65. Chaos & My Third Born

Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement Podcast. I'm your host, Al, and I just want to say a quick thank you to all the dads out there, all you amazing men who are looking to invest in yourself and to rise up and to be more. It goes without saying, when dads win, everyone wins. I mean, that's what's on the back of these shirts. And it's something that we live and breathe. It's what I live and breathe. And today's episode, fellas, what I want to talk about is chaos. Chaos and the birthing of my third born. My son is now into the world. He's a couple of weeks old, hence the delay. And this is the thing with me. Like, I'm not here to just bank eight or ten different podcast episodes and roll them out. Like, everything I do is real time. It's what's happening in my life. It's the flow of what's going on in my life, which is why there has been a delay in podcasts. I'm not about just rolling out repeats or things that I've just done six months in advance. This is part of the journey. It's part of my journey. I'm sharing with you, my journey, what I'm going through. And it's been a challenging, as you all know, you're all fathers. Challenging, traumatic and beautiful experience. Obviously, having another child and three certainly changes. I'm not sure, like, I've got a couple of. Couple of mates and a few of the dads that say, one, it's all the same. You already know what you're doing. And the other half sort of says, well, it's a game changer. You have to go from one on one defense to zone defense, using basketball terminology. And I can certainly appreciate and respect that both sides are correct. We're already in a groove and rhythm of what we're doing. My other daughters, Stella and Lillian. Stella's 4. Lillian, 16 months, so she's still reasonably young and obviously, I guess, a baby about to head into the toddler stages. And Stella, Jesus, she's only just started sleeping through about six months ago. So it's been a pretty tough run when it comes to sleep. But obviously being a father again to a newborn, you're going through it all again, you know, a lack of sleep. Yes, he's breastfeeding, but obviously every time he gets up to feed, which sometimes there's cluster feeds, every one to two and a half hours, it's unsettling for me. So I wake up too. And then there's the other girls when they wake through the night here and there. So there's lots of chaos, which is why I want to dive into this episode, because I'm incredibly fit and strong, healthy, good mindset, and it still knocks me around. No one's perfect and that's what you'll find here. My leadership is through transparency, but it's not about just dumping failures or being a failure whore and going, hey, this is all the shit that I've destroyed in my life. But look at me now. I don't fly with that. A lot of people do that in the modern world as well. That's bullshit. For me, it's about looking and going, well, hey, you know what? I can do all of these things, but it's still really, really hard. You know, I've done 72 days in a row now where I've rode 3000 metres. I was about to say 3000 km. Good. Try 3k rows. It's not super hard, it's not easy. Out of those 72, about 6 have been easy. About 12 have been an absolute fight of my life. It's just been smashing me. And it's a discipline that's really hard to stick to. And I guess the point of just sharing that small one with you is helping you understand that you're not alone. There's going to be so many times that you feel like your back's against the wall. And the easiest things, which actually become the hardest things, investing in yourself get pushed to the side because you're just in production mode. You've just got to produce. You've just got to build that capacity and produce for the family, put food on the table, be there for the missus, be there for the kids. Do whatever you need to around the house, do whatever you need to around your work, your career, your business. And all of a sudden, where's time for meow? And that's been really hard. Like, this newborn coming into the world's been great. I've done some work with rdm, but I've also done a lot where I've just been at home. But being Mr. Fixus, there's things we can't just fix, can we? When there's issues with newborns and babies, a lot of the times the mother needs to take the reins and look after that stuff. So for me, I'm sitting at home frustrated. So all of a sudden I start building fences in the backyard, start renovating the backyard and doing landscaping and building veggie boxes and setting up a whole play area. With the girls, which is awesome. We've got a couple of dogs and they love the girls, but they're big and powerful dogs and the girls are still small. And I thought, well, how do I separate and create an area where the girls can just play without their toys and equipment getting destroyed or eaten or chewed and just to have that freedom to jump and run around. And that's something that I've hauled ass and hooked into to create that environment for them. When shit hits the fan on the inside of our house, we can now go outside and just relax. Coming into warmer weather, the sun's out for longer. All of these different things I've been doing, it's not about applying pressure or stress to your life, but there's always going to be something, and that's the point of today's episode. Doesn't matter if your kids are under five like mine are, if your kids are 25, which a lot of you is. You know, a lot of the fathers I connect with are in their 40s and early 50s. Most of you have kids that are slightly older or a fair bit older than mine. And this is about understanding that there's always going to be chaotic periods, isn't there? There's going to be times when life ebbs and then flows and ebbs and then flows. There'll be times when you'll be in the peaks, times you'll be in troughs. Don't take it personally. It's got nothing to do with you. It's life. It's the energy that life pushes forward and the energy of the universe pushed onto you. And for you, taking it personally puts you in a position where you're focusing on the wrong things as opposed to focusing on what you can do to rise up and not combat. That might not be the right word, but rise up and face the challenges that we all face. And as men, wearing all the different hats, husband, father, worker, colleague, business owner, all these different moving parts of life. Now, when there comes time in chaos, and this is where I want to add some value to your life and to help you guys as well when you're going through this, because you will, especially coming up to Christmas, especially all this Covid shit, starting to sort of, I guess, loosen up a little bit and get back to some sort of normality. Yes, a lot of people have been affected with work, but then a lot of people are going to be doubling, tripling down, quadrupling down on their work, the work demands, and to try and get the economy going again, to try and get Everything flowing again. There's going to be production, there's going to be projects, there's going to be deadlines. It's going to be fucking chaotic, man. Don't you worry about that. The final quarter, which we're about to enter of 2020, is going to be one of pure chaos. The greatest thing that you can do, which, like I said, is the easiest way to solve your problems, but the hardest to implement because the conditioning of being selfish and focusing on solely you is slow down. That's why it's hard. The greatest thing you can do amongst all the chaos is actually slow down your life, have a look at yourself and go, what's important for me right now? What can and should I focus on and what can I actually do for me? We talk about, it's a few episodes back, the pink elephant rule. What don't you want 10%? What do you want 20%? Where am I now? What can I do? 70%. Don't forget the golden rule. The overruling principle of all of that is there must be a period at least weekly. Like man, it should be daily, but as a minimum, three to four times a week. But an absolute bare minimum at least once a week. You should be creating space for yourself and taking 100% time out in the present. Just for you. Just to slow down the world, just to slow down your own thoughts, your own feelings, your own emotions, your belief systems. What's happening to and around you, what's happening inside of you. This isn't woo woo shit, man. Nor is it quantum physics or science. This is, this is real for you. It's your life, it's your reality, it's your, it's your consciousness because your belief patterns, your emotions, your feelings, your thoughts, even your actions. All of these, apart from the actual physiology of you and the physical actions you take, the rest of them are just opinions. And opinions will become your truth. Now your opinions of yourself sometimes can be self sabotaging. You can talk, pop yourself, make no mistake about that. And lower your self worth, your self value. That confidence isn't quite there. I can't follow through. I can't please him, I can't please her. I can't do this, I can't do that. All of a sudden, I can't do it within myself. Don't worry about that. Fuck the rest of the world. It's you, man. It's got to do with you. Slow everything down and focus on what's important for just breathe. What can I do? Where is the answer? Where is the solution. Awesome. All right, let's peel that back a little bit before I even get to that and try and work out on some problem solving. So what's happening in my life at the moment? Am I okay? What's going on with me now? Where am I now? Can I just take a minute out and just be present with myself for once? And it shouldn't be for once, like I said, it should be a continuous pattern that you do. Doing daily is awesome, you can master that. But at least doing it three or four times a week would be great. Slow the world down, reconnect, realign with where you're at and find the truth that applies to you, not opinions. Opinions come about when you're ultimately looking at what is pushed onto you. What can I do? That's what's pushed on to you. What you're faced with finding your real truths comes from the inside of you. Having that stillness, slowing down, creating spaces, going, hey, there's a lot of cast, a lot of shit going on. How do I just pause and be present when you do this? All of a sudden, the answers come to you. You don't need to search for them. You actually don't need to seek them out as hard as you think because you're taking time out for you. You're recalibrating, reconnecting with yourself. And then from there, you'll use the value and the power of focus to then align with what the most important thing is. Now, it's not easy. I'm sure it's not easy having teenage kids, adult kids. I'm sure it's not going to be easy when you're 70 and your kids are 40. At the end of the day, everything is energy. So right now, when I'm looking at lacking sleep and many moving parts, me adjusting, having to change the version of who Al is now Al and the version of who he was was amazing. With two kids, pumping business with rdm, serving and giving value to dads all over the country, serving himself, his family, his wife. Now I've got three. Oh, game changer. Now I've got three and I don't have any sleep. Oh, game changer again. Now I've got three. I don't have any sleep, which means other areas are falling behind and I need to pick them back up on valuing and investing in myself, making sure I take time out for my wife, making sure I look after the dads inside of idm, making sure I look after the dads who aren't part of idm. Then it becomes apparently clear that, hey, there's always going to be chaos out. This too shall pass. And that's an amazing saying, a very short saying or quote that you should really look at implementing when you do feel like you're massively under the pump. This too shall pass. There's a lot of value in slowing down the chaos inside your life, like right now for me, and then establishing, okay, who must al become to handle and lead and develop the three children he now looks after. And look, there are dads. We've got a dad in RDM who's got seven kids. It's good for him. Like, it's. It's not about the numbers game. It's about adjusting the circumstances inside of your own life. It could be a change in working career, a change in partner. Things might eventually break down with your wife and you might drift apart. You may no longer be growing together. Like, this is life, man. It happens. What can I do? What are the options? What are the resourcefulness that I can have? What is the resourcefulness I can have inside of me to go, hey, the world's very chaotic at the moment. My life's very chaotic inside and out. How can I slow down and readjust who I am to go, okay, I value myself. None of us are different from you, mate. You need to understand that we're all cut within reason. Some people don't want to change, but those who do, you know, we are all cut from the same cloth. And it's a cloth that consistently seeks growth. Growing or dying isn't a motivational thing. It's purely a life and an energy force of where you're moving throughout your destiny and the legacy that you ultimately leave your children. Having that time out for you is going to give you the ability to acknowledge and be aware. Not be reactive to the chaos in your life, but be aware and go, hey, yeah, things have changed. Here we are. It's not 2012 anymore. It's not 2001 anymore. It's not 1993 anymore. Here we are. This is a new year we're coming to. Another year, another year, another year and you'll blink and life will be over. Be 2030. I have to get new shirts made up. 2020 to 2030, the decade of dads. We'll have to get new ones made up. The point is this time goes so fast, but you are the master of your time. Take the opportunity, the focus, the energy and the effort to invest in yourself and slow time down. You can do that, slow time down, recalibrate Some time and effort for you, to give you the opportunity to go, hey, you know what? I love myself. I love who I am. I'm not perfect, but I know I'll get better. I fucking value who I am, man. If I don't value me, who will? What can I do? If I don't believe in myself, what am I actually going to be able to achieve in life? I'm just going to be the battler. You're not here to battle. You're here to win. You're here to thrive. You're not here to survive. Take time out for you. Understand, there'll always be chaos. Yes, I'm done with three kids. I'll definitely get the snip. That's enough for me. I want the quality and the quantity together to be the right fit for me and my family dynamic and what I want to achieve in my life. Number three was certainly a surprise. We did IVF for the first two, but here we are. What a blessing. It's given me the opportunity to look at myself and go, hey, can I be more? What are you going to do now, Al? This is an opportunity for you to become an even greater leader. You've got two girls now. You've got a son. What can you do to lead the family, to lead your own life, to lead the men inside of RDM and to lead the change for fathers all over the country that's needed. And how are you going to express that? Here's the answer. By investing in myself. Same with you. You're a truck driver. You work in it. You work in sales, you work as a tradie, you work in logistics, transport, doesn't matter. How are you going to be the best you can at that? At being a husband? At being a father? By being the best that you can inside of you. How can you invest in yourself? By taking time out for you. How can you take time out for you the right way, with purpose? It's not just pissing in the wind. There's got to be a point in purpose to what we do. Slow down. It's pretty hard, Al. I've got to do this, this, this and this. And you know, I can't just take out a go home for a trip or a holiday. Trust me, holidays aren't holidays like people think. A holiday is the opportunity for me to invest in myself, to actually do and be more in the rest of my life. Think about it. You're working and living and breathing longer for bigger periods. Way bigger periods than what you are taking a break. Or a holiday. A holiday is for you to invest in yourself. And you don't need to even do that. You don't even need to go out for an hour every single day. Thousand minutes a day. That's what we have. You sleep for seven hours and 20 minutes. That gives you 1,000 minutes every single day. What are you doing to give yourself 1%? It's 10 minutes, man. Could be this podcast. Even though it's going for about 22%, give yourself 5%. 1%. I understand you've got travel and work and family and showering and bathing and all that sort of stuff and that chews into time, but 1%, mate, like 10 minutes, use that the right way every single day. To slow down the world, to reorganize yourself, to recalibrate, even right here and now. This is a form of creating space for me. I feel better doing this. Yes. The benefit is you get the message and you understand and you see and you can apply the changes of what I'm pushing in your life. But this is for me as well. It's a reminder for me to take time out, to create space, to value myself, to reorganize myself, to be aware of. Yes. To acknowledge the shit. Yes. To acknowledge the heartaches, the hardships, the adversities, the chaos. Yes. It's all there. It's always there. You want to find some deep, deep and heavy, hard shit in the world, you can find it. You'll find some beautiful gifts, some precious moments, you can find them. It's on you. You are the one who chooses what everything means to you. It's on you. It's important to take ownership over that as well. Chaos. What a wonderful opportunity. The chaos doesn't rule and run my life. It gives me the opportunity to stand up and to reignite the flames in the foreign side of my life, to dictate and determine what I want to do and how I want to drive my life moving forward. The end. I hope you've really enjoyed this episode. And obviously sharing a bit of light on number three. He's an amazing little boy. He's feeding very, very well. Feeding lots, feeding frequently. So that's hard at night, obviously, and it truly is a blessing. Hard times, obviously. His health, we've got to be cautious. He's turned purple a couple of times. Like they just stopped breath. There's always something. It's very hard and he's very vulnerable and this is life. But we've got to look for the gifts. We've got to look after him. As much as we can and make sure we look after his health. The family, they're all the moving parts and I love sharing that with you as well. I hope you enjoy this episode. Don't worry, there'll be plenty more podcasts coming. And just a heads up for those who are watching this either on Facebook or YouTube, drop a comment down below. If you're not just listening to this, we've got 12 different platforms. If you're listening to it on podcast, awesome, mate. And more than happy for you to dive into a podcast that we share on Facebook, on YouTube and share some revelations, some comments, some takeaways. Comment below. And don't forget, like nourishing your body is very, very important. I'm not here to sell. The dads are hassling me and we've only got one more run of supplements for the rest of the year. They will run out. It's not a sales or a marketing pitch. Just please, if you're loving our Mojile, not Rider, we've got our new protein. The collagen is unbelievable. Like it's got more than eight times the hit of a normal collagen tablet. My wife said to me the other day, my skin's looking amazing. I'm like, I'm not even doing anything. But I'm having those a couple of times a day. Saves me having to look for meat everywhere. I love a good steak, don't get me wrong, but it can be hard at times to fill in all the food and that adds. It's a great compliment to my food. But if you want them, make sure you invest in yourself and nourish your body too. Like that. That's super important. Like I said, this isn't a sales pitch. Don't whinge when we have run out. We don't have any left till February. If you have been enjoying our mojo knot, right? And obviously our pro team, we've got some new exciting things coming as well. But I hope you enjoy this episode. There's chaos everywhere. Look after yourself at a chemical and cellular level and your nervous system, which is AKA why we designed these. Sups. The dad's hassled me, so we did it and now they've exploded. But also looking after your health mentally by taking time out. Take that time out for you, Create space for you to reorganize yourself 1%. That's all you need. 10 minutes a day to go. Hey, how you doing now? How's everything traveling? Not this. Are you okay? Day Shit. Once a year, a message, a post like fuck. Come on. I know the intentions there, but the value isn't every single day. Hey, traveling Al. How's everything going, mate? Awesome. What's important for you right now? What do you need to do? How's the body? Has the health, has the energy. Cool. Take this time out, listen to some nice music, read a book, go for a walk, get out in nature, Go for a climb in the mountains, get out to the beach, walk along the sand. Doesn't matter. Find you and you do you. But make sure that is the number one thing. Be 100% for yourself first so you can handle the chaos, so you can handle the bullshit, so you can be 100% for those around you. Hope you enjoy this. Take care and I'll see you in the next episode of Real Dad Movement. Cheer.