29. (((Triggered)))

Okay, okay. Dad jokes. Dad joke time. Yesterday I ate a clock. It was very time consuming, especially when I went back for seconds. Outstanding. Outstanding. Here we go. Too long. Been too long. Too long between drinks. When it's come down to podcasting. Welcome, boys and girls, to another episode of Real Dad Movement Podcast. This is why we're here. Adding purpose, value, and really going one layer deeper and looking at asking ourselves the question of things that we tie into as absolutes. Do they have to be set in stone, Concrete, so to speak. Haven't had time to do these podcasts. True or false? Absolutely false. Realities. I haven't prioritized time to do it. It's been a good week and a half, I think. But here we are, another episode coming at you where we're talking about a very interesting topic that I love to discuss called triggers. What triggers you? Why are you triggered? And it's a really funny thing, because human nature, it exists in all of us. The ability to react and find ourselves more often than not, lashing out, good, bad, and the ugly, without sometimes processing the meaning and the purpose behind A, your actions, and B, the result that you want. The result that you want to get out of whatever the interaction is that you're having, whether you're on your own with other people, in a collective, a group, an army. Understanding that you're not your triggers, you don't have to act off the back of what your initial reactions internally may be. And from there, you liberate yourself. You get so much more freedom. You get the opportunity to do what you want to do moving forward. And I like to reverse engineer the who, what, where, why, how, when it comes down to triggers and go through this process. And this is an exercise I want you to go through when you find that you're that way. And I'll use an example the other day of when I was juicing some oranges. I finished a workout up nice and early, went to the gym, did a workout, came home and started juicing some oranges. Now, it was really, really funny because I'm juicing oranges, right? It's such a simple, easy thing, and doing it manually, cutting the oranges and using it and squeezing. The way this works is as you juice it, it goes into a container underneath. It's all one big thing. It's certainly not a machine. It's a hand one where you're doing the manual labor yourself. So an extra workout right there. I'm juicing the oranges and I'm pushing down and I'm trying to get rid of the pulp on top and push it around and away and there's a bit of a filter process. And then it's. It spills everywhere, like all over the bench, all over the floor. And man, did I get triggered. I got so angry. I got so angry I couldn't believe it. The kids are there, Corinne's there. And I could just feel the rage because I've got that rage. We all do. I've certainly got that rage inside of me. And I was getting so angry, man, over some spilled orange juice. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't acted on it yet, but internally it was building and Quinn could feel it too. She's like, man, you're getting angry, aren't you? It's all right, we'll wipe it up. And then I just stopped and went, hang on, hang on. Are you going to let some spilled orange juice control how you think and feel in your emotions and your actions? Come on, mate. And then I went through the process that, and I sorted it all out. Obviously you got, oh, what's the purpose or reason behind me getting angry? Why am I getting triggered? So how, starting with the hows, how are you getting triggered? And for me, it came down to a simple case of losing the time that I've invested in getting some nutrients that I wanted in my body because I was bloody thirsty. Now, why is that triggering you? Well, for me, I'd just done a workout and I wanted to have a drink and, and that was it. I was so stubborn in that way, said in that way, that. Gone. You know what, I've invested a hard two minutes here in juicing these oranges. I want to drink it now. Why is that triggering me? And asking that question, why am I letting myself being triggered by that? Why am I letting that affect me so much? Where does this come from? And for me, it's purely gluttony. Someone who likes eating and drinking well on lots. And it's something that literally has been planted inside of my head that after you train, you've got a 15 minute window. You've got to get all these nutrients in. I'm thirsty. I haven't had anything. I've been fasting. All these different bits and pieces, right, all these stories in my head, where did that come from? We're all born with a clean slate, right? So where does it come from? Someone who's put this in your head, whether it's your parents, education system, what you've researched, what you've studied, other people's opinions, what you've been told what you've experienced yourself, and you've just drawn up this conclusion. Where did this come from? And what's that doing to you? Well, right now it's making me angry because I couldn't have the orange juice that I wanted to have in my life. Who is that turning you into? Not a very happy person. When you look at that and I break it all down, I'm like, okay, so I'm getting upset because I've invested time that I value, and I value my time. Absolutely. And I'm not nourishing the body off the back of a story that I have to have this juice in my system right now. This is natural, organic orange juice. Waste. I hate waste. Food on my plate. I eat all of it. That's how I've been raised as well. You don't leave any scraps. Literally, I eat all of it. The dogs look at me and they hate me because they miss out all the time. And when it comes to lamb chops and other things, eat the fat, eat it all. And all these stories in my head led to this belief system of, I've lost a couple of minutes. It's such a waste. They're organic oranges I got off a farm. Now I've got to do it all again. I've got this mess I got to clean up. And it was just stewing and stewing and stewing, and I went, oh, whoa, whoa. Just reset. What do you want to get out of this? Well, I want to have an enjoyable morning with my family, and I want to nourish my body. Can you still have those? If you just go and do it again and clean up a mess? Absolutely. So what are you worried about? What's the problem? And it's really funny, guys, because when you look at that and you break it down, I know I've used that as an example, and it seems trivial, but Jesus, so many times out there in the world, that's all it is. It's a trivial matter. Whether it's someone that you're interacting with that you know that you don't know. You're in traffic, you get cut off in the car and you get this road rage or feel, or someone lets you down, someone doesn't turn up to an appointment or they're late, or you don't follow through on something you wanted to do, you're trying to justify the reasons why you didn't and not take ownership over it and blame someone else. And all of a sudden, all these things become a patterning of who you are and what you're currently doing. When really it's simply state of a reaction and reacting to what's around you, the stimulus that you're under right now, pressure or not, instead of responding. Now I've looked that up in the dictionary and it's really quite interesting. The definition of reaction is something done in response to something else, right? The definition of response is how someone reacts to something or someone else. It's a bit of a conundrum, a bit of a funny one because it's almost. When you look at it from a definition point of view, looks like they've used the exact same words and just switched them, right? The exact same definition. Now that's just information. I'll go one deeper and go, well, reaction and responding can be the exact same thing. The difference is the timing. And that's the lesson I want you guys to take away today, the timing. And look, there will be times and periods where you ride under the pump and you don't have much time. Like it's got to be split second stuff, right? But you can still build that in subconsciously because it brings out your true nature. How you're reacting, your reactions showcase and reveal who your true nature can be, who you can be in an instant off the back of all the conditioning and all the experiences and what you've banked, everything you've banked, your values, your belief systems, what you've trained yourself to do and be, to become part of your subconscious. So does it define you? No. You can always change who you are in an instant. But does it define your previous thoughts, feelings and actions and beliefs, which off the back of doing that more often than not does form your. Absolutely. The difference is time you react. It's instant. It's something that may not bring out the best in you because of what you've done in the past and what you've held onto, which collectively forms how you choose to engage with a situation. Immediately responding, just pull back a little bit. Literally, it could even be a second. And you can train this guys, you can train it to really be super, like, I'm super fast. Someone comes in, they trigger me to try and do something to me. My family, my daughter, they abuse me. Some of my ads on Facebook, I get abused on. Sometimes people don't understand the person, purpose or meaning behind it because they want to adopt a specific scope or line of perspective on. That's how it is and that's how I see it. Awesome. Good for you. And if you want to be cynical and pessimistic in that way. No skin off my nose. It's your choice, right? But for me, I used to get drawn and sucked into that and question myself and doubt myself. Now obviously I'm very witty and I'm very fast thinking and quick, but we can still get triggered. I can still get quit triggered. But when you put in place a purpose, a point behind what you're doing and you train that way and that level of responding, draw back, look at your thoughts, pull away from them. Your thoughts, feelings, emotions, you're not them. It just expresses what you choose at that time. Pull back and make the choice that you want to serve yourself. Moving forward to be happy, to be fulfilled, to move forward the right way in your life. You'll find more often than not that you'll defuse the situation when you move forward. You won't get a head up of steam and it won't create a cascading effect of just destruction out there in the universe in what you're doing, because you're now showcasing and attracting that line of energy. Now again, life is choice. You might like being triggered, you might like being angry, you might like being aggressive or lashing out, being pessimistic, cynical more often than not. That's cool, that's all right. I mean, if that's the way someone is, obviously I'm going to stick with what I'm doing and will naturally create a divide and I'll move on with my life. As you will. If you're an optimistic person, you're surrounded by that as well. If you're strong enough to build out that in a foreign framework, to not let that consume or become part of you. Right? Peer pressure. Oh man, she never ends. Peer pressure. You think it finishes in high school? It gets worse, it gets subtle, it gets manipulative, it gets so ingrained, it assimilates itself into society where again, like I said, you get triggered off the back of a value system you've been told to believe because you've been conditioned to have a set of rules in your life you don't even know exists. It's just concrete, it's bread and butter. It is what it is. My greatest, I don't know if you can call it philosophy, but approach, method is purpose. What's the purpose, what's the point? What brings you significance in your life and moves you forward the way that you want, on your terms more often than not, a higher strike rate more often than not in what you're doing? So I want you to think about that, guys. And think about times when you've been triggered. Ask yourself, well, how did I go with the. How was the result from that? Was it a win? Was it a win in my life? Because understand that anger, rage, bitterness, resentment, these are all pleasures. People adopt them as pains, but they're all pleasures. Because what it does is it gives you a level of form of control in your inner bubble, in your little bubble or circle of life. With that control comes that inner power. But over a period of time, you got to ask yourself that question, Is that the right kind of power that I want in my life? Am I truly happy with what's bringing me life that I want, Bringing me the life that I want to engage with and have and ultimately expressing to others and those that I love around me? Chances are, more often than not, the answer is no. That's just who you've become. Doesn't have to be that way, though. And things can change. And finally, I'll finish up with this, guys. Ask yourselves, when I am triggered, and you look at it right, because one thing I do really well is comprehend. Bring context, and then bring connection in asking that question. And I'll ask you this question. How much control and power do you think you really have over your own life if you let something or someone else dictate and control and have a higher level of influence over your emotions, your feelings, your thought patterns, and ultimately your belief system when they may not even be in person with you, they may not even be in contact with you? It might be something of someone driving, could be someone thousands of miles away on Facebook. Like, that's pretty crazy, right? You've just let someone who could be 5000km away control your emotions, control you, control your actions. Man, that's crazy to me. That's. That's a dangerous place to be. I would not want to be on the back end of that. More often than not, ask yourself that question. Am I controlling my life, or am I letting other people control me? Yeah, I think I'm controlling it because I'm being angry or reacting or responding or writing this letter or saying these words or thinking these thoughts. But what put that there? Is it making you happy? And when you look at that, you understand and have that realization that the ability to control your own life and who you are and who you want to be is immediately forfeited if you're holding onto triggers and absolutes in your life that don't have to necessarily be Hope that helps, guys. Hope you've had an amazing time and experience with this. And it's something that's been a real light bulb for you, because it certainly was for me. And it really started when I entered my professional rugby league career because that was a tough time for me. I was alone, isolated, no one knew me. I rose up very quickly. Within 18 months, went from local grade footy to a first grade squad. So no one knew who I am. So I had to earn my stripes and I wasn't in with the click and the who and the what's with the cool kids, so to speak. And it was a tough period of my life, which means the hazing and the triggering was real, all the way from bringing back memories of when I was that little fat boy who got bullied and picked on. The pressure never ends. Pressure makes diamonds. And it's how you look at it and how you apply that pressure in the right way and the right focus in your life to have the drive and determination to do what it is that you must to reach the goals and the outcome that you want to have the experiences in the life that you choose to have. It's your choice. He made me feel that way. No, no, no, no. You chose to allow that level of influence on you to then express that feeling or emotion. Don't confuse that victims never win. Have an amazing day, night, weekend, whenever you're listening to this and if I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night. Thanks, guys. Take care.