35. It's Never The Result

Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement Podcast. Got some dad jokes for you. One of the guys in our group this morning, Drew, was a cracker. Outstanding. Came home from the pub last night, 3am True story. True story. My wife was out the front with a rolling pin. I looked at her, I said, what are you doing baking this hour of the morning? Welcome to this episode where we talk about the result. It's never the result. This is a funny thing in life. It's almost counterintuitive, isn't it? Because we have this belief or this misconception that we think that everything that we want in our lives comes down to the result and the end game. When that's simply a moment in life, that's all it is. Looking back at every period or stage in your life, whether it's something with trauma or something with a high level of success and joy in the hard work you've put in, where does the reward really lie? It lies in the journey. Who you are and who you forge yourself into becoming over the period of time which ultimately leads to that pinnacle, which is the result. It's a very interesting way of thinking because people think it's the other way around. We just need to visualize what's the goal? What am I trying to achieve? Where are we going? Yes, that's important, but it's not always your true north. Your true north can change the compass can change and adjust course as it needs to, as your life changes as it needs to. And that's the beauty of life, isn't it? There's so many things, so many variables that we don't control in our life, which really lead to a lot of moments where it's not the external factors that define us, it's who you are. Remember, even though you may be your greatest liability or problem or the lowest common denominator in your life, it also means that you are the solution and you are the greatest asset in your life. It's A, how you see yourself and B, how you apply yourself in everyday life, not just in the actions that you take in the present moment, what those actions mean for you in the next present moment. The problem with a lot of people in life is they generally seem to bounce between past pain and future fantasy. It just literally becomes a bouncing game. This is what we do as fathers as well, right? We either bounce between past pain, the good old days of how we used to be, or how life used to be or how it was, and then future fantasy. If only I could do X, Y and Z, and Have this again in my life the whole time this is happening though. Here we go. Another year's gone. Like this is another decade. 2020, here we are. It's pretty amazing, isn't it? So when you look over your life in the period of time in which you're experiencing the next year, the next year, the next year, it's crucial to recognize that we're not really looking for the results, are we in our life? Because if that's all we ever look for, we're not actually living in the present moment. What we're seeking is a higher level of being in the present moment. And what you can do to not just as a father, that's a hat, that's a tag that we wear as fathers. It's what we wear. It's one of the many hats that we wear. Right. It simply forms another part of our life. It's who you are as a man and who you want to be in this present moment that comes down to how you see yourself and the actions that you're either willing or not willing to take. Very simple, I'll break it down for you here like this is a three pronged approach. When we look at where it is that you want to go in your life. A what are the results? So what's our target? Because the target can be moving as well. It's one element, one only, not the element. What's our target? What are the actions that need to align to get towards that? And what's the identity that you need to be to hit that? Then look where you are now, where you are now, the facts in your life now and where you want to get to. How do you see yourself right now? What are the actions taking right now? What's the target that you have or have not set in your life? When you say this, it becomes very, very clear to know that it's not the result that actually matters. That just sets a little compass for us to go. We can aim in this direction. It's. It's here and now. What am I doing here and now? And the actions that I'm taking here and now that are going to move me forward. Because a lot of the times as fathers, we put this hat on and we just drift and we float. Not on the inside, right? It's chaotic, it's fucking crazy shit. Like we were drifting and floating and drifting and floating in life. But the day to day runnings is just chaos with a mouse in the spinning wheel going round and round and round. Got to be a husband or partner or even if you're not connected with the Mrs. Or you're not even married anymore, it's like, well, how do I connect again? How do I connect with the opposite sex or establish relationships again? That's important for us as men, but also looking at the tag of fatherhood as well as the tag of manhood. And where you are, there's so many different hats that we need to wear as well as your work, your career, all these different moving parts throw you in a spin. Where you're floating and drifting through life, there is a result that's future fantasy, but inside of your own world it's just chaos and chaotic and you don't ever have that clarity. And clarity is really simple. It's understanding. That's it. It's understanding where you are in your life and where you want to get to off the back of the actions of understanding where you are now and what you must do now. There are periods and I've written a few notes like me when I was obese, when I was young, like heavily overweight, 114 or 12, that's pretty big. It wasn't muscle, I wasn't training then. I started training at 13, but between 8 and 17 I was heavily overweight. I started to really trim up as I was 16 going into 17, year 11 in school, it's not the result of getting my body in tip top shape. It's not the result of going in 18 months from local footy to first grade squads. It's not the result of going in nine months from opening a gym to being a CrossFit international athlete. It's not the result or period of time. It's the journey across the course of my entire life which is forging me into these opportunities and who I am. So when I was an overweight fat kid and fat boy, it's not the result that defined me. It's simply a moment of looking back and going, wow, look where I've come from, not look where I've been or the good old days. You only look at it in that perspective when you haven't grown or expanded your life. I'm never going to be fit like I was back in the regionals days. But I'm also entering a period of my life where that no longer matters. You'll only be 40 once, you'll only be 50 once, you'll only be 55 once. So it's not about comparing against younger or younger versions of you where different areas of your life hold different weighting and priorities. It's Looking at where you are now and what you can draw from in the past and reflection to pull you through into the future with the actions that you take now, it's never the result. The result doesn't matter. That will look after itself. And the result of me looking after myself and my body and really carving out the legacy that I will leave from all of these different adversities through childhood obesity, running businesses which have been a huge nightmare and challenges in many ways. First grade rugby league squads where I never actually really cracked it. I've nine operations in six years. I. All of these different moments and experiences in my life are what makes me who I am today. It's that simple. So when you're looking inside of yourselves in your life and you're either living in past pain, don't live there, it does fuck off for you. And when you're looking in future fantasy, don't live there, it does fuck all for you because none of it equals where you are right now. Look in the past to reflect and learn lessons. Look to the future for some sort of compass. Where's my true north? Awesome. This is where I'm going right now. The vessel changes. So for me, it's not about trying to make a million dollars. It's not about trying to make 10 million. Like when I make $100 million, that won't even matter to me. It's not the money, it's the result and the byproduct of who I've become and the value that I've added to the world and creating impact and helping those around me and helping fathers create a shift in their life, that's the real difference. Living on an economic planet is a way that we can reinvest and expand what we're doing to create a bigger movement. The end. It's very, very simple, but it comes down to how you see yourself right now and how you'd like to see yourself and matching that. You must see and believe that which you want to have in your life. It really is simply as fathers, we forget this. We give and give and give. We're giving 100% to everyone around us. And this 100% ultimately becomes 30% of 100%. Because when you're not operating the best you can, when you're not operating at a higher level within yourself, investing yourself, being present in this moment, in the next present moment, not living solely and directly in the moment, you can do that, you'll lose yourself. It's what am I doing right here and now? Which is ultimately going to flow on. Because remember, the future comes right away. The present moment is simply that. It's a moment. What am I doing now that is A, going to expand my experiences in the journey that I'm having and B, going to help push me in a position of sometimes discomfort. Yes. Sometimes the unknown. Yes. The certainty you will always have if you keep backing yourself and taking action. And when you do that, the result will look after itself. I can't stress this enough. You see it all the time and you may hear it from big gurus and wizards and motivational men, awesome life coaches, good fuck all. If there's no action that backs it up, make sure you look inside of yourself and go, what can I do? What can I do now to move myself forward? A lot of people say to me, you've done really well, al in using health and fitness to motivate people. It's a great niche that you're doing. It's a great market that you're doing with dads. People have no idea how hard it is to connect with fathers and get them to move. That's why no one's done it. That's why I'm doing it. I'm the man. I can do it and I am. But the only foundation to do this, the only vessel to do this, is you and your physical body, your primal power. So important. Nourish the body, move the body. That simple. Because we know when you do this and when you do this the right way, you're physically looking after yourself the right way. Everything else changes. Real estate between the ears changes. You tell me you're getting fitter, healthier, stronger, and looking after yourself right now by investing time in yourself, by prioritizing and planning your day to have the ability to create space, have some time out for you, move your body, nourish the body. You tell me that doesn't work the six inches between the ears. Absolutely it does. It's proven. It's what we do. Science, data, mental health, all those things. There are so many studies that prove this, but just from the facts and data and history of what I've done. So when you're looking at the overall result, and the result may be the legacy that you leave your children or your grandchildren or unborn grandchildren. When you look at the result of what you want to look back over your life in due course, when you see and you're in your twilight days, like the average age of males is 80.5. That's their average age expectancy. So a lot of fathers I work with are in their mid-40s. That's 15,000 days left. Sounds like a lot, but it sort of doesn't as well, does it? Like 15,000 days, that's it. One whole year chews up nearly 400. Goes quick. It's not the result. The result will look after itself when you die and when I die and when we're gone and buried and dust in the earth. We live on through our children, our grandchildren, through the values, the principles, the mannerisms, the standards that we set, the bullshit that we don't tolerate, except that becomes their way of living in a higher level, of evolving their life and passing that on. That's the truth. Try and argue it. So looking inside of yourself and asking this question, what am I doing now to move myself forward? Don't worry about 5 years time, 10 years time. This is the decade of dads, make no mistake. I'm being very clear on this and what we'll be doing. But the decade doesn't start and end in 2029. Starts now. And it continues to move. Halfway through the month of January already. Unreal, isn't it? Click your fingers. Australia Day is here. Click your fingers, It's Easter. Click your fingers, it's winter. Here we go. The sun sets at 5pm it's dark, it's cold. What do we do next year? Pretty amazing, isn't it? So looking inside Aesoft, knowing this is a progressive thing over time, the greatest teachers of this, they don't even know it because of their instincts. And what's built in their DNA is our children. My daughter at the moment, standing, trying to walk, standing, trying to walk, standing. Every day just gets that little bit better. Half a percent, a tenth of a percent. Lo and behold, though by Easter, she'll be walking, she'll be running. It's amazing. She's crazy. Doesn't stop. She's a Ram as well. Between the ram and the Leo in our house with my two daughters, I'll tell you what, I'm in for a good time. So looking inside of yourself and going, what are the lessons I can take around me to shift my environment, to put me in a perspective and state that's going to make me move? And that's what I love is fatherhood. That's what I love is being a father. In fatherhood, you're invested in something outside of yourself. You're invested in life in a greater way. That's what our children are. You're investing inside of yourself to be better for yourself so you can be more for them. Don't fuck this up and do it the other way around like everyone else does. Give and give and give and give. What about me? Ah, throw my hands up, all awesome. Be the victim. Throw my hands up. I've given everything to everyone else. Now I've got excuses to sit back on. No, no, no. It doesn't have to be that way. And it isn't. It isn't for a lot of people. It is for the masses. You don't need to be that. You don't need to be the 99%. It's never the result. What we do. We've hit some awesome milestones with IBM. Like, it's amazing, it's exploding. And the culture there is phenomenal. This isn't a group where I want 50,000 dads and I don't know anyone. This is a phenomenal group moving forward in what we have here. But all these milestones. I was sitting down with Corinne the other day and he had a big one. I was just like, you know, it's crazy. Like, we've hit this milestone. I've worked so hard for this, but people will look at this and go, al got lucky. Or it happened overnight. No, no, this is the last 20 years of the hard shit. Waking up every day eating shit and smiling, going, okay, awesome. Thank you, life. What else do you have? Awesome. Thank you. I'm not laying down. I hope you know this. I'm coming back for more and eventually it moves out the way and this is what happens. But when it does happen, the realization is a moment. That's all it is. When I've won competitions, when I've cracked some big moments in my career, when I was playing rugby league, big milestones and moments on the scales. When I went from this obese kid to this athletic young man who was winning state awards in different sports, Shop Hook was one of them. Was awesome. Like, love the great. It's just a moment. It's the journey. If you can't take time out and reflect on the journey and where you are and use that as your compass to set the sails for your true north off the back of the actions that you can take every single day to just be the best you can and move forward step by step, bit by bit, you will lose. Because you'll either neglect taking any action because of this past pain that's holding you back and you're feeling jaded and shuttered, or this future fantasy which is putting you in a position where it's just like, I'm just a daydreamer. You set a plan or an intention. New Year's resolutions. Awesome, Great. And you go get a life coach that talks about mindset. Great. Does fuck all. Because you're not taking any action. It's a collective of across different facets of your life. Yes, we need a seed. Yes, we need guidance to fix this and make sure we're working on a perspective. But you also need the right environment. You need to take action. I mean, that's the five pillars of what we do in idm. It's a standard inside of what we do because that's what gets the results. So you're either going to have future fantasy where you're just a daydream, or you're going to be burnt and you're not going to take any line of action. Or the other line is you get such tunnel vision that you just hammer and hammer, hammer at the cost of relationships, your family, whether it's business, whether it's money, whether it's your family. Three circles, Family, self and service. You don't have eyes on all three. You lose because you forget and lose your family. You forget and lose yourself. You forget and lose the value that you can add to the world. These are all very important as men because that's what gives us significance in life and fulfillment. Try and argue it. Good luck with that. I'd love to see it. So looking inside of yourself and going, all right, what are the actions I can take now that are going to put me in a position where I'm not just going future fantasy. I'm not going tunnel vision. Or I just go and get the result. And I look back over my life and I go, like when you're driving a car, all of a sudden you're driving a car and you go, wow, what was that road I was just on? You can't remember, can you? Your subconscious, you're just on autopilot. Don't live. If you're going to take one lesson from this episode today, don't live in a subconscious life because you lose. You'll never be present. Which means if you're never present for yourself, you're never present for your family. You're never present for anything or anyone else around you. And when that real. Not if. When that realization comes, which is ultimately going to be regret, and generally at a later stage in your life, it's too late. Done. Hope this is hitting home with a lot of you. And understanding that a lot of it comes down to the state that you're in. Positivity is awesome. That's a state. But optimism is also a way of being. That's a deeper level in going, what can I do? Where am I now? What are my options? But off the back of that, yes, you need some balls. You need to take some courage in what you're going to do, have a commitment to actually do it, and then have a level of reflection to look at it and go, yes, I've got certainty now and either this did or did not work and where I can move through the next way. That's our RDM. Three Cs encourage commitment and certainty and when you apply that in your life, you won't lose. You can't. How can you? You're constantly seeking growth and seeking an ability to be more inside of yourself in your life across the three areas that make up your life in family, self and service. And when you hear all these things I'm saying, you quickly realize that, hey, Al's spoken about the result like three or four times over 15 minutes. It's got nothing to do with the result. The result looks after itself. Thanks for joining me guys. Hope you've really appreciated this in this episode and really taking on board the realization that life and time doesn't come down to what you have achieved or leadership. All of these things after the fact. It's asking yourself key questions in what am I doing now? What's going to move me forward now to experience life while I'm in life and to enjoy the journey, the good, the bad and the ugly. And to be present with the ability to understand where I'm at and where I need to get to and the actions that I can and will take right now to keep moving forward. Fuck yeah. The dads have a great day and I'll see you on the next episode.