62. Valuing Yourself As A Man And Father

Fatherhood is one of the hats. But what I want to do is dive into this session today in this podcast and talk about valuing yourself. This is hugely important. Coming from an Italian background, yes, red hair, Aussie, as, but being half Italian, hence the last name with so many fucking vowels in it, it's important to recognize that there are some cultural issues at play here when it comes to sacrificing and giving and giving for the family. To keep the family together, to provide food for the family, to be the protector and the provider and the hunter, gatherer and Y. That's important for us, but not at the cost of you, man. You're operating at 30%, but you give your family 100 over that, you're giving them 100 over 30. Let's spin that. Don't be so selfish that you're giving them a lesser version of you. How about you invest in yourself first so you can give them more? Everyone wins. And that's what today's about. So welcome to another podcast episode of Real Dad Movement. This is al, obviously. And what we're diving into today is valuing yourself. In a nice little formula that I've put together, the four Cs of evolution. But first and foremost, this is something that took me so many years to come to grips with. Being heavily overweight and obese when I was younger was something where I'm spitting in the mirror at myself, hating myself, my brother's nicknaming me kfc, as well as getting bullied in playgrounds, no girls obviously liking me at all, and feeling like my life's just turned to shit because there's no value or significance in it as a teenager, horse hormonally changing and spending between the years of 8 to 17 some really tough periods where I used food as a gluttonous escape, which obviously I didn't enjoy either. I found lots of periods where I just hated myself. I hated all these periods and portions of my life that made up who Alex Ranieri was. When you flip that on its head or you look at the other side of the same coin, you recognize that what that meant was I didn't love myself. It's pretty simple to work that out. Valuing yourself is not some egotistical thing where the whole tall poppy syndrome culture of Australia and many parts of the world cuts you down to size, because who are you to have this level of belief or how arrogant? Or X, Y and Z? Fuck that. That's on them. This is your life, man. This is your world. You should love yourself. You should value yourself. Because when you win and it's done out of light of love for yourself and expansion and growth, one, you'll have no regrets. They can't coexist. You can't grow and have regrets at the same time. Doesn't happen, can't exist. But two, everyone around you gets a better version anyway. The people you care about most. I'm about to have my third child. My son's about to come into this world. And I know by investing myself, by getting up at 4 o' clock this morning to train and nourish my body the right way, that I can go home earlier to my children, my two girls, and spend time with them as well as invest in me, have a better temperament, a better nature. When I'm going home to a preoccupied environment in my family, like that's their environment, not mine. I pay the bills, but I'm entering a preoccupied environment. I can't bring shackles and shit through the door with me of what my days entailed. I work on myself first. I don't get up at 4am every day. And sometimes I used to get up early. It's not about the grind and the hustle to make it in life. That's bullshit as well. It's about aligning with the values of yourself and what that means in valuing yourself. Who do you want to be in this world? Why is that important? Your identity and the identity cycle of who you are off the back of your emotions, your belief patterns, your thoughts and your feelings and your actions still doesn't create who you are. They're simply moments in time. You have the awareness, the ability to pull back and recognize and view that, which means who's this person? That's who you are as whoever you choose to be. I'm a collective of thousands and thousands of people and fathers and integrating with them and their life, as well as the phone calls I have with these dads, reaching out, connecting, helping fathers in many different ways that make up the version of who you see today. Now, that's it. Otherwise, who am I? We're all just blank canvases, which means you are the artist. You have the paint to ultimately put whatever picture together that you want in your life. Now, we might have different size canvases or different materials, but it's still you, man. It's still on you. Valuing yourself comes down to the ability to have the four Cs of evolution clear in your life. I talk about this with the fathers in rdm, in what I do, in delivering value to the world. And the four Cs are communication, context, comprehension, and connection. See, life is connection. And when you look at this, you start to recognize that really the connection is a series of different forms of energy coming together. How you connect with your family, with your wife, with your children, with your workforce, with your colleagues, but with yourself. When you're looking at the circles of significance, like there's only three things that exist in your life, family, self, and service. You start to see this pattern where you've got yourself at the top, the big circle, and you've got family and service either side. And that gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And all of a sudden that covers the circle of self. You don't even know who you are. You're trying to keep your family together, your family and your relationships with your children. Your energy for yourself, your energy for your wife. And ultimately a lot of this comes down to your communication skills and how you can really articulate a message of where you're at, what you're doing, what you're experiencing. Having that level of truth and vulnerability to be transparent in who you are and what you're doing. It's not easy. Like I can pull the walls down and be vulnerable and transparent. But also with communicating, there's got to be a point to it. And it's got to be with an audience that understands and it's got to have that ability to then finally connect, to move forward. It's why so many people, these phone calls that I have with these fathers, Al, you're hitting the nail on the head on so many things in my life. It's because it's what we live and breathe every single day. The patterns are very similar. You might have a different name, but the patterns are very, very similar. So when we look at this as a man in the modern world, it comes down to not just what I can do, and I want to share my four Cs with you. I can communicate, I can write, I can speak, I can talk, all of it. And I love doing this. Communication is very important. It's very powerful. Body language, all of this, that's an expression of energy. But what the fuck's the point out? Like, there's got to be a point to what you do. That's context, the second C. And I always ask myself this with everything, like none of us have time to fuck around. None of us. We don't have time to lose. A 20 year old pumping biceps and triceps in the gym doesn't have time to waste. He just doesn't Realize it at the time being a little bit older, a little bit wiser. If you're watching or listening to this now, and almost certainly getting closer already in the second half of life, you're beginning to realize that, wow, life is just a flash in the pan. And then you start to understand that time, whilst it technically doesn't exist, it's a construct we've created. The rhythms and the cycles of the universe and what we live and breathe just passes. It's a flash. It's a flash. It's a flash. And when you don't have a point to something, you're wasting time. And it's time you'll never get back. And not just that, yes, your energy will rejuvenate, but the energy that you're expressing, expressing is bundled with that time that you'll never get back. Which means you'll never get that form of energy back as well. Communication, context. Fuck out. What's the point? What's the point? What's the purpose? What are we trying to achieve? I ask three questions every single day of myself as a man, as a father, as a husband, and as someone providing value and service to other fathers all over the country. What's the point, Al? What the fuck's the point of doing this podcast right here and now? The point of this is to connect and bring value to your life, to help you initiate change and shift your perspective over valuing yourself instead of self sabotaging and pulling away to the lesser version of who you continue to become. Having that empowerment, not Rocky videos on YouTube to pump you up, having that realization deeply internally. Comprehension is the third one, the third C. Like do they understand? Are you positioning your communication, your context in a way that's delivering value so they understand and the right people, like in IBM. I'm not talking about booty programs and how you can create these amazing carbon fat free macadamia cookies for the family as a stay at home baking mum. Just fathers in the real world. A lot of you fathers are very driven and internally driven men. It's just you don't know where to harness your energy or your power to move forward in the right line or you're exhausted. You spend so much of your time, effort and energy in investing in something that ultimately may yield a return or reward, but it's coming at the cost of you. Do they understand your point out? Is there a level of understanding? Which brings us to the fourth C, which is connection. Connection is so powerful, like there may be dads out there that want to punch me in the face. I don't care. Like, it's not about that. It's about me connecting with what I want in my life too. The environment of RDM and those who connect with me are part of my life as well. And I want to enjoy my life. I'm spending a large portion, my children at home right now. I'm spending a large portion of my time here and now delivering value to men and fathers all over the country that I want to connect with, that I want to deliver value with. That's why I'm giving this away for free. Like, you can have this. Take it, it's yours. Send me a direct message. And if you want the Identity Cycle ebook, which is the entire course, the ebook, the videos, the coaching videos, as well as the audio books, mate, happy to give it to you guys. It's not about secrecy, it's about opening up and saying, these are the men and fathers I want to bring into my world as well. Because we can see eye to eye on the vision and the exact mom where we can create a change in our life, in valuing ourselves so that everyone else wins, so that we're living life on our terms more often than not so we don't fall down that path and that rabbit hole of regret, which is something we'll never get back, which sits back on our deathbed going, fuck, I'm glad I drank more alcohol and watched more TV when I was younger. No, no. People regret the things they didn't do. They don't reminisce about the things that no longer matter. Having that connection is very important to me and this is what I talk about, the four Cs of evolution, transformation, change, whatever you want to tag it or align it with. But please understand, all of these must be coupled with really moving your life forward by taking action. That's important. Taking action is paramount. The hard part is you might not know what action to take or where to go, where to steer your own ship when you're going it alone or you're isolating yourself or you don't understand the thoughts and feelings and ultimately the patterns that create your life. This is what life is. It's a series of patterns, now moments. Whilst they won't define who you are, they'll certainly define the preconditioning of who you have been up until that point, which is going to dictate the thought processes, the decision making processes and the actions you'll take with the circumstances and situation that you're facing right now. Look at the current world and Environment, the time of doing this. August 24th. This has been one of the greatest years of my life. But the reason why it has been is hasn't been to the detriment of other people. It's been a challenging year. But what 2020 has done is it's pulled back the curtain and it's showing the insides what kind of stuff we're all made out of. Now we've all got a list, we've all been through some pretty hard shit. But for me there is no alternative, there is no plan B. My plan A is a life of optimism, finding a way. There aren't roadblocks in my life, there aren't failures, there are plenty of fuck ups. What I'm saying is the language and terminology I use with myself. There aren't speed humps, their processes. 50,000 dads need to see one of my ads for 10,000, a click for 200 to go through the next page. For 20 to book in a call, for 6 to read a 3 page pre call guide to show me they're committed to three to get on the phone. Like these are the numbers and that's okay. These are stats and data that show the challenges that fathers face in reaching out and standing up and wanting the change in their life. But also looking at that and going. Life is full of processes. Getting up, setting the alarm at 4am, making that a non negotiable by moving my level of value higher in taking time out for me first by packing my bags the night before, losing an extra 15 minutes sleep, by planning my day, planning that work and then working that plan. So far it's executing quite well. I'll go home soon and shit might hit the fan. I might need to come in and just build that level of balance back in with the family. That's okay. It is what it is. I've had my time, I've had me time. I hope you're getting some value and takeaways from this but what I really want to, want to go through is as we sort of look to wrap this up, is asking yourself the question of the four C's of your life. How are you turning up for yourself? What is the level of communication? Because remember your thoughts. Are you talking to yourself? Talking with and to yourself? What am I saying to myself? What are the thoughts and feelings that I'm really experiencing within me that I'm allowing, that I'm aware of, that I'm communicating and inside of me? How are you turning up for you? Your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, your Belief patterns, your self esteem, your self worth, your self value. It's important to recognize that that's the first step to empowerment. One of the greatest ways you can have that is by being still. We call it creating space. Stillness is very important. And nature. It helps you connect with yourself. The world which is you will talk to you. When you have that moment and period of just being still, then you're like, ah. I can see where I'm creating these patterns where I'm just pulling myself down. I've got that self doubt, I've got that lack of ability to rise up and see the true worth of who I am. We all have that. I've got Little Al inside too. I call Little Al and Big Al. Little Al pipes up and tries to tell me what to do. And I say, thank you for telling me what not to do. Now fuck off and get out of my life. But he's there all the time. He provides a valuable lesson for me. We all have that. What's the level of communication? Your thoughts, your feelings, your words, what you're writing, your actions that you have with yourself now when you see the good and the bad in that, ask yourself, what's the point of these? What's the point of me being optimistic and in the, every morning going, you know what? Today's the day I rise to win. I'm here to win. And at best, if I, if I don't get on top and get in front, I'm still competitive. The RDM quadrant exists. Survive, compete and win. You're not here to exist. You're not here to survive either. You're here to win. Which means at worst, at best, you're winning. At worst, you fall back to having a competitive day. You're moving forward. What's the point of having that right now? That power of mind, that power of thought and action and then what's the point? Context. Have you talking yourself down? No, not today. I don't have time. It's too hard. I just can't do it. This is in front of me. I've got to do this first. I don't have time for this either. It's really hard. I'm tired. I just can't do it anymore. This just is what it is, you know, this can't, this can't be it. This just is the way it is. No, no, no, it doesn't have to be, mate. Trust me. We can all improve and get better, myself included. It's why we're here. I'm grateful for my life, but I'm also unsatisfied and going, if I remain this current version of val, I'm stealing more time of someone. Already am. Why the fuck would I do that? What's the value in that? Comprehension. Patchy packaging that together to understand. Okay, so I'm talking myself down here. There is no real point to that. Can I have a higher level of understanding inside myself to move forward, Understanding the great stuff. All right, cool. I'm not going to journal every day and put my fingers together and meditate and do all this sort of stuff. What can I do to move forward? What's the point of that? And do I understand what I'm actually doing here? Like, is there a level of understanding with myself if I move my body three times a week? If I walk every single day? You've got a thousand minutes a day, man. Like, if you wake up, you have seven hours of 20 minutes sleep every single night. Some of you probably have less if you're a father like me. 7 hours, 20 minutes leaves you with 1000 minutes left for the rest of the day. Don't worry about this 24 hours bullshit. No one cares about it anymore. 86,000 seconds. That means nothing. It's too fast. 1,000 minutes. A lot can happen in a minute. What are you doing inside of yourself to neglect yourself where you're not even giving yourself 1% a day? That's 10 minutes. 1%. That's all you need 1% a day to realign, communicate with yourself, have a better level of context. What's the point of what I'm doing with my work, with my family, self and service? What am I doing here? What can I do to be better? Is there a level of understanding on what this will do? The pros and cons? You'll always have certainty. Uncertainty will fuck you up. That's no action. Certainty is action. Did it work? Didn't it work? What can I do to move forward? And when you have this, when you build this context and then this comprehension, you understand, guess what? You're more connected with yourself. And when you're more connected with yourself. This isn't voodoo, spirits or science. There's a great middle ground in between. But it's bringing the point and purpose of communicating and understanding how much you can value yourself and then build actions into your life. That's what this is about, man. Valuing yourself. Please understand this. I may play a large or a small portion and role in your reality. There's 8 billion realities around the world. There's not 8 billion versions of Our. But there's thousands of versions of who I represent, the people who see me and I come into their life. It's about what you can take out of this and apply to your own world, your own reality. Yes, we're here for our children as well. But ultimately, if you do the work on yourself first, mate, that's a byproduct. I already know I'm living in and throughout my children. They came into this world as a blank canvas. I'm already a part of their life. I'm already in their life. I'm already living inside of them. When I pass and move on and my body is nothing but dust in the earth, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm still living through them. Their mannerisms, their behaviors, their belief systems, their emotions, their feelings, their thoughts. That's all a part in a collective of their environment from which I play a heavy role right now and will continue throughout their life. This is so important, man. It's your world. Don't ever forget that. I'm just living in it as well. Value yourself. Breakthrough. Get past the version of what I call little Al, the little version of you inside, and understand he plays a role. But it's not the wolf that you feed. It's the wolf of power, the greater version, the larger version of who you are that will triumph if you continue to feed that through having a better level of communication, not just with your family, with your Mrs. With your kids, with your work, but with you. And then bringing your point to what you're feeding yourself every single day. 50 to 90,000 thoughts. You won't hold a conversation with anyone else more than you do with yourself. Don't forget that. So be careful the company you keep outside and in, because that is the company that you will become. You should write that down. That's a powerful quote. Careful the company keep. For it is you who will become that company. Do you understand the communication, the point of what it is that's driving you at the first initiating level of the spark of action and energy in life, which is your thoughts and feelings and emotion? And is that developing and building a higher level of connection to who you are as a man with all the other hats and fathers and worker and colleague and husband and your community provider, whether you're doing your own business or your work or your employee? Is this raising a higher level of connection within yourself to raise up who you are in this life? You've only got one. Don't waste your turn. Don't worry about what happens next. That's not your problem. That's not mine. We're here and now. What can I do now? And how can I move my life forward? I hope you've enjoyed this and gotten a lot of value out of this podcast. I love doing this. Please share wins revelations, anything at all. If you're watching this live on Facebook, share your Revelations takeaways, key points on what you can do to initiate the change in your life through the four Cs of evolution. If you listen to this on the podcast, awesome. Have a great day night weekend. Whenever you catch up with this, I hope you got a lot of value. And please take this like the real dad movement. This is what we're doing. For fathers all over the country, the master your mind Identity cycle is a very, very powerful course. Have it for free. Send me a private message or email me alexdadmovement.com I'll get out to you right away. It's a very simple link. Bang. It's yours. Create a membership. Yours for life. This is about creating the change together and having that ripple effect throughout your life and those that you influence and ultimately affect Fatherhood. The greatest gift, the hardest, but the greatest thing we can ever face as men because it brings up the mirror, which brings the greatest opportunity as well. Don't close your eyes. Don't turn away. It's a fucking amazing gift and I love it. Take care, have an amazing day, night weekend and I'll see you soon for another episode. Cheers.