285. The Coin Under Her Pillow: When Fatherhood Becomes Legacy

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I'm suffering from a little bit of a microphone envy at the moment. I'm just looking at Mr. Callum Francis and his one glows. Wonder if it blows in the dark. Looking good, looking good. Welcome to HBF Green.

It's HBF Green.

At least that's it. Yeah, it is. Yeah. It's a nice. It's a nice blend. Nice color. It's. Sorry, mate, I thought you were going to do the intro. You can if you like, but I've done a few of them.

Do we say like and subscribe?

Like my kids.

Fuck.

Oh, man. Can we watch YouTube? Even YouTube Kids? I'm like, no, no, because they'll do something and then they'll just tell. They'll tell me to like and subscribe. I'm like, like, what? What am I subscribing to? Where are you? You're standing in the hallway. What platform? Fellas, welcome to a. A very special podcast. We've got a panel panel for you today. Mr. Jason Crittle. It's been a long time since Jason's popped up and been on the. Actually, no, it might have been the last podcast, mate. Yeah. Yep.

Surreal past. You can't get rid of me.

Couldn't get away. What? So just. Just back background story. And we have Darren Williams, the absolute legend, who's about to start his fourth season. Or maybe not. Maybe he'll leave, but I hope he doesn't. But he's coming to the end of season three. Wow. What a journey, man. And you nailed it at cozy. That's pretty special. And Mr. Callum Francis. So all of our lads from WA the other side of the country. How cool. But now, the reason why we've got Jason on though is his son was very upset, very angry, didn't get honorable mentions. Jason looks like he got a few battle wounds. Scars. Did you have it? Did you help the young bloke dust up the old bullet?

Oh, no, he just saw. He's sort of like, oh, well, as I mentioned in the last podcast that you're coming, mate, you're coming because you got to come up, come up the mountain with me. So, yeah, yeah, we'll talk about that. Yeah, it was. That was probably a real big highlight of, of Cozy, obviously, for me and for him, I hope.

Oh, mate, yeah, sensational. The biggest thing I say with Cozy is like, it's hard to go back into society, I guess, but because you're on this, such a high with such clarity and a vision for what you want to carve out, what matters most, not wasting another minute like that timeline. You know, I've got my piece of paper here and you know, I sticky tape mine back together. I didn't like ripping it, but when I rip it, I'm like, man, I'm at 40. There's number 81. It's so awesome. But it's also quite confronting. But look, it's been, it's been unreal having Callum, Ewan and Jason on other podcasts individually. Darren, will. Will get there, mate, I'm sorry. Three years. We haven't done it yet, but. So I'd actually love to start with you, Daz, mate, talk us through like, wow, three years. Like, that's, that's a big, like, that's a big chunk of time, man. Big chunk of life. Do you want to give us an overview of, of life for you, Cozy, and I guess some of your biggest rev. Let's work backwards. Some of your biggest revelations, lessons, success takeaways and your journey as a man, as a father. And then walk us through the brotherhood, mate. Would love a. Would love a share from you to start with.

Yeah, look, for me, I started out the HPF journey, um, not really knowing where I was going in life. I was working 14 to 16 hour days. I was working my ass off as a provider for my family. At the time. I was married, three kids and yeah, probably about nine months in, I went through a very bad separation from my now ex wife. Now a bit over two years since I've seen my youngest daughter, I've got the older of my two daughters lives full time with me and I also haven't seen my or spoken to my stepson for, for a couple of years. So although the start of the journey was to, you know, try and improve my life and, you know, I've certainly made massive inroads into improving my life. And I look back now where I was and where I am now, you know, you can't compare who I was then and who I am now. The amount of lessons that I've taken out of HPF has been tremendous. Just the daily non negotiables that I do. I've got minimum 10,000 steps a day. I do an ice bath every single day without fail. Now, water intake, my fitness. When I joined hpf, I'd barely even go for a walk. I'm now at the point where I started doing a bit of running when my girls started doing cross country. And in the last year and a bit, I've now done four marathons and ultramarathon. I'm registered for four marathons this year. First of those is not this weekend, weekend after. So just having goals, targets and things like that has been a massive, massive change in my life. I'm the fittest I've ever been. But then when you look at the family side of things, although I had that marriage breakup, it's given me an opportunity to really dive into the HPF lessons and the relationship that I've started building with my new partner, Pam. And we met, I think it was April last year and we're now looking to get a place of our own and move in together. And, you know, all the little lessons through hpf, the communication, relationships and things like that, I'm so dialed in on these things that I've now got a partner in my life that is so supportive of my HPF journey. And she feels safe, she feels heard and even she says to me, she says what we're doing and where we're going and the way that I'm leading us together. And she's got two boys herself, so when we move in, we're going to be blending families. And you know, my daughter Ella, who lives full time with me, she gets along amazingly well with, with Matthew and Alex and, and so it's, it's absolutely amazing being able to build a relationship with mutual respect, being able to communicate and sometimes there's tough conversations to be had and you don't have to hide from it. You can have that sort of conversation without being scared, without being afraid. And these are all just lessons through hpf. So it's been an incredible journey for me over this almost three years now. And the transformation in myself and my life. I would never want to go back to where I was. And then, you know, we go into Cosi. That was just an incredible trip that, like you say, it's very hard to come back to real life after that. We all go to Cosi with our own journey behind us and our own reasons for going there. But once you get there, you can share those conversations and those journeys with these other men. There's no judgment. And that brotherhood is just something that until you're there in that space, it's impossible to really, really explain it and put it into words. It's just something so, so special. And being able to climb that mountain and, you know, achieve that with all of your brothers in HPF has just been really, really amazing. So I'm looking forward to this year, the future ahead, and you know that the goals and everything that. That have already set and put in place and, you know, I'm looking forward to absolutely smashing life.

What an incredible and epic share. I mean, like, just. Just bouncing off the back of that. Darren, like crits, you were in our last podcast. How does it feel? Like you're right. How do you explain. How do you explain the brotherhood? But how does it feel just hearing that from. Yeah, one of the men inside of this tribe, Jason, and you shared last week your struggles and then your triumphs. But yeah, how does that make you feel, man? Like Jason hearing that from Darren and his story and his share. And Darren, look, the truth always wins, man. So at some stage in the future, if there's the opportunity for your children to reconnect with you. Fuck, what a man you have already become and continue to become. It's just. It's fucking incredible, man. Yeah, it's not always a dis. The Disney Cinderella stories.

But look.

Look at what you. You far surpassed that in. In what you've recreated for the life of Darren Williams and those he loves and cares about moving forward. But Chris, how does that make you feel hearing that story, man, and that share and, And. And the brotherhood of hbf.

Absolutely. And, and fantastic to hear it, hear that story. And when I actually heard Darren speaking down in Cosi, and then he done a marathon, believe it or not. Yeah. Even I'm looking at doing something like that now from hearing that a guy like him can change your lifestyle like that and become that person and have those sort of goals. That's the sort of goals that I want. So this is what I mean. With hpf, you can bounce off each other. You know, like I heard him speak down there in cozy. And now, even now, hearing his story again, it's still, it's still, it's inspiring. And all the other guys out there that are listening to it too, they will find that inspiring. That a guy, and he's still growing and trying to grow and learn more in three years, he still wants more. And how good is that? So, and this is all those different stories and all the everyone's different scenarios that can all add up and all can all help you if you really listen to them. So yeah, and man, believe it or not, I would like to try an ultramarathon. And it was from hearing that he'd done a 30k run and that even Aiden come over to seeing Jordan and everything. I mean, how good's that? So I really do listen to other guys and what their journey is and we all should.

Environment's everything, man. The ripple effect is real. Like it absolutely is that, that's why guys who, if you're not in hpf, it's not like some bullshit fucking secret society. But it's just like, it's hard to explain what it is because when I speak these words, you've already got a meaning attached to them. So, so if I was to describe it, like imagine a, a large cohort of men that also has squads like the, you know, the Fire Breathers which have been crushing it. A special shout out to coach Ed. Darren told me to say that. But amazing, like Titans, Fire Breathers, Spartans, the Jugs, the Knights. You've got, so you've got the whole community, but then you have your squads and then you have your tight knit groups and then geographically where you're located and catch up. So you've got a cohort of men that you can laugh with, you can shed a tear with. You're ambitious and aligned in how you want to go out and hunt and pursue and become fucking amazing in life. You all have the same shared desire to be the best husband, father, man you can be. You're all supportive of each other and there's a genuine love and fulfillment and reward in being in an environment like that every day where there's, there's, there's a genuine gratitude for that. It's not pay money, here's a course, like we're not a fucking course. But even in explaining that, I'm like, oh man, that's not even close to explaining like the events, the catch ups, the state catch ups, even the physical catch ups and workshops that we do and then something like a big retreat or event like cozy. Like, man, that's not even close. It is really special though. And that's, it's what don't I see, right? So for a lot of people out there, it's like, well, I wouldn't know, Al, because I've never experienced that. But think of like team sports and the greatest year you've ever had in a team sport. For me, times like 50 and I've had some sensational years with very strong cultures and yeah, yeah, you're chasing a trophy for one year though. Like, this is chasing your destiny for the rest of your life that's going to then impart into those you love and care about when you're dead. So I see it much bigger than that. Cal. You're. You're one of the younger bulls, but you're right in the middle of building your life, right? Looking to build family, self and service. So wealth, connection, your own well being, your relationships. Like, it's, it's awesome to see the stage you're at as well. Not that these guys by any means are older either, but it's just good to have like such a solid range of men who carry both the energy and enthusiasm some of the other guys draw from and then the wisdom and experience that other guys can draw from. I really love that blend. But walk us through your thoughts and feedback, man. It's been a while since we did our podcast and the journey of HPF for you and Cozy, what that was like. I'd love to get, get your, get your feedback as well, man. And your thoughts.

Yeah, Cozy came at a, at a peculiar time for me in my life. In all honesty, it was mix of circumstances. I almost didn't make it at the very end. I almost didn't. Didn't arrive. We've just talked about brotherhood. I think the, the ability to be able to sit there and talk through, feel, grow, grow. Growth is probably the, the biggest thing with a cohort of men. I've constantly felt that growing and going to the next level is always, I think most successful people will say it's a lonely chapter when you, when you get to, to, you know, the top of a mountain, you know, quote unquote, you know, you're usually there by yourself, looking down on others that are either climbing or descending or whatever it is. But being able to climb a mountain, not only physically at Cozy, but also in terms of shifting mindset, in terms of being able to connect with, with other members from, for business reasons, for mateship reasons, whatever the reason is, I think it's such an incredibly powerful tool. You know, when, just before Cossey, on the Tuesday before I flew out, I got the worst news, which was we were. My wife and I thought we were pregnant and we're quite early in pregnancy. And then we had a. A miscarriage, which was one of the hardest. I don't think I'm very lucky. I stuck with my parents. I haven't had as brutal news as. As that. And Mr. Positive.

I was.

I was. I was like, let's bring coffee to the guy who does the ultrasound and let's. Let's bring the vibes. And my wife kind of already. I think she already knew, but it was very difficult. And so just before that was Tuesday morning and I said, look, I won't go to Cosby if, If I'm needed at home. And al, you know, when I, When I brought this up to you, causing of the circumstances, you said, isn't it amazing that you. She gave you your blessing. Her blessing, you know, not necessarily permission, but she said, no, you need to. Need to go. Go be with your men. The men are that important to you and they will help you deal with this. And y. You know, the first couple of guys that I spoke to about it with everything was a. Was extremely powerful and it set the tone for.

For the.

For the rest of the week in the climb and everything like that, you know, so it's. Yeah, that brotherhood, man, is. Is so important not only for just in. In good times when you're growing and you're learning and you're, you know, acquiring knowledge and wealth and. Etc, and connecting with people, but also when. When things are a bit rough, having guys that have a. Either been through it and know what they're. What they're doing or what it's like and offer advice and a shoulder to cry on and everything like that. Like, it's no. No judgment. It's not. They'll help pick you up and, and take you on the way and. Yeah, it's awesome

the. The brotherhood. Isn't it funny how it just. It molds and shapes according to what the man needs? And it's, It's. I look at the ecosystem of HPF and like you said, whether it's mateship reasons or sharing a common pain, it's like, oh, fuck, mate. You know, like we' this together and. Or, you know, consoling each other through. That's. That's pretty. It's pretty tough, Callum. And, you know, and, And I feel for you, man. And that's. That. That's what brings us Even closer. In a way. It's quite, it's quite interesting, man. Like, yeah, you guys all originally as individuals see an ad, right? But it's like, man, you all know now how much bigger it is than now. Like I feel privileged to be here, man, you know, and that's, but that's what I've always wanted and that's, that's what I'm, I guess I'm proud of most in seeing you, man, how where there is pain or pleasure, doing an event, an experience together, or this is what's happening, or this is what's just happened, or this is where I've come from. I just love how the, the community of hpf, it really is that brotherhood where it's like, mate, there's, there's zero judgment. We've got your back, we've got solutions. We like. It's, it's a proper fucking pillar for a man's life. Which weirdly enough, seems so strange in today's world, despite that being the entire historical backbone of why we're here today. Men would be together. They would come together and then go and hunt and provide and survive and continue our species and survival over time. And then I don't know if it's like Post World War II or something, or maybe it was around still in the 60s or 70s who, I wasn't there, but it's like, mate, it just seems to have just completely dissipated over the last 40 or 50 years. It's quite. You talk crits even about being a gentleman, right, and, and, and, and, and you're old man. And like, it, it just, it's, it's so bizarre because I could. I used to speak to my pop all the time and just ask him, I mean, he's dead now but, you know, he was pretty old but he, yeah, he would explain just the, just the brotherhood and yeah, he did a bit of service in the military and that sort of stuff, but he was, you know, he's just so. It seems so clear back then that, you know, back in the 30s and 40s and, and the 50s, like there was a, there was a genuine brotherhood. And where has it gone? Is it the Internet? Is it tv? Is it all these different belief systems get shut down our throat? Not sure. But what do you think? I mean, Darren, what are your thoughts on. I guess like today's society, men, maybe they're not upheld the way they, they should be, but also a lot of them, I'm not going to say it's their fault, but they just, they just slip into or fall into isolation. That's what I've, that's what I've observed anyway. Even though they want or need it because not, not every man's a lone wolf. There's hardly any. To be fair most men actually want to be part of a group, part of a tribe. But yeah, what, what I guess what's your take? And then be keen on yours crits your line of work and over in WA or you're all in wa. But yeah, what are your thoughts on that Darren? And like what you see with these men who just drift and they isolate themselves and in today's world for me

I've been there and literally drifting and just going through the motions every day. And that's somewhat what men think is what's expected of us, what we should do, what we're meant to do. Men aren't in today's society expected to be allowed to speak about their emotions and openly talk about things and be emotional or things like that, which is wrong. People need to be able to talk to each other. And again I go back to when I did have that separation from my ex wife. I was in a very, very dark space. I was not in a good place at all. I was looking at not being here anymore and the brotherhood of HPF and I was already in HPF for nine months or so at that time. The men and the brothers in HPF got around me, supported me and I just randomly, I'd get phone calls and check ins and how are you going and things like that. And you know I did also have my close mates obviously not hpf but you know the brotherhood of HPF really, really got around me. So again you go back to that and you take it to Cosi and things like that that the physical catch ups that we have with these guys in hpf, the brotherhood is something that again you just can't explain it until you are there, you sit down and it's not off. How's the weather today? Now cut through all the bullshit and all those sort of conversations. It's real, genuine conversations that you have with these men. How their lives are, how you can support each other and things like that. So yeah it's something that men need to be able to do more and society might slowly be starting to come around to it but you know it really needs to lift its game up to, to allow men to be able to be a lot more open with these things.

Yeah and I think a common ground. Amazing shares Darren. I think a common ground guys, when I look at hpf and we look at the fundamentals of a man. Like we want to know that we mattered. We want to have impact in our life. Like we, lots of words like legacy, transformation, evolution, that's. That all gets thrown in everywhere. But for us it's like we want to, we want to know that our life mattered. We want to know that our life meant something. So, so when I look at hpf, I'm like, why, why, why would we be different? Why are we different? What does that, what does that look like compared to, I don't know, other groups or just as an individual. And the one, the one threat I always see fellas is a yearning and desire for more. You spoke about that a bit crits in our session. It's like, fuck, Darren, you want it? You, you weren't even walking and now you've done four, you're doing another four. Like that's my fuck. That's insane. Like wanting, wanting more. And I know that sounds, it's not to be harsh because you can connect through pain. That's absolutely true. But what I love in HPF is that common thread is also an attractive thing. All of these men want to be more. They have a desire and a hunger to grow and become, and become better. And that doesn't come without its temptations, fellas. You know, on the other side of that is a victim mentality. Poor me, I'm unlucky. I didn't get this or I didn't get that or I didn't do this or this didn't happen. For me, that's hard, man. Three, three men here that I'm talking to today. You've all had your fair share of hardships. Absolutely have. So, so why, why go the other way? Because you fucking choose to, mate. Because there's something, you know, deep down inside of you that is your purpose as a man. To drive forward and become more tomorrow than you were today. More today than you were yesterday. Chris, your thoughts on that and like, you know, talking on some of the struggles in real life with men, tribes, having that support group, some of that self sabotage even. Yeah.

I mean, to be quite honest, the way we go with social media and phones and stuff, it's. It's pretty much fucked up. It is, it's fucking up everything. And you know, I looked at the thing yesterday and it said within a lifetime now, you could potentially lose nine years of wasted time looking at a device in social media. It was meant to be so you could catch up with old friends. There's none of that anymore. You know, I look at, yeah, my grandfather, I go back to my grandfather where he say they played football on weekends. The pubs were closed at 6. They went home. That was it. You know, they had that bit of a mingle, they had that discussion, they had the great men part of it. Then they went home to their family. You know, again, we sat around the dinner table last night discussing about the podcast that I'd just done with you and you know, what it means to my family. But it decided if we were going to look back at. I look back at if I was sitting around with a group of mates, I can guarantee you that 80% of it would have been crap. There wouldn't have been any motivation talk or what are we going to do to excel ourselves for the week? None of that. It's what's going to happen for the next weekend. And that's where I think with hbs, especially going down the quasi, you go down there with a sense of relief knowing that you can sit around and talk to guys, men who have that same agenda, who really, who really just want to push to get. Be better. Better fathers and better men. Value and standards, man. That's the big one. I mean, that is completely, I think, getting lost very quickly. Real quick.

I love the, the tenants. I don't know if I've done a session on tenants yet, have I? No, I haven't because that's a big session. It's coming, man. It's coming, I promise. The. But just, but just awesome. Like you don't, don't even call them hpf tenants. You pick or choose what you want. There's 15 of them, but they all have a place. I'll go through that. That's definitely gotta be a planned one, but you're right, man. The values and the standards, it's. It's so easy to slip down and it's where most of the world goes, unfortunately. But there are, there are hungry, ambitious men inside of that pool that want to break free and, and break through and, and become more. But then we have the devices and technology and sedation, distraction, like you said, crits. That just sucks the life out of them just bit by bit. Yeah, just. Just pulls them in, lures them back in again. But calious around you, man. Like we had the initial call, which feels like yesterday actually. It goes so fast, doesn't it, man? Goes so quick. But what were you looking for and what have you drawn from HPF with. I mean, and you're not, you're not 20 years old. So when I Say one of the younger bulls. It's not like you haven't earned your stripes and got some battle scars and whatnot, but just being around a group of men that are same age, bit older, there's some younger. Like, what's. What was the draw card for you in the hpf? What would. What could a young man who's got his, you know, you don't have broken bones, you're not in your 50s or 60s. Like, what. What would a man in his. In. In his early, early 30s, I believe. Is that right? Yes. Sorry. There we go. Like what? Yeah, that's. It's an interesting thing I find, man, that. That the bracket. Like, you know, I know that I started to go downhill a little bit at 33, like just health and body and I went pretty hard with sport, but 37, notice another kick now I'm 40. Oh, mate, you got to be smart with your energy, your time, and you got more in the line, more skin in the game. And a lot of young men, unfortunately, a bit too arrogant, and I was one of them. So I'm not judging. But yeah, what was the draw card for you, man? What was. What was it? I guess what. And then what have you. What has developed inside of you that has evolved and been brought out because of the environment of being in hbf?

Well, I mean, like I said, and when we recorded my podcast a little bit, you know, I was seeing a pattern within myself that I wasn't liking. And it was around the time, you know, I had. I had one little one. I had a second one that was on the way, I think, when I, When I joined HPF season one and was just trying to. Trying to be better, you know, trying to be a better husband, a better father. And what better place than an organization called High Performance Father? Like, you know, what's. What's this about? Through being part of HPF and. And being able to articulate the. The areas in my life that needed most improvement, I think is. Has been immensely helpful. You know, communication is always the big thing, I think, in most. And how most relationship starts to break down and whatnot. But even. Even myself, you know, being able to articulate thoughts for myself or even try and talk through my own thought process, I struggled, I think, with that quite early on and been able to then just be around a caliber of men who have either been through that were going through something similar had, you know, being, you know, they're 40, they're 50, they've had life, their kids have grown up, they know all the Challenges and the, and the pitfalls and everything that comes to a new father. And I didn't have that community around me anyway. You know, I'm the first of my mates to have kids. I'm still the only one of my mates to have kids. You know, I don't have things I can talk to about dad stuff except for my father and my father in law really. You know, now, now I've got hpf now it's the guys that I speak to weekly within the HPF community and within the brotherhood and defend that time on my calendar rigorously, you know, to make sure I get that because I'm always going through something in life. It might be a particular scenario or I'm trying to deal with a difficult conversation or I just got a gut feeling about something, not sure, it might be business related. Whatever it is, you know, it's. There are dads with the same that have an understanding of the context. I'm trying to balance work, family, self, all these other areas, you know, other tenants as you've described with it that I can't do that with anyone else. You know, I don't have that community outside of that. It's, it's all within hbs. It's all within that brotherhood. It's all, it's all there and, and it's been immensely helpful for me to even to do that and be able to communicate ideas and thoughts and, and communicate things, you know, have difficult conversations with my wife, have difficult conversations with my parents, have, you know, difficult conversations at work or oh, I've got this gut feeling but I'm not really sure what it is. This is what I'm feeling. And the amount of times I've had guys tell me, ah, I will have something similar and it's X and you go, oh, haven't thought of it like that. Makes, makes sense when you, you know, things like that. It's yeah,

one of the toughest things. Oh, brilliant share too, man. And all you boys, brilliant shares. But one of the toughest things, guys, is lacking the vision of what's ahead. And the reason why that happens for most of you is A, you don't have the environment, but more so B, you're not giving yourself permission to just slow down. It's almost in silos. It's like we don't have family values and family codes. I, I work and provide, my wife raises the kids and we get together sometimes, sometimes we don't, sometimes we fight. So it's like, it's so siloed, man and Then the kids all have their screens they plug into, and that the family nucleus has become so divided and split into these silos. It's the best way to put it. I guess I'll think about it. You know, it's like these. These big cylinder tubes where you just can't see, can't see out, and you can't even see in because it's dark. It's like, you know, you don't even stop to give yourself the time to align with what it is that you want.

And like, you just said something there. Sorry to jump in. You said something that is pretty interesting around the. The family nucleus being. Being broken down. I think if I really try and look at this objectively, and this kind of goes with what Jason said previously, which is the biggest part of being a father. I found the thing that's giving me the most purpose is service. It's the pillar that does everything within the HPF community, right? With family, self and service, everything points to service. And I think a man finds his purpose when he finds who to serve. And that might be your wife and kids, and that might be society, might be a business, whatever it is. No. Why do we go to the gym and make sure we're in decent enough shape so that we are physically able to serve the people that matter? Why do I start my business or do whatever everything is so I can financially serve my family and whatnot? And I think, you know, looking at a society, if you're taking away that, the need or trying to tell young men in particular that, no, you don't need a service and women can do that all and whatever it is and things like that, and not to say women are. Are beneath men. By. By no means. I can't do what my wife does at home. I think it's incredible what she does. But it's. I think the second that you take away a man's ability to decide what he serves, what he wants to service, then he'll pick something that doesn't serve him.

It's a good point. It's funny, when you look at some guys who might be struggling at home, but they love their work, I'm like, well, of course you fucking would. Because the only place that you're feeling like anyway, and probably tangibly in some ways, delivering value and having that value reciprocated through others, appreciating your work and what you do and so on and so forth, so that stuff too, you know, like, I don't. I don't get a parade. My children are championing me out of the office and to the dinner table every day. But it's. It's a. It's a fair point, man. It's a really good point. When I. When I think of discomfort, which, Which I was going to. Because you mentioned that, having uncomfortable conversations, gal, when, When I think of that, it's like, guys, there's. There's no. There's no growth in comfort. But so many men just take the comfortable route, avoiding that conflict and that argument which will erupt, starts as a conversation. Yeah, but you know, your Mrs. Will blow a stack and. Yeah, but you're just not willing to go through that. But there's no growth in comfort. No growth in comfort. No growth in comfort. So are you finished growing? Are you done? Like, it's. Where are you comfortable in life where you, you know, you shouldn't be. You should be pushing hard? And. And also, why is being uncomfortable or why is discomfort a bad thing? That's coming back to my point. So you write Callum coming to tough conversations with the misses, with the family, with the kids, with yourself. What? Why? Why is uncomfortable discomfort a bad thing? Yeah, if you remove the egoic attachment that's driven through a feeling. Right, because that's. Why is discomfort a bad thing? Well, because it feels uncomfortable. Okay, so what does that mean? It's like, well, I'm not. I'm out of my zone of being centered. Yeah, but if the centered part of you isn't enough right now, and you know that and you want to need more, why is that a problem like that? And I'm not saying I go looking for thrills and I'm a Red Bull sponsored athlete that goes and does crazy shit. But yeah, man, like, whenever I get that feeling, gents, I'm like, ah, you beauty. Like, I used to welcome that when I was playing footy. Because I'm like, ah. When I'd have more nerves or anticipation or butterflies or whatever you want to call it, excitement is better. Cricket. Opening the bat, mate. Opening the batting. Always, every fucking game, man, I'd have that feeling. And then the first ball comes and it's gone. It's almost becomes like a drug for me because over the years, I'm like on the other side of that feeling, which is only one second, man. Just that one step forward, just that one commitment. Oh, is all the possibilities just getting through that one little. That one little moment, that one little piece. So just for you guys listening, it's like, what? Where am I not having those uncomfortable conversations? But I've cooked up A story. Because my ego is attached to the fucking sensation of self. Because that's all the ego is, the identity of self. So you're walking through life looking through the eyes of a man instead of walking through life as a pretty fucking powerful spiritual entity that is using the body of a man to fucking generate and create something from nothing. I think that's like. I'm not trying to force or bring religion into this either, guys, but you know, you're more than a meat sack. Like you, you've got so much more look at the impossible stuff that becomes possible throughout this world. It's crazy. Like you don't need to look for proof. You know, you're not a spades, a spade. Like you're so much more. But when you deny yourself of that and you seek comfort, what hope do you have, man and stuff. So Darren, what drives you? Why? Why the change? Why the growth?

Why the.

Why another four marathons? I'm curious on that. Because it's a choice. What I'm talking about, fellas, is a choice. It's not a must. I try and psychologically gear myself towards making it a must, right? That's an absolute. You have to. And that's good. Like I, I think it works well. But what drives you, Darren? Like why, why try? Why, why be more?

For me, it was really, I just started running really because my girls started cross country, then I sort of ventured into Parkrun, then joined a running club. And the guys in the run club, sort of the encouragement to build and grow and to get up to half marathon and then running full marathon and then the ultra marathon that I ran last year as well. It's really about setting yourself goals that at the time might seem unachievable. And if you asked me a few years ago could I ever run a marathon or would it just laughed on your face? So it's about setting goals that are not comfortable, they're out of your range. And then by running a marathon, you know, I'm not running to beat anybody else. I'm running for myself. I'm running to beat my own personal best times. And so, you know, as much as there might be people around you, there's always going to be someone faster than you. But I'm there for me. I'm there to get out and achieve something and do something that a few years ago would have just been an impossible task for me to achieve. So really that, that's what it is for me is just doing something for myself and achieving these goals and then I just continue to set goals. And pretty much every marathon I've ran, I've improved on my nutrition. You know, the first few marathons I was cramping in each marathon and things like that. And I was having a lot of difficulty. So just dialing in that nutrition and things like that. And so you're always growing, you're always learning and how to get your body preparation right and things like that to be able to do an event and to try and improve on your previous best time. It's, you know, for me it's, it's a great way for my mental clarity to get out and achieve that.

Yes. Daughter started running, so there's an important. And I'm not here to fill in the blanks either. But it's like, yeah, what I'm hearing you, you say is like, I want to set some goals that might even be unachievable, which then you already know the formula. It's not the goal that matters. Isn't it? Your goal won't get you to your goals. It's the pursuit of that goal that then turns you into Darren. 2.1, 2.6, 3.0, 3.4. Like that's always fellas. So you should set ridiculous goals that don't make sense. But is there a glimmer of hope? Has it like has someone run a 200 mile marathon? Like of course they have though those savage type feats. So whilst you don't compare to others, yeah, it's a crazy goal that seems unachievable, but there's been done before. So maybe I can do the best I can do and, and be the best I can be. And that's, that's what I love about, well, humanity as a whole in general, man, like this. If there's something even, even minutely close to have been done before in comparison to what you want to achieve, yeah, don't compare yourself with that other person. But then it's not an impossible goal either. It's something that you, you can pursue and then through that pursuit, like you said, Darren mate, you just, you grow so much. Plus with your daughter. I mean that's pretty awesome, man. Like to be, to be able to produce and perform and have that capacity, that, that's pretty special. I can't run anymore with my knee. My kids run. I can, but like I couldn't do running for exercise, but I can run. I can run pretty fast. My gas tank's okay, but then the knees blowing up for a month. So I choose my moments to run with the kids in the Backyard but I still have that capacity. That's awesome, man. Because I think they'll get away with it, right? Daddy's slow and bang, little sprint, catch him, throw them in the air, all that. So I think there's a genuine love for, for you know, performance as well that, that helps you feel valued in yourself because you're not just fucking wasting away, mate. As you get older, you're getting better. That's, that's unreal. Remember seeing it, Was he English? I don't know if I shared that with you guys. There's an English coach talking about a girl he brought on. It's training very young girl, ran 19 seconds for the hundred meters and she was really upset she come last. He's like, it's awesome. He's like, he did so well because I actually calculated that you were going to run 20. He's completely shifted her frame around what winning is, right? And what the target is. So next race. And he just pumped, just pumped her up so much in the right way because that was exactly what she should be focusing on. Like I said, Darren, it's, it's, it's you, it's UVU. So the next race she ran 18.1. She didn't care what she came, she celebrated because she improved her time by 0.9 of a second. And that's, that's gotta be the mentality. Drawing examples and drawing from others around you. Which is why, you know, having the right people around you, like minded matter. But crits, what about you man? Like you, you've done a pretty wild turnaround. Why keep going? You'll be right.

Yep.

Why not? Because when you go back and look at what, what I wasn't doing and for a long time, and

that's the

golden nugget for me was being able to look at what I was, what I am now and to have that mental toughness to continue it. Because it'll be a little bit of a battle still for me. But I love that challenge of becoming someone different now. And I think even sitting around the dim table last night, you know, my, my family will come to the, they will, they will come to the acknowledgment. This is, this is actually me now. This is, this is who I am. They're not going back to that, so why not continue it? Because I actually do now have learned and seen that there is there. We need more men who have those good values. I think it's, it's, it's really, really critical that we look at, look at what's going on out there in society and how much what we do as in men and what we. I mean look at what happened in Cozy, you know, all them guys driving out of there, heading home. You just know straight up that there's going to be a better society. And I really do believe that. That's why I want to keep going. And it doesn't matter. Yeah, I'm 46. It doesn't seem to faze me now. It's like, let's go. It's actually spurred me on to do more and more and more and like Darren, I to now want to for myself try something bigger, something that's a goal that is way out there, possibly not achievable, but can have a crack at it. And still, and not just for me to show my family that this isn't just some six weeks thing or a year thing or two year thing. This is who I have become and will continue to be right through till the day I die. And like I said before, I'm a death better. I might not have got it all right, but they will hopefully go. Lee State gave it a go. He's changed something. Whereas before they probably would have just looked over the top of the grave and just turned around, walked off. Now they can see there's a little bit of effort there and I will continue it as the best as I can anyway, that's for sure.

Your rate of improvement is phenomenal though. Like fast forward five years, you keep this going. What impact do you think that has on your son and your two daughters? Like, what's the feedback? What are you seeing? Who are the boys that they're dating? Who's the model gentleman that your son is for his princess and future queen? Like what do you see in your children through another five years of you maintaining this growth?

I, as much as it, it does sort of, it's, it's a little bit upsetting that I, I didn't see this a long time ago, Alex, but now there's, it's going to take a bit of time but I'm, I'm hoping in this future though they will see a very tall, not hunched over father who stands upright and, and is happy there to help them. There's no frustrations, there's genuine there, there's no rush, there's. I'm always in a rush to get things over and done with. So that's, that's, that's where, that's where I'm, I'm still, and I'm still going to learn but in the end. I'm hoping they see. I really do hope they see the gentleman I'm trying to be. My grandfather, his who I inspire to. And then hopefully that they conspired to what I've left there as well for them, you know, fitness, mentally strong and becoming a lot better leader. Like I said, I had to let go a lot of that leadership because I wasn't there. My wife had to take over it all because I wasn't there. I wasn't present. I was there, but I was never actually present. So presence is the big thing. And maybe one day in five years, I'm standing there and I've accomplished a few goals. And I'm just hoping the day that they, my son, will say, let's do it together.

Let's.

Let's smash it out together like we did at Cozy. That was fantastic.

Be so awesome, man. Like, my little man's growing and it's like, ah, shit. He starts preschool. He starts kindy next week, and he'll be six and then. And seven. But I'm also looking forward to those. Those years of throwing some tin around and. Yeah. Lifting some weights and wrestling and all the other stuff that you get to have too. It goes quick, though, and I love it, man. Callan, what about you, bro? Like, you walk. Let's walk forward 20 years, like, 20 years from now. What do you see? What do you see for yourself, your family, your children? Maybe they've got kids yet, maybe they don't yet, but. Yeah. What do you see in this trajectory and what you're maintaining with your values, your standards and growth?

Yeah, it's a tough one because I think the way that you view growth changes as you go through the hpf terms is 2.0, 3.0, 4.0. And I always feel that what really guides the way that you view things, I think for me personally, he's always been this pursuit for truth, both. And you can look at that from how you look at society versus how you look at home. And I think it's a. It's become a crazy thing where you constantly, you know, life where my wife's at home, you know, and she's sitting there and family and the home front coming in and trying to, you know, take over a snap, trying to learn about something there or the truth of the matter, what's. What's part of that scenario. And when you go through those scenarios, you then learn from those experiences and then, you know, and vice versa out in society. I think that's. That's probably the big One, the way

that you view growth changes. I love that, man. Like, it's. Yeah, it's so true. I wonder if, I wonder if, like for some men out there, and this could be you. I'm not saying you're buying into it, but it could be a real risk or temptation. But you've got this mentality. Well, I won't have it all figured out from day one, so why start now? You guys have no idea what I thought HPF was when I started it to what it is now, man. It's, it's, it's, it's. Galaxies apart is an understatement. So. But yet here we are. You know, it's. Be kind to yourself. You shouldn't know all the answers like that. Welcome to life. You know, you don't need to be a 70 year old to say that. You don't need to be 10 and say that. Like, it's fundamentally consistent throughout life. Because the more that you, the whole. The more that you know. I remember hearing that, that saying, you know, the more that you learn or the more that you know, the more you realize you don't know. And when I was younger, it never made sense to me. I was like, what are you talking about? Because you're going to accumulate like you're just tallying up runs on the board. Of course you're. It's like, no, no, no. As you learn and become wiser, which to me, wisdom's like valued experience. You don't go to a nursing home and sit around an 80 year old that's done nothing with their life and, and look for wisdom because they're old. That doesn't mean anything. But as you accumulate this wisdom, it just opens up more doors and more doors and more doors and it's like, ah, it's like you choose your own adventure.

It's like, ah,

there is so much more. But I guess not. Yeah, I guess not. Not hypothetically. But, Callum, the question I was curious on is like, what, what do you see your children as adults and maybe for yourself or maybe for HPF. Let's all, let's all fast forward. HPF's been going for 28 years now, right? So we're in season eight. Let's fast forward 28, 28 years now. Fast forward 20 years. What do you think, man? Like, you've got the sons of these high performance fathers who would be eligible and possibly joining. You've got the daughters who've married men who could have high performance fathers. So they've got high performance father in Laws like I think it's, it's, it's quite an interesting. Not that we'll have a billion members, it's just impossible because. Well, it just is, you know, it's, it's, it's hard, could be for everyone, but it isn't, you know, like it's, it's, it's for those who do feel like they are cut from a different cloth and they want more out of life and it's, it's, it's tough. But can we help people? 5, 8, 12% in life? Of course we can. Does everyone want to go all in and make the full, go the full fucking hundred? No, but the point is like we'll be pretty immersed in another 20 years time. What do you think, Callum? What do you say? Jason talks about values and standards, but I'm genuinely curious and if we. Fast forward there, boys. What, what do you see in society? Let's say we're a fucking pretty big part, you know, helped a couple of million dads now in Australia. Like what, what, what are your thoughts, Callum? On what, what would change? How would these kids be? What you, what would. Yeah, yeah, I'm curious on your thoughts.

They wouldn't. I, I would hope to think that if even trying to get personal with my kids, my kids wouldn't accept mediocrity. I think that, you know, we talk about standards and values and that's the crux of it, I think, you know, particularly with, with the world today, with AI social media, everything like that, being able to hold yourself to the truth and be honest about the truth, I think is, is the big thing. You know, the one thing that part of joining HPF is, has been for me is being in research for, for the truth. You can look at that from a society point of view with, with the news cycle. Everything about what, what is true and then how do I form my opinions based on my values and whatnot, but then also being true to yourself going, I've got these standards, I've got these values, I want to pass these on to my kids, I need to make sure they pass them on to their kids. And if I haven't, I haven't done a good enough job as a dad, you know, I think, and if you think if you em. Park even on those values, you know, they, your kids will naturally make the world a better place. I think the fact that, the fact that we are sitting here, you know, on, on this podcast as men have come from, from whatever place that we start our journey and the only new way that we have gone is up. And if we go up at the rate that Kridle has gone up, he'll be president in the next, you know, of. Of the free world in the next couple of years. But it's, you know, it's the fact that we're all sitting here ready to grow, to learn, to be constantly finding what is true and what is not, both in ourselves, both in the world. And then we can impact that knowledge of wisdom on our kids and ask them to do the same. Then the world will be a much better place.

Massive ripple effect, man. Massive ripple effect, you know, so, yeah, I completely agree. Just the standards. Standards and values. And if we can, it's not about giving your kids an easy life, but giving them a bigger stepping stone and platform to launch off, like on our shoulders or even our emblem, right? Holding something up that can reach higher and see further than you because of your strength and your position. Wow. How awesome is that? Just in our little emblem here, having the strength and the ability to hold your ground, your position, to lift someone up higher than you. Oh, mate, it's going to be. And I'm not here to turn Roman into me or turn my daughters into women looking for the replica of their dad. The young bloke they meet won't even come fucking close to me. I'll be like 50 at that time. It's not even fair. But the values, the core, the core of the being, that's what excites me most, Callum, about where this will go. And just. And it's not like we're reinventing the wheel either. It's just bringing the fundamental truths. You talk about truth, men. Bringing that back to center and bringing that back to light. Huge. Darren. What. What would you say so, Daz? Wow, three seasons, man. What would be some of the biggest golden nuggets or key takeaways or lessons? Like what are some of the big, biggest shifts? Or not so much shifts, Sorry. But yeah, like aha. Moments or things that you've taken on board or one liners or quotes or like, yeah, what all that time, mate. Thousand days in mate. Thousand day warrior. What a. What a. Yeah. What are some of the biggest takeaways you've gotten, man?

Probably the biggest one really comes down to be a hundred to give a hundred. I mean, I was. Like I said, I was working 14 to 16 hour days. I was sleep deprived. I wasn't looking after myself. And, you know, now I am looking after myself first. And that means I've got so much more to give my loved ones around me. And what you're saying is the change that we're making now, it's setting that standard to create that generational change is exactly what you were saying before, that we're wanting to set that example for our kids to then build their lives on for their kids. And so it's setting that standard for generations to come. It's not changing one man now. Changing one man now changes families, hundreds of people with generations to come. And so that's what we're doing because you look at learned behaviors from when you grow up yourself and what you see, what you heard, what you learned, and the things that you look back on and go, well, I can't do better than that now, rather than just following that same path, I'm looking to do better and so that I can create that generational change for my kids and their kids to come. So I think, you know, give a hundred or be 100 to give a hundred. That's. That's critically important. That's probably the biggest one of the lot. It might seem selfish at the start to look after yourself, but when you really sit back and do it, when you're looking after yourself, you've got so much more to give to those around. You

can't give what you don't have. It's so funny, isn't it? It's, it's. It's. And I've said this before in ads, but it's almost with respect because the intent is genuine. But it's almost even more selfish not to invest in yourself because giving the best of what you've got left, it's like, stop. Stop feeding your family the crumbs, man. Give them. Give them a big T bone steak, you know, like, and. But take your time. Find the cut. Cook it well. Like, it's. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And, boys, it's hard. This is not. We're men here, right? So no victims. It's like, yes, it's tough. Let me just let you in on some insights and I'll bring her on. Bless her. Can't wait to do another podcast with Corinne. She's actually hassling me now. I think she's got some real rocket fuel. She just wants to unload about me onto the entire community. It'll be good. My wife, 23 years, I've lifted weights since I was 13, exercise since I was 13. I'm 40, so I've been. Exercise is not. I wouldn't say it's not my identity, but it's part of my makeup and who I Am, of course. And the life I live to choose. And done that longer than her, right? 27 years. Longer than I've been with her. Sorry. She still. So my wife knows how valuable it is when I'm pouring in my own cup, when I go to the fucking gym, when I take some time out. Even now. 23 years, man. 23 years knowing that I've been doing it for 27 years, knowing how valuable it is, knowing the outcome that comes from me being healthy, fit and strong, pouring in my. Even all of that, all the truths, all the facts, there will still be moments. Oh, you go into the gym now, are you. Do you really have to? Yes, darling, yes, I do. And I'm okay if you're not all right with that, but this is the time I've told you about this. We've locked it all in. I had to shake. I had to shift it around because the other day I couldn't. Because you needed help here. So it's not re. It's not replace. Just reposition. And I've had to do that, of course. I'm not an idiot. And I don't train at dinner time with four kids. Don't get stabbed. Yeah, man. Even then, boys, it's like, fuck. Still. Still. And it's not her fault. She's not trying to cut me down. She fully supports me, but it's just I'm struggling or I need an out here. Can he handle the kids? Or what if something happens? Or what about Florence? And like, there's. There's all these little stories that she's not trying to drag me into her into the ocean and I'm in some sort of jet Ski and she's dragging me down. Not at all. It's just part of human nature. And even then, still tries. Not tries to, but unknowingly questions me investing in myself.

So.

Love it, Darren. Completely agree, man. And boys, you will get them. You'll get them from those closest to you, but you've got to remain firm and strong and smart. Like I said, I don't train. Dinner, bath and bedtime. That's. That's foolish and that's not supportive of my wife. But you. You got to understand the value of pouring into your own cup, even if others can't see it in the now, you've got to see that and then use that to back up the value you can bring. Any. Any others. Daz.

I guess when I look back on. On my journey with hpf, you know, people focus on trying to sometimes fix things that are Too far broken. And I was probably trying to hold on to a marriage that was broken for a long time. And I think probably one of the biggest messages I'd like to let people know is that it is okay to move on. Things don't always work out perfectly how you want it to and how you expect it to. The life that I'm building now is a lot more humble than the life that I used to live, but so much more satisfying. I'm so much happier in every aspect of my life. There's just that small part without seeing Carly, my youngest daughter, that I do hope to reconnect with her one day. And it's important that she knows that when that day comes, that I think of her every day. I love that beautiful girl of mine, and I really look forward to reconnecting her with her when that time comes. And also for Cooper as well, when that time comes that hopefully I can reconnect with him. But that may not be in the near future. That may be in the distant future. And there's some things that, as much as you might not like it, you need to accept it, and you need to try and live the best life that you can with what you've got in the time that you've got as well. So I think they're probably a couple of the big things is that it is okay when things don't go right. There's people there to support you, people there to back you up, and you can still build an incredible life moving forwards.

Love it, man. Sound advice. Things won't always work out the way that you want them to, but. But if you keep going, they will work out. And. And yeah, there's. There's a. I'm sure you've spoken about these crits with sacrifice, or you will, but it's. Yeah, there's always a price to pay, man. So it's like, well, I might not get this, but if I just keep going, I might get that, and that's that. There's this, and it's not. I mean, you know, your kids are irreplaceable and there's this. That's life. You get opportunities, but you won't always get the same ones. But maintaining your perspective keeps you grounded, I think, and centered. Darren, like you said, it's like your perspective is, hey, you gotta wash your hands sometimes. Especially if it's something you can't control. It's like, fuck. Well, it's not that you don't try. But why would you try to control something you can't but they will work out, and you're testament to that man. Callum, how about you, mate? Golden nuggets, key takeaways or most valuable points you've taken away from your journey with us so far?

I suppose the biggest area of, like I said at the start of the podcast, the biggest area of growth is my communication skills. I mean, even if you thought about it like a video game character and you've got different stats and whatnot, my communication was quite low, and that's a big one. And I think being able to articulate the behaviors and things that I had, you know, to, to now understand, being able to identify, you know, particular behaviors and whatnot of things I was doing before that I may not have done previously has been an immensely helpful thing. You know, I, I, I think I, after Cozy, I probably had a big realization that what I used to do was manifest anxiety to create urgency in my life. And now it's just, you create urgency without the anxiety because it's, it's, it's more important. You found a greater purpose with it. And, and how you serve people and how I serve my family is, has been, you know, my, my wife has, I'm going to be back and forth. My wife, when I remember when I first joined hbo, she didn't think I needed it. She's like, yeah, we can sort it out. It's just, it's a relationship thing or whatever it is. And I was going, I don't think it is. I'm, I'm trying identifying things myself. I don't know how to explain that to you. And now I can explain everything very clearly to you. And, but it's going to be uncomfortable because it's a hard thing to discuss. So it's, but, you know, like I said, being able to have that conversation and whatnot is there. And I've been very, very lucky to, you know, have the brotherhood around me to help with that. You know, not only just with the HPF courses and the work that you have to put in, that you have to put in, but, you know, again, to round out from what we discussed at the very beginning, having that brotherhood around to talk things through, have run scenarios through, do all the, all the fun and hard and difficult stuff as a, as a trial run before you go and take it in a way to your life is, has been immensely powerful.

What you, yeah, it's, I've developed the skill set, so now I can have tough conversations.

But I mean, I've been even that's, I said it there as well. What would we do prior to this? We would sit around and men wouldn't have purpose and they'd avoid conversations and whatever it is. Well now, partly maybe it's because they don't have the skills and not had the practice, you know, and it's easier doing something. So there's an element of okay growing in the uncomfortability versus okay in the uncomfortability. How do I navigate that? So you know, it's, it's a, it's a two pronged thing.

Oh, of course. That's the other. Laughter because like, so I've gotten better, so now I can create pain so that. Thank you hbf. I've improved myself, my skill set so I can now go and find and hunt down pain. But no, no, I was smarter, but. But no, what you said is bang on. Well, here's the thing, like if you seek comfort, man, oh boy. You better believe discomfort will come and find you. It will come and find you. Do you want active discomfort or passive discomfort we have no control over? It will come and find you. So that's why I was laughing and we're both laughing because we get it. Avoiding it today, avoiding the pain today is, is, is, is, is. I don't know, let's, let's talk about stocks or investing or compound returns like it, it'll build. Like the pain in the future is, is going to be so much, so much more than that little bit of pain today, you know, which is why I laugh. But besides the brotherhood, you boys have done some amazing shares in this session. But besides the brotherhood, which is for me the pinnacle of hpf, it really is two things. And you just touched on one, Callum, having space and time to just stop. And then the second one that you touched on, Callum, is absolutely self awareness, man. That's what you're talking about. Like to have that. Like guys, you'll go and get your trades or you'll develop your skills in acumen, get some certifications and whatnot and then develop and build your career and maybe you'll do extra courses so you can. And you're entitled to more money because your role or your title and that's all well and good, but fuck man, like you are the number one investment, you are the number one asset and you don't even give yourself space and time to develop some self awareness of where am I at? What is my baseline, my character on Street Fighter or whatnot? Here are all my toggles on all my different characteristics with my communication and all the other ones that line up or like that stereo mixer. Here are all the elements of me, you know, a blend between family, self and service. The values, what you're upholding, your ability to have patience, being the Viking, being the panda, being the chief, maintaining presence like a whole range of like energy or health bars. And you don't even give yourself the time or, or with the time. Just sit and build that awareness. I love that about you, Cal. Like you're very fucking switched on, man. And all of our conversations, that's been the biggest growth that I've seen in you. Which is. Which is phenomenal for. For now. What you impart without even knowing, that's the funniest part. Children don't listen. They watch. Right. So it's. That's what also excites me, I guess because then it's like if you're genuine and you're just fucking leading family, self and service and being the greatest man and leader you can, well then nothing's fabricated, which means nothing's falsified, which means all the examples and rubbing off on to those around you is upside. Not forcing them. I'm not forcing Roman to become a public speaker. Like I just being. Then guess what? My kids get the laptops out, they get this microphone and they break it. I tell you man, they're gonna break it soon. And they're doing their songs, they're doing their introductions and they're doing videos. They're pretending to do high performance kids and like wow, I'm not. I haven't got them going through a certification inside of their any area household. And how to communicate, there's just following how good are crits, golden nuggets, biggest takeaways top one or 300 that you've gotten so far.

Yeah, just overall just I think for me the mental toughness to know that you can pull yourself out of a situations now which I didn't. Oh obviously I didn't have any of that before. So I can, I can now. My brain doesn't stop ticking if I'm doing something. I now slow down and actively get what's going to happen here and listening out of hrf. Like listening is probably one of the big things. I've always never really big on listening. It's just sort of in one ear and out the other. Yeah, I mean the other things you'll learn like hey, you go down to Cossey. If you guys go to Cozy. You don't do what I do and walk up a mountain with just a pair of shorts and a T shirt. We're always learning go all the way up there. And I mean, when I left the bottom, I'm like, look at these guys all rugged up. I mean, surely you don't need all that gear. It's not that cold. And then, yeah, when they started all stripping their gear off about half an hour into the steps, I'm like, beauty, I've made the right decision here.

And.

And then when we got up a little bit further and then as we got to the top, I'm like, oh, wow. Yeah, should have, should have listened to. It was so cold. And we do a hashtag, let's go. And after your awesome motivational speech up there, I was like, hashtag, let's go. I've got to get off this mountain. I'm freezing. And. But they're coming down, coming down. I mean I was on such a high. And then biggest, biggest takeaway and the biggest nugget probably, yeah, was actually going back up there with my son and my best mate a couple of days after who had been helping me through these, through this as well, through the addiction side of it anyway, just doing little calls on different things together. But having Balin up there and him up there on the Tuesday, we got great weather. It was still blowing a gal. I went up there fully clove this time. I had tracky Dax jumper. You name it, I had it on. I was still freezing. To be able to sit up there and give him that pocket knife that we got and handed it straight on him two days later. It was a pretty, pretty big moment and very proud of him to actually come up there with us and also my mate, to be able to come and do it was a big goal, a big week, big goal for all of us, I think. And I really do believe the whole thing down there. I just seem to see a lot of men just sort of go down there, you know, have that big sort of breath and a bit of relief like, just like, you know, a break from all the crap that's going on and get to actually talk, vent, just discuss things that are, that are just motivational and will and, and helps ever out. Like I said, everyone left there and those guys and all of us who left would have bettered the. Bettered the world for sure.

I believe how quick it goes too, man. Like, I just, I think I get depressed if I think about it too much. It's six days. It still went so fast.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I mean to be, to have that, like I said in my last podcast, but to be, to work on being the better Version before I even got down there. Like I said, cozy was absolutely the pinnacle of it all, but I'd actually already had that moment of this. You know, I get how I'm supposed to be living and I was bouncing off the walls when I realized, you know, just this is how you're supposed to live, so. But, you know, there's still growth and like you said, comfort. I don't want to be in my comfort. So I will keep sacrificing to keep moving ahead and keep learning. But, yeah, if you're going to go to cossie pack, well, listen to the

experts

and, you know, like, yeah, take some weight off somebody else. You know, Dave early, like, he left off with 20 and wow. And different guys going up with all them different guys. Scott, I can't remember everyone's names, but. And thank you to the guys who lent jackets for me on the way back. Thank you very much. Yeah, no, it's awesome. Absolutely love it. I had a ball down there. Absolute ball.

To be fair, that doesn't describe your character in shorts and T shirt in what, three inches of snow.

Yeah. And I was just.

Yeah.

And only recently moved from Darwin. Like. Yeah, that's stupid.

It had thongs on as well, mate. Yeah, good. It was about. You could obviously see the snow at the. Is it Eagles Lookout, whether the. The ski lifts, but about one to two kilometers in. So after one or two of the first little hills. Bang. Then, man, it was the wind. I can't believe it. That's why I kept the. The speech short and sweet at the top, mate, I was blowing a gale. Everyone was wet, so we could. We could give you wet jumpers. Oh, mate, that was. That was savage.

It was. It was, but it was, you know, within five minutes of getting down out of the wind. It didn't matter. Like, the whole. The whole journey up there and back and the whole weekend, like, the whole week was phenomenal. And yeah, the guys, I'd love to. I wish I could name everybody I met. They know who they are. There probably is still bleeding, but I had a ball, absolute ball with everybody. It was awesome.

Nice, everybody. Amazing stuff. What incredible episode, boys. Thank you for. For giving the time and sharing your wisdom, your experiences, your insights and. And your perspective on a lot of things. It's been. It's been really insightful and that's what I love most. I feel like I'm always learning or relearning or remembering. It's why I love doing this stuff. Man, I wish I could do a podcast every day. With you guys, it'd be so good. We'll get there. Final thoughts, though, and it could be advice for men struggling going through a rut, a tactic, skill or a strategy to implement more of a philosophy, how to view things or the situation. But I guess just a final passing or final thought or feedback or support for the men listening to this. I'll start with you, Darren. That'd be, that'd be unreal.

Easy one for me. Never give up, man. Never ever give up. There is a massive, fantastic life ahead.

Yeah, it's funny, last year with Big Wayno, I gave him my, my patch which said never give up. And I remember when I had a knee recoil. I came back from a knee operation to the CrossFit Games in December and it would have been February, 11 weeks. I was lucky in a way. There weren't things like pistol squats. Yeah, single leg squats would have crushed me, but there was still massively heavy deadlifts. The first workout was actually snatches and double unders. Hundreds and hundreds. Might have been a ousand, which is two skips per jump. That's fucking brutal on the knee. But yeah, never give up. As silly as it sounds, that's like my favorite favorite quote. Love it, Darren. It's, it's beautiful, man. How about you Crits and then we'll finish with you, Callum. But yeah, final thought or piece of advice?

If like chase those little wins. Chase them. The, the. You don't need much to, to change. And when you look at something like something very small, we're actually talking about last night around the dinner table. Like you're going to go. If you're going to go out tonight with your wife and your kids, go out for dinner, challenge yourself. Just a little win. Put, put that beer down. Maybe take. Make her drive home or no phones at the table and engage. That's. And you'll drive home and that's a win. You're engaging. That's a win. It's all these little ones. Even I, I, I couldn't, I couldn't actually tell you how many that I find as a win on my personal things, but they're little things like that that will, that'll, that'll help you get, get better. And look. Yes. Big like Darren. Yeah. I've always stated, yeah, you need to be 100 to give 100. And that sounds a bit selfish, but. No, you need to be right so then you can make your right. Others around you will then thrive and throw us around you. Absolutely.

It's so awesome, man. Great Share. But out of all that, you don't need much to change. Like fuck me, that's what I love about this. It's so, such plain sight. It's so true though, so true. Never give up like Darren said and then Jason, you don't need much to change. And it's true. The hard part is because we know it's true, we get fucking comfortable. So we don't do that little. We don't do the much, we don't change your mindset. Yeah, we don't, we don't do the much because it's like you don't need much to change. It's like, oh, I don't need to do that much today because I can do that tomorrow because it's only a little bit so that boys, you already know, you already have it inside, you've already got the formula. We don't need much to change. But then that becomes the double edged sword that you up because you're like, well yeah, because I know I can just change quickly. I can just cut this out, cut that out. So true, man. So working with James, we had him on last couple of sessions ago so working with him and he's been phenomenal for, for my health and well being. But mate, we're just doing a keto reboot because of my cortisol and levels and everything. It's been awesome. I haven't had a keto crash or anything. Trim fat, dropped 5 or 6 kilos but some's water, some's fat. I want to do it properly. Everything's all sorted there with my supplementation. Make sure I'm covered, mate. How awesome. I'm away with the family for a couple of days this week. Every dish had chips as a side and they looked awesome too. And it's like even if I didn't eat all of it but just ate a portion of it every single time, one, I would have obviously killed the, the keto because you're not supposed to have carbohydrates. But two, oh man, I would have come back fat as like you're talking nine meals, just a little portion of chips every single time on holiday you heard you don't need much to change so, but, but also you don't need much to it all up too. And that's what you guys need to remember. You know, it's just the, the little, the lots of the little things. I came back leaner and fear and healthier. Having a break from training and, and just eating heaps of meat and, and butter and stuff. But that's, you know, I don't think it's something beyond forever. I've probably got maybe three weeks left on it. Then I'll bring carbs in because it's affecting my training, my endurance and my power output. But in terms of that, yeah, man, just don't have much change. All it was just, hey, I'll just off the. Eat plenty of. I ate plenty of delicious things, but I can't believe how much that's actually changed. Callum, man would love some final thoughts, wisdom and on key takeaways or any advice for guys listening or parting. Parting points of wisdom made it be awesome.

Just slow down and take time to smell the dainties. You know, being a father is such a privilege, and it is certainly the biggest honor I have in my life. You know, it's the one thing that was the catalyst of my life to make me grow up. You know, we found out we were pregnant. I didn't have a house. I was technically unemployed at the time because it was covered. And hospitality. And there's all these different circumstances. And the reason why I say that, though, is because I'll just. I'll finish off with her with a cheeky story. I. My kids are five and two and we're. We're still co. Sleeping and we're trying to have them not always come through to. To the bedroom, whatnot. We settle them in their bed, the kid coming through. And anyway, one night last. Wasn't even that long ago, last week or so, my daughter didn't come through. And we thought, oh, bonus, you know, she's. She's in her own bed. And we went through and the. She said, no, you know, Daddy, I slept on my bed. And we're, you know, pumping her up, going, oh, it's awesome. So good you're going to do it again tonight because. Yeah, she says, I woke up and I got scared. And so what I did was I went and put a coin under my pillow. And I was like, you've got a coin under your pillow? And I'm thinking, you know, we don't want. We don't want small change around or doing anything like that. He was, no, no, Daddy, I put your coin. And I was like, what are you talking about? And I kid you not, we walked in there, she lifted up a pillow and there was the cosi. The Cosby 4.0. You know, build the legacy. What was it? Build the. I don't have in front of me. It's still underrepresented. I built the likes. You're going to leave behind. Yeah. And I just thought, oh, that's just so awesome and so fitting, you know, that I went to Cosby with an open mind, came back with real focus on what my goals were and been able to change my behaviors and things like that and seeing that impact on my kids. And it was, you know, having my daughter recognize that there's obviously a coin that I carry around that's helping, you know, guide good decisions. She went, oh, it'll keep me safe. And she put her under a pillow and I made her sleep all the way through. I just think that's. I just think it's awesome, you know, and just being able to sit there and just take that moment and reflect, just go, you know what? Having kids is just the best thing. So take your time.

Yeah, well shared, man. Build the life that outlives you. Yeah, that coin, well, your, your kids, oh, your five year old will be starting to read words but like it's not. Obviously the two year old wouldn't. But yeah, it's. Stella knows it and she knows what it means and, and that's, that's the beautiful part. It's like, you know, she's like, build the life that outlives you, Daddy. What does that mean? I'm like, well, what, what, what that means is, yeah, people might not ever meet Daddy like your grandkids and they might not remember my name, but if I can really do well this life, if daddy can be the best daddy and husband he can for mommy and for all of you guys, then, then what I'm helping you with, with values because she knows values. I've told her what that means and how to be a good person and grow and that'll keep going even if daddy's not here. Oh, fuck, mate, it just clicks. It's like, obviously you can break it down, but yeah, that, that coin, man, the amount of members who've not a story like that, but it's just, it's been. Not serendipitous but just very. It's the timing of that coin in a lot of the men's lives has been pretty cool and what they've shared with their families as well. But no, I love that. I love that. Callum. How awesome is that man under the pillow. Build the life that outlives you.

I've not been able to get it back and put it on my desk. So instead I've had, I've settled. She swapped me with her little granite rock that I brought down from cozy that I gave to her and she Goes, now you can have that. That'll keep you safe.

I'm like, all right, deal.

I've got some spares if you want. So we. Oh man, there's so many. Not that I, I could probably do an episode about it. The behind the scene me. There's some. There's always problem solving and you're talking a scale that big and we're like, where are all the coins? We thought we'd lost them, but we just had enough or maybe one spare. So I'm calling the people which were over in Perth, they're doing a print run of another 12 because for some reason, I don't know if it was a miscalculation or a bag was missing, but we were like 10 short or 11 short. I was like, oh man, the guy didn't give us. We needed another 12 and they shipped it. But then I came to the Cedric coast. I was way too late. It was never going to land. But. But we actually did end up having enough. But, but now I've got like 11 coins. No, 12 coins. Still 13 coins. But, but that's good because the kids grab them and they steal them and run with them and put them in their rooms. But I love that, man. That's awesome. So awesome. It, it's, it's an interesting thing, man. Like we, we never look at fatherhood as. Well, a good, genuine man understands there's pain in, in progression and building and commitments, all that sort of stuff. But you never look at fatherhood and be like, ah, this is like, you don't. Well, I hope you don't look down on that title in your life, despite how hard it can be. But, but also, I think what's super important is we honor the honor of being a father because it's, it's, it's the most magical thing. The amount of people who've got everything in the world but they're not parents. And I don't know all those people in the world, but the amount of people I've seen like that runs into the dozens over my life and it's, it's tough for them. I'm not going to say that they're bad people because they're not. And I'm not going to say that they're empty, but there's definitely a big piece missing, you know, so I'm not judging them at all. And whether they couldn't have kids or they chose not to have kids, it's not mine to judge. But whilst they're not empty because they've got everything in the world, quote unquote. There's a massive chunk missing that they'll never know. So honor the honor of being a father, man, because that's a. It's a beautiful thing. That really is great way to finish too. Callum, outstanding session. Thank you boys for jumping on. Darren, thanks for joining us as well, mate. It's great that we'll definitely do a one on one soon, man. That'll be awesome.

Thank you.

Thank you, Matt.

Grits, gal. What a. What a session. Hope you guys as always, taking some gold nuggets from these men and applying it to your life and yes, never, never give up, man. Doesn't take much to change and, and really stop and, and smell the daisies and, and just slow the world down for a second. Look your children in the eyes if and when you can and just know that's. That's reality. That's all that exists right here and now. And that's pretty special because just like cozy feels like a lifetime ago. We'll blink, men, and we'll. It'll be 2036. And that, that scares the fuck out of me, to be brutally honest. But only if I hold on to that instead of holding on to what I can do now and who I can continue to be and how I can continue to serve as one of you boys. Mentioned early on in the piece in Family, self and service. Because all three matter. Thank you, boys. Thank you, man. Take care. We'll see you on the next one.

Well, that wraps up another episode. And just as we wind this down, I want you to just reflect and think back through some of the golden nuggets, some of the revelations, some of the sore points, some of the things that might have hit home with you.

And then just look at ways that

you can apply a different set of actions to change your position, change your circumstances, change your feelings, and change the facts. These episodes are done with your best interest at heart. And there's always something we can get from that. Maybe it's not the first time, maybe it's the second time. We've had members listen to episodes four or five times and then it finally clicks. But either way, I hope you got

a lot of value out of this.

And also if this is something that you really want to solidify inside of your life, repetition is the key. You've listened to it. Write down your revelations, think about them, read them, speak them, believe in the changes that you will carve out in the action plan of those revelations to create change in your life, and then share that. And when you teach, you learn the second time, right? So teaching and showing this to others you love and care about is the greatest way that you can remember and make sure you consistently learn and relearn what is it's true and what is it is important to you in your heart. Take care, have an amazing day night weekday weekend and I'll see you for another one soon.

Cheers.