30. TRIBES

So a husband says to his wife, have you heard about the movie Constipation? Wife says, no kidding. For real? That's the name of a movie? Husband says, hasn't come out yet. I don't know if I'm laughing at myself or the joke or the fact that people are hearing this and it's probably devaluing. No, it's not. I'm a father. I'm allowed to do this. I'm a dad. Dad jokes 101. Welcome. Welcome to another episode, excuse me, Of Real Dad Movement podcast. This is where it's at. We are talking about tribes and the tribe that you're in, whether it's your little tribe, the big tribe, and the collective tribe of communities global, and how that influences and impacts your life ultimately, to put you in a position where you may or may not have the state that you want to have to make the choices that you want to have in your life. Very powerful stuff. Tribes, tribes. Environment, environment. So important. There are two things in this world that form up our life. The first is the experiences that we have. The past is created in the present. You don't like your past, and over time, you still don't like your past. Well, create some better presence. And the second is environment. Environment. Amazing. And what do we have? Our experiences in the environment. Interesting. Interesting stuff. Pretty amazing, isn't it? There we go. The environment is unbelievable because it forms up everything. It can influence your state, your model of the world, how you see things. It can influence your actions, your belief systems. It obviously plays a role in the experience you have in your life, how you choose to see yourself, your thoughts, the line of communication that you'll take. Right. I'm hanging out with Nan and some of her friends and a bunch of old ladies and gentlemen, and I'm probably not going to have the same level of talking and diction and personality that I may have if I'm at the gym coaching a session and there's a group of people who are in their early 20s and they're looking for that massive, hard, big workout, you know, like, it's incredible how you adjust your position according to your environment. In your environment, more often than not. Yes, we need alone time. Create space for yourself. Have these periods where you're investing in yourself to reset, pull back, realign with the middle, build the inner frameworks to go. Yep, cool. I've recentered and had that me time. That's important, but that's a very, very small part of your life. Take that away. Take sleep away. What are you doing? You are around people, you're around people. Everything we do in this world is the line of service, the end service in relationships, interacting, trades, offers, transactions, negotiations, selling, buying. It's all. It's all with someone or something or someone. Even on a computer, there's still some form of engagement. Now, when I talk about tribes, it doesn't have to be a tribe of 500 people, doesn't have to be 50 people. It could be three, could be five, could be your family, could be your friends, could be your work colleagues. But ultimately, more often than not, and especially when it comes down to peer pressure, I've spoken about this before. It never ends right. It's always there. Ultimately, more often than not, we'll find ourselves creating stories, shifting belief habits. Beliefs, belief systems and habits, patterns, routines, rituals, whatever you'd like to call it that we adopt as absolutes in our life. They become concrete and set in stone. We don't just go. And it's not about going deep and heavy, but we don't just pull it, peel the layers back just one deeper and go, where did that come from? Does that have to be true? Is that true for me? Because, you know, opinions alike, like assholes, everyone's got one, right? Unless you're born with a deformity without one. In that case, you know, see, it's condolences. But what I'm speaking in as a general term is giving that understanding and awareness that, yes, you can have an opinion, yes, you can believe whatever you want to believe, but your current, Your current belief systems, who put them there. We're all born with a blank canvas, right? And looking at the tribe and going, well, am I in the place I want to be now? Look, I follow not everyone, what I follow. I read books. I look at entrepreneurs, businessmen, people who have been highly successful in their field or their area and arena. And yes, there's a message that rings true whether you guys have heard it or not. It's like you are the sum of the five people you're around. If you're not growing, you're dying. If people are holding you back, cut them away. Cut away the deadwood. All these different things and bits and pieces. For me, it's like, yeah, I understand. I do understand where they're coming from. Looks a bit harsh. Surface level, face value, totally get it. The hows, yes, that's different. Okay, you don't want to create a movement. Helping fathers with me. All right, you're gone. I'm going to cut you away. Doesn't quite work. That way. Well, not for me anyway. But if I continue to set a standard and raise that level of excellence and that standard and the impact that I want to have in this world, and people either don't like it, don't buy into it, or they're afraid or they pull back because they're creating this comparison in their life naturally, well, they're probably going to cut themselves away. That's the reality of it. You don't need to do that work. But I'm a very strong man. I'm very driven internally and I hold true to what it is that I want to do and who I want to be in my life. And I question that, just like I spoke about earlier, every single day, question and realign that, create that space for myself. So that when I am in tribes environments, in settings, social settings, and I'm either under the heat or the pump or having that form of pressure, good or bad, challenging who I am and the thoughts and the decision making, the choices I'll make, it's very easy. Or easier. Nothing's ever really easy, but it's easier to make that decision, to form up a collective of what I want to do moving forward, irrespective of whether the other person gets offended or not, that's on them. Or whether they're happy or not, that's on them. And when you stay neutral to this and you remind and realign with yourself every single day what's important to you, that might change. It could be one degree left, one degree left over the course of 10 miles. That's a big space. It's a big difference. When you do that the right way and you're empowered to that, you'll become a leader, a higher level of leader. You'll influence those around you the right way and you will challenge them to raise their standards, rise up, reach a high level of excellence in what they're doing. And if they're not in for it, they'll cut away, they'll pull themselves away. But here is the challenge. Tribes environment, the people you're around, your group, your flock. If you're not aware of this dangerous place to be. My dad had a saying. He used to say to me, never let anyone who doesn't have your best interests at heart have control or influence over your emotions. Now, that's true. It is true. There's a lot of, lot of variables in that. What level of control or influence, their perceived definition of what they believe to be your best interests as opposed to yours. I mean, look, there'll be things that happen. And my parents will always naturally be biased towards, you know, helping me, so to speak, in their best interest of how they see me and what they think is best for me. Doesn't matter if I'm 60 and they're 80 and 90, just is what it is. That's how they're conditioned, how we're all conditioned. Especially when you adopt a method of thinking and believing without asking that question and looking at it. And it's so important you look at tribes around you and you can, you don't have to go alone, you don't have to be on your own. Rarely we are ever on our own. We're rarely going it alone. And everything we do in this world is for ourselves. Yes. Whether you believe that or not, it's an absolute in some way, shape or form, you're doing it out of either. I don't want the consequence of a further or higher level of pain. Like the kids are crying. I get up. I don't get up for me. Yes, you do. Because if you don't get up, there's going to be some consequences. If they're screaming all night and if they're sick or run down or then the rest of the day is a write off. You're getting up for yourself to fix that. And also on the flip side of moving towards pleasure, donating to charity, you do that for yourself. Absolutely. Gives you a higher level of significance in knowing that you've helped someone and that returns. The dads, the fathers I help in rdm, I do that for me. RDM is for me because I love helping people because it gives me a higher level of significance and purpose in my life, in this world, in the experiences I want to create. I love that. I love seeing people happy and optimistic in what they're doing in their life and being more and being better and knowing that I can have a little footprint on that. Credit's theirs, results theirs. But I've helped them. Awesome. And when you look at the collective of your life and what you've experienced over the period, like when I was a young boy and I was heavily overweight and fat and unhappy. Yeah, the tribe, the crew, my friends, there's nothing wrong with them. It was a good group. They supported me. And then there are other people that obviously bullied me and picked on me. Here's what it is in footy with rugby league. The tribes there, the little cliques, a lot of the Maoris, a lot of the islander boys. When I was at Penrith, they'd hang out together it's just that groove that they had with each other. That's cool. We hung out as well. And they were good on the guitars, those boys. It was awesome. It was good fun seeing. And you had your little mini tribes under the whole big tribe. Like, there are so many little environments that get created in our lives. It's fascinating. But again, like I said, if you're not aware of. Of what's important to you, you don't have the kahunas to stand up for that and be strong and resilient to the roadblocks, the adversities you face, people challenging that. You will conform. You'll come down and it's funny. People want to be in a flock, right? I don't want to insult sheeple. I don't want to insult you, but I've heard that term before, sheeple. It's quite funny. Use that. Let's use that as an example. People want to be in a flock, right? To be in a flock or a herd. Is that the term you use for a group of sheep? Might be flock. And when they're in that, mindlessly, heads down, chomping, eating some grass, looking up every now and then, where's the rest of the pack? Rest of the crew? Cool. Yep. We'll go over here. Cool. We'll go over there. Oh, there's a dog who's coming now. He's going to lead us. We're all going to run into here now and. All right, we're just chilling out on our own. We're all under this tree now, sleeping. People do things in autopilot and conform, whether it's to societal pressures or smaller groups, settings and circumstances, and just adopt that method and that way of being. And it's comfy, it's warm. There's that little niggling thing in the back of our mind. Are we doing more? Are we doing enough? Am I being everything that I can be? Is this what life's cracked up to be? 23 now. I'm 28 now. 31, 42. And this patterning becomes who your children are. Absolutely. And that's not the one thing that defines them. They have so many different circumstances that you'll never see or control with school, education system, relationships, careers, life experiences different to yours. I grew up in Penrith and loved my upbringing there. My kids at the moment are getting raised 200 meters from the beach. They will never understand. They have no idea we're coming into summer. It's amazing. We walk to the beach every single day. It's incredible. And not dependent was bad. I loved riding around on my bikes and getting out with the crew and going out in the bush and playing around, climbing trees is unreal. It just is what it is. Different. Just different. They get warm. They get warm in the flock. They're comfy. This is their comfort spot, the comfy zone. Yeah, I might not like that sheep completely. And that one's a little bit off. And this one's cool. I'm a bit more closer to that one. And I want to be in this flock and not really driven with a high level of purpose and also not understanding that when the bite comes, it's too late. Hey, there's some wolves in sheep clothing. There are some wolves in sheep's clothing that you don't even know about. And when that comes, what is it? 1 year, 5 years, 15 years? The bite might never come. You've just been controlled and manipulated and coerced into thinking and feeling in a level of way that's conforming to what someone else believes you should have. And that's their power. And people work that way. The world's angry enough. There's plenty of hard stuff and hard yakka in the world. It doesn't need more. Don't do more. Don't be more. There's plenty of that out there. There's plenty of people who are cynical, pessimistic, angry, narcissistic. They want to create pain. They want to create hurt. Absolutely. I don't focus on that. I don't allow that to penetrate my life and who I am. You focus and you. I'm aware of it. Aware of some heavy stuff that some people may never become aware of. But living there is not going to help you. It's not going to make it better. But those people might be in your tribe. You don't even know about it. Now, ultimately, we all have a level of leader inside of us, and this is what I'm getting to. This is my point, guys. Whether the wolves and all these different things, it's part of life. We need to harden and steel ourselves to these conflicts, these things that can rise up and challenge who you are, challenge your scope of the world and your being. There is a leader inside all of us. You need to realize that and understand that this isn't my opinion. This isn't yay or nay. It's an absolute. You are a leader, good or bad. However you see that you're leading your life, you're breathing oxygen. The higher the level of leader, though, that you can be within yourself. The Higher the level of leader you can be to those around you and have better influence to those around you in a positive light, in an optimistic way. And when you do that and when you raise up to that bar and reach that standard, you become stronger. You're a powerful person. It's true. You become that. You become more instead of being submissive and look all these things. And it's not that I'm a fence sitter, it's neither good or bad. It all comes down to ownership. Put your hand up when you're 80 years old, you lived your whole life, you go, wow, I just got told what to do with my whole life for the last 70 years. And be happy with that. Take ownership of that. Because if you're not, then you wouldn't, right? But easier said than done. You don't know what you don't know. That's why this is here. That's why technologies are here. This episode right here, right now could be that 1%, it'll be a thousand people listen to this. Reaches one person, they create that little tweak and that, that effect, that ripple effect that passes on to their grandchildren one day. Massive, huge, huge. That's evolution, right? Utilizing technology in the right way to have reach and connection and bring context and meaning. It's going to have purpose in your life. That's what this is about. You are a leader. Lead the tribe, lead your group. And this isn't the big show pony beating your chest and loudmouth. It's your actions, your principles, your philosophies, what's important to you. And when you adopt those from a light of investing in yourself and loving and nurturing yourself and nourishing yourself, to be more, to challenge, to grow, to expand, to lean into the discomfort, to take action, take the challenge, take Alan. To take the challenge, take action, tongue tied and continually move forward, man. It's going to impact people's lives you'll never even meet. That is the truth as well. It's pretty amazing stuff, tribes. Look at the tribe you're currently in, the different tribes that you are a part of, tribes, groups, people, environments. And ask yourself that question, am I getting the most out of this for me, the right way for me? Like I said, everything you do for yourself, are you doing it for yourself in the right light or in the wrong light, in control and in power to be more and to expand and grow and learn, get more knowledge, more wisdom, more action. Or in the other way, receding, pulling back, being comfortable. Comfy spot. It's warm. It's okay. It's cool. I don't have to justifying it, creating stories on a limiting belief system, but it's okay because it just is what it is. No, no, no, no, it isn't. It doesn't have to be. It never has to be. Rise up, be more. Lead yourself, lead the group, lead your tribe. And raise that standard, raise that bar. And when you do that, they'll come along for the ride. And those who are not willing to be more to come along with you, to align with who you are in the right light for you, they'll cut themselves away, they'll reveal themselves. You'll be clear. At least you'll know. You'll know where you stand, what's important to you in your life and what you need to do for you, because that's what this comes down to. I have no regrets in my life. And the bigger you get, the more you grow. Yeah, you might get a bigger base. Bigger base of people who like you, love you. Fans, friends, family, so to speak. Also get a bigger base of critics. People who don't like you, don't agree with you. Opinionated, critique, criticize, looking at who you are. Challenging, castrating, I don't care. Last 34 years of my life, I think people are starting to learn, or if they don't, they've learned very, very quickly that you can't roll me. I know what's important to me and what I need to do. And at some stage, if you isolate or alienate yourself from what I'm doing and staying true to what I'm being, awesome, it's on you is what it is. You need to have that. You need to feel that and be that. Don't worry about the conflict, don't worry about judgment. These sorts of things like that stuff doesn't exist. You shouldn't. I don't judge anyone for their actions, for anything, for their behaviors. I see and make observations on people's actions, the frequency of those actions, what they align with and if they don't change. And I just naturally stay in my lane and move towards what it is that I want. Hope you've enjoyed this episode, guys, and taken some nice little nuggets, lessons, some truths. But more importantly, like I said, for me, it's not about bringing the hammer down, saying you have to be this. It's just opening up your mind, open the scope of what's possible for you and ask yourself that question. You know, there's many questions. Sorry, but you know, the simple stuff. Is this bringing me purpose? What do I want in my life? Who do I want to be? What's important to me? Understanding that, coupling that with the reality of time and Jesus, it goes so fast, and there's no guarantee on how much you have left. It'll help you move forward. I guarantee it. I guarantee it. Take care, guys. Have an amazing day, night, weekend, morning. If I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night. And I'll see you again soon with another episode. Don't forget, this is on itunes as well as my podcast page. And if you ever need anything, please reach out, let me know. Always here, Always here. I live to give alexealdadmovement.com and every Sunday night on my Facebook 8:30pm I do live videos as well. Take care, guys. I'll chat to you soon. Cheers.