60. Setting Your Own Standards

G', day, guys, and welcome to another episode of Real Dad Moving Podcast. I'm your host, Al, and I've got a phenomenal man with us today, Mr. Tony Noyes. How are you, sir?

Yeah, fantastic, mate. How you doing?

Yes, good, Good and excited, mate. I've wanted to do this with you for a while. And look, the point of this for all of you, whether you're watching or listening, is never. This is how it goes with a lot of other people. They bring on their clients and. And they talk about how much weight they lost and they tell you that you should take action. Not to be rude, but I don't really give a fuck about that. For me, it's about sharing stories to inspire you. Whether you ever reach out to RDM or not, mate, that's on you. We don't chase anyone. But what I love is hearing the message. And I'm sure you'll back this up, Tony, from many, not just from one mouth. And I think that's where the power lies, which is why I love having guests like yourself. About Marty, Pete, another Pete, Brad, Gaz, Alex. Jesus, there's a shitload, mate. It's just awesome for dads who go through the podcast driving or watch the YouTube videos to see their transformations, which is one that I want to share with your transformation today, mate.

Perfect, mate. No problem. I'll just hit on one thing you said there. Everyone comes into this looking for weight loss. The weight loss is a secondary figure to me now. It's so much more than that. So, you know, people come to you looking for weight loss. That's fine. Most of us do. But for me, the weight loss is secondary now.

How often do I talk about weight loss in our program when I'm coaching you guys?

Never, mate. And even though even the roundtable we did last night, an hour and a half, and never once did anyone talk about a kilogram or a weight thing. You know, it's so much more than that now.

And that's where the power really lies. I mean, look for you guys listening or watching, Tony's lost over 20 kilos. But the reality is that's a byproduct of who you are. The standards, the practices, and the patterns that you've now formed up in your life, mate.

Absolutely, mate, Absolutely. The weight doesn't matter now. It's about the routine, it's about the self belief, it's about the tribe. And then that then leads on to weight loss. It's just a byproduct of it. And the weight loss has got to be there when you do those things.

Hmm. It's something, mate. That's a beautiful thing that I love seeing all the time. That's what inspires me the most, I think. I did a video and I released it talking about sports stars and Hollywood actors and how they mean nothing to me. It's more dads like you and genuine men and fathers like yourself. It's so awesome, mate. It keeps it so fresh for me. Like, I've never had a day with RDM where I've gone into work, so to speak, and just gone, I can't be bothered today, or I hate this, or this is annoying me or shitty. And it's because of you guys, you know? You know, like, I can sell books and supplements and do all that sort of shit and make money, but it's not about that. It's about serving fathers all over the country. And you're one of the key members of our tribe, mate. And I'd love to start with, I guess, your soft tone and a bit of your story, mate, your upbringing now, what you do for work and fatherhood and whatnot. But yeah, give us a bit of a background on your history, mate.

Yeah, mate. So I was born and raised in Brisbane. I was the youngest of three boys.

So I was always.

When he got picked on, I was really, really active at school. I played basketball, I played afl, I played every sport I could. I was looking back at year 12 Photos the other day and I was a skinny little rape, mate. You know, I left school and got a desk job and she all turned around from there, so I put weight on. I got married, I got divorced, I got married, I got divorced again. So I've been married three times.

I got.

Third time's a charm. And I've now got. So I've got three kids, I've got three boys myself. I've got two stepsons who are 21 and 17 and then we've got a nine year old as well. So big gap, but it's awesome. And you know, since I got the job, my weight fluctuated. I'd be good, I'd do stuff, you know, it was just as I guess most dads in this, you know, it's just a yo yo effect. Up and down, up and down because you just can't find anything that. That suit you. So, yeah, mate, I've had my fair share of ups and downs as well. But as I said, it's all about the mental game now, I think.

Yeah. And with that, when you talk about mental game, it's funny, like going through a couple of marriages to where you are now in your life and the changes that you've made. What's the mental game? What's one of the big things that really hits home for you? I mean, for us, I talk about environment. That might be the same with you, but you used to do CrossFit. Not that I'm saying that the CrossFit battle. And I did CrossFit, but you were telling me just the other day how it was a culture of, yeah, we train hard, but then there also those drinking and other things and like, what are some key areas of your life that have really sort of hit home with you in building the mental game?

Yeah, so I guess that's it. I mean, going through a couple of divorces as well, you focus more on yourself. So I think that's what it came back to, was I did CrossFit to keep moving, and I did it with a great group of people and really enjoyed it. But we like to eat really well. We like to drink really well as well. So we focused on that. And as I said, I think I did CrossFit for four years and didn't lose a kilo. I think I went in 105 kilos and came out at 105 kilos, you know. But I really enjoyed it, and it was a really good part of my life. But I think it just needs something to go right. I needed something just to focus on me. I'd been focusing on everyone else. And as you said, you can't be a proper father or a proper husband or, you know, member of the community until you focus on yourself and get yourself right. And I think that's what it is. And with me, I can see it with my family now, you know, I'm much more tolerant with my kids. Being a stepfather is a challenge. Absolutely. I've got a stepfather as well. And he ended up telling me, he went, you know, I had it easy because my father passed away when I was four. So my stepfather said to me, he said, I had it easier than that. Your father was never on the scene. So. And we didn't have that. My wife's incredibly supportive and stuff like that. So we didn't have that. But I got the, you're not my dad, and I don't have to listen to you and you're not a parent and all that sort of stuff, you know. But that's changed around now. I've got an amazing relationship with my two stepsons. You probably saw on the Chad all the game My eldest ones at uni, Danny in Brisbane, he came home and he actually come training with me. I never thought I'd be training with my son. You know, he'd get up at 5:00 in the morning, come train with me. It was brilliant, absolutely brilliant, you know, So I think my main thing is having that family and being more tolerant in that family, being more supportive in that family has just made a huge difference. And my wife said a while ago, you're just so much happier now since you joined rdm. And I went, well, you can't not be. You know what I mean? You can't not be. It's exactly what it is. It's the tribe. So you're just happier in what you do. I had a stressful job, I own my own business, I'm an insurance broker, got a couple of offices. So there's always stuff going on there and I think I handle that stress better as well.

What leads to the happiness tone, like happiness is something we seek. It doesn't have to be the only answer for us because happiness generally comes off the back of achievement through struggle and, and which means we've earned the right to feel like we've got a place on this earth. And what led to the happiness fear though? Because it sounds like obviously when you went into full time work and then marriages and then relationships as well as children led to a byproduct of excessive weight gain. But what was happening at Tony there, like what was going through his head at those stages where you were falling down yourself and what turned it around to become a happier man?

Yeah, it's funny, I think you get complacent and I think Jason touched on it brilliantly yesterday. You get to a point and you go, I've done really well. And you just stop. You've done really well. You're happy with where you got to and then you just stop altogether and then you just put it all back on again. So it's a yo yoing effect. You do well, get happy with where you are, stop and go back to the same routine again. And if you keep going back to the same routine, it's never worked. It's never going to work in the future, you know what I mean? So now what it is is I've got this routine in place and it was more. We concentrate on the routine, not the result. Okay? So we train hard, we work hard, we get within the tribe and we do that. And the result of that is weight loss. We're not looking at weight loss as the Result, if that makes sense to you. So you're much happier in where you are in yourself and who you're becoming. And then the weight just falls off and everything just sort of flows on from there. And I think it's the self belief. My self belief, mate, has gone absolutely through the roof. You know, it's just I've got a good life and I've realized I've got the good life and I realize who I am. And you can't lose when you got that.

That's the big thing that's really hit home with me. And your journey so far, Tony, is looking at your life and going, what can I do and can I be more? And it's so powerful, mate, because everything you've told me, this is the pattern that I see with fathers all over the country. There's a lack of self worth and self value. That's what it means. Like you could be kicking goals and a millionaire and have a great body. But if you've parked and settled with your work, with your relationships, with your second marriage, with your third marriage, whatever it is, with your relationship with your children, you're not valuing yourself because you are then accepting a standard going, this is as good as it gets. It's crazy, isn't it? Like, it's so simple, man, and I don't know. Let me ask you this question. Do you think you'd ever be truly happy if you do not consistently seek growth in life?

No, you can't because you get stagnant, right? You just. It's like a business. Like if you're working in a business and you're happy with where you are and don't try to grow your business anymore, well, nothing's going to happen. So you've always got to try to improve. Otherwise you just always get going to stay where you are. But then I even think you decline after a while as well. So you've always got to try to improve somehow, whether it's knowledge, whether it's fitness, whether it's belief in yourself, getting rid of some demons from the past, all that sort of stuff. You know, with me, you get kicked down enough that you start to believe that what people tell you. And it's not until you surround yourself with positive people. Now that's family and it's RDM and everything that sort of builds you up and go, no, well, that's not what you are. You're actually worth more than that. And that's when you start believing in yourself.

Fair point. That's one area and One element, mate, having the right people around you to give that positive, uplifting. And funny part is a lot of people argue that, Tony. A lot of people go, no, yeah, my life, well, it's all right. This is what it is. You know, I go and have a slap or have a down at the tab or I have a few, few beers and that's just my, that's my comedown, that's my, that's my release. You know, I've earned that because I work hard and this just is what it is with life. We're supposed to have a dad bod and all this bullshit that floods people's lives on a story that that's how it should be. Maybe they don't see the point of growth equaling happiness because they've literally buried their head in the sand and created this story. Which sounds like that's what you've had. I've had. We've all had it, mate. That's the thing. Like when I say this, those listening to this or watching this, mate, you're not alone and we're not judging you for it. But fuck, Tony, what was the change for you then, mate? So you're talking about positive people, cool, that's awesome. But what was the switch for you.

Then to be that way, you know, and it was probably a nothing thing for me is that my 21 year old, he was just, he'd never been an active person. He was just starting to get active in a gym and stuff. And over Christmas time I knew my balloon was. My weight was ballooning out beyond control and I had to do something. But when he came up, we'd actually booked a holiday for Canada. I don't know if you remember me telling you this, I actually booked a holiday for Canada for Christmas this year. We won't be going now, but anyway. And where we were going in Canada was a ski resort. And it's got a 15 meter high ice wall on it, right? And you climb, you know, you put your shoes on with this spikes out the front, you have your sickle and you go up this ice wall. So. And I actually challenged him to a race for a hundred bucks. I said, mate, I'll challenge you. I'm going to beat you up that wall in the quickest time. I'm going to beat you and I'm going to take you 100 bucks. And it just gave me the motivation to get my ass into gear. I don't care If I lose 100 bucks. Couldn't. And then I saw your ad the next day and I went you know what, this might be something I can talk, I can have a look at. And I remember speaking to you and you went, and as we signed off you went and mate, you'll fucking win that race, I'll guarantee it. And that was, and that's what it was for me. I went right, what do I need? What's the motivation I need? And I went you know what, I get to build a relationship with my son as I'm going to do it because we check in every week to see how we're going and give each other shit on the phone. You know I'm going to beat you up that ice wall. Are you saving 100 bucks? So it was just that, you know, I just needed something and it was that relationship thing with him and I went well let's do it. So it's just a real little tweak for me but it's just turned into a massive change and you've done well.

In your journey mate. There's no denying that you've kicked up the gear in the last couple of months as well. What was that? It was another raise, another standard of your belief system lifting again or what was that? Absolutely.

So I was going really well and I hit a bit of a plateau as we all do and then as I said to you I watched one of your Sunday night revs up and it was all about self belief and getting rid of your limiting beliefs and I walked away from it and went well okay so do I have any limiting beliefs? I never thought I did and I just went away and thought about and went well yeah I do have a limiting belief and I worked out what it was and then I went okay well is that limiting belief a relevant belief or is it just bullshit? I went that's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. Why am I even believing that? It was self made up. Like it wasn't even something someone said. So for me it was my brother, my middle brother is just a natural talent at everything. He's just one of those asses who picks up a golf club and he's all four in no time. He, he on his 40th birthday he said I'm going to do a triathlon. Now he's a big drinker too and he ended up doing a little triathlon. Then he did another one, he ended up doing the Cairns Ironman triathlon. Did it in 14 hours or something but he did it and it was just always so and he never made me feel bad about it and I always had to struggle for what I was good at, you know what I mean? And it was like, well, I'm never going to be that good. And he never made me feel that way. He used to take me to golf, he used to give me lessons, we did everything together. But so I go, well, how come I feel like that I'm not any good because I'm not as good as what he is, you know what I mean? So. And it is trying to start believing myself, going, well, I can do it. I am worth more than what I am now. And being this overweight, lazy person who wasn't happy with himself to go, I do deserve to be happy and I do deserve to get better in myself and you know, do deserve to be a better dad to my kids. And it just turned from that. So I hit a plateau. You talked about self belief and I've just gone up from there.

Isn't it fascinating, mate? You know, when we look at that, how we can ultimately self sabotage, like you said, limiting beliefs and two things drive us in life. Either a fear of failure, that's the alternative, what you don't want to happen, or a love for greatness. Fear of failure will get you so far, but not all the way and it won't be fulfilling. Love for greatness is unreal. And that's what I see with you, Tony. What's some of the like, as soon as you did this, you've won like several golf tournaments, haven't you? Like just crazy shit that just. It's not crazy, obviously it makes sense, but I just look at it when you share it, I'm like, mate, that's unreal.

I have, mate, you know, it's not just as I said, it's not all about the weight. It's about what else can I do in my life to life to improve things. And I've always loved golf. I've never been any good at it. I just love being out there in nature and I love walking the 18 holes and I used to go out on a Saturday and play in my comp and used to be not bad. I went, you know what, I'm going to get better at this. So I went and got some golf lessons, just four or five lessons with the pro. And I remember on the tee one morning, you know, you always go, you know, good luck today boys. And I went and for just for some reason went, don't need luck today, Matt, it's my day. And I just went out and won the comp, you know, I shot my best Score. And it was just the mindset, you know, I don't do it all the time, but it has. It's really turned around. My golf, my handicaps coming down. And that's just one factor of my life where it's all winning. My training at the moment's going through the roof. I can see it. And even the people at work, the people who I train with going, mate, you've just come so far since you've started. It's amazing.

And it's something that it's not the hack shit on other mindset and motivational speakers. They use things like growth mindset and all this sort of stuff and winning mindset. And, mate, having that winning mentality is a case of the feelings that are going to back up the tenacity of taking action, to just keep getting up and getting after it in alignment with what you want. And that's the fascinating thing, mate. You've got feelings that can drive us one way or the other. And when they drive us the other way, it ultimately brings us down to a lower level of being like, I could sit down right now with you and do an audit, Tony. And go, tony, you want to get a pull up. You're like, I can't get a pull up. And we speak about this. Not, I can't. How can I? Why can't I? And if we could do it, mate, and we could just literally check boxes, give me a reason. I'll show you a solution. I can't do it. Our moms. I'm strong enough. Cool. Here's a solution. This is the program you need to do, and these are the habits you need to build in. I still can't do it, Al. I've got this. No, here's a solution for that. And it's so funny, mate, Even when we talk about time, Tony, like, we've got a thousand minutes a day. You sleep seven hours a night. You got a thousand minutes a day taking time out for yourself. 10 minutes is 1%. You can't take 10 minutes out for yourself. It's bullshit. If I did it all on every single one. And we stripped back the feelings and got in touch with the facts. We need the feelings. They drive us for a higher level of purpose. But the facts, mate, we cut ourselves off more than anyone else could. That whole talk poppy shit, it starts with you on the inside by accepting what they say. And sometimes it's really funny because you might not even accept what they say yet you'll accept your own detriment. You know, someone tells Me, you can't do this. I'm like, I'll fucking do it to prove you wrong. Yet you don't argue with the lesser version of yourself that brings you down. Isn't that amazing, mate?

Absolutely, mate. It's the old self fulfilling prophecy where you tell yourself you're not good enough or you can't do something, you don't do it. You know, it's funny, my wife says to me all the time, like, I got up this morning and went to the gym. She went, tane, you're rooted. She went, you're so tired. Just, no, I don't want to. I want to get to gym. She went, but you've done so well, you've come so far. Yeah, but I'm not done yet. So she's really proud of where I've come, you know, and where I've got to. And she goes, you've done so well. Yeah, but I'm not there yet. I'm on this program now. I want to keep going. And I don't have a goal weight anymore. You know, when I spoke to you, I had a goal weight. I don't have a goal weight now. I'll know the end when I get there. And I probably will never get there because there's always something to improve on. So it's that self fulfilling prophecy of, well, I don't have time. I can get up half an hour earlier and make the time. I get up at 5 o' clock every morning now because that's the time that I have to myself. So I get up and go to my gym and best fucking hour of my life, best hour of my day, get there, I work my guts out and now I, buddy, run back to the car as well. After I finish, they all think I'm an idiot. I actually run back to the car, which is something I would never have done in the past. But yeah, you just got to keep. I can't see an end now to where I want to get to where I'd be happy, I'm happy, but where I will never stop trying to get better.

This is the dichotomy of life, Tony. The problem is they only look at one side of the coin. It's two sides of the same coin. And sometimes, like you said, then the subtleties come from those closest to us and love us because they love us for a version of how they see us inside of our own head. And it's no disrespect to wife, but Tony's got to do it for Tony. It's what Tony wants to be in Tony's life, You know, like, and this is the fascinating part that I see, because there is no there tone. There isn't. Because the there that you create is a fixated point from a lesser version of you that you want to grow out of. So when you've grown out of that lesser version, the there that you created holds no footing or ground because it doesn't exist anymore, mate. It's coming from someone's skin that you've already shed and cut away because you're a new man already, you know, Isn't it funny, mate? When you look at that, it's like, well, there is no there. Like, for me, I could say I want to have a thousand dads inside of RDM in three months time. 2000 dads, 5000. What does that even mean? Like, and when I hit that, then what? I'm just going to roll over and die? Life is good. Thank you. It's perfect. On to the next one. It's crazy, but some people don't even look at one side or any sides, or they don't even look at both sides. Sorry. And all of a sudden it's like, no, there is no there. I'm just. I'm just doing my life and I'm just set now.

Or.

Or it becomes a state of fantasy where there is this destination, but they're never willing to put action into even realize it and they stay stuck in their ways.

And I think people put that limit on themselves of where they can get to, you know, And I don't have a goal in mind now. Mine will keep going. I've got these little goals along the way, but I don't know what my end goal is. I'll know it. And I don't think the reaction is I just keep going and going and going. And I, like, I watch a lot of afl, I'm an AFL man and I laugh at coaches and stuff, you know, at the start of the year, they go, so what's your goal for the year? And they go, our goal for this team is to get to the top four. Well, why isn't it to get in the fucking Premiership? Isn't that why you're playing? So if you get to the top floor, if you get to the top four, all the teams going to go, we've done our job in getting up. So successful year. No, it's not. You go to the Premiership, that's a successful year. What's your end goal? I think people limit themselves to that. And AFL coaches And rugby league coaches are a million dollars a year, are limiting their teams. The way I see it, limiting their teams when they should be going, no. Even if you're the bottom team from the year before, what's your goal this year? Win the Premiership? People laugh at you. Who gives a shit? You've got the goal. You're not limiting yourself anymore. And that's what I was just thinking last night when I was watching a footy thing, you know, and I think it's really applicable to us in RDM is don't limit yourself to where you want to be.

These are successful people who have a good track record who still are imposing, limiting beliefs. Isn't that amazing? When you look at that, it's like you are on a pedestal up here in society's eyes, whether it's sport, whether it's entertainment industry, anything. And you are still tall, poppying yourself. And you're right, mate. Like I've got, as part of our other book, Tribal Power Environment, I touch on my experiences with the Dragons and the Panthers and all my years. Now, looking at sport, I couldn't believe what poor leaders were in front of me. This isn't about hacking shit on individuals or any sort of stuff. Like, I had some great mentors as well, but just across the board, seeing the limiting beliefs, like, you came last, your goal is to win the Premiership. Guess what? You might make the top eight. Instead of coming last and going, this year, we're going to be competitive, whatever that means. And instead of last, you might become third last. Like, that's that, that's the mindset, mate. Look, you know, for me, Tone, I was just going to run gyms and when my career was taken away from me, I was going to run a gym forever, maybe get two. And then all of a sudden when RDM was kicking off, it was like, imagine having like an RDM gym and starting out gym. Now it's like dads and families need to get off the grid. I need to get Milton, you know, like, it's going to cost, obviously millions. I want to get an RDM ranch in every single state in the country. And it's not come away. And here's your Bali trip where you, where you go and you do some Zen and drink, you know, pina coladas and reconnect and rejuvenate. Now, this is your membership. Every 90 days, you check into one of these ranchers and you have time out for yourself and your family. You get off the grid for a week. That is a monstrous operation, mate. But why Wouldn't I go for something like that? Why wouldn't I?

Now we. We can't wait. In this bloody technical world now, where it's all technology and kids are on technology and stuff, why we've gone down and bought a camper trailer and so we're going away tomorrow because we had a long weekend up here this weekend for our show holiday. So we're going tomorrow and there's no TV in the free, you know, there's no TV in this place. We're just going to go to Yeppoon so we can walk on the beach and we can go just hang time by ourselves because it's just. You got to get away from that shit, you know what I mean? We can't wait. We're really excited as a family to get away and do that stuff as well.

The more you grow, Tone, the more I find you have a greater level. Life's connection. I speak about this all the time. It's energy and connection. So the more you get connected with yourself, things like what you just explained the goals, like I just said, they become more real, but they become more powerful. There's more energy in that. Imagine if I just ran a gym for the rest of my life. I got nothing against gym owners. It's awesome. But for me, mate, I outgrew that a couple of years ago. That's why I wasn't happy. It's why we're all things breaking down. That's why I had more to offer the world. Just like being an elite athlete, I'm glad I never turned into that. I would have had a fixated mind. Probably made a few million dollars and gone into real estate and then all of a sudden just been chasing money and experiences instead of being selfless and looking at creating a proper vision, especially with this, with fathers. And you're right, mate, like, you get more connected with yourself and you realize what's more important in your life. Absolutely.

And I've noticed it with my son, you know, so we just make our time every Sunday now. We go down the footy fields and like he tries to kick goals and we have a bit of a kick of the footy. And then. So I was going down with him last year and, you know, I couldn't really run or do anything much, you know, I just down at the goals and kick it out to him and we went down and I got the ball and just booted as far as I could. And then I. And then I took off after this ball and he's going, shit, dad, you can run, you can run. And so we spent probably 20 minutes, half an hour of me chasing him around, trying to tackle him and him kicking goals and he went, you're so quick. He can beat me in a race now like any six course I should have been able to beat him in a race. But so those differences now that you can do that with your kids and on a Friday afternoon I used to get home and open a beer and sit there and speak to my wife. I get home and go, come mate, get on your scooter and we'll go for a 6k walk. And he goes, geez, you're doing good dad. This is so much fun. Thanks for getting me out, you know, just that time to do that with your kids as well. And the wife comes for a ride now and then. It's awesome, you know, get out of the house, get away from technology. And one of my things I do is get all the technology more as well. But you know, it's just stuff money can't buy, mate. You know what I mean?

Those experiences, mate, what you've just explained, Tony, those experiences, what you are literally doing is you are rewiring your son's brain that's going to go into his genetic DNA makeup over time in a compounding way with. Compounding interest with thousands of experiences that you set at the standard because you're controlling his environment, influencing it more than he is at the moment. Obviously being a boy that's going to go into the fruit of his loins, mate, and his children like that's the truth, mate. It's fuck, mate, it's science. People don't even think about that or see that. It's unbelievable.

Absolutely. And I just shouted shut it now I think you know, a year ago what's, what example was I setting for him, you know. But now it's totally different. You can see the difference in him. I don't crack at him anywhere near as much as I used to, you know, I'm not a very patient man. It's one of my big flaws is my patience, it really is. But I'm so much more patient with him now with the, the middle one. And I've always had a. He's a different kid, you know, so we've always had a bit of a relationship where it's at each other, but that's changed around there too. So he's 17 now and working so that even that's better, you know what I mean? So there's so many flow on effects from what starts out as a As a total weight loss goal. As I said, weight loss doesn't come into it anymore. It's a byproduct of it.

What would have happened if you didn't do anything, Tony?

Oh, mate, I still Now I'd be 145 kilos. I'd be getting aimed still on the piss on a Friday night and Saturday and Sunday, probably all that every night through the week. My son would be spending 24,7 on Xbox. I'd be cracking at him all the time. My wife and I wouldn't have connected again like we, like we have in this. I shuddered to think, mate, I just don't really want. Even want to think about it because it's not going to happen again. So. So why think about it? You know what I mean?

Massive things, mate, like truly massive things. And credit to you for taking ownership and standing up against that tone that it's. It's something that. Fuck, mate, it exists all over the world. Things that sedate and distract people and you lose your life. Excessive distraction, excessive sedation. You see it everywhere, mate, which is television and alcohol and it's like none of us have time to muck around here. Not even 20 year olds. They just don't know it at the time. It's a flash in the pan. That's what life is. You don't need to be 80 to realize that. Look at this year already.

Is it 500,000 hours.

You got half a million hours. That's it, 500,000 hours.

You don't have time to fuck around, mate. You really don't. As I said, I was listening to those books on the way home from Brisbane the other day when I picked up my camper van and going, fuck, I don't have long. You know, you don't have as long as you think on this earth, so you might as well make the most of it.

Yeah, having a good run, living and this for those who might not have completely got what Tony said then, it's part of our mindset book. Having a good run in life and entering your 80s means that you'll have about 700,000 hours. Now we've been, we've rounded it to make it perspective here, but that's assuming 200,000 is spent sleeping, which it could.

Well be a little bit more.

So even if it said 500,000 and you're about to end the second half, that means you've got 250,000 hours left. Like that's that. That's assuming you live to be 82. Something would get me at 63, 71, 49. I don't know, mate. Like, God willing I get to bloody have a good long shot because there's plenty of things I want to do. But Jesus, mate, that's. That puts things in perspective, doesn't it? When I was writing that and then I was in the audio books speaking and I was like, wow, I just had to stop, mate.

It's scary, mate. It honestly is. When you put it in that perspective, like you think, you know, I've got 40, 40 years left to get. That's a long time. You put it into hours, you go, hang on, that's. And an hour goes pretty freaking quick. I don't have much time at all. So why not invest in yourself? Make that time investing in yourself. And as you said, the family, self and servicing, it just flows on, flows on and on. And it'll flow on for the next hundred to 200 years through our kids and grandkids and. Great.

Yeah, I love it, mate. Look at the. That's the thing, Tony. The answers are always there. Look, I haven't done NLP training, I haven't done all these courses because I don't want someone to tell me how I should project and think and tell someone to think. The answers are there for me. It's how can I communicate in a way that brings context and comprehension? So context, that makes sense. Comprehension, you understand it to connect. That's what I call my four C's for evolutional transformation. I'm always, every time I do a session with you guys, I'm always on that, how can I communicate in a way that's going to bring context and value that they can understand, comprehend, that's going to connect with these men more. And it's stuff like that, mate. It really is. And when you see it all, it's like it's always there, Tony. It's just how can we bring it to light so that we understand it and you're right. Family, self and service. There's only three things you don't need to worry about. 20 or 33 things make up your life. You're in a circle. What you do with yourself and the value adds to the world. That's it. And I'd love to know, just for these guys as we wrap this up, it's been unreal. Haven't you on it? Two things to finish up, Matt. I guess the first one is what are your plans? Like what would you love to just dial in like we said, doesn't have to be result driven. It can be action Driven. But rest of the year, what are we looking at in terms of actions, processes or things you want to dial in to just continue to get out of that comfort zone a little bit and stretch.

Yep. So I'm going to keep extending my training is my goal for the next month. I'm just stepping up little things of training. You know, I've always done the push ups on my knees and I've just started to go to push ups on my toes through workouts. So this chick, she smashes the fuck out of us, you know, we all walk out of there almost dead. But so again, you know what, I'm going to push myself so an extra weight on either bar. So just increasing that training a bit. The one we did yesterday, the one I did yesterday, you know, I set a goal at six rounds, I just missed it. So just those little things of increasing that and just there's always something to bring in a bit more. My nutrition is pretty good. I still get that on a weekend. Not going and sneak in a bloody choc chip bicky or something. So I've got to dial that in. But other than that, mate, it's just still working on the self belief, still spending time with the family and creating that better than it is if it can get better. So then my goal is to just keep working on those things. So I think they're the ones that I can dial in a bit more.

That's what I love, mate, we talk about it, don't we? Consistency over intensity and how can we get the 1% to just keep moving forward? So then when you look back you're like, oh yeah, A, of course I've got the result, look at the man here and what he's doing. But B, look how far I've actually come. But it was only just micro chunking down everything into one step at a time. Like I said, mate, it's a beautiful thing to watch you and the other dads and what you're doing and something that I'm humbled to be part of the journey in what we have together. And again, we're never here to try and push or pressure anyone, but just for you to give some advice doesn't have to be joined. IBM, that can be the answer for a lot of dads. But the reality is it isn't because we need commitment, good, genuine men and team players. But advice, mate, there's a dad listening right here and now. What's something that you could pass on as advice that might just help him turn the corner in his own life or to help him improve his circumstances at the minute.

So I guess it's just don't accept where you are. Like, you know, a lot of people go from 140 kilos. This is what it is. Don't accept that now. So have a look at your life and see, right, where can I make a small improvement? So, and then get onto rdm. I mean, rdm, we go on about the tribe a lot. You know, the tribe's 100 and what is it, 120 guys now? Something like that. But there are 120 guys who are. We've got different goals, but we're all on the same, on the, on the same path and on the same journey. So I used to wake up at 10 past 5 in the morning and go to gym. I've now got to wake up at five to go through our newsfeed to look at all the stories of people and what they're achieving when I'm asleep. And I got one guy out there bloody rowing 10Ks on a rowing machine at half past eleven of a nighttime. It's fucking amazing, mate, Amazing. So I get up 10 minutes earlier now, get out of bed, get dressed and I spend 10 minutes going through my newsfeed, psyching myself up because you can't not go through it and not be psyched up. So the tribe with RDM is the thing that makes it successful for me because it drives you, it gives you self belief as well. You post something on there and all these guys are on the go. Well done, man, well done. And one of the guys, Hawkeye, contacted me out of the blue the other day, just sent me a text going, mate, you're doing so well. That's what the tribe is in this. It's 120 dads all supporting the crap out of each other so that we can't fail. That's the thing with rdm, if you follow the processes, it's not easy work, mate, you know, so if a dad thinks he's going to come into this and not do anything and lose weight and get better, then that's not the case. And he's probably, you know, that RDM is not right for him. But if you're willing to do the work, if you're willing to contribute to the tribe, they're the biggest strength you got and you just can't lose. You honestly cannot lose.

I appreciate I've made that feedback and nothing enhances or amplifies your life more than your environment. Like you said, choose wisely. Those who are listening Have a look at your environment, what you're part of and choose wisely as well as also look at what you're choosing to accept as a standard in your life. They're the two big things I got from you then, Tone. And you're right, mate. The energy in this group's unbelievable. I feel like I need a full time digital media person because there's at least, mate, there's at least 20 wins a day. At least 20 with videos, with pictures, with screenshots, with shoutouts, with you guys posting your own quotes. Like at least 20 a day that we could get in and just remark and it's just like. But part of me doesn't want to do that on my own as well because I'm just enjoying the experience too, Tony. Otherwise you just get in autopilot. Cool, let's grab this. This is like. Like yourself, man. I get up and I look at the guys who trained in the late night and then I look at the guys early morning and obviously I'm one of them a few days a week. Getting early and seeing what we're doing and so inspiring me. More inspiring than any fucking rocky YouTube clip or any YouTube clip that has motivational music behind it with these movie stars means nothing. Like, these are real men. Getting out there in minus degrees temperature out in Victoria, getting out there and training outside.

Another thing I get out of it is even not the motivational side of it, it's just I now got 120 mates I haven't met in person, any of them, right? I'm up here in central Queensland. I don't need any of us up here now. But I haven't met any of them. But you know, when I went down to buy that caravan the other day, I put a post on Facebook to a caravanning group asking a question. Within three minutes I had one of the dads, Andrew, contacted me through my messenger going, mate, I've got one of those vans. It's fucking awesome. If you need help or need this and this 120 mates I've got, mate, that I've never met. I love them all. They're awesome, you know, so it's an amazing tribe you've created. It's an amazing thing you've created and I don't think anyone will ever understand it unless they're in it. And that's their loss, Honestly, it's their loss. Because I probably wouldn't have believed that if someone told me about it. Yes, that sounds a bit wanky, but, mate, it's their loss if they're not in it because it's amazing.

But I've been part of some pretty special sporting teams over the years, Tone, and I've been part of the air that was left after the Panthers 1 in 03 when I was there, just over a year later and a lot of the energy was still there. And mate, what we have in RDM is stronger than Premiership winning teams. You can see why Premiership winning teams win because you're a family. But what we've created because it's so single minded in that unity of what we want to achieve in our own life personally, which we bring together as a team, that's why it's capped. Like we're not going to have. I won't have more than 200 dads in here. No way, no way. Like I said, I've got many other ways with these courses, these books, these supplements, heaps of ways we can give good value and service fathers. But this is the inner circle, man. Like if people think, oh I'll just join in, another 12, 12 months will be capped for sure. Like it'll be done. And mate, it is what it is. Like you said, I don't want to try and work with over that many either because then we lose the value of the actual strength and the connection we have, mate. And I never want to lose that because it's very powerful.

And it's funny, mate, you know, I've got mates who are in the same position as me, you know, overweight, so not going anywhere in life and I think maybe I should tell them. But hang on, they're not the type of guys we want in the group. Does that make sense? I just don't think that fit. I think they'd take the piss a bit and not put their whole heart in a way. You got 120 guys who are all giving their all and we all fall off the wagon now, then it's inevitable that'll happen. But you got 119 guys picking you up and telling you to get back on. So it's exclusive and I like that. You pick the right people for it and you can't go wrong.

Yeah, everyone comes through, mate, mate, every phone call I remember our one. I remember talking about the race as well. I remember all of them, mate, you know, I've got a special memory bank for that with all of your dads. And you're right, like it's a special group of men where they do pick each other up and it ends up becoming what I've said for the last Few months now. It's a leadership and performance group in your own life, mate. Your legacy, you know?

Absolutely. And that's what it is now. Anyone who thinks it's a weight loss group is wrong. It's a personal development. It's a. It's just get better in life.

Course, some of the dads get asked, mate, they say it's a hard question to answer. They'll say, what is rdm? You know, and then they're like, oh, it's. You lose weight, but it's not a weight loss program. And you get mindset stuff. But it's not like he's a life coach who just talks shit. And, yeah, it's like that's fucking everything.

You know, It's a unique thing. And as I said, if you're not in it and not involved in it, you don't understand, I don't think. And again, that's. That's their loss.

Appreciate having you on today, Tony. And yeah, it's been awesome having a bit of a yarn with you and as well as catching up like we did last night, and just seeing your journey, mate, like, it's one thing for me to say I'm proud of you and your efforts, but fuck, man, like, you must be proud of yourself and that's huge.

Absolutely, mate. I'm wrapped. To be able to do the things I'm doing now is amazing. As I said, I'm nowhere near where I want to be. And that's not weight loss. I just got these other goals now that I want to get to both within family, self and service. You know, it's been awesome. But another thing to say to people is we haven't touched on your other coaches. Like, it's not just you. You got a team behind you. And to give you an idea, I went through just a little thing a while ago, and we fill out our weekly statements and stuff to say how we're going. Have we got any problems? And I'd put in there that I was a bit disappointed with how this happened. And no shit. Within three minutes, I had a phone call from Drew. What's going on, mate? What can we help you with? So you don't do this by yourself. You know, a lot of people on Facebook would say, come to our group and then they let you go. That's not the case at all. I've got a bit of an adductor strain at the moment. I don't know how I did it, but I put it in one of my weekly templates sort of thing. And you know, again, within three minutes, Drew was tagging Swaney in and Swaney's on and be going, here's what you do, right? So anyone out there who thinks that you're going to be doing this by yourself, you're not. You got 120, as I said, 120 dads behind you, but you've got a coaching staff there as well who don't let you go by yourself. You got an issue. They're always there and they'll help you through it.

Yeah, I never want to try and do it alone, mate, because you just lose, you know, it's building a big empire as we are with having the right men and the right people, you know, and we've got that. Like you said, we've got a full team of coaches, anything from tech issues to admin issues to, you know, accountability, injuries, nutrition, everything, mate, we're all there always. And it's something that always. That's what we pride ourselves on. Which again is why it's capped. There'd be a nightmare trying to do this with 500 and I'm sure there's more than 500 good dads out there, but it's a case of it is what it is, mate. This is our tribe, it's what we're building. And you know, the reason why it is what it is as well, Tony, is because of great, genuine men like yourself. And credit to you, mate, for standing up and reaching out many, many, many.

Months ago and all the dads and all the coaches because you make this very, very special.

I appreciate it, mate. Thanks again, Tony, for joining us. It's been an awesome episode. I'm excited to obviously pump this out. I hope you guys listening to or watching this, really enjoyed and got some key takeaways from Tony. Some of the big ones is really that your environment and your self belief and raising your standards of what you accept and what you shouldn't accept as well. And like I said, Tony, you're an inspiration, not just to the group, but also to me, mate. And, you know, I'm looking forward to continuing this journey together, that's for sure.

Thanks, mate. I can't wait. And thanks, dad. Thanks, everyone. Speak to you soon.

Awesome. Thanks, mate. Thanks, guys. Cheers.