39. Who Are You, Or Who Do You Want To Be?

Outstanding. And we are live. Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement Podcast. Up to episode 39, I believe. Here we go, kicking along, chugging along nicely in today's episode. It's been awesome the last few episodes, having some guests on, but I want us to dive deep. You to me, one to one, you and me. And looking at who you currently are and who you want to become in your life. It's a very interesting thing, fatherhood. It truly does hold up a mirror. And it's hard. Fatherhood's hard work. You know what? Good. Let's do it hard. If we're a little bit harder than what the hardness is that we face in our life, well, guess what? You come out the other end. Okay. But I tell you what, there's certainly some adversities that hit us all as fathers, isn't there? And one of the big things that I wanted to share today was something that I created called the Identity Cycle. It's what we go through with the dads in rdm, in painting a crystal clear picture, giving clarity into where they're at in their life, but also where. Where they can be in future moments. Because that's what life is. It's a series of present moments. More often, than not, though, we find ourselves piggybacking off the back of old conditioning, old habits, old routines and rituals. And when I say old, I don't mean about when we're younger, before kids. I mean about when kids come in and shit hits the fan in our life. Because that's what happens, right? Shit hits the fan. Whether it's relationships, whether it's being the father you want to be. Yeah, we all love our kids. Of course we do. That's a given. I'm not talking about that. Talking about being the man that you want to be with the mirror that gets reflected in front of our face and who we can be in the best version of ourselves, which ultimately carves out the future that our children will have to a high degree. Now, when we're talking about the identity cycle, it's a two pronged approach here in establishing what it actually is and how you can navigate your way around it to have more control and freedom in your life. Now, the identity cycle is a huge period and portion of time in which ultimately a lot of it comes down to your beliefs. And this is what we're going to go through here. Your identity cycle, who you currently are, comes down to the big picture. So think of this. A cycle, a circle right at the top, to the left. We're Looking at your belief system, your belief systems as fathers, as men, as children, as teenagers, everything we've gone through is collectively formed up. You, your view on the world, the lens in how you see the world, yourself, your circumstances, everything inside and out. Your belief system comes down to your experience that you've had with relationships with your parents, with childhood, the experiences there in the schooling system, your careers, study, education, fatherhood, being a father, being a man, being a man who's in great shape, being a man who's not in great shape. One with energy, one without, one with sleep, one without all these different things. Formulate who you currently are in your life off the back of the belief system that you have now. This heavily feeds and controls, if we're looking at this circle and working our way around what it is that's next in your emotions, your feelings. It's very interesting in how your belief system can influence your emotions and your feelings. Because when we're looking at your emotions and feelings, what you're looking at is either a triggering a reactive state, a creative state, something that's either formed subconsciously in the back of your head through what I said before, the conditioning of your life up until now, which puts you in a state of this is how I feel, this is how my emotions are running at the moment. So your belief system is controlling and influencing your emotions and your feelings, which is already pre programmed and patent. You can have that awareness to pull away. Of course you can. But ultimately what you initially feel comes down to your belief system. Now your feelings and emotions, guess what they're going to start to trigger as we're working around this circle, they're starting to trigger your thoughts. We have over 60,000 thoughts a day. Make no mistake that no one has a greater conversation with you more than yourself. It's quite fascinating, isn't it? A lot of the times we're aware, a lot of the times we aren't. But you talk to yourself every single day without speaking the words. Now, lo and behold, that's going to have a huge impact on your actions, right? And this completes, almost completes the cycle of who you currently are. All of these are actions, your belief system, the frequencies, what's going on in your head, your emotions and feelings, your thoughts, they're all actions, but I'm talking about physical actions out in the real world, which is a byproduct of the belief system you have, which affects your emotions and feelings, which controls the thoughts you have, which shifts and influences and basically sets the stage for the actions that you do. Or you do not take. And these actions that you do or do not take, well, guess what? They go right around in completing the cycle of who you currently are. Interesting, isn't it? So when we're pulling a revelation, a gift, a lesson away from this, we can look back at our life and go, well, what I currently believe the world to be, my circumstances, my situation, which has come about from the conditioning of experiences with relationships. My parents, the school, the education system, my work, my career, what I've gone through myself, fatherhood, right? Hardest thing ever, but the greatest thing as well. Nothing holds a mirror up to our face more than fatherhood. Just know that the truth always wins. You can only look away and close your eyes for so long. Sooner rather than later, it comes and it hits. Which is the only thing that I actually truly regret in life. Fear in life, Sorry, is regret. That's the only thing that I actually fear because it's too fucking light. So when we look at the identity cycle of who you currently are, your belief system, your emotions and feelings through to the thoughts that you have through the actions, how do we change it out? How do we turn it all around? Interesting question. It's very simple. We reverse engineer the process. Reverse the cycle. So who you currently are, beliefs, emotions, thoughts and actions, we reverse it. Take actions. How do we take the right line of actions? Interesting question. Good question of that too. It's hard when you either A, don't know what you don't know, or B, don't have a line of support or a communication network that can give you the guidance and the change in perspective to move forward to what it is you must do. Which is why coaching is important. So having the right support group around you is important. Whether you catch your friends away or not doesn't matter. I'm talking about everything. You're in a circle, you're out of circle. Everything around you is in your environment, shifts the actions you believe you can or cannot take. So when we're looking at reversing the identity cycle, we need to look inside of ourselves and go, what do I need to do? Okay, I don't know the answer. Cool. Look outside of yourself. That's what I love doing in rdm. That's what we do. You don't have to. Not that you're a Neanderthal, but to a certain degree. You don't have to think. Just go, take some action. This is what we do. What's the action we take initially? Primal power. Nourish the body, Move the body. This is the vessel from which we're channeling life right in the human spirit. We're human beings, we need to really pay attention to our body and what we're doing. I'm not talking about stage ready Mr. Olympias. That's bullshit. Because as a father, that comes at a cost of something else. When I say bullshit, I'm talking about a right or wrong from my perspective and point of view of what greatness can be, which for me is not being 3% body fat on stage. That's me. When we're looking at this, you take action. It's a line of action that's been constructed around you and what's important for the end game. You turn off the goals that you want to have and desire and achieve in your life. When you're taking action and kicking ass, guess what? You're getting your own way. So when we begin to get out of our own way, what starts to happen? You start to actually see some changes, some results, some progress. So guess what that does to your thoughts, right? We're going backwards, reverse engineering the process. You're taking action. Kick ass, start moving forward. Just go. True power. Yes, it's important. Learn, take action, reflect. That encompasses the entirety of having the right environment, coaching and support system around you. But when you're taking action, it's a different line of action. What you're currently taking, it's going to shift your thoughts. Look what I've done. Guess what that does. It influences your emotions and your feelings. You raise that self esteem, like fuck that tall Poppy syndrome shit in Australia and probably other countries as well. It's BS man. We start to shift. I can do it. It is possible. You raise that self esteem, that confidence looking at that man every mirror. Like who doesn't look in the mirror? You get out of the shower, he's staring straight back at you every single night. You can look and go, well, look at the action I'm taking. Look at the thoughts I'm having. This is energy. Don't forget frequencies. I'm putting it out there again and again. Your feelings change, your emotions change because of a line of action that you've taken, which is shifting your thoughts, which is reciprocal in the nature of I do it so I want to do it. I do it so I want to do it. Which all of a sudden starts to be a high level frequency in getting the reps in your life of putting out the right patterning. That's going to change who you are. When you start to have these emotions and these feelings, guess what happens? Your Model of how you see your life in the world. And literally the lens, the scope in how you see your circumstances inside and out. Yourself, your family, your relationships, your work, your career, life time. Here we are two months down into a new decade. Pretty amazing, isn't it? All of a sudden we're starting to move forward and there's ups and downs. I talk about this in having the vertical roller coaster of life, but making sure that lowest low on that cycle is higher than the highest high of what you've had previously in the past. Guess what that does to your belief system. It is possible. I can do it. I can break through this glass ceiling. It's been in place in my life for so long. I can now move forward and live life on my terms and really dictate more often than not, higher success rate, more often than not. Because there's things in life we don't control, right? To live life on your terms, the way that you want, the way that you desire. Like, far out, man. This is your world. We're just living in it. You need to recognize that. Don't worry about what happens next. That's not your problem. We're here and we're here in the now, right? And that's what we work towards. Making better future present moments from the current present moments in our actions, our philosophies, our views, our values, our beliefs. But a lot of that comes down to that primal power. And that's a cascading effect, the right way. When we're going around your actions, shifting your thoughts, changing your emotions, which ultimately shifts your belief patterns. I can raise the standard, I can raise the bar. I can be more. Because we don't remember, do we? Like fatherhood, when you can't sleep, the sleepless nights. Still got that with my kids. But looking in some of the traumatic times, a lot of mothers, they forget too. It's probably something inbuilt into us. So we can go around again, right? And looking inside of ourselves and seeing that, hey, here we are. It is possible. I can do it again. I can break free and be the man that I want to be in my life. Not just for your family, for your kids, your relationship, your work. That all looks after itself for you. Be the man for you. Because when you do that, everyone wins anyway. Everyone benefits. They get a better version of you. And guess what that does. You're changing that belief. You're changing that belief system, that belief pattern. Challenging the status quo, challenging the paradigm of how you see your life at the moment you change into who you want to become. This is the cycle. Who you currently are, your beliefs, your emotions, feelings, thoughts and actions. Reverse engineer that. You can't do that alone though. This isn't a plug. I never do plugs for RDM. It's not about trying to get 10,000 dads. This is helping the father on the other side. Doesn't have to be me. It can be anything, anyone, as long as you're aware and you reflect and see where you're at in your life and what's necessary for you to move forward. Which comes to your environment and that engagement. Knowing that there's no such thing as a self made man. Personal success, absolutely awesome. Self made. Well, I'm yet to see or hear about a story of a baby that's come out of the womb wiping its own ass. We've all had someone help us at some stage of our life. So let's reverse that. Have the right line of support and engagement that's going to dictate the actions that we can take that's going to move us to be more, to be better. Nourish the body, move the body. Engagement, accountability check in. Where's our true north? Where are we going? And how do we consistently take that action? Playing the long game that is life. Knowing full well the dichotomy of appreciating life and its longevity, that it can be taken tomorrow. Living each day knowing it could be your last. One day you will be right, but not today. And stamping your foot, staking your claim, saying this is how I'm going to show it's not today. And when you start doing that, with the right line of support and accountability and driving you forward to what's important for you. Taking action is going to shift your thoughts, it's going to change your emotions and your feelings and that's going to shift and influence your belief patterns to change what you currently believe. And when your eyes open up, truly open up that weight, you can't lose. You won't. And it happens. It will hit you in ways you can't even imagine yet. The adversities and challenges in life. Just like it has with me. I thought I was the man. Owned a gym. Killing it. Body in good shape, Elite athlete, awesome. Life's great fatherhood brought the mirror up. Didn't adjust in many, many ways that I couldn't have thought possible. And it's amazing. The lessons, the learnings through having that acuity and that awareness that was not on my own. The support system and environment, accountability, shifting, dialing it in keeping it simple and just taking action. And from there, we can start to navigate our way around who Al wants to become. Who is Alex Ranieri? Who does he want to become? Leaps and bounds. And as soon as you start to tap into this, guys, you will grow in your life exponentially. The message is the same. What I'll be speaking, communicating. When I'm in my 60s and 70s and 80s and, you know, blessed to be here. 80s, 90s maybe, who knows? Hundreds. We'll see. Medical science, give me a new knee. Maybe I'll just get a blade. I could be a Blade Runner. That'd be phenomenal. Better than the knee I've got at the moment. I'll be saying the same message. Who do you want to be? Not why. It's a great thing and it's coming. People talk about what's your why? Or your reason for being here? And start with why. And your story. No, no, no. They've missed the key part. What's your who? Who do you want to be in this lifetime? Why is that important? What does that look like? How do you get there? And when? We start to recognize that and dial that into the RDM philosophy of what is our identity Cycle who you currently are and reverse engineer to navigate into who you want to become. You. You won't lose. You can't. Because who you want to become is consistently changing. You'll only be 41 once. You'll be a version of 42 once. You'll be a version of who you are at 43 once. Life is change. Better get used to it. The hard part is people don't want to experience change because they haven't worked on themselves to develop the ability and the acuity and awareness to improvise, adapt, and overcome the hardship they will face in life. That can move them forward to who they want to change into on their terms at a higher ratio and who they turn into when they're not happy. That's why people don't like change. I love change. It's phenomenal. It's great. Where I'm growing now at an exponential rate is phenomenal. I can't wait till I'm 40. Look out. You haven't seen anything yet. It's possible for everyone. Though I'm not born special, it's something we build into ourselves, in which we expand and contract, expand and contract, and this is what life is. The greatest periods of growth I've had in my life and shifting into who I want to be analyzing. Having that awareness of who I currently am into who I want to be has come about with the adversities, the hardship, the traumas, the tough times. I don't welcome them. Who does? Especially not at the time. But when you look back and reflect, that's when you see true leadership. When you're growing and you're expanding through the struggle, that's what leadership is after the fact. Look at where I was, look at where I am now. Don't look back on life and go, oh, the good old days, let's make some new, better days. And look back at where you've come from. This is important, language is important. That in itself is energy. So I hope you're getting some good value out of this guys, and seeing that who you currently are, even though it might be phenomenal, it's not about living and being in the pit as well. It could be awesome living on the double sided coin of life with me. I'm grateful, huge gratitude for where my life is unreal, where my life is not, where it will be next. So let's look at that and just go, okay, awesome. Life is good. There's some good, there's some bad, there's the push, pull, the resistance, the day, the night, that's threatened. That's necessary, right? Okay, well that's my new baseline. So can I stay there? Because that's a big thing. Am I growing or am I dying? And like I said, the message will always be the same. Even in my 80s and 90s, seeking a life of growth from which significance, fulfillment, achievement and contribution will be. It's a must, it's a given, it can't not be. If you continuously seek growth from babies shouldered all the way through to our mid-20s, we're growing in all areas and all of a sudden we just stop, put the brakes on, we settle in life, you grow in a couple areas. Having kids, having teenagers, having adults for children. But when it comes to yourself, you want security in your life, Invest and work on yourself. How do you work on yourself? By shifting your identity continuously, consistently with the peaks, with the troughs, with the vertical loops of the roller coaster that is life. And when you do that, you won't lose, you can't. And that is what true growth, which comes about a lot of the times in adversity, is when you're changing who you are into who you want to become. You're just raising that baseline. Incredibly grateful for where my life is, but that's just my baseline now. So what can I do to be more? And that's the beautiful. That's the beautiful part of being a human being. Don't deny yourself or suppress that, or neglect what the human spirit is seeking more, seeking growth. And with that human need and significance, it will be met, it will be fulfilled. And we have that as fathers. What a beautiful gift in life to channel. When we're dead and buried, we're dusting the earth, we don't worry about ourselves anymore. It's not our problem what we pass on to our children. The values, principles, beliefs, the standards, the mannerisms, the behavioral traits, the philosophies, the outlooks, the decision making processes. Not living in scarcity, pulling back, pulling the trigger and going. Always having a line of certainty, not living with uncertainty, that's a trap. That's fear, that's worry, it's concern, that's doubtless. There's nothing wrong with the unknown. But you take action, you'll always have certainty on what did and didn't work. And the best way to have that is taking a line of action in the right environment with someone who's supporting you and helping you move forward. The best way that that's going to happen is having the right support system and structure in place, whether it's coaches or your tribe, so to speak. And what's the result? You no longer stay as who you are. You change into who you will become. I'll never be the athlete I was when I was younger, but I don't want to be. Why would I? I'm going to be the fittest Alex Ranieri that Alex Ranieri can be when he's 38, when he's 39, when he's 47, when he's 51. Why would I compare 51 year old Alex to 21 year old Alex? Doesn't make sense to me. The significance of value add to the world is tenfold. You couldn't even compare it. This is what life is, gentlemen. This is what life is for fathers. In getting out of your own way and seeing where you're at and knowing that when you can be more inside of yourself through taking action, which shifts your thoughts, your emotions, feelings and beliefs, you will shift who you are, which sets the stage and the platform for what will automatically be the byproduct of your children benefiting, your partner, relationships benefiting and the value that you add to the world benefiting as well. Maybe you got some awesome value out of this and you really appreciate. Didn't open up with a dad joke on this podcast. I'll have to save that for next time I have to do some research. I'm flat out of dad jokes. I haven't read 10 books like my father used to on the toilet. But maybe there's a. Taking that with a grain of salt, there's maybe a kernel of truth in there as well, that he's got an endless amount of. Of dad jokes and supplies to really live our legacy, which is to deliver the poorest and highest quality jokes in a manner and tone that makes us fathers, Right? All jokes aside, though, fellas, this is what life is, whether you like it or not. And the truth will always win. So seek your truth and then go one up on it and find a higher level of truth. When you do that, I promise you, you won't lose. You can't. I don't work with opinions. They get lost and they get lost in translation. I work with universal truths. And when you work with universals and absolutes, not all the time, but specific ones, you won't lose. You can't. Because out of that, in the message that we put and push forward, you will grow. And when you do that, you'll be experiencing more opportunities and a greater level of life and love and fulfillment in what you're doing, not just for yourself, but for your family. Take care. Have an amazing day, afternoon, night, weekend, when you're listening to or watching this. And if I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night. Cheers, guys. Take care.