59. Being A Great Spotter

Foreign. Dad Movement podcast. I'm your host, Al. Thank you for joining me. In this episode, we talk about being a good spotter. And it's something that, you know, the actual revelations date way back when, when I started lifting weights, when I was 13 years of age, being that heavily overweight, obese boy who got bullied, picked on, no girls, liked me, hated myself, used to spit in the mirror at my own eyes and call myself a piece of shit and, you know, many, many other words and many, many other curses. And it was. It was something that I look back now, I feel blessed that I've come to where I am, but it's also recognizing that, yeah, there were some pretty hard traumas, pretty tough. I had a loving family. It's got nothing to do with that. Like, my parents love me. They helped me out in many ways and they disciplined me in many ways as I needed, but it was for myself and in my journey, my environment, my experiences, my eyes and what I went through. And starting to lift weights, I had a few different training partners. And it's something that I started to see the value of being connected to something outside of yourself, another energy source, whether they're greater or lesser, expressing more or less less doesn't matter. It's not about putting yourself above or over anyone else, but really seeing that, you know what? I can do it. I can do more. It is possible when I've got my friend there and he's doing the bench press, and let's say he could bench press 40 kilos at the time because we couldn't really do much being young, and here he is bench pressing 50, because I'm giving him a little spot by just putting my fingers on the bar and just at certain portions of the movement, lifting him through a resistance phase that otherwise could not be done alone. I want you to ask yourself this question. When have you found in your time in life that you yourself have been the spotter where, you know, someone can pull through, but there are certain points through the range of movement where the biomechanics, the levers and the pulleys that make up our body in a metaphor for life weren't quite there for them to actually break through? So here you were just applying a little bit of effort to help them break through, and here they are now. How many times has that applied to you in your life? How many times have you felt that and felt that need and desire for someone to help you do that? And that's the beautiful gift of being a great spotter. You build a High level of awareness. What you also do is you engage in an energy source that then inspires you to take more action, you to be a greater leader. I could be benching 100 kilos. I could spot a teenage kid who's just joined the gym for the first time, who's on 35 kilos and he will inspire me because he's get up and get after it and just go after it type of attitude. Helps me reflect on my life and go, look at that, there's another human being taking action. Getting out there and getting also gives you the opportunity to be more connected with human behaviors and see the possible solutions when you're giving someone a spot in life. I'm not just talking about the gym, I'm talking about using the gym as a metaphor to explain life. Because that is life. No one comes walking talking out of the womb, mate. We've all got someone that we've had to rely or depend on at some stage. Whether you've liked it or not, obviously childbirth, you've got no say in the matter, right? And when it comes down to it, it's knowing that it's necessary, it's needed, it's valued, it should be something you thrive on. And that doesn't mean leaning heavily on people and it doesn't mean trying to get others to save you or trying to save others yourself. No one wins there, mate. Trust me, I've tried it. Crash and burn was always the end outcome. Maybe not for other people, but it certainly was for me and then eventually for those other people because guess what? I propped them up as much as possible by giving them all of me, which means they didn't even know what they needed to do, which means they broke down a lot of power in that. And I hope this is coming through in this message I'm speaking and saying you don't have to go it alone. But the greatest gift you can give yourself is by applying the skill sets and values of being a great spotter for someone else. Because you might be helping someone through certain patterns and issues and circumstances that actually align with you in a funny way. And there's little gifts and lessons that you can take out of that and apply to your own life as well as you seeing someone leading through showing, not telling, which then puts the onus back on you to show, not tell. So it actually demands you to practice what you preach and become a higher level leader within yourself. Now look, I didn't have massive numbers. They were reasonably strong. I used to be able to back squat 230 deadlift, I think 270 and bench pressed around that 160 mark. Now I couldn't do 160. Now I'm pretty strong. But the point is for me to have that ability to get there, I didn't do it alone and I needed someone else. I get up to 130. Cool. We're going to do sets of five out. All right. I might need a spot in the fourth and fifth. Cool. What sort of day has that turned into? When I hit five sets of three to five reps at a 130 or 135 bench press when on my own, in my own space, environment and energy, I probably would just chucked 120 on the bar. Didn't really pump up and I just got completed like, fuck, mate. Just because you completed it doesn't mean you did. Doesn't mean you did it to the best of your ability, doesn't mean you're doing it. Just because you complete something doesn't mean that you're thriving. The latest books that I've done and created, five books, it's a huge course, the master course. It's got five audiobooks, five books, over 100 videos. Massive. I didn't do that alone. And if I didn't have something else driving me, someone else spotting me, someone else helping me, whether it was my nutritional help with my wife and family at home, providing for me to come home and simply eat food, didn't have to go out and hunt for it. Whether it was the dads inside of RDM providing amazing testimonials and feedback on how they're traveling and how this is transforming their life, the other coaches in spotting and supporting me, so we have touch points every single day with our dads. It's phenomenal what you do, but it doesn't have to always just come from me, otherwise I would have burn out. This is the power of having good spotters around you, but being a good spotter yourself, just because you complete something doesn't mean you did it to the standard that you actually could have. Now, yes, you're taking some action, you're getting runs on the board, that's great, but it's all relative to the type of life that you want to have and the type of life that you have heavily determines and is dictated upon the environment that you seek company with. Which is why being a great and powerful spotter in yourself is naturally going to draw those people around you. Now, if I just lighted up 160 and said, Look, I'm going to do this no matter what, mate, and you just need to make it happen for me. That's a dangerous place to go because now I'm looking for someone to save me. Not once have I ever gone, look, I'm taking all this load off, you know, someone's got a bench press of 80. They're looking to do 100 kilos. Let's put it to 90. I'm going to push them through just a little bit. The bottom portion, it's very tough, very challeng. Biomechanics aren't quite there, but then for at least 70% of the movement, he's providing a stimulus for his muscles, for his mind that otherwise would never have existed if I was not there just assisting him through a slight portion of the movement. This is just one example, one exercise. But can you see the value here? There are times when people are going to challenge you. I probably challenge you. If you go through all of my podcasts, you'll see I'm very challenging. From a light of love and greatness, which ultimately becomes leadership in your life. So it's always coming from a place of your best interest at heart, which speaks to the masses. I may not know you personally on a personal level in your personal exact circumstances, but there are fundamental truths and universal laws you can apply to your life that can bring out the greatest in you through the words I'm saying in standing here and challenging you. I'm not here to just be a cheerleader and just fucking blow smoke up your ass, but also be a Nazi and just hack shit on you that gets no one nowhere. What I'm here to do is to help spot you and be a great spotter, which gives me the ability to have that human awareness around our behaviors, around the problem solving, around the solutions that we seek for those problems, problems in solving what we can do to rise up in life. That is a shit fight at times where there's always pressure and there's always a chance that you might lose. It's always there. Every single day. There's a burden, there's a pressure, there's something happening. It's the kids, it's the misses, it's work, it's myself. I'm not looking after my body. I've got no energy. I'm rolling in and out of bed. Feels like Groundhog Day. What a year this year's been. I just feel like everything's coming at me. It's very overwhelming. I just can't handle it. There's just so much happening. Why me? Why is this happening. I can't believe. Here I am now, I'm about to enter the second half in life. Where has it all gone? I remember, like, yesterday it was high school and I was just having fun, enjoying my life. Isn't this what it should be? Life should just be about living and expressing the life we want and having that freedom. These are. Mate, we can have up to 90,000 thoughts a day. This is how savage the brain can be. So when it comes to keeping company, if that company is more often than not your own company, where you've settled for a line of standards and what you tolerate being a version of you that you don't like, mate, you've got to get out of there. You've got to get out of your own way. When I did, at the time of recording this, I did a pump up a charge up for the dads the night before and driving to the office to get ready to go, I was just saying to myself, I'm completely exhausted. I'm just shattered. It's been a massive week. I've built out these courses. I'm tired, I'm finding it really hard. And it just popped up and I just went, who's speaking? Who is that bloke? Where are you? I can't see you. I thought I was in the car on my own. Who the fuck is this? You know what I mean. People think it's crazy or I should be on medication for what I said just then. No, no, no. Your thoughts. Are you having a conversation with yourself? It's you talking to yourself inside. You don't need to use your voice. It's happening on the inside. This happens for all of us, mate. It's my last episode. The little voice inside. You're not alone there. We all have it. It's all there for us. And it's always there to challenge us. And there will always be a challenge. There'll always be something coming to bring you into a state of despair, into a state where you just don't feel like you can do it anymore. I can't. I just need to settle. This is what I need. This is my life now. It is What? No, it's not. It isn't what it is. It just is what it is. No, no, no. We need to piss that shit off right away and go, what can it be? How can I win? How can I move forward? And the greatest way that you do that is by providing a platform of being a good spotter to those around you. But don't do it at the detriment. Of yourself. You got to hit the gym too, man. You got to pump some weights, you need to do some bench press. And that's what I love about this. I'm using this as a metaphor as well, of course, in understanding that action and leadership are the two greatest things you can have together. When you combine that with reflection and tribe, you start to see where you're actually going, how effective it is, what you can do and that you are doing something, mate. Give yourself a pat on the back. Life's bloody hard work. You've got kids, you're working on yourself, investing in yourself, pushing hard, driving that level every single day of who you can become. And sometimes you feel like you get punched in the face, you get knocked over, you get pushed down. I get it, we all get it, mate. But you can do and be more. The greatest way to do that though is to firstly, yes, spot yourself, spot up your own life and have that through a light of love, of self. No, no, this is who I am. Yes, I can be better. But I'm here and I'm now, what can I do? How can I use this amazing gift, this vessel, this body, this mind? It's so powerful, man. Like I'm not going to be a 70 year old wizard sitting here going, oh, the power of the mind and rattling off all these, all these quotes and famous sayings I'm talking about right here, now in your life you have that power like it's incredible gift. Have a look at everything around you and what you create, what you've done, what you have created, what you've created in your children. It's pretty fucking amazing, man. Like if you just stop and take a breath and go, wow, that's actually me. Like half of me went into that little person, that little human running around, whether they're 3 years old or 30 years old, depending on how old you are, how early you had kids listening to this. It really is a gift, man. Like where your focus goes, your reality becomes. It's very simple. You can only focus on one thing at a time. Too often though, people focus on a conditioning that puts them in a state of feeling. A life of fear, worry, concern and doubt and uncertainty because they don't back themselves in their own ability when it's funnily enough, the irony of it all is if you actually invested that focused time, effort and energy on those around you and being a great spotter to them and being a leader and a spotter to yourself in your own life and actions, then all of a sudden you're part of something bigger than you the tribe. You've got each other's backs. You're supporting and spotting each other. This is what we do in rdm. I've got you, mate. I've got your back. I hope you lift that weight. I hope you move it. You've got to do it. You've got to initiate the action, you've got to complete it, you've got to finish it, man. But I'm there with you because I know you've got me as well. You've got my back covered. Like, I want you to know this, if I never even meet you, it doesn't matter. I've got your back covered, mate. There are so many other things I could be doing today, but here I am right here and now, talking to you right here and now. Isn't it fascinating? I'm not doing this to try and sell anything. I'm sharing value and providing that level of support and spot that's needed for fathers. Because there's fuck all out there in the world. Nothing at the level that I believe there should be. Which is why we're raising the bar in the standard of what you should have, could have and will have and do have. That's why we have this right here and now. That's not why I pumped out 300 episodes that go for four minutes. This is real depth shit where we get interviews with other people, other dads, as well as these individual pieces going for 10 to 25 minutes to really tap into the connection you can have for the day to go, no, I choose to win, Al. I fucking rise to win, man. And the way that you do that, mate, is by never trying to go it alone in the stages when the self discovery isn't there. There are times, mate, when you don't have to think, you just go. When you don't have to worry about going it alone. Self made. Personal success. Awesome. Self made. Come on, give me a break. There are so many times you don't have to go it alone. You need to have moments to yourself with decision making processes when you're collecting your thoughts, when you're talking to yourself, when you're making those discoveries. Yes, I get that. I'm with you 100%, I agree. But all the other times, mate, the reason why I can do what I'm doing in a phenomenal light, which is more than I've ever done before with less time than I've ever had before. With my third born around the corner with a lot of different stresses in Life, especially the world that is 2020 right here and now. And recording. This is incredible. Literally eating the previous version of Alpha dead. Eating him a lot, like leaving him way behind, way behind. You know, I look at when I was in my 20s and incredibly fit. I'm incredibly fit and strong now. I look after my body because I know funnels and channels and fuels my mind. But when I look at this, what I see is a version of who I've become that would fucking destroy the older version of me who had way more time and way more fitness under the belt. This is evolution, man. You don't have to look back and go, oh, I've got more of a receding hairline or I've got a little bit of extra weight or a little bit more hair on the chest than when I was 18 and running around with abs like, piss that shit off, mate. I don't believe you become a man until you're in your 30s anyway, until you become a father. And this is what it's about, rising up and going, who is the next version I can become? And who will I forge myself into off the back of not going it alone? Because I'm surrounded by teammates that spot me. They're my buddies, they've got my back in times when I feel down and out, when I don't want to do it for myself, I do it for myself through doing it for them. Just like you, here and now. Don't just make money because you're doing it for the family. The sacrifice of destroying your life. Get healthy, get fit, get strong, get active. Build your mindset. Work on yourself. Invest in yourself. Apply yourself to new opportunities, new experiences, different environments, different people. And do that for yourself through doing that for your family, through doing that for others in your tribe, through doing that for your relationships. That's how you really turn that catch 22. I do it for the family, but it's killing me. No, no, no, Fuck that shit off right now. You do it for your family because you do it for you. They all get a better version of you and who you are. That's the truth. That's the only truth any of us ever need as fathers in the modern world. It's the biggest hat we wear. There are a lot of other hats, but that one, Fatherhood, man. The hardest and greatest thing that you will ever face and continue to face in your life and existence. But guess what, Head. The hat goes on fuck, mate, it goes on yours. Which means it's you. It's your life, your head, your hat. Your opportunity to rise up, spot those around you, create a new environment, be part of a new environment, rise up and be a leader in your own life so you can be a leader to others through the actions of what you're doing. Knowing that there's going to be portions of the lifts, there's going to be portions of the movements, there's going to be portions of the exercises that make up life that you will need help on and that you will need to help others on. And that's okay. Because fuck, mate, at times when it's not glamorous, I'll tell you right now, it's absolutely glorious when you rise up to the top, top and you become the cream in your life. It might not be easy, but you'll never get sick of the view because when you're at the top, you are the fucking titan and you're the man. And you know that you've done it and you know that it's you and it starts and ends with you. But you also know and have the humility and humbleness and nature to know that you never had to do it alone. And because you're part of something greater and larger than you, it gave you the opportunity to rise up and become more within yourself. This is the power of being a good spotter. With yourself, with others, for yourself and for others. Hope you enjoyed this episode, mate. Please tune in to some of the other episodes, including some amazing interviews that we've done with other dads, amazing transformations. Definitely check out the master course we've got released. And if you ever need anything, alexildadmovement.com I'm here. We are here. Real dad movement is leading. We are leading the front, setting the stage for exactly what fathers need, deserve, can and will and do. Have those who already engage with us in moving their life forward once and for all, knowing that it doesn't have to be alone. None of us are different from you. We get it, mate. Life can get hard, it can kick us in the balls, it can really do a number on us. But where are we now and where are we going and how do we get there together as a team? Because when we get there and we drive more out of us in that team environment, it will always bring out the best of us as individuals. Take care, mate. Have an amazing day, night, weekday weekend. Whenever you listen to this and take action, charge forth and be that titan. Be the king of the castle that you know you can be.