34. Where's Your Head At?

Real dad movement. Welcome to episode 34. Where's your head at? We've got a special guest. Our mindset and accountability give you the nice, gentle nudge up the ass to get into gear. That sounded a bit bad, didn't it? You know what I mean? To help you take the action you need to take, do what you said you would do, and move forward. He's the man who's been with us for four months. Five months.

Five.

Five.

Five.

How's it going so far, Rob?

It's the quickest five months of my life. It's been unreal. Yeah, it's good. Just watching the growth from everyone, myself included, you guys, all the coaches and all the crew and members that we have involved is amazing in that short period of time, and new guys that have come on and how much they grow in that short time as well. It's incredible to see.

It's awesome. And, you know, guys like Drew didn't have those silver fox hairs before he joined me. I'm a good coaching boss, but it's been incredible. And he's certainly added to the firepower that we have, which is why we get the results we do in rdm. It's phenomenal. The group just flourishes. It's flourishing. It's awesome. It's easy to do even when our ass is hanging out and we're tired from lots of things we do because we're delivering a high level of service. And what I want to dive into today with our episode going live, for those listening, obviously you'll get this later. Uploaded to all our audio stations is where's your head at? And this is focusing on the power of the mind and how we can shift it and ultimately move it into the right course of the actions that will follow through. But first, starting with actions that are going to help you give that ability and that opportunity to see it. So talk to us, mate. Biggest issues of roadblocks with dads in general out there, because there'll be fathers watching, listening to this, who aren't part of rdm, and we'd like to help you as well, but guys out there who. What are the common faults, issues, struggles, roadblocks that you see with them between the years.

Most of them are the stories they tell themselves. Like, it's the perceived truth of your situation at the time where you tell yourself that you can't do things, you can't progress, you can't go and do that because you perceive that you can't do it, rather than actually you can do it. There's nothing you can't do. You might not be able to do it yet, but just means you can't do it now. And a lot of that, the stories that you tell yourself as to why you can't do different things is the hardest part. And guys will get their and go, I'll use weight as an example. I can't lose the weight. So now I'm unhappy because I can't lose the weight. So now I'll go hunting different foods to go, okay, I'll get stuck into the ice creams, the chocolates, all that kind of things. Because, as you know, they give you that little sugar spike and you go, yeah, beauty. I feel really good while I'm eating this. When you finished eating it, then it's gone. Rather than actually dealing with the problem and going, okay, well, I'm overweight. And rather than being unhappy with overweight and falling on the stories that you tell yourself, I've always been overweight, so I'm always going to be overweight. And then turning that around and changing the narrative and go, okay, instead of I am overweight. And now instead of eating to make myself feel better because I think I can't lose the weight, just put your hand up and go, yes, you can lose the weight. Just can't lose it yet. And so you work your way towards it, formulate a plan, and then just go from there.

And incredible. The power. Big thing from that was the power of the mind and perception. That situation. People default. It's like a patterning of consciousness they're defaulting back to. And this isn't going off with fairies, guys. And it's also not going off black and white of science. There's value in both, of course, but we're dads, right? We're both dads. We understand. We get it. Like, life gets hard. And what we do is we no longer value ourselves, which means we don't prioritize the time we should, which ultimately means we're being even more selfish because you're not giving your family your greatest version by giving yourself your greatest version first. And the biggest takeaway I got from Drew just said then. And we see it as well, obviously in the group is really defaulting. And I guess you sound like self sabotage. Sorry. It is. Yeah.

Because the story is that you cutting yourself off before you even start because you're putting the roadblock up and going, no, I can't do that because of this reason, when you should be turning it around and going, no, I can do that because of this. Reason and turn it around. So use it as fuel for the fire rather than using it as a retarder to put it out and go, no, I can't do it flat out.

How would someone be able to do that, though?

Mentally tired, the best way to do it is to. I'll use the weight loss as an example again, use that as your driver. That's your goal. You want to lose that weight rather than telling yourself, I can't because I've always been that guy. I've always been the fat guy. I can't lose the weight. You go, I've been the fat guy and now I can lose the weight because of these reasons, or I'm going to lose the weight because of these reasons. You need to formulate the plan and then action that plan. You can't just fall back to the, oh, I can't do it because I've always done it that way. It's, I'm going to do it now because I've always done it this way before and it doesn't work. So now I'm going to change what I did. What did I do last time that didn't work well? I got to a point where I didn't lose as much weight as I wanted to. So I told myself that, no, I can't lose that weight, and then I defaulted back to. Back to the comfort zone. And that's where I am now. So this is accepted that that is who I am, rather than saying, no, I'm going to go out past the comfort zone and just smash into getting to my goals, make it a priority to look after myself. With the weight as an example, it's a, where will you be in 10 years if you keep adding the weight? You're not going to be there for the kids, you're not going to be there for your wife, your family. So because it's just going to keep going back and back and over and rather than going, no, I'm going to nail it and formulate the plan.

And that's the big thing with that, guys, is getting some background music from Matty. Fantastic. Is looking and going from there. We've all got lists. We do. There's so many hard things that hit us in our life, but these excuses that we create, they then become stories because you're doing the same excuse again and again and again. And it's an excuse that comes off the back of some sort of idea in our head that goes, hey, we've got a level of expectations or assumptions, like you said, we should Lose this or we should lose X, Y and Z. I should have more energy or this should be my life. Second, Kate, assumptions can be very dangerous. Expectations, awesome. How can you raise and match that level of expectation? So you've got to follow that through with action. It's all, well, intruder to visualize it here and have some sort of plan or something mapped out. But what are you doing now? And ultimately, the past pain can really put you in a state of going, all right, this is my past pain, but I want to dive forward in a future fantasy. But where are you now? What are you doing right now? That's the big thing that can ultimately hinder a lot of the fathers that we work with, because they've created this belief system, these walls, a model of how they see their life in the world in which they don't prioritize themselves, but they're also not seeking the right line of action to take. What's your experience? The dads, they come on board, onboarding process, they get started. What's the key thing? The very first thing that we do to actually start shifting the mind is.

To get them to see that anything they try, they're going to achieve and really help the confidence building. Because a lot of guys come on, and I know myself when I was overweight, you have no confidence. The confidence is low, so you need to stay start getting there and projecting the small wins and using those as fuel to get to the bigger wins. So, again, weight is an example. You might have a goal that you want to lose 25 kilos, you're not going to do that tomorrow, but maybe by the end of the week, you've lost half a kilo. So there's your win. You already got the mark on the board. You go, bam. Okay, there's points there, and then where do I go from here? There's going to be weeks when that's going to drop away. And you might not lose any weight, but you have to keep in mind where you've already come from. So it's building that confidence through the little wins through the day and through the week, through the year, to be able to compound that and go, okay, I'm not doing that bad. I'm actually doing pretty well. I'm in a position a lot better than what I was before. So it's just helping guys see that they can do this. They've got the support, and they've also just got to build that confidence up to break down the barriers and stop telling themselves the stories and the excuses and going back to the comfort zone. It's breaking that barrier of comfort to go, okay, I need. It's scary and I'm terrified and I don't know if I'm going to be able to succeed. But that's where you got to keep pushing yourself too. You can't just go, well, it's a bit hard. So I'm going to pull a pin and I'm just going to get back to the lounge. It's. I need to get this done now and I need it sorted. And yes, it's scary, yes, it's hard, it's going to be bloody hard. But any growth is. And if you don't grow, you die. Same as plants. If the plant doesn't grow, it dies. So that's where we need to go with the mindset as well.

Yeah, very powerful. Very first and foremost, there's two things that you need to be moving forward in life. One's to believe in yourself, one's to believe in whatever it is you're investing in. Now, we've got facts to back up the belief off the back of what we do to get the results. But what we help with our others is helping them believe in themselves again, helping them raise up that belief and that confidence. And a key thing Drew said was barriers. Absolutely. See, when we get started with your vision, your declaration, we start to move and put things in place to remove all perceivable because they're not really barriers, they're only as high as you want to make them. They're really high. Let's get a ladder. How do we build that ladder? Together? This is what we really fortify inside of yourself first, so then we can action the right things in place for you out there in the real world. Because that's important, right? Having a human experience. And when you look at that, it's like you said, mate, you've got these barriers that we've put in place from which we then pull back. We get comfy, right? Because comfort doesn't always necessarily mean it's good. Like anger, rage, bitterness, resentment, these are all pleasures. Make no mistake. We use pain as pleasure to justify the reasons behind the actions of what we do. So when we go to a place of familiarity, we feel like that's our absolute. We feel like that's our truth. What does physical health mean to you, though? So I did a post earlier and people have such closed minds about what physical health should be from which they either castrate themselves or those around them with these perspectives on this is how it has to be we're not talking about becoming Mr. Olympia, we're talking about the byproducts of physical health and what that means to you mentally by first mapping that out mentally. Is that a fair statement?

Yeah, it is. And again with that post, it's how you think of, it's your perception on things and that's going to dictate how you think of all opportunities, life, everything. So if you tell yourself you have a closed mind or a close minded view on different situations, you're going to get there and go I can't do that or no, that, that doesn't sit right with me because of these reasons. Try to have more of an open mind and go, okay, like you post about the physicality and that kind of thing, you don't have to chop and change and cut. So many people, I guess in people are going to have a closed mind, they're going to have a closed minded view on it and they're going to attack you straight away rather than go hang on, let's have a little think about what's actually been said. Like you don't need to be Arnold Schwarzenegger, you don't need to be Hussein Bolt to be in decent physical shape. You just need to be able to function and be in a good position. Like Hayden had a good point with Steve Hawkins. Yeah, Steve Hawkins, like unreal the amount of things that was wrong with his body. He lasted as long as he did, longer than what he was ever supposed to and was a brilliant mind because he was able to get his health in check and be in some kind of physical. For him to be in physical peak and with everything they had going on. So he was completely busted up, but he was in a position where his body was at its peak in its form and he was able to use that and you utilize that to help his brain and just everything else.

It's all, it's all relative to you. Like life is energy, right? It's that simple. The end. Like what regards what your belief patterns are, what you think happens in the next life or when we pass spirit souls. Having a human experience means we're having human experience. You're human being, I'm a human being. We're here, right? Here and now, right? So when we first create this burst of energy and what we want to achieve, it removes all the barriers in place to open the mind. Everything we do here is always about you asking yourself quality questions, questioning yourself, challenging yourself, looking at the opportunity of opening up the scope of how you see things, how you see yourself. And understanding what's possible. What an amazing truth to live, a truth of continually changing. And just like Drew said, we either expand or we contract. I didn't quite understand that for a long period of my life, but now I do. And it's the truth that's not necessarily based on physical performance. I'll never be as fit as what I used to be when I was competing internationally with CrossFit. That's okay. But what I use and utilize as the vessel of physical health to me allows me the opportunity to tap into what I need to up here to deliver the greatest service that I can. And some grateful and unsatisfied, but this is where it's at in going, all right, the first pathway is laid down in going. This is what we're creating up here. But then what do we do with our dads once we've created a declaration and we've got everything in place for what's important for them?

Once we get that sorted, then we put them on a pathway to where they want to be. Okay, so you want to lose the weight? Well, we help you guys out with nutrition, we help you guys out with movement, we help you guys out mentally, so that way you can take the wins, take the hits. And when you do take a hit, it's not quite as mentally damaging as what it would be if you're in a worse position. You're looking at. We overhaul the nutrition completely. Some guys, it's complete opposite from what they're used to and getting their bodies moving with program movement and mobility and that kind of thing. But the support network of all the other dads and members and coaches all together is ultimately the difference, I think, where anyone can be an online coach and go, I want you to eat this, I want you to eat that, and I want you to train this way. Where here the nutrition is more and the movement is more directed at the individual. So not everyone is on exactly the same cookie cutter plan for anything. It's bam. Okay, well, what can you do? Your knees are no good. Okay, well, we'll use this. We'll put a substitution in for that. What about your food? Okay, your food's pretty good. What if we tweak this here and then if it doesn't work well, then we tweak it again later on again, maybe try that. And then the support network of all the other dads in together. That's the difference with this one. You just watch it. Or for me, that's what I've seen. The guys are getting the right results from when we tweak their food and all that kind of thing anyway. But mentally, the mental shift is having all them guys on the same road and in the same position where they want to be. Their goals are very similar. So when they do have small wins, big wins, losses, or a few challenges, then they all rally together and go. Beauty. Yep. Unreal. One of the guys the other day put on how much weight he lost. It was yesterday. And. And I've just gone, that's incredible. And then all the other dads are there going, pump on. Yeah, yeah, this is unreal. And another guy had a challenge that he wasn't real sure about the other week, and. And all the other guys got on there and went, no, like, it's okay. Yep, we all had a hit there and. Or maybe it's that week where it's gone a bit flat. So then we go from there and just that rallying around to really pump each other up and get through that. Focused. Absolutely. They've all got clear goals where they want to be so that they hold themselves a lot more accountable that way as a group, as a whole. To be able to get through, it's phenomenal.

Environment. Environment's massive. Like, have a look at it. It's a huge part of your life. Everything comes off the back of environment. It influences your actions, your thoughts, your feelings and emotions. You might be looking and going, okay, well, the title of this is where's your head at? But what are we talking about? Physical training and nutrition and personalizing things. And have a look at what we've just said here. Everything you do in investing in yourself physically gives you the greatest return on your investment mentally. Everything you do in this world physically, is for you mentally. So what are we doing here? We're peppering around that. We're peppering around the mindset and how we can improve on that in many facets of your life. We're social creatures. We'll let someone wipe our ass at some stage of our life. I haven't seen a baby come out of the womb yet. They can just say, oh, I'm right, guys, I've got me a Kleenex, or I've got my baby. What? So personal success. Awesome. Great. Good for you. Like, we all have that. There's discoveries as well that you need to make on your own. Absolutely. But in terms of working as a unit, as a team, it's a powerful place to be, having that frequency, that energy around you, as well as tapping to things that are primal for men, how we nourish and move the body. This is important. And this ultimately leads to. And when we talk about weight, a lot of people go. People talk about the weight. The weight, the weight. No, no, no. It's a byproduct of where you're at and you standards inside of your head. It is because when you look at that, it's like, okay, what other byproducts as well? The pain points off the back of that. We're not connecting in relationships. I struggle to tie my shoelaces. It's a real challenge for me. And when I walk upstairs, I'm out of breath. And when it comes to clothes, I hate going to big men's stores or I hate going to stores. I just feel uncomfortable with what I'm putting on and wearing. These are real things and they affect what we believe up here and what we believe is possible for ourselves. Which is again for another episode, why the health and fitness industry is bullshit. Because it's so surface level. The greatest thing they take isn't your money, isn't your time. You still have some time and there's some quality. Although light bulb moments may come. But the biggest thing is belief. You fail again and again and again and again. You feel like a failure. It's not possible. This is just my life. It is what it is. I have dads when they come through because everyone comes through me when they join rdm. There's no sign up online form and this is the real deal. They say to me, I never thought this would be my life. Al. It's incredible and you know, it's hard, it's really hard. But we fast forward like we're working with real stuff. We don't sugarcoat shit. But then we fast forward and go tell us, mate. I mean Drew's our head man with the mindset stuff like what are the changes that you see the dads where they've been with us for two months or two, you know, well, nearly two years. Some of the dads before hand with rdm, like what are the changes that you see with them as well, mentally.

Mentally he's confidence straight up within sort of a month. The confidence on even some of the guys when they come on board. They first come on board, you speak to them and you go, oh, I don't know, he sounds a bit iffy. He might not stay the course kind of thing and just sounds a bit broken. After about a month you can just notice that confidence change. And because they've been able to identify that the small wins of the day, not just the weight loss stuff, but even things that happen during the day that would normally drive them mental. And so they go, okay, well, that used to irritate me flat out before, but now I look at it and go, okay, how is that affecting the rest of my day? Is me jumping up and down about that gonna really put my day out?

No.

Well, it's kind of pointless. Wasted energy. And so you see that where the guys are getting a lot more centered. And again, going back to the nutrition side of it all and the movement, as you know, once you've done a bit of moving, bit of training around that that affects your head anyway. The endorphins and all that kind of stuff that is released through the body, you feel a lot clearer straight after. But if you change the nutrition, then you don't have that mind fog. So it makes it a lot easier for the. For the stories that you tell yourself to be able to escape, essentially, because it's not being trapped in by all the different inflammation through the body. So it makes it a lot easier for you turn yourself around because you go, okay, no, I can do this. So that confidence that I see in the first four weeks, five weeks is astronomical. From where some of them come in and from where they are now, you just go, this is amazing. And it just grows exponentially. And they also look at even when they do copper hit, because guys cop different mental hits through in that time and in the 12 months, and big things happen, small things happen, and they're able to triage then how they react to that. So then they're not just going down the rabbit hole of spiral and go, oh, no, this is so bad. They can turn it around and go, okay, I've copped it. Now what can I do to change it? Because now that instead of just taking it and being the victim, now they're using it as fuel to how do I fix this? Rather than just kick back and go, oh, this is so shit. They look at ways now how to turn that around and grow forward rather than just go and retreat.

It's incredible, isn't it? It really is. And it's all relative, too. We talk about physical health, your mindset strengthening. We've all had different things in our life, and it's. It's so true. And the big thing that I get with a lot of this stuff is looking at that naysayer inside. We talk about like, you know, spiral down the rabbit hole. The little version of us, I've got two versions. I've got Little Al and Big l And that's not in a dirty way, by the way, But looking at him going, okay, the little. There's always that negativity, that voice inside. We've all got it. You guys aren't alone with this, too. We all have it. And it's going, okay. I flip it on its head and go, this guy's telling me exactly what not to do. And this is how I can be a better version of myself and rise up through the shift, through the challenges, the adversities, to become more, to be more. And little key cues like all of you. If you're 45 years old and you've had a challenge for 43 years of your life, you've still been here longer than that. You've got more depth than that. You've got the endurance, the ability to outlast it with a high level of resilience and persistence. But sometimes we don't know that we're on our own, left our own devices, our own patterning, how we think. And, you know, it's awesome to share some of those things, what the dads have gone through with RDMs. It's phenomenal what they're doing. But for guys who aren't and some of those who watch this replay, like, just to wrap up, it's been awesome shooting this episode with your mate and talking about how the mindset wraps around everything. And thanks for coming up for the day, but should make a regular occurrence, apart from the drive. But, yeah, you know, yeah. What's one key takeaway, one tool or tip, you know, love to leave these guys with and give them something to help them even move forward today. Something with the mindset side of things.

That you'd like to share, formulate your goal and see where you want to be. You don't want to. Ideally, don't tell yourself things that you can't do. Say, I can't do it yet. So just because you can't do it today doesn't mean you can't do it in a week's time, a month's time. I competed with a guy at the weekend I mentioned it in a video this week that he. He'd never done a handstand walk before. And he kept telling himself that I can't do it. Came out in the workout and he goes, oh, I can't do it. I went, that's. That's it. That's where the team stops because I can't do a handstand walk. And we just went, no, you can do it. You just can't do it yet. And he said, no, I can't do it. I can't do it. After about halfway through, he'd gone 10 to 15 meters of handstand walking. Until the day before, he'd never been able to kick up and go more than sort of two hand prints. And by the end of the workout, he'd gone, I can't remember if it was 10, 15, however far it was anyway. And so he kind of completed half of the required movement that he'd never been able to do before. Then same later on in the next workout, there was a heavy snatch, and he'd never been able to complete a heavy snatch before. And then he goes, I'll give him a go. And he smashed out two easy as straight after each other where I struggle. And because he told himself at the start that he couldn't do it, but he could do it, and he showed that he could do it, but he just couldn't do it yet. But his brain told him that he couldn't do it, and he kept telling himself that he couldn't. So put the word yet in front of any challenge that you have and then formulate a plan to create to complete that challenge. So I can't do it? Well, you can't do it yet. You might not be able to do it now, but you'd be able to do it in the future. If you use that as fuel to get to where you want to be, if you want to get that task done, you'll be able to find a way to get there, and you'll be able to formulate a plan to complete that goal.

Life finds a way, mate. As Malcolm said in Jurassic Park. Yeah, it's funny when you mentioned that. So true. I thought about, like, since Lillian's been born this year, crazy stuff, you know, second born. All these things going on. My workload. Sorry, my workload, my productivity and output and outcomes tenfold than five years ago without any kids. Yeah, tenfold's like, how did this happen? And without losing family time. I invest and spend time with my family, and it's. It's unreal compared to that other version. So when I said life finds a way, it does. And people have found a way. And you guys can find a way, too. It's just tapping into that high level of belief with the real fundamental, simple things. That exercise is perfect. Awesome. That's all it takes. You don't need to go and dance with wizards and go through this crazy head stuff. It's literally simple things. And then back that up with Action for that primal power and how you physically move and nourish the body. 90% there. You just tweak the little ones here and there and everywhere and all of a sudden it's like, wow, look where I've come. Like 1% a day. Even in a mathematical formula. Crazy. 1% a day, you get better. 37% compounding over a year. Massive. Like imagine improving your life by nearly half, especially guys in their 40s and 50s. That's incredible. Big man. But thanks for joining us, mate. It's been great having you on. Hope you guys have enjoyed this one. Got some value out of it. And yeah. Any dad jokes on the spot? Not sure. Dad joke Friday's in our group so I'll have to get ready for did.

You Talking about Jurassic Park. You say they want to bring dinosaurs back. You know, there's five movies that are perfect reasons why that should not happen.

There's a few that I wouldn't mind.

Yeah. Seeing and patent.

But there's plenty I wouldn't want to get around.

Yeah. No way.

For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. But thanks for joining us guys. Hope you appreciate, you know, the level of work that we try to put in and know that we are here for you. Anything you need ever, please, please reach out. We'll keep rolling these out. Anytime we link up in person, we'll definitely shoot some more. Yeah. Like you're saying the other day we said with our catch up with the dads down in Sydney, was it chew the fat, burn some fat and have a good round time. So have an amazing day, night, weekend, whenever you listen to this. And if I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, good night. I'll stay frosty. Stay frosty. See you guys.

Cheers. It.