55. The Pink Elephant Rule

Foreign. Intel. Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement podcast. This is Al. Obviously you already know that. Episode 55. We're getting there, working through them. This one is one where I'm flying solo and talking about one of the foundations, something that we've always focused on, but really brought to life recently in a principle that we apply in RDM called the Pink Elephant Rule. The Pink Elephant Rule? What do you mean now? What does this mean? What are you talking about? Pink elephants. You ever hear the term or the term coined? Don't think about the pink elephant. When people are trying to either portray some sort of meaning or symbolism around focusing on something you shouldn't focus on. There's a real funny catch 22 to that. But I guess the big thing is looking at focusing on the pink elephant. Exactly what people do in their life. When we say don't focus on that, it's exactly where their attention lies. Now, this is the magic picture. People call it the secret law of attraction. All this sort of shit and everything's energy. And ultimately, if you really want to dial and wind that into one simple fundamental truth, it's this. Everywhere and anywhere where you apply your focus wholeheartedly, even partially consciously, is what your immediate reality is. And it is what it becomes. What do you mean now? Well, I mean this, what you're doing, subconsciously autonomous. 91% of the time our life is spent in autonomy. And you'd argue it, but true, because your life is a series of patterns, and your life is built off a series of patterns. And when you have this, ultimately what this means is everything you're doing consciously is getting banked. And you're banking this at the back of the brain, your subconscious, which well and truly comes into play when you don't have to think where you're running autonomously, when you're living through, like I said before, patterns, routines, rituals, behaviors, whatever you want to call it, this is something that makes up a large portion of your life. In fact, it makes up the bulk of your life. So guess what? A lot of people, and yes, possibly you as well, spend a lot and a large portion of your time and your life on the things that you don't want. So guess exactly where your focus, energy, efforts and time is spent on the things that you don't want. It's really funny how this works, isn't it? And I get it. I understand there's plenty of shit that I don't want in my life. But if I focus on that, then that's where my effort and Energy lies. But here's something that I'll ask you. I'll ask you this, this question. If you're focusing your effort and energy on that, where are you drawing your focus away from that could be enhancing and bettering your life for yourself and your family. Because everything comes at a cost. If I'm focusing on one thing, it's at the cost of something else. Right here and now. Doing this podcast, even though I'm doing an audio and video at the same time, I strip this audio down from the video that I'm doing. It's not multitasking. I'm simply maintaining eye contact. And folks here, this will then get stripped out to YouTube videos while it's on Facebook at the moment, running live, all the different platforms. Because I. I love sharing this message across many different platforms. It's an efficient way to do it. But my focus so hardly on the message, so I don't really care about the background. Yes. I got the pictures of my latest audio books, which are audio and ebooks and courses that I've got on offer, and they're amazing. They're awesome. Great. Good for you, Al. But what I'm focusing on is delivering the message of what you want and what you choose to have in your life is exactly where you need to apply your efforts and forces. Because if you don't, well, you should put your hand up anyway, mate, and say, yes, I did want that out. Because that's all I fucking focused on. That's right. That's all you did. Yeah. We get caught in this entanglement, this fight within ourselves, and going, no, I didn't want. That's what I didn't want. Yes, mate, but that's where you put your energy and effort into. So when we're talking about the pink elephant rule, I'll dial this in so you're really clear in understanding this. Because what we want to do is understand that life is real. It's happening all the time. The only moment that truly exists is the present moment. What we're living and experiencing right here and now, which is quite fascinating because even though you're going to be listening to this when this is well and truly already done, you could listen to this an hour after I finished, a week after I finished, a month or a year after I finished there is still life being breathed into this. You're literally reliving history. That's where the whole facet around time is quite a fascinating thing on people seeing it as an absolute, when it's really a measurement of tool A measurement of a tool that we use for different constructs and forms of interaction and society structures and whatnot for another day, another episode, which I've probably already done. So when we're looking at the pink elephant rule, we need to connect the past, the present, and the future. This is it. If you're looking at 100% of your focus, time and efforts, we want to only allocate 10%, because, trust me, I'm not someone who holds pinkies and dances around magical mushrooms with fairy wings thinking everything will be okay. I understand and get that. We are in the real world. So we need to recognize what point minus A is what will happen if you don't do something. What is the negative alternative of your life if you don't change? Life has changed, so why aren't you changing? That's the funny thing, isn't it? We think that we can get away with settling and staying the same, but when life comes and bites you in the ass because it challenges you and gets harder because it does, life doesn't get easier. It gets harder. As you get older, it's too late. You haven't forged yourself into the man that you should be given. You've had ample time to build yourself up. Now, look, there are plenty of traumas and hardships that we all face and plenty that we don't ask for. I get that this is life that happens, but the reality is focusing on what we can do now is the largest portion of greatness that you can achieve in your life, which ultimately builds out the legacy and the legacy of your children and your children's children. 10%. You only want to focus 10% on what you don't want. It's a quick recognition, acknowledgement. Look, this is where I used to be and I was like that. I'm with you. I'm faced with challenges every day. I used to live life and be in the pit in so many different areas. Body, mind, relationships, family, business, all of it. All of it at once, times 10%. That's it. You don't want to breathe any more life. You just want to know. Because we move through pain and through pleasure, there's a couple of things that help drive us so we need to recognize. Well, there's some costs here, there's some consequences if you don't fucking lift up and raise your game. This is what we don't want. 10%. That's it. 20% on the future, what you do want. So here we've got the past, because it's past experiences what you don't want. That's pain, past pain and pleasure. So things that have been good and bad, you can reference that you can look back at, you can be nostalgic about it all. Great. It's awesome. Great. It was bad. What have I learned from it? And then we're looking at future. You got future, you got fear or fantasy. So something where it's driving us when we connect point A to point B and looking at minus A's the past, that's something we don't want. Point B is the future, something we do want, which we don't want to be driven through fear, but a lot of people do and that hinders them. So we want to look forward and into the future with 20% of focus on. That's exactly what I want. I call it future fury. Sometimes that intent, that power to go, that's exactly what I want out, that's where I want to be. Knowing that the journey itself and the type of journey you have, that's the destination, mate. Trust me on that one. You don't need to be 80 and a wizard with old hair to learn that. Yeah, and when I say old hair, I mean this big long wrinkly beard with it with a big wand and stuff and some big ass gemstone and go, hey, here's some life lessons. No, you can get that now. The journey itself is the destination because when you hit your destinations, you hit different points. And I just finished in the audiobook version of the mobility, my third course for dads in saying that it's not that I'll never reach my potential, it's that my body just runs out of time, it runs out of puff up here, upstairs. I'm always looking to be more, always looking better, always challenging myself. You will never hit the pinnacle because the body will never be able to outlast what it is that you want to desire in your mind. That's very powerful though. I see that as an ultimate possibility and opportunity to go, you know what, I'm just going to keep growing and striving and living the best life I can, experiencing as much as I can and being the greatest version I can for that given time. Knowing when I hit that given time, that's my new baseline. Let's level up again. And that's what we have in life. That's why you need to connect the dots. What is it that I don't want? Only 10%. What do I want? What do I want out? When you think about that, you need to create that in your mind first. So you can go and create it in the real world and what you do want. With checkpoints of destinations that you hit along the line of the journey, the entire journey you'll have in your life. It's important to understand tangibly and internally what it is that you desire. We call it the Force method inside of rdm. What are the feelings that you want to have in your life? In our significant circles, which is family, self and service, what are the feelings that you want to have in your life with your family, with yourself, with and with the value add to the world? What are the outcomes that must be true for you to have those and experience those feelings? Okay. Awesome. What are the roadblocks that you'll face? Because like I said, we're not dancing around magical mushrooms. There's some real hard shit that you will face. So we need to preempt and plan for these things that may come. Only 10%, but they may and most certainly for all of us will come. Awesome. These are my roadblocks. Cool. What are the commitments I have to overcoming these roadblocks that I know I will most certainly face to achieve the desired outcomes that I want in my life to have the desired feelings in my life? Because it's the feelings that ultimately drive you. The facts are great. They're the points we just mentioned, but the feelings are what drive you. And when you get clear on those commitments, asking the question, well, how does this evolve me? Is this actually the right thing that I'm doing? Am I doing what I actually want? Am I doing what my heart desires? Is the best for my family, for myself, and ultimately what I do, whether I run a business or I'm part of a workforce or I have a career. Because you need to question everything. Question me, question yourself. Everything. Quality. Not in a deceitful or a malice way, but asking that question, well, these are the feelings I want now. These are the outcomes I want to have. This is the roadblock I will face. I know I'll face a few. These are the commitments I make. But is this result actually going to evolve me? Am I moving forward in my life? Is this the right thing? When you get clear on that, that's your future, Fury Man. You know exactly what you want to achieve. It's an extensive form that we fill in with all of our dads and then we revisit it frequently. It's amazing. That's our Force method. But even that 20%, so it's double what you don't want. That's very powerful. It's double what you don't want. Like you're putting double the effort, energy and power into what you don't want, into what you do want. Which leaves us with what? Let's do some maths here. 70% in the now. How can I get there? Not I can't Not. I won't Not. It's not possible. Not I won't be able to do it. How can I? Again, asking questions. Statements are powerful things. Questions we all want to find the answers more often than not, depends on the type of question. But when it comes to yourself and growth and greatness and the life you can live and expanding, Absolutely. We want answers. Statements can be powerful. They can get you thinking. Answers must be questioned. Sorry. The answers come from the questions, which you can drive action. And then when you drive that action, you'll start moving forward. So when we're looking at 70%, that's more than triple of your vision. What do you think are the odds of you getting there and achieving that vision that you have? What do you think of the odds of you turning the shit and falling back in the pit? 10%. Seven times. You're putting seven times the amount of effort. This is the pink elephant rule. Don't worry about what you don't want. That's a real quick reference. Checkpoint. Cool. What I want, what don't want. Well, I don't want to have this, this, this, and this. Cool. All right. I'm definitely not going to have any of that. I'm just aware of that. If I don't do what I said I would do, that's actually the reality that awaits me. So I'm not turning a blind eye and sweeping shit on the rug. Putting your head in the sand. I'm not getting in the mouse in the spinning wheel. Groundhog Day. I know that's what I don't want. And I'm not going to go there. Beautiful. How are you not going to go there? Where's the 90% lie that's going to get you away from that 20%? Double on what I want. Double down on what I want in my life? Future fury. What do I want to achieve that intent and that drive? Awesome. How do I get there? How can I do it? 70% in the now. Now, as a little side note here, meditation, creating space, as we call it. My coach used to say that. It's an amazing term. I love using it. Creating space for yourself and having time out for you. Very powerful. We should do it every single day. It could be five minutes, could be 50 minutes. Going for a walk, listening to music, podcasts, listening to this, reading. Could be anything. Light exercise, anything under 120 beats a minute. I'm meditating. Like, man, that's my outlet. I'm just in the zone. I'm loving it, enjoying it. Awesome. Every single day. We should aim to have 100% in the present. And that's what meditation is. That's what creating space is. That's what exercise is for me. Nothing else in the world matters. It's just me. Just me. My time, my body, my rhythm. Thoughts and amazing things flood into me, but it's when I open up and I just hear the world. And I can hear the true world speak, and I'm just in the zone. You should have that every single day if you can. It doesn't make up the largest portion of your life. Otherwise you should go be a fucking Buddhist monk or something. No disrespect to them, but if you want to go and just be present 100% all the time, you will not have any reality. I remember saying about this, that I'm really refining to make it crystal clear. Clear. Because if all you do is live in past pain and pleasure or future fear and fantasy, you'll be dreaming and you won't have any reality. If all you do is stay in the 100% now, all you're living is in the exact reality right now. And you won't ever have any dreams. You combine all three, and your dreams will become your reality. It's not something corny, it's the truth. You need both two sides of the coin. It's very important, very powerful. When you have that moment of 100% yourself, even a few times a week. Sometimes I'm in the zone. I'm just working flat out, and I don't have that. But twice a week, I can dial in like that. And I'm very powerful. And that'll last me three, four days. When you have that, it helps you recalibrate, realign, and refocus on what you need to do. Can you see the common thread here? Out of the 100% being in the present, out of the 10, 20, 70, the pink elephant rule, only 10% focused on what you don't want. I've shared this with dads who've come to me and said, fuck out. I've, wow. I'm spending 70% on what I don't want, 20% on what I do want, which is a third less than a third of what I don't want. So I'm getting Overrun here. I'm getting overpowered and 10% in reality. Yes, that's right. It's not a happy ending, mate. I'll guarantee you that much. I'll promise you that with my heart and soul. You apply the October 2070. You will not lose. I promise you that. Because what it does to Dolls and your folks, which I'm going to finish on this point here, because everything you focus on becomes your immediate reality. If you do it long enough, it will become your life. That's it. It's not a riddle. I'm not fucking Jim Carrey with some hat on. The Riddler twiddling his stick, going, hey, riddle me this and that. It's the truth. If I focus on this all the time, I immerse myself and it becomes my reality. Look at the coronavirus, all the bullshit in the world. Don't spend too long there. People using. Using this technology, I'm holding my phone up, using this technology, they can immediately dive into alternative environments halfway around the world. And a lot of those environments are poisoned. They're going to fuck you up, mate, because you might be on the Central coast, you might be in Gold Coast, Queensland. You might be down in Victoria. What's that got to do with the price of fish? Focus on yourself. Your world, your reality, your environment. And when you apply your focus and attention on the right things consistently, you'll move forward. It's not always a glamorous thing, but I'll tell you, mate, it's fucking glorious. Because you will win. You'll expand, you'll fortify yourself. You'll have the strength and the inner armor to handle all the shit. Not some of it, all of it that the world will throw at you, will challenge you with, will try and steal your time. Anything that sedates your distracts you is stealing your life. We won't dive into that. That's another episode. But when I'm talking about things, whether it's drugs, alcohol, excessive television, these things are sedating and distracting you. It will steal your life. You have nowhere near the amount of time you think you do. Neither do I. It's really fascinating and I feel blessed learning this in my mid-30s. I don't need to be an old man with no time left to look back and go, ah, I won't have regrets in my life. You can be the same. So value yourself. Value yourself through valuing what you focus and apply your attention to. And value yourself by valuing what you focus and apply your attention and your time to over the course of your life. Which doesn't involve spending your entire life going, this is what I don't want, Al. And if you want to talk something smart ass and shit like, oh well, I'm just going to think about money and I want it. No, no, what you're focusing on is the thought and the fantasy of having it. Focus on the driven principles and systems and actions if you want that. You want a better body, focus on the systems and the principles and the actions that will get you that. You want to live healthy, you want a better relationship with the missus, don't focus about dreaming on it. That's 20% spend, 70% harnessing the 20% of going. These are the actions and principles and foundations that I want to create with my wife and my partner. You won't lose there, mate. It's higher order thinking, it's a higher level of play. And when you do that, because your thoughts are fast, make no mistake, they're faster than the speed of light, they're very powerful. Mind your thoughts, mind your words, your feelings and your actions and you apply that the right way. That serves you the best with the pink elephant. Rule 10 what I don't, 20 what I do, 70 in the now and you'll win, mate, I fucking promise you that. Have an amazing weekend or day, night, weekday anytime. When you listen, to watch or hear this. I hope you've enjoyed this and got some great value out of it and I'll see you soon for another episode. Cheers.