork. What can you create? What can you deliver? It's why. And I get it, like, the term personal development's been commercialized, and the industry of people improving themselves is. Might have some good intentions, but largely a lot of it's full of shit. So I get all that. But fuck, man, don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Like, you just. You gotta find a different way or a different vehicle or different path, and hopefully we continue to give you that value in this podcast and the podcast episodes we've done. But, man, like, that's a big thing, you know? Like, are you comfortable when it comes to the version of you just look back, am I the same or even worse this year than I was last year, the year before, the year before, the year before, the year before. And don't measure externals, per se. Like, if you've been accumulating wealth, well, of course you have more fucking money, but that money's come at the cost of. So it's almost like stereo mixes. You've got to look at your whole life and go, oh, yeah, now we've raised that or this investment here or that there. We had a new baby or we bought a new car. Okay, that's cool. Now show me the stereo mixer toggles on your fucking relationship with your wife, with every single one of your children, with your personal health and wellbeing, with your internal health and wellbeing. Like, show me all of those markers, you know, like, and that's. I think that matters. I really do. It's why we have family, self and service. So there's no growth in comfort, which means on the other side of that, that set of butterflies or that anxiety or that feeling on. Just on the other side, you don't even have to complete. You don't have to go the whole hog. You don't have to have complete the mission. Just on the other side of stepping into. Of leaning into. Of plunging yourself forth into the world of discomfort. Just on the other side of that, not the result. Just on the other side of saying yes, just on the other side of choosing the road less traveled is a fucking world, man. An absolute world of opportunity, possibilities you never thought existed then come to existence magically. Like, it's insane. The opportunities I'VE gotten the people I've met over my decades being on this earth, insane, man. And growth. Just on the other side of that, I promise you, is growth. But then there's another word like growth. What does that even fucking mean? So that's why track records and facts and lining things up really matters. Like, not. I feel so much more amazing. Of course you should. But show me the track record of what you've actually done. Which is why you need to be measured and intentional. When we're talking about what's comfortable, what's uncomfortable, what is discomfort? Okay, I want to sit down and watch tv. I mean, do I just sit down on the floor and get sore hips? Like that's discomfort? Well, yeah. What is the discomfort equaling? So the discomfort has to have value. But if you're a man who feels like a bit of a fucking panda at home and you're not willing to have those arguments, conversations with your wife, you can't really justify. And this is where it gets hard going. Lone wolf. You're going to justify the stories that it's like, well, no, that's not the right type of discomfort, Al. Well, yes, it is, because it's holding you back of being the man and leading the household, which is driving more masculine energy and testosterone into your wife, which is then creating an imbalance of where you are both centered in feminine and masculine, which is then becoming a poor example to your children. And friction, which then leads to tension over a long period of time, which leads to breakdown. Like, it's pretty. Sorry, I shouldn't say it's easy, but it's a pretty simple formula for me to see, given what I've done over the years and been exposed to. So that discomfort there of getting a bit of gusto in here and having those tough convos. 100% mate is growth, even if the outcome is negative in the moment. Ah, mate, it's. What would you rather? You know, it shakes me into that the last one liner, which is when I say, what would you rather when one of the examples is your children watching. Like, you're gonna allow your daughters to turn into little fucking monsters because you tolerate your wife becoming such, she will do the same with her. With her man. Man, or your son, you'll show him how to fold and cave to a woman who sometimes weaponizes sex against him. It's just what dad did. Ouch. There's no growth in comfort. I just. I just love that because it helps you understand that when we look at some of these one liners or Sayings, the answer is always inverted. Which means there's no growth in comfort. Oh yeah, but you better fucking believe there is in discomfort. Absolutely there is. And that's where all the growth lies, man. The greatest upshoots or hockey sticks, curves of growth in my life has been at the worst fucking times. Now you shouldn't be reckless and go looking for trouble, but there's ways you can fabricate challenge to grow 100%, not just in the gym, lifting weights and doing drop sets and negatives and using cables and pulleys. You can do the same in business, you can do the same in relationships. Absolutely. It's not all about intensity, but it's absolutely about building and growing in those three circles. So on the other side of that discomfort, man, I promise you regards to the result. On the other side of that discomfort, you taking that step, you're training your brain. You are building the right behaviors, mental attitude and approach and actions to match the right habits, which is the amount of times that you're doing that. You know, it's all there for you, but it takes courage. I'll tell you one thing though, and this is a word, I don't say this word very often. This is a word that came to me and I'm not making any assumptions. I just wanted to share this with you before I dive into the last one we wrap this up. There was a word that came to me and I thought to myself, you know what? What my absolute promise, my hill to die on and my commitment and my promise in the, to myself and to my children, my family in this world is I will never for one fucking second ever, ever be associated with this word. So I'm not saying this as in a loaded way. I'm not saying that's in any connection to the examples I've shared, the episode that we've gone through here today, or any of that sort of stuff. So this has no connection to that. It just came, just came to mind when I was talking about courage. And it is, man, it takes balls. Takes courage to step into the unknown. Absolutely does. Like, huge respect to you, man.

It's not easy.

Simple, but not easy. But also, and hopefully this helps you and works for you the way it has for me. Me. I really hope this helps you too. But also there's ways that you can make courage and commitment non negotiables by negating or choosing what you stand against. So, you know, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, that sort of stuff. So if I choose to go against this one word Then by default, I absolutely must be a man who's courageous and has balls and goes for it. That's all. So hopefully that helps and makes sense and gives you some value. That one word, man, and I was like, mate, I'm getting goosebumps now because it just. It's like, oh, man is coward. I will never ever, ever. No fucking way, mate. Never ever have someone see, look, claim point, point. My actions, my belief, my identity, my decisions, never ever for one iota carry that word in any aspect of my life in being a coward, ever. And I don't know why. I don't know when. Maybe a couple of weeks ago. But it was just. It just hit me and I was like a disgusting, disgraceful man. As a man, disgraceful, I will never have any association or connection to that word coward in my life ever. And I hope that really lands for you as well, because that's. Oh, man. Again. I don't know. It was just. It was weird. It was strange when or how that. Because it's a word you don't hear that often. And just when. When it came back into my mind or vocab. It's not like I have a live example for you or anything because I don't surround myself with those men. But I was like, fuck, man. Like, never, never. How could you live? Fuck me? How could you look at yourself? By default, you must have the fucking balls. You must have the courage. You must step up, you must rise, and you must become more because you never want to have the risk of being associated to that term. Men. I promise you that the final one to finish up is, if your son grew up to be the man you are today, would you be proud or ashamed? Most men don't avoid this question because it's unfair. They avoid it because they already know the answer. You know, the whole CEO for life. If you had a board of directors of life that were following you around for 24 hours, would you be proud of what they saw? That's a real thing. Like, that's a. That's very confronting. It's very tough. That was one thing that led to me giving up porn and because that. Cause I was like, wow. I was like. Like just. I know it sounds. Seems a bit funny, but just close your eyes and you visualize this. This five, six, seven people with. With notepads and pens. They're all in suits and just. Just following you around. Like right now, my family can't see me or hear me, but they're all in here standing in this room just Watching me, me. And that's. That's what really led to me, you know, giving up porn. And that was because I was just, like, looking. I was just disgusted, man. I was like, what the is this? You know? So yesterday I made the decision. I'm just kidding. It's. Oh, man, it's been so many years. I can't remember the year that I gave it up. Many, many years. Many years. But it got me, like, I gave it up, like, 15 years, and then it come back in and it's such a. It's so bad. Men. It's so bad. But gave that up many years ago. By visualizing people who are following me around in my life, does that mean that I don't have thoughts that enter and leave my head? Not that it's about sexual things or just. Just random thoughts? Of course you do. I do. We have 60 to 90,000 thoughts a day. Cool. But in terms of your actions. Yeah, man. Like a whole board of directors of life following you around every minute of the day. Like, do I go somewhere? Go for a walk. It's dusty. I got a dry booger in my. In my nose. Yeah. I'll pick it out and flick the thing like, I don't care, mate. I'm a fucking man. I'll do a Bushman's. Doesn't matter. In the old Bushman's Hanky. I used to do that at school in front of everyone. I can't believe Crin stayed with me, man. Her girlfriends used to be like, ew, that guy. That's the guy that does Bushman's Hank. Yes. She obviously saw through that. But, you know, like. Like, I'm not a grub. But what I'm saying is, it's not like you're trying to be some sort of polished perfectionist, like, be you, man. But. But integrally. Oh, wow. Like, that's a. That's. That's a. That's a quite a confronting thing. So when I say this question, like, if your daughter grew up to marry the man that you are today, would you be proud or ashamed? If your son grew up to become the man that you are today, would you be proud or ashamed? It's just a reflective one line of men. None of us are perfect. We've got our aspirational values. Right? Right. Which are our top five? The North Star. Be a man of your word. Take ownership. Perform with excellence. Seek growth, love and joy. Go all in. Stay all in. Beautiful. Unreal. No one nails them 100% of the time. It's really Tough. Really, really tough. But the pursuit, like all things, is what matters most. Because you'll rack up the victories. You'll rack up the runs on the board and the wins that you otherwise wouldn't have had if you never even knew. Kneel. Or never even tried. That's us, men. That wraps us up. Four lessons. Four life lessons. There's no growth in comfort. So just ask yourself, wow. Oh, man. If I'm comfortable now, life's coming for me. The discomfort will find you. It'll hunt you down. And it won't be your. It won't be of your doing. It won't be active discomfort that you've chosen control. Life will choose it for you. And, yeah, like, would they be proud if your son becomes the man you are today? But you've got time. Like, the man my daughter will marry won't be even close to me. I'll be in my 50s, very established and seasoned man, hopefully well advanced and beyond where I am today. As always, hungry and ambitious to grow every day and every year. But does he have the raw ingredients? Does he have the mentality? Does he have the character traits that are aligned with what my daughter has a synchronicity with? Because she saw that in her old man more than she didn't for 8, 12, 15, 20 years. Powerful men. And then with Roman. Wow. He doesn't have to talk to people on stage. Man, you should see his lats. Me, he's big A. He wears shirt sizes that are bigger than his. His five. He was like sixes and sevens, and they look like muscle shirts. I'm tickling his back. Cause I'm tucking him in a bed and he's got this big wing. I was like, what the hell is this? It's like this lat that then cuts into his hip. Man, man, big boy. He's gonna be a monster. But he doesn't have to speak like I do or do something like HPF or High Performance kids. High performance, man. He's got his life to build. But the core, the integrity and values. Not words, but actionable proof of the standards of what we uphold every day. Is that something you can see? And if it isn't cool, guess what? What? Today's ground zero. Tomorrow's day one. Is it one day or is it day one? All that sort of stuff. It's a real thing, man. The tiniest little changes can create the biggest impact in your life. And the tiniest little changes can actually become chronic and undo you and wreak havoc in your life as well. Take care, men. Hope this served you well. We'll see you on the next one. Cheers.

There are so many people in pain at the moment and they're just not opening up.

The walls are up. They're too proud.

They're focusing on the fake, the facade, social media, everything's okay. My grass is green, but they're not even watering it. The greatest way we can assist that is by sharing this podcast. You can do that by sending them the link or even giving a five star review on Amazon or itunes or Spotify, even on Facebook reviews. This is how we spread the message. I appreciate you and I hope you enjoy this episode coming up. But please, if there's someone out there who, you know needs to hear these messages and listen to these podcasts, share the link, spread the link, spread the podcast, spread the message. And let's start creating some impact and some change with that ripple effect together. This isn't my legacy. This is our legacy and our time to create impact across the world.

Cheers.