36. When Dads Win, Everyone Wins

It's actually Tasker. Tasker.

What's the nationality?

I think it was like, German.

German?

Yeah. I'm not 100% sure.

Fair enough. It's like me with a Ranieri. Bloody Italians. Too many vowels, mate. Too many vowels. Vowels of hand signals. That's right. That's why no one's serious. That's right. So here we are. Welcome, guys. Welcome to another episode of the Real Dad Moving podcast. But Adam Tasker with us. Welcome, sir.

Thanks for having me. Yeah, really well. Looking forward to it.

Unreal. Those who are not watching and listening, we've got several rdm. How did they get there? How did these get here? Look what we have here. Knight Rider and Mojo. Make sure you dive in and enjoy the fruits, but actually don't because then there's more for us. But, mate, how long have you been with us for now?

It's about six weeks.

Six weeks. So Ads has been with us for six weeks now and wanted to bring him on today and just share his story. Yeah, we'll share and dive into rdm, but this isn't about plugging or trying to get people on board. What we do is we have a process and we're finding incredible genuine fathers all over the country, just like Adam, lucky enough to be in each other's presence physically today. But this is the first time we met, though, isn't it, Matt?

That is, yeah.

Here we are. And how much weight have you lost so far?

About 10 kilos.

10 kilos. So Adam's lost 10 kilos. This is the first time I'm meeting him in person. Nothing against gyms. I had gyms for eight years. Recently gone from mine, actually, only a couple of days ago. But, you know, it's quite a funny thing that people have stories inside of themselves where they think that you need to physically be somewhere or be in front of someone or something to occur when ultimately, I don't know, mate. For me, a big belief is life in general, being connection, how you connect with people. But before we dive into your experiences with us so far, mate, do you want to share a bit of background on yourself, your kids, where you're at, where you come from, what you used to do and what you do now?

Yes, currently I'm dad with three boys. But I suppose going back as a kid, as a young fella, it's quite bright. Went to a selective school, that sort of stuff, but suffered from really bad anxiety. So I guess for me, I had a bit of a fear of failure, all those sorts of things that held me Back from, I guess succeeding with what I wanted to do. So that. And that sort of followed me through a little bit to later life. Yeah, so that was a little bit about. I grew up with three brothers so it was obviously very competitive and that sort of stuff.

And had a twin brother.

Yeah. And he was actually quite an elite sports person in his own right at the time. And I was always that little bit behind so consequently no fault for his. But I always had that bit of a inferiority complex, fear of failure, that sort of stuff. And I guess as a kid I came up with a really clever defense mechanism and just didn't try. So you can't fail if you don't try. Which sort of followed me through. I left school early, selective school in year 11. So you can imagine the repercussions through the family. Mum and dad weren't real happy and that sort of stuff. But luckily found a job, worked really hard, had a footy club, shout out to the magpies.

Yeah, the magpies.

Yeah.

Spirit animal in the background as well apparently wagtail or some shit on the magpies.

Yeah. So I guess that was probably at the first point I realized that having people around you and a really good team around you gets you along. So yeah, grew out of that. Probably spent 20 years out of using the 20s period up against the wall, not doing a lot. Luckily I met my wife when I was in my mid-20s and she got me on the straight and narrow and we've now got three beautiful boys. Yeah. So six, three and seven months. So it's full on.

Is it different between one and one.

And two and two and three light years difference. Light years. One child's pretty easy because there's two of you, you can, you can tag team and sort of look after yourself too. You got your on even pegging three, you're outnumbered so you know, and we're lucky. We've got a really good family around us, good in laws so we get that break when we need it. I don't know how people that don't have that support do it because yeah, it's tough but you know, you wouldn't have it any other way. Kids are great. My oldest is autistic so we really appreciate, I guess that time with him, the extra support he needs and seeing him develop and succeed where other kids might just do it naturally he struggles a little bit more. So I think, I guess we value it a lot more when he does hit those milestones.

Okay. How old were you when you became a father for the first time, I.

Would have been 30. Spot on 30.

Same as me. What changed? Run us through the experience and the process. I don't even know if I've shared.

This with you guys before.

For me, and maybe I will do one day on episode, but what changed? Bubs is born. He's entered the world physically, mentally.

I think for me, I was already sort of. From when I went met my wife in my mid-20s, I was already on that path to growing up a little bit. But it just becomes. It's like a switch flicks. And it's not just you anymore. It's not just you and your wife or partner doing what you feel like. You've got someone to take care of, they're your responsibility. And then they can't defend it for themselves. So straight away, the world's bigger than just you, what you want anymore. It's what's best for them. And then you come second. And even to the point where sometimes your relationship suffers for that because you have to go, hang on, now I need to take a step away from whatever I think and what's best for my wife, what's best for my child. So. And you have to learn it really quickly because, you know, I've seen. Unfortunately, I won't name names, but I've seen a lot of mates live their same life after kids as they do before kids. And you just see the strain it puts on their relationship because it's like, hang on, it's not about you anymore. You can't go to the pub three nights a week, that sort of stuff. And then when you're single, you can kind of just say, I'm really sorry, darl, I'll make it up to you. But when you've got kids, they don't understand. Boy, where's that? So straight away, you just have to be present whether you want to or not, whether you're not at your best, whether you're tired, whether you had a shit day, whatever it might be, you just got to be there. So that's probably the biggest change.

Yeah, that's being present, man. That's a big thing. That's huge. It's funny, you did a video in our group the other week actually was on your birthday. That's awesome. We brought them in that day.

Yeah, that was that day.

Yeah. You did a video about that, about. And I'm not saying everyone should just cut their friends away, but about people who may not align with maybe your values, your perspective, how you see him. Why do you think there are dads out There who do that.

I think it's a lot of. It's insecurity. It's. You know, And I've probably been guilty of it in the past. When I was younger, you see, guys go, you know what? I'm gonna make a change. And straight away, because we're men, we don't really get in touch with our feelings too well. You know, when a guy's been vulnerable and saying, hey, I'm not up to it, or I'm not doing this and I'm gonna make some changes, you go, don't worry, please. Talk about mate. You'll be right. Have a beer. Whatever it might be, you know, the vices that we know we have that we want to change, but they're bought into that lifestyle, whatever it may be. So they don't want you to change because then they lose you. Or as they see you, they. I don't want you to be changing because then I either lose you or you think you're better than. Which is a projection of how they feel about themselves. So potentially, there's all those insecurities holding them back. It could just be that they're jealous. It could be a number of reasons. But, yeah, I find when I've done it in the past, it's my insecurities projecting out onto other people.

So, so true. Man. One of the hardest periods of my life was when Stella came into this world. And there's a lot of tension between me and Krin.

A lot.

It was bad because of that, because of my insecurities, and because I didn't think that I needed to change. Yeah, my routines changed. I had a daughter, but I thought, I resisted. I didn't submit to the process. Not submitting to life. Life will always try and kick your ass, but about being a father. So, you know, it's funny when you recognize that it can happen at any stage, can't it? When I look at them, like, okay, maybe the switch might not happen for these guys, but there's always an opportunity. But some of them, it never seems to happen.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm their life. And then, not that I'm saying everyone should spend their lives staying married, but breakdowns happen, divorces happen. It's like, fuck, if you just go upstream, is it the man? Is it insecurities? And then does he alienate himself? Because people like you are rising up to live your life, It's a reflection of them. So they then cast themselves away, like, maybe. But it's hard, though, isn't it, man? Yeah. Fatherhood.

Far out. Oh, yeah, yeah.

If I was gonna have three, mate, what would you suggest would be your wife? Because we've got two now. To seem like everything's out of rope advice.

I don't know. I think one thing we're big on in the group is creating space for yourself, and that's a must. You know, there's going to be hectic times where everyone's screaming, we've all had bad days and all that sort of stuff. But actually. So I guess reassessing and going, ok, I've taken my time, whether it's five minutes now, I can go back in and face the music. And being really honest with that, sometimes it's saying, I'll say to my wife, hey, look, I'm really struggling. Can you give me half an hour? Yep, no worries. Even if your kids are screaming, whatever it might be, she'll give me about half an hour. I'll come back and go, all right, it's your turn. Go watch a TV show, whatever it may be. So I think that's being really honest with yourself and your partner's a must.

It's one thing life has taught me with having children, especially two girls, is, man, life is full of negotiating, right? And it's true, I would rather, if I need to, because I've had those moments too. I'm like, crin, I gotta get away for half an hour, take the dogs for a walk, reconnect, realign with myself. And it's, you know, not holding pinkies with fairies. It's just having you, Tom. Yeah, time out. But when you communicate that you're right, man, like, if I can, I'd happily give her an hour and a half back, whatever she wanted. If I get that half hour reset, which I don't know. What are your thoughts with that? Do you think society really preps us.

Or supports us as fathers with that? Not really. I think it depends on your family and the groups you're in. But, yeah, not really. Not really. I know when. When I had my first son, it was just. I was wholly unprepared for it purely for the fact that, you know, you don't learn any of this in school. You don't, you know, so you're basically going through your 20s, having a drink, doing whatever you feel like, and then all of a sudden, hang on, I've got this child here. So you ring up your dad and go, mate, what do I do? And he goes, well, I didn't know. So I'm, you know, there is. There's no rulebook. But also there's. There's probably not a lot of places where you can actually turn and say, there's a few groups around there, but we don't advertise them. So this, this young. Imagine if you're 21 and you. And you have a child and you think, where do I go? There's not a lot out there. There really isn't.

I don't feel like I became a man till I was probably 28. I don't know. Like, it's funny, man. Like, we go through the entire schooling system, which. That's another episode on what I think about that. Even though my wife's a teacher. Primary. Teacher primary's okay. But. Yeah, but then all of a sudden, yeah, you can make you drive cars, but what about life, investments, taxes, money, relationships, self esteem?

Yeah.

Fuck, man. Australia's full of that tall Poppy syndrome shit. Like I said before, it's crazy. How could you survive doing that? Being a father for the first time under 26 years of age or.

I don't know. I think you just got to, you know, and then it's probably, we'll all get through it and we'll all survive and we'll all. Not everyone. But you generally get to that point where, you know, you feel comfortable. But it could be a lot easier for these guys and dads in general, you know, just having that more support around you, I suppose.

Yeah. It's funny. So I don't know if they quite remember the exact stats, but I think when Karim went to a, like a mother's group they're talking about, they did touch on the importance of supporting your man. And I think one in five women might have post. And the lady brought up a stat which said 1 in 10 men. And CRIN said at least half the ladies sort of snubbed their nose and sort of huffed under their breath. And I was like. And Crin was a bit disappointed because obviously she aligns with what we say, man. Dads, when everyone wins, we look after ourselves. The wife gets a better husband, the kids get a better dad. Right. But that's what I find is a big hole in society and even a lot of people who buy into that bullshit because it's like, yeah, Kay, it might be double the women if we looked on those averages, but there's fucking 20 times more support for women. You want to crunch some real numbers for mother support as opposed to father. Father support. One to ten quickly becomes one to one when you're looking at what's actually really out There. True and genuine for fathers.

Well, I actually suffered with my second child, Emmett. I had, well, I was never diagnosed, but I definitely suffered from that because it was such a big change and I had quite a high pressure job at the time and I didn't handle it very well. Luckily I've got a fantastic wife. But yeah, and I just sort of got through the period when he got a bit older, it got easier. But now three. But yeah, it was, it was. It's a tricky period because you do. You feel like everything's focused on the, on the mother and as it should be, but you're also sitting there in the corner going, well, I've done everything I can to help and if I'm.

Struggling a little bit.

I remember actually my first. I hope my wife doesn't mind me talking about this. Our first child, Wyatt, when he was born, he had four delivery issues in labor for 40 hours. And she really, really struggled, but got through it. And I remember talking to one of my mother in law's friends and I said, oh, geez, it was hard. It was a really tough period for those couple of days because we didn't know what was going on and she pushed the shit out of it. She said, how dare you talk about how hard it was for you when your wife was going through that. Yeah, I understand what my wife went through, but it's also tough for us. We have to sit there and watch someone we love suffer and you can't do anything about it. All you can do is pat their head, hold their hand and get them a biscuit when they want it. You know, there's not a lot you can do. And as a man, it's tough. We want to, we want to take action. We want to fix things when you can't, when all you can do is get out of the way and watch. It's really tough when, you know, they're wheeling it down the hallways of a hospital and you don't know whether she's coming out or not. You don't know whether your baby's coming out, his heart rate's racing, all these sorts of things, and you think that's stressful. And then for someone to turn around and say, how dare you have those feelings? And she was an older lady, an older generation, so that was probably that generational, I guess, mentality, but it belittles your feelings and you think, well, should I not feel this way? And that's a real issue for us. Especially when you've only just become a father. If you feel like you can't express how you feel or you need to keep it aside, it just fester. So luckily that was only one out of many bits of feedback we got, but it was something that really stuck with me.

Yeah, fair points, man. That suppression is dangerous. I mean, what do people want? Meatheads.

Yeah.

It's something that's primal inside of us to be Mr. Fix. It's. I agree, man. It's frustrating for me when I can't help. You can help through support, but not helping through something that's ingrained in us as men. It's what we do, it's how we're wired, just like women are wired. It's a beautiful thing. It's why we have men and women. Right? But to get that which then leads to a cascading effect of, like you said, should I not be feeling that? And all these questions of something which is a natural emotion, it's fucking dangerous, man. You know? Yeah. It's a funny thing, which is why all the more power to men who. Fathers who put their hand up with where they're at and own their truth. I live with a lot of transparency, man. And I think there's strength through that vulnerability because it's active, it's not passive. We control it, we choose it, and then when we own that, we can hold that mirror. That's what I find. It's a funny thing in analogy where it's like father brings up the mirror. A lot of people turn away or close their eyes. Sooner or later, man, you gotta have a look. When you're 70 years old, it's not the time to be looking for the first time.

And that's something I learned early on because obviously I've got boys. So I was always thought, if my son, in 20 years time, 30 years time, acted the way I'm acting, would I be proud? Would I be disappointed? And that's a really strong metric for me to say. And you don't actively think about it all the time, but when you reflect on your day or whatever it may be, think what I did today. Would I want my son to act that way or would I be chipping him for it? And that's a really good metric for all dads out there, I guess, even dads with daughters, you know, bringing home boyfriends, whatever. If I thought, you know, if my daughter accepted that behavior from a man or whatever, you know, because, you know, and this isn't a bashing bad dads or anything like that, but you see the way some men treat their wives in front of their daughters. Your daughter's going to grow up and think that's acceptable.

Yeah.

And it's really setting some standards for yourself to say, well, am I proud of myself? Yes, I am. And do I want my children to emulate my behaviours? Because I don't think, you know, seen and not heard. Do as I say, not as I do. That does. Just doesn't work anymore because kids just sponge and they watch everything and in today's day, it doesn't work. You know, you've got to set an example. Yeah.

Showing, not telling. Men. Couldn't agree more. That's what leadership is. That's what we are as parents. I mean, look at their brain and the way it's developed and where it's at. You can't. How could they ever understand? That's why we're there. And early days.

Yep.

But for my daughters, the way they're shaping up, mate, I think I'll be nursing and looking after the boys every day. Exactly. I'll be dominating them.

You want them, you want them strong in themselves, which is great.

Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. And which brings me to, like, father, when you're having your children, like, share your story, man. Like, why are we here now? Like, what led to, I guess you reaching out where we are?

I suppose there's a lot of factors. 2013 probably started this period of my life. Excuse me, period of my life. I was playing first grade AFL on the coast. Not a high level, but, you know, for us that was pretty good. Trained really, really hard, got myself fit, which probably been the fittest I'd been in my 20s. Got off the grog. All those sorts of. All those bad behaviors that I was, I guess, wallowing in at the time. I cut them out and made it a real focus to play good footing. Became captain of the team, Played some good trial matches. 20 minutes in the first quarter, did my ACL, so. And I actually say I was on track for best and fairest that year. In the 20 minutes, I'd pause, but yeah, yeah. So that sort of. I guess the biggest thing that came out of that wasn't necessarily the injury, it was the excuses that came with injury. So because my first son had just been born, I decided to wait to get the surgery. I didn't have private health cover at the time, so had to wait 12 months anyway. So I actually went through the system and then got to the point where they said, we'll book it in. And I went, just wait, I'll hold off. So it Ended up being three years before I got fixed. And in that time that was an excuse. So it healed obviously didn't have an acl, but the knee injury itself healed. But I couldn't train the way I wanted to. I couldn't play obviously. So instead of modifying my training or anything like that, I just quit and I actually isolated myself from the footy club just walked away. They won a premiership the next year so I could have been involved, but I isolated myself and then throughout that period I started getting more high pressure jobs. So that was my focus. I had children, so that was my focus. And then I sort of lost, I guess the focus on me once I got the knee fixed and that sort of stuff. I started playing again, but a really low level, basically playing reserve grade and I might get two kicks a game, something like that. And I wasn't happy with it, but I also wasn't really prepared to do the work and that lasted I guess for a period of five odd years and it was always an excuse. I coached women's football at the time. I was really lucky enough to be the inaugural women's coach for the club, which was actually the first year they did the Black diamond, which is the competition. So I was really proud of that. But it also, it was me doing something for someone else rather than me doing something for myself. So I guess in that regard I was always project, I guess deflecting my energies into other things rather than actually looking at myself and going, well, what are my behaviors, what am I actually doing to help myself in that time I weigh wouldn't say ballooned, but I started putting weight on and it was more just really bad habits. Soft drink, once I've had kids, I sort of wasn't drinking much but a lot of soft drink, a lot of fast food, just shortcuts and that sort of stuff. And because I wasn't training, I didn't have any reason not to because it all aligns your nutrition and you're working out. So it got ACL's, man.

Yeah, they're not great.

And mine wasn't too bad. The only issue with mine was in the first round I did it and our physio misdiagnosed it. So he actually said no, you'll be right. Two weeks, do some rehab and you can play again. And me being, I guess a bit blinded by my ambition at the time went well. I don't want to actually get a scam just in practice case it's an acl so I'll just do the rehab and Play and went back out in four weeks time and basically turned my way and it went. And then at that time, I found out that it actually been partially torn initially. And when I played again, I tore it the rest of the way and actually, yeah, snapped back, you know, chip a few bones, all that sort of stuff did a lot more damage. And obviously over the time before I got fixed, I. I was running around occasionally in training and did a heap of damage. So in actuality, I did. The surgery that I ended up having was much more major than it should have been. But that was decision to make because you want to believe what you want to believe rather than actually what's the reality.

Yeah.

And then that obviously brought me up to now I was still playing. I officially retired last year, got chaired off and did all that just to make sure that I knew that that was it. So I still train every now and again, but I got to the point, I guess, over Christmas, and I got a chance to reflect. Business was pretty quiet, so I was still working, but I was also spending a lot of time with the kids. And I thought to myself, is this where I want to be? Am I happy? I'm hitting 105 kilos, I've got the dad bod well and truly happening, which a lot of people think is great, but I'm not a proponent of that. But I just thought to myself, I was really short with the kids. I wouldn't say we're having issues in my life, but we weren't connecting the way we should. And it was just a moment of reflection. I need to make a change. And I didn't know what it was, but I knew I needed to do something. I was prepared to go alone. And this ad popped up on Facebook. And I don't know, because obviously they always. They try to target ads. So I don't know what my interests were or whatever that connected me with the ad, but I've got a section.

That says, oh, and everyone's called Adam.

Yeah, perfect. Okay. But, yeah. So this ad popped up and I watched the video and I thought, hey, this guy's fair income. He's not full of shit. He means it. And like I said to you just before, I was initially daunted by the message where we need 100% commitment. It's not a matter of kicking tires. And I'll bring you on and see how it goes. You commit to a program, you commit to a group, a tribe, and then you do the work. So luckily enough, I. Or not fortunately enough, I made the call And I'm really glad I did. Really glad.

It's far out, mate. You're in. We said earlier, Drop 10 kilos, but the weights are like. When I talk about weight, kilos, sometimes people might see my ads and they're talking about things like connection or energy and shit. It's all a byproduct, mate, isn't it? Like, the weight is something that we anchor is leverage. That'll look after itself.

It's just one metric.

Yeah, off the back of what? The processes, the habits, what you do, your routines, all of that. It's pretty. Pretty awesome. Your journey so far, mate, you've added an amazing amount of value to the group, you know, and it's. That's what we're about here. Like, it's crazy. When I was talking before we started this, guys, was the numbers. Like, it's very simple. Obviously, I'm good at communicating this message. And we get 1500 clicks a week, and that's not even spending much money on Facebook. Like, it's. I could easily five times that. Spend 1500 clicks a week and we get, what, two to five dads, which is good. Like, I don't want 20,000 dads, but two to five dads, which is awesome. But it's really crazy, too, isn't it, man? Like, people click for a reason. I don't get fit dads who have their shit together calling me. They'll call me for a. And we can all be better, but they call me. They click for a reason. Then what is that? It's like a third of a percent.

Yeah, it's pretty.

And obviously my message, my runs on the board, you can follow and track me anywhere. That's legit. I mean, you said before you had skepticism about that sort of stuff.

Absolutely. I'm by nature pretty cynical and not cynical of life and that sort of stuff, but I'm cynical of people's motivations. And when you. And there's so much out there in Facebook and especially social media, you question people's motivations, what's in it for you and what's in it for this person? Why am I going to give you my money? And it is a bit of a leap of faith, but I think in this case especially, you've got to make that leap of faith, because I'm a massive cynic and I don't believe anything on face value. So for me, that was huge. Just to make that first step and then have that conversation go, hey, this guy's genuine. But also to be challenged straight up, not A matter of. We'll see how it goes. We can put Yarm here. It's like, no, no, this is the work. This is what you need to commit to. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna come meet you halfway. You need to come to me. And I was really impressed by that because it's like, this guy doesn't need me. You know, a lot of times we have salespeople selling themselves where we do that. You sold. This is what we do. Take or leave it. And I thought, for me, I'm like, hey, this is fairly. Because, you know, you're not chasing me. And so I'll give you five minutes of my time and then you've got to come the rest of the way, which I thought was amazing.

And it's. And that's not a twist or turn or a tactic for you guys out there. It's what you were saying before we started this. It's for you, from your experience, the importance of that. You committing first, you taking a leap of faith instead of me just pushing and trying to give you everything.

It's a mindset thing because it's, here's your framework. I not going to do anything for you. I'll give you the tools. And this is something I used to talk to the girls at footy about when I was coaching. I'll give you all the tools I can give you to do the job yourself. But if I come to you and go, I'm going to go run for you, you achieve nothing. So here's the tools. Like, for me, accountability is massive. Framework's massive. So the fact that I can jump on an app every single day and I know what my workout is in advance. Cool. Okay. Well, I know what I need to achieve. I really struggle with making decisions. You know, if I've got to go it alone and make, you know, I can pick out from 50,000 exercises, I'm going to pick none because I can't make a decision. So having all that framework in place and then go, okay, I've done the work and that the next step is to actually have a group that we can interact with to say, hey, mate, well done, or hang on, I didn't quite meet what I wanted to meet. That's all right, mate. Here's some ways we can help you. I think one of the guys on the roundtable on Wednesday, he made comment about he busted his ass that week and he was really disappointed because he'd done all the work and he'd done extras, and he's like, I've only lost half a kilo or whatever it might be. And straight away, the other members, not the coaches, the other members jumped on and said, mate, mate, think about this way, you know, and gave him so many different avenues to change his outlook on the same result. The result didn't change, but his outlook on it. And he was still disappointed. But he also went, hey, guys, I see your point. Done the work. So it might not be this week, next week, but that work is still valued and has value. So.

Yeah, yeah, so true. That's the big thing, isn't it? I'll do an episode on this another day about the results. The results are true. Northwriting Compass you're aiming for, but it's actually. It's a moment, right, yeah. That the big space we feel is the system, status, process, experiencing life. And who are you becoming on that journey? The end doesn't matter. It can change what I want. I thought I was gonna have a gym till I was in my 50s. Here we are, I don't have one anymore.

We still might.

I want to get RDM hubs. Yeah, that would be sick in each state. But, yeah, so true. When I look at that, man, what you're saying there, and really, you know, having that support that we can't. I've tried. You can't save people, you end up drowning. Like, here's the boat, there's always a spot on the boat, right? There's an oar as well. So we'll reach down, we'll pull you out of the water, you sit down there, you start rowing as well. If I can get to work. And when we have that framework, like you said, the framework's there. It's showing that commitment, which is huge. It's for them. It's not a power play, not a hard ass. It's when they walk through the door, man, what you did for me, it's almost a relief.

Ah, fuck, it's awesome.

Good, because naturally, from my mother, she's an amazing woman. It's a love of wanting to help people so much. I need to hold myself back. I need to get out of my own way because I'm on the phone with some of these guys. Change your life so much. But it's got to come for me.

Yeah, that's right.

It does, man. But so far you've got that. And what else has changed? See, the thing is, I love working with facts, weight, kilos, all this sort of stuff. But then with a better set of facts comes with feelings. Like, how are you now?

I Feel great, I really do. And more so I think for me, I'm actually creating targets now. In the past, playing football was always the next game, whatever it might be. But now I'm sort of looking at doing a half marathon. I went from, I guess at the start of the year was I couldn't run 5Ks, and it was actually my brother I did, I think it was a 16Ks, and I did it in a really slow time. I had to walk all that sort of stuff. I rang him up and said, man, I'm so proud of myself. And he goes, is that the time you did it in? And at the time I thought, fuck you. And he didn't mean anything by it. And if he's watching this, sorry, mate, but didn't mean anything by it. But it was also like, do that in my sleep. So, like, fuck you. I'm going to prove you wrong. And then within three weeks, I'm hitting 15Ks without walking because I went every time. That little voice in the head's now saying, no, no, I'm going to do this. So it's just, I guess, setting goals now I actually am setting goals that I think I can achieve. And 12 months ago, someone said half marathon, not if someone's chasing me. So. And that, that's good because it gives you a sense of purpose. But, but in terms of, I guess, the family and that sort of stuff, I feel really good. And actually, even though I'm training for an hour a day, most days I've got more time because I'm not, I guess, pulling back into the cocoon where I'm watching tv, reading a book and not engaging with my family and not my kids, jump in and have a workout with me. And, you know, it's good fun. It gives you. It sets an example. Hey, this is what we do. Rather than we sit on the lounge watching tv, which is a big problem at the moment with kids, and my kids in particular, they love their screen time. So to pry them away from that and actually for them to. To choose to come outside and do stuff is fantastic.

So funny, isn't it, man? When you say you got more time. And it's never from a place of judgment, but from an observation, like, if any of you guys out there contacted me and said, yeah, it looks awesome now I haven't had any time. Awesome, let me order today in your life and I'll show you the time. Yeah, I'll show you where, man, because nothing against tv, awesome, you know, well, the only TV I really watch is girls Movies. Disney movies.

Paw Patrol.

Patrol, yeah. Bloody Bluey and.

But it's.

Oh, man. You then can create more time when you shift your focus and prioritise. And like you said, you lose whether it's screen time on the phone or tell you. You lose hours every. Even on the toilet. People want to go to the toilet, sit on their phone for 15 minutes. You do that every single day. There's an hour and a half a day. It's crazy, isn't it?

I hope my wife's not listening to this. Cause she actually would ping me on that. But actually, I remember one of my school teachers back at the time when I wasn't a great student. I stood up in class. He said, why haven't you done your assignment? And I said it mattered in that time. And he made me stand there in front of the class and go through my schedule of time. And I probably didn't appreciate the lesson for another 15 years, but. And for kid with anxiety, that wasn't a great experience for me. But he made a point. He said, time's there if you want to make it, you know, and you might have to sacrifice something for something else. And that's the transaction that we're talking about beforehand. Life's just transactions. So you might have to sacrifice something. But you can. If you're passionate about it and committed to it, you'll find time. And if you can't, you'll do what you can. You know, if you can't find half an hour, you find five minutes. You still achieve something, whether it's not necessarily what you wanted to. It's still something. It's still a tick in the box. Rather than saying, well, I could have done something, but I didn't.

Yeah, it's a big one, man. I'm gonna write that down to share with the boys the times there if you want to make it so true. So true, man. And it's. It's crazy what you can get done. And hey, he can really move yourself forward when you realize that, the value of it. And what would be the greatest thing so far, the greatest gift for you, man? Or revelation or takeaway since you've joined Idea, the group, the Method, what we do.

For me, I guess, and it's hard to pinpoint one because there's been a lot of revelations, but within a group, a sense of self. It's a bit sort of paradoxical, but the more I engage in the group, the more I feel a sense of my own self and achievements and saying, well, you know, yeah, I'm part of this group, but I'm also doing all of these things on my own, which is probably the way we do things in that, I guess, that satellite experience where you're doing the work on your own all the time, but you're also then feeding back into the group. So having that sense of self going, well, no one else is here pushing me along. I'm making the choice to do the work, but I'm also reaping the benefits from that. And I guess getting that confidence and the momentum through that is fantastic. And then once you have that sense, and it's probably only been the last few weeks, once I've got that confidence on myself saying, hey, I'm kicking goals here, I can now identify guys that might be struggling and go, hey, this is what I tried. Or they might need that little bit of support. And you can identify that. And this is guys, where I was three weeks ago, or I was 12 months ago, or whatever it may be, and having a bit more perspective, help them out. Because now that there's a few runs on the board, I'm not looking at it from the victim saying, I need to achieve this. Well, hang on, I've already achieved all these things. I've still got a lot more to achieve, but I've got that sense of place in the group, which is awesome.

And myself, yeah, it's powerful, man, because then it just doesn't come from me. And I got a big stab of communicate and the message, but it's still one voice. I say this with the fellows like it's. No one person's greater than rdm, including myself. And they've all got all of our dads, all of their membership numbers are all locked in. We've got our place. We do it in the order of the man helping the man, the team, the tribe, as opposed to, you know, here you go, you're off on your own, or just listen to what we say or what we tell you. There's three. Everyone has a voicemail.

Three. Awesome. And that's one thing for me, I think I've always been passionate about people. In my last role for work, I was a production manager, so I had a lot of apprentices under me who I didn't actually. I wasn't trained in their field, but I spent a lot of time mentoring those guys and we set up programs and all that sort of stuff because I looked at these guys that were 15, 16, 17, 18 years old, who they've got a job, but they've got no idea. So just trying to, to spend time with them, to give them a bit of perspective and through football, the same sort of thing. Because I'm really passionate about helping people. And that was one thing. When yourself and Drew do these videos.

The group.

And a lot of time it's vulnerable as well. You talk about yourself and say, hey, I've been through these things and as men and what we spoke about, we don't open up very well. And it's always been things that I agreed with and I guess align with. But it's also, it's good to see someone you look up to in a way to reflect those. And you go, hey, this is someone that I'm. And you've got obviously a good scope to talk to a lot of people. Hey, this is, this is a message that I believe in that's now getting out to other people. I'm like, this is awesome. You know, I wish I had access to this. When I was working with a lot of guys in production environments, manufacturing, there's a lot of people that suffer from mental health issues. And we were a male dominated industry, obviously, and we had guys that suffered from major anxiety, depression, all those sorts of things. And if they had access to the messages that we do, it would help them, you know, and I was lucky enough, fortunate enough to have a position where I could help them as much as I possibly could, even to the detriment of the business at times, which tell the bosses about. But sometimes you need to take that hit as a business to get good people. And I'm really, really passionate about that. I've seen a lot of people fall off the wagon in terms of their mental health through no fault of anyone's, but just they isolate themselves and there's no one there to check on them and I guess help them through. So I've been fortunate that I've had that opportunity, you know, with our football club. Shout out to Magwise again. We'd all be on Blue Day every year. And we actually do it with the Maitland Saints and the alternate because we actually lost one of our younger members a few years back through suicide. And he was fantastic young guy, had the world at his feet and he was, you know, there's always the guy that you think, this guy's got everything going for him and he was the one and it makes you reflect and like you said, hold a mirror up and say, hey, this can happen to him. Because he just kept it quiet. And I've been really lucky to have opportunities in my life to help guys like that and hopefully I will in the future. But I think I see this with RDM is there's probably a lot of guys that if they didn't make that phone call, where would that be? And myself included. You know, when I was a teenager, I suffered from really bad anxiety. And there were times where I had those dark thoughts. And I was lucky enough, got a job in the football club to have people around me without them even realizing it, what they were doing for me, because they gave me a sense of safe place to, I guess, to be where a lot of people don't have that, especially dads. You feel like the world's on your shoulders. You got nowhere to turn. So. And for us now in this group, the guy you can just tell from some of the messages, guys, they're a bit down. They get 15 messages straight away within five minutes, hey, mate, pick up. You know, and there's. There's guys in the areas like, oh, come on, come visit. Yeah, I'll come and, you know, we'll do a workout together, you know, whatever it might be. Check in, whatever it might be. But there's that support, whether, you know, you need it or not. You're not isolated, which is huge with menswear.

Everything seems out to me from that is environment, isn't it?

Yeah, 100%.

It literally shapes and influences our perspective, you know, how we see things and. Spot on. And the environment we try and create. Well, we do create, which is why we have a process. No one comes and signs up online. They come through me. They've got to add value. It's funny, isn't it? It's most likely you're on the other side of someone who goes, the customer's always right, or, here's a product, and I'll do whatever you want to get. It's like, no, no. What are you gonna add? Like, if someone said to me, what do I get for the money? I straight away, I said, what I get for letting you into our group?

That's simple, man.

But when we do that, we peel back the layers and we're war and real. I'm not claiming to be some sort of big fucking superman on the inside. When I do my work, I'm the fucking man. This is what I'm gonna do. This is what I'm doing in my life.

But I don't project.

Project that onto others in a way that's at a detriment of an expectation or superficiality.

It's.

It's the energy and being raw and real and transparent, which I am every day with the boys. Because that. That alone, I reckon, commands a high level of respect and rapport. And then, like you said before, the guy see, well, they resonate. Or it's like, yeah, I've been a bit like that. Or I was like that. Or, it's powerful, man, because then you start to understand, maybe not the other person. Like, I won't ever understand what it's like to be Adam. And he's had kids at these ages and, you know, I know what it feels like with the knee, that's for sure. But we also don't need to, man, as opposed to, okay, cool, but where are we now? Can we understand the frustration, some of the feelings? Of course. But we can also understand the power of the now and what we can do moving forward.

I remember one of the first roundtables I actually watched. I couldn't jump in, but one of the guys straight away put his hand up and said, I've let myself down over the last. It was just straight up Christmas, obviously, so let myself down, didn't do the work, feel like shit about it, blah, blah, blah. But he took ownership of it. And because he has that environment to say, well, you know, where a lot of times, myself included, we make excuses. I was tougher, whatever. Whatever it might be, would go, I'll make all these excuses in the world. He didn't. He just went, you know what I mean? I'm in a safe environment to say what I believe. And he said, no, I fucked up. I didn't do what I needed to do. I didn't know what. I'm disappointed in myself, but I'm gonna make amends. I'm gonna do the work. I'm going to get there. And straight away, you think, hey, this guy's on. So he's now changed something that he was disappointed in. He's like, here's some action. And that's what this group is for me. It's action. It's the. I guess the permission to fuck up, to make mistakes, to fall behind, have roadblocks, whatever it may be, but then also to pick yourself up where I think most of us in the past would just go, well, I haven't trained in two weeks, so I might as well make four weeks. It's not gonna make a difference. Whereas now I haven't trained in two weeks, but I haven't trained for the next six months. And that two weeks is a blip on the radar. So it's just. It's a huge mindset thing. Huge.

Yeah, it's really Interesting. It is true, man. It's like if you don't do that and you're not exposing yourself to the fuck ups, which is where the growth is. It's actually one of my bloody leadership is where courage meets growth through struggle. And that's yeah, so true, man. Because if you don't do that, you don't know, do you? Or you just like you said, you settle. Two weeks becomes four instead of only where we're at. And you think about it, how many times did that happen in a month, let alone a year, let alone 10 years. Those little. Well, they're probably 90, 10s but 50 50s, man. That shapes who you are, shapes the energy group you then progress or pass on to your children because that's their environment, right? Yeah. Crazy, isn't it? All upstream, those little things. But where to from here, man?

Like what's the plans for you rest of the year? Like I said, half marathon. So that's around June. So I'm planning on doing a few little events like building up so 10ks and that sort of stuff around the traps just to get my mindset in. And that's I guess the biggest aim at the moment in terms of my health because it gives me something to work towards. But yeah, spending a lot of time with kids, I think one of the big things, and we did the intentions, I want to try to get into a space where I can help people a bit more. So whether it's through a charity or whatever, it may be something outside of myself, outside of my family, to find a way. Like I said, I had that in my last role. I don't have that now. I'm not working with staff members as much. So just a way, whether it's kids, whether it's young adults, something like that, to get these young guys. Like I said, I'm quite passionate about mental health. So trying to find a way to help people that might be struggling might not have a path or they might have a path, they just don't realize it. So something like that, I'm not sure where that is or where that will lead me, but that's something I'm really passionate about. So that's awesome.

Outstanding. And you know, thanks for. Well, thanks for coming on board.

Thanks for having me. Really enjoyed it.

It's unreal. Really appreciate you coming on. I mean, I dm, you know, it's a reciprocal thing, guys, you know, it's. It's not gold. Hey, like I understand what you say about stuff, but it's also, it's easy for me, man, like, I win when the dads win. I win because I'm like, we're healthy. Significance for me is seeing the other men wins are yours, man. Credit's yours.

Victory's yours.

But that's awesome, mate. And crushing it in the group makes you be proud of yourself, as are many of dads, but it's awesome. That's what this is about. Honestly. It's funny, I started to think about it. I think I said it today on one of my calls with one of the other dads who's. He's just joined up as well, Pete. And I was like. I said, this is actually like a leadership and performance program. And I just. So I laughed and I said it to him and it's like. I guess it kind of is, but it's. Well, it's so much more than that. But that's that they are some big byproducts, benefits you're performing in life. You're a producer in your life, in family, soft and service. And you lead. Don't worry about leading other people. That'll happen when you lead yourself. Right?

Yeah, that's right.

Thanks for jumping on board there.

Thanks for having me.

Hope you guys enjoy this and got some good value out of it with our chat today with Adam. Look, yeah. If you ever need anything, please reach out, guys. Or if there's something specific you want us to talk about or touch on with some of our podcast episodes, please let us know. But other than that, enjoy. Whether you're watching or listening, Take care and we'll see you in the next episode soon. Cheers, guys.