54. The Discomfort In Being Comfortable

Foreign. Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement Podcast. My name's Al. Big Al. Big Red they used to call me as a nickname one of my mates, Oscar Narves gave me back in the day in high school in year eight, Big Red for a different reason, being probably a little bit on the chunky side, a little bit a lot. And carried through to elite sports as well as competing internationally in CrossFit, wearing red tights out on the dance floor, which I became very well known for. Good, Bad and the Ugly is open to someone's perspective. But here we are. The discomfort in being comfortable. Now, what I want to talk about in today's episode is really diving into the value of challenging yourself and looking to expand who you are each and every day, each and every moment. And I mean, look, even wearing this shirt, we've got the old FYT dads on the side. Decade of dads, 2020-2030 on the back. It's something that purely starts out as a vision, but it's something that requires work, like all things in life. And as we get older, as we age, life gets harder. It's really funny, isn't it? We don't seem to really understand or think about that much. We just associate that and life itself becoming harder with a case of aging, getting older and or withering away in the physical body. But it's an element of both and it's tied into the version of who you are at that time. That's it. It's very simple. See, it's not fair to say I wasn't as fit as I was when I was in my 20s, because the 40 year old version of Al, the 45 year old version of Al, will only ever be the 45 year old version of Al once for one year and that's it. The version I am today would absolutely fucking eat the younger version of myself alive. And I used to be young, had the rage and the energy and the aggression, all that sort of stuff. Not that I was a bully or actively looking for trouble, but you know, the testosterone, prime years, so to speak, and unbelievable fitness, you know, in the CrossFit game, no one could match and do what I was doing in the world for my size and height and it was something that was a line or a position of power for me. Sometimes ego driven, yes. Other times no. I do have a genuine heart and genuinely love helping people. I've been in the industry for 20 years now and nearly 20 years goes fast, doesn't it? And my point is this, that version back Then could nowhere near be able to lead this movement, lead the fathers inside and outside of rdm, have a very supplements company, have all these power courses that you can see or you hear me talking about this unbelievable resource and value as well as fathering two children with another one on the way. All the different challenges we face as fathers in the modern world, oh man, no way he would have fallen apart. In fact he did. When I became a father, first time, I was falling apart. This is someone my you who is actively seeking and choosing to challenge himself a lot of the times in the physical arena of competition and fitness, but in life itself, there are so many different challenges, aren't there? And they come in different shapes and forms and sizes. The only thing I'm telling you right now, the only thing that saved me, saved my marriage, saved who I was, my identity, which continues to be explored and recreated as I age every single year, is having that ability and that drive and hunger for growth. It's something I'm doing a talk with my fathers as well about optimism and the power of that positivity. Great. That's a state. Optimism is a choice. It's a way of being, it's a perspective. But that absolutely helped me as well. But going through the traumas and the hardship of nine operations over a six year period, my body falling to pieces, so many different challenges earlier in my life, burning the candle at both ends, it made me an old man very quickly. An old wise man said, so to speak. And that's how I feel. But the reasons why I can have that and express that is because I challenged myself. And I was always seeking growth. It's the only thing that saved me because what it gave me was the fundamentals, the foundational tools to be able to get out of my own way, my own bullshit. The little version inside that wanted me to pull back and become in a state of familiarity, a place of comfort from which everything out there is just too much. What I'm doing is enough. Just stay here. You'll be okay. You'll figure it out. Yeah, the old head in the sand type thing, pull the wool over your eyes is something that I've rarely ever seen have a positive outcome. Sweeping shit under the rug. These moments, these light bulb moments come, these moments aren't what define us. It's who we continue to become over the course of our life. In which when we face these moments, you're either fucked or you can find a way through. And that's what it's about. It truly is. So the point of this topic. And the chat that we're having today in discussing the discomfort in being comfortable is how do you think you can handle life as life gets harder? Because life will. If you look at a linear graph or if you're looking at a timeline, a chronological timeline, your life over the course of your life, it will always get harder. It will. It'll never get easier. How can it? As organic beings, with the rhythms and cycles of the universe, you'll get older, you'll age, things will slow down. The body will eventually slow down and shut down and die. That's what it's designed for to do. It's the natural aging process. So as that happens, including our brains. And don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people I know in the 70s, 80s and 90s who are very, very sharp still. But as we age, what we do physically affects us mentally, and what we do mentally and how we choose to see and how we approach our life mentally affects us physically. And a lot of the times the mental approach is staying comfortable, staying a state of being just the same. And I've had this challenge plenty of times. Do you think you need to be constantly growing to be fulfilled, to be happy in life? I think the answer is growth is a measurement that comes down to the individual. Yes, there's tangible things that you can measure for growth, but there's also intangibles that come down to your perspective and how you choose to see your life. But my answer to that is yes. If you're not seeking growth, if you're not seeking to grow and challenge yourself in different lines, Some challenges you control, some you don't, you will lose. Because you're never going to be that same person for rest of your life. Oh, but what about my life? You know, I'm 44, I've got a couple of kids, I've got a beautiful wife, I've got a great job. I love it. We're going holidays multiple times a year. Great. Awesome, mate. Are you going to freeze time and stay 44 forever? No, you're not. What happens if you go out surfing one day at 47 years of age and a shark bites your fucking leg off? Life changes then, doesn't it? You still want to stay settled then. Because the hardest part, and this is the big point here, it's not about going woo woo science, about spiritual wizards, Although there is power to understanding that we are more than a physical body, it's understanding that how you choose to see your life and your perspective is ultimately going to build out the way you can handle the experiences that you face. And if you no longer build and work on yourself to have a level of, we call it reps in rdm, resilience in overcoming the shit you face, excellence in all that you do, and persistence in following through and playing the long game, which all of that equals success in your life. Not mine, yours and all of ours. Adopting that principle and method, if you don't have that in line with your life, not if, but when the tough shit comes, how hard are you? How much stuff are you made out of? What are you going to do now? What have you preconditioned at the back of your head? In your subconscious mind, not the conscious now, in your subconscious mind which is either going to create your reactions, your responses, your triggers, and ultimately the actions that you choose physically and mentally for yourself and your family moving forward in your life. Have a look at the bullshit going on in the world right now. You don't want to get me started on that. This has nothing to do with the external environment. There are things we can't control. And what's happening right now has nothing to do with what people think it. But instead of wasting energy and time on that, how about we take ownership and control over ourselves, rise up and liberate ourselves through understanding the power and control that we have over our own lives, thoughts, feelings and emotions. And when you see that and you build that into your game, you'll find a way through. It's the only reason I'm winning. I'm telling you that right now, because I've gone through 20 years of hard shit, from obesity and bullying to being in a completely depressive state to elite sports, having my dream shattered, torn away from me, having huge issues, nearly losing my family, my life, my business, everything. So many different moving parts at such a young age in life. And always adopting a line consciously of I'll find a way, I'll break through. What can I do? What can I control? That level of optimism, that's automatic. You can't break through me now. There'll be harder challenges, sure. There'll be things I'll face that I haven't faced before, sure. But the foundations of who I am comes down from a place of not staying in a place of comfort. The discomfort in staying comfortable is this. How do you think you can handle life if you stay as the current version you are? You're stealing and taking more time in your life and your family. And please understand, I'm never casting stones here or coming to place of judgment I'm on your side, man. I'm with you. What I'm saying is the truth. You are taking more time. You are tapping into future present moments, future present versions of a version of you that's already here. You're already done. That's your baseline. You're set. So why would you do that? Because the earth changes, the world changes, your circumstances change. Are you going to be able to handle it then? And when I talk about what kind of stuff you're made of, how tough you are and all sorts of stuff, I'm not talking about the macho man bullshit. This is what, take it from me, take it from someone who wanted to always go out on the field and tear fucking faces off. Because rugby league's a hard sport and first grade is bloody hard. And I always fringe first grade for many years. It's very hard to get in there. And even to stay at that level, even reserve grade, those operations tore my life in half. But I always had that drive and that willingness and aggression to destroy what was in front of me. And I've had that for a long time. Out of a line of fear of failure from being that little fat boy. I'll show them I'm the fucking man. I'm not talking about that level of masculinity. So take it from someone who's been in that place and can still tap in that place if he needs to in beating the big chess, being the macho man. Take it from someone with that background and that ability to then come down to this relaxed state in saying, mate, that's not the answer. The answer when I'm talking about this is you and your life. The things that encompass your life, family, self and service. It's our circles of significance. What are you doing right now for yourself that's helping you become 100% for you first, so that you can give to your family and so that you can provide a service and value to the world. Because we all need that. We're striving for growth, contribution, significance. Even if you had all the money in the world, even though all the money in the world, I would not stop serving and helping other people. Service is important. The value you add to the world, you're giving, because what you're giving is a reflection of part of who you are. So guess exactly what you get back, exactly what you give. And that is the reciprocal energy of the universe. Which is why when the tough times come, if you continue to fall back and pull back from this place of familiarity, this place of comfort, this Place of the little devil on your shoulder. Little Al. I call him Little Al and Big Al. Little Al's like a poorly behaved dog in the backyard, barking at me all the time. Shut up. He's always there. He's a necessary part of my life, though. Thank you, Little Al. Thank you for telling me what not to do. Now fuck off. Big Al is going to take over and tell us what we're going to do. Because you need that. Because ultimately, a lot of the times your conditioning is built you up into a position where you don't even have choice anymore. You think you've got free will. You don't. Especially if this shit in the world's tricking you at the moment. You certainly don't. You're letting things that aren't even part of your immediate environment control and influence your entire life. How does that make you feel? Interesting stuff, isn't it? So when it comes to developing and working yourself, don't listen to the little voice inside. We all have it. I have it, too. Trust me. None of us are perfect. I have shit days. I get triggered. I have traumas. I have tough times. We all do. But understand the value of nourishing and nurturing. Big Al, the big L in you, the bigger version inside of yourself that knows who you can become, that sees the greatness you can become, that sees the opportunity. We're all born the same. We all come here with nothing and we leave with nothing. It's what we do in between that matters. You should write that down. We come with nothing. We leave with nothing. It's what you do in between that matters. And that's the greatest gift that I've learned. Especially with my pop or my wife's pop passing and us having his funeral this week. It's tough because this guy lived to be 94. We should be celebrating, right? But it's still sad, because here we are. Gone. And when I say gone, I say it with utmost respect, because I understand and I have full belief that he's a source of energy. And it's not the end for whatever he entails to become next. But the reality is life comes and then it goes. Comes and then goes. And everything that has come, not just the bad, the good, the ugly, everything, it has come to pass. It's who you turn up. As in that now, in this present, now, in that experience, in that moment, in that environment, internally and externally, inside of you, outside of you. How you handle yourself, how you handle what's around you, that defines your life. A moment doesn't define your life. It's a series of moments and the activities and what you choose to engage with with yourself mentally and physically, for yourself and your family that determines the level of leader that you can be and what you can do when the chips are down, what you can do when shit hits the fan in your life and mine and all of ours as it does. And how you can carry yourself forward to be the greatest version you can be. And know that when you give, that's why service is important as well. But when you give to yourself first, you can give more to those around you, including your family. And when you do that, you become more powerful. Look at this right now. Like this is for me. I don't even know how many people listen to this podcast or watch it, but that doesn't matter. Because what I'm reinforcing is the message. I'm living and breathing it. So when I do that consciously, every single day, multiple times a day, inside, outside of rdm, with my family, with people, with strangers, with everyone, with myself, when I do it, guess what? I'm living and breathing the message, man. And I am that there is no alternative. Fuck that. I don't see it any other way. You come into Al's world, a world of an environment that encases love and truth and expansion through being the best you can be and not dancing around magical mushrooms holding pinkies. There's heaps of hard shit we go through. I'm not here to sit here and just twiddle my thumbs together and let's pray and say omn. And I've got nothing against that as well. What I'm doing is I'm helping you swing the needle back in your life to understand how it can bridge the gap between what you do physically, what you do mentally, and how you can challenge yourself to become more inside your life. Because you can, mate. It is possible. Trust me. I'm telling you this right now. This isn't a session to pump you up. It's not a session for motivation. You will get motivated. You will get inspired. But the reality is this comes with a line of action in you, questioning and asking yourself the quality questions that can help you move your level, move your life forward and move yourself forward the right way. Don't sit in a place of comfort. Might not even be the words like that term. Get comfortable. Being uncomfortable. Great, cool buzzwords, let's run with them. But really understanding what it means, what it means if you don't ask quality questions of yourself, who you are and where you are. And where you're going, you'll lose because you'll stay the same. But the same will become worse because life will move on, but you're not. And that's a dangerous place to be because that's where the discomfort comes in. Because when that light bulb moment comes, not if, but when you are fucked. So let's take a big lesson. I hope you really enjoyed this session today in which we're rising up as men, as fathers, as human beings, whoever's listening to this or watching this, in understanding that, yes, there is a way, yes, I can be great, yes, I am a fucking titan, Yes, I am the man. Yes, I am someone who can express a higher level of being. You can. You are. We all come out the womb the same, or just about. Nothing's different. It's what I've done in a series of presence moments which has made me the leader I am and who I am today with an awareness that's phenomenal and a speed of light through my witness, optimism and my ability to ultimately find what serves me, engage and experience the environment that I want for myself and for my family, and how I continue to turn up and serve fathers all over the country. Hope you enjoy this. Be that fucking legend that you are, but be it by earning your stripes. Don't just put a tag on without doing the work first. Let's stand up, let's rise up, let's be 100% within ourselves first. Value yourself, man. That's what self love is. Prioritize some time for yourself. What does that mean now? Training, nutrition, walking, creating space, podcasts, music, anything that allows you the ability to be 100% present for yourself should be every day, but at least a few times a week, so you can take time out, you can reconnect with yourself, you can recalibrate and go, awesome. This is what I've done in my life. This is where I've come from. How cool is that? How amazing is that? Life is to be experienced and I am experiencing life, but what can I do now? I'm here now and I'm grateful, but what can I do now? Because that's what life is about. And if you continue to do that, mate, I promise you with my heart and soul, you cannot have regrets. It's fucking impossible. If you continually seek growth and strive to be the best you can be, you'll never have regrets in your life. Hope you enjoy this episode. Remember, the regrets come from what you don't do, not from what you do. Tap in and tune into more episodes of Real Dad Movement. We've got some awesome guests coming up soon, but if you haven't seen some of the previous ones, Ken Lavander, John Madsen, Shannon Branson, Craig Fisher, they've been some phenomenal interviews as well. If you go back a little bit further, some of the dads inside of RDM and their stories, and that shit just sends chills down your spine because these are real men and fathers. The others are as well, but these guys are living and breathing it every single day, and it's just phenomenal to hear their stories and see what is possible in your life. Take care. Hope you enjoy this episode and I'll see you again soon. Cheers.